July 11, 2024 • 28 mins
Do you ever find yourself feeling out of your depth in leadership situations? Picture this: an early speaking engagement where I faced an unexpectedly large audience while grappling with physical and emotional challenges. Join me, Belinda Gaston, on the Grace to Lead podcast as I recount these moments and offer practical advice for women leaders who find themselves in similarly uncomfortable spots. We'll discuss the importance of perseverance, adaptability, and how embracing these uncomfortable moments can lead to significant personal and professional growth.
Additionally, hear about a particularly memorable event where an overly tight shaper forced me to ditch my prepared notes and speak from the heart during a panel discussion. Through this experience, I uncovered hidden strengths and insights that I never knew I possessed. This episode highlights how discomfort can push us to discover our true capabilities and emphasizes the tools that God has already provided us to navigate such challenges. Let's explore the divine lessons and opportunities for growth that can emerge from these trials, helping us become better leaders in God's way.
Please subscribe to our mailing list to stay connected and get updates! Thanks for listening to the Graced to Lead Podcast.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Belinda Gaston (00:08):
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I'm Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are a Christian womanwho leads at work, in your own
business or even in ministry,you are in the right place here.
You'll find practical adviceand encouragement as you lead
through real conversations thatwill challenge and inspire you.
So join me on this journey tobecoming better leaders, god's
(00:31):
way.
Are you ready?
Let the journey begin.
Welcome to the Graced to Leadpodcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are in a place of whereyou are leading from an
uncomfortable place, you need tokeep listening.
(00:55):
This means if you've been usedto doing things one way and all
of a sudden, things aredifferent, or maybe you're
placed in a position where youhave to do something that you
aren't used to doing.
Maybe you have a difficultdecision that makes you
uncomfortable, aren't used todoing.
Maybe you have a difficultdecision that makes you
uncomfortable.
Maybe you've had somechallenges in your leadership
and you're experiencingsomething that is just making
you uncomfortable.
I want you to keep listeningbecause that is the place I'm in
(01:18):
right now.
I am in an uncomfortable place.
I have had some very difficult,some challenges.
I'll say I've had somechallenges in leadership, this
in the last few weeks that havecaused me to be uncomfortable,
and when I say uncomfortable,what I mean is that I've had to
do some things I'm not used todoing.
(01:40):
I've had to figure out how tosay some things that I'm not
used to saying, and I really hadto have a perspective that I'm
not used to having, and so it'smade me.
It's really been uncomfortable,and so I was sharing this with
a friend of mine earlier today,and she reminded me of a story
that I'm going to share with you.
(02:00):
I can't believe I'm sharing thestory with you first of all,
but I'm going to share the storywith you about an experience
I've had when I was in anuncomfortable place, and after I
share that with you, I'm goingto tell you some tips for
leading in that uncomfortableplace, some things that I
encourage you to do that'sworked for me in this time and
worked for me at this time thatI'm going to share with you.
(02:22):
So, listen, she was telling methat.
She reminded me about one ofthe times that I sat on a panel
for women and I wasuncomfortable, and I have shared
this story, I think, before onan old blog I used to have.
So if you've heard it already,if you've read it already, then
just bear with me.
But so here's I want you toenvision this.
(02:43):
I need you to listen so you canunderstand where I was and what
was happening at the time.
So it was my one of my firstinvitations to sit to speak at a
women's.
It was a women's leadership andempowerment event before I
(03:07):
became a minister, before I wasordained.
It was not ministry at all.
This was a leadership event toempower and encourage other
women leaders, and I was invitedto be a panelist by somebody
that I really admire, and theother panelists were people that
I looked up to.
They were you know.
Some of them I consider to bepeople I take advice from.
They've been at leadership fora lot longer.
I was a newer leader at the time, but here I was on this panel
(03:31):
and a friend of mine at the timetold me listen, if you're gonna
be on this panel, you need toshow up the right way.
I mean, you need to make sureyou have everything together,
and she was hyping up like youhave to make sure your hair is
right, you want to make surethat your clothes are right and
girl, you are a little pudgy inthe middle, so you might want to
go ahead and get yourself someSpanx or something.
Now let me pause here.
(03:51):
For those who don't know whatSpanx is, spanx is a like a
shaper garment.
It's an under shaper garment.
They're much more popular nowthan they were then, but
nonetheless it was.
They're used to kind of smoothout the bumps and the lumps and
make you look great, right?
And so she convinced me y'allthat I needed to go and get
these Spanx before big day.
(04:11):
So I was like fine, I'll go andget them, you've convinced me.
I get to the store and there'sa whole wall of these things and
none of them said Spanx.
So it wasn't the Spanx brand,it was something else.
But I ended up finding thisshaper.
It was like an all over shaper.
It's tucked in your tummy andlifted up this and lifted up
that.
Oh, this is great, I've got it.
(04:33):
I got my, my shaper.
I checked the size on thepackage.
Everything was great.
And so on the day of the eventthat I was, I mean, I felt like
I looked flawless.
I had my hair was just right,my makeup was perfect, I had on
amazing suit with an amazingcolor and underneath it all was
my new shaper right.
(04:53):
But I had some challenges withthis shaper.
I had some challenges.
So I get to the event.
I have been, I've been dressednow for a few hours.
I get to the event.
Everything is fine.
But once I get into the liketheater where the the event was
going to take place, I realizedone that the audience was larger
(05:15):
than I expected.
I was expecting this.
It was described as this kindof intimate discussion with
different women leaders indifferent spaces, in different
parts of their career, but itwas larger and I started looking
at those chairs and my heartstarted beating fast.
I thought, oh, I got reallynervous.
And so when I come in, theperson who is in charge of the
(05:38):
event is like great, everyone'shere.
I think I must've been probablylate.
I think I was probably laterthan the other panelists because
when I came in, she said, okay,everybody up on the stage,
we're gonna do like a soundcheck.
And so the stage had thesestairs to the left of it that
you walk up to get on the stageto sit on the panel.
(05:58):
And as I started walking towardsthe stairs, I realized that
something was not quite right,and what it was was this shaper.
This shaper was starting to gettighter as I walked, and so I'm
walking towards the stairs andat this point we're in a line,
(06:23):
the panelists are in a line,getting ready to go up the
stairs just to have seats onstage to test the microphones,
the lighting and all of that.
So I line up and I think I maybe third or fourth in line, and
I line up and I'm looking atthese stairs and it's not very
many stairs.
I want to say it may have beenfour stairs, five stairs, it
wasn't a lot of stairs.
But I'm looking at these stairsand they look enormous Like,
(06:47):
for some reason I don't know ifit was because I was nervous,
most likely because I wasnervous the stairs look like
abnormally large, high stairs.
And so I'm watching people thewomen in front of me gracefully
go up the stairs.
Some of them had on stilettos.
They're going up the stairs onthe stage and they on stilettos.
They're going up the stairs onthe stage and they're getting
(07:07):
ready to take their seats, andthey're wonderful.
And as I started to walk to thestairs, I swear that shaper
started to constrict on mythighs in a way that I did not
expect.
I mean, when I tell youconstrict, I could feel my
thighs tightening as I walked.
So by the time I got to thefirst stair and lifted, tried to
(07:29):
lift up my leg, that's when Irealized, oh my goodness, I
can't lift up my leg to get onthis stair.
So I'm standing there thinkingthis in my head, not realizing
that I had really, truly paused,and there are people behind me
and the people that were infront of me had already gone up.
So people are waiting on me togo up these stairs.
(07:50):
So I lifted up my right leg toput it on the stair and that's
when the thought my thighsstarted throbbing with every
single step going up these.
I'm telling you, these stairsseem abnormally large, but as I
was going up these stairs, witheach step it felt like the
(08:12):
shaper was tightening around mythighs.
That's okay, I wasuncomfortable, but it's okay.
I made it up to the top of thestairs.
I'm like okay, I made it to thetop of the stairs, so
everything should be fine.
She led us all to.
You know, everyone had a chairwith, like where they were
supposed to sit.
And here was my next challenge.
(08:33):
So I realized you know how yougo on panels or you've seen
people on panels and they havethose like if they're on a stage
they have those high kind ofbar stool looking chairs you
kind of just slide up on and youkind of you know, their feet
cross neatly at the ends, allthat kind of stuff.
That's what I had imagined inmy head that this would be like.
But no, for this event thechairs were low and soft.
(08:58):
I think that the event plannerwas trying to go for this like
again, she had said this was anintimate conversation and so I
think she was trying to go withlike the loungy kind of you know
loungy experience.
But these chairs y'all were somuch lower than I anticipated.
(09:19):
So now that I had made it on topof the stairs and I had walked
to where I was supposed to sit,my thighs are now throbbing
because this shaper was so tight.
I had to figure out how to sitin this low chair and I was
saying now I don't know if I caneven bend because as I'm doing,
(09:39):
as I'm moving, the shaper isgetting tighter, tighter to me.
So I didn't even know if Icould bend, let alone sit down
in this low chair.
And I remember thinking therewas like there's no way that I'm
going to be able to sit down inthis chair.
Now I was.
I wasn't even wearing tightclothes, it was the shaper.
The shaper was tightening.
But again people were waitingon me, everyone else was doing
(10:01):
what they were supposed to do.
So I had to kind of it's likeokay, I'm uncomfortable, but I
got to keep this going, it'sjust practice, it's going to be
okay.
And I sat down in that chair andas I sat down in the chair, the
shaper the shaper went up myleft leg, just the left part.
(10:22):
The left part went up and as Isat it tilted my bra kind of a
little, cause it was an all overshaper.
So I had like the.
It had like the, the straps onthe top and it went down into
like what do you call it?
Kind of shorts at the bottom.
So the left part rises up,which tilts my bra up.
(10:42):
And so now I'm sitting in thischair I need y'all to imagine
this.
I'm sitting in this chair, mythighs are throbbing, the shaper
has moved up my left leg, mybra is kind of tilted a little
bit to the right or the left, Idon't remember where, and I sit
down and I'm sitting there andI'm like, whew, I sat down, but
(11:03):
at that moment I realized Icould not feel my right butt
cheek.
The shaper had now constrictedmy right butt cheek so I've got
throbbing thighs.
This thing has risen up on theleft.
My bra is tilted, I can't feelmy butt, I am uncomfortable and
(11:24):
all I could think is okay, wejust need to get through this
and I will be able to quickly goto the restroom and just take
the thing off.
I just decided I'm taking theshaper off.
People are going to have to seethe lumps, the bumps,
whatever's there.
They're going to just have tosee this thing, because I cannot
sit here and go through mynotes and deliver these
questions, because we had thequestions in advance, so we were
each allowed like littlefolders so you could put your
(11:46):
notes in and talk to thesepeople and ask these questions.
I could not do that and beuncomfortable, right?
So we're sitting there, we'regoing through and for some
reason, the lights and the soundthe sound, I think it was the
sound was taking way too long.
It was taking longer thanexpected.
People are starting to now comein, and so my moment of
(12:09):
opportunity to get up and goquickly passed and the host was
like we're just going to goahead and move forward, I'm
going to have, I'm going tointroduce everyone and then
we'll get started.
And I think, oh crap, I can't,I have to sit here in this
uncomfortable place for thispanel.
I wasn't having any troublebreathing or anything like that,
(12:29):
but I'm telling you that thetingling and thriving it was
awful.
And so you know, you neverreally know when you're
uncomfortable.
You never really know whatpeople see, you know what you
feel, but you don't know whatpeople are seeing on the outside
Right.
And so I'm trying to smilethrough it and just like, okay,
lord, help me.
I remember praying like, lord,just if you would just get me
(12:51):
out of this, help me, lord, thatkind of thing.
But the woman to my rightclearly knew something was wrong
and she said to me are you okay?
And I said, well, I really needto take a quick break.
And she said, oh, we're aboutto start.
Is there, are you feeling okay?
And I was like, well, I'm allright, I'm not the best you know
.
I mean, how do I tell thiswoman no, I'm not okay.
(13:14):
This shaper eyeball over shapereyeball is constricting my
blood flow in my body.
It's like, in hindsight, themature me, the leader that you
see before you, would have justsaid listen, I need to take a
break.
I'll be right back and knowthat.
That would have been okay.
But at the time I wasuncomfortable, I was out of my
element.
I didn't really know, I justdidn't do it.
(13:36):
And so she says to me well, youknow what you need some water.
She motions to the host to giveme a bottle of water.
I opened up the water and Itook a sip.
I instantly regretted takingthat sip of water because I took
that sip of water and thatwater literally just sat in my
(13:57):
chest because I guess the shaperwas doing his job, I don't know
.
So now I am very, extremelyuncomfortable and the panel
starts.
She introduces us all.
We have to speak.
I am so uncomfortable that Ican't even open up my folder to
answer questions.
I'm just answering.
People are asking questions Ifthey turn the question over to
(14:20):
me.
I just answered on the top ofmy head.
I surprised myself y'all withsome of the things I was saying
because it wasn't in my notes.
Now I will say that as the panelwent on, I started to relax
more and as I started to relaxmore, it felt like the shaper
loosened up.
I got the feeling back and mylegs, but I was in an
uncomfortable position.
(14:40):
Now I'm not saying that this isan uncomfortable position that
you are in right now, becausehopefully you are not in the
shaper game.
I mean, if you are and you cando it, do it.
I have not done that since thatwas my lesson.
I don't do shapers, but I knowthat people look amazing in them
.
But the point is I was in anuncomfortable place and that
experience showed me threethings and that's what I want to
(15:02):
encourage you with today.
If you are in an uncomfortableplace in your leadership, there
are three things I just want topoint out to you quickly, and
then I will be done.
The first thing is to embracethe shift.
So remember, I'm on this panel,I'm very uncomfortable and I
told you that.
You know, once I said, okay, wejust got to get this done.
(15:23):
The water's in my chest, Ican't feel, my right butt cheek,
my thighs are tight, my brashifted.
I think I looked okay.
When I look back at the video,you couldn't see any of that.
You couldn't see any of that,thank God.
But I was in this uncomfortableplace.
But at some point I remember theshift when I maybe the second
question I got I was like youknow what, let's just answer
(15:46):
these questions and move on.
And I started to answer and Istarted to relax and things
started to change for me,physically, in my physical
comfort.
Things started to change and soonce I embraced like okay, this
is where I am, this is what'shappening, it just seemed like
things changed for me.
This is what's happening.
It just seemed like thingschanged for me and the reality,
(16:06):
and I didn't even know, I didn'teven realize how comfortable I
had become until I watched thetape, watched the video sorry at
the end.
So, embracing the shift when youare in an uncomfortable place,
it's okay to say I'muncomfortable and just embrace
(16:27):
the fact that you areuncomfortable.
Now, you, as a leader, you maynot be able to tell that to
anyone, but you can accept thatwithin yourself.
Now, I could have easily toldthe woman to my right listen,
I'm having a wardrobemalfunction and she would have
supported me through it, but inthis case I didn't.
What I'm saying for you is aswe, you know, for some of us if
(16:50):
we continue doing what we alwaysdo.
We do.
We continue doing what wealways do because we're
comfortable, and if we neverhave a crisis or a sudden change
or an uncomfortable place, wedon't really know what we can
actually do.
There is more of you, leader.
There is more you can do.
(17:10):
You can lead in a different way, you can lead in a better way.
There's so much in you, but youmay not know that because you
have been comfortable and youhaven't been challenged.
And so when you start to embracethat wait, this is an
uncomfortable place, I'm justgoing to embrace where I am you
(17:31):
may find that in youruncomfortable place, it begins
to help you break free from yourroutine and accomplish
something new, accomplishsomething different, and you can
allow that to happen andembrace what's happening and say
, wow, this is somethingdifferent, this is something new
, and not stress about it, notbe afraid of it, not be angry
about it.
But OK, this is where I am.
(17:52):
What is it that I can do now?
And for me, quite frankly, if Ihad not been in that physically
uncomfortable place and again,I don't recommend this because
that could have been a medicalemergency?
So let me just stop and say ifyou are having a medical
emergency, please seek help.
But what I'm saying is in thatif I had not been physically
(18:14):
uncomfortable in that space, Iwould have relied on the notes
that I wrote and given out theanswers in the way that I kind
of written my notes and missedan opportunity to see, oh my
goodness, I can do this so muchbetter.
Some of those answers that Igave surprised me and that gave
(18:34):
me confidence to know, wait, Ican be on this kind of platform,
in this kind of space and I canbe confident in it and I can do
things that I didn't think Icould do.
So that was the first thing.
The second thing that reallysurprised me is remember I said
I had created these talkingpoints.
We each had these folders and Ihad these talking points and my
discomfort again, it kept mefrom opening that folder.
(18:57):
I had found a position, aphysical position in that chair
that I could tolerate to answerthese questions, and so
everything I had to say inresponse to the discussion, to
participate in the discussion,it came off the top of my head.
It was things that God broughtback to my attention.
Sometimes God will bringstories, examples, experiences
(19:17):
back and you're like, oh, Ihadn't thought about that.
And you're like I hadn'tthought about this story in a
long time until my friendreminded me of it.
But so, as you embrace theshift, the other thing I want
you to do is to recognize that,as a leader, god has already
provided you what you need tomake it through your
uncomfortable place.
God has already provided youwhat you need to make it through
(19:44):
your uncomfortable place.
You may not know how good youare at something until you're
forced to do it.
You may not know what's insideof you until you're forced to
use it.
But if you're spending yourenergy again, when we talk about
embracing the shift, that meansyou're fighting against where
you are.
(20:04):
If you take the time to embracethat I am in this uncomfortable
place, I have to deal with it,and then you allow yourself to
stretch in those places, you'llbe amazed at what's already
inside of you.
It's amazing, already inside ofyou.
(20:28):
It's amazing.
When I listened to that, when Isorry when I watched the video,
I was amazed at what I had tosay, amazed.
So, then that so, embracing theshift, recognizing that God has
already provided you with whatyou need to make it through your
uncomfortable place.
And then the last thing that Iwant to share with you is to
look for God in every situationas you lead.
I know that we are taught toleave our faith and our
(20:53):
leadership separate, and so I'llsay to you to look for what the
lesson is in this place.
Honestly, after that panel, itwas a while before anyone really
(21:18):
invited me to participate inanything else.
I mean, it was a while and thatwas okay, because this was new
for me.
I didn't get caught up in theoh, I could have done better,
because I know that people hadspoken to me after the event and
said that I encouraged them.
I watched the video.
I know that it was a reallygreat panel, but here's the
(21:39):
thing because of that panel, Imet some women that I had never
met, and some of those womenended up deeply impacting my
life because of that oneuncomfortable position.
The woman that sat next to meon the panel that I mentioned to
my right ended up being someonewho poured so much wisdom into
my leadership journey.
She was an executive of thiscompany and she literally took
(22:15):
time to, over the course of thenext year, to mentor me.
I would have never met thiswoman had I not been in that
place.
If I had left that stage andsaid you know, I can't do this
which is what I felt like doing,because I was so uncomfortable
I would have missed that moment.
There was another woman who wasin the audience and she came up
(22:37):
to me afterwards and she saidoh, you know, I really
appreciate some of the thingsthat you said.
We exchanged numbers.
I didn't hear from her for acouple months and all of a
sudden she called me out of theblue and she said hey, I'm
having this event I want you toparticipate in, and so it's
almost as if she opened doorsfor me that I would not have
(23:00):
been able to access because shewas in the audience.
Sometimes you are placed in anuncomfortable position that will
not only show you that you cando something new or show you
that you have things in you thatyou didn't realize you had.
But also that uncomfortableposition could be a catalyst for
something different, somethingbetter For me.
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My uncomfortable place wasreally a meeting place To me.
That panel was a meeting placefor me that God ordained so that
I was in the right place at theright time.
And so, from that moment on,when I began to realize, as I
reflect on that place, and evenin the place that I've been in
recently, I am uncomfortable.
(23:43):
But now I'm asking the questionwhat should my attitude be like
in this space?
What should I be learning rightnow?
What is it that I need to seethat I'm missing right now?
Show me, lord, what it is thatyou have for me in this position
.
Yes, it's uncomfortable.
Yes, it can be frightening.
Yes, it can be frustrating.
(24:04):
Yes, it can be frustrating.
Yes, it can be overwhelming,but I am embracing the fact that
this is where I am.
It's uncomfortable.
I know that God has already putin me what I need to make it
through this situation, and nowI'm looking to see what it is
that I need to learn, what it isI need to grow from.
(24:26):
What is it I need to see, knowand learn in this moment.
What is it that I need to see,know and learn in this moment?
If you are in an uncomfortableplace in your leadership right
now, what is it that I need tosee, learn and know in this
moment?
And I guarantee you that youwill make it through it, because
(24:47):
, guess what?
Things don't last forever, andthat's what I have to tell
myself.
Things don't last forever.
I'm uncomfortable right now,but things don't last forever.
Listen, at the end of that panel, I was able to hop off that
stage, take off that shaper andthen meet the audience right.
Take off that shaper and thenmeet the audience right.
(25:09):
Meet the audience and my wholefocus on how I was dressed and
all of that kind of stuff.
The reality of it is that I wasprobably the most dressed up.
I think there was a couple ofpeople, everyone looked lovely,
but there were people in jeansand blazers.
I had on a suit, right.
Nobody.
The people that I stay in touchwith after that event and this
(25:30):
has been years ago they don'tremember what I was wearing.
They couldn't even see that Iwas uncomfortable.
Sometimes we're in uncomfortablepositions and we're trying so
hard to hide it because we'relike what are people going to
think and as a leader, I have tolead and what will people say?
And they're not even.
They don't even notice, they'renot even paying attention.
They are just.
(25:51):
If they are watching you, it'sbecause they are trying to model
themselves.
If they, if you, have influenceso remember, a leader has
influence If you are influencingother people, they are watching
you to see how they shouldrespond should they be in the
situation that you're in, ifthey know the details.
Many a times they don't evenknow the details, but we can get
(26:12):
so caught up as women who leadin appearance and how things are
perceived, and what I'm sayingto you is that that's not what
this is.
You're uncomfortable leadershipplace.
It's a place that may be thecatalyst for something better
for you.
(26:32):
It's a place where, if youembrace the shift, it can help
you break free of your routineand accomplish something new,
and accomplish something new.
It's a place this uncomfortableplace is a place where you may
have learned that you're reallygood at something that you
didn't know you were because allof a sudden, you're forced to
(26:53):
do it.
You may also uncover challenges.
Maybe you're not as good assomething as you thought you
were because you're forced to doit, and that's okay, right,
it's okay because it's notfailing.
It's just learning that, oh,that didn't work.
Learning how to do somethingdifferent.
Your uncomfortable place is aplace where God may be trying to
meet you and show you somethingthat you should see, something
(27:16):
you should know or something youshould learn.
So if you are in anuncomfortable place, if you are
leading in an uncomfortableplace, embrace it.
Recognize that God has alreadyprovided you with what you need
to make it through youruncomfortable place, and look
(27:39):
for God in every situation.
That's all for this week.
I hope that this encouraged you.
I have not shared this story ina long time, so I'm hoping that
, for those who have heard itbefore, it reminded you of the
last time I said it, and thosewho have never heard it, then
(28:00):
you've learned something aboutme.
I don't know what that is.
You can judge me if you will,but until we meet again.
First I want to say this isepisode 13.
I want to say thank you forlistening.
Thank you for listening to theGraced to Lead podcast.
I appreciate you.
I don't take you for granted.
I want to encourage you tocontinue to listen.
(28:21):
We are planning for season twoand some great things coming
down the pike.
So I really do hope that youcontinue to follow, to listen,
subscribe and share and, asalways, remember that you are
indeed graced to lead.
Until we talk again next week,have a wonderful, blessed week,
(28:43):
bye-bye.
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I'm Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are a Christian womanwho leads at work, in your own
business or even in ministry,you are in the right place here.
You'll find practical adviceand encouragement as you lead
through real conversations thatwill challenge and inspire you.
So join me on this journey tobecoming better leaders, god's
(00:31):
way.
Are you ready?
Let the journey begin.
Welcome to the Graced to Leadpodcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are in a place of whereyou are leading from an
uncomfortable place, you need tokeep listening.
(00:55):
This means if you've been usedto doing things one way and all
of a sudden, things aredifferent, or maybe you're
placed in a position where youhave to do something that you
aren't used to doing.
Maybe you have a difficultdecision that makes you
uncomfortable, aren't used todoing.
Maybe you have a difficultdecision that makes you
uncomfortable.
Maybe you've had somechallenges in your leadership
and you're experiencingsomething that is just making
you uncomfortable.
I want you to keep listeningbecause that is the place I'm in
(01:18):
right now.
I am in an uncomfortable place.
I have had some very difficult,some challenges.
I'll say I've had somechallenges in leadership, this
in the last few weeks that havecaused me to be uncomfortable,
and when I say uncomfortable,what I mean is that I've had to
do some things I'm not used todoing.
(01:40):
I've had to figure out how tosay some things that I'm not
used to saying, and I really hadto have a perspective that I'm
not used to having, and so it'smade me.
It's really been uncomfortable,and so I was sharing this with
a friend of mine earlier today,and she reminded me of a story
that I'm going to share with you.
(02:00):
I can't believe I'm sharing thestory with you first of all,
but I'm going to share the storywith you about an experience
I've had when I was in anuncomfortable place, and after I
share that with you, I'm goingto tell you some tips for
leading in that uncomfortableplace, some things that I
encourage you to do that'sworked for me in this time and
worked for me at this time thatI'm going to share with you.
(02:22):
So, listen, she was telling methat.
She reminded me about one ofthe times that I sat on a panel
for women and I wasuncomfortable, and I have shared
this story, I think, before onan old blog I used to have.
So if you've heard it already,if you've read it already, then
just bear with me.
But so here's I want you toenvision this.
(02:43):
I need you to listen so you canunderstand where I was and what
was happening at the time.
So it was my one of my firstinvitations to sit to speak at a
women's.
It was a women's leadership andempowerment event before I
(03:07):
became a minister, before I wasordained.
It was not ministry at all.
This was a leadership event toempower and encourage other
women leaders, and I was invitedto be a panelist by somebody
that I really admire, and theother panelists were people that
I looked up to.
They were you know.
Some of them I consider to bepeople I take advice from.
They've been at leadership fora lot longer.
I was a newer leader at the time, but here I was on this panel
(03:31):
and a friend of mine at the timetold me listen, if you're gonna
be on this panel, you need toshow up the right way.
I mean, you need to make sureyou have everything together,
and she was hyping up like youhave to make sure your hair is
right, you want to make surethat your clothes are right and
girl, you are a little pudgy inthe middle, so you might want to
go ahead and get yourself someSpanx or something.
Now let me pause here.
(03:51):
For those who don't know whatSpanx is, spanx is a like a
shaper garment.
It's an under shaper garment.
They're much more popular nowthan they were then, but
nonetheless it was.
They're used to kind of smoothout the bumps and the lumps and
make you look great, right?
And so she convinced me y'allthat I needed to go and get
these Spanx before big day.
(04:11):
So I was like fine, I'll go andget them, you've convinced me.
I get to the store and there'sa whole wall of these things and
none of them said Spanx.
So it wasn't the Spanx brand,it was something else.
But I ended up finding thisshaper.
It was like an all over shaper.
It's tucked in your tummy andlifted up this and lifted up
that.
Oh, this is great, I've got it.
(04:33):
I got my, my shaper.
I checked the size on thepackage.
Everything was great.
And so on the day of the eventthat I was, I mean, I felt like
I looked flawless.
I had my hair was just right,my makeup was perfect, I had on
amazing suit with an amazingcolor and underneath it all was
my new shaper right.
(04:53):
But I had some challenges withthis shaper.
I had some challenges.
So I get to the event.
I have been, I've been dressednow for a few hours.
I get to the event.
Everything is fine.
But once I get into the liketheater where the the event was
going to take place, I realizedone that the audience was larger
(05:15):
than I expected.
I was expecting this.
It was described as this kindof intimate discussion with
different women leaders indifferent spaces, in different
parts of their career, but itwas larger and I started looking
at those chairs and my heartstarted beating fast.
I thought, oh, I got reallynervous.
And so when I come in, theperson who is in charge of the
(05:38):
event is like great, everyone'shere.
I think I must've been probablylate.
I think I was probably laterthan the other panelists because
when I came in, she said, okay,everybody up on the stage,
we're gonna do like a soundcheck.
And so the stage had thesestairs to the left of it that
you walk up to get on the stageto sit on the panel.
(05:58):
And as I started walking towardsthe stairs, I realized that
something was not quite right,and what it was was this shaper.
This shaper was starting to gettighter as I walked, and so I'm
walking towards the stairs andat this point we're in a line,
(06:23):
the panelists are in a line,getting ready to go up the
stairs just to have seats onstage to test the microphones,
the lighting and all of that.
So I line up and I think I maybe third or fourth in line, and
I line up and I'm looking atthese stairs and it's not very
many stairs.
I want to say it may have beenfour stairs, five stairs, it
wasn't a lot of stairs.
But I'm looking at these stairsand they look enormous Like,
(06:47):
for some reason I don't know ifit was because I was nervous,
most likely because I wasnervous the stairs look like
abnormally large, high stairs.
And so I'm watching people thewomen in front of me gracefully
go up the stairs.
Some of them had on stilettos.
They're going up the stairs onthe stage and they on stilettos.
They're going up the stairs onthe stage and they're getting
(07:07):
ready to take their seats, andthey're wonderful.
And as I started to walk to thestairs, I swear that shaper
started to constrict on mythighs in a way that I did not
expect.
I mean, when I tell youconstrict, I could feel my
thighs tightening as I walked.
So by the time I got to thefirst stair and lifted, tried to
(07:29):
lift up my leg, that's when Irealized, oh my goodness, I
can't lift up my leg to get onthis stair.
So I'm standing there thinkingthis in my head, not realizing
that I had really, truly paused,and there are people behind me
and the people that were infront of me had already gone up.
So people are waiting on me togo up these stairs.
(07:50):
So I lifted up my right leg toput it on the stair and that's
when the thought my thighsstarted throbbing with every
single step going up these.
I'm telling you, these stairsseem abnormally large, but as I
was going up these stairs, witheach step it felt like the
(08:12):
shaper was tightening around mythighs.
That's okay, I wasuncomfortable, but it's okay.
I made it up to the top of thestairs.
I'm like okay, I made it to thetop of the stairs, so
everything should be fine.
She led us all to.
You know, everyone had a chairwith, like where they were
supposed to sit.
And here was my next challenge.
(08:33):
So I realized you know how yougo on panels or you've seen
people on panels and they havethose like if they're on a stage
they have those high kind ofbar stool looking chairs you
kind of just slide up on and youkind of you know, their feet
cross neatly at the ends, allthat kind of stuff.
That's what I had imagined inmy head that this would be like.
But no, for this event thechairs were low and soft.
(08:58):
I think that the event plannerwas trying to go for this like
again, she had said this was anintimate conversation and so I
think she was trying to go withlike the loungy kind of you know
loungy experience.
But these chairs y'all were somuch lower than I anticipated.
(09:19):
So now that I had made it on topof the stairs and I had walked
to where I was supposed to sit,my thighs are now throbbing
because this shaper was so tight.
I had to figure out how to sitin this low chair and I was
saying now I don't know if I caneven bend because as I'm doing,
(09:39):
as I'm moving, the shaper isgetting tighter, tighter to me.
So I didn't even know if Icould bend, let alone sit down
in this low chair.
And I remember thinking therewas like there's no way that I'm
going to be able to sit down inthis chair.
Now I was.
I wasn't even wearing tightclothes, it was the shaper.
The shaper was tightening.
But again people were waitingon me, everyone else was doing
(10:01):
what they were supposed to do.
So I had to kind of it's likeokay, I'm uncomfortable, but I
got to keep this going, it'sjust practice, it's going to be
okay.
And I sat down in that chair andas I sat down in the chair, the
shaper the shaper went up myleft leg, just the left part.
(10:22):
The left part went up and as Isat it tilted my bra kind of a
little, cause it was an all overshaper.
So I had like the.
It had like the, the straps onthe top and it went down into
like what do you call it?
Kind of shorts at the bottom.
So the left part rises up,which tilts my bra up.
(10:42):
And so now I'm sitting in thischair I need y'all to imagine
this.
I'm sitting in this chair, mythighs are throbbing, the shaper
has moved up my left leg, mybra is kind of tilted a little
bit to the right or the left, Idon't remember where, and I sit
down and I'm sitting there andI'm like, whew, I sat down, but
(11:03):
at that moment I realized Icould not feel my right butt
cheek.
The shaper had now constrictedmy right butt cheek so I've got
throbbing thighs.
This thing has risen up on theleft.
My bra is tilted, I can't feelmy butt, I am uncomfortable and
(11:24):
all I could think is okay, wejust need to get through this
and I will be able to quickly goto the restroom and just take
the thing off.
I just decided I'm taking theshaper off.
People are going to have to seethe lumps, the bumps,
whatever's there.
They're going to just have tosee this thing, because I cannot
sit here and go through mynotes and deliver these
questions, because we had thequestions in advance, so we were
each allowed like littlefolders so you could put your
(11:46):
notes in and talk to thesepeople and ask these questions.
I could not do that and beuncomfortable, right?
So we're sitting there, we'regoing through and for some
reason, the lights and the soundthe sound, I think it was the
sound was taking way too long.
It was taking longer thanexpected.
People are starting to now comein, and so my moment of
(12:09):
opportunity to get up and goquickly passed and the host was
like we're just going to goahead and move forward, I'm
going to have, I'm going tointroduce everyone and then
we'll get started.
And I think, oh crap, I can't,I have to sit here in this
uncomfortable place for thispanel.
I wasn't having any troublebreathing or anything like that,
(12:29):
but I'm telling you that thetingling and thriving it was
awful.
And so you know, you neverreally know when you're
uncomfortable.
You never really know whatpeople see, you know what you
feel, but you don't know whatpeople are seeing on the outside
Right.
And so I'm trying to smilethrough it and just like, okay,
lord, help me.
I remember praying like, lord,just if you would just get me
(12:51):
out of this, help me, lord, thatkind of thing.
But the woman to my rightclearly knew something was wrong
and she said to me are you okay?
And I said, well, I really needto take a quick break.
And she said, oh, we're aboutto start.
Is there, are you feeling okay?
And I was like, well, I'm allright, I'm not the best you know
.
I mean, how do I tell thiswoman no, I'm not okay.
(13:14):
This shaper eyeball over shapereyeball is constricting my
blood flow in my body.
It's like, in hindsight, themature me, the leader that you
see before you, would have justsaid listen, I need to take a
break.
I'll be right back and knowthat.
That would have been okay.
But at the time I wasuncomfortable, I was out of my
element.
I didn't really know, I justdidn't do it.
(13:36):
And so she says to me well, youknow what you need some water.
She motions to the host to giveme a bottle of water.
I opened up the water and Itook a sip.
I instantly regretted takingthat sip of water because I took
that sip of water and thatwater literally just sat in my
(13:57):
chest because I guess the shaperwas doing his job, I don't know
.
So now I am very, extremelyuncomfortable and the panel
starts.
She introduces us all.
We have to speak.
I am so uncomfortable that Ican't even open up my folder to
answer questions.
I'm just answering.
People are asking questions Ifthey turn the question over to
(14:20):
me.
I just answered on the top ofmy head.
I surprised myself y'all withsome of the things I was saying
because it wasn't in my notes.
Now I will say that as the panelwent on, I started to relax
more and as I started to relaxmore, it felt like the shaper
loosened up.
I got the feeling back and mylegs, but I was in an
uncomfortable position.
(14:40):
Now I'm not saying that this isan uncomfortable position that
you are in right now, becausehopefully you are not in the
shaper game.
I mean, if you are and you cando it, do it.
I have not done that since thatwas my lesson.
I don't do shapers, but I knowthat people look amazing in them
.
But the point is I was in anuncomfortable place and that
experience showed me threethings and that's what I want to
(15:02):
encourage you with today.
If you are in an uncomfortableplace in your leadership, there
are three things I just want topoint out to you quickly, and
then I will be done.
The first thing is to embracethe shift.
So remember, I'm on this panel,I'm very uncomfortable and I
told you that.
You know, once I said, okay, wejust got to get this done.
(15:23):
The water's in my chest, Ican't feel, my right butt cheek,
my thighs are tight, my brashifted.
I think I looked okay.
When I look back at the video,you couldn't see any of that.
You couldn't see any of that,thank God.
But I was in this uncomfortableplace.
But at some point I remember theshift when I maybe the second
question I got I was like youknow what, let's just answer
(15:46):
these questions and move on.
And I started to answer and Istarted to relax and things
started to change for me,physically, in my physical
comfort.
Things started to change and soonce I embraced like okay, this
is where I am, this is what'shappening, it just seemed like
things changed for me.
This is what's happening.
It just seemed like thingschanged for me and the reality,
(16:06):
and I didn't even know, I didn'teven realize how comfortable I
had become until I watched thetape, watched the video sorry at
the end.
So, embracing the shift when youare in an uncomfortable place,
it's okay to say I'muncomfortable and just embrace
(16:27):
the fact that you areuncomfortable.
Now, you, as a leader, you maynot be able to tell that to
anyone, but you can accept thatwithin yourself.
Now, I could have easily toldthe woman to my right listen,
I'm having a wardrobemalfunction and she would have
supported me through it, but inthis case I didn't.
What I'm saying for you is aswe, you know, for some of us if
(16:50):
we continue doing what we alwaysdo.
We do.
We continue doing what wealways do because we're
comfortable, and if we neverhave a crisis or a sudden change
or an uncomfortable place, wedon't really know what we can
actually do.
There is more of you, leader.
There is more you can do.
(17:10):
You can lead in a different way, you can lead in a better way.
There's so much in you, but youmay not know that because you
have been comfortable and youhaven't been challenged.
And so when you start to embracethat wait, this is an
uncomfortable place, I'm justgoing to embrace where I am you
(17:31):
may find that in youruncomfortable place, it begins
to help you break free from yourroutine and accomplish
something new, accomplishsomething different, and you can
allow that to happen andembrace what's happening and say
, wow, this is somethingdifferent, this is something new
, and not stress about it, notbe afraid of it, not be angry
about it.
But OK, this is where I am.
(17:52):
What is it that I can do now?
And for me, quite frankly, if Ihad not been in that physically
uncomfortable place and again,I don't recommend this because
that could have been a medicalemergency?
So let me just stop and say ifyou are having a medical
emergency, please seek help.
But what I'm saying is in thatif I had not been physically
(18:14):
uncomfortable in that space, Iwould have relied on the notes
that I wrote and given out theanswers in the way that I kind
of written my notes and missedan opportunity to see, oh my
goodness, I can do this so muchbetter.
Some of those answers that Igave surprised me and that gave
(18:34):
me confidence to know, wait, Ican be on this kind of platform,
in this kind of space and I canbe confident in it and I can do
things that I didn't think Icould do.
So that was the first thing.
The second thing that reallysurprised me is remember I said
I had created these talkingpoints.
We each had these folders and Ihad these talking points and my
discomfort again, it kept mefrom opening that folder.
(18:57):
I had found a position, aphysical position in that chair
that I could tolerate to answerthese questions, and so
everything I had to say inresponse to the discussion, to
participate in the discussion,it came off the top of my head.
It was things that God broughtback to my attention.
Sometimes God will bringstories, examples, experiences
(19:17):
back and you're like, oh, Ihadn't thought about that.
And you're like I hadn'tthought about this story in a
long time until my friendreminded me of it.
But so, as you embrace theshift, the other thing I want
you to do is to recognize that,as a leader, god has already
provided you what you need tomake it through your
uncomfortable place.
God has already provided youwhat you need to make it through
(19:44):
your uncomfortable place.
You may not know how good youare at something until you're
forced to do it.
You may not know what's insideof you until you're forced to
use it.
But if you're spending yourenergy again, when we talk about
embracing the shift, that meansyou're fighting against where
you are.
(20:04):
If you take the time to embracethat I am in this uncomfortable
place, I have to deal with it,and then you allow yourself to
stretch in those places, you'llbe amazed at what's already
inside of you.
It's amazing, already inside ofyou.
(20:28):
It's amazing.
When I listened to that, when Isorry when I watched the video,
I was amazed at what I had tosay, amazed.
So, then that so, embracing theshift, recognizing that God has
already provided you with whatyou need to make it through your
uncomfortable place.
And then the last thing that Iwant to share with you is to
look for God in every situationas you lead.
I know that we are taught toleave our faith and our
(20:53):
leadership separate, and so I'llsay to you to look for what the
lesson is in this place.
Honestly, after that panel, itwas a while before anyone really
(21:18):
invited me to participate inanything else.
I mean, it was a while and thatwas okay, because this was new
for me.
I didn't get caught up in theoh, I could have done better,
because I know that people hadspoken to me after the event and
said that I encouraged them.
I watched the video.
I know that it was a reallygreat panel, but here's the
(21:39):
thing because of that panel, Imet some women that I had never
met, and some of those womenended up deeply impacting my
life because of that oneuncomfortable position.
The woman that sat next to meon the panel that I mentioned to
my right ended up being someonewho poured so much wisdom into
my leadership journey.
She was an executive of thiscompany and she literally took
(22:15):
time to, over the course of thenext year, to mentor me.
I would have never met thiswoman had I not been in that
place.
If I had left that stage andsaid you know, I can't do this
which is what I felt like doing,because I was so uncomfortable
I would have missed that moment.
There was another woman who wasin the audience and she came up
(22:37):
to me afterwards and she saidoh, you know, I really
appreciate some of the thingsthat you said.
We exchanged numbers.
I didn't hear from her for acouple months and all of a
sudden she called me out of theblue and she said hey, I'm
having this event I want you toparticipate in, and so it's
almost as if she opened doorsfor me that I would not have
(23:00):
been able to access because shewas in the audience.
Sometimes you are placed in anuncomfortable position that will
not only show you that you cando something new or show you
that you have things in you thatyou didn't realize you had.
But also that uncomfortableposition could be a catalyst for
something different, somethingbetter For me.
(23:23):
My uncomfortable place wasreally a meeting place To me.
That panel was a meeting placefor me that God ordained so that
I was in the right place at theright time.
And so, from that moment on,when I began to realize, as I
reflect on that place, and evenin the place that I've been in
recently, I am uncomfortable.
(23:43):
But now I'm asking the questionwhat should my attitude be like
in this space?
What should I be learning rightnow?
What is it that I need to seethat I'm missing right now?
Show me, lord, what it is thatyou have for me in this position
.
Yes, it's uncomfortable.
Yes, it can be frightening.
Yes, it can be frustrating.
(24:04):
Yes, it can be frustrating.
Yes, it can be overwhelming,but I am embracing the fact that
this is where I am.
It's uncomfortable.
I know that God has already putin me what I need to make it
through this situation, and nowI'm looking to see what it is
that I need to learn, what it isI need to grow from.
(24:26):
What is it I need to see, knowand learn in this moment.
What is it that I need to see,know and learn in this moment?
If you are in an uncomfortableplace in your leadership right
now, what is it that I need tosee, learn and know in this
moment?
And I guarantee you that youwill make it through it, because
(24:47):
, guess what?
Things don't last forever, andthat's what I have to tell
myself.
Things don't last forever.
I'm uncomfortable right now,but things don't last forever.
Listen, at the end of that panel, I was able to hop off that
stage, take off that shaper andthen meet the audience right.
Take off that shaper and thenmeet the audience right.
(25:09):
Meet the audience and my wholefocus on how I was dressed and
all of that kind of stuff.
The reality of it is that I wasprobably the most dressed up.
I think there was a couple ofpeople, everyone looked lovely,
but there were people in jeansand blazers.
I had on a suit, right.
Nobody.
The people that I stay in touchwith after that event and this
(25:30):
has been years ago they don'tremember what I was wearing.
They couldn't even see that Iwas uncomfortable.
Sometimes we're in uncomfortablepositions and we're trying so
hard to hide it because we'relike what are people going to
think and as a leader, I have tolead and what will people say?
And they're not even.
They don't even notice, they'renot even paying attention.
They are just.
(25:51):
If they are watching you, it'sbecause they are trying to model
themselves.
If they, if you, have influenceso remember, a leader has
influence If you are influencingother people, they are watching
you to see how they shouldrespond should they be in the
situation that you're in, ifthey know the details.
Many a times they don't evenknow the details, but we can get
(26:12):
so caught up as women who leadin appearance and how things are
perceived, and what I'm sayingto you is that that's not what
this is.
You're uncomfortable leadershipplace.
It's a place that may be thecatalyst for something better
for you.
(26:32):
It's a place where, if youembrace the shift, it can help
you break free of your routineand accomplish something new,
and accomplish something new.
It's a place this uncomfortableplace is a place where you may
have learned that you're reallygood at something that you
didn't know you were because allof a sudden, you're forced to
(26:53):
do it.
You may also uncover challenges.
Maybe you're not as good assomething as you thought you
were because you're forced to doit, and that's okay, right,
it's okay because it's notfailing.
It's just learning that, oh,that didn't work.
Learning how to do somethingdifferent.
Your uncomfortable place is aplace where God may be trying to
meet you and show you somethingthat you should see, something
(27:16):
you should know or something youshould learn.
So if you are in anuncomfortable place, if you are
leading in an uncomfortableplace, embrace it.
Recognize that God has alreadyprovided you with what you need
to make it through youruncomfortable place, and look
(27:39):
for God in every situation.
That's all for this week.
I hope that this encouraged you.
I have not shared this story ina long time, so I'm hoping that
, for those who have heard itbefore, it reminded you of the
last time I said it, and thosewho have never heard it, then
(28:00):
you've learned something aboutme.
I don't know what that is.
You can judge me if you will,but until we meet again.
First I want to say this isepisode 13.
I want to say thank you forlistening.
Thank you for listening to theGraced to Lead podcast.
I appreciate you.
I don't take you for granted.
I want to encourage you tocontinue to listen.
(28:21):
We are planning for season twoand some great things coming
down the pike.
So I really do hope that youcontinue to follow, to listen,
subscribe and share and, asalways, remember that you are
indeed graced to lead.
Until we talk again next week,have a wonderful, blessed week,
(28:43):
bye-bye.
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Introducing… Aubrey O’Day Diddy’s former protege, television personality, platinum selling music artist, Danity Kane alum Aubrey O’Day joins veteran journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes to provide a unique perspective on the trial that has captivated the attention of the nation. Join them throughout the trial as they discuss, debate, and dissect every detail, every aspect of the proceedings. Aubrey will offer her opinions and expertise, as only she is qualified to do given her first-hand knowledge. From her days on Making the Band, as she emerged as the breakout star, the truth of the situation would be the opposite of the glitz and glamour. Listen throughout every minute of the trial, for this exclusive coverage. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes present Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
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