Have you ever felt the weight of generational beauty standards on your shoulders, or had a moment where you truly embraced your natural self? Join us as we walk with Nia Ford of I Bless Faces through a deeply personal narrative, exploring the landscape of generational hair standards and the resilience required to define beauty on one's own terms. From the impact of family beliefs on self-perception to the emotional journey of returning to one's roots, this episode is a testament to the ties that bind us and the strength found in accepting who we are.
This episode isn't just about hair; it's about the tapestry of self-care and growth that comes with it. We navigate through the emotional roller coaster of managing natural hair and the lessons learned along the way. From the misleading hair charts that plague the beauty industry to the dedication required for hair maintenance, Nia's insights and our shared experiences unravel the complexity of natural hair care. It's a conversation that celebrates victories, addresses frustrations, and provides an honest reflection on the beauty and diversity of natural hair textures.
Beyond the personal, we confront societal perceptions and affirm the importance of diversity in all spaces, including professional realms. We discuss the impact of family support on self-image, the misconceptions about black hair growth, and the empowering act of embracing our natural hair. As we close, we underscore the innate beauty in the variety of our hair and the significance of representation in the beauty industry. So, tune in and join the movement towards a more inclusive definition of beauty, one where every curl is cherished.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kinetra (00:03):
Welcome to Hair what I'm Saying, where we dive deep
into the stories and experiencesbehind our relationship with
our hair.
I'm your host, kenetra.
In today's episode, we have aspecial guest joining us.
She's the founder of I BlessFaces and a passionate advocate
for embracing natural beauty.
Please welcome Nia Ford as weexplore her journey from
(00:23):
struggling with her natural hairto becoming a fierce advocate
for self-love and empowerment.
Welcome to the Hair what I'mSaying podcast.
I'm your host, Kinetra Stewart.
Today we have a very specialguest joining us Nia of I Bless
Faces.
Welcome, hey guys.
Nia (00:40):
Hey, and sac passe for my Haitian girls.
Kinetra (00:43):
Girl.
What does that mean?
It means what's up, all right.
Hey, what's good, what'shappening, all right.
When you were a child, how didyour parents discuss or talk
about your hair?
So, oh, um, was it anythingderogatory or first.
Nia (01:02):
I grew up in a single parent household and both um.
My father was in louisiana andmy mom was in texarkana, so okay
, um, I don't necessarilyremember derogatory statements
from my mom but, my aunt, that'sher sister, or your dad's
(01:24):
sister, her, her sister, Iremember her making a comment
one time and she was like youneed to do something with your
hair because I always look likea bird nest and you were natural
at this time oh yeah, this iswhen you were younger like yeah,
I was like a kid, can you dosomething as the child?
I mean put it in a pony at thattime, like my mama, kind of gave
us free range to kind of likestart putting our hair in
ponytails and experiments,because you know like that rite
(01:46):
of passage where you have tolike learn to take care of your
hair Right right.
Ok, so I was of that age.
But yeah, no, just like youknow, like what is it like?
I love big hair.
A lot of time.
I love big hair.
Anybody's ever done my hair orlike when y'all like when I put
in like my clip-ins.
(02:06):
I just love really, really,really big hair and I just
always thought it was reallybeautiful, so I'm gonna wear
this fro and she wanted you totame it.
Kinetra (02:14):
Yeah, she did.
She did so.
Anything else she would saywould just be kind of that, that
um it.
Nia (02:23):
I'm trying to really think so.
As a kid growing up, I alwayswanted my mom's texture.
How was her texture?
Very wavy, loose, very loose,very wavy, and me and my sister
have very similar textures.
But my mom had this really niceand you would always hear the
comments of like good hair.
Like oh, you got some reallygood hair Like.
(02:44):
Oh, you got some pretty hairLike like, that's what they
would tell it to my mom andshe's she's at this time.
She was a lighter, lightercomplexion um as people age,
things happen to their skin.
So um, and then I have agrandmother her mother.
I don't want to say she's mixedwith something.
I don't know what the somethingis, but it's evident in her
(03:05):
features, it's evident in howher hair is, it's evident her
skin color, her eye color and soforth.
Like my grandma was a baddieback in the day and she really
was like.
Kinetra (03:16):
She looked like maya the same oh, okay, so like just
real light skin real and she'slike beautiful woman especially
in louisiana.
Nia (03:24):
That's like back then the idea yeah, light skin, wavy hair
, that whole, thing, yeah likeshe looked like she was creole,
even though she's not from there, but she looked, you know, um,
like she could have something inher.
So like when you hear thosecomments of like people praising
my mom for how her hair was,and then my hair never looked
like that, never formed likethat.
(03:46):
So, to be honest, technicallyour hair was heat damaged or
heat trained, as people like tosay, because we were getting hot
combs and like, so it was neverin its legitimate natural state
it never so.
Growing up, I never even knewwhat my hair looked like outside
of a hot comb or blow dry.
Being being stretched oranything like that.
So I had no idea what hairlooked like outside of a hot
comb or a blow dry, being beingstretched or anything like that.
Kinetra (04:06):
So I had no idea what it looked like okay, and she was
like the only one.
No one like siblings.
Nia (04:13):
No, my aunt had dreads so my aunt look, my aunt is my skin
complexion and she has locks,like her hair.
Her hair is completelydifferent.
Um, my grandmother had fourchildren and two of them like my
mother and her, her brother.
They have very lightercomplected features, like their
hair was different.
(04:33):
My uncle has like bluish,grayish eyes or something like
that they're not.
Kinetra (04:37):
They're not typical brown and then my other aunt and
uncle.
Nia (04:40):
They just look like regular diggler.
Kinetra (04:42):
Black bloat no, okay, so a good little mixture of
everything a good blend, allright cool do you feel the words
of your aunt?
Do you feel like it shaped someunhealthy emotional connections
to your hair back then, or?
Nia (04:55):
absolutely.
Yeah, like how, um to say thatmy hair looks in in lack of a
better term unkempt.
Um, when I loved love, like I'm, when I tell you I loved how
(05:16):
big my hair was, um made me feellike, well, you know, like, if
my like, maybe I need to make itsmaller.
So through high school, wentthrough that whole like blonde
straight hair you had freedom toreally do what you want to do
with your hair.
Kinetra (05:33):
I did, yeah, I did.
Nia (05:35):
And I decided to simulate to the beauty standard.
Kinetra (05:40):
The blonde, which is why you did the blonde.
Nia (05:44):
You know, like like just making it long and so forth how
did your aunt feel about the newtransition?
Kinetra (05:49):
did she ever say something about that?
Nia (05:51):
no, not necessarily.
No, I think at this time, um,we weren't in this space in time
close okay, um.
So I like I saw her, but I'mgrowing up.
The relationship at one pointwas really close.
I loved it.
I loved hanging out with myaunt.
(06:12):
Like I would go with her, toher um her Buddhist meetings and
stuff you know to spend timewith her.
Kinetra (06:18):
Yeah, yeah.
Nia (06:19):
Um to spend time with her, but then at this time not
necessarily Like we weren't asclose, so I wasn't spending
qualitative time with her Likeany type of quality time with
her.
Kinetra (06:28):
So you didn't have to hear those derogatory comments.
It's good, it's only.
I mean it's not good, but beingthat it was only one person,
yeah, you know, because I hearfrom siblings, aunts, uncles,
moms, dads it's moms, dads.
It's like, you know, you can'tbreathe without someone talking
about the texture of you know, akinkier pattern opposed to
others, you know.
(06:49):
So it's good, but not good.
You only had to receive it from, yeah, just one, just one.
Nia (06:56):
I just think.
Maybe for her she wanted me tolook presentable, but you know
that, yeah, and you know, um,that's what they call
presentable.
Yeah, and again, that's justassimilating to a, to a standard
in corporate america.
You know that our natural hairin its natural state, natural
form, is not acceptable in thoseplaces.
Kinetra (07:14):
It's crazy how we can understand emotionally like
that's not acceptable but forsome reason, like our parents,
aunts, uncles, they gravitate toit with no issues.
Like, yeah, you need to do yourhair.
Nia (07:28):
Like that's because of how they were raised.
Times are a lot, a lotdifferent.
My grandmother like when I hearthe stories, um, and some of
the practices and some of the,just some of the things that
they were taught, and I'm justlike, wow, I'm so glad I was not
(07:49):
born in that time.
Yeah, but just some of thethings that they faced.
And like my aunt shared a lotin her journey in living in
Louisiana.
My grandmother was being raisedin Chicago Like we don't.
We weren't even raised to sayyes and no, ma'am, because of
you know what that?
Kinetra (08:08):
where it comes from.
Yeah, it's just yes and no.
Nia (08:10):
Yes, yes yeah, and so I'm just glad we're not there.
So for them it's just different, and some of them are a little
more open now, thank god, likesome of them.
Kinetra (08:23):
Some of them kind of had to force it on them.
It's like that, well, this ismy hair, like, yeah, y'all like
it?
Oh well, yeah, yes, yes, yes.
So what inspired you to go backnatural after your?
You know, I feel like you hadlike a really great experience
trying out different things tobe in.
The space of.
(08:43):
This is where I want to be,because when you try more things
, you you discover exactly whereyou want to be.
Yes, so what inspired it?
Nia (08:53):
um the growth of self so when I decided that this go
around, if I'm letting me growmy hair out, that it was going
to be a journey, that my hairwas going to be a reflection of
the growth within myself, gotcha, and so part of that is taking
care of yourself and taking like, and when you take care of you
(09:13):
inside, it shows up on theoutside and then also like hair
care is part of taking care ofyourself like proper grooming
and so so forth.
So, um, it was that because Iwas just, like you know, trying
out all the different colors,all that, so I had that initial
reaction and then I was like,okay, well, I'm just gonna go
ahead and let it grow out so Iwent and I let it grow out and
(09:36):
got the green cut off.
And then that's when I was justlike, okay, here we are, like
this is this, is it you know?
Like I'm just gonna go aheadand allow it to start growing
out and be a reflection of who Iam and let's just do this
journey together so um it hasdefinitely not been an easy walk
(09:56):
, though.
No, it's not, it has not been aneasy walk by any means
necessary again to reiterate it,to reiterate what I said
earlier, I've only known my hairand it's quote-unquote heat
trained and even when I did trythe natural um post and, like in
my 20s, I was putting color onit, like you know.
(10:19):
So I've never, like I've been Idon't know, I can't necessarily
count the years now six yearsor so, six years no color.
There's no color to my hair.
I'm not overly manipulating it,like none of it, like I'm just
taking it as it is, and therehave been moments that I've
(10:39):
cried like share some of that,literally, like in those moments
, like what were you feeling,like what were you going through
defeated yeah, um, I didn'tfeel that my hair was beautiful,
pretty acceptable, any of thosethings and what part of your
journey did you feel that way?
um, in the beginning, when itfirst, first, first first
started um growing out, like itwas at that really funky stage
(11:03):
and I really couldn't do muchwith it and I was just like I
like, I don't, I don't like thislike, and uh, and I toyed with
the notion of just getting itcut back off and just wearing a
taper.
And I remember sitting in thebathroom trying to get my hair
to cooperate.
So at the time one of myfriends at the time I was
(11:23):
staying with her and her husbandand she is a licensed
cosmetologist and a licensedinstructor, cosmetology
instructor and she really helped.
She was kind of the savinggrace in the in the journey in
the beginning of the process yougot lucky I did.
I got really, really blessed.
She got came in with all thisstuff and she was like, well,
(11:45):
try this on your hair and trythis.
And she was like all you got todo is define your curls and
because I swear like a little.
I literally look like a littletenant, like a little fuzzy
tennis ball, and I was like I'mlike I don't like this.
I literally was in there cryingyeah my big old stuff in there
boohooing and I was just like Ican't, like I just can't, like I
want to relax too, like Icannot do this.
(12:05):
And she was like you just haveto be patient, you have to like
learn the styles that work withthe growth.
Absolutely and so even now Ican, I can get frustrated.
Well, not so much now at 30, um30, going on 31, but like 27,
28, 29, like it was still some,still some frustration.
(12:27):
Um, before I started seeing abeautician on a regular basis,
um, I didn't think my hair wasgrowing because it literally
looks the same length yeah, whenit's in its curly state yes,
and I was so frustrated withthat because my cousin made a
comment and she was just like um, she made a comment about my,
(12:48):
the growth of my hair, and shewas like I just think you're
just doing too much with it.
I was just like shut up.
I'm being honest, I was like,and thinking in my head I was
just like shut up, like becauseher hair she went out.
We kind of went natural on thesame time and her hair is like
long, like it's growing at arapid pace and mine's I'm not
(13:11):
physically seeing the growth itliterally in its curly state.
Yeah, in the past couple yearsit's been the same length yeah,
literally an inch and a halfyeah, maybe not even an inch,
and I don't think this is aninch and a half.
Kinetra (13:24):
Um, maybe it even maybe just an inch.
Yeah, an inch, inch and a halfin different places, depending
on yeah yes, and it's dependingon how much stretch, yeah, in
the certain areas, yeah, andthat is, that was it.
Nia (13:37):
And so I was like okay, well, my hair not gonna grow,
then like what?
Like I might as well.
Kinetra (13:42):
What am I doing?
Nia (13:43):
yes, um, and it's just, and I would be like because my hair
as a kid was never like thisyeah, and um even when, even
when I'm when I got it bleachedand all of that.
But that also manipulates thecurl pattern.
So technically like it's, Iguess it's natural, but not
really because it had chemicalson it right curly hair yeah so
(14:03):
it definitely um changed the thepattern of the curl it loosened
, yes, and so I'm just like sowhat's happening?
Like what's happening, like whyis my hair not growing?
yeah, so then I started going touh the salon around where I
called 29, 11.
Kinetra (14:17):
Yes, indeed and shout out miss tiffany, go ahead and
throw that instagram handle onhere real quick yes, the healthy
hair coach and uh, the 29 11the salon it.
Nia (14:28):
It was a saving grace I got in her chair and you know she
takes really good care of myhair, because I've actually had
one hairstylist, um, and I willnot say her name- no, I won't
say her name, we're not gonnawe're not gonna give her that
power, but she made a veryderogatory comment about my hair
(14:49):
what was it like?
what exactly was.
It was something.
Honestly, I don't rememberexactly what it was, but I
remember her disposition, Iremember her body language and I
remember, like, the tone walkus through it and how like the
disposition and she was like theaura.
It was kind of like disgust ina sense, like her face was kind
of frown was she a natural hairspecialist?
(15:10):
I don't know if she was naturalhair specialist, but she was a
cosmetologist okay and she waslike this is before I got
married.
It was before.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, this was way before Imet my husband at the time that
this particular incidenthappened right but when I got
engaged and they saw that I wasgetting married, they made the
(15:30):
comment that, um, and she waslike you know, if you want your
hair done for your wedding, Ican do.
And I was just like no, becauseyou was.
It was like because I rememberher touching my hair and the way
she touched it, I had like dida braid out or whatever, and
like again, this is me and myjourney.
So I did like a braid out andshe was just like.
(15:50):
She said something real snarkyand she you know how, like when
you hold something that's likewet, and you was like ill, gross
.
It was like that it was likethat and I was just like no, no,
this ain't gonna be a good fit,this not you know, you could
never, and then that's a hundredpercent um standby.
That here has you know it'senergy.
I mean it holds energy becauseenergy is transferable.
(16:12):
We want to look the scientificterms it does, and so you have
to be very mindful, so I wasvery, uh, cautious about picking
somebody to do my hair and um,tiffany was highly recommended
and I went and I loved, love,like, loved it.
I think we did a, we did a umflat, like a flat twist, and so
I could do like a twist out andthen and I ooh, I love this and
(16:36):
I love the fact that she'spatient with me as I'm being
patient with my hair.
And of course I want to try newthings, yeah, but you know
she's got my hair so healthy.
Kinetra (16:45):
Like so, so healthy yeah.
Nia (16:48):
And I'm just like wow.
Kinetra (16:51):
You know like.
Nia (16:52):
I'm here, let me come with my appointment, like, wow, you
know, like I'm here, let me letme, let me, let me go book my
appointment like every time, andI appreciate it so much.
Kinetra (16:59):
That's all it takes sometimes is somebody you know
that understands the journeyemotionally and mentally, that
you're on and also understandhow to take care of natural hair
and that's why I was inquiringabout you know the previous
stylist like was she a naturalhair?
And that's why I was inquiringabout you know the previous
style was like, was she anatural hair care specialist?
Because usually you'll receivethat aura energy.
Nia (17:18):
At some point she decided to become one.
Kinetra (17:20):
Okay, because usually you'll receive the energy from a
stylist who don't specialize init and because they don't, they
don't know what to do.
So they're going to projectthat energy on you and it has
nothing to do with your hair.
It's her not feeling confidentin delivering.
That's all folks, did youexperience any natural hair
(17:44):
depression on your new journey?
Nia (17:46):
Absolutely, I absolutely did.
It was a combination of grief,anger and self-acceptance on.
You gotta elaborate absolutely.
So I just had to grieve thevision of a beauty standard that
(18:07):
was unrealistic during thisjourney let's be honest, yeah
because first, let's talk aboutthe lack, the lack of
representation for 4c here.
Yeah, let's, let's, let'saddress that there.
There was not, and still isn't,yeah, that much representation,
but the time that I startedthere, there, absolutely was
(18:28):
none when I started?
absolutely none.
And so when you're seeing theseyoutube tutorials on how to do
these natural styles and my hairnot turning out like that, yes,
devastated because the processthe process, the products, the
time.
I don't want to sell this.
I'm not spending 120 dollarsgetting the foam rollers,
(18:49):
getting this foam, getting that,getting this product, trying
this and it like the trial anderror.
I've wasted probably thousandsand thousands and thousands of
dollars yeah um and so like,really just having to grieve
that, um, the false.
It was just a false sense ofself that you know of something
unachievable, so being able toaccept okay, my hair is not like
(19:13):
their hair right, yeah, so whatdo we do with it?
How do we take care of it?
How do we love it?
how can we love ourselves withthis hair in this moment, um,
and just being just angry fromthe disappointment, you know,
and then being angry at my notnecessarily at myself, but like,
um, it's kind of I don't knowhow to necessarily explain the
(19:37):
wave of emotion, because theywould all kind of hit like waves
, like on an ocean, so you kindof get hit with them all at the
same time, but beingdisappointed, but being angry
because it didn't turn out right, like being frustrated and
being sad because you wouldnever, you would never like
that's not your story, that'snot, that's not your story and
that's never going to be it.
And so, and then the fact thatthere's so much lack of
(19:59):
representation, why I think like, why I think that, um, podcasts
like this matter is so that theconversations can be had right
around that because I meanoutside of lapita new angle who
came out.
Yes, indeed I hope I said hername, right, but she came out,
you know, and it's just like wow, somebody that finally looks
(20:22):
like me in the sense of hair,like she's a beautiful beautiful
, beautiful like natural hair,mercy it looks like my hair, so
we're starting to see it, butbut still in that same same
sentence, the problem is there'snot a problem.
I wouldn't call it a problem.
She's black, but she's notblack american okay, like of
(20:44):
african yes, yes, yes and sothat's how.
Kinetra (20:47):
What do you mean by that?
Nia (20:50):
and since of like.
I love to it, but it's justlike I wish that there were more
people that like grew up here.
Okay, and I have thatrepresentation still.
Kinetra (21:03):
It's not that often, cause she didn't grow up with
that mentality.
Exactly, that's right, exactly.
Nia (21:07):
And so, um you know, my, my , my husband, being of literally
he is Africanan right fromzimbabwe and um, it's funny
because we have conversationsaround my hair all the time and
he made a joke one time and Itook it so offensively, and
because his sisters wear theirhair natural and all that and he
(21:27):
, like, made a joke but, it wasin shona, his, his native tongue
, and he didn't know that I wasstruggling with the image of
myself, with his hair, and sowhen he, when it was told to me
in English, I was like that,like that really hurt my
feelings what was it?
it was like something.
It's like my hair was like kale, like dried kale or something
(21:51):
like that.
I don't like literaltranslation from Shona to
English is a little choppy, butit was something like that.
And then his sister, mysister-in-law, was like I don't
know.
She was like I don't, she'slike you really shouldn't, it's
not really.
It's a joke like you know, youkind of joke with family and
stuff.
But this is also the time meand my husband just started
dating, so I'm still learning,right and um, you know it was a
(22:16):
joke and it wasn't meant to bean insult and he did apologize
for it.
And then, uh, and then mysister-in-law, she was like your
hair is like soup, is likereally really soft, like you
know, like.
So I wouldn't take it as a asan insult, because your hair is
like really really soft and Iwas like, but you know, I still
heard what I heard and I stillfeel.
Kinetra (22:31):
How I feel?
Nia (22:32):
Yes, yes, yes you know um now, um, it's crazy because of
my husband's love story with me.
He talks about how I wasnatural, my hair was in his
natural state and I was the mostbeautiful woman in the world.
And like, he loves my hair.
Kinetra (22:46):
Like absolutely loves, loves.
Nia (22:49):
If I go to him and I'll be like I want to put color in it,
or you know I'm thinking aboutthis and you should see his face
Like the immediate yes.
Disapproval from him.
Like ah, he'll start sayinglike some little things that
he's showing.
He'll be like ah, but youcannot touch my hair.
He calls it his hair and Ithink that that's beautiful and
(23:18):
all, but I would really love tosee more african americans with
4c hair like surface embrace,yeah, yeah.
And in media and social mediatv and so forth.
Kinetra (23:22):
Um, because it's always altered in some kind of way
yeah, amongst us for sure.
Nia (23:27):
Yes, it is and I think what would.
And then, with even with that,within the depression, you would
go on youtube and say, hey, I'mlooking for 4C, but the girlies
were never really 4C girlies,let's be realistic Never.
Kinetra (23:42):
No, I feel like now they have some looseness, more
looseness.
C-a C-A-A-C.
Nia (23:48):
Yep, I mean A-B-B-A.
Yeah, y'all are not.
Y'all may be a 3C, you may be agood 4B, but you're not a 4C.
Like you're not a 4C.
Kinetra (24:02):
Like that, really kinky tight like how it literally
shrinkage.
You'll never know the lengthunless you stretch it out.
Nia (24:09):
Yeah, yeah, that's not y'all, because even even when
it's white, like you can see,like how, how loose and wavy,
I'm just like y'all not forcingme.
Kinetra (24:17):
So yeah, and that's the thing about that curl pattern
chart.
That's why I'm believing it,because it really is misleading.
And when you get on youtube andyou have these influencers, you
know, basically stating whatthey think their hair is, I'm
like the curl pattern chart isnot really a real thing.
You know, it's really hard tosay if you are any specific
(24:41):
pattern when we all havedifferent textures different
porosity, even all the way downto coarse, fine medium, all of
that.
It's like the the curl patternchart.
It was just really a good wayto manipulate us during the
journey and monetize, and theydid a really great job thousand
percent.
Nia (24:59):
Yeah, I don't even think it was a black person.
It was like a white man orsomebody who came out with it
right.
I think it was black.
I think his name was andrekelly or something like that.
I gotta look it up.
Kinetra (25:07):
I don't know if he was black or white, though but I
think his name was andre kellydo some research, but it was
just because I'm like, youcannot really relate um your
hair to the curl pattern chartwithout considering porosity,
and there's no porosity level onthat chart.
So it's like, why did they pushthat agenda?
But it worked like a charm girlbecause, well, I tell you, they
(25:30):
don't make so much money off ofit and they're still making
money off of it.
It's getting ridiculous out hereso.
But yeah, that's where I wishwe could get mentally referring
to our hair from that curlpattern chart.
It's like it's kinky coily,kinky curly, or curly or wavy
loose wavy yeah the texture iscoarse, fine, medium, you know
(25:50):
I'm very kinky yeah, and then Igot low porosity.
Then it's like, oh, this iswhat I need to do for my hair,
based on all of this and notjust it's for c, you know yeah
because you'll even find a younglady whose hair is, you know,
tighter than yours oh,absolutely 4d, you know.
Nia (26:09):
So it's like when does?
Kinetra (26:10):
this curl pattern of letters and a number stop.
Nia (26:12):
You know, it was like just maybe you should design a new
chart.
Kinetra (26:19):
Girl, let's design a new chart.
So, nia, what were some of thethings you hated about your hair
?
The shrinkage.
That's what every kinky girlhates, the absolute shrinkage.
So, you love the texture?
Did you love the texture?
Did you love the texture?
Did you kind of?
Nia (26:36):
oh, when I first started out?
Kinetra (26:37):
absolutely not, yeah come on, welcome it's um, it was
ugly to me um I.
What was your ideal of likenice?
Nia (26:49):
I wanted my mama's girl pattern.
I'm gonna be 100 honest, I want.
I wanted that like I wantedthat wave.
Okay, who?
Kinetra (26:55):
give me out like who's a celebrity right now.
That kind of is like thetexture is very similar to hers.
Oh, some weave somebody like.
Nia (27:03):
Give us a visual um, uh, I would say Tracy Ellis Ross, oh
wow, um but something somewherearound there.
Kinetra (27:15):
I would say Tracy Ellis Ross, oh wow, but something in
there, somewhere around there.
Okay, yeah.
Nia (27:17):
She had what they would consider good hair.
Kinetra (27:19):
She do, especially if you from Louisiana.
Yeah, lordy, yeah.
Nia (27:25):
She would kind of like the Tracy Ellis Ross.
So literally she looked likeher hair patterns seemed very
biracial.
Kinetra (27:32):
Gotcha.
Okay, it definitely gavebiracial.
Nia (27:34):
why did you prefer that texture over your kinky curly
hair, as in now in my adultbecause, like I said just, the
the the conversation around whatgood hair looks like like the
aesthetic, the the aesthetic,not necessarily like the
maintenance and the upkeep.
Oh, definitely the maintenanceand upkeep, because, let me tell
you, as much as I'm stillfalling in love with it now,
(27:56):
it's still very frustrating Ihave to be very transparent.
Um, like, sometimes I'll walkaround with just the mini fro
until I go see tiffany, okay?
Uh, because washingconditioning, treating all of it
, attempting to blow dry, Iliterally just blow dried my
hair for the first time.
It was so pretty, oh man andlong, very, very for the first
(28:20):
time, and I get it done at thesalon.
I get it blown out, but I'm notthe one doing it right.
I would much rather paysomebody else to do my.
I have no problem with that atall yeah, and I'm gonna tip you
too, because listen because if Igotta try to do it myself it's
a lot, yeah, absolutely allright.
So yeah, trying to do my hairmyself.
It can still be veryfrustrating detangling my hair
(28:44):
because of your shrinkage.
Yes, yes, so it's like thelonger it gets, the thicker it
gets.
So I have high density highdensity, yes, you do very high
density hair and it's very kinky, coily and fine, so I need to
be careful that I'm not damagingit or causing breakage and like
(29:07):
being too rough with it,absolutely like a baby.
Kinetra (29:10):
Is this tiffany educating you?
Girl yeah because she right onthe money.
Yes, like she.
Nia (29:16):
She explained to me.
She was like you have highdensity, but it's fine, and she
would even ask me questions.
She was like so what was yourhair like when it was relaxed?
And I was just like you knowand I'll tell her some stuff I
was like it was pretty much likebone, bone straight.
I could never have any body.
And she was like, yeah, that'swhy.
That is why yeah and so we would, you know she would sit and
educate me, and so, yeah, youneed to work in small sections,
(29:38):
and so, literally, the longer itgets, the thicker it gets, and
so it takes more time.
Like well, you wash, likeliterally wash days the whole
day.
Now like literally it's, it's afull day.
I'm not planning nothing, yeahnothing, because I have to wash.
I have to clarify that.
I need to do like um.
I have a um design essentialshampoo that is um like a
(30:00):
conditioning shampoo and alsoputs in hydration, um, and I
gotta go in and I need todetangle and I'll put on like my
little cholesterol or deepconditioning mask or whatever
and I let that sit and I have torinse that, and then I gotta go
and like re kind of detangle alittle bit and keep them in
sections and then either let itair dry or just decide to blow
(30:21):
dry.
Now that is an option in my life, but every time I think about
it, I think about how long it'sgonna take, um, or like put it
in twist.
I remember I did, I've onlydone.
I remember it took eight hoursone time to do micro twist.
Kinetra (30:35):
Oh, my oh yeah, especially micro like and on
yourself, yeah, yeah did youtake any breaks kind of it took,
took me two days.
Nia (30:44):
I did over a span of two days.
Kinetra (30:45):
Yeah, um, oh, you calculated the hours that you
were literally um.
Nia (30:51):
I started like late at night the previous night and
then, my best friend and and wecall ourselves like a nuclear
family and we decided to her,her husband, my goddaughter, my
husband decided we're going todrive to San Antonio the next
day and I still need to finishmy hair, so you finish your hair
, yeah we like she helped me doit, so it was like two of us
(31:12):
like doing a twist and it was.
It was quite, quite it.
But then my first time doingand they're so cute but they
take so long when I was like Ilove, I love these micro twists,
I could put them up, I canplait them so it can be wavy,
and I wore them for myanniversary uh, my second year
anniversary and they were reallypretty and you know, people was
like you should just lock yourhair and I'm afraid that if I
lock my hair, honestly it's justgoing to fall out, let's be
(31:34):
honest, because it's going toget heavy and my hair's already
fine and it can't really taketoo much weight on it and I've
learned that from braids itmight not.
Kinetra (31:40):
It depends on locks don't have to be heavy.
Nia (31:45):
It's a whole process.
Kinetra (31:55):
It's more the't supposed to use that stuff.
I believe it and it get.
It gets locked and trapped inthere and so it's all greasy
build up, yeah because youreally if you use a foam wrap,
or even if you just wanted touse some oil, you could
definitely have locks and itwouldn't damage your hair you
just gotta know who to go tomaybe when I turn 40, maybe when
(32:15):
I turn 40 child um, becausealso I like um, you have some
very beautiful locks, though,because I always say the kinkier
the texture, the better thelocks look, and I believe it.
Yeah, I'm not committed, that'sonly.
I'm committed to my husband.
Nia (32:32):
Just not the lock.
I get it, it's okay.
Yeah, I'm not, I'm not.
That's just the one thing I'mnot committed to at all.
But yeah, those, those are someof the stuff I was mad at, be
mad about.
Now it's just more frustrations, but I'm being more patient and
and and and I just be, like myhair gonna do what I want to do
now.
Where?
Kinetra (32:52):
does the frustration stem from today?
Nia (32:55):
Girl, if it doesn't, it's not so much as bad as it used to
be.
But if it doesn't quite turnout right, like I mean, like I
might be frustrated in a moment,like, oh, it didn't turn out,
okay, cool, my hair is gonna dowhat she want to do.
Like I had to adapt thatmentality?
Yes, because if not, girl, I'mjust gonna be mad all the time
(33:17):
upset, depressed, I ain't gotthe time.
No, the energy, yeah that'strue, that's so.
Kinetra (33:23):
Did you love anything about your hair during this time
?
Yeah, I love the curl patternokay, I love the.
Nia (33:30):
I love the curl pattern.
I love how sneaky it is, uh-huhlike now.
I'm like you know what theydon't know?
They don't need to know howlong my hair is you know like
it's, and it's so great.
Kinetra (33:40):
Nobody would know how, nobody would even think your
hair was that long you couldn'tguess.
Nia (33:42):
You couldn't guess it if it was something on a trivia night
, and you know how?
Kinetra (33:44):
no, nobody would even think your hair was that long
you couldn't guess.
Nia (33:46):
You couldn't guess it if it was something on a trivia night
and you know how they likecount how many jelly beans are
in the jar.
How long do you think her hairis?
They would never get it wrongyeah, unless they understand
unless they understand what'sgoing on yeah yeah, I, um, I
really love the curl pattern.
When I get some gel to defineit, I love it, and I actually
(34:11):
love my hair when I'm washing itin the shower and because it's
longer.
Kinetra (34:16):
Because that water stretch and it putting that
weight on it.
I be in there whipping my head.
Nia (34:21):
I whip my head.
I whip my head.
Yes, I really do.
And then, when I get out, thefro itself is bigger.
And then I don't know.
Kinetra (34:29):
You can see like it just starts shrinking.
Yeah, at least you know yourhair is healthy, because
shrinkage definitely means goodhealth.
Nia (34:36):
Yeah, and that I do love and I and I am so grateful that
tiffany has educated me becauseI was like one of the things she
said.
She was like shrinkage meansthat your hair is healthy and
I'm just like well, that is awin-win for me, because I don't
want to be bald headed, okay Idon't want to give myself
traction.
Alopecia, yeah, um, I don't.
I want my edges.
(34:57):
I don't want um pre like anybald spot, like I just don't.
I want none of it.
My daddy bald headed um but.
I know that it comes for it.
You know it's your mom.
They say it's based off yourmom's side.
Um, so like the maternal yes,so yeah, um maternal grandmother
, yeah, so I don't really havenothing to really worry about,
(35:18):
because, but on my daddy's sideI have their texture.
Kinetra (35:22):
Yeah, um, but that's all I can say is I got their
texture did any of your siblingsget your mom texture, or all of
y'all have different textureswe all have different textures.
Any of them kind of similar tohers at all.
Nia (35:36):
I would say my brother, um, he had really nice like who is
it?
I'm trying to think um he hadlight-skinned people here, but
he was also light-skinned.
Kinetra (35:47):
What did you call it?
Light-skinned people Girl.
Nia (35:49):
Like the light-skinned guys that have their really nice
wavy hair.
Kinetra (35:51):
Like the mixed light-skinned guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am donewith you.
Nia (35:55):
He did.
He had really nice hair.
He had really nice hair Me andmy sister have very similar.
I think hers is maybe just aslight slightly, slightly looser
, maybe just a little bit looserand her hair is thicker than
mine, so I think hers a littlebit more coarse than mine.
Um, and then my baby sister.
(36:15):
No, she has like they're tightringlets, but not as tight as my
, like they're pretty defined,like you can see her curls um,
and her hair is thick, baby,like I hate it for her, okay I
remember I remember helping herdo her hair as a kid.
No, I hate it for her but it'sbeautiful.
(36:36):
Like her fro it is so dense.
Like her hair is highly denseand it's really thick hair.
Kinetra (36:43):
yeah, it's pretty's pretty though.
Yeah, very, very pretty.
Nia (36:45):
Okay, see, had I had that, it's okay.
I love my hair.
Kinetra (36:51):
Yeah, but yeah.
Okay, so are there any otherthings that you love about your
hair besides the curl pattern?
Nia (36:59):
The curl pattern.
I do like the fact that it isshockingly long, even though it
doesn't look like it how sneaky.
It is shockingly long eventhough it doesn't look like it.
Um, how sneaky it is.
It's very sneaky.
It's like secret for real.
Secret age, now for real, um I.
(37:19):
It gives me flexibility, though, like I feel like when it's in
a short state I look so muchyounger I look young.
Kinetra (37:25):
You think you feel like when it's in a short state, I
look so much younger.
I look young.
You think you feel like youlook older when it's longer,
maybe a little bit.
Nia (37:30):
Just a little bit, not a lot, not too much.
I mean, I already have a babyface, right?
Yeah, you have a young face,yeah.
Kinetra (37:37):
Yeah, so, because when you showed me the blown out
state, I'm like you look reallyyoung there, for sure, probably
yeah, I think just my natural ingeneral just ages me backwards.
Nia (37:46):
It's the grace of god okay, I know that's right it's the
grace of god.
Kinetra (37:51):
Yes, indeed okay.
So there was a lady that wentviral on tick tock making a
statement black hair doesn'tgrow.
Did you see that?
Nia (38:01):
I did not she went crazy viral.
Why?
Kinetra (38:04):
you ain't seen this to me, I don't know.
I wish I would have saidbecause it went so viral though
everybody saw it and everybodywas stitching the video.
Nia (38:11):
I don't tick or talk.
That often, though, that's theproblem, I don't like.
I get on there because I wantto support and I get on there
because I need to post.
I don't tick or talk I love it.
I cannot and I love seeing yourcontent and, like my friends,
quote unquote you know thatlittle section that says friends
with the people that I reallysupport in the industry.
Kinetra (38:29):
Oh yeah, yeah, down at the bottom, yeah, you just kind
of go on there, so I go on thereand I watch y'all stuff.
Nia (38:34):
Um and I may scroll, but I'm not like.
Kinetra (38:52):
I think I may visit TikTok maybe once every two
weeks or somebody sendssomething or something like that
, and maybe not even like and ifno one sends anything, it's not
on my radar to visit.
This is not the platform.
Yeah, so unfortunately to notsee that, but that's unfortunate
that she.
Yeah, I was gonna ask you howdo you feel about that statement
?
Nia (38:58):
false.
Yeah, I feel false.
Um, I feel that it's misleading, I feel that it's discouraging
for people that want to go onthe journey um, is this a black
lady?
Kinetra (39:08):
yeah, she black.
Is she natural she was wearinga wig?
I'm not really sure.
Nia (39:14):
So let's, let's get into this real quick.
So here's so, even with that umprotective styles, do they
really protect right and what iswhat is considered a protective
style?
That encourages hair growth andlength retention, because
that's it your hair is growing,but it may stay at the same
length because you're notretaining said length you are
(39:35):
splitting ends, your it'sbreakage is damaged.
So of course it ain't gonnalook it's gonna grow.
It's just like a plant like.
It's like that's right, it'sjust like a plant like you have
to prune a plant I'm a plant,that's right.
I understand that so much andyou have to it's.
Kinetra (39:45):
It's a.
It's just like a plant, likeyou have to prune a plant.
I'm a plant mom, that's right,so I understand that so much.
Nia (39:48):
And you have to.
It's a fine balance of that,like you know, taking care of
the soil, taking care of makingsure it has sun and all these
things, and so Moisture andhydration, yes, then you have to
treat your hair the same way.
So maybe she's natural, maybeshe's natural, and um, for her,
(40:09):
her protective style with airquotes is a wig and essentially,
that's not helping.
Let's be honest, the braids aregood because it's low
maintenance, but if you're notproperly doing it, if you're not
properly cleansing, if you'renot properly getting rid of the
build-up if you're not lettingyour hair breathe um that scalp,
baby, and even if you're usingthat glue, baby you bald edge
and bald head.
Okay, um, I'm so done, I'mserious, let's be honest.
(40:30):
Like bald head and bald edge no, for real.
And then you can contribute toyour own alopecia with the tight
braids and stuff like that?
Um, no, absolutely not.
And so with me, with my hairnow I'm very cautious about that
because I you know, I I'm moreaware of it.
You know, I'm alwayscontinuously learning, but I'm
(40:50):
more aware of it.
I'm more aware of my own hairand like what causes all this?
I'm just like well, I getbraids, but not that often.
Um, I'll do this, but you knownot that I'm gonna do what I
know is really working, so Ithink that's that's discouraging
.
Had I seen that video when Ifirst started my journey, I
think that would have beenmessed up for you messed, messed
(41:11):
up because you would believeher based on what you were going
through.
Kinetra (41:14):
Yes, yeah, it was a terrible message to put out, for
sure it really was yeah but doyou feel like it's harder for us
to retain length opposed toother other ethnicities or other
textures as kinky girls?
Yes, I agree with that, andmaybe she probably should have
said that yes, and not that ourhair, everyone hair is always
(41:36):
growing, unless you have amedical concern but your hair is
always growing what are youdoing after it?
grows so I do agree.
You know, like us agreeing, youknow like it's harder for us to
retain length, but our hair isgonna grow oh it is.
Nia (41:52):
Yeah, you just have to know that your hair is my hair.
I'm gonna speak for my hair,yeah my hair is super fragile
yes, no, no, no, no we're notgonna say fragile, because
fragile is a negative, it has anegative concept, it's very
delicate.
Kinetra (42:06):
Let's say delicate and vulnerable.
Nia (42:08):
Yes, yeah, very vulnerable and once you learn that about
your hair, then you start totreat, think and act differently
when it comes to it yeah, um,because some girls, some girls
can be really rough with theirhair and it's just be like you
know you be watching the videos.
Kinetra (42:25):
You be like child.
Nia (42:27):
I could never I could never okay are you watching the
videos?
Kinetra (42:31):
like she's just raking through this?
Nia (42:34):
yes, yeah, and that's not me, that's, I can't use a fine
tooth comb unless I'm pardonedabsolutely not, I can't your
hair, finger, finger detanglingmore than anything, and once I
get all those tangles away fromeach other.
You can take one of them.
Kinetra (42:50):
Unbrush me brushes yeah that's it, but girl, no, you
have to know the hair textureand how to respond to it.
For sure you do.
Yeah, I do.
Nia (43:00):
That's unfortunate for her.
Now you got to send me thatvideo.
Kinetra (43:03):
I'm definitely going to send you that video, Absolutely
yeah.
So Now you got to send me thatvideo.
I'm definitely going to sendyou that video, Absolutely yeah.
So when you are at yournetworking events and you're
trying to promote your businessand gain clientele and you know,
with Austin being predominantlywhite, you know these
surroundings and areas tend tobe predominantly white and
you're wearing your natural hair, how are you perceived?
(43:25):
That is a loaded question.
Let's get into it, girl, thatis a loaded question.
Nia (43:34):
I think it's a loaded.
It's a loaded question, butit's a very valuable question.
Um so, to start off, the factthat we are in a predominantly
white um city area and so forth.
Yes, it makes it all the more.
I'm trying to think like howcan I explain this?
(43:55):
It makes it like a little bitmore heightening right, like
you're a little bit, a lot moreself-aware and as a business,
yes, a lot more, yes, yeah, yeahyeah, where you um come from,
where you predominate, you'renot the minority, you're the
majority and you move somewhereelse and you're the minority
right, literally the minorityuh-huh.
Um, it makes a difference.
It makes.
It makes a difference.
So, um, wearing my natural hair.
(44:19):
So when I first startednetworking and establishing my
business, establishing the brand, establishing the name,
establishing the connections, Iwas so self-conscious about my
natural hair that I covered it.
I covered it a lot, like Iwould wear how would you cover
it?
Wigs, okay, and not for thesake of being fun and creative
(44:41):
but really just for acceptingReally hiding your hair.
Kinetra (44:43):
What texture would the wig be?
Girl, straight Gotcha.
Nia (44:48):
Straight, and then if I did do natural, I would do um, I
have these clip-ins that Iabsolutely love, but it would be
like big curly, like to givelike volume and length okay, on
it um.
So it doesn't look like thisone and a half inch that it is
now.
Um.
So, or I would do head wraps, Iwould do head wraps I would do
(45:09):
a lot of like um head wraps thatmimic, like a lot of the ones
that you see, like the africanpictures, like the tall ones and
stuff.
So I would have head wraps andthings like that and, um, you
know, and I would occasionallywear it out.
And then you get comments wherea couple won't be like oh my
god, you look so cute or youknow.
A lot of people say, oh, Ibarely recognized you or yeah, I
(45:30):
wasn't recognizable.
or I look really young, I looklike a kid, um, and you know, um
, which is great, I guess, butI'm gonna touch on that.
But I distinctly remember thisone comment that a white lady
told me Someone that I wasnetworking with.
We were in a kind of like abreakout room or whatever.
(45:51):
This was still during thepandemic, so this was over Zoom,
but it was in another room,like we were in another little
session or whatever.
And she said to me she was likeNia, I don't think there's
anything wrong with your naturalhair.
I think it's beautiful, but Ithink you look better with long
(46:11):
straight hair and the audacity,the cock, girl, girl, it's like
um, I wouldn't call it a microaggression necessarily, because
that was aggression that wasaggression was micro that was
macro.
It was, it was, it definitelywas.
And then to be said in front ofother people, um was very
(46:32):
disheartening and I was justlike you know, and of course you
have to kind of like brush itoff because you don't want to
become the stereotypical angryblack woman, right?
Kinetra (46:39):
it's like you can't even advocate yeah, it's,
because if you do, you feel likeyou are being problematic.
It will make you, oh,absolutely feel like you're
absolutely 100, 100.
Nia (46:49):
So you have to be very, very, very, very, very careful
on how you choose to respond andhow you choose to word and like
, because there that was anopportunity to educate, but also
that was a very jarring commentso I was not in the headspace
to educate, I automaticallywanted to go into defense but I
went into the offense and wasjust like, oh, you know, like
yeah, yeah, you know, just kindof laughed it off, like we
(47:11):
normally do, to keep the peacefor them, not for us yeah, which
is unfortunate.
Um so, and then you know, backto the earlier comments, you
know saying like I look younger.
That is true, but sometimes Ifeel like they say that so that
way they can disarm themselvesor feel good about themselves,
like I don't necessarily seem athreat.
Um, because it's not likethey're not complimenting it.
(47:33):
Um, they're not complimentingmy hair in a sense of like it's
still very beautiful, oranything like that like they're
giving me like.
It's very childlike, so I'm notbeing looked at as a grown woman
that's running a business yeah,yeah and I'm just like that's.
You know that could be a littleproblematic.
Um, yeah, so I've dealt with.
I've dealt with that, I'vedealt with that, and so, um, now
(47:55):
I just for me.
Kinetra (47:56):
I just I'm like, if you don't know what to say, it's
okay to not say a damn thing.
It is like why do you feel likeyou have to say something?
Nia (48:06):
because it's the lack of self awareness when you and this
is a little bit of soapbox, butwhen you go centuries and
centuries and centuries, of agroup of people being able to
say whatever when to another,however, group of people and,
(48:27):
and, and, and.
there's always repercussions,like, like, if we go back to
slavery, like if, if you talkback to mass or if you, even
when they were freed, if youtalk about like they would drive
by and come and do something toyour house, could pull your
kids out, and so, and so whenyou have that, it's like it's
just generations of somethingthat's just ingrained in their d
.
But we be honest, cause if wecan pass, if we can pass down
(48:48):
that trauma for 14 generationsin our DNA, those same learned
behaviors and things like thatare passed down in yours.
Kinetra (48:54):
Let's be honest.
Let's be honest, cause, like itdon't go nowhere, it's being
passed down, yeah, um but I justthink that it is.
Nia (49:02):
They just lack the self-awareness and the common
courtesy and respect, right,because like me saying to
somebody, I mean this saidperson.
You know, if I didn't thinkthey look good in something or
if it wasn't flattering on theirshape, maybe you should wear,
you know like yeah, I think thatlooks gorgeous on you but I
think maybe more gorgeous better.
It's a lot more flattering onyour feet, you know, and um it's
(49:25):
like why am I adjusting to makeyou feel?
Comfortable.
Kinetra (49:28):
I'm good honey.
Nia (49:29):
Yeah, you just uncomfortable with my hair and I
and I'm I'm walking in that Iposted around New Year's.
I think it's New Year's or thisyear um, and I was like I'm I'm
gonna be better about reallyjust wearing my natural hair
more out um and more excuse memore post about my natural hair
(49:50):
like and then you know, and Ithink I've done quite a good job
, and so now even when I do slipinto my wigs.
It's really just to be becauseyou want.
Yeah, it's for me, it's not,it's literally not for them.
Kinetra (50:00):
It's literally for me, and that's a more freeing
decision versus being trapped,feeling emotionally trapped and
confined to put on the wig,knowing you don't want to do it.
Nia (50:11):
I want to be sexy for my man.
Kinetra (50:13):
I know that's right.
Nia (50:15):
I'm going to turn into Tina tonight.
Kinetra (50:18):
I cannot do.
Can you express the importanceof diversity and representation
in the beauty industry,specifically for natural hair?
And especially with you beingin the beauty industry?
Yes, like expressing thatdiversity.
Nia (50:34):
So the first thing.
First I'm going to talk aboutthe bridal industry.
Kinetra (50:38):
And talk about the diversity there, come on.
Nia (50:42):
Let me start with my own story.
Yeah, please Me, and my husbandturned three this year.
Oh, for me, one of the thingsand one of the reasons I wanted
to work with you, um, for forbridal, however, you know
(51:05):
scheduling and all that, orwhatever um was the fact of the
lack of representation in thebridal industry for natural hair
, and I wanted to honestlyembrace everything about me on
my day because I wanted tohighlight the best parts of me,
right, um, and do something thatI didn't have to, like put heat
(51:28):
on my hair and stuff like that.
And so I had stopped tiffanyout at first and she was like
really, really busy, and shereferred me to you and um, I
looked at, looked, looked you up, and I don't think, I don't, I
don't, I don't, honestly, Idon't know.
Be honest, I don't know whathappened?
I don't know necessarily if itwas a scheduling thing or not
you killed it, though yes.
(51:48):
We need more representation inthe natural hair space for this
when you go to Pinterest.
You're not seeing.
You don't see it.
Kinetra (52:02):
It's always the loose textures.
I'm speaking more for blackwomen, like it's really rare
that you're gonna see somebodyembracing texture, like I'm
telling you I I've got.
I can count on my hands howmany brides have inquired and
they want to embrace texture intheir hair for their wedding day
.
It's usually a weave that'slike brazilian wavy.
(52:25):
Tell me about it.
Nia (52:26):
Yeah, they don't really want to talk to the class, so I
don't know listen, and that waspart of my my thing.
So when I realized that therewas literally nobody here, to do
it outside of tiffany and then,referring to you, there was
nobody yeah, and I was likethat's not, that's a problem you
(52:49):
know, and that is why I marchand advocate so hard for it.
So I love when a bride says um,because I always tell them mom,
I like to, I specialize in heatfree.
Um, natural, natural styles, um, because we get to really allow
your texture to shine Right andso, um, I think that it is
beautiful when a bride comes tome and be like oh, I really want
(53:10):
to wear my curly hair.
Yes, and I'm alwaysdisappointed when someone has
curly hair and they want to pullit, make it loose.
Kinetra (53:19):
They want to loosen them curls, they don't want to
baby.
Nia (53:21):
They want it straight, yeah .
Kinetra (53:30):
They want, yeah, they want, they want to blow out,
they want to still price.
And I'm just like, why like?
Because, especially if you wear, your hair like that all the
time, like this, but then, forthis one occasion, you want to
pull your curls.
Nia (53:36):
Yep, all the time, yes, it happens all the time so I think
it's really important becausewhat what we're starting to see
um is social media is is theinflux of accessibility and very
the ages to the accessibilityand exposure is are becoming
younger and younger.
Kinetra (53:55):
And.
Nia (53:55):
I think it is very important that we have that
representation, because therecould be somebody on the other
side of that screen that lookslike you and if we are not
careful, we we will notinterrupt the cycle or the
beauty standards and norms thathave already been set before us
yeah.
So we have to be mindful of that.
(54:15):
We have to be mindful of themessages we put out when it
comes to here in the beautyindustry.
Um, it's black, little blackgirls, cause I say it all the
time when people say, well, whatmade you you know like, um,
what made you you know like andwhat made you do this, and what
made you got you into this andlike and why I'm so passionate
about it in the bridalindustries?
Because when our love storieswere being told like this,
wasn't it?
Kinetra (54:36):
you know this wasn't it .
Nia (54:38):
Now it's like everybody wants to, and I feel like us as
a people, we're so uniquelybeautiful, beautiful.
Let's embrace every aspect ofthat.
Um, yeah, and so I'm startingto see a little bit more and
more.
There are a couple ofhairstylists on instagram that I
do follow that will do likekind of more on the natural side
(54:58):
of things and they'll um, I'veseen this one hairstylist.
She like did, like, like a.
It wasn't necessarily a big sin,crochet, no, she just crocheted
like, maybe like a square inthe middle to give like um some
volume for the pin-up that shedid, for the updo that she did
so it was still very kinky,kinky straight hair and it was
(55:20):
very textured.
Kinetra (55:21):
Yeah, I just want to see some texture and it was
gorgeous and I was like I needmore of this.
Nia (55:25):
I need more of this in my life, I need more of this in my
field and I think heavily thatwe should see more diversity in
the hair texture space.
Yeah, um, especially for thequote-unquote 4c girls, but
they're really kinky kinky coilygirls, because I couldn't find
that, I couldn't find aninspiration, literally there's.
I have one pin post and, um,she just had at the time my hair
(55:49):
, the length of my hair, wasn'tgonna do what her hair was doing
okay, and I think her hair isshaped cut for this style like,
like, I feel like she probablyjust wears this really cute
little short um fro whatever andit was.
It was out like that and my hairwouldn't do that, yeah and that
was about it and I'm just likewe need more, we need, we need,
we need more.
(56:10):
Because if you go to where, ifyou try to source where the
kinkier coiler, your texturesare like if you look at the
nigerian weddings or theghanaian weddings um south, um,
south africa weddings they'reputting wigs on and then you
know they have this hairigs onand they have this hair.
A lot of them have this hair,but they're wigs.
Kinetra (56:33):
I've styled only one African woman's natural hair.
The only thing I used was acushion to create her chignon
bun.
That was it, but that was theonly.
I've done a lot of African wigs, especially being in the DMV
Tons, and she was the only.
I've done a lot of africanwaves, especially being in the
dmv tons, and she was the onlyone.
Nia (56:52):
Well, I did an ethiopian lady but that texture is still
very different.
Kinetra (56:54):
Yeah, that texture and so um, but those are the only
two.
Other than that, it's gonna bea wig, it's gonna be a frontal,
it's gonna be a sew-in, it'sgonna be added hair it's gonna
be.
It's gonna be somethingstraight, yep, something
straight every time, every timecan you share a pivotal moment
(57:14):
or experience that led you toaccept your natural hair, or was
it something gradually thathappened?
Nia (57:20):
I believe it's gradual um.
So I'm a daddy's girl, that'sgood like I love my daddy, like
we talk every day.
Literally, he called me while Iwas here.
Um, we talk every day, he textsme every morning and two things
, two things, two things.
But but I have to attribute alot of this to my dad first.
(57:41):
Okay, he will make comments andhe'll be like what you doing
with my, my hair?
What are we going to do with myhair today?
Kinetra (57:47):
You know my hair.
Nia (57:48):
You know he took ownership of my hair and it's the way he
talked about it.
Like he kind of my daddy.
When he talks about my hair hecoos over it in such a loving
way in such a loving way.
He was like yeah, that's myhair, you know um, it's just so
soft, it's like, you know, likehe was saying, it's like soft,
(58:09):
like cotton and stuff that issoft texture.
Kinetra (58:11):
That texture, you got it super soft.
Nia (58:13):
Yes and so he will be like yeah, my hair, my hair and again
, my daddy bald head is so thatreally matters, though, for the
dad to show up in that spacelike that because it's.
Kinetra (58:24):
Some black women have faced, you know the exact
opposite, where their dad wasnot okay with it and would make
terrible comments towards it, sothat helps out a lot
emotionally it does, and so thetype of love and the bonding
with my daddy like I hold hiscommentary to the highest esteem
(58:46):
that it makes such a difference.
Nia (58:49):
People are like, oh, what are we doing?
My hair today, oh, our hair ispretty today.
You know and and and justfeeding those reaffirming
positive comments like thosevery loving, loving comments.
And then my husband also takingownership.
You know, like him also beingpatient, like, like, because
(59:11):
he's seen me have a couple ofbreakdowns before he would like
come and hug me, and he will belike well, babe, like how can I
help you?
I love the moments of intimacythat are surrounded around my
hair, with me and my husband.
Um, he will scratch my scalp,he will will shampoo my hair.
Kinetra (59:25):
He will help me detangle.
Nia (59:27):
He has even tried to like, help me do like twists, like
two-strand twists and stuff, andso like I'll just sit down and
he'll like massage, Like he'lllike grease my scalp and then
like massage and moisture.
He loves playing in my hair andhe always makes the comments
he's.
He's like, you know, it's justme practicing for my future
daughter, so that intimate spaceis in the bonding.
(59:51):
Like my husband loves my hair,my daddy loves my hair and
they're here cheering me on as Icontinue to fall more in love
with my hair it matters, it doesmatter it definitely matters.
It definitely matters who's inyour corner.
Kinetra (01:00:05):
It definitely matters who's in your ear when it comes
to that, it definitely matterswho's in your ear.
And the feedback that's themost important are you know the
people that are closer to you?
Yes, you could be feeling sodamn good about your hair, what
you done done to it and that oneperson that mean everything to
you, questioning, and now you'requestioning.
Nia (01:00:31):
It's like you know I was good before I saw you and I'm
glad you said that, so I'm gonnatake this back.
Yeah, when I was 18 I had aboyfriend at the time and I was
running time I first wentnatural 18, going on 19 or
whatever, and I came home withit all cut off and yeah the
reaction to that was so negativeyeah, yeah.
Kinetra (01:00:42):
What do you say I?
Nia (01:00:43):
was called a little boy.
I was laughing.
Yeah, well, you know, x isexamples.
Kinetra (01:00:49):
Examples that's right.
That's why he back there.
Yeah, back, way back, way back.
Nia (01:00:54):
But yeah, he would he was just would make fun, uh, make
fun of it.
And he was like, oh, you needto grow that back.
You need to grow that back.
I can't, I can't be.
Um, intimate is what I'm goingto say with someone who looks
like a boy, you know, just stufflike that.
And I was just like, oh, okay,yeah, horrible, yeah.
Kinetra (01:01:14):
What advice would you give other young black women who
may be struggling with theirnatural hair?
Nia (01:01:21):
Ooh.
First I would say be patient,but I know that it's easier said
than done.
Allow yourself.
You're human, it's okay to feelhowever you feel.
But the one thing I woulddefinitely suggest is do not act
on impulse.
Space off those feelings don'tdo it.
(01:01:44):
You've made some impulsivedecisions, you, you feel um, no,
no, um, maybe when I first likeearly 20s yes, but now no.
But you've thought about it, sothat's why you like, don't do
it yes, don't, and I know if Ithought about it like being
frustrated.
I'm like man, what if I just cutmy hair off?
(01:02:04):
I don't have to do this anymore, right, like I can just cut it
all off.
And um, because it is a journey,it's quite literally a journey
and so you need to lean intoyour, your um humanity a little
bit and understand that with thejourney is going to come the
ups and downs is going to come,um, all types of emotions, and
that's okay and best practice,um that I could encourage is to
(01:02:30):
do a hair journal.
You can vlog it yeah, write itdown take pictures, but just
really so you can capture themoments in your journey.
So, and that way, if you everjust look back over it, you can
really have so much gratitudetowards it because I'm so
grateful for the journey andlike of my hair now, like I
really am just so grateful um.
(01:02:50):
I encourage, I 100% encouragethat and I encourage that.
If you see a space is needed,yeah created.
Kinetra (01:03:00):
Created um.
Nia (01:03:01):
It's funny because we, before we started recording, I
said that I had recorded a meatlike blowjob.
Kinetra (01:03:07):
Yeah, the review and.
Nia (01:03:08):
I had decided when I recorded that initially I was
like I think I'm going to.
It's not enough for Crepresentation.
I'm going to start somethingbecause it's not enough.
It's not enough places to go andlook for inspirations.
It's not enough of anything forthis.
So where do we, where do we goto find, you know?
So create the space and if yousee that it's lacking, if you
(01:03:29):
see it's not enough, even if youfeel like it's oversaturated
child, it's a lot of bread inthe bread, on the bread it ain't
never oversaturated, so it'snever, never, never okay because
that's the case why we got somany grocery stores.
So think of it like that like wehave.
We have a lot of like.
There's a bunch of cars.
All the cars do the same thing.
They have to serve the samefunction, but there's a plethora
of them.
So don't think that your storydoesn't count, don't think that
(01:03:52):
your voice is not worth beingheard.
Insert yourself boldly,beautifully, and be proud about
that incision absolutely andthat's what I would recommend.
Yeah, a thousand percent.
I wish I would have hadsomebody tell me this when I was
in my 20s but you know, yeahwisdom comes age and age come
(01:04:12):
well not an experience.
Kinetra (01:04:14):
You had to experience that in order to arrive there,
you know, mentally you know, andalso learning how to do your
hair that helps.
Once you learn what to do, itbecomes a lot, you know, less
challenging.
You know it's like makeup.
Nia (01:04:29):
It's literally like that once you get your formula down
people always ask me like why,how can you do your makeup in 10
minutes?
Because I, I know, I just know,yeah, it's a wash rinse, repeat
.
So when you do that with hairand you get your formula down
and you already know what'sgonna work and you don't have to
go through all of this.
Kinetra (01:04:46):
You are, you know the time all of it is just a lot
more easier to manage.
Yeah.
Nia (01:04:51):
A lot more easier to manage .
Okay.
Kinetra (01:04:55):
Okay, nia, thank you so much for coming on the Hair.
What I'm Saying show we reallyappreciate your story.
Please let our listeners knowhow we can all stay in
connection with you all, right,well?
Nia (01:05:07):
thank you for having me so you guys can follow me on
instagram at I bless spaces,underscore artistry.
I'm also I bless faces ontiktok and I also have an I
bless faces beauty community onfacebook that you can join um
and you can follow my.
You can follow my Facebook pageor send a friend request at Nia
(01:05:29):
Ford and if you're everinterested in wanting to learn
more about makeup because I amhere to teach women to become
the masters of their own glam soif you ever want to learn how
to do your makeup or you everhave questions, you can always
go to my website atwwwiblessfacesartistrycom and
(01:05:51):
join the subscription list toget the emails for the classes
that we host.
I believe those are all of mychannels.
If I'm missing any, I'll letyou know.
Yeah, we'll add them in the shownotes yes, absolutely, but I
would just love you know justjust Instagram for sure.
I'm there a lot, um, that's mymy medium there in Facebook, but
(01:06:12):
I love to just createcommunities.
So if you're wanting somethingthat's a little more private,
you can definitely join myFacebook community and that
wraps up another enlighteningepisode of hair.
Kinetra (01:06:25):
What I'm saying?
A huge thank you to our guest,nia Ford, for sharing her
inspiring journey with us.
Remember your hair is abeautiful part of who you are
and embracing it is a powerfulact of self-love.
Join us next time for moreinsightful conversations about
all things hair.
I've been your host, kenetra.
Until next time, no-transcript.
Welcome to Hair what I'm Saying, where we dive deep
into the stories and experiencesbehind our relationship with
our hair.
I'm your host, kenetra.
In today's episode, we have aspecial guest joining us.
She's the founder of I BlessFaces and a passionate advocate
for embracing natural beauty.
Please welcome Nia Ford as weexplore her journey from
(00:23):
struggling with her natural hairto becoming a fierce advocate
for self-love and empowerment.
Welcome to the Hair what I'mSaying podcast.
I'm your host, Kinetra Stewart.
Today we have a very specialguest joining us Nia of I Bless
Faces.
Welcome, hey guys.
Nia (00:40):
Hey, and sac passe for my Haitian girls.
Kinetra (00:43):
Girl.
What does that mean?
It means what's up, all right.
Hey, what's good, what'shappening, all right.
When you were a child, how didyour parents discuss or talk
about your hair?
So, oh, um, was it anythingderogatory or first.
Nia (01:02):
I grew up in a single parent household and both um.
My father was in louisiana andmy mom was in texarkana, so okay
, um, I don't necessarilyremember derogatory statements
from my mom but, my aunt, that'sher sister, or your dad's
(01:24):
sister, her, her sister, Iremember her making a comment
one time and she was like youneed to do something with your
hair because I always look likea bird nest and you were natural
at this time oh yeah, this iswhen you were younger like yeah,
I was like a kid, can you dosomething as the child?
I mean put it in a pony at thattime, like my mama, kind of gave
us free range to kind of likestart putting our hair in
ponytails and experiments,because you know like that rite
(01:46):
of passage where you have tolike learn to take care of your
hair Right right.
Ok, so I was of that age.
But yeah, no, just like youknow, like what is it like?
I love big hair.
A lot of time.
I love big hair.
Anybody's ever done my hair orlike when y'all like when I put
in like my clip-ins.
(02:06):
I just love really, really,really big hair and I just
always thought it was reallybeautiful, so I'm gonna wear
this fro and she wanted you totame it.
Kinetra (02:14):
Yeah, she did.
She did so.
Anything else she would saywould just be kind of that, that
um it.
Nia (02:23):
I'm trying to really think so.
As a kid growing up, I alwayswanted my mom's texture.
How was her texture?
Very wavy, loose, very loose,very wavy, and me and my sister
have very similar textures.
But my mom had this really niceand you would always hear the
comments of like good hair.
Like oh, you got some reallygood hair Like.
(02:44):
Oh, you got some pretty hairLike like, that's what they
would tell it to my mom andshe's she's at this time.
She was a lighter, lightercomplexion um as people age,
things happen to their skin.
So um, and then I have agrandmother her mother.
I don't want to say she's mixedwith something.
I don't know what the somethingis, but it's evident in her
(03:05):
features, it's evident in howher hair is, it's evident her
skin color, her eye color and soforth.
Like my grandma was a baddieback in the day and she really
was like.
Kinetra (03:16):
She looked like maya the same oh, okay, so like just
real light skin real and she'slike beautiful woman especially
in louisiana.
Nia (03:24):
That's like back then the idea yeah, light skin, wavy hair
, that whole, thing, yeah likeshe looked like she was creole,
even though she's not from there, but she looked, you know, um,
like she could have something inher.
So like when you hear thosecomments of like people praising
my mom for how her hair was,and then my hair never looked
like that, never formed likethat.
(03:46):
So, to be honest, technicallyour hair was heat damaged or
heat trained, as people like tosay, because we were getting hot
combs and like, so it was neverin its legitimate natural state
it never so.
Growing up, I never even knewwhat my hair looked like outside
of a hot comb or blow dry.
Being being stretched oranything like that.
So I had no idea what hairlooked like outside of a hot
comb or a blow dry, being beingstretched or anything like that.
Kinetra (04:06):
So I had no idea what it looked like okay, and she was
like the only one.
No one like siblings.
Nia (04:13):
No, my aunt had dreads so my aunt look, my aunt is my skin
complexion and she has locks,like her hair.
Her hair is completelydifferent.
Um, my grandmother had fourchildren and two of them like my
mother and her, her brother.
They have very lightercomplected features, like their
hair was different.
(04:33):
My uncle has like bluish,grayish eyes or something like
that they're not.
Kinetra (04:37):
They're not typical brown and then my other aunt and
uncle.
Nia (04:40):
They just look like regular diggler.
Kinetra (04:42):
Black bloat no, okay, so a good little mixture of
everything a good blend, allright cool do you feel the words
of your aunt?
Do you feel like it shaped someunhealthy emotional connections
to your hair back then, or?
Nia (04:55):
absolutely.
Yeah, like how, um to say thatmy hair looks in in lack of a
better term unkempt.
Um, when I loved love, like I'm, when I tell you I loved how
(05:16):
big my hair was, um made me feellike, well, you know, like, if
my like, maybe I need to make itsmaller.
So through high school, wentthrough that whole like blonde
straight hair you had freedom toreally do what you want to do
with your hair.
Kinetra (05:33):
I did, yeah, I did.
Nia (05:35):
And I decided to simulate to the beauty standard.
Kinetra (05:40):
The blonde, which is why you did the blonde.
Nia (05:44):
You know, like like just making it long and so forth how
did your aunt feel about the newtransition?
Kinetra (05:49):
did she ever say something about that?
Nia (05:51):
no, not necessarily.
No, I think at this time, um,we weren't in this space in time
close okay, um.
So I like I saw her, but I'mgrowing up.
The relationship at one pointwas really close.
I loved it.
I loved hanging out with myaunt.
(06:12):
Like I would go with her, toher um her Buddhist meetings and
stuff you know to spend timewith her.
Kinetra (06:18):
Yeah, yeah.
Nia (06:19):
Um to spend time with her, but then at this time not
necessarily Like we weren't asclose, so I wasn't spending
qualitative time with her Likeany type of quality time with
her.
Kinetra (06:28):
So you didn't have to hear those derogatory comments.
It's good, it's only.
I mean it's not good, but beingthat it was only one person,
yeah, you know, because I hearfrom siblings, aunts, uncles,
moms, dads it's moms, dads.
It's like, you know, you can'tbreathe without someone talking
about the texture of you know, akinkier pattern opposed to
others, you know.
(06:49):
So it's good, but not good.
You only had to receive it from, yeah, just one, just one.
Nia (06:56):
I just think.
Maybe for her she wanted me tolook presentable, but you know
that, yeah, and you know, um,that's what they call
presentable.
Yeah, and again, that's justassimilating to a, to a standard
in corporate america.
You know that our natural hairin its natural state, natural
form, is not acceptable in thoseplaces.
Kinetra (07:14):
It's crazy how we can understand emotionally like
that's not acceptable but forsome reason, like our parents,
aunts, uncles, they gravitate toit with no issues.
Like, yeah, you need to do yourhair.
Nia (07:28):
Like that's because of how they were raised.
Times are a lot, a lotdifferent.
My grandmother like when I hearthe stories, um, and some of
the practices and some of the,just some of the things that
they were taught, and I'm justlike, wow, I'm so glad I was not
(07:49):
born in that time.
Yeah, but just some of thethings that they faced.
And like my aunt shared a lotin her journey in living in
Louisiana.
My grandmother was being raisedin Chicago Like we don't.
We weren't even raised to sayyes and no, ma'am, because of
you know what that?
Kinetra (08:08):
where it comes from.
Yeah, it's just yes and no.
Nia (08:10):
Yes, yes yeah, and so I'm just glad we're not there.
So for them it's just different, and some of them are a little
more open now, thank god, likesome of them.
Kinetra (08:23):
Some of them kind of had to force it on them.
It's like that, well, this ismy hair, like, yeah, y'all like
it?
Oh well, yeah, yes, yes, yes.
So what inspired you to go backnatural after your?
You know, I feel like you hadlike a really great experience
trying out different things tobe in.
The space of.
(08:43):
This is where I want to be,because when you try more things
, you you discover exactly whereyou want to be.
Yes, so what inspired it?
Nia (08:53):
um the growth of self so when I decided that this go
around, if I'm letting me growmy hair out, that it was going
to be a journey, that my hairwas going to be a reflection of
the growth within myself, gotcha, and so part of that is taking
care of yourself and taking like, and when you take care of you
(09:13):
inside, it shows up on theoutside and then also like hair
care is part of taking care ofyourself like proper grooming
and so so forth.
So, um, it was that because Iwas just, like you know, trying
out all the different colors,all that, so I had that initial
reaction and then I was like,okay, well, I'm just gonna go
ahead and let it grow out so Iwent and I let it grow out and
(09:36):
got the green cut off.
And then that's when I was justlike, okay, here we are, like
this is this, is it you know?
Like I'm just gonna go aheadand allow it to start growing
out and be a reflection of who Iam and let's just do this
journey together so um it hasdefinitely not been an easy walk
(09:56):
, though.
No, it's not, it has not been aneasy walk by any means
necessary again to reiterate it,to reiterate what I said
earlier, I've only known my hairand it's quote-unquote heat
trained and even when I did trythe natural um post and, like in
my 20s, I was putting color onit, like you know.
(10:19):
So I've never, like I've been Idon't know, I can't necessarily
count the years now six yearsor so, six years no color.
There's no color to my hair.
I'm not overly manipulating it,like none of it, like I'm just
taking it as it is, and therehave been moments that I've
(10:39):
cried like share some of that,literally, like in those moments
, like what were you feeling,like what were you going through
defeated yeah, um, I didn'tfeel that my hair was beautiful,
pretty acceptable, any of thosethings and what part of your
journey did you feel that way?
um, in the beginning, when itfirst, first, first first
started um growing out, like itwas at that really funky stage
(11:03):
and I really couldn't do muchwith it and I was just like I
like, I don't, I don't like thislike, and uh, and I toyed with
the notion of just getting itcut back off and just wearing a
taper.
And I remember sitting in thebathroom trying to get my hair
to cooperate.
So at the time one of myfriends at the time I was
(11:23):
staying with her and her husbandand she is a licensed
cosmetologist and a licensedinstructor, cosmetology
instructor and she really helped.
She was kind of the savinggrace in the in the journey in
the beginning of the process yougot lucky I did.
I got really, really blessed.
She got came in with all thisstuff and she was like, well,
(11:45):
try this on your hair and trythis.
And she was like all you got todo is define your curls and
because I swear like a little.
I literally look like a littletenant, like a little fuzzy
tennis ball, and I was like I'mlike I don't like this.
I literally was in there cryingyeah my big old stuff in there
boohooing and I was just like Ican't, like I just can't, like I
want to relax too, like Icannot do this.
(12:05):
And she was like you just haveto be patient, you have to like
learn the styles that work withthe growth.
Absolutely and so even now Ican, I can get frustrated.
Well, not so much now at 30, um30, going on 31, but like 27,
28, 29, like it was still some,still some frustration.
(12:27):
Um, before I started seeing abeautician on a regular basis,
um, I didn't think my hair wasgrowing because it literally
looks the same length yeah, whenit's in its curly state yes,
and I was so frustrated withthat because my cousin made a
comment and she was just like um, she made a comment about my,
(12:48):
the growth of my hair, and shewas like I just think you're
just doing too much with it.
I was just like shut up.
I'm being honest, I was like,and thinking in my head I was
just like shut up, like becauseher hair she went out.
We kind of went natural on thesame time and her hair is like
long, like it's growing at arapid pace and mine's I'm not
(13:11):
physically seeing the growth itliterally in its curly state.
Yeah, in the past couple yearsit's been the same length yeah,
literally an inch and a halfyeah, maybe not even an inch,
and I don't think this is aninch and a half.
Kinetra (13:24):
Um, maybe it even maybe just an inch.
Yeah, an inch, inch and a halfin different places, depending
on yeah yes, and it's dependingon how much stretch, yeah, in
the certain areas, yeah, andthat is, that was it.
Nia (13:37):
And so I was like okay, well, my hair not gonna grow,
then like what?
Like I might as well.
Kinetra (13:42):
What am I doing?
Nia (13:43):
yes, um, and it's just, and I would be like because my hair
as a kid was never like thisyeah, and um even when, even
when I'm when I got it bleachedand all of that.
But that also manipulates thecurl pattern.
So technically like it's, Iguess it's natural, but not
really because it had chemicalson it right curly hair yeah so
(14:03):
it definitely um changed the thepattern of the curl it loosened
, yes, and so I'm just like sowhat's happening?
Like what's happening, like whyis my hair not growing?
yeah, so then I started going touh the salon around where I
called 29, 11.
Kinetra (14:17):
Yes, indeed and shout out miss tiffany, go ahead and
throw that instagram handle onhere real quick yes, the healthy
hair coach and uh, the 29 11the salon it.
Nia (14:28):
It was a saving grace I got in her chair and you know she
takes really good care of myhair, because I've actually had
one hairstylist, um, and I willnot say her name- no, I won't
say her name, we're not gonnawe're not gonna give her that
power, but she made a veryderogatory comment about my hair
(14:49):
what was it like?
what exactly was.
It was something.
Honestly, I don't rememberexactly what it was, but I
remember her disposition, Iremember her body language and I
remember, like, the tone walkus through it and how like the
disposition and she was like theaura.
It was kind of like disgust ina sense, like her face was kind
of frown was she a natural hairspecialist?
(15:10):
I don't know if she was naturalhair specialist, but she was a
cosmetologist okay and she waslike this is before I got
married.
It was before.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, this was way before Imet my husband at the time that
this particular incidenthappened right but when I got
engaged and they saw that I wasgetting married, they made the
(15:30):
comment that, um, and she waslike you know, if you want your
hair done for your wedding, Ican do.
And I was just like no, becauseyou was.
It was like because I rememberher touching my hair and the way
she touched it, I had like dida braid out or whatever, and
like again, this is me and myjourney.
So I did like a braid out andshe was just like.
(15:50):
She said something real snarkyand she you know how, like when
you hold something that's likewet, and you was like ill, gross
.
It was like that it was likethat and I was just like no, no,
this ain't gonna be a good fit,this not you know, you could
never, and then that's a hundredpercent um standby.
That here has you know it'senergy.
I mean it holds energy becauseenergy is transferable.
(16:12):
We want to look the scientificterms it does, and so you have
to be very mindful, so I wasvery, uh, cautious about picking
somebody to do my hair and um,tiffany was highly recommended
and I went and I loved, love,like, loved it.
I think we did a, we did a umflat, like a flat twist, and so
I could do like a twist out andthen and I ooh, I love this and
(16:36):
I love the fact that she'spatient with me as I'm being
patient with my hair.
And of course I want to try newthings, yeah, but you know
she's got my hair so healthy.
Kinetra (16:45):
Like so, so healthy yeah.
Nia (16:48):
And I'm just like wow.
Kinetra (16:51):
You know like.
Nia (16:52):
I'm here, let me come with my appointment, like, wow, you
know, like I'm here, let me letme, let me, let me go book my
appointment like every time, andI appreciate it so much.
Kinetra (16:59):
That's all it takes sometimes is somebody you know
that understands the journeyemotionally and mentally, that
you're on and also understandhow to take care of natural hair
and that's why I was inquiringabout you know the previous
stylist like was she a naturalhair?
And that's why I was inquiringabout you know the previous
style was like, was she anatural hair care specialist?
Because usually you'll receivethat aura energy.
Nia (17:18):
At some point she decided to become one.
Kinetra (17:20):
Okay, because usually you'll receive the energy from a
stylist who don't specialize init and because they don't, they
don't know what to do.
So they're going to projectthat energy on you and it has
nothing to do with your hair.
It's her not feeling confidentin delivering.
That's all folks, did youexperience any natural hair
(17:44):
depression on your new journey?
Nia (17:46):
Absolutely, I absolutely did.
It was a combination of grief,anger and self-acceptance on.
You gotta elaborate absolutely.
So I just had to grieve thevision of a beauty standard that
(18:07):
was unrealistic during thisjourney let's be honest, yeah
because first, let's talk aboutthe lack, the lack of
representation for 4c here.
Yeah, let's, let's, let'saddress that there.
There was not, and still isn't,yeah, that much representation,
but the time that I startedthere, there, absolutely was
(18:28):
none when I started?
absolutely none.
And so when you're seeing theseyoutube tutorials on how to do
these natural styles and my hairnot turning out like that, yes,
devastated because the processthe process, the products, the
time.
I don't want to sell this.
I'm not spending 120 dollarsgetting the foam rollers,
(18:49):
getting this foam, getting that,getting this product, trying
this and it like the trial anderror.
I've wasted probably thousandsand thousands and thousands of
dollars yeah um and so like,really just having to grieve
that, um, the false.
It was just a false sense ofself that you know of something
unachievable, so being able toaccept okay, my hair is not like
(19:13):
their hair right, yeah, so whatdo we do with it?
How do we take care of it?
How do we love it?
how can we love ourselves withthis hair in this moment, um,
and just being just angry fromthe disappointment, you know,
and then being angry at my notnecessarily at myself, but like,
um, it's kind of I don't knowhow to necessarily explain the
(19:37):
wave of emotion, because theywould all kind of hit like waves
, like on an ocean, so you kindof get hit with them all at the
same time, but beingdisappointed, but being angry
because it didn't turn out right, like being frustrated and
being sad because you wouldnever, you would never like
that's not your story, that'snot, that's not your story and
that's never going to be it.
And so, and then the fact thatthere's so much lack of
(19:59):
representation, why I think like, why I think that, um, podcasts
like this matter is so that theconversations can be had right
around that because I meanoutside of lapita new angle who
came out.
Yes, indeed I hope I said hername, right, but she came out,
you know, and it's just like wow, somebody that finally looks
(20:22):
like me in the sense of hair,like she's a beautiful beautiful
, beautiful like natural hair,mercy it looks like my hair, so
we're starting to see it, butbut still in that same same
sentence, the problem is there'snot a problem.
I wouldn't call it a problem.
She's black, but she's notblack american okay, like of
(20:44):
african yes, yes, yes and sothat's how.
Kinetra (20:47):
What do you mean by that?
Nia (20:50):
and since of like.
I love to it, but it's justlike I wish that there were more
people that like grew up here.
Okay, and I have thatrepresentation still.
Kinetra (21:03):
It's not that often, cause she didn't grow up with
that mentality.
Exactly, that's right, exactly.
Nia (21:07):
And so, um you know, my, my , my husband, being of literally
he is Africanan right fromzimbabwe and um, it's funny
because we have conversationsaround my hair all the time and
he made a joke one time and Itook it so offensively, and
because his sisters wear theirhair natural and all that and he
(21:27):
, like, made a joke but, it wasin shona, his, his native tongue
, and he didn't know that I wasstruggling with the image of
myself, with his hair, and sowhen he, when it was told to me
in English, I was like that,like that really hurt my
feelings what was it?
it was like something.
It's like my hair was like kale, like dried kale or something
(21:51):
like that.
I don't like literaltranslation from Shona to
English is a little choppy, butit was something like that.
And then his sister, mysister-in-law, was like I don't
know.
She was like I don't, she'slike you really shouldn't, it's
not really.
It's a joke like you know, youkind of joke with family and
stuff.
But this is also the time meand my husband just started
dating, so I'm still learning,right and um, you know it was a
(22:16):
joke and it wasn't meant to bean insult and he did apologize
for it.
And then, uh, and then mysister-in-law, she was like your
hair is like soup, is likereally really soft, like you
know, like.
So I wouldn't take it as a asan insult, because your hair is
like really really soft and Iwas like, but you know, I still
heard what I heard and I stillfeel.
Kinetra (22:31):
How I feel?
Nia (22:32):
Yes, yes, yes you know um now, um, it's crazy because of
my husband's love story with me.
He talks about how I wasnatural, my hair was in his
natural state and I was the mostbeautiful woman in the world.
And like, he loves my hair.
Kinetra (22:46):
Like absolutely loves, loves.
Nia (22:49):
If I go to him and I'll be like I want to put color in it,
or you know I'm thinking aboutthis and you should see his face
Like the immediate yes.
Disapproval from him.
Like ah, he'll start sayinglike some little things that
he's showing.
He'll be like ah, but youcannot touch my hair.
He calls it his hair and Ithink that that's beautiful and
(23:18):
all, but I would really love tosee more african americans with
4c hair like surface embrace,yeah, yeah.
And in media and social mediatv and so forth.
Kinetra (23:22):
Um, because it's always altered in some kind of way
yeah, amongst us for sure.
Nia (23:27):
Yes, it is and I think what would.
And then, with even with that,within the depression, you would
go on youtube and say, hey, I'mlooking for 4C, but the girlies
were never really 4C girlies,let's be realistic Never.
Kinetra (23:42):
No, I feel like now they have some looseness, more
looseness.
C-a C-A-A-C.
Nia (23:48):
Yep, I mean A-B-B-A.
Yeah, y'all are not.
Y'all may be a 3C, you may be agood 4B, but you're not a 4C.
Like you're not a 4C.
Kinetra (24:02):
Like that, really kinky tight like how it literally
shrinkage.
You'll never know the lengthunless you stretch it out.
Nia (24:09):
Yeah, yeah, that's not y'all, because even even when
it's white, like you can see,like how, how loose and wavy,
I'm just like y'all not forcingme.
Kinetra (24:17):
So yeah, and that's the thing about that curl pattern
chart.
That's why I'm believing it,because it really is misleading.
And when you get on youtube andyou have these influencers, you
know, basically stating whatthey think their hair is, I'm
like the curl pattern chart isnot really a real thing.
You know, it's really hard tosay if you are any specific
(24:41):
pattern when we all havedifferent textures different
porosity, even all the way downto coarse, fine medium, all of
that.
It's like the the curl patternchart.
It was just really a good wayto manipulate us during the
journey and monetize, and theydid a really great job thousand
percent.
Nia (24:59):
Yeah, I don't even think it was a black person.
It was like a white man orsomebody who came out with it
right.
I think it was black.
I think his name was andrekelly or something like that.
I gotta look it up.
Kinetra (25:07):
I don't know if he was black or white, though but I
think his name was andre kellydo some research, but it was
just because I'm like, youcannot really relate um your
hair to the curl pattern chartwithout considering porosity,
and there's no porosity level onthat chart.
So it's like, why did they pushthat agenda?
But it worked like a charm girlbecause, well, I tell you, they
(25:30):
don't make so much money off ofit and they're still making
money off of it.
It's getting ridiculous out hereso.
But yeah, that's where I wishwe could get mentally referring
to our hair from that curlpattern chart.
It's like it's kinky coily,kinky curly, or curly or wavy
loose wavy yeah the texture iscoarse, fine, medium, you know
(25:50):
I'm very kinky yeah, and then Igot low porosity.
Then it's like, oh, this iswhat I need to do for my hair,
based on all of this and notjust it's for c, you know yeah
because you'll even find a younglady whose hair is, you know,
tighter than yours oh,absolutely 4d, you know.
Nia (26:09):
So it's like when does?
Kinetra (26:10):
this curl pattern of letters and a number stop.
Nia (26:12):
You know, it was like just maybe you should design a new
chart.
Kinetra (26:19):
Girl, let's design a new chart.
So, nia, what were some of thethings you hated about your hair
?
The shrinkage.
That's what every kinky girlhates, the absolute shrinkage.
So, you love the texture?
Did you love the texture?
Did you love the texture?
Did you kind of?
Nia (26:36):
oh, when I first started out?
Kinetra (26:37):
absolutely not, yeah come on, welcome it's um, it was
ugly to me um I.
What was your ideal of likenice?
Nia (26:49):
I wanted my mama's girl pattern.
I'm gonna be 100 honest, I want.
I wanted that like I wantedthat wave.
Okay, who?
Kinetra (26:55):
give me out like who's a celebrity right now.
That kind of is like thetexture is very similar to hers.
Oh, some weave somebody like.
Nia (27:03):
Give us a visual um, uh, I would say Tracy Ellis Ross, oh
wow, um but something somewherearound there.
Kinetra (27:15):
I would say Tracy Ellis Ross, oh wow, but something in
there, somewhere around there.
Okay, yeah.
Nia (27:17):
She had what they would consider good hair.
Kinetra (27:19):
She do, especially if you from Louisiana.
Yeah, lordy, yeah.
Nia (27:25):
She would kind of like the Tracy Ellis Ross.
So literally she looked likeher hair patterns seemed very
biracial.
Kinetra (27:32):
Gotcha.
Okay, it definitely gavebiracial.
Nia (27:34):
why did you prefer that texture over your kinky curly
hair, as in now in my adultbecause, like I said just, the
the the conversation around whatgood hair looks like like the
aesthetic, the the aesthetic,not necessarily like the
maintenance and the upkeep.
Oh, definitely the maintenanceand upkeep, because, let me tell
you, as much as I'm stillfalling in love with it now,
(27:56):
it's still very frustrating Ihave to be very transparent.
Um, like, sometimes I'll walkaround with just the mini fro
until I go see tiffany, okay?
Uh, because washingconditioning, treating all of it
, attempting to blow dry, Iliterally just blow dried my
hair for the first time.
It was so pretty, oh man andlong, very, very for the first
(28:20):
time, and I get it done at thesalon.
I get it blown out, but I'm notthe one doing it right.
I would much rather paysomebody else to do my.
I have no problem with that atall yeah, and I'm gonna tip you
too, because listen because if Igotta try to do it myself it's
a lot, yeah, absolutely allright.
So yeah, trying to do my hairmyself.
It can still be veryfrustrating detangling my hair
(28:44):
because of your shrinkage.
Yes, yes, so it's like thelonger it gets, the thicker it
gets.
So I have high density highdensity, yes, you do very high
density hair and it's very kinky, coily and fine, so I need to
be careful that I'm not damagingit or causing breakage and like
(29:07):
being too rough with it,absolutely like a baby.
Kinetra (29:10):
Is this tiffany educating you?
Girl yeah because she right onthe money.
Yes, like she.
Nia (29:16):
She explained to me.
She was like you have highdensity, but it's fine, and she
would even ask me questions.
She was like so what was yourhair like when it was relaxed?
And I was just like you knowand I'll tell her some stuff I
was like it was pretty much likebone, bone straight.
I could never have any body.
And she was like, yeah, that'swhy.
That is why yeah and so we would, you know she would sit and
educate me, and so, yeah, youneed to work in small sections,
(29:38):
and so, literally, the longer itgets, the thicker it gets, and
so it takes more time.
Like well, you wash, likeliterally wash days the whole
day.
Now like literally it's, it's afull day.
I'm not planning nothing, yeahnothing, because I have to wash.
I have to clarify that.
I need to do like um.
I have a um design essentialshampoo that is um like a
(30:00):
conditioning shampoo and alsoputs in hydration, um, and I
gotta go in and I need todetangle and I'll put on like my
little cholesterol or deepconditioning mask or whatever
and I let that sit and I have torinse that, and then I gotta go
and like re kind of detangle alittle bit and keep them in
sections and then either let itair dry or just decide to blow
(30:21):
dry.
Now that is an option in my life, but every time I think about
it, I think about how long it'sgonna take, um, or like put it
in twist.
I remember I did, I've onlydone.
I remember it took eight hoursone time to do micro twist.
Kinetra (30:35):
Oh, my oh yeah, especially micro like and on
yourself, yeah, yeah did youtake any breaks kind of it took,
took me two days.
Nia (30:44):
I did over a span of two days.
Kinetra (30:45):
Yeah, um, oh, you calculated the hours that you
were literally um.
Nia (30:51):
I started like late at night the previous night and
then, my best friend and and wecall ourselves like a nuclear
family and we decided to her,her husband, my goddaughter, my
husband decided we're going todrive to San Antonio the next
day and I still need to finishmy hair, so you finish your hair
, yeah we like she helped me doit, so it was like two of us
(31:12):
like doing a twist and it was.
It was quite, quite it.
But then my first time doingand they're so cute but they
take so long when I was like Ilove, I love these micro twists,
I could put them up, I canplait them so it can be wavy,
and I wore them for myanniversary uh, my second year
anniversary and they were reallypretty and you know, people was
like you should just lock yourhair and I'm afraid that if I
lock my hair, honestly it's justgoing to fall out, let's be
(31:34):
honest, because it's going toget heavy and my hair's already
fine and it can't really taketoo much weight on it and I've
learned that from braids itmight not.
Kinetra (31:40):
It depends on locks don't have to be heavy.
Nia (31:45):
It's a whole process.
Kinetra (31:55):
It's more the't supposed to use that stuff.
I believe it and it get.
It gets locked and trapped inthere and so it's all greasy
build up, yeah because youreally if you use a foam wrap,
or even if you just wanted touse some oil, you could
definitely have locks and itwouldn't damage your hair you
just gotta know who to go tomaybe when I turn 40, maybe when
(32:15):
I turn 40 child um, becausealso I like um, you have some
very beautiful locks, though,because I always say the kinkier
the texture, the better thelocks look, and I believe it.
Yeah, I'm not committed, that'sonly.
I'm committed to my husband.
Nia (32:32):
Just not the lock.
I get it, it's okay.
Yeah, I'm not, I'm not.
That's just the one thing I'mnot committed to at all.
But yeah, those, those are someof the stuff I was mad at, be
mad about.
Now it's just more frustrations, but I'm being more patient and
and and and I just be, like myhair gonna do what I want to do
now.
Where?
Kinetra (32:52):
does the frustration stem from today?
Nia (32:55):
Girl, if it doesn't, it's not so much as bad as it used to
be.
But if it doesn't quite turnout right, like I mean, like I
might be frustrated in a moment,like, oh, it didn't turn out,
okay, cool, my hair is gonna dowhat she want to do.
Like I had to adapt thatmentality?
Yes, because if not, girl, I'mjust gonna be mad all the time
(33:17):
upset, depressed, I ain't gotthe time.
No, the energy, yeah that'strue, that's so.
Kinetra (33:23):
Did you love anything about your hair during this time
?
Yeah, I love the curl patternokay, I love the.
Nia (33:30):
I love the curl pattern.
I love how sneaky it is, uh-huhlike now.
I'm like you know what theydon't know?
They don't need to know howlong my hair is you know like
it's, and it's so great.
Kinetra (33:40):
Nobody would know how, nobody would even think your
hair was that long you couldn'tguess.
Nia (33:42):
You couldn't guess it if it was something on a trivia night
, and you know how?
Kinetra (33:44):
no, nobody would even think your hair was that long
you couldn't guess.
Nia (33:46):
You couldn't guess it if it was something on a trivia night
and you know how they likecount how many jelly beans are
in the jar.
How long do you think her hairis?
They would never get it wrongyeah, unless they understand
unless they understand what'sgoing on yeah yeah, I, um, I
really love the curl pattern.
When I get some gel to defineit, I love it, and I actually
(34:11):
love my hair when I'm washing itin the shower and because it's
longer.
Kinetra (34:16):
Because that water stretch and it putting that
weight on it.
I be in there whipping my head.
Nia (34:21):
I whip my head.
I whip my head.
Yes, I really do.
And then, when I get out, thefro itself is bigger.
And then I don't know.
Kinetra (34:29):
You can see like it just starts shrinking.
Yeah, at least you know yourhair is healthy, because
shrinkage definitely means goodhealth.
Nia (34:36):
Yeah, and that I do love and I and I am so grateful that
tiffany has educated me becauseI was like one of the things she
said.
She was like shrinkage meansthat your hair is healthy and
I'm just like well, that is awin-win for me, because I don't
want to be bald headed, okay Idon't want to give myself
traction.
Alopecia, yeah, um, I don't.
I want my edges.
(34:57):
I don't want um pre like anybald spot, like I just don't.
I want none of it.
My daddy bald headed um but.
I know that it comes for it.
You know it's your mom.
They say it's based off yourmom's side.
Um, so like the maternal yes,so yeah, um maternal grandmother
, yeah, so I don't really havenothing to really worry about,
(35:18):
because, but on my daddy's sideI have their texture.
Kinetra (35:22):
Yeah, um, but that's all I can say is I got their
texture did any of your siblingsget your mom texture, or all of
y'all have different textureswe all have different textures.
Any of them kind of similar tohers at all.
Nia (35:36):
I would say my brother, um, he had really nice like who is
it?
I'm trying to think um he hadlight-skinned people here, but
he was also light-skinned.
Kinetra (35:47):
What did you call it?
Light-skinned people Girl.
Nia (35:49):
Like the light-skinned guys that have their really nice
wavy hair.
Kinetra (35:51):
Like the mixed light-skinned guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am donewith you.
Nia (35:55):
He did.
He had really nice hair.
He had really nice hair Me andmy sister have very similar.
I think hers is maybe just aslight slightly, slightly looser
, maybe just a little bit looserand her hair is thicker than
mine, so I think hers a littlebit more coarse than mine.
Um, and then my baby sister.
(36:15):
No, she has like they're tightringlets, but not as tight as my
, like they're pretty defined,like you can see her curls um,
and her hair is thick, baby,like I hate it for her, okay I
remember I remember helping herdo her hair as a kid.
No, I hate it for her but it'sbeautiful.
(36:36):
Like her fro it is so dense.
Like her hair is highly denseand it's really thick hair.
Kinetra (36:43):
yeah, it's pretty's pretty though.
Yeah, very, very pretty.
Nia (36:45):
Okay, see, had I had that, it's okay.
I love my hair.
Kinetra (36:51):
Yeah, but yeah.
Okay, so are there any otherthings that you love about your
hair besides the curl pattern?
Nia (36:59):
The curl pattern.
I do like the fact that it isshockingly long, even though it
doesn't look like it how sneaky.
It is shockingly long eventhough it doesn't look like it.
Um, how sneaky it is.
It's very sneaky.
It's like secret for real.
Secret age, now for real, um I.
(37:19):
It gives me flexibility, though, like I feel like when it's in
a short state I look so muchyounger I look young.
Kinetra (37:25):
You think you feel like when it's in a short state, I
look so much younger.
I look young.
You think you feel like youlook older when it's longer,
maybe a little bit.
Nia (37:30):
Just a little bit, not a lot, not too much.
I mean, I already have a babyface, right?
Yeah, you have a young face,yeah.
Kinetra (37:37):
Yeah, so, because when you showed me the blown out
state, I'm like you look reallyyoung there, for sure, probably
yeah, I think just my natural ingeneral just ages me backwards.
Nia (37:46):
It's the grace of god okay, I know that's right it's the
grace of god.
Kinetra (37:51):
Yes, indeed okay.
So there was a lady that wentviral on tick tock making a
statement black hair doesn'tgrow.
Did you see that?
Nia (38:01):
I did not she went crazy viral.
Why?
Kinetra (38:04):
you ain't seen this to me, I don't know.
I wish I would have saidbecause it went so viral though
everybody saw it and everybodywas stitching the video.
Nia (38:11):
I don't tick or talk.
That often, though, that's theproblem, I don't like.
I get on there because I wantto support and I get on there
because I need to post.
I don't tick or talk I love it.
I cannot and I love seeing yourcontent and, like my friends,
quote unquote you know thatlittle section that says friends
with the people that I reallysupport in the industry.
Kinetra (38:29):
Oh yeah, yeah, down at the bottom, yeah, you just kind
of go on there, so I go on thereand I watch y'all stuff.
Nia (38:34):
Um and I may scroll, but I'm not like.
Kinetra (38:52):
I think I may visit TikTok maybe once every two
weeks or somebody sendssomething or something like that
, and maybe not even like and ifno one sends anything, it's not
on my radar to visit.
This is not the platform.
Yeah, so unfortunately to notsee that, but that's unfortunate
that she.
Yeah, I was gonna ask you howdo you feel about that statement
?
Nia (38:58):
false.
Yeah, I feel false.
Um, I feel that it's misleading, I feel that it's discouraging
for people that want to go onthe journey um, is this a black
lady?
Kinetra (39:08):
yeah, she black.
Is she natural she was wearinga wig?
I'm not really sure.
Nia (39:14):
So let's, let's get into this real quick.
So here's so, even with that umprotective styles, do they
really protect right and what iswhat is considered a protective
style?
That encourages hair growth andlength retention, because
that's it your hair is growing,but it may stay at the same
length because you're notretaining said length you are
(39:35):
splitting ends, your it'sbreakage is damaged.
So of course it ain't gonnalook it's gonna grow.
It's just like a plant like.
It's like that's right, it'sjust like a plant like you have
to prune a plant I'm a plant,that's right.
I understand that so much andyou have to it's.
Kinetra (39:45):
It's a.
It's just like a plant, likeyou have to prune a plant.
I'm a plant mom, that's right,so I understand that so much.
Nia (39:48):
And you have to.
It's a fine balance of that,like you know, taking care of
the soil, taking care of makingsure it has sun and all these
things, and so Moisture andhydration, yes, then you have to
treat your hair the same way.
So maybe she's natural, maybeshe's natural, and um, for her,
(40:09):
her protective style with airquotes is a wig and essentially,
that's not helping.
Let's be honest, the braids aregood because it's low
maintenance, but if you're notproperly doing it, if you're not
properly cleansing, if you'renot properly getting rid of the
build-up if you're not lettingyour hair breathe um that scalp,
baby, and even if you're usingthat glue, baby you bald edge
and bald head.
Okay, um, I'm so done, I'mserious, let's be honest.
(40:30):
Like bald head and bald edge no, for real.
And then you can contribute toyour own alopecia with the tight
braids and stuff like that?
Um, no, absolutely not.
And so with me, with my hairnow I'm very cautious about that
because I you know, I I'm moreaware of it.
You know, I'm alwayscontinuously learning, but I'm
(40:50):
more aware of it.
I'm more aware of my own hairand like what causes all this?
I'm just like well, I getbraids, but not that often.
Um, I'll do this, but you knownot that I'm gonna do what I
know is really working, so Ithink that's that's discouraging
.
Had I seen that video when Ifirst started my journey, I
think that would have beenmessed up for you messed, messed
(41:11):
up because you would believeher based on what you were going
through.
Kinetra (41:14):
Yes, yeah, it was a terrible message to put out, for
sure it really was yeah but doyou feel like it's harder for us
to retain length opposed toother other ethnicities or other
textures as kinky girls?
Yes, I agree with that, andmaybe she probably should have
said that yes, and not that ourhair, everyone hair is always
(41:36):
growing, unless you have amedical concern but your hair is
always growing what are youdoing after it?
grows so I do agree.
You know, like us agreeing, youknow like it's harder for us to
retain length, but our hair isgonna grow oh it is.
Nia (41:52):
Yeah, you just have to know that your hair is my hair.
I'm gonna speak for my hair,yeah my hair is super fragile
yes, no, no, no, no we're notgonna say fragile, because
fragile is a negative, it has anegative concept, it's very
delicate.
Kinetra (42:06):
Let's say delicate and vulnerable.
Nia (42:08):
Yes, yeah, very vulnerable and once you learn that about
your hair, then you start totreat, think and act differently
when it comes to it yeah, um,because some girls, some girls
can be really rough with theirhair and it's just be like you
know you be watching the videos.
Kinetra (42:25):
You be like child.
Nia (42:27):
I could never I could never okay are you watching the
videos?
Kinetra (42:31):
like she's just raking through this?
Nia (42:34):
yes, yeah, and that's not me, that's, I can't use a fine
tooth comb unless I'm pardonedabsolutely not, I can't your
hair, finger, finger detanglingmore than anything, and once I
get all those tangles away fromeach other.
You can take one of them.
Kinetra (42:50):
Unbrush me brushes yeah that's it, but girl, no, you
have to know the hair textureand how to respond to it.
For sure you do.
Yeah, I do.
Nia (43:00):
That's unfortunate for her.
Now you got to send me thatvideo.
Kinetra (43:03):
I'm definitely going to send you that video, Absolutely
yeah.
So Now you got to send me thatvideo.
I'm definitely going to sendyou that video, Absolutely yeah.
So when you are at yournetworking events and you're
trying to promote your businessand gain clientele and you know,
with Austin being predominantlywhite, you know these
surroundings and areas tend tobe predominantly white and
you're wearing your natural hair, how are you perceived?
(43:25):
That is a loaded question.
Let's get into it, girl, thatis a loaded question.
Nia (43:34):
I think it's a loaded.
It's a loaded question, butit's a very valuable question.
Um so, to start off, the factthat we are in a predominantly
white um city area and so forth.
Yes, it makes it all the more.
I'm trying to think like howcan I explain this?
(43:55):
It makes it like a little bitmore heightening right, like
you're a little bit, a lot moreself-aware and as a business,
yes, a lot more, yes, yeah, yeahyeah, where you um come from,
where you predominate, you'renot the minority, you're the
majority and you move somewhereelse and you're the minority
right, literally the minorityuh-huh.
Um, it makes a difference.
It makes.
It makes a difference.
So, um, wearing my natural hair.
(44:19):
So when I first startednetworking and establishing my
business, establishing the brand, establishing the name,
establishing the connections, Iwas so self-conscious about my
natural hair that I covered it.
I covered it a lot, like Iwould wear how would you cover
it?
Wigs, okay, and not for thesake of being fun and creative
(44:41):
but really just for acceptingReally hiding your hair.
Kinetra (44:43):
What texture would the wig be?
Girl, straight Gotcha.
Nia (44:48):
Straight, and then if I did do natural, I would do um, I
have these clip-ins that Iabsolutely love, but it would be
like big curly, like to givelike volume and length okay, on
it um.
So it doesn't look like thisone and a half inch that it is
now.
Um.
So, or I would do head wraps, Iwould do head wraps I would do
(45:09):
a lot of like um head wraps thatmimic, like a lot of the ones
that you see, like the africanpictures, like the tall ones and
stuff.
So I would have head wraps andthings like that and, um, you
know, and I would occasionallywear it out.
And then you get comments wherea couple won't be like oh my
god, you look so cute or youknow.
A lot of people say, oh, Ibarely recognized you or yeah, I
(45:30):
wasn't recognizable.
or I look really young, I looklike a kid, um, and you know, um
, which is great, I guess, butI'm gonna touch on that.
But I distinctly remember thisone comment that a white lady
told me Someone that I wasnetworking with.
We were in a kind of like abreakout room or whatever.
(45:51):
This was still during thepandemic, so this was over Zoom,
but it was in another room,like we were in another little
session or whatever.
And she said to me she was likeNia, I don't think there's
anything wrong with your naturalhair.
I think it's beautiful, but Ithink you look better with long
(46:11):
straight hair and the audacity,the cock, girl, girl, it's like
um, I wouldn't call it a microaggression necessarily, because
that was aggression that wasaggression was micro that was
macro.
It was, it was, it definitelywas.
And then to be said in front ofother people, um was very
(46:32):
disheartening and I was justlike you know, and of course you
have to kind of like brush itoff because you don't want to
become the stereotypical angryblack woman, right?
Kinetra (46:39):
it's like you can't even advocate yeah, it's,
because if you do, you feel likeyou are being problematic.
It will make you, oh,absolutely feel like you're
absolutely 100, 100.
Nia (46:49):
So you have to be very, very, very, very, very careful
on how you choose to respond andhow you choose to word and like
, because there that was anopportunity to educate, but also
that was a very jarring commentso I was not in the headspace
to educate, I automaticallywanted to go into defense but I
went into the offense and wasjust like, oh, you know, like
yeah, yeah, you know, just kindof laughed it off, like we
(47:11):
normally do, to keep the peacefor them, not for us yeah, which
is unfortunate.
Um so, and then you know, backto the earlier comments, you
know saying like I look younger.
That is true, but sometimes Ifeel like they say that so that
way they can disarm themselvesor feel good about themselves,
like I don't necessarily seem athreat.
Um, because it's not likethey're not complimenting it.
(47:33):
Um, they're not complimentingmy hair in a sense of like it's
still very beautiful, oranything like that like they're
giving me like.
It's very childlike, so I'm notbeing looked at as a grown woman
that's running a business yeah,yeah and I'm just like that's.
You know that could be a littleproblematic.
Um, yeah, so I've dealt with.
I've dealt with that, I'vedealt with that, and so, um, now
(47:55):
I just for me.
Kinetra (47:56):
I just I'm like, if you don't know what to say, it's
okay to not say a damn thing.
It is like why do you feel likeyou have to say something?
Nia (48:06):
because it's the lack of self awareness when you and this
is a little bit of soapbox, butwhen you go centuries and
centuries and centuries, of agroup of people being able to
say whatever when to another,however, group of people and,
(48:27):
and, and, and.
there's always repercussions,like, like, if we go back to
slavery, like if, if you talkback to mass or if you, even
when they were freed, if youtalk about like they would drive
by and come and do something toyour house, could pull your
kids out, and so, and so whenyou have that, it's like it's
just generations of somethingthat's just ingrained in their d
.
But we be honest, cause if wecan pass, if we can pass down
(48:48):
that trauma for 14 generationsin our DNA, those same learned
behaviors and things like thatare passed down in yours.
Kinetra (48:54):
Let's be honest.
Let's be honest, cause, like itdon't go nowhere, it's being
passed down, yeah, um but I justthink that it is.
Nia (49:02):
They just lack the self-awareness and the common
courtesy and respect, right,because like me saying to
somebody, I mean this saidperson.
You know, if I didn't thinkthey look good in something or
if it wasn't flattering on theirshape, maybe you should wear,
you know like yeah, I think thatlooks gorgeous on you but I
think maybe more gorgeous better.
It's a lot more flattering onyour feet, you know, and um it's
(49:25):
like why am I adjusting to makeyou feel?
Comfortable.
Kinetra (49:28):
I'm good honey.
Nia (49:29):
Yeah, you just uncomfortable with my hair and I
and I'm I'm walking in that Iposted around New Year's.
I think it's New Year's or thisyear um, and I was like I'm I'm
gonna be better about reallyjust wearing my natural hair
more out um and more excuse memore post about my natural hair
(49:50):
like and then you know, and Ithink I've done quite a good job
, and so now even when I do slipinto my wigs.
It's really just to be becauseyou want.
Yeah, it's for me, it's not,it's literally not for them.
Kinetra (50:00):
It's literally for me, and that's a more freeing
decision versus being trapped,feeling emotionally trapped and
confined to put on the wig,knowing you don't want to do it.
Nia (50:11):
I want to be sexy for my man.
Kinetra (50:13):
I know that's right.
Nia (50:15):
I'm going to turn into Tina tonight.
Kinetra (50:18):
I cannot do.
Can you express the importanceof diversity and representation
in the beauty industry,specifically for natural hair?
And especially with you beingin the beauty industry?
Yes, like expressing thatdiversity.
Nia (50:34):
So the first thing.
First I'm going to talk aboutthe bridal industry.
Kinetra (50:38):
And talk about the diversity there, come on.
Nia (50:42):
Let me start with my own story.
Yeah, please Me, and my husbandturned three this year.
Oh, for me, one of the thingsand one of the reasons I wanted
to work with you, um, for forbridal, however, you know
(51:05):
scheduling and all that, orwhatever um was the fact of the
lack of representation in thebridal industry for natural hair
, and I wanted to honestlyembrace everything about me on
my day because I wanted tohighlight the best parts of me,
right, um, and do something thatI didn't have to, like put heat
(51:28):
on my hair and stuff like that.
And so I had stopped tiffanyout at first and she was like
really, really busy, and shereferred me to you and um, I
looked at, looked, looked you up, and I don't think, I don't, I
don't, I don't, honestly, Idon't know.
Be honest, I don't know whathappened?
I don't know necessarily if itwas a scheduling thing or not
you killed it, though yes.
(51:48):
We need more representation inthe natural hair space for this
when you go to Pinterest.
You're not seeing.
You don't see it.
Kinetra (52:02):
It's always the loose textures.
I'm speaking more for blackwomen, like it's really rare
that you're gonna see somebodyembracing texture, like I'm
telling you I I've got.
I can count on my hands howmany brides have inquired and
they want to embrace texture intheir hair for their wedding day
.
It's usually a weave that'slike brazilian wavy.
(52:25):
Tell me about it.
Nia (52:26):
Yeah, they don't really want to talk to the class, so I
don't know listen, and that waspart of my my thing.
So when I realized that therewas literally nobody here, to do
it outside of tiffany and then,referring to you, there was
nobody yeah, and I was likethat's not, that's a problem you
(52:49):
know, and that is why I marchand advocate so hard for it.
So I love when a bride says um,because I always tell them mom,
I like to, I specialize in heatfree.
Um, natural, natural styles, um, because we get to really allow
your texture to shine Right andso, um, I think that it is
beautiful when a bride comes tome and be like oh, I really want
(53:10):
to wear my curly hair.
Yes, and I'm alwaysdisappointed when someone has
curly hair and they want to pullit, make it loose.
Kinetra (53:19):
They want to loosen them curls, they don't want to
baby.
Nia (53:21):
They want it straight, yeah .
Kinetra (53:30):
They want, yeah, they want, they want to blow out,
they want to still price.
And I'm just like, why like?
Because, especially if you wear, your hair like that all the
time, like this, but then, forthis one occasion, you want to
pull your curls.
Nia (53:36):
Yep, all the time, yes, it happens all the time so I think
it's really important becausewhat what we're starting to see
um is social media is is theinflux of accessibility and very
the ages to the accessibilityand exposure is are becoming
younger and younger.
Kinetra (53:55):
And.
Nia (53:55):
I think it is very important that we have that
representation, because therecould be somebody on the other
side of that screen that lookslike you and if we are not
careful, we we will notinterrupt the cycle or the
beauty standards and norms thathave already been set before us
yeah.
So we have to be mindful of that.
(54:15):
We have to be mindful of themessages we put out when it
comes to here in the beautyindustry.
Um, it's black, little blackgirls, cause I say it all the
time when people say, well, whatmade you you know like, um,
what made you you know like andwhat made you do this, and what
made you got you into this andlike and why I'm so passionate
about it in the bridalindustries?
Because when our love storieswere being told like this,
wasn't it?
Kinetra (54:36):
you know this wasn't it .
Nia (54:38):
Now it's like everybody wants to, and I feel like us as
a people, we're so uniquelybeautiful, beautiful.
Let's embrace every aspect ofthat.
Um, yeah, and so I'm startingto see a little bit more and
more.
There are a couple ofhairstylists on instagram that I
do follow that will do likekind of more on the natural side
(54:58):
of things and they'll um, I'veseen this one hairstylist.
She like did, like, like a.
It wasn't necessarily a big sin,crochet, no, she just crocheted
like, maybe like a square inthe middle to give like um some
volume for the pin-up that shedid, for the updo that she did
so it was still very kinky,kinky straight hair and it was
(55:20):
very textured.
Kinetra (55:21):
Yeah, I just want to see some texture and it was
gorgeous and I was like I needmore of this.
Nia (55:25):
I need more of this in my life, I need more of this in my
field and I think heavily thatwe should see more diversity in
the hair texture space.
Yeah, um, especially for thequote-unquote 4c girls, but
they're really kinky kinky coilygirls, because I couldn't find
that, I couldn't find aninspiration, literally there's.
I have one pin post and, um,she just had at the time my hair
(55:49):
, the length of my hair, wasn'tgonna do what her hair was doing
okay, and I think her hair isshaped cut for this style like,
like, I feel like she probablyjust wears this really cute
little short um fro whatever andit was.
It was out like that and my hairwouldn't do that, yeah and that
was about it and I'm just likewe need more, we need, we need,
we need more.
(56:10):
Because if you go to where, ifyou try to source where the
kinkier coiler, your texturesare like if you look at the
nigerian weddings or theghanaian weddings um south, um,
south africa weddings they'reputting wigs on and then you
know they have this hairigs onand they have this hair.
A lot of them have this hair,but they're wigs.
Kinetra (56:33):
I've styled only one African woman's natural hair.
The only thing I used was acushion to create her chignon
bun.
That was it, but that was theonly.
I've done a lot of African wigs, especially being in the DMV
Tons, and she was the only.
I've done a lot of africanwaves, especially being in the
dmv tons, and she was the onlyone.
Nia (56:52):
Well, I did an ethiopian lady but that texture is still
very different.
Kinetra (56:54):
Yeah, that texture and so um, but those are the only
two.
Other than that, it's gonna bea wig, it's gonna be a frontal,
it's gonna be a sew-in, it'sgonna be added hair it's gonna
be.
It's gonna be somethingstraight, yep, something
straight every time, every timecan you share a pivotal moment
(57:14):
or experience that led you toaccept your natural hair, or was
it something gradually thathappened?
Nia (57:20):
I believe it's gradual um.
So I'm a daddy's girl, that'sgood like I love my daddy, like
we talk every day.
Literally, he called me while Iwas here.
Um, we talk every day, he textsme every morning and two things
, two things, two things.
But but I have to attribute alot of this to my dad first.
(57:41):
Okay, he will make comments andhe'll be like what you doing
with my, my hair?
What are we going to do with myhair today?
Kinetra (57:47):
You know my hair.
Nia (57:48):
You know he took ownership of my hair and it's the way he
talked about it.
Like he kind of my daddy.
When he talks about my hair hecoos over it in such a loving
way in such a loving way.
He was like yeah, that's myhair, you know um, it's just so
soft, it's like, you know, likehe was saying, it's like soft,
(58:09):
like cotton and stuff that issoft texture.
Kinetra (58:11):
That texture, you got it super soft.
Nia (58:13):
Yes and so he will be like yeah, my hair, my hair and again
, my daddy bald head is so thatreally matters, though, for the
dad to show up in that spacelike that because it's.
Kinetra (58:24):
Some black women have faced, you know the exact
opposite, where their dad wasnot okay with it and would make
terrible comments towards it, sothat helps out a lot
emotionally it does, and so thetype of love and the bonding
with my daddy like I hold hiscommentary to the highest esteem
(58:46):
that it makes such a difference.
Nia (58:49):
People are like, oh, what are we doing?
My hair today, oh, our hair ispretty today.
You know and and and justfeeding those reaffirming
positive comments like thosevery loving, loving comments.
And then my husband also takingownership.
You know, like him also beingpatient, like, like, because
(59:11):
he's seen me have a couple ofbreakdowns before he would like
come and hug me, and he will belike well, babe, like how can I
help you?
I love the moments of intimacythat are surrounded around my
hair, with me and my husband.
Um, he will scratch my scalp,he will will shampoo my hair.
Kinetra (59:25):
He will help me detangle.
Nia (59:27):
He has even tried to like, help me do like twists, like
two-strand twists and stuff, andso like I'll just sit down and
he'll like massage, Like he'lllike grease my scalp and then
like massage and moisture.
He loves playing in my hair andhe always makes the comments
he's.
He's like, you know, it's justme practicing for my future
daughter, so that intimate spaceis in the bonding.
(59:51):
Like my husband loves my hair,my daddy loves my hair and
they're here cheering me on as Icontinue to fall more in love
with my hair it matters, it doesmatter it definitely matters.
It definitely matters who's inyour corner.
Kinetra (01:00:05):
It definitely matters who's in your ear when it comes
to that, it definitely matterswho's in your ear.
And the feedback that's themost important are you know the
people that are closer to you?
Yes, you could be feeling sodamn good about your hair, what
you done done to it and that oneperson that mean everything to
you, questioning, and now you'requestioning.
Nia (01:00:31):
It's like you know I was good before I saw you and I'm
glad you said that, so I'm gonnatake this back.
Yeah, when I was 18 I had aboyfriend at the time and I was
running time I first wentnatural 18, going on 19 or
whatever, and I came home withit all cut off and yeah the
reaction to that was so negativeyeah, yeah.
Kinetra (01:00:42):
What do you say I?
Nia (01:00:43):
was called a little boy.
I was laughing.
Yeah, well, you know, x isexamples.
Kinetra (01:00:49):
Examples that's right.
That's why he back there.
Yeah, back, way back, way back.
Nia (01:00:54):
But yeah, he would he was just would make fun, uh, make
fun of it.
And he was like, oh, you needto grow that back.
You need to grow that back.
I can't, I can't be.
Um, intimate is what I'm goingto say with someone who looks
like a boy, you know, just stufflike that.
And I was just like, oh, okay,yeah, horrible, yeah.
Kinetra (01:01:14):
What advice would you give other young black women who
may be struggling with theirnatural hair?
Nia (01:01:21):
Ooh.
First I would say be patient,but I know that it's easier said
than done.
Allow yourself.
You're human, it's okay to feelhowever you feel.
But the one thing I woulddefinitely suggest is do not act
on impulse.
Space off those feelings don'tdo it.
(01:01:44):
You've made some impulsivedecisions, you, you feel um, no,
no, um, maybe when I first likeearly 20s yes, but now no.
But you've thought about it, sothat's why you like, don't do
it yes, don't, and I know if Ithought about it like being
frustrated.
I'm like man, what if I just cutmy hair off?
(01:02:04):
I don't have to do this anymore, right, like I can just cut it
all off.
And um, because it is a journey,it's quite literally a journey
and so you need to lean intoyour, your um humanity a little
bit and understand that with thejourney is going to come the
ups and downs is going to come,um, all types of emotions, and
that's okay and best practice,um that I could encourage is to
(01:02:30):
do a hair journal.
You can vlog it yeah, write itdown take pictures, but just
really so you can capture themoments in your journey.
So, and that way, if you everjust look back over it, you can
really have so much gratitudetowards it because I'm so
grateful for the journey andlike of my hair now, like I
really am just so grateful um.
(01:02:50):
I encourage, I 100% encouragethat and I encourage that.
If you see a space is needed,yeah created.
Kinetra (01:03:00):
Created um.
Nia (01:03:01):
It's funny because we, before we started recording, I
said that I had recorded a meatlike blowjob.
Kinetra (01:03:07):
Yeah, the review and.
Nia (01:03:08):
I had decided when I recorded that initially I was
like I think I'm going to.
It's not enough for Crepresentation.
I'm going to start somethingbecause it's not enough.
It's not enough places to go andlook for inspirations.
It's not enough of anything forthis.
So where do we, where do we goto find, you know?
So create the space and if yousee that it's lacking, if you
(01:03:29):
see it's not enough, even if youfeel like it's oversaturated
child, it's a lot of bread inthe bread, on the bread it ain't
never oversaturated, so it'snever, never, never okay because
that's the case why we got somany grocery stores.
So think of it like that like wehave.
We have a lot of like.
There's a bunch of cars.
All the cars do the same thing.
They have to serve the samefunction, but there's a plethora
of them.
So don't think that your storydoesn't count, don't think that
(01:03:52):
your voice is not worth beingheard.
Insert yourself boldly,beautifully, and be proud about
that incision absolutely andthat's what I would recommend.
Yeah, a thousand percent.
I wish I would have hadsomebody tell me this when I was
in my 20s but you know, yeahwisdom comes age and age come
(01:04:12):
well not an experience.
Kinetra (01:04:14):
You had to experience that in order to arrive there,
you know, mentally you know, andalso learning how to do your
hair that helps.
Once you learn what to do, itbecomes a lot, you know, less
challenging.
You know it's like makeup.
Nia (01:04:29):
It's literally like that once you get your formula down
people always ask me like why,how can you do your makeup in 10
minutes?
Because I, I know, I just know,yeah, it's a wash rinse, repeat
.
So when you do that with hairand you get your formula down
and you already know what'sgonna work and you don't have to
go through all of this.
Kinetra (01:04:46):
You are, you know the time all of it is just a lot
more easier to manage.
Yeah.
Nia (01:04:51):
A lot more easier to manage .
Okay.
Kinetra (01:04:55):
Okay, nia, thank you so much for coming on the Hair.
What I'm Saying show we reallyappreciate your story.
Please let our listeners knowhow we can all stay in
connection with you all, right,well?
Nia (01:05:07):
thank you for having me so you guys can follow me on
instagram at I bless spaces,underscore artistry.
I'm also I bless faces ontiktok and I also have an I
bless faces beauty community onfacebook that you can join um
and you can follow my.
You can follow my Facebook pageor send a friend request at Nia
(01:05:29):
Ford and if you're everinterested in wanting to learn
more about makeup because I amhere to teach women to become
the masters of their own glam soif you ever want to learn how
to do your makeup or you everhave questions, you can always
go to my website atwwwiblessfacesartistrycom and
(01:05:51):
join the subscription list toget the emails for the classes
that we host.
I believe those are all of mychannels.
If I'm missing any, I'll letyou know.
Yeah, we'll add them in the shownotes yes, absolutely, but I
would just love you know justjust Instagram for sure.
I'm there a lot, um, that's mymy medium there in Facebook, but
(01:06:12):
I love to just createcommunities.
So if you're wanting somethingthat's a little more private,
you can definitely join myFacebook community and that
wraps up another enlighteningepisode of hair.
Kinetra (01:06:25):
What I'm saying?
A huge thank you to our guest,nia Ford, for sharing her
inspiring journey with us.
Remember your hair is abeautiful part of who you are
and embracing it is a powerfulact of self-love.
Join us next time for moreinsightful conversations about
all things hair.
I've been your host, kenetra.
Until next time, no-transcript.
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