August 7, 2023 • 52 mins
Come join us on an incredibly personal journey with our dear friends, Amy and Clint Ledford. Their story of the path to parenthood is a rollercoaster of emotions, challenges, and heartache, isolation, faith, and grace - which they've bravely chosen to share with us. Full of fear and envy, AND hope and spiritual support, they demonstrate that strength and grace can emerge from the most testing circumstances. They highlight the significance of unity and companionship at such times and how these aspects can provide solace and comfort.
The Ledfords paint an intimate, striking picture of infertility and the IVF process. It is a journey marked by determination and resilience despite a slim one to two percent chance of conceiving naturally. This isn't just a story of biology and medical procedures - it's a journey through the financial implications and the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies them. Yet, they remind us that each step, each moment, offers an opportunity for grace, and a chance to hold onto hope. It's a poignant reminder that miracles do happen when hope meets adversity.
Their journey doesn't stop at conceiving. Clint and Amy remind us of the importance of seeking support and acknowledging the grace life sends our way, demonstrating that love, strength, and the power of grace can be found even in the most challenging of journeys. Their story is a testament to all of this. Their willingness to share their journey offers comfort and inspiration to anyone facing similar challenges, and we're sincerely grateful for their openness and courage. We invite you to join us on this journey with them, filled with hope, resilience, and above all, grace.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Grace Among Us, the podcast where we
unearth the many faces andplaces of grace and share
stories of the power of grace inour human lives.
Our desire is that this willinspire you to see grace in your
own life and share it withothers.
Hello, hello.
Carri Richard (00:24):
My name is Carri Richard.
I'm a mindset coach and I helppeople make space and enjoy the
ride.
And I am doing one of my mostfavorite, favorite things and
that is to talk about all thefaces and places of grace, and I
get to do this with my dearfriend, Ebony Gilbert.
And hello, Ebony, hello.
Ebony Gilbert (00:46):
Carri Richard, thank you for introducing
yourself.
My name is Ebony Gilbert, asCarri stated, this is our
podcast on Grace.
We love to talk about it, welike to see it, we like to
experience it, and sometimes weinvite friends to do so with us.
So today we have invited ourdear friends Amy and Clint
Ledford or Clint and Amy Ledford, depending on how you want to
(01:08):
put which one first and they arehere to share with us their
experiences with Grace today.
So, Amy and Clint, please tellus a little bit about yourselves
and get us all hyped andexcited about Grace on this
great day.
Amy Ledford (01:27):
Hello, hello.
Well, I'm Amy Ledford Thank youfor that introduction, Ebony
and this is my husband, Clint.
We have been married for almosttwo years, but together for
four.
We just celebrated, I think,our four year dating anniversary
last week and yes, I celebratethose kind of anniversaries,
even though he thinks I'm crazyfor that.
(01:47):
We met online four years agoand we've had a whirlwind
romance and things moved quickly, but with God's grace, it was
just magical.
I mean, he's my soulmate and Ijust feel so blessed that we
found each other.
And so, like I said, we've beenmarried a couple of years and
(02:13):
we'll talk more about ourjourney to expanding our family.
Right now, it's just the two ofus here plus our wonderful dog
Penny, but our family is growingand so we will share more about
that.
But I'll let my husbandintroduce himself a little bit
more.
Clint Ledford (02:29):
Yeah, sure To clarify, there's always a debate
on exactly when that date isthat we can pass.
You know a fun little story ofwhat it was thinking we're
dating for the other one andsomeone had to call somebody
whom I'm apparently servingtheir life sentence there now,
but it really has been awhirlwind.
(02:50):
I did get a tag-team partner todo this with.
But yeah, when you asked me tomove to North Carolina with you,
I know you didn't know what Iwould say, but thank goodness
you didn't ask me to move toWyoming or anything.
But yeah, I just jumped on andfour years later here we are in
a lovely house and a lovely townand a lovely state.
Carri Richard (03:11):
Yeah.
Amy Ledford (03:14):
And very blessed.
Ebony Gilbert (03:19):
This is like the new-day American love story, you
know something like that.
Amy Ledford (03:22):
Yeah, we keep waiting for match to call us to
be in a commercial, but yeah wecan make them a lot of money
because it worked for us heywe'll put it in the resources
Exactly.
Yeah, if you're listening matchplease.
Ebony Gilbert (03:35):
I know it works, so we invited you guys here
today to talk about your journey.
Oftentimes, when we discussgrace, there's an adversity or
challenge that's been presentedand we use grace to mold and
shape and frame our perspective.
Sometimes that perspectivealigns with the outcome and
sometimes it doesn't, and thisis one of those situations where
(03:56):
it does very nicely.
So thank you for agreeing to behere and tell us your story.
Amy Ledford (04:01):
Yeah, yeah.
Clint Ledford (04:05):
So we've been wanting to expand our family
we're just bursting at the seamswith love and decided we needed
, you know, little rug rats tospread that on.
Yeah, it's been an interestingjourney, just say the least I
know maybe you've been wantingto kind of truly been on your
(04:25):
heart to discuss it and bringawareness to it.
You know we moved here to ourcurrent place in June.
I think sometime in May wedecided to start trying for a
family.
Amy Ledford (04:37):
So more than a year ago.
Clint Ledford (04:38):
Yeah.
So, I don't know if you wantedto.
Amy Ledford (04:43):
So we, you know we had decided, okay, it's time to
start trying and, as with mostpeople, we kind of don't know
what you're going to get untilyou start trying.
It's trying something right,whether that's having a baby or
anything else in life.
Sometimes it's trial and error,and trying to get pregnant for
us has been definitely sometrials.
(05:03):
And so I'd say, you know, we'vebeen trying about six months
and, you know, consulted ourdoctors and was just like you
know how do we prepare our stuff?
And we got physicals andthey're like, yep, try for about
a year.
And you know, then come backand see me and we're kind of
like, okay, all right, anythingelse, no, all right.
(05:24):
And so about six months in, youknow, started to get a little
impatient and we're doing allthe right things and you know,
there's suggestions on how youtrack and you know, being really
intentional about conceivingand because there's quite a, you
know, bit of scientific, youknow intentionality that you can
have with a woman's cycle andjust trying to, you know, make
(05:48):
it work right and increase yourprobability.
And so about six or seven monthsin, realized I don't know if
I'm patient enough to keepwaiting and keep trying, because
something just feels like wejust I think both new and our
hearts like something might beoff, so let's seek out some
other help.
So we went back to the doctorand still not quite the answers
(06:08):
we wanted to get.
There was like, still keepgoing, and so, honestly, this is
.
It was one of thosecircumstances where you just
don't know what might pop up.
And, thanks to social media andInstagram, I actually saw an ad
for a local fertility clinicand was like bingo, I want to go
check them out and talk to themand see how they can help us,
(06:31):
because I want to cut right tothe experts.
I'm the type of person I think,yeah, go ahead.
Ebony Gilbert (06:37):
Did your phone know that you had been talking
about this, so it popped up anad for you?
Amy Ledford (06:42):
I don't know, but it worked for me on that time,
so I it was great Grace in allforms.
Carri Richard (06:47):
Exactly.
Clint Ledford (06:49):
There was a lot also in between those two events
, that's one being that sex edlied to us as a kid it's way
harder to get pregnant, even ifeverything works, than they may
seem.
It may seem like you justbumped into a woman, there you
go, but no, it was a big process, like you said, and when we
(07:10):
went to the doctors and I wasvery adamant that we started
getting checked or somethinglike that, because I've always
been that proactive person of wegot to do something and it was
really the hard part of all ofit, which is the not knowing and
the stressors that come with it.
And then you begin to reallylose intimacy in your
relationship because it becomesthere's intimate moments, become
(07:32):
like work, you know, likeyou're talking and talking out,
and we found that not only doesit affect just those intimate
moments, but it affectsthroughout.
You know you're losing thatcloseness that you have with
each other about everything, andit was wearing on this and
that's really what drove us togo to the doctors again and
(07:54):
while you know at the time we'reboth so adamant that we need to
see somebody, and then thedoctors that we've been going to
our primary care at the timewere really like you said we're
not giving us the answers wewanted, or even the answers we
wanted, but they weren't askingthe right questions or being
inquisitive enough.
Mine actually, because I'm sodemanding, referred me to a
(08:17):
urologist and that's what Ilearned that there's only two
even in this area and they'rebooked out for months in advance
.
So I had an appointment.
My first appointment was Augustthis time last year, and the day
before the appointment they sayoh so sorry, you can't see it.
How's two months from now?
So then it turned into October.
(08:39):
Same thing happened.
Oh so sorry, how's December?
The December came around?
Oh so sorry, he's called awayagain.
How's another two months?
And again, the whole time we'restill trying.
We're still doing all thesethings.
We went everywhere, from tryingto match up your right days to
(08:59):
doing rain dances and thatlittle thing in between, but
trying to get there becauseyou're trying to make anything
stick.
Carri Richard (09:09):
So can I ask you a question?
So it's really a beautifulexplanation and I know that
people who are in this situationare really going to resonate
with this, and it's also reallyinformative for people who have
not gone through this process ormay be going through this
process in the future.
(09:29):
So it hit my heart when youwere talking about this very
beautiful act of coming together, like actually shifting into
more of a clock-in clock-out,and losing that connection.
Can you tell me, during all ofthis with the urologist and with
(09:50):
the uncertainty and all this,can you explain the emotions
that you go through in thisprocess?
Amy Ledford (09:59):
I think a big emotion for me was, honestly,
anger and frustration.
I became angry at a certainpoint that it was so difficult
for us and I think this is wheresocial media can be hard in
these circumstances, because Iwould feel like there was a
period where I was going on myfeed and all I was seeing were
(10:24):
pregnancy announcements andbirths announcements.
I was angry there for quite awhile and resentful, to be
honest, of why isn't that us andwhy is it so hard for us?
And it was really stressful andit was difficult and, even
though we had each other to leanon, it also felt isolating to a
(10:49):
degree, because even thoughwe're partners in crime and
partners for life, we're tryingto do this together.
I think it just felt like attimes I felt like it was us
against the world of everyoneelse having babies and it was so
easy for them, right, becausewhether you know it is or not.
And it was stressful and it puta lot of strain on our marriage
(11:11):
because it's like, okay, you dowhat you're told and you try to
do the best that you can and wewere being so intentional and
we're planners.
And then, month after month,and it's not working and those
days leading up to right beforeit started a period and it's
like, okay, is it going to bethis month, is it going to be?
(11:33):
And so you get youranticipation and your hopes and
then you're like, oh shoot.
And so I think it was quite aroller coaster and I'll let
Clint share how he felt duringthat time.
But for me, I had a lot ofanger that I've had to sort
through and the emotions haveshifted over time, but there was
(11:56):
definitely a period where I wasmad.
Ebony Gilbert (11:59):
Did you recognize it as anger while it was
happening?
Oh yeah.
Amy Ledford (12:03):
I was really pissed off.
Clint Ledford (12:07):
I think the right word for that that I also
experienced it as envy.
Yeah, a lot of it, I think it'slike, oh, I dropped a big chip
on her shoulder.
It's like I always said in mymind.
I put it to like when you havea broke down car and you see all
the other cars working runningdown the road perfectly and
you're stuck in this beater, youknow, and you're like, well,
wish I had one that would workperfectly, yeah, you just that's
(12:28):
to your point.
It's something we just Ipersonally just noticed
everywhere is that associationwith it.
And then you grow thatresentment, that jealousy for
like happy things or evenweirder things, like I mean,
we're going through this.
I think during the wholeSupreme Court, the whole
overturning of Roe v.
(12:49):
Wade and abortion thing, andbeing - seeing that from such a
different perspective, like that, I'm sure they never thought
about it.
It's like, well, we wish wecould even have a kid, let alone
have the right to do this orthat.
So we were coming at everythingof this lens of envy and
(13:09):
jealousy of others you know tonsof other people who you know
unwanted pregnancies and stuffand like, well, we would love an
unwanted pregnancy, you know,and yeah, yeah.
So that was a big thing.
And the biggest thing I couldstress to people in general is,
at least from my perspective, isI was always very lucky.
I came into this.
(13:30):
I said this long before we everstarted trying to do, because
there's always a fear of mine,it's always a fear of any man
you know, not being able to havekids, because there's nothing
you can really do to switcheither works or does some kind
of thing.
So I've told her this longbefore.
It's like if one of us can'tget pregnant, neither of us can
get pregnant.
You know, having that frame ofmind said that we're in this
(13:51):
together and I think that reallysaved us a lot from blaming one
person or the other.
So we were able to avoid thatkind of infighting at least
through that.
But we were also dealing withit then of towards others.
You know we were not at ourbest with some friends.
I'm referring back to onefriend in particular who they
(14:15):
had a baby.
They were pregnant at the timeand the wife was complaining
about, morning sickness andstuff like that and somebody
asked them are they going tohave another d" ?
No like after what I wentthrough with the first drive,
minister, I don't think so.
I definitely don't want to dothat, and both of us just got
-you know - kind of in ourfeelings.
You know nothing because that'swhat they're going through,
(14:37):
that's their frame of reference,like, well, we would love for
morning sickness right now andgoing back to that.
So that was definitely thehardest part, at least in an
interpersonal way is really thatchip on your shoulder you get.
You're going through somethingand you can't really you can,
but you don't really want totalk about it.
(14:57):
You know it's, it's you want tokeep, keep going like
everything is fine, so yeah.
Amy Ledford (15:02):
And I think we recognize that pretty early on
and I think separate but relatedaround the same time, before we
sought out help from the clinic, we also decided and we decided
a while before that that wereally wanted to find a
spiritual home and grow thatpart of our relationship.
(15:23):
And so even for months leadingup to this, we had talked about,
you know, trying to find alocal church to become a part of
and kind of explore thattogether.
Because we had not done thatyet and I think, we both have
different viewpoints and,different faith paths and
experiences.
(15:43):
But together, you know, wetalked about trying to grow with
that together and so, I don'tknow about a couple months
before we started working withthe clinic, we had also went
down the path of trying to finda church and we, you know, tried
some out and went to differentones and actually landed at one
(16:04):
that we liked, and so thatconnection, I know for me was
helpful to at least have a placethat would.
We went and I had.
Well, I'll just say every SundayI have a very emotional release
at church, like it all comesout and we have to find the row
(16:25):
that has the tissues, becauseAmy's going to cry, it's just
going to happen, even if it's asuper joyous occasion.
And I think honestly, thatoutlet not knowing it then, but
like thinking back on it now wasreally helpful at the same time
, because it was hard to expressthese emotions and what had
(16:46):
been going on in words.
And so then, when I you know wasat church or you know I connect
also to the music and hearingsongs it was like the walls and
the filters and it just like Ijust opened up and just let it
out.
And so that's certainlysomething that we've talked
(17:07):
about or, you know, I think hashelped us along the way as well
as discovering that outlet, atleast for me, because there were
many points where it's like, Iknow I'm angry, I know I'm sad,
I'm upset, but it was hard toput it in words because it's
also a fluid situation too right, because the day of the month
(17:29):
matters and you know, as we got,different information in, your
perspective changes and you'renot able to plan all the way to
the end, at least in a fertilityjourney, like there's a lot of
milestones, and so you know wehad steps that we would complete
, but you didn't know what wasgoing to come next, necessarily,
(17:51):
or what that outcome was goingto be.
Clint Ledford (17:56):
I'll fill in the blanks there.
So yeah, we got lucky and metwith these people and Then we
just go for a consultation, andthen we go get tested and find
out.
You know, we think the doctorbasically gave us a 2% chance to
conceive naturally.
Amy Ledford (18:14):
You know, you said two?
Yes 1 - 2 percent.
Clint Ledford (18:20):
Yes, yes.
Amy Ledford (18:21):
It was a huge blow.
Clint Ledford (18:23):
Shaq had a better chance of making a free throw
than we did of conceiving thechallenge.
So, yeah, sorry, Shaq, butAnyways.
Ebony Gilbert (18:36):
So you're already angry, you're already feeling
what you're feeling.
You're already in this isolatedspace and you're experiencing
all these emotions that aren'tcharacteristic of who you are as
people.
And now you're told you have aone to two percent chance.
Do you give up?
Yeah, what do you like?
What happens at that point?
How's that drive home?
Clint Ledford (18:55):
So it's, it's actually surprising, we felt
better.
Ebony Gilbert (19:01):
Yeah, we really did, and now you have a
direction.
Clint Ledford (19:04):
Yeah, you, yes it .
The hardest part of all of allof this is the unknown.
So once we knew what - becausethat was the frustrating part,
like before I was mentioning myappointments kept getting
canceled.
Is that a continuation of theunknown - I keep trying to make
it happen, you keep trying totake your destiny into your own
(19:25):
hands, but it keeps being givenand taken away from me.
So once we finally knew, hey,this is what we're dealing with,
it was very relieving.
It's like okay you know, it'snot X, Y or Z, it's Q, you know,
and this is how we're gonnatreat Q now.
It was not fun when we learnedabout the cost of everything,
and that was the same day thatwe also learned that our, our
(19:49):
bathroom went out.
Our shower was leaking.
So that was a fun day.
Speaking of grace and reallyjust having to take it step by
step and taking it moment bymoment.
You know, because if you try toeat the elephant, one giant
gulp, you're never gonna getthere.
Ebony Gilbert (20:06):
So I want to pause there for a second.
You said so much.
That was so juicy.
I want to take a minute.
A door closes right and your,your thought, is great, that
wasn't the right door.
Now we know to those withdifferent door, the different
(20:27):
door comes with a high cost,literally and figuratively, yes.
And in the midst of all thishappening, it starts to pour
like raining pouring.
It's all happening literally,because your showers all jacked
up.
Things are happening and You'restill thinking I've got to move
forward.
You've got to move forward onestep at a time.
These steps are guided this isall or this.
(20:47):
We got to move forward.
What gave you that hope?
Like?
What were you holding on to?
Amy Ledford (20:58):
I think our drive to become parents is what helped
propel us and we knew - Ithink we had agreed even before
we got our test results, that wewere going to exhaust all the
options that we had withinreason.
Right, we would level set andunderstand, kind of, what are
(21:21):
what we were willing to do.
But, again, not knowing howyour path was gonna go or what
we would need to do made thatdifficult.
But we knew that we wanted totry as much as we could to have
a child biologically before wepursued, fostering or adoption,
because we had talked about thattoo.
Well, we know that there'sother options if this doesn't
(21:44):
work.
So, but we will, you know, onething at a time, we'll try this
and then we'll cross that bridgewhen we get there.
But, like he said, when we gotthe testing results, it was a
huge relief because it was ananswer to all those unknowns and
it helped reframe, our wholesituation.
(22:06):
I definitely know that I had ashift in all that anger and
resentment - of feelingfrustrated, to almost a more
strategic mindset where it'slike okay, this is our situation
, these are our variables,because everyone's fertility is
different, right?
So the combination of partnersand what you bring to the table,
(22:28):
it's like algebra, it's like Aplus B equals your equation and
our A plus B equaled zero to twopercent.
(Clint) yeah, so when I firstheard, to quote Jim Carey from
Dumb-and-Dumber, I said "sothere's chance, right?
(22:48):
"It wasn't a zero percent chance,
and so then it became aquestion of how do we increase
our probability?
?
Clint Ledford (23:00):
How do we get?
Yeah yeah.
So they gave us a coupledifferent options.
You know we, we immediatelywent thinking of you.
You know, one option was I justthey forced your window into
being "all right On this day atthis time.
Here's your window, kind ofthing, and that's had a
percentage to it of like 27%.
It's still better than two, butwasn't all that
(23:21):
great.
Then with medications andchanging your hormones and
increasing eggs and things.
And then the one that weultimately went with was IVF,
where they gave us like a 65%chance.
But then came the questions offunds.
You know how do we do that?
That's a big stressor rightthere because it's more.
(23:43):
You know, while we both do,fine, it was, it's a giant
stressor.
And so you immediately go like," I had a with you know X to
meet why, and yeah, you know,Many things are running through
your mind.
Okay, maybe I start bagginggroceries.
Or you know, there's a banknear the house that doesn't have
(24:03):
an alarm system or somethingyou know.
I mean, you just start thinkingof just wild things because you
just you know you've got tomake this happen some way,
somehow.
There never was a quit, therewas always a, "So you're saying
we have a chance, kind of thing,and then we were lucky with
that and.
(24:25):
We then picked the IVF route,which came once we did acquire
the funds and get moving, whichwas a whole other deal that we
really had to deal with.
It felt slimy, it felt almostweirdly so transactional.
Amy Ledford (24:43):
Yeah, yeah, transactional.
Clint Ledford (24:45):
I mean, these people are running a business
and they were great people.
I'm not trying to speak ill ofthem, but to think that like, oh
, it's money that's stopping usfrom being able to have the
family that we want to have youknow, to be able to live the
life that we want to have ismoney, and that again, for me
personally, led to another chipon the shoulder - is insurance.
(25:06):
You know, insurance will helppay for x, y and z, but not for
thisLike having that whole teenage
"rebel thought of cause kind offeeling of like you know the
man's keeping me down, kind ofthing.
Um, yeah, yeah, once.
Once, luckily, we were able toget that figured out.
(25:28):
Our next big journey reallybegan with medicines and all
kinds of stuff.
I don't know if you want totalk more about that, but we had
to take shots, and every day, Ishould say we, she I hope
you'll forgive her the creditthat's due.
So what was it?
(25:49):
Nine o'clock became our shottime every day.
I mean, going back to thatinitial talk about intimacy,
what started out as a veryfreaky thing to do, came to be a
very intimate thing.
I mean, it wasn't fun, don'tget me wrong, but with each shot
we knew we're getting closer toour goal of ultimately starting
a family.
(26:10):
So it became a little journey.
We went on together.
Yeah yeah, you had fun likethat, thinking you were a pin
cushion for a little while, andthey were very good with us as
far as we're looking for keepour expectations realistic.
(26:31):
at no point did they ever saylike, yeah, this is going to
work.
So for me personally, goingthrough this, all was that
constant waiting for the rug tobe pulled out from under you.
They give you differentmilestones.
The first ones they're checkingto see how you're responding to
medication, as far as yourhormone levels and everything
goes.
They have a couple of checksthere and then you go to
schedule to get your eggsretrieved and then how many eggs
(26:53):
you got and then, hey, how didthe fertilization go?
And, guys, if I could tell youall, the most humbling thing
I've ever done in my life is thecup that they give you to
supply your specimen is like abig gulp cup, you know.
And they give up and one-eyedpirate man that gives it to you
(27:14):
and say fill her up.
Yeah, yeah, that was veryhumbling, but no, so, yeah, it
was.
At each milestone we keptwaiting for the rug to get
pulled out from under us andtrying to keep expectations on
track.
Amy Ledford (27:27):
Well, it was a new phase of unknowns.
Clint Ledford (27:29):
Yes.
Amy Ledford (27:30):
Right.
So you know, we got ourdiagnosis, and then it was
commitment to the process.
Then it was okay, these areyour, this is your treatment
plan, and you're going to dothese things, but we can't
guarantee you what your outcomeis going to be.
We can't tell you how many eggsyou're going to grow, we can't
(27:52):
tell you how your hormone levelsare going to change.
I mean, it's the most preciseand yet un-precise science I
have ever been exposed to, andbecause there's all these things
that they measure but yet theycan't tell you how it's going to
go or what's going to happennext, and it can change by the
(28:12):
day.
Like I got to a certain pointwhere later in the treatment, I
was going in for blood testsdaily, and so they were like,
okay, it was this this day andthis this day, and what was
going to happen the next day wasdependent on the measurement of
that day, and so it was a lot.
(28:35):
But I think again, once westarted on that progression, it
was again kind of just gettingback on that roller coaster of,
okay, we're in this together.
There were certainly stressfulmoments, for sure.
I mean even with the medicationvery much.
So there were many times whereI was not very nice or didn't
(28:56):
like being the pincushion.
Clint Ledford (28:58):
Well, and if I just may add on to that just for
a moment.
It was difficult for me becauseI wanted to help as much as I
could, because I felt verypowerless of it, because I
clearly couldn't take the shotsI can't have the baby myself and
so there were times I wasn'thelpful, I could have been
overbearing or whatever.
So I was just trying to be assupportive as possible and it
(29:22):
was there was butting headmoments, so it wasn't just.
You know we're making it.
It wasn't as smooth as we madeit out to be.
But yeah, there were definitelytrying moments.
I'm sorry, please keep going.
Amy Ledford (29:32):
No, it was, it was real, and I don't know what
possessed me to do this, but Ithink it was probably learning
about how difficult this is andjust kind of experiencing like
okay, this is not easy foranyone, and so wanting to share,
eventually, kind of our story.
I just we decided to video eachone of our medication shots,
(29:57):
and so we you know, every night.
We took a video and sometimes wewould talk about it and I think
it was cathartic to a degree,but then it was also like, and
also a drive to like want toshare it more, right.
So it's like, okay, we've madethis commitment, we're doing it,
(30:19):
maybe we can share our storyand whatever form that may come,
because in doing research, youknow, fertility can affect one
in eight couples, and that'sthey don't even they think this
statistic is even higher,because it's not something that
people talk about.
It's not.
People usually wait to go seekhelp, and you know those that
(30:43):
have talked about it.
I really applaud them, butthere's not.
You know many books that arewritten out there about how to
even get started with, what toconsider, right, so how to seek
the right help, how to ask theright questions.
There's some now, thankfully,podcast out there of people who
are sharing their story, but youhave to really seek out those
(31:06):
things for yourself and that wasa frustrating part of if you
don't have a great supportsystem or if you didn't have a
supportive partner.
I can only imagine how muchmore incredibly difficult this
experience would have been ifyou didn't have someone to even
talk that through Because, again, thankfully, he and you know
(31:29):
helped hold us, you know, holdme accountable at times of like
okay, when's your nextappointment?
We're doing this, and, eventhough there are times I was
frustrated by it, it also helpedpropel us forward, cause there
were plenty of times where Ijust wanted to be like, forget
it, this is too much, I'moverwhelmed.
I'm, of course, emotionalbecause my hormones are off the
chart.
It's, you know, it's feelingtoo much and getting anxious,
(31:53):
and he would help, you know,center me of like, okay, nope,
remember why we're doing this,and you know so I think there
really is an area where, as asociety and similar with mental
health, like it needs to betalked about more, and so I feel
strongly about figuring outwhat works best for us.
(32:15):
But then also, you know, we'veshared it, our story or our
situation, with people, evenstrangers, on an airplane, and
they're like, oh my gosh, I knowsomeone, or I did as well, and
so it found it to be a lot morecommon than I thought, at least
in my circle and broader, butyet I didn't know about that
(32:37):
before I brought it up.
Clint Ledford (32:40):
Yeah, and you mentioned that as second.
My thought is it almost feelslike a secret club.
It's like, since we've been soopen to it, I've never I mean
beforehand I've heard one or twopeople born from IVF or what
have you.
But no, we start talking aboutthe number of people come up to
me or said, yeah, man, my sonwas born this way, or daughter's
(33:03):
born this way.
Hey, I was born this way.
Or me, I had a coworker mindjust the other day, pulled me
aside and asked me about it.
I was like, hey, me and my wifehave been having trouble.
And I was like, yeah, man, goget tested.
That's the biggest piece ofadvice we can give anybody is
don't hesitate.
You know testing is cheap.
Yes, stuff can be expensive.
The testing is relativelyinexpensive and, like we were
(33:26):
saying earlier, then you knowyou really do.
It takes away that unknownworld.
Carri Richard (33:35):
It's amazing.
You know, by God's grace it wasnot part of my own life story,
so I had no idea that it's sucha secret club and it's like, as
you were talking about that, asyou guys are journeying through
this, it's like it's almost likeyou're wandering in a desert.
You know it's in the mountainsand it's beautiful.
(33:58):
One of the things that reallystruck me is that you guys took
action early.
You know it was tearing youguys apart.
I might be being a littledramatic, but it was tearing you
guys apart.
I can only imagine people whoare feeling like they're doing
this alone and may not have thesupport system, like you said,
(34:23):
that take action early or justgo go to a clinic, go find out,
have a consultation, ask thequestions.
I was really surprised thatwhen you said you got the one to
2% chance and I think evenEbony said so were you angry
again and it was like, no, wewere relieved.
It's like, oh my gosh, yeah, gogo find out please.
Ebony Gilbert (34:46):
That's my takeaway.
Like that really resonated withme.
How do you embrace the closeddoor?
Is it a closed door?
Is it a hallway?
Is it an opening to a hallwaybetween here and there?
That gets me to the place whereI'm supposed to be, and now I'm
not going in the wrong door,you know.
So that hit me pretty hard.
I had to like take a seat aswell.
Amy Ledford (35:06):
Yeah it was a window that opened that we had
to decide if we were going to gothrough it or not.
You know we knew at that point,ok, well, our journey is not
going to be traditional, but itgave us a direction and I think
again, that relief I mean I wassurprised by it myself but
(35:27):
looking back it almost was likeI wish we had done it sooner,
because those months and monthsthat we went through of being
frustrated and stressed and thetension in our relationship was
not pleasant, but you know.
So that's, you know again, butkind of been our biggest
advocacy point is theinformation.
(35:48):
Don't be afraid of that outcomeor that testing result or what
your variable might be, becauseit can help guide you to the
next step.
And we again talking about wewere also expanding our
spiritual journey and finding achurch.
(36:09):
But we had a lot of people tellus well, just keep trying and
pray about it and give it up,it'll all work out.
And you know there's manysituations in life that I think
you should give it up to God andreally accept that you don't
have control over the situation.
(36:29):
And that's really what thisfelt like to us was we had to
come to grips with.
We are not driving this, thisvehicle.
We are not in control, but wehave to do what's best for us to
try to do our best.
I don't know if that made anysense, but can take action with
(36:53):
something.
Carri Richard (36:54):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense and it's almost
like you can have faith.
We all have faith, but faithwithout works is dead, right?
Yeah, so to your point.
And you guys said this, likewhen you started down, you know,
you found out the result andyou found out your options, and
even they were not iteratingwhat the outcome was.
(37:16):
They couldn't tell you what theoutcome was, if it was going to
be yay or nay, but they couldgive you the next path and it is
up to us, all of us, to walkthe path.
And so I love, I love what youjust said.
I do want to ask you and Idon't know if you don't want to
answer this or you can't, that'stotally fine.
(37:38):
But since you spoke about, youknow, starting the spiritual
home, like in the before thefertility clinic, right, when
you guys were like, yes, here wego, we're going to start this
thing, like, what was the if youwere to say what your prayer
was at that point?
What was that prayer duringthat time?
Clint Ledford (38:03):
That's a great question.
I was raised in a Baptist home.
One of the things they wasreally beaten to my head was
constant prayer.
And you can't.
The Lord doesn't doesn't justgive out.
You have to.
He doesn't just give you whatyou asked for.
You have to ask for guidance,you have to ask for the strength
(38:24):
.
You know you can't just ask fora shiny boat and a shiny boat
will appear.
So, personally, for me was theclarity, you know, to find the
right path forward, for thestrength to keep going and even
for a little bit of luck.
You know, yeah, I mean it was,it was a constant, constant
(38:46):
thing, just reaching out for thestrength and something,
something, some sort ofdirection.
You know, because the hardestpart about all this is the is,
is the science of it.
Through everything, it's the,the unknown.
It's like like you're sayingbeing in a desert at night.
(39:08):
There's nothing out there, evento like our friends and family
who have all and you, youmentioned this about people like
, oh, just do this or that they,when you first get married,
they ask oh, is it when youhaving kids, when you're doing
all this?
And then those things becomeless and less frequent and they
eventually stop.
And then the intimacy thing ofit becoming a job, you know, and
(39:31):
then it just the intimacyslowly stops, it becomes quiet
and it's that, that silence,that is so deafening.
That's why, when I would pray,I would pray for something, I
would pray for some, you knownoise, some sort of guiding
light to pull us out of this low.
(39:52):
You know because love and gracecan die in silence that they
grow if you, if you can give itsomething to feed, give it some
path forward.
Amy Ledford (40:07):
So definitely, definitely around strength.
I think again made a consciousdecision early on not to and we
talked about it not to shy awayor hide the situation of ours.
So we were very open andtransparent with our families
and our closest friends up frontand I think that also helped,
(40:29):
brought some relief to right,because in your friend groups
you start talking about whateverybody's working on and going
on and going through and I justput it out there and I think
that helped me mentally workthrough a lot of just being open
and sharing and it helped liftsome of that burden, the
(40:50):
emotional weight.
And so I would, you know, manytimes ask for that strength to
continue to feel open, to shareit, because I know that I
received a lot back from that,but I knew that I had to be, I
had to have a sense ofwillingness and openness to do
that.
And then, you know, had a down,have had a download a few times
(41:10):
of keeping strong to keepsharing it because it will help
others and it can break through,you know, even if it just helps
one other couple with.
Again, this whole roller coasteris what it is To me.
That's worth talking about it.
I feel no shame whatsoeverabout our situation and we
(41:33):
talked about that early on.
If we are not going to feelshame about this, we are not
going to label ourselves asdifferent, we are not going to
have a pity party about our zeroto 2%, because, again, it's not
zero.
We are not going to feel likeyou know, we're something's
wrong with us, because, again,our algebra is what it is and we
(41:55):
know we are great people, andso we knew.
We knew that, we know that wehave this love to give, and so
we knew that that outcome wouldoccur.
However it was going to occur,but we were going to find a way
to share this love that we havebottled up and that's been
growing.
Clint Ledford (42:12):
Butting gets to snowing.
Amy Ledford (42:13):
Right, and so definitely praying for strength
has been key and it's been hard.
I've read through some journalentries that I wrote throughout
this process and pretty angryand frustrated, and it's hard to
remain strong and level headedand sensible when this you
(42:36):
feeling every emotion under thesun.
So definitely a great questionthere, Carrie, and you know I
think our prayer now has changeda bit.
Carri Richard (42:48):
And Amy, why has your prayer changed a bit?
Amy Ledford (42:52):
Because, so you know, we went through the
process of doing the medications.
We did an egg retrieval, whichmeans I was induced with lots of
medications to grow a bunch ofeggs.
They extracted them from mybody, they fertilized them and
then we did an embryo transferand luckily, that embryo
(43:14):
transfer has now turned into asuccessful pregnancy Hold on.
And so we're very, very excited.
We're still early on, we'restill in the first trimester,
but we're getting close to thesecond trimester, which is kind
of crazy, but you know it's alittle surreal.
Thankfully, we've only had togo through one cycle of IVF and
(43:40):
we consider ourselves very luckyand blessed, because many don't
many have to go throughmultiple cycles and it can take
years.
So I feel very fortunate andgrateful that that was our
outcome.
But again, you know, whether ittakes you one time or 10 times,
it's quite a process, step bystep, and so yeah, that's fine.
Carri Richard (44:06):
I would love, since you guys are so open, I
would love to hear, if you wouldshare it with us and our
listeners what your prayer istoday for this growing family?
Clint Ledford (44:29):
10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 arms and 2 legs.
Amy Ledford (44:38):
I think together we just want a healthy baby and
not getting attached to if thisbaby is going to be a boy or a
girl.
We're so blessed and sograteful that we are pregnant
because, again, our numbers didnot look so good when we did the
(45:00):
egg retrieval.
There were seven eggs, which isa very low number.
After this sort of treatment Ihad another round of feeling
very angry and upset.
I'm like why aren't my numbersvery good?
I want a good crate on thistest.
I had seven eggs, only three ofthem fertilized.
Our probability dwindled.
(45:21):
Of the three that fertilizedonly one made it to the end
stage.
Just one when we did the embryotransfer.
I know, but it was close there.
We were down to the line becauseit was like, okay, if this one
doesn't work, we've got to dothis all over again.
(45:43):
And I was really not wanting todo that, but had to have faith
that we were going to do what wehad to do.
So thankfully that one stuck.
I think my prayer now is tryingto find the gratitude and,
where we're at, really lean into.
(46:05):
We have worked so hard and wehave been through so much stress
.
Now we're pregnant.
I really want to celebrate thatand be happy and be excited
about it, and then we're goingto have a healthy, happy baby
that we smother and love.
We are so excited to share thisbeing with our friends and our
(46:31):
family because we know that wehave a great village too.
It's going to be our baby, butI feel like they're going to be
shared with so many peoplebecause we've shared this story
with so many people.
We have so many people who havebeen rooting for us and
supportive that I just can'twait to really put it out there
(46:53):
broadly and get that out forlove, because we deserve it.
I don't often claim things thatI feel like I deserve, but I
know we deserve this one.
I'm really trying to hold on tothat now and be excited and
celebrate A little eggy we callit eggy right now.
Carri Richard (47:16):
Eggy.
Well, my prayer for you is thatyou enjoy every single day of
this process and that you findthe grace that is just
surrounding you and your family.
Clint Ledford (47:38):
The last little note I'd like to make, too, is
pregnancy brings its ownchallenges and difficulties,
especially for you, andconstantly remembering to give
ourselves grace that we askedfor this.
This is what we worked so hardto be here.
Just remembering to staypresent and be thankful for the
(47:59):
upset tummies, the headaches,the stuff that goes along with
general pregnancies, and beingthere for each other.
Amy Ledford (48:08):
I feel like a daily pepto commercial.
If I could share that I would,but I know that it is mine to
work through now and thankfullyI hear that it may not last, so
I'm just hopeful that it willfade.
There are some days that it isrough but I do appreciate that
(48:30):
he helps remind me of this iswhat we wanted, and it's
uncomfortable and it's hard, nomatter what stage we're at, but
reminding each other that we'rehere for each other and
thankfully again, we have thatwonderful village that both of
you are a part of to help alsoremind us of how great it's
(48:51):
going to be, and so that helpskeep us going forward, too
Awesome.
Carri Richard (49:00):
Clint, you said something that just struck right
through me, and it was love andgrace can die in silence, and
so I just want to.
I'm so grateful that you guysare willing to be so wide open
about this experience, and Iknow that it is going to touch
(49:24):
others and it really is.
If it's just one, you know, andI look forward.
I love to hear that you guysdocumented this process for lack
of a better way of saying itand please get with us and let
(49:44):
us know if you guys decide toput more information out there
or do something with that,because we would love to spread
the word.
But this has been part two.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
Yeah.
Carri Richard (49:57):
It's such, it's such.
Thank you so much for being sogenerous by being so wide open,
and I have asked my allotment ofquestions and so, Ebony, I'm
going to ask you if I'm going tojust stop talking.
So - I love you guys.
Ebony Gilbert (50:16):
I will take this out.
Thank you guys so much for notkeeping the grace and love
you've experienced in silence.
Thank you for sharing it withus.
It extends beyond what youshare with each other and what
you share with your community.
You've shared it with ourcommunity now and I am so
grateful.
A couple takeaways.
The last one that Carri justmade the love and grace can die
(50:40):
in silence.
I think that's a quotable tweetright there.
That's going to be in our notes.
Love that.
Clint, put that on a T-shirt.
Closed door is really an openwindow, Amy.
That is golden.
That is completely golden.
Seeking out support Don't dolife alone and acknowledging
that through all the challenges,through all the adversity, when
(51:03):
you get what you ask for, itstill might not be easy.
But it's worth it, but it'sworth it.
That's a pretty golden nugget.
My prayer for both of you andlittle eggy is that God will
continue to strengthen you andbless you and even in your ebbs
and your flows, when you're inyour dark, silent moments and
your lonely moments and yourisolated moments, that you'll
(51:24):
draw on the things he's alreadydone to bring you where you need
to be to renew your strength.
And my prayer for the communityand the people who are
listening is that you arestrengthened by the story and
that you can see yourselfsomewhere in here and that God's
grace will permeate you so thatyou can receive it and then you
can give it.
This isn't about just receiving.
We receive so we can give.
(51:45):
Thank you, guys, so much I loveyou.
I'm so glad to be part of yourvillage.
I want to be one of the 19,000Godmoms and we welcome you back
for a part two and then possiblya part three, where you bring
little eggy with you.
Well, thank you for having us.
Thank you for having us Thankyou so much.
(52:06):
Thank you, Carri.
Carri Richard (52:09):
Oh, I was going to say eggy's name.
Subject to change, that's it.
I love you.
I t's such a gift.
So, thank you and with thatgrace, out.
Speaker 1 (52:31):
Thank you so much for joining us.
If you enjoyed this episode,please let us know.
We love to hear from you andshare it with a friend.
Also, please be sure tosubscribe so you're notified
when a new episode is posted.
We hope you're leaving withanother pointer to grace, a new
perspective that will light itup in your own life.
Until next time, be well, bebold, be kind to yourself and be
(52:53):
on the lookout.
Welcome to Grace Among Us, the podcast where we
unearth the many faces andplaces of grace and share
stories of the power of grace inour human lives.
Our desire is that this willinspire you to see grace in your
own life and share it withothers.
Hello, hello.
Carri Richard (00:24):
My name is Carri Richard.
I'm a mindset coach and I helppeople make space and enjoy the
ride.
And I am doing one of my mostfavorite, favorite things and
that is to talk about all thefaces and places of grace, and I
get to do this with my dearfriend, Ebony Gilbert.
And hello, Ebony, hello.
Ebony Gilbert (00:46):
Carri Richard, thank you for introducing
yourself.
My name is Ebony Gilbert, asCarri stated, this is our
podcast on Grace.
We love to talk about it, welike to see it, we like to
experience it, and sometimes weinvite friends to do so with us.
So today we have invited ourdear friends Amy and Clint
Ledford or Clint and Amy Ledford, depending on how you want to
(01:08):
put which one first and they arehere to share with us their
experiences with Grace today.
So, Amy and Clint, please tellus a little bit about yourselves
and get us all hyped andexcited about Grace on this
great day.
Amy Ledford (01:27):
Hello, hello.
Well, I'm Amy Ledford Thank youfor that introduction, Ebony
and this is my husband, Clint.
We have been married for almosttwo years, but together for
four.
We just celebrated, I think,our four year dating anniversary
last week and yes, I celebratethose kind of anniversaries,
even though he thinks I'm crazyfor that.
(01:47):
We met online four years agoand we've had a whirlwind
romance and things moved quickly, but with God's grace, it was
just magical.
I mean, he's my soulmate and Ijust feel so blessed that we
found each other.
And so, like I said, we've beenmarried a couple of years and
(02:13):
we'll talk more about ourjourney to expanding our family.
Right now, it's just the two ofus here plus our wonderful dog
Penny, but our family is growingand so we will share more about
that.
But I'll let my husbandintroduce himself a little bit
more.
Clint Ledford (02:29):
Yeah, sure To clarify, there's always a debate
on exactly when that date isthat we can pass.
You know a fun little story ofwhat it was thinking we're
dating for the other one andsomeone had to call somebody
whom I'm apparently servingtheir life sentence there now,
but it really has been awhirlwind.
(02:50):
I did get a tag-team partner todo this with.
But yeah, when you asked me tomove to North Carolina with you,
I know you didn't know what Iwould say, but thank goodness
you didn't ask me to move toWyoming or anything.
But yeah, I just jumped on andfour years later here we are in
a lovely house and a lovely townand a lovely state.
Carri Richard (03:11):
Yeah.
Amy Ledford (03:14):
And very blessed.
Ebony Gilbert (03:19):
This is like the new-day American love story, you
know something like that.
Amy Ledford (03:22):
Yeah, we keep waiting for match to call us to
be in a commercial, but yeah wecan make them a lot of money
because it worked for us heywe'll put it in the resources
Exactly.
Yeah, if you're listening matchplease.
Ebony Gilbert (03:35):
I know it works, so we invited you guys here
today to talk about your journey.
Oftentimes, when we discussgrace, there's an adversity or
challenge that's been presentedand we use grace to mold and
shape and frame our perspective.
Sometimes that perspectivealigns with the outcome and
sometimes it doesn't, and thisis one of those situations where
(03:56):
it does very nicely.
So thank you for agreeing to behere and tell us your story.
Amy Ledford (04:01):
Yeah, yeah.
Clint Ledford (04:05):
So we've been wanting to expand our family
we're just bursting at the seamswith love and decided we needed
, you know, little rug rats tospread that on.
Yeah, it's been an interestingjourney, just say the least I
know maybe you've been wantingto kind of truly been on your
(04:25):
heart to discuss it and bringawareness to it.
You know we moved here to ourcurrent place in June.
I think sometime in May wedecided to start trying for a
family.
Amy Ledford (04:37):
So more than a year ago.
Clint Ledford (04:38):
Yeah.
So, I don't know if you wantedto.
Amy Ledford (04:43):
So we, you know we had decided, okay, it's time to
start trying and, as with mostpeople, we kind of don't know
what you're going to get untilyou start trying.
It's trying something right,whether that's having a baby or
anything else in life.
Sometimes it's trial and error,and trying to get pregnant for
us has been definitely sometrials.
(05:03):
And so I'd say, you know, we'vebeen trying about six months
and, you know, consulted ourdoctors and was just like you
know how do we prepare our stuff?
And we got physicals andthey're like, yep, try for about
a year.
And you know, then come backand see me and we're kind of
like, okay, all right, anythingelse, no, all right.
(05:24):
And so about six months in, youknow, started to get a little
impatient and we're doing allthe right things and you know,
there's suggestions on how youtrack and you know, being really
intentional about conceivingand because there's quite a, you
know, bit of scientific, youknow intentionality that you can
have with a woman's cycle andjust trying to, you know, make
(05:48):
it work right and increase yourprobability.
And so about six or seven monthsin, realized I don't know if
I'm patient enough to keepwaiting and keep trying, because
something just feels like wejust I think both new and our
hearts like something might beoff, so let's seek out some
other help.
So we went back to the doctorand still not quite the answers
(06:08):
we wanted to get.
There was like, still keepgoing, and so, honestly, this is
.
It was one of thosecircumstances where you just
don't know what might pop up.
And, thanks to social media andInstagram, I actually saw an ad
for a local fertility clinicand was like bingo, I want to go
check them out and talk to themand see how they can help us,
(06:31):
because I want to cut right tothe experts.
I'm the type of person I think,yeah, go ahead.
Ebony Gilbert (06:37):
Did your phone know that you had been talking
about this, so it popped up anad for you?
Amy Ledford (06:42):
I don't know, but it worked for me on that time,
so I it was great Grace in allforms.
Carri Richard (06:47):
Exactly.
Clint Ledford (06:49):
There was a lot also in between those two events
, that's one being that sex edlied to us as a kid it's way
harder to get pregnant, even ifeverything works, than they may
seem.
It may seem like you justbumped into a woman, there you
go, but no, it was a big process, like you said, and when we
(07:10):
went to the doctors and I wasvery adamant that we started
getting checked or somethinglike that, because I've always
been that proactive person of wegot to do something and it was
really the hard part of all ofit, which is the not knowing and
the stressors that come with it.
And then you begin to reallylose intimacy in your
relationship because it becomesthere's intimate moments, become
(07:32):
like work, you know, likeyou're talking and talking out,
and we found that not only doesit affect just those intimate
moments, but it affectsthroughout.
You know you're losing thatcloseness that you have with
each other about everything, andit was wearing on this and
that's really what drove us togo to the doctors again and
(07:54):
while you know at the time we'reboth so adamant that we need to
see somebody, and then thedoctors that we've been going to
our primary care at the timewere really like you said we're
not giving us the answers wewanted, or even the answers we
wanted, but they weren't askingthe right questions or being
inquisitive enough.
Mine actually, because I'm sodemanding, referred me to a
(08:17):
urologist and that's what Ilearned that there's only two
even in this area and they'rebooked out for months in advance
.
So I had an appointment.
My first appointment was Augustthis time last year, and the day
before the appointment they sayoh so sorry, you can't see it.
How's two months from now?
So then it turned into October.
(08:39):
Same thing happened.
Oh so sorry, how's December?
The December came around?
Oh so sorry, he's called awayagain.
How's another two months?
And again, the whole time we'restill trying.
We're still doing all thesethings.
We went everywhere, from tryingto match up your right days to
(08:59):
doing rain dances and thatlittle thing in between, but
trying to get there becauseyou're trying to make anything
stick.
Carri Richard (09:09):
So can I ask you a question?
So it's really a beautifulexplanation and I know that
people who are in this situationare really going to resonate
with this, and it's also reallyinformative for people who have
not gone through this process ormay be going through this
process in the future.
(09:29):
So it hit my heart when youwere talking about this very
beautiful act of coming together, like actually shifting into
more of a clock-in clock-out,and losing that connection.
Can you tell me, during all ofthis with the urologist and with
(09:50):
the uncertainty and all this,can you explain the emotions
that you go through in thisprocess?
Amy Ledford (09:59):
I think a big emotion for me was, honestly,
anger and frustration.
I became angry at a certainpoint that it was so difficult
for us and I think this is wheresocial media can be hard in
these circumstances, because Iwould feel like there was a
period where I was going on myfeed and all I was seeing were
(10:24):
pregnancy announcements andbirths announcements.
I was angry there for quite awhile and resentful, to be
honest, of why isn't that us andwhy is it so hard for us?
And it was really stressful andit was difficult and, even
though we had each other to leanon, it also felt isolating to a
(10:49):
degree, because even thoughwe're partners in crime and
partners for life, we're tryingto do this together.
I think it just felt like attimes I felt like it was us
against the world of everyoneelse having babies and it was so
easy for them, right, becausewhether you know it is or not.
And it was stressful and it puta lot of strain on our marriage
(11:11):
because it's like, okay, you dowhat you're told and you try to
do the best that you can and wewere being so intentional and
we're planners.
And then, month after month,and it's not working and those
days leading up to right beforeit started a period and it's
like, okay, is it going to bethis month, is it going to be?
(11:33):
And so you get youranticipation and your hopes and
then you're like, oh shoot.
And so I think it was quite aroller coaster and I'll let
Clint share how he felt duringthat time.
But for me, I had a lot ofanger that I've had to sort
through and the emotions haveshifted over time, but there was
(11:56):
definitely a period where I wasmad.
Ebony Gilbert (11:59):
Did you recognize it as anger while it was
happening?
Oh yeah.
Amy Ledford (12:03):
I was really pissed off.
Clint Ledford (12:07):
I think the right word for that that I also
experienced it as envy.
Yeah, a lot of it, I think it'slike, oh, I dropped a big chip
on her shoulder.
It's like I always said in mymind.
I put it to like when you havea broke down car and you see all
the other cars working runningdown the road perfectly and
you're stuck in this beater, youknow, and you're like, well,
wish I had one that would workperfectly, yeah, you just that's
(12:28):
to your point.
It's something we just Ipersonally just noticed
everywhere is that associationwith it.
And then you grow thatresentment, that jealousy for
like happy things or evenweirder things, like I mean,
we're going through this.
I think during the wholeSupreme Court, the whole
overturning of Roe v.
(12:49):
Wade and abortion thing, andbeing - seeing that from such a
different perspective, like that, I'm sure they never thought
about it.
It's like, well, we wish wecould even have a kid, let alone
have the right to do this orthat.
So we were coming at everythingof this lens of envy and
(13:09):
jealousy of others you know tonsof other people who you know
unwanted pregnancies and stuffand like, well, we would love an
unwanted pregnancy, you know,and yeah, yeah.
So that was a big thing.
And the biggest thing I couldstress to people in general is,
at least from my perspective, isI was always very lucky.
I came into this.
(13:30):
I said this long before we everstarted trying to do, because
there's always a fear of mine,it's always a fear of any man
you know, not being able to havekids, because there's nothing
you can really do to switcheither works or does some kind
of thing.
So I've told her this longbefore.
It's like if one of us can'tget pregnant, neither of us can
get pregnant.
You know, having that frame ofmind said that we're in this
(13:51):
together and I think that reallysaved us a lot from blaming one
person or the other.
So we were able to avoid thatkind of infighting at least
through that.
But we were also dealing withit then of towards others.
You know we were not at ourbest with some friends.
I'm referring back to onefriend in particular who they
(14:15):
had a baby.
They were pregnant at the timeand the wife was complaining
about, morning sickness andstuff like that and somebody
asked them are they going tohave another d" ?
No like after what I wentthrough with the first drive,
minister, I don't think so.
I definitely don't want to dothat, and both of us just got
-you know - kind of in ourfeelings.
You know nothing because that'swhat they're going through,
(14:37):
that's their frame of reference,like, well, we would love for
morning sickness right now andgoing back to that.
So that was definitely thehardest part, at least in an
interpersonal way is really thatchip on your shoulder you get.
You're going through somethingand you can't really you can,
but you don't really want totalk about it.
(14:57):
You know it's, it's you want tokeep, keep going like
everything is fine, so yeah.
Amy Ledford (15:02):
And I think we recognize that pretty early on
and I think separate but relatedaround the same time, before we
sought out help from the clinic, we also decided and we decided
a while before that that wereally wanted to find a
spiritual home and grow thatpart of our relationship.
(15:23):
And so even for months leadingup to this, we had talked about,
you know, trying to find alocal church to become a part of
and kind of explore thattogether.
Because we had not done thatyet and I think, we both have
different viewpoints and,different faith paths and
experiences.
(15:43):
But together, you know, wetalked about trying to grow with
that together and so, I don'tknow about a couple months
before we started working withthe clinic, we had also went
down the path of trying to finda church and we, you know, tried
some out and went to differentones and actually landed at one
(16:04):
that we liked, and so thatconnection, I know for me was
helpful to at least have a placethat would.
We went and I had.
Well, I'll just say every SundayI have a very emotional release
at church, like it all comesout and we have to find the row
(16:25):
that has the tissues, becauseAmy's going to cry, it's just
going to happen, even if it's asuper joyous occasion.
And I think honestly, thatoutlet not knowing it then, but
like thinking back on it now wasreally helpful at the same time
, because it was hard to expressthese emotions and what had
(16:46):
been going on in words.
And so then, when I you know wasat church or you know I connect
also to the music and hearingsongs it was like the walls and
the filters and it just like Ijust opened up and just let it
out.
And so that's certainlysomething that we've talked
(17:07):
about or, you know, I think hashelped us along the way as well
as discovering that outlet, atleast for me, because there were
many points where it's like, Iknow I'm angry, I know I'm sad,
I'm upset, but it was hard toput it in words because it's
also a fluid situation too right, because the day of the month
(17:29):
matters and you know, as we got,different information in, your
perspective changes and you'renot able to plan all the way to
the end, at least in a fertilityjourney, like there's a lot of
milestones, and so you know wehad steps that we would complete
, but you didn't know what wasgoing to come next, necessarily,
(17:51):
or what that outcome was goingto be.
Clint Ledford (17:56):
I'll fill in the blanks there.
So yeah, we got lucky and metwith these people and Then we
just go for a consultation, andthen we go get tested and find
out.
You know, we think the doctorbasically gave us a 2% chance to
conceive naturally.
Amy Ledford (18:14):
You know, you said two?
Yes 1 - 2 percent.
Clint Ledford (18:20):
Yes, yes.
Amy Ledford (18:21):
It was a huge blow.
Clint Ledford (18:23):
Shaq had a better chance of making a free throw
than we did of conceiving thechallenge.
So, yeah, sorry, Shaq, butAnyways.
Ebony Gilbert (18:36):
So you're already angry, you're already feeling
what you're feeling.
You're already in this isolatedspace and you're experiencing
all these emotions that aren'tcharacteristic of who you are as
people.
And now you're told you have aone to two percent chance.
Do you give up?
Yeah, what do you like?
What happens at that point?
How's that drive home?
Clint Ledford (18:55):
So it's, it's actually surprising, we felt
better.
Ebony Gilbert (19:01):
Yeah, we really did, and now you have a
direction.
Clint Ledford (19:04):
Yeah, you, yes it .
The hardest part of all of allof this is the unknown.
So once we knew what - becausethat was the frustrating part,
like before I was mentioning myappointments kept getting
canceled.
Is that a continuation of theunknown - I keep trying to make
it happen, you keep trying totake your destiny into your own
(19:25):
hands, but it keeps being givenand taken away from me.
So once we finally knew, hey,this is what we're dealing with,
it was very relieving.
It's like okay you know, it'snot X, Y or Z, it's Q, you know,
and this is how we're gonnatreat Q now.
It was not fun when we learnedabout the cost of everything,
and that was the same day thatwe also learned that our, our
(19:49):
bathroom went out.
Our shower was leaking.
So that was a fun day.
Speaking of grace and reallyjust having to take it step by
step and taking it moment bymoment.
You know, because if you try toeat the elephant, one giant
gulp, you're never gonna getthere.
Ebony Gilbert (20:06):
So I want to pause there for a second.
You said so much.
That was so juicy.
I want to take a minute.
A door closes right and your,your thought, is great, that
wasn't the right door.
Now we know to those withdifferent door, the different
(20:27):
door comes with a high cost,literally and figuratively, yes.
And in the midst of all thishappening, it starts to pour
like raining pouring.
It's all happening literally,because your showers all jacked
up.
Things are happening and You'restill thinking I've got to move
forward.
You've got to move forward onestep at a time.
These steps are guided this isall or this.
(20:47):
We got to move forward.
What gave you that hope?
Like?
What were you holding on to?
Amy Ledford (20:58):
I think our drive to become parents is what helped
propel us and we knew - Ithink we had agreed even before
we got our test results, that wewere going to exhaust all the
options that we had withinreason.
Right, we would level set andunderstand, kind of, what are
(21:21):
what we were willing to do.
But, again, not knowing howyour path was gonna go or what
we would need to do made thatdifficult.
But we knew that we wanted totry as much as we could to have
a child biologically before wepursued, fostering or adoption,
because we had talked about thattoo.
Well, we know that there'sother options if this doesn't
(21:44):
work.
So, but we will, you know, onething at a time, we'll try this
and then we'll cross that bridgewhen we get there.
But, like he said, when we gotthe testing results, it was a
huge relief because it was ananswer to all those unknowns and
it helped reframe, our wholesituation.
(22:06):
I definitely know that I had ashift in all that anger and
resentment - of feelingfrustrated, to almost a more
strategic mindset where it'slike okay, this is our situation
, these are our variables,because everyone's fertility is
different, right?
So the combination of partnersand what you bring to the table,
(22:28):
it's like algebra, it's like Aplus B equals your equation and
our A plus B equaled zero to twopercent.
(Clint) yeah, so when I firstheard, to quote Jim Carey from
Dumb-and-Dumber, I said "sothere's chance, right?
(22:48):
"It wasn't a zero percent chance,
and so then it became aquestion of how do we increase
our probability?
?
Clint Ledford (23:00):
How do we get?
Yeah yeah.
So they gave us a coupledifferent options.
You know we, we immediatelywent thinking of you.
You know, one option was I justthey forced your window into
being "all right On this day atthis time.
Here's your window, kind ofthing, and that's had a
percentage to it of like 27%.
It's still better than two, butwasn't all that
(23:21):
great.
Then with medications andchanging your hormones and
increasing eggs and things.
And then the one that weultimately went with was IVF,
where they gave us like a 65%chance.
But then came the questions offunds.
You know how do we do that?
That's a big stressor rightthere because it's more.
(23:43):
You know, while we both do,fine, it was, it's a giant
stressor.
And so you immediately go like," I had a with you know X to
meet why, and yeah, you know,Many things are running through
your mind.
Okay, maybe I start bagginggroceries.
Or you know, there's a banknear the house that doesn't have
(24:03):
an alarm system or somethingyou know.
I mean, you just start thinkingof just wild things because you
just you know you've got tomake this happen some way,
somehow.
There never was a quit, therewas always a, "So you're saying
we have a chance, kind of thing,and then we were lucky with
that and.
(24:25):
We then picked the IVF route,which came once we did acquire
the funds and get moving, whichwas a whole other deal that we
really had to deal with.
It felt slimy, it felt almostweirdly so transactional.
Amy Ledford (24:43):
Yeah, yeah, transactional.
Clint Ledford (24:45):
I mean, these people are running a business
and they were great people.
I'm not trying to speak ill ofthem, but to think that like, oh
, it's money that's stopping usfrom being able to have the
family that we want to have youknow, to be able to live the
life that we want to have ismoney, and that again, for me
personally, led to another chipon the shoulder - is insurance.
(25:06):
You know, insurance will helppay for x, y and z, but not for
thisLike having that whole teenage
"rebel thought of cause kind offeeling of like you know the
man's keeping me down, kind ofthing.
Um, yeah, yeah, once.
Once, luckily, we were able toget that figured out.
(25:28):
Our next big journey reallybegan with medicines and all
kinds of stuff.
I don't know if you want totalk more about that, but we had
to take shots, and every day, Ishould say we, she I hope
you'll forgive her the creditthat's due.
So what was it?
(25:49):
Nine o'clock became our shottime every day.
I mean, going back to thatinitial talk about intimacy,
what started out as a veryfreaky thing to do, came to be a
very intimate thing.
I mean, it wasn't fun, don'tget me wrong, but with each shot
we knew we're getting closer toour goal of ultimately starting
a family.
(26:10):
So it became a little journey.
We went on together.
Yeah yeah, you had fun likethat, thinking you were a pin
cushion for a little while, andthey were very good with us as
far as we're looking for keepour expectations realistic.
(26:31):
at no point did they ever saylike, yeah, this is going to
work.
So for me personally, goingthrough this, all was that
constant waiting for the rug tobe pulled out from under you.
They give you differentmilestones.
The first ones they're checkingto see how you're responding to
medication, as far as yourhormone levels and everything
goes.
They have a couple of checksthere and then you go to
schedule to get your eggsretrieved and then how many eggs
(26:53):
you got and then, hey, how didthe fertilization go?
And, guys, if I could tell youall, the most humbling thing
I've ever done in my life is thecup that they give you to
supply your specimen is like abig gulp cup, you know.
And they give up and one-eyedpirate man that gives it to you
(27:14):
and say fill her up.
Yeah, yeah, that was veryhumbling, but no, so, yeah, it
was.
At each milestone we keptwaiting for the rug to get
pulled out from under us andtrying to keep expectations on
track.
Amy Ledford (27:27):
Well, it was a new phase of unknowns.
Clint Ledford (27:29):
Yes.
Amy Ledford (27:30):
Right.
So you know, we got ourdiagnosis, and then it was
commitment to the process.
Then it was okay, these areyour, this is your treatment
plan, and you're going to dothese things, but we can't
guarantee you what your outcomeis going to be.
We can't tell you how many eggsyou're going to grow, we can't
(27:52):
tell you how your hormone levelsare going to change.
I mean, it's the most preciseand yet un-precise science I
have ever been exposed to, andbecause there's all these things
that they measure but yet theycan't tell you how it's going to
go or what's going to happennext, and it can change by the
(28:12):
day.
Like I got to a certain pointwhere later in the treatment, I
was going in for blood testsdaily, and so they were like,
okay, it was this this day andthis this day, and what was
going to happen the next day wasdependent on the measurement of
that day, and so it was a lot.
(28:35):
But I think again, once westarted on that progression, it
was again kind of just gettingback on that roller coaster of,
okay, we're in this together.
There were certainly stressfulmoments, for sure.
I mean even with the medicationvery much.
So there were many times whereI was not very nice or didn't
(28:56):
like being the pincushion.
Clint Ledford (28:58):
Well, and if I just may add on to that just for
a moment.
It was difficult for me becauseI wanted to help as much as I
could, because I felt verypowerless of it, because I
clearly couldn't take the shotsI can't have the baby myself and
so there were times I wasn'thelpful, I could have been
overbearing or whatever.
So I was just trying to be assupportive as possible and it
(29:22):
was there was butting headmoments, so it wasn't just.
You know we're making it.
It wasn't as smooth as we madeit out to be.
But yeah, there were definitelytrying moments.
I'm sorry, please keep going.
Amy Ledford (29:32):
No, it was, it was real, and I don't know what
possessed me to do this, but Ithink it was probably learning
about how difficult this is andjust kind of experiencing like
okay, this is not easy foranyone, and so wanting to share,
eventually, kind of our story.
I just we decided to video eachone of our medication shots,
(29:57):
and so we you know, every night.
We took a video and sometimes wewould talk about it and I think
it was cathartic to a degree,but then it was also like, and
also a drive to like want toshare it more, right.
So it's like, okay, we've madethis commitment, we're doing it,
(30:19):
maybe we can share our storyand whatever form that may come,
because in doing research, youknow, fertility can affect one
in eight couples, and that'sthey don't even they think this
statistic is even higher,because it's not something that
people talk about.
It's not.
People usually wait to go seekhelp, and you know those that
(30:43):
have talked about it.
I really applaud them, butthere's not.
You know many books that arewritten out there about how to
even get started with, what toconsider, right, so how to seek
the right help, how to ask theright questions.
There's some now, thankfully,podcast out there of people who
are sharing their story, but youhave to really seek out those
(31:06):
things for yourself and that wasa frustrating part of if you
don't have a great supportsystem or if you didn't have a
supportive partner.
I can only imagine how muchmore incredibly difficult this
experience would have been ifyou didn't have someone to even
talk that through Because, again, thankfully, he and you know
(31:29):
helped hold us, you know, holdme accountable at times of like
okay, when's your nextappointment?
We're doing this, and, eventhough there are times I was
frustrated by it, it also helpedpropel us forward, cause there
were plenty of times where Ijust wanted to be like, forget
it, this is too much, I'moverwhelmed.
I'm, of course, emotionalbecause my hormones are off the
chart.
It's, you know, it's feelingtoo much and getting anxious,
(31:53):
and he would help, you know,center me of like, okay, nope,
remember why we're doing this,and you know so I think there
really is an area where, as asociety and similar with mental
health, like it needs to betalked about more, and so I feel
strongly about figuring outwhat works best for us.
(32:15):
But then also, you know, we'veshared it, our story or our
situation, with people, evenstrangers, on an airplane, and
they're like, oh my gosh, I knowsomeone, or I did as well, and
so it found it to be a lot morecommon than I thought, at least
in my circle and broader, butyet I didn't know about that
(32:37):
before I brought it up.
Clint Ledford (32:40):
Yeah, and you mentioned that as second.
My thought is it almost feelslike a secret club.
It's like, since we've been soopen to it, I've never I mean
beforehand I've heard one or twopeople born from IVF or what
have you.
But no, we start talking aboutthe number of people come up to
me or said, yeah, man, my sonwas born this way, or daughter's
(33:03):
born this way.
Hey, I was born this way.
Or me, I had a coworker mindjust the other day, pulled me
aside and asked me about it.
I was like, hey, me and my wifehave been having trouble.
And I was like, yeah, man, goget tested.
That's the biggest piece ofadvice we can give anybody is
don't hesitate.
You know testing is cheap.
Yes, stuff can be expensive.
The testing is relativelyinexpensive and, like we were
(33:26):
saying earlier, then you knowyou really do.
It takes away that unknownworld.
Carri Richard (33:35):
It's amazing.
You know, by God's grace it wasnot part of my own life story,
so I had no idea that it's sucha secret club and it's like, as
you were talking about that, asyou guys are journeying through
this, it's like it's almost likeyou're wandering in a desert.
You know it's in the mountainsand it's beautiful.
(33:58):
One of the things that reallystruck me is that you guys took
action early.
You know it was tearing youguys apart.
I might be being a littledramatic, but it was tearing you
guys apart.
I can only imagine people whoare feeling like they're doing
this alone and may not have thesupport system, like you said,
(34:23):
that take action early or justgo go to a clinic, go find out,
have a consultation, ask thequestions.
I was really surprised thatwhen you said you got the one to
2% chance and I think evenEbony said so were you angry
again and it was like, no, wewere relieved.
It's like, oh my gosh, yeah, gogo find out please.
Ebony Gilbert (34:46):
That's my takeaway.
Like that really resonated withme.
How do you embrace the closeddoor?
Is it a closed door?
Is it a hallway?
Is it an opening to a hallwaybetween here and there?
That gets me to the place whereI'm supposed to be, and now I'm
not going in the wrong door,you know.
So that hit me pretty hard.
I had to like take a seat aswell.
Amy Ledford (35:06):
Yeah it was a window that opened that we had
to decide if we were going to gothrough it or not.
You know we knew at that point,ok, well, our journey is not
going to be traditional, but itgave us a direction and I think
again, that relief I mean I wassurprised by it myself but
(35:27):
looking back it almost was likeI wish we had done it sooner,
because those months and monthsthat we went through of being
frustrated and stressed and thetension in our relationship was
not pleasant, but you know.
So that's, you know again, butkind of been our biggest
advocacy point is theinformation.
(35:48):
Don't be afraid of that outcomeor that testing result or what
your variable might be, becauseit can help guide you to the
next step.
And we again talking about wewere also expanding our
spiritual journey and finding achurch.
(36:09):
But we had a lot of people tellus well, just keep trying and
pray about it and give it up,it'll all work out.
And you know there's manysituations in life that I think
you should give it up to God andreally accept that you don't
have control over the situation.
(36:29):
And that's really what thisfelt like to us was we had to
come to grips with.
We are not driving this, thisvehicle.
We are not in control, but wehave to do what's best for us to
try to do our best.
I don't know if that made anysense, but can take action with
(36:53):
something.
Carri Richard (36:54):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense and it's almost
like you can have faith.
We all have faith, but faithwithout works is dead, right?
Yeah, so to your point.
And you guys said this, likewhen you started down, you know,
you found out the result andyou found out your options, and
even they were not iteratingwhat the outcome was.
(37:16):
They couldn't tell you what theoutcome was, if it was going to
be yay or nay, but they couldgive you the next path and it is
up to us, all of us, to walkthe path.
And so I love, I love what youjust said.
I do want to ask you and Idon't know if you don't want to
answer this or you can't, that'stotally fine.
(37:38):
But since you spoke about, youknow, starting the spiritual
home, like in the before thefertility clinic, right, when
you guys were like, yes, here wego, we're going to start this
thing, like, what was the if youwere to say what your prayer
was at that point?
What was that prayer duringthat time?
Clint Ledford (38:03):
That's a great question.
I was raised in a Baptist home.
One of the things they wasreally beaten to my head was
constant prayer.
And you can't.
The Lord doesn't doesn't justgive out.
You have to.
He doesn't just give you whatyou asked for.
You have to ask for guidance,you have to ask for the strength
(38:24):
.
You know you can't just ask fora shiny boat and a shiny boat
will appear.
So, personally, for me was theclarity, you know, to find the
right path forward, for thestrength to keep going and even
for a little bit of luck.
You know, yeah, I mean it was,it was a constant, constant
(38:46):
thing, just reaching out for thestrength and something,
something, some sort ofdirection.
You know, because the hardestpart about all this is the is,
is the science of it.
Through everything, it's the,the unknown.
It's like like you're sayingbeing in a desert at night.
(39:08):
There's nothing out there, evento like our friends and family
who have all and you, youmentioned this about people like
, oh, just do this or that they,when you first get married,
they ask oh, is it when youhaving kids, when you're doing
all this?
And then those things becomeless and less frequent and they
eventually stop.
And then the intimacy thing ofit becoming a job, you know, and
(39:31):
then it just the intimacyslowly stops, it becomes quiet
and it's that, that silence,that is so deafening.
That's why, when I would pray,I would pray for something, I
would pray for some, you knownoise, some sort of guiding
light to pull us out of this low.
(39:52):
You know because love and gracecan die in silence that they
grow if you, if you can give itsomething to feed, give it some
path forward.
Amy Ledford (40:07):
So definitely, definitely around strength.
I think again made a consciousdecision early on not to and we
talked about it not to shy awayor hide the situation of ours.
So we were very open andtransparent with our families
and our closest friends up frontand I think that also helped,
(40:29):
brought some relief to right,because in your friend groups
you start talking about whateverybody's working on and going
on and going through and I justput it out there and I think
that helped me mentally workthrough a lot of just being open
and sharing and it helped liftsome of that burden, the
(40:50):
emotional weight.
And so I would, you know, manytimes ask for that strength to
continue to feel open, to shareit, because I know that I
received a lot back from that,but I knew that I had to be, I
had to have a sense ofwillingness and openness to do
that.
And then, you know, had a down,have had a download a few times
(41:10):
of keeping strong to keepsharing it because it will help
others and it can break through,you know, even if it just helps
one other couple with.
Again, this whole roller coasteris what it is To me.
That's worth talking about it.
I feel no shame whatsoeverabout our situation and we
(41:33):
talked about that early on.
If we are not going to feelshame about this, we are not
going to label ourselves asdifferent, we are not going to
have a pity party about our zeroto 2%, because, again, it's not
zero.
We are not going to feel likeyou know, we're something's
wrong with us, because, again,our algebra is what it is and we
(41:55):
know we are great people, andso we knew.
We knew that, we know that wehave this love to give, and so
we knew that that outcome wouldoccur.
However it was going to occur,but we were going to find a way
to share this love that we havebottled up and that's been
growing.
Clint Ledford (42:12):
Butting gets to snowing.
Amy Ledford (42:13):
Right, and so definitely praying for strength
has been key and it's been hard.
I've read through some journalentries that I wrote throughout
this process and pretty angryand frustrated, and it's hard to
remain strong and level headedand sensible when this you
(42:36):
feeling every emotion under thesun.
So definitely a great questionthere, Carrie, and you know I
think our prayer now has changeda bit.
Carri Richard (42:48):
And Amy, why has your prayer changed a bit?
Amy Ledford (42:52):
Because, so you know, we went through the
process of doing the medications.
We did an egg retrieval, whichmeans I was induced with lots of
medications to grow a bunch ofeggs.
They extracted them from mybody, they fertilized them and
then we did an embryo transferand luckily, that embryo
(43:14):
transfer has now turned into asuccessful pregnancy Hold on.
And so we're very, very excited.
We're still early on, we'restill in the first trimester,
but we're getting close to thesecond trimester, which is kind
of crazy, but you know it's alittle surreal.
Thankfully, we've only had togo through one cycle of IVF and
(43:40):
we consider ourselves very luckyand blessed, because many don't
many have to go throughmultiple cycles and it can take
years.
So I feel very fortunate andgrateful that that was our
outcome.
But again, you know, whether ittakes you one time or 10 times,
it's quite a process, step bystep, and so yeah, that's fine.
Carri Richard (44:06):
I would love, since you guys are so open, I
would love to hear, if you wouldshare it with us and our
listeners what your prayer istoday for this growing family?
Clint Ledford (44:29):
10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 arms and 2 legs.
Amy Ledford (44:38):
I think together we just want a healthy baby and
not getting attached to if thisbaby is going to be a boy or a
girl.
We're so blessed and sograteful that we are pregnant
because, again, our numbers didnot look so good when we did the
(45:00):
egg retrieval.
There were seven eggs, which isa very low number.
After this sort of treatment Ihad another round of feeling
very angry and upset.
I'm like why aren't my numbersvery good?
I want a good crate on thistest.
I had seven eggs, only three ofthem fertilized.
Our probability dwindled.
(45:21):
Of the three that fertilizedonly one made it to the end
stage.
Just one when we did the embryotransfer.
I know, but it was close there.
We were down to the line becauseit was like, okay, if this one
doesn't work, we've got to dothis all over again.
(45:43):
And I was really not wanting todo that, but had to have faith
that we were going to do what wehad to do.
So thankfully that one stuck.
I think my prayer now is tryingto find the gratitude and,
where we're at, really lean into.
(46:05):
We have worked so hard and wehave been through so much stress
.
Now we're pregnant.
I really want to celebrate thatand be happy and be excited
about it, and then we're goingto have a healthy, happy baby
that we smother and love.
We are so excited to share thisbeing with our friends and our
(46:31):
family because we know that wehave a great village too.
It's going to be our baby, butI feel like they're going to be
shared with so many peoplebecause we've shared this story
with so many people.
We have so many people who havebeen rooting for us and
supportive that I just can'twait to really put it out there
(46:53):
broadly and get that out forlove, because we deserve it.
I don't often claim things thatI feel like I deserve, but I
know we deserve this one.
I'm really trying to hold on tothat now and be excited and
celebrate A little eggy we callit eggy right now.
Carri Richard (47:16):
Eggy.
Well, my prayer for you is thatyou enjoy every single day of
this process and that you findthe grace that is just
surrounding you and your family.
Clint Ledford (47:38):
The last little note I'd like to make, too, is
pregnancy brings its ownchallenges and difficulties,
especially for you, andconstantly remembering to give
ourselves grace that we askedfor this.
This is what we worked so hardto be here.
Just remembering to staypresent and be thankful for the
(47:59):
upset tummies, the headaches,the stuff that goes along with
general pregnancies, and beingthere for each other.
Amy Ledford (48:08):
I feel like a daily pepto commercial.
If I could share that I would,but I know that it is mine to
work through now and thankfullyI hear that it may not last, so
I'm just hopeful that it willfade.
There are some days that it isrough but I do appreciate that
(48:30):
he helps remind me of this iswhat we wanted, and it's
uncomfortable and it's hard, nomatter what stage we're at, but
reminding each other that we'rehere for each other and
thankfully again, we have thatwonderful village that both of
you are a part of to help alsoremind us of how great it's
(48:51):
going to be, and so that helpskeep us going forward, too
Awesome.
Carri Richard (49:00):
Clint, you said something that just struck right
through me, and it was love andgrace can die in silence, and
so I just want to.
I'm so grateful that you guysare willing to be so wide open
about this experience, and Iknow that it is going to touch
(49:24):
others and it really is.
If it's just one, you know, andI look forward.
I love to hear that you guysdocumented this process for lack
of a better way of saying itand please get with us and let
(49:44):
us know if you guys decide toput more information out there
or do something with that,because we would love to spread
the word.
But this has been part two.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
Yeah.
Carri Richard (49:57):
It's such, it's such.
Thank you so much for being sogenerous by being so wide open,
and I have asked my allotment ofquestions and so, Ebony, I'm
going to ask you if I'm going tojust stop talking.
So - I love you guys.
Ebony Gilbert (50:16):
I will take this out.
Thank you guys so much for notkeeping the grace and love
you've experienced in silence.
Thank you for sharing it withus.
It extends beyond what youshare with each other and what
you share with your community.
You've shared it with ourcommunity now and I am so
grateful.
A couple takeaways.
The last one that Carri justmade the love and grace can die
(50:40):
in silence.
I think that's a quotable tweetright there.
That's going to be in our notes.
Love that.
Clint, put that on a T-shirt.
Closed door is really an openwindow, Amy.
That is golden.
That is completely golden.
Seeking out support Don't dolife alone and acknowledging
that through all the challenges,through all the adversity, when
(51:03):
you get what you ask for, itstill might not be easy.
But it's worth it, but it'sworth it.
That's a pretty golden nugget.
My prayer for both of you andlittle eggy is that God will
continue to strengthen you andbless you and even in your ebbs
and your flows, when you're inyour dark, silent moments and
your lonely moments and yourisolated moments, that you'll
(51:24):
draw on the things he's alreadydone to bring you where you need
to be to renew your strength.
And my prayer for the communityand the people who are
listening is that you arestrengthened by the story and
that you can see yourselfsomewhere in here and that God's
grace will permeate you so thatyou can receive it and then you
can give it.
This isn't about just receiving.
We receive so we can give.
(51:45):
Thank you, guys, so much I loveyou.
I'm so glad to be part of yourvillage.
I want to be one of the 19,000Godmoms and we welcome you back
for a part two and then possiblya part three, where you bring
little eggy with you.
Well, thank you for having us.
Thank you for having us Thankyou so much.
(52:06):
Thank you, Carri.
Carri Richard (52:09):
Oh, I was going to say eggy's name.
Subject to change, that's it.
I love you.
I t's such a gift.
So, thank you and with thatgrace, out.
Speaker 1 (52:31):
Thank you so much for joining us.
If you enjoyed this episode,please let us know.
We love to hear from you andshare it with a friend.
Also, please be sure tosubscribe so you're notified
when a new episode is posted.
We hope you're leaving withanother pointer to grace, a new
perspective that will light itup in your own life.
Until next time, be well, bebold, be kind to yourself and be
(52:53):
on the lookout.
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