March 17, 2024 • 11 mins
On this 'Grab A Glass' episode, DT tells a cautionary tale centered around how your behavior can paint you into a perception corner that is hard to get out of.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
The boy and the yarby off isnice gone to keep it flat these he
is on the line last nice relfetake it have a lots so craver.
(00:33):
Now that I've taken on a newrole as a father, the biggest of
my life, I've been analyzing theroles that I've played elsewhere, the relationships
that I've had two people, andhow I fit into the natural order of
(00:54):
things. Father is a role thatI selected, that I willingly participated in
and planned and chose, of coursein loving collaboration with my wife. But
I've been thinking about how we canoftentimes end up in a role without thinking
(01:15):
about it, and then continue toplay it out even though it isn't comfortable
for us or it isn't the bestthing for us. When I was in
my mid twenties, I was farmore social naturally than I am now,
more going out, more, hangingwith different groups of people. Niggas just
(01:40):
be out in the twenties. Niggasjust be out for no reason in their
twenties. Oh this friend group ain'tgoing out. Okay, let me click
up with these people. Oh theybe in lane. Let me hit up
that homie in them and see whatthey got going on and let me be
out super late. I just wantto be around people. Let me be
out out out. And if youwere like me, depending on the dynamic,
(02:04):
you may play a totally different rolein each one of these groups,
or the same role. So letme tell you a story. In one
of those friend groups, I beganseeing a young woman seeing what is that
code word for? We began seeingeach other, we started dating. Naturally
(02:30):
grew from something more than friends.She began as a friend of one of
my closest friends in the group.But over time those groups grow and now
she's in she's in the group.I'm trying to remember back now, there's
some flirting and then just one thingled to another, an astrot So we
(02:53):
were out one night, fly evening, of course you know how big broccoli
do it, and it's just thetwo of us, and she was telling
me that she never thought she wouldsee in quotes this side of me end
quotes, that she was so usedto me being the funny, goofy friend
in the group, the one that'scracking jokes and always has everyone in pieces,
(03:19):
that she could never have imagined thatthe depth that she was seeing from
me as a potential partner was there. She admitted and acknowledged that while she
was always intrigued by me, thesilliness and the goofiness, especially in the
dynamic of that group, caused herhesitation on wanting to date me, to
(03:46):
which I caught myself saying in response, in that group, I just keep
it light. That's how it's alwaysbeen with me in them, to which
she said, and I'll never forgetthis, And I know I got to
thank her for this. She saidthis, plain as day, you should
consider how that presents and how thosepeople speak about you when you aren't around.
(04:12):
Plain as day, she said,you should consider how that presents and
how those people speak about you whenyou aren't around. After some probing,
it became clear to me that thosepeople would sort of write me off as
a goofy friend, whether I wasaround or not. Sometimes, as I
was hearing her say this, Iwould think, damn, maybe they do
(04:35):
it in my face too, likeI was some sort of entertainment stand up
comedian, a gester, I don'tknow, a clown, asked nigga,
someone they could laugh with but alsolaugh at. And after years of being
friends with those people, I thinki'd lost the ability to tell the difference.
(05:00):
Suffice it to say, sadly,for the story, at least,
this is not Veronica, this issome other girl, and it didn't work
out, partially despite her getting toknow me for me and see that depth.
I think it was hard for herto rid her brain of those first
impressions and what is said about youbehind closed doors when you aren't in the
(05:24):
room. The role you play ina dynamic setting has weight, and it
has consequences, and we should allbe conscious of that. I have,
indeed, not entirely, but Ihave indeed drastically reduced my presence in that
(05:45):
group and others from that time,because frankly, I'd gotten comfortable in that
role and it was starting to spillout and play out in other groups.
I started to notice a pattern.I began to see how people viewed me.
I understood why this went that wayor that went this way, and
(06:10):
it's totally informed how I move nowand how much has changed since then is
very clear. The people I speakto on a truly regular basis are people
that understand that depth, that arewilling to see those things for what they
(06:31):
truly are and not put them ina space that's I would say harmful to
me. Well, I think thosepeople have some responsibility for their behavior at
that time, and there are plentyof factors that come to mind as to
why that played out that way.I truly look at myself for why that
(06:55):
happened, My inability to see it, assumption that people are able to and
are willing to recognize the diversity ofsomeone's character or give them the benefit of
the doubt. Like sure, afteryears, there had had to have been
plenty of moments when those people,yeah, they saw me as being hilarious,
(07:17):
but had to have seen more thanme just being the funny one.
But for them to acknowledge that asthey posture themselves in the group and they
ponder their own roles, that waspure And I have a tay for me
to believe that that grace would everbe granted, especially as we're talking about
people in the early and mid twenties, even my relaxed persona at the time,
(07:43):
like believing that because a friendship hasgone on for so many years that
you can presume somewhere as a safespace and let your hair down completely.
The scarcity of those environments I feellike shocked me that once I learned that
it doesn't. Now, as anolder person, I'm more socially aware,
(08:11):
self aware person, and frankly,a new father, I am slower to
rush into any role, even asa dad. I think it could naturally
happen with a baby to see momas this, dad as this, or
(08:31):
any roles around the baby. Frankly, I'm just much more understanding of the
dynamics at play, and I'm clearerwith my words and my actions about who
and what I am. And I'mcontinually showing my depth everywhere, not just
to my baby. And that's thedepth, frankly, that makes grab a
(08:56):
glass what it is. Y'all gonnaget this podcast. So to you,
my good people that listen to meweek in and week out, don't ever
feel forced to play a role,please, Not in order to look like
a good sport, Not in orderto fit in, Not in order to
(09:16):
be liked or be more likable,Not in order to seem like a good
winner and not a sore loser.That's a balancing act that requires so much
skill. Loads of tact have tobe implemented to get that right. You're
the only single one in the groupcool that does not have to be your
(09:37):
role. Everybody don't always have tobe setting you up. You don't have
to be the promiscuous one. Thatdoesn't have to be your role. Fuck
that you lost out on the startingjob on a team, or you watch
the coworker get the promotion instead ofyou. That does not have to be
your role. Fuck that. I'veseen that one play out a lot now
(09:58):
that I'm thinking about it. Youdon't have to either be the cheerleader or
the hater to send one of thosetwo messages. That does not have to
be your role. I know peopledo that a lot. That's heavy on
my mind right now. I'm notsalty and good for them, So let
me be overly supportive or I amsalty than a mug and this was a
(10:22):
mistake, So let me let themknow with every move I make and every
breath I take that fucked this.We lose ourselves quickly in the dynamic of
a situation in a setting, Bewho you are. Be you. You're
the only person in your family witha degree, or the only one that
went to like that high academic institution, and now everybody thinks you boogie as
(10:43):
shit, and you got to bethe smart one that comes up with all
the solution. No, no,no, no no. That does not
have to be your role. Itdoes not have to be. Your role
should be what you want it tobe. Your role is what you say
it is and how you act.You should be alert and aware of that
(11:03):
perception that you are allowing to happen. We can't change everybody's mind and make
everybody think what we want them tothink, but we should be conscious of
it. You have a choice.You always have the choice, the choice
(11:24):
to determine what role you play.My name is David Thomas, David Gerard
Thomas, Cheer's everybody, thanks forlistening.
The boy and the yarby off isnice gone to keep it flat these he
is on the line last nice relfetake it have a lots so craver.
(00:33):
Now that I've taken on a newrole as a father, the biggest of
my life, I've been analyzing theroles that I've played elsewhere, the relationships
that I've had two people, andhow I fit into the natural order of
(00:54):
things. Father is a role thatI selected, that I willingly participated in
and planned and chose, of coursein loving collaboration with my wife. But
I've been thinking about how we canoftentimes end up in a role without thinking
(01:15):
about it, and then continue toplay it out even though it isn't comfortable
for us or it isn't the bestthing for us. When I was in
my mid twenties, I was farmore social naturally than I am now,
more going out, more, hangingwith different groups of people. Niggas just
(01:40):
be out in the twenties. Niggasjust be out for no reason in their
twenties. Oh this friend group ain'tgoing out. Okay, let me click
up with these people. Oh theybe in lane. Let me hit up
that homie in them and see whatthey got going on and let me be
out super late. I just wantto be around people. Let me be
out out out. And if youwere like me, depending on the dynamic,
(02:04):
you may play a totally different rolein each one of these groups,
or the same role. So letme tell you a story. In one
of those friend groups, I beganseeing a young woman seeing what is that
code word for? We began seeingeach other, we started dating. Naturally
(02:30):
grew from something more than friends.She began as a friend of one of
my closest friends in the group.But over time those groups grow and now
she's in she's in the group.I'm trying to remember back now, there's
some flirting and then just one thingled to another, an astrot So we
(02:53):
were out one night, fly evening, of course you know how big broccoli
do it, and it's just thetwo of us, and she was telling
me that she never thought she wouldsee in quotes this side of me end
quotes, that she was so usedto me being the funny, goofy friend
in the group, the one that'scracking jokes and always has everyone in pieces,
(03:19):
that she could never have imagined thatthe depth that she was seeing from
me as a potential partner was there. She admitted and acknowledged that while she
was always intrigued by me, thesilliness and the goofiness, especially in the
dynamic of that group, caused herhesitation on wanting to date me, to
(03:46):
which I caught myself saying in response, in that group, I just keep
it light. That's how it's alwaysbeen with me in them, to which
she said, and I'll never forgetthis, And I know I got to
thank her for this. She saidthis, plain as day, you should
consider how that presents and how thosepeople speak about you when you aren't around.
(04:12):
Plain as day, she said,you should consider how that presents and
how those people speak about you whenyou aren't around. After some probing,
it became clear to me that thosepeople would sort of write me off as
a goofy friend, whether I wasaround or not. Sometimes, as I
was hearing her say this, Iwould think, damn, maybe they do
(04:35):
it in my face too, likeI was some sort of entertainment stand up
comedian, a gester, I don'tknow, a clown, asked nigga,
someone they could laugh with but alsolaugh at. And after years of being
friends with those people, I thinki'd lost the ability to tell the difference.
(05:00):
Suffice it to say, sadly,for the story, at least,
this is not Veronica, this issome other girl, and it didn't work
out, partially despite her getting toknow me for me and see that depth.
I think it was hard for herto rid her brain of those first
impressions and what is said about youbehind closed doors when you aren't in the
(05:24):
room. The role you play ina dynamic setting has weight, and it
has consequences, and we should allbe conscious of that. I have,
indeed, not entirely, but Ihave indeed drastically reduced my presence in that
(05:45):
group and others from that time,because frankly, I'd gotten comfortable in that
role and it was starting to spillout and play out in other groups.
I started to notice a pattern.I began to see how people viewed me.
I understood why this went that wayor that went this way, and
(06:10):
it's totally informed how I move nowand how much has changed since then is
very clear. The people I speakto on a truly regular basis are people
that understand that depth, that arewilling to see those things for what they
(06:31):
truly are and not put them ina space that's I would say harmful to
me. Well, I think thosepeople have some responsibility for their behavior at
that time, and there are plentyof factors that come to mind as to
why that played out that way.I truly look at myself for why that
(06:55):
happened, My inability to see it, assumption that people are able to and
are willing to recognize the diversity ofsomeone's character or give them the benefit of
the doubt. Like sure, afteryears, there had had to have been
plenty of moments when those people,yeah, they saw me as being hilarious,
(07:17):
but had to have seen more thanme just being the funny one.
But for them to acknowledge that asthey posture themselves in the group and they
ponder their own roles, that waspure And I have a tay for me
to believe that that grace would everbe granted, especially as we're talking about
people in the early and mid twenties, even my relaxed persona at the time,
(07:43):
like believing that because a friendship hasgone on for so many years that
you can presume somewhere as a safespace and let your hair down completely.
The scarcity of those environments I feellike shocked me that once I learned that
it doesn't. Now, as anolder person, I'm more socially aware,
(08:11):
self aware person, and frankly,a new father, I am slower to
rush into any role, even asa dad. I think it could naturally
happen with a baby to see momas this, dad as this, or
(08:31):
any roles around the baby. Frankly, I'm just much more understanding of the
dynamics at play, and I'm clearerwith my words and my actions about who
and what I am. And I'mcontinually showing my depth everywhere, not just
to my baby. And that's thedepth, frankly, that makes grab a
(08:56):
glass what it is. Y'all gonnaget this podcast. So to you,
my good people that listen to meweek in and week out, don't ever
feel forced to play a role,please, Not in order to look like
a good sport, Not in orderto fit in, Not in order to
(09:16):
be liked or be more likable,Not in order to seem like a good
winner and not a sore loser.That's a balancing act that requires so much
skill. Loads of tact have tobe implemented to get that right. You're
the only single one in the groupcool that does not have to be your
(09:37):
role. Everybody don't always have tobe setting you up. You don't have
to be the promiscuous one. Thatdoesn't have to be your role. Fuck
that you lost out on the startingjob on a team, or you watch
the coworker get the promotion instead ofyou. That does not have to be
your role. Fuck that. I'veseen that one play out a lot now
(09:58):
that I'm thinking about it. Youdon't have to either be the cheerleader or
the hater to send one of thosetwo messages. That does not have to
be your role. I know peopledo that a lot. That's heavy on
my mind right now. I'm notsalty and good for them, So let
me be overly supportive or I amsalty than a mug and this was a
(10:22):
mistake, So let me let themknow with every move I make and every
breath I take that fucked this.We lose ourselves quickly in the dynamic of
a situation in a setting, Bewho you are. Be you. You're
the only person in your family witha degree, or the only one that
went to like that high academic institution, and now everybody thinks you boogie as
(10:43):
shit, and you got to bethe smart one that comes up with all
the solution. No, no,no, no no. That does not
have to be your role. Itdoes not have to be. Your role
should be what you want it tobe. Your role is what you say
it is and how you act.You should be alert and aware of that
(11:03):
perception that you are allowing to happen. We can't change everybody's mind and make
everybody think what we want them tothink, but we should be conscious of
it. You have a choice.You always have the choice, the choice
(11:24):
to determine what role you play.My name is David Thomas, David Gerard
Thomas, Cheer's everybody, thanks forlistening.
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