September 7, 2023 • 30 mins
Are you ready to redefine your understanding of service? In a riveting conversation with Carri Richard and Ebony Gilbert, we challenge the traditional narrative surrounding service and its impact. We delve into the depth of serving others, affirming that service doesn't necessarily require grand gestures. Instead, the simple act of being present, offering love, and extending grace— even to those who may not seem deserving in the eyes of society or ourselves—can lead to profound effects.
Struggling with the decision to serve when you're not in the mood? We've been there too. Service does not require us to go out of our way, graceful service requires us to get out of the way. This type of service can is as straightforward as being silent, present, and following through with the opportunities before us, rather than seeking validation from the feelings they evoke. Aligning your work with your spiritual gifts, we explore how service can foster connection, buoys us up rather than drains, and can encourage reciprocal interactions. If you've ever felt overwhelmed or unappreciated in your service, take a listen. Join us in this enlightening discussion as we harness the power of grace in service.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Grace Among Us, the podcast where we
unearth the many faces andplaces of grace and share
stories of the power of grace inour human lives.
Our desire is that this willinspire you to see grace in your
own life and share it withothers.
Carri Richard (00:20):
Hello, hello.
My name is Carri Richard and Iam a mindset coach.
I help people make space andenjoy the ride and enjoy the
journey along the way, and oneof my most favorite things to do
is come in here and speak withyou Ebony Gilbert and point to
(00:41):
Grace.
So, Ebony, hello, goodafternoon.
Ebony Gilbert (00:45):
Good afternoon, Carri Richard.
My name is Ebony Gilbert, likeCarri Richard stated, and we are
here today to talk about grace.
Grace, it's a Monday for us.
Carri Richard (00:56):
Yeah, it's a little bit of a change up.
Ebony Gilbert (00:58):
Yes, it is, and everything that could go wrong
has gone wrong.
But here we are and I've got aquestion for you.
Thinking about service, serviceto others.
When I think about service, Ithink about customer service and
(01:18):
how bad it is all the time.
But this is bigger than that.
This is not a cable company,cell phone, support phone call.
We're talking about the servicethat we provide to others.
What comes to mind for you,Carri, when you think about
service and as it relates to ourresponsibility to carry it out?
Carri Richard (01:39):
Awesome.
Oh my gosh, that's such a greatquestion.
So I do have to go a littlesideways for a moment, because
you talked about customerservice and I came from high
tech and I grew up in thesupport department, so I had a
headset it wasn't this fancy,and the microphone and, yes,
(02:00):
that is very different.
On the outside, that's verydifferent than the service we're
talking about today.
You know, the interesting thingis, when I'm really serving,
I'm not serving myself orserving my ego and the idea that
(02:24):
I don't need some validation orappreciation or some outcome
based on my actions then thatservice is effortless.
You know, I had this idea for along time.
(02:45):
That service took a lot ofenergy and it also had to be big
and bold and important.
To be honest, I shied away fromit or told myself, well I can't
can't really - I can't reallydo that.
(03:05):
And so service today, mosttimes, the first thing is just
really being present.
You know, I have a situationright now where I have a family
member who is ill and I don'tlike it at all and in the past I
(03:33):
would.
Service to me would be tied toan outcome, like maybe I would
make his favorite thing or thatI had to do something to make
the situation better.
And service doesn't mean that Ihave any dog in the fight on
(03:58):
the impact it's going to have orhow it's going to be received.
Does that make sense?
Ebony Gilbert (04:04):
So the responsibility of the outcome
(Carri - is not mine).
It's lifted off your shoulders.
Carri Richard (04:11):
Exactly, and I think that's that's that big
piece that makes it effortless,because all the effort was like
forcing, trying to create anoutcome that always was, "they
would feel better, right, orsomebody would would would feel
better about it, and it's reallya - it's not in my ballpark.
Ebony Gilbert (04:38):
Hmm.
Carri Richard (04:40):
So today it's more of just being present or
being willing to be present.
Uh, that sounds a little vague,is it?
(Ebony - No, no, no) okay.
Ebony Gilbert (04:55):
I mean, let's flip it around a little bit.
Have you ever had someone tryto do something for you to make
you feel better and at the endof it you still felt kind of the
same, but you reallyappreciated the service?
Carri Richard (05:08):
Yes.
Ebony Gilbert (05:09):
The act of service itself.
Not to be cliche, as youremember, the act of service
itself, even though it didn'tchange your circumstances or the
situation, the act itself, theeffort, their obedience to doing
the act of service served youwell.
Carri Richard (05:25):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I'll give you a specificexample.
So it's, you know, it's a veryclose relative that's, that's
ill right now and in thehospital.
And, I reached out to a groupof friends that I have and said,
"can you pray for us?
And I got all these responsesand that isn't changing what's
(05:51):
going on, but the lightness,like, just knowing I'm not alone
, that other people are - justthe love that comes through.
It doesn't matter if it comesthrough an email, a phone call,
a smile, a "hey, how are youdoing Any of it.
It just it lightens the loadand it reminds me who's in
(06:16):
charge.
Ebony Gilbert (06:17):
So (Carri - you're, you're absolutely right)
the service is a show of love.
Yeah, yeah, and sometimesthat's all you need.
Carri Richard (06:29):
I think almost all the time.
That's all you need.
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (06:34):
So when we put our service hat on and I'm
wearing a hat today, that wasaccidental, but you're wearing
your service hat, theresponsibility is not tied
necessarily to the outcome.
We obviously have something inmind that we want to get out of
this.
We want the person to be better.
We want to (Carri - heck yeah).
(06:55):
But we can't, we don't have thepower to make any guarantees
there.
The act of service is inshowing the love, it's in
sharing the love that's insideof us.
So I got another question foryou, because I'm talking through
this and I'm thinking at thesame time.
Carri Richard (07:13):
Okay.
Ebony Gilbert (07:15):
How do you deal with your responsibility?
Because you would agree, it'sour responsibility, right?
We're accountable for this.
We have to show service, wehave to be giving, we have to
share, we have to see who we'remade to be, right?
Assuming that, how do you dealwith showing that kind of
graceful service to someone whoyou feel like hasn't always
(07:39):
positioned themselves to"deserve it in air quotes, or
they haven't been very graciousto you in the past?
But now you have thisopportunity and I'm going to
call it an opportunity.
Carri Richard (07:51):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (07:51):
To show them something Christ- like,
something God- like.
How does that feel?
How do you navigate that?
Carri Richard (08:01):
Yeah, that is a great question.
The first thing for me, to beable to even see that
opportunity, is to work on myown spirituality.
Meaning to remind myself who'sin charge, to talk about these
(08:27):
kind of things, right?
To give thanks to, for me, God,who is the One who's doing all
these things.
Ebony Gilbert (08:37):
Right.
Carri Richard (08:40):
And one of my favorite things to say, if I'm
in a situation where it might besticky.
I can feel the nudge to show upand I can also have an opinion
at the same time.
And that opinion could beabout, "ell, they didn't, or
(09:00):
why do you need to, or I don'treally like this person, or fear
- just overall fear based onyour experience.
And the most powerful thingthat I can do in that moment is
just say, " God, speak throughmy mouth.
Ebony Gilbert (09:19):
Yeah, yeah, put the words in my mouth.
Carri Richard (09:23):
Exactly, exactly, and be curious, like, like.
I wonder how this is going togo?
Because often if I have anopinion about a situation, then
that means that I think I knowhow it's going to go and man it
boxes me in a big way.
Ebony Gilbert (09:44):
So you said, get curious, does that happen in the
moment, or do you prep talkyourself?
Carri Richard (09:54):
It kind of goes along, hand in hand with, " God.
Speak through my mouth.
Ebony Gilbert (09:58):
Okay.
Carri Richard (09:58):
Yeah, it's a decision for sure Okay.
Ebony Gilbert (10:01):
Yeah, because if I don't, you're waiting for the
lightning bolt.
Carri Richard (10:06):
Usually I'm going to react to it and then all
bets are off.
I'm not serving very well.
Ebony Gilbert (10:14):
It's the decision .
Carri Richard (10:16):
Yeah, it is a decision and it's trusting that
it's not just me, myself and Ithat's in the situation.
Grace gets to come along.
I am not graceful on my own.
Ebony Gilbert (10:34):
I'm not either.
I'm not either.
It's not only a decision In themoment, it's an ongoing, daily
decision for me.
There is a song that, like,"I've decided to follow Jesus -
old song.
You know, decided to follow, nolooking back, no turning back.
But it's a daily decision andit's not that I'm going to
(10:56):
change my mind tomorrow.
But when I make that dailydeclaration, I'm saying I've
decided to be an instrument.
I've decided to show service.
I've decided today, even if Idon't feel like it, even if I
don't think Carri's been verynice to me in the past 24 hours,
even if I don't really thinkyou need me because you got 10
(11:20):
other people, I've decided thatI'm going to use whatever
opportunity presents itself toshow up the way God would have
me to show up.
Carri Richard (11:29):
Yeah, and Ebony.
What happens when you do that?
Ebony Gilbert (11:34):
Well, a lot of times I don't, let's be honest.
I mean, sometimes my voice, myflesh voice, is louder, yeah,
but when I do, he speaks throughmy mouth and he gives me the
strength and I there have beenmany times where I walk away
thinking I don't know how I justdid that, I don't know how that
(11:56):
went, the way it did, or, andthat person was really moved or
touched, and I don't know what Isaid.
And it's not that I am justsaying that, no, I really don't
know, like I really don't knowwhere it came from.
It's not something I've saidbefore, these are not thoughts I
keep.
Like something dug way deepdown with a pitchfork into the
(12:17):
bowels of my soul and pulledthis out and it was protected
and it was safe, and I walkedaway feeling like I had done
what I was supposed to do.
Now, I want to know the outcome.
I get caught up on that, but Iwant to know, and then I have to
(12:38):
decide that that's none of mybusiness.
Carri Richard (12:42):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (12:43):
And walk on.
But I've never had any regretswhen I've followed that nudge,
that urge to help or assist, andsometimes the service care is
being quiet.
Carri Richard (12:55):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (12:56):
It's being quiet.
I had a situation over theweekend talking with a loved one
who has got some cognitivedeficit stuff going on that
they're not aware of.
It's kind of early stages andwe had a full conversation about
10 to 15 minutes and towardsthe end of the conversation we
did our normal wrap up, "Okay,I'll talk to you later, have a
good week.
And the person literallystarted repeating the entire
(13:20):
conversation over again and itdidn't take long for me to
realize that this was a glitch.
There's a glitch in the matrixhere and the service wasn't in
correcting or pointing out theobvious.
The service wasn't being quietand allowing the conversation to
(13:42):
continue, because what would ithurt, you know?
Carri Richard (13:47):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (13:47):
What would it hurt?
So the service this weekend washush, be present and hush, just
be here.
Be here and be quiet.
And that's taken some timebecause I've always thought it's
something I had to say orsomething I had to do, or
service has to be an action, youknow.
(14:09):
(Carri "Yeah, or it has to beplanned with like a project plan
and you know an outcome and theending and objectives, and that
wasn't the case.
Carri Richard (14:22):
Yes, yeah, yeah, it's beautiful.
So that's discernment.
Ebony Gilbert (14:32):
Yeah, and it's.
You know I'll take this stufffurther.
I don't know where I'm goingwith this comment, but maybe
it'll - it's in my spirits, soI'm going to say it.
It didn't feel good to me.
This is someone I care about.
I'm bothered by what wouldappear to me to be a decline.
(14:52):
I want to help and in my mind,helping is get you help.
I don't know how much of that'sgoing to happen on a Sunday
night at 8 o'clock, but in mymind I've got to correct it,
I've got to call it out, I'vegot to do all these things.
And the discernment, the smallwhisper of a voice in my ear,
(15:15):
not mine, was don't do any ofthat, have the conversation,
because all that's going tohappen is she's going to get to
laugh again and she's going tomake the same joke and it's
going to be funny again and it'sgoing to bring joy into this
moment, even though we justexperienced it 10 minutes ago
and it didn't feel good to me.
I was sat in by the entireexchange, to be honest with you,
but I knew that was thereasonable service in that
(15:37):
moment.
So I told you I didn't know Iwas going with this, but I think
my takeaway was is in thismoment.
If you follow the steps thatare outlined in the opportunity
presented, your validationshould come from knowing that
you followed the steps and thatyou did what was right.
(15:59):
Your validation cannot rely onthe feeling it gives you.
Carri Richard (16:05):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (16:05):
Does that make sense?
Carri Richard (16:06):
It makes perfect sense.
So, I can absolutely relate tothat.
The person who I'm concernedwith is in the hospital and it's
a family member, so we have allthese family dynamics going on.
And to your point of just beingquiet, just being present,
(16:26):
letting things happen.
There were situations where Iwanted to take control.
And I wanted to boss peoplearound and I didn't like how
somebody was doing something andI wanted these decisions to be
made.
And it was like you know whatmy primary purpose at that point
is to just be present.
(16:47):
To be present, to watch whatwas on the TV with this person,
to have a conversation, to bequiet when they were resting and
it was not, as you said, it wasnot comfortable, but it was
also.
There's a dignity there.
Ebony Gilbert (17:11):
Yeah, Absolutely, absolutely.
There's a vital verse in 1Peter, 4th chapter, 10th verse.
I'm talking about using yourspiritual gifts and in order for
us to be a good steward overthe gifts we have, we have to
share them.
They should be used to serveother people, I'm pretty sure,
(17:34):
sense of humor is not listed asa gift in the Bible, but we'll
just use it for thisconversation.
If my sense of humor, or yourswe're both pretty funny people
is our gift.
It does us no good to keep itto ourselves.
In order to be a good stewardof it, you have to share it with
other people.
So in our situations, ourexamples over the weekend with
(17:56):
your loved one and my loved one,the gift in those moments was
our time.
The resource was our time andpresence.
It could be money and the badfeeling might be you're using me
.
It could be a cup of sugar fromthe neighbor.
It could be whatever it mightbe.
(18:16):
The Bible verse is specificallyreferencing spiritual gifts,
but for the context of thisconversation, it could be
whatever resource that is beingdeployed - time, presence,
energy, money, car.
Whatever it might be, the wayyou're a good steward of it is
by sharing it.
Carri Richard (18:37):
Absolutely.
There's a statement out thereand now I can kind of get where
it's coming from - T o keep it,you've got to give it away.
Ebony Gilbert (18:48):
You've got to.
(Carri yeah) You've got to - Ifyou don't use it you lose it.
Carri Richard (18:57):
You're hiding it under a bushel or something.
It's no bueno.
Ebony Gilbert (19:03):
Well, the grace in that service.
Let me ask you, how do we showthe grace in that service?
What's the grace part of it?
Carri Richard (19:19):
The grace in that part of it is that discernment,
to stay, even when the feelingsaren't great and to be clear.
And for me it's to keep itsimple and be reminded that this
(19:40):
other person, that I reallywant to have the outcome I want
to, they've got a God too (Ebony- Boom) and I'm not it.
Ebony Gilbert (19:50):
I'm not it.
Carri Richard (19:52):
And I don't get to psychoanalyze it.
Ebony Gilbert (19:55):
I have to ask myself sometimes is this
discernment, or is this Ebony'spsychoanalysis 101?
Which is it?
Because only one is okay.
Yeah, that's the important part.
We can't get so caught up inthe moment that we think that
the grace is just us, we're thespecial in the room and we he's
(20:16):
just my God, he's my ownpersonal God, nobody else's, and
the grace is just for me.
Carri Richard (20:21):
(Ebony - And the prayers only get answered by me
in my voice).
You don't know God like I knowGod.
Ebony Gilbert (20:26):
You don't know him like I know him.
He doesn't talk to you the wayhe talks to me, and all so, so,
so wrong.
Carri Richard (20:33):
And you know what that for me that really comes
with this like idea of scarcity,and I know intellectually this
isn't true but, this is where alot of fear comes from.
Is like, if, if, like, God'snot big enough for all of us for
all of us to have a reallyspecial relationship with.
(20:53):
That there's some kind of giveand take, and there is no give
and take, with grace, it's sobig, you know it's it's so so
big.
Ebony Gilbert (21:03):
So yeah, he's big enough to show grace to all of
us (Carri - at the same time!)at the same time, where nobody
gets slighted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when I think about it, notin the overthinking way, but in
(21:25):
the discerning way, when Ireflect back on the teachings
and I reflect back on what Iknow, it's easier to be present,
it's easier to take advantageof those opportunities to be of
service and it doesn't feel likea burden.
Even when it doesn't feel good,even when I feel all the things
I'm feeling, I still know it'swhat I'm supposed to do.
This is my reasonable service.
(21:45):
I don't get an extra star onthe heaven admission card,
(Carri - on the scoreboard) yeah.
I'm not going to get an extrabonus point for showing up and
being kind today.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
Carri Richard (22:03):
Yeah, and and that service, no matter how
simple it is, no matter howcomplex we think it is, big,
small, it's all the same size.
Like with respect to grace,there is no small, there is no
big.
Ebony Gilbert (22:18):
It's all the same .
Carri Richard (22:19):
And what I do find, even if it doesn't feel
good, like at the end I'm fueledby it.
I'm not by it, I am not.
.
That's that effort, I am notexhausted by it.
If I'm exhausted by it, then Ireally need to step back and
take a look at where I mighthave gotten in the way in the
(22:41):
process.
Ebony Gilbert (22:43):
I want to talk about that a little bit and then
we're going to wrap up.
But when you and I first met,shortly after we met, we
attended a retreat together andI remember asking you, "are you
tired after this?
I'm tired for you.
Like you're standing in frontof people and you're giving your
soul I mean you're givingemotion and competence and all
this stuff and these people arepulling and tugging on
(23:05):
everything inside of you.
Are you okay?
Like I was worried about you.
And you just, in true Carri form, you smiled and you said, " no,
no, this isn't draining.
Yeah, and you know, in trueEbony- nosy form, I'm like "well
, tell me why, what's the trick,tell me how to do this.
(23:26):
And you went on to explain whatyou just did and it was pretty
eye-opening for me and I startedthinking of all the things that
I do on the busiest, thebusiest days.
Why are some so much moredraining than others?
Where is their alignment andwhere is there not?
(23:47):
And I started seeing somecorrelation.
If I'm where I'm supposed tobe, doing what I'm supposed to
be doing, it's not to say youdon't get physically exhausted
or you know, or flesh, but it'sthat drain, the depletion of the
cup, the emptying.
That doesn't necessarily happen.
I still haven't fully explainedit to myself, but you did a
(24:13):
good job of getting me there.
Carri Richard (24:15):
Yes, Woo! See, service has no time limit either
.
Ebony Gilbert (24:19):
It does not, and that was a while ago, and it
stuck with me.
It really did stick with me.
I said, huh, I givepresentations all the time and I
just need a nap.
I can count on one hand theones where I've been like oh it
was great, it was awesome.
Yes, yes, yes, I keep going.
Carri Richard (24:35):
And that goes back to your spiritual gifts,
right.
So the, the, the.
When you can, when you canalign your work with utilizing
your gifts, and you can do itwithin corporate, you can do it.
It doesn't mean that you haveto be a retreat leader, right,
(24:57):
but when, when you can alignyour gifts as much as possible
to the work that you're beingasked to do, that's where that
depletion, uh, lessens.
Ebony Gilbert (25:09):
Zone of genius.
Carri Richard (25:11):
Yes, that's the one.
That's the one, the stuff youdo all the everyday for free.
Do more of that.
Ebony Gilbert (25:18):
More of that.
Carri Richard (25:19):
And I also just want to say real quick, at the
same time, for all who arelistening service can be smiling
at a stranger as you walk by,It can be a hello, or roll your
window down and say somethingkind to somebody as you're at
the stoplight and you know ifyou're in town or something.
(25:42):
It can be - It's that we allcrave and need connection and
it's that you know puttingputting yourself out there to be
connected to.
Ebony Gilbert (25:58):
That's so true.
Last example.
I passed the guy over theweekend who was asking for money
on the sidewalk.
I didn't have any cash and Itry to always keep cash on me
for this whole reason but Ididn't have any this time.
People were just walking pastthe guy.
He was very politely asking youhave anything to spare?
(26:19):
So I got up to him he said youhave anything to spare?
I don't have any cash today andI am so sorry.
I normally do.
And the guy looks at me and hesays I know you do, I've seen
you before.
He said it's okay, have a greatevening.
Not the response I wasexpecting, okay, and he had the
brightest smile.
(26:41):
The man provided a service to me.
Because his smile lit up myentire evening.
I tell you no lie, it was.
He was so gracious and generouswith my - I don't have it with
me right now, you know, I'llgive you a pass.
I just thought, man you neverknow, here I am thinking that I,
(27:02):
you know he wants a service forme and I can't give it.
He provided one for me and Ijust.
It just makes me wondersometimes, when we're we think
we're doing the service.
What service is being done tous?
What feeling is happening onour inside?
Are we, when we miss theopportunity, are we blocking
someone else's opportunity fromproviding a service to us?
(27:22):
You know it's an exchange.
This thing goes both ways.
Carri Richard (27:25):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (27:26):
We're filling a cup and they're filling our cup
and you know, it's this constantreciprocal kind of thing that
happens, that ebbs and flows.
But it touched my heart so Ithought about that when you were
saying what you were saying.
Carri Richard (27:40):
Beautiful, it's, it's true it's.
It's that, it's renewal.
Yeah, this has been, this hasbeen good Ebony and, as you said
, when we started, it wastechnical difficulty after
technical difficulty and it'slike, and you know, we just show
(28:02):
up so we just show up.
Ebony Gilbert (28:04):
So keep fighting the good, fight people, keep
helping others, keep keep theservice going on.
Pay it forward.
Carri Richard (28:12):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (28:13):
Pay it forward.
Yeah, graceful service.
Carri Richard (28:20):
Yes.
Ebony Gilbert (28:21):
And even if you can't muster up the grace, do it
anyway.
It'll come, the rest will come.
Do it anyway, just cause it'sthe right thing to do.
Carri Richard (28:31):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (28:33):
It's amazing.
You got anything else to closeus out?
Carri Richard (28:37):
You know, sometimes when I'm feeling
really low, like I don't feel,like I have enough in reserve to
do that, and and what I do findis if I can just smile at
somebody, if I can give a littlethat gets.
It's like that gets the ballrolling.
Ebony Gilbert (28:58):
Yeah.
Carri Richard (28:59):
How else to say it?
Ebony Gilbert (29:00):
No, you're right, A little bit of eye contact and
a smile.
Carri Richard (29:03):
Yeah, and sometimes it could be like I -
and I've done this, Ebony - I'vedone this to you.
Sometimes it's it's actuallyreaching out and asking for
something.
Yep, you know, I was goingthrough a really tough time and
I texted Ebony.
I said I just need a prayer.
Ebony Gilbert (29:20):
Hmm.
Carri Richard (29:21):
You can do that, yep.
That gives that gave anopportunity for service, yep, so
don't be afraid.
Ebony Gilbert (29:31):
Don't take away my opportunity.
Oh well my grandma used to saylike this don't rob me of my
blessing.
Carri Richard (29:40):
I love that.
Ebony Gilbert (29:41):
You know she would try to give somebody
something or slip a couple ofdollars in their pocket or offer
them something to eat and theywould just say no, no, no, I
can't take that she's.
It would don't rob me of myblessing.
That's the opportunity.
In old folks language.
That's the opportunity.
Carri Richard (29:56):
I think your grandmother just wrapped this
one up.
Ebony Gilbert (29:59):
Boom I love you.
I love it.
I love it, hey friend, I loveyou.
Carri Richard (30:04):
I love you too.
Ebony Gilbert (30:05):
People listening.
We love you.
Carri Richard (30:07):
Yes, we do, and until next time, Grace out.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Thank you so much for joining us.
If you enjoyed this episode,please let us know.
We love to hear from you andshare it with a friend.
Also, please be sure tosubscribe so you're notified
when a new episode is posted.
We hope you're leaving withanother pointer to grace, a new
perspective that will light itup in your own life.
Until next time, be well, bebold, be kind to yourself and be
(30:37):
on the lookout.
Welcome to Grace Among Us, the podcast where we
unearth the many faces andplaces of grace and share
stories of the power of grace inour human lives.
Our desire is that this willinspire you to see grace in your
own life and share it withothers.
Carri Richard (00:20):
Hello, hello.
My name is Carri Richard and Iam a mindset coach.
I help people make space andenjoy the ride and enjoy the
journey along the way, and oneof my most favorite things to do
is come in here and speak withyou Ebony Gilbert and point to
(00:41):
Grace.
So, Ebony, hello, goodafternoon.
Ebony Gilbert (00:45):
Good afternoon, Carri Richard.
My name is Ebony Gilbert, likeCarri Richard stated, and we are
here today to talk about grace.
Grace, it's a Monday for us.
Carri Richard (00:56):
Yeah, it's a little bit of a change up.
Ebony Gilbert (00:58):
Yes, it is, and everything that could go wrong
has gone wrong.
But here we are and I've got aquestion for you.
Thinking about service, serviceto others.
When I think about service, Ithink about customer service and
(01:18):
how bad it is all the time.
But this is bigger than that.
This is not a cable company,cell phone, support phone call.
We're talking about the servicethat we provide to others.
What comes to mind for you,Carri, when you think about
service and as it relates to ourresponsibility to carry it out?
Carri Richard (01:39):
Awesome.
Oh my gosh, that's such a greatquestion.
So I do have to go a littlesideways for a moment, because
you talked about customerservice and I came from high
tech and I grew up in thesupport department, so I had a
headset it wasn't this fancy,and the microphone and, yes,
(02:00):
that is very different.
On the outside, that's verydifferent than the service we're
talking about today.
You know, the interesting thingis, when I'm really serving,
I'm not serving myself orserving my ego and the idea that
(02:24):
I don't need some validation orappreciation or some outcome
based on my actions then thatservice is effortless.
You know, I had this idea for along time.
(02:45):
That service took a lot ofenergy and it also had to be big
and bold and important.
To be honest, I shied away fromit or told myself, well I can't
can't really - I can't reallydo that.
(03:05):
And so service today, mosttimes, the first thing is just
really being present.
You know, I have a situationright now where I have a family
member who is ill and I don'tlike it at all and in the past I
(03:33):
would.
Service to me would be tied toan outcome, like maybe I would
make his favorite thing or thatI had to do something to make
the situation better.
And service doesn't mean that Ihave any dog in the fight on
(03:58):
the impact it's going to have orhow it's going to be received.
Does that make sense?
Ebony Gilbert (04:04):
So the responsibility of the outcome
(Carri - is not mine).
It's lifted off your shoulders.
Carri Richard (04:11):
Exactly, and I think that's that's that big
piece that makes it effortless,because all the effort was like
forcing, trying to create anoutcome that always was, "they
would feel better, right, orsomebody would would would feel
better about it, and it's reallya - it's not in my ballpark.
Ebony Gilbert (04:38):
Hmm.
Carri Richard (04:40):
So today it's more of just being present or
being willing to be present.
Uh, that sounds a little vague,is it?
(Ebony - No, no, no) okay.
Ebony Gilbert (04:55):
I mean, let's flip it around a little bit.
Have you ever had someone tryto do something for you to make
you feel better and at the endof it you still felt kind of the
same, but you reallyappreciated the service?
Carri Richard (05:08):
Yes.
Ebony Gilbert (05:09):
The act of service itself.
Not to be cliche, as youremember, the act of service
itself, even though it didn'tchange your circumstances or the
situation, the act itself, theeffort, their obedience to doing
the act of service served youwell.
Carri Richard (05:25):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I'll give you a specificexample.
So it's, you know, it's a veryclose relative that's, that's
ill right now and in thehospital.
And, I reached out to a groupof friends that I have and said,
"can you pray for us?
And I got all these responsesand that isn't changing what's
(05:51):
going on, but the lightness,like, just knowing I'm not alone
, that other people are - justthe love that comes through.
It doesn't matter if it comesthrough an email, a phone call,
a smile, a "hey, how are youdoing Any of it.
It just it lightens the loadand it reminds me who's in
(06:16):
charge.
Ebony Gilbert (06:17):
So (Carri - you're, you're absolutely right)
the service is a show of love.
Yeah, yeah, and sometimesthat's all you need.
Carri Richard (06:29):
I think almost all the time.
That's all you need.
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (06:34):
So when we put our service hat on and I'm
wearing a hat today, that wasaccidental, but you're wearing
your service hat, theresponsibility is not tied
necessarily to the outcome.
We obviously have something inmind that we want to get out of
this.
We want the person to be better.
We want to (Carri - heck yeah).
(06:55):
But we can't, we don't have thepower to make any guarantees
there.
The act of service is inshowing the love, it's in
sharing the love that's insideof us.
So I got another question foryou, because I'm talking through
this and I'm thinking at thesame time.
Carri Richard (07:13):
Okay.
Ebony Gilbert (07:15):
How do you deal with your responsibility?
Because you would agree, it'sour responsibility, right?
We're accountable for this.
We have to show service, wehave to be giving, we have to
share, we have to see who we'remade to be, right?
Assuming that, how do you dealwith showing that kind of
graceful service to someone whoyou feel like hasn't always
(07:39):
positioned themselves to"deserve it in air quotes, or
they haven't been very graciousto you in the past?
But now you have thisopportunity and I'm going to
call it an opportunity.
Carri Richard (07:51):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (07:51):
To show them something Christ- like,
something God- like.
How does that feel?
How do you navigate that?
Carri Richard (08:01):
Yeah, that is a great question.
The first thing for me, to beable to even see that
opportunity, is to work on myown spirituality.
Meaning to remind myself who'sin charge, to talk about these
(08:27):
kind of things, right?
To give thanks to, for me, God,who is the One who's doing all
these things.
Ebony Gilbert (08:37):
Right.
Carri Richard (08:40):
And one of my favorite things to say, if I'm
in a situation where it might besticky.
I can feel the nudge to show upand I can also have an opinion
at the same time.
And that opinion could beabout, "ell, they didn't, or
(09:00):
why do you need to, or I don'treally like this person, or fear
- just overall fear based onyour experience.
And the most powerful thingthat I can do in that moment is
just say, " God, speak throughmy mouth.
Ebony Gilbert (09:19):
Yeah, yeah, put the words in my mouth.
Carri Richard (09:23):
Exactly, exactly, and be curious, like, like.
I wonder how this is going togo?
Because often if I have anopinion about a situation, then
that means that I think I knowhow it's going to go and man it
boxes me in a big way.
Ebony Gilbert (09:44):
So you said, get curious, does that happen in the
moment, or do you prep talkyourself?
Carri Richard (09:54):
It kind of goes along, hand in hand with, " God.
Speak through my mouth.
Ebony Gilbert (09:58):
Okay.
Carri Richard (09:58):
Yeah, it's a decision for sure Okay.
Ebony Gilbert (10:01):
Yeah, because if I don't, you're waiting for the
lightning bolt.
Carri Richard (10:06):
Usually I'm going to react to it and then all
bets are off.
I'm not serving very well.
Ebony Gilbert (10:14):
It's the decision .
Carri Richard (10:16):
Yeah, it is a decision and it's trusting that
it's not just me, myself and Ithat's in the situation.
Grace gets to come along.
I am not graceful on my own.
Ebony Gilbert (10:34):
I'm not either.
I'm not either.
It's not only a decision In themoment, it's an ongoing, daily
decision for me.
There is a song that, like,"I've decided to follow Jesus -
old song.
You know, decided to follow, nolooking back, no turning back.
But it's a daily decision andit's not that I'm going to
(10:56):
change my mind tomorrow.
But when I make that dailydeclaration, I'm saying I've
decided to be an instrument.
I've decided to show service.
I've decided today, even if Idon't feel like it, even if I
don't think Carri's been verynice to me in the past 24 hours,
even if I don't really thinkyou need me because you got 10
(11:20):
other people, I've decided thatI'm going to use whatever
opportunity presents itself toshow up the way God would have
me to show up.
Carri Richard (11:29):
Yeah, and Ebony.
What happens when you do that?
Ebony Gilbert (11:34):
Well, a lot of times I don't, let's be honest.
I mean, sometimes my voice, myflesh voice, is louder, yeah,
but when I do, he speaks throughmy mouth and he gives me the
strength and I there have beenmany times where I walk away
thinking I don't know how I justdid that, I don't know how that
(11:56):
went, the way it did, or, andthat person was really moved or
touched, and I don't know what Isaid.
And it's not that I am justsaying that, no, I really don't
know, like I really don't knowwhere it came from.
It's not something I've saidbefore, these are not thoughts I
keep.
Like something dug way deepdown with a pitchfork into the
(12:17):
bowels of my soul and pulledthis out and it was protected
and it was safe, and I walkedaway feeling like I had done
what I was supposed to do.
Now, I want to know the outcome.
I get caught up on that, but Iwant to know, and then I have to
(12:38):
decide that that's none of mybusiness.
Carri Richard (12:42):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (12:43):
And walk on.
But I've never had any regretswhen I've followed that nudge,
that urge to help or assist, andsometimes the service care is
being quiet.
Carri Richard (12:55):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (12:56):
It's being quiet.
I had a situation over theweekend talking with a loved one
who has got some cognitivedeficit stuff going on that
they're not aware of.
It's kind of early stages andwe had a full conversation about
10 to 15 minutes and towardsthe end of the conversation we
did our normal wrap up, "Okay,I'll talk to you later, have a
good week.
And the person literallystarted repeating the entire
(13:20):
conversation over again and itdidn't take long for me to
realize that this was a glitch.
There's a glitch in the matrixhere and the service wasn't in
correcting or pointing out theobvious.
The service wasn't being quietand allowing the conversation to
(13:42):
continue, because what would ithurt, you know?
Carri Richard (13:47):
Yeah.
Ebony Gilbert (13:47):
What would it hurt?
So the service this weekend washush, be present and hush, just
be here.
Be here and be quiet.
And that's taken some timebecause I've always thought it's
something I had to say orsomething I had to do, or
service has to be an action, youknow.
(14:09):
(Carri "Yeah, or it has to beplanned with like a project plan
and you know an outcome and theending and objectives, and that
wasn't the case.
Carri Richard (14:22):
Yes, yeah, yeah, it's beautiful.
So that's discernment.
Ebony Gilbert (14:32):
Yeah, and it's.
You know I'll take this stufffurther.
I don't know where I'm goingwith this comment, but maybe
it'll - it's in my spirits, soI'm going to say it.
It didn't feel good to me.
This is someone I care about.
I'm bothered by what wouldappear to me to be a decline.
(14:52):
I want to help and in my mind,helping is get you help.
I don't know how much of that'sgoing to happen on a Sunday
night at 8 o'clock, but in mymind I've got to correct it,
I've got to call it out, I'vegot to do all these things.
And the discernment, the smallwhisper of a voice in my ear,
(15:15):
not mine, was don't do any ofthat, have the conversation,
because all that's going tohappen is she's going to get to
laugh again and she's going tomake the same joke and it's
going to be funny again and it'sgoing to bring joy into this
moment, even though we justexperienced it 10 minutes ago
and it didn't feel good to me.
I was sat in by the entireexchange, to be honest with you,
but I knew that was thereasonable service in that
(15:37):
moment.
So I told you I didn't know Iwas going with this, but I think
my takeaway was is in thismoment.
If you follow the steps thatare outlined in the opportunity
presented, your validationshould come from knowing that
you followed the steps and thatyou did what was right.
(15:59):
Your validation cannot rely onthe feeling it gives you.
Carri Richard (16:05):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (16:05):
Does that make sense?
Carri Richard (16:06):
It makes perfect sense.
So, I can absolutely relate tothat.
The person who I'm concernedwith is in the hospital and it's
a family member, so we have allthese family dynamics going on.
And to your point of just beingquiet, just being present,
(16:26):
letting things happen.
There were situations where Iwanted to take control.
And I wanted to boss peoplearound and I didn't like how
somebody was doing something andI wanted these decisions to be
made.
And it was like you know whatmy primary purpose at that point
is to just be present.
(16:47):
To be present, to watch whatwas on the TV with this person,
to have a conversation, to bequiet when they were resting and
it was not, as you said, it wasnot comfortable, but it was
also.
There's a dignity there.
Ebony Gilbert (17:11):
Yeah, Absolutely, absolutely.
There's a vital verse in 1Peter, 4th chapter, 10th verse.
I'm talking about using yourspiritual gifts and in order for
us to be a good steward overthe gifts we have, we have to
share them.
They should be used to serveother people, I'm pretty sure,
(17:34):
sense of humor is not listed asa gift in the Bible, but we'll
just use it for thisconversation.
If my sense of humor, or yourswe're both pretty funny people
is our gift.
It does us no good to keep itto ourselves.
In order to be a good stewardof it, you have to share it with
other people.
So in our situations, ourexamples over the weekend with
(17:56):
your loved one and my loved one,the gift in those moments was
our time.
The resource was our time andpresence.
It could be money and the badfeeling might be you're using me
.
It could be a cup of sugar fromthe neighbor.
It could be whatever it mightbe.
(18:16):
The Bible verse is specificallyreferencing spiritual gifts,
but for the context of thisconversation, it could be
whatever resource that is beingdeployed - time, presence,
energy, money, car.
Whatever it might be, the wayyou're a good steward of it is
by sharing it.
Carri Richard (18:37):
Absolutely.
There's a statement out thereand now I can kind of get where
it's coming from - T o keep it,you've got to give it away.
Ebony Gilbert (18:48):
You've got to.
(Carri yeah) You've got to - Ifyou don't use it you lose it.
Carri Richard (18:57):
You're hiding it under a bushel or something.
It's no bueno.
Ebony Gilbert (19:03):
Well, the grace in that service.
Let me ask you, how do we showthe grace in that service?
What's the grace part of it?
Carri Richard (19:19):
The grace in that part of it is that discernment,
to stay, even when the feelingsaren't great and to be clear.
And for me it's to keep itsimple and be reminded that this
(19:40):
other person, that I reallywant to have the outcome I want
to, they've got a God too (Ebony- Boom) and I'm not it.
Ebony Gilbert (19:50):
I'm not it.
Carri Richard (19:52):
And I don't get to psychoanalyze it.
Ebony Gilbert (19:55):
I have to ask myself sometimes is this
discernment, or is this Ebony'spsychoanalysis 101?
Which is it?
Because only one is okay.
Yeah, that's the important part.
We can't get so caught up inthe moment that we think that
the grace is just us, we're thespecial in the room and we he's
(20:16):
just my God, he's my ownpersonal God, nobody else's, and
the grace is just for me.
Carri Richard (20:21):
(Ebony - And the prayers only get answered by me
in my voice).
You don't know God like I knowGod.
Ebony Gilbert (20:26):
You don't know him like I know him.
He doesn't talk to you the wayhe talks to me, and all so, so,
so wrong.
Carri Richard (20:33):
And you know what that for me that really comes
with this like idea of scarcity,and I know intellectually this
isn't true but, this is where alot of fear comes from.
Is like, if, if, like, God'snot big enough for all of us for
all of us to have a reallyspecial relationship with.
(20:53):
That there's some kind of giveand take, and there is no give
and take, with grace, it's sobig, you know it's it's so so
big.
Ebony Gilbert (21:03):
So yeah, he's big enough to show grace to all of
us (Carri - at the same time!)at the same time, where nobody
gets slighted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when I think about it, notin the overthinking way, but in
(21:25):
the discerning way, when Ireflect back on the teachings
and I reflect back on what Iknow, it's easier to be present,
it's easier to take advantageof those opportunities to be of
service and it doesn't feel likea burden.
Even when it doesn't feel good,even when I feel all the things
I'm feeling, I still know it'swhat I'm supposed to do.
This is my reasonable service.
(21:45):
I don't get an extra star onthe heaven admission card,
(Carri - on the scoreboard) yeah.
I'm not going to get an extrabonus point for showing up and
being kind today.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
Carri Richard (22:03):
Yeah, and and that service, no matter how
simple it is, no matter howcomplex we think it is, big,
small, it's all the same size.
Like with respect to grace,there is no small, there is no
big.
Ebony Gilbert (22:18):
It's all the same .
Carri Richard (22:19):
And what I do find, even if it doesn't feel
good, like at the end I'm fueledby it.
I'm not by it, I am not.
.
That's that effort, I am notexhausted by it.
If I'm exhausted by it, then Ireally need to step back and
take a look at where I mighthave gotten in the way in the
(22:41):
process.
Ebony Gilbert (22:43):
I want to talk about that a little bit and then
we're going to wrap up.
But when you and I first met,shortly after we met, we
attended a retreat together andI remember asking you, "are you
tired after this?
I'm tired for you.
Like you're standing in frontof people and you're giving your
soul I mean you're givingemotion and competence and all
this stuff and these people arepulling and tugging on
(23:05):
everything inside of you.
Are you okay?
Like I was worried about you.
And you just, in true Carri form, you smiled and you said, " no,
no, this isn't draining.
Yeah, and you know, in trueEbony- nosy form, I'm like "well
, tell me why, what's the trick,tell me how to do this.
(23:26):
And you went on to explain whatyou just did and it was pretty
eye-opening for me and I startedthinking of all the things that
I do on the busiest, thebusiest days.
Why are some so much moredraining than others?
Where is their alignment andwhere is there not?
(23:47):
And I started seeing somecorrelation.
If I'm where I'm supposed tobe, doing what I'm supposed to
be doing, it's not to say youdon't get physically exhausted
or you know, or flesh, but it'sthat drain, the depletion of the
cup, the emptying.
That doesn't necessarily happen.
I still haven't fully explainedit to myself, but you did a
(24:13):
good job of getting me there.
Carri Richard (24:15):
Yes, Woo! See, service has no time limit either
.
Ebony Gilbert (24:19):
It does not, and that was a while ago, and it
stuck with me.
It really did stick with me.
I said, huh, I givepresentations all the time and I
just need a nap.
I can count on one hand theones where I've been like oh it
was great, it was awesome.
Yes, yes, yes, I keep going.
Carri Richard (24:35):
And that goes back to your spiritual gifts,
right.
So the, the, the.
When you can, when you canalign your work with utilizing
your gifts, and you can do itwithin corporate, you can do it.
It doesn't mean that you haveto be a retreat leader, right,
(24:57):
but when, when you can alignyour gifts as much as possible
to the work that you're beingasked to do, that's where that
depletion, uh, lessens.
Ebony Gilbert (25:09):
Zone of genius.
Carri Richard (25:11):
Yes, that's the one.
That's the one, the stuff youdo all the everyday for free.
Do more of that.
Ebony Gilbert (25:18):
More of that.
Carri Richard (25:19):
And I also just want to say real quick, at the
same time, for all who arelistening service can be smiling
at a stranger as you walk by,It can be a hello, or roll your
window down and say somethingkind to somebody as you're at
the stoplight and you know ifyou're in town or something.
(25:42):
It can be - It's that we allcrave and need connection and
it's that you know puttingputting yourself out there to be
connected to.
Ebony Gilbert (25:58):
That's so true.
Last example.
I passed the guy over theweekend who was asking for money
on the sidewalk.
I didn't have any cash and Itry to always keep cash on me
for this whole reason but Ididn't have any this time.
People were just walking pastthe guy.
He was very politely asking youhave anything to spare?
(26:19):
So I got up to him he said youhave anything to spare?
I don't have any cash today andI am so sorry.
I normally do.
And the guy looks at me and hesays I know you do, I've seen
you before.
He said it's okay, have a greatevening.
Not the response I wasexpecting, okay, and he had the
brightest smile.
(26:41):
The man provided a service to me.
Because his smile lit up myentire evening.
I tell you no lie, it was.
He was so gracious and generouswith my - I don't have it with
me right now, you know, I'llgive you a pass.
I just thought, man you neverknow, here I am thinking that I,
(27:02):
you know he wants a service forme and I can't give it.
He provided one for me and Ijust.
It just makes me wondersometimes, when we're we think
we're doing the service.
What service is being done tous?
What feeling is happening onour inside?
Are we, when we miss theopportunity, are we blocking
someone else's opportunity fromproviding a service to us?
(27:22):
You know it's an exchange.
This thing goes both ways.
Carri Richard (27:25):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (27:26):
We're filling a cup and they're filling our cup
and you know, it's this constantreciprocal kind of thing that
happens, that ebbs and flows.
But it touched my heart so Ithought about that when you were
saying what you were saying.
Carri Richard (27:40):
Beautiful, it's, it's true it's.
It's that, it's renewal.
Yeah, this has been, this hasbeen good Ebony and, as you said
, when we started, it wastechnical difficulty after
technical difficulty and it'slike, and you know, we just show
(28:02):
up so we just show up.
Ebony Gilbert (28:04):
So keep fighting the good, fight people, keep
helping others, keep keep theservice going on.
Pay it forward.
Carri Richard (28:12):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (28:13):
Pay it forward.
Yeah, graceful service.
Carri Richard (28:20):
Yes.
Ebony Gilbert (28:21):
And even if you can't muster up the grace, do it
anyway.
It'll come, the rest will come.
Do it anyway, just cause it'sthe right thing to do.
Carri Richard (28:31):
Absolutely.
Ebony Gilbert (28:33):
It's amazing.
You got anything else to closeus out?
Carri Richard (28:37):
You know, sometimes when I'm feeling
really low, like I don't feel,like I have enough in reserve to
do that, and and what I do findis if I can just smile at
somebody, if I can give a littlethat gets.
It's like that gets the ballrolling.
Ebony Gilbert (28:58):
Yeah.
Carri Richard (28:59):
How else to say it?
Ebony Gilbert (29:00):
No, you're right, A little bit of eye contact and
a smile.
Carri Richard (29:03):
Yeah, and sometimes it could be like I -
and I've done this, Ebony - I'vedone this to you.
Sometimes it's it's actuallyreaching out and asking for
something.
Yep, you know, I was goingthrough a really tough time and
I texted Ebony.
I said I just need a prayer.
Ebony Gilbert (29:20):
Hmm.
Carri Richard (29:21):
You can do that, yep.
That gives that gave anopportunity for service, yep, so
don't be afraid.
Ebony Gilbert (29:31):
Don't take away my opportunity.
Oh well my grandma used to saylike this don't rob me of my
blessing.
Carri Richard (29:40):
I love that.
Ebony Gilbert (29:41):
You know she would try to give somebody
something or slip a couple ofdollars in their pocket or offer
them something to eat and theywould just say no, no, no, I
can't take that she's.
It would don't rob me of myblessing.
That's the opportunity.
In old folks language.
That's the opportunity.
Carri Richard (29:56):
I think your grandmother just wrapped this
one up.
Ebony Gilbert (29:59):
Boom I love you.
I love it.
I love it, hey friend, I loveyou.
Carri Richard (30:04):
I love you too.
Ebony Gilbert (30:05):
People listening.
We love you.
Carri Richard (30:07):
Yes, we do, and until next time, Grace out.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Thank you so much for joining us.
If you enjoyed this episode,please let us know.
We love to hear from you andshare it with a friend.
Also, please be sure tosubscribe so you're notified
when a new episode is posted.
We hope you're leaving withanother pointer to grace, a new
perspective that will light itup in your own life.
Until next time, be well, bebold, be kind to yourself and be
(30:37):
on the lookout.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.