March 2, 2025 • 6 mins
Relationships are often beautiful yet complicated, and communication is the bedrock that keeps them healthy. Our latest podcast episode dives deep into the struggles that arise when communication breaks down, leaving partners feeling isolated and seeking support elsewhere. We explore the intricacies of why someone might discuss their marriage issues with others rather than their significant other, shedding light on key relationship dynamics that can lead to emotional rifts.
We share poignant insights into how alienation can affect co-parenting after divorce, particularly for fathers who may feel disconnected from their children. Through engaging discussions, we dissect the emotional toll of such experiences and offer practical strategies to bridge the communication gap. Our co-hosts emphasize the significance of self-awareness and reflection in conversations, pointing out how “conversation bullying” can unintentionally sabotage relationships.
This episode is not only for those grappling with individual challenges but also for anyone interested in nurturing a healthier emotional landscape in their personal lives and relationships. Join us for an enlightening discussion on understanding and transforming communication in your marriage, as well as recognizing patterns of self-sabotage. Don’t forget to leave your thoughts on our social media channels or check out our "Let's Talk" section on Great Day Radio. Together, let’s create healthier, more fulfilling relationships!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to the People.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Station on GreatDayRadiocom.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi, my name is Katie from Miami, florida.
This question is for DJ DeMarie.
So I've been married for over10 years.
Me and my husband share twokids together.
We have been struggling in ourrelationship for a very long
time.
In your podcast onrelationships, you touched on
communications.
The concern I have in mymarriage is I found out that my
husband has been havingconversations about our marriage
(00:28):
problems with other women.
I don't think he is having anyrelationships with them, however
, it bothers me.
My question is why does he dothat and should I be concerned?
I confronted him about it andhe shuts down.
He did say that I shut him downand refused to listen.
I am not sure how to respond.
Is it me or is he just a poorcommunicator?
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Is he really a poor communicator or are you a
conversation bully?
I've said this before and Ifeel like it's worth saying
again so many times.
As women, we will get theseideas in our head and we just
going to run with it.
We going to go, we are going totake over the conversation and
(01:07):
then we will give the illusionthat we are going to allow him
to say something and as soon ashe says something we do not like
, we jump back in and we takeover the conversation again, or,
worst, we deflect theconversation.
We blame him for past issues.
So then, when he shuts down, orwhen he stops talking to you, or
when he starts talking toanother woman because she makes
him feel emotionally safe, shehears him, she allows him to say
(01:31):
whatever it is he needs to saythen we want to get mad because
he's not communicating with us,or we want to get mad because
he's talking to another womanabout us or about what's going
on in our relationship.
Like you should be talking tome, since he tried to talk to
you and you would not let thatman get a word in.
So all I'm saying is, beforeyou accuse him of being a poor
(01:52):
communicator, take a look at howyour conversations go,
especially when you are mad orespecially when you're on a
rampage.
Do you even give that man thespace to say whatever it is he
needs to say without you makinghim feel like he can't Just be
mindful of his feelings and trynot to make it about you?
When it comes to marriage andrelationships, it's about the
(02:15):
both of you together, especiallywhen kids are a part of your
lives.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Welcome to another Great Day Radio podcast on
relationships.
I'm your host, dj Mikey D,along with DJ DJ Bella, dj Tyler
and DJ DeMarie.
For this podcast we will bediscussing navigating life after
divorce, specifically on thesubject of parental alienation
after a divorce.
Later in the program we willalso discuss relationship
(02:39):
sabotage and ways to recognizeit.
Stay tuned after these messages.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Welcome to Great Day Radio, your endless stream of
auditory bliss that transcendsboundaries and ways to recognize
it.
Stay tuned after these messagesmemories directly to your
digital doorstep.
Thank you so much for becominga fan of Great Day Radio.
We have so much to talk about.
Stay tuned, as we are workingon several new podcasts from
money talk, politics, technologyand many more important topics.
(03:17):
Thank you again for all of yoursupport.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Hello and welcome to the Healing Path, your weekly
podcast where we dive into thecomplex journeys of life,
post-divorce and separation.
I'm DJ Mikey D.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
And I am DJ Tyler, your co-host.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
And I'm DJ Bella.
Today we're going to tackle atopic that affects many men
after divorce alienation,Specifically, how some men find
themselves feeling isolated oralienated by their ex-wives
post-separation.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
This is a subject that doesn't get as much airtime
as it should.
While divorce is tough foreveryone involved, the feeling
of being alienated can beespecially challenging for men.
It's more than just physicalseparation it's emotional and
psychological too.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Absolutely Many men report feeling like the outsider
when it comes to familydynamics, especially when
children are involved.
They may find themselves cutoff from important familial
activities and decisions.
For example, the other day Iwas having a conversation with
one of my besties.
While I support her as she isgoing through a divorce, I do
(04:24):
recognize that her ex has been avery supporting father.
However, the dynamics changedwhen she opted for divorce and
forced her ex-husband out of thehouse.
As she was venting, she took onthe mindset that she was the
only person that took on theemotional toll the kids were
experiencing.
I could not help but feel shedismissed the father completely,
(04:45):
as if he walked outintentionally, not wanting
nothing to do with the kids.
It is a common theme tominimize a good father after a
divorce.
I could relate to her view ifthe father she dismissed was
abusive or other elements suchas drugs played a role, but in
her case it was her decision tomove away from the relationship.
(05:06):
From a women's point of view, Ithink we all ask for equality.
However, we are so quick toblaming men, even if we are the
one initiating everything.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Listeners, if you're going through this, know you're
not alone.
Our aim for this podcast is toexplore why this happens and how
one might cope or address thisalienation.
Divorce and separationrepresent a significant
disruption in familialstructures, often impacting
parental relationships withchildren.
In many instances, divorcedfathers experience a sense of
(05:40):
alienation from their children,a phenomenon that sociologists
and psychologists are beginningto explore in greater depth.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Let's start by understanding why this happens
in the first place.
Divorce is a significantemotional upheaval and for some,
handling post-divorcerelationships can be difficult.
There might be residualfeelings of resentment or anger
that lead to this alienation.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Exactly, and sometimes it's less about
intentional alienation and moreabout new boundaries being set,
but consequences can be profound, especially regarding the
father-child relationship.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
That's right.
Alienation can strain theserelationships, leading to
misunderstanding and distance.
It's crucial to maintain openlines of communication with your
ex where possible, to ensurethat both parents are part of
the child's life.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Also seeking mediation or counseling can be
beneficial.
Professionals can offer aneutral ground to sort out
grievances and work towardshealthier co-parenting dynamics.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
And remember, staying connected with your support
network friends, family orsupport groups is key.
They can provide emotionalsupport and advice based on
their experiences.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Great points, Bella.
Building strong post-divorcelife involves patience and
sometimes professional help.
It's important to prioritizechildren's well-being, as they
often feel caught in the middle.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yes, let's not forget that this is a transitional
phase for everyone involved.
While it's challenging, it canalso be an opportunity for
personal growth and redefiningyour role in the family.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
And to our listeners out there.
We want to hear from you.
Share your stories and anystrategies that have worked for
you in coping with post-divorcealienation.
Reach out on our social mediaplatforms or hit the let's Talk
section of greatdayradiocom andleave a one or two 60-second
message.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Thank you for joining us today on the Healing Path.
We hope you found some insightsto help navigate this
challenging aspect of life afterdivorce as we wrap up this
podcast.
Alienation of men from theirchildren post-divorce is a
complex issue with deeppsychological, social and legal
roots.
By acknowledging the dynamicsinvolved and striving for
(07:59):
systemic changes, it is possibleto foster healthier
relationships between divorcedfathers and their children,
ultimately benefiting familiesas a whole.
And remember, healing is ajourney, not a destination
healthier relationships betweendivorced fathers and their
children, ultimately benefitingfamilies as a whole.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And remember healing is a journey, not a destination.
Until next time, take care andkeep moving forward.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Thanks for tuning in.
We hope this podcast discussionbrings comfort and insight as
you navigate your path afterdivorce.
This is DJ Tyler.
We appreciate your love andsupport.
Next up we have DJ DeMarie asshe discusses sabotage within
relationships.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Hello and welcome to Great Day Radio's Relationship
Talk, your go-to podcast forunraveling the mysteries of
human relationships.
I'm your host, dj DeMarie, forthis podcast.
We're tackling aself-destructive force in
relationships the mindsetsabotage.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Stay tuned after these messages from our sponsors
and supporters.
This podcast, and all of ourpodcasts, are dedicated to
cancer foundations hoping for afuture cure.
This is dj mikey d.
While I do not often discuss mypersonal life on air, I
recently discovered I have thebeginning stages of lung cancer.
For this segment, we supportorganizations such as the
American Cancer Society.
(09:11):
They are a leadingcancer-fighting organization
with a vision to end cancer aswe know it for everyone.
Acs are improving the lives ofpeople with cancer and their
families as the onlyorganization combating cancer
through advocacy, research andpatient support to ensure that
everyone has an opportunity toprevent, detect, treat and
(09:31):
survive cancer.
To find out more informationabout what they offer or to
donate to their causes, visitcancerorg or call toll-free
1-800-227-2345.
Thank you for your support andtogether we can find a cure for
cancer.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Relationships, with all their complexities, often
mirror the deepest parts of ourpsyche.
At the heart of many failedrelationships lies the
phenomenon of self-sabotage, amindset characterized by
behaviors that undermine ordestroy bonds, driven by
subconscious fears andinsecurities.
Have you ever found yourselfquestioning why relationships,
(10:09):
despite the love and effort,sometimes seem to crumble?
Relationship sabotage oftenlurks beneath the surface,
driven by subconscious fears andunspoken insecurities.
I have DJ Mikey D here with meto discuss his recent divorce.
I know we have discussed ingreat detail about your
relationship with your ex.
(10:29):
In those discussions you hadmentioned sabotage in your
marriage or relationship.
Would you mind sharing yourthoughts later in this podcast?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Always great co-hosting with you on
relationship topics you host.
So yes, I do not mind at all.
I do want to encourage ourlisteners to listen to those
podcasts on relationships ongreatdayradiocom under the
relationship category.
There you will get a betterunderstanding of the divorce I
went through and how I perceivedand understood the sabotage in
(10:59):
our relationship.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Awesome.
So what makes peopleself-sabotage their relationship
?
So what makes peopleself-sabotage their relationship
?
People might sabotage due to alack of self-esteem, fear of
vulnerability or early lifeexperiences that have wired them
to expect the worst.
Before I get more involved inthe topic, dj Mikey D, tell me
how did you recognize when yourex started the sabotage in your
(11:21):
relationship?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Just before my son was born and prior to us getting
married, my ex in fact admittedto me that her past
relationships she wouldself-sabotage them.
Weeks before finding out my exwas pregnant, she made attempts
to push me away.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Wow, how did you handle it when you recognized
she was pushing you away?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I have to admit it was hurtful.
I recalled the conversation wehad about her past relationships
.
I wanted to push past thiseffort and prove to her that I
was in love with her and was init for the long haul.
The timing sealed the deal whenweeks later, she announced she
was pregnant.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
While we will not get into the entire 14-year
relationship over time, werethere other patterns of sabotage
within the marriage that yourecognized?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
While I did not think much about it during the time
of our marriage since beingapart, however, I have had time
to reflect on the past.
One of the issues we often hadwas a lack of communications or
transparency, especially when itcame to finances.
In fact, I almost lost my jobin the army because of those
issues.
For example, oftentimes billswere not discussed or disclosed
(12:32):
to me and I had to discover theissues the hard way, through
either collections or, evenworse, my job.
There was never accountability.
There was never a plan for asolution to those issues.
In fact, it was deflected andthe blame was towards her father
and his money habits, whileknown problems existed in our
(12:52):
relationship.
I would propose marriagecounseling, and there was no
interest from her to work on ourproblems.
It was just swept under thecarpet.
Just before COVID-19, sheannounced that she wanted a
divorce.
She brought up past issues andmistakes to justify her desire
to leave the relationship.
However, we moved past it andshe decided she wanted to work
(13:14):
it out.
Months later, she set up asituation with a third party and
attempted to use that as ameans to announce another
divorce.
Throughout all these attempts,however, she kept reeling me
back in when I reflect upon itnow, she was just using me, I
think, with fear that I wouldleave town, thus leaving her
with the kids.
In those times, however, sheremained distant and
(13:37):
unaffectionate.
It was not until we moved inwith her parents to help her
ailing father she made the finalpush to leave the relationship.
So there were plenty of signsand unnoticeable patterns.
While I put up a hard fight tostay in the relationship, she,
on the other hand, was always onthe run and found excuses to
sabotage it.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Wow, I have to admit it is a typical pattern for many
women that I know and I havebeen known to partake in
sabotaging a few relationshipsWith that.
In your opinion, how do guysplay a role in sabotaging their
relationships?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Great question.
Men are just as equal insabotaging relationship as women
.
I do, however, think it issubjective.
For example, youthful orimmature guys are just playing
the field and not taking therelationship serious, so they
may, for example, walk out therelationship with no explanation
or communications.
Those who are in a long-termrelationship may stray because
(14:35):
of boredom in the marriage orrelationship, or they put
themselves in situations to getcaught cheating to leave the
relationship under chaos.
Then there are those that lackthe infection, intimacy and
communications in therelationship from their partner.
Perhaps they tried talkingabout it, but the other party
was not hearing them, so theydevelop reasons to depart the
(14:58):
relationship.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Those are some great points.
Thank you for sharing youropinion.
From a guy's point of view, Iagree.
It is equal in nature.
So how do you know if you oryour partner might be sabotaging
the relationship?
As we mentioned, here are somesigns you may recognize when
your partner is constantlyseeking reassurance or
validation, Creating distancewhen things start to get too
(15:22):
close, Exhibiting jealousy orcontrolling behaviors, being
overly critical or dismissive ofyour partner.
If any of this sounds familiar,it's crucial to take a step
back and assess the relationshipdynamics.
Recognizing these signs earlycan pave the way for change and
healing.
Changing a sabotaging mindsetstarts with self-awareness.
(15:43):
Reflect on your pastrelationships and identify
patterns.
Journaling or talking to atherapist can be incredibly
beneficial in unveilingunderlying fears.
Once you recognize thesepatterns, communicate openly
with your partner.
Vulnerability, though scary, isa powerful antidote to sabotage
.
Discuss your feelings, fearsand thoughts, fostering a space
(16:06):
where both partners feel safeand understood.
Practicing mindfulness can alsobe a game changer.
By staying present, you canbetter identify when you're
slipping into old habits andchoose a new, healthier response
.
Sabotage in relationshipsdoesn't have to be the end.
It's an opportunity for growthand transformation.
By understanding and addressingthe root causes, you can
(16:30):
strengthen your relationship andbuild a more solid foundation.
Strengthen your relationshipand build a more solid
foundation.
Remember, every relationshiprequires work from both partners
.
Support each other, seekprofessional help if needed and
commit to the journey of growingtogether.
Thank you, DJ Mikey D, forsharing your perspective and
experience firsthand To ourlisteners.
(16:50):
Thank you for joining us onHeart Talk Podcast.
If today's topic resonated withyou, don't forget to subscribe
and share this episode withsomeone who might need to hear
it.
Together, we can createhealthier, more fulfilling
relationships.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Until next time.
I am DJ Mikey D, and it is mypleasure to be here with you.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
And I am DJ D Marie, your relationship coach.
If you have a subject you wouldlike to discuss, please click
on the let's Talk category.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
You are listening to the People Station on
GreatDayRadiocom.
You are listening to the People.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Station on GreatDayRadiocom.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi, my name is Katie from Miami, florida.
This question is for DJ DeMarie.
So I've been married for over10 years.
Me and my husband share twokids together.
We have been struggling in ourrelationship for a very long
time.
In your podcast onrelationships, you touched on
communications.
The concern I have in mymarriage is I found out that my
husband has been havingconversations about our marriage
(00:28):
problems with other women.
I don't think he is having anyrelationships with them, however
, it bothers me.
My question is why does he dothat and should I be concerned?
I confronted him about it andhe shuts down.
He did say that I shut him downand refused to listen.
I am not sure how to respond.
Is it me or is he just a poorcommunicator?
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Is he really a poor communicator or are you a
conversation bully?
I've said this before and Ifeel like it's worth saying
again so many times.
As women, we will get theseideas in our head and we just
going to run with it.
We going to go, we are going totake over the conversation and
(01:07):
then we will give the illusionthat we are going to allow him
to say something and as soon ashe says something we do not like
, we jump back in and we takeover the conversation again, or,
worst, we deflect theconversation.
We blame him for past issues.
So then, when he shuts down, orwhen he stops talking to you, or
when he starts talking toanother woman because she makes
him feel emotionally safe, shehears him, she allows him to say
(01:31):
whatever it is he needs to saythen we want to get mad because
he's not communicating with us,or we want to get mad because
he's talking to another womanabout us or about what's going
on in our relationship.
Like you should be talking tome, since he tried to talk to
you and you would not let thatman get a word in.
So all I'm saying is, beforeyou accuse him of being a poor
(01:52):
communicator, take a look at howyour conversations go,
especially when you are mad orespecially when you're on a
rampage.
Do you even give that man thespace to say whatever it is he
needs to say without you makinghim feel like he can't Just be
mindful of his feelings and trynot to make it about you?
When it comes to marriage andrelationships, it's about the
(02:15):
both of you together, especiallywhen kids are a part of your
lives.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Welcome to another Great Day Radio podcast on
relationships.
I'm your host, dj Mikey D,along with DJ DJ Bella, dj Tyler
and DJ DeMarie.
For this podcast we will bediscussing navigating life after
divorce, specifically on thesubject of parental alienation
after a divorce.
Later in the program we willalso discuss relationship
(02:39):
sabotage and ways to recognizeit.
Stay tuned after these messages.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Welcome to Great Day Radio, your endless stream of
auditory bliss that transcendsboundaries and ways to recognize
it.
Stay tuned after these messagesmemories directly to your
digital doorstep.
Thank you so much for becominga fan of Great Day Radio.
We have so much to talk about.
Stay tuned, as we are workingon several new podcasts from
money talk, politics, technologyand many more important topics.
(03:17):
Thank you again for all of yoursupport.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Hello and welcome to the Healing Path, your weekly
podcast where we dive into thecomplex journeys of life,
post-divorce and separation.
I'm DJ Mikey D.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
And I am DJ Tyler, your co-host.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
And I'm DJ Bella.
Today we're going to tackle atopic that affects many men
after divorce alienation,Specifically, how some men find
themselves feeling isolated oralienated by their ex-wives
post-separation.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
This is a subject that doesn't get as much airtime
as it should.
While divorce is tough foreveryone involved, the feeling
of being alienated can beespecially challenging for men.
It's more than just physicalseparation it's emotional and
psychological too.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Absolutely Many men report feeling like the outsider
when it comes to familydynamics, especially when
children are involved.
They may find themselves cutoff from important familial
activities and decisions.
For example, the other day Iwas having a conversation with
one of my besties.
While I support her as she isgoing through a divorce, I do
(04:24):
recognize that her ex has been avery supporting father.
However, the dynamics changedwhen she opted for divorce and
forced her ex-husband out of thehouse.
As she was venting, she took onthe mindset that she was the
only person that took on theemotional toll the kids were
experiencing.
I could not help but feel shedismissed the father completely,
(04:45):
as if he walked outintentionally, not wanting
nothing to do with the kids.
It is a common theme tominimize a good father after a
divorce.
I could relate to her view ifthe father she dismissed was
abusive or other elements suchas drugs played a role, but in
her case it was her decision tomove away from the relationship.
(05:06):
From a women's point of view, Ithink we all ask for equality.
However, we are so quick toblaming men, even if we are the
one initiating everything.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Listeners, if you're going through this, know you're
not alone.
Our aim for this podcast is toexplore why this happens and how
one might cope or address thisalienation.
Divorce and separationrepresent a significant
disruption in familialstructures, often impacting
parental relationships withchildren.
In many instances, divorcedfathers experience a sense of
(05:40):
alienation from their children,a phenomenon that sociologists
and psychologists are beginningto explore in greater depth.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Let's start by understanding why this happens
in the first place.
Divorce is a significantemotional upheaval and for some,
handling post-divorcerelationships can be difficult.
There might be residualfeelings of resentment or anger
that lead to this alienation.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Exactly, and sometimes it's less about
intentional alienation and moreabout new boundaries being set,
but consequences can be profound, especially regarding the
father-child relationship.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
That's right.
Alienation can strain theserelationships, leading to
misunderstanding and distance.
It's crucial to maintain openlines of communication with your
ex where possible, to ensurethat both parents are part of
the child's life.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Also seeking mediation or counseling can be
beneficial.
Professionals can offer aneutral ground to sort out
grievances and work towardshealthier co-parenting dynamics.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
And remember, staying connected with your support
network friends, family orsupport groups is key.
They can provide emotionalsupport and advice based on
their experiences.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Great points, Bella.
Building strong post-divorcelife involves patience and
sometimes professional help.
It's important to prioritizechildren's well-being, as they
often feel caught in the middle.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yes, let's not forget that this is a transitional
phase for everyone involved.
While it's challenging, it canalso be an opportunity for
personal growth and redefiningyour role in the family.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
And to our listeners out there.
We want to hear from you.
Share your stories and anystrategies that have worked for
you in coping with post-divorcealienation.
Reach out on our social mediaplatforms or hit the let's Talk
section of greatdayradiocom andleave a one or two 60-second
message.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Thank you for joining us today on the Healing Path.
We hope you found some insightsto help navigate this
challenging aspect of life afterdivorce as we wrap up this
podcast.
Alienation of men from theirchildren post-divorce is a
complex issue with deeppsychological, social and legal
roots.
By acknowledging the dynamicsinvolved and striving for
(07:59):
systemic changes, it is possibleto foster healthier
relationships between divorcedfathers and their children,
ultimately benefiting familiesas a whole.
And remember, healing is ajourney, not a destination
healthier relationships betweendivorced fathers and their
children, ultimately benefitingfamilies as a whole.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And remember healing is a journey, not a destination.
Until next time, take care andkeep moving forward.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Thanks for tuning in.
We hope this podcast discussionbrings comfort and insight as
you navigate your path afterdivorce.
This is DJ Tyler.
We appreciate your love andsupport.
Next up we have DJ DeMarie asshe discusses sabotage within
relationships.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Hello and welcome to Great Day Radio's Relationship
Talk, your go-to podcast forunraveling the mysteries of
human relationships.
I'm your host, dj DeMarie, forthis podcast.
We're tackling aself-destructive force in
relationships the mindsetsabotage.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Stay tuned after these messages from our sponsors
and supporters.
This podcast, and all of ourpodcasts, are dedicated to
cancer foundations hoping for afuture cure.
This is dj mikey d.
While I do not often discuss mypersonal life on air, I
recently discovered I have thebeginning stages of lung cancer.
For this segment, we supportorganizations such as the
American Cancer Society.
(09:11):
They are a leadingcancer-fighting organization
with a vision to end cancer aswe know it for everyone.
Acs are improving the lives ofpeople with cancer and their
families as the onlyorganization combating cancer
through advocacy, research andpatient support to ensure that
everyone has an opportunity toprevent, detect, treat and
(09:31):
survive cancer.
To find out more informationabout what they offer or to
donate to their causes, visitcancerorg or call toll-free
1-800-227-2345.
Thank you for your support andtogether we can find a cure for
cancer.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Relationships, with all their complexities, often
mirror the deepest parts of ourpsyche.
At the heart of many failedrelationships lies the
phenomenon of self-sabotage, amindset characterized by
behaviors that undermine ordestroy bonds, driven by
subconscious fears andinsecurities.
Have you ever found yourselfquestioning why relationships,
(10:09):
despite the love and effort,sometimes seem to crumble?
Relationship sabotage oftenlurks beneath the surface,
driven by subconscious fears andunspoken insecurities.
I have DJ Mikey D here with meto discuss his recent divorce.
I know we have discussed ingreat detail about your
relationship with your ex.
(10:29):
In those discussions you hadmentioned sabotage in your
marriage or relationship.
Would you mind sharing yourthoughts later in this podcast?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Always great co-hosting with you on
relationship topics you host.
So yes, I do not mind at all.
I do want to encourage ourlisteners to listen to those
podcasts on relationships ongreatdayradiocom under the
relationship category.
There you will get a betterunderstanding of the divorce I
went through and how I perceivedand understood the sabotage in
(10:59):
our relationship.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Awesome.
So what makes peopleself-sabotage their relationship
?
So what makes peopleself-sabotage their relationship
?
People might sabotage due to alack of self-esteem, fear of
vulnerability or early lifeexperiences that have wired them
to expect the worst.
Before I get more involved inthe topic, dj Mikey D, tell me
how did you recognize when yourex started the sabotage in your
(11:21):
relationship?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Just before my son was born and prior to us getting
married, my ex in fact admittedto me that her past
relationships she wouldself-sabotage them.
Weeks before finding out my exwas pregnant, she made attempts
to push me away.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Wow, how did you handle it when you recognized
she was pushing you away?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I have to admit it was hurtful.
I recalled the conversation wehad about her past relationships
.
I wanted to push past thiseffort and prove to her that I
was in love with her and was init for the long haul.
The timing sealed the deal whenweeks later, she announced she
was pregnant.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
While we will not get into the entire 14-year
relationship over time, werethere other patterns of sabotage
within the marriage that yourecognized?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
While I did not think much about it during the time
of our marriage since beingapart, however, I have had time
to reflect on the past.
One of the issues we often hadwas a lack of communications or
transparency, especially when itcame to finances.
In fact, I almost lost my jobin the army because of those
issues.
For example, oftentimes billswere not discussed or disclosed
(12:32):
to me and I had to discover theissues the hard way, through
either collections or, evenworse, my job.
There was never accountability.
There was never a plan for asolution to those issues.
In fact, it was deflected andthe blame was towards her father
and his money habits, whileknown problems existed in our
(12:52):
relationship.
I would propose marriagecounseling, and there was no
interest from her to work on ourproblems.
It was just swept under thecarpet.
Just before COVID-19, sheannounced that she wanted a
divorce.
She brought up past issues andmistakes to justify her desire
to leave the relationship.
However, we moved past it andshe decided she wanted to work
(13:14):
it out.
Months later, she set up asituation with a third party and
attempted to use that as ameans to announce another
divorce.
Throughout all these attempts,however, she kept reeling me
back in when I reflect upon itnow, she was just using me, I
think, with fear that I wouldleave town, thus leaving her
with the kids.
In those times, however, sheremained distant and
(13:37):
unaffectionate.
It was not until we moved inwith her parents to help her
ailing father she made the finalpush to leave the relationship.
So there were plenty of signsand unnoticeable patterns.
While I put up a hard fight tostay in the relationship, she,
on the other hand, was always onthe run and found excuses to
sabotage it.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Wow, I have to admit it is a typical pattern for many
women that I know and I havebeen known to partake in
sabotaging a few relationshipsWith that.
In your opinion, how do guysplay a role in sabotaging their
relationships?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Great question.
Men are just as equal insabotaging relationship as women
.
I do, however, think it issubjective.
For example, youthful orimmature guys are just playing
the field and not taking therelationship serious, so they
may, for example, walk out therelationship with no explanation
or communications.
Those who are in a long-termrelationship may stray because
(14:35):
of boredom in the marriage orrelationship, or they put
themselves in situations to getcaught cheating to leave the
relationship under chaos.
Then there are those that lackthe infection, intimacy and
communications in therelationship from their partner.
Perhaps they tried talkingabout it, but the other party
was not hearing them, so theydevelop reasons to depart the
(14:58):
relationship.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Those are some great points.
Thank you for sharing youropinion.
From a guy's point of view, Iagree.
It is equal in nature.
So how do you know if you oryour partner might be sabotaging
the relationship?
As we mentioned, here are somesigns you may recognize when
your partner is constantlyseeking reassurance or
validation, Creating distancewhen things start to get too
(15:22):
close, Exhibiting jealousy orcontrolling behaviors, being
overly critical or dismissive ofyour partner.
If any of this sounds familiar,it's crucial to take a step
back and assess the relationshipdynamics.
Recognizing these signs earlycan pave the way for change and
healing.
Changing a sabotaging mindsetstarts with self-awareness.
(15:43):
Reflect on your pastrelationships and identify
patterns.
Journaling or talking to atherapist can be incredibly
beneficial in unveilingunderlying fears.
Once you recognize thesepatterns, communicate openly
with your partner.
Vulnerability, though scary, isa powerful antidote to sabotage
.
Discuss your feelings, fearsand thoughts, fostering a space
(16:06):
where both partners feel safeand understood.
Practicing mindfulness can alsobe a game changer.
By staying present, you canbetter identify when you're
slipping into old habits andchoose a new, healthier response
.
Sabotage in relationshipsdoesn't have to be the end.
It's an opportunity for growthand transformation.
By understanding and addressingthe root causes, you can
(16:30):
strengthen your relationship andbuild a more solid foundation.
Strengthen your relationshipand build a more solid
foundation.
Remember, every relationshiprequires work from both partners
.
Support each other, seekprofessional help if needed and
commit to the journey of growingtogether.
Thank you, DJ Mikey D, forsharing your perspective and
experience firsthand To ourlisteners.
(16:50):
Thank you for joining us onHeart Talk Podcast.
If today's topic resonated withyou, don't forget to subscribe
and share this episode withsomeone who might need to hear
it.
Together, we can createhealthier, more fulfilling
relationships.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Until next time.
I am DJ Mikey D, and it is mypleasure to be here with you.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
And I am DJ D Marie, your relationship coach.
If you have a subject you wouldlike to discuss, please click
on the let's Talk category.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
You are listening to the People Station on
GreatDayRadiocom.
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