Beyond Toxic Positivity: Gratitude as a Life-Changing Practice

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Forget everything you thought you knew about gratitude. In this refreshingly honest exploration, we crack open the massive misunderstanding around thankfulness and reveal why it's simultaneously one of our most underrated psychological tools.

The problem isn't gratitude itself—it's our approach. When gratitude becomes performative or is used to mask genuine feelings, it transforms into what researchers call "toxic positivity." You know the feeling—when someone chirps "just be grateful!" while you're struggling, and your brain responds with "thanks, that's fixed my entire nervous system." Studies show this forced gratitude actually increases stress rather than reducing it.

But genuine gratitude? That's where the magic happens. The neuroscience is compelling—authentic thankfulness triggers dopamine and serotonin release, creating measurable improvements in our mental well-being. Harvard researchers discovered just five minutes of daily gratitude practice led to a 25% happiness boost over ten weeks. Better yet, unlike other happiness pursuits, gratitude doesn't come with a financial cost or unpleasant side effects.

The most liberating truth? You can be grateful while still acknowledging difficulties. You can appreciate your home while feeling frustrated about rising costs. You can love your partner while occasionally needing space. True gratitude isn't about denying what's wrong—it's about noticing what's still right, even amid challenges. Through specific examples and practical journal prompts, you'll discover how to make gratitude work for you without compromising your boundaries or authentic feelings. Ready to transform gratitude from a hollow exercise into your psychological superpower? Listen now and discover why gratitude isn't a muzzle—it's a microphone that amplifies what truly matters in your life.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Well, hey, legends, and welcome back to GW Unspoken,
the podcast, where we talkabout things we don't typically
talk about but probably should.
I'm your host, gary Woodford,and today we're cracking onto
something different that'shashtag massively and
misunderstood and, ironically,wildly underrated, and that is
gratefulness.
So now, don't panic, I'm notgoing to go and tell you to
write I'm grateful for my socks100 times in a journal while
meditating to whale music.

(00:39):
No, we're going to go deeper,because gratefulness isn't just
a nice to have, it's a powermove.
But that's only if we get itright.
So what's the problem?
Why does it often feel likefluff and fake?
You've all heard it Be grateful, you have a job, at least
you're not as bad off as otherpeople, and so on.
It could be worse.
All that toxic positivity haveyou ever hear that?

(01:01):
Do you ever hear that?
And you think, thanks, karen,that's really fixed my entire
nervous system.
Because here's the thingGratitude that's forced is just
emotional masking tape, andemotional masking tape doesn't
hold when life starts fallingapart.
Now I want to do some study here.
I did some study and theJournal of Personality and
Social Psychology says that, andhere's word for word toxic

(01:22):
gratitude that's when you forceyourself to feel thankful when
denying your true feelings canlead to more stress, not less.
So, yep, gratitude can backfirewhen used to suppress, not
express, all right, so why do wekeep doing it?
It's because we've been trainedto see gratitude as a

(01:43):
performance instead of actuallya practice.
So what does the brain sayabout gratitude?
It lists out there.
No, I love the neurosciencepart of things, so don't worry,
I'm not going to go full neuronerd, but just to impress you at
a barbecue.
This is what it actually says.
When we express genuine,authentic gratitude, we trigger
two main chemicals in the brain,and they are you've heard them
before dopamine and serotonin.
Now, these are the happyneurotransmitters and they

(02:06):
improve our mood, they increasepleasure, they reduce anxiety.
So basically, they're theopposite of the feeling you get
when your phone falls face downand you don't know if it's
cracked or not.
Here's another one that I've gotfor you for word for word from
Harvard.
They found that people who tookjust five minutes a day to
reflect on what they weregrateful for experienced a 25%

(02:26):
increase in happiness over 10weeks.
Five minutes a day, 25% happier.
Now, I don't know about you,but I've tried other things to
be 25% happier, and most of themcome in a shopping cart and
regret after pay.
So it's amazing, isn't it,gratitude?
Guess what?
It's free, it's fast, itdoesn't come with a sugar crush

(02:47):
or a credit card bill.
It's there on standby for youwhen you need it.
So here's where it gets spicy,though.
Can you be grateful and still beangry?
Can you love your life andstill want to refund on parts of
it?
100%, yes, yes, yes.
Gratitude is not a permissionto stay in toxic relationships,
crappy jobs or broken systems.

(03:08):
You know, you can be gratefulfor your home and still be
frustrated with the rising costof living.
Now you can be thankful foryour partner and still need to
scream into a pillowoccasionally.
Who's been there, I'll becareful to say here.
You can love your kids andstill want to fake your own
disappearance, also during theschool holidays, which,
ironically, is right now.
All right, but gratitude isn'tjust about denying what's wrong.
It's about noticing what isstill right, and that's even in

(03:34):
the middle of the mess.
How's that for a challenge foryou, and let me say this clearly
for anyone who's been gaslitwith positivity You're allowed
to be grateful and still haveboundaries.
You're allowed to say thank youand no more, because gratitude
without self-respect, that'sjust people pleasing in a pretty

(03:54):
outfit.
So how do we make gratefulnessactually work?
How do we actually get it right?
How do you practice gratitudein a way that heals and empowers
, without turning into a doormator delusional Pinterest board?
Here's a plan.
So if you want to write thisdown, here's some suggestions
that I've done with theseresearch articles.
Number one make it specific.
Don't just say, for example,hey, I'm really grateful for my

(04:15):
health.
Say I'm grateful I can walk mydog without pain.
It specifically lights up yourbrain and builds stronger
emotional connections betweenthose specific moments.
Number two make it honest.
Like, gratitude is not anescape from the truth, it's
actually a deeper dive into it.
You can be grateful andgrieving so you know you can
appreciate what's working whileacknowledging also what's broken

(04:38):
, and therefore you don't havethat sort of fake thoughts about
what's going on and hopefullyit'll actually make you feel
better and therefore you don'thave that sort of fake thoughts
about what's going on andhopefully it will actually make
you feel better.
Number three here's another oneMake it small.
It doesn't have to be thatmassive or grand.
You can be grateful for findinga matching pair of socks.
You can be grateful that theavocado was actually ripe for
the first time.
You cut into it.
You can be grateful that youdidn't send that
passive-aggressive email thatyou drafted at 11.43 at night,

(05:00):
or that social media text thatmaybe you're going to write.
You know, gratitude grows inthe ordinary, so you don't need
fireworks, you just need to takenotice.
All right, so here we go.
We talk about a call to action,we talk about ways that you can
actually do this and promptthis yourself.
So your journal prompts thisweek.
And again, I like doing thingsin threes because that's how our
brain remembers.
So the three journaling promptswe've got.

(05:21):
Take your time and don't rushthem.
Let them just sit with you.
So here's number one what is onething that you're genuinely
grateful for today and why doesit matter to you right now?
So really dig into thatemotional layer.
Why that thing?
Why today?
All right, number two again,write these down.
Number two where in my life amI pretending to be grateful but

(05:43):
actually feeling resentful,overwhelmed or stuck?
Now, this is your invitation toexplore that tension honestly.
So, again, you might bestruggling with your patience,
for example, and you might havehad lack of sleep or not enough
food for the day, and you mightbe really frustrated.
But again, where?
Where are you trying to pretendto be grateful, but you're
feeling resentful?
Write that down, becausesometimes when we name it, we

(06:06):
actually tame it.
And number three how can you acton your gratitude this week
without betraying your ownboundaries?
So, is there a thank you thatneeds to be spoken?
Is there a gift to give, ormaybe a no that honors what
you've already given?
So think about that.
Think about how you can begrateful this week and use those
general prompts to actually getyour mind around what

(06:28):
gratefulness does.
Remember it actually improvesthose two hormones that we need,
so dopamine and serotonin,those feel-good hormones, and
it'll stop that cortisol comingthrough your body, that negative
, that hormone that actuallymakes you feel that fight,
flight, freeze or fawn.
Try it.
If you're feeling this way atthe moment, you've got nothing
to lose and it's free.
Now, look, that's episode nine.

(06:51):
It's in the books, it's done.
And if this has landed for youor made you laugh, made you
think, or made you feel seen, dome a favor.
Share it with someone who'sbeen told.
You know, just be grateful.
Just be grateful what you'vegot, because that's sometimes
it's the best support you canhave is this kind of ideas are
coming through from research,because gratefulness isn't a
muzzle, it's a microphone.
Let's use it to amplify whatmatters.

(07:12):
Until next time, remember wedon't sugarcoat things, we
soulcoat it.
And thanks for listening for GWUnspoken.
I'm Gary and I'm reallygrateful that you've been here
this week.
I'll catch you next week.
Legends.