May 15, 2024 • 50 mins
Have you ever experienced a moment so quietly powerful that it demanded your full presence? This episode, with facilitators Angela Oh and Alex Dorsey, captures just that, as we recount an unforgettable evening at the Japanese American National Museum and the Democracy Center—a night where rose petals and silence laid the foundation for an exploration into empathy and democracy. We unravel how holding space for others, whether in leadership, parenthood, or personal growth, magnifies compassion and ensures every voice in our democratic tapestry is valued and heard.
Navigating the nuanced dance of giving and receiving support, we delve into the emotional weight of our 'active giving hand' and its capacity to invoke deep gratitude. Our guests and us share anecdotes that resonate with hope, forgiveness, and the relentless pursuit of self-compassion. By peeling back the layers of our own emotional landscapes, we reveal how embracing vulnerability can lead to a more profound understanding of our intertwined lives and the healing we all seek.
As the conversation unfolds, we immerse ourselves in the embodiment of empathy and the transformative act of holding space. Contemplating the gentle balance between bearing the heaviness of being a space holder and the lightness of being held, we explore how creating opportunities for understanding can leave a lasting impact on our communities. Wrapping up with an ode to the practice of gratitude, we reflect on its power to help us appreciate life's goodness amid adversity. Join us as we honor the subtle yet substantial ways compassion and gratitude shape our journeys.
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Create an intentional practice with your own Gratitude Blooming card deck, notecards, candle and much much more at our shop at www.gratitudeblooming.com.
Learn more about our co-hosts and special guest for Season 4:
Co-host Belinda Liu | Hestia Retreat Centers
Co-host Omar Brownson | Trickster's Guide to Immortality on Substack
Special Guest Dr. Paul Wang | The Dao Center
If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to leave us a 5-star rating and review. Your feedback is valuable to us and helps us grow.
Share your thoughts and comments by emailing us at hello@gratitudeblooming.com. We love hearing from our listeners!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello Belinda.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hey Omar.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I can't believe.
We're three quarters of the waythrough our collaboration with
the Japanese American NationalMuseum and the Democracy Center
around empathy and democracy.
And I have to say, this thirdcollaboration, this amazing
dinner with Angela oh and AlexDorsey, was just over the top
(00:35):
and in no small part because ofthe 20 feet of rose petals that
you laid out to welcome peopleinto the space.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
It was probably the most fun I've had in a while
holding space and, yeah, at thelast minute we went to the
Flower Mart Omar at like what 2pm, right before the event
started, and they were justgiving it away almost $5 a bag
and I definitely bought them allout of the pedals.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well, and it was just beautiful to enter into the
space and normally we had peopleturn right into the amazing
auditorium, but this time weasked people to go left and
there was a beautiful sign thatsays silence welcomes you.
And then there was 20 feet ofrose petals.
And then you walk down intothis space and there was this
(01:27):
long table.
There's a series of tables that40 people could sit around and
we invited folks to servethemselves with some onigiri
rice balls, some green tea andsome mochi, and it was this
three-part series around the tea, a little bit of a small meal
(01:48):
and then a sweet dessert, andthis three-part series really
allowed us to center in adifferent kind of way.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And I love the topic of just holding space for space
holders and even just this ideaof unpacking.
What does that really mean withAngela and Alex, who are two
amazing seasoned space holdersin their own worlds, and it was
interesting how powerful it isto unpack, even what that means
(02:19):
and how so many people don't seethemselves as that, but then
when we talk about it, theyrealize oh wow, I'm actually
doing this in my life, for myfamily, for my co-workers, for
my community.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And you know, over the course of these three series
we've probably had, I don'tknow about 150 people plus or
minus join, and then probablyover, I think, 3,000 people have
downloaded the podcast tolisten into it.
So really it's been thisgenerative space.
And at the end, jim Herr, who'sthe head of the Democracy
(02:53):
Center at JANM, was like but didwe really fix democracy?
And it was your partner, peter,who afterwards at dinner said
that democracy works wheneveryone has a voice and
everyone is heard.
And in this dinner that we hadtogether this holding space for
(03:13):
the space holders, he saideveryone spoke and everyone was
heard.
And so it was really beautifulto really just listen and be
present to how people wereshowing up, from my young
daughters to, like you said, wehad leaders of organizations
Karen Mack, who's the head of LACommons, who's been on our show
(03:35):
, Paula Daniels, who's the headof she was the founder of the LA
Food Policy Council and just apioneer, and so we have these
amazing change makers right Like.
That's why we wanted to holdspace for the space makers,
because there are these peoplewho are creating room in the
world for issues to be heard indifferent ways.
(03:56):
And the way we defined it too,was that you didn't have to just
be a leader.
You know sometimes, just ifyou're a parent holding space
for a child, or you know, in Jim, her circumstance he's a child
holding space for an elderlyparent, right and he's in that
part of his life to whether ornot you're just holding space
(04:17):
for yourself, right.
Like, what are all thesedifferent ways that we can hold
space?
Why is that even important, allthese different?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
ways that we can hold space.
Why is that even important?
Yeah, I mean, I think it's goodto be aware of our energy, you
know, as we navigate all theserelationships in our lives, and
to notice also, just like howdoes it feel to show up for
people, including ourselves, andI think, the more that we're
aware that we are doing this allthe time, even unconsciously.
(04:47):
Maybe we can add a little bitof empathy and a bit of
compassion into that.
Right Like that was, you know,the Garden of Healing was very
present for people, as we were,you know, picking cards from the
note card collection.
It was really interesting howmuch self-care came up, you know
, and just like remembering that, yeah, it takes a lot of energy
(05:08):
to hold space for everything inour lives, and so we got to
come back to ourselves.
So, yeah, as you listen to thisreplay of this live event, we'd
love to invite you to just, youknow, notice in what ways do
you hold space for others oryourself right now?
And, you know, hopefully someof these examples that we share
(05:30):
from the live event can beinspiring for you in your own
work.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Wishing you well, cheers, cheers.
In our go, go, go, me, me, mekind of world, we thought it
(05:57):
would be nice to just pause.
This is our third empathy anddemocracy event.
Each one has been verydifferent.
We've had taiko drummers, we'vehad deaf speakers.
In each one, what we're reallytrying to do is create space to
(06:18):
shift our perspectives, and youmight even wonder like what does
empathy and democracy have todo with this?
And for us, I think democracy insome ways moves at the speed of
empathy, and empathy in someways moves at the speed of our
(06:38):
stillness.
Can we pause to create a littlebit of room for compassion?
And when we pause to create alittle room for compassion, how
does that help us relate toourselves and to each other?
And so, when we thought aboutthis third event and this idea
(06:59):
of holding space for the spaceholders, it was really this sort
of invitation to become moreaware of what are all the spaces
that you're holding.
Maybe you're a parent holdingspace for a child, maybe you're
a child holding space for aparent, maybe you're a
facilitator or a coach, ateacher, a supervisor, or maybe
(07:25):
you're just holding space foryourself.
I want to thank Belinda, who ismy co-host for the Gratitude
Blooming podcast, and sheinvited me almost three years
ago to begin collaborating withher, and we've now probably held
over a hundred differentgratitude circles, from in
(07:47):
person to online Hundreds, ifnot thousands, of people.
At this point, we've justreleased, I think, our 110th
episode of the GratitudeBlooming podcast.
There's a reason why theJapanese American National
Museum is holding space fordemocracy Because there was a
(08:10):
moment in our history where welacked some deep empathy, some
deep understanding of humandignity, and so this sort of
reminder is not just atheoretical one, it's a lived
one, and so we appreciate Jimfor inviting us to create these
(08:31):
moments for us to reflect at avery human level.
Speaker 7 (08:37):
So we're actually sitting right now in the
historic building, and thehistoric building is the
centerpiece of it is a Buddhisttemple, which was the first
Buddhist temple in Los Angelesand it was built in 1925.
And it became a hub for theJapanese American community, not
only in Little Tokyo butthroughout Los Angeles.
(08:58):
But sadly, because it was thatcenter of the community, it is
where, in 1942, japaneseAmericans living in Los Angeles
were ordered to report some37,000 of them to come here with
just whatever they could carry.
They were put on buses, takento Santa Anita Racetrack I
(09:20):
didn't know it had been herethat long, but Santa Anita
Racetrack has been here for along time.
They were housed in horsestalls until they could be
processed and put on trains toone of 75 American concentration
camps around the country.
So this is very sort of a placethat has a lot of sadness, a lot
(09:43):
of heavy history, has a lot ofsadness, a lot of heavy history.
It is a place that we oftenthink of democracy as having
failed its people.
It's also a place of resiliency, the resiliency of the Japanese
American people, a place thathas come to be a place for
celebration, for joy, forcommunity, and not just for
(10:05):
Japanese Americans, but foranyone that wants to come here,
and the democracy center opensthat even more, and so this is
the types of conversations thatwe want to have.
It is a difficult time for ourdemocracy, right now.
And in searching for manyanswers, there's a lot of people
(10:29):
looking into different things,but I think for our institution
as an arts and cultureinstitution, we want to center
the arts in what we do and haveconversations that other people
aren't having, and this is oneof them, and I think it is an
important conversation to have.
How do we begin to demonstrateempathy when it is very
(10:53):
difficult at times to do that?
And I think that has been forme sort of this reoccurring
theme from the very first, evenbefore the first podcast that we
did, but certainly since thefirst podcast.
And it's not that we have or Ihave the answers, but hopefully
this is a way we can find someanswers.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
And so I wanted to start our journey together just
with this feeling of what doesit mean to hold space?
Feeling of what does it mean tohold space.
You know, we know what coachingis like, or you know
facilitation.
You know those are veryspecific words that we use a lot
in our modern day life.
But space holding is kind of anew idea, and even with all of
(11:40):
us as we were, you know, gettingready for this circle today, we
were like what does that wordactually mean?
And so I'm actually going toshare what it feels like to me,
and I invite you to join me inthat feeling.
So, to start, I want you to feelwhich hand, left or right, is
(12:02):
your active giving hand.
So we're going to do thattogether.
So take out that hand that isdoing a lot of things for you.
I want you to really feel theenergy that that hand is holding
.
So just imagine and feel whatare all the things in your life,
(12:30):
all the people in your lifethat you are holding, who is
depending on you in your life,and just imagine that being in
the palm of your hand right now,and you can even think that to
yourself.
What are those things that youhold literally every single day
(12:50):
of your life, who are the peoplethat you hold, and just notice
how that hand feels as you'reconnecting in and just giving
(13:10):
yourself some gratitude.
Wow, you are doing so much tohold this space for so many, and
(13:32):
now I invite you to take yourother hand and hold the hand
that is giving so much, and justnotice how that feels now to
have something else supportingyou as you're holding all of the
things that and the people andthe community that depend on you
in your day-to-day life, andjust noticing how does that feel
now to have an extra supportthere for you.
(14:01):
Just even this small act of howwe can hold space for ourselves
can create such a big rippleeffect for everything else in
our lives.
And so just inviting you all tojust be with this metaphor of
holding space, just feelingyourself, releasing a little bit
(14:25):
on that dominant hand to letthe other hand hold and support
you and this is really theintention for this time is how
can we release some of thatheaviness that is hard about
being a space holder for others,that is hard about being a
(14:49):
space holder for others?
We're going to actually justintroduce ourselves in the form
of what are we most wanting toreceive right now as people that
give so much in our lives, ifyou'd like, or also pull from
the Garden of Healing, which isour theme for today, is you know
what healing can that you needto receive right now for your
(15:13):
own care and well-being?
Just taking a moment to findthat word, either from the note
(15:36):
cards or from your ownimagination.
Speaker 9 (15:43):
Hello everyone.
My name is Bethany and I am Iwas most.
The card that most spoke to mewas number 15, the Azalea Hope.
Take a moment to remember atime when you were filled with
hope.
What do you need to feel thatfeel like that now I feel like I
(16:05):
start a lot most conversationswith how jaded I am and I don't
want to be that I.
I want you know to have hope.
So that's the one that spoke tome the most hi everyone, my
name is sim.
Speaker 8 (16:24):
Uh, the card I got was patience.
Um, some of the most importantlessons in life require time and
space to grow.
What is your relationship withtime?
How can time be your teacher?
I feel like, as I'm gettingolder, like patience is
something that keeps coming upfor me because, I don't know, I
feel like there's a lot ofpressure to grow up right now in
the society very quickly, uh,and sometimes I feel like I just
(16:45):
need more time to figure thingsout.
Speaker 10 (16:47):
Hi everyone, my name is Shekinah.
I chose number four wholeness.
Wholeness requires integratingdifferent, sometimes
contradictory, sides ofourselves.
What does wholeness feel liketo you?
I am in a point of my lifewhere a lot of things are
changing the area that I'm in,the people that I'm surrounded
(17:10):
by and even the ways that I justthink and view the world.
And a lot of times I'msimultaneously grieving a past
version of myself while alsolooking to this new version of
myself.
That's exciting too.
Speaker 11 (17:30):
Hello, I'm Cindy and I didn't even need to shuffle
the cards because right away,the first card is forgiveness
for myself.
The circular thinking that I'mnot good enough is constant, so
I'd like to leave this spacewith a little bit of forgiveness
for myself.
Speaker 12 (17:50):
My name is Kaylee and the card that stood out to
me was beautiful sadness, whichfeels sometimes contradictory,
but the line that really caughtmy attention was trust that new,
or that beautiful newpossibilities will be born.
Yeah, I feel like I'm justlonging for new possibilities,
(18:15):
beautiful new things in my life.
Speaker 13 (18:19):
Hi, I'm Alex and I'm going to take Belinda up on her
challenge for us to be you asour imagination.
I created my own card and mycard is I picked hot lava, and I
picked hot lava because I'vebeen feeling like an unmeltable
(18:41):
icicle which is frozen in place,and I picked hot lava because
I'm hoping to enter into aseason of thawfulness.
I want to thaw, but I'm almostthere, but not yet.
I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 14 (18:59):
Hi, I'm Angela.
I just picked healing.
It is a very personal journeyfor me, so I tend to be an
over-functioner and pour waymore energy into stuff, even if
it's broken, thinking that it'san ego thing too like I can fix
it.
So, um, this is listening to mybody and my mind and not
(19:19):
suppressing or moving past myfeelings too fast and, um,
making sure that I'm processingand taking care of my emotions
and not pretending that theyaren't there.
We're trying to make things goright all on my own and part of
the healing is sometimes justletting things be and having
patience and accepting wherethings are at, trusting the
(19:43):
outcome and, if there is anysort of functioning, doing that
in the spirit of making sure I'mtaking care of myself and those
things that matter most andjust preserving and not burning
myself out.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
I'm Paula and I randomly opened the stack to
self-care but I went no, I'mgood at that.
So I put it aside and looked atsomething that really resonated
for the moment and I havebeautiful sadness.
So today's the fifthanniversary of my mother's
passing and normally I think ofher birthday, but it's five
(20:22):
years and it's also Lunar NewYear, and in leading up to today
, I've been listening to anothergreat podcast by Anderson
Cooper called All there Is aboutgrief, and so much of it is
about the reality of living withloss if that's the word more of
(20:43):
a transition, and as we sithere in the beginning of the
Lunar New Year, it's atransition time.
There's an end and a beginning,and that's where I am today.
Speaker 15 (20:56):
Hello, my name is Peter.
I chose gentleness, and I thinkthis is, on the one hand, I
think it's appropriate for thetheme of empathy and democracy,
because in the prompt it's beingkind to others, and I think
that's really central to empathyand certainly has a connection
(21:17):
to democracy is understandingothers, withholding judgment
from others, being gentle withothers and their views, and for
me personally, the prompt isbeing kind to yourself.
This is something I strugglewith.
I'm very, I consider myselfvery empathetic and accepting of
others, and sometimes I holdmyself to a very different
(21:39):
standard, and maybe others hereas well do the same thing, and
so the message for me is I needto be gentle with myself, or
more gentle.
Thanks.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
I knew I would regret doing this.
Regret blooming.
Why you do this to me?
Speaker 10 (22:03):
I don't think.
Speaker 7 (22:05):
I'm pulling cards, I'm going to do an Alex and I'm
going to draw my own card.
So I was going through thecards and the first thing I
thought of was that all of thesethings are what I want for the
people that I'm holding.
Like every one of these cardsis what I want for them.
Uh, but if you go back and youlisten, I think, to the, the
(22:30):
podcast about the podcast, thefirst podcast I talk about, you
know, we talk about like well,what were you expecting?
Or I forget what exactly theprompt was, but I remember
feeling like I was a littledisappointed because we hadn't
solved the world's problems inthat first hour and a half, like
I don't know what I thought wasgoing to happen, but I really
thought, you know, it was allgoing to come together and we
(22:53):
were going to have the world'sproblem solved.
And, and so for me, you know,kind of going through this, the
last card is patience, and Ithink it's easy.
It would have been easy for meto pick that, because I think
that's when there's a problem, Iwant to rush in and solve the
problem.
I want to take care of it, Iwant to take care of the people
(23:14):
that I'm holding.
And today, not more than anhour and a half ago, I was in a
situation where I wanted to runinto that burning building and I
wanted to save the people in itand I wanted to fix everything
that was happening, but thatwasn't working and I had to stop
(23:38):
for a moment and and showgentleness for that person and
for myself, and and in thatmoment, the energy of all of
that just completely shifted andI know what the lesson is for
(24:00):
that situation.
But this is where the workbegins for us.
Here is how do we make thatbigger?
Speaker 16 (24:12):
We have many aspects of our identities and they're
complex, but part of what we'reexperiencing in democracy right
now is a space where ourhumanity becomes condensed to
these one-dimensional labels,labels that can be quickly
(24:42):
judged, where projections areput on someone that may or may
not be true, and what's missingis the space between, a space to
as we've heard tonight pause,to notice, to reflect, to listen
to ourselves.
Maybe it's a narrative thatdoesn't serve us any longer.
(25:07):
Maybe it's an awareness ofsomething we're needing that we
haven't given to ourselves.
Maybe it's an energy that webring to the world in an effort
to get things done that we canlay down and rest.
Maybe it's time to justacknowledge I have time to be
(25:31):
where I am in this season of mylife and regardless of what
society says here is where Ineed to be.
This space is a space thatreally allows us to bring a
quality of attention, and I lovethe quote by Anne Truitt.
(25:55):
She says the opposite ofinattention is love.
Part of the power of languageis defining it for ourselves,
and so the first question is howwould you define holding space
(26:15):
For yourself?
Why, if you're a space holder,why have you integrated space
holding?
Or why might you integrate aconscious practice of space
holding, and with whom would youhold that space?
(26:37):
What do you need to sustainyourself and hold space with
empathy amidst the challengesfacing our democracy?
And if more individualspracticed holding space, what?
Speaker 9 (26:58):
do you?
Speaker 16 (26:59):
imagine would be possible.
So these questions are merelyan invitation for you to notice
which one speaks to you.
Speaker 18 (27:13):
If more individuals practice holding space, what do
you imagine would be possible?
And I said a collective society.
That's harmonious because inthis nation we're so separated,
but if we come together and likewe actually have similar
happenings in our lives, so oncewe share that we can be a
(27:34):
collective like this here.
This is council.
Speaker 13 (27:39):
I'm new to this concept of holding space with
Angela and Alex and for me I'mstill learning this I guess I'm
working on.
I'm leaning in curiosity andwonder, with this very
(28:00):
investigative spirit of whatreally, Alex, is it to hold
space?
And I think for me it's toprotect the sanctuary and it's
something I'm working on.
I'm not there yet, but it'ssuch a sacred space, the whole
(28:21):
space is very sacred, so onemust really be anchored in an
intention to preserve andprotect the sanctity of the
space and protect the sanctuaryat all costs.
Speaker 16 (28:38):
Thank you.
It's often said you cannot givewhat you do not have, and for
many of us, whether it's ourwork, preoccupation,
responsibilities with ourfamilies, whatever absorbs our
(28:59):
time, especially now thatalgorithms are being very
strategic in how to capture ourtime If we are to honor each
other's humanity.
I'm hearing these insights thateach of you are speaking to
yourself as possible a next stepto do that.
(29:22):
It's not that it's we fix theworld overnight, as Jim spoke to
earlier, or that this circle ofnourishment solves problems
that we all see and face, butthat, if we can be present in
this moment, to what's the nextthing for me to bring?
(29:49):
Kindness, to bring healing,maybe more patience, some
wholeness, a little self-careEach of those values that,
reflected back in the Garden ofHealing cards, moves us to
creating space for another andunderstanding they have needs
(30:15):
that they may need just a momentto pause and consider for
themselves.
Once you have a concept likethis that you're thinking about,
it really becomes more centeredin our awareness when we can
(30:37):
embody it, and so I'm going toturn this over to Angela to walk
us through some embodiedreflections.
Speaker 17 (30:47):
Close your eyes for a minute and recall a time when
you received empathy.
Recall a time when you receivedempathy.
What did that feel like?
People can just say.
(31:12):
What did empathy feel like?
Love, nurturing, warmth,non-judgment, sorry, come again.
(31:32):
Cared for Felt seen, felt seen.
Speaker 13 (31:39):
Generosity.
Speaker 17 (31:40):
Generosity, surprising, surprising,
welcoming, welcoming, welcoming.
You see, all of these thingsthat you just named and anybody
have anything different thanwhat we've heard.
Speaker 20 (31:56):
Dignity.
Speaker 17 (31:57):
Dignity.
These are the gifts of empathy.
Now, where in your body wouldyou locate the feeling that you
named Just?
Put your hand on that part ofyour body, your hand on that
(32:18):
part of your body.
Some have on their hearts, somehave on their belly some have
in the center of their chest.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
One of the things that Jim Omar and I were talking
about in preparation for thistime was what does it feel like
to be space holders?
And, interestingly enough, a lotof the things that we shared
with each other was it's hard,it feels heavy, it's exhausting,
it takes a lot of energy, a lotof energy.
There's work to be done, and sohow can we take a breath, even
(32:59):
in that heaviness, to reallyfeel the lightness of being held
?
And we really thought aboutthat through the experience of
the space and really the silencethat is part of this
participant in this space aswell.
(33:20):
So we're just going to take amoment to really digest this
time, like really feeling into.
How does it feel for you now,as someone that is taking care
of others and yourself, assomeone that is taking care of
others and yourself?
What do you notice yourself?
(33:40):
What is one thing we want toremember as we go back and we
live our lives?
It could be the same word thatyou started with, or it could be
another word that's emergingfrom what you've experienced
today.
Speaker 20 (33:57):
I am taking with me the realization of how much of a
gift it can be to enable peopleto exhale, by inviting them in,
by calling for people to be inspaces where they wouldn't be
otherwise.
And that it's both a physicalthing as well as sort of an
(34:24):
emotional exhale.
Speaker 5 (34:27):
So I was thinking of holding space as patiently
listening and allowing, ofmentoring.
You know, creating room forsomeone else is how I've been
thinking of it, but I'm seeingit in a new way, like you know,
reflecting on the dimensionalityof relationships and
(34:48):
perspectives and recollectionand how you might look at
something that happened in adifferent way many years later
and and I'll just brieflyexplain it, Angela and I had a
conversation earlier today aboutmy mother, who was a political
figure and took a vote on a verycontroversial position for
civil rights but lost herre-election because of that and
(35:09):
the issue lost but decades laterbecame something that changed
in society.
So Angela said she was holdingspace and I had never thought of
it quite that way.
You know people think of her astrying and not succeeding, but
Angela said she held space andso I see it now is that it's
(35:32):
like a way of creatingopportunity?
Speaker 19 (35:45):
I was thinking about what Alex said earlier, you
know, when she asked everybodyabout whether they define
themselves as a space holder,and I don't think you usually
define yourself as that Usually.
You are chosen as that and youknow I, my family actually calls
me the expediter.
So so you know, I have thatburden and and you know, I think
(36:10):
what I'm taking is that, like Ineed somebody to hold space for
me and and but you know the thekernel in that is that you have
to really be a space holder,like in the truth.
You know, with that empathy andin order to motivate that,
(36:35):
inspire that in others to stepup.
And so you know, that's mylesson is to be a model Space
holder.
Speaker 14 (36:49):
The expediter.
The expediter.
I just think of the wordcommunity and I just look around
and one might say it's a tape,you know, a table full of
strangers.
But at the same time I feellike we all really know each
other in some way and theimportance of community and
(37:14):
nurturing it and building it.
I might see you out someday andjust know we're each other's
people and that we care andwe're doing our version of
contributing to making thisworld a better place in some way
, shape or form, and it's abeautiful thing.
So my community just grewtonight and I'm really happy to
(37:35):
be here and meet you all.
Speaker 13 (37:38):
Do you guys know that song by REM, losing my
Religion?
Well, yeah, I've been kind oflosing my compassion and I'm
looking over Jim's left shoulderand I'm forced to confront with
.
What compassion is, you know?
So, I mean, I think I live onSan Pedro and Forth where I'm
(38:01):
confronted every day with withthe chaos and the strife and the
unpredictability of thehomeless community.
But thank you for today becauseit reminded me that even if
you're hanging on by a tatteredand torn piece of thread, you're
(38:23):
still connected to yourcompassion.
Speaker 20 (38:25):
Thank you, so I've been really excited about this
coming up, because I got thisbrilliant opportunity to teach
in a social justice program andI have been using the concept of
space holding as thecornerstone in my classroom.
(38:47):
And it's not easy, and I thinkthe thing that resonated with me
the most was something that Jimsaid right at the beginning,
where he said I was going torush into that burning building
and save them, but then Istopped.
And that's how I feel every day.
I have to let them enter thespace and learn and fall and
(39:10):
crash and burn and open theirminds in a way, and I just have
to let them catch a little bit,and so it's nice to know that I
am not alone.
Speaker 22 (39:24):
It was super challenging to see the word
empathy and democracy together.
It was very challenging for me,and I think what I'm
recognizing in both my ownpondering of these questions and
hearing everyone's wisdom beingelicited here is that perhaps
(39:45):
there is a magic in holdingspace where what I'm actually
doing is finding the gratitudeand the healing in the challenge
and really allowing thesacredness of challenge.
Speaker 23 (40:05):
I think probably most of us find it easier to be
empathetic with people who we'reclose to, or that we feel like
we have a lot in common with.
Being able to be empathetic topeople who are very different
than us, who have very differentviews, is more challenging, but
(40:27):
perhaps the only way forempathy to be returned is to
show it, and so that's what I'lltake with me.
Speaker 6 (40:51):
Similar to what other folks have said.
It's really difficult topractice allowing folks to have
food, nourishing food frombeautiful cultures, to have and
feel worthiness of havingflowers adorn your feet and your
table, and to feel worthy to bearound folks you feel close to
(41:13):
and folks who you don't know,and spending time, and I think
it reminds me that we do treateach other so disposably, and
that's the opposite of empathyand the opposite of holding
spaces.
We want to make things go sofast that we lose or miss or
intentionally put others asideand create the other so that we
(41:34):
can justify it.
And so I'm really just sittingwith the sense of what is the
next step to empathy.
Feel like for myself personally, but also in our actions.
When we are challenged, when weare at capacity, how do we
summon and imbibe this energy,even in that most challenging
(41:55):
place that you may feeldehumanized, how do we still,
through faith and throughpractice, emanate empathy in
actions?
Speaker 4 (42:11):
thanks everyone.
Um, the thing I've beenreflecting on is, in my
day-to-day, we always talk aboutfilling space.
Fill that space, what's in thatspace?
Um, so now, holding space.
The thing I'm reflecting on isthe question between what does
it look like to hold spaceinstead of fill it, and I
definitely don't have an answer.
Speaker 18 (42:35):
Hey y'all.
So my continued practice comingfrom this will be to do it
scared, because me speakingright now scary and that's me
showing up for myself, though,like I know, I need to share my
voice amongst my community andit's just a reminder for me to
(42:55):
know that if I don't servemyself, I can't serve others.
So to continue to do it scaredand I'm gonna come out better at
the end.
So thank y'all for hearing me.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
I think probably the exercise that had the most
impact on me, um, because wewere talking about holding space
and making others feel seen andmaking others feel like they're
in the room.
When you actually ask us toremember a space of empathy and
when someone held it for you,the memory of it five, a year or
(43:33):
two later, it's sort of thewarmth that you get from it when
you don't think that you'vegotten it, and the idea of sort
of creating that for somebodyelse, even if it's just a small
moment, because the memoriesthat I had were very small, they
weren't huge moments, it wasjust like little things and I
was like, oh, I see you.
So I think that's what I'mgoing to carry is the idea of
(43:58):
holding space and trying to makepeople feel seen so that, even
if it carries a year or twolater, two years later, whatever
, that feeling of warmthhopefully will go to other
people and that's what I'm goingto take for the day.
Speaker 21 (44:10):
Hopefully we'll go to other people and that's what
I'm going to take for today.
Kindness, compassion, empathyis so contagious and this world
definitely needs more peoplelike us who shares kindness,
compassion, empathy, becauseoftentimes, when we're pushing
our children to go to college goto school it's so they can earn
(44:32):
money, but then when we'retalking about just money, is
that really what's going to makethem happy?
So, for me, what I take fromtoday's gathering is to share
and be a role model of beingkind, compassionate and showing
empathy showing empathy.
(44:55):
So I wrote a little poem.
Speaker 9 (45:04):
We are here, we are breathing, we have gifts to give
each other and to this world.
So my identity is one oforganizer and leader, but not
leader in like a grandiose sense.
Speaker 13 (45:16):
Just we have this thing and you're in charge of
making sure it happens, kind ofthing.
Speaker 9 (45:21):
So when I look at the idea of holding space, it's
more like a means to an end.
You know, when you have a lotof people in a room and if you
don't hold space for everyone,you're going to have conflict
and opposition and you're notall going to row in the same
direction.
(45:41):
So this is very calculating, itsounds like, but this is kind
of who I am and I don't thinkabout it.
And holding space for myself iswinning meeting these goals.
Space for myself is winninggetting meeting these goals.
(46:03):
And I hadn't really thought ofit so succinctly until just this
moment.
So thank you for that everyone.
Speaker 16 (46:10):
Now I'm taking away an embodied reminder.
When Belinda asked us to extendour hand the hand that holds
and then to put our other handunderneath to provide support,
as someone who holds space allday long for others, consciously
(46:36):
I realized I need to identifysupport, not when I need them.
Before, before, and so now Ihave.
(46:57):
I just have that embodiedawareness taking that away and
all of your beautiful faces.
When I look at these cards nowthe Garden of Healing I'll think
of you.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Just as we close, I want to bring into the room our
third partner, arlene Kim Suda.
Partner Arlene Kim Suda, who isan artist in the Bay Area who
did the illustrations, and theywere born seven years ago in a
practice she called 100 Days ofBlooming Love, and what she
(47:26):
wanted to do was move kind ofbeyond the inspiration of art
and really into the disciplineof noticing.
And so, by illustrating oneplant each day for 100 days, the
plants began to speak to her,and so the words that you see
here are the words from theplant that you see.
And so when you first came intothis space, you saw the three
(47:51):
reflection booths, and there wasa line in a poem that I wrote
imagine flowers and votingbooths.
And just I was like, well, Ican create that right.
And so we did.
We created these reflectionbooths with these found objects
and with these plants, and wecreated that sacred space right,
(48:14):
like we took.
In many ways, the voting boothis the altar of our democracy.
Right, it is where we practicesort of our democracy.
And this, as we're closing, I'mlooking at this word holding
space.
But space holding is a practice, and practice is anything that
(48:39):
disrupts our habits.
And so this idea of disruptingour habits, of filling things up
right, what is the habit ofcreating space?
Right, the habit of creatingfreedom, and Belinda and I are
obviously gratitude geeks.
We've been deep into thepractice of gratitude.
(49:00):
We have launched multiplecompanies, apps, technologies,
held numerous spaces, and Ithink the one thing that I'll
just say is that gratitudeserves you most is when you
don't need it when you practicegratitude.
You don't need it when youpractice gratitude and you don't
need it.
It shows up for you when you do, and it's that small practice,
(49:26):
every day, of pausing to noticesomething good.
And what I would say now isthat my definition of gratitude
is that gratitude is really thepractice of noticing with the
heart.
The heart holds space for whatthe mind cannot, and so just
(49:47):
appreciate you being here,showing the courage to share
your hearts with us tonight.
Showing the courage to shareyour hearts with us tonight.
Hello Belinda.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hey Omar.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I can't believe.
We're three quarters of the waythrough our collaboration with
the Japanese American NationalMuseum and the Democracy Center
around empathy and democracy.
And I have to say, this thirdcollaboration, this amazing
dinner with Angela oh and AlexDorsey, was just over the top
(00:35):
and in no small part because ofthe 20 feet of rose petals that
you laid out to welcome peopleinto the space.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
It was probably the most fun I've had in a while
holding space and, yeah, at thelast minute we went to the
Flower Mart Omar at like what 2pm, right before the event
started, and they were justgiving it away almost $5 a bag
and I definitely bought them allout of the pedals.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well, and it was just beautiful to enter into the
space and normally we had peopleturn right into the amazing
auditorium, but this time weasked people to go left and
there was a beautiful sign thatsays silence welcomes you.
And then there was 20 feet ofrose petals.
And then you walk down intothis space and there was this
(01:27):
long table.
There's a series of tables that40 people could sit around and
we invited folks to servethemselves with some onigiri
rice balls, some green tea andsome mochi, and it was this
three-part series around the tea, a little bit of a small meal
(01:48):
and then a sweet dessert, andthis three-part series really
allowed us to center in adifferent kind of way.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And I love the topic of just holding space for space
holders and even just this ideaof unpacking.
What does that really mean withAngela and Alex, who are two
amazing seasoned space holdersin their own worlds, and it was
interesting how powerful it isto unpack, even what that means
(02:19):
and how so many people don't seethemselves as that, but then
when we talk about it, theyrealize oh wow, I'm actually
doing this in my life, for myfamily, for my co-workers, for
my community.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And you know, over the course of these three series
we've probably had, I don'tknow about 150 people plus or
minus join, and then probablyover, I think, 3,000 people have
downloaded the podcast tolisten into it.
So really it's been thisgenerative space.
And at the end, jim Herr, who'sthe head of the Democracy
(02:53):
Center at JANM, was like but didwe really fix democracy?
And it was your partner, peter,who afterwards at dinner said
that democracy works wheneveryone has a voice and
everyone is heard.
And in this dinner that we hadtogether this holding space for
(03:13):
the space holders, he saideveryone spoke and everyone was
heard.
And so it was really beautifulto really just listen and be
present to how people wereshowing up, from my young
daughters to, like you said, wehad leaders of organizations
Karen Mack, who's the head of LACommons, who's been on our show
(03:35):
, Paula Daniels, who's the headof she was the founder of the LA
Food Policy Council and just apioneer, and so we have these
amazing change makers right Like.
That's why we wanted to holdspace for the space makers,
because there are these peoplewho are creating room in the
world for issues to be heard indifferent ways.
(03:56):
And the way we defined it too,was that you didn't have to just
be a leader.
You know sometimes, just ifyou're a parent holding space
for a child, or you know, in Jim, her circumstance he's a child
holding space for an elderlyparent, right and he's in that
part of his life to whether ornot you're just holding space
(04:17):
for yourself, right.
Like, what are all thesedifferent ways that we can hold
space?
Why is that even important, allthese different?
Speaker 3 (04:24):
ways that we can hold space.
Why is that even important?
Yeah, I mean, I think it's goodto be aware of our energy, you
know, as we navigate all theserelationships in our lives, and
to notice also, just like howdoes it feel to show up for
people, including ourselves, andI think, the more that we're
aware that we are doing this allthe time, even unconsciously.
(04:47):
Maybe we can add a little bitof empathy and a bit of
compassion into that.
Right Like that was, you know,the Garden of Healing was very
present for people, as we were,you know, picking cards from the
note card collection.
It was really interesting howmuch self-care came up, you know
, and just like remembering that, yeah, it takes a lot of energy
(05:08):
to hold space for everything inour lives, and so we got to
come back to ourselves.
So, yeah, as you listen to thisreplay of this live event, we'd
love to invite you to just, youknow, notice in what ways do
you hold space for others oryourself right now?
And, you know, hopefully someof these examples that we share
(05:30):
from the live event can beinspiring for you in your own
work.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Wishing you well, cheers, cheers.
In our go, go, go, me, me, mekind of world, we thought it
(05:57):
would be nice to just pause.
This is our third empathy anddemocracy event.
Each one has been verydifferent.
We've had taiko drummers, we'vehad deaf speakers.
In each one, what we're reallytrying to do is create space to
(06:18):
shift our perspectives, and youmight even wonder like what does
empathy and democracy have todo with this?
And for us, I think democracy insome ways moves at the speed of
empathy, and empathy in someways moves at the speed of our
(06:38):
stillness.
Can we pause to create a littlebit of room for compassion?
And when we pause to create alittle room for compassion, how
does that help us relate toourselves and to each other?
And so, when we thought aboutthis third event and this idea
(06:59):
of holding space for the spaceholders, it was really this sort
of invitation to become moreaware of what are all the spaces
that you're holding.
Maybe you're a parent holdingspace for a child, maybe you're
a child holding space for aparent, maybe you're a
facilitator or a coach, ateacher, a supervisor, or maybe
(07:25):
you're just holding space foryourself.
I want to thank Belinda, who ismy co-host for the Gratitude
Blooming podcast, and sheinvited me almost three years
ago to begin collaborating withher, and we've now probably held
over a hundred differentgratitude circles, from in
(07:47):
person to online Hundreds, ifnot thousands, of people.
At this point, we've justreleased, I think, our 110th
episode of the GratitudeBlooming podcast.
There's a reason why theJapanese American National
Museum is holding space fordemocracy Because there was a
(08:10):
moment in our history where welacked some deep empathy, some
deep understanding of humandignity, and so this sort of
reminder is not just atheoretical one, it's a lived
one, and so we appreciate Jimfor inviting us to create these
(08:31):
moments for us to reflect at avery human level.
Speaker 7 (08:37):
So we're actually sitting right now in the
historic building, and thehistoric building is the
centerpiece of it is a Buddhisttemple, which was the first
Buddhist temple in Los Angelesand it was built in 1925.
And it became a hub for theJapanese American community, not
only in Little Tokyo butthroughout Los Angeles.
(08:58):
But sadly, because it was thatcenter of the community, it is
where, in 1942, japaneseAmericans living in Los Angeles
were ordered to report some37,000 of them to come here with
just whatever they could carry.
They were put on buses, takento Santa Anita Racetrack I
(09:20):
didn't know it had been herethat long, but Santa Anita
Racetrack has been here for along time.
They were housed in horsestalls until they could be
processed and put on trains toone of 75 American concentration
camps around the country.
So this is very sort of a placethat has a lot of sadness, a lot
(09:43):
of heavy history, has a lot ofsadness, a lot of heavy history.
It is a place that we oftenthink of democracy as having
failed its people.
It's also a place of resiliency, the resiliency of the Japanese
American people, a place thathas come to be a place for
celebration, for joy, forcommunity, and not just for
(10:05):
Japanese Americans, but foranyone that wants to come here,
and the democracy center opensthat even more, and so this is
the types of conversations thatwe want to have.
It is a difficult time for ourdemocracy, right now.
And in searching for manyanswers, there's a lot of people
(10:29):
looking into different things,but I think for our institution
as an arts and cultureinstitution, we want to center
the arts in what we do and haveconversations that other people
aren't having, and this is oneof them, and I think it is an
important conversation to have.
How do we begin to demonstrateempathy when it is very
(10:53):
difficult at times to do that?
And I think that has been forme sort of this reoccurring
theme from the very first, evenbefore the first podcast that we
did, but certainly since thefirst podcast.
And it's not that we have or Ihave the answers, but hopefully
this is a way we can find someanswers.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
And so I wanted to start our journey together just
with this feeling of what doesit mean to hold space?
Feeling of what does it mean tohold space.
You know, we know what coachingis like, or you know
facilitation.
You know those are veryspecific words that we use a lot
in our modern day life.
But space holding is kind of anew idea, and even with all of
(11:40):
us as we were, you know, gettingready for this circle today, we
were like what does that wordactually mean?
And so I'm actually going toshare what it feels like to me,
and I invite you to join me inthat feeling.
So, to start, I want you to feelwhich hand, left or right, is
(12:02):
your active giving hand.
So we're going to do thattogether.
So take out that hand that isdoing a lot of things for you.
I want you to really feel theenergy that that hand is holding
.
So just imagine and feel whatare all the things in your life,
(12:30):
all the people in your lifethat you are holding, who is
depending on you in your life,and just imagine that being in
the palm of your hand right now,and you can even think that to
yourself.
What are those things that youhold literally every single day
(12:50):
of your life, who are the peoplethat you hold, and just notice
how that hand feels as you'reconnecting in and just giving
(13:10):
yourself some gratitude.
Wow, you are doing so much tohold this space for so many, and
(13:32):
now I invite you to take yourother hand and hold the hand
that is giving so much, and justnotice how that feels now to
have something else supportingyou as you're holding all of the
things that and the people andthe community that depend on you
in your day-to-day life, andjust noticing how does that feel
now to have an extra supportthere for you.
(14:01):
Just even this small act of howwe can hold space for ourselves
can create such a big rippleeffect for everything else in
our lives.
And so just inviting you all tojust be with this metaphor of
holding space, just feelingyourself, releasing a little bit
(14:25):
on that dominant hand to letthe other hand hold and support
you and this is really theintention for this time is how
can we release some of thatheaviness that is hard about
being a space holder for others,that is hard about being a
(14:49):
space holder for others?
We're going to actually justintroduce ourselves in the form
of what are we most wanting toreceive right now as people that
give so much in our lives, ifyou'd like, or also pull from
the Garden of Healing, which isour theme for today, is you know
what healing can that you needto receive right now for your
(15:13):
own care and well-being?
Just taking a moment to findthat word, either from the note
(15:36):
cards or from your ownimagination.
Speaker 9 (15:43):
Hello everyone.
My name is Bethany and I am Iwas most.
The card that most spoke to mewas number 15, the Azalea Hope.
Take a moment to remember atime when you were filled with
hope.
What do you need to feel thatfeel like that now I feel like I
(16:05):
start a lot most conversationswith how jaded I am and I don't
want to be that I.
I want you know to have hope.
So that's the one that spoke tome the most hi everyone, my
name is sim.
Speaker 8 (16:24):
Uh, the card I got was patience.
Um, some of the most importantlessons in life require time and
space to grow.
What is your relationship withtime?
How can time be your teacher?
I feel like, as I'm gettingolder, like patience is
something that keeps coming upfor me because, I don't know, I
feel like there's a lot ofpressure to grow up right now in
the society very quickly, uh,and sometimes I feel like I just
(16:45):
need more time to figure thingsout.
Speaker 10 (16:47):
Hi everyone, my name is Shekinah.
I chose number four wholeness.
Wholeness requires integratingdifferent, sometimes
contradictory, sides ofourselves.
What does wholeness feel liketo you?
I am in a point of my lifewhere a lot of things are
changing the area that I'm in,the people that I'm surrounded
(17:10):
by and even the ways that I justthink and view the world.
And a lot of times I'msimultaneously grieving a past
version of myself while alsolooking to this new version of
myself.
That's exciting too.
Speaker 11 (17:30):
Hello, I'm Cindy and I didn't even need to shuffle
the cards because right away,the first card is forgiveness
for myself.
The circular thinking that I'mnot good enough is constant, so
I'd like to leave this spacewith a little bit of forgiveness
for myself.
Speaker 12 (17:50):
My name is Kaylee and the card that stood out to
me was beautiful sadness, whichfeels sometimes contradictory,
but the line that really caughtmy attention was trust that new,
or that beautiful newpossibilities will be born.
Yeah, I feel like I'm justlonging for new possibilities,
(18:15):
beautiful new things in my life.
Speaker 13 (18:19):
Hi, I'm Alex and I'm going to take Belinda up on her
challenge for us to be you asour imagination.
I created my own card and mycard is I picked hot lava, and I
picked hot lava because I'vebeen feeling like an unmeltable
(18:41):
icicle which is frozen in place,and I picked hot lava because
I'm hoping to enter into aseason of thawfulness.
I want to thaw, but I'm almostthere, but not yet.
I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 14 (18:59):
Hi, I'm Angela.
I just picked healing.
It is a very personal journeyfor me, so I tend to be an
over-functioner and pour waymore energy into stuff, even if
it's broken, thinking that it'san ego thing too like I can fix
it.
So, um, this is listening to mybody and my mind and not
(19:19):
suppressing or moving past myfeelings too fast and, um,
making sure that I'm processingand taking care of my emotions
and not pretending that theyaren't there.
We're trying to make things goright all on my own and part of
the healing is sometimes justletting things be and having
patience and accepting wherethings are at, trusting the
(19:43):
outcome and, if there is anysort of functioning, doing that
in the spirit of making sure I'mtaking care of myself and those
things that matter most andjust preserving and not burning
myself out.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
I'm Paula and I randomly opened the stack to
self-care but I went no, I'mgood at that.
So I put it aside and looked atsomething that really resonated
for the moment and I havebeautiful sadness.
So today's the fifthanniversary of my mother's
passing and normally I think ofher birthday, but it's five
(20:22):
years and it's also Lunar NewYear, and in leading up to today
, I've been listening to anothergreat podcast by Anderson
Cooper called All there Is aboutgrief, and so much of it is
about the reality of living withloss if that's the word more of
(20:43):
a transition, and as we sithere in the beginning of the
Lunar New Year, it's atransition time.
There's an end and a beginning,and that's where I am today.
Speaker 15 (20:56):
Hello, my name is Peter.
I chose gentleness, and I thinkthis is, on the one hand, I
think it's appropriate for thetheme of empathy and democracy,
because in the prompt it's beingkind to others, and I think
that's really central to empathyand certainly has a connection
(21:17):
to democracy is understandingothers, withholding judgment
from others, being gentle withothers and their views, and for
me personally, the prompt isbeing kind to yourself.
This is something I strugglewith.
I'm very, I consider myselfvery empathetic and accepting of
others, and sometimes I holdmyself to a very different
(21:39):
standard, and maybe others hereas well do the same thing, and
so the message for me is I needto be gentle with myself, or
more gentle.
Thanks.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
I knew I would regret doing this.
Regret blooming.
Why you do this to me?
Speaker 10 (22:03):
I don't think.
Speaker 7 (22:05):
I'm pulling cards, I'm going to do an Alex and I'm
going to draw my own card.
So I was going through thecards and the first thing I
thought of was that all of thesethings are what I want for the
people that I'm holding.
Like every one of these cardsis what I want for them.
Uh, but if you go back and youlisten, I think, to the, the
(22:30):
podcast about the podcast, thefirst podcast I talk about, you
know, we talk about like well,what were you expecting?
Or I forget what exactly theprompt was, but I remember
feeling like I was a littledisappointed because we hadn't
solved the world's problems inthat first hour and a half, like
I don't know what I thought wasgoing to happen, but I really
thought, you know, it was allgoing to come together and we
(22:53):
were going to have the world'sproblem solved.
And, and so for me, you know,kind of going through this, the
last card is patience, and Ithink it's easy.
It would have been easy for meto pick that, because I think
that's when there's a problem, Iwant to rush in and solve the
problem.
I want to take care of it, Iwant to take care of the people
(23:14):
that I'm holding.
And today, not more than anhour and a half ago, I was in a
situation where I wanted to runinto that burning building and I
wanted to save the people in itand I wanted to fix everything
that was happening, but thatwasn't working and I had to stop
(23:38):
for a moment and and showgentleness for that person and
for myself, and and in thatmoment, the energy of all of
that just completely shifted andI know what the lesson is for
(24:00):
that situation.
But this is where the workbegins for us.
Here is how do we make thatbigger?
Speaker 16 (24:12):
We have many aspects of our identities and they're
complex, but part of what we'reexperiencing in democracy right
now is a space where ourhumanity becomes condensed to
these one-dimensional labels,labels that can be quickly
(24:42):
judged, where projections areput on someone that may or may
not be true, and what's missingis the space between, a space to
as we've heard tonight pause,to notice, to reflect, to listen
to ourselves.
Maybe it's a narrative thatdoesn't serve us any longer.
(25:07):
Maybe it's an awareness ofsomething we're needing that we
haven't given to ourselves.
Maybe it's an energy that webring to the world in an effort
to get things done that we canlay down and rest.
Maybe it's time to justacknowledge I have time to be
(25:31):
where I am in this season of mylife and regardless of what
society says here is where Ineed to be.
This space is a space thatreally allows us to bring a
quality of attention, and I lovethe quote by Anne Truitt.
(25:55):
She says the opposite ofinattention is love.
Part of the power of languageis defining it for ourselves,
and so the first question is howwould you define holding space
(26:15):
For yourself?
Why, if you're a space holder,why have you integrated space
holding?
Or why might you integrate aconscious practice of space
holding, and with whom would youhold that space?
(26:37):
What do you need to sustainyourself and hold space with
empathy amidst the challengesfacing our democracy?
And if more individualspracticed holding space, what?
Speaker 9 (26:58):
do you?
Speaker 16 (26:59):
imagine would be possible.
So these questions are merelyan invitation for you to notice
which one speaks to you.
Speaker 18 (27:13):
If more individuals practice holding space, what do
you imagine would be possible?
And I said a collective society.
That's harmonious because inthis nation we're so separated,
but if we come together and likewe actually have similar
happenings in our lives, so oncewe share that we can be a
(27:34):
collective like this here.
This is council.
Speaker 13 (27:39):
I'm new to this concept of holding space with
Angela and Alex and for me I'mstill learning this I guess I'm
working on.
I'm leaning in curiosity andwonder, with this very
(28:00):
investigative spirit of whatreally, Alex, is it to hold
space?
And I think for me it's toprotect the sanctuary and it's
something I'm working on.
I'm not there yet, but it'ssuch a sacred space, the whole
(28:21):
space is very sacred, so onemust really be anchored in an
intention to preserve andprotect the sanctity of the
space and protect the sanctuaryat all costs.
Speaker 16 (28:38):
Thank you.
It's often said you cannot givewhat you do not have, and for
many of us, whether it's ourwork, preoccupation,
responsibilities with ourfamilies, whatever absorbs our
(28:59):
time, especially now thatalgorithms are being very
strategic in how to capture ourtime If we are to honor each
other's humanity.
I'm hearing these insights thateach of you are speaking to
yourself as possible a next stepto do that.
(29:22):
It's not that it's we fix theworld overnight, as Jim spoke to
earlier, or that this circle ofnourishment solves problems
that we all see and face, butthat, if we can be present in
this moment, to what's the nextthing for me to bring?
(29:49):
Kindness, to bring healing,maybe more patience, some
wholeness, a little self-careEach of those values that,
reflected back in the Garden ofHealing cards, moves us to
creating space for another andunderstanding they have needs
(30:15):
that they may need just a momentto pause and consider for
themselves.
Once you have a concept likethis that you're thinking about,
it really becomes more centeredin our awareness when we can
(30:37):
embody it, and so I'm going toturn this over to Angela to walk
us through some embodiedreflections.
Speaker 17 (30:47):
Close your eyes for a minute and recall a time when
you received empathy.
Recall a time when you receivedempathy.
What did that feel like?
People can just say.
(31:12):
What did empathy feel like?
Love, nurturing, warmth,non-judgment, sorry, come again.
(31:32):
Cared for Felt seen, felt seen.
Speaker 13 (31:39):
Generosity.
Speaker 17 (31:40):
Generosity, surprising, surprising,
welcoming, welcoming, welcoming.
You see, all of these thingsthat you just named and anybody
have anything different thanwhat we've heard.
Speaker 20 (31:56):
Dignity.
Speaker 17 (31:57):
Dignity.
These are the gifts of empathy.
Now, where in your body wouldyou locate the feeling that you
named Just?
Put your hand on that part ofyour body, your hand on that
(32:18):
part of your body.
Some have on their hearts, somehave on their belly some have
in the center of their chest.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
One of the things that Jim Omar and I were talking
about in preparation for thistime was what does it feel like
to be space holders?
And, interestingly enough, a lotof the things that we shared
with each other was it's hard,it feels heavy, it's exhausting,
it takes a lot of energy, a lotof energy.
There's work to be done, and sohow can we take a breath, even
(32:59):
in that heaviness, to reallyfeel the lightness of being held
?
And we really thought aboutthat through the experience of
the space and really the silencethat is part of this
participant in this space aswell.
(33:20):
So we're just going to take amoment to really digest this
time, like really feeling into.
How does it feel for you now,as someone that is taking care
of others and yourself, assomeone that is taking care of
others and yourself?
What do you notice yourself?
(33:40):
What is one thing we want toremember as we go back and we
live our lives?
It could be the same word thatyou started with, or it could be
another word that's emergingfrom what you've experienced
today.
Speaker 20 (33:57):
I am taking with me the realization of how much of a
gift it can be to enable peopleto exhale, by inviting them in,
by calling for people to be inspaces where they wouldn't be
otherwise.
And that it's both a physicalthing as well as sort of an
(34:24):
emotional exhale.
Speaker 5 (34:27):
So I was thinking of holding space as patiently
listening and allowing, ofmentoring.
You know, creating room forsomeone else is how I've been
thinking of it, but I'm seeingit in a new way, like you know,
reflecting on the dimensionalityof relationships and
(34:48):
perspectives and recollectionand how you might look at
something that happened in adifferent way many years later
and and I'll just brieflyexplain it, Angela and I had a
conversation earlier today aboutmy mother, who was a political
figure and took a vote on a verycontroversial position for
civil rights but lost herre-election because of that and
(35:09):
the issue lost but decades laterbecame something that changed
in society.
So Angela said she was holdingspace and I had never thought of
it quite that way.
You know people think of her astrying and not succeeding, but
Angela said she held space andso I see it now is that it's
(35:32):
like a way of creatingopportunity?
Speaker 19 (35:45):
I was thinking about what Alex said earlier, you
know, when she asked everybodyabout whether they define
themselves as a space holder,and I don't think you usually
define yourself as that Usually.
You are chosen as that and youknow I, my family actually calls
me the expediter.
So so you know, I have thatburden and and you know, I think
(36:10):
what I'm taking is that, like Ineed somebody to hold space for
me and and but you know the thekernel in that is that you have
to really be a space holder,like in the truth.
You know, with that empathy andin order to motivate that,
(36:35):
inspire that in others to stepup.
And so you know, that's mylesson is to be a model Space
holder.
Speaker 14 (36:49):
The expediter.
The expediter.
I just think of the wordcommunity and I just look around
and one might say it's a tape,you know, a table full of
strangers.
But at the same time I feellike we all really know each
other in some way and theimportance of community and
(37:14):
nurturing it and building it.
I might see you out someday andjust know we're each other's
people and that we care andwe're doing our version of
contributing to making thisworld a better place in some way
, shape or form, and it's abeautiful thing.
So my community just grewtonight and I'm really happy to
(37:35):
be here and meet you all.
Speaker 13 (37:38):
Do you guys know that song by REM, losing my
Religion?
Well, yeah, I've been kind oflosing my compassion and I'm
looking over Jim's left shoulderand I'm forced to confront with
.
What compassion is, you know?
So, I mean, I think I live onSan Pedro and Forth where I'm
(38:01):
confronted every day with withthe chaos and the strife and the
unpredictability of thehomeless community.
But thank you for today becauseit reminded me that even if
you're hanging on by a tatteredand torn piece of thread, you're
(38:23):
still connected to yourcompassion.
Speaker 20 (38:25):
Thank you, so I've been really excited about this
coming up, because I got thisbrilliant opportunity to teach
in a social justice program andI have been using the concept of
space holding as thecornerstone in my classroom.
(38:47):
And it's not easy, and I thinkthe thing that resonated with me
the most was something that Jimsaid right at the beginning,
where he said I was going torush into that burning building
and save them, but then Istopped.
And that's how I feel every day.
I have to let them enter thespace and learn and fall and
(39:10):
crash and burn and open theirminds in a way, and I just have
to let them catch a little bit,and so it's nice to know that I
am not alone.
Speaker 22 (39:24):
It was super challenging to see the word
empathy and democracy together.
It was very challenging for me,and I think what I'm
recognizing in both my ownpondering of these questions and
hearing everyone's wisdom beingelicited here is that perhaps
(39:45):
there is a magic in holdingspace where what I'm actually
doing is finding the gratitudeand the healing in the challenge
and really allowing thesacredness of challenge.
Speaker 23 (40:05):
I think probably most of us find it easier to be
empathetic with people who we'reclose to, or that we feel like
we have a lot in common with.
Being able to be empathetic topeople who are very different
than us, who have very differentviews, is more challenging, but
(40:27):
perhaps the only way forempathy to be returned is to
show it, and so that's what I'lltake with me.
Speaker 6 (40:51):
Similar to what other folks have said.
It's really difficult topractice allowing folks to have
food, nourishing food frombeautiful cultures, to have and
feel worthiness of havingflowers adorn your feet and your
table, and to feel worthy to bearound folks you feel close to
(41:13):
and folks who you don't know,and spending time, and I think
it reminds me that we do treateach other so disposably, and
that's the opposite of empathyand the opposite of holding
spaces.
We want to make things go sofast that we lose or miss or
intentionally put others asideand create the other so that we
(41:34):
can justify it.
And so I'm really just sittingwith the sense of what is the
next step to empathy.
Feel like for myself personally, but also in our actions.
When we are challenged, when weare at capacity, how do we
summon and imbibe this energy,even in that most challenging
(41:55):
place that you may feeldehumanized, how do we still,
through faith and throughpractice, emanate empathy in
actions?
Speaker 4 (42:11):
thanks everyone.
Um, the thing I've beenreflecting on is, in my
day-to-day, we always talk aboutfilling space.
Fill that space, what's in thatspace?
Um, so now, holding space.
The thing I'm reflecting on isthe question between what does
it look like to hold spaceinstead of fill it, and I
definitely don't have an answer.
Speaker 18 (42:35):
Hey y'all.
So my continued practice comingfrom this will be to do it
scared, because me speakingright now scary and that's me
showing up for myself, though,like I know, I need to share my
voice amongst my community andit's just a reminder for me to
(42:55):
know that if I don't servemyself, I can't serve others.
So to continue to do it scaredand I'm gonna come out better at
the end.
So thank y'all for hearing me.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
I think probably the exercise that had the most
impact on me, um, because wewere talking about holding space
and making others feel seen andmaking others feel like they're
in the room.
When you actually ask us toremember a space of empathy and
when someone held it for you,the memory of it five, a year or
(43:33):
two later, it's sort of thewarmth that you get from it when
you don't think that you'vegotten it, and the idea of sort
of creating that for somebodyelse, even if it's just a small
moment, because the memoriesthat I had were very small, they
weren't huge moments, it wasjust like little things and I
was like, oh, I see you.
So I think that's what I'mgoing to carry is the idea of
(43:58):
holding space and trying to makepeople feel seen so that, even
if it carries a year or twolater, two years later, whatever
, that feeling of warmthhopefully will go to other
people and that's what I'm goingto take for the day.
Speaker 21 (44:10):
Hopefully we'll go to other people and that's what
I'm going to take for today.
Kindness, compassion, empathyis so contagious and this world
definitely needs more peoplelike us who shares kindness,
compassion, empathy, becauseoftentimes, when we're pushing
our children to go to college goto school it's so they can earn
(44:32):
money, but then when we'retalking about just money, is
that really what's going to makethem happy?
So, for me, what I take fromtoday's gathering is to share
and be a role model of beingkind, compassionate and showing
empathy showing empathy.
(44:55):
So I wrote a little poem.
Speaker 9 (45:04):
We are here, we are breathing, we have gifts to give
each other and to this world.
So my identity is one oforganizer and leader, but not
leader in like a grandiose sense.
Speaker 13 (45:16):
Just we have this thing and you're in charge of
making sure it happens, kind ofthing.
Speaker 9 (45:21):
So when I look at the idea of holding space, it's
more like a means to an end.
You know, when you have a lotof people in a room and if you
don't hold space for everyone,you're going to have conflict
and opposition and you're notall going to row in the same
direction.
(45:41):
So this is very calculating, itsounds like, but this is kind
of who I am and I don't thinkabout it.
And holding space for myself iswinning meeting these goals.
Space for myself is winninggetting meeting these goals.
(46:03):
And I hadn't really thought ofit so succinctly until just this
moment.
So thank you for that everyone.
Speaker 16 (46:10):
Now I'm taking away an embodied reminder.
When Belinda asked us to extendour hand the hand that holds
and then to put our other handunderneath to provide support,
as someone who holds space allday long for others, consciously
(46:36):
I realized I need to identifysupport, not when I need them.
Before, before, and so now Ihave.
(46:57):
I just have that embodiedawareness taking that away and
all of your beautiful faces.
When I look at these cards nowthe Garden of Healing I'll think
of you.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Just as we close, I want to bring into the room our
third partner, arlene Kim Suda.
Partner Arlene Kim Suda, who isan artist in the Bay Area who
did the illustrations, and theywere born seven years ago in a
practice she called 100 Days ofBlooming Love, and what she
(47:26):
wanted to do was move kind ofbeyond the inspiration of art
and really into the disciplineof noticing.
And so, by illustrating oneplant each day for 100 days, the
plants began to speak to her,and so the words that you see
here are the words from theplant that you see.
And so when you first came intothis space, you saw the three
(47:51):
reflection booths, and there wasa line in a poem that I wrote
imagine flowers and votingbooths.
And just I was like, well, Ican create that right.
And so we did.
We created these reflectionbooths with these found objects
and with these plants, and wecreated that sacred space right,
(48:14):
like we took.
In many ways, the voting boothis the altar of our democracy.
Right, it is where we practicesort of our democracy.
And this, as we're closing, I'mlooking at this word holding
space.
But space holding is a practice, and practice is anything that
(48:39):
disrupts our habits.
And so this idea of disruptingour habits, of filling things up
right, what is the habit ofcreating space?
Right, the habit of creatingfreedom, and Belinda and I are
obviously gratitude geeks.
We've been deep into thepractice of gratitude.
(49:00):
We have launched multiplecompanies, apps, technologies,
held numerous spaces, and Ithink the one thing that I'll
just say is that gratitudeserves you most is when you
don't need it when you practicegratitude.
You don't need it when youpractice gratitude and you don't
need it.
It shows up for you when you do, and it's that small practice,
(49:26):
every day, of pausing to noticesomething good.
And what I would say now isthat my definition of gratitude
is that gratitude is really thepractice of noticing with the
heart.
The heart holds space for whatthe mind cannot, and so just
(49:47):
appreciate you being here,showing the courage to share
your hearts with us tonight.
Showing the courage to shareyour hearts with us tonight.
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