February 26, 2025 • 36 mins
In this engaging episode of Half Century Hangout, we explore the intrinsic value of friendships and how they shape our mental and physical health. From emotional support to shared experiences, friendships are at the core of who we are, but as adults, we often find ourselves reconsidering what truly defines a friend.
Join us as we investigate statistics suggesting that proximity is crucial to forming lasting connections. Can you believe it takes about 50 hours to become casual friends and 90 hours to start calling someone a true friend? Together, we reflect on today’s challenging landscape for building friendships, especially in the age of social media, and what that means for our connections.
As we navigate through personal anecdotes, listener feedback, and contemporary issues, we emphasize how maintaining a rich social life can significantly improve our overall well-being. This episode encourages meaningful discussions, providing insights into the complexities of friendship in today's fast-paced world. We invite you to share your experiences and thoughts with us as we keep our conversation alive. Be sure to like, subscribe, and leave a review as we continue to delve into the delights and challenges of growing friendships.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Luke (00:00):
Welcome to the Half Century Hangout.
Everybody good today?
Yeah, absolutely.
It's a beautiful day outside.
Weather's changing a little bit.
Today we are going to betalking about friendships, the
importance of them, howproximity plays a role in them
and their role on our mental andphysical health.
Let's go.
(00:21):
But before we dive into that,half Century Hangout has a few
things we'd like to celebrate.
Chuck (00:29):
Yeah, we do so.
You guys, I don't know ifyou've been on Facebook or not,
but we have a brand new logo.
We got some feedback from ourlisteners on Facebook and they
overwhelmingly enjoyed numberone.
They thought that would passthe eye test for them.
So I want to give a shout out,and thanks to Logan at Creative
(00:51):
Cub Designs.
He came up with that for us andgave us some options on what to
choose, and so be sure to checkout our brand new logo.
We're going to have some merchover the next few weeks.
It's going to be available withthat, and we'll give you guys
ways to get free merch, so be onthe lookout for that.
Luke (01:08):
Just know that with the merch, if anybody, if I see out
and about somewhere wearingsomething that has our design on
it that's there our logo I amgoing to purchase that person a
beverage of their choice.
Chuck (01:19):
You got that right.
I will too.
John (01:22):
The show's been doing good , John it has yeah, we have over
uh 300 almost 340 downloads atthis point we've got people
listening to us and you knowwhat chuck I I?
I think we're learning a lotabout each other.
Yeah, like like we say youprobably agree, we, we listen,
yeah, we learn and change ourminds sometimes right, right,
(01:43):
yep, absolutely.
Chuck (01:44):
And I like to see on our little analytics tab that we
have on Buzzsprout that ournumber one city is Omaha.
John (01:54):
Omaha.
You'd kind of expect that,right, yep.
That's a great place to be.
Chuck (01:58):
Council Bluffs is number two, kansas City is coming in at
a close number three.
Wow, like they're competingwith CB, which is interesting.
And then you have Chicago andDayton, dayton, ohio, the Flyers
, and who's from Dayton?
That would be yours truly,chuck.
John (02:19):
Kaiser.
Chuck (02:20):
That's awesome, so we're tied for who's the Chicago
connection?
I think that's probably you.
There's a few, just so we'retied for who's the Chicago
connection?
I think that's probably you,isn't it yeah?
John (02:26):
there's a few.
Luke (02:27):
Hey, just so that we have listeners.
I know that are in Omaha, but Ijust wanted to make it clear
that this past week, even thoughit was an ugly game, Michigan
did beat the University ofNebraska in basketball.
It was an ugly game, but youknow what We'll take the dub
leave town with the W on our wayto, hopefully, a Big Ten
basketball championship.
John (02:48):
And where is Michigan?
I mean what rank are?
Luke (02:51):
they.
They were 15 the other day, soI don't know if that's changed.
Chuck (02:56):
But it was an ugly game.
Where's Nebraska?
Luke (02:59):
Oh, they're not ranked.
Chuck (03:00):
They're not.
No, it was an ugly game.
John (03:03):
They're like mid-pack.
Luke (03:04):
We were there we uh took, took sun and a lot of the game
had a good time so it was funawesome, that's good awesome.
Chuck (03:10):
So we just kind of want to thank everyone that's been
listening, been contributing tothe content that they have uh
been commenting on on facebookand their other social media.
So we just appreciate you guyslistening because, uh, the fun
of this is to kind of have thediscussion after we have the
discussion, so we appreciate allthat.
Guys, you got some shout outs.
John (03:30):
Absolutely, I'd like to make a shout out to Amy and Andy
, who are listening from Omahaour number one city.
Luke (03:37):
I thought that was Grammy and Grandy.
John (03:39):
Well, it depends on whether you get a visit from the
carolers.
It could be it could be.
Luke (03:48):
I just wanted to shout out to Eric Justin and Victoria
Hesperia, michigan.
That's my little kickback upnorth.
John (03:56):
I love that.
Luke (03:56):
Hesperia, Michigan, Great people great place, just a great
place to kick back and relax.
We have a few drinks up thereonce in a while.
John (04:03):
Is that?
Luke (04:04):
upper Michigan.
It's in the lower peninsula,but in the upper half of the
lower peninsula, just North ofthe rifle hunting line, just
nice Good times.
Chuck (04:13):
Yeah, and I want to shout out to Kyle from Omaha he gave
some great feedback on theparticipate, participation
trophy discussion.
I'm sure we're going toprobably come back to that
discussion at some point.
And then Ryan from trainer uh,he had some encouragement to as
older generations that heactually mentioned on the
(04:34):
Facebook posts that we, uh, thatwe put up.
So, um, we appreciate thethanks, you guys Appreciate it.
Yep, awesome, yeah, and if youwant to hear your feedback, yeah
, and if you want to, uh, get ashout out, shout out and find us
, go ahead and find us on socialmedia and we'll be sure to give
you a shout out.
We're on Facebook, instagram,tiktok.
We are also on Twitter.
John (04:55):
Wow X X.
Chuck (04:58):
X.
Yeah, bad habit, I know.
John (05:00):
Yeah, it's hard.
It's hard to break that habit.
Chuck (05:02):
And I know, sometimes what happens is people commit to
shows.
It's happened to me I'vecommitted to a show and I watch
it and I follow it or listen toit, and all of a sudden they end
Right and it's like, where didthose guys go?
Well, we just wanted to mentionto our listeners that we have a
commitment to do at least 26episodes, but at this rate, the
(05:27):
rate that we're recording theseepisodes, we'll probably double
that.
Luke (05:32):
You mean like before we end.
Or like in our lifetime, like I, don't know.
What's our shelf life?
Chuck (05:38):
I think we're committed to this for about a year anyways
.
Luke (05:44):
Oh, I'd be surprised if it didn't last longer.
Chuck (05:46):
Yeah, I would hope it would as well, but we're
committed to, at least you know,26, probably at this point, 52
episodes.
They seem to be coming outweekly.
We originally planned on doingthem twice a month, but I think
we're doing weekly now.
John (05:57):
I think weekly's good.
Luke (05:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's not like we don't have anything to talk
about you.
Chuck (06:01):
guys are committing to us , so we're going to commit to
you.
Absolutely 100% Appreciate it.
John (06:06):
Luke never has anything to talk about, nah Ha.
Chuck (06:11):
Only always.
Only always, only always.
Luke (06:14):
John, what are we going to talk about today?
John (06:15):
We're going to talk about friendship and maybe we could
segue into that and talk about alittle bit about the
friendships that you've hadthroughout your lifetime and how
they impacted you, do, you guysremember this song?
Luke (06:35):
I do, it's Houdini, it's Houdini.
Chuck (06:37):
Yes, Circa what 1983?
Luke (06:40):
Somewhere around there.
You know, since we were talkingabout Friends today, I thought
it was appropriate just to bringa little in.
You know, I mean why not?
Chuck (06:49):
You know, the problem with that song is it's got like
a five-minute intro.
I know it does.
Should I fast forward a littlebit?
Oh, I don't know.
Luke (06:56):
Oh, there it goes.
We're going to have to waituntil the first.
You know when it says friends,right?
Chuck (07:09):
Yeah.
Luke (07:09):
I think so.
It's almost there.
So, in the whole matter offriends, I mean, how did this
come up?
Chuck (07:19):
As I was thinking about what shows we could be talking
about, I heard a little snippetof a TikTok influencer, and she
was talking about the importanceof proximity in relationship to
friendships, and so as I beganto kind of chew on that, I think
I sent it to you guys therewere a few stats that she kind
(07:45):
of shared that I thought werepretty helpful.
Actually and this is what shesaid she said the single most
important factor to determinefriendships is proximity.
John (07:57):
And what do you mean by being with somebody?
Chuck (08:00):
Yeah, how often do you see one another?
Yeah, right, yeah.
How often do you see oneanother?
Yeah, right, yeah.
How often do you see oneanother?
And I can relate in myrelationships, the friendships
I've had over the years, thatthe intimacy of the friendship I
mean.
You know what I mean byintimacy, right?
How well you know the person.
John (08:20):
Yeah, I understand, that's what you're talking about.
Chuck (08:21):
And the level of it's not just how well you know, but the
level of connection to whereyou can say I am connecting
emotionally with this person.
We're kind of on the same sheetof music, we have the same
vision whatever about life, thatthose types of relationships
are built by being with eachother.
And the stats that she gave wasfrom the University of Kansas.
(08:45):
I know that our friend overhere, luke, kind of doubts these
stats because he has somethingissue with uk, but she said it
takes 50.
The study says it takes 50hours of time to become casual
friends 50 hours a week or.
Just 50 hours 50 hours.
(09:07):
Yeah, 50 hours we don't have,okay, yeah, so I mean, before
you become a casual friend ofsomeone you spend about 50 hours
together, 50 hours with them.
John (09:20):
Gotcha yeah, gotcha yeah.
Chuck (09:22):
And then it says it takes 90 hours of time to consider
someone a friend.
So before I would call you myfriend, luke, according to this
study we'd have to spend 90hours together.
Over the last five years, Ithink we probably spent more
than 90 hours.
Luke (09:40):
I would agree.
Yeah, what's the last one yougot?
You got one more.
Chuck (09:43):
Yep, it takes about 200 hours to consider someone a
close friend.
Luke (09:49):
So this is where I'm going to go with this, all right.
Chuck (09:51):
All right, let's go.
Luke (09:53):
I think and I did read through your stats and I was
just giving you crap beforeabout the.
UK.
But the thing that we talkedabout this before, when we were
talking about participationtrophies I think we could do a
little bit of an age thing withthis as well, Because as kids or
(10:17):
kids today they could becomefriends with someone a lot
faster than 50 hours.
In other words, they're hangingout, they live in the same
neighborhood, they're therechilling, they go out, they play
soccer for three hours andtheir mom says where have you
been?
I was playing with my friends,Like they're talking about it.
Now that might not be on thesame level that we would call
each other friends.
It's not that deep that it'sthere.
(10:38):
But I think what this researchis talking about, a lot of it is
obviously for adults, notnecessarily for kids.
But I think some of the numbershave been skewed a bit because
(10:58):
of COVID and I think thingschanged a little bit.
The idea that the proximity topeople was gone for a while
right, because there was all youknow, people were in their own
areas and not interacting witheach other nearly as much as
they had been before, likepersonally.
(11:19):
So I think that it's kind ofskewed a little bit because of
that.
But maybe it's just because mepersonally I can look at
somebody and you know if I metwith somebody and say, hey, you
know, I consider them a friend,or I don't know that I delineate
it that much that somebody's agood friend or they're a close
friend, or I mean I always tellkids, you know, you can only
(11:40):
really have one best friend,right, I mean it's kind of in
the word right, I mean they saythey got 10 best friends it.
Well, I don't know if you canreally date it, because it
doesn't make it a best friend.
Then right.
Chuck (11:48):
It waters down the tunnel , yeah.
Luke (11:49):
You know.
So I think I mean I understandwhat the person's saying.
I mean, like I get it, but thenumbers seem a little bit high
to me, at least personally forme, that it would take that much
time to do it.
I mean I get what the person'ssaying, that obviously proximity
would help for sure.
It's not like if it's justonline.
If I meet somebody and I'mtalking to them on the phone,
(12:11):
it's probably not gonna be thesame thing.
But why is that in person sucha big deal?
Because you pick up bodylanguage.
You pick up all sorts ofnon-verbal cues.
You pick up a lot of thingsthat you normally wouldn't see.
You know does.
Does 50 hours of time togetherinclude, like if you were on
facetime, like on a screen, ordoes it have to be like live?
Chuck (12:35):
you know what I'm saying.
I don't know that I would spenda whole lot of time with
anybody on facetime if we hadn'talready reached that 200 hour
mark probably.
John (12:44):
Right, right.
So you're probably saying thatto continue that friendship.
After you've spent that timewith people, like during COVID,
you may have continued somefriendships without the personal
interaction.
It might have been over thephone, it might have been
(13:08):
FaceTime whatever it is, but youcultivated or continued that
friendship that you already hadestablished right.
Chuck (13:22):
I don't think you guys are saying this, but I didn't
make any new friends duringCOVID.
John (13:31):
Wow, that was dead meat silence.
Luke (13:35):
It was, but I don't think I was just ready for you to say
that, which it's not bad, but Idon't think that.
I don't know.
I guess maybe here at my age Idon't know that I'm making a
whole lot of new friends.
You know what I mean.
Chuck (13:50):
It's like where's my?
Luke (13:53):
so I have my circle of friends right, my group of
people that I hang her out, thatI choose to hang out with.
Do I go out somewhere?
Do I need to find more friends?
I don't know.
I got plenty.
John (14:03):
You know what I?
Luke (14:03):
mean, it's not like it's something that I don't want to
say, that it was just because ofCOVID that I didn't make any
new friends, because it wasn'tbecause of that, it's just for
the fact that I'm not reallylooking you know what I mean.
John (14:13):
Does that make sense?
Luke (14:13):
Well, but I hear what you're saying, that you weren't
out and about and you weren'tmeeting people.
John (14:29):
So you chance, if you're saying it and if you think of
these, these numbers, you thinkabout life.
So we kind of throw kids into aplace where they are spending
time with people.
Right, sure they're.
They have schools that they goto, they have neighborhoods that
they belong to.
Maybe belong to a church orwhat, what have you?
(14:51):
But they have a built-in timethat they spend with friends,
that they get to know but ofcourse right in that, especially
with that for adults as well.
Luke (15:04):
And and just be sure that, just because you spend time
together doesn't mean you'regoing to be friends either.
John (15:09):
Right as we grow, though as we grow, we go to college.
We have a different set offriends.
As we grow, we get in theworkforce, we go to work and we
get a different set of friends.
Luke (15:26):
I think the other part of it, I think that's what you're
talking about.
John (15:29):
is the?
Luke (15:29):
other part of it for me, like you're saying, john, I
think that as you grow older butalso in maturity and different
things, and you start to kind offigure out who you are as a
person, right, like you actuallyknow what your goals and what
your everything is.
Yeah, who you are as a person,right, like you actually know
what your goals and what youreverything is.
The other part that I see thatI'm adding to John's thing is
that people that I also havethat were family members, okay,
(15:57):
like maybe cousins or some otherpeople, maybe as kids or even
as young adults.
I didn't view those people asfriends.
They were family.
You know it's different Now asI I'm older.
I consider them now friends aswell, not just my cousins or not
, you know, whatever.
It's a little bit different.
So, yeah, part of that I thinkwith the friendship thing and
(16:17):
part of why I was struggling alittle bit when we first started
talking about this, is that thefriends thing, I feel like
depending on the person, it canchange, not just in how much
time it is or anything like that, but also what you define as a
friend.
(16:38):
That's the thing, because yourdefinition of a friend might be
different than what mine is, butI think for some people and we
see it a lot with kids what dothey need to get out of a friend
, like it's kind of a what haveyou done for me lately, kind?
John (16:51):
of thing, chuck, you said something a while ago and I
remember this there aretransactional friends, and what
was the other word you used?
Chuck (17:03):
I can't remember, and what was the other word you used
.
John (17:18):
I can't remember when you talked about your young man that
you're working with.
You said we can betransactional with where it's a
back and forth and you do thisfor me, I do this for you.
Or you can have a friendshipthat builds a deeper friendship,
and I think that's what you'retalking about when you're
(17:40):
talking about the time you spendwith people.
When you're talking about thetime you spend with people, you
get to know people a little bitmore and you start to trust
people and you start to be ableto tell them a little bit more
of the truth than you used to beable to right.
(18:01):
I mean you don't hide yourselffrom those people.
That's a next level friendshipthere.
Chuck (18:06):
When you can get to some of those things where you know
you're giving and receivingcorrection, or giving and
receiving, you know, life adviceor whatever.
That's a that's the next levelof friendship.
So you asked a question, Ithink Luke about or made a
comment about you knowfriendship, what?
What do you consider a friend?
How would you define friendship?
Luke (18:29):
I don't know that I have a real direct answer to that, but
what I do see is that thatfriend part is super important
in our lives, right?
I mean in everybody's, whetherthey want to say they're a loner
or they're a hermit or you knowwhatever, there's still people
in their life one way or theother that they're friends with
it might have been from a longtime ago, they might be an old
(18:51):
curmudgeon that lives in thewoods, but the idea is they
still have friends.
But they might not need as muchfrom their friends as somebody
else does.
They don't need to talk to themfive times a day or once a day
or whatever.
They might be fine with once amonth.
They might be fine with theoccasional text or the
occasional Facebook post orsomething, especially if you
(19:11):
don't live near them.
Right, right.
But I think for me, friends arejust people that obviously I'm
close to on some level, whateverthat level is.
But it's about being able toknow that friends are there,
that they know they could cometo me for anything anytime, that
hey, I'm here for you, nomatter what.
(19:33):
You can call me in the middleof the night and figure it out.
There's people that call me inthe middle of the night
sometimes.
I wouldn't know anyone whocalled me.
No, john doesn't know anythingabout that, but it's one of
those things where there'speople and then there's people.
You know what I mean.
Right like there's your thingand I, and for me personally, at
my age of where I'm at in mylife right now, that's what to
me.
It means more of that.
(19:54):
These are people that know mewell enough, are comfortable
enough with me, and they havebeen for a long time and they
know that I'm there for them andI I, you know I feel the same
way about them that they'rethere for me if I need somebody,
you know, but I tend to.
I'm a little stubborn sometimes, and so I probably would try to
(20:15):
do something a hundred timesbefore I'd ask somebody else for
help.
John (20:18):
Yeah, because.
Luke (20:19):
I'm just kind of that way sometimes, sure, like it's great
, it's just kind of the way I am, yeah, but I'd like to think
that my friends, my closefriends, anybody that we call
each other friends, would beable to call me and say, hey,
can you come help me with this?
Or I need something or whateverit is, and I'd be happy to.
John (20:36):
And Luke, that goes the other way too.
You know, you said it's hardfor you to ask for help, but we
have to ask for help too.
Yeah, we do, and hopefullythat's something that you feel
comfortable doing.
Chuck (20:50):
How would you define a friend?
John (20:51):
John Boy, I do look at the time I spend with people.
I think Luke is right in.
You're able to rely on thosepeople, you're able to ask those
people for help and those goodfriends are able to talk to you
(21:14):
and be honest with you.
Chuck (21:15):
And.
John (21:17):
I think it is for me, a lot of trust that gets built,
and I don't think that trustgets built unless you do spend
time with people, right?
So I guess that's that's what Iconsider.
Friends is, uh, someone I spendtime with yeah someone I can
(21:37):
trust and someone I can tellthem anything and they're
they're honest with me and cantell me anything what?
Chuck (21:44):
What about you, chuck?
First of all, I think thesehours that she's talking about
is kind of looking back.
Right, you can say, oh, thatperson's been probably just by
(22:08):
the disruption in your normalrhythms of life that there's
something wrong.
When they know the look on yourface, when they see a
difference in your actions oryour demeanor or your
personality changes, I think aclose friend is going to say,
(22:30):
alright, something is going onwith Chuck, you know so.
They know you probably in waysbetter than you know yourself.
Luke (22:38):
I think one of the things that I keep coming back to in my
head is people at work.
I spend a lot of time withpeople at work, right, depending
on where you work and how youknow, if you work full time,
that 50 hours is a week or two,right, you're there, yeah, but I
don't know that every personthat I work with I would call
(22:59):
them a friend, right, you know,and I don't know that, and I'm
not trying to be a jerk, butit's like there are people that
we would say we're going to movethat to the next level.
You know what I mean Like to befriends or we're okay with just
maintaining our workplace.
(23:21):
We're friendly.
Exactly, we're not necessarilyfriends, but we're friendly.
I think that that's where theline gets drawn sometimes, that
people think, well, if you'renot my friend, you're an enemy.
Well, no, that doesn't.
I mean there's a lot of peoplethat live that way, but it's
like that's not the case at all.
(23:42):
I mean somebody that I see atthe store who I've not spent at
least 50 hours with.
You're friendly with them.
That doesn't mean they're yourfriend, right, you're friendly
with them, you're a nice person,you're kind, you know whatever
it is, and I think that we inthe, in the field that we work
in, are able to try to emulatethat to kids as much as we can,
(24:05):
because a lot of kids strugglewith that.
you know, they struggle withthis idea that all that person,
they looked at me sideways orwhatever.
Chuck (24:11):
Yeah, and I think that's an emotional maturity issue too.
Luke (24:13):
You're right.
John (24:14):
You're right 100% Kids are trying to figure out who they
can trust.
Luke (24:19):
Why do so many adults do it?
Chuck (24:20):
Well, I mean again, it's probably emotional maturity for
an adult, because they're notbeyond that right we are not
beyond that For sure.
Luke (24:28):
Not beyond that, right, we are not beyond that for sure.
I think that, um, you knowthere's been so much talk about
a lot of these things where Ithink, to be honest with you
when I know we've talked aboutit just a little bit but social
media itself for those like youjust used the word maybe they're
emotionally immature or theyhaven't quite developed I think
(24:49):
that social media has ruinedthat and slowed it down way too
much for the development of thekids, because you can see the
kids, the difference in the kidswho get outside and play in
groups compared to the kids thatyou never see outside.
Like there's kids in my streetthat I never see outside, except
when I see them walking homefrom school or getting off the
bus.
I never see them outside everagain.
(25:10):
We see kids every day that tellme you know, like we were out
of school for what?
Four days or whatever it was,last week.
Hey, what'd you do?
Nothing.
My parents told me I couldn'tleave the house, or I couldn't
do this or I couldn't do that.
It's like what I mean and it'ssad because those abilities to
make those connections withother kids tend to then just go
(25:31):
into your phone and you know aswell as I do, unless you have a
sarcastic font or something elsethat I don't know about.
You could be saying somethingwhere, if I say it to you in
person, you know if I'm beingreal or not.
Chuck (25:43):
That's a great idea a sarcastic font.
Luke (25:45):
Oh, I thought about that.
In the 80s we talked about it.
We needed a font Because wewere talking about mood rings
back then.
John (25:52):
And it was one of those things.
Luke (25:53):
It's like I need a font on a phone.
When phones first came out, I'mlike I need a font or something
, or something in the phone thatpicks up what my mood is, and
it's like a mood ring and if itcomes through in red, watch out
or whatever.
John (26:07):
Because I watch out, you know, or?
Luke (26:08):
whatever, because I think that it's it's it's just.
It's one of those things whereour kids don't I shouldn't say
our kids, I mean they'reeverybody's kids, but it there's
so many of them that they don'thave those connections.
I mean 50 hours on Facebook oron TikTok or on Snapchat is not
the same thing no it's sosuperficial and it's so just
(26:28):
based in nothing yeah it's.
John (26:30):
It's not real so and, and you're talking a lot about
communication- yeah right andand that friends communicate
yeah and friends spend timetogether communicating face to
face.
Yeah, that's what happens withfriends, right?
Chuck (26:48):
well it's, you're right.
And one of the things when, aswe get back to like this
proximity question, that kind ofmade me buy into this uh, is I
think the three of us havebenefited from proximity because
I I've known you, for you'vebeen our ad.
For what?
four years, three years, threeyears, three years and I've
known you a little bit beforethat, um, but I really didn't,
(27:12):
you weren't my friend, I mean,if no, I wouldn't probably even
talk to you if we passed eachother in iv, you know, oh,
there's.
There's luke peterson yeah butnow I would, I would stop well,
sure, we chat right yeah andjohn, I don't suck, I'm going in
the other aisle, that's mostpeople.
But uh, john, I didn't know youat all.
But I think the I don't know 20or 30 times that we see each
(27:36):
other in the hallways aroundthis place talking for 5, 10,
sometimes 15 minutes aboutdifferent things, sometimes work
, sometimes not have kind ofbonded the friendship that we've
built well and I and I thinkLuke is absolutely right when he
says there are certain peoplethat you do spend that time with
(27:58):
at work.
John (27:59):
And there are certain people that you're professional
with, you're friendly to, butyou aren't going to sit and have
a huge conversation with thembecause they aren't your friend,
but I don't know that.
Chuck (28:13):
this my point is I don't know that this would have
happened if we didn't haveproximity.
John (28:18):
You mean the podcast?
This relationship, oh yeah,which has led into the podcast.
Chuck (28:23):
Well, yeah, Probably I think that's the thing.
Luke (28:25):
Is that like, okay, we're just going to use the work
example, because that's whatwe're talking about.
If we wouldn't have, like johnjust said, in a different way,
is that if there's somebody atwork who I'm friendly with,
right I'm professional with themright I speak with them, we
have meetings, we talk aboutwhatever it is.
(28:46):
If I don't, or they don't, takethe next step, which is, hey, we
should go get a drink sometime,or I'm having a party at my
house, you should come, orwhatever.
Hey, you want to go out fordinner?
Yeah, if we don't take thosesteps and do that because we
want to get to know this personmore.
And I'm not talking about, like, dating and stuff, it's just.
(29:08):
I'm just talking aboutrelationship, relationship with
a person to to do it, friendship.
Maybe you would maybe you would,but then you know, if you don't
feel it.
If it's not there, it's like ehyou know, but again, I'm not
upset with that person or youknow anything like that.
It doesn't.
It doesn't have to be that justbecause you're not my friend
doesn't mean again that you'renot a good person.
(29:30):
It doesn't mean anything likethat.
It makes no difference.
I think that it's just a thingwhere if you're taking it to the
next level, you're taking it tothe next level, and we've done
this before.
I mean I have where I thoughtmaybe I was going to be friends
with somebody and it just didn'tturn out to be.
And again, it doesn't mean thatwe don't ever talk.
(29:50):
It's like going to a let's gointo a reunion, right, or
something, which we have those,I guess, since we're older,
right.
But you go to those things andit's like, oh, you remember
somebody who you knew, who theywere, but you weren't friends
with them, but you still mighttalk to them and say how are you
doing, or what's going on inyour life, or you know whatever
it is, but you're not on thatnext level where you kind of
(30:11):
probably already know thosethings.
But, john, do you even knowwhat the first time that Chuck
and I met was?
I don't know, I do not, I don'tknow, and you know it was one of
those situations where youwouldn't think that a friendship
would probably blossom from thefirst time we met.
You wouldn't think that afriendship would probably
(30:32):
blossom from the first time wemet.
I happened to be a footballcoach and Chuck was one of the
officials in a game that I wascoaching and I remembered Chuck
from it later, that's a toughrelationship right there.
And Chuck remembered me yearslater when we came back together
and oh yeah.
John (30:49):
I remember.
Luke (30:54):
Now, if I would have known your name or remembered, I
probably wouldn't haveremembered that, but I I
remember, you know, and butthat's the thing is that I think
that it's one of those dealswhere, yes, the proximity is
there, the hours, obviously, andthe time together is one thing,
but I don't want to throw itaway that there's a heck of a
lot more than that, because it'snot just the time, no, because
I spend 50 hours with you,doesn't?
mean you're going to be a friendand just because I spent what
(31:16):
was the other one 100 I meanthere's, people obviously in our
lives that we've spent morethan 200 hours friend, that I
wouldn't call a friend oh sure,and again, that doesn't make
them a bad person.
It just means that that we'renot friends or our life paths
don't mirror each other, orwhatever it is.
It's just that we happen towork in the same place.
Or I know them from church, orI know them from whatever.
Chuck (31:38):
Well, I'd be interested in hearing what our listeners
have to say about this, Likewhat is your thoughts on the
proximity question offriendships?
Is that important?
Is it not important?
What's your thoughts?
Luke (31:53):
So I think, it's good to hear from them and hear what
they think about it and again,this is just like a.
This is one of those topicsthat you know could go a million
different directions.
I mean, you could go all overthe place with it.
And I think that in the end, Ithink my biggest part of it
really is the idea that justbecause you're not friends
(32:16):
doesn't mean you can't befriendly.
And we tell kids this all thetime.
I mean it's like you know, kidsgot beef at school.
Something's going on and youtalk to them and I tell kids
this all the time.
I'm like I'm not saying youneed to be friends, I'm not
saying you don't at all.
It's just that we have to beable to coexist in a space
together and you need to be ableto just thrive in your own
(32:37):
areas in the same big area.
You just need to be able to doit and figure out a way to do it
.
And if that means you don'tever talk again, that means you
don't ever talk again, it's okay.
John (32:44):
And sometimes you got to let people be who they are right
, oh yeah absolutely.
I mean, that's got to be thatway and they don't have to be
who you want them to be right?
I'm so glad you guys haven'ttried to change me.
Chuck (32:55):
Yeah, for sure.
Luke (32:56):
Don't try to change me.
Chuck (32:57):
So part two of this discussion, which we probably
don't have time for on thisepisode, is some more research
oddly enough, that's been donethat talks about how interaction
and relationships affect ourphysical and emotional and
mental health.
John (33:15):
It's amazing, Amazing how having good friends will help
you have better mental healthbetter physical health.
Chuck (33:26):
So amazing how?
John (33:27):
that works, isn't?
Chuck (33:27):
it it is.
We'll save that for nextepisode.
That sounds great.
John (33:29):
That sounds great.
That sounds great, Luke.
You got a quote for us.
Luke (33:34):
Oh, I think I could probably scare, something up.
Chuck (33:36):
Well, let's have it.
Luke (33:38):
I've got one from a fellow named John Churton Collins, who
was a literary critic back inthe 1900s, early 1900s.
In prosperity, our friends knowus.
In adversity, we know ourfriends, dang that's good, that
hits hard.
And I think that that's kind ofwhere, when you ask me about
(34:01):
friendship, for me that's kindof where it's at.
It's not about I've kind ofalways felt this way and I try
to live my life this way.
It's not just about what I want, but I try to live my life this
way.
Is that it's not just aboutwhat I want, but I want the
people around me that are closeto know that I can give them
something, Whatever it is thatthey need.
If I can do it, I can.
If I can, I'll find somebodythat can you know what.
(34:21):
I mean, and I think that that'sa big one, and I know that you
guys have all well, not allyou've both experienced that on
some level, yeah, where maybethere was somebody who you
thought was a friend or theythought you were a friend, you
know, and things just kind ofdidn't work out the way that you
thought.
Yeah.
But I thought that was a goodquote for today, it's a good
quote, good way to end the show,guys.
John (34:42):
Great, great way.
So thanks for hanging out withus at Half Century Hangout.
If you have topics for us todiscuss, please leave a comment
on our Facebook page, HalfCentury Hangout, as always.
Like and subscribe to ourpodcast, Half Century Hangout.
Have a great day, everybody.
(35:03):
Let's go Peace out.
Chuck (35:04):
Hey guys, thanks for being my friend.
John (35:09):
All right.
Welcome to the Half Century Hangout.
Everybody good today?
Yeah, absolutely.
It's a beautiful day outside.
Weather's changing a little bit.
Today we are going to betalking about friendships, the
importance of them, howproximity plays a role in them
and their role on our mental andphysical health.
Let's go.
(00:21):
But before we dive into that,half Century Hangout has a few
things we'd like to celebrate.
Chuck (00:29):
Yeah, we do so.
You guys, I don't know ifyou've been on Facebook or not,
but we have a brand new logo.
We got some feedback from ourlisteners on Facebook and they
overwhelmingly enjoyed numberone.
They thought that would passthe eye test for them.
So I want to give a shout out,and thanks to Logan at Creative
(00:51):
Cub Designs.
He came up with that for us andgave us some options on what to
choose, and so be sure to checkout our brand new logo.
We're going to have some merchover the next few weeks.
It's going to be available withthat, and we'll give you guys
ways to get free merch, so be onthe lookout for that.
Luke (01:08):
Just know that with the merch, if anybody, if I see out
and about somewhere wearingsomething that has our design on
it that's there our logo I amgoing to purchase that person a
beverage of their choice.
Chuck (01:19):
You got that right.
I will too.
John (01:22):
The show's been doing good , John it has yeah, we have over
uh 300 almost 340 downloads atthis point we've got people
listening to us and you knowwhat chuck I I?
I think we're learning a lotabout each other.
Yeah, like like we say youprobably agree, we, we listen,
yeah, we learn and change ourminds sometimes right, right,
(01:43):
yep, absolutely.
Chuck (01:44):
And I like to see on our little analytics tab that we
have on Buzzsprout that ournumber one city is Omaha.
John (01:54):
Omaha.
You'd kind of expect that,right, yep.
That's a great place to be.
Chuck (01:58):
Council Bluffs is number two, kansas City is coming in at
a close number three.
Wow, like they're competingwith CB, which is interesting.
And then you have Chicago andDayton, dayton, ohio, the Flyers
, and who's from Dayton?
That would be yours truly,chuck.
John (02:19):
Kaiser.
Chuck (02:20):
That's awesome, so we're tied for who's the Chicago
connection?
I think that's probably you.
There's a few, just so we'retied for who's the Chicago
connection?
I think that's probably you,isn't it yeah?
John (02:26):
there's a few.
Luke (02:27):
Hey, just so that we have listeners.
I know that are in Omaha, but Ijust wanted to make it clear
that this past week, even thoughit was an ugly game, Michigan
did beat the University ofNebraska in basketball.
It was an ugly game, but youknow what We'll take the dub
leave town with the W on our wayto, hopefully, a Big Ten
basketball championship.
John (02:48):
And where is Michigan?
I mean what rank are?
Luke (02:51):
they.
They were 15 the other day, soI don't know if that's changed.
Chuck (02:56):
But it was an ugly game.
Where's Nebraska?
Luke (02:59):
Oh, they're not ranked.
Chuck (03:00):
They're not.
No, it was an ugly game.
John (03:03):
They're like mid-pack.
Luke (03:04):
We were there we uh took, took sun and a lot of the game
had a good time so it was funawesome, that's good awesome.
Chuck (03:10):
So we just kind of want to thank everyone that's been
listening, been contributing tothe content that they have uh
been commenting on on facebookand their other social media.
So we just appreciate you guyslistening because, uh, the fun
of this is to kind of have thediscussion after we have the
discussion, so we appreciate allthat.
Guys, you got some shout outs.
John (03:30):
Absolutely, I'd like to make a shout out to Amy and Andy
, who are listening from Omahaour number one city.
Luke (03:37):
I thought that was Grammy and Grandy.
John (03:39):
Well, it depends on whether you get a visit from the
carolers.
It could be it could be.
Luke (03:48):
I just wanted to shout out to Eric Justin and Victoria
Hesperia, michigan.
That's my little kickback upnorth.
John (03:56):
I love that.
Luke (03:56):
Hesperia, Michigan, Great people great place, just a great
place to kick back and relax.
We have a few drinks up thereonce in a while.
John (04:03):
Is that?
Luke (04:04):
upper Michigan.
It's in the lower peninsula,but in the upper half of the
lower peninsula, just North ofthe rifle hunting line, just
nice Good times.
Chuck (04:13):
Yeah, and I want to shout out to Kyle from Omaha he gave
some great feedback on theparticipate, participation
trophy discussion.
I'm sure we're going toprobably come back to that
discussion at some point.
And then Ryan from trainer uh,he had some encouragement to as
older generations that heactually mentioned on the
(04:34):
Facebook posts that we, uh, thatwe put up.
So, um, we appreciate thethanks, you guys Appreciate it.
Yep, awesome, yeah, and if youwant to hear your feedback, yeah
, and if you want to, uh, get ashout out, shout out and find us
, go ahead and find us on socialmedia and we'll be sure to give
you a shout out.
We're on Facebook, instagram,tiktok.
We are also on Twitter.
John (04:55):
Wow X X.
Chuck (04:58):
X.
Yeah, bad habit, I know.
John (05:00):
Yeah, it's hard.
It's hard to break that habit.
Chuck (05:02):
And I know, sometimes what happens is people commit to
shows.
It's happened to me I'vecommitted to a show and I watch
it and I follow it or listen toit, and all of a sudden they end
Right and it's like, where didthose guys go?
Well, we just wanted to mentionto our listeners that we have a
commitment to do at least 26episodes, but at this rate, the
(05:27):
rate that we're recording theseepisodes, we'll probably double
that.
Luke (05:32):
You mean like before we end.
Or like in our lifetime, like I, don't know.
What's our shelf life?
Chuck (05:38):
I think we're committed to this for about a year anyways
.
Luke (05:44):
Oh, I'd be surprised if it didn't last longer.
Chuck (05:46):
Yeah, I would hope it would as well, but we're
committed to, at least you know,26, probably at this point, 52
episodes.
They seem to be coming outweekly.
We originally planned on doingthem twice a month, but I think
we're doing weekly now.
John (05:57):
I think weekly's good.
Luke (05:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's not like we don't have anything to talk
about you.
Chuck (06:01):
guys are committing to us , so we're going to commit to
you.
Absolutely 100% Appreciate it.
John (06:06):
Luke never has anything to talk about, nah Ha.
Chuck (06:11):
Only always.
Only always, only always.
Luke (06:14):
John, what are we going to talk about today?
John (06:15):
We're going to talk about friendship and maybe we could
segue into that and talk about alittle bit about the
friendships that you've hadthroughout your lifetime and how
they impacted you, do, you guysremember this song?
Luke (06:35):
I do, it's Houdini, it's Houdini.
Chuck (06:37):
Yes, Circa what 1983?
Luke (06:40):
Somewhere around there.
You know, since we were talkingabout Friends today, I thought
it was appropriate just to bringa little in.
You know, I mean why not?
Chuck (06:49):
You know, the problem with that song is it's got like
a five-minute intro.
I know it does.
Should I fast forward a littlebit?
Oh, I don't know.
Luke (06:56):
Oh, there it goes.
We're going to have to waituntil the first.
You know when it says friends,right?
Chuck (07:09):
Yeah.
Luke (07:09):
I think so.
It's almost there.
So, in the whole matter offriends, I mean, how did this
come up?
Chuck (07:19):
As I was thinking about what shows we could be talking
about, I heard a little snippetof a TikTok influencer, and she
was talking about the importanceof proximity in relationship to
friendships, and so as I beganto kind of chew on that, I think
I sent it to you guys therewere a few stats that she kind
(07:45):
of shared that I thought werepretty helpful.
Actually and this is what shesaid she said the single most
important factor to determinefriendships is proximity.
John (07:57):
And what do you mean by being with somebody?
Chuck (08:00):
Yeah, how often do you see one another?
Yeah, right, yeah.
How often do you see oneanother?
Yeah, right, yeah.
How often do you see oneanother?
And I can relate in myrelationships, the friendships
I've had over the years, thatthe intimacy of the friendship I
mean.
You know what I mean byintimacy, right?
How well you know the person.
John (08:20):
Yeah, I understand, that's what you're talking about.
Chuck (08:21):
And the level of it's not just how well you know, but the
level of connection to whereyou can say I am connecting
emotionally with this person.
We're kind of on the same sheetof music, we have the same
vision whatever about life, thatthose types of relationships
are built by being with eachother.
And the stats that she gave wasfrom the University of Kansas.
(08:45):
I know that our friend overhere, luke, kind of doubts these
stats because he has somethingissue with uk, but she said it
takes 50.
The study says it takes 50hours of time to become casual
friends 50 hours a week or.
Just 50 hours 50 hours.
(09:07):
Yeah, 50 hours we don't have,okay, yeah, so I mean, before
you become a casual friend ofsomeone you spend about 50 hours
together, 50 hours with them.
John (09:20):
Gotcha yeah, gotcha yeah.
Chuck (09:22):
And then it says it takes 90 hours of time to consider
someone a friend.
So before I would call you myfriend, luke, according to this
study we'd have to spend 90hours together.
Over the last five years, Ithink we probably spent more
than 90 hours.
Luke (09:40):
I would agree.
Yeah, what's the last one yougot?
You got one more.
Chuck (09:43):
Yep, it takes about 200 hours to consider someone a
close friend.
Luke (09:49):
So this is where I'm going to go with this, all right.
Chuck (09:51):
All right, let's go.
Luke (09:53):
I think and I did read through your stats and I was
just giving you crap beforeabout the.
UK.
But the thing that we talkedabout this before, when we were
talking about participationtrophies I think we could do a
little bit of an age thing withthis as well, Because as kids or
(10:17):
kids today they could becomefriends with someone a lot
faster than 50 hours.
In other words, they're hangingout, they live in the same
neighborhood, they're therechilling, they go out, they play
soccer for three hours andtheir mom says where have you
been?
I was playing with my friends,Like they're talking about it.
Now that might not be on thesame level that we would call
each other friends.
It's not that deep that it'sthere.
(10:38):
But I think what this researchis talking about, a lot of it is
obviously for adults, notnecessarily for kids.
But I think some of the numbershave been skewed a bit because
(10:58):
of COVID and I think thingschanged a little bit.
The idea that the proximity topeople was gone for a while
right, because there was all youknow, people were in their own
areas and not interacting witheach other nearly as much as
they had been before, likepersonally.
(11:19):
So I think that it's kind ofskewed a little bit because of
that.
But maybe it's just because mepersonally I can look at
somebody and you know if I metwith somebody and say, hey, you
know, I consider them a friend,or I don't know that I delineate
it that much that somebody's agood friend or they're a close
friend, or I mean I always tellkids, you know, you can only
(11:40):
really have one best friend,right, I mean it's kind of in
the word right, I mean they saythey got 10 best friends it.
Well, I don't know if you canreally date it, because it
doesn't make it a best friend.
Then right.
Chuck (11:48):
It waters down the tunnel , yeah.
Luke (11:49):
You know.
So I think I mean I understandwhat the person's saying.
I mean, like I get it, but thenumbers seem a little bit high
to me, at least personally forme, that it would take that much
time to do it.
I mean I get what the person'ssaying, that obviously proximity
would help for sure.
It's not like if it's justonline.
If I meet somebody and I'mtalking to them on the phone,
(12:11):
it's probably not gonna be thesame thing.
But why is that in person sucha big deal?
Because you pick up bodylanguage.
You pick up all sorts ofnon-verbal cues.
You pick up a lot of thingsthat you normally wouldn't see.
You know does.
Does 50 hours of time togetherinclude, like if you were on
facetime, like on a screen, ordoes it have to be like live?
Chuck (12:35):
you know what I'm saying.
I don't know that I would spenda whole lot of time with
anybody on facetime if we hadn'talready reached that 200 hour
mark probably.
John (12:44):
Right, right.
So you're probably saying thatto continue that friendship.
After you've spent that timewith people, like during COVID,
you may have continued somefriendships without the personal
interaction.
It might have been over thephone, it might have been
(13:08):
FaceTime whatever it is, but youcultivated or continued that
friendship that you already hadestablished right.
Chuck (13:22):
I don't think you guys are saying this, but I didn't
make any new friends duringCOVID.
John (13:31):
Wow, that was dead meat silence.
Luke (13:35):
It was, but I don't think I was just ready for you to say
that, which it's not bad, but Idon't think that.
I don't know.
I guess maybe here at my age Idon't know that I'm making a
whole lot of new friends.
You know what I mean.
Chuck (13:50):
It's like where's my?
Luke (13:53):
so I have my circle of friends right, my group of
people that I hang her out, thatI choose to hang out with.
Do I go out somewhere?
Do I need to find more friends?
I don't know.
I got plenty.
John (14:03):
You know what I?
Luke (14:03):
mean, it's not like it's something that I don't want to
say, that it was just because ofCOVID that I didn't make any
new friends, because it wasn'tbecause of that, it's just for
the fact that I'm not reallylooking you know what I mean.
John (14:13):
Does that make sense?
Luke (14:13):
Well, but I hear what you're saying, that you weren't
out and about and you weren'tmeeting people.
John (14:29):
So you chance, if you're saying it and if you think of
these, these numbers, you thinkabout life.
So we kind of throw kids into aplace where they are spending
time with people.
Right, sure they're.
They have schools that they goto, they have neighborhoods that
they belong to.
Maybe belong to a church orwhat, what have you?
(14:51):
But they have a built-in timethat they spend with friends,
that they get to know but ofcourse right in that, especially
with that for adults as well.
Luke (15:04):
And and just be sure that, just because you spend time
together doesn't mean you'regoing to be friends either.
John (15:09):
Right as we grow, though as we grow, we go to college.
We have a different set offriends.
As we grow, we get in theworkforce, we go to work and we
get a different set of friends.
Luke (15:26):
I think the other part of it, I think that's what you're
talking about.
John (15:29):
is the?
Luke (15:29):
other part of it for me, like you're saying, john, I
think that as you grow older butalso in maturity and different
things, and you start to kind offigure out who you are as a
person, right, like you actuallyknow what your goals and what
your everything is.
Yeah, who you are as a person,right, like you actually know
what your goals and what youreverything is.
The other part that I see thatI'm adding to John's thing is
that people that I also havethat were family members, okay,
(15:57):
like maybe cousins or some otherpeople, maybe as kids or even
as young adults.
I didn't view those people asfriends.
They were family.
You know it's different Now asI I'm older.
I consider them now friends aswell, not just my cousins or not
, you know, whatever.
It's a little bit different.
So, yeah, part of that I thinkwith the friendship thing and
(16:17):
part of why I was struggling alittle bit when we first started
talking about this, is that thefriends thing, I feel like
depending on the person, it canchange, not just in how much
time it is or anything like that, but also what you define as a
friend.
(16:38):
That's the thing, because yourdefinition of a friend might be
different than what mine is, butI think for some people and we
see it a lot with kids what dothey need to get out of a friend
, like it's kind of a what haveyou done for me lately, kind?
John (16:51):
of thing, chuck, you said something a while ago and I
remember this there aretransactional friends, and what
was the other word you used?
Chuck (17:03):
I can't remember, and what was the other word you used
.
John (17:18):
I can't remember when you talked about your young man that
you're working with.
You said we can betransactional with where it's a
back and forth and you do thisfor me, I do this for you.
Or you can have a friendshipthat builds a deeper friendship,
and I think that's what you'retalking about when you're
(17:40):
talking about the time you spendwith people.
When you're talking about thetime you spend with people, you
get to know people a little bitmore and you start to trust
people and you start to be ableto tell them a little bit more
of the truth than you used to beable to right.
(18:01):
I mean you don't hide yourselffrom those people.
That's a next level friendshipthere.
Chuck (18:06):
When you can get to some of those things where you know
you're giving and receivingcorrection, or giving and
receiving, you know, life adviceor whatever.
That's a that's the next levelof friendship.
So you asked a question, Ithink Luke about or made a
comment about you knowfriendship, what?
What do you consider a friend?
How would you define friendship?
Luke (18:29):
I don't know that I have a real direct answer to that, but
what I do see is that thatfriend part is super important
in our lives, right?
I mean in everybody's, whetherthey want to say they're a loner
or they're a hermit or you knowwhatever, there's still people
in their life one way or theother that they're friends with
it might have been from a longtime ago, they might be an old
(18:51):
curmudgeon that lives in thewoods, but the idea is they
still have friends.
But they might not need as muchfrom their friends as somebody
else does.
They don't need to talk to themfive times a day or once a day
or whatever.
They might be fine with once amonth.
They might be fine with theoccasional text or the
occasional Facebook post orsomething, especially if you
(19:11):
don't live near them.
Right, right.
But I think for me, friends arejust people that obviously I'm
close to on some level, whateverthat level is.
But it's about being able toknow that friends are there,
that they know they could cometo me for anything anytime, that
hey, I'm here for you, nomatter what.
(19:33):
You can call me in the middleof the night and figure it out.
There's people that call me inthe middle of the night
sometimes.
I wouldn't know anyone whocalled me.
No, john doesn't know anythingabout that, but it's one of
those things where there'speople and then there's people.
You know what I mean.
Right like there's your thingand I, and for me personally, at
my age of where I'm at in mylife right now, that's what to
me.
It means more of that.
(19:54):
These are people that know mewell enough, are comfortable
enough with me, and they havebeen for a long time and they
know that I'm there for them andI I, you know I feel the same
way about them that they'rethere for me if I need somebody,
you know, but I tend to.
I'm a little stubborn sometimes, and so I probably would try to
(20:15):
do something a hundred timesbefore I'd ask somebody else for
help.
John (20:18):
Yeah, because.
Luke (20:19):
I'm just kind of that way sometimes, sure, like it's great
, it's just kind of the way I am, yeah, but I'd like to think
that my friends, my closefriends, anybody that we call
each other friends, would beable to call me and say, hey,
can you come help me with this?
Or I need something or whateverit is, and I'd be happy to.
John (20:36):
And Luke, that goes the other way too.
You know, you said it's hardfor you to ask for help, but we
have to ask for help too.
Yeah, we do, and hopefullythat's something that you feel
comfortable doing.
Chuck (20:50):
How would you define a friend?
John (20:51):
John Boy, I do look at the time I spend with people.
I think Luke is right in.
You're able to rely on thosepeople, you're able to ask those
people for help and those goodfriends are able to talk to you
(21:14):
and be honest with you.
Chuck (21:15):
And.
John (21:17):
I think it is for me, a lot of trust that gets built,
and I don't think that trustgets built unless you do spend
time with people, right?
So I guess that's that's what Iconsider.
Friends is, uh, someone I spendtime with yeah someone I can
(21:37):
trust and someone I can tellthem anything and they're
they're honest with me and cantell me anything what?
Chuck (21:44):
What about you, chuck?
First of all, I think thesehours that she's talking about
is kind of looking back.
Right, you can say, oh, thatperson's been probably just by
(22:08):
the disruption in your normalrhythms of life that there's
something wrong.
When they know the look on yourface, when they see a
difference in your actions oryour demeanor or your
personality changes, I think aclose friend is going to say,
(22:30):
alright, something is going onwith Chuck, you know so.
They know you probably in waysbetter than you know yourself.
Luke (22:38):
I think one of the things that I keep coming back to in my
head is people at work.
I spend a lot of time withpeople at work, right, depending
on where you work and how youknow, if you work full time,
that 50 hours is a week or two,right, you're there, yeah, but I
don't know that every personthat I work with I would call
(22:59):
them a friend, right, you know,and I don't know that, and I'm
not trying to be a jerk, butit's like there are people that
we would say we're going to movethat to the next level.
You know what I mean Like to befriends or we're okay with just
maintaining our workplace.
(23:21):
We're friendly.
Exactly, we're not necessarilyfriends, but we're friendly.
I think that that's where theline gets drawn sometimes, that
people think, well, if you'renot my friend, you're an enemy.
Well, no, that doesn't.
I mean there's a lot of peoplethat live that way, but it's
like that's not the case at all.
(23:42):
I mean somebody that I see atthe store who I've not spent at
least 50 hours with.
You're friendly with them.
That doesn't mean they're yourfriend, right, you're friendly
with them, you're a nice person,you're kind, you know whatever
it is, and I think that we inthe, in the field that we work
in, are able to try to emulatethat to kids as much as we can,
(24:05):
because a lot of kids strugglewith that.
you know, they struggle withthis idea that all that person,
they looked at me sideways orwhatever.
Chuck (24:11):
Yeah, and I think that's an emotional maturity issue too.
Luke (24:13):
You're right.
John (24:14):
You're right 100% Kids are trying to figure out who they
can trust.
Luke (24:19):
Why do so many adults do it?
Chuck (24:20):
Well, I mean again, it's probably emotional maturity for
an adult, because they're notbeyond that right we are not
beyond that For sure.
Luke (24:28):
Not beyond that, right, we are not beyond that for sure.
I think that, um, you knowthere's been so much talk about
a lot of these things where Ithink, to be honest with you
when I know we've talked aboutit just a little bit but social
media itself for those like youjust used the word maybe they're
emotionally immature or theyhaven't quite developed I think
(24:49):
that social media has ruinedthat and slowed it down way too
much for the development of thekids, because you can see the
kids, the difference in the kidswho get outside and play in
groups compared to the kids thatyou never see outside.
Like there's kids in my streetthat I never see outside, except
when I see them walking homefrom school or getting off the
bus.
I never see them outside everagain.
(25:10):
We see kids every day that tellme you know, like we were out
of school for what?
Four days or whatever it was,last week.
Hey, what'd you do?
Nothing.
My parents told me I couldn'tleave the house, or I couldn't
do this or I couldn't do that.
It's like what I mean and it'ssad because those abilities to
make those connections withother kids tend to then just go
(25:31):
into your phone and you know aswell as I do, unless you have a
sarcastic font or something elsethat I don't know about.
You could be saying somethingwhere, if I say it to you in
person, you know if I'm beingreal or not.
Chuck (25:43):
That's a great idea a sarcastic font.
Luke (25:45):
Oh, I thought about that.
In the 80s we talked about it.
We needed a font Because wewere talking about mood rings
back then.
John (25:52):
And it was one of those things.
Luke (25:53):
It's like I need a font on a phone.
When phones first came out, I'mlike I need a font or something
, or something in the phone thatpicks up what my mood is, and
it's like a mood ring and if itcomes through in red, watch out
or whatever.
John (26:07):
Because I watch out, you know, or?
Luke (26:08):
whatever, because I think that it's it's it's just.
It's one of those things whereour kids don't I shouldn't say
our kids, I mean they'reeverybody's kids, but it there's
so many of them that they don'thave those connections.
I mean 50 hours on Facebook oron TikTok or on Snapchat is not
the same thing no it's sosuperficial and it's so just
(26:28):
based in nothing yeah it's.
John (26:30):
It's not real so and, and you're talking a lot about
communication- yeah right andand that friends communicate
yeah and friends spend timetogether communicating face to
face.
Yeah, that's what happens withfriends, right?
Chuck (26:48):
well it's, you're right.
And one of the things when, aswe get back to like this
proximity question, that kind ofmade me buy into this uh, is I
think the three of us havebenefited from proximity because
I I've known you, for you'vebeen our ad.
For what?
four years, three years, threeyears, three years and I've
known you a little bit beforethat, um, but I really didn't,
(27:12):
you weren't my friend, I mean,if no, I wouldn't probably even
talk to you if we passed eachother in iv, you know, oh,
there's.
There's luke peterson yeah butnow I would, I would stop well,
sure, we chat right yeah andjohn, I don't suck, I'm going in
the other aisle, that's mostpeople.
But uh, john, I didn't know youat all.
But I think the I don't know 20or 30 times that we see each
(27:36):
other in the hallways aroundthis place talking for 5, 10,
sometimes 15 minutes aboutdifferent things, sometimes work
, sometimes not have kind ofbonded the friendship that we've
built well and I and I thinkLuke is absolutely right when he
says there are certain peoplethat you do spend that time with
(27:58):
at work.
John (27:59):
And there are certain people that you're professional
with, you're friendly to, butyou aren't going to sit and have
a huge conversation with thembecause they aren't your friend,
but I don't know that.
Chuck (28:13):
this my point is I don't know that this would have
happened if we didn't haveproximity.
John (28:18):
You mean the podcast?
This relationship, oh yeah,which has led into the podcast.
Chuck (28:23):
Well, yeah, Probably I think that's the thing.
Luke (28:25):
Is that like, okay, we're just going to use the work
example, because that's whatwe're talking about.
If we wouldn't have, like johnjust said, in a different way,
is that if there's somebody atwork who I'm friendly with,
right I'm professional with themright I speak with them, we
have meetings, we talk aboutwhatever it is.
(28:46):
If I don't, or they don't, takethe next step, which is, hey, we
should go get a drink sometime,or I'm having a party at my
house, you should come, orwhatever.
Hey, you want to go out fordinner?
Yeah, if we don't take thosesteps and do that because we
want to get to know this personmore.
And I'm not talking about, like, dating and stuff, it's just.
(29:08):
I'm just talking aboutrelationship, relationship with
a person to to do it, friendship.
Maybe you would maybe you would,but then you know, if you don't
feel it.
If it's not there, it's like ehyou know, but again, I'm not
upset with that person or youknow anything like that.
It doesn't.
It doesn't have to be that justbecause you're not my friend
doesn't mean again that you'renot a good person.
(29:30):
It doesn't mean anything likethat.
It makes no difference.
I think that it's just a thingwhere if you're taking it to the
next level, you're taking it tothe next level, and we've done
this before.
I mean I have where I thoughtmaybe I was going to be friends
with somebody and it just didn'tturn out to be.
And again, it doesn't mean thatwe don't ever talk.
(29:50):
It's like going to a let's gointo a reunion, right, or
something, which we have those,I guess, since we're older,
right.
But you go to those things andit's like, oh, you remember
somebody who you knew, who theywere, but you weren't friends
with them, but you still mighttalk to them and say how are you
doing, or what's going on inyour life, or you know whatever
it is, but you're not on thatnext level where you kind of
(30:11):
probably already know thosethings.
But, john, do you even knowwhat the first time that Chuck
and I met was?
I don't know, I do not, I don'tknow, and you know it was one of
those situations where youwouldn't think that a friendship
would probably blossom from thefirst time we met.
You wouldn't think that afriendship would probably
(30:32):
blossom from the first time wemet.
I happened to be a footballcoach and Chuck was one of the
officials in a game that I wascoaching and I remembered Chuck
from it later, that's a toughrelationship right there.
And Chuck remembered me yearslater when we came back together
and oh yeah.
John (30:49):
I remember.
Luke (30:54):
Now, if I would have known your name or remembered, I
probably wouldn't haveremembered that, but I I
remember, you know, and butthat's the thing is that I think
that it's one of those dealswhere, yes, the proximity is
there, the hours, obviously, andthe time together is one thing,
but I don't want to throw itaway that there's a heck of a
lot more than that, because it'snot just the time, no, because
I spend 50 hours with you,doesn't?
mean you're going to be a friendand just because I spent what
(31:16):
was the other one 100 I meanthere's, people obviously in our
lives that we've spent morethan 200 hours friend, that I
wouldn't call a friend oh sure,and again, that doesn't make
them a bad person.
It just means that that we'renot friends or our life paths
don't mirror each other, orwhatever it is.
It's just that we happen towork in the same place.
Or I know them from church, orI know them from whatever.
Chuck (31:38):
Well, I'd be interested in hearing what our listeners
have to say about this, Likewhat is your thoughts on the
proximity question offriendships?
Is that important?
Is it not important?
What's your thoughts?
Luke (31:53):
So I think, it's good to hear from them and hear what
they think about it and again,this is just like a.
This is one of those topicsthat you know could go a million
different directions.
I mean, you could go all overthe place with it.
And I think that in the end, Ithink my biggest part of it
really is the idea that justbecause you're not friends
(32:16):
doesn't mean you can't befriendly.
And we tell kids this all thetime.
I mean it's like you know, kidsgot beef at school.
Something's going on and youtalk to them and I tell kids
this all the time.
I'm like I'm not saying youneed to be friends, I'm not
saying you don't at all.
It's just that we have to beable to coexist in a space
together and you need to be ableto just thrive in your own
(32:37):
areas in the same big area.
You just need to be able to doit and figure out a way to do it
.
And if that means you don'tever talk again, that means you
don't ever talk again, it's okay.
John (32:44):
And sometimes you got to let people be who they are right
, oh yeah absolutely.
I mean, that's got to be thatway and they don't have to be
who you want them to be right?
I'm so glad you guys haven'ttried to change me.
Chuck (32:55):
Yeah, for sure.
Luke (32:56):
Don't try to change me.
Chuck (32:57):
So part two of this discussion, which we probably
don't have time for on thisepisode, is some more research
oddly enough, that's been donethat talks about how interaction
and relationships affect ourphysical and emotional and
mental health.
John (33:15):
It's amazing, Amazing how having good friends will help
you have better mental healthbetter physical health.
Chuck (33:26):
So amazing how?
John (33:27):
that works, isn't?
Chuck (33:27):
it it is.
We'll save that for nextepisode.
That sounds great.
John (33:29):
That sounds great.
That sounds great, Luke.
You got a quote for us.
Luke (33:34):
Oh, I think I could probably scare, something up.
Chuck (33:36):
Well, let's have it.
Luke (33:38):
I've got one from a fellow named John Churton Collins, who
was a literary critic back inthe 1900s, early 1900s.
In prosperity, our friends knowus.
In adversity, we know ourfriends, dang that's good, that
hits hard.
And I think that that's kind ofwhere, when you ask me about
(34:01):
friendship, for me that's kindof where it's at.
It's not about I've kind ofalways felt this way and I try
to live my life this way.
It's not just about what I want, but I try to live my life this
way.
Is that it's not just aboutwhat I want, but I want the
people around me that are closeto know that I can give them
something, Whatever it is thatthey need.
If I can do it, I can.
If I can, I'll find somebodythat can you know what.
(34:21):
I mean, and I think that that'sa big one, and I know that you
guys have all well, not allyou've both experienced that on
some level, yeah, where maybethere was somebody who you
thought was a friend or theythought you were a friend, you
know, and things just kind ofdidn't work out the way that you
thought.
Yeah.
But I thought that was a goodquote for today, it's a good
quote, good way to end the show,guys.
John (34:42):
Great, great way.
So thanks for hanging out withus at Half Century Hangout.
If you have topics for us todiscuss, please leave a comment
on our Facebook page, HalfCentury Hangout, as always.
Like and subscribe to ourpodcast, Half Century Hangout.
Have a great day, everybody.
(35:03):
Let's go Peace out.
Chuck (35:04):
Hey guys, thanks for being my friend.
John (35:09):
All right.
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