Facing What You've Been Running From

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Ever notice how the moment you try to slow down, your brain suddenly fills with everything you've been avoiding? That's not a glitch—it's precisely why mindfulness matters.

We've convinced ourselves we're too busy for mindfulness, but what if busyness is just our cleverly disguised escape route? This episode dives into the confronting reality that mindfulness exposes everything we've been avoiding—and why that exposure might be exactly what we need for genuine healing.

The science is clear: our brains are wired to protect us from discomfort. When emotional pain surfaces, our amygdala sounds the alarm, and we reach for our favourite numbing strategies—scrolling, working, shopping, or simply declaring "I'm fine" when we're anything but. Yet research shows that emotions, when fully felt, typically pass within 90 seconds. Our avoidance doesn't shorten the storm; it stretches it out.

Mindfulness offers a different path. By activating the prefrontal cortex and down-regulating the amygdala, it helps us sit with discomfort rather than run from it. This isn't about feeling good—it's about feeling honest. The moment we stop resisting difficult emotions is often when they begin to soften. Pain intensifies in avoidance but loses power in presence.

Ready to meet what you've been avoiding? Try these approaches: 

1) Name feelings without fixing them.

2) Allow discomfort to pass through rather than build up, and 

3) Practice mindful discomfort. Journal about emotions you've been avoiding, places where you mistake busyness for regulation, and how you might create space this week to feel instead of flee.

Because here's the truth: you can't heal what you won't face. Join us in breathing, pausing, feeling, and finally stopping the pretense that we're fine when we're not.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome to an edition of GW Unspoken where we discuss
stuff we don't typically talkabout but probably should.
And we're here with Season 10,episode 7.
We have two episodes left to gowith mindfulness and how you're
traveling out there.
Are you giving it a go?
Are you struggling to evenattempt it and say, gary, I'm
still too busy or I don't likethat stuff?
All right.
Well, today we're going to talkabout that exact thing.
We're going to talk aboutavoidance, specifically how

(00:41):
mindfulness exposes everythingyou've been avoiding and why
that's a good thing, becausehere's the truth you can't fix
what you won't feel, andmindfulness isn't always calm,
gentle or soothing.
Sometimes it's confronting,sometimes it actually cracks you
open, and sometimes that'sexactly what you and I need,
because let's call it for whatit is.
Here's the problem we're not toobusy to slow down.

(01:03):
We're often too afraid of whatwill show up if we do slow down,
and mindfulness does it.
It actually makes us stop.
And when we stop, guess whatrushes in?
Maybe the grief you haven'tprocessed?
Maybe the anxiety you've numbedwith scrolling, the burnout
you've masked as motivation.
We've built entire lives aroundnumbing, avoiding and pushing
forward, because feeling feelslike weakness, especially in a

(01:26):
culture that celebrates andhustles and labels and instills
in us laziness.
So we know that.
We know that if we look busy,we must be important.
So we don't have time formindfulness, right.
But you know we talk aboutneuroscience.
Here's what the scienceactually says the brain is
hardwired for comfort andprotection.
It will steer you away fromthings that are negative.
It will look to things thatwill actually save your brain

(01:48):
time and energy.
All right, so it's hardwiredfor that comfort and protection.
When, when the emotionaldiscomfort shows up, your
amygdala fires off alarm bells,triggering that fight, flight,
freeze or foreign response.
So naturally we look for escaperoutes.
We look for it.
We look for escape routes.
We look for Instagram, netflix,maybe a bottle of wine, work,
online shopping, maybe anothercoffee, or here's one we've all

(02:10):
done no, no, I'm fine.
You know you've used it before,haven't you?
The I'm fine mask.
But here's what mindfulnessactually does differently it
actually activates theprefrontal cortex, that's the
rational part of your brain thatactually helps regulate emotion
.
It down-regulates the amygdalaright, so it actually can help
you calm.

(02:30):
So even naming it, even namingwhat you're feeling, can lower
the intensity of it.
So that's why mindfulness isn'tabout feeling good, it's about
feeling honesty.
When was the last time youactually said, hey, I'm actually
fine, but I'm just naming thatemotion that you actually felt?
Here's another thing thatmindfulness doesn't tell you, or

(02:56):
no one tells you aboutmindfulness.
Stillness can be more terrifyingthan chaos.
When everything finally goesquiet and you're left with
yourself.
What happens, you know, ifyou've spent years running from
unresolved emotions, unprocessedtrauma or your own unmet needs,
stillness can feel like athreat.
But here's the paradox themoment you stop resisting the

(03:19):
feeling is the moment it beginsto actually soften.
Pain intensifies in avoidance.
It loses power in presence.
Mindfulness can actually giveyou the space to say I don't
love this, but I can actuallysit with it, and that that's
when your inner healing actuallystarts.
But you know, let me be realwith you guys my avoidance is

(03:43):
sneaky.
It wears the costume of gettingstuff done.
I love being busy.
So how many times have I goneand maybe done another lot of
folding or made another cup ofcoffee, or I just got to answer
these 43 emails when actually Iprobably just need to cry about
what was going on?
Avoidance often looks likeachievement, but it actually

(04:05):
feels like disconnection andthat's one of the worst things
we can feel.
You know what mindfulness does.
Actually, it's a nudge thatsays, hey, what are you actually
running from right now?
So how do I, or how do we, letmindfulness meet our avoidance
without being overwhelmed?
Well, here's a few ideas.
Number one I talked about itbefore name the feeling without

(04:28):
fixing it, just say, hey, I'mnoticing sadness, or I feel
tight in my chest or I don'tknow what this is, but it's here
.
That presence is sometimes justenough for the amygdala to calm
down and that prefrontal cortexto engage and say you know,
this is actually the honestything, how I'm feeling.
How about?
Number two Allow discomfort topass through and not build up.

(04:48):
So emotions actually do have alifespan.
You know, research says that ifwe fully feel, them most pass
in about 90 seconds.
So, rather than do what I wassaying before and doing those
strategies or those behaviors ofavoidance, don't do that.
Avoidance doesn't shorten thestorm, it actually stretches it
out because deep down in yourown inner feelings, you know

(05:08):
what you're putting off.
You're just feeling betterbecause you think at the time,
if I'm busy, it'll go away.
And number three how about this?
Practice mindful discomfort.
So, instead of soothing rightaway, pause, breathe, watch what
happens.
You're not broken.
You just begin to feel again,you know, and it's probably good
for your relationships aroundyou as well.

(05:30):
So look, there's a fewhard-hitting things there, some
some suggestions, some ideas.
But you know, here's some threegeneral prompts again.
Whatever gets measured and getsimproved, it's easy not to write
things down.
We know, based on facts.
I actually don't know how thishappens.
I'm not sure there's people outthere who does know how this
happens.
But when you write things downlike goals, suggestions, journal

(05:54):
entries, things actually dostart happening.
So here's some of the journalprompts today.
Here's three.
Number one write down this.
What's one emotion you've beenavoiding?
You know what are you afraidwill happen if you feel it fully
.
What's going to happen, youknow.
Write down.
Number two where am I mistaking?
Busyness for regulation orproductivity for peace?

(06:16):
All right, write that down.
And third, more of an action ofhow to maybe improve this is
how could you create space thisweek to feel, instead of fix or
flee?
All right, how could you createthat space?
Right, because here's the truth.

(06:36):
Legends, here it.
It is.
Mindfulness is not aboutfeeling good, right, it's about
feeling true.
It's uncomfortable, it's raw,it's real.
It's also where growth beginsbecause you can't heal what you
won't allow yourself to face.
So I'm Gary.
This is GW Unspoken, thepodcast where we breathe, pause,

(06:57):
feel and stop pretending thatwe're fine.
I'll catch you next week forour last episode.