Episode 116 - Diabolical Rascality

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Abish returns with a drink and a tale of gastrointestinal revelation, both from Joseph Smith and her own soul. Inspired by D&C 121’s wildly inappropriate phrasing—Joe pleading with God to “move His bowels” in compassion—she whips up the “Move Yo Bowels Mango Marg”. It’s a premixed mango marg, blended with ice, salt-rimmed glass, star sprinkles, orange and lime slices, and an optional mezcal floater for that fiery poop finale.

The intro spirals (as it should) into tangents involving fingernail trauma, sixth-grade revenge cookies laced with laxatives, and the correct Canadian term for a corn dog (it’s a pogo, and HR really tried to say that professionally). The chaos is unmatched.

Scriptures: [00:27:21]

aaaAAAaaa turns the Liberty Jail letters into a fully unhinged dramatic reenactment called “The Liberty Jail Dialogues” starring Joseph Smeagol Smith and God Gollum, the gaslighter. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Joseph pleads for mercy, and God responds with cryptic threats, veiled insults, and a soft-launch of Mormon polytheism in the footnotes.

Key highlights:

• “Endure well” = divine gaslighting
• “We will exalt you” = Who is we, God??
• God dunking on Job again
• A full-on trauma checklist featuring wolves, pits, and crying children
• “Your oppressors will melt like the whore frost” (yes, that got a tangent too)
• Joe calling God out for having inconsistent vibes

It’s Joe having a breakdown in jail, writing weird poetry, and God answering like a dramatic theater kid who just read Dune.

Church Teachings: [00:45:54]

Abish steps in for Moroni and gives us the church’s spin on D&C 121’s priesthood and persecution rhetoric. She references a talk that turns divine chastisement into an emotional manipulation masterclass. Then, she answers a “Dear Abby” style letter from someone asking if they’ll still get blessings even though they’re bad at charity. Spoiler: the blessings are eternal, but the gaslighting is immediate.

Abish doesn’t shy away from pointing out how often the church uses “we’re persecuted” as an excuse to keep members loyal and distracted. She also critiques how priesthood power gets framed as both a sacred responsibility and a license to control—as long as it’s wrapped in “gentleness and meekness,” of course.

History: [01:10:32]

Abigail gives us a two-part historical descent into nonsense and murder. First up, the birth of chiropractic medicine, courtesy of D.D. Palmer, a magnetic healer who claimed he restored a janitor’s hearing by realigning his spine. If that sounds like a cult, just wait: his son, B.J. Palmer, took it mainstream—with a side of racism and anti-vax rhetoric. Yes, chiropractics were founded by ghost hunters with strong MLM energy.

Then we return to the ongoing drama of Mormon fundamentalists. Abigail covers the final chapter of the Allreds vs. LeBarons saga, ending in cold-blooded assassinations, prophetic chaos, and factions fracturing faster than a vertebra in a bad neck adjustment. Rena Chynoweth, a teenage bride turned hitwoman, testifies against her prophet-husband in a murder trial, and the whole thing ends up as a made-for-TV movie and a textbook case of “what the hell, Utah?”

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