The Silent Battle: Rewiring Your Brain for Gratitude Instead of Comparison

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The battle between gratitude and comparison is happening silently in your brain every day, and you probably don't even realise it. One moment you're content and appreciative of your life, and the next—after a quick social media scroll or hearing about someone else's success—your sense of fulfillment vanishes into thin air. Why does this happen so consistently, and what's actually happening in your brain when it does?

This episode dives deep into the neuroscience behind why gratitude and comparison cannot coexist. When comparison takes over, it activates your brain's default mode network—the breeding ground for self-criticism and that nagging feeling that you're falling behind. Meanwhile, genuine gratitude lights up the medial prefrontal cortex, literally rewiring your neural pathways to scan for positives rather than perceived shortcomings. Research shows that simply limiting social media exposure can dramatically decrease depression while boosting your capacity for thankfulness.

What makes this mental tug-of-war even more fascinating is our paradoxical relationship with comparison. Despite knowing it makes us unhappy, we secretly engage in it because it provides feedback and a sense of where we stand. We explore practical strategies for choosing gratitude instead: interrupting the comparison cycle, honouring your own timeline, and priming your brain for positivity before exposure to potential triggers. Plus, discover how a simple family gratitude wall transformed morning attitudes and cultivated genuine appreciation. Remember, if your gratitude depends on what others have or don't have, it's not gratitude at all—it's just comparison wearing a costume. You don't need to catch up or achieve more to be enough. You already are.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Well, hey, legends, and welcome back to GDW Unspoken
, the podcast, where we talkabout the things we don't
typically talk about, butabsolutely.
And today we're tackling asilent battle that lives in our
heads rent-free.
Gratitude versus comparisonthese two, they don't get along
like oil and water, likepineapple on pizza, like
toddlers and logic.
You've been there.
You can't live in gratitude andcomparison at the same time.

(00:39):
It's one or the other.
So let's unpack that.
And this is the problem whygratitude disappears when
comparison enters.
Here's how it usually worksYou're having a pretty good day,
you're grateful, you're vibing,you've got your odd coffee and
your hair's doing the thing youlike and your inbox isn't
threatening you Sandy, there'sless than 100 in there and
everything's good.
And then, bam, you open upLinkedIn, or you open up
Instagram or one of your socials, or you walk into the staff

(01:00):
room and someone says oh, didyou hear?
Lisa got that, bought a newhouse and got a new promotion?
And suddenly your gratitudeevaporates like a puddle in the
sun and you're left with thatawful, sinking feeling that you
are behind.
Comparison is a thief of joy,but no one tells you.
It's also most gratitude, in aback alley, takes its shoes off,
runs off yelling you're notdoing enough, and comparison

(01:29):
triggers a part of the braincalled the default mode network,
basically, the internalmonologue that loops when we're
not focused.
Studies show that this is whereself-criticism, overthinking
and the comparison liverent-free and, if left unchecked
, it becomes our default lens,one where we're never enough.
And if we're surrounded byeverything we once wished for
and don't have it, we startstruggling.
We teach this to the kids atthe moment at school in our life
skills class, and we talk abouthappiness is what we have,
divided by what we want, and TimBono said that in his book, and

(01:50):
it's really important tounderstand that, because once we
start comparing things that wedon't have, we start stopping
looking at things we do have andit's never enough.
We don't feel depleted, wedon't feel like we actually have
our lives on track.
We see it all the time,especially with the fashions
what people have for their shoesand their clothes.

(02:11):
So what does the science say?
Because I love a bit ofresearch and a fact bomb.
So here we go.
In 2018, a study from theJournal of Social and Clinical
Psychology found thatparticipants who limited their
social media use for up to 30minutes a day sorry two, 30
minutes a day, experienced asignificant drop in depression
and loneliness.
And look, there's lots ofresearch out there now showing

(02:33):
how social media can lead toanxiety and depression, but also
loneliness, that silent killer,and a noticeable increase in
self-worth and gratitude.
And why?
Because you stop feeding thecomparison monster, your brain
has space to actually see what'sworking and what's positive in
your own life.
And here's the other oneGratitude activates the medial

(02:54):
prefrontal cortex.
That part of the brain isassociated with decision-making
and emotional regulation and ithelps rewire the brain to look
for the good instead ofobsessing and scanning for what
is missing, because often thenegative is more powerful than
the positive.
But when we compare, especiallyon curated platforms, we
activate the amygdala, the miggy, that fear and survival center,

(03:15):
the fight flight and responsewhere there's no real threat,
just someone's barley holidaypicks with a rise grind.
Repeat caption.
Yeah, so here's a controversy.
We secretly like comparison.
You know, here's actually thejuicy bit.
We complain about comparing, butsecretly we engage in it.
Why?

(03:35):
Because it gives us feedback, asense of ranking.
I don't know how many timeswhen you go into a
parent-teacher interview, I'mtalking to parents out there and
you hear the grades and whatthe students are doing and how
your child's progressing.
But often all we want to knowis are they engaged and how do
they compare with that age groupthey're working with?

(03:55):
It's interesting, isn't it?
And sometimes we actually thinkof that ranking and say, oh, at
least I'm doing better thanthem.
I've definitely been feelingguilty of that, or worse.
I'll never catch up to her.
And don't even get me startedon the competitive gratefulness
Olympics.
I'm grateful for my coffee.
I'm grateful for world peace,emotional healing and the
reunion of my inner child withthe cosmos.

(04:16):
Okay, susan, calm down.
Sometimes we use gratitude as aperformance, just not a tool to
subtly compare how spiritual orbalanced we are.
But true gratitude it's quiet,it's personal, it doesn't need
to be posted, praised orpolished.
Here's the mic drop moment.
If your gratitude is dependenton what someone else has or

(04:40):
doesn't have, it's not gratitude, it's actually comparison in a
costume.
So what can we do instead?
Look, how do we shift out ofcomparison back into genuine
brain boosting gratitude?
How do we do that?
Here's a couple for you.
Number one interrupt the scroll.
If you catch yourself comparingon social media, pause.
Ask yourself what am I seekingright now?
Validation Connection, or am Ijust bored?

(05:02):
Number two name what's yoursInstead of I'm behind.
Reframe this to I'm on my owntimeline.
Gratitude grows when we honorour path, not someone else's.
Highlights real.
And number three practicegratitude before exposure.
So try starting your day withthree specific things you're
grateful for before you let theworld in via your phone.
Prime your brain to prime it tofocus on abundance, not lack.

(05:26):
Try this at home.
Try and do a gratefulnessjournal.
We did it at home with a big A3sheet paper that was stuck on
the wall and the kids would comein the morning and they'd
actually write at least twothings that they were grateful
for and they'd write them downand they had to be different
each day.
You couldn't look at anybodyelse's and we've got lots of
kids.
So in about three days we'dchange the A3 paper or add it.

(05:47):
But it was amazing how youcould see their feelings was
more positive and happy beforethey came down for breakfast
then.
So the first thing in themorning, whenever they came in
and you come, jump inside theroom three things or two things
they were grateful for and itwas just awesome just to see
that wall over a period of time,because gratitude doesn't mean
settling.
It means actually seeing, seewhat you've got, who you are and

(06:15):
how far you've come.
Because even when someone elseseems further ahead, if you
worry about yourself and thinkabout the things you've got in
your life, you become morehappier.
So let's wrap up this thing withthree journal prompts, this
podcast, because you know thingswork in threes.
So here's three things Isuggest that we work on.
Number one when was the lasttime you compared yourself to
someone else and what did thatmoment reveal about what you

(06:36):
valued or feared?
So be real.
Don't just judge yourself.
Just get curious.
Try and think about whathappened, all right.
Number two ask this questionwhat am I genuinely proud of or
grateful for in my life rightnow, regardless of how it looks
to others?
This is for you, so it's notfor show what's something you
are really grateful for yourself.
Okay, try and get a littlepersonal one about that one.
And number three what wouldyour life look like if you
stopped measuring against othersjust for one week?

(06:57):
So who might you become if youtrusted your own inner peace?
It's a bit deep, but I wonderhow it would go if you actually
did that.
And I understand the generalprompts.
It's easy to do, easy not do,but it's a slight edge principle
.
If you can just start doingthese and start reshaping your
thoughts and mind, maybe, maybeyou'll become more happy, but

(07:18):
also influence those peoplearound you to do similar things.
So that's it, my friends.
That's another episode of GWUnspoken's In the Bag.
If this stirred something foryou, if you've been living in
the echo chamber of not enough,I just want to remind you you
are already enough.
So not when you achieve more,not when you catch up right now,
as is.
And if this has helped, pleasepass it on.
Share it with someone who needsto hear.

(07:38):
The comparison can't sit at thegratitude table.
So I'm Gary, and I'm bloodygrateful you chose to be here
and I'll see you next week on GWUnspoken, where we keep saying
the things that matter out loud.
Thank you.