You're Not Naturally Grateful, and That's Perfectly Fine

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Could your approach to gratitude be completely wrong? The latest episode of gwunspoken challenges the fundamental belief that some people are simply born more grateful than others.

Diving deep into surprising research from Harvard Medical School and neuroscience studies, we uncover how gratitude functions more like a muscle requiring consistent training than an innate personality trait. The science is compelling – participants who documented three specific things they were grateful for daily over just 21 days experienced measurable increases in dopamine production and improved emotional regulation. Through the fascinating lens of neuroplasticity, we explore how regularly practicing gratitude physically rewires the connections between your prefrontal cortex and amygdala, transforming not just your outlook but your brain's actual structure.

We don't shy away from controversy, addressing the damaging phenomenon of "toxic gratitude" where thankfulness becomes a weapon to shame others. Those phrases we've all heard—"at least you don't have cancer" or "you should be grateful to even have a job"—often invalidate genuine struggles. Instead, we champion a more nuanced truth: you can simultaneously be grateful and struggling, blessed and burnt out. Authentic gratitude makes space for complexity rather than demanding perfect positivity.

The episode concludes with practical, science-backed strategies for building your gratitude muscle, especially during challenging times. From reframing perspective to appreciating micro-moments and creating sustainable habit loops, these techniques offer a pathway to greater resilience and wellbeing. Leave with three powerful prompts to kickstart your gratitude practice and transform your mental fitness.

Ready to flex your gratitude muscle? Share this episode with someone who needs a reminder that building a grateful life is possible, even with messy tools. Subscribe and join us as we keep exploring the unspoken truths that shape our human experience.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we
discuss stuff we don'ttypically talk about but
probably should.
And we're coming here in Season9, episode 3.
We're talking aboutgratefulness, and we've got a
bit of a controversial episodethis time.
So we're going to unpack somethings that's going to ruffle a
few feathers out there, becauseyou know what, no matter who you
are, you are not naturallygrateful.
No one is Not me, not you, notyour kid.

(00:39):
You've just got a whole heavymeal and still wants yours.
Gratitude is not a personalitytrait.
It's not just something you'reborn with, like freckles, height
or a love of carbs.
It's a muscle and if you don'ttrain it, it withers.
Let's start with this myth.
Some people are just naturallygifted.
You've heard it.
She's just one of those glasshalf full types, or he's always

(01:01):
so positive, or boy.
They just get really groundedand grateful all the time.
It's a gift, as if gratefulnessis something you're either born
with or not, like tone deafnessor a double jointed elbow.
But here's the problem withthat thinking.
If you believe gratefulness isa trait and not a trained
response, then when life getshard, you give yourself a pass.
You say well, you know, I'mjust not that kind of person.

(01:22):
And you know I'm just not thatkind of person.
And you know what happens withyour brain it listens to that
and it builds neural pathwaysand makes you believe that
concept.
Now, according to a study inpersonality and individual
differences this is word forword gratefulness has less to do
with personality type and moreto do with intentional behavior.
So, in other words, it's not awho you are thing, it's a what
you do thing.

(01:42):
And here's the kicker Peoplewho train themselves to express
gratitude, especially duringhard times, were significantly
more resilient and reportedbetter physical health, even
under chronic stress.
I know plenty of us out thereare feeling chronic stress
Students as well, young kids,parents, grandparents we're all

(02:03):
feeling it.
People who are lonely kids,parents, grandparents, we're all
feeling it.
People who are lonely.
But that's the kicker theytrain themselves to express
gratitude.
They have all those significantmore resilient and better
physical health.
So let's seek out some brainscience, because you know I like
being a bit of a geek aroundthis.
So the brain loves patterns andthat's why if you're a great

(02:23):
educator or a really good parent, you have things that are
really inconsistent in thosepractices.
But the more you think acertain way, the stronger those
neural pathways become, andthat's called neuroplasticity.
It builds those neurons and itmakes those connections stronger
.
So if you're someone whoconstantly complains, your brain
becomes really, really good atspotting what's wrong.
You could be sipping on amargarita on a beach and then

(02:43):
your brain will say, oh, thisice is melting unevenly.
You know what I'm saying.
It basically looks for thenegative in everything.
However, if you actually trainyour brain to practice gratitude
daily, you're rewiring thoseneural pathways.
So it's plastic.
You're rewiring it to seek outwhat's good and not just like in
an airy fairy way.
Literally it rewires theconnections between your

(03:04):
prefrontal cortex, which is thethinking part of your brain, and
your amygdala, which is thatemotional part of your brain and
that reduces emotionalreactivity.
Here's another stat, again wordfor word Harvard Medical School
study Participants who wrotedown three specific things they
were grateful for every day for21 days let's say it takes 21
days to make a habit showedmeasurable increases in dopamine

(03:26):
production and emotionalregulation your good hormone,
the feeling of wanting to get upand do stuff and your calming
emotion.
So guess what?
Gratefulness is not fluff, it'sactual mental fitness.
But this is where it does getcontroversial.
Gratitude can actually becometoxic when it's used in a way to
shame others, and you probablyknow what I mean out there.

(03:48):
You've heard these commentsbefore.
You know such as well.
At least you don't have cancer,or you should be grateful to
even have a job.
Oh, you know, that's firstworld problems.
So let me just say this clearlyyou can be grateful and
struggling, you can feel blessedand burnt out, and you can

(04:10):
still appreciate your house andstill want to run away from the
people who live inside it.
Love your family.
By the way, gratitude isn't amoral high ground, it's a
practice and just like exercise.
Some days you show up and don'tfeel like doing it, but you do
it anyway because over time itworks.
And here's another news flashpeople express gratefulness out
loud, with humility, notsuperiority, are far more likely

(04:32):
to be trusted and respected,and no one wants to be around a
gratitude great creeper.
So how do we train gratitudewhen life feels like a flaming
bin chicken?
Look, how can we do that?
Because a lot of people go well, it well, it is fluff.
Well, it doesn't actually work.
We just learned, then, thatneural pathways they've proved
it at Harvard that it actuallydoes change your emotional
center.
Number one don't fake it, justframe it Instead of.

(04:54):
I should be grateful for saywhat in this mess can I still be
thankful for?
Therefore, you're not denyingthe chaos, you're reframing your
perspective.
Here's another one, again formaking it real.
After some micro moments count.
So gratitude doesn't have to bedeep, it can be I'm grateful
for my zoom call that didn'tdrop out.
Or I'm grateful that my pantsare still buttoned up today

(05:16):
because I'm putting on weight.
Or I'm grateful my child hasn'tasked for dinner again.
Hey, what's for dinner?
Well, not yet.
Anyway, to make those littlemoments count and and attach it
to something you already do.
So sometimes gratitude needs acue for as a reminder.
So do it while you're brushingyour teeth or walking the dogs,
or while the kettle balls makeit a habit loop.
Then you're more likely to doit over and over again and you

(05:39):
know, if you mess up one day, itdoesn't matter, you don't,
don't spiral it, just come backthe next day.
I mean you wouldn't skip outone workout and say, well,
that's it, I'm unfit forever.
Okay, maybe that was a badexample, but you know what I
mean.
Don't beat yourself up becausesuddenly you missed out on a
grateful session.
So look, here's a challenge foryou.
Again, it's a controversialepisode.
There's gifted to be grateful,or they are more thankful for

(06:06):
things, or they look atperspectives differently.
Remember, in all things, if wewant to change, our brain is
plastic.
We can make change, we can makea habit loop over and over
again and you can actuallychange your perspective on
things.
So here's our three generalprompts for the week.
I'd love you to write them downagain, because that's when the
actual momentum happens andmovement happens and actually
things actually change.
Number one what is one momentfrom the last two days, the last

(06:29):
48 hours, that made you feellike you had a big smile?
Or it made you breathe easier,even if it was small, even if it
was especially small?
What's one moment that made yousmile and breathe easier?
Number two where do you noticeyourself struggling to feel
grateful?
How could you train your brainto respond differently and be
honest, it's not perfect justwhen could you do it?
And number three what's one wayyou could show gratitude in

(06:51):
action this week verbally,physically or even silently?
Maybe it's a message, a momentof patience or just saying thank
you and really, really meaningit, because that could be the
reminder that gratitude isn'treserved just for monks or
mindset coaches with perfectlighting.
It's actually for all of us.
It's all of us in traffic whereI actually hate it and get
frustrated.
It's in chaos.
It's in the middle of reheatinglast night's leftovers.

(07:13):
It's feeding the dogs.
Like we said, it's going for awalk.
You're not failing atgratefulness, you're just human.
So go and flex that gratitudemuscle like your arm day for
your soul.
Just do it.
Okay, if this episode made youlaugh, cry or reflect, send it
to someone who needs to bereminded you can have and build
a grateful life, even with messytools.

(07:33):
Keep it real, keep it raw, keepit ridiculously human, because
we all need it, especially inthis day and age.
You see a lot of peopleespecially, I find, middle-aged
people, who are actuallystruggling out there.
They really don't know what'shappening with their life.
Let's change it around, let'sbe mindful, let's be grateful,
and when we're grateful wechange those neural pathways and
have a different perspective onwhat we're seeing and how we're
feeling.
I'm Gary and thanks a lot forjoining in to GWN Spoken in

(07:56):
Episode 3.
Thank you.