We explore the complex dynamics of transactional relationships, debating whether they're healthy arrangements or damaging to emotional connections through personal stories and expert perspectives.
• DJ Mikey D shares his divorce experience where his ex-wife accused him of having a transactional relationship while actually behaving transactionally herself
• His ex-wife repeatedly initiated divorce then reconciled when financially beneficial, revealing the manipulative pattern
• She secretly took out a $15,000 health policy on him and pressured him to sign after his lung disease diagnosis
• Dr. James Cook explains transactional relationships have evolved but remain common in various forms
• Relationship therapist Emily Nichols warns these arrangements often lead to emotional emptiness despite clear expectations
• Both experts emphasize that mutual respect and honest communication are essential regardless of relationship structure
• Balance between practical needs and emotional connection transforms transactional elements into healthy partnerships
The key to a successful marriage with transactional elements lies in balance. Couples should engage in ongoing dialogue about their needs and expectations, ensuring both emotional and practical aspects are addressed.
References:
- Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage. Viking.
- Finkel, E. J. (2017). The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Dutton.
- Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.
- Overall, N. C., & Simpson, J. A. (2015). "The Mindful Relationship: A Mindful Approach to Enduring Love in Intimate Relationships." Emotion, 15(5), 559-562.
- Regan, P. C., & Berscheid, E. (1995). "The Interplay of Probability and Desire in the Formation of Romantic Relationships." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(6), 1163-1168.
- Seabrook, R. C. (2018). "The Economics of Love: Understanding Relationships through Economic Principles." Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, 149, 334-345.
Great Day Radio Sources:
Episode Transcript
You are listening to the best podcast from the USA to
the UK on GreatDayRadiocom.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Welcome to another Great Day Radio Relationship
Talk podcast, where we discusslove, money and the spaces
between.
I am your host, dj Mikey D,along with my co-host and
partner in crime, dj D Marie,for this podcast we will discuss
transactional relationships andwhether it is healthy or
damaging in marriage or anyrelationship.
Stay tuned as we dive in rightafter these important messages.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
This is DJ Tyler.
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Speaker 3 (01:20):
Welcome back to Relationship Podcast Talk on
GreatDayRadiocom.
To me, relationships should beabout genuine connection and
emotional depth, nottransactions or exchanges.
Today, we're exploring theconcept of transactional
relationships, debating the prosand cons and hearing from
experts on the subject.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
This is DJ DeMarie, and I hold the belief that
transactional relationships canbe a healthy, mutually
beneficial arrangement for bothparties involved.
Dj Mikey D, I can always counton you to have a story about
your ongoing divorce and how younavigated your marriage.
You had mentioned in our pastdiscussions that you felt your
(02:00):
marriage was transactional.
Would you care to touch on whatmakes you feel that it was?
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Great question, considering the topic for which
we are discussing.
Looking back to when sheannounced the recent divorce,
she stated within a conversationwhere I was having a discussion
about paying down on debt,specifically her car note she
was upside down on In theconversation she went on attack
and accused me of having atransactional relationship with
her.
Therefore she wanted a divorce.
Since that time I have had timeto reflect on our marriage and
(02:34):
realized it was not me, it washer that was very transactional
with me.
Let me explain.
Just before my son was born,she was attempting to sabotage
our relationship, just before mydeployment while serving in the
army.
In the weeks afterwards sheannounced she was expecting our
son.
While I felt it was best forboth of us and our unborn child,
(02:56):
I asked for her hand inmarriage, considering I was
about to deploy in a hostileenvironment in Afghanistan.
In my mind I knew she was notready for marriage, just as I
was not mentally there yeteither, considering she tried
leaving our relationship.
Nevertheless, we got marriedand it was with hopes we can
grow and get past ourdifferences.
(03:17):
When I look back on those times, I think she could have chose
not to move forward with themarriage but opted to get
married for financial stability.
I do not hold that against her.
Considering the situation.
I won't get too much into theentire marriage.
You can listen to the podcastabout sabotage in relationships
at greatdayradiocom.
(03:39):
In pre-COVID-19, she announcedthat she wanted a divorce.
In doing so, while devastatingto me at the time, I started the
separation process byseparating banks, moving out of
the apartment and ultimatelyplanning to move out of state In
the coming month or so, shebegan reeling me back in as if
she wanted to work on ourrelationship.
(03:59):
However, while I accepted theopportunity, she was not
physically or emotionallyintimate.
There was no emotionalconnection.
And she accepted theopportunity, she was not
physically or emotionallyintimate.
There was no emotionalconnection.
And she still remained distantas she did pre-COVID.
Months later, she set up asituation with a neighbor in an
attempt to say that I wascheating and give reason to
announce once more a divorce.
(04:19):
Once again, I packed up quicklyand vacated the apartment.
Once again, she reeled it backin and wanted to reconcile our
relationship.
Looking back on it all, she didthese things because it was in
her best interest financially,because she knew I would
maintain the rent, the bills andhave stability for the kids.
(04:39):
She played up to my nature tocare and the confidence that she
knew she could depend on me toshow up for the family, all in
the name of love.
In a decision that we move inwith her parents to work on our
bills, she used me until shefelt comfortable enough to drive
the final nail in the heart andasked for a divorce.
At that point she did not needto rely on me, as she had her
(05:03):
parents to depend on.
I would highly encourage you tolisten to our relationship
podcast category.
There you will get a gist of mymarriage life and the divorce
process.
So, djd, when we talk abouttransactional relationships,
what do we actually mean For ourlisteners?
We're referring to thoserelationships where there's an
implicit or explicit exchange,often involving money, gifts or
(05:27):
other tangible benefits.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Right.
I think it's critical tounderstand that, while some
might argue these relationshipsprovide stability, they often
lack emotional depth.
To illustrate our points, we'veinvited two experts to share
their perspectives.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
First up we have Dr James Cook, a sociologist
specializing in modernrelationships.
Dr Cook, welcome to the show.
Thank you for having me, drCook, in your research.
How common are transactionalrelationships and what do they
look like in today's society?
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Transactional relationships have been around
for centuries, but have evolved.
Today they're more overt due totechnological advances and
changing social norms.
They range from traditionalarrangements like marriage for
economic stability to modernpractices seen on certain online
platforms.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
Dr Cook, do you believe these relationships can
be as fulfilling as those basedon emotional connection?
Speaker 5 (06:24):
It depends on what each party values.
For some, the security andpredictability outweigh the need
for deep emotional tiesoutweigh the need for deep
emotional ties.
That said, they can lack theintimacy found in more
emotionally driven relationships, which could lead to
dissatisfaction over time.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Fascinating.
Next, we're joined byrelationship therapist Emily
Nichols, who has a slightlydifferent take.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Hello listeners, thank you for inviting me.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Emily, how do you view transactional relationships
in the context of mental andemotional well-being?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I often see them as potentially problematic.
While they might work initially, they can lead to feelings of
emptiness or exploitation if thebalance, tips or expectations
aren't clearly communicated.
Emotional fulfillment usuallystems from genuine mutual care
and connection.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
emotional- fulfillment usually stems from
genuine mutual care andconnection.
But isn't there something to besaid about setting?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
clear expectations from the start.
In these transactions,absolutely, clarity is essential
, but it doesn't always preventthe emotional pitfalls that many
encounter when they realize atangible exchange doesn't equate
to genuine affection or love.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Before we wrap up Dr Cook, do you have any final
thoughts?
Speaker 5 (07:36):
I'd say understanding the implications and dynamics
at play in any relationship,transactional or otherwise, is
crucial.
It's about what you're bothcomfortable with and ensuring
mutual respect.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Thanks Dr Cook and Emily for your valuable insights
.
It's clear that transactionalrelationships are complex and
can vary widely based onexpectations and personal values
.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Thank you, DJ Mikey D , for contributing your
perspective to this podcast show.
Before you go, you hadmentioned a situation with your
ex that recently occurredregarding your recent health
issues.
Would you mind explainingbriefly?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Not at all.
I have recently been diagnosedwith lung issues.
In recent months, I havelearned that my ex had taken out
a supplemental health policy onme that would pay up to $15,000
.
Keep in mind this policy wasnever discussed with me during
our marriage.
She has been pressing me tosign the documents to reap the
(08:34):
benefits off my significanthealth issues, to pay off a tax
debt that was brought up at theend of our relationship.
This was heartbreaking anddisturbing.
I could not honor her demands,considering that I never looked
at our relationship or marriageas transactional.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Wow, that is disturbing and so sorry.
You are dealing with yourhealth issues.
My prayers are with you, myfriend, whether you're for or
against them.
It's important to have theseconversations and reflect on
what works best for you and yourpartner.
Thanks for tuning in to LoveMoney and the Spaces Between.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Thank you for tuning in to Great Day Radio's
Relationship Podcast Show.
Remember, the key to asuccessful marriage with
transactional elements lies inbalance.
Couples should engage inongoing dialogue about their
needs and expectations, ensuringboth emotional and practical
aspects are addressed.
Understanding and adapting toeach other's needs can transform
(09:32):
a transaction-ladenrelationship into a more
holistic partnership.
Thank you again for listening.
Continue to share our shows andshowing the love Until next
time.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
You are listening to the People Station on
GreatDayRadiocom.
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