Welcome back, sinners and scholars! We’ve officially made it to 100 episodes, and what better way to celebrate than by doing everything the Word of Wisdom says not to? That’s right—this week, we’re raising our Apostate Elixir (crafted by Abish, but barely survived by our special guest Kal-audia, who nearly perished after one sip) to toast to a century of exposing Mormon absurdity. Before we deep-dive into the hypocrisy of Mormon health codes, we kick things off with pop culture, current events, and, of course, our bespoke cocktail of the week, a blasphemous concoction of caffeine, alcohol, and poor life choices.
Scriptures: 00:23:25
Moroni takes us into Doctrine & Covenants 89, the infamous Word of Wisdom section—aka the scriptural equivalent of an MLM diet plan. This so-called revelation bans coffee but lets you drink soda until your kidneys stage a coup. Also, Joseph Smith wrote this while definitely not following it. Classic Joey boy.
Church Teachings: 01:22:32
aaaAAAaaa leads a hilarious, boozy dive into Mormon dietary contradictions. Expect chaotic trivia, wild reinterpretations, and a drinking game that would get us kicked out of BYU faster than wearing tank tops.
History: 01:52:29
Abigail hosts a special edition of Great and Spacious Jeopardy, where we test our knowledge of the podcast’s own history. Which Game of Thrones character did we all agree is husband material? What horrific Dorito flavor did we use to haze a guest? And who exactly is Swiss Cheese Extremities Man?
So grab a sacrilegious sip of something strong, turn up the volume, and let’s break some commandments together. Here’s to 100 episodes of holy heresy—and many more to come!
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