“When a Haircut Goes Viral: Fear, Communication, and the Emotional Attachment to Black Hair”

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In this episode of Hair What I’m Saying, we unpack the haircut that went viral on TikTok and why it sparked so much emotion. From the fear many Black women have around cutting their hair to the deep emotional attachment we place on our strands, we dive into the psychology behind why haircuts can feel personal.

I break down the importance of consultations and clear communication with your stylist, showing why understanding your hair’s health is more important than just chasing length. We explore how fear and misconceptions about Black hair can turn a routine haircut into a viral moment, and why stylists often face the heat after doing their best.

If you’ve ever hesitated before a haircut, worried about losing length, or struggled with your hair’s health, this episode is for you. We talk about emotional attachment, proper consultations, and how communication between client and stylist can prevent misunderstandings. Plus, we highlight why your hair deserves care, not fear, and how letting go of damaged ends can help your hair truly thrive.

Tune in as we discuss TikTok drama, real stylist experiences, and why fear, emotional attachment, and communicationare at the center of every haircut. Whether you’re a client or a stylist, this episode will help you rethink how you view your hair and your next trim.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:25):
This is a stylus response to the client's TikTok
video that went viral.

SPEAKER_00 (00:32):
I really hope that anything to takeaway is that she
has to be confident enough,comfortable enough to speak up.
Speak up and say when you likesomething and when you don't
like something.
The goal is not only justhealthy hair, but a healthy and
happy client.

SPEAKER_01 (00:52):
Now y'all hear that right.
The emotion and the reality.
One person feels like she losteverything, and the other
thought she was just simplydoing her job.
And this right here is exactlywhy I wanted to have this
conversation.

(01:21):
So today we're unpacking it all.
What really happens when ahaircut becomes personal?
Why so many black women fearsheers and what stylists go
through when a client turnstheir chair experience into a
viral moment.
Okay, so let's get into it.

(01:42):
A client by the name of, Ibelieve, Jade, it's spelled
J-A-A-I-D-E.
I do not want to mess that up,but I believe it's Jade went
viral after accusing her stylistErica of cutting too much of her
hair.
And when I say viral, I meanviral.
The neighborhood talk picked itup.
She was emotional, even slidingdown the wall, crying, talking

(02:06):
about how she'd been growing herhair for years and felt like her
progress was pretty much robbed,just gone.
The comments, surprisingly, wentin a direction I was not
expecting.
Because anytime a client sharesa horrible experience on social
media, I'm telling you, it is areally bad situation for the

(02:30):
stylist, not the client.
But no, for the first time, itseemed as though social media
court was on the hairstylistside.
I don't know.
It was it was very weird towitness because I just knew
those comments were gonna beeating Erica up.
Okay.

(02:51):
They were saying things like,Your hair was dead.
You were holding on to splitends, she looks healthier now.
And this one, black women loveholding on to damaged hair just
to say it's long.
Now, that comment, it had a lotof people agreeing, but it also
had a lot of people disagreeingbecause me myself personally

(03:12):
know that that's not true.
I've worked in an all-whitesalon and I've seen white women
also hold on to split and deadends as well.
This is not a black woman thing.
We are just more vocal about itand we don't mind sharing about
it.
So it looks like we are the onlyone with this problem, but we're

(03:33):
not.
Continuing.
Jade actually shares some clipsof the experience happening in
the moment where you see thehair on the floor, and you see
Jade turn the camera towardsher, and she says, It's more
than what I expected, but it'sper.
And then it cuts off, and thenJade continues to share her

(03:58):
experience with us.
But I'm pretty sure she wasgetting ready to say it's
perfect.
So imagine Erica's shock wakingup to a meltdown on TikTok after
the client left, quote unquote,happy.
But it didn't stop there.
Jade allegedly threatened Erica,saying she'd have her boyfriend

(04:21):
and sister pull up on her.
And now Erica is having to seeklegal action.
That's where it went fromemotional to dangerous because
no stylist deserves to feelunsafe for doing their job with
integrity.
So let's talk about why thiskind of reaction happens because

(04:42):
it's not just about hair, it'sabout what hair represents.
A lot of black women areterrified of haircuts, and I get
it.
We've been told our hair doesn'tgrow fast compared to other
ethnicities, and it takeslonger.
And that once it's gone, it'sgone.
So every inch feels sacred, likeproof of the effort we have put

(05:03):
in.
We equate length with health,status, even identity.
So when somebody cut it, evenwith good intention, it can feel
like they're cutting away us.

But here's the truth (05:18):
holding on to damaged hair keeps us from
actually reaching those lengthgoals.
I know this is not your firsttime hearing this, okay?
Dead ends rob your hair ofstrength and movement, they make
it dry, brittle, and hard tostyle.
It's not about how long yourhair is, it's about how strong

(05:42):
and alive it is.
And Jay's hair, it did lookhealthier, fuller, and moved
with body after that cut.
But when you've built yourconfidence around your hair's
length, it's hard to see thatthrough the lens of that paint.
Now, stylus, we always catch theheat later.

(06:02):
Everything seems good during theappointment.
The client's smiling, sayingthey love it.
They even tip.
Then days later, boom, there's avideo online, a rant, a
breakdown.
And like I said, we areliterally in social media court.
I actually talk about this inseason one, episode six, when
one client almost made me walkaway from my passion.

(06:24):
She even tried to sue me.
Like it was so bad.
If you want the details, checkthe show notes.
I will leave it there.
It's actually been getting a lotof downloads lately.
I don't know what's going onwith that episode.
I'm like, are people sharingthis?
Because I am receiving a lot ofdownloads from that episode.
And that was in season one.

(06:44):
But this kind of experiencereminds us how fragile trust can
be.
We put our best foot forward,and yet one misunderstanding can
go viral overnight.
That's why consultation iseverything.
Before I ever cut a client'shair, I hand them a mirror.
I point out the breakage, eventhe ones that like to hide and

(07:05):
give you layers you didn't askfor.
Because a lot of clients theydon't quite understand how it
works practically with deadends.
They're thinking, like, youknow, they just only break at
the bottom.
Yes, that's where it starts.
But eventually, if you don'ttake care of it, it will start

(07:28):
traveling up the shaft of yourhair and break the rest of your
hair off too.
And now you have layers.
You know what I'm saying?
Do you hear what I'm saying?
Then I explain, here's what'shappening.
Here's how much I recommendcutting.
What are you comfortable with?
Especially if this is a clientwhere the trust has not been
established already.

(07:48):
You have to do it.
If they choose less, I respectit.
But I educate them, I let themknow that keeping those ends
will cause further breakage anddryness, and that we can revisit
in six to eight weeks to trim orcut more as it grows.
Most clients appreciate that.
They trust me more because Ididn't go against their wishes.

(08:10):
I invited them into the processinstead of taking control of it.
And I know that can bechallenging for us professionals
because we know what can reallyhappen, how the hair can really
thrive.
Because we're listening to thehair goals, right?
And we do ultimately want you toachieve those hair goals.

(08:31):
So sometimes I have not everdone this.
I've been accused of doing this,but I have not ever
intentionally done this.
Where I I do whatever I want todo.
Absolutely not.
I have not ever did that to aclient.
I don't even feel comfortable.
It's like a boundary that I'mnot comfortable with crossing,

(08:53):
and I respect it.
But that's how you buildlong-term trust and consistent
growth, both in the hair and inthe relationship.
And I do wonder if this wasErica's situation where she did
consult, the client was okaywith it in the moment, but not
understanding and realizing onceit was gone how much it was.

(09:18):
Even I have cut less than whatthey've recommended.
Especially when I sense thehesitance that they are not
comfortable with cutting theirhair.
If they tell me, yeah, I'm okaywith two inches, I cut like an
inch and a half.
I'm like, nope, because I don'twant to catch the backlash

(09:39):
because your two inches isdifferent from my two inches.
My two inches is exactly twoinches.
Yours is actually twocentimeters, you know.
I'm just being honest.
Like it can be really trickywhen it comes to applying shears
to a client's hair.
Every time.
But shoot, I've had to learn howto let go too.

(10:02):
We can get so emotionallyattached to our hair that we
treat it like it's a reflectionof our worth.
Like we really be doing it.
But hair does not return thefavor.
Have you noticed that?
Hair don't return the favor.
It has no attachment to us atall.
We are attached to it, but it isnot attached to us.
Let anything, anything, whetheryou neglect it, whether

(10:28):
something is going on internallythat's causing your hair loss,
it will fall out.
It'd be the first thing torespond to anything differently
going on inside your body.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I really appreciate that becauseit lets me know I need to go to
the doctor and figure somethingout because why am I losing my
hair?

(10:48):
It could be related to lupus, itcould be a thyroid issue, it
could be a number of things.
I mean, I appreciate that formof communication that it loves
to give me.
However, but it's not attachedon my head, it will not stay
there if sad things are nottaken care of.
No different from Jade.

(11:09):
Her hair was split.
I will say that.
Her hair was split.
And she even had some layersbecause of the split.
You know?
Her hair was not committed toher at all.
It's like, hey, you ain't beencutting all the ends off, so I'm
gonna break off.
You know, hair is honest, it'snot like us.

(11:33):
You know, we don't mind gettingwrapped up in a delusion of what
we think our hair is, whetherit's healthy or unhealthy.
Hair is honest and it will tellyou the truth every time you
don't do what you're supposed todo with it.
If we neglect it, overmanipulateit, or ignore its needs, it
falls, breaks, or shed, itdoesn't care how long you've

(11:55):
been on your journey, it don'tcare.
Okay, that's why detachingemotionally doesn't mean you
stop caring, it means you startcaring correctly.
You care from a place ofeducation, not fear.
Because if she understood howcutting her dead ends, even if

(12:21):
it's more than what sheexpected, in return, her hair is
about to grow back fuller andhealthier.
If she was educated, it wouldn'thave been a problem.
Might have been an eyesore,might have had to get used to
it, but she wouldn't have had afull-blown meltdown.
Now, I do want to open a doorfor real conversation.

(12:42):
I'd love to talk with Erica hereon hair, what I'm saying.
Give her space to share whatstylists really go through when
situations like this spiral,because it happens to us more
than we share.
We don't share the craziness weexperience behind that chair for
so many reasons.
We just don't have time to keepup with the momentum of the

(13:07):
traffic that it draws because wedo want to engage if y'all are
responding to the content.
We just don't have the energy,we don't have the time.
You know, a lot of our energy ispoured into y'all, especially if
you are a stylist who booksone-on-one, like how I was
operating my business.

(13:28):
I spent a lot of time, not onlyphysically, but emotionally and
mentally nurturing my clients.
And by the end of the day, youare so tired.
You just don't have it in you toshow up, which is why a lot of
us aren't on the platform evenproducing a lot of education.

(13:48):
It's just not that simple for usbecause we have so many hands in
our business.
You know, I wish it could bedifferent, but it's just not at
the moment.
But I feel like, you know,things are moving along and you
know, the beauty industry isn't,you know, it's evolving in a lot

(14:08):
of ways.
So hopefully we'll be able toget on this platform a lot more
and share our experiences withy'all.
And they are not pretty.
I'm actually glad y'all got tosee one of them.
One of them.

unknown (14:21):
You know.

SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
And plus us stylists, we can empathize with
each other, but it's hard for aclient to empathize or
sympathize with a hairstylistbecause you're not a
hairstylist.
It's easier to empathize andsympathize with the client
because you have been a clientor you are a client, and that
experience can be more relatablebecause you probably have had

(14:46):
some unfortunate experienceswith hairstylists behind that
chair.
So in those moments, you cankind of feel like some truth has
been revealed.
But sometimes it is a lie.
It is a lie, you know.
As for the client, after seeingthose messages threatening
violence, that's not the type ofguest I invite on my platform.

(15:07):
I stand for healing andaccountability, not hostility.
At the end of the day, thisisn't about taking sides, it's
about understanding how deep ourconnection to hair goes and how
that connection can turn toxicif we don't check our emotions.
Release is not lost, and thatgoes for everything in life, not

(15:30):
just your hair.
Release sometimes is the otherside of growth.
Most of the times it is,especially if you have an
unhealthy attachment, attachmentto said thing or said even said
person.
That's why I said release is notlost, can be for anything, okay?

(15:52):
Sometimes letting go of what'sdamaged is the only way to grow
again in your hair and in yourhealing period.
You've been listening to HearWhat I'm Saying.
I'm your host, Kenitra,reminding you that your stylus
is not your enemy all the time.
And sometimes the shears are thestart of something beautiful.

(16:15):
Her hair look amazing afterthat.
However, if it's not what theclient wants, they don't see
that.
So I'm just reminding you tojust be careful with your
approach and consult andcommunicate.
Cut all the blabber that's goingon behind the chair because

(16:38):
sometimes clients can get totalking so much, and you trying
to sit there and consult, butit's kind of hard because you
trying to jump in and talk aboutthe appointment while they're
talking about somethingpersonal.
It just kind of feels likeyou're interrupting them.
So it's like, when do I jump inand say, Okay, hey, let's
consult about your haircut orwhatever the case may be.

(17:02):
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I really appreciate y'allcontinuing to follow the journey

(17:24):
and even thinking what I have tosay is worth listening to.
Until next time, take care.