June 12, 2025 • 55 mins
The Transformative Power of Gratitude: From Pain to Purpose with Valeriya Hjertenaes
What if the very thing that broke you became the catalyst that built you?
In this powerful and deeply personal episode of GRASP Confidence, I sit down with Valeriya Hjertenaes, a courageous scholar and rising thought leader whose journey proves that gratitude can be the bridge between pain and purpose. Born and raised in Ukraine, Valeriya grew up in a home shadowed by her father’s alcoholism and the heavy weight of unworthiness. Despite being intellectually gifted and outwardly beautiful, she silently battled depression and struggled with self-confidence for much of her life.
But everything changed when she made a life-altering decision: to no longer be defined by her past, but by the woman she knew she was always meant to become.
Now pursuing her PhD at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU), Valeriya holds Master’s degrees in Finance, Knowledge Management, and Innovation Management. Her doctoral research explores the role of diversity management in advancing industrial sustainability—focusing on gender, cultural, and neurodiversity. She is also a passionate mental health advocate, proudly neurodivergent, and on a mission to create spaces of inclusion and understanding.
In our conversation, we explore the transformative power of gratitude—how it can rewire identity, elevate confidence, and serve as a spiritual and emotional compass when the world feels uncertain. Valeriya vulnerably shares how gratitude and responsibility became the anchors that allowed her to heal and rise—and how she is now walking boldly toward her next dream: becoming a TEDx speaker. I’ve had the honor of coaching and mentoring Valeriya through this next chapter, and what’s unfolding is nothing short of inspiring.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in your story or unsure of your worth, this episode is your invitation to reclaim your power through the lens of gratitude. Because healing doesn’t begin with what happened to us—it begins with what we choose to do next.
💫 Let this be the reminder: Gratitude doesn’t just change your mindset, it transforms your entire life.
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:26):
Hey everyone,
welcome to Grasp Confidence Podcast.
I'm your host, Tara Lafon-Gooch.
Today's guest is Valeria Yatanes,
a dynamic thought leader
and advocate at the
forefront of innovation, inclusion,
and sustainable leadership.
Valeria holds a master's degree in finance,
knowledge management,
(00:47):
and innovation management.
She's probably one of the
smartest people I know, really.
Oh, my gosh.
She's currently pursuing a
PhD at the Norwegian
University of Science and Technology,
and her groundbreaking
research explores diversity
management and industrial
sustainable projects with a
(01:07):
focus on gender, cultural,
and neurodiversity.
Through global interviews
and practical frameworks,
Valeria helps organizations
elevate their
sustainability by embedding
real effective diversity strategies.
As an OCD neurodivergent leader herself,
(01:30):
she's also a passionate
mental health advocate.
This episode is a must
listen for anyone ready to
lead with more awareness, innovation,
and impact.
Let's get into it.
Valeria, welcome to the show, my friend.
Oh my God, my friend.
Now you made me really, really happy.
(01:50):
Feeling so special.
Thank you so much for invitation,
for hosting me today and
for giving me this
spectacular introduction.
I almost felt the goosebumps
when you gave me this
Magnificent title,
one of the most smartest.
Thank you so, so much.
(02:12):
I still appreciate that opportunity,
how we could elaborate deeply, you and me,
during me hosting you in my show.
And from the very first second,
we could align our vibrations, energy.
And I'm sure that by this
conversation number,
number just still the
(02:33):
beginning of the friendship
we can make more ripple
effect so thank you so much
for being uh today with us
I hope you can get um
knowledgeable insights and
always very important also
a lot of fun because we we
do still have so much used
(02:55):
to have fun while we are
join to all our activity
right being present and
have nice mood so thank you
I'm looking forward yeah
absolutely well I didn't
say in your intro that
you're one of the most
beautiful women I know too
so you know she's got it
all she's a podcaster she's
(03:17):
getting her phd she reads
books constantly
She's gorgeous.
When I think of you,
I think of somebody that
really has it together.
Somebody that is checking
all the boxes of what we
want for in life and what
we shoot for in success.
(03:39):
This show is really geared
toward gaining confidence,
becoming the best version of yourself.
personal development,
becoming a high achieving leader.
These are aspirational goals
for a lot of people.
And you have really figured
out how to achieve the
(04:01):
levels of success that a
lot of people are searching for.
Now,
you're originally from the Ukraine and
now you live in Norway.
Hopefully you'll make it to
the States eventually.
Absolutely.
What an incredible life and adventure.
I would I would love for you
to take us back a little
bit in time because we know
(04:21):
what you're working on today.
But I would love for you to
just take us back a little
bit to when you first got started.
Why was you know,
you're pursuing all of
these degrees and this Ph.D.
Why was this important to you to pursue?
Thank you so much again for
(04:42):
giving us so many credits.
First of all, it can already describe me,
I do hope, as a really diversified person,
which I'm making empirical
and theoretical research of.
But of course, by making a deep research,
(05:03):
have to be so genuinely
interested in diversity and
diversity of thoughts of
actions and you should
present really diversified
personality yourself which
I believe all my life i
(05:27):
I've been really interested
in many different traditions of thoughts,
of attitudes, of, let's say,
ethnic underground and
cultures and religions.
If we go really backwards,
(05:49):
where I was made in Soviet,
as I'm calling sometimes,
like make it a little bit funny,
it was of course like
everybody could experience
in their childhood ups and downs.
My childhood was really
impacted by some adversities,
(06:10):
which made really deep impact on me,
on my personality,
Thank you.
it was actually influenced
more by scarcity than abundance.
And it was not that much
focus in Soviet era to put
focus on yourself,
on your interest in order
(06:31):
or personal growth,
or actually everything what
was connected with
individuality was eliminated.
You had to just serve the system.
It was the purpose to be the
bricks of this big system,
but you should not be really like,
you know,
shown often to persevere
your goals or your dreams
and it was never talk about
(06:52):
actually you being
different and to be
interested in something
different you should be
equal but not like equal
you should have equal
rights but you should not
put your nose out of the
crowd you should be like
everybody else you know and
also when I was a kid my
father he was addicted to alcohol and he
(07:17):
I do believe still,
I feel very pity that this
disease actually injured so
many men in the Soviet
after the Second World War and many,
many other political and
economical situations,
(07:38):
which put probably mostly
our men in very difficult situations.
So I never was really judging.
Because I was never actually in his shoes,
I can be just in my shoes
and I can't just kind of
imagine why it was so hard.
Maybe it was his way to tackle,
to cope with the demons he
(07:58):
had at that time.
Anyway,
I'm trying to be grateful for him
being him.
been participating producing
me and giving all this
experience to me because
without even that I would
never be who I am today and
we are going to us talk
more elaborate about the
feeling of gratitude right
(08:19):
and our gratitude to our
past not just who we are
and who we actually never
ending masterpiece
who is building by ourselves today.
So, but anyway,
even being in Soviet system,
being in a school where
(08:40):
everybody kind of the same,
have the same uniform,
should have the same values, goals,
and just should be taught
by system what you are allowed to aspire,
just to be useful bricks in
somebody big system.
So for me, it was, I was quite of,
maybe rebelling already at that time.
(09:02):
I always wanted more and
kind of not just wanted more for myself,
but I saw already very
early in my age that my mom,
she was struggling and
suffering from the
situation she was put on
due to divorce and very
hard economical situation.
So I started even then helping her very,
(09:25):
much from the young age by
being active first of all
to do my commitment my
commitments um when I was a
very good student but I
also wanted to help him and
I began working like from
twelve thirteen years very
much and I tried to be very
attentive of what kind of
(09:47):
person she was even there
because maybe the
economical situation was not
that you can could envy
that's uh that's for sure
but my mom she always had
enough time attention love
and care to me and time to
speak and reflect and she
always taught me from the
(10:08):
very young age that yes
maybe today we don't have
that much of material
things which actually can
be earned can be
uh taking giving away taken
away from you very easily
like now you know you
mentioned already from
ukraine and uh we know as
not many other people like
(10:30):
in real life that you can
collect materialistic thing
all your life and now for
five minutes how it has
happened with my family
because we live in person
it's the first territory
all the things we have been
collecting by very hard job the whole
life they are bombed away
they are taken away five
minutes that you have
(10:50):
nothing but what you really
really can cultivate
practice through your life
in your heart in your soul
in your head nobody can
take it from you right
especially hope and
gratitude so my mom she was
like that even from I
remember her she always
tried to point out for me
this mentality of gratitude and like
(11:14):
Valeria,
she had very nice motto that by taking,
you can feel your hands, by giving,
you can feel your heart.
Try all the time in your life,
be the person who would like to feel,
to fulfill your heart, not your hands.
So maybe this mindset,
which of course was already
different from probably many others,
(11:36):
or I don't know,
maybe I was more than them.
kind of focused on that what
can I do also how can I be
helpful to my mom first of
all and to the community
and to the people who were
surrounding me and actually not just them
(12:01):
And then you had to think differently.
So this mindset about be a
giver without actually
expecting to get something
back immediately,
because then it's not genius,
then it's not being great for health,
then it's pure business,
which is also okay,
but then we are talking
about another domain, right?
So, I mean,
(12:21):
this mindset and my mom being a
great role model for me because she also,
she was not always just talking,
she was talking and, you know,
being a role model and
acting like that because we
know I'm parent myself now
and you're a parent and we know that kids,
we can talk,
(12:42):
we can tell them whatever they want,
but they will be copying
exactly what we are doing.
and if there is no matching
it's mismatching so then
it's not uh eligible right
then we and my mom she was like that she
taught me something and every single day,
even special in small details,
he showed me how to treat people,
(13:04):
how to handle situation,
how approach this life.
And I'm very,
very grateful to her for this.
So I'm trying to,
I was trying to take you a
little bit backwards and it
was probably the most
impactful aspect which
influenced me and my young age.
(13:27):
and then the university the
first degree which I took
in ukraine um every single
day I walked by special
orphanage because we didn't
have that much money for
actually collective
transport I tried to save
money and I was walking like two hundred
(13:49):
not miles,
but kilometers every day to the
gymnasium first,
and I passed by a special orphanage.
It was already not Soviet,
but very early after Soviet
was still the same standards.
And I could watch every
single day twice those special babies.
It was special orphanage for
(14:09):
sick babies from zero until three years.
And it was so sad, depressive picture,
like everything was gray and assaulted,
no colors, no toys.
All of them,
they just had the same outfits, garments,
which should be and worn and used.
And many of them, like, you know,
(14:29):
it was so,
I still remember these pictures,
you know?
And one day I was staying
there staring at them, understood that,
okay,
I probably have nothing much to left
over from,
what I can do at that time,
and maybe I need still help,
but one day I will be working,
(14:51):
hardly studying,
hardly achieving my goals,
and I have to be back,
I have to make real impact, and...
first of all,
to become in myself and
hopefully not forgetting
all this habits and
traditions and norms my mom taught me.
(15:12):
And we'll be back to my small city,
coming back to this
orphanage and do something
really special.
I wanted to help like
economically and develop this place.
But also I decided that time
that I need to do something more.
I need to save at least a
couple of destinies that
they're not going through what
I was going through.
(15:34):
Wow.
And a lot.
That's a lot to unpack there, you know,
and just for everybody who's listening.
So you grew up
in the Ukraine.
Father was an alcoholic.
Mother was struggling to get by.
Everybody was uniform, the same.
It wasn't encouraged to have
(15:56):
goals or dreams.
Everybody was kind of just the same,
right?
And you didn't want to stand out.
And you couldn't really stand out.
And it almost feels like
when I'm saying this,
it feels like suffocating,
like you're being put in a box.
And then there was...
It sounds like a lot of, you know,
depression kind of level circumstances.
(16:18):
You're talking about this
orphanage in the village,
children not being given opportunities,
and you saw this with your eyes.
And you were living in these circumstances,
but you're such a star.
And I have to say that, right?
So it must not have been easy,
(16:40):
but I love what you said, too,
about that your mother
instilled gratitude in you
and that when you when you take,
you feed your hands.
But when you give, you feed your heart.
That is really, really powerful.
And something that we can all learn from,
regardless of, you know,
our circumstances or the
(17:02):
environment that we're in,
we all have this
opportunity to find
gratitude and to give.
Because, you know,
I've realized that in my own life,
there's always someone else
who's more in need than you are.
Always.
And if we just look around us,
(17:22):
and be observant.
We can find people that have
more of a need than us and
really uplift them.
So what a story, really impactful.
But like I said, you are such a star.
So
You know,
with this war in Ukraine that has
happened, you left the Ukraine,
(17:43):
you now live in Norway,
and now you've gotten all
of these degrees and you're
pursuing more.
I would love for you to tell
us a little bit about why
you made that shift and
transition and decided that
you wanted to be more and
wanted more out of life,
because it's really easy.
(18:05):
to stay where you are.
It's really easy to not move forward.
It's really easy to be like
your environment.
What's not easy is to break
away from the mold and
become the person that you
really want to be.
How did you do that?
Thank you so much.
(18:25):
What a great question.
And first of all,
what a great summarizing and reflection.
And again,
very grateful for your compliments.
You're such a star as well,
and I know that already.
And I knew that from the
very first time we could
even chat without talking.
I knew that from the very first minute.
(18:46):
So thank you, thank you so much.
Yeah, that's correct.
Maybe for somebody it's much
easier to be already in the
box because...
uh you know sometimes people
actually suffer from many
choices to have no choices
(19:09):
it's quite different for
people who want to achieve
something special in their
life but sometimes it's
kind of easy scheme like
okay you have this path
this scheme you can just go
there kind of linear from step to step
Which from one place could
(19:32):
be my life and it was the
life My mom had to leave
but she also broke through
she came from very small village
As well, actually,
we have a big family there.
The whole family, they are still there.
And just my mom,
she was kind of rebellious.
(19:52):
She wanted something more for her,
to give more possibility
for her and for next generations.
But usually, yes,
you have to take choices and then...
if choices are challenging,
you have so many
responsibilities and commitments,
how you should care and
(20:14):
bear and carry those choices, right?
So for me, like I've already mentioned,
maybe it was all the time
the role model of my mom,
but again it's about your
own choice even to choose
the role model your mom or
your father right because I
could also stuck in the
(20:35):
situation of feeling pity
to myself towards myself
and could um the whole life
just judge oh and return
back to the roots that are
due to my childhood and
because my father was like
that I am like that today but we
No, you and me, we have discussed that
(20:58):
it has been influencing and
impacting like of course
this trauma I mean and the
pattern how I approach
different situations many
many years but but still I
knew that I had to break
through I didn't know that
much mechanism I was in the
search maybe the whole life
(21:19):
before I found really
gratitude and mindfulness
awareness and Buddhist more philosophy
uh finding foundation in
gratitude and then develop
confidence like you have
brilliantly delivered your
ted talk you are such a
role model and my
inspiration now and so
(21:40):
blessed to the god that you after now I'm
uh done with phd I will be
back and you cannot get rid
of me because I'm so proud
to announce you are my ted
mentor oh my god I'm so so
proud I'm really really
blessed that god loves me in
give me such blessings such
(22:01):
gifts I mean persons like
you into my life but if we
are looking back about um
my aspiration and again
about commitments and
taking responsibility when
we are grown-ups there are
always two ways or search
their explanation I don't
know who can be guilty in
your life and many unfortunately
(22:25):
don't know poor souls grown
up person they kind of
stuck in this pittiness for
themselves and they are
always coming back to maybe
a country or system or
parents or close
circumstances that it was
so many years during maybe
even teenager years and
when we really evolve and
develop but again if we're
(22:47):
talking about that yes of
course it is the
kind of ground for how we
evolve and develop
ourselves but maybe at that
time we could not change
much because we didn't know
how and we didn't have many
choices and and basically
(23:08):
it was careful for us
because we were kids or
maybe teenagers right and
we we were dependable on
the situation and grown-up persons and
but now we can do that
because now it's us who
take the decision every
single day how to approach
every single decision right
(23:28):
and we have to be
responsible those grown up
persons who we are today right so
it was the interview between twins,
two brothers, probably, I don't know,
maybe I have mentioned during our podcast,
but anyway,
I can repeat this story a little bit,
(23:52):
that it was twins, two sons,
and they were interviewed,
and the same interviewer
asked first one twin brother, because he
has achieved so much in
business and um has created
beautiful family career and
community engagements
(24:13):
helped so many people and
on philanthropic domains as
well and he was asked why
actually what was the
motive inspiration he said
yes because the
role model of the family he
has been experienced father
was alcoholic and it was a
lot of abuse he never
wanted to be as the father
(24:33):
and his main goal was to
create first of all family
very strong family to
protect his own kids and
also to help so much to
community and society that
other kids or other people
should not experience the
same pain and then it was
the twin brother
(24:53):
he has unfortunately lost a
lot he also became addicted
to alcohol and he couldn't
create the family and of
course nothing really
achievable in the career
and it was the same
question to him from the
interview why he became
like that and he said yes
due to the childhood and
his father because father
was like that and it was
(25:14):
abusive childhood and it
was the role model and then
of course who else who could
be he's he like has
mentioned right but again
like you and me we know we
have been on those ways we
have experienced the same
childhood right and we
could you and me also
choose the path just
(25:35):
feeling so much pain pity and just
to proceed that it's kind of also harm.
It's like the generational
pain further and further, right?
Because then we already
carry the stamp of being
role model for you, for your daughter, me,
for my kids, right?
And they can watch us and believe, oh,
(25:57):
but life is like that.
It's actually the pattern
how we should become or, I don't know,
approach and deal every single day.
for me when I saw those kids
somehow I don't know I saw
and I understood that there
are two ways like staring
(26:18):
them at the orphanage and
feeling like so completely
hopelessness oh they're
also or just to choose oh
they sometimes even somebody
uh have worse and then feel
kind of better myself I'm
at least not in the
orphanage but I felt like
oh my god somebody really
need help and they even
(26:39):
they even are in worse
situation than myself,
but if I have something bad,
at least freedom, at least my mom,
at least I'm studying, I can work,
I can do that, and that, and that,
and then come and help, right,
and then one day how it shifted,
but I understood very much,
perseverance and commitment
and discipline, nothing is happening
(27:02):
by the magical result for
one day it's not I do
believe in magic and fairy
tales of course but I know
dreams don't work until you
don't work right you have
to do it every single day
little bit little steps
little steps little steps
and sometimes it's not
linear as well it's like
this and especially when I
(27:23):
got my first ocd
a very severe episode and I
had no idea I it was ocd
because it was a long long
way before I got this
diagnosis because again I
made in soviet for us it
was taboo it was
stigmatization even to put
into your mind that you can
have mental problems
(27:45):
because just always it
starts from yourself how
you talk to yourself right
then you should be in
silence and suddenly you should
talk to your voice and hear
that I'm not well and what
what what actually is
happening to me first of
all it's so scary to
acknowledge to yourself that
(28:05):
you are not okay because
the whole system all the
time say it's a shame uh
it's a taboo to be not okay
that you have diabetes okay
it's not okay or you have
broken your leg or you have
heart disease of course
it's it's painful and you
are afraid but it's not so
(28:26):
that related and connected with your um
like, you know,
self-esteem and what kind
of person you are, right?
Especially in my country,
still now it's better.
In Ukraine, of course, but at that time,
even it was fifteen years ago,
even in Ukraine, even for me,
I didn't know how, first of all,
to talk to myself,
that I felt that I had some
(28:48):
mental problems.
And it took many, many months.
I could open after actually
being okay with, yes, I do have it.
to talk to even my mother or
the people like really
close to me right and then
they got the reaction from
them and then to get help I
really was aware that I
(29:10):
need help I needed help I'm
not okay wow so I mean all the time
from our childhood towards
today you and me we have
discussed that really it's
actually about responsible
choices and the whole whole
your beautiful talk it's
(29:30):
actually choice is not just
towards how you are today
or tomorrow just some like
you know selectively um
episodes or actions okay
it's a holistic approach you have to
To admit that everything what has built,
(29:52):
created, molded you yesterday,
ten years ago,
today and tomorrow is the
same person and you have
then probably to find the new shift,
the new way of approach and
the whole your life.
If it didn't work,
you understood there is
something wrong and I'm not happy, I'm...
(30:13):
I'm depressed and I've been
there really in black hole of my life.
So,
so close to self-suicidal attempts and
really intuitive.
So that's so, so scary.
I've been all these ways, right?
So you understand that
there's something wrong and
not just five minutes or ten minutes.
(30:34):
You have to deal with it and
you have to find a new way to cope.
And I'm so, so grateful that
as you have beautiful found
also the way just look at
you such amazing start to
even two and a half years
ago and look at you the
person again you have been
(30:55):
there now but it's the same
person I love the idea that
you are worshiping the
holistic gratitude
foundation for who you are
becoming every single moment
even when you're talking
now because I said you're
you're my teacher in every
now interactions I'm trying
to approach it's my
learning it's my lesson I'm
(31:16):
grateful for every single
interaction and I'm always
open to learning even
through the I don't know
construct constructive I
don't even call it
criticism it's still
learning it's the whole way now of
knowledge I can acquire and
use them instead of before
it was because I was
suffering from so self low
(31:38):
esteem so anyway anything people
could like reflect, deliberate with me.
I always took so personally
and it was always like, you know,
attacked in me, like I'm not good enough.
It was all the time,
especially when I got mental problems,
right?
So you feel like you want to
hide from the whole society.
(31:58):
You feel so much shame.
You're not good enough.
You are not worth it.
Everybody much better than you.
And also for me was like that, that, ah,
okay, of course, because...
Actually,
it should be with the person like
me because of this
childhood and you kind of
start and believe that you
really worth this pain.
(32:20):
Because all this good life,
it's not for you.
It's for all the people, but not for you.
You are not good enough.
You actually don't deserve this good life,
right?
You and I are like sisters
separated on different continents.
It is incredible, truly.
You know,
this is why I created the GRASP method.
(32:42):
So you hit on it exactly right.
You first have to find the
gratitude in any situation that you're in,
right?
And then you have to take
responsibility and you use
that word a bunch of times.
It's about responsibility
for the choices that you make.
But then you also said that
It's an incremental thing.
(33:03):
You need to take action and
you need to be consistent at it.
And then beyond that,
it's a visualization of the
outcome that you want.
Who is that person that you
want to become?
And stepping into that
person gradually through
good choices every single
day and all the time having
(33:25):
gratitude and letting that
be your anchor.
And then your living proof is
that at the end of this rainbow,
you can find your purpose
and align with it.
And it doesn't matter for
anybody that's listening.
It doesn't matter where you came from.
It doesn't matter what
you've been through.
(33:47):
Val and I have had similar
upbringings to a certain extent,
similar life experiences.
And despite what the outside looked like,
what was on the inside was insecurity,
was a
found lack of self-confidence,
low sense of self-worth,
diminished view of
ourselves where we wanted
(34:08):
to hide from people, right?
And this is important
because a lot of people
will look at you on the outside and say,
that's not possible.
How could she have low confidence?
Or people look at me and say
the same thing.
But the reality is,
is that confidence is a
learned skill that we develop over time.
(34:29):
And
Honestly,
it's really crucial to start with
that foundation of
gratitude and starting with the past,
having great gratitude for
your past experiences and
what made you you because
you're so right.
There are other people that
have had it worse than us, right?
And I do believe that at any point in time,
(34:53):
there's somebody that would
trade places with any of us in a minute,
right?
And there's so much to be
grateful for right there.
And that's why I say to look
around and find people who are in need.
You know,
sometimes people just need a word
of encouragement.
Sometimes people just need to be told, hey,
you're really special.
That idea that you had was
(35:14):
really interesting.
I like that.
Or you know what?
You're so smart.
Or just anything.
Because I do believe this.
Some people have never had a fan.
Somebody have never had somebody...
believe in them and if you
can be that change in that
person's life to be their
(35:35):
biggest fan when nobody
else is counting on them
especially themselves you
might just change that
person's life so powerful
it is so powerful because
you know there's so many women
you know,
that are listening to this
podcast right now and men, right?
(35:57):
Because we know that
according to psychology today,
this is something I said in my TEDx talk,
eighty five percent of the
world's global population
suffers from low self-esteem.
Doesn't matter what you look like,
what you've been through.
Most of the world has this issue.
And there's people that are saying,
you know what?
I resonate with that,
but it's really hard.
(36:18):
It's really hard.
I feel stuck.
I don't know what to do next.
Do you have a good piece of advice?
Maybe it's just one piece of
advice for somebody that
feels where you were ten years ago,
five years ago,
whenever that was when you
felt like you were at your lowest point.
Do you have some advice for that person?
(36:40):
What a beautiful reflection again.
Thank you so much.
And I think it's crucial.
It's so important question.
And we cannot deny that this
actually can make so great
ripple effect because healing,
(37:03):
it's a process, it's a practice.
Healing doesn't happen during one day,
night, even one month,
even not sometimes just during one year.
But healing stories, we are talking,
discussing role models, actions,
(37:25):
encouragement, motivations,
support and being a friend
by persons like you and me
are very contagious.
And healing process happens in not linear,
in ways.
We have to...
(37:45):
first of all, talk about practice.
That's why meditation, healing, it's, it,
It's somehow called not perfection,
not action, it's practice.
Meditate and practice.
Gratitude, practice, right?
(38:06):
Because it's like a muscle.
More often you practice it,
it becomes stronger and stronger.
So for me, first of all, person never,
never, ever should give up.
It's true because...
(38:27):
we are so complicated we
live in so so fast-paced
complicated world we are
bombarded by so many
different sources of
information and especially
social media that are unfortunately give
a special visual content
(38:49):
platform like Instagram,
unfortunately not authentic pictures.
It's curated, filtered,
masked lives and extended
of other persons.
We automatically compare ourselves,
which actually are not true.
Why?
should be like that why then
before posting one picture
(39:13):
we take hundreds of them
because we are choosing
right the perfect one and
one why then we post when
we always I don't know
makeup pampered smiled
whatever is it life like
that I'm always now trying
to even reflect with my
teenager girls right because
(39:35):
There are so,
so many traps everywhere for
person who really struggle
with self-esteem.
And the first is actually comparison,
right?
Comparing with other person.
And like you and me have
been talking before we
start practicing gratitude.
First,
maybe in the morning was taking the
phone and start like scrolling.
(39:55):
And then you already signed
the worst contract for your
being for the whole day.
Because there is always
somebody who look like
have all this perfect life,
which you probably also believe that, oh,
if I was the person like that,
I would never experience that pain,
which I'm experiencing now.
But there is so no true.
(40:16):
You can watch my Instagram now.
Somebody's Instagram now.
I'm even joking with my kids.
Do you know the person on
Instagram and your mom?
Is this the same person?
No, right?
Because there is like almost
at least even I try to be open actually.
And there are says about my
OCD and all that.
But anyway, our brain like, you know,
(40:38):
three seconds visual content.
We just eat it and immediately...
make all these fake
scenarios so what I would
probably give the advice to
start somewhere and never
never give up because
healing process you can always
from maybe the lowest point
in your life now,
(40:59):
it's always been already just to wake up,
to evolve, to develop, to feel better.
There are so many ways,
which is actually different kind of tools,
which really can help to
the specific person.
But I mean,
perseverance that if you try
(41:20):
it one day two day three
days even one week it
doesn't help like
affirmations or practice
and gratitude or meditation
yes it doesn't but discipline but even
that you have decided to do
something for yourself and
you have decided to be
(41:40):
disciplined and committed
to yourself can grow your
self-esteem and
self-confidence because
self-confidence also are is
based on self-trust and if
you practice self-trust
just by single action let's
do like you have agreement
(42:00):
or you make promise to
yourself that this day you would
It can be so small, tiny things,
but by these bricks, right, by puzzles,
we are building self-confidence.
Let's start with self-trust.
Just easy, okay?
Tomorrow or today,
I make agreement with
myself that I will be
(42:20):
acting or doing this thing.
And you do that.
And you do next day and the day after.
Oh, my God.
You can take it from you
because it's how you're building a bit,
a bit, a bit self-trust.
Oh, my gosh.
This is amazing foundation
for self-confidence, right?
(42:43):
Oh, amen to that.
And if you put in this menu,
in this ingredient,
also being already grateful, right?
for actually your commitment
for you have promised to
yourself you have done that
right you every single day
start building this
self-trust and of course
(43:03):
you can you can totally
legitimately be grateful to
yourself for all these
actions right oh my gosh
yes yes yes yes yes yes so then it's
yes it may be first day
you're like oh this is a
ridiculous thing like you
know this is so but but
okay but you do that you do
that second day third day
(43:25):
for and one week and then
suddenly one week you
understand seven times
seven times you have proved
to yourself your self-trust
and you you've been
grateful for that right and
gratitude always grounds you
But self-trust and esteem is
the place where it can
start by being more and more self-trust,
(43:48):
more and more strong.
start confidently move you
towards the new person and
that no no no one can take
it from you right because
you actually do it with
yourself your commitment
and your self-trust and
it's quiet and if actually
you are building and
building that practicing by
(44:11):
if you just maybe put like
you know small note here
like self-trust muscle
right and every single day
it can be like okay every
morning I can wake up and
And he'll sunrise.
And just because you promised yourself,
maybe it's, it's funny.
It's ridiculous.
What, but you promised yourself and now,
you know, Oh my God,
(44:31):
I promised myself next time I will do.
This is my,
this is my relationship with
myself because this is the
most important relationship
you can build is ourself.
Right.
This is how we found each
other because like attracts,
like it really is.
I preach about this.
I preach about this.
Honor the commitments.
to yourself,
(44:52):
honor commitments that you
make to other people.
I've seen it time and time and time again.
It's the little things.
If you tell somebody, hey,
I'm going to email you, email them.
Just do it.
If you tell somebody,
I'm going to leave a review
for their whatever it is, do it.
If you tell somebody, tell yourself,
(45:12):
I'm going to work out today, do it.
And every time you tell
yourself you're going to do
something and then you do it,
It is achieving a goal that you have set.
And goals are addictive.
Let that be your dopamine,
not social media scrolling.
But let your dopamine come
(45:32):
from hitting a small goal.
Even if it's hitting the gym,
watching the sunset and saying,
you know what, I'm going to do this.
Honoring a friend and
showing your friend support
and love or another
business or starting something.
If you say you're going to write a book,
every single day commit to doing it.
(45:53):
And if you do this,
you're going to crush every
single goal that you have.
And you know what else?
You're going to become
unstoppably confident
because it's something that you own now.
And you're, you know,
keeping this commitment to
yourself and others.
I think that is so powerful.
I do want to leave us with
(46:14):
something before you tell
everybody where the best
places to find you at are.
Because I know everybody's
going to want to connect
with you because you're
such an inspiration.
Thank you so, so much.
On our podcast.
So when I was on your podcast,
you asked me such a cool
question at the end.
(46:34):
exactly ah you met my vice
president yeah my vice
president oh my god she is
the best ever which uh
she's so committed because
she is always doing what
actually she promises you
know yes nobody can beat
that like even from aladdin
play I have a little bit
sustainable version just
one wish because we want to
(46:55):
save the whole humankind
but yes of course and I
remember it it's so cool
about wisdom right because
you've been the same person
the second day was the same
wish yes you asked me on
your podcast you said if
you had one wish what would
it be and I thought about
it for a moment and I said
well you know uh king
(47:17):
solomon asked for wisdom so
I'm gonna ask for the same
thing so I would love to
turn the tables on you a
little bit and ask you the
same question you asked me
if you could give have one wish
and there's a lot, what would it be?
Amazing.
Then I actually can probably
(47:38):
be the continuation of Sid
and King Solomon and everybody else.
We actually were joking, you and me,
because I showed my
manifestation reminder
because I'm working a lot with my hands.
I do a lot of gardening.
It's my meditation.
Of course, when I'm typing PhD,
(47:59):
but also I do a lot of...
pictures um with pearls like
it was before cross
stitching pictures but now
I'm using the small pearls
and pearl stitching and
then I'm using a lot my
fingers and you know our
brain it scans all the time
when you are watching and
(48:20):
that's why I made last year
after a big retreat and I
became also professional
mindfulness kriya yoga and um
meditation instructor so I
decided to make even more
manifestation and here on
my fourth tattoos this is
(48:40):
namaste this is breeding of
course everything starts
from breeding what we are
doing first in our breath
and second last and
everything of course you
should you shall act and
approach with love and this awakening
enlightening like from
buddha and this is from
(49:00):
king salomon it's
everything shall pass right
and uh you know that he was
such a wise he was such a
gem because first of all
when you can hear like
everything shall pass yes
okay so so what so but this
is the beauty asian beauty
(49:20):
which actually when I'm
watching of course then
every single day when I wash in my hands
this manifestation and then
I understand and it's for
me also it's back to
gratitude right so because
actually everything shall
pass it means whether you
are really down now it's
it's the this dark this
(49:44):
infinite hole which kind of
susan you and you don't see
that much light of
forward in the tunnel so
then the best probably hope
the best message you can
get and put into your mind
that everything shall pass
everything even this
(50:05):
scarcity and this uh pain
especially now in ukraine
when I'm talking supporting
a lot of my friends they
are serving my country they
especially my city they
don't want to leave they
could live many many times
but they're especially staying there to
the hope to give next
generation ukrainian and
(50:26):
the whole liberty and
democratic generation for
in our world so everything
shall pass even they try to
remember that and
the whole every metal has
two sides right and when
you experience also this
magical butterfly spirit in
your life which I'm
(50:48):
actually wishing you your
audience and my listeners
of course we would like
them to be more often but
then again sometimes we
should still be reminded
that everything shall pass
even those beautiful
butterflies in stomach periods
(51:08):
shall pass it well but then
you can feel double triple
ten times more gratitude at
the moment that you
experience them right
that's right that's right
that's my wish that every
single person can maybe
also have some small I
don't know because here
(51:29):
where I'm sitting now like
small notes you can see like
details okay from my kids
or from it's from orphanage
when I adopted kids or
small details which
manifestation right so so
before it was here also
everything shall pass but
now I have in my hands on
my fingers so maybe the one
(51:49):
wish I would wrap up today that
person, or even like, you know,
King Solomon,
then immediately will be no reconnection,
never new trial to
everything shared past and
wisdom you have shared.
So it would be my, um,
my wish for our listeners
(52:10):
today that please never give up really.
If you have that pain, reach out to me.
reach out to Tara,
reach out to many of my
friends now they're also in
support system of mine
because they know I'm still OCD,
I'm still very dependable
(52:31):
on like we are
unfortunately of external
terms and I'm still
experience war especially in
my city so I have that
system and now I'm so happy
you are my friend that I
I'm sure that one day if
I'm not like that I have no
maybe that much energy even
(52:51):
to put some lipstick I can
always call you in my piece
of tar you know I need to
talk to you I need now you
to be my muscle strand and
supportive I I'm struggling
now it's not like I'm
healed and I'm healed like
I said it's like this right
always to know that
And relate to us that we're all human.
We have ups and downs.
But everything shall pass.
(53:14):
Everything shall pass.
I love that.
Where are the best places to
connect with you online, my friend?
Yes,
there are some platforms which I'm
more active now,
before actually I'm leaving the PhD,
maybe I will be more focused after that.
Please welcome to find
(53:34):
Diversity is the Game Changer podcast.
It's on YouTube and I
started out on the summit on Spotify.
I have to be more disciplined.
I have to put it to myself, self-trust,
which I preached.
and do that but yes youtube
then linkedin then it's
(53:56):
valeria yes it's actually
where you and me have met
each other yeah yes and
instagram it's the same
valeria yes uh there are
also some links to my
podcast diversity is the
game changer and to tara if
you even if you somehow forget
(54:17):
please reach out to Tara.
We now also in another community together,
we already exchanging our community.
We also already exchanging our friends.
So somehow we always be happy to help you,
right?
Not sorry, right Tara?
That's right.
I love that.
(54:37):
Well,
it has been an absolute pleasure
interviewing you today and
thank you so much for being a guest.
Thank you for everyone who
tuned into this episode of
Grasp Confidence Podcast, guys.
My big takeaway is this.
It doesn't matter where you came from.
All that matters is that you
believe where you are going.
(55:00):
And anybody can achieve that.
We all have that power and inner capacity.
It starts with gratitude and
keeping commitments and
promises to yourself.
Guys,
I will catch you on the next episode.
Don't forget to like.
Follow, subscribe,
share this with your audiences,
and leave a review on Apple or Spotify.
(55:21):
We will catch you on the next episode.
Take care.
Hey everyone,
welcome to Grasp Confidence Podcast.
I'm your host, Tara Lafon-Gooch.
Today's guest is Valeria Yatanes,
a dynamic thought leader
and advocate at the
forefront of innovation, inclusion,
and sustainable leadership.
Valeria holds a master's degree in finance,
knowledge management,
(00:47):
and innovation management.
She's probably one of the
smartest people I know, really.
Oh, my gosh.
She's currently pursuing a
PhD at the Norwegian
University of Science and Technology,
and her groundbreaking
research explores diversity
management and industrial
sustainable projects with a
(01:07):
focus on gender, cultural,
and neurodiversity.
Through global interviews
and practical frameworks,
Valeria helps organizations
elevate their
sustainability by embedding
real effective diversity strategies.
As an OCD neurodivergent leader herself,
(01:30):
she's also a passionate
mental health advocate.
This episode is a must
listen for anyone ready to
lead with more awareness, innovation,
and impact.
Let's get into it.
Valeria, welcome to the show, my friend.
Oh my God, my friend.
Now you made me really, really happy.
(01:50):
Feeling so special.
Thank you so much for invitation,
for hosting me today and
for giving me this
spectacular introduction.
I almost felt the goosebumps
when you gave me this
Magnificent title,
one of the most smartest.
Thank you so, so much.
(02:12):
I still appreciate that opportunity,
how we could elaborate deeply, you and me,
during me hosting you in my show.
And from the very first second,
we could align our vibrations, energy.
And I'm sure that by this
conversation number,
number just still the
(02:33):
beginning of the friendship
we can make more ripple
effect so thank you so much
for being uh today with us
I hope you can get um
knowledgeable insights and
always very important also
a lot of fun because we we
do still have so much used
(02:55):
to have fun while we are
join to all our activity
right being present and
have nice mood so thank you
I'm looking forward yeah
absolutely well I didn't
say in your intro that
you're one of the most
beautiful women I know too
so you know she's got it
all she's a podcaster she's
(03:17):
getting her phd she reads
books constantly
She's gorgeous.
When I think of you,
I think of somebody that
really has it together.
Somebody that is checking
all the boxes of what we
want for in life and what
we shoot for in success.
(03:39):
This show is really geared
toward gaining confidence,
becoming the best version of yourself.
personal development,
becoming a high achieving leader.
These are aspirational goals
for a lot of people.
And you have really figured
out how to achieve the
(04:01):
levels of success that a
lot of people are searching for.
Now,
you're originally from the Ukraine and
now you live in Norway.
Hopefully you'll make it to
the States eventually.
Absolutely.
What an incredible life and adventure.
I would I would love for you
to take us back a little
bit in time because we know
(04:21):
what you're working on today.
But I would love for you to
just take us back a little
bit to when you first got started.
Why was you know,
you're pursuing all of
these degrees and this Ph.D.
Why was this important to you to pursue?
Thank you so much again for
(04:42):
giving us so many credits.
First of all, it can already describe me,
I do hope, as a really diversified person,
which I'm making empirical
and theoretical research of.
But of course, by making a deep research,
(05:03):
have to be so genuinely
interested in diversity and
diversity of thoughts of
actions and you should
present really diversified
personality yourself which
I believe all my life i
(05:27):
I've been really interested
in many different traditions of thoughts,
of attitudes, of, let's say,
ethnic underground and
cultures and religions.
If we go really backwards,
(05:49):
where I was made in Soviet,
as I'm calling sometimes,
like make it a little bit funny,
it was of course like
everybody could experience
in their childhood ups and downs.
My childhood was really
impacted by some adversities,
(06:10):
which made really deep impact on me,
on my personality,
Thank you.
it was actually influenced
more by scarcity than abundance.
And it was not that much
focus in Soviet era to put
focus on yourself,
on your interest in order
(06:31):
or personal growth,
or actually everything what
was connected with
individuality was eliminated.
You had to just serve the system.
It was the purpose to be the
bricks of this big system,
but you should not be really like,
you know,
shown often to persevere
your goals or your dreams
and it was never talk about
(06:52):
actually you being
different and to be
interested in something
different you should be
equal but not like equal
you should have equal
rights but you should not
put your nose out of the
crowd you should be like
everybody else you know and
also when I was a kid my
father he was addicted to alcohol and he
(07:17):
I do believe still,
I feel very pity that this
disease actually injured so
many men in the Soviet
after the Second World War and many,
many other political and
economical situations,
(07:38):
which put probably mostly
our men in very difficult situations.
So I never was really judging.
Because I was never actually in his shoes,
I can be just in my shoes
and I can't just kind of
imagine why it was so hard.
Maybe it was his way to tackle,
to cope with the demons he
(07:58):
had at that time.
Anyway,
I'm trying to be grateful for him
being him.
been participating producing
me and giving all this
experience to me because
without even that I would
never be who I am today and
we are going to us talk
more elaborate about the
feeling of gratitude right
(08:19):
and our gratitude to our
past not just who we are
and who we actually never
ending masterpiece
who is building by ourselves today.
So, but anyway,
even being in Soviet system,
being in a school where
(08:40):
everybody kind of the same,
have the same uniform,
should have the same values, goals,
and just should be taught
by system what you are allowed to aspire,
just to be useful bricks in
somebody big system.
So for me, it was, I was quite of,
maybe rebelling already at that time.
(09:02):
I always wanted more and
kind of not just wanted more for myself,
but I saw already very
early in my age that my mom,
she was struggling and
suffering from the
situation she was put on
due to divorce and very
hard economical situation.
So I started even then helping her very,
(09:25):
much from the young age by
being active first of all
to do my commitment my
commitments um when I was a
very good student but I
also wanted to help him and
I began working like from
twelve thirteen years very
much and I tried to be very
attentive of what kind of
(09:47):
person she was even there
because maybe the
economical situation was not
that you can could envy
that's uh that's for sure
but my mom she always had
enough time attention love
and care to me and time to
speak and reflect and she
always taught me from the
(10:08):
very young age that yes
maybe today we don't have
that much of material
things which actually can
be earned can be
uh taking giving away taken
away from you very easily
like now you know you
mentioned already from
ukraine and uh we know as
not many other people like
(10:30):
in real life that you can
collect materialistic thing
all your life and now for
five minutes how it has
happened with my family
because we live in person
it's the first territory
all the things we have been
collecting by very hard job the whole
life they are bombed away
they are taken away five
minutes that you have
(10:50):
nothing but what you really
really can cultivate
practice through your life
in your heart in your soul
in your head nobody can
take it from you right
especially hope and
gratitude so my mom she was
like that even from I
remember her she always
tried to point out for me
this mentality of gratitude and like
(11:14):
Valeria,
she had very nice motto that by taking,
you can feel your hands, by giving,
you can feel your heart.
Try all the time in your life,
be the person who would like to feel,
to fulfill your heart, not your hands.
So maybe this mindset,
which of course was already
different from probably many others,
(11:36):
or I don't know,
maybe I was more than them.
kind of focused on that what
can I do also how can I be
helpful to my mom first of
all and to the community
and to the people who were
surrounding me and actually not just them
(12:01):
And then you had to think differently.
So this mindset about be a
giver without actually
expecting to get something
back immediately,
because then it's not genius,
then it's not being great for health,
then it's pure business,
which is also okay,
but then we are talking
about another domain, right?
So, I mean,
(12:21):
this mindset and my mom being a
great role model for me because she also,
she was not always just talking,
she was talking and, you know,
being a role model and
acting like that because we
know I'm parent myself now
and you're a parent and we know that kids,
we can talk,
(12:42):
we can tell them whatever they want,
but they will be copying
exactly what we are doing.
and if there is no matching
it's mismatching so then
it's not uh eligible right
then we and my mom she was like that she
taught me something and every single day,
even special in small details,
he showed me how to treat people,
(13:04):
how to handle situation,
how approach this life.
And I'm very,
very grateful to her for this.
So I'm trying to,
I was trying to take you a
little bit backwards and it
was probably the most
impactful aspect which
influenced me and my young age.
(13:27):
and then the university the
first degree which I took
in ukraine um every single
day I walked by special
orphanage because we didn't
have that much money for
actually collective
transport I tried to save
money and I was walking like two hundred
(13:49):
not miles,
but kilometers every day to the
gymnasium first,
and I passed by a special orphanage.
It was already not Soviet,
but very early after Soviet
was still the same standards.
And I could watch every
single day twice those special babies.
It was special orphanage for
(14:09):
sick babies from zero until three years.
And it was so sad, depressive picture,
like everything was gray and assaulted,
no colors, no toys.
All of them,
they just had the same outfits, garments,
which should be and worn and used.
And many of them, like, you know,
(14:29):
it was so,
I still remember these pictures,
you know?
And one day I was staying
there staring at them, understood that,
okay,
I probably have nothing much to left
over from,
what I can do at that time,
and maybe I need still help,
but one day I will be working,
(14:51):
hardly studying,
hardly achieving my goals,
and I have to be back,
I have to make real impact, and...
first of all,
to become in myself and
hopefully not forgetting
all this habits and
traditions and norms my mom taught me.
(15:12):
And we'll be back to my small city,
coming back to this
orphanage and do something
really special.
I wanted to help like
economically and develop this place.
But also I decided that time
that I need to do something more.
I need to save at least a
couple of destinies that
they're not going through what
I was going through.
(15:34):
Wow.
And a lot.
That's a lot to unpack there, you know,
and just for everybody who's listening.
So you grew up
in the Ukraine.
Father was an alcoholic.
Mother was struggling to get by.
Everybody was uniform, the same.
It wasn't encouraged to have
(15:56):
goals or dreams.
Everybody was kind of just the same,
right?
And you didn't want to stand out.
And you couldn't really stand out.
And it almost feels like
when I'm saying this,
it feels like suffocating,
like you're being put in a box.
And then there was...
It sounds like a lot of, you know,
depression kind of level circumstances.
(16:18):
You're talking about this
orphanage in the village,
children not being given opportunities,
and you saw this with your eyes.
And you were living in these circumstances,
but you're such a star.
And I have to say that, right?
So it must not have been easy,
(16:40):
but I love what you said, too,
about that your mother
instilled gratitude in you
and that when you when you take,
you feed your hands.
But when you give, you feed your heart.
That is really, really powerful.
And something that we can all learn from,
regardless of, you know,
our circumstances or the
(17:02):
environment that we're in,
we all have this
opportunity to find
gratitude and to give.
Because, you know,
I've realized that in my own life,
there's always someone else
who's more in need than you are.
Always.
And if we just look around us,
(17:22):
and be observant.
We can find people that have
more of a need than us and
really uplift them.
So what a story, really impactful.
But like I said, you are such a star.
So
You know,
with this war in Ukraine that has
happened, you left the Ukraine,
(17:43):
you now live in Norway,
and now you've gotten all
of these degrees and you're
pursuing more.
I would love for you to tell
us a little bit about why
you made that shift and
transition and decided that
you wanted to be more and
wanted more out of life,
because it's really easy.
(18:05):
to stay where you are.
It's really easy to not move forward.
It's really easy to be like
your environment.
What's not easy is to break
away from the mold and
become the person that you
really want to be.
How did you do that?
Thank you so much.
(18:25):
What a great question.
And first of all,
what a great summarizing and reflection.
And again,
very grateful for your compliments.
You're such a star as well,
and I know that already.
And I knew that from the
very first time we could
even chat without talking.
I knew that from the very first minute.
(18:46):
So thank you, thank you so much.
Yeah, that's correct.
Maybe for somebody it's much
easier to be already in the
box because...
uh you know sometimes people
actually suffer from many
choices to have no choices
(19:09):
it's quite different for
people who want to achieve
something special in their
life but sometimes it's
kind of easy scheme like
okay you have this path
this scheme you can just go
there kind of linear from step to step
Which from one place could
(19:32):
be my life and it was the
life My mom had to leave
but she also broke through
she came from very small village
As well, actually,
we have a big family there.
The whole family, they are still there.
And just my mom,
she was kind of rebellious.
(19:52):
She wanted something more for her,
to give more possibility
for her and for next generations.
But usually, yes,
you have to take choices and then...
if choices are challenging,
you have so many
responsibilities and commitments,
how you should care and
(20:14):
bear and carry those choices, right?
So for me, like I've already mentioned,
maybe it was all the time
the role model of my mom,
but again it's about your
own choice even to choose
the role model your mom or
your father right because I
could also stuck in the
(20:35):
situation of feeling pity
to myself towards myself
and could um the whole life
just judge oh and return
back to the roots that are
due to my childhood and
because my father was like
that I am like that today but we
No, you and me, we have discussed that
(20:58):
it has been influencing and
impacting like of course
this trauma I mean and the
pattern how I approach
different situations many
many years but but still I
knew that I had to break
through I didn't know that
much mechanism I was in the
search maybe the whole life
(21:19):
before I found really
gratitude and mindfulness
awareness and Buddhist more philosophy
uh finding foundation in
gratitude and then develop
confidence like you have
brilliantly delivered your
ted talk you are such a
role model and my
inspiration now and so
(21:40):
blessed to the god that you after now I'm
uh done with phd I will be
back and you cannot get rid
of me because I'm so proud
to announce you are my ted
mentor oh my god I'm so so
proud I'm really really
blessed that god loves me in
give me such blessings such
(22:01):
gifts I mean persons like
you into my life but if we
are looking back about um
my aspiration and again
about commitments and
taking responsibility when
we are grown-ups there are
always two ways or search
their explanation I don't
know who can be guilty in
your life and many unfortunately
(22:25):
don't know poor souls grown
up person they kind of
stuck in this pittiness for
themselves and they are
always coming back to maybe
a country or system or
parents or close
circumstances that it was
so many years during maybe
even teenager years and
when we really evolve and
develop but again if we're
(22:47):
talking about that yes of
course it is the
kind of ground for how we
evolve and develop
ourselves but maybe at that
time we could not change
much because we didn't know
how and we didn't have many
choices and and basically
(23:08):
it was careful for us
because we were kids or
maybe teenagers right and
we we were dependable on
the situation and grown-up persons and
but now we can do that
because now it's us who
take the decision every
single day how to approach
every single decision right
(23:28):
and we have to be
responsible those grown up
persons who we are today right so
it was the interview between twins,
two brothers, probably, I don't know,
maybe I have mentioned during our podcast,
but anyway,
I can repeat this story a little bit,
(23:52):
that it was twins, two sons,
and they were interviewed,
and the same interviewer
asked first one twin brother, because he
has achieved so much in
business and um has created
beautiful family career and
community engagements
(24:13):
helped so many people and
on philanthropic domains as
well and he was asked why
actually what was the
motive inspiration he said
yes because the
role model of the family he
has been experienced father
was alcoholic and it was a
lot of abuse he never
wanted to be as the father
(24:33):
and his main goal was to
create first of all family
very strong family to
protect his own kids and
also to help so much to
community and society that
other kids or other people
should not experience the
same pain and then it was
the twin brother
(24:53):
he has unfortunately lost a
lot he also became addicted
to alcohol and he couldn't
create the family and of
course nothing really
achievable in the career
and it was the same
question to him from the
interview why he became
like that and he said yes
due to the childhood and
his father because father
was like that and it was
(25:14):
abusive childhood and it
was the role model and then
of course who else who could
be he's he like has
mentioned right but again
like you and me we know we
have been on those ways we
have experienced the same
childhood right and we
could you and me also
choose the path just
(25:35):
feeling so much pain pity and just
to proceed that it's kind of also harm.
It's like the generational
pain further and further, right?
Because then we already
carry the stamp of being
role model for you, for your daughter, me,
for my kids, right?
And they can watch us and believe, oh,
(25:57):
but life is like that.
It's actually the pattern
how we should become or, I don't know,
approach and deal every single day.
for me when I saw those kids
somehow I don't know I saw
and I understood that there
are two ways like staring
(26:18):
them at the orphanage and
feeling like so completely
hopelessness oh they're
also or just to choose oh
they sometimes even somebody
uh have worse and then feel
kind of better myself I'm
at least not in the
orphanage but I felt like
oh my god somebody really
need help and they even
(26:39):
they even are in worse
situation than myself,
but if I have something bad,
at least freedom, at least my mom,
at least I'm studying, I can work,
I can do that, and that, and that,
and then come and help, right,
and then one day how it shifted,
but I understood very much,
perseverance and commitment
and discipline, nothing is happening
(27:02):
by the magical result for
one day it's not I do
believe in magic and fairy
tales of course but I know
dreams don't work until you
don't work right you have
to do it every single day
little bit little steps
little steps little steps
and sometimes it's not
linear as well it's like
this and especially when I
(27:23):
got my first ocd
a very severe episode and I
had no idea I it was ocd
because it was a long long
way before I got this
diagnosis because again I
made in soviet for us it
was taboo it was
stigmatization even to put
into your mind that you can
have mental problems
(27:45):
because just always it
starts from yourself how
you talk to yourself right
then you should be in
silence and suddenly you should
talk to your voice and hear
that I'm not well and what
what what actually is
happening to me first of
all it's so scary to
acknowledge to yourself that
(28:05):
you are not okay because
the whole system all the
time say it's a shame uh
it's a taboo to be not okay
that you have diabetes okay
it's not okay or you have
broken your leg or you have
heart disease of course
it's it's painful and you
are afraid but it's not so
(28:26):
that related and connected with your um
like, you know,
self-esteem and what kind
of person you are, right?
Especially in my country,
still now it's better.
In Ukraine, of course, but at that time,
even it was fifteen years ago,
even in Ukraine, even for me,
I didn't know how, first of all,
to talk to myself,
that I felt that I had some
(28:48):
mental problems.
And it took many, many months.
I could open after actually
being okay with, yes, I do have it.
to talk to even my mother or
the people like really
close to me right and then
they got the reaction from
them and then to get help I
really was aware that I
(29:10):
need help I needed help I'm
not okay wow so I mean all the time
from our childhood towards
today you and me we have
discussed that really it's
actually about responsible
choices and the whole whole
your beautiful talk it's
(29:30):
actually choice is not just
towards how you are today
or tomorrow just some like
you know selectively um
episodes or actions okay
it's a holistic approach you have to
To admit that everything what has built,
(29:52):
created, molded you yesterday,
ten years ago,
today and tomorrow is the
same person and you have
then probably to find the new shift,
the new way of approach and
the whole your life.
If it didn't work,
you understood there is
something wrong and I'm not happy, I'm...
(30:13):
I'm depressed and I've been
there really in black hole of my life.
So,
so close to self-suicidal attempts and
really intuitive.
So that's so, so scary.
I've been all these ways, right?
So you understand that
there's something wrong and
not just five minutes or ten minutes.
(30:34):
You have to deal with it and
you have to find a new way to cope.
And I'm so, so grateful that
as you have beautiful found
also the way just look at
you such amazing start to
even two and a half years
ago and look at you the
person again you have been
(30:55):
there now but it's the same
person I love the idea that
you are worshiping the
holistic gratitude
foundation for who you are
becoming every single moment
even when you're talking
now because I said you're
you're my teacher in every
now interactions I'm trying
to approach it's my
learning it's my lesson I'm
(31:16):
grateful for every single
interaction and I'm always
open to learning even
through the I don't know
construct constructive I
don't even call it
criticism it's still
learning it's the whole way now of
knowledge I can acquire and
use them instead of before
it was because I was
suffering from so self low
(31:38):
esteem so anyway anything people
could like reflect, deliberate with me.
I always took so personally
and it was always like, you know,
attacked in me, like I'm not good enough.
It was all the time,
especially when I got mental problems,
right?
So you feel like you want to
hide from the whole society.
(31:58):
You feel so much shame.
You're not good enough.
You are not worth it.
Everybody much better than you.
And also for me was like that, that, ah,
okay, of course, because...
Actually,
it should be with the person like
me because of this
childhood and you kind of
start and believe that you
really worth this pain.
(32:20):
Because all this good life,
it's not for you.
It's for all the people, but not for you.
You are not good enough.
You actually don't deserve this good life,
right?
You and I are like sisters
separated on different continents.
It is incredible, truly.
You know,
this is why I created the GRASP method.
(32:42):
So you hit on it exactly right.
You first have to find the
gratitude in any situation that you're in,
right?
And then you have to take
responsibility and you use
that word a bunch of times.
It's about responsibility
for the choices that you make.
But then you also said that
It's an incremental thing.
(33:03):
You need to take action and
you need to be consistent at it.
And then beyond that,
it's a visualization of the
outcome that you want.
Who is that person that you
want to become?
And stepping into that
person gradually through
good choices every single
day and all the time having
(33:25):
gratitude and letting that
be your anchor.
And then your living proof is
that at the end of this rainbow,
you can find your purpose
and align with it.
And it doesn't matter for
anybody that's listening.
It doesn't matter where you came from.
It doesn't matter what
you've been through.
(33:47):
Val and I have had similar
upbringings to a certain extent,
similar life experiences.
And despite what the outside looked like,
what was on the inside was insecurity,
was a
found lack of self-confidence,
low sense of self-worth,
diminished view of
ourselves where we wanted
(34:08):
to hide from people, right?
And this is important
because a lot of people
will look at you on the outside and say,
that's not possible.
How could she have low confidence?
Or people look at me and say
the same thing.
But the reality is,
is that confidence is a
learned skill that we develop over time.
(34:29):
And
Honestly,
it's really crucial to start with
that foundation of
gratitude and starting with the past,
having great gratitude for
your past experiences and
what made you you because
you're so right.
There are other people that
have had it worse than us, right?
And I do believe that at any point in time,
(34:53):
there's somebody that would
trade places with any of us in a minute,
right?
And there's so much to be
grateful for right there.
And that's why I say to look
around and find people who are in need.
You know,
sometimes people just need a word
of encouragement.
Sometimes people just need to be told, hey,
you're really special.
That idea that you had was
(35:14):
really interesting.
I like that.
Or you know what?
You're so smart.
Or just anything.
Because I do believe this.
Some people have never had a fan.
Somebody have never had somebody...
believe in them and if you
can be that change in that
person's life to be their
(35:35):
biggest fan when nobody
else is counting on them
especially themselves you
might just change that
person's life so powerful
it is so powerful because
you know there's so many women
you know,
that are listening to this
podcast right now and men, right?
(35:57):
Because we know that
according to psychology today,
this is something I said in my TEDx talk,
eighty five percent of the
world's global population
suffers from low self-esteem.
Doesn't matter what you look like,
what you've been through.
Most of the world has this issue.
And there's people that are saying,
you know what?
I resonate with that,
but it's really hard.
(36:18):
It's really hard.
I feel stuck.
I don't know what to do next.
Do you have a good piece of advice?
Maybe it's just one piece of
advice for somebody that
feels where you were ten years ago,
five years ago,
whenever that was when you
felt like you were at your lowest point.
Do you have some advice for that person?
(36:40):
What a beautiful reflection again.
Thank you so much.
And I think it's crucial.
It's so important question.
And we cannot deny that this
actually can make so great
ripple effect because healing,
(37:03):
it's a process, it's a practice.
Healing doesn't happen during one day,
night, even one month,
even not sometimes just during one year.
But healing stories, we are talking,
discussing role models, actions,
(37:25):
encouragement, motivations,
support and being a friend
by persons like you and me
are very contagious.
And healing process happens in not linear,
in ways.
We have to...
(37:45):
first of all, talk about practice.
That's why meditation, healing, it's, it,
It's somehow called not perfection,
not action, it's practice.
Meditate and practice.
Gratitude, practice, right?
(38:06):
Because it's like a muscle.
More often you practice it,
it becomes stronger and stronger.
So for me, first of all, person never,
never, ever should give up.
It's true because...
(38:27):
we are so complicated we
live in so so fast-paced
complicated world we are
bombarded by so many
different sources of
information and especially
social media that are unfortunately give
a special visual content
(38:49):
platform like Instagram,
unfortunately not authentic pictures.
It's curated, filtered,
masked lives and extended
of other persons.
We automatically compare ourselves,
which actually are not true.
Why?
should be like that why then
before posting one picture
(39:13):
we take hundreds of them
because we are choosing
right the perfect one and
one why then we post when
we always I don't know
makeup pampered smiled
whatever is it life like
that I'm always now trying
to even reflect with my
teenager girls right because
(39:35):
There are so,
so many traps everywhere for
person who really struggle
with self-esteem.
And the first is actually comparison,
right?
Comparing with other person.
And like you and me have
been talking before we
start practicing gratitude.
First,
maybe in the morning was taking the
phone and start like scrolling.
(39:55):
And then you already signed
the worst contract for your
being for the whole day.
Because there is always
somebody who look like
have all this perfect life,
which you probably also believe that, oh,
if I was the person like that,
I would never experience that pain,
which I'm experiencing now.
But there is so no true.
(40:16):
You can watch my Instagram now.
Somebody's Instagram now.
I'm even joking with my kids.
Do you know the person on
Instagram and your mom?
Is this the same person?
No, right?
Because there is like almost
at least even I try to be open actually.
And there are says about my
OCD and all that.
But anyway, our brain like, you know,
(40:38):
three seconds visual content.
We just eat it and immediately...
make all these fake
scenarios so what I would
probably give the advice to
start somewhere and never
never give up because
healing process you can always
from maybe the lowest point
in your life now,
(40:59):
it's always been already just to wake up,
to evolve, to develop, to feel better.
There are so many ways,
which is actually different kind of tools,
which really can help to
the specific person.
But I mean,
perseverance that if you try
(41:20):
it one day two day three
days even one week it
doesn't help like
affirmations or practice
and gratitude or meditation
yes it doesn't but discipline but even
that you have decided to do
something for yourself and
you have decided to be
(41:40):
disciplined and committed
to yourself can grow your
self-esteem and
self-confidence because
self-confidence also are is
based on self-trust and if
you practice self-trust
just by single action let's
do like you have agreement
(42:00):
or you make promise to
yourself that this day you would
It can be so small, tiny things,
but by these bricks, right, by puzzles,
we are building self-confidence.
Let's start with self-trust.
Just easy, okay?
Tomorrow or today,
I make agreement with
myself that I will be
(42:20):
acting or doing this thing.
And you do that.
And you do next day and the day after.
Oh, my God.
You can take it from you
because it's how you're building a bit,
a bit, a bit self-trust.
Oh, my gosh.
This is amazing foundation
for self-confidence, right?
(42:43):
Oh, amen to that.
And if you put in this menu,
in this ingredient,
also being already grateful, right?
for actually your commitment
for you have promised to
yourself you have done that
right you every single day
start building this
self-trust and of course
(43:03):
you can you can totally
legitimately be grateful to
yourself for all these
actions right oh my gosh
yes yes yes yes yes yes so then it's
yes it may be first day
you're like oh this is a
ridiculous thing like you
know this is so but but
okay but you do that you do
that second day third day
(43:25):
for and one week and then
suddenly one week you
understand seven times
seven times you have proved
to yourself your self-trust
and you you've been
grateful for that right and
gratitude always grounds you
But self-trust and esteem is
the place where it can
start by being more and more self-trust,
(43:48):
more and more strong.
start confidently move you
towards the new person and
that no no no one can take
it from you right because
you actually do it with
yourself your commitment
and your self-trust and
it's quiet and if actually
you are building and
building that practicing by
(44:11):
if you just maybe put like
you know small note here
like self-trust muscle
right and every single day
it can be like okay every
morning I can wake up and
And he'll sunrise.
And just because you promised yourself,
maybe it's, it's funny.
It's ridiculous.
What, but you promised yourself and now,
you know, Oh my God,
(44:31):
I promised myself next time I will do.
This is my,
this is my relationship with
myself because this is the
most important relationship
you can build is ourself.
Right.
This is how we found each
other because like attracts,
like it really is.
I preach about this.
I preach about this.
Honor the commitments.
to yourself,
(44:52):
honor commitments that you
make to other people.
I've seen it time and time and time again.
It's the little things.
If you tell somebody, hey,
I'm going to email you, email them.
Just do it.
If you tell somebody,
I'm going to leave a review
for their whatever it is, do it.
If you tell somebody, tell yourself,
(45:12):
I'm going to work out today, do it.
And every time you tell
yourself you're going to do
something and then you do it,
It is achieving a goal that you have set.
And goals are addictive.
Let that be your dopamine,
not social media scrolling.
But let your dopamine come
(45:32):
from hitting a small goal.
Even if it's hitting the gym,
watching the sunset and saying,
you know what, I'm going to do this.
Honoring a friend and
showing your friend support
and love or another
business or starting something.
If you say you're going to write a book,
every single day commit to doing it.
(45:53):
And if you do this,
you're going to crush every
single goal that you have.
And you know what else?
You're going to become
unstoppably confident
because it's something that you own now.
And you're, you know,
keeping this commitment to
yourself and others.
I think that is so powerful.
I do want to leave us with
(46:14):
something before you tell
everybody where the best
places to find you at are.
Because I know everybody's
going to want to connect
with you because you're
such an inspiration.
Thank you so, so much.
On our podcast.
So when I was on your podcast,
you asked me such a cool
question at the end.
(46:34):
exactly ah you met my vice
president yeah my vice
president oh my god she is
the best ever which uh
she's so committed because
she is always doing what
actually she promises you
know yes nobody can beat
that like even from aladdin
play I have a little bit
sustainable version just
one wish because we want to
(46:55):
save the whole humankind
but yes of course and I
remember it it's so cool
about wisdom right because
you've been the same person
the second day was the same
wish yes you asked me on
your podcast you said if
you had one wish what would
it be and I thought about
it for a moment and I said
well you know uh king
(47:17):
solomon asked for wisdom so
I'm gonna ask for the same
thing so I would love to
turn the tables on you a
little bit and ask you the
same question you asked me
if you could give have one wish
and there's a lot, what would it be?
Amazing.
Then I actually can probably
(47:38):
be the continuation of Sid
and King Solomon and everybody else.
We actually were joking, you and me,
because I showed my
manifestation reminder
because I'm working a lot with my hands.
I do a lot of gardening.
It's my meditation.
Of course, when I'm typing PhD,
(47:59):
but also I do a lot of...
pictures um with pearls like
it was before cross
stitching pictures but now
I'm using the small pearls
and pearl stitching and
then I'm using a lot my
fingers and you know our
brain it scans all the time
when you are watching and
(48:20):
that's why I made last year
after a big retreat and I
became also professional
mindfulness kriya yoga and um
meditation instructor so I
decided to make even more
manifestation and here on
my fourth tattoos this is
(48:40):
namaste this is breeding of
course everything starts
from breeding what we are
doing first in our breath
and second last and
everything of course you
should you shall act and
approach with love and this awakening
enlightening like from
buddha and this is from
(49:00):
king salomon it's
everything shall pass right
and uh you know that he was
such a wise he was such a
gem because first of all
when you can hear like
everything shall pass yes
okay so so what so but this
is the beauty asian beauty
(49:20):
which actually when I'm
watching of course then
every single day when I wash in my hands
this manifestation and then
I understand and it's for
me also it's back to
gratitude right so because
actually everything shall
pass it means whether you
are really down now it's
it's the this dark this
(49:44):
infinite hole which kind of
susan you and you don't see
that much light of
forward in the tunnel so
then the best probably hope
the best message you can
get and put into your mind
that everything shall pass
everything even this
(50:05):
scarcity and this uh pain
especially now in ukraine
when I'm talking supporting
a lot of my friends they
are serving my country they
especially my city they
don't want to leave they
could live many many times
but they're especially staying there to
the hope to give next
generation ukrainian and
(50:26):
the whole liberty and
democratic generation for
in our world so everything
shall pass even they try to
remember that and
the whole every metal has
two sides right and when
you experience also this
magical butterfly spirit in
your life which I'm
(50:48):
actually wishing you your
audience and my listeners
of course we would like
them to be more often but
then again sometimes we
should still be reminded
that everything shall pass
even those beautiful
butterflies in stomach periods
(51:08):
shall pass it well but then
you can feel double triple
ten times more gratitude at
the moment that you
experience them right
that's right that's right
that's my wish that every
single person can maybe
also have some small I
don't know because here
(51:29):
where I'm sitting now like
small notes you can see like
details okay from my kids
or from it's from orphanage
when I adopted kids or
small details which
manifestation right so so
before it was here also
everything shall pass but
now I have in my hands on
my fingers so maybe the one
(51:49):
wish I would wrap up today that
person, or even like, you know,
King Solomon,
then immediately will be no reconnection,
never new trial to
everything shared past and
wisdom you have shared.
So it would be my, um,
my wish for our listeners
(52:10):
today that please never give up really.
If you have that pain, reach out to me.
reach out to Tara,
reach out to many of my
friends now they're also in
support system of mine
because they know I'm still OCD,
I'm still very dependable
(52:31):
on like we are
unfortunately of external
terms and I'm still
experience war especially in
my city so I have that
system and now I'm so happy
you are my friend that I
I'm sure that one day if
I'm not like that I have no
maybe that much energy even
(52:51):
to put some lipstick I can
always call you in my piece
of tar you know I need to
talk to you I need now you
to be my muscle strand and
supportive I I'm struggling
now it's not like I'm
healed and I'm healed like
I said it's like this right
always to know that
And relate to us that we're all human.
We have ups and downs.
But everything shall pass.
(53:14):
Everything shall pass.
I love that.
Where are the best places to
connect with you online, my friend?
Yes,
there are some platforms which I'm
more active now,
before actually I'm leaving the PhD,
maybe I will be more focused after that.
Please welcome to find
(53:34):
Diversity is the Game Changer podcast.
It's on YouTube and I
started out on the summit on Spotify.
I have to be more disciplined.
I have to put it to myself, self-trust,
which I preached.
and do that but yes youtube
then linkedin then it's
(53:56):
valeria yes it's actually
where you and me have met
each other yeah yes and
instagram it's the same
valeria yes uh there are
also some links to my
podcast diversity is the
game changer and to tara if
you even if you somehow forget
(54:17):
please reach out to Tara.
We now also in another community together,
we already exchanging our community.
We also already exchanging our friends.
So somehow we always be happy to help you,
right?
Not sorry, right Tara?
That's right.
I love that.
(54:37):
Well,
it has been an absolute pleasure
interviewing you today and
thank you so much for being a guest.
Thank you for everyone who
tuned into this episode of
Grasp Confidence Podcast, guys.
My big takeaway is this.
It doesn't matter where you came from.
All that matters is that you
believe where you are going.
(55:00):
And anybody can achieve that.
We all have that power and inner capacity.
It starts with gratitude and
keeping commitments and
promises to yourself.
Guys,
I will catch you on the next episode.
Don't forget to like.
Follow, subscribe,
share this with your audiences,
and leave a review on Apple or Spotify.
(55:21):
We will catch you on the next episode.
Take care.
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