TikTok Sparks Episode 1 Fallout Over "Long Hair for a Black Woman" Comment

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Our conversation about Black hair takes an unexpected turn when a clip that almost went viral before I turned off the comments to slow down the engagement, showcasing the messy yet necessary path toward healing from texturism and lenthism in our community.

• Addressing the fallout when a short TikTok clip from a longer conversation about "long hair for a black woman" sparked cruel comments

• Examining how the same content created different reactions across platforms; war on TikTok versus reserved engagement on Instagram

• Clarifying that repeating harmful language to examine it is not the same as endorsing it

• Challenging the myth that Black women cannot grow long hair; it's a retention problem, not a growth issue

• Providing specific medical tests to request if experiencing hair loss (thyroid, iron/ferritin, vitamin D, B12, hormones, cortisol, blood sugar)

• Understanding that coily textures have physical properties that make moisture retention more challenging

• Offering alternatives for respectful correction: "I hear how that language can sting. Can we unpack why?"

• Encouraging description of hair by its properties (texture, density, porosity) rather than perceived value

Share this with a friend who needs the reminder that her hair can thrive, her voice matters, and her words have weight.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to Hair, what I'm Saying, where identity
, culture and confidence cometogether through the lens of our
hair.
I'm your host, kenetra, andtoday we're going to talk about
the part of healing that is notpretty, the part where a
conversation leaves the pod andenters the comment section on
TikTok.
If you've been with us sinceepisode one this season, you

(00:24):
know we set the table ontexturism and lenthism where
they come from, how they movethrough families, workplaces and
our own self-talk.
That first episode was thefoundation, the root system.
Today is the fruit and thefallout, the moment where a
small clip from a longconversation was asked to carry

(00:45):
more than it could hold.
So here's the context.
In a recent episode, my guestdescribed her mother's hair as
quote unquote good hair and saidit was long, long for a black
woman.
I repeated her wording tounderstand what she meant, to
unpack the language so many ofus have inherited without

(01:06):
consent.
Tiktok saw a short clip of thathour and the comments went from
curious to charged to cruelhoney.
People wrote things likejealousy, envy, self-hate.
No, it is how you view blackhair.
It is you honey.

(01:27):
Oh baby, where's yourself-esteem?
It is apparent she does notlove herself and even targeting
her weight, saying things likeshe does not or has not chosen
healthy things, only negativeand derogatory behaviors.
Let me say this clearly Iunderstand the offense that

(01:48):
language can cause, I understandhow those words carry history,
but tearing down a black woman'sbody, her worth or wellness,
does not heal our community.
It harms it.
Does not heal our community, itharms it.

(02:10):
That behavior is not correction.
Hear me when I say that thoseexamples that I gave you,
whether intentional orunintentional, that behavior is
not correction.
It is a distraction, especiallyfrom what I'm trying to do with
this season.
It is not accountability, it isaggression dressed up as
concern.
That's the tone I read.

(02:31):
But before the spiral went toofar, I called my guest directly
and asked if she wanted me todelete the post.
She said no.
We agreed to keep the contentup because the conversation does
matters and we turned offcomments because the energy no
longer served healing.
It no longer served healing.
That's the whole point of thisseason.

(02:53):
But it's interesting howplatforms hold space so
different, because TikTok it wasunfiltered and at war with that
post, and then Instagram wasmore quiet, reserved, I guess,
more professional and just morefilter.
Same clip, two rooms, twooutcomes.

(03:13):
That was very interesting to me.
Now I want to redirect us withlove and with clarity.
The point of this season is tounlearn the language that keeps
us so small, to question thescripts we did not write and to
practice better language in realtime.

(03:35):
So let's talk about what washelpful, what we can keep and
what we must release honey andlet go, must release honey and
let go.
One comment asks what is goodhair?
That question is gold.
For a long time I answered goodhair is healthy hair and bad
hair is unhealthy hair.

(03:55):
I meant well, I really did.
I wanted to encourage, I wantedto lift.
Then I asked Nia how do youclassify unhealthy hair?
Just to remind you, nia was theguest in the first episode of
this season and she said it isjust that unhealthy.
That answer made me update myown language.

(04:18):
I do not need the label good orbad at all.
I can describe hair plainly andrespectfully texture, density,
color, porosity and leaveaesthetics and value judgments
at the door.
That tiny little shift freesall of us.

(04:39):
That's why you got to go backand listen to the whole episode.
There were other thoughtfulcomments that moved the
conversation forward okay,forward, because that's what
we're trying to do this season.
I think we need to say thingsaloud more often she adjusted
herself the more she spoke it.

(05:00):
We do not realize the weight ofwhat we say.
That was one comment.
The next comment I think it.
I think it is what many areused to seeing.
I have always seen a mixture.
I used to side out peoplebecause they made it seem like
my textured hair was bad, but mymom's loose curls were better.
Another comment so black womencan't maintain short hair by

(05:25):
choice.
Another one White people couldconsider the length she was
referring to as short too.
These comments do not attack,they inquire.
They take us inside the mind.
They help us dissect oppression.
They create the conditions forgrowth.
Now let me clear up two pointsso there is no confusion.

(05:49):
First, the phrase good hair wasmy guest language Quote unquote
good hair.
Let me emphasize that.
I repeated it to examine it,not to endorse it.
That was her own statement whenI said so.
You said earlier your mom hasquote-unquote good hair.
She told me my mom hasquote-unquote good hair.

(06:12):
What she meant by that was thetypical standard that we have
oppressed to believe what isgood hair, and that is literally
anything outside of kinky.
Those were her words.
I was reiterating it, I wasrepeating it, so that was her
saying that, not me asking herthe question.
I'm just repeating what shesaid, okay?

(06:35):
Second, the phrase long for ablack woman was true to her
experience.
After we recorded Nia and I goton the phone, she said black
folks act like we have not heardthat statement before and also
like it is not true.
For some in her world, growingup, very long hair on black

(06:55):
women was uncommon.
I told her my experience wasthe complete opposite.
Where I'm from, if hair was notretained in length, families
asked about basic hair, basichair care, because length
retention came with consistency.
You have two black women, tworealities, both honest.

(07:16):
Let me take a drink.
Let me take a drink.
Hold on a second.
I'm I'm getting a littleparched because y'all I'm
preaching, so no ideas, okay.
So here is where I stand as aprofessional and as your sister.
Biology does not support theclaim that black women cannot

(07:39):
grow long hair.
What we often face is not agrowth problem, it is a
retention problem.
It is a retention problem.
Your hair is always growingunless there is an internal
medical issue.
That's the struggle that'skeeping you from being able to
grow your hair.
Here is what has worked for myclients behind the chair, and I

(08:01):
have seen it repeatedly withblack women who committed to a
simple plan Get your regulartrims.
This is all over.
Social media recommended to you.
You have to stay on top of yourtrims.
You have to cut away the deadends that are preventing you
from retaining your length.

(08:23):
Okay, keep a consistent routineMoisturize and seal based on
your porosity.
So you have to know yourporosity.
Stop chasing every trendy,expensive product.
When women follow the plan,they retain the length.
I have heard my hair will onlygrow to a certain length.

(08:45):
So many times behind the chairand I have watched that belief
fall apart.
With consistency you have to beconsistent.
I am betting on yourconsistency more than those
expensive hair products that youuse.
Anything without consistency isnot going to grow.
It's no different from if youlike to water your plants.

(09:07):
If you don't stay consistent inthat routine that that plant is
trying to adapt to, then youwill never see that plant thrive
.
That's anything in life.
If you don't brush your teethregularly, your teeth are going
to rot.
If you don't take care of yourhair with some consistency and
regularly, your hair, theintegrity of it will suffer.

(09:31):
It's just like anything youtake care of with consistency.
We just have to build up enoughcourage and put out the right
tools and information in orderto help you.
Now, if you are caring for yourhair with consistency and you
are still not retaining length,you need to talk with your
doctor, ask about a basicmedical workup that can

(09:55):
influence hair health, completeblood count.
So if you have pen and paperreadily and available, I'm gonna
need you to pull it out.
Here's a strong list that youcan request from your doctor,
because all of these things,depending on the levels, will
affect your hair growth Thyroidlevels, tsh, t3, and T4.

(10:20):
Iron and ferritin.
Iron deficiency is a majorcause of hair loss.
It was also the reason why myhair last year was retaining no
well, it was retaining a lengththat had grown out, but it was
not growing, so it just stayedat a certain length forever and
I completely forgot that I wason blood thinners due to a

(10:42):
medical emergency last year, soit just thinned all my little
blood out a medical emergencylast year, so it just thinned
out my little blood out.
So I started not, you know, myhair just stopped growing.
So you know, you just have tostay on top of it and you know
how these doctors are.
They're not going to requestanything beyond the surface of
what they need to do.
So any changes you see, youknow, in your hair, please bring

(11:04):
it up to your doctor and I'lltell you why when I'm done
giving you this list.
Vitamin D black women we areknown for having insufficiency
amounts, insufficient excuse meamounts of vitamin D, so we
definitely need to make sure ourvitamin D levels are performing

(11:25):
well.
B12 hormones, estrogen,progesterone, testosterone, dhea
, cortisol, which is a stresshormone.
That cortisol, oh my goodness,that be sometimes the number one
reason why we are losing ourhair.
Blood sugar, insulin resistantmarkers, fasting glucose,

(11:46):
glucose HbA1c.
Make sure you ask for thosethings, to make sure you are
checking all of the boxes offwhen it comes to why your hair
is not growing or why you arelosing it.
And this is what I want toleave you with.
On this specific topic, if theytry to give you some pushback,

(12:10):
remind those doctors that hairloss isn't just cosmetic or
aesthetic.
It can be a sign of what'shappening inside the body.
Point blank, period.
Hair talks to you.
It doesn't decide to just falloff your head and not grow

(12:34):
because it just don't want to.
It's trying to tell youinternally I'm suffering from
something.
It could be an autoimmunedisease like lupus.
So sometimes clients, when Itell them to go request this
specific blood panel, they endup finding out other things
about their overall health.

(12:55):
And this is what gets on mynerve so bad when it comes to
requesting certain things fromdoctors.
I'm like are you here to savelives or not?
What you sign up for this for?
Like, why did you go to schoolall them years, invest all that
time and energy and money if youain't gonna do what you're
supposed to do?

(13:15):
So now I want to shift theconversation over to just
talking about themisunderstanding of when it
comes to curly and coilytextures.
There's so much misinformationon social media that leads to
this misunderstanding of how tojust simply take care of this

(13:35):
specific texture because itcatches all the backlash.
So coily and curly texturesthey have bends and turns that
make it harder for natural oilsand water to travel down the
strand.
Dryness and mechanical breakage.
Mechanical breakage is likerough handling of the hair with

(13:57):
tools such as combs and brushesand blow dryers etc.
And they show up faster thanthey do on straight textures.
That is one reason many womenfelt like relaxers help them
retain length.
Straight strands are easier tocoat with moisturizers such as

(14:18):
conditioners etc.
And detangle, so you lose lessto breakage.
That is an explanation, not aprescription.
Okay, you do not need a relaxerto keep your hair healthy.
You need the right routine forthe hair you actually have and
the patience oh my gosh, thepatience to protect it.

(14:42):
Now I want to return to thebeginning.
Now I want to return to thebeginning.
The comments that became weapons.
If you are tempted to commenton a woman's body or to shame
her choices, just pause.
Ask yourself does this educaterespectfully, or does this

(15:08):
insult?
Am I listening with empathy oram I projecting?
If the goal is healing, yourmethod has to match that energy.
Okay, so here is how we wouldredirect without all the
violence you know know you couldhave.
You could say things like I hearhow that language can sting.

(15:32):
Can we unpack why it stings andwhat to say instead?
Or you can say I grew uphearing that too.
Here is how I am unlearning it.
This shows that you can relateto the speaker that is speaking
on said topic, and then youfollow up with the education

(15:54):
that helped you unlearn thatoppression.
Or you can say when we say longor short, are we quoting our
family scale or our own, becausea lot of this stuff has been
passed down.
You can also just disagree, saywhy, but with love.

(16:16):
That is correction, that iscommunity, that is grown woman,
energy.
So what do we take away fromthis clip and the chaos that
followed?
One a short clip cannot carryan hour of context.

(16:37):
Watch the full episode if youwant the meat and potatoes.
Two educate respectfully.
We can challenge withoutshaming.
That's the thing.
Three learn how to listen withempathy and not from a place of
judgment.

(16:58):
Four update the language.
Describe hair by its properties, not its perceived value.
That was the one I'm going totake away for myself.
Five remember that growth ishappening on your head every day
.
Retention is the word andconsistency is a tool.

(17:21):
Like I said, I'm betting onconsistency and your hair cuts
and trims more than anybody'shair product out here.
That has value than theseexpensive, fancy, cute little
products with all theseglamorous marketing strategies
in order to get you to hop onthe bandwagon, in order for them

(17:41):
to pretty much make money.
Let's just call it what it is.
To Nia, thank you for yourhonesty and for staying with the
conversation when it would havebeen easier to disappear.
To the listeners who askthoughtful questions, thank you
for helping us do what thisseason is designed to do Heal

(18:01):
and grow.
To the sisters who chose alittle bit of harm, I still want
better for you.
May you find language thatlifts, though, because your
words are building something,even if you cannot see it yet.
I will close where we began inepisode one, with the truth that

(18:23):
our hair stories sit insidelarger systems we did not create
, and yet we have the power toauthor our response.
We cannot stop every stereotypefrom knocking on our door, but
we can decide what gets to livein our house, the things that we

(18:46):
internalize.
That's a.
We have to unlearn it, but it'sa choice to unlearn over here.
The house rule is simple say itwith love, say it with
precision, say it in a way thatlets another black woman breathe
easier, not harder.
Thank you for listening to hearwhat I'm saying.

(19:08):
Share this with a friend whoneeds the reminder that her hair
can thrive, her voice mattersand her words have weight.
I will see you next time.