Episode 108 - Leadershit Bootcamp

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This episode is fueled by espresso, overproof rum, and a deep, righteous need for vengeance—so basically, a typical Tuesday in Zion. With Moroni off, the trio powers through two sections of D&C, a crash course in Zion’s Camp gaslighting, and a takedown of the original CES overlord: David O. McKay.

Scriptures & Drink: [00:00:00]

Abish combines the scriptures segment with the drink this week in a cocktail/scripture mashup worthy of a Fast & Furious title screen. Her drink, the Fasting & Furious, is a chaotic espresso + rum situation garnished with a mini donut and flavored with rage, cayenne, and maple syrup. It’s perfect for fasting, drag racing, or facing your disciplinary council.

She covers D&C 102, which lays out the spiritual court system: a high council of 12 high priests and a process for towing the souls of transgressors back onto the covenant freeway. It’s equal parts “redemption tribunal” and “pit crew diagnostic.” Then she skids into D&C 103, where Joseph receives revelation to redeem Zion—not with angels or divine power, but by forming a holy militia and walking across Missouri with bad shoes and worse hydration. Enter: Zion’s Camp where God lets them suffer for “growth,” 14 people die of cholera, and nothing is redeemed.

Church Teachings: [00:22:57]

aaaAAAaa takes on the Church’s retelling of Zion’s Camp and the modern high council. He explains how this “march of obedience” is framed as a divine leadership boot camp—even though it was a 900-mile fail parade that ended in diarrhea, mutiny, and a weird dog-related death threat. Highlights include Brigham Young saying it was worth more than all the wealth of Geauga County and Joseph Smith threatening to whip a guy if he hurt his dog. God apparently needed everyone to suffer so he could build an apostolic internship program.

Modern takes on the high council don’t get off easy either. They’ve gone from deciding excommunications to being the sleep paralysis demons of sacrament meeting: 12 guys giving uninspired talks with PowerPoints and khaki testimony energy.

History: [00:49:14]

Abigail wraps things up with a full-body cringe as she introduces us to David O. McKay, the Colonel Sanders of prophets. Born in the Utah Territory and orphaned by manhood at 8 years old (thanks to dead sisters and a mission-bound father), McKay grew up fast and polished—emphasis on polished. He became the church’s PR king, responsible for pushing CES, seminary, and the culture of “be educated, but only if you’re still obedient.”

She covers his long presidency (1951–1970), his deeply conflicted record on civil rights (he cried over a biracial couple but still withheld priesthood), and the church’s ridiculous mythologizing of him “sensing danger” on a volcano in Hawaii. Did he save a tour group from certain lava death? No. But did he wear a starched white suit while pretending to? Probably.

Also? He looked exactly like Colonel Sanders. You cannot unsee it.

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