April 3, 2024 • 33 mins
Samantha Ruth, a trained psychologist, shares her personal story of love and loss with us. After her husband Jim died, Samantha took an extended period of time to lean deep into her grief, and it led her in a new direction in life.
She is the host of the "Be Ruthless Show" podcast, a podcast dedicated to making noise and breaking stigmas and founder of "GriefHab". You can connect with her and learn more on her website.
Samantha’s mission is to change the way the world views both grief and mental illness, so people can get the help they deserve without fear of judgment, labels, and repercussions.
Samantha is the Proud Founder of Griefhab, rehab for grief, a 24/7 community open to anyone who has experienced a loss. After personally living through this, Sam realized just how much support she needed on a daily basis. She vowed to create these services so that others would have this support available in their times of need.
In her free time, you can find Sam and
her pups, Sassy and Dallas, on one of
their outdoor adventures. They love living
in Colorado and never miss an
opportunity to explore their beautiful
surroundings. Music fuels Sam’s soul,
family means everything to her, and
honoring her late husband, Jim, gives her life daily purpose.
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Thank you so much for listening. Wishing you well on whatever trail you find yourself walking today.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mandy (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to the Grief Trails podcast.
I'm your host, Amanda Kernighanfrom Remembergrams, a small
business dedicated to helpingyou support those in your life
experiencing grief.
I hope you'll consider sendingsomeone a personalized card or a
grief support box.
Shipping within the U.
S.
is always free and we treat eachorder with special care, paying
(00:20):
attention to every detail.
It is sometimes said that griefand love are two sides of the
same coin.
The greater we love something,the greater we grieve the loss.
Today's guest found true lovewith an epic story that spanned
decades, and then lost the loveof her life suddenly.
Her grief was deep.
Just as their love was.
(00:42):
And she's here today to shareher story.
Samantha Ruth is a psychologist,speaker, bestselling author,
host of the Be Ruthless Show, apodcast, and proud founder of
Grief Hab, a rehab for grief,which is a 24 seven community
open to anyone who hasexperienced a loss.
This is her story of her lovefor Jim, the pain of losing him
(01:05):
and the unexpected path thatpain has led her to.
Let's take a listen.
Samantha (01:10):
Our life, my life with my husband and my work life have
always been intertwined in myhead because we met.
Right when I got my masters, soI was starting my career at the
same time we started.
So I was 24 and we were babies,
Mandy (01:26):
right?
Samantha (01:27):
And we were together for a few years, and it was just
really, truly instant love andeveryone knew we would end up
together, but we were together.
Young and career driven.
So we were together for a fewyears, but we did go our
separate ways.
And in that time he moved toColorado and I started a career
(01:50):
working with at risk teens and,you know, getting really
established.
And when we reconnected, mybusiness partner said, you have
to have an online presence.
You have a great practice, butyou have no online presence.
And he found me.
Within five days, onlineimmediately.
So do you think,
Mandy (02:08):
was he like looking for you?
Samantha (02:11):
Always.
Aww.
We I'm from Michigan, so myfamily has season tickets to the
Lions.
So at the time we were together,they were at the Silverdome.
And so he could go find me atour seats.
They had always been the same,but they changed stadiums.
So when they moved to FordField, he could no longer find
me.
Mandy (02:29):
Wow, what a story.
Samantha (02:31):
So we reconnected in June of 2013.
We're engaged over Thanksgivingweekend and I moved to Colorado
in January of 2014.
We were married that August.
And, and I thought that was myhappily ever after.
We already knew what it was liketo lose each other.
So you know, we really enjoyedevery minute and new life apart.
(02:56):
So he unexpectedly passed awaywhile he was making his lunch at
work at the end of 2017 from anundetected heart condition.
He had his whole life.
So, I, you know, felt like I hadlost him twice now at this
point, and had moved across thecountry to start an entirely new
(03:16):
life.
So my first reaction in thehospital was calling my parents
and saying, get me home.
Like, figure out how to get meback.
to Michigan.
I, you know, I don't know whatto do.
By the time I got back to myhouse and had people waiting for
me, and I'm looking at themountains somehow I knew I
needed to stay in Colorado.
(03:38):
And I think part of our storywas, you know I was very happy
about him getting me toColorado.
Because I did a ton of healingthrough nature.
I have two dogs now, but I hadone at the time.
And I didn't know what to doother than take her to different
places outside and kind of getlost.
And lost in my surroundings, butalso lost literally and find a
(04:02):
new way home.
And That was therapeutic for mefor some reason, but now here I
do retreats in my beautifulsurroundings.
And I think part of our storyreally was getting me here,
thinking about COVID inMichigan, being stuck inside you
know, and some of the thingsthat would be different if I
(04:23):
lived in Michigan.
I just really can't imagine mylife there anymore.
So I do something outside everyday and, and with my dogs and.
active hiking and it's a reallybig part of my life and it's a
really big part of how I gotthrough it because I was a very
big social butterfly, so was he,and that was not comfortable for
(04:47):
me.
I needed, like, silence andquiet and I needed to be away
from the chaos.
Mandy (04:55):
Yeah, I think nature is one of those, it's one of the
most powerful healing tools forme also when I went through my
different losses and you know, alot of people talk about it, but
I don't think you can understandthe power of what it can do for
you until you're there in thatspace where you don't know How
to move forward.
You don't know how to getthrough the day and, and just
(05:18):
being able to get out there and,and walk.
And I think the silence isreally important that you
mentioned.
A lot of my hiking was done withother people, but in silence,
you know?
So even though there were peoplepresent, you could just walk
quietly.
Going back to your husband, howlong were you back together
(05:39):
before this happened?
Samantha (05:41):
Just over four, like four and a half years.
Mandy (05:44):
Oh, wow.
Oh, it feels like you got robbedof that experience together.
And it was such a, such a lovelylove story that he kept looking
for you all of that time andknew that you were the one.
Samantha (05:58):
Neither of us married in our time apart.
I, I, he really is the onlyperson I've ever loved.
And his fraternity is, Hisfamily, getting to college and
meeting those people really wasimportant in his story.
And I say to them all the time,like, you guys had so much time
with him.
(06:19):
And I had these two chunks.
And, and so I get to hear somuch about his life through
them.
And I still feel like I know itall because I hear it and I know
the stories, but it's true, likeI really didn't have as many
years, even though I've knownhim since I was 24 and he passed
away when I was 44.
(06:40):
It wasn't 20 years together,even though he had my heart for
20, for, you know, the wholetime.
Mandy (06:45):
Yeah.
Oh, such a double edged sword,because It feels like you didn't
get nearly enough time togetherand it feels unfair.
And then on the other hand, doyou think if it was this heart
condition that was undetectedfor, for his whole life, I mean,
you may not have had thatopportunity to reconnect if that
(07:06):
had come to fruition earlier inhis life.
So I imagine that comes withlike a whole mix of emotions for
you.
Samantha (07:13):
And then there's some people who never have that.
Magical love.
My, my grandparents, my dad'sparents, I always think of their
love story, but I tease myparents.
You know, you guys don't, right,like so I, we have that and some
people never find that butspeaking of the heart condition
(07:33):
and I think, I think everyonegoes through guilt after loss in
some way.
Fortunately.
Our relationship wasn't a partof that.
I didn't have any questionsabout us, but I went to three
cardiologists because I had toknow if I did anything wrong.
And I also had had back surgerythat year.
So we passed away a month.
(07:55):
After my back surgery.
So our life that year was verydifferent as far as what we were
doing and I couldn't move.
And so yes, he still did histhings, but he did less of them
because he didn't want to dothem without me.
So he was far less active.
So I was You know, was it myfault that he was not hiking as
(08:15):
much and I wasn't cooking forhim because I couldn't stand up
so his lunches at work weredifferent, you know, so I
couldn't just go to onecardiologist and hear that this
could have happened at any timeI had to go to three and I think
That so many people go throughthat and beat themselves up for
these different things thatthat's an important piece I want
(08:38):
people to recognize.
I laugh at myself now.
My dad's a retired doctor Hetold me, you know, the funeral,
the coroner who did the autopsy.
So I put myself through a lot ofUnnecessary guilt when there was
proven medical information rightin front of me just because of
my own pain and, you know, thatlast year that we didn't get to
(09:03):
do certain things.
But I think we all do that indifferent ways, whether it's,
you know, certain people werefighting at the time.
Mandy (09:11):
Absolutely.
And I think the guilt is one ofthe hardest emotions to move
through because there's notalways an answer to it.
You know, if it, particularly ifit is a relationship strain or,
you know, you had an argumentthe last time you spoke with
someone and then they passedaway or, you know, just
different things that happened.
(09:32):
Between the two of you, that'shard to reconcile because you
can't go back and change it.
And there's no one, even thoughpeople will say, Oh, you know,
they knew that you loved them orwhatever.
It's very difficult to to acceptthe bad things that were left on
undone or unsaid.
I'm glad that your guilt wassomething that you could receive
(09:53):
validation for, and you couldget reassurance on, because I
think that is helpful, eventhough you said it took many,
many times to hear the samemessage.
Yeah, I agree.
I think the guilt is one of theharder points of it.
And I know you mentioned naturewas very helpful for you in your
process.
What else got you through thatdifficult period?
Samantha (10:16):
I didn't mention that I'm a psychologist.
So I also am a psychologisttrained with loss and grief.
So my entire career.
Was dealing with this.
I worked with teens and suicideand overdose.
And so I was getting a lot ofpressure from the community.
(10:37):
Like, why aren't you, why aren'tyou back at work?
This is what you do.
You, you of all people know howto deal with this.
So I became very frustrated withthe culture.
Surrounding grief that there'sthese expectations for all of
us.
You're supposed to, and there'sthis timeline and there's these
(10:59):
expectations.
So here I was as anyone is lost,but I was nowhere near ready to
work.
So I started becoming passionateabout doing it my way, which was
completely unfamiliar anddifferent to who I was.
(11:19):
Right?
A lot of us change.
Mandy (11:21):
Yeah.
Samantha (11:21):
And I went from, like I said, wanting to always be
around people and do socialthings to needing to be in
silence or in different places.
So I took another year, another,according to the world.
At the eight, nine month mark, Ifound an opportunity to work
with Jack Canfield who wrote allthe chicken soup books.
Mandy (11:42):
Yeah.
Samantha (11:43):
And that I had no idea why I just knew he's a mentor to
me.
I've used his books with myclients.
And this was the first thingthat felt like I w I want to do
this.
And I hadn't wanted to doanything for eight or nine
months.
And I didn't know why.
And again, this is unfamiliar tome.
(12:04):
I'm the logical person with aplanner who could tell you
everything and every reason whyfor the next decade.
So I had to explain that to theworld.
I'm doing this.
I don't know why.
Please support me.
Because I can't tell you anymore than that.
Mandy (12:21):
Wow.
I think that's a commonexperience of finding something
new that sparks life in you anddeciding to just follow that
because there's nothing else youcan do because you're so stuck
and in the grief that you're in,but I also just want to Go back
to the point where you saidpeople are like, Well, this is
what you do.
So you should know how to do it.
Because if only grief could justbe moved through quickly, if you
(12:45):
knew how to do it, that would beso convenient.
And it's just not the case.
And I remember actually I saw atherapist after my brother died
and she in our very firstsession was like, well, don't
worry, you know how to do thisbecause you lost your mom
already.
And I was so offended by itbecause I was just like, no, I
(13:07):
don't.
And, logically knowing how toprocess something and actually
getting through something arevery, very different.
And so I'm glad you brought thatup.
And especially I imagine as apsychologist, there comes this
extra self expectation orexpectation of others,
obviously, that you mentioned,but feeling like maybe I should
(13:31):
be able to just.
Push through this quicker.
Were you able to give yourselfgrace and, and know that it was
okay, that it wasn't as quick asothers were expecting.
Samantha (13:41):
I had to learn to give myself the grace.
I knew I was not okay.
And I knew, like, I had a firein me to sit, like I am letting
the world know I'm not okay.
I'm not going to put on a happyface or conform to this
standard.
That we're supposed to do it acertain way.
So if I was a mess, you weregoing to know I was a mess.
(14:04):
And if that bothered you, Ididn't care.
Like really, I didn't care.
I still don't care, but I'vegotten a little bit more polite
about it, but it bothered methat the world expected me.
To be worrying about theirfeelings when you should be
worrying about mine.
I'm the one who's not okay.
So I started making noise aboutthese things, even though I was
(14:29):
saying, I'm never going to workagain in this field.
I want nothing to do with grief.
I was already starting to do,you know what I do not realizing
that this purpose was unfoldingfor me and that I was going to
be this voice because it took melonger.
(14:49):
And I needed that.
And then I was okay with that.
And I wanted everyone to knowthat if it takes me 12 years.
You're all going to be okay withthat.
Mandy (14:59):
So talk to me about this new path that was unfolding and
what did that look like?
And you mentioned thisopportunity with Jack Canfield,
what was that and where did ittake you?
Samantha (15:10):
Looking back, I can say.
That led me to the people whoare my family, my chosen family,
the connections we need to movethrough grief.
We have friends and family whoare amazing and we need them,
but we also need people who getit.
So I met other widows who werefurther along.
(15:32):
I didn't know they would bethere and I met, I just met
other people in the griefcommunity and I met people who
could lift me up while Icouldn't stand up.
So that's why I did it.
I didn't know.
Immediately I met my publisher.
I was writing letters to, Istill write letters to Jim every
day.
I didn't know that would lead towriting in books.
(15:55):
So it just, these pieces startedfalling into place and things
started happening and this isthe first year, 2023 is the
first year that I've been havingfun, that I've been not forcing
myself to do things.
But I was still starting to wantto do things.
(16:17):
Finding people and things thatwere meaningful again, and I
didn't believe I ever would.
I thought I lost all my dreamswith Jim.
So that was, that was hope, thatwas life again.
It was also my new me.
I didn't do things withoutknowing why, like I said.
(16:40):
I believed meditating didn'twork for me, right?
I didn't, I didn't, I didn'tlive life the way I do now.
I won't go a day withoutmeditating now.
So it just opened the door forme to slow down.
For me to completely do it myway.
(17:00):
And change this go, go, go, fastpaced, Life I had been living
and I'm still a psychologist.
I still am those parts ofmyself, but I've added these new
parts that make me a better meand allow me to help my clients
(17:21):
in a better way.
Mandy (17:22):
Yeah, tell me about how that worked, because you said,
originally you said you didn'twant anything to do with the
field once he died, and you werelooking to totally revamp your
career, and I know that you haverevamped it, but what does it
look like now, and you mentionedclients, are you working as a
psychologist currently, or is itdifferent from what you were
(17:44):
doing previously?
Samantha (17:46):
So I had started seeing clients online before
that was a thing because myclients in Michigan were
struggling to find someone newand I was struggling in Colorado
getting established.
But I didn't care about otherpeople's problems.
I mean, I re I just, I didn't,but I, anytime I would meet
someone going through anytrauma, I instantly felt
(18:08):
connected and people were askingme for resources and I'll go
back.
The hospital gave me nothing.
The funeral gave me nothing.
Jim and I are organ donors.
So donor Alliance was an amazingresource for me, but that just
is because of our choices,
Mandy (18:28):
right?
Samantha (18:28):
Millions of other people might not have that.
I'm a psychologist, so I camehome from the funeral, from the
emergency room, called mytherapist and said, I need an
appointment now, and I need toget back on my medication now.
These are my own resources thatI know.
You're right.
Mandy (18:46):
There's a total gap in the system.
There's nothing.
And, you know, I think there issomething for those who have a
slow decline and for people whoget into hospice, there are
amazing services for familyafter the loss, and they're so
good about it, and then I thinkabout all of us who have sudden
loss, and it's just so amazing.
(19:07):
There's nothing, there's nothingtalked about, given,
Samantha (19:10):
suggested.
And our brain changes, so Istarted thinking, what is the
average person who doesn't havemy background of resources go
through?
Because if I would have had toresearch or find something on my
own, My brain was not equippedto do that.
Like, Googling information isimpossible when you're going
(19:30):
through grief and trauma.
Right.
So I got pissed.
I really did.
And I said to a friend, I needrehab for grief.
I needed help with everything.
Going to the grocery store, forevery single widow client I work
with, is the worst chore in theworld.
It, it's, it's awful.
(19:51):
And my friend said, you need todo something with that.
Like that, that is a thing.
There's rehab for everythingelse.
Yeah.
So you created this, right?
Grief Hab is Rehab for Grief.
And it is not just, not just theemotional stuff.
I do all the things that Ineeded help with for my clients.
(20:13):
So whether that's.
Literally from the beginning, ifsomeone is fortunate enough to
get my information immediately,I'll help with it all.
The death certificates, thenotifying people, planning, and
any and everything.
But I've literally had clientscall me on the side of the road,
overwhelmed with a flat tire andI'll call AAA for them because
(20:36):
they can't even think of what todo because our brains change.
Mandy (20:42):
That's an incredible resource that you've created.
What other things do you do withyour clients or help us
understand like I have online,
Samantha (20:51):
we have groups twice a week, but I also have groups
every holiday.
Oh yeah.
Holidays are not fun, even ifthey are.
You're with your entire family,but then you go home and, and
maybe you don't have someone togo home to,
Mandy (21:05):
or
Samantha (21:05):
maybe it's just stressful.
The things that the rest of theworld doesn't think about
because grief is invisible.
And we're back to work, we'rewalking around and we look fine.
So, after a certain point intime, Usually a year, the world
has this idea that after a year,we're okay again.
(21:27):
And
Mandy (21:28):
there's an idea that you're, you're fine in a month.
Samantha (21:32):
People go back to their life and think we're okay.
And they stopped checking in asmuch and we're not okay.
Mandy (21:39):
I think that's another missed opportunity in society.
You mentioned the hospitals andthe funeral home, but also
employers.
I mean, I find it infuriatingthat there is not better
bereavement leave in our countryfor people.
You know, you mentioned youneeded so much more time, but
there are so many people whodon't have the opportunity to
(22:01):
take more time and they'reforced back into their job in
three days after losing a spouseor a child or a sibling or a
parent.
And I just, that always is areally infuriating point to me
because I don't understand howwe haven't gotten further.
We've done so good with thingslike paternity leave now, you
(22:23):
know, I see when I had babies,my husband didn't get paternity
leave, but now my brother hasbabies and he's getting a very
generous paternity leave forthat.
And I just wonder when is thetide going to change for
bereavement because employerscan't expect you to be
productive and.
Yeah.
So I just think that's anothermissed opportunity.
(22:43):
Sorry.
I kind of went off on a tangent,but I was thinking that's a
great opportunity to get four
Samantha (22:47):
months to prepare for life, right?
You're preparing, but we get oneto three days for the loss of
life or bring us in, bring usinto help your staff.
If you expect them to be able toperform the way they did,
because I promise you, I cannot.
Right.
(23:07):
And I have people calling mefrom bathrooms or cars, or they
call in sick because they arepetrified of losing their jobs.
Mandy (23:15):
Yeah, I think that's a great point.
Have you worked with anyemployers yet, or have you
gotten into any workplaces?
Yeah I
Samantha (23:21):
try.
I beg.
And the person, it's funny, I'mdoing my podcast after this.
And the person I'm having, thisis what we're talking about,
she, calling congressman, like,what do we need to do for
bereavement?
I have someone who left her jobto get on the board of her
company specifically for thesethings.
Because of how they treated herwhen she lost a child.
(23:44):
You know, we can't function thesame.
We, we want to be here and doour jobs well.
Can you adapt and meet us?
Right.
Mandy (23:53):
It's so important.
So the work you're doing isincredible and it's so needed.
And I just think of you as like,you're just one person and
they're, I mean, this is such ahuge issue.
It's nationwide and you'reright.
It's so many different touchpoints that are missing.
I, I commend you for trying toapproach this problem, but I
hope it can like pick up somehowand become a movement that
(24:16):
really changes the way.
our culture views everything andhow we deal with the
Samantha (24:20):
aftermath.
I mean, it's a huge problem ofthe event I told you about
before we started recording wasduring National Grief Awareness
Week.
No one knows it exists.
I made a calendar.
I spent all of, I spent a yeartrying to get it added to
calendars and couldn't.
So I created my own with all theawareness dates that the world
should be talking about.
And there's a lot, like lots,millions, not hundreds every
(24:46):
week, month.
That if you knew, if youremployer had, you could look at
and say, National SuicideSurvivors Day, and you could
maybe think of someone in yourworld that you could call and
make a huge difference.
Mandy (25:00):
Right, because You know, those are recognized when it's a
big, well known thing.
So breast cancer awareness isalways recognized at work.
Usually, sometimes they'll havesomething for like heart
awareness.
Not as often, I think, as like Isee breast cancer.
But some of the other things arejust never, ever recognized.
But half of it is.
Right.
(25:21):
But I work in a hospital, so youwould think that we would be all
over, like, colon cancerawareness and overdose
awareness, and, and the onlypeople who are really aware of
those are the people who lostsomeone
Samantha (25:32):
to that.
Exactly.
So so how, how do I get thecalendars in the hospitals and
schools, right?
Because I made them, because noone would just hit edit and add
the days to your calendars.
So that's what I'm doing now.
They should be everywhere.
Because then, all it would dois, Oh, I should call so and so,
or let's go to dinner, so youdon't have to go home alone
(25:55):
tonight.
It's a really simple way tothink more about people in your
world who are not okay.
They're really not.
Whether it's been one year orten.
Mandy (26:06):
I love everything you're doing.
Is there anything that you wantto add to either explain more
about grief hab and what you'vecreated or is there anything
that you would want to say topeople who, you know, are
feeling stuck and feeling lostin this moment of their lives?
Samantha (26:24):
You're not alone and You are not wrong, but the world
is backwards.
And like I said, the world wasmaking me feel like I should
conform and act a certain way sothat they didn't feel
uncomfortable and I justwouldn't do it.
And it took a lot to say, sowhat, you know, this is how I
(26:51):
am.
You don't have to do that alone.
If you want to reach out, if youneed support.
I understand that that can beoverwhelming, but other people
are the ones that need to bemeeting us where we are.
And if that's a conversationwith your spouse or your
employer that's what I'm herefor to help you get the support
(27:15):
you need your way.
Mandy (27:16):
And what about, you mentioned that you've had a book
published, I think tell me aboutthat.
And also you mentioned yourpodcast, so I would love to know
what the name of your podcast isand what it's about.
Samantha (27:29):
I have chapters in several books all connected to
my story and grief, and writingwith others is so therapeutic if
you want to share a story.
I did announce Faces of Grief mybook project currently has been
Faces of Mental Illness butwe're doing Faces of Grief,
(27:49):
which is just like the ChickenSoup books, chapters and stories
and people working together andsharing their own stories of
loss.
So, anybody wants to write andheal and connect with others,
just go to our website at www.
facesofgrief.
com.
Thank you.
That's going on and we'relaunching that during National
Grief Awareness Week 2024
Mandy (28:09):
during the next,
Samantha (28:10):
Yeah, just trying to get these powerful, important
dates more noticed so that wecan all get the support we need.
But I would, I would say writingis a very powerful way to heal
also, even if you, bulletpoints.
One of my clients makes journalswhere one side is bullet points
and she started with justpositive things in her day.
(28:33):
And the other side was negative.
And when she went through herloss, the positive side didn't
have very much.
But it grows.
So you don't have to be a writerto get it out.
And so, you know, I love, Iwrite letters to Jim every day.
And that is what led to this.
Mandy (28:50):
And I like knowing that it can be so different for each
person.
So for you is writing lettersand for this client, it's
writing things in bullet pointjournal format.
For me, I remember people hadsaid, Oh, you should journal
journaling is really helpful.
I've never been a journaler andwriting with pen and paper is
just not my medium.
(29:11):
And when I started writing on mylaptop and typing, it was a
whole different experience forme.
So I think just.
for people to know that writingcan be a lot of different things
that can come out in differentways and they're all equally
valid.
So just find the one that feelsthe most comforting to you and
the most helpful to you.
(29:32):
And I also think in relation tothe books There is something
really powerful about readingother people's experience and
seeing the similarities therefor you and finding that
validation.
Books were very helpful to me inmy own grief and I don't think
we have enough out there reallyhighlighting what people go
through.
So I'm glad to see that thereare more on the way.
(29:54):
And yeah, and then of course wehave podcasts and I try to
highlight grief stories.
And so I'd love to know whatyour podcast is about and what
it's called.
Samantha (30:04):
It's called The Be Ruthless Show.
Making noise and breakingstigmas.
I I do a lot about grief, butalso mental health, or the
things the world avoids talkingabout that we need to have more
conversations about.
Mandy (30:17):
I love it.
And where can people find you ifthey would like to connect with
Grief Hub or learn more aboutyour services?
Samantha (30:25):
SamanthaRuth.
com.
Grief Hub is on Facebook.
But everything's on my websitealso.
Mandy (30:31):
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Do you have anything else thatyou would want to share with
people before we close up?
Samantha (30:37):
I would just say that what you feel insecure about or
what you are thinking is yournegative or your weakness can be
your biggest strength.
So, grief, people maybe see thatas a weakness, it can be your
biggest strength.
It doesn't have to be.
So if we don't let the worldmake us or anyone make us feel
(31:00):
like something is wrong and weuse it however it feels right
for us, then everything canchange.
Mandy (31:08):
And it does have the potential to open up new
pathways in your life thatweren't there before.
And I love hearing people'sstories about things they've
created since the loss.
And I've seen so many differentstories.
I just, I find it veryinspirational to know that we've
all been in that place wherethings are very dark and you
(31:28):
don't see how you're going tomove forward.
You don't know how you're goingto get through the next day.
And then to take a look back atpeople who've all been in that
place and now where they are,and many of them are thriving
and doing all sorts of thingsthat are very creative and
unique.
And I think we lose some ofthose walls where.
Prior, maybe you're afraid totry something new or you don't
(31:52):
want to break the mold, but onceyou're already broken, it's easy
to say, well, what do I have tolose?
I have nothing to lose.
I'm just going to try this newthing.
And, and that's really powerful.
Samantha (32:04):
And it doesn't mean we don't still have hard days or
hard moments.
But we learn how to get throughthem.
I'm not, I still cry every day,but I'm not sobbing in a ball,
hyperventilating.
Mandy (32:16):
And you know, what can help your soul in those moments.
And you know, that you can walkoutside with your dogs and go
for a hike or or sit down andwrite.
I think finding the things thatwork for us is really important
also.
And you're right.
And giving ourselves grace thatholidays are still going to be
really hard and a random Tuesdaythat.
(32:37):
Things are just piling up andstressful are going to be hard
and, and it's okay if you'recrying in the shower or, you
know, whatever, however, you'reletting it out.
That's totally normal, even ifit's been years and we're all
there.
I hope you enjoyed today's showand feel validated that even a
trained psychologist in griefand loss Will tell you that we
(32:58):
all have our own timelines forgrief and that is perfectly okay
Thank you so much for listeningPlease make sure you subscribe
share this episode with anyonewho it could benefit And as
always visit remember gramsanytime you need to send a
little love to someone who isgrieving Thank you and have a
wonderful day
Hello and welcome back to the Grief Trails podcast.
I'm your host, Amanda Kernighanfrom Remembergrams, a small
business dedicated to helpingyou support those in your life
experiencing grief.
I hope you'll consider sendingsomeone a personalized card or a
grief support box.
Shipping within the U.
S.
is always free and we treat eachorder with special care, paying
(00:20):
attention to every detail.
It is sometimes said that griefand love are two sides of the
same coin.
The greater we love something,the greater we grieve the loss.
Today's guest found true lovewith an epic story that spanned
decades, and then lost the loveof her life suddenly.
Her grief was deep.
Just as their love was.
(00:42):
And she's here today to shareher story.
Samantha Ruth is a psychologist,speaker, bestselling author,
host of the Be Ruthless Show, apodcast, and proud founder of
Grief Hab, a rehab for grief,which is a 24 seven community
open to anyone who hasexperienced a loss.
This is her story of her lovefor Jim, the pain of losing him
(01:05):
and the unexpected path thatpain has led her to.
Let's take a listen.
Samantha (01:10):
Our life, my life with my husband and my work life have
always been intertwined in myhead because we met.
Right when I got my masters, soI was starting my career at the
same time we started.
So I was 24 and we were babies,
Mandy (01:26):
right?
Samantha (01:27):
And we were together for a few years, and it was just
really, truly instant love andeveryone knew we would end up
together, but we were together.
Young and career driven.
So we were together for a fewyears, but we did go our
separate ways.
And in that time he moved toColorado and I started a career
(01:50):
working with at risk teens and,you know, getting really
established.
And when we reconnected, mybusiness partner said, you have
to have an online presence.
You have a great practice, butyou have no online presence.
And he found me.
Within five days, onlineimmediately.
So do you think,
Mandy (02:08):
was he like looking for you?
Samantha (02:11):
Always.
Aww.
We I'm from Michigan, so myfamily has season tickets to the
Lions.
So at the time we were together,they were at the Silverdome.
And so he could go find me atour seats.
They had always been the same,but they changed stadiums.
So when they moved to FordField, he could no longer find
me.
Mandy (02:29):
Wow, what a story.
Samantha (02:31):
So we reconnected in June of 2013.
We're engaged over Thanksgivingweekend and I moved to Colorado
in January of 2014.
We were married that August.
And, and I thought that was myhappily ever after.
We already knew what it was liketo lose each other.
So you know, we really enjoyedevery minute and new life apart.
(02:56):
So he unexpectedly passed awaywhile he was making his lunch at
work at the end of 2017 from anundetected heart condition.
He had his whole life.
So, I, you know, felt like I hadlost him twice now at this
point, and had moved across thecountry to start an entirely new
(03:16):
life.
So my first reaction in thehospital was calling my parents
and saying, get me home.
Like, figure out how to get meback.
to Michigan.
I, you know, I don't know whatto do.
By the time I got back to myhouse and had people waiting for
me, and I'm looking at themountains somehow I knew I
needed to stay in Colorado.
(03:38):
And I think part of our storywas, you know I was very happy
about him getting me toColorado.
Because I did a ton of healingthrough nature.
I have two dogs now, but I hadone at the time.
And I didn't know what to doother than take her to different
places outside and kind of getlost.
And lost in my surroundings, butalso lost literally and find a
(04:02):
new way home.
And That was therapeutic for mefor some reason, but now here I
do retreats in my beautifulsurroundings.
And I think part of our storyreally was getting me here,
thinking about COVID inMichigan, being stuck inside you
know, and some of the thingsthat would be different if I
(04:23):
lived in Michigan.
I just really can't imagine mylife there anymore.
So I do something outside everyday and, and with my dogs and.
active hiking and it's a reallybig part of my life and it's a
really big part of how I gotthrough it because I was a very
big social butterfly, so was he,and that was not comfortable for
(04:47):
me.
I needed, like, silence andquiet and I needed to be away
from the chaos.
Mandy (04:55):
Yeah, I think nature is one of those, it's one of the
most powerful healing tools forme also when I went through my
different losses and you know, alot of people talk about it, but
I don't think you can understandthe power of what it can do for
you until you're there in thatspace where you don't know How
to move forward.
You don't know how to getthrough the day and, and just
(05:18):
being able to get out there and,and walk.
And I think the silence isreally important that you
mentioned.
A lot of my hiking was done withother people, but in silence,
you know?
So even though there were peoplepresent, you could just walk
quietly.
Going back to your husband, howlong were you back together
(05:39):
before this happened?
Samantha (05:41):
Just over four, like four and a half years.
Mandy (05:44):
Oh, wow.
Oh, it feels like you got robbedof that experience together.
And it was such a, such a lovelylove story that he kept looking
for you all of that time andknew that you were the one.
Samantha (05:58):
Neither of us married in our time apart.
I, I, he really is the onlyperson I've ever loved.
And his fraternity is, Hisfamily, getting to college and
meeting those people really wasimportant in his story.
And I say to them all the time,like, you guys had so much time
with him.
(06:19):
And I had these two chunks.
And, and so I get to hear somuch about his life through
them.
And I still feel like I know itall because I hear it and I know
the stories, but it's true, likeI really didn't have as many
years, even though I've knownhim since I was 24 and he passed
away when I was 44.
(06:40):
It wasn't 20 years together,even though he had my heart for
20, for, you know, the wholetime.
Mandy (06:45):
Yeah.
Oh, such a double edged sword,because It feels like you didn't
get nearly enough time togetherand it feels unfair.
And then on the other hand, doyou think if it was this heart
condition that was undetectedfor, for his whole life, I mean,
you may not have had thatopportunity to reconnect if that
(07:06):
had come to fruition earlier inhis life.
So I imagine that comes withlike a whole mix of emotions for
you.
Samantha (07:13):
And then there's some people who never have that.
Magical love.
My, my grandparents, my dad'sparents, I always think of their
love story, but I tease myparents.
You know, you guys don't, right,like so I, we have that and some
people never find that butspeaking of the heart condition
(07:33):
and I think, I think everyonegoes through guilt after loss in
some way.
Fortunately.
Our relationship wasn't a partof that.
I didn't have any questionsabout us, but I went to three
cardiologists because I had toknow if I did anything wrong.
And I also had had back surgerythat year.
So we passed away a month.
(07:55):
After my back surgery.
So our life that year was verydifferent as far as what we were
doing and I couldn't move.
And so yes, he still did histhings, but he did less of them
because he didn't want to dothem without me.
So he was far less active.
So I was You know, was it myfault that he was not hiking as
(08:15):
much and I wasn't cooking forhim because I couldn't stand up
so his lunches at work weredifferent, you know, so I
couldn't just go to onecardiologist and hear that this
could have happened at any timeI had to go to three and I think
That so many people go throughthat and beat themselves up for
these different things thatthat's an important piece I want
(08:38):
people to recognize.
I laugh at myself now.
My dad's a retired doctor Hetold me, you know, the funeral,
the coroner who did the autopsy.
So I put myself through a lot ofUnnecessary guilt when there was
proven medical information rightin front of me just because of
my own pain and, you know, thatlast year that we didn't get to
(09:03):
do certain things.
But I think we all do that indifferent ways, whether it's,
you know, certain people werefighting at the time.
Mandy (09:11):
Absolutely.
And I think the guilt is one ofthe hardest emotions to move
through because there's notalways an answer to it.
You know, if it, particularly ifit is a relationship strain or,
you know, you had an argumentthe last time you spoke with
someone and then they passedaway or, you know, just
different things that happened.
(09:32):
Between the two of you, that'shard to reconcile because you
can't go back and change it.
And there's no one, even thoughpeople will say, Oh, you know,
they knew that you loved them orwhatever.
It's very difficult to to acceptthe bad things that were left on
undone or unsaid.
I'm glad that your guilt wassomething that you could receive
(09:53):
validation for, and you couldget reassurance on, because I
think that is helpful, eventhough you said it took many,
many times to hear the samemessage.
Yeah, I agree.
I think the guilt is one of theharder points of it.
And I know you mentioned naturewas very helpful for you in your
process.
What else got you through thatdifficult period?
Samantha (10:16):
I didn't mention that I'm a psychologist.
So I also am a psychologisttrained with loss and grief.
So my entire career.
Was dealing with this.
I worked with teens and suicideand overdose.
And so I was getting a lot ofpressure from the community.
(10:37):
Like, why aren't you, why aren'tyou back at work?
This is what you do.
You, you of all people know howto deal with this.
So I became very frustrated withthe culture.
Surrounding grief that there'sthese expectations for all of
us.
You're supposed to, and there'sthis timeline and there's these
(10:59):
expectations.
So here I was as anyone is lost,but I was nowhere near ready to
work.
So I started becoming passionateabout doing it my way, which was
completely unfamiliar anddifferent to who I was.
(11:19):
Right?
A lot of us change.
Mandy (11:21):
Yeah.
Samantha (11:21):
And I went from, like I said, wanting to always be
around people and do socialthings to needing to be in
silence or in different places.
So I took another year, another,according to the world.
At the eight, nine month mark, Ifound an opportunity to work
with Jack Canfield who wrote allthe chicken soup books.
Mandy (11:42):
Yeah.
Samantha (11:43):
And that I had no idea why I just knew he's a mentor to
me.
I've used his books with myclients.
And this was the first thingthat felt like I w I want to do
this.
And I hadn't wanted to doanything for eight or nine
months.
And I didn't know why.
And again, this is unfamiliar tome.
(12:04):
I'm the logical person with aplanner who could tell you
everything and every reason whyfor the next decade.
So I had to explain that to theworld.
I'm doing this.
I don't know why.
Please support me.
Because I can't tell you anymore than that.
Mandy (12:21):
Wow.
I think that's a commonexperience of finding something
new that sparks life in you anddeciding to just follow that
because there's nothing else youcan do because you're so stuck
and in the grief that you're in,but I also just want to Go back
to the point where you saidpeople are like, Well, this is
what you do.
So you should know how to do it.
Because if only grief could justbe moved through quickly, if you
(12:45):
knew how to do it, that would beso convenient.
And it's just not the case.
And I remember actually I saw atherapist after my brother died
and she in our very firstsession was like, well, don't
worry, you know how to do thisbecause you lost your mom
already.
And I was so offended by itbecause I was just like, no, I
(13:07):
don't.
And, logically knowing how toprocess something and actually
getting through something arevery, very different.
And so I'm glad you brought thatup.
And especially I imagine as apsychologist, there comes this
extra self expectation orexpectation of others,
obviously, that you mentioned,but feeling like maybe I should
(13:31):
be able to just.
Push through this quicker.
Were you able to give yourselfgrace and, and know that it was
okay, that it wasn't as quick asothers were expecting.
Samantha (13:41):
I had to learn to give myself the grace.
I knew I was not okay.
And I knew, like, I had a firein me to sit, like I am letting
the world know I'm not okay.
I'm not going to put on a happyface or conform to this
standard.
That we're supposed to do it acertain way.
So if I was a mess, you weregoing to know I was a mess.
(14:04):
And if that bothered you, Ididn't care.
Like really, I didn't care.
I still don't care, but I'vegotten a little bit more polite
about it, but it bothered methat the world expected me.
To be worrying about theirfeelings when you should be
worrying about mine.
I'm the one who's not okay.
So I started making noise aboutthese things, even though I was
(14:29):
saying, I'm never going to workagain in this field.
I want nothing to do with grief.
I was already starting to do,you know what I do not realizing
that this purpose was unfoldingfor me and that I was going to
be this voice because it took melonger.
(14:49):
And I needed that.
And then I was okay with that.
And I wanted everyone to knowthat if it takes me 12 years.
You're all going to be okay withthat.
Mandy (14:59):
So talk to me about this new path that was unfolding and
what did that look like?
And you mentioned thisopportunity with Jack Canfield,
what was that and where did ittake you?
Samantha (15:10):
Looking back, I can say.
That led me to the people whoare my family, my chosen family,
the connections we need to movethrough grief.
We have friends and family whoare amazing and we need them,
but we also need people who getit.
So I met other widows who werefurther along.
(15:32):
I didn't know they would bethere and I met, I just met
other people in the griefcommunity and I met people who
could lift me up while Icouldn't stand up.
So that's why I did it.
I didn't know.
Immediately I met my publisher.
I was writing letters to, Istill write letters to Jim every
day.
I didn't know that would lead towriting in books.
(15:55):
So it just, these pieces startedfalling into place and things
started happening and this isthe first year, 2023 is the
first year that I've been havingfun, that I've been not forcing
myself to do things.
But I was still starting to wantto do things.
(16:17):
Finding people and things thatwere meaningful again, and I
didn't believe I ever would.
I thought I lost all my dreamswith Jim.
So that was, that was hope, thatwas life again.
It was also my new me.
I didn't do things withoutknowing why, like I said.
(16:40):
I believed meditating didn'twork for me, right?
I didn't, I didn't, I didn'tlive life the way I do now.
I won't go a day withoutmeditating now.
So it just opened the door forme to slow down.
For me to completely do it myway.
(17:00):
And change this go, go, go, fastpaced, Life I had been living
and I'm still a psychologist.
I still am those parts ofmyself, but I've added these new
parts that make me a better meand allow me to help my clients
(17:21):
in a better way.
Mandy (17:22):
Yeah, tell me about how that worked, because you said,
originally you said you didn'twant anything to do with the
field once he died, and you werelooking to totally revamp your
career, and I know that you haverevamped it, but what does it
look like now, and you mentionedclients, are you working as a
psychologist currently, or is itdifferent from what you were
(17:44):
doing previously?
Samantha (17:46):
So I had started seeing clients online before
that was a thing because myclients in Michigan were
struggling to find someone newand I was struggling in Colorado
getting established.
But I didn't care about otherpeople's problems.
I mean, I re I just, I didn't,but I, anytime I would meet
someone going through anytrauma, I instantly felt
(18:08):
connected and people were askingme for resources and I'll go
back.
The hospital gave me nothing.
The funeral gave me nothing.
Jim and I are organ donors.
So donor Alliance was an amazingresource for me, but that just
is because of our choices,
Mandy (18:28):
right?
Samantha (18:28):
Millions of other people might not have that.
I'm a psychologist, so I camehome from the funeral, from the
emergency room, called mytherapist and said, I need an
appointment now, and I need toget back on my medication now.
These are my own resources thatI know.
You're right.
Mandy (18:46):
There's a total gap in the system.
There's nothing.
And, you know, I think there issomething for those who have a
slow decline and for people whoget into hospice, there are
amazing services for familyafter the loss, and they're so
good about it, and then I thinkabout all of us who have sudden
loss, and it's just so amazing.
(19:07):
There's nothing, there's nothingtalked about, given,
Samantha (19:10):
suggested.
And our brain changes, so Istarted thinking, what is the
average person who doesn't havemy background of resources go
through?
Because if I would have had toresearch or find something on my
own, My brain was not equippedto do that.
Like, Googling information isimpossible when you're going
(19:30):
through grief and trauma.
Right.
So I got pissed.
I really did.
And I said to a friend, I needrehab for grief.
I needed help with everything.
Going to the grocery store, forevery single widow client I work
with, is the worst chore in theworld.
It, it's, it's awful.
(19:51):
And my friend said, you need todo something with that.
Like that, that is a thing.
There's rehab for everythingelse.
Yeah.
So you created this, right?
Grief Hab is Rehab for Grief.
And it is not just, not just theemotional stuff.
I do all the things that Ineeded help with for my clients.
(20:13):
So whether that's.
Literally from the beginning, ifsomeone is fortunate enough to
get my information immediately,I'll help with it all.
The death certificates, thenotifying people, planning, and
any and everything.
But I've literally had clientscall me on the side of the road,
overwhelmed with a flat tire andI'll call AAA for them because
(20:36):
they can't even think of what todo because our brains change.
Mandy (20:42):
That's an incredible resource that you've created.
What other things do you do withyour clients or help us
understand like I have online,
Samantha (20:51):
we have groups twice a week, but I also have groups
every holiday.
Oh yeah.
Holidays are not fun, even ifthey are.
You're with your entire family,but then you go home and, and
maybe you don't have someone togo home to,
Mandy (21:05):
or
Samantha (21:05):
maybe it's just stressful.
The things that the rest of theworld doesn't think about
because grief is invisible.
And we're back to work, we'rewalking around and we look fine.
So, after a certain point intime, Usually a year, the world
has this idea that after a year,we're okay again.
(21:27):
And
Mandy (21:28):
there's an idea that you're, you're fine in a month.
Samantha (21:32):
People go back to their life and think we're okay.
And they stopped checking in asmuch and we're not okay.
Mandy (21:39):
I think that's another missed opportunity in society.
You mentioned the hospitals andthe funeral home, but also
employers.
I mean, I find it infuriatingthat there is not better
bereavement leave in our countryfor people.
You know, you mentioned youneeded so much more time, but
there are so many people whodon't have the opportunity to
(22:01):
take more time and they'reforced back into their job in
three days after losing a spouseor a child or a sibling or a
parent.
And I just, that always is areally infuriating point to me
because I don't understand howwe haven't gotten further.
We've done so good with thingslike paternity leave now, you
(22:23):
know, I see when I had babies,my husband didn't get paternity
leave, but now my brother hasbabies and he's getting a very
generous paternity leave forthat.
And I just wonder when is thetide going to change for
bereavement because employerscan't expect you to be
productive and.
Yeah.
So I just think that's anothermissed opportunity.
(22:43):
Sorry.
I kind of went off on a tangent,but I was thinking that's a
great opportunity to get four
Samantha (22:47):
months to prepare for life, right?
You're preparing, but we get oneto three days for the loss of
life or bring us in, bring usinto help your staff.
If you expect them to be able toperform the way they did,
because I promise you, I cannot.
Right.
(23:07):
And I have people calling mefrom bathrooms or cars, or they
call in sick because they arepetrified of losing their jobs.
Mandy (23:15):
Yeah, I think that's a great point.
Have you worked with anyemployers yet, or have you
gotten into any workplaces?
Yeah I
Samantha (23:21):
try.
I beg.
And the person, it's funny, I'mdoing my podcast after this.
And the person I'm having, thisis what we're talking about,
she, calling congressman, like,what do we need to do for
bereavement?
I have someone who left her jobto get on the board of her
company specifically for thesethings.
Because of how they treated herwhen she lost a child.
(23:44):
You know, we can't function thesame.
We, we want to be here and doour jobs well.
Can you adapt and meet us?
Right.
Mandy (23:53):
It's so important.
So the work you're doing isincredible and it's so needed.
And I just think of you as like,you're just one person and
they're, I mean, this is such ahuge issue.
It's nationwide and you'reright.
It's so many different touchpoints that are missing.
I, I commend you for trying toapproach this problem, but I
hope it can like pick up somehowand become a movement that
(24:16):
really changes the way.
our culture views everything andhow we deal with the
Samantha (24:20):
aftermath.
I mean, it's a huge problem ofthe event I told you about
before we started recording wasduring National Grief Awareness
Week.
No one knows it exists.
I made a calendar.
I spent all of, I spent a yeartrying to get it added to
calendars and couldn't.
So I created my own with all theawareness dates that the world
should be talking about.
And there's a lot, like lots,millions, not hundreds every
(24:46):
week, month.
That if you knew, if youremployer had, you could look at
and say, National SuicideSurvivors Day, and you could
maybe think of someone in yourworld that you could call and
make a huge difference.
Mandy (25:00):
Right, because You know, those are recognized when it's a
big, well known thing.
So breast cancer awareness isalways recognized at work.
Usually, sometimes they'll havesomething for like heart
awareness.
Not as often, I think, as like Isee breast cancer.
But some of the other things arejust never, ever recognized.
But half of it is.
Right.
(25:21):
But I work in a hospital, so youwould think that we would be all
over, like, colon cancerawareness and overdose
awareness, and, and the onlypeople who are really aware of
those are the people who lostsomeone
Samantha (25:32):
to that.
Exactly.
So so how, how do I get thecalendars in the hospitals and
schools, right?
Because I made them, because noone would just hit edit and add
the days to your calendars.
So that's what I'm doing now.
They should be everywhere.
Because then, all it would dois, Oh, I should call so and so,
or let's go to dinner, so youdon't have to go home alone
(25:55):
tonight.
It's a really simple way tothink more about people in your
world who are not okay.
They're really not.
Whether it's been one year orten.
Mandy (26:06):
I love everything you're doing.
Is there anything that you wantto add to either explain more
about grief hab and what you'vecreated or is there anything
that you would want to say topeople who, you know, are
feeling stuck and feeling lostin this moment of their lives?
Samantha (26:24):
You're not alone and You are not wrong, but the world
is backwards.
And like I said, the world wasmaking me feel like I should
conform and act a certain way sothat they didn't feel
uncomfortable and I justwouldn't do it.
And it took a lot to say, sowhat, you know, this is how I
(26:51):
am.
You don't have to do that alone.
If you want to reach out, if youneed support.
I understand that that can beoverwhelming, but other people
are the ones that need to bemeeting us where we are.
And if that's a conversationwith your spouse or your
employer that's what I'm herefor to help you get the support
(27:15):
you need your way.
Mandy (27:16):
And what about, you mentioned that you've had a book
published, I think tell me aboutthat.
And also you mentioned yourpodcast, so I would love to know
what the name of your podcast isand what it's about.
Samantha (27:29):
I have chapters in several books all connected to
my story and grief, and writingwith others is so therapeutic if
you want to share a story.
I did announce Faces of Grief mybook project currently has been
Faces of Mental Illness butwe're doing Faces of Grief,
(27:49):
which is just like the ChickenSoup books, chapters and stories
and people working together andsharing their own stories of
loss.
So, anybody wants to write andheal and connect with others,
just go to our website at www.
facesofgrief.
com.
Thank you.
That's going on and we'relaunching that during National
Grief Awareness Week 2024
Mandy (28:09):
during the next,
Samantha (28:10):
Yeah, just trying to get these powerful, important
dates more noticed so that wecan all get the support we need.
But I would, I would say writingis a very powerful way to heal
also, even if you, bulletpoints.
One of my clients makes journalswhere one side is bullet points
and she started with justpositive things in her day.
(28:33):
And the other side was negative.
And when she went through herloss, the positive side didn't
have very much.
But it grows.
So you don't have to be a writerto get it out.
And so, you know, I love, Iwrite letters to Jim every day.
And that is what led to this.
Mandy (28:50):
And I like knowing that it can be so different for each
person.
So for you is writing lettersand for this client, it's
writing things in bullet pointjournal format.
For me, I remember people hadsaid, Oh, you should journal
journaling is really helpful.
I've never been a journaler andwriting with pen and paper is
just not my medium.
(29:11):
And when I started writing on mylaptop and typing, it was a
whole different experience forme.
So I think just.
for people to know that writingcan be a lot of different things
that can come out in differentways and they're all equally
valid.
So just find the one that feelsthe most comforting to you and
the most helpful to you.
(29:32):
And I also think in relation tothe books There is something
really powerful about readingother people's experience and
seeing the similarities therefor you and finding that
validation.
Books were very helpful to me inmy own grief and I don't think
we have enough out there reallyhighlighting what people go
through.
So I'm glad to see that thereare more on the way.
(29:54):
And yeah, and then of course wehave podcasts and I try to
highlight grief stories.
And so I'd love to know whatyour podcast is about and what
it's called.
Samantha (30:04):
It's called The Be Ruthless Show.
Making noise and breakingstigmas.
I I do a lot about grief, butalso mental health, or the
things the world avoids talkingabout that we need to have more
conversations about.
Mandy (30:17):
I love it.
And where can people find you ifthey would like to connect with
Grief Hub or learn more aboutyour services?
Samantha (30:25):
SamanthaRuth.
com.
Grief Hub is on Facebook.
But everything's on my websitealso.
Mandy (30:31):
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Do you have anything else thatyou would want to share with
people before we close up?
Samantha (30:37):
I would just say that what you feel insecure about or
what you are thinking is yournegative or your weakness can be
your biggest strength.
So, grief, people maybe see thatas a weakness, it can be your
biggest strength.
It doesn't have to be.
So if we don't let the worldmake us or anyone make us feel
(31:00):
like something is wrong and weuse it however it feels right
for us, then everything canchange.
Mandy (31:08):
And it does have the potential to open up new
pathways in your life thatweren't there before.
And I love hearing people'sstories about things they've
created since the loss.
And I've seen so many differentstories.
I just, I find it veryinspirational to know that we've
all been in that place wherethings are very dark and you
(31:28):
don't see how you're going tomove forward.
You don't know how you're goingto get through the next day.
And then to take a look back atpeople who've all been in that
place and now where they are,and many of them are thriving
and doing all sorts of thingsthat are very creative and
unique.
And I think we lose some ofthose walls where.
Prior, maybe you're afraid totry something new or you don't
(31:52):
want to break the mold, but onceyou're already broken, it's easy
to say, well, what do I have tolose?
I have nothing to lose.
I'm just going to try this newthing.
And, and that's really powerful.
Samantha (32:04):
And it doesn't mean we don't still have hard days or
hard moments.
But we learn how to get throughthem.
I'm not, I still cry every day,but I'm not sobbing in a ball,
hyperventilating.
Mandy (32:16):
And you know, what can help your soul in those moments.
And you know, that you can walkoutside with your dogs and go
for a hike or or sit down andwrite.
I think finding the things thatwork for us is really important
also.
And you're right.
And giving ourselves grace thatholidays are still going to be
really hard and a random Tuesdaythat.
(32:37):
Things are just piling up andstressful are going to be hard
and, and it's okay if you'recrying in the shower or, you
know, whatever, however, you'reletting it out.
That's totally normal, even ifit's been years and we're all
there.
I hope you enjoyed today's showand feel validated that even a
trained psychologist in griefand loss Will tell you that we
(32:58):
all have our own timelines forgrief and that is perfectly okay
Thank you so much for listeningPlease make sure you subscribe
share this episode with anyonewho it could benefit And as
always visit remember gramsanytime you need to send a
little love to someone who isgrieving Thank you and have a
wonderful day
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