April 4, 2025 • 54 mins
Su Park shares her journey from a childhood in an anti-Christian home to becoming a transformational family ministry leader focused on heart-based parenting that develops disciples, not just well-behaved children.
• Growing up forbidden from attending church in an anti-Christian family
• Called to ministry instead of law school just before college graduation
• Focus on heart-based parenting rather than merely behavior modification
• Father and mother wounds create blind spots that affect relationships and parenting
• Difference between discipline (training) and punishment (hurting)
• Creating "heart to heart" safe spaces where children can express feelings
• Parents should show empathy rather than saying "I told you so"
• Words have power to wound or nurture our children's souls
• Finding identity in God's kingdom rather than cultural expectations
• Importance of community in raising children and healing from wounds
Connect with Su Park:
for parenting resources, speaking engagements, and coaching services.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susuhpark/
Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/su.suhpark/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/su-park-6881ba159/
Website: https://suparkcoaching.com/
If you're seeking community, email grow@gracefieldcommunity.com and we would be happy to connect you with trusted community partners near you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Nicole Cater, your host, founder and
servant leader of GracevilleCommunity.
I want to thank you for tuningin to Graceville Community
Podcast.
This is a safe space, a placein which we just share stories
of how God has touchedindividuals' lives all across
the world and how they are nowimpacting the kingdom of God.
(00:21):
Thank you for tuning in.
Blessings to you, HelloGraceville community.
We are so excited once again tocome together as community for
our podcast episode today.
I am y'all.
I say I'm excited about everypodcast because, let me tell you
, these are divine appointments.
(00:43):
Like when I get on this podcast, I'm like Lord, you're so good
to set this up and this is justthe same.
I'm uber, uber excited to havemy dear friend, who I have
served with, who I have hadhours together with, even
exhausted, doing kingdom work,and so I'm so excited to have
(01:06):
Sue Park on today.
Hey, Sue.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yes, absolutely, it is my pleasure.
I'm overly excited.
I can't even.
I just keep saying that becauseI really am.
I think we're going to haveamazing conversation today.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yes, that will show up for us.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure we always do so as we get
into it.
First thing I do want to ask,because I know you and I've
learned some things about you,and consistently I'm learning
things about you, as we shouldabout each other when we have
community.
But please tell our audiencejust a little bit about yourself
and what you're passionateabout.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Okay, okay.
Well, I grew up in a veryanti-Christian family, youngest
out of seven kids, so my uncle'sfamily became Christians, but
they did everything, anythingthat is not like Christ.
So my parents were really,really hurt.
So we were actually forbiddento go to church.
So I thought I was going to dieif I ever put my foot in the
(02:09):
door of a church.
So I was never able to go tochurch and but throughout my
adolescent years I've always hadquestion like why am I here on
this earth?
What am I?
Why do I have to study hard?
Why do I have to go to goodcollege?
Why do I have to have a goodjob?
And because, you know, afterall, end of my life I'm not
(02:29):
gonna be able to take anythingwith me.
But I grew up in a family wheremy mom she thought she was
Buddhist.
I would wake up every morninglistening to this cassette
player of a Buddhist monkchanting, and I would see her at
6 am in the morning.
She'd be like praying with abowl of rice, bowl of water and
(02:53):
incense playing, and she was sofaithful.
But every time I had questionsI naturally just asked God about
it.
And then, right before I turned20, I radically got saved and
my life has never been the same.
I can't believe it's been 37years actually.
I just gave my age away.
But my life has never been thesame.
(03:17):
But my background is I've beenmarried, for next month will be
32 years, um, god, thank you.
And we have four beautifuldaughters who love god, who
follows god's call 29, 24, 25and 20 years old.
But uh, right before, aboutthree months before I got I
(03:38):
graduated from college, I gotcalled into full-time ministry.
So instead of going to lawschool, I ended up going to
seminary school in SouthernCalifornia.
But I was like who me?
How can you use somebody likeme, you know?
And I had to obey by faith,because I knew I couldn't do
anything on my own.
And since then I've been reallyfollowing God's call.
(04:00):
I've served God.
I've mainly worked with childrenof all ages, teenagers, college
students.
I've worked at private collegesbefore.
I've been a motivation speakerfor a lot of high school
teenagers and then, after I hadmy kids, I opened up a preschool
and I called it Love, joy,peace Preschool, and I shared
(04:21):
the gospel, was able to sharethe gospel and love of Jesus
Christ, not only with thechildren that I watched, but
also to the family, and thenafter a certain time God put
placed me as a children's pastorand so I've been working, and
as a children's pastor, alsofamily ministry pastor, just all
(04:42):
together, just children of ourages and family, and I've done
parenting seminars, biblicalparenting seminars, for over
last 20 years, partnering withNational Center for Biblical
Parenting.
So, like you know, I think it'sall about I love children.
I don't know about children andfamily and just really come
(05:03):
alongside.
Because, as a serving as apastor, I have also seen so many
pastors and leaders in thechurch and as I was working with
them, the children or theteenagers would come pastor too.
My dad is nothing like whereeverybody else thinks at church,
because he's nothing like thatat home, and so as I was working
(05:23):
with younger generation, I sawa lot of brokenness in the
family, especially even in theChristian family.
A lot of them pastors, kids,deacons and leaders, kids, and
even though they were parentswho were working really hard,
faithfully serving the Lord, ourchildren, their children, were
(05:44):
feeling hurt and you know Godlooks at our heart right.
So I'm really all aboutimitating God, dealing with our
children.
But most parents, you know theylove their children, but yet
they may not be as well equippedto just really discipline and
(06:04):
train their children accordingto God's ways.
A lot of times where there's alot of seminars or conferences,
a lot of parents share a lot and, like speakers share a lot all
from the Bible but a lot ofparents do go back home and say,
okay, so how do I apply that athome?
And when the you know, speakingfor years, when the opportunity
(06:28):
came for me to personally coachand counsel parents come
alongside because you know Ihave spoken at many different
churches and organizations but Igo there as a guest speaker and
then when you leave, that's itand I don't know how they're
doing it.
But this coaching actually gaveme an opportunity to come
alongside, work with them andjust really helping them come
(06:50):
along and imitating God.
And how does it actually lookin real life?
What do I do when my kids don'tlisten and when you have to say
the same thing over and overand over again?
So very heart-based approach.
But because I have also seen somany just teenagers or young
adults I have also worked with,still work with a lot of
(07:11):
grown-up women of God and evensome men who are just walking
around with unhealed wounds thatrobs them from living out that
abundant life that Jesus came togive us.
So I'm very passionate aboutmarriage, relationship, people's
relationship with God, becauseit's got to start there.
(07:33):
But our relationship betweenparents and children, but also
just a lot of inner healing,restoration, freedom work.
That's what I do underneath.
So that's the things I'm verypassionate about and health, but
you know I could go all day forthat, so right.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I love it.
I absolutely love it,especially because so many of
those things are near and dearto me, especially when we talk
about the family, right, andtaking um the word of God and
applying it to the family, likethat is our first ministry,
right, and so I love that.
I did not know you even did apreschool.
There's so much.
I mean, that's what I loveabout podcasts, because I get to
(08:13):
learn even more about thosethat I even do life with, so
super cool.
Now I know that I want to diveinto something on the parenting
aspect because, y'all, before weeven started this podcast we
even started this podcast wealready started having good
conversation.
I'm like, wait, this is stuffwe should be talking about on
the podcast, yes, and so we werejust speaking of father wounds
(08:38):
and mother wounds and how theycan impact relationships, so I
want to just kind of talk aboutthat because I think we're going
down the area that.
I'm like, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, did you want me to
share?
Yeah, go for it.
I'm like, yeah, you know itjust really.
It's just really heartbreakingbecause I work with a lot of
women, especially women who'sgrown up in the church and they
(09:08):
know God here and they havefaith and they're just beautiful
, amazing people.
Yet, because of their unhealedwound and a lot of them don't
even recognize they haveunhealed wounds, because when
you have unhealed wounds, itcreates blind spots, right, and
(09:32):
they felt they are seeingthemselves, they're seeing
others and different aspects oflife all through this skewed
view from unhealed wounds, yes,which really robs them away from
living out that full andabundant life.
And I believe that jesus did notcome just to save us from going
(09:57):
to hell so we could go toheaven, but he said clearly he
came to give us full andabundant life and we don't have
to wait till we get to heavenbecause we are living on heaven
and earth and because Christlives in us and we have access
to all the resources from heavenabove to us.
But people just don't know.
(10:19):
How do they know?
If we don't share, we don'tshare, knowing if we don't share
and we don't share and we can'tand I think it's really, really
important that.
I mean, like before I came toTexas, I thought I had full and
abundant life and I thought Iwas all healed, but at the same
time there was a whole anotherlevel of healing and freedom
that God has given me.
(10:39):
But it's also a journey becauseeven though you get healed from
the past experience, whateverthings happen in our know, the
enemy come to start wheneverwe're hurt and when we are at a
(11:09):
vulnerable stage, you know theenemy start feeding us a lot of
life.
When we talk about fatherwounds and mother wounds a lot
of times, you know parents lovetheir children, but I feel like
sometimes I have to yell out tothe whole world.
I'm like mothers and fathersRemember your children have
(11:32):
feelings too.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yes, absolutely yes.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
And, and you know, they may just say something out
of reacting.
This is what I call reactiveparenting.
They don't like something thattheir kids did or whatever, and
they just react and just blurout whatever, yes, and they
leave.
They think they're done,disciplining or whatnot.
And discipline, actually, itactually means training, not
(12:00):
punishing, and so many peoplejust go straight into punishing.
Oh my gosh, nico, can youimagine, every time we do
something wrong, if jesus givesus right, right, he sees our
heart.
So I'm on a mission to helpparents come along and really,
(12:22):
um, really connect with theirchildren heart to heart and in
Christ, showing a lot of grace.
God is God of love.
God is God of grace.
Yes, god is just, and we wantto teach and train, but in love,
right, just reacting yeah, yes,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
So there's something that really out.
It's something that we followin our home, right, and I think
a lot of people over time Ilearned do not understand the
difference between disciplineand punishment, right, and one
of the things that we try andfollow a principle of is that
you know when a child doessomething.
So I'm going to use the example.
Maybe I don't know, I thinkchores is the hugest thing that
(13:05):
happens for every home, right?
Like the chores, the chores,the chores, and so like, if the
child doesn't do chores, thediscipline would be relative to
the chores.
Disciplining is not saying, okay, well, you didn't do chores, so
now you don't get to go toyouth group, right, and what has
happened, I think, over time isthat we confuse what punishment
(13:28):
is versus discipline.
Discipline is relative to thatarea that they broken the
guideline, right, becauseessentially, what we're teaching
them and training them ishealthy habits and healthy
boundaries, and when that's beenbroken, we need to provide
discipline relative to that area.
When we don't do that and we'rejust spewing out reactive, like
you stated, or we're justgiving something that, like I
(13:51):
know, this is going to hurt you,so I'm going to take this like
that's us wanting to punish them, and there's a huge difference.
That's not the example thatlike our heavenly father gives
us right.
Like he disciplined.
The scripture says like Goddisciplines those that he loves
yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
So like, even just simple thing, as, like, I talk
about the difference betweenwith the younger kids, I talk
about the difference betweentimeouts and taking a break.
You know, timeout is very basedon, it focuses on, um, just the
behavior, and it's like theparents are like the bad guy.
(14:33):
I'm like the policeman, youdidn't do this and you gotta do
this.
And they decide how longthey're gonna stay and they, and
if the the bigger crime, thelonger the time they're put out
in.
You know, time out.
But instead of time out, whynot put your child on a break?
(14:54):
And you say, think about whatyou did wrong.
And also you say and thinkabout what you did wrong, have a
change of a heart.
And when you're ready to talkto mom, come, I'll be ready for
you, I'll be waiting for you.
And you also open up anopportunity for God to minister
to their hearts.
Yes, right, like the prodigalson's father waiting, right,
(15:18):
it's just loving way, becauseGod looks at the heart.
So you know, when my kids wereyounger, like if, um, they
weren't listening or if theywere just emotionally so upset,
even like teenagers, even adultsneed to take a break, don't we
all right, yes, but you let themknow this is not a punishment.
(15:41):
You take a break.
Why don't you just calm down?
Because I mean, I've done itmyself too.
When we are in the middle oflike emotional uproar, we get so
upset and a lot of things spewout of our mouth.
That is not loving and kind,right, yes, we want to calm down
and help them to calm down,like we are teaching them life
(16:05):
skills.
Calm down, think about what youdid wrong.
And if they're just huffing andpuffing or whatever, right,
just calm down and change yourheart.
Be willing to listen and bewilling to let's talk, right,
and then have them come to youand then you ask questions like
what did you do wrong?
(16:26):
Right, and then, why is itwrong?
Not, why did you do that?
Because you know, foolishnessis in the heart of a child.
So when you ask kids, why didyou do that, they're going to
come up with all kinds ofexcuses.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
You're encouraging them to lie to you at that
moment.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
So you say why is it wrong?
Because when you ask themquestions, you're actually
getting them to think about iton their own, rather than us
telling them what's right andwhat's wrong.
Nicole, I have young adults whoactually share with me too.
I don't even know how to makedecisions because I don't know
how to think for myself, becausemy mom and my dad always told
(17:10):
me what to do and what not to do, what's good for me and what's
bad for me.
I was always told what to do.
So I don't know how to makedecisions and I don't know how
to think for myself.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Right, you know we were just talking about that.
We have a marriage group thatwe are currently doing the study
how we love with right, and ifanybody knows any details of
that study, it really evaluates,like your emotional attachments
that you had to your parents,whether they were healthy or
unhealthy, right.
So it evaluates like what yourearly years, your primary years,
(17:42):
what emotions you carried andhow you learn to handle them,
and then it evaluates like howthis comes to play with your
adulthood.
But one of the things that wewere talking about in within the
marriage group that I realizeis so true exactly in what you
were saying is there are so manyindividuals that have not been
(18:02):
taught what we would considermaybe like critical thinking
skills, right, the ability to beable to process a circumstance
and process themselves in thatcircumstance.
And so what happens is, you know, when we have you know, I
remember when my kids weretoddlers, right, it was like
don't touch that plug.
You touch that plug Like, yes, Imight give you a gentle pop,
(18:24):
because at that age you areassociating like, yes, this plug
will cause you pain as they gotolder, there got to be an age
where now we need to haveconversation, because not only
is there just boundaries.
Now I need to understand whythese boundaries were put in
place.
Because if you understand whythe boundaries were put in place
, when you come to an age whereyou start to have to make
(18:45):
decisions, you now understandwhy we created these boundaries,
why we created these habits foryou so that you can carry them
out on your own, whichessentially is a part of
discipling.
And so we talk about ministryhappening at home.
Like you are discipling yourchildren, and I think that's
sometimes where the mindset islike mixed up For all.
(19:06):
The first one to say like Iwant to hold on to these
children and say like my child,when all reality, like they're
God's child first and the samecommandment applies, that I'm to
disciple them that's right.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
That's right.
And I think one of the thingsthat we miss, especially, you
know, when the baby's first bornoh my god, there's such a
little precious thing and wejust tend to them and you know.
But as they become moreindependent, especially like
elementary school years, evenpre-teen, but then when they're
going to middle school and highschool, that's when they really
(19:40):
need their parents even more sobecause they're going through so
many changes physically,emotionally, mentally, just like
you know, the socialawkwardness, wanting to be
accepted and belong.
A lot of my adults that I'mworking with, even in their 40s
and 50s, if we actually trackback, a lot of root, like the of
(20:03):
the problem actually kind oflike start in the middle school
years and, um, going back tolike really talking about
identity because our you know,like you'd be so surprised, you
know, even I work with parents.
Like you'd be so surprised, youknow, even I work with parents
and kids and you'd be surprisedthat some parents, they bring
(20:23):
their kids to me and say, youknow, I'm even talking.
When I say kid, I'm talkingabout even college graduate
daughter is like this and she'slike this, she's like this,
she's like this, she's like this, she's like this, she's like
this, she's like this, and sheput so many labels, not positive
, not who got that she did butnegative things based on her own
.
You know, and it's like puttinga curse on your children and
(20:47):
how important it is for us towatch what we say.
And, um, there was a seminar, Idid it.
Um, I spoke at toyota'sheadquarter and I titled it
perfect food for your kids souland it was all about power of
your words as parents.
(21:09):
So many parents just say thingscarelessly and a lot of times it
may not even be their kids.
It may be because they're tiredand exhausted, because they're
taking care of themselves, orstress that or whatever, and
they would just dump all theiron them, dump all their junk on
(21:31):
their kids.
But kids especially, you knowteenagers, they know their
parents and they know what theirparents like and what they
don't like.
They know what they're expectedout of them.
So a lot of times I see kidsjust kind of tuning them out and
parents just I mean kids justtelling the parents giving them
(21:52):
the answer that they know that'swhat they want to hear, and
then they go into theiradulthood and they are in
depression and they got allthese issues and I don't know
what happened, because my childwas perfect growing up.
I don't know what happened.
No, we fail to listen to yourkids and connect with them.
(22:13):
You know, when God created us,he not only created us as
spiritual beings.
We are physical, emotionalbeings, right, yes, and we talk
about God and Jesus andspiritual, spiritual, spiritual.
But they have feelings, theyhave thoughts.
So I usually tell the parentsparents, you know, you have
right to be heard when youactually take some time out to
(22:38):
listen to your kids, because alot of kids say my parents never
listen to me, they don't evergive me chance to even, you know
, and then they just accuse themof stop talking.
Absolutely, you want to listen,to understand where they are,
rather than just right andwrongs and just really.
You know, parenting is notbehavior modification.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Absolutely so.
One of the sayings we have inour home, which you probably
have heard before it's a popularone in some spaces, especially
in freedom ministries is thatfeelings are not facts, but they
do matter.
And so that's something that weuse very.
I love that you used the wordheart to heart.
We used to call our familymeetings safe space, and then it
(23:23):
evolved, right when the kidswere hitting middle school, to a
space that we call heart toheart.
And so it's a space where, hey,you come, we all come together
and what happens?
This this time, um, is not atime for punishment.
It's not a time whatever issaid here like this is heart to
heart.
This is where we're going tocommunicate about it.
(23:43):
This is where, if we need toheal from it, if there needs to
be apologies both ways right,like it's not that parents
shouldn't apologize.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
We make mistakes I need to say I'm sorry exactly
yes, because, as parents, youwant to be the most comfortable
sofa for your kids, but you knowwhat happens when they go
through adolescent years.
Oh, my son used to talk to me,my daughter, but they turn to
their friends.
(24:12):
Why do you think?
Because they don't feel thatsafe with their parents.
So you know, I always tell theparents you are the most safe
place that you, your kids, willwant to say my mom is the.
I know she would be the firstone I would go to.
My dad is the one that I willgo to and I think he will not
(24:32):
judge me.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
I know he will still love on me and help me through
this crisis I'm going through,especially teenagers right, yeah
, and I think especially toowhen you were directing them to
Christ, right like, when I canwith reserve my own because I'm
emotional too, right like.
And so when I can reserve myemotional response and
acknowledge like, hey, thismight be a little bit hard for
(24:56):
mommy to hear right now, what doyou think God says about this?
Let's look at the word, let'sdirect them back to the one who
created them, right, and I thinkthat when we do that, we also
help create, like a safe spacethat they know like I'm not just
going to get mom spewing outemotions about all the mistakes
I've made.
I'm going to get the wisdom anddirection that points me right
(25:18):
back to the one who they shouldbe going to, because one day, if
I'm not able to be here guesswho is?
God will always be present,right, and so I absolutely love.
I love what you're doing,especially because I know it's
so needed, um in these times,especially with families.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
I believe the family is the first point of ministry
yeah, yeah, and you know thereare a lot of people in the
church, but yet they feel shameto bring it up to pastors or
even in the church, because theyfeel like they're not good
enough and they don't.
They feel like they're beingjudged.
Not that they're being judged,but you know that insecurity,
(26:01):
right?
Yes, I feel like that's why Godcalled me to just, um, really
go out, meet people where theyare.
Jesus did not look from heavenabove.
Hey, if you want to be saved,just come to me.
No, he came where we are and,um, I love the fact that Nicole,
you talked about.
You know you apologize when youdid something wrong and not good
(26:22):
, right?
And you know kids watch how welive our lives.
So they learn from watching usa lot more than what we teach
them, because our life, ofcourse, you know we're not
perfect, so we make mistakes,but it's very, very important
(26:42):
for us to be able to apologize.
And I remember when my girlswere growing up, I'm like, oh,
I'm sorry, I should not havesaid that or that was not loving
and thoughtful, and they'reokay's, perfect, you know.
But they were used to hearingme saying I'm sorry Because you
know one of the other typicalthings kids say is my parents
(27:04):
never apologize or admitwhatever they want and they just
pretend like they're notNothing happened.
Yes, our kids are very smart,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
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They are, and I think again,it's all about training them
(29:10):
right, and so it's disciplingthem to understand what does a
healthy relationship look like.
You know, I want you to enterinto a marriage and understand
that you are going to makemistakes and they are going to
make mistakes, and you need toapologize and not try to be an
avoider and avoid what occurred,but face it on, apologize and
(29:30):
also confront the enemy.
That's a part of you knowwhat's happening, cause I think
that that's also something thatyou know.
Um in often in churches, we canmiss the aspect of wanting to
confront the negative.
Um, so many times because and Iknow this to be true right, the
(29:51):
, the hype of, like everythingis great, everything is positive
, god is good, like all of thosethings can bring people in, but
there is a reality that we facean enemy and even in that, like
we signed up for this walk withChrist, the scripture tells us
there's a reason why one of thefruits of the spirit is long
(30:14):
suffering.
And if we say we want the fruitsof the spirit.
We can't endeavor to have thefruits of the spirit and be like
I'm going to skip this one.
But yet, in order to develop it, that means you may have to
suffer, to endure long suffering.
And so I think that even in howwe parent, we're training them
up to understand what it willlook like healthy relationship
(30:37):
vertically with God.
Because how many times do Ihave to go to God and say, sir,
I'm so sorry, I messed this up.
Does he know I messed it up, yes, but there's the humility that
comes in being able toacknowledge that, like I messed
up Right, and so as toacknowledge that, like I messed
up right and so as to your point, like that's what we're
(30:57):
teaching them, we're preparingthem for those healthy
relationships.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, and just the just being able to really
introduce them to amazing loveand grace of God.
Because you know they feelshame and they feel guilty too,
right?
So one of the things that youknow, they feel shame and they
feel guilty too, right?
So, one of the things that youknow, there's a one session that
I speak.
When I go out to speak.
It's called toolbox ofconsequences.
(31:24):
So I go over like seventoolboxes of consequences, but I
always tell them y'all there'smore, because when you turn to
God, he will give you creativestrategies and ideas to be able
to handle certain situationsthat you never thought of.
And he's done with me manytimes.
But one of the first thing Ishare is like a natural
consequence, right?
(31:44):
So if you tell your daughter tomake sure you take your coat
with you, you know like coatwith you, and then she didn't
listen to you and she goesoutside at a football game and
she's freezing to death, theeasiest thing for us to say is
see, I told you so.
So, like whenever there's anatural consequence, we
(32:05):
automatically want to say I toldyou so, but that's not loving,
because she's already cold andshe's already going through the
consequence of not listening toyou.
So instead of that's thenatural way.
But for us, we are the childrenof supernatural god, right?
So instead of saying I told youso, I told you you'd be cold if
(32:26):
you didn't bring it, like, wesay, oh, show some empathy.
Yes, show some empathy.
I said I sorry, you must bereally cold, you know what?
And that's a way for allowingGod to teach her.
And she's actually learningfrom a natural consequence.
(32:47):
We don't have to be the teacherall the time.
A lot of times we actually getin the way when God wants to
teach them something.
God doesn't only use parents.
God wants to teach themsomething.
God doesn't only use parents.
God uses grandparents, teachers, coaches and other adults in
their lives to be able to saythe same thing that we may, and
then sometimes they just listento them much better because
they're so used to us.
(33:07):
But taking a step back to justreally trust in God and be
patient.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
You know, you mentioned something just now
about God using others, right,like it's not just we tend to
take this and we're not supposedto carry any burden, but we
tend to take it and say, likethis is my burden to carry.
I have to raise these childrenup to be great men and women,
right, and that's one of thereasons why I mean grace-filled
community.
That's one of the reasons why Imean grace-filled community.
That's one of the reasons why Ilove the aspect of community,
(33:40):
because it really benefits you,right.
Like when we look at acts andhow community was designed.
No one went without, becauseeach of them had their own
strengths and they brought ittogether, and so that's the
power that comes with us beingwithin community, because, yes,
(34:00):
there are other people that canspeak into your child.
There are other people that maysee something with your child
that you may not see.
I can't tell you how manyprophetic words, how many times
someone has spoken somethinginto my children.
I'm like, oh, thank the Lord,like I actually needed to hear
that too, like you know.
And so that's the power ofcommunity and why it's so
(34:21):
important to be in community.
I think one of the things thathappens, though, is that we
sometimes don't want to do thework to build community Like we
want community.
We've all heard the saying likeoh, it takes a village to raise
a child.
Yes, it does, but you have todo the work to build community.
It doesn't just happen bychance, and so part of the thing
(34:42):
that I encourage people to doyou know, even in parenting and
in life in general is find yourcommunity like, connect with
community.
And when you connect withcommunity, you have to
(35:06):
understand where you are.
Are you somebody that is at astage where you can disciple,
you can mentor?
Are you at a stage where you'relooking to be discipled?
Because that also determineswhat community and what type of
community you look for.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yeah, yeah, and the ideal thing is, like, you know,
when I was in college, likeliterally baby Christian, right,
my college pastor's wife, myparents weren't Christians at
that time, so I never heard.
The funny thing is all thestuff that my mom taught me
growing up there were verykingdom biblical principles,
(35:40):
even though she never read thebible back then, right, but God
had really, um, my collegepastor's wife literally embraced
me and took me on and she hasmentored me.
There were times I was calling,a couple of times like day,
every day, and now I rarely callher, I call her, but now they
were like, you know, 35 years,right, and then, you know,
(36:04):
things started changing and nowit got to a point where she was
asking me, giving me her prayerrequest, and I was able to pray
for her and they're inCalifornia and I haven't seen
them for such a long time and Isaid I need to go and see them
because they're in their 80s now.
But ideally, it's all it's.
We want to have somebody whocan pour on us as we are also
(36:28):
pouring others.
Of course it starts with God,but you know we're not meant to
do life alone.
And you talk about community.
I love my community and you know, sometimes, honestly, nicole,
I'm a Korean American.
So, on the eight, you know Ilook very Asian outside, but I
grew up here ever since I waslittle, so I'm very bicultural,
(36:49):
bilingual.
I know the American andactually Americans think I'm not
as um, uh, koreanist.
They expect me to, no, no, likeKoreans, expect me to be more
like Koreans because, um,because of the way I look, right
, I'm just too Americanized,right, and when I talk to you
(37:12):
I'm not Korean enough for thembecause I'm so American in the
way I think and see.
But, more than anything,kingdom principles, and you know
kingdom family, black, white,yellow, green, what kind?
Because when we leave thisearth, when god calls home, it's
gonna be multi, multi-color,from all different countries and
(37:36):
, um, just, you know it's god ison the move.
But when you talk aboutcommunity, you be like I'm so
thankful and grateful, nicole,because when I talk about my
sisters in the Lord, my kingdomfamily, it's not just Koreans,
it's all from all differentbackgrounds, from different
(37:57):
countries.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yes, I love that.
So you know, I'm similar in theaspect.
I'm not Korean.
No, you don't look it uh, but I.
so I grew up in a community thatwas filled with caucasians.
In my school it was me andanother young black girl, and
you could point us out likethrough our class um, and so
(38:22):
growing up, that's what I becameaccustomed to.
My extended family were indifferent parts of the you know
country they were.
They were in environments thatconsisted of more African
Americans, and so what wouldhappen and this is part of me
learning my identity, like yousaid, middle school age wise, I
(38:45):
felt like I didn't fit inanywhere.
I felt I didn't fit in evenwith family or other blacks.
I didn't fit in because Iwasn't Caucasian.
And over time I realized, youknow where I fit in.
With the kingdom of God, itdoesn't matter to skin color, it
doesn't matter what my hairtype is, it doesn't matter how I
speak.
(39:05):
Do I talk like this group?
Do I talk like this group?
I talk kingdom, and so when.
I had my children and being ahomeschooling mama, even when I
started teaching them like Iremember having family members
that were pretty upset like youhaven't taught them black
history and I'm like, no, notyet, because the primary history
(39:26):
I want them to know is biblicalhistory and I want them to be
able to know that God createdall and God loves all.
And when we learn this history,we learn it from eyes of grace
and love, not from a space ofhate.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
That's right.
That's right.
And the funny thing is,honestly, like you know, I lived
in California for about over 30years and I've been in Texas
for about eight and a half years, but before that, um I, when we
first moved to America, wemoved from South Korea to um
Memphis, tennessee.
So I grew up in MemphisTennessee all from my adolescent
(40:03):
years started like end of myfifth grade I learned my English
for the first, like I learnedmy alphabets, so I got by.
I was like the.
At that time, back in 1970s,they didn't really have Asians
or even Hispanics, it was justblacks and whites.
But you know, people ask me didyou ever experience
discrimination or racism growingup in the south?
(40:26):
And I didn't.
And even though I did not knowgod back then, I know god was
looking after me and I hadwonderful friends, blacks and
whites, and they just like usedto call me oh, I'm a korean doll
and they were so good to me.
But then that's where I learnedmy English.
So I talk about Korean accentin there, black accent in there,
(40:51):
right, southern draws in there.
So when I first moved toCalifornia, when I went to UCLA
and and I'm pretty boisterousand I'm, I love people, right
yes and they're like, excuse mewhat they peep.
Strangers would come to me andask me where am I from?
Because of my such an accent.
It was just a mixture of white,black, southern Korean accent.
(41:18):
And then, at the same time, Idid not know Christ when I first
went to college.
So I was like, oh my gosh, lookat all these Asians.
And I felt uncomfortable.
Oh my gosh, look at all theseasians and I feel uncomfortable.
Yes, but talk about identitychange and transformation.
When I found that I am thedaughter of the most high king
and I've been kingdom family andthe royal family, I don't care
(41:43):
where I go.
Right, I know who I am becausewho can be against me if God is
for me?
So I'm just so thankful to beGod's daughter.
Yes, I'm not ashamed of how Ilook, no matter what other
people say.
I know who I am because I trustand believe who God says.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
I am, yes, exactly that's.
It's so funny because when, um,you know there are times you,
you speak, I see places, we knowhow it goes.
Sometimes they're like, ok,what's the bio?
And I'm like let's just jump towhat we're doing.
Like the bio is that I am adaughter of God.
If there's anything that'scoming after that, I am a wife
(42:23):
and mom.
Let's go right.
Because I do think thatsometimes we can let a person's
background dictate how wereceive the word of God from
them.
And although, absolutely, theBible gives us instructions on
who should be teachers, thequalifications when we talk
(42:44):
about pastors and so forth, yetI think our society has
sometimes put a blanket or a boxaround.
Like I need to hear fromsomebody that looks exactly like
me, or I need to receive fromsomebody that's gone through
exactly what I've gone through,and if that's what you're
looking for, then you're you'retrying, you're not trying, you
are limiting the way that Godcan speak through someone to you
(43:07):
and you could miss that veryword that he has for you.
And so I heavily encouragepeople, I'm like this is a
kingdom culture and that's whatit is.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Yeah, yeah.
And you know I'm so thankfuland grateful as a Korean
American and I am a proud KoreanAmerican I still eat Korean
food, although I don't likemaking them because it's so much
work.
I still eat Korean food,although I don't like making
them because it's so much work.
But you know, when I'm, youknow, leading our women's group
in the church, you should seeall these beautiful faces and
they don't look like me.
(43:37):
We got whites and blacks, we gotBrazilian, we got Ukrainian, we
got Hispanic, we got Indian, wegot like all kinds of ladies
and I'm like, oh my God, anddifferent generations, that too.
Indians, we got like all kindsof ladies and I'm like, oh my
god, and different generations,that too.
That's what kingdom familylooks like, right and um, that,
you know, grace-filled community, like you know, god has called
(44:02):
us, god wants to reveal himselfthrough us.
But how many churches orcommunities that you know who's
walked out of church because ofchurch wounds or father wounds?
And you know I've spoken toquite a lot of parents where
they have a strange son ordaughters or like they never
want to go to church becausethey've been hurt by church.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
And I say, you know what we're going to look up to
God we're all right, right,absolutely absolutely know, one
of the best analogies that I'vehad and I use often is that,
like the scripture tells us,church is the place made for the
sick.
It is the hospital, and so if itis the place made for the sick,
(44:45):
guess what?
We're going to have someresults of those that are sick
in the church, and that's wherechurch hurt comes from, because
we all have spaces Like we'regoing from glory to glory to
glory.
None of us have reachedperfection.
Otherwise, if we did reachperfection, we would be up there
with Jesus.
So, like we are all going fromglory to glory, the thing that
(45:05):
the analogy that I often talkabout is one that I got from a
book called I think it's calledHealing from Church Hurt, and
I'll put it in the show notes,guys, because I may not be
saying the title correct, butone of the things he says is
like, if we're, if you went tothe hospital and you had a
surgical procedure and thisparticular procedure, it's a
(45:26):
special procedure that the andyou leave out and you start
having pain and you, you comeback.
Right, you go back to that placebecause you want to figure out
what's still happening.
You don't run from the place,you go back to that place.
So sorry, there's a gauze leftinside of you.
(45:51):
We need to go back and we needto take that gauze out.
Are you going to run and say,hey, just leave the gauze in.
I'm going to stay in painbecause I don't want you to
touch me or I don't want you tobe the one to walk me through
this healing.
Or are you going to lay on thattable and say get me out of
this pain, go ahead and removethis gauze, right?
And I think so many times likewe have church hurt and we're so
(46:11):
quick to run versus maybe sitjust for a moment.
I'm not saying that you're tiedto be there forever, right, but
sit for a moment and let Godheal you in the very space where
your hurt was, because that'swhat he does.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Yeah, and, and the thing is, one thing I do want to
really bring about is, like youknow, we talk about church
wounds, but there are so manymore church healings too,
absolutely, yes, like I remember, when some people go through
some tough times, we all comealongside and one another and
(46:49):
loving on one another.
Last year we had incident wherewe had some painful experience
we're going through as a churchand I remember being at churches
and there's no perfect churchbecause us right, yes, but I
remember going to church andeverybody was also used to like,
(47:10):
when things happen, like, ohyeah, he said this and she said
this and that.
But when something happenedlast year at our church, when we
came together, hey, are you OK?
We're just one another,checking up on each other and
praying for one another, talkingto one another, checking up on
each other and praying for oneanother, hey, I'm here if you
(47:35):
ever want to talk.
You know, and we have seen somany people who have
breakthroughs and healings fromthe church.
Absolutely, and I won't be atchurch.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
You know what I mean, right, exactly.
I think it's very similar to,like you know, we go to a
restaurant and it's like we haveso many positive experiences.
And how often are thosepositive experience the ones
that are communicating withoutbeing coerced, like you hear,
like okay, we'll give you a freeappetizer if you give a good
review, but let somebody have anegative experience.
There's nothing that it takesto coerce them.
(48:02):
They're like I want to tellpeople about this negative
experience and I think church isin the same way.
There's so many healing stories, there's so many community
stories, there's so many Godstories.
That's why we even do thispodcast.
Like there's so much good thatdoes happen in the church.
Do we need to address and dealwith the negative and heal from
(48:23):
it?
Absolutely, but let's notdiscredit all the good that is
happening.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Yeah, because it's God.
God is our church and you knowGod knows and sees and he knows
we've been hurt and he knowseverything about us.
But it is in God's perfect willto heal us.
So if we don't make ourselvesavailable and keep running away,
then we're robbing ourselves oflike abundant life healed that
(48:52):
God sent Jesus to give us right.
So we have to make ourselvesavailable, even when it's hard.
Love yourself.
I mean, there's a reason Godsaid love the Lord, your God,
with all your heart, with allyour soul and mind and strength.
Love others as yourself.
How are you going to loveothers if you cannot even love
(49:13):
yourself?
Speaker 1 (49:13):
Right, absolutely yes , so so, so true.
Well, I just looked at the timeand I'm like where did the time
go?
Speaker 2 (49:21):
No, we talk about this all day and all night.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
All day, all day, all night, at this, all day and all
night, all day, all day, allnight.
Well, I don't want to give ourlisteners a disservice by not
letting them know how they canstay connected with you, what
you can do to help serve them.
If they're looking for someparenting, looking for life
coaching, um, we're gonna haveto do another episode to talk
about this health and wellnesspart.
(49:47):
Uh, yes, that's so powerfultestimonies like oh my god, okay
, we're gonna schedule part two.
Health and wellness.
Stay tuned, guys, um, butplease tell our listeners how
they can stay connected with you.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Sue, um what you do for the community as far as
parenting and coaching okay, soyou guys can, um, they could
reach me, um, my website issueparkcoachingcom and it's su
without the e, so it'ss-u-p-a-r-k.
Coachingcom and there's a wayfor you guys to send me a
(50:20):
message and I will respond.
But, um, you know, I do speakat different churches and
different organizations and notlimited to only churches I've
spoken at, you know, secularcompanies, like when I spoke at
Toyota headquarters, they likedit, they liked it it wasn't all
(50:41):
Christian audience either andthey have a parents of Toyota
group and Christian fellowshipgroup and they sponsor and they
liked it so much they wanted meto come back every year and
speak and I literally spokethere about eight times so far
and it actually opens up theopportunity for coaching
opportunities.
They hear me speak and then, ifthey like, they want extra help
(51:05):
.
Then you know a um, um emailthat you can contact and I will
contact you.
And kingdom life coaching is awhole another thing, because god
loves us so much that we haveall the right to live a healed,
(51:25):
restored life of freedom andabundance.
And I'm not talking about onlyspiritually, physically,
emotionally, mentally,financially, relationally.
Yes, yes, you know.
So usually what I do is ifanybody's interested in what I
do, or getting some extra helpor whatever, whether for
speaking or one-on-one um and Ido marriage coaching as well,
(51:45):
because they all go togetherright.
I usually give a firstappointment, free, free
consultation, and there's no, norequirement for them to sign up
with me by any chance, but justfor me to, just if, for me to
even give them feedback.
I'm not called to helpeverybody because I'm not Jesus.
So if I don't feel like I canhelp, I will be happy to refer
(52:08):
them to other people who I think, because my job is to love and
serve.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
Yes, yes, I love it.
You have such a good heart.
I've always known it.
I know it even more today.
I'm so grateful to be incommunity with you.
Love you very much.
Thank you for coming on, and weliterally we're going to
schedule part two, because Iwant to talk about health and
wellness too, totally.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
Yes, all right.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Well, gracefield listeners, we hope, as always,
that you've been inspired andencouraged by today's episode.
We are so grateful that youhave tuned in.
I want to encourage you.
If you are seeking community,we are here for you.
Please connect withgracefieldcommunitycom.
We would love to get youplugged in and connected into a
(52:56):
local community near you, aswell as with our online
community.
Thanks again for tuning in.
You have a blessed time in theLord.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Graceville
Community Podcast.
We would like to invite you tovisit gracevillecommunitycom.
Graceville Community is allabout doing church the way
(53:19):
Church of Acts did, using fivemain principles that we see in
the Book of Acts.
Sharing resources, as believerspooled their possessions and
resources to support those inneed, as we see in Acts 2.44.
Through hospitality the earlyChristians practiced hospitality
(53:41):
by opening their homes toothers, as we see in Acts 2.46.
By financial aid the church inAntioch sent financial aid to
believers in Judea during a timeof famine, as described in Acts
11 and 29.
Prayer and encouragement theysupported each other through
(54:04):
prayer and encouragement, as wesee in Acts 4 and 24.
And finally, spiritual guidancethe Apostles and elders
provided spiritual guidance andteaching to help strengthen and
build the community, as we seein Acts 15 30.
I would like to encourage you.
If any of those areas are areasin which you are in need or can
(54:30):
contribute, please reach out tograceville community.
We are working together acrossthe world with ministries and
individuals alike to help bringback the church of acts.
My name is Nicole Cater, your host, founder and
servant leader of GracevilleCommunity.
I want to thank you for tuningin to Graceville Community
Podcast.
This is a safe space, a placein which we just share stories
of how God has touchedindividuals' lives all across
the world and how they are nowimpacting the kingdom of God.
(00:21):
Thank you for tuning in.
Blessings to you, HelloGraceville community.
We are so excited once again tocome together as community for
our podcast episode today.
I am y'all.
I say I'm excited about everypodcast because, let me tell you
, these are divine appointments.
(00:43):
Like when I get on this podcast, I'm like Lord, you're so good
to set this up and this is justthe same.
I'm uber, uber excited to havemy dear friend, who I have
served with, who I have hadhours together with, even
exhausted, doing kingdom work,and so I'm so excited to have
(01:06):
Sue Park on today.
Hey, Sue.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yes, absolutely, it is my pleasure.
I'm overly excited.
I can't even.
I just keep saying that becauseI really am.
I think we're going to haveamazing conversation today.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yes, that will show up for us.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure we always do so as we get
into it.
First thing I do want to ask,because I know you and I've
learned some things about you,and consistently I'm learning
things about you, as we shouldabout each other when we have
community.
But please tell our audiencejust a little bit about yourself
and what you're passionateabout.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Okay, okay.
Well, I grew up in a veryanti-Christian family, youngest
out of seven kids, so my uncle'sfamily became Christians, but
they did everything, anythingthat is not like Christ.
So my parents were really,really hurt.
So we were actually forbiddento go to church.
So I thought I was going to dieif I ever put my foot in the
(02:09):
door of a church.
So I was never able to go tochurch and but throughout my
adolescent years I've always hadquestion like why am I here on
this earth?
What am I?
Why do I have to study hard?
Why do I have to go to goodcollege?
Why do I have to have a goodjob?
And because, you know, afterall, end of my life I'm not
(02:29):
gonna be able to take anythingwith me.
But I grew up in a family wheremy mom she thought she was
Buddhist.
I would wake up every morninglistening to this cassette
player of a Buddhist monkchanting, and I would see her at
6 am in the morning.
She'd be like praying with abowl of rice, bowl of water and
(02:53):
incense playing, and she was sofaithful.
But every time I had questionsI naturally just asked God about
it.
And then, right before I turned20, I radically got saved and
my life has never been the same.
I can't believe it's been 37years actually.
I just gave my age away.
But my life has never been thesame.
(03:17):
But my background is I've beenmarried, for next month will be
32 years, um, god, thank you.
And we have four beautifuldaughters who love god, who
follows god's call 29, 24, 25and 20 years old.
But uh, right before, aboutthree months before I got I
(03:38):
graduated from college, I gotcalled into full-time ministry.
So instead of going to lawschool, I ended up going to
seminary school in SouthernCalifornia.
But I was like who me?
How can you use somebody likeme, you know?
And I had to obey by faith,because I knew I couldn't do
anything on my own.
And since then I've been reallyfollowing God's call.
(04:00):
I've served God.
I've mainly worked with childrenof all ages, teenagers, college
students.
I've worked at private collegesbefore.
I've been a motivation speakerfor a lot of high school
teenagers and then, after I hadmy kids, I opened up a preschool
and I called it Love, joy,peace Preschool, and I shared
(04:21):
the gospel, was able to sharethe gospel and love of Jesus
Christ, not only with thechildren that I watched, but
also to the family, and thenafter a certain time God put
placed me as a children's pastorand so I've been working, and
as a children's pastor, alsofamily ministry pastor, just all
(04:42):
together, just children of ourages and family, and I've done
parenting seminars, biblicalparenting seminars, for over
last 20 years, partnering withNational Center for Biblical
Parenting.
So, like you know, I think it'sall about I love children.
I don't know about children andfamily and just really come
(05:03):
alongside.
Because, as a serving as apastor, I have also seen so many
pastors and leaders in thechurch and as I was working with
them, the children or theteenagers would come pastor too.
My dad is nothing like whereeverybody else thinks at church,
because he's nothing like thatat home, and so as I was working
(05:23):
with younger generation, I sawa lot of brokenness in the
family, especially even in theChristian family.
A lot of them pastors, kids,deacons and leaders, kids, and
even though they were parentswho were working really hard,
faithfully serving the Lord, ourchildren, their children, were
(05:44):
feeling hurt and you know Godlooks at our heart right.
So I'm really all aboutimitating God, dealing with our
children.
But most parents, you know theylove their children, but yet
they may not be as well equippedto just really discipline and
(06:04):
train their children accordingto God's ways.
A lot of times where there's alot of seminars or conferences,
a lot of parents share a lot and, like speakers share a lot all
from the Bible but a lot ofparents do go back home and say,
okay, so how do I apply that athome?
And when the you know, speakingfor years, when the opportunity
(06:28):
came for me to personally coachand counsel parents come
alongside because you know Ihave spoken at many different
churches and organizations but Igo there as a guest speaker and
then when you leave, that's itand I don't know how they're
doing it.
But this coaching actually gaveme an opportunity to come
alongside, work with them andjust really helping them come
(06:50):
along and imitating God.
And how does it actually lookin real life?
What do I do when my kids don'tlisten and when you have to say
the same thing over and overand over again?
So very heart-based approach.
But because I have also seen somany just teenagers or young
adults I have also worked with,still work with a lot of
(07:11):
grown-up women of God and evensome men who are just walking
around with unhealed wounds thatrobs them from living out that
abundant life that Jesus came togive us.
So I'm very passionate aboutmarriage, relationship, people's
relationship with God, becauseit's got to start there.
(07:33):
But our relationship betweenparents and children, but also
just a lot of inner healing,restoration, freedom work.
That's what I do underneath.
So that's the things I'm verypassionate about and health, but
you know I could go all day forthat, so right.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I love it.
I absolutely love it,especially because so many of
those things are near and dearto me, especially when we talk
about the family, right, andtaking um the word of God and
applying it to the family, likethat is our first ministry,
right, and so I love that.
I did not know you even did apreschool.
There's so much.
I mean, that's what I loveabout podcasts, because I get to
(08:13):
learn even more about thosethat I even do life with, so
super cool.
Now I know that I want to diveinto something on the parenting
aspect because, y'all, before weeven started this podcast we
even started this podcast wealready started having good
conversation.
I'm like, wait, this is stuffwe should be talking about on
the podcast, yes, and so we werejust speaking of father wounds
(08:38):
and mother wounds and how theycan impact relationships, so I
want to just kind of talk aboutthat because I think we're going
down the area that.
I'm like, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, did you want me to
share?
Yeah, go for it.
I'm like, yeah, you know itjust really.
It's just really heartbreakingbecause I work with a lot of
women, especially women who'sgrown up in the church and they
(09:08):
know God here and they havefaith and they're just beautiful
, amazing people.
Yet, because of their unhealedwound and a lot of them don't
even recognize they haveunhealed wounds, because when
you have unhealed wounds, itcreates blind spots, right, and
(09:32):
they felt they are seeingthemselves, they're seeing
others and different aspects oflife all through this skewed
view from unhealed wounds, yes,which really robs them away from
living out that full andabundant life.
And I believe that jesus did notcome just to save us from going
(09:57):
to hell so we could go toheaven, but he said clearly he
came to give us full andabundant life and we don't have
to wait till we get to heavenbecause we are living on heaven
and earth and because Christlives in us and we have access
to all the resources from heavenabove to us.
But people just don't know.
(10:19):
How do they know?
If we don't share, we don'tshare, knowing if we don't share
and we don't share and we can'tand I think it's really, really
important that.
I mean, like before I came toTexas, I thought I had full and
abundant life and I thought Iwas all healed, but at the same
time there was a whole anotherlevel of healing and freedom
that God has given me.
(10:39):
But it's also a journey becauseeven though you get healed from
the past experience, whateverthings happen in our know, the
enemy come to start wheneverwe're hurt and when we are at a
(11:09):
vulnerable stage, you know theenemy start feeding us a lot of
life.
When we talk about fatherwounds and mother wounds a lot
of times, you know parents lovetheir children, but I feel like
sometimes I have to yell out tothe whole world.
I'm like mothers and fathersRemember your children have
(11:32):
feelings too.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yes, absolutely yes.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
And, and you know, they may just say something out
of reacting.
This is what I call reactiveparenting.
They don't like something thattheir kids did or whatever, and
they just react and just blurout whatever, yes, and they
leave.
They think they're done,disciplining or whatnot.
And discipline, actually, itactually means training, not
(12:00):
punishing, and so many peoplejust go straight into punishing.
Oh my gosh, nico, can youimagine, every time we do
something wrong, if jesus givesus right, right, he sees our
heart.
So I'm on a mission to helpparents come along and really,
(12:22):
um, really connect with theirchildren heart to heart and in
Christ, showing a lot of grace.
God is God of love.
God is God of grace.
Yes, god is just, and we wantto teach and train, but in love,
right, just reacting yeah, yes,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
So there's something that really out.
It's something that we followin our home, right, and I think
a lot of people over time Ilearned do not understand the
difference between disciplineand punishment, right, and one
of the things that we try andfollow a principle of is that
you know when a child doessomething.
So I'm going to use the example.
Maybe I don't know, I thinkchores is the hugest thing that
(13:05):
happens for every home, right?
Like the chores, the chores,the chores, and so like, if the
child doesn't do chores, thediscipline would be relative to
the chores.
Disciplining is not saying, okay, well, you didn't do chores, so
now you don't get to go toyouth group, right, and what has
happened, I think, over time isthat we confuse what punishment
(13:28):
is versus discipline.
Discipline is relative to thatarea that they broken the
guideline, right, becauseessentially, what we're teaching
them and training them ishealthy habits and healthy
boundaries, and when that's beenbroken, we need to provide
discipline relative to that area.
When we don't do that and we'rejust spewing out reactive, like
you stated, or we're justgiving something that, like I
(13:51):
know, this is going to hurt you,so I'm going to take this like
that's us wanting to punish them, and there's a huge difference.
That's not the example thatlike our heavenly father gives
us right.
Like he disciplined.
The scripture says like Goddisciplines those that he loves
yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
So like, even just simple thing, as, like, I talk
about the difference betweenwith the younger kids, I talk
about the difference betweentimeouts and taking a break.
You know, timeout is very basedon, it focuses on, um, just the
behavior, and it's like theparents are like the bad guy.
(14:33):
I'm like the policeman, youdidn't do this and you gotta do
this.
And they decide how longthey're gonna stay and they, and
if the the bigger crime, thelonger the time they're put out
in.
You know, time out.
But instead of time out, whynot put your child on a break?
(14:54):
And you say, think about whatyou did wrong.
And also you say and thinkabout what you did wrong, have a
change of a heart.
And when you're ready to talkto mom, come, I'll be ready for
you, I'll be waiting for you.
And you also open up anopportunity for God to minister
to their hearts.
Yes, right, like the prodigalson's father waiting, right,
(15:18):
it's just loving way, becauseGod looks at the heart.
So you know, when my kids wereyounger, like if, um, they
weren't listening or if theywere just emotionally so upset,
even like teenagers, even adultsneed to take a break, don't we
all right, yes, but you let themknow this is not a punishment.
(15:41):
You take a break.
Why don't you just calm down?
Because I mean, I've done itmyself too.
When we are in the middle oflike emotional uproar, we get so
upset and a lot of things spewout of our mouth.
That is not loving and kind,right, yes, we want to calm down
and help them to calm down,like we are teaching them life
(16:05):
skills.
Calm down, think about what youdid wrong.
And if they're just huffing andpuffing or whatever, right,
just calm down and change yourheart.
Be willing to listen and bewilling to let's talk, right,
and then have them come to youand then you ask questions like
what did you do wrong?
(16:26):
Right, and then, why is itwrong?
Not, why did you do that?
Because you know, foolishnessis in the heart of a child.
So when you ask kids, why didyou do that, they're going to
come up with all kinds ofexcuses.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
You're encouraging them to lie to you at that
moment.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
So you say why is it wrong?
Because when you ask themquestions, you're actually
getting them to think about iton their own, rather than us
telling them what's right andwhat's wrong.
Nicole, I have young adults whoactually share with me too.
I don't even know how to makedecisions because I don't know
how to think for myself, becausemy mom and my dad always told
(17:10):
me what to do and what not to do, what's good for me and what's
bad for me.
I was always told what to do.
So I don't know how to makedecisions and I don't know how
to think for myself.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Right, you know we were just talking about that.
We have a marriage group thatwe are currently doing the study
how we love with right, and ifanybody knows any details of
that study, it really evaluates,like your emotional attachments
that you had to your parents,whether they were healthy or
unhealthy, right.
So it evaluates like what yourearly years, your primary years,
(17:42):
what emotions you carried andhow you learn to handle them,
and then it evaluates like howthis comes to play with your
adulthood.
But one of the things that wewere talking about in within the
marriage group that I realizeis so true exactly in what you
were saying is there are so manyindividuals that have not been
(18:02):
taught what we would considermaybe like critical thinking
skills, right, the ability to beable to process a circumstance
and process themselves in thatcircumstance.
And so what happens is, you know, when we have you know, I
remember when my kids weretoddlers, right, it was like
don't touch that plug.
You touch that plug Like, yes, Imight give you a gentle pop,
(18:24):
because at that age you areassociating like, yes, this plug
will cause you pain as they gotolder, there got to be an age
where now we need to haveconversation, because not only
is there just boundaries.
Now I need to understand whythese boundaries were put in
place.
Because if you understand whythe boundaries were put in place
, when you come to an age whereyou start to have to make
(18:45):
decisions, you now understandwhy we created these boundaries,
why we created these habits foryou so that you can carry them
out on your own, whichessentially is a part of
discipling.
And so we talk about ministryhappening at home.
Like you are discipling yourchildren, and I think that's
sometimes where the mindset islike mixed up For all.
(19:06):
The first one to say like Iwant to hold on to these
children and say like my child,when all reality, like they're
God's child first and the samecommandment applies, that I'm to
disciple them that's right.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
That's right.
And I think one of the thingsthat we miss, especially, you
know, when the baby's first bornoh my god, there's such a
little precious thing and wejust tend to them and you know.
But as they become moreindependent, especially like
elementary school years, evenpre-teen, but then when they're
going to middle school and highschool, that's when they really
(19:40):
need their parents even more sobecause they're going through so
many changes physically,emotionally, mentally, just like
you know, the socialawkwardness, wanting to be
accepted and belong.
A lot of my adults that I'mworking with, even in their 40s
and 50s, if we actually trackback, a lot of root, like the of
(20:03):
the problem actually kind oflike start in the middle school
years and, um, going back tolike really talking about
identity because our you know,like you'd be so surprised, you
know, even I work with parents.
Like you'd be so surprised, youknow, even I work with parents
and kids and you'd be surprisedthat some parents, they bring
(20:23):
their kids to me and say, youknow, I'm even talking.
When I say kid, I'm talkingabout even college graduate
daughter is like this and she'slike this, she's like this,
she's like this, she's like this, she's like this, she's like
this, she's like this, and sheput so many labels, not positive
, not who got that she did butnegative things based on her own
.
You know, and it's like puttinga curse on your children and
(20:47):
how important it is for us towatch what we say.
And, um, there was a seminar, Idid it.
Um, I spoke at toyota'sheadquarter and I titled it
perfect food for your kids souland it was all about power of
your words as parents.
(21:09):
So many parents just say thingscarelessly and a lot of times it
may not even be their kids.
It may be because they're tiredand exhausted, because they're
taking care of themselves, orstress that or whatever, and
they would just dump all theiron them, dump all their junk on
(21:31):
their kids.
But kids especially, you knowteenagers, they know their
parents and they know what theirparents like and what they
don't like.
They know what they're expectedout of them.
So a lot of times I see kidsjust kind of tuning them out and
parents just I mean kids justtelling the parents giving them
(21:52):
the answer that they know that'swhat they want to hear, and
then they go into theiradulthood and they are in
depression and they got allthese issues and I don't know
what happened, because my childwas perfect growing up.
I don't know what happened.
No, we fail to listen to yourkids and connect with them.
(22:13):
You know, when God created us,he not only created us as
spiritual beings.
We are physical, emotionalbeings, right, yes, and we talk
about God and Jesus andspiritual, spiritual, spiritual.
But they have feelings, theyhave thoughts.
So I usually tell the parentsparents, you know, you have
right to be heard when youactually take some time out to
(22:38):
listen to your kids, because alot of kids say my parents never
listen to me, they don't evergive me chance to even, you know
, and then they just accuse themof stop talking.
Absolutely, you want to listen,to understand where they are,
rather than just right andwrongs and just really.
You know, parenting is notbehavior modification.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Absolutely so.
One of the sayings we have inour home, which you probably
have heard before it's a popularone in some spaces, especially
in freedom ministries is thatfeelings are not facts, but they
do matter.
And so that's something that weuse very.
I love that you used the wordheart to heart.
We used to call our familymeetings safe space, and then it
(23:23):
evolved, right when the kidswere hitting middle school, to a
space that we call heart toheart.
And so it's a space where, hey,you come, we all come together
and what happens?
This this time, um, is not atime for punishment.
It's not a time whatever issaid here like this is heart to
heart.
This is where we're going tocommunicate about it.
(23:43):
This is where, if we need toheal from it, if there needs to
be apologies both ways right,like it's not that parents
shouldn't apologize.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
We make mistakes I need to say I'm sorry exactly
yes, because, as parents, youwant to be the most comfortable
sofa for your kids, but you knowwhat happens when they go
through adolescent years.
Oh, my son used to talk to me,my daughter, but they turn to
their friends.
(24:12):
Why do you think?
Because they don't feel thatsafe with their parents.
So you know, I always tell theparents you are the most safe
place that you, your kids, willwant to say my mom is the.
I know she would be the firstone I would go to.
My dad is the one that I willgo to and I think he will not
(24:32):
judge me.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
I know he will still love on me and help me through
this crisis I'm going through,especially teenagers right, yeah
, and I think especially toowhen you were directing them to
Christ, right like, when I canwith reserve my own because I'm
emotional too, right like.
And so when I can reserve myemotional response and
acknowledge like, hey, thismight be a little bit hard for
(24:56):
mommy to hear right now, what doyou think God says about this?
Let's look at the word, let'sdirect them back to the one who
created them, right, and I thinkthat when we do that, we also
help create, like a safe spacethat they know like I'm not just
going to get mom spewing outemotions about all the mistakes
I've made.
I'm going to get the wisdom anddirection that points me right
(25:18):
back to the one who they shouldbe going to, because one day, if
I'm not able to be here guesswho is?
God will always be present,right, and so I absolutely love.
I love what you're doing,especially because I know it's
so needed, um in these times,especially with families.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
I believe the family is the first point of ministry
yeah, yeah, and you know thereare a lot of people in the
church, but yet they feel shameto bring it up to pastors or
even in the church, because theyfeel like they're not good
enough and they don't.
They feel like they're beingjudged.
Not that they're being judged,but you know that insecurity,
(26:01):
right?
Yes, I feel like that's why Godcalled me to just, um, really
go out, meet people where theyare.
Jesus did not look from heavenabove.
Hey, if you want to be saved,just come to me.
No, he came where we are and,um, I love the fact that Nicole,
you talked about.
You know you apologize when youdid something wrong and not good
(26:22):
, right?
And you know kids watch how welive our lives.
So they learn from watching usa lot more than what we teach
them, because our life, ofcourse, you know we're not
perfect, so we make mistakes,but it's very, very important
(26:42):
for us to be able to apologize.
And I remember when my girlswere growing up, I'm like, oh,
I'm sorry, I should not havesaid that or that was not loving
and thoughtful, and they'reokay's, perfect, you know.
But they were used to hearingme saying I'm sorry Because you
know one of the other typicalthings kids say is my parents
(27:04):
never apologize or admitwhatever they want and they just
pretend like they're notNothing happened.
Yes, our kids are very smart,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Hey, let's take a quick break to tell you about
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(27:45):
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We offer tailored growthstrategies rooted in biblical
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Just like the early church, wefocus not on attendance and
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Our second extension is Projectof the Grace Field, where we
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and consulting.
They are, and I think again,it's all about training them
(29:10):
right, and so it's disciplingthem to understand what does a
healthy relationship look like.
You know, I want you to enterinto a marriage and understand
that you are going to makemistakes and they are going to
make mistakes, and you need toapologize and not try to be an
avoider and avoid what occurred,but face it on, apologize and
(29:30):
also confront the enemy.
That's a part of you knowwhat's happening, cause I think
that that's also something thatyou know.
Um in often in churches, we canmiss the aspect of wanting to
confront the negative.
Um, so many times because and Iknow this to be true right, the
(29:51):
, the hype of, like everythingis great, everything is positive
, god is good, like all of thosethings can bring people in, but
there is a reality that we facean enemy and even in that, like
we signed up for this walk withChrist, the scripture tells us
there's a reason why one of thefruits of the spirit is long
(30:14):
suffering.
And if we say we want the fruitsof the spirit.
We can't endeavor to have thefruits of the spirit and be like
I'm going to skip this one.
But yet, in order to develop it, that means you may have to
suffer, to endure long suffering.
And so I think that even in howwe parent, we're training them
up to understand what it willlook like healthy relationship
(30:37):
vertically with God.
Because how many times do Ihave to go to God and say, sir,
I'm so sorry, I messed this up.
Does he know I messed it up, yes, but there's the humility that
comes in being able toacknowledge that, like I messed
up Right, and so as toacknowledge that, like I messed
up right and so as to your point, like that's what we're
(30:57):
teaching them, we're preparingthem for those healthy
relationships.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, and just the just being able to really
introduce them to amazing loveand grace of God.
Because you know they feelshame and they feel guilty too,
right?
So one of the things that youknow, they feel shame and they
feel guilty too, right?
So, one of the things that youknow, there's a one session that
I speak.
When I go out to speak.
It's called toolbox ofconsequences.
(31:24):
So I go over like seventoolboxes of consequences, but I
always tell them y'all there'smore, because when you turn to
God, he will give you creativestrategies and ideas to be able
to handle certain situationsthat you never thought of.
And he's done with me manytimes.
But one of the first thing Ishare is like a natural
consequence, right?
(31:44):
So if you tell your daughter tomake sure you take your coat
with you, you know like coatwith you, and then she didn't
listen to you and she goesoutside at a football game and
she's freezing to death, theeasiest thing for us to say is
see, I told you so.
So, like whenever there's anatural consequence, we
(32:05):
automatically want to say I toldyou so, but that's not loving,
because she's already cold andshe's already going through the
consequence of not listening toyou.
So instead of that's thenatural way.
But for us, we are the childrenof supernatural god, right?
So instead of saying I told youso, I told you you'd be cold if
(32:26):
you didn't bring it, like, wesay, oh, show some empathy.
Yes, show some empathy.
I said I sorry, you must bereally cold, you know what?
And that's a way for allowingGod to teach her.
And she's actually learningfrom a natural consequence.
(32:47):
We don't have to be the teacherall the time.
A lot of times we actually getin the way when God wants to
teach them something.
God doesn't only use parents.
God wants to teach themsomething.
God doesn't only use parents.
God uses grandparents, teachers, coaches and other adults in
their lives to be able to saythe same thing that we may, and
then sometimes they just listento them much better because
they're so used to us.
(33:07):
But taking a step back to justreally trust in God and be
patient.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
You know, you mentioned something just now
about God using others, right,like it's not just we tend to
take this and we're not supposedto carry any burden, but we
tend to take it and say, likethis is my burden to carry.
I have to raise these childrenup to be great men and women,
right, and that's one of thereasons why I mean grace-filled
community.
That's one of the reasons why Imean grace-filled community.
That's one of the reasons why Ilove the aspect of community,
(33:40):
because it really benefits you,right.
Like when we look at acts andhow community was designed.
No one went without, becauseeach of them had their own
strengths and they brought ittogether, and so that's the
power that comes with us beingwithin community, because, yes,
(34:00):
there are other people that canspeak into your child.
There are other people that maysee something with your child
that you may not see.
I can't tell you how manyprophetic words, how many times
someone has spoken somethinginto my children.
I'm like, oh, thank the Lord,like I actually needed to hear
that too, like you know.
And so that's the power ofcommunity and why it's so
(34:21):
important to be in community.
I think one of the things thathappens, though, is that we
sometimes don't want to do thework to build community Like we
want community.
We've all heard the saying likeoh, it takes a village to raise
a child.
Yes, it does, but you have todo the work to build community.
It doesn't just happen bychance, and so part of the thing
(34:42):
that I encourage people to doyou know, even in parenting and
in life in general is find yourcommunity like, connect with
community.
And when you connect withcommunity, you have to
(35:06):
understand where you are.
Are you somebody that is at astage where you can disciple,
you can mentor?
Are you at a stage where you'relooking to be discipled?
Because that also determineswhat community and what type of
community you look for.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yeah, yeah, and the ideal thing is, like, you know,
when I was in college, likeliterally baby Christian, right,
my college pastor's wife, myparents weren't Christians at
that time, so I never heard.
The funny thing is all thestuff that my mom taught me
growing up there were verykingdom biblical principles,
(35:40):
even though she never read thebible back then, right, but God
had really, um, my collegepastor's wife literally embraced
me and took me on and she hasmentored me.
There were times I was calling,a couple of times like day,
every day, and now I rarely callher, I call her, but now they
were like, you know, 35 years,right, and then, you know,
(36:04):
things started changing and nowit got to a point where she was
asking me, giving me her prayerrequest, and I was able to pray
for her and they're inCalifornia and I haven't seen
them for such a long time and Isaid I need to go and see them
because they're in their 80s now.
But ideally, it's all it's.
We want to have somebody whocan pour on us as we are also
(36:28):
pouring others.
Of course it starts with God,but you know we're not meant to
do life alone.
And you talk about community.
I love my community and you know, sometimes, honestly, nicole,
I'm a Korean American.
So, on the eight, you know Ilook very Asian outside, but I
grew up here ever since I waslittle, so I'm very bicultural,
(36:49):
bilingual.
I know the American andactually Americans think I'm not
as um, uh, koreanist.
They expect me to, no, no, likeKoreans, expect me to be more
like Koreans because, um,because of the way I look, right
, I'm just too Americanized,right, and when I talk to you
(37:12):
I'm not Korean enough for thembecause I'm so American in the
way I think and see.
But, more than anything,kingdom principles, and you know
kingdom family, black, white,yellow, green, what kind?
Because when we leave thisearth, when god calls home, it's
gonna be multi, multi-color,from all different countries and
(37:36):
, um, just, you know it's god ison the move.
But when you talk aboutcommunity, you be like I'm so
thankful and grateful, nicole,because when I talk about my
sisters in the Lord, my kingdomfamily, it's not just Koreans,
it's all from all differentbackgrounds, from different
(37:57):
countries.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yes, I love that.
So you know, I'm similar in theaspect.
I'm not Korean.
No, you don't look it uh, but I.
so I grew up in a community thatwas filled with caucasians.
In my school it was me andanother young black girl, and
you could point us out likethrough our class um, and so
(38:22):
growing up, that's what I becameaccustomed to.
My extended family were indifferent parts of the you know
country they were.
They were in environments thatconsisted of more African
Americans, and so what wouldhappen and this is part of me
learning my identity, like yousaid, middle school age wise, I
(38:45):
felt like I didn't fit inanywhere.
I felt I didn't fit in evenwith family or other blacks.
I didn't fit in because Iwasn't Caucasian.
And over time I realized, youknow where I fit in.
With the kingdom of God, itdoesn't matter to skin color, it
doesn't matter what my hairtype is, it doesn't matter how I
speak.
(39:05):
Do I talk like this group?
Do I talk like this group?
I talk kingdom, and so when.
I had my children and being ahomeschooling mama, even when I
started teaching them like Iremember having family members
that were pretty upset like youhaven't taught them black
history and I'm like, no, notyet, because the primary history
(39:26):
I want them to know is biblicalhistory and I want them to be
able to know that God createdall and God loves all.
And when we learn this history,we learn it from eyes of grace
and love, not from a space ofhate.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
That's right.
That's right.
And the funny thing is,honestly, like you know, I lived
in California for about over 30years and I've been in Texas
for about eight and a half years, but before that, um I, when we
first moved to America, wemoved from South Korea to um
Memphis, tennessee.
So I grew up in MemphisTennessee all from my adolescent
(40:03):
years started like end of myfifth grade I learned my English
for the first, like I learnedmy alphabets, so I got by.
I was like the.
At that time, back in 1970s,they didn't really have Asians
or even Hispanics, it was justblacks and whites.
But you know, people ask me didyou ever experience
discrimination or racism growingup in the south?
(40:26):
And I didn't.
And even though I did not knowgod back then, I know god was
looking after me and I hadwonderful friends, blacks and
whites, and they just like usedto call me oh, I'm a korean doll
and they were so good to me.
But then that's where I learnedmy English.
So I talk about Korean accentin there, black accent in there,
(40:51):
right, southern draws in there.
So when I first moved toCalifornia, when I went to UCLA
and and I'm pretty boisterousand I'm, I love people, right
yes and they're like, excuse mewhat they peep.
Strangers would come to me andask me where am I from?
Because of my such an accent.
It was just a mixture of white,black, southern Korean accent.
(41:18):
And then, at the same time, Idid not know Christ when I first
went to college.
So I was like, oh my gosh, lookat all these Asians.
And I felt uncomfortable.
Oh my gosh, look at all theseasians and I feel uncomfortable.
Yes, but talk about identitychange and transformation.
When I found that I am thedaughter of the most high king
and I've been kingdom family andthe royal family, I don't care
(41:43):
where I go.
Right, I know who I am becausewho can be against me if God is
for me?
So I'm just so thankful to beGod's daughter.
Yes, I'm not ashamed of how Ilook, no matter what other
people say.
I know who I am because I trustand believe who God says.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
I am, yes, exactly that's.
It's so funny because when, um,you know there are times you,
you speak, I see places, we knowhow it goes.
Sometimes they're like, ok,what's the bio?
And I'm like let's just jump towhat we're doing.
Like the bio is that I am adaughter of God.
If there's anything that'scoming after that, I am a wife
(42:23):
and mom.
Let's go right.
Because I do think thatsometimes we can let a person's
background dictate how wereceive the word of God from
them.
And although, absolutely, theBible gives us instructions on
who should be teachers, thequalifications when we talk
(42:44):
about pastors and so forth, yetI think our society has
sometimes put a blanket or a boxaround.
Like I need to hear fromsomebody that looks exactly like
me, or I need to receive fromsomebody that's gone through
exactly what I've gone through,and if that's what you're
looking for, then you're you'retrying, you're not trying, you
are limiting the way that Godcan speak through someone to you
(43:07):
and you could miss that veryword that he has for you.
And so I heavily encouragepeople, I'm like this is a
kingdom culture and that's whatit is.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Yeah, yeah.
And you know I'm so thankfuland grateful as a Korean
American and I am a proud KoreanAmerican I still eat Korean
food, although I don't likemaking them because it's so much
work.
I still eat Korean food,although I don't like making
them because it's so much work.
But you know, when I'm, youknow, leading our women's group
in the church, you should seeall these beautiful faces and
they don't look like me.
(43:37):
We got whites and blacks, we gotBrazilian, we got Ukrainian, we
got Hispanic, we got Indian, wegot like all kinds of ladies
and I'm like, oh my God, anddifferent generations, that too.
Indians, we got like all kindsof ladies and I'm like, oh my
god, and different generations,that too.
That's what kingdom familylooks like, right and um, that,
you know, grace-filled community, like you know, god has called
(44:02):
us, god wants to reveal himselfthrough us.
But how many churches orcommunities that you know who's
walked out of church because ofchurch wounds or father wounds?
And you know I've spoken toquite a lot of parents where
they have a strange son ordaughters or like they never
want to go to church becausethey've been hurt by church.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
And I say, you know what we're going to look up to
God we're all right, right,absolutely absolutely know, one
of the best analogies that I'vehad and I use often is that,
like the scripture tells us,church is the place made for the
sick.
It is the hospital, and so if itis the place made for the sick,
(44:45):
guess what?
We're going to have someresults of those that are sick
in the church, and that's wherechurch hurt comes from, because
we all have spaces Like we'regoing from glory to glory to
glory.
None of us have reachedperfection.
Otherwise, if we did reachperfection, we would be up there
with Jesus.
So, like we are all going fromglory to glory, the thing that
(45:05):
the analogy that I often talkabout is one that I got from a
book called I think it's calledHealing from Church Hurt, and
I'll put it in the show notes,guys, because I may not be
saying the title correct, butone of the things he says is
like, if we're, if you went tothe hospital and you had a
surgical procedure and thisparticular procedure, it's a
(45:26):
special procedure that the andyou leave out and you start
having pain and you, you comeback.
Right, you go back to that placebecause you want to figure out
what's still happening.
You don't run from the place,you go back to that place.
So sorry, there's a gauze leftinside of you.
(45:51):
We need to go back and we needto take that gauze out.
Are you going to run and say,hey, just leave the gauze in.
I'm going to stay in painbecause I don't want you to
touch me or I don't want you tobe the one to walk me through
this healing.
Or are you going to lay on thattable and say get me out of
this pain, go ahead and removethis gauze, right?
And I think so many times likewe have church hurt and we're so
(46:11):
quick to run versus maybe sitjust for a moment.
I'm not saying that you're tiedto be there forever, right, but
sit for a moment and let Godheal you in the very space where
your hurt was, because that'swhat he does.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Yeah, and, and the thing is, one thing I do want to
really bring about is, like youknow, we talk about church
wounds, but there are so manymore church healings too,
absolutely, yes, like I remember, when some people go through
some tough times, we all comealongside and one another and
(46:49):
loving on one another.
Last year we had incident wherewe had some painful experience
we're going through as a churchand I remember being at churches
and there's no perfect churchbecause us right, yes, but I
remember going to church andeverybody was also used to like,
(47:10):
when things happen, like, ohyeah, he said this and she said
this and that.
But when something happenedlast year at our church, when we
came together, hey, are you OK?
We're just one another,checking up on each other and
praying for one another, talkingto one another, checking up on
each other and praying for oneanother, hey, I'm here if you
(47:35):
ever want to talk.
You know, and we have seen somany people who have
breakthroughs and healings fromthe church.
Absolutely, and I won't be atchurch.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
You know what I mean, right, exactly.
I think it's very similar to,like you know, we go to a
restaurant and it's like we haveso many positive experiences.
And how often are thosepositive experience the ones
that are communicating withoutbeing coerced, like you hear,
like okay, we'll give you a freeappetizer if you give a good
review, but let somebody have anegative experience.
There's nothing that it takesto coerce them.
(48:02):
They're like I want to tellpeople about this negative
experience and I think church isin the same way.
There's so many healing stories, there's so many community
stories, there's so many Godstories.
That's why we even do thispodcast.
Like there's so much good thatdoes happen in the church.
Do we need to address and dealwith the negative and heal from
(48:23):
it?
Absolutely, but let's notdiscredit all the good that is
happening.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Yeah, because it's God.
God is our church and you knowGod knows and sees and he knows
we've been hurt and he knowseverything about us.
But it is in God's perfect willto heal us.
So if we don't make ourselvesavailable and keep running away,
then we're robbing ourselves oflike abundant life healed that
(48:52):
God sent Jesus to give us right.
So we have to make ourselvesavailable, even when it's hard.
Love yourself.
I mean, there's a reason Godsaid love the Lord, your God,
with all your heart, with allyour soul and mind and strength.
Love others as yourself.
How are you going to loveothers if you cannot even love
(49:13):
yourself?
Speaker 1 (49:13):
Right, absolutely yes , so so, so true.
Well, I just looked at the timeand I'm like where did the time
go?
Speaker 2 (49:21):
No, we talk about this all day and all night.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
All day, all day, all night, at this, all day and all
night, all day, all day, allnight.
Well, I don't want to give ourlisteners a disservice by not
letting them know how they canstay connected with you, what
you can do to help serve them.
If they're looking for someparenting, looking for life
coaching, um, we're gonna haveto do another episode to talk
about this health and wellnesspart.
(49:47):
Uh, yes, that's so powerfultestimonies like oh my god, okay
, we're gonna schedule part two.
Health and wellness.
Stay tuned, guys, um, butplease tell our listeners how
they can stay connected with you.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Sue, um what you do for the community as far as
parenting and coaching okay, soyou guys can, um, they could
reach me, um, my website issueparkcoachingcom and it's su
without the e, so it'ss-u-p-a-r-k.
Coachingcom and there's a wayfor you guys to send me a
(50:20):
message and I will respond.
But, um, you know, I do speakat different churches and
different organizations and notlimited to only churches I've
spoken at, you know, secularcompanies, like when I spoke at
Toyota headquarters, they likedit, they liked it it wasn't all
(50:41):
Christian audience either andthey have a parents of Toyota
group and Christian fellowshipgroup and they sponsor and they
liked it so much they wanted meto come back every year and
speak and I literally spokethere about eight times so far
and it actually opens up theopportunity for coaching
opportunities.
They hear me speak and then, ifthey like, they want extra help
(51:05):
.
Then you know a um, um emailthat you can contact and I will
contact you.
And kingdom life coaching is awhole another thing, because god
loves us so much that we haveall the right to live a healed,
(51:25):
restored life of freedom andabundance.
And I'm not talking about onlyspiritually, physically,
emotionally, mentally,financially, relationally.
Yes, yes, you know.
So usually what I do is ifanybody's interested in what I
do, or getting some extra helpor whatever, whether for
speaking or one-on-one um and Ido marriage coaching as well,
(51:45):
because they all go togetherright.
I usually give a firstappointment, free, free
consultation, and there's no, norequirement for them to sign up
with me by any chance, but justfor me to, just if, for me to
even give them feedback.
I'm not called to helpeverybody because I'm not Jesus.
So if I don't feel like I canhelp, I will be happy to refer
(52:08):
them to other people who I think, because my job is to love and
serve.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
Yes, yes, I love it.
You have such a good heart.
I've always known it.
I know it even more today.
I'm so grateful to be incommunity with you.
Love you very much.
Thank you for coming on, and weliterally we're going to
schedule part two, because Iwant to talk about health and
wellness too, totally.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
Yes, all right.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Well, gracefield listeners, we hope, as always,
that you've been inspired andencouraged by today's episode.
We are so grateful that youhave tuned in.
I want to encourage you.
If you are seeking community,we are here for you.
Please connect withgracefieldcommunitycom.
We would love to get youplugged in and connected into a
(52:56):
local community near you, aswell as with our online
community.
Thanks again for tuning in.
You have a blessed time in theLord.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Graceville
Community Podcast.
We would like to invite you tovisit gracevillecommunitycom.
Graceville Community is allabout doing church the way
(53:19):
Church of Acts did, using fivemain principles that we see in
the Book of Acts.
Sharing resources, as believerspooled their possessions and
resources to support those inneed, as we see in Acts 2.44.
Through hospitality the earlyChristians practiced hospitality
(53:41):
by opening their homes toothers, as we see in Acts 2.46.
By financial aid the church inAntioch sent financial aid to
believers in Judea during a timeof famine, as described in Acts
11 and 29.
Prayer and encouragement theysupported each other through
(54:04):
prayer and encouragement, as wesee in Acts 4 and 24.
And finally, spiritual guidancethe Apostles and elders
provided spiritual guidance andteaching to help strengthen and
build the community, as we seein Acts 15 30.
I would like to encourage you.
If any of those areas are areasin which you are in need or can
(54:30):
contribute, please reach out tograceville community.
We are working together acrossthe world with ministries and
individuals alike to help bringback the church of acts.
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