Handing the Shame Back

Meet Staci Reay
Survivor. Advocate

Staci was abused between 3-17 years of age by her father, who she later discovered was NOT her biological father. Her brothers were also abused by this man. Her twin brother became an alcoholic and died at age of 40. Staci herself, attempted suicide twice as a teenager, trying to escape the ongoing trauma of the abuse. Inspirational and brave, Staci’s story is well worth watching.

For more info...

Meet Damien Diver
Survivor. Married father of 3. Primary School Teacher.

Damien was abused in 2003 at age of 16 by a family friend while working with him in the school holidays. This was to continue over 2 summers, with the grooming built up over this time impacting both him and his family. The first time it happened Damien’s behaviour changed, and it was to be 16 years before he could talk about what happened to him. What happ...

It’s Christmas.

Getting through Christmas, can be an overwhelming ask for us as survivors. While many people experience joy and celebration during this time, we can feel the opposite through difficult emotions, painful memories, and feelings of isolation surfacing.

Here’s some ideas that may just help.

From all of us here at Handing the Shame Back
We see you
We stand beside you
We believe you

For more on us, go to: handingt...

Meet Alyssa Milligan
Advocate for School Student Survivors. Article Writer. High School Student.

Alyssa is an incredible 16-year-old advocate who is wanting to help other students. She was abused when she was 13 years old by a family friend. He was caught by his wife who began calling her names and denigrating her. Her parents believed her, but it was her Church youth leader who went to the police with it. He was charged with th...

It's that time of year again and we have an exciting panel discussion lined up for you. Meet Ali Mau, Survivor, recent Author and Co-founder of Tika charity. Please welcome Dean Clarkson, Survivor and Founder of the charity Wana, the first male refuge in New Zealand. Together and combined with our own very special Gloria Masters, they will be providing ideas and support to help survivors navigate the Christmas season.

For more ...

Meet John Comerford
Survivor. Mental Health Ambassador. Author

John was abused in a catholic school beginning when he was 11 years old. His abuser was a catholic brother who was later found to have been moved by the church from Melbourne to Sydney because of his sexual abuse of boys in his care. The damage he did spanned 3 decades and involved over 100 boys. John has some powerful insights and is both resilient and inspiring.

Fo...

When is the right time to disclose what happened to you as a child? There is no one answer to this. Disclosing childhood sexual abuse is deeply personal, and the “right time” should not be determined by a calendar or someone else's expectations. It should defined by you; your readiness, your safety, and your sense of emotional strength in that moment.

► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: handingtheshameba...

Every month we provide answers to YOUR questions. Yes we do read them, so please reach out to contactus@handingtheshameback.org, we want to help you! If you have a burning question, we may have an answer. Each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This month’s Q&A has a range of questions including: As a step parent, how do I have age appropriate conversations around body safety? For this and more...

Meet Dean Clarkson
Survivor. Trail Blazer. Founder. Father.

Dean was 6 years old when he was first abused by an older boy who isolated him while playing a game. He never saw him again after that, but his coping mechanism became one of self harming. He was then abused from the age of 9 - 11 by a much older girl. His life as an adult, then became one of a victim as his wife physically abused him for years. What he now does is insp...

It is beyond important for everyone to get enough sleep. For survivors it is essential. Sleep is where the mind can relax, unwind and rest. We keep our minds busy with unresolved trauma and anxiety, so a good 8 hours of sleep is essential for healing and recovery.

► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org
► Donate please, this helps us keep going: http://handingtheshameback.org/d...

Tracy Lee
Author. Activist. Lived experience CSA victim.

Tracy was the eldest of 4 children and the only girl. Her mother was 17 years old when she had her. She was abused by her father from the age of 4. She was abused by a celebrity at age 9, by a boy at age 12 and then by a man under a bridge at age 15. Her childhood was traumatic and difficult. Don’t miss her story here.

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether...

I believe that overthinking is connected to hypervigilance and is part of a post trauma response. For many survivors, overthinking became second nature, as you had no control over what was happening to you, and you began to think about, plan and replay events endlessly in your head. Simply because your survival depended on it. Question: Does it still serve you in your life as an adult? If not, keep listening to the blog, it provid...

Keith Williams
Survivor

Keith was 7 years old when the abuse began by an older brother, this went on till he was 12 years of age, at which point Keith believes he aged out. The coercive control and manipulation was powerful and ensured Keith never spoke out. He finally found his voice during Covid in 2021.

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivo...

Please reach out to contactus@handingtheshameback.org, we want to help you! If you have questions, we may have some answers, each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This month’s Q&A has a range of questions including: How do I help my kids identify who a ‘safe adult’ is? For this and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you may not have known. Once you know so...

Do you ever find yourself overthinking and wondering why you do it?

This can stem from anxiety, fear, and even feelings of not being seen, heard or understood. This was because during the time the abuse occurred, you had no way of overcoming what was happening to you. Instead of having healthy adaptive techniques you developed unhealthy maladaptive techniques. This led to becoming emotionally disregulated instead of being emotionall...

Lisa Mannina
Survivor. Pilot. Metastatic Breast Cancer Warrior

Lisa was abused by her mother's 3rd husband's son who was in his mid to late 20’s. She was 10 years old, this abuse carried on for 4 years and occurred at her family home, right under her mother’s and step father's eyes. She was frozen and confused and was told she wouldn't be believed if she ever told anyone. She did tell her best friend and she...

For most of us possibilities are not something we ever seriously consider. We tend to live with thoughts of things not working out for us as opposed to the opposite: things working out well. Did you know that if you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right? There is so much potential that lies within all of us that is largely untapped. I believe this is because we are not aware of how to access it, let alone ...

We want to help you! If you have questions, we may have some answers, each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This month’s Q&A has a range of questions including: how to support Survivors as a partner or spouse? What if I say the wrong thing? For this and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you may not have known. Once you know something, you can’t unknow it...

Meet Kieron
Survivor. Educator. CEO and Founder of Speak It Out

Kieron was 6 years old when the abuse began and was to continue until he was 17 years of age. This was perpetrated by someone close to him who he trusted and never thought would harm him. This was someone 4 years older than him.

To find out more about Speak It Out, go to: https://www.speakitout.org/ 

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, suppor...