Building Unshakable Resilience When Life Knocks You Down

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Have you ever stood in the wreckage of something you poured your heart into, wondering if you'd ever feel capable again? That feeling of being knocked down—whether in your career, relationships, or personal goals—is universal, yet our approach to getting back up determines everything that follows.

Resilience isn't something we're born with or without. It's a skill that can be systematically developed through consistent practice and intentional mindset shifts. In this episode, we explore a powerful three-step framework for building unshakable resilience: reframing your story, training your "grit muscle," and detaching your self-worth from external approval.

The American Psychological Association reports that 85% of adults have experienced at least one major confidence-shaking setback, but only a fraction actively work on rebuilding their resilience. This gap explains why so many of us come tantalisingly close to success before abandoning our dreams after disappointment. By understanding how your brain naturally gravitates toward negative interpretations and learning to consciously redirect those thoughts, you can transform how you respond to life's inevitable challenges. 

Whether you're recovering from a recent setback or preparing yourself for future challenges, this episode offers practical steps to strengthen your resilience muscle. Try our seven-day grit challenge, practice an approval detox, or use our journal prompts to reflect on your resilience journey. Because at the end of the day, confidence isn't something you find—it's something you build, one small action at a time. What would you try next if you fully believed in your ability to handle whatever comes your way?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we
discuss stuff we don'ttypically talk about but
probably should.
And we're here with our social,emotional well-being series and
today's called Standing Back Uphow to Build Unshakable
Resilience and Self-Esteem,because we've all been there, we
all have, and you know thatWe've been knocked down.
We've doubted ourselves, wefelt like the fear of failure
was louder than probably ourdream.

(00:40):
We're not talking about justlike when we're younger.
We're talking about even asolder people or middle-aged
people, anyone out there who'sactually tried something.
So today we're talking aboutresilience and self-esteem and

(01:00):
how to bounce back, believe inyourself again are going well,
but especially when life getsmessy and you want to believe in
yourself enough to take thoserisks and try again after
failing and understand your ownworth without needing constant
validation, it's tough and forpeople who've got a life
experience, sometimes when youget those repeated knocks over

(01:21):
time in a short period of time,it is hard to get back up
Because right now you might feelshaken by a setback.
That sort of left you feeldoubting about your ability,
afraid of trying again in caseyou fail, or even tired of
hearing that.
You just need confidencewithout being told how to build
it.
And the thing is, you want totrust yourself again, but deep

(01:42):
down you're wondering if you cutout for the life you want.
You're going to doubt yourselfbecause 90% of the stuff we
think about is often negative,and often the negative is more
powerful than the positive.
So here's a stat from theAmerican Psychological
Association.
It says 85% of adults saythey've experienced at least one
major setback in their livesthat changed or challenged their

(02:04):
confidence, but only a fractionactively worked on rebuilding
it.
All right.
So just imagine that.
Imagine how many people havegone so close to success but
because they've had those knocks, they can't keep moving forward
.
And look, I've been there.
I know what it's like to standin the wreckage of something
you'll pour your heart out intoand wonder if you're ever going

(02:26):
to feel capable again.
But here's what I've learnedResilience is not a personality
trait, it's actually a skill and, like any skill, it can be
learned, practiced andstrengthened over time.
So today I'm going to give youlike a three-step resilience
framework to help build,hopefully, that strength and
power and to keep moving forwardwhen you do have setbacks.

(02:46):
So number one is going to becalled reframe the story.
So when you see the setback asa chapter, not the ending.
It's really important when wereframe it.
Number two you're going totrain your grit muscle.
So, like anything like when wedo our bodybuilding or trying to
strengthen the muscle, youbuild perseverance through small
, repeated actions that areconsistent, right, not just a

(03:07):
big day and then live for threeor four days because you're
mentally fried.
And the third one is you'regoing to detach from approval,
and that's a big one, especiallyfor our teens.
So you're going to overcome thefear of failure and rejection
by shifting where your worthcomes from.
That's, I think, the tough one.
So please don't just listen tothis episode and say, okay, yeah
, that's nice.
Take one step from this episodeand put it into practice this

(03:28):
week and just see how you go,because it's the only way to
build resilience is to actuallyuse it again, to use it
consistently.
So your brain is a storyteller,okay, so after a setback, it
often writes a dramatic endingsaying I'm not good enough.
But the thing is, you get toedit that script Doing a bit of
work in neuroscience.
You are the captain of a ship.

(03:49):
You get to change those neuralpathways the more you actually
do and believe these thingsInstead of saying I failed, say
things like yep, I'm going tolearn from that.
I'm still learning, becauseneuroscience tells us this is
powerful.
So reframing engages yourprefrontal cortex, that thinking
part of your brain, anddecision making, and helps you

(04:09):
respond logically instead ofemotionally.
Here's number two, step two.
So train your grit muscle.
So the combination of passionand perseverance, so important,
predicts the success more thantalent or iq and that's from
angela duckworth, university ofpennsylvania, all right.
So the combination of passionand perseverance that predicts

(04:30):
success more than talent or thesmarts.
So how do we train that?
How about we pick one smallchallenge that you'll commit to
for seven days in a row, startbuilding that habit, and how
about you show up for it evenwhen motivation disappears,
because we know that actionkills all those things.
We actually want to say backand say no, it's too hard.

(04:51):
I don't feel like it today.
If we are emotional beings, butif we always just act on how we
feel, nothing will get done orwill get done in small bursts.
Again, anything you think of,anything in your life, whether
it's relationships, fitness,nutrition, anything you do, it's
all about consistency, allright.
And let that repetition teachyour brain that you can actually

(05:14):
push without discomfort,because each time you follow
through, you're wiring yourbrain for resilience, and that's
really important.
And here's a tough one.
Detached from approval, the fearof failure or rejection often
comes from linking ourself-worth to the outcome and
also to what other people thinkand feel.
So shift your focus from I'llbe okay if I succeed to I'm okay

(05:36):
because I'm showing up.
Because when your worth isrooted in effort and growth,
failure loses its power todefine you, and that's really
important.
So if you avoid buildingresilience, setbacks will feel
like dead ends instead ofdetours.
You'll stop trying, you'll stopdreaming, you'll stay in the
safe zone, which is rarely wheregrowth happens and rarely where

(05:57):
success happens.
All right, I'm trying to tellmy kids, or talk to my kids
about this at the moment, sayingjust stop trying to worry about
what people think, and successoften comes from those hard
times or through failure.
It's getting up.
Resilience, keep moving forward.
Easier said than done, Iunderstand, because when you
build resilience and self-esteem, a few things happen.
Number one you trust yourselfto handle challenges All right.

(06:20):
The other thing that happenswhen you build resilience and
self-esteem is setbacks becomestepping stones instead of stop
signs.
You're used to that You're usedto actually going.
No, this is part of the process.
All right, some of it's noteasy, but you can actually
identify that.
And three you feel grounded inwho you are, not just what you

(06:43):
can achieve.
You know you're starting tobecome resilient and that
becomes who you are, which makessuccess a lot easier to get to.
So look, here's some actionsteps of the week.
Number one write your reframe.
Take one current or pastsetback and write a new
interpretation that focuses ongrowth.
Think about it.
I can think about heaps whereI've failed and now come forward
a year or two years later andgo.
That's actually a steppingstone.
Now.
That actually built resiliencein some other area, all right.

(07:07):
Number two pick a grit challenge.
Choose a daily habit to committo for seven days, no matter
what.
Could it be walking everysingle day, getting up an extra
20 minutes earlier, which istough?
Could you actually stopscrolling for 20 minutes and
read a book in an area thatyou're passionate about?
It's not going to be easyNothing is easy but you can do
it.
And third, have an approvaldetox.

(07:30):
Go one full day without seekinga reassurance for your
decisions and just trust who youare.
Trust yourself.
So, look, as you know, I like tofinish off with a bit of a
challenge and to get you towrite down some journal prompts,
because what gets measuredimproves.
What we write down uses moreneural pathways, which means
there's a chance that it's goingto come to fruition.

(07:50):
So here's number one what wasthe last time, or when was the
last time, that you bounced backfrom something you thought
would break yourself?
Write it down, actually, gothrough that.
Number two what's one area ofyour life where you're still
afraid of failing, and why?
Write it down?
Write down, why Get thosefeelings out on paper.

(08:11):
And number three if you fullybelieve in your ability to
handle setbacks, what would youtry next?
What would you do?
That's a really powerful one.
It's probably a fun one for youas well.
All right, because at the endof the day, you're stronger than
you think and you're allowed torebuild your confidence, one
small action at a time.
Start today, practice this week, watch who you become over time

(08:32):
, and if this episode has spoketo you, please share it with
somebody else who is rebuildingtheir resilience.
Until next time, be kind toyourself and remember confidence
isn't something you find, it'ssomething you build.
We'll catch you next time on GWUnspoken.