July 31, 2025 • 26 mins
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Homeschooling brings both joys and challenges. As a veteran homeschool mom, Audrey, shares the most difficult aspects of her 12-year homeschooling journey to provide a balanced perspective.
• The challenge of constant togetherness for an introvert who craves occasional solitude
• Financial pressure and lifestyle adjustments of living on one income
• The weight of being solely responsible for children's entire education
• Socialization struggles that some homeschooled children face
• Emotional, physical, and spiritual drain leading to periodic homeschool burnout
• The importance of having a clear confirmation from God to sustain through difficult times
• How inadequacy in homeschooling drove greater dependence on God's strength
• Each child experiences homeschooling differently, requiring individual approaches
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to Grace From my Home.
I'm Audrey and I'm so glad thatyou've joined me again this
week.
I hope that you're doing well.
We are gearing up for the startof the new school year.
My oldest will be in collegeand my other two will be in high
school, so there's a lot goingon, and it's good.
(00:22):
I'm going to miss summer.
I've enjoyed the change of paceof summer, but at the same time
there are always things to lookforward to once the school year
starts.
I miss the routine of knowingwhere everybody's going to be
and when and that kind of thing.
So our summer has been great.
We were able to spend some timetogether.
(00:43):
My husband and I were able toget away together, and then our
whole family was able to do avacation together.
So I count that as a success.
I count that as a good summer.
Last week I shared with you someof my favorite things about
homeschooling.
We were a homeschool family formany years.
I taught my children at homefrom kindergarten all the way up
(01:06):
through their eighth grade year, and so I taught for 12 years,
because I had three children andby the time I processed them
all through, I had been ahomeschool mom for 12 years and
this is actually the first yearwe haven't homeschooled, which
has been more of a transitionfor me than I imagined it would
be, but I loved homeschoolingand anybody who been more of a
(01:27):
transition for me than Iimagined it would be, but I
loved homeschooling and anybodywho wants to talk about it and
you know, anywhere I go and Imeet homeschoolers or you know
there are people who comesometimes.
They know that I homeschooled.
They'll come and ask mequestions.
I love talking about it becauseI just think it was great.
It was a wonderful experiencefor our family.
Now, during those 12 years, ifyou'd have come and talked with
me about it, depending on theday, you might not have gotten
(01:49):
such an enthusiastic endorsement, because it's hard and there
were days that you know Ithought why am I doing this, or
should I be doing this, or can Ido this?
But now that I look back, I'mglad we did and last week I
shared with you the things thatI love most about our
homeschooling journey.
(02:09):
This week I want to balance itout by sharing some of the
things that I found mostchallenging about homeschooling.
You know, sometimes when youtalk with people like me, who
are veteran homeschoolers andwho broke through some of the
hard places and now look I lookback on it with fond memories
(02:31):
you can get an unbalanced view.
It sounds like, oh,homeschooling is just wonderful
and everyone should do it.
And then when you start, or youtry, or you're in the middle of
it and it doesn't't look thatway.
It feels hard.
It doesn't look like thehomeschool blogs, it doesn't
look like all of the homeschoolblogs that you like to go and
(02:54):
read, or the people on socialmedia who make it look like it's
just such a natural flow toyour day.
You think what's wrong with me.
You know why can't I get thisright?
Or did God ask me to do this?
Because if he asked me to dothis, surely this would be
easier.
And so I want to share with youtoday some of the things that I
(03:15):
found most challenging abouthomeschooling, or some of the
things that I liked the least.
So I guess last week would bethe pros and this week I want to
talk with you about the cons,and I want to say, before I
share anything, that I would doit all over again.
I really feel like it was acall of God on my life, on our
lives, and it was what he askedus to do.
(03:37):
I don't think that everyoneshould homeschool, even every
Christian family, and I haveheard people who say that every
homeschool, every Christianfamily should homeschool, and
I'm not of that camp.
I don't believe that.
I believe that it's best topray and hear from the Lord,
because that is what kept me onthe days that were extremely
(04:01):
hard.
I felt like I had a very clearcall from the Lord, a very clear
answer.
When I asked him do you want meto homeschool?
And I feel like I got a veryclear yes.
And there were days that I hadto go back to that yes and had
to say, okay, this is hard, butGod asked this of me and where
(04:22):
he guides, he always provides.
So if he asks something of me,he's going to give me the grace,
the strength, the wisdom, theendurance to continue to finish
what I've started.
And so I think every family hasto decide for themselves.
They have to pray, they have toask God is this your plan for
(04:43):
our family?
But this week I want to talkwith you about the things, like
I said, the things that I foundmost challenging.
You know, last week I mentionedthat one of the great things
about homeschooling is all thetime that you get to spend with
your children.
You know that time gives youthe opportunity to get to know
them, to connect with theirheart, to share Christ with them
(05:06):
in a meaningful way, and thoseare all great things.
But for me one of the cons ofhomeschooling was all that time
that I was in front of otherpeople.
I am by nature an introvert andI crave time by myself, and
homeschooling was hard on thisintrovert.
(05:27):
At least when I was workingfull time I had a lunch break or
I had a commute.
At one time I was driving aboutan hour back and forth to work
each day, and so on the way towork I could pray, get my mind
right, listen to messages.
On the way back I coulddecompress, I could make phone
(05:49):
calls if I needed to those kindsof things, and so I had some me
time, even if it was just mylunch break in the middle of the
day.
But when I came home and I hadthree little ones who needed my
constant attention, I feltdrained a lot because I crave
(06:11):
time alone.
And so all that time togetheris wonderful, until it's not,
and that was very hard for me.
You know, even Jesus withdrewby himself at times to get away
and pray, and I had a hard timewhen it seemed like there was no
time for me to be by myself.
(06:31):
And I've talked about this, Italk about this in the message
that I share about having quiettime with Jesus.
They just felt like there wasno time to have a quiet time
with Jesus, and so I had to seekout those little pieces of
solitude that before kids,before homeschooling, I would
not have thought was sufficientor enough.
But God was gracious and hehelped me.
(06:55):
But it is hard.
All of that togetherness washard for me.
Not that I don't love mychildren, but we all do better
when we have some time apart.
You know, there were days whenI wish that I could have a
school bus, stop by and pickthem up and I could have that
day to just clean my house, sitand read, just lay on the couch
(07:20):
and just be.
And I love my children, butit's perfectly normal to want to
be away from them from time totime, and so that I found that
very hard.
The second thing that I foundthat was very difficult for us
when it come to homeschooling,was the financial pressure.
(07:42):
I worked as a salespersonbefore I became a stay-at-home
mom and I wanted to quit my job.
Years before I wanted to quitmy job time, I found out I was
pregnant with my first son, butfinancially we were not able to
do that.
But when that desire startedbubbling up in my heart and I
(08:03):
shared that with my husband, westarted making plans.
He wanted that too, but he is arealist.
And he said and making plans,he wanted that too, but he is a
realist.
And he said we cannot do thatfinancially right now.
Let's pay off some debt and seewhat we can do.
And so we worked during thattime to pay off debt.
I tried to work extra hours asa salesperson.
(08:23):
I was paid on commission, sothe harder I worked, the more I
could make.
And we paid down some debt sothat by the time my oldest was
four I was able to resign.
That was wonderful and I feltlike God had called me to do
this.
So to me it didn't feel like asacrifice, but it was a
(08:44):
sacrifice Once you're home andyou're home but you can't afford
to go do anything.
And it was a change oflifestyle for us.
For me, and you know I lovedstopping by every morning and
getting a cup of coffee on myway to work.
You know that made me feel likeI was, you know, had a little
(09:07):
bit of freedom.
I didn't think anything aboutgoing and buying a new purse or
an outfit.
And well, when I became ahomeschool mom, it cut our
income in half and I did notcomplain.
I tried not to complain becausethis was what I felt like God
had called me to do, and sothere was a joy in it and I
found ways around.
(09:27):
I learned to be better with mymoney.
I learned to be better with mymoney.
I learned to be better with ourmoney and I tried to think of
the positives.
I'm teaching my kids how to befrugal.
I'm teaching them, you know,they're definitely not going to
be spoiled.
And so I tried to think of thepositives.
But now that I look back, like Isaid, I wouldn't take anything
(09:47):
for homeschooling.
I wouldn't take anything forthe ability to be able to do
that.
Everybody can't.
But we're not right nowfinancially.
We're not where other peopleour age are, simply because
we've lived on one income for solong, and that's a reality, and
I think that we, you know Jesussaid in Luke 14,.
(10:10):
He said count the cost.
He said, before a man starts tobuild a tower, he's going to
count the cost and see do I haveenough to finish this?
And so I think, when you'rethinking about homeschooling or
in the middle of homeschooling,I think it's important to be
realistic about you know, are wefinancially able to do this?
Does this make sense for ourfamily?
And, of course, like I saidbefore, the main question is is
(10:33):
this what God's called us to do?
Because if it is, then he willprovide.
But there are sacrifices.
The reality is to say yes toone thing is To say yes to being
a full-time stay-at-home mom,or being a full-time homeschool
(10:56):
mom, is to say no to things likenew cars, vacations, sometimes
college.
You know, right now I'm sothankful that my oldest son has
gotten scholarships.
His first year of college ispaid for because he got
scholarships and I'm so thankfulfor that.
(11:17):
But if it wasn't, then we wouldhave to take out loans, he
would have to take out loans,and that's just the reality of
how life works.
And so and I'm telling you thisbecause I wish someone had
spelled that out for me, becauseyou know when you're in the
moment and it's like, oh, we'redoing what God called us to do.
This is going to be wonderful,but it's still a sacrifice.
(11:39):
It doesn't take away the stingof not always being able to do
the things that you want to dowhen you want to do them,
because you made the choice thatyou wanted to homeschool your
children.
So that was the second thingthat I felt was I didn't like.
I didn't like that, but it'sthe truth, it's how it is.
(12:01):
The third thing is the weight ofthe responsibility of
homeschooling.
When you bring your childrenhome, you withdraw them out of
the public school system.
You are responsible for theirentire education, and that
weight was heavy for me.
I remember when I was tellingmy husband I want to homeschool
(12:24):
our children.
At first he was not excitedabout the idea.
He is in public education.
At the time he was an assistanthigh school principal.
Now he is a high schoolprincipal and so he knew about
education.
I remember us sitting down totalk about this one day and he
(12:46):
said Audrey, you will beresponsible for teaching our
children to read.
Do you understand how importantthat is?
And I'm thankful that he did.
You know there was part of methat want to be upset with him
and wanted to say of course, ofcourse I can teach our children
how to read.
But when he said it that way, Iunderstood his concern.
(13:08):
He cared about our children'seducation and he wanted to make
sure I understood that by.
You know, by taking them home,by bringing them home and
teaching these things, that Iwould become responsible for
their education.
And that doesn't stop withteaching them how to read, it
(13:30):
goes all the way through until,like I said, we put our children
in public high school.
And that's a lot.
There's no teacher to blame,there's no principal to blame.
You can't blame the publicschool system.
You can't.
You know, it's you, it's you.
And I felt that burden, I feltthat weight, that responsibility
(13:56):
.
I will tell you that it kept meon my toes.
You know, I knew that there wasa possibility in high school
that my children may end upgoing to high school.
I didn't want them to be behindtheir peers, I didn't want them
to be embarrassed about thethings that they didn't know,
and I certainly didn't want tohurt their opportunity to do
(14:18):
well in high school and to getscholarships for college.
And so it pushed me to makesure I was teaching them the
things that they needed tothrive academically.
Spiritually was my focus, but Ibelieve we can do both well.
We can do the spiritual sideand the academic side well, and
I will say that all three of mychildren have done great in
(14:41):
public high school, and I thankthe Lord for that, and part of
that was because I felt thatweight, I felt that
responsibility, that it's up toyou, audrey, this is your job to
educate your children, butthat's something that you really
need to think about if you'reconsidering homeschool.
(15:01):
It's real.
You know they don't know whatthey don't know and you don't
know what you don't know, and itpushed me to go and find those
who did.
You know I did not teach themalgebra.
Could I have, possibly, but Ididn't want to Like, I wanted
them to have a good algebrateacher.
(15:21):
You know I took algebra.
I was an engineering major.
I took differential equations,but that was 25 years ago.
I didn't want my limitations tolimit them, and so there were
different areas where I soughtout the best teachers, the best
books, the best resources, thebest classes.
You know, I've signed them upfor an online algebra class
(15:44):
through our school district.
And so it's not that you haveto do all the teaching, it's
that you're responsible forgetting them the teaching.
Nobody's going to be out therefinding it for you or telling
you hey, you should do this, youshould do that.
You're responsible for findingthe resources and putting them
(16:05):
into place.
And number five this is the onethat is probably the most touchy
when you talk to people whohomeschool people in Christian
homeschool circles, please don'tthrow tomatoes.
But there can be a strugglewith socialization and a lot of
homeschoolers will defendhomeschooling to the end and say
(16:27):
there is no problem withsocialization.
And I just want to be real withyou and say some homeschooled
kids struggle socially and it'sokay to admit that each child is
different.
You know, I had one child whostruggled socially when he moved
(16:48):
from a homeschool setting to apublic school setting.
Like me, he is an introvert andbeing around people all the
time, all day, every day, wasnot easy for him.
I have another son and he wasimmediately popular because he
talks to everybody and he hugseverybody.
(17:09):
You just can't help but lovehim and he just immediately.
It was like he'd been there hiswhole life.
But I had one son, my last son,caleb, and he I think he would
have struggled more had we nothad the coffee shop, his last
year of homeschooling, becausethat pushed him out of his
comfort zone.
He worked at our shop, helearned how to talk to people
(17:31):
and it made him more social.
Now could we have had similarthings for my other son, who
struggled Probably, but I didn'tknow.
Even he has told me I wish youhad sent me earlier, I wish I
could have gone to public schooland middle school.
He said I think I would havebeen.
I think my high schoolexperience would have been
better From his perspective as ahomeschool kid.
(17:52):
He wished he had startedearlier, because he said there
were just things that he missedout on that he thinks would have
made him more social duringhigh school.
Now we always talk about peerpressure like it's a bad thing.
It can be, but it's a naturalthing too.
It's natural for us to want tofit in with those who we're
(18:13):
around all day, every day, andso that's a real concern.
If I had it to do all over, I'dhave probably done a lot of
things differently, but you know, but we did not have co -ops
that were close.
The closest co-op to me wasabout an hour away and the only
other homeschool family that Iknew was my sister's family and
(18:34):
we spent a lot of time with them.
But outside of that, before thecoffee shop, we really didn't
have a lot of outside socialinteraction except for at church
, and I wish I was moreintentional about making that
happen.
Maybe I would have made thatdrive for an hour.
But the socialization struggleis real, but it's not
(18:54):
insurmountable.
And the last thing I want tomention is that homeschooling
was emotionally, physically andspiritually draining for me.
Burnout, homeschool burnout, isa real thing.
I remember the first few yearsI didn't know what was happening
to me.
I thought I was falling into adepression and I'm sure there
(19:14):
were times when I was strugglingwith depression.
But I found out over the yearsit seemed to happen around the
same time and that was likearound that January, february
mark and I started noticing youknow cycles and realizing, okay,
this is what they mean byhomeschool burnout, because it
(19:34):
is a lot.
You're constantly trying to makesure that your kids are getting
what they need.
You know, I don't know ahomeschool mom that doesn't ask
herself am I doing this right?
Am I doing the right things.
Am I doing enough of the rightthings?
Is this good enough?
And one of the positives aboutthis is it constantly kept me in
(19:59):
touch with God.
I was constantly praying andsaying Lord, I feel so
inadequate in this role thatyou've asked me to feel Please
give me grace, show me the way.
And it kept me close to Jesusbecause I needed him.
When we're put in a situationwhere we cannot do it, but God
(20:20):
is asking us to do it, thatforces us to lean on him.
It forces us to draw on hisstrength, and I think that's
what God does.
I think his calling.
If he's calling us to dosomething we can do, then we
don't need him.
And so he calls us to do thingswe can't do, and we know we
(20:41):
can't do them, and that's why wehave to lean on him.
And so that was probably thehardest part of homeschooling
for me.
That mental burden can beconstant and wrestling with
those insecurities and throughit all, you know, god builds
your confidence.
I was a completely differentperson and our homeschool was
(21:03):
completely different from whenmy kids were in second and third
grade to when they were inseventh and eighth grade.
You know, god built myconfidence and showed me you can
do this and helped me to findthe joy in it.
There was one year where I hada kindergartner, a second grader
and a third grader and if you'dasked me during that season if
(21:23):
I recommended homeschooling, I'mnot sure I would have told you
yes, because I was having to youknow deal with trying to teach
a five-year-old to sit in theirchair, trying to teach one to
read, trying to help anotherlearn how to write, and tears
(21:45):
almost every day, and some ofthose tears were mine.
So if you'd asked me duringthose early seasons, do I
recommend homeschooling, I mightnot have told you yes.
But, like I said, I knew Godhad called me to do so.
I felt very confident that Iheard him say yes and that kept
me on the hard days.
(22:05):
See, if you don't have that yes,if you're just doing it because
you feel like you know yourpeer group expects this, or you
heard somebody say everyChristian family should
homeschool, then when it getslike that you don't really have
anything to stand on.
You know it's like you're justdoing it because it's expected
and I'm going to tell you it'stoo hard to do just because it's
(22:27):
expected.
Don't do it just because itsounds like fun, because there
are many days it is a lot of fun, but there are many days that
are more hard than fun.
And so if God's called you todo it, he'll give you the grace
to do it.
But it helps to know thatyou've prayed it through and
you've heard from the Lord andhe said yes.
(22:48):
And then when it gets hard, youcan go to him and say now
listen, you told me to do this.
Where's the grace?
I need the grace, and where heguides, he provides.
And I know that sounds clicheand I know it may sound trite,
but it's true.
So I hope that this has beenencouraging for you today.
I hope it's given you somethingto think about.
(23:09):
I hope that if you arehomeschooling, it would be
encouraging and I sayencouraging because sometimes
for me it's just encouraging toknow that it's hard for
everybody, not just me.
And if you're thinking abouthomeschooling, I hope that it
will give you some things totruly think about.
You know, like Jesus said,let's count the cost, let's
(23:32):
don't go into a situation andnot have thought it through well
, let's use wisdom.
And I want to end today just bytelling you that you know I'm
here to support you as a mom.
That's what I do.
I love moms.
I love what you're doing.
I believe that we, as moms havean important part in the
(23:55):
kingdom.
I think that family is thebasic building block of our
society and I want to encourageyou in the important and the
holy work that you're doing, andI believe in it.
I believe in you.
I believe that God gives yougrace to do what you can't do,
(24:15):
and I'm here on the other sidesaying you can do this.
If God called you to it, hewill give you grace to do it.
And if you ever want to reachout to me, I respond to everyone
who reaches out to me.
I would love to hear your story, I'd love to hear your
questions.
I'm always thinking what can Ishare?
So if you have something you'dlike to share, please do so.
(24:37):
I strongly encourage you to goto my blog, grace For my Home,
or look in the show notes andsubscribe to my weekly email.
I send out an email once a weekand I'm trying to make that
email a little more robust,trying to put some more
information in there, share somethings that I don't have time
(24:57):
to share on the blog, and so Iencourage you, if you want some
support, if you just want someencouragement in your week.
So I encourage you, if you wantsome support, if you just want
some encouragement in your week,go to my blog,
graceformyhomecom, or look inthe show notes and subscribe to
my email.
I'd love to hear from you.
I hope you have a great week.
God bless.
Hello and welcome back to Grace From my Home.
I'm Audrey and I'm so glad thatyou've joined me again this
week.
I hope that you're doing well.
We are gearing up for the startof the new school year.
My oldest will be in collegeand my other two will be in high
school, so there's a lot goingon, and it's good.
(00:22):
I'm going to miss summer.
I've enjoyed the change of paceof summer, but at the same time
there are always things to lookforward to once the school year
starts.
I miss the routine of knowingwhere everybody's going to be
and when and that kind of thing.
So our summer has been great.
We were able to spend some timetogether.
(00:43):
My husband and I were able toget away together, and then our
whole family was able to do avacation together.
So I count that as a success.
I count that as a good summer.
Last week I shared with you someof my favorite things about
homeschooling.
We were a homeschool family formany years.
I taught my children at homefrom kindergarten all the way up
(01:06):
through their eighth grade year, and so I taught for 12 years,
because I had three children andby the time I processed them
all through, I had been ahomeschool mom for 12 years and
this is actually the first yearwe haven't homeschooled, which
has been more of a transitionfor me than I imagined it would
be, but I loved homeschoolingand anybody who been more of a
(01:27):
transition for me than Iimagined it would be, but I
loved homeschooling and anybodywho wants to talk about it and
you know, anywhere I go and Imeet homeschoolers or you know
there are people who comesometimes.
They know that I homeschooled.
They'll come and ask mequestions.
I love talking about it becauseI just think it was great.
It was a wonderful experiencefor our family.
Now, during those 12 years, ifyou'd have come and talked with
me about it, depending on theday, you might not have gotten
(01:49):
such an enthusiastic endorsement, because it's hard and there
were days that you know Ithought why am I doing this, or
should I be doing this, or can Ido this?
But now that I look back, I'mglad we did and last week I
shared with you the things thatI love most about our
homeschooling journey.
(02:09):
This week I want to balance itout by sharing some of the
things that I found mostchallenging about homeschooling.
You know, sometimes when youtalk with people like me, who
are veteran homeschoolers andwho broke through some of the
hard places and now look I lookback on it with fond memories
(02:31):
you can get an unbalanced view.
It sounds like, oh,homeschooling is just wonderful
and everyone should do it.
And then when you start, or youtry, or you're in the middle of
it and it doesn't't look thatway.
It feels hard.
It doesn't look like thehomeschool blogs, it doesn't
look like all of the homeschoolblogs that you like to go and
(02:54):
read, or the people on socialmedia who make it look like it's
just such a natural flow toyour day.
You think what's wrong with me.
You know why can't I get thisright?
Or did God ask me to do this?
Because if he asked me to dothis, surely this would be
easier.
And so I want to share with youtoday some of the things that I
(03:15):
found most challenging abouthomeschooling, or some of the
things that I liked the least.
So I guess last week would bethe pros and this week I want to
talk with you about the cons,and I want to say, before I
share anything, that I would doit all over again.
I really feel like it was acall of God on my life, on our
lives, and it was what he askedus to do.
(03:37):
I don't think that everyoneshould homeschool, even every
Christian family, and I haveheard people who say that every
homeschool, every Christianfamily should homeschool, and
I'm not of that camp.
I don't believe that.
I believe that it's best topray and hear from the Lord,
because that is what kept me onthe days that were extremely
(04:01):
hard.
I felt like I had a very clearcall from the Lord, a very clear
answer.
When I asked him do you want meto homeschool?
And I feel like I got a veryclear yes.
And there were days that I hadto go back to that yes and had
to say, okay, this is hard, butGod asked this of me and where
(04:22):
he guides, he always provides.
So if he asks something of me,he's going to give me the grace,
the strength, the wisdom, theendurance to continue to finish
what I've started.
And so I think every family hasto decide for themselves.
They have to pray, they have toask God is this your plan for
(04:43):
our family?
But this week I want to talkwith you about the things, like
I said, the things that I foundmost challenging.
You know, last week I mentionedthat one of the great things
about homeschooling is all thetime that you get to spend with
your children.
You know that time gives youthe opportunity to get to know
them, to connect with theirheart, to share Christ with them
(05:06):
in a meaningful way, and thoseare all great things.
But for me one of the cons ofhomeschooling was all that time
that I was in front of otherpeople.
I am by nature an introvert andI crave time by myself, and
homeschooling was hard on thisintrovert.
(05:27):
At least when I was workingfull time I had a lunch break or
I had a commute.
At one time I was driving aboutan hour back and forth to work
each day, and so on the way towork I could pray, get my mind
right, listen to messages.
On the way back I coulddecompress, I could make phone
(05:49):
calls if I needed to those kindsof things, and so I had some me
time, even if it was just mylunch break in the middle of the
day.
But when I came home and I hadthree little ones who needed my
constant attention, I feltdrained a lot because I crave
(06:11):
time alone.
And so all that time togetheris wonderful, until it's not,
and that was very hard for me.
You know, even Jesus withdrewby himself at times to get away
and pray, and I had a hard timewhen it seemed like there was no
time for me to be by myself.
(06:31):
And I've talked about this, Italk about this in the message
that I share about having quiettime with Jesus.
They just felt like there wasno time to have a quiet time
with Jesus, and so I had to seekout those little pieces of
solitude that before kids,before homeschooling, I would
not have thought was sufficientor enough.
But God was gracious and hehelped me.
(06:55):
But it is hard.
All of that togetherness washard for me.
Not that I don't love mychildren, but we all do better
when we have some time apart.
You know, there were days whenI wish that I could have a
school bus, stop by and pickthem up and I could have that
day to just clean my house, sitand read, just lay on the couch
(07:20):
and just be.
And I love my children, butit's perfectly normal to want to
be away from them from time totime, and so that I found that
very hard.
The second thing that I foundthat was very difficult for us
when it come to homeschooling,was the financial pressure.
(07:42):
I worked as a salespersonbefore I became a stay-at-home
mom and I wanted to quit my job.
Years before I wanted to quitmy job time, I found out I was
pregnant with my first son, butfinancially we were not able to
do that.
But when that desire startedbubbling up in my heart and I
(08:03):
shared that with my husband, westarted making plans.
He wanted that too, but he is arealist.
And he said and making plans,he wanted that too, but he is a
realist.
And he said we cannot do thatfinancially right now.
Let's pay off some debt and seewhat we can do.
And so we worked during thattime to pay off debt.
I tried to work extra hours asa salesperson.
(08:23):
I was paid on commission, sothe harder I worked, the more I
could make.
And we paid down some debt sothat by the time my oldest was
four I was able to resign.
That was wonderful and I feltlike God had called me to do
this.
So to me it didn't feel like asacrifice, but it was a
(08:44):
sacrifice Once you're home andyou're home but you can't afford
to go do anything.
And it was a change oflifestyle for us.
For me, and you know I lovedstopping by every morning and
getting a cup of coffee on myway to work.
You know that made me feel likeI was, you know, had a little
(09:07):
bit of freedom.
I didn't think anything aboutgoing and buying a new purse or
an outfit.
And well, when I became ahomeschool mom, it cut our
income in half and I did notcomplain.
I tried not to complain becausethis was what I felt like God
had called me to do, and sothere was a joy in it and I
found ways around.
(09:27):
I learned to be better with mymoney.
I learned to be better with mymoney.
I learned to be better with ourmoney and I tried to think of
the positives.
I'm teaching my kids how to befrugal.
I'm teaching them, you know,they're definitely not going to
be spoiled.
And so I tried to think of thepositives.
But now that I look back, like Isaid, I wouldn't take anything
(09:47):
for homeschooling.
I wouldn't take anything forthe ability to be able to do
that.
Everybody can't.
But we're not right nowfinancially.
We're not where other peopleour age are, simply because
we've lived on one income for solong, and that's a reality, and
I think that we, you know Jesussaid in Luke 14,.
(10:10):
He said count the cost.
He said, before a man starts tobuild a tower, he's going to
count the cost and see do I haveenough to finish this?
And so I think, when you'rethinking about homeschooling or
in the middle of homeschooling,I think it's important to be
realistic about you know, are wefinancially able to do this?
Does this make sense for ourfamily?
And, of course, like I saidbefore, the main question is is
(10:33):
this what God's called us to do?
Because if it is, then he willprovide.
But there are sacrifices.
The reality is to say yes toone thing is To say yes to being
a full-time stay-at-home mom,or being a full-time homeschool
(10:56):
mom, is to say no to things likenew cars, vacations, sometimes
college.
You know, right now I'm sothankful that my oldest son has
gotten scholarships.
His first year of college ispaid for because he got
scholarships and I'm so thankfulfor that.
(11:17):
But if it wasn't, then we wouldhave to take out loans, he
would have to take out loans,and that's just the reality of
how life works.
And so and I'm telling you thisbecause I wish someone had
spelled that out for me, becauseyou know when you're in the
moment and it's like, oh, we'redoing what God called us to do.
This is going to be wonderful,but it's still a sacrifice.
(11:39):
It doesn't take away the stingof not always being able to do
the things that you want to dowhen you want to do them,
because you made the choice thatyou wanted to homeschool your
children.
So that was the second thingthat I felt was I didn't like.
I didn't like that, but it'sthe truth, it's how it is.
(12:01):
The third thing is the weight ofthe responsibility of
homeschooling.
When you bring your childrenhome, you withdraw them out of
the public school system.
You are responsible for theirentire education, and that
weight was heavy for me.
I remember when I was tellingmy husband I want to homeschool
(12:24):
our children.
At first he was not excitedabout the idea.
He is in public education.
At the time he was an assistanthigh school principal.
Now he is a high schoolprincipal and so he knew about
education.
I remember us sitting down totalk about this one day and he
(12:46):
said Audrey, you will beresponsible for teaching our
children to read.
Do you understand how importantthat is?
And I'm thankful that he did.
You know there was part of methat want to be upset with him
and wanted to say of course, ofcourse I can teach our children
how to read.
But when he said it that way, Iunderstood his concern.
(13:08):
He cared about our children'seducation and he wanted to make
sure I understood that by.
You know, by taking them home,by bringing them home and
teaching these things, that Iwould become responsible for
their education.
And that doesn't stop withteaching them how to read, it
(13:30):
goes all the way through until,like I said, we put our children
in public high school.
And that's a lot.
There's no teacher to blame,there's no principal to blame.
You can't blame the publicschool system.
You can't.
You know, it's you, it's you.
And I felt that burden, I feltthat weight, that responsibility
(13:56):
.
I will tell you that it kept meon my toes.
You know, I knew that there wasa possibility in high school
that my children may end upgoing to high school.
I didn't want them to be behindtheir peers, I didn't want them
to be embarrassed about thethings that they didn't know,
and I certainly didn't want tohurt their opportunity to do
(14:18):
well in high school and to getscholarships for college.
And so it pushed me to makesure I was teaching them the
things that they needed tothrive academically.
Spiritually was my focus, but Ibelieve we can do both well.
We can do the spiritual sideand the academic side well, and
I will say that all three of mychildren have done great in
(14:41):
public high school, and I thankthe Lord for that, and part of
that was because I felt thatweight, I felt that
responsibility, that it's up toyou, audrey, this is your job to
educate your children, butthat's something that you really
need to think about if you'reconsidering homeschool.
(15:01):
It's real.
You know they don't know whatthey don't know and you don't
know what you don't know, and itpushed me to go and find those
who did.
You know I did not teach themalgebra.
Could I have, possibly, but Ididn't want to Like, I wanted
them to have a good algebrateacher.
(15:21):
You know I took algebra.
I was an engineering major.
I took differential equations,but that was 25 years ago.
I didn't want my limitations tolimit them, and so there were
different areas where I soughtout the best teachers, the best
books, the best resources, thebest classes.
You know, I've signed them upfor an online algebra class
(15:44):
through our school district.
And so it's not that you haveto do all the teaching, it's
that you're responsible forgetting them the teaching.
Nobody's going to be out therefinding it for you or telling
you hey, you should do this, youshould do that.
You're responsible for findingthe resources and putting them
(16:05):
into place.
And number five this is the onethat is probably the most touchy
when you talk to people whohomeschool people in Christian
homeschool circles, please don'tthrow tomatoes.
But there can be a strugglewith socialization and a lot of
homeschoolers will defendhomeschooling to the end and say
(16:27):
there is no problem withsocialization.
And I just want to be real withyou and say some homeschooled
kids struggle socially and it'sokay to admit that each child is
different.
You know, I had one child whostruggled socially when he moved
(16:48):
from a homeschool setting to apublic school setting.
Like me, he is an introvert andbeing around people all the
time, all day, every day, wasnot easy for him.
I have another son and he wasimmediately popular because he
talks to everybody and he hugseverybody.
(17:09):
You just can't help but lovehim and he just immediately.
It was like he'd been there hiswhole life.
But I had one son, my last son,caleb, and he I think he would
have struggled more had we nothad the coffee shop, his last
year of homeschooling, becausethat pushed him out of his
comfort zone.
He worked at our shop, helearned how to talk to people
(17:31):
and it made him more social.
Now could we have had similarthings for my other son, who
struggled Probably, but I didn'tknow.
Even he has told me I wish youhad sent me earlier, I wish I
could have gone to public schooland middle school.
He said I think I would havebeen.
I think my high schoolexperience would have been
better From his perspective as ahomeschool kid.
(17:52):
He wished he had startedearlier, because he said there
were just things that he missedout on that he thinks would have
made him more social duringhigh school.
Now we always talk about peerpressure like it's a bad thing.
It can be, but it's a naturalthing too.
It's natural for us to want tofit in with those who we're
(18:13):
around all day, every day, andso that's a real concern.
If I had it to do all over, I'dhave probably done a lot of
things differently, but you know, but we did not have co -ops
that were close.
The closest co-op to me wasabout an hour away and the only
other homeschool family that Iknew was my sister's family and
(18:34):
we spent a lot of time with them.
But outside of that, before thecoffee shop, we really didn't
have a lot of outside socialinteraction except for at church
, and I wish I was moreintentional about making that
happen.
Maybe I would have made thatdrive for an hour.
But the socialization struggleis real, but it's not
(18:54):
insurmountable.
And the last thing I want tomention is that homeschooling
was emotionally, physically andspiritually draining for me.
Burnout, homeschool burnout, isa real thing.
I remember the first few yearsI didn't know what was happening
to me.
I thought I was falling into adepression and I'm sure there
(19:14):
were times when I was strugglingwith depression.
But I found out over the yearsit seemed to happen around the
same time and that was likearound that January, february
mark and I started noticing youknow cycles and realizing, okay,
this is what they mean byhomeschool burnout, because it
(19:34):
is a lot.
You're constantly trying to makesure that your kids are getting
what they need.
You know, I don't know ahomeschool mom that doesn't ask
herself am I doing this right?
Am I doing the right things.
Am I doing enough of the rightthings?
Is this good enough?
And one of the positives aboutthis is it constantly kept me in
(19:59):
touch with God.
I was constantly praying andsaying Lord, I feel so
inadequate in this role thatyou've asked me to feel Please
give me grace, show me the way.
And it kept me close to Jesusbecause I needed him.
When we're put in a situationwhere we cannot do it, but God
(20:20):
is asking us to do it, thatforces us to lean on him.
It forces us to draw on hisstrength, and I think that's
what God does.
I think his calling.
If he's calling us to dosomething we can do, then we
don't need him.
And so he calls us to do thingswe can't do, and we know we
(20:41):
can't do them, and that's why wehave to lean on him.
And so that was probably thehardest part of homeschooling
for me.
That mental burden can beconstant and wrestling with
those insecurities and throughit all, you know, god builds
your confidence.
I was a completely differentperson and our homeschool was
(21:03):
completely different from whenmy kids were in second and third
grade to when they were inseventh and eighth grade.
You know, god built myconfidence and showed me you can
do this and helped me to findthe joy in it.
There was one year where I hada kindergartner, a second grader
and a third grader and if you'dasked me during that season if
(21:23):
I recommended homeschooling, I'mnot sure I would have told you
yes, because I was having to youknow deal with trying to teach
a five-year-old to sit in theirchair, trying to teach one to
read, trying to help anotherlearn how to write, and tears
(21:45):
almost every day, and some ofthose tears were mine.
So if you'd asked me duringthose early seasons, do I
recommend homeschooling, I mightnot have told you yes.
But, like I said, I knew Godhad called me to do so.
I felt very confident that Iheard him say yes and that kept
me on the hard days.
(22:05):
See, if you don't have that yes,if you're just doing it because
you feel like you know yourpeer group expects this, or you
heard somebody say everyChristian family should
homeschool, then when it getslike that you don't really have
anything to stand on.
You know it's like you're justdoing it because it's expected
and I'm going to tell you it'stoo hard to do just because it's
(22:27):
expected.
Don't do it just because itsounds like fun, because there
are many days it is a lot of fun, but there are many days that
are more hard than fun.
And so if God's called you todo it, he'll give you the grace
to do it.
But it helps to know thatyou've prayed it through and
you've heard from the Lord andhe said yes.
(22:48):
And then when it gets hard, youcan go to him and say now
listen, you told me to do this.
Where's the grace?
I need the grace, and where heguides, he provides.
And I know that sounds clicheand I know it may sound trite,
but it's true.
So I hope that this has beenencouraging for you today.
I hope it's given you somethingto think about.
(23:09):
I hope that if you arehomeschooling, it would be
encouraging and I sayencouraging because sometimes
for me it's just encouraging toknow that it's hard for
everybody, not just me.
And if you're thinking abouthomeschooling, I hope that it
will give you some things totruly think about.
You know, like Jesus said,let's count the cost, let's
(23:32):
don't go into a situation andnot have thought it through well
, let's use wisdom.
And I want to end today just bytelling you that you know I'm
here to support you as a mom.
That's what I do.
I love moms.
I love what you're doing.
I believe that we, as moms havean important part in the
(23:55):
kingdom.
I think that family is thebasic building block of our
society and I want to encourageyou in the important and the
holy work that you're doing, andI believe in it.
I believe in you.
I believe that God gives yougrace to do what you can't do,
(24:15):
and I'm here on the other sidesaying you can do this.
If God called you to it, hewill give you grace to do it.
And if you ever want to reachout to me, I respond to everyone
who reaches out to me.
I would love to hear your story, I'd love to hear your
questions.
I'm always thinking what can Ishare?
So if you have something you'dlike to share, please do so.
(24:37):
I strongly encourage you to goto my blog, grace For my Home,
or look in the show notes andsubscribe to my weekly email.
I send out an email once a weekand I'm trying to make that
email a little more robust,trying to put some more
information in there, share somethings that I don't have time
(24:57):
to share on the blog, and so Iencourage you, if you want some
support, if you just want someencouragement in your week.
So I encourage you, if you wantsome support, if you just want
some encouragement in your week,go to my blog,
graceformyhomecom, or look inthe show notes and subscribe to
my email.
I'd love to hear from you.
I hope you have a great week.
God bless.
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