July 25, 2024 • 29 mins
Have you ever felt the urge to quit something important because the results didn't meet your expectations? In this heartfelt episode, I open up about a moment when I almost quit the podcast due to overwhelming disappointment. We'll explore the challenge of staying committed when the journey doesn't go as planned and how to avoid allowing past comforts to shake your present determination. I share personal tips on perseverance and emphasize the importance of unwavering focus on our mission, even when the road gets tough.
We also tackle the tricky terrain of distractions and perfectionism, sharing insights on how to discern what truly matters and how not to let perfection paralyze progress. Through my reflections and experiences, you'll learn the value of prayer and discernment in guiding our actions, helping us stay true to our purpose amidst life's chaos. Wrapping up with a deep dive into the profound impact of leadership, I stress the necessity for leaders to stay committed—your influence can shape others' journeys. This episode is a reminder that your leadership matters and your persistence can inspire those around you. Enjoy the show, and remember, you are graced to lead!
Please subscribe to our mailing list to stay connected and get updates! Thanks for listening to the Graced to Lead Podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Belinda Gaston (00:08):
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I'm Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are a Christian womanwho leads at work, in your own
business or even in ministry,you are in the right place here.
You'll find practical adviceand encouragement as you lead
through real conversations thatwill challenge and inspire you.
So join me on this journey tobecoming better leaders, god's
(00:31):
way.
Are you ready?
Let the journey begin.
Welcome to the Graced to Leadpodcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
This episode almost didn'thappen today.
If I'm honest with you, I felta bit frustrated because I did
(00:52):
everything that I thought I wassupposed to do for this podcast
and I was expecting some changein my life.
That hasn't quite happened yet.
Let me explain.
Today we're going to talk aboutwhen your expectations as a
leader are not quite met.
(01:12):
How do you handle that?
How do you handle when yourexpectations are not met?
How do you handle when you makea good decision as a leader,
one that you have prayed about,one that you believe is the
right decision, and it doesn'tturn out the way you thought it
was going to turn out?
What should you do?
That's what we're going to talkabout, because this is how I
was feeling.
(01:32):
I am recording this episode atabout 11 o'clock at night on the
day before these episodesusually air.
So I usually release episodeson Thursday mornings at 5 am
Eastern time.
It's 11 o'clock Eastern time onWednesday and this almost
didn't happen because I was like, well, listen, I'm not listen,
(01:54):
I'm not expecting, I was neverexpecting a huge audience.
But I tell you, when I made thedecision to say yes to God and
do what I thought I was supposedto do, I did expect some change
, some change in my life, andthere have been changes.
So I'm not knocking that andI'm going to talk about that in
another episode.
But what I'm saying is there'sa couple of specific things,
(02:15):
specific things that I thoughtthat were going to happen, that
have not yet happened, and Ihave really sacrificed to get
great people, guests on the show, to make sure that the topics
were interesting.
And again, this is not aboutaudience.
This is about those things thatI believe that were going to
happen as a result and I think Idon't know if you've been there
(02:38):
as a leader or even as a woman,where you have prayed about
something you've made a decisionand you believe that by making
this decision, by being obedientto God, by doing what you're
supposed to do, that some thingswill begin to happen in your
(03:04):
life.
And then you do.
When you make a decision withthe expectation that some things
are going to happen, becauseyou are doing what you know to
be the right thing, based onyour faith, based on what you
know to be true the facts.
As leaders, we look at thefacts, we look at our faith.
We look at our faith, we lookat our resources.
(03:27):
You make the right decision andthen the results are not as you
expect.
Maybe the results aredisappointing, maybe they're
lackluster, but what do you do?
And so for me, it was you knowwhat I quit?
(03:51):
I quit.
I can create it a social mediapost that says you know, this is
the end of the season, we'renot doing any more Graced to
Lead Podcast.
Thank you for those of you whohave been listening.
I appreciate it and move on.
But as I was sitting thinkingabout, you know I could just
throw in the towel.
I can say I've done it andthat's great.
Some other things kind of roseup in my mind, and so I'm going
(04:11):
to share with you my tips forwhen you say yes to the decision
that God has put in your heartas a leader, and your
expectations aren't met.
Your expectations aren't met.
Your expectations aren't met.
So the first thing that Irealized is that I was being
influenced, really, by somethings that had nothing to do
(04:35):
with this podcast, nothing to dowith this podcast.
The reality is that what I beganto do is I began to think about
the time before the podcast.
The time before the podcast,the things of old kind of how I
used to be, what I used to do,it's the, it's the past, it's.
(04:58):
I remember that time when I wasreally comfortable and always,
and I wasn't doing a podcast.
Listen, I'm not saying thatthis podcast makes me
uncomfortable, and I did talkabout navigating the
uncomfortable spaces.
If you haven't listened to that, please go listen to that
episode.
But what I'm saying is thatthis is work.
Anything as a leader that youtake on that's new is work,
(05:21):
whether it is for your job,whether it's for your business,
whether it's some new venture,it is work.
And so I'm doing this work andI'm like.
But I remember when I had moretime.
I remember when I didn't haveto do interviews on the weekends
.
I remember when I had eveningsto rest and relax instead of
(05:42):
editing a podcast or instead ofcreating a social media post.
I remember that time when I had, before all of this, where I
was comfortable.
Why did I leave that space inthe first place?
And so I began to think about,like the time before, now and
again, I am enjoying this space,but it is work, and when I said
(06:04):
yes to God and when I moved inthat thing, then I expected some
things to happen that justhaven't happened, and so my
first thing is that we can't getcomfortable in the things of
old.
Listen, I cannot stay in aplace where I'm constantly
thinking about what used to be.
You and I, as leaders, cannotstay in a place where we're
(06:28):
thinking about what used to be.
I have a colleague of mine weused to work together who quit
her job and started her ownbusiness, and so now she is a
full-time entrepreneur.
And so now she is a full timeentrepreneur, and we recently
(07:06):
had lunch and she was explainingto me that she was on a budget
and she wasn't doing all thesethings, and she began to reflect
on the what, what used to bewhen she had her job, when she
was working a job instead ofworking her business.
She had more resources.
When she was working a job, shewould come into a place like
this and she would treat, andshe was actually apologizing for
not treating.
Now, the last time we had lunchtogether she didn't treat, but
in her mind she remembered allthe times that she would treat
(07:30):
other people for lunch and whatshe would do, and it really, for
a few minutes, turned into thistime where she was just
constantly thinking about whatused to be, and so I stopped her
for a moment and asked thequestion.
I said hey, what, what is itlike now?
What is it that you have nowthat you didn't have then?
That had you stayed in thatcomfortable place, had you
(07:51):
stayed there, you wouldn't havehad.
And she began to talk about howshe had more flexibility, how
she didn't have to check in withher boss before she did things.
She has a, she has a daughter,and this summer they've been
going on what she calls theseexperiences every week where
they'll go to the park orthey'll go to a library, or they
go to a museum or somethinglike that.
But none of that was somethingthat she could do before,
(08:15):
because she had a certain amountof time that she had to show up
for work.
Now she can create her ownschedule, and I think that's the
first thing that we do.
When we do take on something new, when we make a different
decision, when we do somethingdifferent.
It's easy for us becausesometimes it can be bumpy from
the start.
I don't know anyone and I'msure there are people out there,
(08:36):
but I don't know many peoplewho make a decision, make a new
decision, take a new venture, dosomething different, do
something new, and it's all abed of roses from the beginning.
There are bumps in the road,there are disappointments, there
are things that happen that youdon't expect, and so it's
natural for us to begin to thinkabout.
Well, I remember when it wasn'tthis way.
(08:58):
I remember when it was smooth,I remember when things weren't
challenging, Right and so what Ihad to do for myself.
Even in making this episode andI am speaking to you right now
from the top of my head, I haveno notes for this which is huge,
but I can tell you that thefirst thing I started to do was
to think about the comfort inthe past.
(09:21):
The comfort in the past, andthat comfort in the past was.
I guess it was comfortable, butthe reality is, in order for me
to get where God wants me to beas a leader, I couldn't stay in
that place.
I had to transition intosomething new.
Now, in the case of thispodcast, I don't know what God
(09:42):
has in store, but what I do knowis, had I not done it, there
will be a lot of things that Ihad not experienced.
One I didn't realize that I hadsuch an amazing group of strong
, dynamic women leaders in mynetwork, people who had wisdom.
I've heard stories from folksthat I've known for a long time
(10:04):
in these interviews that I neverwould have heard had I not
asked those questions or thisplatform not existed.
I have met some amazing womenwho've reached out and said hey,
I really like the podcast, keepgoing.
I would never have met thosewomen had I stayed in that place
of comfort.
In the past, I've hadopportunities to speak in places
(10:25):
and to coach in ways that Inever would have had had it not
been for the podcast, and so Ihad to really remind myself
tonight listen, just because youhaven't seen what is coming,
just because you haven't seenthe thing that you expected to
happen.
You cannot forget what'shappened.
You cannot forget what'shappened, you cannot forget
(10:47):
what's already happened, and youcan't get to a place where
you're comfortable going back tothe things that you used to do,
going back to the past, goingback to the things of old,
because there is yet more.
So that's the first thing thatI'll share with you as a leader.
If you've made some newdecision, you've gone on some
new business venture, you'vestepped out on faith to do
(11:10):
something different, you mayfeel like why did I do this in
the first place?
Why did I stay in my old place,back, where I was comfortable,
where I knew what things were?
I mean, things weren't so bad.
Listen, there was a reason thatyou were pushed forward to do
something different, and thatreason is probably tied to the
(11:31):
past, something that needed tochange.
So we can't get comfortable.
We can't get comfortable in thepast.
The other thing that I realizedthat was impacting my decision
to quit this podcast was Ibecame distracted with something
.
And there's, there was asituation, there's a situation
(11:51):
happening right now at work andI'm very distracted by it.
I'm very distracted by it,right.
And I also found that once Ibecame distracted by that, there
were other things that weredistracting me.
Once I became distracted bythat, there were other things
that were distracting me, and sotonight, this evening, I sat
down and I started to kind ofthink about what's all this
stuff in my head?
And sometimes for me, journalingreally helps and I think we've
(12:14):
heard this tip in anotherepisode, but journaling can
really help you focus.
And so I started to write down,like what is it, what's
happening in my head, justwithout censoring it, without
editing it, just getting it allout on paper.
And what I realized is thereare a few things that I'm
distracted by, and out of those,say, three things that I'm
(12:35):
distracted by right now, onlyone of them is something that I
can control, something thatreally concerns me.
Two of those things I'mdistracted by have really, if I
step out of it, have nothing todo with me.
It has to do with other people,their decisions, their
preferences, their paths in life.
(12:57):
It has nothing to do with me.
But because I know about thosethings and because I love those
people, I'm now distracted bythings that don't even concern
me.
I had lost my focus on what Iwas supposed to do by being
(13:17):
distracted by things that, again, didn't even concern me, things
I can't even control.
Why am I distracted by things Ican do nothing about?
Are you right now beingdistracted by something that is
not a priority for you, that youcan't control, or that doesn't
(13:41):
even really, at the crux of it,at the foundation, at the core
of it, has nothing to really dowith you?
That can make you want to quit.
Distractions can make you wantto stop doing what you know you
should be doing, what God hascalled you to do, what God has
(14:01):
purposed you to do.
It can cause you to stopbecause you are, lose your focus
on that thing and startfocusing on these other things.
Distractions can hinder ourprogress, and so what do you do?
(14:22):
What do you do?
How do you determine ifsomething is something you even
should be dealing with?
You know that's a distraction,particularly as leaders, because
you know remember, as leaders alot of times we have not only
the things that we're dealingwith, but we have staff, we have
teams, we have employees, wehave people that we influence
and we're dealing with theirthings as well.
(14:43):
And a lot of times we want tocreate a solution for everything
, even if those things aren'treally priority for us.
And so a few things come tomind here when we start thinking
about those things thatdistract us.
I have to ask myself often, andI had to ask myself this evening
(15:03):
, a few questions.
First, is what I'm thinkingabout really about me?
Is it about me?
So, in one of the cases, it's asituation and I'm trying to be
careful here not to givepeople's personal stuff, right
but it's a situation where aquestion was asked of me, but
(15:23):
the situation doesn'tnecessarily involve me.
So this is between two or threeother people that have nothing
to do about me.
The only thing I have is alittle bit of information.
So is this about me?
No, why am I distracted by it?
Why am I distracted bysomething that is not about me?
The second thing is as a womanof faith, I have discernment.
(15:48):
I, in all of these areas, fromthe things that are happening at
work for me, for the thingsthat are happening in these
other situations not once, maybeonce, but not often, I'll say
often have I stopped to pray fordiscernment?
What is it that I should bedoing as it relates to these
(16:08):
situations?
But where's the discernmentthere?
Right?
Is this about me?
And give me discernment to helpme figure out whether I should
be taking action.
Sometimes the distraction isjust for you to be aware of, so
that, as you navigate yourleadership space, you are
(16:29):
conscious of oh, this thing ishappening and it may impact me
in these ways, right?
Not that I necessarily have todo anything about it, not that I
have to focus on it.
It's just an FYI or an FYA, youknow, for your information or
for your awareness right.
An FYI or an FYA, you know, foryour information or for your
awareness, right?
The third thing I asked myselftonight when I again we're
(16:49):
talking about I'm being honestwith you about the fact that I
thought about quitting tonight.
Tonight, the third thing I hadto ask myself was did I, when I
made the decision to do this,did I believe what I actually
believed?
Did I believe that this wassomething that God told me to do
(17:10):
?
Is this something I'm supposedto be doing?
Is there a purpose here?
What was that original intent?
Right, because the distractionsare keeping me from focusing on
that.
And if I honestly believe that Iwas called to start the Graced
to Lead podcast, which I believe, despite what happens, if
(17:33):
that's what I believe, thenanything that takes me away from
that focus is a distractionthat I don't.
That's a distraction I don'tneed to focus on, I don't need
to give my attention to that.
I can be aware of it.
I can pray for discernment.
Is there anything specific Ineed to do in these areas for
(17:55):
these things?
But I need to focus on what Iknow to be true, which is this
is what I'm supposed to do right.
Know to be true, which is thisis what I'm supposed to do right
.
And so, in addition to notgetting comfortable in the
things of old and not gettingcomfortable in the things of the
(18:16):
past, it's really important ifwe want to make it through that
place where we've made thisdecision and we haven't quite
seen the manifestation I hate touse that word but the
expectations that we had happen,then the second thing we need
(18:37):
to do is to stay focused and notget distracted by the things,
especially the things that don'tconcern us.
And so the other thing Irealized as I was thinking about
quitting was you know,oftentimes we, when we start to
execute something new, weexecute and then we add new
(19:05):
things or we do other things.
I have a friend who is, I think, one of the best business
businessmen I know and he hetold me a long time ago.
He said Belinda, you can onlyfocus on one thing at a time.
Now, for women, we multitaskall the time.
We're constantly.
(19:25):
Not I don't want to group usall, I won't stereotype, but I
will say most women I know,particularly if they're leaders,
multitask all the time.
They're thinking strategy,they're thinking about the to-do
list.
They are literally multitaskingall the time.
And while multitasking is great, there is a level of focus
(19:46):
that's required for everythingthat we do.
Right, and we just talked aboutfocus.
But when we start to executethings, it's easy to find, hey,
I'm executing this thing andit's not perfect, and so I need
to go back to the drawing board,I need to do something
different, I need to make itright.
And one of the things Irealized through this podcast is
(20:09):
that to execute does not meanperfection.
It doesn't.
And so one of the things I wasgetting caught up on when I was
thinking, oh, I feel like I needto throw in the towel here, is
that I started realizing all ofthe errors.
I started focusing on theerrors.
Oh, my sound wasn't so great inthe last episode.
(20:32):
Or, oh, did you hear that cardrive by.
And man, I really should try toget a professional to help me
with this and I should try toget the professional to help me
with that.
And maybe I should put this onsocial media a different way and
maybe I should try to get theprofessional to help me with
that.
And you know, maybe I shouldput this on social media a
different way and maybe I shouldmarket this differently.
And you know, my voice soundsreally weird.
Why do I sound like that?
(20:53):
Like it was, I became a bitcritical of myself, if I'm
honest, and that led to mefeeling like my execution of
this thing was not done well.
Maybe I didn't do this right,and that's something that can
also make us throw in the towel,make us say, you know what I
(21:14):
quit.
But what I realized this eveningis that nothing is perfect,
nothing is perfect, and so wecan't allow a desire for
perfection for things that wecall it excellence.
Oh, we operate in excellence.
We can't let that hinder usfrom progress.
Progress over perfection,progress I need y'all to repeat
(21:39):
after me.
I will progress over my desireto be perfect.
Progress over perfection.
I will progress over my desireto be perfect.
It's the imperfections that Goduses to help others.
(22:04):
If you really think about theleaders in the Bible, every
leader in the Bible had someimperfection, had some weakness,
had some challenge, yet theyled.
And there were some reallygreat leaders who had some
really great challenges.
I mean, think about David.
Oh, my goodness, david.
(22:26):
David saw a woman on therooftop and had his way with her
, and she was married to anotherman.
That's an imperfection, but hewas one of the great leaders in
the Bible.
Solomon, wisest man in theBible.
Imperfection.
Moses led people out of bondage, out of captivity.
(22:49):
Imperfection, imperfection,imperfection, imperfection.
And so why would we focus andquit on ourselves and quit on
the things that we should bedoing, just because things
aren't perfect?
(23:09):
There have been almost 500downloads of this podcast, 500
in the 15 week period or 14 weekperiod that it has been up.
That doesn't seem like a largenumber, but when you look at how
really these have come about,if you only knew and maybe I'll
(23:30):
share the process that amazes me.
Things were or anything.
I mean these were conversations, yet almost 500 people
downloaded at least.
(23:50):
Well, almost 500 episodes weredownloaded and listened to for
leaders, to hear other leaderstalk about their faith and how
they lead, to give tips onleadership, to share some wisdom
(24:16):
in leading God's way.
I can't quit, and neither canyou, and so at this point I'm
pretty sure I'm rambling,because again I am.
I literally am sitting.
I'll tell you, I'm sitting onmy floor in my closet, not even
where I normally, where Inormally record.
I am sitting on my floor in mycloset at almost midnight the
(24:37):
night before this podcast willair at five in the morning, and
I'm just talking and I'm tellingyou that I almost quit and I've
come to my senses, and I'mtelling you that you can't quit
either.
You can't quit.
(24:57):
There is something inside ofyou lead her that God needs for
the world, and boy is this worldsomething right.
The way you put together yoursentences, the way you
communicate is needed.
(25:17):
The way you strategize isneeded.
Your voice is needed.
Your compassion and yourpassions are needed.
There is someone right nowwaiting to hear from you,
(25:38):
waiting to receive from you,waiting for your help, waiting
for your strategy, waiting foryour leadership.
Someone right now is waiting.
There is someone out there thatis being influenced by each
person that is listening to thispodcast.
You can't quit.
(25:59):
I know, in the past things werehowever they were.
This is different.
This is not the past.
I know it feels like it may bethe same thing, but it's not,
and it's okay to beuncomfortable.
And let me just say, if yourpast issue is that you failed
(26:19):
before, I say this time will bedifferent.
It's not the same.
You're needed.
Don't get distracted by all thethings.
Ask yourself is this reallyabout me?
Is this something I should evenbe focused on, or is this just
(26:40):
something I should be aware of?
Why am I so involved in thisthing?
This is a distraction.
Why am I so involved in this?
This has nothing to do withwhat I'm purposed, what I'm
created, what I'm leading, allof the things.
Why am I distracted?
We can't be distracted by thethings that don't even concern
us.
And while we're talking aboutthose things, let's talk about
(27:00):
the burdens that we're carryingthat aren't even ours in the
first place.
Some of us are distracted byburdens, by responsibilities, by
the things we think we shouldbe doing that aren't even ours
to begin with.
It's someone else's thatthey've put on us.
It's someone's expectation thatthey've unfairly given to us,
(27:22):
that we have received becausewe've taken it in.
No more of that you can't quit.
And if that's causing you tofeel like you should quit, stop.
You can't receive it anymore.
And just remember that youdon't have to be perfect.
(27:43):
Free yourself from perfectionand just progress.
Progress over perfection.
If you hear nothing else.
I want to encourage you, leaders, that you can't quit because
(28:03):
you are necessary, that youcan't quit because you are
necessary.
You can't quit because you arenecessary.
I'll say this and I'll end byjust saying that, when I think
about every pivotal moment in mylife as it relates to my career
(28:26):
, my business, every pivotalmoment, there was some person
whose voice, actions, behaviorinfluenced me.
God used them to influence me,to help me get from the place I
was to the next place that I wassupposed to be.
(28:49):
You are that for somebody andif you quit, they might not make
it to where they're.
That's all I have to say thisevening when I replay this
(29:10):
episode.
I hope that I didn't ramble,but I just spoke from my heart
today.
Know that, that you matter,that your leadership matters,
that you are necessary, andremember that you are indeed
graced to lead.
Until next time, until nextweek, have a wonderful week.
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I'm Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are a Christian womanwho leads at work, in your own
business or even in ministry,you are in the right place here.
You'll find practical adviceand encouragement as you lead
through real conversations thatwill challenge and inspire you.
So join me on this journey tobecoming better leaders, god's
(00:31):
way.
Are you ready?
Let the journey begin.
Welcome to the Graced to Leadpodcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
This episode almost didn'thappen today.
If I'm honest with you, I felta bit frustrated because I did
(00:52):
everything that I thought I wassupposed to do for this podcast
and I was expecting some changein my life.
That hasn't quite happened yet.
Let me explain.
Today we're going to talk aboutwhen your expectations as a
leader are not quite met.
(01:12):
How do you handle that?
How do you handle when yourexpectations are not met?
How do you handle when you makea good decision as a leader,
one that you have prayed about,one that you believe is the
right decision, and it doesn'tturn out the way you thought it
was going to turn out?
What should you do?
That's what we're going to talkabout, because this is how I
was feeling.
(01:32):
I am recording this episode atabout 11 o'clock at night on the
day before these episodesusually air.
So I usually release episodeson Thursday mornings at 5 am
Eastern time.
It's 11 o'clock Eastern time onWednesday and this almost
didn't happen because I was like, well, listen, I'm not listen,
(01:54):
I'm not expecting, I was neverexpecting a huge audience.
But I tell you, when I made thedecision to say yes to God and
do what I thought I was supposedto do, I did expect some change
, some change in my life, andthere have been changes.
So I'm not knocking that andI'm going to talk about that in
another episode.
But what I'm saying is there'sa couple of specific things,
(02:15):
specific things that I thoughtthat were going to happen, that
have not yet happened, and Ihave really sacrificed to get
great people, guests on the show, to make sure that the topics
were interesting.
And again, this is not aboutaudience.
This is about those things thatI believe that were going to
happen as a result and I think Idon't know if you've been there
(02:38):
as a leader or even as a woman,where you have prayed about
something you've made a decisionand you believe that by making
this decision, by being obedientto God, by doing what you're
supposed to do, that some thingswill begin to happen in your
(03:04):
life.
And then you do.
When you make a decision withthe expectation that some things
are going to happen, becauseyou are doing what you know to
be the right thing, based onyour faith, based on what you
know to be true the facts.
As leaders, we look at thefacts, we look at our faith.
We look at our faith, we lookat our resources.
(03:27):
You make the right decision andthen the results are not as you
expect.
Maybe the results aredisappointing, maybe they're
lackluster, but what do you do?
And so for me, it was you knowwhat I quit?
(03:51):
I quit.
I can create it a social mediapost that says you know, this is
the end of the season, we'renot doing any more Graced to
Lead Podcast.
Thank you for those of you whohave been listening.
I appreciate it and move on.
But as I was sitting thinkingabout, you know I could just
throw in the towel.
I can say I've done it andthat's great.
Some other things kind of roseup in my mind, and so I'm going
(04:11):
to share with you my tips forwhen you say yes to the decision
that God has put in your heartas a leader, and your
expectations aren't met.
Your expectations aren't met.
Your expectations aren't met.
So the first thing that Irealized is that I was being
influenced, really, by somethings that had nothing to do
(04:35):
with this podcast, nothing to dowith this podcast.
The reality is that what I beganto do is I began to think about
the time before the podcast.
The time before the podcast,the things of old kind of how I
used to be, what I used to do,it's the, it's the past, it's.
(04:58):
I remember that time when I wasreally comfortable and always,
and I wasn't doing a podcast.
Listen, I'm not saying thatthis podcast makes me
uncomfortable, and I did talkabout navigating the
uncomfortable spaces.
If you haven't listened to that, please go listen to that
episode.
But what I'm saying is thatthis is work.
Anything as a leader that youtake on that's new is work,
(05:21):
whether it is for your job,whether it's for your business,
whether it's some new venture,it is work.
And so I'm doing this work andI'm like.
But I remember when I had moretime.
I remember when I didn't haveto do interviews on the weekends
.
I remember when I had eveningsto rest and relax instead of
(05:42):
editing a podcast or instead ofcreating a social media post.
I remember that time when I had, before all of this, where I
was comfortable.
Why did I leave that space inthe first place?
And so I began to think about,like the time before, now and
again, I am enjoying this space,but it is work, and when I said
(06:04):
yes to God and when I moved inthat thing, then I expected some
things to happen that justhaven't happened, and so my
first thing is that we can't getcomfortable in the things of
old.
Listen, I cannot stay in aplace where I'm constantly
thinking about what used to be.
You and I, as leaders, cannotstay in a place where we're
(06:28):
thinking about what used to be.
I have a colleague of mine weused to work together who quit
her job and started her ownbusiness, and so now she is a
full-time entrepreneur.
And so now she is a full timeentrepreneur, and we recently
(07:06):
had lunch and she was explainingto me that she was on a budget
and she wasn't doing all thesethings, and she began to reflect
on the what, what used to bewhen she had her job, when she
was working a job instead ofworking her business.
She had more resources.
When she was working a job, shewould come into a place like
this and she would treat, andshe was actually apologizing for
not treating.
Now, the last time we had lunchtogether she didn't treat, but
in her mind she remembered allthe times that she would treat
(07:30):
other people for lunch and whatshe would do, and it really, for
a few minutes, turned into thistime where she was just
constantly thinking about whatused to be, and so I stopped her
for a moment and asked thequestion.
I said hey, what, what is itlike now?
What is it that you have nowthat you didn't have then?
That had you stayed in thatcomfortable place, had you
(07:51):
stayed there, you wouldn't havehad.
And she began to talk about howshe had more flexibility, how
she didn't have to check in withher boss before she did things.
She has a, she has a daughter,and this summer they've been
going on what she calls theseexperiences every week where
they'll go to the park orthey'll go to a library, or they
go to a museum or somethinglike that.
But none of that was somethingthat she could do before,
(08:15):
because she had a certain amountof time that she had to show up
for work.
Now she can create her ownschedule, and I think that's the
first thing that we do.
When we do take on something new, when we make a different
decision, when we do somethingdifferent.
It's easy for us becausesometimes it can be bumpy from
the start.
I don't know anyone and I'msure there are people out there,
(08:36):
but I don't know many peoplewho make a decision, make a new
decision, take a new venture, dosomething different, do
something new, and it's all abed of roses from the beginning.
There are bumps in the road,there are disappointments, there
are things that happen that youdon't expect, and so it's
natural for us to begin to thinkabout.
Well, I remember when it wasn'tthis way.
(08:58):
I remember when it was smooth,I remember when things weren't
challenging, Right and so what Ihad to do for myself.
Even in making this episode andI am speaking to you right now
from the top of my head, I haveno notes for this which is huge,
but I can tell you that thefirst thing I started to do was
to think about the comfort inthe past.
(09:21):
The comfort in the past, andthat comfort in the past was.
I guess it was comfortable, butthe reality is, in order for me
to get where God wants me to beas a leader, I couldn't stay in
that place.
I had to transition intosomething new.
Now, in the case of thispodcast, I don't know what God
(09:42):
has in store, but what I do knowis, had I not done it, there
will be a lot of things that Ihad not experienced.
One I didn't realize that I hadsuch an amazing group of strong
, dynamic women leaders in mynetwork, people who had wisdom.
I've heard stories from folksthat I've known for a long time
(10:04):
in these interviews that I neverwould have heard had I not
asked those questions or thisplatform not existed.
I have met some amazing womenwho've reached out and said hey,
I really like the podcast, keepgoing.
I would never have met thosewomen had I stayed in that place
of comfort.
In the past, I've hadopportunities to speak in places
(10:25):
and to coach in ways that Inever would have had had it not
been for the podcast, and so Ihad to really remind myself
tonight listen, just because youhaven't seen what is coming,
just because you haven't seenthe thing that you expected to
happen.
You cannot forget what'shappened.
You cannot forget what'shappened, you cannot forget
(10:47):
what's already happened, and youcan't get to a place where
you're comfortable going back tothe things that you used to do,
going back to the past, goingback to the things of old,
because there is yet more.
So that's the first thing thatI'll share with you as a leader.
If you've made some newdecision, you've gone on some
new business venture, you'vestepped out on faith to do
(11:10):
something different, you mayfeel like why did I do this in
the first place?
Why did I stay in my old place,back, where I was comfortable,
where I knew what things were?
I mean, things weren't so bad.
Listen, there was a reason thatyou were pushed forward to do
something different, and thatreason is probably tied to the
(11:31):
past, something that needed tochange.
So we can't get comfortable.
We can't get comfortable in thepast.
The other thing that I realizedthat was impacting my decision
to quit this podcast was Ibecame distracted with something
.
And there's, there was asituation, there's a situation
(11:51):
happening right now at work andI'm very distracted by it.
I'm very distracted by it,right.
And I also found that once Ibecame distracted by that, there
were other things that weredistracting me.
Once I became distracted bythat, there were other things
that were distracting me, and sotonight, this evening, I sat
down and I started to kind ofthink about what's all this
stuff in my head?
And sometimes for me, journalingreally helps and I think we've
(12:14):
heard this tip in anotherepisode, but journaling can
really help you focus.
And so I started to write down,like what is it, what's
happening in my head, justwithout censoring it, without
editing it, just getting it allout on paper.
And what I realized is thereare a few things that I'm
distracted by, and out of those,say, three things that I'm
(12:35):
distracted by right now, onlyone of them is something that I
can control, something thatreally concerns me.
Two of those things I'mdistracted by have really, if I
step out of it, have nothing todo with me.
It has to do with other people,their decisions, their
preferences, their paths in life.
(12:57):
It has nothing to do with me.
But because I know about thosethings and because I love those
people, I'm now distracted bythings that don't even concern
me.
I had lost my focus on what Iwas supposed to do by being
(13:17):
distracted by things that, again, didn't even concern me, things
I can't even control.
Why am I distracted by things Ican do nothing about?
Are you right now beingdistracted by something that is
not a priority for you, that youcan't control, or that doesn't
(13:41):
even really, at the crux of it,at the foundation, at the core
of it, has nothing to really dowith you?
That can make you want to quit.
Distractions can make you wantto stop doing what you know you
should be doing, what God hascalled you to do, what God has
(14:01):
purposed you to do.
It can cause you to stopbecause you are, lose your focus
on that thing and startfocusing on these other things.
Distractions can hinder ourprogress, and so what do you do?
(14:22):
What do you do?
How do you determine ifsomething is something you even
should be dealing with?
You know that's a distraction,particularly as leaders, because
you know remember, as leaders alot of times we have not only
the things that we're dealingwith, but we have staff, we have
teams, we have employees, wehave people that we influence
and we're dealing with theirthings as well.
(14:43):
And a lot of times we want tocreate a solution for everything
, even if those things aren'treally priority for us.
And so a few things come tomind here when we start thinking
about those things thatdistract us.
I have to ask myself often, andI had to ask myself this evening
(15:03):
, a few questions.
First, is what I'm thinkingabout really about me?
Is it about me?
So, in one of the cases, it's asituation and I'm trying to be
careful here not to givepeople's personal stuff, right
but it's a situation where aquestion was asked of me, but
(15:23):
the situation doesn'tnecessarily involve me.
So this is between two or threeother people that have nothing
to do about me.
The only thing I have is alittle bit of information.
So is this about me?
No, why am I distracted by it?
Why am I distracted bysomething that is not about me?
The second thing is as a womanof faith, I have discernment.
(15:48):
I, in all of these areas, fromthe things that are happening at
work for me, for the thingsthat are happening in these
other situations not once, maybeonce, but not often, I'll say
often have I stopped to pray fordiscernment?
What is it that I should bedoing as it relates to these
(16:08):
situations?
But where's the discernmentthere?
Right?
Is this about me?
And give me discernment to helpme figure out whether I should
be taking action.
Sometimes the distraction isjust for you to be aware of, so
that, as you navigate yourleadership space, you are
(16:29):
conscious of oh, this thing ishappening and it may impact me
in these ways, right?
Not that I necessarily have todo anything about it, not that I
have to focus on it.
It's just an FYI or an FYA, youknow, for your information or
for your awareness right.
An FYI or an FYA, you know, foryour information or for your
awareness, right?
The third thing I asked myselftonight when I again we're
(16:49):
talking about I'm being honestwith you about the fact that I
thought about quitting tonight.
Tonight, the third thing I hadto ask myself was did I, when I
made the decision to do this,did I believe what I actually
believed?
Did I believe that this wassomething that God told me to do
(17:10):
?
Is this something I'm supposedto be doing?
Is there a purpose here?
What was that original intent?
Right, because the distractionsare keeping me from focusing on
that.
And if I honestly believe that Iwas called to start the Graced
to Lead podcast, which I believe, despite what happens, if
(17:33):
that's what I believe, thenanything that takes me away from
that focus is a distractionthat I don't.
That's a distraction I don'tneed to focus on, I don't need
to give my attention to that.
I can be aware of it.
I can pray for discernment.
Is there anything specific Ineed to do in these areas for
(17:55):
these things?
But I need to focus on what Iknow to be true, which is this
is what I'm supposed to do right.
Know to be true, which is thisis what I'm supposed to do right
.
And so, in addition to notgetting comfortable in the
things of old and not gettingcomfortable in the things of the
(18:16):
past, it's really important ifwe want to make it through that
place where we've made thisdecision and we haven't quite
seen the manifestation I hate touse that word but the
expectations that we had happen,then the second thing we need
(18:37):
to do is to stay focused and notget distracted by the things,
especially the things that don'tconcern us.
And so the other thing Irealized as I was thinking about
quitting was you know,oftentimes we, when we start to
execute something new, weexecute and then we add new
(19:05):
things or we do other things.
I have a friend who is, I think, one of the best business
businessmen I know and he hetold me a long time ago.
He said Belinda, you can onlyfocus on one thing at a time.
Now, for women, we multitaskall the time.
We're constantly.
(19:25):
Not I don't want to group usall, I won't stereotype, but I
will say most women I know,particularly if they're leaders,
multitask all the time.
They're thinking strategy,they're thinking about the to-do
list.
They are literally multitaskingall the time.
And while multitasking is great, there is a level of focus
(19:46):
that's required for everythingthat we do.
Right, and we just talked aboutfocus.
But when we start to executethings, it's easy to find, hey,
I'm executing this thing andit's not perfect, and so I need
to go back to the drawing board,I need to do something
different, I need to make itright.
And one of the things Irealized through this podcast is
(20:09):
that to execute does not meanperfection.
It doesn't.
And so one of the things I wasgetting caught up on when I was
thinking, oh, I feel like I needto throw in the towel here, is
that I started realizing all ofthe errors.
I started focusing on theerrors.
Oh, my sound wasn't so great inthe last episode.
(20:32):
Or, oh, did you hear that cardrive by.
And man, I really should try toget a professional to help me
with this and I should try toget the professional to help me
with that.
And maybe I should put this onsocial media a different way and
maybe I should try to get theprofessional to help me with
that.
And you know, maybe I shouldput this on social media a
different way and maybe I shouldmarket this differently.
And you know, my voice soundsreally weird.
Why do I sound like that?
(20:53):
Like it was, I became a bitcritical of myself, if I'm
honest, and that led to mefeeling like my execution of
this thing was not done well.
Maybe I didn't do this right,and that's something that can
also make us throw in the towel,make us say, you know what I
(21:14):
quit.
But what I realized this eveningis that nothing is perfect,
nothing is perfect, and so wecan't allow a desire for
perfection for things that wecall it excellence.
Oh, we operate in excellence.
We can't let that hinder usfrom progress.
Progress over perfection,progress I need y'all to repeat
(21:39):
after me.
I will progress over my desireto be perfect.
Progress over perfection.
I will progress over my desireto be perfect.
It's the imperfections that Goduses to help others.
(22:04):
If you really think about theleaders in the Bible, every
leader in the Bible had someimperfection, had some weakness,
had some challenge, yet theyled.
And there were some reallygreat leaders who had some
really great challenges.
I mean, think about David.
Oh, my goodness, david.
(22:26):
David saw a woman on therooftop and had his way with her
, and she was married to anotherman.
That's an imperfection, but hewas one of the great leaders in
the Bible.
Solomon, wisest man in theBible.
Imperfection.
Moses led people out of bondage, out of captivity.
(22:49):
Imperfection, imperfection,imperfection, imperfection.
And so why would we focus andquit on ourselves and quit on
the things that we should bedoing, just because things
aren't perfect?
(23:09):
There have been almost 500downloads of this podcast, 500
in the 15 week period or 14 weekperiod that it has been up.
That doesn't seem like a largenumber, but when you look at how
really these have come about,if you only knew and maybe I'll
(23:30):
share the process that amazes me.
Things were or anything.
I mean these were conversations, yet almost 500 people
downloaded at least.
(23:50):
Well, almost 500 episodes weredownloaded and listened to for
leaders, to hear other leaderstalk about their faith and how
they lead, to give tips onleadership, to share some wisdom
(24:16):
in leading God's way.
I can't quit, and neither canyou, and so at this point I'm
pretty sure I'm rambling,because again I am.
I literally am sitting.
I'll tell you, I'm sitting onmy floor in my closet, not even
where I normally, where Inormally record.
I am sitting on my floor in mycloset at almost midnight the
(24:37):
night before this podcast willair at five in the morning, and
I'm just talking and I'm tellingyou that I almost quit and I've
come to my senses, and I'mtelling you that you can't quit
either.
You can't quit.
(24:57):
There is something inside ofyou lead her that God needs for
the world, and boy is this worldsomething right.
The way you put together yoursentences, the way you
communicate is needed.
(25:17):
The way you strategize isneeded.
Your voice is needed.
Your compassion and yourpassions are needed.
There is someone right nowwaiting to hear from you,
(25:38):
waiting to receive from you,waiting for your help, waiting
for your strategy, waiting foryour leadership.
Someone right now is waiting.
There is someone out there thatis being influenced by each
person that is listening to thispodcast.
You can't quit.
(25:59):
I know, in the past things werehowever they were.
This is different.
This is not the past.
I know it feels like it may bethe same thing, but it's not,
and it's okay to beuncomfortable.
And let me just say, if yourpast issue is that you failed
(26:19):
before, I say this time will bedifferent.
It's not the same.
You're needed.
Don't get distracted by all thethings.
Ask yourself is this reallyabout me?
Is this something I should evenbe focused on, or is this just
(26:40):
something I should be aware of?
Why am I so involved in thisthing?
This is a distraction.
Why am I so involved in this?
This has nothing to do withwhat I'm purposed, what I'm
created, what I'm leading, allof the things.
Why am I distracted?
We can't be distracted by thethings that don't even concern
us.
And while we're talking aboutthose things, let's talk about
(27:00):
the burdens that we're carryingthat aren't even ours in the
first place.
Some of us are distracted byburdens, by responsibilities, by
the things we think we shouldbe doing that aren't even ours
to begin with.
It's someone else's thatthey've put on us.
It's someone's expectation thatthey've unfairly given to us,
(27:22):
that we have received becausewe've taken it in.
No more of that you can't quit.
And if that's causing you tofeel like you should quit, stop.
You can't receive it anymore.
And just remember that youdon't have to be perfect.
(27:43):
Free yourself from perfectionand just progress.
Progress over perfection.
If you hear nothing else.
I want to encourage you, leaders, that you can't quit because
(28:03):
you are necessary, that youcan't quit because you are
necessary.
You can't quit because you arenecessary.
I'll say this and I'll end byjust saying that, when I think
about every pivotal moment in mylife as it relates to my career
(28:26):
, my business, every pivotalmoment, there was some person
whose voice, actions, behaviorinfluenced me.
God used them to influence me,to help me get from the place I
was to the next place that I wassupposed to be.
(28:49):
You are that for somebody andif you quit, they might not make
it to where they're.
That's all I have to say thisevening when I replay this
(29:10):
episode.
I hope that I didn't ramble,but I just spoke from my heart
today.
Know that, that you matter,that your leadership matters,
that you are necessary, andremember that you are indeed
graced to lead.
Until next time, until nextweek, have a wonderful week.
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