Lifelong Consequences & Beyond

TW: This episode recounts details of domestic violence.
Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]

An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a single year - Black, M.C., Basile, K.C., Breiding, M.J., Smith, S.G., Walters, M.L., Merrick, M.T., Chen, J., & Stevens, M.R. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
This episode will delve into some detailsof domestic violence, So if that is
a trigger point for you, feelfree to skip. I will completely understand
and if you need help with domesticviolence, the Domestic Violence hotline number is

(00:22):
one eight hundred seven niney nine seventwo three three. The Boy and the
Arbi off is nice, The GonnaKeep It flats on the line, mast
nat Rel, We chick have alost gravel lost. There is a certain

(00:59):
level of balance that I try toreach before I speak on any topic,
especially the most pointant ones though,the ones that are on the minds of
a majority of the collective based onheadlines or news or just things that are

(01:22):
happening that we are all aware of. Because of how society works, that
balance at times is hard to accomplish. It's hard to do. I usually
allow myself the space to quietly beirrational and emotional again, but quietly not

(01:42):
speak. This is all internally,or I guess from time to time.
I will share it with those absolutelyclosest to me, and then I move
towards playing Devil's advocate a bit orto empathy, and then I get real.
I ground myself in reality. Iresearch fact check to the best of

(02:08):
my ability. If another perspective isneeded, I'll move to that. I
stirred all that up. I grabmy laptop and I'll just let some thoughts
flow, just let the fingers goa little bit. Then I cut on
the equipment, I plug in themicrophone, and I really do try to

(02:30):
one take this shit and make itas authentic as possible. That's the process.
I did some version of that thisweek, but it happened faster and
quicker because I don't think that thereis a right answer, and by right
I mean morally, so to speak, because there is a spectrum in which

(02:54):
people look at certain things. ButI'm gonna give my right answer if that's
okay with y'all, because some shitis what it is. Violence isn't complicated
in my mind. I don't thinkit's complicated. I want to be clear.

(03:19):
But if you ask ten people,if you really ask them their feelings
on it, with certain details orcertain nuances, you lay out some scenarios
to them, you will likely getten different answers on what is okay and
what it's not, what's acceptable,what's unacceptable, where the line is drawn,

(03:42):
and where it isn't. It's somepeople that saw what Marjorie Taylor Green
had to say, and some peoplewould want for her to get her ass
whooped. Some people say words arewords that shouldn't get your ass beat.

(04:04):
I won't clarify what I think,not today, at least because everyone didn't
grow up around violence. Everyone didn'tget into a fight at school or watch
one. Some people never saw theirparents fight. Some people didn't watch violent
shows. They weren't allowed, orthey weren't into it, or whatever the
case may be. But some did. And the tolerance for violence and its

(04:29):
effects vary, especially situationally. Somepeople believe silence is violence. What a
heavy charged little saying that is silenceis violence. Some people don't believe in
snitching at all, no way,no how. Some run to the nearest

(04:51):
authority figure the minute they've seen somethingremotely heinous. Silence is violence. Not
speaking when there is a clear unadulteryact of harm being done to someone or
something is now more than ever consideredcompletely unacceptable, complicit, just as bad
as violence is not. Everybody thinksthat way. So I might believe,

(05:16):
and you'll hear my belief here shortlysomething about violence, but not everybody has
the same spectrum of which they lookat it on. For those of you
that saw the video of Ditty inflictingatrocious levels of violence on Cassie, I

(05:44):
wonder what the process you went throughin your head. Was your initial thoughts,
your initial emotional response, what bubbledup, what simmered, and what
you ultimately think. This is thesame Diddy who on December sixth of twenty
twenty three said, and I quote, let me be absolutely clear, I

(06:06):
did not do any of the awfulthings being alleged end quote, and then
was caught on camera beating a womantrying to escape from him. That was
one of the things being alleged.And had it not been for the video,
he could have run with that statementthat's still available on all his social

(06:27):
media platforms. My initial thoughts wereprobably like yours. I had some pretty
awful things to say. I hada literal, visceral reaction to seeing it.
I was in my office at workby myself, and I myself felt

(06:53):
a bit of a streak of violencebubble up. Something in me wanted to
see violent consequences enacted to him,done to him. I wanted to see
it. You're gonna put your handson a woman like that. I want
to see it. I want tosee what happens to you now or worse

(07:15):
I told you earlier. I usuallyallow myself the space to be quietly irrational
and emotional. Quietly I didn't sharethat with anybody. I'm sharing it with
you now obviously, but in themoment, I didn't do that, And
then I immediately had thoughts of Cassie, which, looking back in hindsight,

(07:36):
the fact that my mind first wentto something happening to Diddy versus oh my
god, Cassie says a lot aboutpotentially me, our society, how we
viewed things, etc. But thenmy thoughts went to Cassie and what was

(07:56):
done to her. Physically, ofcourse, yes, that's what's visible,
but also emotionally, my brain towent to what it feels like to live
in fear and being terrified twenty forseven, having to appease some weak ass

(08:18):
nigga all the time in order tonot be harmed, and knowing that you
could do that and it may notbe enough. Fear is fucking awful,
yo. The feeling I get whensomeone or something startles me is enough for
me to be like, I gottago lay down for a couple of minutes.

(08:43):
I'm saying that as a thirty threeyear old man, I get startled
by something and I got let mego lay down, Like I'll go out
to the car to put it inthe garage for the night, and somebody's
fucking cat it's underneath the car andjumps out and I ad just about jump

(09:05):
out of my skin. That feeling, It's tangible, you can feel in
every fiber of your being. Ithurts. Let alone, living in constant
terror. I can't imagine coupled withyour abuser being rich and powerful and surrounded

(09:26):
by yes men and yes women andyes people who will do what they say
and ignore the bullshit and enable andenable and enable so that they can maintain
their own lifestyle. How you makeit through that? My god, My
god? And wow wow to thatwoman being in a healthy relationship with a

(09:48):
child and telling her truth. Wowwow wow Wow. But then, over
the course of a few hours,I do what I usually do, can't
help it. I moved to empathyor thinking, at least, what the
fuck has this nigga gone through tohave any part of his being that would

(10:09):
put on a towel run through apublic hallway and do that to someone.
What has he seen, what hasbeen done to him? What has occurred
in his life? To give thissome sense of normalcy or permission to think
that this is okay? I don'tknow. My brain goes to what in

(10:33):
the world has happened to Diddy?I do that. A lot of people
don't and won't. I don't judgeyou if you don't, but I do
give myself the space to go therebecause I know that that's not normal and
a normal background doesn't typically bring thosetype of results. And like I said,

(11:00):
then I ultimately read what I can. I dig up old shit,
first hand accounts, discovery in thecase, statements from casting other victims,
and then here we are where Icut on the microphone, where I want
to be absolutely clear, Unlike Diddy, this will be the truth, my

(11:24):
truth. At least. Does itmatter what he's been through, what triggers
the violence in him that he inflictedon this woman, how he got away
with it for so long, whohelped him do it? Of course there
were enablers here. Does it matterthat, sadly, this happens a lot

(11:46):
in our world. According to theNational Coalition of Domestic Violence, on average,
nearly twenty people per minute are physicallyabused by an intimate partner. In
the United States, one in fourwomen and one in nine men experience severe
intimate partner physical violence, intimate partnercontacts, sexual violence, and intimate partner

(12:11):
stalking. It's normal. That's scariestshit. Does it matter that she was
paid in the civil suit. Doesn'tmatter that he's made some of the greatest
music of our generation. Doesn't evenmatter that he needs help, because let's

(12:33):
be clear, he needs help.The truth is, actions have consequences.
They have fucking consequences, and certainactions I believe have life long consequences and
beyond and beyond actions I want tosay it again, have consequences, and

(13:01):
certain actions have life long consequences andbeyond lifelong consequences in my purview. What
scares me most, however, whatI haven't been able to reconcile with yet,
is that there are people that didgrow up around violence. There are

(13:26):
people that got into a fight atschool or watched one. Some people saw
their parents fight, often violently deadly, violence between people they were close with.
Some did watch violent shows or playedviolent games or what have you.
And the tolerance for violence and itseffects in our society is fucking high.

(13:54):
And there are some people who sawwoman being kicked, dragged, punched,
hit with objects that were laying around, heavy fucking glass objects and thought it
was normal, thought it was completelyokay, and there are some people who

(14:18):
even thought that it was warranted.That's what scares me most. My name
is David Gerard Thomas. Thanks forlistening.