Restore hope and connection in marriage and other key relationships | with Ann and Dave Wilson

Stéphanie welcomes Ann and Dave Wilson, the hosts of global ministry and syndicated radio show FamilyLife, to discuss key insights from their decades of marriage and ministry. The title of their new book says it all: "How to speak life to your husband when all you want to do is yell at him." What if one small shift—like choosing encouragement over criticism—could change the tone of your whole marriage? Real people in real relationships have real problems, but with God’s help, you can heal and sustain your marriage for a lifetime.

The Wilsons, through vulnerability and wisdom, highlight how Christian spouses—particularly wives, though the lessons are universal—can profoundly impact their marriages by transforming their mindset and the words they speak.

Recognizing Shifting Cultural Dynamics
Ann shares that over 45 years of marriage and ministry, she’s observed a cultural shift. Dissatisfaction and unrest in marriages seem more common, with a tendency for spouses—especially wives—to see their partners as adversaries or projects for improvement. Ann notes the escalation of negative speech and a belief that critiques or reminders will motivate change. In reality, frequent criticism often demotivates the other partner.

The Power of Words
A pivotal story shared by Ann involves her realization that her well-intended feedback sounded like constant “booing” to Dave. Ann genuinely believed her critiques would help Dave become a better husband, father, and man. However, after an honest conversation and prayer, Ann discovered that her negative words were discouraging him more than anything. This revelation led her to a critical self-examination and a commitment to use her words to encourage rather than to correct.

The Path from Critique to Affirmation
Ann’s journey involved asking God for conviction—not condemnation—and humbly examining her attitude. She confronted her own pride, recognizing the difference between thinking "I failed" (which God forgives and restores) and "I am a failure" (which is condemnation and shame). With this shift, she chose to focus on what was good and praiseworthy in Dave, believing that God calls spouses to be each other’s chief encouragers.

The Science Behind Positive Illusion
Ann references Dr. Helene Fisher’s research, which found that happy, long-term marriages are characterized by a “positive illusion”—focusing on what you like about your spouse, intentionally rewiring your mindset to notice and affirm the good. This is supported by brain science and aligns with biblical instructions about renewing your mind.

Practical Outworking and Challenges
Practically, Ann began to express gratitude and appreciation—starting with simple thanks for Dave’s hard work. Dave testifies that these words of encouragement were more powerful than any affirmation he received elsewhere. This shift motivated him to grow into the person Ann saw in him.

A Revolution of Respect and Gratitude
Ann frames this approach as a “rebellion” against a culture that devalues respect. By choosing respect and gratitude—whether verbally, in writing, or through a daily journal—wives can breathe life and hope into their husbands, families, and homes.

Dave affirms that authentic encouragement, rather than critique, draws men toward home and transforms family culture.

The God-Given Power of Influence
Through Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, any spouse can become a speaker of life in marriage. This transformation is not about being passive or suppressing truth but about courageously choosing love, hope, and affirmation as radical acts of faith—ultimately reflecting God’s heart for us.
How might shifting from critique to encouragement change the atmosphere in your closest relationships? What step can you take today to practice the “positive illusion” in your marriage or family?

ABOUT THE BOOK “HOW TO SPEAK LIFE TO YOUR HUSBAND WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS YELLE AT HIM”

Discover the marriage you’ve always hoped for. With practical tools to help you communicate more effectively, you’ll learn to speak the language of love and grace that will encourage and strengthen your husband at every turn.

Buy the book here: https://shop.familylife.com/product/how-to-speak-life-to-your-husband-when-all-you-want-to-do-is-yell-at-him/ 

Ann Wilson spent more than a decade longing for a better marriage and for her husband to be more attentive, more involved, more helpful, and just all-around better. And every chance she got, she told him so. Where she thought she was bei