Handing the Shame Back

What about me?
If you are the child of a narcissistic parent, it would have been almost impossible to be given any space, comfort or protection. There was no room for you as this child.
You had to take on another role to have a connection with them. 
Listen to the full clip to understand where to from here.

Go to our website for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whethe...

Meet Justine Dean
Coach, Mentor, Confidante
Justine experienced many abusers throughout her childhood and adolesence. 
You can reach out to Justine at Justinedean.com
HELP
NZ    Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz.
          Help Auckland  0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA  RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest US support for adult survi...

Healthy Bonds
Your survivor having healthy and transparent relationships is of course, optimum.
When this is not so, you will see their behaviour change in order to be accepted. This is a form of toxic bonding: arising from the abuse, and their needs not being met as children. 
(All you need to do is gently point it out, and let them know you have their back)

Go to our website (see below) for more information o...

Meet John Cardamone
He is a  Survivor, Educator, and Speaker from Victoria in Melbourne.
When he was between 6-7 years old he was abused by a family member. 
When his son became that age, John became really anxious and concerned about his safety and eventually recognised he was being triggered by his own history of abuse.
You can reach John on:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-cardamone-86632738/
https://www.in...

Triggered by children
This is very common for parents who are survivors.
When our children (of the same sex as us) turn the age we were when the abuse began, the amount of triggering this results in is almost indescribable. Memories start to flood in and become overwhelming. This is vindication and validation of what you went through. 
Try to protect the part of you that has emerged with the recall.

Go to our w...

Meet John Cardamone
He is a  Survivor, Educator, and Speaker from Victoria in Melbourne.
When he was between 6-7 years old he was abused by a family member. 
When he told his mother, she believed him instantly and from that point on, he was kept safe. 
Looking back he sees, that his parents were groomed as well
You can reach John on:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-cardamone-86632738/
https://www.instagram...

Survivors
The real you was unable to withstand the abuse, so the false self stepped up to help, and is what you used to to cope with the trauma.Through your recovery, you will find that one of the biggest challenges is in both finding  and reclaiming you. Although it sounds really scary, once done the power behind it will embolden you.

Go to our website (see below) for more information on our foundation 
Donate ple...

Welcome to Part 2 of Jeanie Dean's interview.
She is an Expert Witness | Safeguarding Safety Risk Expert | Trauma Informed Investigator and specialist interviewer and Trainer | Managing Director at Safeguarding Solutions Australia. The impact of her abuse began a healing journey leading into researching why sex offenders do what they do.This became her purpose in life. You can reach Jeanie on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin...

The real me
How we had to adapt to survive our child sexual abuse and who we became as a result is not necessarily who we 'really' are. Perhaps still lurking within is that 'false' self. 
You may recognise that, in those situations that are especially challenging, where you default back to that small child and agree or give way.  There is hope to change this.


Go to our website (see below) f...

From Melbourne Australia, a warm welcome to Jeanie Dean, who is an Expert Witness | Safeguarding Safety Risk Expert | Trauma Informed Investigator and specialist interviewer and Trainer | Managing Director at Safeguarding Solutions Australia. 
She grew up in a family of violence, and was sexually abused at the age of 15 by someone known to the family. What helped her recovery was: Time, Therapy - IFS, and learning how to protec...

Encouragement
Your survivor may feel weary and down at times about their history of child sexual abuse. Though expected and normal, they may need some encouragement at times. An effective way is to come up with 3 things that would help lift and shift their mood thereby giving them something else to focus on.

Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching w...

Luke Wiersma
Meet this brave Survivor who runs Leaderboard Meetings for Survivors of child sexual abuse. Luke was abused by an older woman as a teenager, and used drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. Eventually he got fed up with drinking and passing out everyday, so began using advocacy as a way to out of the vicious cycle.
You can contact Luke through email on wiersmaluke33@gmail.com.  
HELP
NZ    Sexual Harm Helpl...

Self Advocacy
Is one way of having your own back and looking after you
The three components to this are: to understand what your needs are,  to know what might help to support to those needs. and lastly to be able to communicate those needs.

Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.handingtheshameback.or...

Luke Wiersma
Meet this brave Survivor who runs Leaderboard Meetings for Survivors of child sexual abuse. Luke was abused by an older woman when he was a teenager, he was manipulated and controlled and began using drugs as a way to cope. The abuse continued until he was 18 years of age, at which time she considered him to be too old.
You can contact Luke through email on wiersmaluke33@gmail.com.  
HELP
NZ    Sexual H...

Survivors
As it wasn't safe to use your voice as a child, it can feel very important to you to use it today.
Honour that within you, there is a part of you that wants to, No, needs to be heard. 
This will always be a subliminal desire whether you know it or not. 
This is also a crucial and non negotiable part of the healing process.

Go to our website (see below) for more information on our foundation <...

Brinn Langdale continued...
Therapist. Speaker. Writer 
Abused by her brother 2 and a half years older than her, from 4 till age 15, Brinn was 18 before the truth finally came out. Her mother chose to support her brother over her, partly due to his heroin addiction. As a result, Brinn felt less supported.
You can reach Brinn through the wholistic approach to healing podcast. www.brinnlangdale.com
HELP
NZ    Sexu...

Leading a double life
As children who were being abused,  we still had to go to school, play sport and carry on as though everything was fine. 
No one could know what was going on, so in essence we were leading a secret or double life. 
As adults this can sometimes still be present, in us.
Please check in with yourself by responding to this question: Is who you are able to be authentic and genuine across all aspects...

Meet Brinn Langdale
Therapist. Speaker. Writer 
Abused by her brother 2 and a half years older than her, she had thought they were best friends. The abuse began when she was 4 years old and continued till she was 15.
The disclosure at age 18,  was to change her life and that of her whole family.  
You can reach Brinn through the wholistic approach to healing podcast. www.brinnlangdale.com
HELP
NZ    Sexual H...

Holding the Space
This is about you.
When supporting survivors we can end up depleted or overwhelmed or even fed up.
That's okay, and to be expected. Allow yourself to have some space for you, a bit of time away or some self care. EG, Playing footy, doing an art class. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're feeling refreshed and repleted. 

Go to our website (see below) for more informati...