Nothing Changes Until the Pain Exceeds Your Excuses

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Ever wondered why we resist practices that could make our lives better? This candid exploration of mindfulness barriers tackles the excuses we make to avoid what might actually help us thrive.

Our discussion reveals the fascinating psychology behind resistance to change. We all claim we're too busy, that mindfulness isn't for us, or that we tried it once without success. Yet these same excuses keep us trapped in cycles of stress, leaving us depleted day after day. The science is clear - practices like intentional breathing reduce cortisol, enhance brain function, and improve wellbeing. Even elite NRL players incorporate breathwork into their performance routines!

The key insight? Mindfulness isn't one-size-fits-all. Your "mindfulness flavour" might be fireplace gazing, riverside walking, sunrise watching, or simply taking three deep breaths during a stressful moment. We share personal examples from reading books aloud at the waterfront to finding peace along a riverbank listening to cockatoos.

Drawing wisdom from thought leaders like Mel Robbins and Anthony Robbins, we explore how lasting change only happens when we genuinely want it - when the pain of our current patterns exceeds our fear of trying something new. The sobering reality is that "if nothing changes, nothing changes." Are you ready to break the cycle with just 30 seconds of focused attention?

Try our three powerful journal prompts to identify your excuses, name the negatives you want to eliminate, and discover which mindfulness activities might actually work for you. Your future self is desperately hoping you'll give this a chance.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we
discuss stuff we don'ttypically talk about but
probably should, and we'retalking about mindfulness in
Season 10, episode 5.
Four to go.
We're over halfway after thisepisode.
And how are you going with it?
A lot of people are actuallytuning in more than I thought
because I thought mindfulnessmight be a bit fluffy for them,
or, you know, I don't have timefor that, gary, it's all up to
you.
You know, it's just what I'venever done.

(00:39):
None of my family ever doesthat does that.
I've seen some people sittingin a triangle doing that before
and clinging bells around intriangles.
So that's not who I am.
I don't know what's the excuse.
I don't know.
But why haven't we tried it?
If our life is stressful andhard, which most people's are,
and we run out of time each dayand we have that lovely cortisol
well, not so lovely cortisolrunning through our body, that

(00:59):
fight or flight hormone thatmakes us stressed or anxious or
getting ready to fight or flight, it's what's going to change.
So so why don't we do it?
Why don't we do something thatactually makes us feel better?
And what are the excuses?
I just want to really unpackthat quickly in this episode.
It's about you, about youthinking about why.
Why aren't you having a go atdoing that?
Or maybe you had a go andthought it doesn't work for me,

(01:21):
but you've and you've stopped,when we know that there's
different lots of mindfulnessworks for different people.
So you know talking to a lot ofpeople these days.
I was lucky enough to be invitedto a family the other day who
unfortunately lost their boyabout six or seven years ago and
we were in a fireplace and Iwas just staring at the fire,
just thinking this is mindful,this is community.
We're all part of having a fewdrinks and lovely food and

(01:44):
laughs and chatting around for acommon cause, to celebrate this
young boy's life.
But just reaching in andlooking into the firewall was
just like this is justridiculous, like your mind was
reaching going.
I'm just fully relaxed rightnow.
So what are the things thatmake you relaxed?
Let's talk about not to work orschool or stress, whatever you

(02:04):
might be doing.
What are the things that makeyou?
What's your flavour?
Is it like?
I love the riverbank.
I love going out west, growingup with a family and they used
to take us out to Chinchilla andwalk on the riverbank with my
pa and dad and setyellow-bellied lines and just
being out there and hearing, youknow, the crows and the
cockatoos, and just beingcompletely at peace out there.
Rach and I often read a book toeach other on the Esplanade at

(02:26):
Scarborough and everyone laughsabout that and thinks what the
hell?
We're nerds.
It's okay because we just sitthere on the Esplanade, it's
beautiful and waterfront thereand quiet.
And I think last time we did itwe were reading the Matthew
McConaughey book Green Lightsand it was just listening to
each other read and just beingin that moment and just being of
stillness and have focusedattention on doing that rather

(02:47):
than being distracted.
What are you doing?
Is it something you like?
Do you like listening to thebirds or do you like listening
to music?
Or waking up in the morning andstaring out the window and
looking at the sunrise?
Do you take nice deep breaths,like a lot of people say, when
you're stressed?
Just breathe, just breathe.
And we know that oxygen to ourbrain actually does reduce
cortisol.
It does make us more focused.
That prefrontal cortex of ourbrain, it makes it switch on.

(03:09):
So why don't we take the timeto take those few deep breaths
throughout the day.
You know NRL players are doingit now at halftime after a try
has been scored.
So there must be some research.
Well, there is research, butthere must be some links between
you, maybe thinking is it worthme doing this if other people
are doing it?
Or the researcher is saying todo it, rather than just being
maybe behind a guise of saying,well, it's never worked for me

(03:32):
or I don't have time for that,or try that once.
So what's your thing?
What's your thing formindfulness that you might be
able to try and use and give ita go?
And here's the scary thing I'mreading Mel Robbins' book.
I read the Five SecondPrinciple, which was awesome.
I fully recommend that book.
It's unbelievable.
Now I'm at the end of the Tellthem Theory and again talking

(03:55):
about how you look afteryourself when you can't control
others.
And that's the big thing now.
I might be talking to you nowand it might be resonating where
you say, yeah, I am busy, I amflat out and I probably do need
something, but this isn't it.
I'm not willing to try this.
And Mel Robbins says in herbook that people only are
willing to change when they wantto change.
So it doesn't matter what Iprobably say and some people
might have influence, but itdoesn't necessarily say they're

(04:15):
going to do it.
I think of a Seinfeld episodebecause I love Seinfeld and I
love hearing about when it wastime for trying to tell Elaine
to try this new toothbrush andshe goes, no, no, it's all right
.
And he's like, no, no, it'sreally good, you should try it,
it's awesome.
And she's like, no, I'm good.
And he's like, no, I'm serious,this will change your life,
it's awesome.
She goes, no, I'm good.
He's like I don't understand.
I'm saying you know the bettergood of something or a behavior

(04:37):
or a reaction or a consequence,and no, it's okay and I'll fail
forward myself, you know.
So it doesn't matter how much Isay about mindfulness, don't say
how much research people havedone or other people tell you
about mindfulness.

(04:58):
It has to come from you to makethat change and be willing to
do that.
So what's another way of doingthat?
Then, if you know, there's nouse in me preaching here for
eight episodes saying do it, doit, do it, do it.
You know what's something thatcan change?
Well, if you think of AnthonyRobbins, another big thought

(05:20):
leader, leader and I love thisguy because he's just
self-taught, self-read,self-educated.
He says for yourself to want tomake a change, you've got to
hate the negative more than justtry and hope.
This new positive idea, forexample, of mindfulness, works.
So what is it going to do?
What's the thing that you hateso much?
Say, for example, you might saywell, I'm sick of being busted
by the end of every single dayand chasing the clock and
feeling angry and frustratedevery single day and then just

(05:40):
want to crawl into a hole, havefood and sit quietly and watch
tv and just not, and space outor keep doing work at night time
, stress, go to bed and try andget to sleep without being too
stressed and eventually, ifthose behaviors keep going over
and over again and you get sosick and tired of feeling like
that and having that probablyepiphany going well, if nothing

(06:01):
changes, nothing changes.
So this is going to be my lifefor the next 30 or 40 years, my
whole working life, or howevermany years you've got left.
Your day is going to be likethat, your attitude is going to
be like that.
You're going to feel like thatall of the time.
Nothing changes, nothingchanges that.
All of the time, nothingchanges.
Nothing changes.
So what is the real pain pointthat you have that you're
willing to say to your brainOkay, let's just give this 30

(06:23):
seconds today.
Let's have some undivided focus, attention on something that
just lets me be and be presentand see if this actually works.
And if it doesn't work, thenthere's plenty of apps or plenty
of ideas to try out there.
So I'd love to hear that.
I'd love to hear your thoughtsaround this.
I'd love to see if thisresonates for you.
Is there enough pain points inyour life to try something

(06:43):
different and getting outside ofyour excuses of saying, well,
I've tried that.
I know people have done that.
This doesn't work for me.
I'm just built differently.
You've had.
Why not try something differentif it is or has a chance of
giving you a different resultoutside of that negative that
you might be experiencing on aday-to-day basis?

(07:03):
So, look, I always encourage youto do a journal prompt or
journal entry, because once youwrite down and once you get
measures improved or improved.
So here's the three today.
Number one write down the studyjournal, write down today's
date and just go.
The heading is why aren't Idoing it?
And then write two or threebullet points.
Write down, get out of yoursystem.
Write down, get out of yourbrain and say, okay, these are

(07:24):
my objections about doingmindfulness.
Number two what behaviors,thoughts or feelings would you
like to get rid of Ifmindfulness was the tool to fix
everything, to get rid of it?
What are those things that youhate on a daily basis, that
frustrates you and cause thatcortisol in your body?
So write down that negativestraight away and then maybe
your brain's going to go ooh,maybe, ooh, it does suck.

(07:46):
I actually don't like thisabout my life.
Every single day, nothing willchange unless something changes.
It's on paper, I can see it and, yes, I'm frustrated by it.
And number three what activitywould you do?
Maybe?
What activities?
Write down a few.
What are the things that youwould actually like to trial and
practice?
If this is the solution tohaving a day-to-day, that's much
more enjoyable for yourself andfor those around you.
So try it out.

(08:07):
See what you think.
I'd love to hear your thoughtsand feelings around that.
But look, thanks again forjoining us for Season 10,
episode 5 in our MindfulnessSeries.