May 22, 2024 • 30 mins
Brooke Kekos joins us to discuss leaving a rigid community she was raised in, and the grief of losing her family, friends, and all she had known as a result. In the same time frame, she also went through a divorce, and several years later grieved the complicated feelings that came with the death of her ex-husband, the father of her children.
Brooke has gone on to write a children's book- Grief Monster, and is in the process of writing a memoir. She is host of the podcast Goddess Rising, and is a coach working with women through their healing journeys using a combination approach of trauma informed recovery coaching and rapid transformational therapy.
To find her children's book Grief Monster, follow the link here.
To connect with her for coaching or on social media, find her here:
https://www.lifecoachinggoddess.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-kekos-253905231
https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachinggoddess
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075036248909
https://www.facebook.com/brooke.kekos/
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Thank you so much for listening. Wishing you well on whatever trail you find yourself walking today.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mandy (00:00):
Hello, and welcome back to the Grief Trails podcast.
I'm your host, Amanda Kernaghanfrom Remembergrams, a small
business dedicated to helpingyou support those in your life
experiencing grief.
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is always free, and we treateach order with special care,
(00:20):
paying attention to everydetail.
One thing that everyone needs inlife is a sense of belonging, of
community.
But what happens if you'reraised in a community where your
belonging hinges on youracceptance and participation of
a set of mores and beliefs thatno longer ring true for you?
(00:41):
Leaving a community such as thiscan mean leaving your entire
upbringing, your family, andyour friends.
Leaving something no longerright for you can be filled with
an immense amount of grief, bethat a community, a family, or a
partner.
Today's guest has been throughthis experience and more.
I'm thrilled to have BrookeKikos on the show today, author
(01:02):
of the beautiful children'sbook, Grief Monster, host of the
podcast, Goddess Rising.
She uses a combination of traumainformed recovery coaching and
rapid transformational therapyto work with clients on their
own healing journeys.
She's here today to share herown story.
Brooke (01:20):
So, I would say that grief came into my existence
because I had to grieve the lossof losing my community and I was
raised in a very dogmaticreligion.
So it was, you know, very lovewith conditional and if you left
that community or that society.
(01:42):
It meant that you no longerbelonged at all, and so
friendships were lost, familywas lost that was in this
society which was really, for abetter word, is probably more
cult like because once youleave, you're an outcast, and
now you don't really, you don'tfit in anymore.
And so that was really my firstexperience with grief, and I
(02:05):
didn't really realize that thatwas what was going to happen,
even though I knew leaving thisspace meant that was going to
happen, but I had no idea thatthe people that I really loved,
that I thought that loved me,would actually abandon me.
And so that abandonment was whenreally my first experience with
grief happened, and the grief, Ijust didn't even know how to
(02:26):
process that.
It was a lot of shock.
Mandy (02:29):
Yeah, you're saying, community and family, does that
include family as close as yourparents and siblings
Brooke (02:36):
yeah, yeah, so my parents are still to this day
actually a part of thatorganization.
And when I left, my parents wereangry, which is normal.
You're trained to be angry.
You're trained to treat yourchildren that way.
Because if they leave, thenyou're supposed to, to abandon
them because they are no longerof God or they're evil.
(02:59):
And so that's just how we'relooked at.
And so I did lose my parents.
And to this day, I mean, Ihaven't spoken to my parents in
almost two years.
I did leave that society in2017, and that was kind of a
process of of realizing that Ihad to kind of cut ties with
them because it was emotionallynot healthy for me at the same
time.
They were going to abandon meeither way.
If I spoke my truth, or if Iwent outside of what they
(03:22):
believed, it didn't matter.
They were going to abandon meanyway.
So, yeah, I lost all of that.
Anyone that I knew that was inthat religion, so really my
support system.
Mandy (03:32):
Did you know anybody who had previously left and were you
able to connect with people, forlack of a better term, on the
outside and try to start to growyour new community?
Brooke (03:44):
Yeah, actually I did know people that had left.
I had a really great friendsthat had left the religion along
before I did that had kind ofguess for better word is like
they saw the light.
They, they saw that what theywere existing in wasn't normal.
And they began to look outsidethe box.
But we're really told that wecan only read that literature
(04:05):
that the, that the organizationputs out.
We're told that we can only.
believe what they say.
So we're not, we're very like,we're put in a box.
You're not supposed to lookoutside of that box.
And if you do, there's a lot offear.
So they left and I saw themleave.
And I actually, I judged them atfirst, right?
I think because I was taught todo that.
And then seeing that they hadmade it out, I reconnected with
(04:29):
them after leaving.
And it was like, we were finallyable to kind of understand our
experience and understand whatwe had been through.
Because they had their owngrieving process to go through,
but it was, it was a lot ofgrowth, and I think that's what
grief really is.
Grief brings growth.
Mandy (04:45):
Right, it has both sides of the coin, right?
It has like the deep pain, butit also comes with some positive
results that you don'tanticipate.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, so obviously you knew thatmaking this decision in your
life was going to be a hugechanging point, and that it
could result in you losing theseother people.
(05:05):
All of these relationships inyour life.
But obviously the reality offeeling that is different than
imagining what it might be like.
What was the hardest part foryou in that transition period?
I felt lost.
Brooke (05:19):
I really felt lost because it was, you know, I, not
only did I lose the supportsystem, but I also lost a whole
entire belief system that I feltlike my whole life had existed
on.
So I was like, well, if I don'thave this, I Then what am I
supposed to have like I don'tunderstand anything and I
remember coming out of thatreally being angry with God
(05:41):
being angry with what was andI'm like, Okay, well, if I was
lied to my whole entire life,and that God supposedly was
supposed to be taking care of meand loving me.
Then why did this happen?
And so I really kind of went tothe, I shut things off.
I shut that part of me off.
I shut that connection off.
I shut off any belief that thereeven was a creator and that even
(06:04):
existed.
Because it just was too, toopainful, too confusing, and I
didn't know what to think of it.
So.
I started to just kind of exist,if you will.
And really try to just kind ofnumb my.
Existence a little bit and, andreally none the grief, right?
Cause I still was so confused.
(06:24):
It was like, I can't be thisperson, but I also don't know
who I am.
Mandy (06:28):
What helped you move through that and make your life
what it is now?
Brooke (06:34):
I really believe that it began with digging deeper into
myself.
What had happened in childhood.
You know, I was raised by afather that had some very toxic
patterns, was abusive, kind ofwas the, the patriarchy in the
family that really created thatexistence which was very similar
to what was the religion, right?
(06:54):
Women are inferior, you do asyou're told, you have to be the
good girl, and if you're not,then I'm going to withdraw my
love from you.
My love is conditional.
And so.
I really had to look at all ofthat and, and my relationship
with my own father and how thatalso was similar to the
relationship that I had withthis God that I had been taught
(07:15):
about had a lot of fear.
Had a lot of, if I don't doanything right, God's not going
to love me.
I'm going to be destroyed.
And I had to start to heal thosethings within me.
And that all began with deepreflection and, and having
someone kind of guide me throughthe process of therapy and other
healing modalities to kind offind.
And navigate that really, reallydark darkness that I felt.
Mandy (07:39):
Yeah.
So I know that you're also hereto talk about a different
experience that you had withgrief that came later, which was
having to do with your exhusband.
So help me with the timeline.
Were you married?
Was your husband part of thisreligion?
Or was that after?
Brooke (07:55):
Yes, he was part of the religion.
So there's a lot, this is areally big story.
There's a lot of, there's a lotof depth to this, but I will
keep the shorter version of thisfor sake of time.
But yeah, he was in the religionas well.
And in 2017, he's actually theone that found out that the
religion was all a sham.
He started to dig deeper and,and reflect and, and see that,
(08:19):
there was more than meets theeye.
And when he came to me, I didn'tbelieve him.
I had like very much thecognitive dissonance because I
was, I was like, no, this is ourbeliefs and this is what we're
supposed to do.
And if you do anything else,you're going to be in trouble.
And I couldn't believe him atfirst, but then I started to
listen to him, but either way,our, our relationship was not
(08:40):
meant to be, our relationshipwas a lesson for me, it was a
teacher.
And we ended up divorcing atthat time.
And in that moment, that's whenI kind of started to do my own a
process and, and leaveeverything behind.
And he went his way, he went onhis path.
So we were not together actuallyat the time of his death.
He died three years later afterour divorce in 2020.
And we have two boys together.
(09:03):
So.
That was very difficult, andthat was a whole new type of
grief.
I had spent almost 17 years ofmy life with him.
I had known him since I was 15years old.
And regardless of therelationship that we had and the
way that it turned out, I spenta majority of my life with him,
learning and growing andexisting.
(09:25):
So it was painful.
Mandy (09:27):
Yeah, that's an example of, disenfranchised grief when
you are grieving a relationshipthat maybe society doesn't
understand why you're grievingso much, right?
When it comes to exes, I thinkpeople look at it and think,
well, you know, you guys aren'ttogether anymore and, and you
didn't want to be togetheranymore.
And so it almost takes away thevalidity of your grief.
(09:50):
Did you feel isolated because ofthat?
Or like.
Did you ever feel a little bitof shame for how much you were
grieving the loss of him?
Or were you able to just acceptthat he was a huge part of your
life?
Brooke (10:03):
Amanda, you've got to get out of my head.
You're spot on with that.
You're spot on with that.
Yeah, I did feel deep shameabout it.
I felt embarrassed.
Almost, I felt like well, Ishouldn't be grieving this man.
He also hurt me.
But at the same time, there wasthis, this humanness in me.
Greater picture of the way thatI felt it was almost like a
deeper connection beyond here inthe physical that I couldn't
(10:27):
quite explain yet.
And I remember the point whereit really made me feel the
deepest shame is when my parentsat that time were still a part
of my life because when he died,it was obviously very tragic.
And they were trying to be apart of it.
My father more so because hewanted to kind of control
things.
But I went out to reach to get ahug from my father and he shoved
(10:52):
me away in disgust.
And.
He said, how dare you grievethis man?
Like, why would you even grievehim?
He hurt you and you know, all ofthese things.
And I just saw this hate andlack of love and his whole
entire being in the way that helooked at me and just him
pushing me away, made merecognize that this man is not
(11:15):
love.
That was really the turningpoint for me to say, I don't
want anything to do with myfather.
I cannot have anything to dowith my father.
And that made me walk away fromthat relationship.
And I think that also made me gointo the shame of like, why am I
grieving this man?
But I also honored my grief.
Did I feel at all at that time?
No.
I think grieving is such aprocess.
(11:37):
It's, it's really interestingthat we're on this day having
this podcast episode.
This is actually marks the threeyear anniversary of my ex
husband's death today.
And so I feel like everythinghappens for a reason.
There's, there's no coincidence.
Mandy (11:52):
Yeah.
Brooke (11:52):
I agree.
Mandy (11:54):
Wow.
And just to point out the factthat you were dealing with the
death of someone who had been apart of your life for so long,
as complicated as thatrelationship was, as wrong for
you as it was, it's still, youknow, you have every right to
grieve for that person and thefact that they're no longer
here.
But then to add into that,you're also grieving The loss of
(12:15):
your relationship with your dadat the same time, like having
that final realization that thisis not healthy for me and he is
not what I need him to be forme.
So it's almost like you weredealing with both losses at the
same time.
So I'm not surprised that it,you know, it takes a long time.
I think it grief, like you said,as a process for everyone.
And, you know, It's it's ongoingforever.
(12:35):
I don't think we ever completelystopped grieving.
It just changes and changes indepth and frequency and how it
shows up in our lives, but.
Brooke (12:45):
Yeah, I agree completely.
You know, even on this day, Istill had to honor my grief.
I still had to kind of just sitwith it.
I think I'm more in tune nowwith my emotional intelligence
than I ever have been.
Because before it was like whenthe grief happened.
I really tried to distractmyself.
I tried to numb myself.
I tried to run from it becauseit was so overwhelming in it.
(13:07):
And granted, my, my brain ismeant to do that, right?
It's meant to keep us safe.
It's meant to, like, not let ushave to process too much at one
time.
So, while it served me well, Ialso didn't allow for myself to
just kind of sit in with it.
And that was, I think, how I waslike, okay, I need to now honor
(13:28):
these emotions that come throughand honor, like, you know, Hey,
if it's one day where I just gotto sit in this grief and be sad
about the loss of my father ormy community, or this ex
husband, because now the fatherof my children, they don't have
a father.
Right.
And looking at them and seeingthat.
Mandy (13:45):
How old were your children when he died?
Brooke (13:48):
My youngest was seven, and my oldest was twelve.
Mandy (13:54):
That's a whole part of grief I don't think we often
explore, is it's very differentfor kids, and especially kids
who lose a parent.
I know that it's something thatwill stay with them for the rest
of their lives, and how youparent children going through
grief is really important.
Difficult, and there's noguidebook for it.
(14:14):
How was that experience for you?
Is there anything that you foundhelpful?
I, it sounds like you're atleast a good role model for
them, and now, like, honoringyour own emotions when it comes
to grief, and days like today,recognizing that it's, it's okay
to feel however you're feeling,but what else would you want to
share about the experience withyour own kids?
Brooke (14:34):
Yeah, I mean, I definitely sitting in their
grief was probably the hardestthing because as mama bear,
right?
We want to protect our childrenfrom from the sadness.
We want to be like, we want totake away their pain.
I'm like, please, please takethis grief from them and give it
to me.
But it was the same time I alsohad to sit there and honor the
fact that they needed to gothrough their own process as
well.
(14:54):
And they're still continuing togo through their own process.
With that.
And even on this day, you know,I think that they have to just
recognize, okay, let's, let'scelebrate, you know, your dad
and the time that you did havewith him.
And while we miss him, it's okayto just honor like that sadness
that we feel from that, thatloss.
(15:15):
And, you know, I would make surethat they got the therapy they
needed.
I made sure that they got thesupport they needed.
I think that was the biggestpiece is sometimes we like, want
to just isolate ourselves.
And I saw my oldest doing that,isolating himself a lot and
really sitting in the depressionwhere it's almost like, you
know, he, he decided that hefelt like he didn't want to live
anymore.
You know, the pain really,really was too much at one
(15:38):
point.
And having to sit with that andhelp him process that and get
through that that pain.
Mandy (15:45):
Do you have advice?
I'm just thinking if there areother parents who are trying to
parent children through thisexperience, what advice would
you give them to help their kidsyou know, get through it as best
they can because it is soindividual.
And, you know, you can't speakfor everyone, but have there
been any strategies?
I know you mentioned therapy,anything else that was helpful?
Brooke (16:05):
No.
I think really helping themconnect with a belief that it's
going to help them comfortthemselves.
Right so, for my children inparticular.
You know, we had, they had beenraised also within the
organization that we had beenin.
So they also had this beliefthat.
They didn't know what to believenow, because we had left.
(16:28):
That organization.
So it was being able to connectwith.
Okay.
Well, how can you see what deathis and what death means and
helping them to see?
Okay, what felt good to them?
Right?
And for for my oldest.
He didn't know what tonecessarily believe.
At first, he was very confusedbecause he had a different
(16:50):
experience than my youngerchild.
And so he was trying to find theanswers of, okay, well, is my
dad in heaven or is my dad goneor is, will I ever see my dad
again?
And I think he's still, he'sfinally finding some peace with
that.
And just having like, okay, whatdoes feel good to you to help
lead them there, right?
(17:11):
And help them make the decisionfor themselves.
I really felt like that was whatit needed to happen.
I believe that our loved onesare still here with us.
It's just in spirit, it's, it'sjust different.
It's like, we still willreconnect.
I think we're all connected.
And so my belief system didn'thave to necessarily be theirs.
(17:32):
It was what resonated with them.
Mandy (17:34):
Have you been able to do, have, or have they been able to
do anything special to like,keep his memory with them on
days like today when it's, youknow, going to be a little bit
more of a difficult day?
Brooke (17:47):
Yeah, I think that we always do kind of a ritual where
we'll, we'll have a nice dinner.
We'll share an Italian dinner.
Their dad was Italian.
So we'll do something like we'lldo something together and we'll
share good memories and reallycelebrate life.
That's kind of what I gain fromthis.
It's more of like, okay, well,there is the grief and the
sadness while we have to sitwith it.
(18:07):
It's also being able to saytoday is a great day to be
alive.
how are we celebrating thismoment and honoring those that
we have lost?
By living fully in this moment,and I think that's really how we
honor the people that we lovethat we've lost is just living
more fully in our own expressionright now.
(18:31):
And so we always make sure thatwe celebrate.
Oh, what are we going tocelebrate today.
Right.
What is the greatest and what'sthe best story about your dad
that you want to share today orsomething fun or something
amazing that you remember.
Thank you.
Mandy (18:43):
I love that you're being so open with them to let them
talk about him, because in thisdynamic where the two of you
were divorced, that in otherfamilies it might feel like
they, that children might feellike they can't talk about that
parent who's gone because theyknow that there was some kind of
strain in the relationship, butit sounds like you're creating a
really safe space for them tofeel like they can still talk
(19:06):
about their dad and remember himin the ways that they need to,
and I just, I love that.
Honor you for that becausethat's a tough job for you to
do.
I'm sure to sometimes push asidewhatever history you have and
create that environment forthem, but so helpful to get them
through it.
Brooke (19:22):
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I think the most important partis helping.
I mean, because I know for myyoungest, especially, I mean, he
had no idea where death was whenit happened.
I mean, he was six, almostseven.
And so I'm like, he had noconcept of death.
It hadn't been experienced thatsomeone so close to him dying
before.
(19:42):
And he really was so confusedabout what death is.
And then it became a fear,right?
Oh, my gosh, mom, don't leave.
Cause he was afraid I was goingto die, right?
Like it was like the fear thatjust consumed him.
It was very, very deeplytraumatizing.
So it's really important that wehelp these children navigate
(20:02):
through their emotions to also,you know, not get so stuck in
the fear of, Oh my God, that Ilost this person.
That means I'm going to lose thenext person and the next person.
And.
Because you can really be gettrapped there.
Mandy (20:15):
It sounds like to me in the last six years, you've,
you've had a lot of loss, you,you lost your community, you
went through a divorce, and thenyour children's father passed
away.
And that's all in a prettyrecent time span.
How have you, how has thischanged your life?
How has it impacted who you are?
What are you doing now?
(20:36):
And, and what has helped you getthere?
Brooke (20:38):
It completely changed my life.
It was like, I was on one pathand then it was like, I got
swept to the quickly to the nextpath.
And that path was really to helpme heal more deeply so that I
could use my experience and whatI had survived to help others.
(20:59):
And so I was actually in thebeauty industry.
While this happened, that's whatI was doing.
As I left this community, as Igot divorced, I went back and to
do this, because this is all Ihad known.
And And this, when his deathhappened and this grief
happened, it was really whatignited my own spiritual
awakening and showed me that Ineeded to use everything that I
(21:22):
had experienced to not only healmyself, but to help others
transform their lives.
And so I went back to school.
I went back to school and becamean RTT therapist and a trauma
healing coach.
And now I lead.
Women that have this grief thathas had these experiences and
have gone through divorce, havelost community, have felt lost
(21:45):
and alone to transform theirlives to basically rewrite their
lives.
Because that's what I had to do.
I had to start from thebeginning and begin again.
So that's how it changed mylife.
I was able to take this reallydeep pain and put it into
purpose and start to navigatelife in a completely different
way, a more purposeful way.
Mandy (22:05):
Yeah, that's incredible.
So you're coaching women.
And then I know that you alsowrote a book.
Is that right?
Brooke (22:14):
Yeah.
I am.
Yeah.
So I've actually, I'm in theprocess of writing two different
books.
The one book is my memoir, whichwill come out probably in 2024.
But my, my latest littlecreation is I've written a
series of children's book onemotional intelligence.
And one in particular is.
On grief, and it's called thegrief monster.
It is really to help childrenthat have lost a parent to be
(22:38):
able to navigate this very deepemotion that is painful.
It's probably the most pain thatwe will feel in our aliveness
and helping these children justto understand it.
Because when my son was myyoungest I was looking for a
book to kind of help him.
It was easier for my olderchild.
But for him, it was just, therewas such a limited amount of
(23:00):
books for, for children on thissubject, which of course, who
wants to talk about this?
Nobody wants to talk about this,right?
We want, we want to avoid it atall costs.
And so I just sat down one dayand I said, I'm going to write
this.
This is what this is going to beabout.
And so it's going to be a seriesof books and it's going to be
all about their emotionalintelligence and helping kids
navigate.
(23:21):
The harder emotions, I
Mandy (23:23):
think that's incredibly important because like you said,
the resources are scarce andbooks are, you know, finding a
book that resonates with you andyour grief, even as an adult can
be difficult.
Trying to find the right onethat really connects with what
you're feeling and makes youfeel like, oh, it's not just me
and it makes you see it in adifferent way.
(23:43):
Is difficult for adults and thenif you look at children and
there's so much less to choosefrom I think having more out
there in the world to normalizethis for kids Not that it's a
normal experience to go throughin childhood But it can
definitely happen and it doeshappen to a lot of children And
yeah that book I think soundslike the world needs it and i'm
(24:05):
glad that you're putting it outthere
Brooke (24:07):
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, i'm very excited about it.
And honestly, it's funny I'vehad people reach out to me and
let me know they're like Well,this is not just for the little
children, this is like for theinner child and all of us,
because we've all experienced adeep loss, right, in one way or
another.
And it's just like, oh, okay,how do I connect to this, this
grief and how do I let my bodyand my mind just fully express
(24:31):
it and feel it?
Mandy (24:33):
Yeah, and sometimes reading access is a different
part of us that talking, youknow, especially with kids,
sometimes you're not ready totalk about the deep stuff yet,
or you're not even able to putwords to how you're feeling yet.
And so to have a book that theycan relate to and just think
about before they're ready tobring it into, into talking to
(24:55):
somebody, I think that's a greatfirst step.
Brooke (24:59):
Yes, completely.
Yeah, thank you so much.
I appreciate you letting meshare that because it is such a,
it was such a passion projectfor me and being able to share
that with the world I, I find isjust lights me up.
Mandy (25:12):
yeah, I'm excited to see what you're going to do.
And what about your memoir?
What is that about?
Brooke (25:17):
Yeah, it's my experience of really my life.
It's my experience with livingwithin the society that I lived
in.
And how that was to leave it andall those experiences that were
intertwined within it and how itnot only molded and shaped me,
but then the on doing that I hadto do with all of the
(25:39):
conditioning and the programmingthat had happened within that
existence.
Mandy (25:42):
Is there anything you would want to leave?
Listeners with that, maybe youshare with your coaching clients
or people who are just beginningthis process of divorce or
really overhauling their life.
You know, where can they start?
What should they think about?
Brooke (25:59):
So the first thing I would say is you're never alone.
I think sometimes when we're ingrief or when we're going
through these really huge lifechanges.
Our, our normal and our humaninstinct is to cocoon, Oh my
gosh, isolate myself, protectmyself, save myself, right?
Try to break out of that cocoonand go and get yourself some
(26:23):
support, get fine community,find support.
And if you're grieving, ifyou're going through divorce, if
you've lost a husband, a wife,you know, somebody that you
love.
There's grief communities,there's grief support systems on
there that are free that you canconnect with people and you can,
it'll help you heal within thatcommunity because you're going
(26:46):
to be seen and heard and peopleare going to go through the
exact same things that you'regoing through.
And what this does is it allowsyou not to isolate to feel
alone.
But rather to be able to connectand then feel your grief, like
actually be able to feel itinstead of being survival mode,
right?
Trying to protect yourself andfeeling all alone, because
(27:09):
that's when we get moredepressed.
Mandy (27:11):
Unfortunately, you kind of have to feel it and go
through it in order to get tothe space where you feel like
you're going to grow from it.
Because if we avoid it andignore it and distract ourselves
to the maximum, unfortunatelythe grief just stays there and
waits for you until you're readyto sit down and go through it.
Brooke (27:31):
Yeah.
And take it from me that I didthat.
I did all of that and it was notgood.
It wasn't fun to do at the endprocess.
You know, I thought, I rememberjust looking back on my journey
is.
I, what I, how I used mydistraction was let me clean,
organize, let me frantically runabout, let me, you know, do
whatever I can to like not sitstill.
(27:53):
Because I knew if I sat still, Iwas going to have to feel
something and I didn't want tofeel anything.
So it was trying to findanything I could to numb it, but
it was there waiting for me.
Mandy (28:03):
That's great advice for a first step for people because
feeling like you're alone inthis is very common, even though
it's It's a universal experiencethat everyone's going to go
through in some way or another,some form or another.
Just like you had thisexperience of grief, leaving a
community and getting a divorce.
And, you know, it also comes,everyone always thinks about
(28:24):
grief when it comes to losing aloved one, but it just comes in
so many different forms andsomething that we're all going
to go through.
So, reminding people that.
there are people out there whohave been through something
similar and being able to findthose communities,
Brooke (28:38):
Where
Mandy (28:39):
could people find you if they're interested in connecting
more with you?
Brooke (28:43):
Yeah.
So I would love to connect withanybody on all the socials Tik
TOK, Instagram, Facebook isBrooke Kikos or Life Coaching
Goddess.
That's my brand.
That's my name, Life CoachingGoddess.
So that's where you can find me.
Like connect.
I can do it.
No, we can chat if you're justleaving honestly, if you
anything that I said resonatedfor you or anything that.
Your experience right now orhave experience and you want to
(29:05):
just chat about I am open tosomething like that as well.
Because I really do believe insisterhood and community and
being able to sit with peoplethat really need just sometimes
a hand to hold through theprocess.
Mandy (29:18):
Brooke is the kind of person who radiates a light when
you talk to her, and it can besurprising to hear all of the
pain that she's walked throughto get where she is today.
To learn more about how she'shelping others through their own
recovery, check out her websitelifecoachinggoddess.
com.
It is linked in the show notesalong with her children's book
Grief Monster, a story that issuch a needed resource in our
(29:41):
community, and the accompanyingillustrations are just
incredible.
I think you're gonna love it.
Thank you so much for listening.
Please make sure you subscribe,share this episode with anyone
who could benefit from it, andas always visit Remembergrams
anytime you need to send alittle love to someone who is
grieving.
Thank you and have a wonderfulday.
Hello, and welcome back to the Grief Trails podcast.
I'm your host, Amanda Kernaghanfrom Remembergrams, a small
business dedicated to helpingyou support those in your life
experiencing grief.
I hope you'll consider sendingsomeone a personalized card or
grief support box.
Shipping within the U.
S.
is always free, and we treateach order with special care,
(00:20):
paying attention to everydetail.
One thing that everyone needs inlife is a sense of belonging, of
community.
But what happens if you'reraised in a community where your
belonging hinges on youracceptance and participation of
a set of mores and beliefs thatno longer ring true for you?
(00:41):
Leaving a community such as thiscan mean leaving your entire
upbringing, your family, andyour friends.
Leaving something no longerright for you can be filled with
an immense amount of grief, bethat a community, a family, or a
partner.
Today's guest has been throughthis experience and more.
I'm thrilled to have BrookeKikos on the show today, author
(01:02):
of the beautiful children'sbook, Grief Monster, host of the
podcast, Goddess Rising.
She uses a combination of traumainformed recovery coaching and
rapid transformational therapyto work with clients on their
own healing journeys.
She's here today to share herown story.
Brooke (01:20):
So, I would say that grief came into my existence
because I had to grieve the lossof losing my community and I was
raised in a very dogmaticreligion.
So it was, you know, very lovewith conditional and if you left
that community or that society.
(01:42):
It meant that you no longerbelonged at all, and so
friendships were lost, familywas lost that was in this
society which was really, for abetter word, is probably more
cult like because once youleave, you're an outcast, and
now you don't really, you don'tfit in anymore.
And so that was really my firstexperience with grief, and I
(02:05):
didn't really realize that thatwas what was going to happen,
even though I knew leaving thisspace meant that was going to
happen, but I had no idea thatthe people that I really loved,
that I thought that loved me,would actually abandon me.
And so that abandonment was whenreally my first experience with
grief happened, and the grief, Ijust didn't even know how to
(02:26):
process that.
It was a lot of shock.
Mandy (02:29):
Yeah, you're saying, community and family, does that
include family as close as yourparents and siblings
Brooke (02:36):
yeah, yeah, so my parents are still to this day
actually a part of thatorganization.
And when I left, my parents wereangry, which is normal.
You're trained to be angry.
You're trained to treat yourchildren that way.
Because if they leave, thenyou're supposed to, to abandon
them because they are no longerof God or they're evil.
(02:59):
And so that's just how we'relooked at.
And so I did lose my parents.
And to this day, I mean, Ihaven't spoken to my parents in
almost two years.
I did leave that society in2017, and that was kind of a
process of of realizing that Ihad to kind of cut ties with
them because it was emotionallynot healthy for me at the same
time.
They were going to abandon meeither way.
If I spoke my truth, or if Iwent outside of what they
(03:22):
believed, it didn't matter.
They were going to abandon meanyway.
So, yeah, I lost all of that.
Anyone that I knew that was inthat religion, so really my
support system.
Mandy (03:32):
Did you know anybody who had previously left and were you
able to connect with people, forlack of a better term, on the
outside and try to start to growyour new community?
Brooke (03:44):
Yeah, actually I did know people that had left.
I had a really great friendsthat had left the religion along
before I did that had kind ofguess for better word is like
they saw the light.
They, they saw that what theywere existing in wasn't normal.
And they began to look outsidethe box.
But we're really told that wecan only read that literature
(04:05):
that the, that the organizationputs out.
We're told that we can only.
believe what they say.
So we're not, we're very like,we're put in a box.
You're not supposed to lookoutside of that box.
And if you do, there's a lot offear.
So they left and I saw themleave.
And I actually, I judged them atfirst, right?
I think because I was taught todo that.
And then seeing that they hadmade it out, I reconnected with
(04:29):
them after leaving.
And it was like, we were finallyable to kind of understand our
experience and understand whatwe had been through.
Because they had their owngrieving process to go through,
but it was, it was a lot ofgrowth, and I think that's what
grief really is.
Grief brings growth.
Mandy (04:45):
Right, it has both sides of the coin, right?
It has like the deep pain, butit also comes with some positive
results that you don'tanticipate.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, so obviously you knew thatmaking this decision in your
life was going to be a hugechanging point, and that it
could result in you losing theseother people.
(05:05):
All of these relationships inyour life.
But obviously the reality offeeling that is different than
imagining what it might be like.
What was the hardest part foryou in that transition period?
I felt lost.
Brooke (05:19):
I really felt lost because it was, you know, I, not
only did I lose the supportsystem, but I also lost a whole
entire belief system that I feltlike my whole life had existed
on.
So I was like, well, if I don'thave this, I Then what am I
supposed to have like I don'tunderstand anything and I
remember coming out of thatreally being angry with God
(05:41):
being angry with what was andI'm like, Okay, well, if I was
lied to my whole entire life,and that God supposedly was
supposed to be taking care of meand loving me.
Then why did this happen?
And so I really kind of went tothe, I shut things off.
I shut that part of me off.
I shut that connection off.
I shut off any belief that thereeven was a creator and that even
(06:04):
existed.
Because it just was too, toopainful, too confusing, and I
didn't know what to think of it.
So.
I started to just kind of exist,if you will.
And really try to just kind ofnumb my.
Existence a little bit and, andreally none the grief, right?
Cause I still was so confused.
(06:24):
It was like, I can't be thisperson, but I also don't know
who I am.
Mandy (06:28):
What helped you move through that and make your life
what it is now?
Brooke (06:34):
I really believe that it began with digging deeper into
myself.
What had happened in childhood.
You know, I was raised by afather that had some very toxic
patterns, was abusive, kind ofwas the, the patriarchy in the
family that really created thatexistence which was very similar
to what was the religion, right?
(06:54):
Women are inferior, you do asyou're told, you have to be the
good girl, and if you're not,then I'm going to withdraw my
love from you.
My love is conditional.
And so.
I really had to look at all ofthat and, and my relationship
with my own father and how thatalso was similar to the
relationship that I had withthis God that I had been taught
(07:15):
about had a lot of fear.
Had a lot of, if I don't doanything right, God's not going
to love me.
I'm going to be destroyed.
And I had to start to heal thosethings within me.
And that all began with deepreflection and, and having
someone kind of guide me throughthe process of therapy and other
healing modalities to kind offind.
And navigate that really, reallydark darkness that I felt.
Mandy (07:39):
Yeah.
So I know that you're also hereto talk about a different
experience that you had withgrief that came later, which was
having to do with your exhusband.
So help me with the timeline.
Were you married?
Was your husband part of thisreligion?
Or was that after?
Brooke (07:55):
Yes, he was part of the religion.
So there's a lot, this is areally big story.
There's a lot of, there's a lotof depth to this, but I will
keep the shorter version of thisfor sake of time.
But yeah, he was in the religionas well.
And in 2017, he's actually theone that found out that the
religion was all a sham.
He started to dig deeper and,and reflect and, and see that,
(08:19):
there was more than meets theeye.
And when he came to me, I didn'tbelieve him.
I had like very much thecognitive dissonance because I
was, I was like, no, this is ourbeliefs and this is what we're
supposed to do.
And if you do anything else,you're going to be in trouble.
And I couldn't believe him atfirst, but then I started to
listen to him, but either way,our, our relationship was not
(08:40):
meant to be, our relationshipwas a lesson for me, it was a
teacher.
And we ended up divorcing atthat time.
And in that moment, that's whenI kind of started to do my own a
process and, and leaveeverything behind.
And he went his way, he went onhis path.
So we were not together actuallyat the time of his death.
He died three years later afterour divorce in 2020.
And we have two boys together.
(09:03):
So.
That was very difficult, andthat was a whole new type of
grief.
I had spent almost 17 years ofmy life with him.
I had known him since I was 15years old.
And regardless of therelationship that we had and the
way that it turned out, I spenta majority of my life with him,
learning and growing andexisting.
(09:25):
So it was painful.
Mandy (09:27):
Yeah, that's an example of, disenfranchised grief when
you are grieving a relationshipthat maybe society doesn't
understand why you're grievingso much, right?
When it comes to exes, I thinkpeople look at it and think,
well, you know, you guys aren'ttogether anymore and, and you
didn't want to be togetheranymore.
And so it almost takes away thevalidity of your grief.
(09:50):
Did you feel isolated because ofthat?
Or like.
Did you ever feel a little bitof shame for how much you were
grieving the loss of him?
Or were you able to just acceptthat he was a huge part of your
life?
Brooke (10:03):
Amanda, you've got to get out of my head.
You're spot on with that.
You're spot on with that.
Yeah, I did feel deep shameabout it.
I felt embarrassed.
Almost, I felt like well, Ishouldn't be grieving this man.
He also hurt me.
But at the same time, there wasthis, this humanness in me.
Greater picture of the way thatI felt it was almost like a
deeper connection beyond here inthe physical that I couldn't
(10:27):
quite explain yet.
And I remember the point whereit really made me feel the
deepest shame is when my parentsat that time were still a part
of my life because when he died,it was obviously very tragic.
And they were trying to be apart of it.
My father more so because hewanted to kind of control
things.
But I went out to reach to get ahug from my father and he shoved
(10:52):
me away in disgust.
And.
He said, how dare you grievethis man?
Like, why would you even grievehim?
He hurt you and you know, all ofthese things.
And I just saw this hate andlack of love and his whole
entire being in the way that helooked at me and just him
pushing me away, made merecognize that this man is not
(11:15):
love.
That was really the turningpoint for me to say, I don't
want anything to do with myfather.
I cannot have anything to dowith my father.
And that made me walk away fromthat relationship.
And I think that also made me gointo the shame of like, why am I
grieving this man?
But I also honored my grief.
Did I feel at all at that time?
No.
I think grieving is such aprocess.
(11:37):
It's, it's really interestingthat we're on this day having
this podcast episode.
This is actually marks the threeyear anniversary of my ex
husband's death today.
And so I feel like everythinghappens for a reason.
There's, there's no coincidence.
Mandy (11:52):
Yeah.
Brooke (11:52):
I agree.
Mandy (11:54):
Wow.
And just to point out the factthat you were dealing with the
death of someone who had been apart of your life for so long,
as complicated as thatrelationship was, as wrong for
you as it was, it's still, youknow, you have every right to
grieve for that person and thefact that they're no longer
here.
But then to add into that,you're also grieving The loss of
(12:15):
your relationship with your dadat the same time, like having
that final realization that thisis not healthy for me and he is
not what I need him to be forme.
So it's almost like you weredealing with both losses at the
same time.
So I'm not surprised that it,you know, it takes a long time.
I think it grief, like you said,as a process for everyone.
And, you know, It's it's ongoingforever.
(12:35):
I don't think we ever completelystopped grieving.
It just changes and changes indepth and frequency and how it
shows up in our lives, but.
Brooke (12:45):
Yeah, I agree completely.
You know, even on this day, Istill had to honor my grief.
I still had to kind of just sitwith it.
I think I'm more in tune nowwith my emotional intelligence
than I ever have been.
Because before it was like whenthe grief happened.
I really tried to distractmyself.
I tried to numb myself.
I tried to run from it becauseit was so overwhelming in it.
(13:07):
And granted, my, my brain ismeant to do that, right?
It's meant to keep us safe.
It's meant to, like, not let ushave to process too much at one
time.
So, while it served me well, Ialso didn't allow for myself to
just kind of sit in with it.
And that was, I think, how I waslike, okay, I need to now honor
(13:28):
these emotions that come throughand honor, like, you know, Hey,
if it's one day where I just gotto sit in this grief and be sad
about the loss of my father ormy community, or this ex
husband, because now the fatherof my children, they don't have
a father.
Right.
And looking at them and seeingthat.
Mandy (13:45):
How old were your children when he died?
Brooke (13:48):
My youngest was seven, and my oldest was twelve.
Mandy (13:54):
That's a whole part of grief I don't think we often
explore, is it's very differentfor kids, and especially kids
who lose a parent.
I know that it's something thatwill stay with them for the rest
of their lives, and how youparent children going through
grief is really important.
Difficult, and there's noguidebook for it.
(14:14):
How was that experience for you?
Is there anything that you foundhelpful?
I, it sounds like you're atleast a good role model for
them, and now, like, honoringyour own emotions when it comes
to grief, and days like today,recognizing that it's, it's okay
to feel however you're feeling,but what else would you want to
share about the experience withyour own kids?
Brooke (14:34):
Yeah, I mean, I definitely sitting in their
grief was probably the hardestthing because as mama bear,
right?
We want to protect our childrenfrom from the sadness.
We want to be like, we want totake away their pain.
I'm like, please, please takethis grief from them and give it
to me.
But it was the same time I alsohad to sit there and honor the
fact that they needed to gothrough their own process as
well.
(14:54):
And they're still continuing togo through their own process.
With that.
And even on this day, you know,I think that they have to just
recognize, okay, let's, let'scelebrate, you know, your dad
and the time that you did havewith him.
And while we miss him, it's okayto just honor like that sadness
that we feel from that, thatloss.
(15:15):
And, you know, I would make surethat they got the therapy they
needed.
I made sure that they got thesupport they needed.
I think that was the biggestpiece is sometimes we like, want
to just isolate ourselves.
And I saw my oldest doing that,isolating himself a lot and
really sitting in the depressionwhere it's almost like, you
know, he, he decided that hefelt like he didn't want to live
anymore.
You know, the pain really,really was too much at one
(15:38):
point.
And having to sit with that andhelp him process that and get
through that that pain.
Mandy (15:45):
Do you have advice?
I'm just thinking if there areother parents who are trying to
parent children through thisexperience, what advice would
you give them to help their kidsyou know, get through it as best
they can because it is soindividual.
And, you know, you can't speakfor everyone, but have there
been any strategies?
I know you mentioned therapy,anything else that was helpful?
Brooke (16:05):
No.
I think really helping themconnect with a belief that it's
going to help them comfortthemselves.
Right so, for my children inparticular.
You know, we had, they had beenraised also within the
organization that we had beenin.
So they also had this beliefthat.
They didn't know what to believenow, because we had left.
(16:28):
That organization.
So it was being able to connectwith.
Okay.
Well, how can you see what deathis and what death means and
helping them to see?
Okay, what felt good to them?
Right?
And for for my oldest.
He didn't know what tonecessarily believe.
At first, he was very confusedbecause he had a different
(16:50):
experience than my youngerchild.
And so he was trying to find theanswers of, okay, well, is my
dad in heaven or is my dad goneor is, will I ever see my dad
again?
And I think he's still, he'sfinally finding some peace with
that.
And just having like, okay, whatdoes feel good to you to help
lead them there, right?
(17:11):
And help them make the decisionfor themselves.
I really felt like that was whatit needed to happen.
I believe that our loved onesare still here with us.
It's just in spirit, it's, it'sjust different.
It's like, we still willreconnect.
I think we're all connected.
And so my belief system didn'thave to necessarily be theirs.
(17:32):
It was what resonated with them.
Mandy (17:34):
Have you been able to do, have, or have they been able to
do anything special to like,keep his memory with them on
days like today when it's, youknow, going to be a little bit
more of a difficult day?
Brooke (17:47):
Yeah, I think that we always do kind of a ritual where
we'll, we'll have a nice dinner.
We'll share an Italian dinner.
Their dad was Italian.
So we'll do something like we'lldo something together and we'll
share good memories and reallycelebrate life.
That's kind of what I gain fromthis.
It's more of like, okay, well,there is the grief and the
sadness while we have to sitwith it.
(18:07):
It's also being able to saytoday is a great day to be
alive.
how are we celebrating thismoment and honoring those that
we have lost?
By living fully in this moment,and I think that's really how we
honor the people that we lovethat we've lost is just living
more fully in our own expressionright now.
(18:31):
And so we always make sure thatwe celebrate.
Oh, what are we going tocelebrate today.
Right.
What is the greatest and what'sthe best story about your dad
that you want to share today orsomething fun or something
amazing that you remember.
Thank you.
Mandy (18:43):
I love that you're being so open with them to let them
talk about him, because in thisdynamic where the two of you
were divorced, that in otherfamilies it might feel like
they, that children might feellike they can't talk about that
parent who's gone because theyknow that there was some kind of
strain in the relationship, butit sounds like you're creating a
really safe space for them tofeel like they can still talk
(19:06):
about their dad and remember himin the ways that they need to,
and I just, I love that.
Honor you for that becausethat's a tough job for you to
do.
I'm sure to sometimes push asidewhatever history you have and
create that environment forthem, but so helpful to get them
through it.
Brooke (19:22):
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I think the most important partis helping.
I mean, because I know for myyoungest, especially, I mean, he
had no idea where death was whenit happened.
I mean, he was six, almostseven.
And so I'm like, he had noconcept of death.
It hadn't been experienced thatsomeone so close to him dying
before.
(19:42):
And he really was so confusedabout what death is.
And then it became a fear,right?
Oh, my gosh, mom, don't leave.
Cause he was afraid I was goingto die, right?
Like it was like the fear thatjust consumed him.
It was very, very deeplytraumatizing.
So it's really important that wehelp these children navigate
(20:02):
through their emotions to also,you know, not get so stuck in
the fear of, Oh my God, that Ilost this person.
That means I'm going to lose thenext person and the next person.
And.
Because you can really be gettrapped there.
Mandy (20:15):
It sounds like to me in the last six years, you've,
you've had a lot of loss, you,you lost your community, you
went through a divorce, and thenyour children's father passed
away.
And that's all in a prettyrecent time span.
How have you, how has thischanged your life?
How has it impacted who you are?
What are you doing now?
(20:36):
And, and what has helped you getthere?
Brooke (20:38):
It completely changed my life.
It was like, I was on one pathand then it was like, I got
swept to the quickly to the nextpath.
And that path was really to helpme heal more deeply so that I
could use my experience and whatI had survived to help others.
(20:59):
And so I was actually in thebeauty industry.
While this happened, that's whatI was doing.
As I left this community, as Igot divorced, I went back and to
do this, because this is all Ihad known.
And And this, when his deathhappened and this grief
happened, it was really whatignited my own spiritual
awakening and showed me that Ineeded to use everything that I
(21:22):
had experienced to not only healmyself, but to help others
transform their lives.
And so I went back to school.
I went back to school and becamean RTT therapist and a trauma
healing coach.
And now I lead.
Women that have this grief thathas had these experiences and
have gone through divorce, havelost community, have felt lost
(21:45):
and alone to transform theirlives to basically rewrite their
lives.
Because that's what I had to do.
I had to start from thebeginning and begin again.
So that's how it changed mylife.
I was able to take this reallydeep pain and put it into
purpose and start to navigatelife in a completely different
way, a more purposeful way.
Mandy (22:05):
Yeah, that's incredible.
So you're coaching women.
And then I know that you alsowrote a book.
Is that right?
Brooke (22:14):
Yeah.
I am.
Yeah.
So I've actually, I'm in theprocess of writing two different
books.
The one book is my memoir, whichwill come out probably in 2024.
But my, my latest littlecreation is I've written a
series of children's book onemotional intelligence.
And one in particular is.
On grief, and it's called thegrief monster.
It is really to help childrenthat have lost a parent to be
(22:38):
able to navigate this very deepemotion that is painful.
It's probably the most pain thatwe will feel in our aliveness
and helping these children justto understand it.
Because when my son was myyoungest I was looking for a
book to kind of help him.
It was easier for my olderchild.
But for him, it was just, therewas such a limited amount of
(23:00):
books for, for children on thissubject, which of course, who
wants to talk about this?
Nobody wants to talk about this,right?
We want, we want to avoid it atall costs.
And so I just sat down one dayand I said, I'm going to write
this.
This is what this is going to beabout.
And so it's going to be a seriesof books and it's going to be
all about their emotionalintelligence and helping kids
navigate.
(23:21):
The harder emotions, I
Mandy (23:23):
think that's incredibly important because like you said,
the resources are scarce andbooks are, you know, finding a
book that resonates with you andyour grief, even as an adult can
be difficult.
Trying to find the right onethat really connects with what
you're feeling and makes youfeel like, oh, it's not just me
and it makes you see it in adifferent way.
(23:43):
Is difficult for adults and thenif you look at children and
there's so much less to choosefrom I think having more out
there in the world to normalizethis for kids Not that it's a
normal experience to go throughin childhood But it can
definitely happen and it doeshappen to a lot of children And
yeah that book I think soundslike the world needs it and i'm
(24:05):
glad that you're putting it outthere
Brooke (24:07):
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, i'm very excited about it.
And honestly, it's funny I'vehad people reach out to me and
let me know they're like Well,this is not just for the little
children, this is like for theinner child and all of us,
because we've all experienced adeep loss, right, in one way or
another.
And it's just like, oh, okay,how do I connect to this, this
grief and how do I let my bodyand my mind just fully express
(24:31):
it and feel it?
Mandy (24:33):
Yeah, and sometimes reading access is a different
part of us that talking, youknow, especially with kids,
sometimes you're not ready totalk about the deep stuff yet,
or you're not even able to putwords to how you're feeling yet.
And so to have a book that theycan relate to and just think
about before they're ready tobring it into, into talking to
(24:55):
somebody, I think that's a greatfirst step.
Brooke (24:59):
Yes, completely.
Yeah, thank you so much.
I appreciate you letting meshare that because it is such a,
it was such a passion projectfor me and being able to share
that with the world I, I find isjust lights me up.
Mandy (25:12):
yeah, I'm excited to see what you're going to do.
And what about your memoir?
What is that about?
Brooke (25:17):
Yeah, it's my experience of really my life.
It's my experience with livingwithin the society that I lived
in.
And how that was to leave it andall those experiences that were
intertwined within it and how itnot only molded and shaped me,
but then the on doing that I hadto do with all of the
(25:39):
conditioning and the programmingthat had happened within that
existence.
Mandy (25:42):
Is there anything you would want to leave?
Listeners with that, maybe youshare with your coaching clients
or people who are just beginningthis process of divorce or
really overhauling their life.
You know, where can they start?
What should they think about?
Brooke (25:59):
So the first thing I would say is you're never alone.
I think sometimes when we're ingrief or when we're going
through these really huge lifechanges.
Our, our normal and our humaninstinct is to cocoon, Oh my
gosh, isolate myself, protectmyself, save myself, right?
Try to break out of that cocoonand go and get yourself some
(26:23):
support, get fine community,find support.
And if you're grieving, ifyou're going through divorce, if
you've lost a husband, a wife,you know, somebody that you
love.
There's grief communities,there's grief support systems on
there that are free that you canconnect with people and you can,
it'll help you heal within thatcommunity because you're going
(26:46):
to be seen and heard and peopleare going to go through the
exact same things that you'regoing through.
And what this does is it allowsyou not to isolate to feel
alone.
But rather to be able to connectand then feel your grief, like
actually be able to feel itinstead of being survival mode,
right?
Trying to protect yourself andfeeling all alone, because
(27:09):
that's when we get moredepressed.
Mandy (27:11):
Unfortunately, you kind of have to feel it and go
through it in order to get tothe space where you feel like
you're going to grow from it.
Because if we avoid it andignore it and distract ourselves
to the maximum, unfortunatelythe grief just stays there and
waits for you until you're readyto sit down and go through it.
Brooke (27:31):
Yeah.
And take it from me that I didthat.
I did all of that and it was notgood.
It wasn't fun to do at the endprocess.
You know, I thought, I rememberjust looking back on my journey
is.
I, what I, how I used mydistraction was let me clean,
organize, let me frantically runabout, let me, you know, do
whatever I can to like not sitstill.
(27:53):
Because I knew if I sat still, Iwas going to have to feel
something and I didn't want tofeel anything.
So it was trying to findanything I could to numb it, but
it was there waiting for me.
Mandy (28:03):
That's great advice for a first step for people because
feeling like you're alone inthis is very common, even though
it's It's a universal experiencethat everyone's going to go
through in some way or another,some form or another.
Just like you had thisexperience of grief, leaving a
community and getting a divorce.
And, you know, it also comes,everyone always thinks about
(28:24):
grief when it comes to losing aloved one, but it just comes in
so many different forms andsomething that we're all going
to go through.
So, reminding people that.
there are people out there whohave been through something
similar and being able to findthose communities,
Brooke (28:38):
Where
Mandy (28:39):
could people find you if they're interested in connecting
more with you?
Brooke (28:43):
Yeah.
So I would love to connect withanybody on all the socials Tik
TOK, Instagram, Facebook isBrooke Kikos or Life Coaching
Goddess.
That's my brand.
That's my name, Life CoachingGoddess.
So that's where you can find me.
Like connect.
I can do it.
No, we can chat if you're justleaving honestly, if you
anything that I said resonatedfor you or anything that.
Your experience right now orhave experience and you want to
(29:05):
just chat about I am open tosomething like that as well.
Because I really do believe insisterhood and community and
being able to sit with peoplethat really need just sometimes
a hand to hold through theprocess.
Mandy (29:18):
Brooke is the kind of person who radiates a light when
you talk to her, and it can besurprising to hear all of the
pain that she's walked throughto get where she is today.
To learn more about how she'shelping others through their own
recovery, check out her websitelifecoachinggoddess.
com.
It is linked in the show notesalong with her children's book
Grief Monster, a story that issuch a needed resource in our
(29:41):
community, and the accompanyingillustrations are just
incredible.
I think you're gonna love it.
Thank you so much for listening.
Please make sure you subscribe,share this episode with anyone
who could benefit from it, andas always visit Remembergrams
anytime you need to send alittle love to someone who is
grieving.
Thank you and have a wonderfulday.
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