February 5, 2024 • 44 mins
Dive into Christian Ryan's spiritual journey, evolving from a cultural Catholic background to a devoted follower of Jesus. His narrative spans disciplined days at West Point to the harsh reality of Army life, culminating in an unwavering faith guiding his every step. Explore the complexities of embracing faith and overcoming intellectual hurdles with an open heart. Through Chris's perspective, witness the impact of key individuals like his wife Philicia and the Gibson family on his faith journey. The episode underscores the transformative power of Scripture and meaningful conversations, highlighting that the heart often leads where the mind struggles.
In the conclusion, the focus shifts to the uplifting and sustaining power of faith amid the challenges of Chicago's streets, where law enforcement faces daily despair and division. Chris opens up about the struggle with infertility and the eventual conception of their son Noah, reinforcing the message that God's timing is divine, and His faithfulness is steadfast. For those grappling with waiting or life's difficulties, remember: God's work consistently weaves a tapestry of blessings, often concealed until the moment of revelation.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Grow where
God reveals our way.
I'm Anjali Gibson, your host,and I can't wait to explore the
vast riches of God's Word withyou.
So don't forget to subscribeand stay tuned for upcoming
episodes packed with biblicalteachings, inspirational stories
and a fresh perspective on theworld around us.
Now let's get started on thisbeautiful journey.
(00:24):
May God bless you abundantly.
Hello everyone, welcome back tothe Grow podcast where God
reveals our way.
Thank you, listeners, fortuning in.
Today we are going to hear froma hero who is hidden in the
(00:44):
throes of darkness.
That may seem pretty dramatic,but it's so true and by the time
we get to the close of thispodcast, I am 100% confident
that you are also going to agreewith me that he truly is a hero
.
Not only is he a hero, he is mybeloved son-in-law.
(01:06):
He is married to our eldestdaughter, felicia.
So, without further ado, it ismy privilege and honor to bring
onto the show Chris Ryan.
Hello, chris.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Hello, miss Anjali, thanks for having me, thanks for
having me.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
It's so good to have you on, and you know, chris and
I have a very good relationship.
We like to joke around witheach other.
We also are the people in thefamily that can sit outside and
talk about God for hours on endand the family just stingers at
us and goes here we go again,right, Chris?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
We like to dive deep.
Yeah, definitely yeah.
Everyone just walks awaybecause they know.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
We've called deep, but one of the things that Chris
was sharing with me before wegot on this call today was he's
like I don't know if I'm goingto be able to call you Angelique
, and so we'll forgive him if hedoesn't call me Angelique
because I'm well known in thefamily as Anjali, especially by
my son-in-laws.
So you have a free pass to callme Anjali today, Chris, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
All right, that's great.
I'll do my best, though.
Keep it professional, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Keep it professional All righty.
Well, I know we have so much tounpack here because you have
just walked through so much inyour life, but just to kind of
tee up for the listeners, justwho is Chris Ryan, beyond my
amazing son-in-law, who I'm soblessed to have in our family,
who are you?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Who am I?
Yeah, well, hey, thanks forhaving me on.
I definitely feel honored,especially for those listeners.
If you've already heard theepisodes from the previous Grow
podcast episodes, I'm veryhonored to be on today and to be
included amongst your episodesand your guests you've already
had.
But yeah, it's your question.
(02:58):
Yeah, I'm Chris.
Christian as some people callme, and I think also ironically,
it's my name, but it's also myidentity as well as a Christian,
a follower of Christ as well.
It's kind of my core of myidentity amongst many hats that
I wear, right as a now soon tobe father, husband, a son-in-law
(03:20):
right as you kind of introducedan army veteran and a law
enforcement officer.
So many many hats, but the coreof it, right, is a follower of
Christ.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yeah, I love that, and would you say that you've
always followed Christ yourentire life?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
So there's a difference just to clarify for
the listeners.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
It's very intentional to say the word follow, and so
we can believe in Christ all daylong, but we may not follow him
.
So the question is specificallyfollow him, and what does that
mean to you?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And I'll even add, on top of that too, there's a
difference of knowing who he is,knowing of him.
Because I would say, if youasked me, I would say, yes, I've
known of Jesus Christ my entirelife.
But have I followed him?
Certainly not.
And just kind of unpack that alittle more right.
So grew up in central Illinois,springfield for those of you
(04:14):
that maybe you're familiar withthe Simpsons.
Like the Springfield, or I,like I'm a big history guy, so
it's Abraham Lincoln's hometownright before he was president of
the United States.
So grew up in Springfield.
I was super fortunate to havegrown up around my whole
community that I grew up in myfamily, my extended family, my
(04:36):
grandparents were all believers.
They were Catholics.
We grew up in that community, Igrew up in that community, but
I like to call it likeculturally Catholic.
So I grew up going to Bibleschool and Sunday school.
We went to church.
On Sundays could be quick, youknow, 58 minutes of Catholic
Mass in and out, real quick.
I do credit my parents fortrying to bring us up in the
(04:59):
faith as best they knew.
I got to see an amazing exampleof my grandparents who were
very faithful and faith-filledfollowers of Christ and they
truly loved him and believed inJesus.
But that said, though in manyways culturally Catholic, where
I was not practicing I didn'thave a full understanding of the
(05:21):
gospel message.
I certainly, as I was movingfrom middle school to high
school to college and we'll talkabout this more and unpack this
more I certainly was notfollowing Christ and didn't
fully understand my beliefs andkind of what all that meant who
God was, what the gospel messagewas, et cetera.
So in many ways, yes, kind ofknew of him but was not
(05:45):
following him.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah, and so what was the crossing point, or when did
God start to kind of tug onyour heart, and when did you
realize he was pursuing you, totake you deeper with him?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I think, looking back , there's a lot of touch points
I could point to my time incollege and again for more
context, grew up in Illinois,went to Catholic High School,
went away to West Point UnitedStates Military Academy for
college in New York.
After college, the four yearsof military school, joined the
(06:24):
Army.
So in college, in the Army, asa young adult, young man, a lot
of touch points were just whatJesus was extending his hand and
I was firmly running theopposite direction.
I didn't know it at the timebut I was seeking my identity
and other things.
So I was putting my, myidentity and my physical
(06:45):
accomplishments, my academicaccomplishments, my military
accomplishments and, to be fullyhonest too fully transparent
like.
I achieved a lot of success as ayoung man.
Was on the triathlon team atWest Point, was an all-American
national champion Like competedlike some of the highest levels
(07:08):
collegially as a triathlete, wasteam captain Very like skilled
physically, militarily, like topof my class in the sense of
like military achievements.
So when I went on and graduatedwas an infantry officer top of
my like graduating classes forinfantry basic school and like
(07:29):
kind of stood above my peers inthat sense.
But as I was achieving more andmore success.
I was just like emptier andemptier on the inside.
And just to continue to unpackthat a little more, my first
duty station across the country,away from my family, really for
the first time, away from myfriend group, not going to
(07:52):
church, not in any way, like inany concept, like trying to
surround myself with believersor pursuing Christ or any of
that at all.
I had again, still at thispoint, as like a 22, 23 year old
, like very little understandingof like the gospel and hanging
out with a lot of guys that werelike we were going to the strip
(08:14):
clubs, going out to the bars,pursuing women, putting our
things, our identity, and likeour rank and in our like
successes.
So it's an interesting thing too, and again, stop me if I'm
rambling here, but in themilitary you, especially in the
army, you wear your, youliterally wear your rank on your
(08:34):
chest.
It's like in the center of yourchest US Army patch, your last
name is the other patch, andthen you have all of your units,
your accomplishments, yourbadges, like are on your chest
and on your arms.
So you can look at somebody andit's usually a false or
misconception, right, but youcan look at somebody and like
size them up and say this iswhat you've done, this is who
(08:56):
you are.
That I can.
I can pick you apart in 10seconds by reviewing kind of
what's on your outward it'sliterally the definitely outward
identity, if you want to callit that like that's where I put
all of my, my stake in andthat's where I put confidence in
.
That was.
This is my identity.
Like, I have to get these, Ihave to do certain things, I
have to check these boxes, Ihave to follow the certain path
(09:18):
that ultimately it was leadingto destruction.
So I literally was putting myidentity and outward appearances
and outward materialachievements that were just met,
nothing at the end of the dayand you know, just making bad
decisions, poor to lifedecisions, poor choices.
(09:38):
I was totally isolated bymyself, you know.
Yet I had a friend group, butwe're making bad choices on the
weekends and I was just emptierand emptier on the inside as the
years went on, as a young adult.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, that resonates so much with me in from a
different lens.
I mean, I've shared before thatI grew up in a lot of pain and
suffering in my childhoodemotional pain and suffering.
And so I would say, when Ientered adulthood even you know,
late teens, early twenties Idid not have confidence in my
(10:14):
own capability because I didn't.
I didn't know who I was inChrist, similar to what you're
describing.
You didn't know who you wereChrist, but you in Christ, but
you put your confidence in yourachievements.
I didn't really have a lot ofachievements to hang my hat on,
and so my battle was more how doI start to find confidence in
(10:34):
Christ when I don't haveconfidence in myself?
So I just wanted to highlightthat for the listeners, because
oftentimes, when we're coming toknow Christ, or even we already
have a deep relationship withHim, but God calls us to grow
with Him every day, and so wherewe think our confidence is
today in Him, there's gonna besomething that hits us in life
(10:56):
for sure that's gonna test thatconfidence.
And so, whether you're a newbeliever listening today, or
maybe you're just trying tofigure out who God is or you
know God very well, it's, thequestion really starts to become
where's your confidence?
Is your confidence in yourselfand your achievements, or are
(11:17):
you just lacking confidenceperiod because you don't really
know truly who you are?
So, chris, I love that you'rebeing honest and authentic about
what you've kind of struggledthrough in your life and I know
you're gonna share more and justpublic service announcement to
the listeners.
I don't really know what Chrisis gonna share today.
So here I am, his mother-in-law, and I'm gonna be learning
(11:40):
right alongside of you.
But that is what's called doinglife together, when you can
truly share and lift the arms ofeach other and just keeps
burning each other on.
So you were putting yourconfidence in college and even
probably coming out of college,putting your confidence in
success, in your achievements,and I can testify I have a
(12:03):
tremendous amount of respect foryou.
You do not waste minutes in aday.
You are a go-getter, you'regonna get it done and anything
you touch you do with excellenceand I've had the experience of
now seeing you couple that withyour walking with the Lord.
So it's excellence with thespirit of humility as well,
which is really cool, but reallyjust kind of click into.
(12:23):
What did it take Like?
What was the journey?
What did God have to break youof so you could start to walk
fully in Him?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, that's good.
I think you're a phrase thatare like breaking.
That resonates with me becausethat's really how I think that
happened for me.
I think I had so much ego,false identity, and the
scripture that really resonateswith me is Ezekiel 3626.
(12:58):
And I'm gonna get kind ofparaphrase that talking about
it's this like heart of stone,right, and God is gonna remove
that heart of stone and give aheart of flesh to people of
Israel.
So that was me.
I had that heart of stone, thatheart stone needed to be broken
and removed and in place, aheart of flesh needed to be put
(13:20):
in there.
And for me I just was.
As I'm on this journey of likeego and putting my confidence
right and other material things,material successes, my identity
is tied up in my achievementsin the military I think I needed
.
Now I can look back inhindsight and where I saw like I
(13:40):
failed and I failed again and Isuddenly did not get promoted
ahead of my peers and I didn'tget the job that I thought I
deserved and I didn't pass theschool and my friends were
abandoning me or leading me toplaces I didn't really wanna go
and I just I had no firmfoundation to fall back on.
So when my feet got swept outfrom underneath me, I just fell
(14:07):
apart and that led to anxietyand it led to fear and it was
coupled with, just likeoverwhelming emotions and that
led to depression and I'misolated by myself and it led to
a darker, deeper pit and I justand I didn't know where to look
.
And there were so many nights,you know, and it's 22, I was
(14:27):
like, oh yeah, like an army, youknow, army infantry officer.
I can look back at nights where,like I'm just was in my
apartment, crying by myself,nowhere to reach out to, and I
can think of a couple of times,and one in specific instance, of
suicidal ideations and a prettyclose attempt.
(14:51):
And, thank God, looking backnow too, I can think of, I know,
I know like Jesus was with methat night, there would have
been no way I would havesurvived without them and just
the right people reaching out tome in that moment my just utter
collapse and just falling apart.
(15:14):
So it's kind of bringing backfull circle here, right, it's
like I had that heart of stoneand I had no under nothing to
fall back on.
I just, from the slightest wave, we're tossing me to and fro.
I just fell apart and thank Godin a way now for it.
(15:35):
Right, like I thank God forthat, like, thank God, he was
working at me and there were somany touch points where Jesus
was reaching out his arms for methroughout years and years and
years and finally, like startedto hear his voice and hear the
whisper and see his arm reachingfor me and saying, hey, I am
(15:55):
that firm foundation, come findrest in me.
But it was a process too, and wecan talk about that some more.
But it wasn't just like thisone lightning bolt moment where
I was broken and then suddenly Ihad it all figured out too.
It's been such a journey andwe've been apart.
You've been a huge part of thattoo, and we can kind of talk
about that some more.
But that's great too.
(16:17):
God's been working in me andthrough me and it's been amazing
, you know, and.
But it's been a journey as well.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
You know, that's exactly what was going through
my mind when you were sharing.
What you were sharing is didyou have an aha moment?
Did the lightning kind ofstrike you, as you described?
And the answer was no.
It was this, this slow process,and sometimes we want, we live
in a quick fix.
You know quick fulfillmentculture, so it's important for
(16:48):
us to figure this out fast, butGod is slow and intentional to
really get into our heartssometimes.
So talk to me about that.
What was the process?
What did you walk through?
How did you see it?
Who were the people?
How did you come?
And I also think it's importantto kind of put the context
around this You're anintellectual, you're highly
(17:11):
intelligent.
You have to understand the whybehind everything.
One plus one always has toequal to there's, and you know
it's not always that way withGod.
God has a lot of gray in there.
So, intellectually speaking,you know you can talk about God.
From an intellectualperspective.
It may not lead to a place offaith, but how did it all start
(17:35):
to come together for you?
Because I know, not justemotionally did you go through
this journey, finding the Lord,but even intellectually you were
challenging a lot of things.
So just talk about, talk aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, that's good.
I think now in hindsight I canlook back and say, yes, I always
knew of Jesus right, and I doin a lot of ways.
I can fall back and I alwaysfell back to like I know Bible
stories, like I was raisedCatholic and I know Joan of the
whale and I know of you knowgenerally Jesus's ministry, I
(18:14):
know of the Gospels, et cetera,et cetera.
But also just from a place ofignorance, like I had so many
misconceptions about the Bible,about Christianity, about
religion and faith.
A lot of it was from ignoranceand you know a common.
I think I knew enough to bedangerous.
That was the problem.
I knew enough to kind of keeppeople at arm's length and I
(18:37):
could say, yeah, like you know,oh, I know, I know this, I know
I shouldn't be doing that andkind of push people away.
But that doesn't apply to me.
Like I have my own personalrelationship.
Maybe viewers or listeners orAngelique, you've heard of that
too.
It's like, oh, I have my ownpersonal relationship.
Like I don't need to read theBible, like that's written by
men, I can even trust it anyway.
Like that was my kind ofhesitancy that I had.
(19:00):
So I kind of went through thisprocess of knowing as God was
breaking me and I kind of neededto be broken.
I was wrestling with right,this intellectual Barriers that
I had in place andmisconceptions that I had in
this ignorance that I had to Foryears.
(19:22):
So I can kind of point back tolike 2015, 2016, when I kind of
fell to my deepest pit and inmany ways, I thank God that I
met Felicia when I did, who'snow my wife, and thank God, I
met the Gibson family and youand I we've we've wrestled and
we've talked about you knowvarious topics and like books
(19:44):
have been shared and as I readthe Bible cover-to-cover for the
first time, it's just likereading it through a whole world
view, as like God was sufferingmy heart and working in me and
and like that's the thing, youcan be the smartest person in
the world.
Right, and I heard thisexpression, you know this given
by a pastor one time.
It's like you.
(20:04):
We could sit there all day andI can talk to you and all the
apologetics in the world andpresent to you a case for Christ
and at the end of the day, youstill might not believe that
it's a heart posture and therejust has to be a level of
Openness to be, you know,willing to hear the gospel
message.
And you're never gonna, it'snever.
Two plus two is never gonna get.
Get you to four to get you toChrist.
(20:26):
And I'm rambling a little bithere, but it's only an
intellectual focus.
You'll never get there.
The heart, posture and God'syou know, if you're not calling
out to Jesus and he's notcalling out to you, you're never
gonna.
You're never gonna get there onyour own.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Amen.
It's so good, though, becauseso many of us want to
intellectually explain it,whether we have to be right in
our faith to get somebody elseto believe, or With a person
who's just refusing to believe.
It's really just when we talkabout the relationship of Christ
(21:02):
.
It's a relationship, and itstarts with a heart.
A heart's always engaged, and ifthe heart's not engaged, then
game over conversations over,and that's one thing.
It took me a long time to learnthis lesson, but God, jesus is
the author and finisher of faith, not Angelique Gibson.
(21:22):
So I could want the truth thatI have for so many people, but
at the end of the day, my job isto live by it and be in
relationship with Christ andGive testimony where he sees fit
and let him do the rest, sosuper powerful.
It's a hard thing, though,because there's a lot of people
(21:45):
in our life that we love andcherish that may not be walking
with Christ, and it's a hardthing to stand by.
When you have tasted and seenthe goodness of the Lord, you
want everyone to taste and seethe goodness of the Lord.
You know, I want to pivot for alittle bit, because one of the
(22:05):
things that I admire about youis Obviously the journey that
you've walked through, andyou've only shared the tip of
the iceberg today, but you'vebeen through a lot.
You we've all made poor choicesin life.
You've made your fair share.
It got you to a place ofloneliness, and you felt pretty
separated from God.
The God in all his love saysthere's nothing that can
(22:28):
separate us from his love and heWaves you and pulls you back to
him and I just love that imageof him doing that with you.
And I think what's equally asbeautiful is I've had the
privilege of having a front rowseat to your spiritual
development, to your spiritualgrowth with him.
And One of the thing that amazesme and I actually had a fear
(22:50):
when you and Felicia flew thenest and went to Chicago,
because you all were living herein Charlotte Charlotte area and
you, you know, broke the newsthat you were taking our Baby
girl away I was not happy withyou, still not happy with you,
but that's another conversation.
But anyway, you've been inChicago for a few years now and
(23:10):
you were going for a job thatWas going to expose you To the
pits of hell on earth.
It doesn't get uglier than yourjob, and one of the things that
I was fearful of, just as amotherly figure in your life,
was you were, you know, nasa andyour your walk with Christ.
(23:30):
It was early stage for you andI was fearful that the darkness
was gonna take away your hope,that it was gonna zap your
confidence that God is a goodGod, and I will never forget I
don't know if you remember this,but I remember.
One of my departing words toyou is don't let the darkness
get you like.
Keep your heart soft for theLord.
So, despite the evil that yousee, god is still a good God.
(23:54):
Do you remember thatconversation?
Yeah, yeah okay, and you'vedone that.
So what I would love for you toshare is what is this job that
exposes you to the pits of hell?
Pure evil.
And how do you and I'm gonna,you know, I'm asking you a lot
of questions, so it's okay.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
How do you?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
keep your heart soft in the face of evil every day.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, just for context for thelisteners from a I've left.
I left the army a couple yearsago and now, yeah, the move from
Charlotte to Chicago is for anew job.
I'm in a federal lawenforcement officer.
So yeah, as a caveat, quickcaveat to the stories I'm gonna
(24:37):
go share and the opinions that Ihave they're my personal
opinions.
I'm not speaking on behalf ofany Agency or department or
anyone in particular.
It's just my personal thoughtsand views on it.
So, yeah, I've been in lawenforcement now for almost five
years and, as people can imagine, chicago is extremely
challenging.
(24:57):
There's many, many battles frommany different directions that
are happening here, internal onexternal, and it just in Get to
give like concrete examples,like things I couldn't even
imagine.
We moved here before COVIDright.
Like that affected everybody inmany ways.
But with COVID Right came theisolation that my wife and I had
(25:21):
.
We did never really got firmlyplanted with a church right
before COVID hit.
We were only here for a fewmonths in the city, but then
with that from my job, theGeorge Floyd riots and the
protests that were happening inChicago, we witnessed just
unbelievable amounts ofdestruction in the city a year
(25:41):
after that and then that led tolet's see the January 6.
So that was a whole other piecethat we got to play with the
fallout from January 6.
The following year after thatwe had for those that are, as a
quick reminder of his HighlandPark it's a northern suburb of
(26:02):
Chicago there was the massshooting that occurred on 4th of
July, so that they're gettingfall out with that at that
tragic day as well had a hand toplay in that.
And on and on and on.
So day in, day out, there'sjust a battle Fighting and you
just be kind of the worst in thebest of people as well.
I've been invited into people'shomes to do interviews and
(26:25):
various things and you see thebrokenness, you see the poverty,
you see the loss, you see justthe despair that people have and
it is challenging.
It's challenging to Do not.
I want to fall back to like Iwant to show the gospel message
is now like my, my default and Ihave to maintain a level of
(26:47):
professionalism In that moment,because it's not maybe the case
that I'm.
You know why I'm there for thatmoment.
It's maybe not appropriate, butoffering a kindness and a
respect and giving them dignityas we are engaging in
conversation, but I think, tokind of answer your full
question here, I think,particularly in Chicago this is
(27:10):
kind of my thoughts on it thereis a covering of darkness over
the city.
There are pockets of light,there are really faithful
Christians, there's amazingchurches here, but there's a
darkness over the city andthere's a brokenness.
There is evil in the city andpeople are running towards that
(27:31):
evil and saying things that arein the name of truth, but in
reality it's full darkness and Ifall back to.
The only answer that makes senseis pointing to Jesus.
If I had my faith in now I saythis, and I have great bosses
(27:52):
and I have great co-workers.
But if I'd put my faith in mybosses or in the institution or
in the court system or in anyother form of government or
politician, 10 out of 10 timesI'm going to be let down, and
I've had so many let downs inthis city and I've seen so many
failures.
The only thing that makes sensefor me, because it's so dark,
(28:18):
is pointing to God and sayingthat at the end of the day he's
going to be victorious and Ihave to run to him and I have to
seek shelter within him,otherwise it's just going to
break me and it's too much forme risk to handle by myself.
I just can't handle it allmyself.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That's so good.
Well, I can only imagine theevil.
And when you said you know, inthe name of truth, we're running
towards the darkness, itreminds me that God told us very
specifically in the hour thatwe're in, they will call evil
good and good evil.
And so we're not to be surprisedthat the dark is getting darker
(28:55):
, but then in parallel, god'slight is starting to come
forward more and more and more,because the light breaks up the
darkness.
So I can imagine, as you'regoing through, some of the
things you've just described,twofold.
I have a two part question.
One is there's many people whohave a perspective right now
(29:19):
that law enforcement can be badand it's evil.
But law enforcement in itselfis evil and so not everyone
shares that perspective.
But certainly there's been anarrative that's been running
through our country for quitesome time that some share that
viewpoint.
(29:41):
How do you get up and do whatyou do every day with a good
portion of the populationfighting against you?
Protecting them?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Couple cups of coffee .
It's a challenge.
It's a struggle every day, itreally is, and again it's just
like it's falling back to God.
I don't know if I have a clearcut answer for that, because
it's such a challenge every day,but I've seen.
(30:11):
I've seen, though,breakthroughs that have come
outside of my day to dayresponsibility or my authorities
.
And then give a couple examples.
I've had an opportunity nowwhere we have an informal men's
group that we meet on Wednesdaysat work and that has led to
(30:32):
where we go and pray over otherofficers and other departments
at their roll call, which iskind of like the meeting they
have before they go out onto thestreets.
So we've gotten out toopportunities like me being in
law enforcement as open doors toother law enforcement officers
to pray with them, to pray overthem.
That's awesome.
I've had conversations at workwith individuals and I used to
(30:54):
be really hesitant, scared aswell, to say, oh, hey, chris,
what did you do this weekend?
Oh, I went to church yesterday.
Or hey, I'm going to a Biblestudy Wednesday night.
You know, do you want to joinme?
I used to be kind of shy awayfrom those type of conversations
, but as I found my confidencein Christ.
I'm not really shy aboutsharing that.
(31:17):
And then I've seen where doorshave been opened.
To now, I've had conversationswith coworkers and they've had
questions and we've had to.
We've gotten to pray together,we've gotten to have tough life
conversations and we've gottento talk about Jesus together,
which is amazing.
I can't singularly fix all theproblems in Chicago or in the
(31:40):
world or in the country, but inthose small moments like just
walking with Christ, like beingfaithful to him, pursuing him
daily, there have been doorsthat have been opened that have
given me small opportunities tojust engage with people and it's
been incredible.
So I'm really, really thankfulfor those, those opportunities
(32:01):
and like keeping on my mindseton that, just like walking in
truth, walking in his footstepsthat were crisis guiding me,
it's open some pretty awesomedoors.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
That is so good.
So I heard you say a few thingsthat you lean into community.
You've just naturally,organically I even almost heard
you say created a communitywithin the area that you serve
our country.
So your, your Wednesday groups,your prayer sessions, etc.
When and this is not a matterof have you had an opportunity
(32:39):
to have your faith tested ortried?
Of course you do every day,probably.
So would it be fair to say youknow leaning into your community
and what else?
What other strategies do youemploy to kind of show up your
faith or guard your faith?
So when you're tested, yeah, goahead.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
I'm such a pragmatist and for me it's like what can I
do?
Like physically, every day, andlike for me it means I get up
an extra 15 minutes early andlike I have to open the Bible
and I have to, and I've writtenout like I get really scattered
with my prayers.
So I got actually written outlike different buckets, if you
(33:19):
want to calm, of people that Ipray for and if I don't.
I noticed where, if I don't, acouple of days in a row, don't
open the Bible or I'm notpraying, my heart changes a bit.
I get a little grumpier, right,but every day, like I open the
Bible and I'm just reading it,cover to cover, and then end it
(33:41):
in prayer, be open and end it inprayer as well, and that and
that's just again like I'm notgetting, I'm not getting
royalties or anything for this,but like plugging, plugging.
I'm putting a plug in for theBible shamelessly, and it's just
, you know, putting a plug infor the word, leaning in on that
, leaning on prayer, constantlytrying to seek.
(34:02):
I don't have social media forvarious reasons, but like it's
kind of like what are youputting into?
But you know, garbage in,garbage out, kind of thing I
don't do consume social media, Idon't engage and that's again
it's my personal kind ofdecision that I've made but
instead seeking Christianpodcasts that I'm trying to
bring in, christian books thatI'm trying to read as well, to
(34:23):
like bring in the good and befilled, and be filled like
spirit filled, versus justsitting there and watching you
know eight hours of CNN or whathave you as well, because I'm
going to get it Like there'sgoing to be plenty of darkness
that I'm going to encounterthroughout my day to day and
I've definitely left the daypretty discouraged.
But you have to fall back towhat I think is very practical.
(34:46):
For me, it's just like readingthe word every day and being in
prayer.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
That is a firm foundation.
Okay, so you mentioned it atthe start of the podcast.
I'm going to kind of close out.
So you mentioned you're goingto be a father soon.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
So it is public information out on social media
so we can talk about it hereYou're going to have a little
boy yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Little Noah.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Little Noah I was going to say are we going to say
his name?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah.
Little Noah, and he's coming inMarch a couple months, not even
a month and a half or so.
Yeah, home stretch, veryexcited.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Home stretch.
So how are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Feeling really good and I get to talk about.
Maybe this is a tangent alittle bit too, but my wife and
I we had struggles gettingpregnant and I should together
and that was something as acouple that worked through
together right To like take ourfears and anxieties and our just
like stress that we had andlike take that to the Lord, take
(35:45):
it to our church community aswell, was huge, because we
walked through a season ofalmost like a year and a half
where, like there was like noprogress was being made, going
to doctor's appointments, etcetera.
So huge, huge prayers answered.
God continues to show, likehe's on his timeline not my
personal timeline or my personalagenda but everything has
(36:07):
worked out amazing and it'sexactly where we wanna be and
where he's put us and we'rereally blessed and thankful and
so happy for baby Noah to becoming here in about two months
or so.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
People always say can you really hear from the Lord?
Because I'm always like, oh, Iheard from the Lord today and
this is what he said.
And there are some people whohave a pretty deep relationship
with God but they may not leantowards the perspective that
they can actually actively hearfrom him in a continual basis.
And so you heard from the Lord.
(36:42):
Regarding Noah, it was sealedwith the promise.
So when we look at all of ourcircumstances in life, the
circumstances were telling younot to believe for this child.
But what happened in the summer?
I guess it was probably July oflast year, 20, excuse me 2022.
(37:02):
Yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
What happened?
What?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
year from the Lord.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
I mean, yeah, I mean that he.
So I think, let's see, thatwould have been.
We talked about this in ajournal entry that I had right.
It was August of 2021.
Oh, august of 2021.
Okay, but it would have beenfulfilled by August of 2022.
And obviously we received thenews that Noah in July of 2022.
(37:29):
So, again, to back up in theprayer and in the word daily, I
just had, I felt like the Lordmove upon me that our prayers
are going to be answered and byAugust of 2022, we will have a
son or, excuse me, have a child.
And so that was in August of2021.
I journaled it, wrote it downand kind of put it away and then
(37:54):
, yeah, continue to pray,continue to and in a wrestle too
, right, russell with it andstruggle daily.
It wasn't like it was allsunshine and rainbows for the
next year, but, yeah, praise God, july of 2022, before the year
Mark was up, he had answeredthat prayer and he's faithful
and fulfills his promises.
Right, and there's, I mean,countless examples of that in
(38:16):
the Bible we can walk through aswell.
Anyway, I won't go down thattangent but God is faithful.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Yeah, and just to clarify, cause I know is
intelligent as Chris does, hedoes have his dates mixed up
just a little bit.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Okay, I'm probably, so yes, it was August of 22.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
And then Felicia found out she was pregnant in 23
.
Yes, okay, it's all good we'rein it together.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
I'm working off of no notes here.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Yes, yeah, yeah, Okay yes, 22 to 23.
And I think the important thing, though, for all of you out
there listening, if you findyou're in a season of waiting on
the Lord, just keep your eyesfixed on him.
He you know when you're walkingwith him and you have a promise
from him.
He will fulfill that promise.
Just keep your eyes fixed onhim.
(39:02):
Don't let the enemy steal yourfaith or your joy.
That would be the word ofencouragement.
So, Chris, you know we'vecovered a lot of ground here,
but really what I wanted thelisteners to hear is just a
little bit of who you are,because I just think you're an
amazing human and people aregonna hear more from you on this
podcast over time.
(39:23):
That's my prayer.
But just really, you know, youdidn't have that lightning bolt
moment.
I wanted people to hear yourjourney on how you came to faith
and then also how you keep yourfaith as a man serving our
country, our communities, ourpeople, with everything that's
going on.
It's just again.
(39:43):
I'm always just so inspired byhow you keep the faith, with
what you witness every day andyou serve your wife very
faithfully, and I know you'regonna be an amazing father and
listen, grow listeners.
What I want you to know,because you're gonna hear it
here first, I declare thatChristian Ryan will be the
(40:06):
president of the United Statesof America one day and I am
gonna be the priest at thenation who's praying him in.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
That's right, you heard it here first.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
I'll say it.
Yeah, angelique has been sayingthat for years.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
So yes, yeah, that is the promise he's gonna be a
righteous man leading thisbeautiful country of America for
God's glory so okay, chris, youshared your life first, which
was Ezekiel 3626.
And I tell you that God isdefinitely answering that prayer
, putting a heart of flesh inyou, and my closing request is
(40:45):
that you would close us out withprayer.
Can you do that for me?
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Absolutely, and I do just as, like a parting thought,
if I may Absolutely.
And just to echo what you saidabout you know, it's a journey.
It wasn't a lightning bolt forme and, if I could be an
encouragement to especially men,I think it's challenging for us
at times to wanna talk aboutstruggles that we've had,
(41:11):
whether it be depression oranxieties that we have, or lost
or sexual temptation right, butto be again fully transparent,
like in 2016, was kind of mybottom out, if I wanna call it
that and I was on this journeyfor like five, six years after
you know, and it was wrestlingand struggling and going to
(41:33):
counseling, but also pursuingChrist and him pursuing me.
And don't lose hope.
If I can offer any sort ofencouragement and it might not
be this lightning bolt momentthat we see in a movie or read
about in a book, right, but Ijust would encourage people to
(41:54):
seek the Lord in the word inprayer in community, find that
community of believers, findthose people around you that are
running towards Christ andreach out and talk to them as
well.
And also, it starts here, too.
Well done, listener, forlistening to this grow podcast.
This is amazing.
This is an amazing source ofinspiration and truth and
(42:17):
finding God's word here as well,too.
So I'll just offer thatencouragement and, yeah, I'll
close in prayer if we can.
So, heavenly Father, we'rethank you for this opportunity
just to talk about you, just totalk about the work that you've
done in my life and I'm sothankful for that and to talk
about the work that you're doingin Angelique's life and the
(42:39):
work you're doing on thispodcast.
Lord, if I can offer just a hopetoday for the listeners, or
that you are a God who fulfillsall his promises, that you're
faithful, lord, that you arewalking with us daily, even
though we may not see that, wemay feel like we're down in the
pit of despair, lord, we knowthat you're with us and you're
(43:00):
wanting to pull us up towardsthe mountaintop with you, lord,
and we just thank you, lord, forthe work that you've done in
our lives, the work that you'redoing, the work that you will do
.
I'm just pray that we cancontinually focus on you daily,
god, pursue you and just look toyou.
Lord.
So have my Father.
Thank you, we love you.
In your name, we pray, amen.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Amen.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for joining us onthis episode of Grow, where God
reveals our way.
We hope you found inspiration,wisdom and encouragement as we
continue on this faith-filledjourney together.
We invite you to subscribe toGrow so you never miss an
episode.
Stay tuned for more biblicalteachings, heartfelt testimonies
(43:42):
and insights that will nourishyour spirit and deepen your
relationship with God.
We appreciate your support andparticipation in this podcast.
Until next time, may you growin faith, love and knowledge of
His divine plan.
May God bless you abundantly.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Grow where
God reveals our way.
I'm Anjali Gibson, your host,and I can't wait to explore the
vast riches of God's Word withyou.
So don't forget to subscribeand stay tuned for upcoming
episodes packed with biblicalteachings, inspirational stories
and a fresh perspective on theworld around us.
Now let's get started on thisbeautiful journey.
(00:24):
May God bless you abundantly.
Hello everyone, welcome back tothe Grow podcast where God
reveals our way.
Thank you, listeners, fortuning in.
Today we are going to hear froma hero who is hidden in the
(00:44):
throes of darkness.
That may seem pretty dramatic,but it's so true and by the time
we get to the close of thispodcast, I am 100% confident
that you are also going to agreewith me that he truly is a hero
.
Not only is he a hero, he is mybeloved son-in-law.
(01:06):
He is married to our eldestdaughter, felicia.
So, without further ado, it ismy privilege and honor to bring
onto the show Chris Ryan.
Hello, chris.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Hello, miss Anjali, thanks for having me, thanks for
having me.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
It's so good to have you on, and you know, chris and
I have a very good relationship.
We like to joke around witheach other.
We also are the people in thefamily that can sit outside and
talk about God for hours on endand the family just stingers at
us and goes here we go again,right, Chris?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
We like to dive deep.
Yeah, definitely yeah.
Everyone just walks awaybecause they know.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
We've called deep, but one of the things that Chris
was sharing with me before wegot on this call today was he's
like I don't know if I'm goingto be able to call you Angelique
, and so we'll forgive him if hedoesn't call me Angelique
because I'm well known in thefamily as Anjali, especially by
my son-in-laws.
So you have a free pass to callme Anjali today, Chris, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
All right, that's great.
I'll do my best, though.
Keep it professional, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Keep it professional All righty.
Well, I know we have so much tounpack here because you have
just walked through so much inyour life, but just to kind of
tee up for the listeners, justwho is Chris Ryan, beyond my
amazing son-in-law, who I'm soblessed to have in our family,
who are you?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Who am I?
Yeah, well, hey, thanks forhaving me on.
I definitely feel honored,especially for those listeners.
If you've already heard theepisodes from the previous Grow
podcast episodes, I'm veryhonored to be on today and to be
included amongst your episodesand your guests you've already
had.
But yeah, it's your question.
(02:58):
Yeah, I'm Chris.
Christian as some people callme, and I think also ironically,
it's my name, but it's also myidentity as well as a Christian,
a follower of Christ as well.
It's kind of my core of myidentity amongst many hats that
I wear, right as a now soon tobe father, husband, a son-in-law
(03:20):
right as you kind of introducedan army veteran and a law
enforcement officer.
So many many hats, but the coreof it, right, is a follower of
Christ.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yeah, I love that, and would you say that you've
always followed Christ yourentire life?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
So there's a difference just to clarify for
the listeners.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
It's very intentional to say the word follow, and so
we can believe in Christ all daylong, but we may not follow him
.
So the question is specificallyfollow him, and what does that
mean to you?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And I'll even add, on top of that too, there's a
difference of knowing who he is,knowing of him.
Because I would say, if youasked me, I would say, yes, I've
known of Jesus Christ my entirelife.
But have I followed him?
Certainly not.
And just kind of unpack that alittle more right.
So grew up in central Illinois,springfield for those of you
(04:14):
that maybe you're familiar withthe Simpsons.
Like the Springfield, or I,like I'm a big history guy, so
it's Abraham Lincoln's hometownright before he was president of
the United States.
So grew up in Springfield.
I was super fortunate to havegrown up around my whole
community that I grew up in myfamily, my extended family, my
(04:36):
grandparents were all believers.
They were Catholics.
We grew up in that community, Igrew up in that community, but
I like to call it likeculturally Catholic.
So I grew up going to Bibleschool and Sunday school.
We went to church.
On Sundays could be quick, youknow, 58 minutes of Catholic
Mass in and out, real quick.
I do credit my parents fortrying to bring us up in the
(04:59):
faith as best they knew.
I got to see an amazing exampleof my grandparents who were
very faithful and faith-filledfollowers of Christ and they
truly loved him and believed inJesus.
But that said, though in manyways culturally Catholic, where
I was not practicing I didn'thave a full understanding of the
(05:21):
gospel message.
I certainly, as I was movingfrom middle school to high
school to college and we'll talkabout this more and unpack this
more I certainly was notfollowing Christ and didn't
fully understand my beliefs andkind of what all that meant who
God was, what the gospel messagewas, et cetera.
So in many ways, yes, kind ofknew of him but was not
(05:45):
following him.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah, and so what was the crossing point, or when did
God start to kind of tug onyour heart, and when did you
realize he was pursuing you, totake you deeper with him?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I think, looking back , there's a lot of touch points
I could point to my time incollege and again for more
context, grew up in Illinois,went to Catholic High School,
went away to West Point UnitedStates Military Academy for
college in New York.
After college, the four yearsof military school, joined the
(06:24):
Army.
So in college, in the Army, asa young adult, young man, a lot
of touch points were just whatJesus was extending his hand and
I was firmly running theopposite direction.
I didn't know it at the timebut I was seeking my identity
and other things.
So I was putting my, myidentity and my physical
(06:45):
accomplishments, my academicaccomplishments, my military
accomplishments and, to be fullyhonest too fully transparent
like.
I achieved a lot of success as ayoung man.
Was on the triathlon team atWest Point, was an all-American
national champion Like competedlike some of the highest levels
(07:08):
collegially as a triathlete, wasteam captain Very like skilled
physically, militarily, like topof my class in the sense of
like military achievements.
So when I went on and graduatedwas an infantry officer top of
my like graduating classes forinfantry basic school and like
(07:29):
kind of stood above my peers inthat sense.
But as I was achieving more andmore success.
I was just like emptier andemptier on the inside.
And just to continue to unpackthat a little more, my first
duty station across the country,away from my family, really for
the first time, away from myfriend group, not going to
(07:52):
church, not in any way, like inany concept, like trying to
surround myself with believersor pursuing Christ or any of
that at all.
I had again, still at thispoint, as like a 22, 23 year old
, like very little understandingof like the gospel and hanging
out with a lot of guys that werelike we were going to the strip
(08:14):
clubs, going out to the bars,pursuing women, putting our
things, our identity, and likeour rank and in our like
successes.
So it's an interesting thing too, and again, stop me if I'm
rambling here, but in themilitary you, especially in the
army, you wear your, youliterally wear your rank on your
(08:34):
chest.
It's like in the center of yourchest US Army patch, your last
name is the other patch, andthen you have all of your units,
your accomplishments, yourbadges, like are on your chest
and on your arms.
So you can look at somebody andit's usually a false or
misconception, right, but youcan look at somebody and like
size them up and say this iswhat you've done, this is who
(08:56):
you are.
That I can.
I can pick you apart in 10seconds by reviewing kind of
what's on your outward it'sliterally the definitely outward
identity, if you want to callit that like that's where I put
all of my, my stake in andthat's where I put confidence in
.
That was.
This is my identity.
Like, I have to get these, Ihave to do certain things, I
have to check these boxes, Ihave to follow the certain path
(09:18):
that ultimately it was leadingto destruction.
So I literally was putting myidentity and outward appearances
and outward materialachievements that were just met,
nothing at the end of the dayand you know, just making bad
decisions, poor to lifedecisions, poor choices.
(09:38):
I was totally isolated bymyself, you know.
Yet I had a friend group, butwe're making bad choices on the
weekends and I was just emptierand emptier on the inside as the
years went on, as a young adult.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, that resonates so much with me in from a
different lens.
I mean, I've shared before thatI grew up in a lot of pain and
suffering in my childhoodemotional pain and suffering.
And so I would say, when Ientered adulthood even you know,
late teens, early twenties Idid not have confidence in my
(10:14):
own capability because I didn't.
I didn't know who I was inChrist, similar to what you're
describing.
You didn't know who you wereChrist, but you in Christ, but
you put your confidence in yourachievements.
I didn't really have a lot ofachievements to hang my hat on,
and so my battle was more how doI start to find confidence in
(10:34):
Christ when I don't haveconfidence in myself?
So I just wanted to highlightthat for the listeners, because
oftentimes, when we're coming toknow Christ, or even we already
have a deep relationship withHim, but God calls us to grow
with Him every day, and so wherewe think our confidence is
today in Him, there's gonna besomething that hits us in life
(10:56):
for sure that's gonna test thatconfidence.
And so, whether you're a newbeliever listening today, or
maybe you're just trying tofigure out who God is or you
know God very well, it's, thequestion really starts to become
where's your confidence?
Is your confidence in yourselfand your achievements, or are
(11:17):
you just lacking confidenceperiod because you don't really
know truly who you are?
So, chris, I love that you'rebeing honest and authentic about
what you've kind of struggledthrough in your life and I know
you're gonna share more and justpublic service announcement to
the listeners.
I don't really know what Chrisis gonna share today.
So here I am, his mother-in-law, and I'm gonna be learning
(11:40):
right alongside of you.
But that is what's called doinglife together, when you can
truly share and lift the arms ofeach other and just keeps
burning each other on.
So you were putting yourconfidence in college and even
probably coming out of college,putting your confidence in
success, in your achievements,and I can testify I have a
(12:03):
tremendous amount of respect foryou.
You do not waste minutes in aday.
You are a go-getter, you'regonna get it done and anything
you touch you do with excellenceand I've had the experience of
now seeing you couple that withyour walking with the Lord.
So it's excellence with thespirit of humility as well,
which is really cool, but reallyjust kind of click into.
(12:23):
What did it take Like?
What was the journey?
What did God have to break youof so you could start to walk
fully in Him?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, that's good.
I think you're a phrase thatare like breaking.
That resonates with me becausethat's really how I think that
happened for me.
I think I had so much ego,false identity, and the
scripture that really resonateswith me is Ezekiel 3626.
(12:58):
And I'm gonna get kind ofparaphrase that talking about
it's this like heart of stone,right, and God is gonna remove
that heart of stone and give aheart of flesh to people of
Israel.
So that was me.
I had that heart of stone, thatheart stone needed to be broken
and removed and in place, aheart of flesh needed to be put
(13:20):
in there.
And for me I just was.
As I'm on this journey of likeego and putting my confidence
right and other material things,material successes, my identity
is tied up in my achievementsin the military I think I needed
.
Now I can look back inhindsight and where I saw like I
(13:40):
failed and I failed again and Isuddenly did not get promoted
ahead of my peers and I didn'tget the job that I thought I
deserved and I didn't pass theschool and my friends were
abandoning me or leading me toplaces I didn't really wanna go
and I just I had no firmfoundation to fall back on.
So when my feet got swept outfrom underneath me, I just fell
(14:07):
apart and that led to anxietyand it led to fear and it was
coupled with, just likeoverwhelming emotions and that
led to depression and I'misolated by myself and it led to
a darker, deeper pit and I justand I didn't know where to look
.
And there were so many nights,you know, and it's 22, I was
(14:27):
like, oh yeah, like an army, youknow, army infantry officer.
I can look back at nights where,like I'm just was in my
apartment, crying by myself,nowhere to reach out to, and I
can think of a couple of times,and one in specific instance, of
suicidal ideations and a prettyclose attempt.
(14:51):
And, thank God, looking backnow too, I can think of, I know,
I know like Jesus was with methat night, there would have
been no way I would havesurvived without them and just
the right people reaching out tome in that moment my just utter
collapse and just falling apart.
(15:14):
So it's kind of bringing backfull circle here, right, it's
like I had that heart of stoneand I had no under nothing to
fall back on.
I just, from the slightest wave, we're tossing me to and fro.
I just fell apart and thank Godin a way now for it.
(15:35):
Right, like I thank God forthat, like, thank God, he was
working at me and there were somany touch points where Jesus
was reaching out his arms for methroughout years and years and
years and finally, like startedto hear his voice and hear the
whisper and see his arm reachingfor me and saying, hey, I am
(15:55):
that firm foundation, come findrest in me.
But it was a process too, and wecan talk about that some more.
But it wasn't just like thisone lightning bolt moment where
I was broken and then suddenly Ihad it all figured out too.
It's been such a journey andwe've been apart.
You've been a huge part of thattoo, and we can kind of talk
about that some more.
But that's great too.
(16:17):
God's been working in me andthrough me and it's been amazing
, you know, and.
But it's been a journey as well.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
You know, that's exactly what was going through
my mind when you were sharing.
What you were sharing is didyou have an aha moment?
Did the lightning kind ofstrike you, as you described?
And the answer was no.
It was this, this slow process,and sometimes we want, we live
in a quick fix.
You know quick fulfillmentculture, so it's important for
(16:48):
us to figure this out fast, butGod is slow and intentional to
really get into our heartssometimes.
So talk to me about that.
What was the process?
What did you walk through?
How did you see it?
Who were the people?
How did you come?
And I also think it's importantto kind of put the context
around this You're anintellectual, you're highly
(17:11):
intelligent.
You have to understand the whybehind everything.
One plus one always has toequal to there's, and you know
it's not always that way withGod.
God has a lot of gray in there.
So, intellectually speaking,you know you can talk about God.
From an intellectualperspective.
It may not lead to a place offaith, but how did it all start
(17:35):
to come together for you?
Because I know, not justemotionally did you go through
this journey, finding the Lord,but even intellectually you were
challenging a lot of things.
So just talk about, talk aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, that's good.
I think now in hindsight I canlook back and say, yes, I always
knew of Jesus right, and I doin a lot of ways.
I can fall back and I alwaysfell back to like I know Bible
stories, like I was raisedCatholic and I know Joan of the
whale and I know of you knowgenerally Jesus's ministry, I
(18:14):
know of the Gospels, et cetera,et cetera.
But also just from a place ofignorance, like I had so many
misconceptions about the Bible,about Christianity, about
religion and faith.
A lot of it was from ignoranceand you know a common.
I think I knew enough to bedangerous.
That was the problem.
I knew enough to kind of keeppeople at arm's length and I
(18:37):
could say, yeah, like you know,oh, I know, I know this, I know
I shouldn't be doing that andkind of push people away.
But that doesn't apply to me.
Like I have my own personalrelationship.
Maybe viewers or listeners orAngelique, you've heard of that
too.
It's like, oh, I have my ownpersonal relationship.
Like I don't need to read theBible, like that's written by
men, I can even trust it anyway.
Like that was my kind ofhesitancy that I had.
(19:00):
So I kind of went through thisprocess of knowing as God was
breaking me and I kind of neededto be broken.
I was wrestling with right,this intellectual Barriers that
I had in place andmisconceptions that I had in
this ignorance that I had to Foryears.
(19:22):
So I can kind of point back tolike 2015, 2016, when I kind of
fell to my deepest pit and inmany ways, I thank God that I
met Felicia when I did, who'snow my wife, and thank God, I
met the Gibson family and youand I we've we've wrestled and
we've talked about you knowvarious topics and like books
(19:44):
have been shared and as I readthe Bible cover-to-cover for the
first time, it's just likereading it through a whole world
view, as like God was sufferingmy heart and working in me and
and like that's the thing, youcan be the smartest person in
the world.
Right, and I heard thisexpression, you know this given
by a pastor one time.
It's like you.
(20:04):
We could sit there all day andI can talk to you and all the
apologetics in the world andpresent to you a case for Christ
and at the end of the day, youstill might not believe that
it's a heart posture and therejust has to be a level of
Openness to be, you know,willing to hear the gospel
message.
And you're never gonna, it'snever.
Two plus two is never gonna get.
Get you to four to get you toChrist.
(20:26):
And I'm rambling a little bithere, but it's only an
intellectual focus.
You'll never get there.
The heart, posture and God'syou know, if you're not calling
out to Jesus and he's notcalling out to you, you're never
gonna.
You're never gonna get there onyour own.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Amen.
It's so good, though, becauseso many of us want to
intellectually explain it,whether we have to be right in
our faith to get somebody elseto believe, or With a person
who's just refusing to believe.
It's really just when we talkabout the relationship of Christ
(21:02):
.
It's a relationship, and itstarts with a heart.
A heart's always engaged, and ifthe heart's not engaged, then
game over conversations over,and that's one thing.
It took me a long time to learnthis lesson, but God, jesus is
the author and finisher of faith, not Angelique Gibson.
(21:22):
So I could want the truth thatI have for so many people, but
at the end of the day, my job isto live by it and be in
relationship with Christ andGive testimony where he sees fit
and let him do the rest, sosuper powerful.
It's a hard thing, though,because there's a lot of people
(21:45):
in our life that we love andcherish that may not be walking
with Christ, and it's a hardthing to stand by.
When you have tasted and seenthe goodness of the Lord, you
want everyone to taste and seethe goodness of the Lord.
You know, I want to pivot for alittle bit, because one of the
(22:05):
things that I admire about youis Obviously the journey that
you've walked through, andyou've only shared the tip of
the iceberg today, but you'vebeen through a lot.
You we've all made poor choicesin life.
You've made your fair share.
It got you to a place ofloneliness, and you felt pretty
separated from God.
The God in all his love saysthere's nothing that can
(22:28):
separate us from his love and heWaves you and pulls you back to
him and I just love that imageof him doing that with you.
And I think what's equally asbeautiful is I've had the
privilege of having a front rowseat to your spiritual
development, to your spiritualgrowth with him.
And One of the thing that amazesme and I actually had a fear
(22:50):
when you and Felicia flew thenest and went to Chicago,
because you all were living herein Charlotte Charlotte area and
you, you know, broke the newsthat you were taking our Baby
girl away I was not happy withyou, still not happy with you,
but that's another conversation.
But anyway, you've been inChicago for a few years now and
(23:10):
you were going for a job thatWas going to expose you To the
pits of hell on earth.
It doesn't get uglier than yourjob, and one of the things that
I was fearful of, just as amotherly figure in your life,
was you were, you know, nasa andyour your walk with Christ.
(23:30):
It was early stage for you andI was fearful that the darkness
was gonna take away your hope,that it was gonna zap your
confidence that God is a goodGod, and I will never forget I
don't know if you remember this,but I remember.
One of my departing words toyou is don't let the darkness
get you like.
Keep your heart soft for theLord.
So, despite the evil that yousee, god is still a good God.
(23:54):
Do you remember thatconversation?
Yeah, yeah okay, and you'vedone that.
So what I would love for you toshare is what is this job that
exposes you to the pits of hell?
Pure evil.
And how do you and I'm gonna,you know, I'm asking you a lot
of questions, so it's okay.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
How do you?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
keep your heart soft in the face of evil every day.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, just for context for thelisteners from a I've left.
I left the army a couple yearsago and now, yeah, the move from
Charlotte to Chicago is for anew job.
I'm in a federal lawenforcement officer.
So yeah, as a caveat, quickcaveat to the stories I'm gonna
(24:37):
go share and the opinions that Ihave they're my personal
opinions.
I'm not speaking on behalf ofany Agency or department or
anyone in particular.
It's just my personal thoughtsand views on it.
So, yeah, I've been in lawenforcement now for almost five
years and, as people can imagine, chicago is extremely
challenging.
(24:57):
There's many, many battles frommany different directions that
are happening here, internal onexternal, and it just in Get to
give like concrete examples,like things I couldn't even
imagine.
We moved here before COVIDright.
Like that affected everybody inmany ways.
But with COVID Right came theisolation that my wife and I had
(25:21):
.
We did never really got firmlyplanted with a church right
before COVID hit.
We were only here for a fewmonths in the city, but then
with that from my job, theGeorge Floyd riots and the
protests that were happening inChicago, we witnessed just
unbelievable amounts ofdestruction in the city a year
(25:41):
after that and then that led tolet's see the January 6.
So that was a whole other piecethat we got to play with the
fallout from January 6.
The following year after thatwe had for those that are, as a
quick reminder of his HighlandPark it's a northern suburb of
(26:02):
Chicago there was the massshooting that occurred on 4th of
July, so that they're gettingfall out with that at that
tragic day as well had a hand toplay in that.
And on and on and on.
So day in, day out, there'sjust a battle Fighting and you
just be kind of the worst in thebest of people as well.
I've been invited into people'shomes to do interviews and
(26:25):
various things and you see thebrokenness, you see the poverty,
you see the loss, you see justthe despair that people have and
it is challenging.
It's challenging to Do not.
I want to fall back to like Iwant to show the gospel message
is now like my, my default and Ihave to maintain a level of
(26:47):
professionalism In that moment,because it's not maybe the case
that I'm.
You know why I'm there for thatmoment.
It's maybe not appropriate, butoffering a kindness and a
respect and giving them dignityas we are engaging in
conversation, but I think, tokind of answer your full
question here, I think,particularly in Chicago this is
(27:10):
kind of my thoughts on it thereis a covering of darkness over
the city.
There are pockets of light,there are really faithful
Christians, there's amazingchurches here, but there's a
darkness over the city andthere's a brokenness.
There is evil in the city andpeople are running towards that
(27:31):
evil and saying things that arein the name of truth, but in
reality it's full darkness and Ifall back to.
The only answer that makes senseis pointing to Jesus.
If I had my faith in now I saythis, and I have great bosses
(27:52):
and I have great co-workers.
But if I'd put my faith in mybosses or in the institution or
in the court system or in anyother form of government or
politician, 10 out of 10 timesI'm going to be let down, and
I've had so many let downs inthis city and I've seen so many
failures.
The only thing that makes sensefor me, because it's so dark,
(28:18):
is pointing to God and sayingthat at the end of the day he's
going to be victorious and Ihave to run to him and I have to
seek shelter within him,otherwise it's just going to
break me and it's too much forme risk to handle by myself.
I just can't handle it allmyself.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That's so good.
Well, I can only imagine theevil.
And when you said you know, inthe name of truth, we're running
towards the darkness, itreminds me that God told us very
specifically in the hour thatwe're in, they will call evil
good and good evil.
And so we're not to be surprisedthat the dark is getting darker
(28:55):
, but then in parallel, god'slight is starting to come
forward more and more and more,because the light breaks up the
darkness.
So I can imagine, as you'regoing through, some of the
things you've just described,twofold.
I have a two part question.
One is there's many people whohave a perspective right now
(29:19):
that law enforcement can be badand it's evil.
But law enforcement in itselfis evil and so not everyone
shares that perspective.
But certainly there's been anarrative that's been running
through our country for quitesome time that some share that
viewpoint.
(29:41):
How do you get up and do whatyou do every day with a good
portion of the populationfighting against you?
Protecting them?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Couple cups of coffee .
It's a challenge.
It's a struggle every day, itreally is, and again it's just
like it's falling back to God.
I don't know if I have a clearcut answer for that, because
it's such a challenge every day,but I've seen.
(30:11):
I've seen, though,breakthroughs that have come
outside of my day to dayresponsibility or my authorities
.
And then give a couple examples.
I've had an opportunity nowwhere we have an informal men's
group that we meet on Wednesdaysat work and that has led to
(30:32):
where we go and pray over otherofficers and other departments
at their roll call, which iskind of like the meeting they
have before they go out onto thestreets.
So we've gotten out toopportunities like me being in
law enforcement as open doors toother law enforcement officers
to pray with them, to pray overthem.
That's awesome.
I've had conversations at workwith individuals and I used to
(30:54):
be really hesitant, scared aswell, to say, oh, hey, chris,
what did you do this weekend?
Oh, I went to church yesterday.
Or hey, I'm going to a Biblestudy Wednesday night.
You know, do you want to joinme?
I used to be kind of shy awayfrom those type of conversations
, but as I found my confidencein Christ.
I'm not really shy aboutsharing that.
(31:17):
And then I've seen where doorshave been opened.
To now, I've had conversationswith coworkers and they've had
questions and we've had to.
We've gotten to pray together,we've gotten to have tough life
conversations and we've gottento talk about Jesus together,
which is amazing.
I can't singularly fix all theproblems in Chicago or in the
(31:40):
world or in the country, but inthose small moments like just
walking with Christ, like beingfaithful to him, pursuing him
daily, there have been doorsthat have been opened that have
given me small opportunities tojust engage with people and it's
been incredible.
So I'm really, really thankfulfor those, those opportunities
(32:01):
and like keeping on my mindseton that, just like walking in
truth, walking in his footstepsthat were crisis guiding me,
it's open some pretty awesomedoors.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
That is so good.
So I heard you say a few thingsthat you lean into community.
You've just naturally,organically I even almost heard
you say created a communitywithin the area that you serve
our country.
So your, your Wednesday groups,your prayer sessions, etc.
When and this is not a matterof have you had an opportunity
(32:39):
to have your faith tested ortried?
Of course you do every day,probably.
So would it be fair to say youknow leaning into your community
and what else?
What other strategies do youemploy to kind of show up your
faith or guard your faith?
So when you're tested, yeah, goahead.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
I'm such a pragmatist and for me it's like what can I
do?
Like physically, every day, andlike for me it means I get up
an extra 15 minutes early andlike I have to open the Bible
and I have to, and I've writtenout like I get really scattered
with my prayers.
So I got actually written outlike different buckets, if you
(33:19):
want to calm, of people that Ipray for and if I don't.
I noticed where, if I don't, acouple of days in a row, don't
open the Bible or I'm notpraying, my heart changes a bit.
I get a little grumpier, right,but every day, like I open the
Bible and I'm just reading it,cover to cover, and then end it
(33:41):
in prayer, be open and end it inprayer as well, and that and
that's just again like I'm notgetting, I'm not getting
royalties or anything for this,but like plugging, plugging.
I'm putting a plug in for theBible shamelessly, and it's just
, you know, putting a plug infor the word, leaning in on that
, leaning on prayer, constantlytrying to seek.
(34:02):
I don't have social media forvarious reasons, but like it's
kind of like what are youputting into?
But you know, garbage in,garbage out, kind of thing I
don't do consume social media, Idon't engage and that's again
it's my personal kind ofdecision that I've made but
instead seeking Christianpodcasts that I'm trying to
bring in, christian books thatI'm trying to read as well, to
(34:23):
like bring in the good and befilled, and be filled like
spirit filled, versus justsitting there and watching you
know eight hours of CNN or whathave you as well, because I'm
going to get it Like there'sgoing to be plenty of darkness
that I'm going to encounterthroughout my day to day and
I've definitely left the daypretty discouraged.
But you have to fall back towhat I think is very practical.
(34:46):
For me, it's just like readingthe word every day and being in
prayer.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
That is a firm foundation.
Okay, so you mentioned it atthe start of the podcast.
I'm going to kind of close out.
So you mentioned you're goingto be a father soon.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
So it is public information out on social media
so we can talk about it hereYou're going to have a little
boy yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Little Noah.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Little Noah I was going to say are we going to say
his name?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah.
Little Noah, and he's coming inMarch a couple months, not even
a month and a half or so.
Yeah, home stretch, veryexcited.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Home stretch.
So how are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Feeling really good and I get to talk about.
Maybe this is a tangent alittle bit too, but my wife and
I we had struggles gettingpregnant and I should together
and that was something as acouple that worked through
together right To like take ourfears and anxieties and our just
like stress that we had andlike take that to the Lord, take
(35:45):
it to our church community aswell, was huge, because we
walked through a season ofalmost like a year and a half
where, like there was like noprogress was being made, going
to doctor's appointments, etcetera.
So huge, huge prayers answered.
God continues to show, likehe's on his timeline not my
personal timeline or my personalagenda but everything has
(36:07):
worked out amazing and it'sexactly where we wanna be and
where he's put us and we'rereally blessed and thankful and
so happy for baby Noah to becoming here in about two months
or so.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
People always say can you really hear from the Lord?
Because I'm always like, oh, Iheard from the Lord today and
this is what he said.
And there are some people whohave a pretty deep relationship
with God but they may not leantowards the perspective that
they can actually actively hearfrom him in a continual basis.
And so you heard from the Lord.
(36:42):
Regarding Noah, it was sealedwith the promise.
So when we look at all of ourcircumstances in life, the
circumstances were telling younot to believe for this child.
But what happened in the summer?
I guess it was probably July oflast year, 20, excuse me 2022.
(37:02):
Yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
What happened?
What?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
year from the Lord.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
I mean, yeah, I mean that he.
So I think, let's see, thatwould have been.
We talked about this in ajournal entry that I had right.
It was August of 2021.
Oh, august of 2021.
Okay, but it would have beenfulfilled by August of 2022.
And obviously we received thenews that Noah in July of 2022.
(37:29):
So, again, to back up in theprayer and in the word daily, I
just had, I felt like the Lordmove upon me that our prayers
are going to be answered and byAugust of 2022, we will have a
son or, excuse me, have a child.
And so that was in August of2021.
I journaled it, wrote it downand kind of put it away and then
(37:54):
, yeah, continue to pray,continue to and in a wrestle too
, right, russell with it andstruggle daily.
It wasn't like it was allsunshine and rainbows for the
next year, but, yeah, praise God, july of 2022, before the year
Mark was up, he had answeredthat prayer and he's faithful
and fulfills his promises.
Right, and there's, I mean,countless examples of that in
(38:16):
the Bible we can walk through aswell.
Anyway, I won't go down thattangent but God is faithful.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Yeah, and just to clarify, cause I know is
intelligent as Chris does, hedoes have his dates mixed up
just a little bit.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Okay, I'm probably, so yes, it was August of 22.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
And then Felicia found out she was pregnant in 23
.
Yes, okay, it's all good we'rein it together.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
I'm working off of no notes here.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Yes, yeah, yeah, Okay yes, 22 to 23.
And I think the important thing, though, for all of you out
there listening, if you findyou're in a season of waiting on
the Lord, just keep your eyesfixed on him.
He you know when you're walkingwith him and you have a promise
from him.
He will fulfill that promise.
Just keep your eyes fixed onhim.
(39:02):
Don't let the enemy steal yourfaith or your joy.
That would be the word ofencouragement.
So, Chris, you know we'vecovered a lot of ground here,
but really what I wanted thelisteners to hear is just a
little bit of who you are,because I just think you're an
amazing human and people aregonna hear more from you on this
podcast over time.
(39:23):
That's my prayer.
But just really, you know, youdidn't have that lightning bolt
moment.
I wanted people to hear yourjourney on how you came to faith
and then also how you keep yourfaith as a man serving our
country, our communities, ourpeople, with everything that's
going on.
It's just again.
(39:43):
I'm always just so inspired byhow you keep the faith, with
what you witness every day andyou serve your wife very
faithfully, and I know you'regonna be an amazing father and
listen, grow listeners.
What I want you to know,because you're gonna hear it
here first, I declare thatChristian Ryan will be the
(40:06):
president of the United Statesof America one day and I am
gonna be the priest at thenation who's praying him in.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
That's right, you heard it here first.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
I'll say it.
Yeah, angelique has been sayingthat for years.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
So yes, yeah, that is the promise he's gonna be a
righteous man leading thisbeautiful country of America for
God's glory so okay, chris, youshared your life first, which
was Ezekiel 3626.
And I tell you that God isdefinitely answering that prayer
, putting a heart of flesh inyou, and my closing request is
(40:45):
that you would close us out withprayer.
Can you do that for me?
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Absolutely, and I do just as, like a parting thought,
if I may Absolutely.
And just to echo what you saidabout you know, it's a journey.
It wasn't a lightning bolt forme and, if I could be an
encouragement to especially men,I think it's challenging for us
at times to wanna talk aboutstruggles that we've had,
(41:11):
whether it be depression oranxieties that we have, or lost
or sexual temptation right, butto be again fully transparent,
like in 2016, was kind of mybottom out, if I wanna call it
that and I was on this journeyfor like five, six years after
you know, and it was wrestlingand struggling and going to
(41:33):
counseling, but also pursuingChrist and him pursuing me.
And don't lose hope.
If I can offer any sort ofencouragement and it might not
be this lightning bolt momentthat we see in a movie or read
about in a book, right, but Ijust would encourage people to
(41:54):
seek the Lord in the word inprayer in community, find that
community of believers, findthose people around you that are
running towards Christ andreach out and talk to them as
well.
And also, it starts here, too.
Well done, listener, forlistening to this grow podcast.
This is amazing.
This is an amazing source ofinspiration and truth and
(42:17):
finding God's word here as well,too.
So I'll just offer thatencouragement and, yeah, I'll
close in prayer if we can.
So, heavenly Father, we'rethank you for this opportunity
just to talk about you, just totalk about the work that you've
done in my life and I'm sothankful for that and to talk
about the work that you're doingin Angelique's life and the
(42:39):
work you're doing on thispodcast.
Lord, if I can offer just a hopetoday for the listeners, or
that you are a God who fulfillsall his promises, that you're
faithful, lord, that you arewalking with us daily, even
though we may not see that, wemay feel like we're down in the
pit of despair, lord, we knowthat you're with us and you're
(43:00):
wanting to pull us up towardsthe mountaintop with you, lord,
and we just thank you, lord, forthe work that you've done in
our lives, the work that you'redoing, the work that you will do
.
I'm just pray that we cancontinually focus on you daily,
god, pursue you and just look toyou.
Lord.
So have my Father.
Thank you, we love you.
In your name, we pray, amen.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Amen.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for joining us onthis episode of Grow, where God
reveals our way.
We hope you found inspiration,wisdom and encouragement as we
continue on this faith-filledjourney together.
We invite you to subscribe toGrow so you never miss an
episode.
Stay tuned for more biblicalteachings, heartfelt testimonies
(43:42):
and insights that will nourishyour spirit and deepen your
relationship with God.
We appreciate your support andparticipation in this podcast.
Until next time, may you growin faith, love and knowledge of
His divine plan.
May God bless you abundantly.
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Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com