July 10, 2025 • 26 mins
What's holding you back from your most authentic leadership? Today, Belinda takes a bold departure from the usual podcast format to share one of the most vulnerable chapters from my new book, Equipped by God. Graced to Lead. Reading from Chapter Four, "Time to Strip," she invites listeners into a profound space of reflection about how our unaddressed wounds and hidden struggles affect our ability to lead effectively.
The most compelling revelation? Your greatest leadership moments will likely emerge from your places of deepest weakness. As Scripture reminds us, God's power is made perfect in weakness—not in spite of it. Belinda vulnerably shares how her own journey of stripping away pretense unlocked her ability to finish writing her book after a year-long standstill.
For every leader who's felt like an impostor, for everyone who's questioned their qualifications, this episode offers a liberating truth: you don't have to be perfect to be chosen. God deliberately places broken people in positions of influence, equipping them with everything needed to fulfill their purpose. Your scars don't disqualify you—they're part of your unique qualifications.
After listing, take 10 minutes today to honestly identify what you might be hiding, even from yourself. Write it down without editing or explaining it away. Then watch as God begins a healing process that will revolutionize how you lead. Remember, you weren't haphazardly chosen for your position—you were purposefully placed there, and you are indeed graced to lead.
Get your copy of Equipped By God. Graced to Lead. now!
- Amazon
- Barnes and Noble
- Online or www.belindagaston.com
Please subscribe to our mailing list to stay connected and get updates! Thanks for listening to the Graced to Lead Podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Belinda Gaston (00:11):
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
This week I'm doing something alittle different.
If you remember, from not thelast episode, last week's
episode, but the episode beforethat I talked about my new book
Equipped by God, Graced to Lead,and so many of you have been
(00:35):
amazing and supportive andpurchased the book.
But several of you have askedme what the book is about, and
so I decided to share a chapterwith you today.
I chose one of the chapters thatmade me the most nervous to
write and I've decided to shareit with you today, and so this
particular chapter is calledTime to Strip.
(00:56):
It is actually chapter four inthe book.
Chapter four, it's really aboutlaying the truth of what you're
feeling, who you are, whatyou're experiencing, before God,
because a lot of times, whathappens is we will hide things,
even from ourselves, things wedon't really want to deal with
(01:18):
about ourselves, and the realityis that affects how we lead
right, and so I've really beengoing on this journey about
being more transparent, sharingthings that impact my own
personal leadership, andlistening to others and sharing
other people's stories about howthings that have happened to
(01:40):
them or things that they'reexperiencing are affecting their
leadership Because, after all,Graced to Lead really is about
our faith, having our faith inGod as we lead, and
understanding that we werechosen to be in these places of
influence.
We were chosen to be in thesespaces of leadership and as part
(02:01):
of our assignment is to leadwell, is to influence well, is
to create strategy that's sound,and we cannot do that if we are
hindered by things we haven'tdealt with.
I also am a firm believer thatwe are, that God places us not
only in these positions for usto lead, but also that when he
(02:24):
places us in these positions, heequips us with everything we
need, because our leadership isa part of our worship.
Do you ever think about that?
Our leadership is a part of ourworship unto God, and so
leading well is not just, in myopinion, a responsibility, but
(02:44):
it's a mandate.
If you are a believer that theplaces that God has placed you
in, you're there for a reasonand there's a responsibility
that comes with that, and so Ithought I'd share this with you,
because this is really themoment in the book, in the
writing of this book, for me,where I began to lay down some
things and just bear out whatwas in my heart, and the beauty
(03:09):
about bearing out what's in yourheart before God is that
there's no judgment, right,because the reality is God
already knows these things, butthere is healing in that place.
As I'm reading it, I'm going toask that you allow reading it.
I'm going to ask that you allowGod to show you whatever it is
(03:30):
that he wants you to see.
So, if you're listening to thisright now, still I want you to
just take a moment to listen asI read and really reflect on my
words and how these things thatI'm saying, if you can resonate
with them, what they may meanfor you in your life.
So here we go, chapter four,time to strip.
I spent the last two chapterssharing some deeply personal
(03:52):
experiences.
When I started writing this book, I did not intend to share too
much of myself.
I wanted to give you a littleof me and a lot of God.
I wanted it to be just enoughthat you felt encouraged, but
not so much that you really knewme.
Why?
Because I don't know you likethat.
(04:13):
I mean, I didn't want to letyou in the places in my life
that weren't perfect, thatweren't expected or acceptable.
But let me tell you whathappened.
But let me tell you whathappened.
(04:36):
I started this book and wrotequite a bit of surface stuff.
Then, for over a year, not muchhappened.
My publisher waited and waitedand waited for me to respond to
their editor's notes A shout outto Living With More Enterprises
for not firing me as an author.
Y'all my friends and familythought the book was made up.
(04:58):
Where is this book?
Some of them would ask.
When will you finish?
Something was holding me backfrom putting the words on paper.
Have you ever tried toaccomplish something and
everything under the sun seemedto work together against you
finishing the task?
That was me.
(05:19):
I was too busy with work, toobusy with the kids or too busy
with church has anyone beenthere?
But it wasn't that stuff.
It was something else.
Writing this book required me toadequately deal with the very
things that made me feel like Iwasn't qualified to lead.
(05:42):
I felt like I wasn't enough forthe positions God placed me in
or where he would take me For meto help you.
I had to walk through mydeliverance and y'all remember
the stuff that you just read.
That is only a part of my story.
(06:05):
Sure, the chapters were writtenand, honestly, I could have
made some minor edits andpublished a book just fine, but
God didn't want this book to bejust another book.
God wants to help us yes, metoo begin a real process of
being delivered from the thingsthat hinder what he wants for us
(06:26):
.
God wants to encourage us toembrace that we are chosen, just
as we are chosen, to do bigthings and small things in big
ways, for the purpose of the onewho created us.
Did you get that?
Let me repeat it you werechosen by God.
(06:46):
Yep, it's true, just as you are, with all your faults, flaws,
talents and experiences, to dobig things and small things in
big ways.
Yep, you have work to do For apurpose and no, not everyone
will be a CEO, but leadershiphappens in businesses, families
(07:09):
and even among friends.
What was clear to me was that Ineeded to strip to reach the
intended purpose of this book.
I needed to take it all off.
To strip means to removeclothing, materials and surface
matter from something.
It means to remove extraneousor superficial matter from
(07:30):
something.
That's what I needed to do toensure that you receive what God
wants you to from this book.
I needed to remove the fluff,remove the superficial surface
matter and share personal thingsthat I don't talk about often.
And since you kept reading tothis point, that means that my
experience is something you canrelate to, or at least it's
(07:51):
something that you want to hearmore about.
Now I'm not done sharing myexperiences.
I promised in the last chapterthat if you kept reading, I
would help you identify andbegin to deal with some of the
things in your life that makeyou feel inadequate.
So it's time to get started,time to identify some things.
The first thing you must do iswhat I've already done you have
(08:14):
to strip.
Now.
Listen, don't look at me withthat tone of face.
I know some of you are sayinghere we go Another take off the
mask reference.
Let me explain.
Like some of you, I amsometimes tired of people
telling me to take off the mask.
I don't want to go to one morewomen's event or inspirational
(08:34):
workshop where I'm meant to doanything with a mask.
I am over it and, honestly,whenever I participated in
something like that, it was allso temporary.
Do you know why?
While this is not true for all,some of the leaders of these
unmasked experiences wereleading while wearing their own
(08:56):
masks, or at best they wereputting them on and taking them
off when it was convenient orwhile trying to navigate their
experiences that created theirneed for a mask in the first
place.
So I assure you this is notthat type of reference.
For those of you reading thiswho have no idea what I'm
(09:17):
talking about, that's great.
Keep reading.
Now back to the task at hand.
It's time for you to strip.
Let me tell you a story RightAnother one.
When I met my husband, he toldme that he didn't want us to
have sex unless we were married.
I'd never met a man like thatbefore.
As you've already read, I wasnot exactly a virgin, and most
(09:41):
men I knew spent all daythinking of ways to separate
women from their clothes NotMike.
I understand now that he wastired of dating.
He was on a mission to find hiswife and he felt like sex
complicated things.
At the time, I thought he wasstrange or just not into women.
In my dating experience up tothat point, this was just not a
(10:07):
usual occurrence.
We spent almost every daytogether and it quickly became
apparent that he received hisinstructions from God and was
determined to be obedient.
It was not easy Listen.
There were times when ourdesire for one another was so
bad that we couldn't even bealone together.
Sometimes things got so heatedthat we almost failed, but we
(10:29):
stuck it out.
The week before my wedding, ithit me that I was marrying a man
who had never seen mecompletely naked.
Imagine that we were about tocommit ourselves to one another
for the rest of our lives, butwe had never really stripped
down before one another On ourwedding night.
(10:50):
I was so nervous.
What if he took one look at meand instantly regretted it?
What if I looked at him andfelt the same?
What if we couldn't provideeach other what we needed?
There was no turning back.
We had to strip before eachother literally.
We had to share our flaws,accept each other with no fluff
(11:11):
and find a way to make thingswork.
The act of stripping off myclothes and standing before my
new husband was more terrifyingthan any other of my sexual
experiences.
Why?
Because the other guys that Ihad been with before him never
saw the real me.
I mean real talk.
We stage those things right Tohelp us appear in our best light
(11:34):
.
Men do push up.
Sometimes before a hot date,women wear their best lingerie
and by the time you get to thesex, the pageantry of it all is
so exhausting that you reallydon't see the person in an
authentic way.
You see the experience of them.
On my wedding night, there wasno pageantry, no show.
(11:54):
We were excited, but we wereexhausted.
It was him and me stripped ofthe surface stuff, looking at
the real us.
It was at that moment okay, notin that exact moment that I
started to understand theimportance of the process of
standing before someone as youtruly are Stripping off the
(12:16):
stuff that covers your flaws,previous experiences,
expectations and disappointments.
It creates a vulnerability thatallows you to build a
relationship in a different way.
So for you to continue in thisprocess, I need you to strip.
I need you to open up yourselfto God Heck, I need you to open
(12:39):
up yourself to you.
It is the only way to moveforward and receive anything
else in this book.
If it makes you feel any better.
I did this too.
Remember how I said it tookover a year to really make
progress on this book.
God brought me to this pointand told me it was time to strip
.
I had to admit some things tomyself.
(13:01):
I had to admit that in someways I felt like an imposter.
To look at me, you would thinkI was strong in so many areas of
my life.
On the inside, I had doubts andfears about whether I was good
enough or worthy enough forthose areas.
I had to admit that I messed upa few times and didn't
apologize to the people I hurtin the process.
(13:23):
I had to remove the wall I hadput up that allowed me to be
friendly but not open to thelove of others, which we will
talk about later.
I had to admit that sometimes Ididn't feel as beautiful or as
capable as others.
(13:44):
I had to admit that my thoughtsabout myself or situations in
my life were not always positive.
I had to admit that sometimesprayer didn't seem like enough.
Listen, I had to deal with me.
(14:05):
The most important part of mystripping process was taking an
honest look at the things thathindered me from moving into
what God called me to do.
I made a list of all the thingsI felt were hindering me when I
was writing this book.
Here are some of the items onmy list.
Of the items on my listInconsistency, self-doubt, hurt
(14:35):
from people that I love,mistakes.
I made my busy schedule.
I also made a list of thethings that I wanted God to help
me with the most being moreconfident in ministry and
leadership, anxiety and fear.
Being a better friend,forgiveness of myself and others
(14:55):
, being a better parent.
The thing is, I had to makethese lists without judging
myself or analyzing the list.
Going back to my wedding night,can you imagine what would have
happened if I stood before mynew husband naked and started to
explain every bump and blemishin my body?
(15:16):
Imagine it me naked, saying seethis mark on my knee, that was
because I fell off my bike whenI was 10.
Or my stomach would be flatterbut I had that extra shrimp at
the reception.
It would have been a disaster.
I had to strip and let it be.
I'm asking you to do that asyou strip, put it out there
(15:38):
without explanation.
I promise you that we will dealwith the stuff later.
This is the first step inidentifying some things.
Let me tell you something.
Once I decided to strip, thebook wrote itself.
God used that moment to show meexactly what I had to do to
experience deliverance in thoseunhealed places in my life.
(16:00):
Then he gave me the words towrite this book.
The process is necessary thisbook.
The process is necessary.
Now it's your turn, time tostrip.
Before you go to the nextchapter, make your own list.
You can use the lines below ora separate sheet of paper, but
(16:22):
complete the following sentencesthe things that are hindering
most in my life are Sentences.
The things that are hinderingmost in my life are the things
that I need God to help me withare.
I'll stop reading there becauseI continue in this chapter with
(16:43):
a prayer.
But that was chapter four and Iknow that was a lot and it's
unusual for me to be reading mybook on a podcast, but it felt
so necessary.
One for those who would ask,kind of, what the content is in
the book.
That gives you an idea.
But two because I think it'simportant that we take some time
(17:07):
to deal with the truth about usand understand how it helps us
to lead authentically from aplace where God has chosen us to
lead.
So let me walk you through afew takeaways that I had in this
chapter.
So let me walk you through afew takeaways that I had in this
(17:35):
chapter.
Number one I would say is youcan't heal what you hide.
I don't care how much you wantto heal or how much you want to
be delivered If you hide fromyourself the truth about you.
It's difficult to deal withthat situation right.
I know that sometimes our mindswill create things in it that
(18:02):
help protect us from a traumaticexperience, and so I'm not
really talking necessarily aboutthat.
But what I'm saying is that Godalready knows what you've dealt
with, and so when you begin toget honest with yourself about
what you're feeling, about youremotions, about your faults,
about even the good things, thensomething begins to happen.
(18:24):
God can use your quest, youridentification of things to take
you through a process thatheals.
And let me tell you, if youdon't identify those things,
you're trying to hide thosethings.
Nobody is fooled, because Iguarantee you, how you're
leading right now is a directresult of even the hidden things
and I talk about some of thisin the book.
(18:47):
Some of the hidden things, whyI was friendly but not open, why
I put up walls, why I didn'task for help those are things
that were direct result ofthings I kept hidden from others
.
I smiled and I seemed confident, but it did impact my
leadership.
So that first thing is it'shard to heal what you hide.
(19:09):
The second thing I wanna leaveyou with is that leadership
isn't about having it alltogether.
I hope that by now, if youlisten to Graced to Lead at all,
you understand that.
The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 12 that my Graced is
sufficient for you.
God goes on to say my power ismade perfect in weakness.
I believe that scripture isthere because we will be
(19:33):
insufficient sometimes for thethings that God has called us to
do.
But listen, if God has placedyou in that role of leadership
or manager, or a staff person,or a mother or a sister, or an
entrepreneur or a minister, ifGod has placed you in those
positions, it's because hebelieves that you are able to do
(19:55):
what he needs you to do, aslong as you rely on him to do it
.
As long as you rely on him todo it.
And I give you a new flash whenyou're placed in a leadership
position by God, there's nobetter place to be.
Why?
Because you're not responsiblefor the results.
You're not.
All you have to do is to trustGod and to have a relationship
(20:17):
with him and allow him to giveyou the strategies you need.
Some of my best leadershipmoments that people tell me
about because you don't reallyrecognize it yourself all the
time, but some of the thingsthat people remember about my
leadership over the course ofthese 20 some odd years has
always been moments where I wasat my weakest, where I literally
(20:37):
did not know what I wassupposed to be doing.
I literally didn't know how Iwas going to do what was in
front of me, and God equipped me, god strengthened me, god gave
me strategy so I could rest inknowing that it's not really
about me having it all together.
It's about me trusting God andme trusting that I am where I'm
(21:01):
supposed to be, trusting God andme trusting that I am where I'm
supposed to be.
And the last thing I will leaveyou with is that, you know, I
always say you're a Graced tolead.
Right, but you are Graced tolead, even with the scars.
Listen, we all have things andthere's no such.
I mean, you know, everybody hasdifferent versions of trauma.
I've heard somebody say big Tand little t trauma has
(21:23):
different versions of trauma.
I've heard somebody say big Tand little t trauma.
We all have stuff.
That's the reality.
Everybody has something and myperception of what I've gone
through may feel big to me andsmall to you, but it doesn't
matter.
I still have scars.
I still have things I've gonethrough.
My things may not look likeyour things, but they're still
my things.
And, despite all, god gives methe ability to lead in the
(21:45):
spaces he's called me to lead.
He's given me the ability to bethe mom he wants me to be.
He's given me the ability to bethe friend he needs me to be.
He's given me the ability to bethe minister that he's called
me to be.
He gave me the ability to bethe teacher.
He said well, all the things tobe a leader in the corporate
space.
All of those things he's givenme despite me.
(22:09):
Right?
If you really want to see somemessed up people, read your
Bible.
Read all the great leaders andsee the mess and the scars that
they had dealt with in their ownpersonal lives.
And yet God still chose them.
You are Graced to lead.
(22:34):
I believe that.
So here's what I want you to do.
I did read the journal promptsin the book, but I want you to
take about 10 minutes.
Today, if you're listening tothis, wherever day you're
listening to this, I want you totake 10 minutes and I want you
to pray about that, what am Istill hiding?
What needs to be stripped away?
And I want you to write it down.
And again, when you write itdown, no editing it.
You know, sometimes we'll evenedit in our mind before we write
(22:56):
things on paper or write thingsin our digital notebooks.
Just write it down, becausefreedom begins with putting a
name to those things, right?
And then I want you to pray forGod to show you the next steps.
Right, this is not a space foryou to sit in, but it's just to
help you have some aha moments.
So that's what I wanted toshare with you.
(23:20):
And listen, if this episodestirred something in you, share
it with a friend.
For me, I believe that there'ssomeone else that needs to hear
this and be reminded that one,it's okay to not have everything
together.
They need to be reminded thatit's hard to heal something that
you hide and they need to bereminded that.
(23:41):
You know, listen, god callsbroken people to do bold things.
God calls broken people to dobold things.
You are Graced to lead.
You don't have to be perfect.
You don't have to have all theanswers.
You don't have to be perfect.
(24:02):
You don't have to have all theanswers.
And so if you haven't picked upyour copy of the book, as a
reminder, equipped by God,Graced to Lead is available on
Amazon, it's available on BarnesNoble and you can also access a
copy if you're interested in asigned copy.
The delivery is a little bitlonger, but if you're interested
in a signed copy, you can go toBelindaGastoncom and click on
(24:23):
the order your book here and youcan get a link to ordering your
book and I will personallydeliver it to you.
So, listen, if I had to give yousome final words of
encouragement, I will just sayagain that God still calls
broken people to do bold things,that God still calls broken
people to do bold things.
And I know in your heart, ifyou're listening to this, you
(24:44):
may have some bold things thatGod has called you to do, some
things that you don't evenrealize.
Like you know, there'ssomething, there's a nudge there
, right, there's more.
And you're like I can't do it,god can't use me.
Or maybe you've recently gottenin a position where you're like
(25:04):
I don't, I don't even know howI got here or if I can do this.
Can I really do all the thingsthat I said I could do on my
resume or in my interview orwhatever.
Just remember you're equipped.
You weren't haphazardly chosento be in that workspace.
You weren't casually chosen tobe in that organization.
(25:26):
You weren't casually chosen orhaphazardly chosen to be in the
space of leadership.
You were chosen by God for apurpose, with a purpose, with a
(25:51):
purpose.
You are where you're supposedto be and you are indeed
equipped by God to do it.
So thank you again for listeningto this week's episode of the
Graced to Lead podcast.
I believe we only have one moreepisode left in this season.
This season has flown by.
Season two has flown by, but ifyou found that this was helpful
, please share it with someoneelse.
Remember, you can like thepodcast and you can, I believe,
(26:12):
subscribe to the podcast onYouTube, but wherever you're
listening to this, please besure to follow, follow, follow
and thank you for listening.
You could choose to listen toanything, but you chose to spend
a few moments here with me andGraced to Lead, and I appreciate
you.
So until we see each otheragain, we hear each other again,
remember that you are indeedGraced to Lead.
(26:34):
Bye-bye, thank you.
Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
I am Belinda Gaston, your host,and listen.
This week I'm doing something alittle different.
If you remember, from not thelast episode, last week's
episode, but the episode beforethat I talked about my new book
Equipped by God, Graced to Lead,and so many of you have been
(00:35):
amazing and supportive andpurchased the book.
But several of you have askedme what the book is about, and
so I decided to share a chapterwith you today.
I chose one of the chapters thatmade me the most nervous to
write and I've decided to shareit with you today, and so this
particular chapter is calledTime to Strip.
(00:56):
It is actually chapter four inthe book.
Chapter four, it's really aboutlaying the truth of what you're
feeling, who you are, whatyou're experiencing, before God,
because a lot of times, whathappens is we will hide things,
even from ourselves, things wedon't really want to deal with
(01:18):
about ourselves, and the realityis that affects how we lead
right, and so I've really beengoing on this journey about
being more transparent, sharingthings that impact my own
personal leadership, andlistening to others and sharing
other people's stories about howthings that have happened to
(01:40):
them or things that they'reexperiencing are affecting their
leadership Because, after all,Graced to Lead really is about
our faith, having our faith inGod as we lead, and
understanding that we werechosen to be in these places of
influence.
We were chosen to be in thesespaces of leadership and as part
(02:01):
of our assignment is to leadwell, is to influence well, is
to create strategy that's sound,and we cannot do that if we are
hindered by things we haven'tdealt with.
I also am a firm believer thatwe are, that God places us not
only in these positions for usto lead, but also that when he
(02:24):
places us in these positions, heequips us with everything we
need, because our leadership isa part of our worship.
Do you ever think about that?
Our leadership is a part of ourworship unto God, and so
leading well is not just, in myopinion, a responsibility, but
(02:44):
it's a mandate.
If you are a believer that theplaces that God has placed you
in, you're there for a reasonand there's a responsibility
that comes with that, and so Ithought I'd share this with you,
because this is really themoment in the book, in the
writing of this book, for me,where I began to lay down some
things and just bear out whatwas in my heart, and the beauty
(03:09):
about bearing out what's in yourheart before God is that
there's no judgment, right,because the reality is God
already knows these things, butthere is healing in that place.
As I'm reading it, I'm going toask that you allow reading it.
I'm going to ask that you allowGod to show you whatever it is
(03:30):
that he wants you to see.
So, if you're listening to thisright now, still I want you to
just take a moment to listen asI read and really reflect on my
words and how these things thatI'm saying, if you can resonate
with them, what they may meanfor you in your life.
So here we go, chapter four,time to strip.
I spent the last two chapterssharing some deeply personal
(03:52):
experiences.
When I started writing this book, I did not intend to share too
much of myself.
I wanted to give you a littleof me and a lot of God.
I wanted it to be just enoughthat you felt encouraged, but
not so much that you really knewme.
Why?
Because I don't know you likethat.
(04:13):
I mean, I didn't want to letyou in the places in my life
that weren't perfect, thatweren't expected or acceptable.
But let me tell you whathappened.
But let me tell you whathappened.
(04:36):
I started this book and wrotequite a bit of surface stuff.
Then, for over a year, not muchhappened.
My publisher waited and waitedand waited for me to respond to
their editor's notes A shout outto Living With More Enterprises
for not firing me as an author.
Y'all my friends and familythought the book was made up.
(04:58):
Where is this book?
Some of them would ask.
When will you finish?
Something was holding me backfrom putting the words on paper.
Have you ever tried toaccomplish something and
everything under the sun seemedto work together against you
finishing the task?
That was me.
(05:19):
I was too busy with work, toobusy with the kids or too busy
with church has anyone beenthere?
But it wasn't that stuff.
It was something else.
Writing this book required me toadequately deal with the very
things that made me feel like Iwasn't qualified to lead.
(05:42):
I felt like I wasn't enough forthe positions God placed me in
or where he would take me For meto help you.
I had to walk through mydeliverance and y'all remember
the stuff that you just read.
That is only a part of my story.
(06:05):
Sure, the chapters were writtenand, honestly, I could have
made some minor edits andpublished a book just fine, but
God didn't want this book to bejust another book.
God wants to help us yes, metoo begin a real process of
being delivered from the thingsthat hinder what he wants for us
(06:26):
.
God wants to encourage us toembrace that we are chosen, just
as we are chosen, to do bigthings and small things in big
ways, for the purpose of the onewho created us.
Did you get that?
Let me repeat it you werechosen by God.
(06:46):
Yep, it's true, just as you are, with all your faults, flaws,
talents and experiences, to dobig things and small things in
big ways.
Yep, you have work to do For apurpose and no, not everyone
will be a CEO, but leadershiphappens in businesses, families
(07:09):
and even among friends.
What was clear to me was that Ineeded to strip to reach the
intended purpose of this book.
I needed to take it all off.
To strip means to removeclothing, materials and surface
matter from something.
It means to remove extraneousor superficial matter from
(07:30):
something.
That's what I needed to do toensure that you receive what God
wants you to from this book.
I needed to remove the fluff,remove the superficial surface
matter and share personal thingsthat I don't talk about often.
And since you kept reading tothis point, that means that my
experience is something you canrelate to, or at least it's
(07:51):
something that you want to hearmore about.
Now I'm not done sharing myexperiences.
I promised in the last chapterthat if you kept reading, I
would help you identify andbegin to deal with some of the
things in your life that makeyou feel inadequate.
So it's time to get started,time to identify some things.
The first thing you must do iswhat I've already done you have
(08:14):
to strip.
Now.
Listen, don't look at me withthat tone of face.
I know some of you are sayinghere we go Another take off the
mask reference.
Let me explain.
Like some of you, I amsometimes tired of people
telling me to take off the mask.
I don't want to go to one morewomen's event or inspirational
(08:34):
workshop where I'm meant to doanything with a mask.
I am over it and, honestly,whenever I participated in
something like that, it was allso temporary.
Do you know why?
While this is not true for all,some of the leaders of these
unmasked experiences wereleading while wearing their own
(08:56):
masks, or at best they wereputting them on and taking them
off when it was convenient orwhile trying to navigate their
experiences that created theirneed for a mask in the first
place.
So I assure you this is notthat type of reference.
For those of you reading thiswho have no idea what I'm
(09:17):
talking about, that's great.
Keep reading.
Now back to the task at hand.
It's time for you to strip.
Let me tell you a story RightAnother one.
When I met my husband, he toldme that he didn't want us to
have sex unless we were married.
I'd never met a man like thatbefore.
As you've already read, I wasnot exactly a virgin, and most
(09:41):
men I knew spent all daythinking of ways to separate
women from their clothes NotMike.
I understand now that he wastired of dating.
He was on a mission to find hiswife and he felt like sex
complicated things.
At the time, I thought he wasstrange or just not into women.
In my dating experience up tothat point, this was just not a
(10:07):
usual occurrence.
We spent almost every daytogether and it quickly became
apparent that he received hisinstructions from God and was
determined to be obedient.
It was not easy Listen.
There were times when ourdesire for one another was so
bad that we couldn't even bealone together.
Sometimes things got so heatedthat we almost failed, but we
(10:29):
stuck it out.
The week before my wedding, ithit me that I was marrying a man
who had never seen mecompletely naked.
Imagine that we were about tocommit ourselves to one another
for the rest of our lives, butwe had never really stripped
down before one another On ourwedding night.
(10:50):
I was so nervous.
What if he took one look at meand instantly regretted it?
What if I looked at him andfelt the same?
What if we couldn't provideeach other what we needed?
There was no turning back.
We had to strip before eachother literally.
We had to share our flaws,accept each other with no fluff
(11:11):
and find a way to make thingswork.
The act of stripping off myclothes and standing before my
new husband was more terrifyingthan any other of my sexual
experiences.
Why?
Because the other guys that Ihad been with before him never
saw the real me.
I mean real talk.
We stage those things right Tohelp us appear in our best light
(11:34):
.
Men do push up.
Sometimes before a hot date,women wear their best lingerie
and by the time you get to thesex, the pageantry of it all is
so exhausting that you reallydon't see the person in an
authentic way.
You see the experience of them.
On my wedding night, there wasno pageantry, no show.
(11:54):
We were excited, but we wereexhausted.
It was him and me stripped ofthe surface stuff, looking at
the real us.
It was at that moment okay, notin that exact moment that I
started to understand theimportance of the process of
standing before someone as youtruly are Stripping off the
(12:16):
stuff that covers your flaws,previous experiences,
expectations and disappointments.
It creates a vulnerability thatallows you to build a
relationship in a different way.
So for you to continue in thisprocess, I need you to strip.
I need you to open up yourselfto God Heck, I need you to open
(12:39):
up yourself to you.
It is the only way to moveforward and receive anything
else in this book.
If it makes you feel any better.
I did this too.
Remember how I said it tookover a year to really make
progress on this book.
God brought me to this pointand told me it was time to strip
.
I had to admit some things tomyself.
(13:01):
I had to admit that in someways I felt like an imposter.
To look at me, you would thinkI was strong in so many areas of
my life.
On the inside, I had doubts andfears about whether I was good
enough or worthy enough forthose areas.
I had to admit that I messed upa few times and didn't
apologize to the people I hurtin the process.
(13:23):
I had to remove the wall I hadput up that allowed me to be
friendly but not open to thelove of others, which we will
talk about later.
I had to admit that sometimes Ididn't feel as beautiful or as
capable as others.
(13:44):
I had to admit that my thoughtsabout myself or situations in
my life were not always positive.
I had to admit that sometimesprayer didn't seem like enough.
Listen, I had to deal with me.
(14:05):
The most important part of mystripping process was taking an
honest look at the things thathindered me from moving into
what God called me to do.
I made a list of all the thingsI felt were hindering me when I
was writing this book.
Here are some of the items onmy list.
Of the items on my listInconsistency, self-doubt, hurt
(14:35):
from people that I love,mistakes.
I made my busy schedule.
I also made a list of thethings that I wanted God to help
me with the most being moreconfident in ministry and
leadership, anxiety and fear.
Being a better friend,forgiveness of myself and others
(14:55):
, being a better parent.
The thing is, I had to makethese lists without judging
myself or analyzing the list.
Going back to my wedding night,can you imagine what would have
happened if I stood before mynew husband naked and started to
explain every bump and blemishin my body?
(15:16):
Imagine it me naked, saying seethis mark on my knee, that was
because I fell off my bike whenI was 10.
Or my stomach would be flatterbut I had that extra shrimp at
the reception.
It would have been a disaster.
I had to strip and let it be.
I'm asking you to do that asyou strip, put it out there
(15:38):
without explanation.
I promise you that we will dealwith the stuff later.
This is the first step inidentifying some things.
Let me tell you something.
Once I decided to strip, thebook wrote itself.
God used that moment to show meexactly what I had to do to
experience deliverance in thoseunhealed places in my life.
(16:00):
Then he gave me the words towrite this book.
The process is necessary thisbook.
The process is necessary.
Now it's your turn, time tostrip.
Before you go to the nextchapter, make your own list.
You can use the lines below ora separate sheet of paper, but
(16:22):
complete the following sentencesthe things that are hindering
most in my life are Sentences.
The things that are hinderingmost in my life are the things
that I need God to help me withare.
I'll stop reading there becauseI continue in this chapter with
(16:43):
a prayer.
But that was chapter four and Iknow that was a lot and it's
unusual for me to be reading mybook on a podcast, but it felt
so necessary.
One for those who would ask,kind of, what the content is in
the book.
That gives you an idea.
But two because I think it'simportant that we take some time
(17:07):
to deal with the truth about usand understand how it helps us
to lead authentically from aplace where God has chosen us to
lead.
So let me walk you through afew takeaways that I had in this
chapter.
So let me walk you through afew takeaways that I had in this
(17:35):
chapter.
Number one I would say is youcan't heal what you hide.
I don't care how much you wantto heal or how much you want to
be delivered If you hide fromyourself the truth about you.
It's difficult to deal withthat situation right.
I know that sometimes our mindswill create things in it that
(18:02):
help protect us from a traumaticexperience, and so I'm not
really talking necessarily aboutthat.
But what I'm saying is that Godalready knows what you've dealt
with, and so when you begin toget honest with yourself about
what you're feeling, about youremotions, about your faults,
about even the good things, thensomething begins to happen.
(18:24):
God can use your quest, youridentification of things to take
you through a process thatheals.
And let me tell you, if youdon't identify those things,
you're trying to hide thosethings.
Nobody is fooled, because Iguarantee you, how you're
leading right now is a directresult of even the hidden things
and I talk about some of thisin the book.
(18:47):
Some of the hidden things, whyI was friendly but not open, why
I put up walls, why I didn'task for help those are things
that were direct result ofthings I kept hidden from others
.
I smiled and I seemed confident, but it did impact my
leadership.
So that first thing is it'shard to heal what you hide.
(19:09):
The second thing I wanna leaveyou with is that leadership
isn't about having it alltogether.
I hope that by now, if youlisten to Graced to Lead at all,
you understand that.
The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 12 that my Graced is
sufficient for you.
God goes on to say my power ismade perfect in weakness.
I believe that scripture isthere because we will be
(19:33):
insufficient sometimes for thethings that God has called us to
do.
But listen, if God has placedyou in that role of leadership
or manager, or a staff person,or a mother or a sister, or an
entrepreneur or a minister, ifGod has placed you in those
positions, it's because hebelieves that you are able to do
(19:55):
what he needs you to do, aslong as you rely on him to do it
.
As long as you rely on him todo it.
And I give you a new flash whenyou're placed in a leadership
position by God, there's nobetter place to be.
Why?
Because you're not responsiblefor the results.
You're not.
All you have to do is to trustGod and to have a relationship
(20:17):
with him and allow him to giveyou the strategies you need.
Some of my best leadershipmoments that people tell me
about because you don't reallyrecognize it yourself all the
time, but some of the thingsthat people remember about my
leadership over the course ofthese 20 some odd years has
always been moments where I wasat my weakest, where I literally
(20:37):
did not know what I wassupposed to be doing.
I literally didn't know how Iwas going to do what was in
front of me, and God equipped me, god strengthened me, god gave
me strategy so I could rest inknowing that it's not really
about me having it all together.
It's about me trusting God andme trusting that I am where I'm
(21:01):
supposed to be, trusting God andme trusting that I am where I'm
supposed to be.
And the last thing I will leaveyou with is that, you know, I
always say you're a Graced tolead.
Right, but you are Graced tolead, even with the scars.
Listen, we all have things andthere's no such.
I mean, you know, everybody hasdifferent versions of trauma.
I've heard somebody say big Tand little t trauma has
(21:23):
different versions of trauma.
I've heard somebody say big Tand little t trauma.
We all have stuff.
That's the reality.
Everybody has something and myperception of what I've gone
through may feel big to me andsmall to you, but it doesn't
matter.
I still have scars.
I still have things I've gonethrough.
My things may not look likeyour things, but they're still
my things.
And, despite all, god gives methe ability to lead in the
(21:45):
spaces he's called me to lead.
He's given me the ability to bethe mom he wants me to be.
He's given me the ability to bethe friend he needs me to be.
He's given me the ability to bethe minister that he's called
me to be.
He gave me the ability to bethe teacher.
He said well, all the things tobe a leader in the corporate
space.
All of those things he's givenme despite me.
(22:09):
Right?
If you really want to see somemessed up people, read your
Bible.
Read all the great leaders andsee the mess and the scars that
they had dealt with in their ownpersonal lives.
And yet God still chose them.
You are Graced to lead.
(22:34):
I believe that.
So here's what I want you to do.
I did read the journal promptsin the book, but I want you to
take about 10 minutes.
Today, if you're listening tothis, wherever day you're
listening to this, I want you totake 10 minutes and I want you
to pray about that, what am Istill hiding?
What needs to be stripped away?
And I want you to write it down.
And again, when you write itdown, no editing it.
You know, sometimes we'll evenedit in our mind before we write
(22:56):
things on paper or write thingsin our digital notebooks.
Just write it down, becausefreedom begins with putting a
name to those things, right?
And then I want you to pray forGod to show you the next steps.
Right, this is not a space foryou to sit in, but it's just to
help you have some aha moments.
So that's what I wanted toshare with you.
(23:20):
And listen, if this episodestirred something in you, share
it with a friend.
For me, I believe that there'ssomeone else that needs to hear
this and be reminded that one,it's okay to not have everything
together.
They need to be reminded thatit's hard to heal something that
you hide and they need to bereminded that.
(23:41):
You know, listen, god callsbroken people to do bold things.
God calls broken people to dobold things.
You are Graced to lead.
You don't have to be perfect.
You don't have to have all theanswers.
You don't have to be perfect.
(24:02):
You don't have to have all theanswers.
And so if you haven't picked upyour copy of the book, as a
reminder, equipped by God,Graced to Lead is available on
Amazon, it's available on BarnesNoble and you can also access a
copy if you're interested in asigned copy.
The delivery is a little bitlonger, but if you're interested
in a signed copy, you can go toBelindaGastoncom and click on
(24:23):
the order your book here and youcan get a link to ordering your
book and I will personallydeliver it to you.
So, listen, if I had to give yousome final words of
encouragement, I will just sayagain that God still calls
broken people to do bold things,that God still calls broken
people to do bold things.
And I know in your heart, ifyou're listening to this, you
(24:44):
may have some bold things thatGod has called you to do, some
things that you don't evenrealize.
Like you know, there'ssomething, there's a nudge there
, right, there's more.
And you're like I can't do it,god can't use me.
Or maybe you've recently gottenin a position where you're like
(25:04):
I don't, I don't even know howI got here or if I can do this.
Can I really do all the thingsthat I said I could do on my
resume or in my interview orwhatever.
Just remember you're equipped.
You weren't haphazardly chosento be in that workspace.
You weren't casually chosen tobe in that organization.
(25:26):
You weren't casually chosen orhaphazardly chosen to be in the
space of leadership.
You were chosen by God for apurpose, with a purpose, with a
(25:51):
purpose.
You are where you're supposedto be and you are indeed
equipped by God to do it.
So thank you again for listeningto this week's episode of the
Graced to Lead podcast.
I believe we only have one moreepisode left in this season.
This season has flown by.
Season two has flown by, but ifyou found that this was helpful
, please share it with someoneelse.
Remember, you can like thepodcast and you can, I believe,
(26:12):
subscribe to the podcast onYouTube, but wherever you're
listening to this, please besure to follow, follow, follow
and thank you for listening.
You could choose to listen toanything, but you chose to spend
a few moments here with me andGraced to Lead, and I appreciate
you.
So until we see each otheragain, we hear each other again,
remember that you are indeedGraced to Lead.
(26:34):
Bye-bye, thank you.
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