July 17, 2025 • 34 mins
“Life is the longest experience we’ll ever have.”
What if we’ve never missed anything we thought we missed? What if every moment, every breath, every decision is part of the journey?
In Episode 10, Talib Jasir steps fully into his role as an autoethnographer, examining his lived experience against socialized truths and inherited beliefs. He calls out the myth of missing the boat, questions the pressure to find a singular purpose, and reframes the journey as something we build in real time. This episode is a reminder to stay the course, even when the map don’t make sense.
Sparked by a social thread from a friend, and grounded in quotes from Dr. Maya Angelou and the film Sinners, Talib reflects on what it means to live on your own terms, in your own rhythm, and without apology.
Because the journey was never about arrival. It’s about making this life count.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Mic on, record button off
01:08 – A friend’s post and the myth of missing your boat
03:44 – Consent, coaching, and why unsolicited advice ain’t it
06:32 – Gen X resistance, survival, and social scripts
09:20 – Preparing to get prepared to be prepared
12:06 – Maya Angelou and permission to reroute
15:58 – Stop reaching backward for a version of you that’s gone
18:00 – Forget purpose, what’s your point?
21:00 – We get to reinvent as many times as needed
24:00 – From paralysis to movement
28:05 – When the sun sets, will it feel like the best day of your life?
33:00 – Life is long. Make it count.
34:00 – Outro
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
AYO, this is Talib Jasir. I'm tripping right now because I thought I was recording this episode and I wasn't. So here we are. I'm starting from the top again and I probably have been talking for 30 to 40 minutes because the process here is I lay it all out. There's no script, there's no AI to support me. This is all me in this journey and process of creativity and expressing my inner world and sharing the journey publicly building. This show Grumpy Wizdom with you all, and this is a part of the journey is not always getting it right, not pressing record when you are already having a challenge getting the words out. This makes me want to not record this week's episode, keeping it a buck,
(01:00):
but I'm going to, and I want to keep this part in because this is what I, episode 10 is on the journey. Fuck me. Recently I came across a friend of mine, her name is Jamie Alexander. And. Jamie was actually on this really dope show on Netflix called Million Dollar Secret, and before she got on that show, she has a show on YouTube called King Speak, and I've maybe done I think two, two two, two conversations with her for that series. Go check it out on YouTube she put out a thread and simply it said she wrote that she was torn between, I've already missed my boats and life just getting started. And I'm glad that I saw it because I don't, I'm not always on social media. In fact being an analog, human gen Xer who wasn't raised with all these gadgets and gadgets. Social media is hard for me because don’t like to be on it hence Grumpy Wizdom. I'm a grumpy ass sometimes, but I'm
(02:00):
glad that I saw this post. And typically on the other hand, because I am a dual certified life coach and it is what I've been trained and skilled to do, and I take it my this profession seriously, I don't often give out unsolicited guidance or advice or anything. In my training, I'm taught to ask for consent. Do I have your permission to coach you on this? Do I have your, consent to. Give you my perspective, what I think about what you have going on. And for the most part, I don't feel the need to do that either because you either seek me out, I'm my, the people that I work with best are folks who are ready and willing to do the work. Most people who are saying things about what's going on in their lives, they might be ready and willing to share, but they're not ready and willing to shift or think about it differently or do anything differently. I don't, I, I said in the last episode that, because of my, the way my, because of the way my brain is set up, it's really hard for me to
(03:00):
filter. Out things that most people would do in order to help it come out differently, softer, maybe withholding. And for me that's difficult because what I think is what I say and what I say is often in a straightforward manner where people are looking at my gestures or my facial expressions to find out is this motherfucker for real? Did he just say that and then didn't crack a smile or, walked away from the conversation like, there's nothing else to say. And the answer is yes, because. That's what I felt. That's what I believe. That's what I think. And I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean, if I didn't mean what I said. Jamie didn't ask, but it was on threads and it's public, and so I'm assuming that it's even okay for me to share it here because it's public. It's on social media. And so when she wrote that, so in between, I've already missed my boats and life is just getting started. I replied instantly
(04:00):
because I value and respect Jamie a lot, and I think she's a dope human, and it's got a lot of experiences and journeys in life to live that's going to be so dope. And I didn't, and if I can help it, then my goal is disruption at all times. And so like, oh, hey, let me say something to have you already missed boats? And Is and or is life just getting started? I responded. Life is already existing in real time experience. Brilliance and preparedness is present. She's. Experience. She's brilliant and she's prepared whether she knows it or not. And she didn't say she doesn't know it. I'm just making sure she recognizes that she's prepared. That's already present. I say the life you want is before you take it all. Assess and pivot where needed and go. You're already in it life and there can be as many beginnings as you desire and commit to. The translation is you've missed no boats. And we're
(05:00):
always in the process of becoming. Jamie writes back, I've read this five times. So true. Thank you friend. And what I really wanted to express in that moment, and I hope that. Other people who that message was meant for, discovered it as well, but to this idea that we missed things or we made mistakes, or we did something wrong at some point on our journey, that is caused us to be in whatever current situation we're in. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent, whatever it is. All of that has brought us to this point. Whatever point that is for you and to that, I say we've missed no boats that weren't meant for us. If it's a boat that's meant for you, it's going to wait. Like that boat will be at the dock when you get there two hours or two days late or two years if that boat is yours, you going to be on it. That's the first thing. The universe and my belief and philosophy is always working on our behalf, whether it feels like it or not, it's all a part of the
(06:00):
journey. If we can consider that everything is a part of it, all of it. Even me not pressing record on this episode is a part of it because maybe there was something that was said in that 40 minutes being on the mic that wasn't necessary for to, for this episode . And so what's going to happen is everything that was met for this particular episode will be in it because here we are. I'm recording it now. Won't make that mistake again if I have to put a post-it on my damn laptop. Push record. There's a these, there's in my experience coaching and being a person who is a creator and an entrepreneur and just, an individual experiencing and navigating this life in this world, I realized that especially for US Gen Xers, who, as I mentioned in the resistance on resistance episode come from the generation of segregation to integration, psychedelics, free love, Quaaludes, and and other, and other illicit
(07:00):
drugs, and are, raised by more often than not a, the silent generation, the generation before them who all they did was experience them and see how they live, but didn't know what was going on and what and why. So their products of the silent generation we're, we are products of a generation of, emerging change. What's, what's new in the world, but also still having the mindset and the behaviors that were wrapped into our survival . And then we are here, gen Xers, who have quite frankly been a blueprint of change and disruption in some of the pathologies, that we've experienced in our households and our communities and inside of our culture. And I'm speaking directly as a, black American, not because I don't believe race is a construct , but because that's an identifier that everybody, when I say that understands. So when we think about this journey that we're living, and as a Gen Xer, I'm in
(08:00):
my, fourth decade, closer to the fifth one now than the fourth one. And I realize that specifically Millennial and Gen Xers, we some of us find ourself in a space of preparing to get prepared, to be prepared. I've worked with a lot of people who have been at the top of their game, won awards, had applause been applauded for the work that they've done on and off the field. On and off stages, on and off sets. And one of the things that always comes up is, what more can I be? What more can I do and what more can I have? Especially when I feel boxed into the expectations of family, friends, and onlookers and the work to one, shift the mindset that is actually your prerogative to do any and everything you want to do whenever the hell you wanna do it. That's the first
(09:00):
thing. But socialization's got us, de detached from that concept. And two, there is no finish line despite what anybody may think. This idea of preparing to get prepared to be prepared, puts us in a loop. It stagnates us in our journeys. And being as though I'm someone who was born in the seventies, grew up in the eighties and the nineties, become a, became a young adult in the early two thousands and just kept going from there. Didn't gain real awareness. I'd say I didn't gain real awareness until this fourth decade, the beginning of this fourth decade, give things like literally the beginning of it, is when all of this wisdom and awareness I had collected all these years finally began to settle and seep in and be like, oh, okay. I get it now. I get it now. But I liken that time to my entire head being screwed up my ass. I didn't know nothing about nothing. At least I pretended not to know, and that's a distinction that I may go into in another episode. But I didn't know what I didn't, I hadn't
(10:00):
yet put all the fragments of life ex lived experiences together yet to draw my own. I was just in autopilot, moving motion. Like what what, which, what I need to do next. Society and world. Okay. Boom. I did that. I graduated high school. Okay? Now I don't want to go to college, but if you say I need to go to college, okay, fuck it. I'll go to college, drop out And, don't finish my degree in undergrad at Coppin State. 14 years later, I'm finally finishing it in at St. Peter's University in Jersey City, working in corporate America. Deferring all dreams and aspirations of, being an, entrepreneur or a creative but it was all a part of the journey. There's this title of Maya of one of Dr. Maya Angelou's books , and Dr. Angelou is someone who I had the pleasure of meeting talking with as a teenager I had probably two or three opportunities to do this so she was a real big in a big influence on my life, her creativity, her audacity, the
(11:00):
confidence that I assumed that she had and the way she walked and she carried herself. I was just blown away by Dr. Maya Angelou and she has a title of one of her book of essays titled, wouldn't Take Nothing For My Journey Now and. There's a quote that I remember reading and it never left me. Each of us has the right and a responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled and those over which we have traveled. And if the future road looms ominous or unpromising and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve in carrying only the necessary baggage step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well. Wow. Some of y'all might need to go and find that quote and read it again until it makes sense. I remember sitting down with a friend, back when I was in still up in Jersey City and we were
(12:00):
in New York at the time, Brooklyn, and he asked me, if I would sit with him for a minute because he wanted to talk to me about something. So now he's asking for solicited guidance and coaching. I got you. Boom. Let's go bro. So he was talking about his previous life of being a high profile, celebrity culture blogger and how he, got a lot of, accolades and, street cred and just, professional leverage from doing that work back when. That's all you were seeing around, pop culture, bloggers, folks who had the inside scoop on celebrity news and media industry, insider information. So they were the first to tell you who did what to who and why. And he kept saying throughout the conversation as he was telling me what he wanted to do and how he wanted to, return to that because he had pivoted and started doing other things for survival reasons. And now he
(13:00):
wants to get back to who he once was. And he kept saying that, I just want to get back to who I was to live. I just wanna be who I was before, and I let him say it a couple of times because I'm not one of those people who is like the language police I'm not going to disrupt your conversation 'cause I want to hear what you have to say. One of my superpowers is active listening. So I'm listening to him and he said this, and I'm noted that he said this about five to six times. So when he finally finished and he said, Talib, basically, that's it. I just want to get back to who I, once, who I was, I just want get back to who I was. And I said, no, you don't. Here you go. My unfiltered, my big mouth, my unfiltered perspective. And he looks at me like what you mean? I done said it six times. Clearly. That's what I want. And I said, no, you don't. Why would you want to go back to before you lived these last five to six years, the experience that you've gained, the knowledge, the maturity, the growth, the understanding. You don't need to go
(14:00):
back. You just need to take that part and apply it to today, presently, now, and go forth that way. I mentioned in, oh, I mentioned in the last episode on you, an up until now moment, right? Where you get to gather up all this evidence, information, experiences, people, places, and things that you've. Had the privilege of experiencing in this life up until now, and then apply it to what's next, whatever's next. So when I said, no, you don't, and I and he's looking at me perplexed and I'm like, bro you're different now. You had that journey, you had a new journey, and now you're off to creating and now you're off to creating from here. So why do you need to go back? You're not the same person anymore, even if you haven't grown mentally. 'cause some of us can stay the same for a very long time. I can attest to that. But even if you haven't grown mentally, you've grown by just the natural order of things. You've done something beyond a certain point in your life, every
(15:00):
day you are gathering new information. Baba Hosey, my professor at Coppin State, he once told, us group of 18 to 20 year olds in his class that you could walk down the same sidewalk for 20 years. Same way. It's almost on autopilot. Your head is up and you walking in and a crack appear and that sidewalk and you trip and fall. From that day forward, you will instinctively know a new way. To walk down this sidewalk, it will not be the same as it was the day before, because now there's a crack there. Now you have something that you could trip and fall if you're not paying attention, like you weren't paying attention for the last 20 years because you didn't need to. Now you have some awareness that you need to do something different. That's journeys, that's life. That's how we grow to learn how to move different and be different and journey different. We are all on these
(16:00):
journeys of life and creating and being, and understanding and becoming prepared for whatever is next. And I have news for you. Unfortunately, you're not always going to know what's next. You're simply going to have to unfold. Believe that you've missed no boats, because if you believe you missed a boat, then you'll be constantly looking to get that boat back and that boat left without you for a reason, whatever boat it was, mainly because it wasn't the boat that you were meant to be on. If it was, you would've been on it. If it was, you would have been on it. Okay. I was about to say that again, but I'm not going to. You get it. . This thing we think we control, expect it to change. You don't control your journey. You don't control your journey. You are simply existing and living. And for those of us, as you heard in my different episodes so far on becoming on belonging, on risk,
(17:00):
on creativity, on you, is that you have this we all have this opportunity as we are on this journey of life to be in pursuit of the things that are called to us. I'm going to do another episode on purpose. But there's a lot of things that I dislike about our inner dialogues and inherited beliefs and thoughts that have quite frankly been socialized, in us. And again, it goes back generations and it's systemic. But one of those things that I really dislike is this idea that, there's a purpose that we all must seek and find in order to be someone. And I turn that on his head early. And when I talk to clients or even non-clients, and I say quite, I say plainly, fuck your purpose. What's your point? Because sometimes the purpose has
(18:00):
already been met, like your birth could have been your purpose. And instead of us moving forward with life as we are, we have this idea that we are supposed to be looking for a purpose. And I've gotten, I've had so many clients, even at their A game, even inside of their ambition and their vocation and the things that they wanna do, they're still saying, but I don't know my purpose to live. I'm still looking for my purpose. I'm like, why? Why are you looking for a purpose every day that you live and you exist in this life is purposeful. When I mentioned in one of the other episodes is that our liberation is attached to other people's liberation in our lives. That means to, to just be in pursuit of whatever your life is, because you become possibility. Your purpose could have been met when you were born. Your purpose could have been met when you, brought other people into this world. Your purpose could have been met when you turn in that
(19:00):
thesis or, you created your first project or you helped that kid, eat for the day. Whatever it is, those are purposeful moments that you don't need to be seeking out. You just need to have a point to your damn life and what you're doing, what you're creating, and why. So this idea of purpose and this idea of happiness and all these things that the, our society gets us in pursuit of to make us feel like we never actually can achieve it. It feels unattainable for those of us who are sitting around I don't know my purpose. Will I ever, people are like, I just, some, there are people in this world that I have had direct conversation and engagement with and interaction with who have said, I don't know my purpose and it's causing me anxiety and depression and stress. What if that's what it was meant to do? And what if you've already completed your purpose and now it's about you living and existing and doing the things that you are called to do in this world? And sure, it may be
(20:00):
purpose-driven. But as I mentioned in my on Becoming trilogy, if you're lucky, you will have many purpose-driven missions throughout your life. And what mattered to you at the second decade of your life may not be the same purpose that drives you in the third and may not be the same purpose that drives you in the fourth. There's some folks out here who believe that they found their purpose in Godspeed. You have whether you can or you can't. It's true. If you found your purpose, you found your purpose. Amen. But if you still find yourself seeking a purpose, maybe stop. Maybe stop and live. Live out this journey. Because that's what it is. It's a journey. And when I did my first workshop, I presented three big ideas. One was, I am beliefs being a hundred percent inventive and creative. And so we get to make it up every day, any day, any, anytime we want. We get to make it up. If I want to get up from here and say, I'm no
(21:00):
longer a podcaster, a writer, I think I wanna be a pilot. I can go to pilot school in this moment, get trained, skilled, and get access to flying a plane. Any moment I can invent and reinvent myself to whoever I want to be. Whatever's being called to me at this time, I can create it. As I mentioned in on creativity and on you, is that I get to, I can create my work, and I can create the life that I want to live in. As long as I'm in pursuit of it, as long as I put effort towards it, then I can have and be and do whatever it is that I want do. There are no limitations, not for most Americans. Now there's economics and there's disabilities, and there's access. That's limits, but doesn't mean that it can't be overcome. People overcome all the time. And so when we think about this journey that we're on, and all of us are on our own specific journeys. Mine
(22:00):
is not yours and yours is not mine. And even the guidance that I'm providing in these episodes are based on my own lived experience. See, what I determined a long time ago was that I'm an auto ethnographer, meaning that I consider my own lived experience and examine it against society, culture. And then I share it with the world. I examine my life. I examine society and culture, and then I put it all together to say, okay, this is who I be and why. This is why my head was up my ass for. 30 plus years. This is why I was scarce and believed that there was only one way to live life for 30 plus years. This is why I perpetuated all of my beliefs that I learned during my traumatic formative years. And this is the society in which I exist. And I see some people that are moving similarly, and I see
(23:00):
some people who have figured out the game, and I've and I'm also witnessing those folks who are existing. And you get to decide who you are in that dynamic. I don't know. 'cause I don't know you. I know me and I work with that. And while being on this journey as a ethnographer, so I don't, I've never been I've met a lot of people I haven't even mentioned yet, and I've never feel lesser than or not equal to. I believe we all has have access to choice and greatness and it's just whether or not we choose to take, use our rightful access to it in order to be whoever we wanna be. And as I realized that this journey that we're on. Is as I realized that all of this journey is a part of it, wouldn't take nothing for, wouldn't take nothing for my journey. Now I began to move this conversation into the latest phenom of our, culture, which is the movie Sinners. And I thought about the ending where Elder Sammy stops Stack at the door and he says to him. You know
(24:00):
something? Maybe once a week I wake up paralyzed with living that night, but before the sun went down, I think that was the best day of my life. Was it like that for you? And Stack goes on to say that the last time he saw the sun was the last time he saw his brother? Wow. And I thought about what Sammy said, like that last statement stuck with me because he says, I wake up, paralyzed, reliving that night. And I think about life and putting myself, centering myself in this moment so that I can give you a clear and concise, idea of what I'm saying is I'm a I've made mistakes in my life. I've done some things that I wish I could take back and will never, ever be able to ever, I've. Made some strides. I've had some victories. I have grown up matured, because those are two different things. You can be an old fool as we know. I've lived, I had to do a I had to do a presentation for the last position that I was in, in pharma,
(25:00):
and it had me to assess for the first time how many cities I lived in, from, since I became an adult. And it was nine different cities. And what I realized is that, each city. Was its own journey. I was in that specific city for a reason, and I'm a big, believer that whatever you went to a certain place to do, do it. And once you do it, if it's time to go, it's time to go. But do it there. Get it done. Because the reality is wherever you are, there you are. So you can run from things all day long. And become and each time you go somewhere else. Whether it's a job, a city, a new relationship, a new experience. You can do that if you want to. But wherever you are, there you are. It's coming with you. If it's under the rug, it's in the house. And so a part of the journey is to do the work, to lighten the load, we wanna, we want to move lighter, each opportunity that we get on this journey. And so when I
(26:00):
think about all the things that have paralyzed me in life, my trauma, , my belief, the shame and guilt over, things that I've done in my life and things that have been done to me, the failures that I, the perceived failures that I have. The hearts that I've broken, the broken heart that still exist within me. There was a time where I woke up with those things as a feedback loop, and I'm talking about recent times. Even with all the coaching, all the work that I've done, if it's under the rug, it's still in the house. And I had to unpack and shovel out what was under the rug. And I'm also a big proponent in all the shit bags that I've gathered throughout my life, whether they belong to me or not. The least I can do is give back the shit bags that don't belong to me. Here you go, mom. Here you go. Yours. Here go Dad. Here you go. Yours sis. Friend X.
(27:00):
If it doesn't belong to me, you can have it back. I got enough bags, so I'm going to keep mine. You get to have yours. And now that work is done. I'm moving on. So I say all that to say is that there have been some paralyzing nights and mornings and days and years and months and years. And so I think about when Sammy says I'm paralyzed by that night. And some of us are paralyzed by life, paralyzed by the journey, the confusion, the chaos, the un, the lack of clarity on how it's all going to work out and if it ever will. And then. He says, but before the sun went down, where do you think I'm going with the sun going down? I told you before, there are no finish lines, except finish lines except for the urn or the grave. And so the sun going down is any and everything, your accomplishments, your failures, the relationships that you no longer are in the jobs, the experiences, the sun goes down on them eventually. The journey. So I think about when he says,
(28:00):
before the sun went down. I think that was the best day of my life. Was it like that for you? And that's as I conclude this episode, the journey is in the experience and the experience is part you and part destiny. Do I believe that we have the power to inter intercede on our own destiny? Yes, but that's a episode for another day. I think we can be the trajectory of who we're not, if we aren't careful and if we don't become aware and. Be in pursuit of our personal journeys and our personal liberation. Anyone who has ever read the Alchemist understands that reference your personal journey. So in this journey, we can become paralyzed or we can cause it, or we can allow those things that could otherwise paralyze us to become information and a navigation system on how to move different and improve for the next. Experience for the next sunrise and
(29:00):
sunset. Life is ebb and flow. You're going to have a sunrise and sunset every day of your life, literally, and figuratively. It's a fact of nature in life. The sun will rise, and the sun will set so too is your life. There will be peaks and there will be valleys. There will be good times, and there will be curse God and die moments. But what happens as you move through this life is that your memory starts to fade. And talking to my grandmother, who's now 95 years old, she said to me once, of all the things in my life that I remember now, I can't say that there's anyone or anything that's caused me a sense of regret or that made me dislike or hate or have a bad energy or negativity around. It's just not there. Now I know for a fact who she was and how she lived . So it's not that she doesn't have cause for it,
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it's that it's simply not there. I tell my youngins that what's so important right now that it's got you in perplexed and discombobulated and upset and feeling your way guilty, shamed will one day be in the rear view and be so far in the rear view, but that you can barely see it. If you can see it at all. If you simply keep choosing life, it will unfold. And it's quite possible that before the sun sets, it will all make sense and it will all become clear of why your journey happened, the way it happened, unfolded, the way that it unfolded, the things that you absolutely hate that happened, and the things that you are completely cool with. The things that changed you forever, and the things that disrupted you in the moment, the adventure, the nights where you cried yourself to sleep, the days where you thought you lost. Everything you held
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so dearly to before the sun goes down, it could quite possibly dawn on you that you lived. You all heard Neil deGrasse Tyson in the last episode "On You" where he said that one only dies. Having had the privilege of living your journey is not a single story. No one else is walking in your shoes. No one else knows where you've been, where you're going and how you'll get there. And oftentimes, you're not even clued in. All you can be is in pursuit. I told you all before, that night, and I reference it often because, and I, that night that I reference often because it was my pivot, my pivotal moment, it's a moment that I was able to get up from being paralyzed, reliving the nights, the identities, the beliefs, the experiences over and over again until I was laying in the fetal position in my bed, asking myself, is this how you want it
to end? Almost 10 years ago, and in this moment, because it was before iPEC Coaching Certification, it was before Momentum. It's before the Fussings until one of us is dead. Before advisor to the throne. Volumes one and two. Say Less. Call it Justice. Take What's Yours (32:00):
Becoming a Liberated Creator. Afros & Audio Podcast Festival. You, my dear listeners, my friends, if the sun went down today, I would say that this has been the best. Journey that a kid raised on the eastern shore with a chicken coop in the backyard could have ever imagined living. We can only see ourselves as far as we can see ourselves, and because there's no finish line, you could pass 10 times over a checkered flag that says you made it, but did you? Are you done? Is it complete? You're still living. And as I
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mentioned from that night, what epiphany came to me the very next day and became my North Star for my life is that life is not short despite any and everything that you've ever heard. Life is not short. In fact, it is the longest experience that you or I will ever have, and because of that reason, the only option for me personally is to be in pursuit of the life that I want. Not a purpose, but a point to be fulfilled every day of my life so that if my future plan is indeed bogus, as I mentioned in the last episode, then at least I did something that made the sun feel like it was up, that made it feel like once the sun set, it was the best day of my life. I'm Talib Jasir. This is Grumpy Wizdom. Until next time, peace. AYO. If this episode
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sparked something in you don't keep it to yourself, follow or subscribe, rate the show, drop a review, and pass it on. Wanna see the episode videos? Become a member of the Grumpy Wizdom Inner Circle on Patreon to unlock exclusive content, early access, and a fresh Zine every three episodes. Join now at patreon.com/grumpywizdom to explore more of my creative work or connect professionally, head to talibjasir.com. And podcast fam, if you create, produce, or move in audio-- don't miss the 7th Annual Afros & Audio Podcast Festival, October 16th through the 19th in Baltimore. Details at afrosandaudio.com. All links are in the show notes. Thank you for listening. Let's ride.
AYO, this is Talib Jasir. I'm tripping right now because I thought I was recording this episode and I wasn't. So here we are. I'm starting from the top again and I probably have been talking for 30 to 40 minutes because the process here is I lay it all out. There's no script, there's no AI to support me. This is all me in this journey and process of creativity and expressing my inner world and sharing the journey publicly building. This show Grumpy Wizdom with you all, and this is a part of the journey is not always getting it right, not pressing record when you are already having a challenge getting the words out. This makes me want to not record this week's episode, keeping it a buck,
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but I'm going to, and I want to keep this part in because this is what I, episode 10 is on the journey. Fuck me. Recently I came across a friend of mine, her name is Jamie Alexander. And. Jamie was actually on this really dope show on Netflix called Million Dollar Secret, and before she got on that show, she has a show on YouTube called King Speak, and I've maybe done I think two, two two, two conversations with her for that series. Go check it out on YouTube she put out a thread and simply it said she wrote that she was torn between, I've already missed my boats and life just getting started. And I'm glad that I saw it because I don't, I'm not always on social media. In fact being an analog, human gen Xer who wasn't raised with all these gadgets and gadgets. Social media is hard for me because don’t like to be on it hence Grumpy Wizdom. I'm a grumpy ass sometimes, but I'm
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glad that I saw this post. And typically on the other hand, because I am a dual certified life coach and it is what I've been trained and skilled to do, and I take it my this profession seriously, I don't often give out unsolicited guidance or advice or anything. In my training, I'm taught to ask for consent. Do I have your permission to coach you on this? Do I have your, consent to. Give you my perspective, what I think about what you have going on. And for the most part, I don't feel the need to do that either because you either seek me out, I'm my, the people that I work with best are folks who are ready and willing to do the work. Most people who are saying things about what's going on in their lives, they might be ready and willing to share, but they're not ready and willing to shift or think about it differently or do anything differently. I don't, I, I said in the last episode that, because of my, the way my, because of the way my brain is set up, it's really hard for me to
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filter. Out things that most people would do in order to help it come out differently, softer, maybe withholding. And for me that's difficult because what I think is what I say and what I say is often in a straightforward manner where people are looking at my gestures or my facial expressions to find out is this motherfucker for real? Did he just say that and then didn't crack a smile or, walked away from the conversation like, there's nothing else to say. And the answer is yes, because. That's what I felt. That's what I believe. That's what I think. And I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean, if I didn't mean what I said. Jamie didn't ask, but it was on threads and it's public, and so I'm assuming that it's even okay for me to share it here because it's public. It's on social media. And so when she wrote that, so in between, I've already missed my boats and life is just getting started. I replied instantly
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because I value and respect Jamie a lot, and I think she's a dope human, and it's got a lot of experiences and journeys in life to live that's going to be so dope. And I didn't, and if I can help it, then my goal is disruption at all times. And so like, oh, hey, let me say something to have you already missed boats? And Is and or is life just getting started? I responded. Life is already existing in real time experience. Brilliance and preparedness is present. She's. Experience. She's brilliant and she's prepared whether she knows it or not. And she didn't say she doesn't know it. I'm just making sure she recognizes that she's prepared. That's already present. I say the life you want is before you take it all. Assess and pivot where needed and go. You're already in it life and there can be as many beginnings as you desire and commit to. The translation is you've missed no boats. And we're
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always in the process of becoming. Jamie writes back, I've read this five times. So true. Thank you friend. And what I really wanted to express in that moment, and I hope that. Other people who that message was meant for, discovered it as well, but to this idea that we missed things or we made mistakes, or we did something wrong at some point on our journey, that is caused us to be in whatever current situation we're in. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent, whatever it is. All of that has brought us to this point. Whatever point that is for you and to that, I say we've missed no boats that weren't meant for us. If it's a boat that's meant for you, it's going to wait. Like that boat will be at the dock when you get there two hours or two days late or two years if that boat is yours, you going to be on it. That's the first thing. The universe and my belief and philosophy is always working on our behalf, whether it feels like it or not, it's all a part of the
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journey. If we can consider that everything is a part of it, all of it. Even me not pressing record on this episode is a part of it because maybe there was something that was said in that 40 minutes being on the mic that wasn't necessary for to, for this episode . And so what's going to happen is everything that was met for this particular episode will be in it because here we are. I'm recording it now. Won't make that mistake again if I have to put a post-it on my damn laptop. Push record. There's a these, there's in my experience coaching and being a person who is a creator and an entrepreneur and just, an individual experiencing and navigating this life in this world, I realized that especially for US Gen Xers, who, as I mentioned in the resistance on resistance episode come from the generation of segregation to integration, psychedelics, free love, Quaaludes, and and other, and other illicit
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drugs, and are, raised by more often than not a, the silent generation, the generation before them who all they did was experience them and see how they live, but didn't know what was going on and what and why. So their products of the silent generation we're, we are products of a generation of, emerging change. What's, what's new in the world, but also still having the mindset and the behaviors that were wrapped into our survival . And then we are here, gen Xers, who have quite frankly been a blueprint of change and disruption in some of the pathologies, that we've experienced in our households and our communities and inside of our culture. And I'm speaking directly as a, black American, not because I don't believe race is a construct , but because that's an identifier that everybody, when I say that understands. So when we think about this journey that we're living, and as a Gen Xer, I'm in
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my, fourth decade, closer to the fifth one now than the fourth one. And I realize that specifically Millennial and Gen Xers, we some of us find ourself in a space of preparing to get prepared, to be prepared. I've worked with a lot of people who have been at the top of their game, won awards, had applause been applauded for the work that they've done on and off the field. On and off stages, on and off sets. And one of the things that always comes up is, what more can I be? What more can I do and what more can I have? Especially when I feel boxed into the expectations of family, friends, and onlookers and the work to one, shift the mindset that is actually your prerogative to do any and everything you want to do whenever the hell you wanna do it. That's the first
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thing. But socialization's got us, de detached from that concept. And two, there is no finish line despite what anybody may think. This idea of preparing to get prepared to be prepared, puts us in a loop. It stagnates us in our journeys. And being as though I'm someone who was born in the seventies, grew up in the eighties and the nineties, become a, became a young adult in the early two thousands and just kept going from there. Didn't gain real awareness. I'd say I didn't gain real awareness until this fourth decade, the beginning of this fourth decade, give things like literally the beginning of it, is when all of this wisdom and awareness I had collected all these years finally began to settle and seep in and be like, oh, okay. I get it now. I get it now. But I liken that time to my entire head being screwed up my ass. I didn't know nothing about nothing. At least I pretended not to know, and that's a distinction that I may go into in another episode. But I didn't know what I didn't, I hadn't
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yet put all the fragments of life ex lived experiences together yet to draw my own. I was just in autopilot, moving motion. Like what what, which, what I need to do next. Society and world. Okay. Boom. I did that. I graduated high school. Okay? Now I don't want to go to college, but if you say I need to go to college, okay, fuck it. I'll go to college, drop out And, don't finish my degree in undergrad at Coppin State. 14 years later, I'm finally finishing it in at St. Peter's University in Jersey City, working in corporate America. Deferring all dreams and aspirations of, being an, entrepreneur or a creative but it was all a part of the journey. There's this title of Maya of one of Dr. Maya Angelou's books , and Dr. Angelou is someone who I had the pleasure of meeting talking with as a teenager I had probably two or three opportunities to do this so she was a real big in a big influence on my life, her creativity, her audacity, the
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confidence that I assumed that she had and the way she walked and she carried herself. I was just blown away by Dr. Maya Angelou and she has a title of one of her book of essays titled, wouldn't Take Nothing For My Journey Now and. There's a quote that I remember reading and it never left me. Each of us has the right and a responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled and those over which we have traveled. And if the future road looms ominous or unpromising and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve in carrying only the necessary baggage step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well. Wow. Some of y'all might need to go and find that quote and read it again until it makes sense. I remember sitting down with a friend, back when I was in still up in Jersey City and we were
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in New York at the time, Brooklyn, and he asked me, if I would sit with him for a minute because he wanted to talk to me about something. So now he's asking for solicited guidance and coaching. I got you. Boom. Let's go bro. So he was talking about his previous life of being a high profile, celebrity culture blogger and how he, got a lot of, accolades and, street cred and just, professional leverage from doing that work back when. That's all you were seeing around, pop culture, bloggers, folks who had the inside scoop on celebrity news and media industry, insider information. So they were the first to tell you who did what to who and why. And he kept saying throughout the conversation as he was telling me what he wanted to do and how he wanted to, return to that because he had pivoted and started doing other things for survival reasons. And now he
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wants to get back to who he once was. And he kept saying that, I just want to get back to who I was to live. I just wanna be who I was before, and I let him say it a couple of times because I'm not one of those people who is like the language police I'm not going to disrupt your conversation 'cause I want to hear what you have to say. One of my superpowers is active listening. So I'm listening to him and he said this, and I'm noted that he said this about five to six times. So when he finally finished and he said, Talib, basically, that's it. I just want to get back to who I, once, who I was, I just want get back to who I was. And I said, no, you don't. Here you go. My unfiltered, my big mouth, my unfiltered perspective. And he looks at me like what you mean? I done said it six times. Clearly. That's what I want. And I said, no, you don't. Why would you want to go back to before you lived these last five to six years, the experience that you've gained, the knowledge, the maturity, the growth, the understanding. You don't need to go
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back. You just need to take that part and apply it to today, presently, now, and go forth that way. I mentioned in, oh, I mentioned in the last episode on you, an up until now moment, right? Where you get to gather up all this evidence, information, experiences, people, places, and things that you've. Had the privilege of experiencing in this life up until now, and then apply it to what's next, whatever's next. So when I said, no, you don't, and I and he's looking at me perplexed and I'm like, bro you're different now. You had that journey, you had a new journey, and now you're off to creating and now you're off to creating from here. So why do you need to go back? You're not the same person anymore, even if you haven't grown mentally. 'cause some of us can stay the same for a very long time. I can attest to that. But even if you haven't grown mentally, you've grown by just the natural order of things. You've done something beyond a certain point in your life, every
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day you are gathering new information. Baba Hosey, my professor at Coppin State, he once told, us group of 18 to 20 year olds in his class that you could walk down the same sidewalk for 20 years. Same way. It's almost on autopilot. Your head is up and you walking in and a crack appear and that sidewalk and you trip and fall. From that day forward, you will instinctively know a new way. To walk down this sidewalk, it will not be the same as it was the day before, because now there's a crack there. Now you have something that you could trip and fall if you're not paying attention, like you weren't paying attention for the last 20 years because you didn't need to. Now you have some awareness that you need to do something different. That's journeys, that's life. That's how we grow to learn how to move different and be different and journey different. We are all on these
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journeys of life and creating and being, and understanding and becoming prepared for whatever is next. And I have news for you. Unfortunately, you're not always going to know what's next. You're simply going to have to unfold. Believe that you've missed no boats, because if you believe you missed a boat, then you'll be constantly looking to get that boat back and that boat left without you for a reason, whatever boat it was, mainly because it wasn't the boat that you were meant to be on. If it was, you would've been on it. If it was, you would have been on it. Okay. I was about to say that again, but I'm not going to. You get it. . This thing we think we control, expect it to change. You don't control your journey. You don't control your journey. You are simply existing and living. And for those of us, as you heard in my different episodes so far on becoming on belonging, on risk,
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on creativity, on you, is that you have this we all have this opportunity as we are on this journey of life to be in pursuit of the things that are called to us. I'm going to do another episode on purpose. But there's a lot of things that I dislike about our inner dialogues and inherited beliefs and thoughts that have quite frankly been socialized, in us. And again, it goes back generations and it's systemic. But one of those things that I really dislike is this idea that, there's a purpose that we all must seek and find in order to be someone. And I turn that on his head early. And when I talk to clients or even non-clients, and I say quite, I say plainly, fuck your purpose. What's your point? Because sometimes the purpose has
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already been met, like your birth could have been your purpose. And instead of us moving forward with life as we are, we have this idea that we are supposed to be looking for a purpose. And I've gotten, I've had so many clients, even at their A game, even inside of their ambition and their vocation and the things that they wanna do, they're still saying, but I don't know my purpose to live. I'm still looking for my purpose. I'm like, why? Why are you looking for a purpose every day that you live and you exist in this life is purposeful. When I mentioned in one of the other episodes is that our liberation is attached to other people's liberation in our lives. That means to, to just be in pursuit of whatever your life is, because you become possibility. Your purpose could have been met when you were born. Your purpose could have been met when you, brought other people into this world. Your purpose could have been met when you turn in that
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thesis or, you created your first project or you helped that kid, eat for the day. Whatever it is, those are purposeful moments that you don't need to be seeking out. You just need to have a point to your damn life and what you're doing, what you're creating, and why. So this idea of purpose and this idea of happiness and all these things that the, our society gets us in pursuit of to make us feel like we never actually can achieve it. It feels unattainable for those of us who are sitting around I don't know my purpose. Will I ever, people are like, I just, some, there are people in this world that I have had direct conversation and engagement with and interaction with who have said, I don't know my purpose and it's causing me anxiety and depression and stress. What if that's what it was meant to do? And what if you've already completed your purpose and now it's about you living and existing and doing the things that you are called to do in this world? And sure, it may be
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purpose-driven. But as I mentioned in my on Becoming trilogy, if you're lucky, you will have many purpose-driven missions throughout your life. And what mattered to you at the second decade of your life may not be the same purpose that drives you in the third and may not be the same purpose that drives you in the fourth. There's some folks out here who believe that they found their purpose in Godspeed. You have whether you can or you can't. It's true. If you found your purpose, you found your purpose. Amen. But if you still find yourself seeking a purpose, maybe stop. Maybe stop and live. Live out this journey. Because that's what it is. It's a journey. And when I did my first workshop, I presented three big ideas. One was, I am beliefs being a hundred percent inventive and creative. And so we get to make it up every day, any day, any, anytime we want. We get to make it up. If I want to get up from here and say, I'm no
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longer a podcaster, a writer, I think I wanna be a pilot. I can go to pilot school in this moment, get trained, skilled, and get access to flying a plane. Any moment I can invent and reinvent myself to whoever I want to be. Whatever's being called to me at this time, I can create it. As I mentioned in on creativity and on you, is that I get to, I can create my work, and I can create the life that I want to live in. As long as I'm in pursuit of it, as long as I put effort towards it, then I can have and be and do whatever it is that I want do. There are no limitations, not for most Americans. Now there's economics and there's disabilities, and there's access. That's limits, but doesn't mean that it can't be overcome. People overcome all the time. And so when we think about this journey that we're on, and all of us are on our own specific journeys. Mine
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is not yours and yours is not mine. And even the guidance that I'm providing in these episodes are based on my own lived experience. See, what I determined a long time ago was that I'm an auto ethnographer, meaning that I consider my own lived experience and examine it against society, culture. And then I share it with the world. I examine my life. I examine society and culture, and then I put it all together to say, okay, this is who I be and why. This is why my head was up my ass for. 30 plus years. This is why I was scarce and believed that there was only one way to live life for 30 plus years. This is why I perpetuated all of my beliefs that I learned during my traumatic formative years. And this is the society in which I exist. And I see some people that are moving similarly, and I see
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some people who have figured out the game, and I've and I'm also witnessing those folks who are existing. And you get to decide who you are in that dynamic. I don't know. 'cause I don't know you. I know me and I work with that. And while being on this journey as a ethnographer, so I don't, I've never been I've met a lot of people I haven't even mentioned yet, and I've never feel lesser than or not equal to. I believe we all has have access to choice and greatness and it's just whether or not we choose to take, use our rightful access to it in order to be whoever we wanna be. And as I realized that this journey that we're on. Is as I realized that all of this journey is a part of it, wouldn't take nothing for, wouldn't take nothing for my journey. Now I began to move this conversation into the latest phenom of our, culture, which is the movie Sinners. And I thought about the ending where Elder Sammy stops Stack at the door and he says to him. You know
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something? Maybe once a week I wake up paralyzed with living that night, but before the sun went down, I think that was the best day of my life. Was it like that for you? And Stack goes on to say that the last time he saw the sun was the last time he saw his brother? Wow. And I thought about what Sammy said, like that last statement stuck with me because he says, I wake up, paralyzed, reliving that night. And I think about life and putting myself, centering myself in this moment so that I can give you a clear and concise, idea of what I'm saying is I'm a I've made mistakes in my life. I've done some things that I wish I could take back and will never, ever be able to ever, I've. Made some strides. I've had some victories. I have grown up matured, because those are two different things. You can be an old fool as we know. I've lived, I had to do a I had to do a presentation for the last position that I was in, in pharma,
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and it had me to assess for the first time how many cities I lived in, from, since I became an adult. And it was nine different cities. And what I realized is that, each city. Was its own journey. I was in that specific city for a reason, and I'm a big, believer that whatever you went to a certain place to do, do it. And once you do it, if it's time to go, it's time to go. But do it there. Get it done. Because the reality is wherever you are, there you are. So you can run from things all day long. And become and each time you go somewhere else. Whether it's a job, a city, a new relationship, a new experience. You can do that if you want to. But wherever you are, there you are. It's coming with you. If it's under the rug, it's in the house. And so a part of the journey is to do the work, to lighten the load, we wanna, we want to move lighter, each opportunity that we get on this journey. And so when I
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think about all the things that have paralyzed me in life, my trauma, , my belief, the shame and guilt over, things that I've done in my life and things that have been done to me, the failures that I, the perceived failures that I have. The hearts that I've broken, the broken heart that still exist within me. There was a time where I woke up with those things as a feedback loop, and I'm talking about recent times. Even with all the coaching, all the work that I've done, if it's under the rug, it's still in the house. And I had to unpack and shovel out what was under the rug. And I'm also a big proponent in all the shit bags that I've gathered throughout my life, whether they belong to me or not. The least I can do is give back the shit bags that don't belong to me. Here you go, mom. Here you go. Yours. Here go Dad. Here you go. Yours sis. Friend X.
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If it doesn't belong to me, you can have it back. I got enough bags, so I'm going to keep mine. You get to have yours. And now that work is done. I'm moving on. So I say all that to say is that there have been some paralyzing nights and mornings and days and years and months and years. And so I think about when Sammy says I'm paralyzed by that night. And some of us are paralyzed by life, paralyzed by the journey, the confusion, the chaos, the un, the lack of clarity on how it's all going to work out and if it ever will. And then. He says, but before the sun went down, where do you think I'm going with the sun going down? I told you before, there are no finish lines, except finish lines except for the urn or the grave. And so the sun going down is any and everything, your accomplishments, your failures, the relationships that you no longer are in the jobs, the experiences, the sun goes down on them eventually. The journey. So I think about when he says,
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before the sun went down. I think that was the best day of my life. Was it like that for you? And that's as I conclude this episode, the journey is in the experience and the experience is part you and part destiny. Do I believe that we have the power to inter intercede on our own destiny? Yes, but that's a episode for another day. I think we can be the trajectory of who we're not, if we aren't careful and if we don't become aware and. Be in pursuit of our personal journeys and our personal liberation. Anyone who has ever read the Alchemist understands that reference your personal journey. So in this journey, we can become paralyzed or we can cause it, or we can allow those things that could otherwise paralyze us to become information and a navigation system on how to move different and improve for the next. Experience for the next sunrise and
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sunset. Life is ebb and flow. You're going to have a sunrise and sunset every day of your life, literally, and figuratively. It's a fact of nature in life. The sun will rise, and the sun will set so too is your life. There will be peaks and there will be valleys. There will be good times, and there will be curse God and die moments. But what happens as you move through this life is that your memory starts to fade. And talking to my grandmother, who's now 95 years old, she said to me once, of all the things in my life that I remember now, I can't say that there's anyone or anything that's caused me a sense of regret or that made me dislike or hate or have a bad energy or negativity around. It's just not there. Now I know for a fact who she was and how she lived . So it's not that she doesn't have cause for it,
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it's that it's simply not there. I tell my youngins that what's so important right now that it's got you in perplexed and discombobulated and upset and feeling your way guilty, shamed will one day be in the rear view and be so far in the rear view, but that you can barely see it. If you can see it at all. If you simply keep choosing life, it will unfold. And it's quite possible that before the sun sets, it will all make sense and it will all become clear of why your journey happened, the way it happened, unfolded, the way that it unfolded, the things that you absolutely hate that happened, and the things that you are completely cool with. The things that changed you forever, and the things that disrupted you in the moment, the adventure, the nights where you cried yourself to sleep, the days where you thought you lost. Everything you held
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so dearly to before the sun goes down, it could quite possibly dawn on you that you lived. You all heard Neil deGrasse Tyson in the last episode "On You" where he said that one only dies. Having had the privilege of living your journey is not a single story. No one else is walking in your shoes. No one else knows where you've been, where you're going and how you'll get there. And oftentimes, you're not even clued in. All you can be is in pursuit. I told you all before, that night, and I reference it often because, and I, that night that I reference often because it was my pivot, my pivotal moment, it's a moment that I was able to get up from being paralyzed, reliving the nights, the identities, the beliefs, the experiences over and over again until I was laying in the fetal position in my bed, asking myself, is this how you want it
to end? Almost 10 years ago, and in this moment, because it was before iPEC Coaching Certification, it was before Momentum. It's before the Fussings until one of us is dead. Before advisor to the throne. Volumes one and two. Say Less. Call it Justice. Take What's Yours (32:00):
Becoming a Liberated Creator. Afros & Audio Podcast Festival. You, my dear listeners, my friends, if the sun went down today, I would say that this has been the best. Journey that a kid raised on the eastern shore with a chicken coop in the backyard could have ever imagined living. We can only see ourselves as far as we can see ourselves, and because there's no finish line, you could pass 10 times over a checkered flag that says you made it, but did you? Are you done? Is it complete? You're still living. And as I
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mentioned from that night, what epiphany came to me the very next day and became my North Star for my life is that life is not short despite any and everything that you've ever heard. Life is not short. In fact, it is the longest experience that you or I will ever have, and because of that reason, the only option for me personally is to be in pursuit of the life that I want. Not a purpose, but a point to be fulfilled every day of my life so that if my future plan is indeed bogus, as I mentioned in the last episode, then at least I did something that made the sun feel like it was up, that made it feel like once the sun set, it was the best day of my life. I'm Talib Jasir. This is Grumpy Wizdom. Until next time, peace. AYO. If this episode
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sparked something in you don't keep it to yourself, follow or subscribe, rate the show, drop a review, and pass it on. Wanna see the episode videos? Become a member of the Grumpy Wizdom Inner Circle on Patreon to unlock exclusive content, early access, and a fresh Zine every three episodes. Join now at patreon.com/grumpywizdom to explore more of my creative work or connect professionally, head to talibjasir.com. And podcast fam, if you create, produce, or move in audio-- don't miss the 7th Annual Afros & Audio Podcast Festival, October 16th through the 19th in Baltimore. Details at afrosandaudio.com. All links are in the show notes. Thank you for listening. Let's ride.
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