June 6, 2024 • 31 mins
How often do you stop to celebrate your own achievements as a leader? During this episode of the Graced to Lead podcast, I share a personal story that prompted me to rethink my approach to self-recognition. After a conversation with my daughter, I realized the importance of celebrating even the smallest wins, especially as women in leadership roles. Join me as I recount my journey from setting low expectations for this podcast to surpassing them, highlighting the critical need to always acknowledge and celebrate our accomplishments.
In this episode, I share transparently about what hindered my self-recognition and what I did to change it. I also delve into the concept of false humility, exploring how it can mask our true achievements and impede growth. This episode sets the stage for upcoming discussions on leading with purpose, managing busyness, and granting oneself permission to rest, underscoring the necessity of leading with intention.
Take a listen and as always, remember, you are graced to lead!
Please subscribe to our mailing list to stay connected and get updates! Thanks for listening to the Graced to Lead Podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I'm Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are a Christian womanwho leads at work or in your own
business, you are in the rightplace.
Here.
You'll find practical adviceand encouragement as you lead
through real conversations thatwill challenge and inspire you.
So join me on this journey tobecoming better leaders God's
(00:27):
way.
Are you ready?
Let the journey begin.
Welcome to the Graced to Leadpodcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
Today I want to talk to youabout celebrating yourself, and
the reason I wanted to talkabout this is because we just
finished a series of lessons onmatters of the heart.
(00:48):
Before that, we talked aboutleading and confidence and
leadership identity, and thosewere all great and, based on the
messages that some of you havesent and listen, thank you so
much for even listening.
First of all, and for those ofyou who have sent me messages, I
really appreciate it.
You have no idea how much thatmeans to me, but, based on your
(01:09):
messages, it's clear that someof these recordings, some of
these episodes, have really beenhitting people in ways that
they didn't expect, havingpeople change their perspectives
on things, and in some cases,one person wrote that, you know,
it caused them to shift howthey did things, and that's
that's amazing.
And so, as I was reading some ofthe things that people were
(01:30):
saying and responding to some ofthe things that people were
saying, I was sharing this withmy daughter.
I was, you know, saying I can'tbelieve that.
You know, first of all, thatanybody's listening, cause can I
be honest with y'all?
I mean, I try to be transparenthere, but the truth is, when I
started this podcast, I did itbecause I believed it was what I
was called to do by God and itwas something that I was given a
(01:52):
few years ago.
But I was too afraid to do itand so I really had low
expectations.
I'm just being honest.
I know that leaders don't admitwhen they have low expectations
, but I had low expectations ofthis podcast.
I was just kind of like, well,if you know, I know at least 10
people will listen, because Icounted my friends and family
(02:13):
and that's it.
I'm just going to put it outthere and that's it Right.
And so you know, when you havecertain expectations and those
expectations are exceeded, youknow, technically you're
supposed to celebrate, butlisten, that's not what I've
been doing.
So I was sharing with mydaughter about some of this and
my daughter is younger, she's inmiddle school right now.
(02:36):
I'm sharing with her some ofthis and she was saying she was
asking.
She started asking me aquestion like about a recent
experience we had.
My daughter was selected for anhonors band program in our state
.
I was so proud of her, she didher performance.
It was her first year in honorsband.
(03:00):
I wasn't one of those parentsthat was just yelling obscenely
at the crowd and all of that.
But you know, after herperformance I really just, you
know, celebrated with her.
This is exciting.
And she was looking at me likeMa, really, okay, whenever me or
my brother or my sister dosomething, you shout, you cheer.
You know I'm the biggestcheerleader, even for my husband
(03:32):
is like, yeah, you did it.
And she said she's talkingabout this and being really
dramatic, in my opinion, of myresponses to things.
But then she says so then whyis it so hard for you to
celebrate yourself?
And then she did what kids doand just kind of moved on and
walked out.
But I feel like that was a micdrop, right, and it's a question
(03:52):
that kind of stuck with me.
Do I celebrate myself at all?
Do I celebrate my even in thispodcast?
This podcast right now is notthe number one listen to podcast
in the country.
Podcast right now is not thenumber one listen to podcast in
the country.
But I can say that for what Iset out to do, it has exceeded
my expectations and I did itdespite challenges with my
(04:14):
family, challenges on my job youknow, a very low budget, like I
don't have the resources to paypeople thousands of dollars to
come on my show but I did itanyway and that should be
celebrated.
And so today I want to ask youleaders, do you take time to
celebrate your accomplishments?
Like, do you even think about,hey, there's something I need to
(04:36):
celebrate today?
And I would say that if you arelistening and you have listened
to some of the previousepisodes and you've at all done
anything different that hasimpacted how you lead, maybe now
you lead differently or youlead in a more positive way, you
lead more effectively becauseof something you heard and
(04:56):
something that you delved into.
That's an accomplishment, right, we can go so hard in
celebrating other people, thepeople we love and neglect to
celebrate ourselves.
So, if that's, you keeplistening, because listen, I
know I'm not alone in this.
I know I'm not the only person,and this is really interesting
to me because I know highachievers.
(05:19):
There are women around me whoare leaders, who are considered
the best of the best.
They're high achievers and theystill don't take time to
celebrate, and so I want to talkabout that a little bit today
before we move into the nextthing.
So when we think aboutcelebrating our accomplishments,
a lot of times we wait forsomething big.
(05:40):
It's like it has to besomething really big, like we
landed a major deal or we signeda big contract or, you know, we
got a new job promotion.
Let's celebrate.
But I think that what I wantedto share with you today is that
there are some small wins thatalso require celebration, and
the reality is many of youlistening as, as leaders, you
(06:03):
are amazing leaders.
I mean there are people youknow leadership is influence are
amazing leaders.
I mean there are people we knowleadership is influence right,
and so there are people who arebeing influenced simply when you
walk in a room because of whoyou are, and so because of that,
we forget that just there arethings that we we do every day,
or things that we accomplisheach week or each month.
(06:24):
That actually should be, that'sconsidered a success, that
should be celebrated, but wemove right past it because we're
going to the next thing.
And so why is that?
Where did that come from us notcelebrating?
For me, I've identified threethings and I'll share those
three things and talk about kindof how I overcome those or how
I'm trying to overcome them,because all of this is a work in
(06:45):
progress, right, everything isa process.
So you just you're on your wayto get to the next thing, right.
But the first thing for me I'llbe honest with is permission to
celebrate.
Now, I know this isn'teverybody, so I'm going to speak
for myself and for those of youwho can relate.
Maybe you can come back and puta comment in or something and
(07:05):
let me know that you can relate.
But I remember being taught as agirl growing up that you know
and maybe it could also be thiswould also be a generational
thing.
So I'm curious to people whoare younger than me their
experiences.
But I remember being taught notto cause too much attention to
myself or not to spend too muchtime focusing on what I did.
(07:32):
It was almost as if I'll giveyou an example.
I remember winning a Frenchlanguage competition when I was
in school and I was excitedabout it.
My mother, my grandmother, myfamily, they were excited about
it and we celebrated and Iremember my grandmother saying
OK, that's great, now let's moveon to the next thing, the next
(07:54):
thing, right.
So it was like a very briefmoment of celebration.
I had to move on and, and thatwas kind of how things were and
when my mother died and maybeI'll talk about this in another
episode but my mom died and Iended up moving in with my
grandmother and that was justher way.
She never paused, to kind ofstop and say, yes, I did that.
And let me tell you, this woman,my grandmother, is hugely
(08:17):
accomplished.
She had an eighth gradeeducation but found herself in
the space of public health,leading other people.
In fact, there is an awardright now named after her that's
given out by the NationalFamily Planning and Reproductive
Health Association to otherpeople who are doing outstanding
work in family planning andreproductive health, because she
(08:39):
was a person who did thosethings.
She made a huge impact forwomen with her eighth grade
education and I understand now,as an adult, reading about her
accomplishments, how big it was,but she never celebrated, she
never did.
Her mindset was okay, we'vedone this thing, let's move to
the next thing.
Now, part of this is cultural.
(09:01):
When you come from a place whereyou have very little or where
you had to kind of pull yourselfup by your bootstraps.
It's almost this sense of Ican't stop and reflect on this,
I can't stop and celebratebecause there's so much, there's
more to do.
I can't stop.
I can't stop.
But unintentionally she passedthat on to me, that's what I saw
(09:21):
, that's what I did.
And so part of why it's hardfor me to stop and celebrate is
because it's like, ok, well, Idid that, but I have to go and
do the next thing.
(09:41):
And as a leader, it's importantfor us to kind of stop.
And here's why.
So why is it important for usto stop and celebrate?
Because it's those moments thatmotivate us, that keep us going
to the next thing.
Like you can find yourself in aplace of burnout if you're just
going from thing to thing tothing without reflecting on how
you've grown, what you've done,what you've accomplished.
And so it's that idea of thatconstant grind right, the
constant grind which mentally,can do a number on you right.
It can drain you, it can makeyou depressed, it can make you
(10:02):
sad.
It explains why some people,when they have a major
accomplishment, they have thishuge letdown because it's like,
oh well, I did that, now whatRight?
How about we take?
We decide as leaders that we aregoing to celebrate our wins,
celebrate that thing that justhappened, and not just celebrate
it for a moment but stay there,because celebrating it is not
(10:24):
necessarily equate to yourslacking off.
I think that's the message Igot as a young person.
It's, it's, you know,celebrating your accomplishments
means that you're slacking offin the work.
And can I say that's just nottrue, and I know that everyone.
Again, this is my story, so I'mnot at all projecting this on
you.
You may this may not be yourexperience at all I had friends
(10:47):
whose mothers and fathers werethere.
You know they were theempowerment people.
You know they gave themscriptures.
Every day you can do all thingsthrough Christ, who strengthens
you.
You are fearfully andwonderfully made Like they got
all that.
That was not my story, and soit shows up as we just finished
talking about matters of theheart.
It shows up in how I lead.
(11:07):
It's hard for me to celebrate.
It's hard for me to celebrateeven the small wins and the big
wins, and so for me, that's oneof those things.
So I had to give myselfpermission to celebrate,
permission to say, yeah, I didthat, yeah, that was pretty good
(11:28):
, yeah, that was awesome.
Yes, I'm amazing, yes, I'mcapable, yes, I'm confident, yes
, I have accomplished this thing.
Yes, I did that.
Right, let me just take amoment to stop with the
checklist, the timelines, thedeliverables, the leading the
people, the telling the people,the, whatever the things, and
(11:51):
just say, wow, so happy andexcited that I accomplished this
thing.
Look at me, look at what Goddid through me, look at how,
like, take a moment and morethan five minutes y''all and
just do it.
That was my story.
So the first thing I had to dowas give myself permission to
celebrate, because thatinability to celebrate came from
(12:14):
a deep place Again, matters ofthe heart, a deep place.
The other thing that I realizedthat hinders my ability to
celebrate myself and myaccomplishments is worries.
I don't know if anybody canrelate to this, but as women of
faith, we don't want tonecessarily admit that we have
(12:36):
worry.
It's almost like a stigma.
It's like, okay, if you're awoman of faith, you can't fear
and you can't worry, becauseit's the opposite of faith, and
I understand that.
But I also know that we'rehuman and that we have worries.
There are things that we, thatwe do worry about.
You know and and and it's not.
(12:57):
It's not that we're lessfaithful.
It's not that we're lessfaithful because we worry.
Now I will say that worry isnot a part of our faith walk.
But I'm also saying that it'shuman to worry.
We know that the Bible tells usto not worry about anything and
to pray about everything withthankful hearts and offer up our
(13:19):
prayers to God.
We know that when we are weak,that God is strong and we know
that God has a purpose and aplan for us.
But what I'm saying is sometimesthe worries of life can be so
distracting that even when weaccomplish things, we go back to
(13:40):
that place of worry, especiallyas leaders.
Because here's the thing as aleader, you're not just taking
on your personal stuff, butsometimes you are responsible
for other people.
If you're leading people, thenyou may have worries about the
people that you lead.
If you are leading a project,you may have worries about the
(14:03):
projects, you leave it.
You're leading a business.
You may have worries about thebusiness.
If you and as a woman,sometimes we have our own
personal worries, if we'reparenting, if we're in a
relationship, you know, theworries of life can can really
get to us and and I call it adistraction because the reality
is if you are focused on thething.
(14:24):
So, whatever you focus on Ithink Dr Nedra said this in her
episode on Matters of the Heartthe thing that you focus on is
what grows right, not to saythat you can't, you shouldn't,
focus on some of those thingsthat you're worried about
because you definitely need.
If something is worrying you,it's because it's a challenge
and there should be a strategyto how to overcome that
(14:46):
challenge, and you can prayabout that and get God to share
that with you, or you can decide, hey, this is something that I
can't handle and so I'm going tolet God handle it, but either
way, there's something that thatchallenge should be addressed
somehow.
Right, that's what I'm saying.
So, but if you focus on onlythose things you know, the
(15:08):
things you don't have, thethings that aren't working, the
things that are worrying yourmind, it's easy to miss the
things that are going right.
And so, for me, I had to have ashift in my mindset.
When you focus on only thechallenges or only the worries,
it becomes a distraction for theother things that God is doing
(15:31):
in your life.
You can easily miss theblessings, you can easily miss
celebrating those wins becauseyou're so focused on the
challenge right.
And so I had to turn myattention to gratitude to help
me with that, and the more Ifocused on gratitude, being
(15:55):
thankful that God had put me inthe position of leadership he's
put me ining God for theopportunities that I have, for
the skills that I have, for thefamily that I have, for the
friends that I have, for life,for health, for shelter, for
resources and provision.
(16:15):
As I began to focus on thosethings, it also highlighted hey,
here's an accomplishment orhere's something that's worth
celebrating, and it took myfocus off the worry.
And so if you are in the placewhere you're having trouble
celebrating and it's not thatyou don't have permission to
(16:36):
celebrate I would suggest to youthat maybe it's, perhaps you
are focused on the wrong thingsand that, and you're focused on
your challenges and you'refocused on your worries and that
is the thing that's taking overyour mind and preventing you
from being able to celebrate.
And the last thing I'll say andthis is going to be I think
(17:00):
this is an unpopular, or it'sprobably going to make me
unpopular, and we're in cancelculture.
So I'm just going to say it.
But the other thing I foundmyself doing y'all is carrying
false humility.
Yeah, I'm going to say it Falsehumility.
So false humility.
Is you putting up the sensethat you are humble or that you
(17:26):
have humility when you reallydon't, just so that other people
can say how great you are?
I am not proud of this, but Ihave recognized that this has
been a part of some of thethings that I've done and said
in my life as a leader, and Ihad to stop it.
(17:47):
So I'm sharing it out oftransparency and hoping this is
a judgment-free zone.
But let me tell you how falsehumility works.
So you know that you did agreat job on something, but you
don't want to say it and you say, oh well, it was a team effort.
So I'll give you an example.
You led some big project and itwent well, and you thank the
(18:09):
team.
Well, you should thank the team, right, because no one does
anything by themselves, but, asthe leader, there are some
things that you have done tomake this thing, this project, a
success.
And so what false humility wouldlook like is if somebody says,
wow, you did an amazing job withthis project and of course you
do.
You thank the people that youneed to thank and then they say
(18:32):
something like but you really,the way you led, that was
amazing, great job.
And you say, oh well, I mean Ithink it was okay.
You know deep down that you dida great job, but what you want
to hear is well, no, you did anamazing job.
Well, you're just so good,you're just so great and and
(18:53):
you're just so amazing.
And it really does kind of puffup your ego.
Now I'm just being real withy'all here.
I have done this before anddidn't even realize that I was
doing and I thank God forrevealing that to me where that,
that, that that of wanting tohear people say great job it's
almost kind of like how we do insocial media.
You, you know, if you are aheavy social media user, you can
(19:17):
find yourself looking for thelikes and for the reshares and
all of that.
It plays into that sense oftelling you how great you are,
without you seeming like you'reseeking it out, because, of
course, you don't want to be ajerk about it and you don't want
to come across as conceited orfull of yourself.
Right, because God forbid right.
(19:41):
Especially if you are a woman,I feel like this is harder.
I think for men they kind ofget it differently, but for
women, this is a place and again, I'm just being transparent.
Some of you out there have maybenever done this, but I'm
telling you about me, and I havedone this.
It's embarrassing to speak, butit's the truth.
(20:02):
The beauty, though, the greatthing is that I recognize it and
that I am stopping myself fromdoing that, because you know
where that comes from.
For me, I'm just going to tellyou for me again, just for me,
and again I would love to hearyour comments on this one,
because I did not intend toshare this at all, so I'm just
going to speak, but for me itcomes from a place of wanting to
(20:25):
feel validated.
Oh, my Wanting to feelvalidated and wanting to be told
that you are enough, becausedeep down, there's some heart
issue, there's something that Ineeded to deal with, and these
all go back to childhood for me,things that I had to deal with
(20:46):
that made me feel less than orfeel like I wasn't.
I shouldn't have a seat at thetable.
What did Lisa Medley in herepisode say?
You belong in the room, at thetable, you belong in the space.
I forgot what the phrase was.
So when you have a false senseof humility, what that does is
(21:09):
it allows people to feed yourneed to be validated, to feed
your need to To be told you'regreat.
But as a leader and a woman offaith, we should already believe
that God created us for such atime as this, for this position,
(21:35):
for this leadership space, forwhat we're doing right now, that
he has inherently puteverything we need inside us,
that we are fully equipped tolead.
It comes from a space at leastfor me, it came from a space
(21:56):
feeling like I didn't belong.
And so when you are like that,when you have this false sense
of humility, you can't reallycelebrate because you're too
busy being humble.
And again, I believe that people, I believe in that humility is
(22:17):
important that we can't be sofull of ourselves because listen
, we didn't get us in the placethat we can, you can say you
pulled yourself up by yourbootstraps.
But if you are a believer, ifyou are a woman of faith, then
you know that God alsointervened on your behalf
because of the purpose he hasfor your life, and that you were
doing the things that you weredoing, which is great, because
faith without works is dead.
(22:37):
But you didn't get there byyourself and you didn't get
there on your own.
Somebody had to open the door.
Somebody had to open the door,somebody had to give you the
opportunity, somebody had tobelieve in you, right?
So when you want to, you can'tcelebrate because you're just,
oh, I just, I don't know, it'snot me, I'm just anybody.
(23:01):
At this point, I wish I couldhear y'all, because, like
anybody, false humility kept mefrom celebrating myself.
And so when I recognized that Iwas not giving myself
(23:29):
permission to celebrate, that Iwas allowing my worries to
interfere with celebrating myaccomplishments, and that false
humility was also impacting myability to celebrate, I started
to change some things in my life, and this has been over years,
years of time.
I'm sharing this, but it's beenover years of time.
I actively practice gratitude,gratitude, gratitude, gratitude,
(24:00):
because the reality is nomatter what I'm going through,
there's always someone who hasit worse.
I stumped my toe on the kitchentable.
Somebody lost a toe.
Somebody lost a toe, somebodylost a foot, somebody can't walk
, somebody doesn't even have akitchen table.
Hmm, gratitude.
I also gave myself permissionto each week reflect on what I
(24:24):
was most proud of.
It sounds ridiculously cliche,I'll say.
So does gratitude, but it iswhat it is.
But I do take a moment everyweek, usually on Fridays, to
reflect what am I proud of thisweek, what did I do well this
(24:45):
week?
And I write it down.
Here's why I write it down.
So I write it down.
I have a journal.
I like one of thoseold-fashioned calendars.
It's funny, anybody have adated calendar, like a paper
calendar that you don't use forthe calendar Because I have
everything on my digital, myphone, my computer, it's all you
know.
(25:05):
My calendar is color coded withfamily stuff and work stuff and
podcast stuff.
So that's what I use and that'show I keep my calendar.
But I have a physical calendarthat I get every year and in
that calendar I use it for liketo-do lists.
But I also use that space eachweek to put down what I'm most
proud of myself for, like whatdid I do this week that I'm
(25:26):
proud of, even if it's small.
Listen, sometimes we have to beproud of the fact that we put
the clothes in the dryer andthen we folded them and put them
away.
They didn't stay in the basket.
I don't know, maybe it's justme, but what am I proud of this
week?
And the reason I do that isbecause when I'm having the
moments that I retreat becauseI'm not saying that I wake up
with gratitude every day I'mjust saying I'm intentional
(25:48):
about gratitude, right, but whenI'm having a week and, boy,
sometimes I'm having a week,even this week has been a week
for me.
The last few weeks have beendifficult weeks I can go back to
what I wrote down and sayremember that time you did that.
Oh, my goodness, remember youdid this, remember you did that.
It's a way for me to encouragemyself, and the reality is you
(26:10):
have to encourage yourselfsometimes.
You can't expect other peopleto encourage you all the time,
right?
So I write it down and it'shelped me to celebrate, it's
helped me to have my owncelebration moments.
So I'm going to ask you thequestion here's the question of
the day Do you celebrateyourself as much as you
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celebrate others?
Do you celebrate yourself asmuch as you celebrate others.
Are you your own biggestcheerleader as much as you
celebrate others?
Are you your own biggestcheerleader?
As a leader?
You are going to have somepeople who are cheering you on.
There is at least one personwho is all in about you.
You are the best thing sincesliced bread and low sodium
(26:56):
chicken broth.
I don't know.
You are amazing and theybelieve it and they're there for
you, but are you there foryourself in that same way?
Right, who's cheering you on?
Are you cheering yourself on?
I would suggest to you todaythat, if you're listening to
this, that you think about thatand then you make a commitment
(27:18):
to be your own champion, tocelebrate your own wins
intentionally.
Which brings me to the next fewconversations that we're about
to have.
Boy, we have some greatepisodes coming up, but we are
going to talk about intentionalleadership leading with
intention.
(27:39):
We're going to share a storyfrom a woman who turned her
purpose I mean, sorry herpassion into her career.
We're going to share a storyfrom a woman who turned her
purpose I mean, sorry herpassion into her career.
We're going to talk to a womanwho encourages us to lead.
Well.
We're going to talk to someonewho who encourages us to be
intentional, even about our timebusyness Anybody got an issue
(28:00):
with busyness.
We're talking to someone elseabout permission to rest and
what rest does.
These next few episodes aregoing to be great, but it's all
about intentional beingintentional in our leadership,
and today I challenge you,leaders, to be intentional with
celebrating your success,celebrating your wins,
(28:25):
celebrating big and small you,and identifying, if it's hard
for you to do so, what's keepingyou from doing that, and
addressing it now so that youcan get in the habit.
As a leader of success, it willalso make it easier for you to
cheer and other people'saccomplishments on as well, and,
(28:48):
as a leader, the people thatyou are influencing want to be
celebrated by you.
Maybe not in the same, you know, that's a whole other
conversation about how, becausesome people like quiet
celebrations, some people likeopen celebrations and, as a
leader, you identify what yourteam needs, but the reality is
we have to take a moment tocelebrate our wins, celebrate
(29:12):
our success, and do it for morethan five minutes.
I dare you.
Do it for more than fiveminutes.
Celebrate you, you are amazing.
Celebrate you, you are amazing.
You've done some amazing thingsin your leadership life, in
your span as a leader, in yourtime as a leader, you've done
(29:34):
some things.
That's why you're leading.
Celebrate it, celebrate it.
And so I pray that, as youreflect on this question, that
God will reveal to you thoseareas that may be hindering you
from celebrating.
And if you're alreadycelebrating, if you're really
good at this, I pray that youencourage another leader,
(29:55):
another woman who leads, to dothe same.
Tell them what works for you,share what works for you, and
let's encourage each other tocelebrate.
That's it today for the Gracedto Lead podcast.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for those who havesubscribed.
I do have giveaways each week,so please, please, please, click
(30:18):
on the link in the description,drop in your email and
subscribe.
Description.
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(30:40):
There've been some great prizes, so please subscribe, make sure
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(31:02):
given me some great advice onhow to improve the podcast for
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So thank you, thank you, thankyou and again, just remember
that you are indeed graced tolead.
You are graced to lead.
Thank you for listening anduntil we talk again, have an
amazing week.
(31:22):
Bye-bye.
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I'm Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
If you are a Christian womanwho leads at work or in your own
business, you are in the rightplace.
Here.
You'll find practical adviceand encouragement as you lead
through real conversations thatwill challenge and inspire you.
So join me on this journey tobecoming better leaders God's
(00:27):
way.
Are you ready?
Let the journey begin.
Welcome to the Graced to Leadpodcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
Today I want to talk to youabout celebrating yourself, and
the reason I wanted to talkabout this is because we just
finished a series of lessons onmatters of the heart.
(00:48):
Before that, we talked aboutleading and confidence and
leadership identity, and thosewere all great and, based on the
messages that some of you havesent and listen, thank you so
much for even listening.
First of all, and for those ofyou who have sent me messages, I
really appreciate it.
You have no idea how much thatmeans to me, but, based on your
(01:09):
messages, it's clear that someof these recordings, some of
these episodes, have really beenhitting people in ways that
they didn't expect, havingpeople change their perspectives
on things, and in some cases,one person wrote that, you know,
it caused them to shift howthey did things, and that's
that's amazing.
And so, as I was reading some ofthe things that people were
(01:30):
saying and responding to some ofthe things that people were
saying, I was sharing this withmy daughter.
I was, you know, saying I can'tbelieve that.
You know, first of all, thatanybody's listening, cause can I
be honest with y'all?
I mean, I try to be transparenthere, but the truth is, when I
started this podcast, I did itbecause I believed it was what I
was called to do by God and itwas something that I was given a
(01:52):
few years ago.
But I was too afraid to do itand so I really had low
expectations.
I'm just being honest.
I know that leaders don't admitwhen they have low expectations
, but I had low expectations ofthis podcast.
I was just kind of like, well,if you know, I know at least 10
people will listen, because Icounted my friends and family
(02:13):
and that's it.
I'm just going to put it outthere and that's it Right.
And so you know, when you havecertain expectations and those
expectations are exceeded, youknow, technically you're
supposed to celebrate, butlisten, that's not what I've
been doing.
So I was sharing with mydaughter about some of this and
my daughter is younger, she's inmiddle school right now.
(02:36):
I'm sharing with her some ofthis and she was saying she was
asking.
She started asking me aquestion like about a recent
experience we had.
My daughter was selected for anhonors band program in our state
.
I was so proud of her, she didher performance.
It was her first year in honorsband.
(03:00):
I wasn't one of those parentsthat was just yelling obscenely
at the crowd and all of that.
But you know, after herperformance I really just, you
know, celebrated with her.
This is exciting.
And she was looking at me likeMa, really, okay, whenever me or
my brother or my sister dosomething, you shout, you cheer.
You know I'm the biggestcheerleader, even for my husband
(03:32):
is like, yeah, you did it.
And she said she's talkingabout this and being really
dramatic, in my opinion, of myresponses to things.
But then she says so then whyis it so hard for you to
celebrate yourself?
And then she did what kids doand just kind of moved on and
walked out.
But I feel like that was a micdrop, right, and it's a question
(03:52):
that kind of stuck with me.
Do I celebrate myself at all?
Do I celebrate my even in thispodcast?
This podcast right now is notthe number one listen to podcast
in the country.
Podcast right now is not thenumber one listen to podcast in
the country.
But I can say that for what Iset out to do, it has exceeded
my expectations and I did itdespite challenges with my
(04:14):
family, challenges on my job youknow, a very low budget, like I
don't have the resources to paypeople thousands of dollars to
come on my show but I did itanyway and that should be
celebrated.
And so today I want to ask youleaders, do you take time to
celebrate your accomplishments?
Like, do you even think about,hey, there's something I need to
(04:36):
celebrate today?
And I would say that if you arelistening and you have listened
to some of the previousepisodes and you've at all done
anything different that hasimpacted how you lead, maybe now
you lead differently or youlead in a more positive way, you
lead more effectively becauseof something you heard and
(04:56):
something that you delved into.
That's an accomplishment, right, we can go so hard in
celebrating other people, thepeople we love and neglect to
celebrate ourselves.
So, if that's, you keeplistening, because listen, I
know I'm not alone in this.
I know I'm not the only person,and this is really interesting
to me because I know highachievers.
(05:19):
There are women around me whoare leaders, who are considered
the best of the best.
They're high achievers and theystill don't take time to
celebrate, and so I want to talkabout that a little bit today
before we move into the nextthing.
So when we think aboutcelebrating our accomplishments,
a lot of times we wait forsomething big.
(05:40):
It's like it has to besomething really big, like we
landed a major deal or we signeda big contract or, you know, we
got a new job promotion.
Let's celebrate.
But I think that what I wantedto share with you today is that
there are some small wins thatalso require celebration, and
the reality is many of youlistening as, as leaders, you
(06:03):
are amazing leaders.
I mean there are people youknow leadership is influence are
amazing leaders.
I mean there are people we knowleadership is influence right,
and so there are people who arebeing influenced simply when you
walk in a room because of whoyou are, and so because of that,
we forget that just there arethings that we we do every day,
or things that we accomplisheach week or each month.
(06:24):
That actually should be, that'sconsidered a success, that
should be celebrated, but wemove right past it because we're
going to the next thing.
And so why is that?
Where did that come from us notcelebrating?
For me, I've identified threethings and I'll share those
three things and talk about kindof how I overcome those or how
I'm trying to overcome them,because all of this is a work in
(06:45):
progress, right, everything isa process.
So you just you're on your wayto get to the next thing, right.
But the first thing for me I'llbe honest with is permission to
celebrate.
Now, I know this isn'teverybody, so I'm going to speak
for myself and for those of youwho can relate.
Maybe you can come back and puta comment in or something and
(07:05):
let me know that you can relate.
But I remember being taught as agirl growing up that you know
and maybe it could also be thiswould also be a generational
thing.
So I'm curious to people whoare younger than me their
experiences.
But I remember being taught notto cause too much attention to
myself or not to spend too muchtime focusing on what I did.
(07:32):
It was almost as if I'll giveyou an example.
I remember winning a Frenchlanguage competition when I was
in school and I was excitedabout it.
My mother, my grandmother, myfamily, they were excited about
it and we celebrated and Iremember my grandmother saying
OK, that's great, now let's moveon to the next thing, the next
(07:54):
thing, right.
So it was like a very briefmoment of celebration.
I had to move on and, and thatwas kind of how things were and
when my mother died and maybeI'll talk about this in another
episode but my mom died and Iended up moving in with my
grandmother and that was justher way.
She never paused, to kind ofstop and say, yes, I did that.
And let me tell you, this woman,my grandmother, is hugely
(08:17):
accomplished.
She had an eighth gradeeducation but found herself in
the space of public health,leading other people.
In fact, there is an awardright now named after her that's
given out by the NationalFamily Planning and Reproductive
Health Association to otherpeople who are doing outstanding
work in family planning andreproductive health, because she
(08:39):
was a person who did thosethings.
She made a huge impact forwomen with her eighth grade
education and I understand now,as an adult, reading about her
accomplishments, how big it was,but she never celebrated, she
never did.
Her mindset was okay, we'vedone this thing, let's move to
the next thing.
Now, part of this is cultural.
(09:01):
When you come from a place whereyou have very little or where
you had to kind of pull yourselfup by your bootstraps.
It's almost this sense of Ican't stop and reflect on this,
I can't stop and celebratebecause there's so much, there's
more to do.
I can't stop.
I can't stop.
But unintentionally she passedthat on to me, that's what I saw
(09:21):
, that's what I did.
And so part of why it's hardfor me to stop and celebrate is
because it's like, ok, well, Idid that, but I have to go and
do the next thing.
(09:41):
And as a leader, it's importantfor us to kind of stop.
And here's why.
So why is it important for usto stop and celebrate?
Because it's those moments thatmotivate us, that keep us going
to the next thing.
Like you can find yourself in aplace of burnout if you're just
going from thing to thing tothing without reflecting on how
you've grown, what you've done,what you've accomplished.
And so it's that idea of thatconstant grind right, the
constant grind which mentally,can do a number on you right.
It can drain you, it can makeyou depressed, it can make you
(10:02):
sad.
It explains why some people,when they have a major
accomplishment, they have thishuge letdown because it's like,
oh well, I did that, now whatRight?
How about we take?
We decide as leaders that we aregoing to celebrate our wins,
celebrate that thing that justhappened, and not just celebrate
it for a moment but stay there,because celebrating it is not
(10:24):
necessarily equate to yourslacking off.
I think that's the message Igot as a young person.
It's, it's, you know,celebrating your accomplishments
means that you're slacking offin the work.
And can I say that's just nottrue, and I know that everyone.
Again, this is my story, so I'mnot at all projecting this on
you.
You may this may not be yourexperience at all I had friends
(10:47):
whose mothers and fathers werethere.
You know they were theempowerment people.
You know they gave themscriptures.
Every day you can do all thingsthrough Christ, who strengthens
you.
You are fearfully andwonderfully made Like they got
all that.
That was not my story, and soit shows up as we just finished
talking about matters of theheart.
It shows up in how I lead.
(11:07):
It's hard for me to celebrate.
It's hard for me to celebrateeven the small wins and the big
wins, and so for me, that's oneof those things.
So I had to give myselfpermission to celebrate,
permission to say, yeah, I didthat, yeah, that was pretty good
(11:28):
, yeah, that was awesome.
Yes, I'm amazing, yes, I'mcapable, yes, I'm confident, yes
, I have accomplished this thing.
Yes, I did that.
Right, let me just take amoment to stop with the
checklist, the timelines, thedeliverables, the leading the
people, the telling the people,the, whatever the things, and
(11:51):
just say, wow, so happy andexcited that I accomplished this
thing.
Look at me, look at what Goddid through me, look at how,
like, take a moment and morethan five minutes y''all and
just do it.
That was my story.
So the first thing I had to dowas give myself permission to
celebrate, because thatinability to celebrate came from
(12:14):
a deep place Again, matters ofthe heart, a deep place.
The other thing that I realizedthat hinders my ability to
celebrate myself and myaccomplishments is worries.
I don't know if anybody canrelate to this, but as women of
faith, we don't want tonecessarily admit that we have
(12:36):
worry.
It's almost like a stigma.
It's like, okay, if you're awoman of faith, you can't fear
and you can't worry, becauseit's the opposite of faith, and
I understand that.
But I also know that we'rehuman and that we have worries.
There are things that we, thatwe do worry about.
You know and and and it's not.
(12:57):
It's not that we're lessfaithful.
It's not that we're lessfaithful because we worry.
Now I will say that worry isnot a part of our faith walk.
But I'm also saying that it'shuman to worry.
We know that the Bible tells usto not worry about anything and
to pray about everything withthankful hearts and offer up our
(13:19):
prayers to God.
We know that when we are weak,that God is strong and we know
that God has a purpose and aplan for us.
But what I'm saying is sometimesthe worries of life can be so
distracting that even when weaccomplish things, we go back to
(13:40):
that place of worry, especiallyas leaders.
Because here's the thing as aleader, you're not just taking
on your personal stuff, butsometimes you are responsible
for other people.
If you're leading people, thenyou may have worries about the
people that you lead.
If you are leading a project,you may have worries about the
(14:03):
projects, you leave it.
You're leading a business.
You may have worries about thebusiness.
If you and as a woman,sometimes we have our own
personal worries, if we'reparenting, if we're in a
relationship, you know, theworries of life can can really
get to us and and I call it adistraction because the reality
is if you are focused on thething.
(14:24):
So, whatever you focus on Ithink Dr Nedra said this in her
episode on Matters of the Heartthe thing that you focus on is
what grows right, not to saythat you can't, you shouldn't,
focus on some of those thingsthat you're worried about
because you definitely need.
If something is worrying you,it's because it's a challenge
and there should be a strategyto how to overcome that
(14:46):
challenge, and you can prayabout that and get God to share
that with you, or you can decide, hey, this is something that I
can't handle and so I'm going tolet God handle it, but either
way, there's something that thatchallenge should be addressed
somehow.
Right, that's what I'm saying.
So, but if you focus on onlythose things you know, the
(15:08):
things you don't have, thethings that aren't working, the
things that are worrying yourmind, it's easy to miss the
things that are going right.
And so, for me, I had to have ashift in my mindset.
When you focus on only thechallenges or only the worries,
it becomes a distraction for theother things that God is doing
(15:31):
in your life.
You can easily miss theblessings, you can easily miss
celebrating those wins becauseyou're so focused on the
challenge right.
And so I had to turn myattention to gratitude to help
me with that, and the more Ifocused on gratitude, being
(15:55):
thankful that God had put me inthe position of leadership he's
put me ining God for theopportunities that I have, for
the skills that I have, for thefamily that I have, for the
friends that I have, for life,for health, for shelter, for
resources and provision.
(16:15):
As I began to focus on thosethings, it also highlighted hey,
here's an accomplishment orhere's something that's worth
celebrating, and it took myfocus off the worry.
And so if you are in the placewhere you're having trouble
celebrating and it's not thatyou don't have permission to
(16:36):
celebrate I would suggest to youthat maybe it's, perhaps you
are focused on the wrong thingsand that, and you're focused on
your challenges and you'refocused on your worries and that
is the thing that's taking overyour mind and preventing you
from being able to celebrate.
And the last thing I'll say andthis is going to be I think
(17:00):
this is an unpopular, or it'sprobably going to make me
unpopular, and we're in cancelculture.
So I'm just going to say it.
But the other thing I foundmyself doing y'all is carrying
false humility.
Yeah, I'm going to say it Falsehumility.
So false humility.
Is you putting up the sensethat you are humble or that you
(17:26):
have humility when you reallydon't, just so that other people
can say how great you are?
I am not proud of this, but Ihave recognized that this has
been a part of some of thethings that I've done and said
in my life as a leader, and Ihad to stop it.
(17:47):
So I'm sharing it out oftransparency and hoping this is
a judgment-free zone.
But let me tell you how falsehumility works.
So you know that you did agreat job on something, but you
don't want to say it and you say, oh well, it was a team effort.
So I'll give you an example.
You led some big project and itwent well, and you thank the
(18:09):
team.
Well, you should thank the team, right, because no one does
anything by themselves, but, asthe leader, there are some
things that you have done tomake this thing, this project, a
success.
And so what false humility wouldlook like is if somebody says,
wow, you did an amazing job withthis project and of course you
do.
You thank the people that youneed to thank and then they say
(18:32):
something like but you really,the way you led, that was
amazing, great job.
And you say, oh well, I mean Ithink it was okay.
You know deep down that you dida great job, but what you want
to hear is well, no, you did anamazing job.
Well, you're just so good,you're just so great and and
(18:53):
you're just so amazing.
And it really does kind of puffup your ego.
Now I'm just being real withy'all here.
I have done this before anddidn't even realize that I was
doing and I thank God forrevealing that to me where that,
that, that that of wanting tohear people say great job it's
almost kind of like how we do insocial media.
You, you know, if you are aheavy social media user, you can
(19:17):
find yourself looking for thelikes and for the reshares and
all of that.
It plays into that sense oftelling you how great you are,
without you seeming like you'reseeking it out, because, of
course, you don't want to be ajerk about it and you don't want
to come across as conceited orfull of yourself.
Right, because God forbid right.
(19:41):
Especially if you are a woman,I feel like this is harder.
I think for men they kind ofget it differently, but for
women, this is a place and again, I'm just being transparent.
Some of you out there have maybenever done this, but I'm
telling you about me, and I havedone this.
It's embarrassing to speak, butit's the truth.
(20:02):
The beauty, though, the greatthing is that I recognize it and
that I am stopping myself fromdoing that, because you know
where that comes from.
For me, I'm just going to tellyou for me again, just for me,
and again I would love to hearyour comments on this one,
because I did not intend toshare this at all, so I'm just
going to speak, but for me itcomes from a place of wanting to
(20:25):
feel validated.
Oh, my Wanting to feelvalidated and wanting to be told
that you are enough, becausedeep down, there's some heart
issue, there's something that Ineeded to deal with, and these
all go back to childhood for me,things that I had to deal with
(20:46):
that made me feel less than orfeel like I wasn't.
I shouldn't have a seat at thetable.
What did Lisa Medley in herepisode say?
You belong in the room, at thetable, you belong in the space.
I forgot what the phrase was.
So when you have a false senseof humility, what that does is
(21:09):
it allows people to feed yourneed to be validated, to feed
your need to To be told you'regreat.
But as a leader and a woman offaith, we should already believe
that God created us for such atime as this, for this position,
(21:35):
for this leadership space, forwhat we're doing right now, that
he has inherently puteverything we need inside us,
that we are fully equipped tolead.
It comes from a space at leastfor me, it came from a space
(21:56):
feeling like I didn't belong.
And so when you are like that,when you have this false sense
of humility, you can't reallycelebrate because you're too
busy being humble.
And again, I believe that people, I believe in that humility is
(22:17):
important that we can't be sofull of ourselves because listen
, we didn't get us in the placethat we can, you can say you
pulled yourself up by yourbootstraps.
But if you are a believer, ifyou are a woman of faith, then
you know that God alsointervened on your behalf
because of the purpose he hasfor your life, and that you were
doing the things that you weredoing, which is great, because
faith without works is dead.
(22:37):
But you didn't get there byyourself and you didn't get
there on your own.
Somebody had to open the door.
Somebody had to open the door,somebody had to give you the
opportunity, somebody had tobelieve in you, right?
So when you want to, you can'tcelebrate because you're just,
oh, I just, I don't know, it'snot me, I'm just anybody.
(23:01):
At this point, I wish I couldhear y'all, because, like
anybody, false humility kept mefrom celebrating myself.
And so when I recognized that Iwas not giving myself
(23:29):
permission to celebrate, that Iwas allowing my worries to
interfere with celebrating myaccomplishments, and that false
humility was also impacting myability to celebrate, I started
to change some things in my life, and this has been over years,
years of time.
I'm sharing this, but it's beenover years of time.
I actively practice gratitude,gratitude, gratitude, gratitude,
(24:00):
because the reality is nomatter what I'm going through,
there's always someone who hasit worse.
I stumped my toe on the kitchentable.
Somebody lost a toe.
Somebody lost a toe, somebodylost a foot, somebody can't walk
, somebody doesn't even have akitchen table.
Hmm, gratitude.
I also gave myself permissionto each week reflect on what I
(24:24):
was most proud of.
It sounds ridiculously cliche,I'll say.
So does gratitude, but it iswhat it is.
But I do take a moment everyweek, usually on Fridays, to
reflect what am I proud of thisweek, what did I do well this
(24:45):
week?
And I write it down.
Here's why I write it down.
So I write it down.
I have a journal.
I like one of thoseold-fashioned calendars.
It's funny, anybody have adated calendar, like a paper
calendar that you don't use forthe calendar Because I have
everything on my digital, myphone, my computer, it's all you
know.
(25:05):
My calendar is color coded withfamily stuff and work stuff and
podcast stuff.
So that's what I use and that'show I keep my calendar.
But I have a physical calendarthat I get every year and in
that calendar I use it for liketo-do lists.
But I also use that space eachweek to put down what I'm most
proud of myself for, like whatdid I do this week that I'm
(25:26):
proud of, even if it's small.
Listen, sometimes we have to beproud of the fact that we put
the clothes in the dryer andthen we folded them and put them
away.
They didn't stay in the basket.
I don't know, maybe it's justme, but what am I proud of this
week?
And the reason I do that isbecause when I'm having the
moments that I retreat becauseI'm not saying that I wake up
with gratitude every day I'mjust saying I'm intentional
(25:48):
about gratitude, right, but whenI'm having a week and, boy,
sometimes I'm having a week,even this week has been a week
for me.
The last few weeks have beendifficult weeks I can go back to
what I wrote down and sayremember that time you did that.
Oh, my goodness, remember youdid this, remember you did that.
It's a way for me to encouragemyself, and the reality is you
(26:10):
have to encourage yourselfsometimes.
You can't expect other peopleto encourage you all the time,
right?
So I write it down and it'shelped me to celebrate, it's
helped me to have my owncelebration moments.
So I'm going to ask you thequestion here's the question of
the day Do you celebrateyourself as much as you
(26:34):
celebrate others?
Do you celebrate yourself asmuch as you celebrate others.
Are you your own biggestcheerleader as much as you
celebrate others?
Are you your own biggestcheerleader?
As a leader?
You are going to have somepeople who are cheering you on.
There is at least one personwho is all in about you.
You are the best thing sincesliced bread and low sodium
(26:56):
chicken broth.
I don't know.
You are amazing and theybelieve it and they're there for
you, but are you there foryourself in that same way?
Right, who's cheering you on?
Are you cheering yourself on?
I would suggest to you todaythat, if you're listening to
this, that you think about thatand then you make a commitment
(27:18):
to be your own champion, tocelebrate your own wins
intentionally.
Which brings me to the next fewconversations that we're about
to have.
Boy, we have some greatepisodes coming up, but we are
going to talk about intentionalleadership leading with
intention.
(27:39):
We're going to share a storyfrom a woman who turned her
purpose I mean, sorry herpassion into her career.
We're going to share a storyfrom a woman who turned her
purpose I mean, sorry herpassion into her career.
We're going to talk to a womanwho encourages us to lead.
Well.
We're going to talk to someonewho who encourages us to be
intentional, even about our timebusyness Anybody got an issue
(28:00):
with busyness.
We're talking to someone elseabout permission to rest and
what rest does.
These next few episodes aregoing to be great, but it's all
about intentional beingintentional in our leadership,
and today I challenge you,leaders, to be intentional with
celebrating your success,celebrating your wins,
(28:25):
celebrating big and small you,and identifying, if it's hard
for you to do so, what's keepingyou from doing that, and
addressing it now so that youcan get in the habit.
As a leader of success, it willalso make it easier for you to
cheer and other people'saccomplishments on as well, and,
(28:48):
as a leader, the people thatyou are influencing want to be
celebrated by you.
Maybe not in the same, you know, that's a whole other
conversation about how, becausesome people like quiet
celebrations, some people likeopen celebrations and, as a
leader, you identify what yourteam needs, but the reality is
we have to take a moment tocelebrate our wins, celebrate
(29:12):
our success, and do it for morethan five minutes.
I dare you.
Do it for more than fiveminutes.
Celebrate you, you are amazing.
Celebrate you, you are amazing.
You've done some amazing thingsin your leadership life, in
your span as a leader, in yourtime as a leader, you've done
(29:34):
some things.
That's why you're leading.
Celebrate it, celebrate it.
And so I pray that, as youreflect on this question, that
God will reveal to you thoseareas that may be hindering you
from celebrating.
And if you're alreadycelebrating, if you're really
good at this, I pray that youencourage another leader,
(29:55):
another woman who leads, to dothe same.
Tell them what works for you,share what works for you, and
let's encourage each other tocelebrate.
That's it today for the Gracedto Lead podcast.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for those who havesubscribed.
I do have giveaways each week,so please, please, please, click
(30:18):
on the link in the description,drop in your email and
subscribe.
Description.
Drop in your email andsubscribe.
You'll get some newsletters outabout and I promise not to be
spammy, but I'll send you a fewupdates about the Graced to Lead
podcast and you enterautomatically in a chance to win
, and I will go ahead and postthe winners, because I don't
think I've done that yet.
I'm going to post our winnersso you can see what they've won.
(30:40):
There've been some great prizes, so please subscribe, make sure
you share the podcast.
I would appreciate it and feelfree to message me.
You can actually chat with medirectly on your podcast
platform or on the Buzzsproutlink or by email, but chat with
me.
I love to hear your feedback,if there even some of you have
(31:02):
given me some great advice onhow to improve the podcast for
the next season.
So thank you, thank you, thankyou and again, just remember
that you are indeed graced tolead.
You are graced to lead.
Thank you for listening anduntil we talk again, have an
amazing week.
(31:22):
Bye-bye.
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