Episode 103 - Wet Hot American War Crimes

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Welcome dear listeners to another episode of the greatest and most spacious podcast. This week’s cocktail is named Glory Juice—and it lives up to its name by being equal parts fruity, boozy, and dangerous. aaaAAAaaa officially makes the drink, but Abish immediately hijacks the segment like the chaotic good she is and you don't find out what is in the drink until the end of the segment..It’s a heady blend of pineapple rum, passion fruit rum, champagne, peach juice, and enough chopped fruit to qualify as a Relief Society salad. The result? A glowing, golden party potion with spiritual implications and very real consequences.

Scriptures: [00:31:26]
Abish leads us into Doctrine & Covenants 93, where we learn that Jesus started out as a dumbass baby and had to level up his divinity “grace by grace.” This revelation sparks a collective rant about weird bug theology, cosmic gaslighting, and the idea that you too can become God—if you just try really, really hard and don’t ask too many questions. The section also comes with a side of divine parenting tips and a suspiciously pointed callout that totally isn’t about Joseph Smith’s personal failings. Definitely not.

Church Teachings: [00:44:32]
Moroni dives into a rage-inducing gem from the Exmormon subreddit: Mark E. Petersen’s infamous “steps to stop masturbating.” From normal toilet processes to breaking up with horny friends, it's a full-blown manual in shame and repression, dressed up as spiritual self-control. The GASP crew gets real about growing up in a church obsessed with sexual purity, the absurdity of the “porn addiction” label, and the profound relief that comes with realizing your genitals aren’t evil. There's also an extremely enthusiastic vibrator testimonial. You’re welcome.

History: [01:55:14]
Abigail takes a break from the Nazis to shine a light on another bit of deeply cursed WWII history: the Japanese internment camps in Utah—specifically Topaz. Spoiler: it’s horrifying. From tar paper barracks in the middle of a godforsaken desert to armed guards shooting at old men walking their dogs, it’s a brutal look at America’s own concentration camps. Also, shoutout to George Takei, whose graphic memoir They Called Us Enemy gets a well-deserved mention. If this segment doesn’t make you scream “ARE WE THE BADDIES?” at least once, you weren’t listening.

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