October 11, 2025 • 21 mins
Dr. Emily Jacobs doesn't mince words when she talks about burnout: "It's a choice." As the founder of Empowered Moms, she's on a mission to help mothers who feel there must be more to life than endless self-sacrifice.
Her journey began by witnessing her own mother's gradual deterioration – watching a once passionate woman slowly disappear into the all-consuming role of motherhood. "Some people sacrifice gracefully," Emily explains, "but others feel defeated when they have ambitions alongside motherhood." This observation became the foundation for creating a community where mothers can nurture their full identities without guilt.
The conversation takes a revelatory turn when Emily redefines self-care. Forget spa days and commercial indulgences that feel impossible to schedule. True self-care starts with a simple question: "How do I best take care of myself today?" This approach removes the guilt and makes self-nurturing accessible to everyone. Whether it's sleep, nutrition, reading, or setting boundaries, self-care becomes whatever genuinely helps you thrive.
Boundaries emerge as the cornerstone of Emily's philosophy. "They're the single most important form of self-efficacy, self-respect, and self-love," she asserts. For women socialized to please others, setting limits can feel terrifying – but the alternative is resentment and eventual collapse. Through her own story of healing a difficult mother-daughter relationship, Emily demonstrates how setting boundaries isn't abandonment but rather the foundation for authentic connection.
The Empowered Moms community welcomes women of all ages and life stages – from stay-at-home mothers to entrepreneurs, from those with newborns to grandmothers. Through her Facebook group, coaching programs, and annual conference, Emily creates spaces where women can remember who they are beyond their caretaking roles.
Join this movement of mothers raising the bar on what's possible when you believe you're worthy of nurturing your dreams alongside raising your family. Visit empoweredmoms.co to learn more about upcoming events and community opportunities.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place
where local businesses andneighbors come together.
Here's your host, Lisa Swiftney.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi everyone and welcome to episode number 148 of
the Good Neighbor Podcast.
Today I have with me Dr EmilyJacobs and she is with Empowered
Moms, so thank you for being aguest today.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Thank you, lisa, I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, we're excited to learn more.
Tell me about your business.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Yeah, so Empowered Moms is a community where we
raise the bar for moms who knowthey're worthy of more.
Now, what that looks like isdifferent for everyone, and so
it's not about doing more andit's not about being more, but
it's about believing that.
You know, sometimes when peoplebecome moms, they believe that
that's their sole purpose, andit is for some people.
For other people, they feellike there's something wrong
(00:57):
with them when they might haveanother purpose, not a bigger
one, not a smaller one, but justanother purpose.
And so we yeah, I mean a littlebackstory is I formed this
company because my mom wasreally passionate, and I say was
because the the as the decadesgrew on, I watched her kind of
slowly deteriorate and I justknew, even as a kid, that
(01:18):
there's got to be another way.
There's different choices and Ithink the the words that she
used, and maybe generationsbefore that, was like, you know,
you sacrifice your life whenyou have kids and, like I said,
some people do that verygracefully and they do it really
well and they play that role,and then other people, I think,
feel really like defeated andthat there's something wrong
(01:41):
with them when we have ambitionsand dreams and things that are
different or in addition tomotherhood.
So Empowered Moms is acommunity.
We have a free networking group, as well as we do in-person
events, all sorts of othersponsorships and collaborations
within our community, as well ashigher level coaching and
mentoring for women that justneed to dive a little bit deeper
(02:01):
.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
That is amazing.
We need more people like you.
Thank you, tell our listenersabout your journey.
How or why did you get intothis business?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Yeah.
So just to kind of build on alittle bit about that, is, you
know, watching my mom go throughsome of the behaviors that she
went through?
Like, let's just talk aboutself-care.
I don't like that word and Ithink it's because of how my mom
taught me what self-care was,which was selfish a day at the
spa.
We don't have time for that,and when you're so, you're so
(02:37):
time, you're so consumed takingcare of other people you don't
have time for yourself, and thatis so.
That's how I looked at it, like, ooh, date at the spa it sounds
fun, but I get it, mom, thatdoes kind of seem selfish when
you, we have a ton of things todo, right.
So then I developed that mindsetand then I became a mom and I
remember, as a brand new mom, mydaughter's eight weeks old, and
(02:58):
I'm like, first of all,something's not right, because I
was just feeling I felt like apiece of me was missing, which
was, which was true.
There was a piece of me, apiece of someone growing inside
of me, and then it was gone.
Someone had one.
I used to be, I used to be anurse, and someone described it
almost like a transplant, likeyou are exiting, something is
exiting your body, and it feltthat way and I think the reality
of that is I I didn't know howto take care of myself in the
(03:22):
early stages of being a mom.
So how to take care of myselfin the early stages of being a
mom?
So what happened was when Iwould hear the word self-care oh
, you got to take care ofyourself, self-care and I was
like what's that?
What's that?
When I was a new mom?
So what I really ended up doingwas reversing the words.
It's how do I best take care ofmyself today?
That's self-care.
How do I best take care ofmyself in this moment?
(03:43):
That self-care?
Self-care is defined as,whatever you decide, what is
best for you in order to takecare of yourself.
End of the story.
It could be getting, it couldbe a day at the spa, it could be
reading a book, it could besleep, nutrition, any quitting
your job.
I don't know what self-care isto you, but it's, it's aligning
(04:06):
something that makes you feelbetter and is taking better care
of yourself.
So I think a lot of that had todo with that story and watching
that going.
I just kind of always knew I'mlike, as adults, don't you just
get to do whatever you want,like that was the naive child in
me, but the reality is I'm anadult've been an adult for a
long time.
It's true, if something's notworking, what am I doing to
(04:28):
change that situation, sethealthier boundaries or
communicate with someone?
So that's kind of thebackground of the whole story is
a little bit of like watchingmy mom struggling and then
myself and realizing that thereis there has got to be more
support for women that need thisin the world.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
And I think as women we have a very hard time setting
those boundaries.
So I know in my personal lifeyes.
Yeah, I'm happy to dive intothat.
That's my favorite subjectSetting those boundaries.
That's going to be a wholenother podcast for us.
Yeah, yeah.
So can you tell us about anymyths or misconceptions that you
(05:12):
have heard about in thisindustry?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
yeah.
So besides self-care beingselfish, I would say it and I am
going to build on boundariesbecause I can't not do it it's
literally one, one of thepillars that I, that I that I
scream from in my company is,you know, boundaries is the, the
single most important form ofself-efficacy, self-respect and
self-love.
Without that right, without theboundary that you're so scared
(05:41):
of setting because you're soscared of hurting someone,
you're so scared ofdisappointing someone, yet you
are not okay.
Now, obviously, if thatresonates with you, you know
what I'm talking about.
If it doesn't, then maybeyou're doing okay and it's okay
to overgive.
I'm an overgiver, I'm a peoplepleaser, I'm sometimes a
perfectionist, and these aresome of my traits.
(06:01):
They're not bad.
I used to think they were bad.
What I want to try to helppeople remember is there's just
a limit to when you're giving,but you tend to overgive and
then you get bitter andresentful towards the people
even asking you.
How could they even ask me?
Don't they know how busy I am?
I hate that word.
I hate saying that word,because anyone that watches my
(06:25):
you know my stories and thethings that I talk about on
social media is.
Busy is a choice.
Everything you busied yourselfwith, you chose to put that on
that calendar.
Now the moms out there aregoing to argue with me the moms
that are doing a million thingsand running for the sports.
But can you literally arguethat you, you did.
You put that on the calendar,yeah, so now?
(06:46):
Now you're overwhelmed andstress and it's not working and
you're not okay.
What are you going to do now?
How are you going to eithertake it off the calendar, move
things around, ask for help orset a healthier boundary,
because that is on you andthat's what I'm really trying to
.
I really try to nurture womenthat have a hard time with this.
Some take longer, some takeshorter amounts of time and some
(07:08):
just need to hear it over andover again.
Where I tell people I'm likeburnout is a choice.
I know because I did it tomyself for so many years.
I busied myself with so manythings that got me to where I am
today, but only to be able totell everybody else there are
healthier ways to do things.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
That is true.
That is so true.
So when you're not working onyour business, what do you like
to do for fun?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Well, that's a hard question, Lisa.
My business is fun.
I actually really love it.
I love my work, I love my job.
I was a nurse for a long timeand I loved that until that
chapter needed to close.
So it's hard because I reallydo love the business.
But what would I do outside ofthe business is I love to spend
time with my kids.
We love, we love going to thepool, and one of my hobbies that
(08:01):
I'm bringing back you'rehearing it here, even though
I've been saying it for months,but I have my first lesson again
on Saturday is I used to docompetitive ballroom dancing as
an amateur.
So I'd have a professionalpartner and I'm an amateur, as
they call it pro-am and did itfor gosh, I don't know, like 15
years in my thirties and then Ihad twenties, thirties, and then
I had children and I've goneback and forth a little bit,
(08:23):
Like I'll dabble for a fewmonths and I'll take like a year
off, and so now it's been likea year and a half and I'm like
all right, I'm getting back intoit this Saturday.
So ballroom dancing is one ofmy little hobbies.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
That is fun.
I used to work with a nonprofitand our signature event was
dancing with the survivors,where we did ballroom dancing.
So are you working with acompany or are you?
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, so I've been.
I've just been a student ofArthur Murray's for since the
beginning, so it's it's alwayshard to leave where you started
from.
I started in Arizona when Ilived there and yeah, so I'm
returning back new instructor,so everything will be new again,
but the dance is all the same,just depends on on.
I just love moving my body tomusic and that's that's where I
get lost in time.
When I, when I try to helppeople like like where can you
(09:14):
just like get lost in time?
So you, I mean, I know it's a 45minute lesson, but I don't have
to no one needs anything fromme, no one's bothering me, I'm
not even looking at my phone andit just helps me to to be free.
It's always hard for me to dothat on my own, which I'm
working on, so just finding thatquiet space, reading books and
love reading, and then when I'mthere I'm like committed there,
(09:39):
and nothing will take me off thefloor unless it's an emergency,
and I like it that way, so it'sa fun hobby.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
It's a great hobby, good exercise too.
Can you describe one hardshipor life challenge that you rose
above and can now say because ofthat challenge that you're
better and or stronger, becauseof that challenge that you're
better and or stronger?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Just one, huh, I'm sure we all have several.
Yeah, I mean, I really I'mreally going to talk about the
challenging mother-daughterrelationship I had.
I was really people pleasing mymom most of my life.
Now, a lot of this was not herfault.
I thought it was.
I lived in blame for a longtime, but it really wasn't.
I don't think she had theknowledge and skills and tools
(10:24):
that I have.
Number one I don't think shehad the vulnerability tool that
I have, because I know shedidn't have that and so we
couldn't connect Right.
So because of that, it just wasvery challenging.
Right, there's a lot of lovethere.
It is really challenging.
So what happened over time is Iwas trying to fix her.
I was trying to make thingsbetter the way they used to be.
(10:45):
I wanted my mom back, becauseI'm watching this, this strong
and passionate woman just likekind of give up on her life, and
I think that's really hard fora daughter to watch.
When I knew better, I sawsomething different from her,
and so I think one of thebiggest challenges was, at the
same time, I to break free fromtrying to save someone.
(11:06):
Well, one.
If you're in the middle of that.
You're kind of an enabler.
Number one, number two we can'treally change people.
And let me tell you, lisa, andeveryone listening, I tried for
decades I had therapists beinglike you know, it's not your job
to like save your mom and makethings better.
And I was like why would I nottry?
Like I'm this, my mom, if Ican't help her, I can't help
(11:27):
anyone like.
This was in my brain fordecades and I'm like I'm a nurse
, I help people, like surely Ican help this woman.
And no, it didn't happen.
And I think, when I let go, Ithink when I was able to set
boundaries with her space, withher, I was able to say things
(11:47):
out of love, but for morerespect for me, which was the
hardest thing I think I'd everdone, and I could have lost the
relationship, but I needed togain myself back and so by doing
that, I had a little hate mailfrom a friend of two of hers,
like how could you do this?
How could you like cut your momon a Facebook?
You know like silly things likethat.
I'm like because I'm not okay,but thank you for loving my mom.
(12:07):
So there was just a lot ofthings around that that were,
and that's how I responded,cause that's the truth.
I'm like you love my mom somuch Thank you, and so do I.
But I have to do this and Ithink that that's.
You know, that was kind of thethe the, the challenges that I
learned have helped me to whereI am today, where I can help
women and change the legaciesand generational cycles for my
(12:28):
daughters the previous versionor those versions of her and me,
the ones I didn't like and I gothrough shame or guilt and then
I think to myself I'm stillworking on myself and that is
the one gift I can give mydaughters.
I will continue to work onmyself to keep breaking these
cycles and I'm not mad at herand I think that's the biggest
(12:49):
thing.
That was the biggest like lightbulb moment is that once I had
forgiveness and gratitude.
All of this comes from a placeof love.
I wrote a book about ourrelationship and these
challenges.
But I guarantee to everyone I'mlike I promise you it's not a
mom bashing book, like it's justgoing through our story, but I
know it's hundreds of otherwomen's stories because I've
(13:10):
been coaching these women andasking them these stories and
I'd say what's your relationshiplike with your mom?
And they, I mean Lisa, Ithought I was alone, I did not
think my story.
I thought my story was veryunique and when I learned it
wasn't is when I really wantedto use that for something good
and use that voice.
The written words in the book,the events, everything around
that was like we have to help.
(13:32):
We have to help these womenbreak these cycles, no matter
what age, no matter what stagein life you're in.
I have clients that are intheir 60s and they're like, yeah
, no, I'm still people pleasingmy mom and you know it still
hurts, it always kind of will.
But how do we also nurture andtake care of ourselves in the
process so we don't keep losingour identity?
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I had a therapist one time tell me because I was
struggling with everything I hadto do in life and my taking
care of my mom.
It was one of them and I saidshe said to me she goes, you are
who you are today because ofyour mom.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so thatwas something to really think
(14:16):
about.
So, yeah, I think it's the good, the bad, the in between.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
And then I also think too, lisa, is that we do get to
choose, like for me.
I'm like I'm picking the partsof her that were so amazing, and
I want to, I want to optimizethat for me, because there's
parts of her there in me thatare just absolutely incredible.
It's what, it's what you'reseeing, it's what this company
is all about.
Like that's, those were thegreat parts of her.
And so what I'm working towardsis then, how do I not lose
(14:43):
myself, how do I not deteriorate?
And the reality is I can't burnmyself out anymore.
I have to have healthierboundaries.
I'm going to disappoint people.
I'm a business owner.
It's going to happen.
Right, I have to be okay withthis, because I have to stay
true to the mission, no matterwhat, and I'm just.
I've disappointed myself before.
(15:03):
So I think that, in the reality, is that you being honest with
yourself and and what do youactually need?
Right?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
What is one thing that you wish our listeners knew
about?
Your business knew about?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
your business.
Well, the one thing I wantpeople to know is that empowered
moms just in the title, I thinkcan sound intimidating and it's
really the most receptive,supportive, loving community and
(15:39):
every single mom, like I saidat every stage, is welcome.
A stay at home mom, a mom, awoman wanting to become a mom
Like I tell people I'm like wedon't check IDs Do you want to
be in this community?
Do you have dreams and do youwant to nurture them?
Whether it's like it isstarting to take care of
yourself first versus like maybeit is starting a business, you
don't have to have a business tobe in this company, like it's,
or be in this community.
(15:59):
It really just about momsupporting moms in whatever way
works for you is what I reallywant people to know.
We have a lot of fun things, wehave free things, we have paid
things, we have all sorts ofthings to help support you, and
I know I feel like just with thetitle itself after two years of
being in business is that Ithink some people are a little
(16:21):
intimidated at first to kind oflike well, I don't know, do you
have to have like written a bookor do you have to have a you
know your own business.
I'm like, and really some womenwould ask me do I have to be a
mom to come to your?
You know your events?
And I said again, we don'tcheck IDs.
Do you want to be in the room?
Then we want you to be in theroom because it's really in
different ages.
(16:41):
I think that's one.
Another misconception is I'molder, I'm an older mom, I'm an
older mom with young kids, andso people ask me do you just
have to have young kids?
Is there?
Is there other women?
We have grandmas in the group.
Like I said, we have women ofall different seasons and and
they're just so beautiful andsupportive to everybody and I
think that's what we really wantpeople to know about our
(17:03):
company.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That is amazing and you're doing a really good job
doing it, and I saw that youhave a thousand followers in the
group now on Facebook.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, yeah, so in our Empowered Moms, the Facebook
group, yeah, so we have athousand members and stay tuned.
There's always going to begrowth in our company.
We are excited to kind ofreveal some new stuff coming up
soon.
And then we have our bigconference, which was kind of
one thing that really startedthe whole thing, like, besides
(17:35):
the book, but when I wrote thatin 2022, but the big conference
was always on my heart I used toplan nursing conferences,
vendors, sponsors, speakers andI loved it.
I did it.
And I just did it likenaturally and I know that sounds
kind of funny Like sometimes wedo things and we're like, oh, I
didn't know people could getpaid for that, I didn't know
that you could do these things.
Like I love it so much that I'mlike, why isn't there like a
(17:56):
mom's conference where, likemoms can come and like pamper
themselves and get, you know,treats and goodies and shopping,
and then inspirational speakersand I kept asking that question
why isn't this out there?
And then, in 2022, I probablywas thinking about it for a
while I was like designing itand I'm like, well, why don't I
just create it?
And, of course, as everyentrepreneur's first question is
(18:17):
, well, who's going to come,Every author who's going to
write a book goes well, who'sactually going to read it?
Now, that is the wrongquestions, right, wrong
questions.
So, yeah, so we, we have ourthird big event coming up in
October and it's one of myfavorite pieces that I put on
every year and it's just, it'slike that one room.
(18:38):
A lot of moms are like I justneed the day to myself.
Right, we talk about, likemother's day, how moms some moms
want to escape and some don'tlike again no judgment either
way, I've had both, where somedays I just want to, mother's
days, I want to be there, andother days I'm like, get me out
of here, right, but I would hearmoms over and over again I just
need a.
That was the other thing.
I was hearing that.
And then I'm like I want to dothis big event.
(18:59):
Well, here you go, here's thedata yourself, come and be
around other women that it'sjust going to be so fulfilling,
so full of love.
And so I kept even the moms thatwere like I don't know if I can
come, oh, it's a long day.
And I'm like didn't you justsay you needed a day to yourself
?
Are you going to?
Actually and this is the hardpart with, with me, being a
(19:19):
coach is when are you?
When are you going to commit tothe thing that you say you need
?
When are you going to make thatchoice for yourself the
investment, buy the ticket, bookthe book, the flight, do the
thing, because it's it's.
I feel like our dreams will goaway.
I feel like our dreams will begiven to someone else who will
actually do them, and I knowthat's really harsh, but if
(19:41):
we're not going to get on them,it's going to be given to
someone else.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I just had to write that down.
When are you going to commit towhat you need?
So that's a good one.
Write that down on my list here.
Yeah, so our listeners areintrigued.
They want to learn more.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
So how can they get involved with Empowered Moms?
I know Instagram's really supercool that's at dremilyjacobs'
Instagram but I always feel likethings get missed in social
media because you never know ifyou're going to get that flyer
or get that story.
So our newsletter is on ourwebsite, which is
empoweredmomsco, and there'sinformation about our big
conference in October, our freecommunity in there, any sort of
(20:36):
mentorship experience, thosetypes of things everything is in
there.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Amazing Well, Dr Emily, thank you so much for
being a guest today on our GoodNeighbor podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Thanks for listening to the Good Neighbor podcast,
rochester.
To nominate your favorite localbusinesses to be featured on
the show, go to gnprochestercom.
That's gnprochestercom, or call248-988-9640.
This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place
where local businesses andneighbors come together.
Here's your host, Lisa Swiftney.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi everyone and welcome to episode number 148 of
the Good Neighbor Podcast.
Today I have with me Dr EmilyJacobs and she is with Empowered
Moms, so thank you for being aguest today.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Thank you, lisa, I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, we're excited to learn more.
Tell me about your business.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Yeah, so Empowered Moms is a community where we
raise the bar for moms who knowthey're worthy of more.
Now, what that looks like isdifferent for everyone, and so
it's not about doing more andit's not about being more, but
it's about believing that.
You know, sometimes when peoplebecome moms, they believe that
that's their sole purpose, andit is for some people.
For other people, they feellike there's something wrong
(00:57):
with them when they might haveanother purpose, not a bigger
one, not a smaller one, but justanother purpose.
And so we yeah, I mean a littlebackstory is I formed this
company because my mom wasreally passionate, and I say was
because the the as the decadesgrew on, I watched her kind of
slowly deteriorate and I justknew, even as a kid, that
(01:18):
there's got to be another way.
There's different choices and Ithink the the words that she
used, and maybe generationsbefore that, was like, you know,
you sacrifice your life whenyou have kids and, like I said,
some people do that verygracefully and they do it really
well and they play that role,and then other people, I think,
feel really like defeated andthat there's something wrong
(01:41):
with them when we have ambitionsand dreams and things that are
different or in addition tomotherhood.
So Empowered Moms is acommunity.
We have a free networking group, as well as we do in-person
events, all sorts of othersponsorships and collaborations
within our community, as well ashigher level coaching and
mentoring for women that justneed to dive a little bit deeper
(02:01):
.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
That is amazing.
We need more people like you.
Thank you, tell our listenersabout your journey.
How or why did you get intothis business?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Yeah.
So just to kind of build on alittle bit about that, is, you
know, watching my mom go throughsome of the behaviors that she
went through?
Like, let's just talk aboutself-care.
I don't like that word and Ithink it's because of how my mom
taught me what self-care was,which was selfish a day at the
spa.
We don't have time for that,and when you're so, you're so
(02:37):
time, you're so consumed takingcare of other people you don't
have time for yourself, and thatis so.
That's how I looked at it, like, ooh, date at the spa it sounds
fun, but I get it, mom, thatdoes kind of seem selfish when
you, we have a ton of things todo, right.
So then I developed that mindsetand then I became a mom and I
remember, as a brand new mom, mydaughter's eight weeks old, and
(02:58):
I'm like, first of all,something's not right, because I
was just feeling I felt like apiece of me was missing, which
was, which was true.
There was a piece of me, apiece of someone growing inside
of me, and then it was gone.
Someone had one.
I used to be, I used to be anurse, and someone described it
almost like a transplant, likeyou are exiting, something is
exiting your body, and it feltthat way and I think the reality
of that is I I didn't know howto take care of myself in the
(03:22):
early stages of being a mom.
So how to take care of myselfin the early stages of being a
mom?
So what happened was when Iwould hear the word self-care oh
, you got to take care ofyourself, self-care and I was
like what's that?
What's that?
When I was a new mom?
So what I really ended up doingwas reversing the words.
It's how do I best take care ofmyself today?
That's self-care.
How do I best take care ofmyself in this moment?
(03:43):
That self-care?
Self-care is defined as,whatever you decide, what is
best for you in order to takecare of yourself.
End of the story.
It could be getting, it couldbe a day at the spa, it could be
reading a book, it could besleep, nutrition, any quitting
your job.
I don't know what self-care isto you, but it's, it's aligning
(04:06):
something that makes you feelbetter and is taking better care
of yourself.
So I think a lot of that had todo with that story and watching
that going.
I just kind of always knew I'mlike, as adults, don't you just
get to do whatever you want,like that was the naive child in
me, but the reality is I'm anadult've been an adult for a
long time.
It's true, if something's notworking, what am I doing to
(04:28):
change that situation, sethealthier boundaries or
communicate with someone?
So that's kind of thebackground of the whole story is
a little bit of like watchingmy mom struggling and then
myself and realizing that thereis there has got to be more
support for women that need thisin the world.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
And I think as women we have a very hard time setting
those boundaries.
So I know in my personal lifeyes.
Yeah, I'm happy to dive intothat.
That's my favorite subjectSetting those boundaries.
That's going to be a wholenother podcast for us.
Yeah, yeah.
So can you tell us about anymyths or misconceptions that you
(05:12):
have heard about in thisindustry?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
yeah.
So besides self-care beingselfish, I would say it and I am
going to build on boundariesbecause I can't not do it it's
literally one, one of thepillars that I, that I that I
scream from in my company is,you know, boundaries is the, the
single most important form ofself-efficacy, self-respect and
self-love.
Without that right, without theboundary that you're so scared
(05:41):
of setting because you're soscared of hurting someone,
you're so scared ofdisappointing someone, yet you
are not okay.
Now, obviously, if thatresonates with you, you know
what I'm talking about.
If it doesn't, then maybeyou're doing okay and it's okay
to overgive.
I'm an overgiver, I'm a peoplepleaser, I'm sometimes a
perfectionist, and these aresome of my traits.
(06:01):
They're not bad.
I used to think they were bad.
What I want to try to helppeople remember is there's just
a limit to when you're giving,but you tend to overgive and
then you get bitter andresentful towards the people
even asking you.
How could they even ask me?
Don't they know how busy I am?
I hate that word.
I hate saying that word,because anyone that watches my
(06:25):
you know my stories and thethings that I talk about on
social media is.
Busy is a choice.
Everything you busied yourselfwith, you chose to put that on
that calendar.
Now the moms out there aregoing to argue with me the moms
that are doing a million thingsand running for the sports.
But can you literally arguethat you, you did.
You put that on the calendar,yeah, so now?
(06:46):
Now you're overwhelmed andstress and it's not working and
you're not okay.
What are you going to do now?
How are you going to eithertake it off the calendar, move
things around, ask for help orset a healthier boundary,
because that is on you andthat's what I'm really trying to
.
I really try to nurture womenthat have a hard time with this.
Some take longer, some takeshorter amounts of time and some
(07:08):
just need to hear it over andover again.
Where I tell people I'm likeburnout is a choice.
I know because I did it tomyself for so many years.
I busied myself with so manythings that got me to where I am
today, but only to be able totell everybody else there are
healthier ways to do things.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
That is true.
That is so true.
So when you're not working onyour business, what do you like
to do for fun?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Well, that's a hard question, Lisa.
My business is fun.
I actually really love it.
I love my work, I love my job.
I was a nurse for a long timeand I loved that until that
chapter needed to close.
So it's hard because I reallydo love the business.
But what would I do outside ofthe business is I love to spend
time with my kids.
We love, we love going to thepool, and one of my hobbies that
(08:01):
I'm bringing back you'rehearing it here, even though
I've been saying it for months,but I have my first lesson again
on Saturday is I used to docompetitive ballroom dancing as
an amateur.
So I'd have a professionalpartner and I'm an amateur, as
they call it pro-am and did itfor gosh, I don't know, like 15
years in my thirties and then Ihad twenties, thirties, and then
I had children and I've goneback and forth a little bit,
(08:23):
Like I'll dabble for a fewmonths and I'll take like a year
off, and so now it's been likea year and a half and I'm like
all right, I'm getting back intoit this Saturday.
So ballroom dancing is one ofmy little hobbies.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
That is fun.
I used to work with a nonprofitand our signature event was
dancing with the survivors,where we did ballroom dancing.
So are you working with acompany or are you?
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, so I've been.
I've just been a student ofArthur Murray's for since the
beginning, so it's it's alwayshard to leave where you started
from.
I started in Arizona when Ilived there and yeah, so I'm
returning back new instructor,so everything will be new again,
but the dance is all the same,just depends on on.
I just love moving my body tomusic and that's that's where I
get lost in time.
When I, when I try to helppeople like like where can you
(09:14):
just like get lost in time?
So you, I mean, I know it's a 45minute lesson, but I don't have
to no one needs anything fromme, no one's bothering me, I'm
not even looking at my phone andit just helps me to to be free.
It's always hard for me to dothat on my own, which I'm
working on, so just finding thatquiet space, reading books and
love reading, and then when I'mthere I'm like committed there,
(09:39):
and nothing will take me off thefloor unless it's an emergency,
and I like it that way, so it'sa fun hobby.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
It's a great hobby, good exercise too.
Can you describe one hardshipor life challenge that you rose
above and can now say because ofthat challenge that you're
better and or stronger, becauseof that challenge that you're
better and or stronger?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Just one, huh, I'm sure we all have several.
Yeah, I mean, I really I'mreally going to talk about the
challenging mother-daughterrelationship I had.
I was really people pleasing mymom most of my life.
Now, a lot of this was not herfault.
I thought it was.
I lived in blame for a longtime, but it really wasn't.
I don't think she had theknowledge and skills and tools
(10:24):
that I have.
Number one I don't think shehad the vulnerability tool that
I have, because I know shedidn't have that and so we
couldn't connect Right.
So because of that, it just wasvery challenging.
Right, there's a lot of lovethere.
It is really challenging.
So what happened over time is Iwas trying to fix her.
I was trying to make thingsbetter the way they used to be.
(10:45):
I wanted my mom back, becauseI'm watching this, this strong
and passionate woman just likekind of give up on her life, and
I think that's really hard fora daughter to watch.
When I knew better, I sawsomething different from her,
and so I think one of thebiggest challenges was, at the
same time, I to break free fromtrying to save someone.
(11:06):
Well, one.
If you're in the middle of that.
You're kind of an enabler.
Number one, number two we can'treally change people.
And let me tell you, lisa, andeveryone listening, I tried for
decades I had therapists beinglike you know, it's not your job
to like save your mom and makethings better.
And I was like why would I nottry?
Like I'm this, my mom, if Ican't help her, I can't help
(11:27):
anyone like.
This was in my brain fordecades and I'm like I'm a nurse
, I help people, like surely Ican help this woman.
And no, it didn't happen.
And I think, when I let go, Ithink when I was able to set
boundaries with her space, withher, I was able to say things
(11:47):
out of love, but for morerespect for me, which was the
hardest thing I think I'd everdone, and I could have lost the
relationship, but I needed togain myself back and so by doing
that, I had a little hate mailfrom a friend of two of hers,
like how could you do this?
How could you like cut your momon a Facebook?
You know like silly things likethat.
I'm like because I'm not okay,but thank you for loving my mom.
(12:07):
So there was just a lot ofthings around that that were,
and that's how I responded,cause that's the truth.
I'm like you love my mom somuch Thank you, and so do I.
But I have to do this and Ithink that that's.
You know, that was kind of thethe the, the challenges that I
learned have helped me to whereI am today, where I can help
women and change the legaciesand generational cycles for my
(12:28):
daughters the previous versionor those versions of her and me,
the ones I didn't like and I gothrough shame or guilt and then
I think to myself I'm stillworking on myself and that is
the one gift I can give mydaughters.
I will continue to work onmyself to keep breaking these
cycles and I'm not mad at herand I think that's the biggest
(12:49):
thing.
That was the biggest like lightbulb moment is that once I had
forgiveness and gratitude.
All of this comes from a placeof love.
I wrote a book about ourrelationship and these
challenges.
But I guarantee to everyone I'mlike I promise you it's not a
mom bashing book, like it's justgoing through our story, but I
know it's hundreds of otherwomen's stories because I've
(13:10):
been coaching these women andasking them these stories and
I'd say what's your relationshiplike with your mom?
And they, I mean Lisa, Ithought I was alone, I did not
think my story.
I thought my story was veryunique and when I learned it
wasn't is when I really wantedto use that for something good
and use that voice.
The written words in the book,the events, everything around
that was like we have to help.
(13:32):
We have to help these womenbreak these cycles, no matter
what age, no matter what stagein life you're in.
I have clients that are intheir 60s and they're like, yeah
, no, I'm still people pleasingmy mom and you know it still
hurts, it always kind of will.
But how do we also nurture andtake care of ourselves in the
process so we don't keep losingour identity?
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I had a therapist one time tell me because I was
struggling with everything I hadto do in life and my taking
care of my mom.
It was one of them and I saidshe said to me she goes, you are
who you are today because ofyour mom.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so thatwas something to really think
(14:16):
about.
So, yeah, I think it's the good, the bad, the in between.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
And then I also think too, lisa, is that we do get to
choose, like for me.
I'm like I'm picking the partsof her that were so amazing, and
I want to, I want to optimizethat for me, because there's
parts of her there in me thatare just absolutely incredible.
It's what, it's what you'reseeing, it's what this company
is all about.
Like that's, those were thegreat parts of her.
And so what I'm working towardsis then, how do I not lose
(14:43):
myself, how do I not deteriorate?
And the reality is I can't burnmyself out anymore.
I have to have healthierboundaries.
I'm going to disappoint people.
I'm a business owner.
It's going to happen.
Right, I have to be okay withthis, because I have to stay
true to the mission, no matterwhat, and I'm just.
I've disappointed myself before.
(15:03):
So I think that, in the reality, is that you being honest with
yourself and and what do youactually need?
Right?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
What is one thing that you wish our listeners knew
about?
Your business knew about?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
your business.
Well, the one thing I wantpeople to know is that empowered
moms just in the title, I thinkcan sound intimidating and it's
really the most receptive,supportive, loving community and
(15:39):
every single mom, like I saidat every stage, is welcome.
A stay at home mom, a mom, awoman wanting to become a mom
Like I tell people I'm like wedon't check IDs Do you want to
be in this community?
Do you have dreams and do youwant to nurture them?
Whether it's like it isstarting to take care of
yourself first versus like maybeit is starting a business, you
don't have to have a business tobe in this company, like it's,
or be in this community.
(15:59):
It really just about momsupporting moms in whatever way
works for you is what I reallywant people to know.
We have a lot of fun things, wehave free things, we have paid
things, we have all sorts ofthings to help support you, and
I know I feel like just with thetitle itself after two years of
being in business is that Ithink some people are a little
(16:21):
intimidated at first to kind oflike well, I don't know, do you
have to have like written a bookor do you have to have a you
know your own business.
I'm like, and really some womenwould ask me do I have to be a
mom to come to your?
You know your events?
And I said again, we don'tcheck IDs.
Do you want to be in the room?
Then we want you to be in theroom because it's really in
different ages.
(16:41):
I think that's one.
Another misconception is I'molder, I'm an older mom, I'm an
older mom with young kids, andso people ask me do you just
have to have young kids?
Is there?
Is there other women?
We have grandmas in the group.
Like I said, we have women ofall different seasons and and
they're just so beautiful andsupportive to everybody and I
think that's what we really wantpeople to know about our
(17:03):
company.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That is amazing and you're doing a really good job
doing it, and I saw that youhave a thousand followers in the
group now on Facebook.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, yeah, so in our Empowered Moms, the Facebook
group, yeah, so we have athousand members and stay tuned.
There's always going to begrowth in our company.
We are excited to kind ofreveal some new stuff coming up
soon.
And then we have our bigconference, which was kind of
one thing that really startedthe whole thing, like, besides
(17:35):
the book, but when I wrote thatin 2022, but the big conference
was always on my heart I used toplan nursing conferences,
vendors, sponsors, speakers andI loved it.
I did it.
And I just did it likenaturally and I know that sounds
kind of funny Like sometimes wedo things and we're like, oh, I
didn't know people could getpaid for that, I didn't know
that you could do these things.
Like I love it so much that I'mlike, why isn't there like a
(17:56):
mom's conference where, likemoms can come and like pamper
themselves and get, you know,treats and goodies and shopping,
and then inspirational speakersand I kept asking that question
why isn't this out there?
And then, in 2022, I probablywas thinking about it for a
while I was like designing itand I'm like, well, why don't I
just create it?
And, of course, as everyentrepreneur's first question is
(18:17):
, well, who's going to come,Every author who's going to
write a book goes well, who'sactually going to read it?
Now, that is the wrongquestions, right, wrong
questions.
So, yeah, so we, we have ourthird big event coming up in
October and it's one of myfavorite pieces that I put on
every year and it's just, it'slike that one room.
(18:38):
A lot of moms are like I justneed the day to myself.
Right, we talk about, likemother's day, how moms some moms
want to escape and some don'tlike again no judgment either
way, I've had both, where somedays I just want to, mother's
days, I want to be there, andother days I'm like, get me out
of here, right, but I would hearmoms over and over again I just
need a.
That was the other thing.
I was hearing that.
And then I'm like I want to dothis big event.
(18:59):
Well, here you go, here's thedata yourself, come and be
around other women that it'sjust going to be so fulfilling,
so full of love.
And so I kept even the moms thatwere like I don't know if I can
come, oh, it's a long day.
And I'm like didn't you justsay you needed a day to yourself
?
Are you going to?
Actually and this is the hardpart with, with me, being a
(19:19):
coach is when are you?
When are you going to commit tothe thing that you say you need
?
When are you going to make thatchoice for yourself the
investment, buy the ticket, bookthe book, the flight, do the
thing, because it's it's.
I feel like our dreams will goaway.
I feel like our dreams will begiven to someone else who will
actually do them, and I knowthat's really harsh, but if
(19:41):
we're not going to get on them,it's going to be given to
someone else.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I just had to write that down.
When are you going to commit towhat you need?
So that's a good one.
Write that down on my list here.
Yeah, so our listeners areintrigued.
They want to learn more.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
So how can they get involved with Empowered Moms?
I know Instagram's really supercool that's at dremilyjacobs'
Instagram but I always feel likethings get missed in social
media because you never know ifyou're going to get that flyer
or get that story.
So our newsletter is on ourwebsite, which is
empoweredmomsco, and there'sinformation about our big
conference in October, our freecommunity in there, any sort of
(20:36):
mentorship experience, thosetypes of things everything is in
there.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Amazing Well, Dr Emily, thank you so much for
being a guest today on our GoodNeighbor podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Thanks for listening to the Good Neighbor podcast,
rochester.
To nominate your favorite localbusinesses to be featured on
the show, go to gnprochestercom.
That's gnprochestercom, or call248-988-9640.
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