Criticism is the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes. It is a critical observation or remark, and is unfavorable or unnecessary at times.
Constructive criticism is a type of feedback that offers specific and actionable advice to help someone improve; there is a sense of compassion. On the other hand, the goal of destructive criticism is to cause harm, therefore, there is no compassion. But what's at the root of it all? Where is it coming from?
In this episode, Tyler Simone uncovers destructive criticism, and provides examples of what it sounds like so that we are clear on the true motives of others.
Subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an upload! And follow Tyler for more inspiration, and a behind the scenes look at her life, living happily self-conscious.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Tyler Simone and this is the Happily Self-Conscious podcast, the show where it's
(00:06):
cool to be self-conscious.
As a personal development enthusiast, I love to learn how I can become better in all areas
of life and I want to share with you transformative tips and tricks to help you also become your
best self.
Together we'll learn how we can become more self-conscious.
Let's do it.
(00:26):
Hello and welcome to episode number 19 of the podcast.
I hope you're doing well.
(00:47):
Thank you so much for tuning in for today's episode.
I wanted to discuss criticism, specifically destructive criticism.
True destructive criticism is a sinister weapon that I don't feel is talked about enough.
(01:08):
It's not only a weapon, but a weapon of mass destruction.
And that's just my honest opinion, but I really do think it's true.
And I refer to it as a weapon because it's meant to cause destruction and pain to other
people, plain and simple.
So in this episode, I'll talk a little bit about what destructive criticism is, what
(01:32):
it feels like, and sounds like, what it actually says about the person who is doing the critiquing,
why it's so dangerous, and more.
Unfortunately, I think that we've all experienced unhelpful or hurtful criticism before.
It's not nice.
(01:52):
It can be extremely hurtful, but it is one of those things that I feel loses its power,
honestly, if we know where it's coming from and why it's happening.
So let's get into it.
So what is criticism?
Criticism is the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived
(02:17):
faults or mistakes.
It's a critical observation or a remark and is unfavorable or unnecessary at times.
There are many types of criticism, some of which can be helpful.
That is true.
But today, I wanted to touch on the negative side of criticism.
(02:40):
It's the opposite of constructive criticism, and that is destructive criticism.
Destructive criticism as a whole, it doesn't feel good, and it definitely doesn't feel
good when it comes from someone you thought you could trust.
First off, constructive criticism is a type of feedback that offers specific and actionable
(03:05):
advice to help someone improve.
It has a positive tone to it, and the goal is for someone to become better at something.
When I think of constructive criticism, I think of someone maybe highlighting something
that they know that you can improve on with compassion.
(03:25):
That's the key.
There is no compassion in destructive criticism because the goal is to cause destruction in
some way, shape, or form.
And it can be driven by a lot of different things.
Some of these things include jealousy, resentment, control, or a desire to harm the individual
(03:49):
for whatever reason they may have due to their own personal issues.
It has a tone that consists of blame and may be communicated to hurt or humiliate someone.
Criticism, and in this case, destructive criticism, is not only a verbal assault, but it's also
(04:11):
a control tactic that people and abusers use to feel more powerful, to take away the
autonomy of someone else, to feel better than or superior.
It's not a critique of the product, but it's a critique of the producer, so to speak.
And I know this is not a positive topic, but I do feel like it's great to know because
(04:35):
it helps us become better at detecting it and not absorbing it.
That way, we can simply observe it and exit stage left if we have to because it isn't
necessarily avoidable.
One thing we can do is learn more about what it sounds like.
(04:58):
Do you love to read, want to get more into reading, or just really enjoy personal development
like I do?
I invite you to join me over in the happily self-conscious book club, a free virtual book
club brought to you by bookclubs.com, designed for anyone who is looking to connect with
other people who are on their self-growth journey.
(05:21):
I am super excited about this new opportunity to connect with you and to discuss different
ways that we can become so much more effective in the way that we show up in the world, personally
and professionally.
We are all so different, we're in different stages, we've learned different lessons so
far, but we do have one thing in common.
(05:42):
We are looking to become even better, smarter, and more efficient.
I will be joining you and the other book club members live once a month to discuss our most
recent book club pick, which will be an inspiring and life-changing self-help novel.
So we'll be discussing topics like emotional intelligence, intuition, projection, perfectionism,
(06:05):
charisma, presence, leadership, and so much more to help us all on our individual self-growth
journeys.
This book club is meant to foster community and to spark interesting conversations.
I would love for you to join me in becoming even more self-conscious.
Click the link located in the show notes to join today.
(06:26):
It's just one click away.
If you've ever been criticized by someone, you probably know that it feels like an attack
on your spirit.
The core essence of who you are as a person and that's why it's so hurtful.
(06:47):
In those moments when we are given helpful constructive criticism, it's not that deep.
It feels pretty surface level if it's done in the right way of course with compassion
and humility.
Destructive criticism is unhelpful and it's damaging.
The only person that it quote-unquote helps is the person offering the criticism and like
(07:13):
I like to remember, it's a reflection of how they feel on the inside because no one who
truly loves themselves does this on purpose.
Here are a few examples of destructive criticism that you can watch out for in order to protect
yourself from the negativity and the pain directed towards you.
(07:35):
A negative or unkind tone is the first one because I think that all of the following
examples are typically communicated in a negative or unkind tone.
Derogatory or demeaning comments.
Blatant insults and this could be about anything.
It could be about your appearance, what you like to do, your personality and so on.
(07:59):
Maybe they mock your passion or your shortcomings.
It can be sarcastic or insulting remarks.
General complaints that are vague and not specific at all.
And this one can go on noticed because it's a very passive form of criticism.
These complaints they hint at something but they aren't specific which can lead you to
(08:24):
question yourself or ask for more information which can make you feel worse because it was
a personal attack.
Maybe there's no positivity or highlighting of good things.
It's just strictly negativity and that's it.
Comments that are made undermine you and your abilities making you feel inadequate, discouraged
(08:47):
or just not enough.
And when this happens the other person is usually okay with you feeling this way.
Oddly, it makes them feel better although they'll probably never tell you that.
General attacks against you as a person and not your actions or your work.
Aggressiveness when communicating a complaint which can involve blame shifting or shaming.
(09:12):
Or repeatedly pointing out your errors.
All of these examples, they kind of remind me of a bully who is super unhappy with themselves
and that's honestly what it is.
And I really love highlighting stuff like this because I hate for people, you know,
including me, us, everybody to go on being hurt by other people who won't deal with their
(09:37):
own issues.
And that's truly one of the main reasons why I love doing this and sharing the things that
I learned is that I want for us all to be more aware of these tactics being used by
people who don't reflect on themselves.
They don't do the work and apparently they have no desire to become better human beings.
(09:58):
The more we know the less of an effect that they can have on us and sometimes we do have
to go through situations to learn the lessons firsthand.
I know I have.
I've definitely been in situations where aspects of my personality and the things that I love
were critiqued in the most hurtful ways and it can be really soul crushing.
(10:24):
I've had moments where I didn't feel like I was enough or like something was wrong with
me, but not anymore.
That's for sure.
I realized that I can't rely on other people to want to be kind or to simply try their
best because sadly sometimes they just seek to bring other people down.
(10:46):
That's literally their goal, but once I started reading more books, learning that it's only
a reflection of how they feel inside and learning more about the tools and the techniques to
protect myself, they just didn't affect me in the same way.
The truth is that on our way to creating the life that we want in the midst of developing
(11:09):
better habits for ourselves and growing, we are going to come in contact with craziness
like this and it's better to know what's going on beneath the surface.
There's just so much power and being able to see someone, you know, like really see
them and their true motives.
(11:30):
There's just nothing better.
Tactics like destructive criticism can have lifelong effects on you and cause you to
lose yourself if you don't know what's happening.
But knowledge is certainly power and we're learning together.
One more point I wanted to make sure that I mentioned is that because this is often an
(11:51):
abuse tactic used to hurt and tear people down, when someone is critical of something
that you love, people that you love, a passion of yours, characteristics of your personality,
that is more than enough of a reason to walk away.
Whether it is a friendship or a relationship, when we have allowed someone into our lives,
(12:15):
and we share our passions with them, we're open with them about our past, critique is
not okay.
When that happens, it feels a lot like betrayal because you've let that person in.
It's incredibly hurtful and the trust is broken like big time.
So I would say that considering the source and what is being said is super important.
(12:41):
Who is this person?
What are they critiquing?
Is it something that you told them in confidence?
Is the critique followed up with something you can improve on?
What's the tone of the conversation?
It all matters so that you can determine the motive behind the criticism.
Some of you might have heard this quote before.
(13:01):
It's pretty popular.
Thieves don't break into empty houses, meaning someone goes after what they see as valuable.
When someone wants to knock you down, they will often aim for the things that make you
the happiest or the things that make you who you are because who you are and what you have
(13:26):
inside of you is valuable.
That's how pain manifests.
That's what it turns into.
Unaddressed pain that someone else has.
So don't forget that and don't take on someone else's pain because they don't want to deal
with it themselves.
And with that, I will leave you with this quote.
Don't be distracted by criticism.
(13:48):
Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.
I mean, that just sums it all up, doesn't it?
I really hope you enjoyed this episode.
I hope it was helpful.
Feel free to drop an episode suggestion down below in the podcast suggestion box.
(14:10):
I'd love to know which topics you're interested in.
Oh, and join me over on Instagram at Ms. Tyler Simone and at Happily Self Conscious, which
I just launched by the way, and I'm super excited about it.
I love to connect with you there as well.
I will see you here next week for another episode.
(14:32):
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to click the follow button so you don't miss future
episodes.
And if you see another one on the list that you think looks interesting, take a listen,
or just download it for later.
I'll see you next time.
Hi, I'm Tyler Simone and this is the Happily Self-Conscious podcast, the show where it's
(00:06):
cool to be self-conscious.
As a personal development enthusiast, I love to learn how I can become better in all areas
of life and I want to share with you transformative tips and tricks to help you also become your
best self.
Together we'll learn how we can become more self-conscious.
Let's do it.
(00:26):
Hello and welcome to episode number 19 of the podcast.
I hope you're doing well.
(00:47):
Thank you so much for tuning in for today's episode.
I wanted to discuss criticism, specifically destructive criticism.
True destructive criticism is a sinister weapon that I don't feel is talked about enough.
(01:08):
It's not only a weapon, but a weapon of mass destruction.
And that's just my honest opinion, but I really do think it's true.
And I refer to it as a weapon because it's meant to cause destruction and pain to other
people, plain and simple.
So in this episode, I'll talk a little bit about what destructive criticism is, what
(01:32):
it feels like, and sounds like, what it actually says about the person who is doing the critiquing,
why it's so dangerous, and more.
Unfortunately, I think that we've all experienced unhelpful or hurtful criticism before.
It's not nice.
(01:52):
It can be extremely hurtful, but it is one of those things that I feel loses its power,
honestly, if we know where it's coming from and why it's happening.
So let's get into it.
So what is criticism?
Criticism is the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived
(02:17):
faults or mistakes.
It's a critical observation or a remark and is unfavorable or unnecessary at times.
There are many types of criticism, some of which can be helpful.
That is true.
But today, I wanted to touch on the negative side of criticism.
(02:40):
It's the opposite of constructive criticism, and that is destructive criticism.
Destructive criticism as a whole, it doesn't feel good, and it definitely doesn't feel
good when it comes from someone you thought you could trust.
First off, constructive criticism is a type of feedback that offers specific and actionable
(03:05):
advice to help someone improve.
It has a positive tone to it, and the goal is for someone to become better at something.
When I think of constructive criticism, I think of someone maybe highlighting something
that they know that you can improve on with compassion.
(03:25):
That's the key.
There is no compassion in destructive criticism because the goal is to cause destruction in
some way, shape, or form.
And it can be driven by a lot of different things.
Some of these things include jealousy, resentment, control, or a desire to harm the individual
(03:49):
for whatever reason they may have due to their own personal issues.
It has a tone that consists of blame and may be communicated to hurt or humiliate someone.
Criticism, and in this case, destructive criticism, is not only a verbal assault, but it's also
(04:11):
a control tactic that people and abusers use to feel more powerful, to take away the
autonomy of someone else, to feel better than or superior.
It's not a critique of the product, but it's a critique of the producer, so to speak.
And I know this is not a positive topic, but I do feel like it's great to know because
(04:35):
it helps us become better at detecting it and not absorbing it.
That way, we can simply observe it and exit stage left if we have to because it isn't
necessarily avoidable.
One thing we can do is learn more about what it sounds like.
(04:58):
Do you love to read, want to get more into reading, or just really enjoy personal development
like I do?
I invite you to join me over in the happily self-conscious book club, a free virtual book
club brought to you by bookclubs.com, designed for anyone who is looking to connect with
other people who are on their self-growth journey.
(05:21):
I am super excited about this new opportunity to connect with you and to discuss different
ways that we can become so much more effective in the way that we show up in the world, personally
and professionally.
We are all so different, we're in different stages, we've learned different lessons so
far, but we do have one thing in common.
(05:42):
We are looking to become even better, smarter, and more efficient.
I will be joining you and the other book club members live once a month to discuss our most
recent book club pick, which will be an inspiring and life-changing self-help novel.
So we'll be discussing topics like emotional intelligence, intuition, projection, perfectionism,
(06:05):
charisma, presence, leadership, and so much more to help us all on our individual self-growth
journeys.
This book club is meant to foster community and to spark interesting conversations.
I would love for you to join me in becoming even more self-conscious.
Click the link located in the show notes to join today.
(06:26):
It's just one click away.
If you've ever been criticized by someone, you probably know that it feels like an attack
on your spirit.
The core essence of who you are as a person and that's why it's so hurtful.
(06:47):
In those moments when we are given helpful constructive criticism, it's not that deep.
It feels pretty surface level if it's done in the right way of course with compassion
and humility.
Destructive criticism is unhelpful and it's damaging.
The only person that it quote-unquote helps is the person offering the criticism and like
(07:13):
I like to remember, it's a reflection of how they feel on the inside because no one who
truly loves themselves does this on purpose.
Here are a few examples of destructive criticism that you can watch out for in order to protect
yourself from the negativity and the pain directed towards you.
(07:35):
A negative or unkind tone is the first one because I think that all of the following
examples are typically communicated in a negative or unkind tone.
Derogatory or demeaning comments.
Blatant insults and this could be about anything.
It could be about your appearance, what you like to do, your personality and so on.
(07:59):
Maybe they mock your passion or your shortcomings.
It can be sarcastic or insulting remarks.
General complaints that are vague and not specific at all.
And this one can go on noticed because it's a very passive form of criticism.
These complaints they hint at something but they aren't specific which can lead you to
(08:24):
question yourself or ask for more information which can make you feel worse because it was
a personal attack.
Maybe there's no positivity or highlighting of good things.
It's just strictly negativity and that's it.
Comments that are made undermine you and your abilities making you feel inadequate, discouraged
(08:47):
or just not enough.
And when this happens the other person is usually okay with you feeling this way.
Oddly, it makes them feel better although they'll probably never tell you that.
General attacks against you as a person and not your actions or your work.
Aggressiveness when communicating a complaint which can involve blame shifting or shaming.
(09:12):
Or repeatedly pointing out your errors.
All of these examples, they kind of remind me of a bully who is super unhappy with themselves
and that's honestly what it is.
And I really love highlighting stuff like this because I hate for people, you know,
including me, us, everybody to go on being hurt by other people who won't deal with their
(09:37):
own issues.
And that's truly one of the main reasons why I love doing this and sharing the things that
I learned is that I want for us all to be more aware of these tactics being used by
people who don't reflect on themselves.
They don't do the work and apparently they have no desire to become better human beings.
(09:58):
The more we know the less of an effect that they can have on us and sometimes we do have
to go through situations to learn the lessons firsthand.
I know I have.
I've definitely been in situations where aspects of my personality and the things that I love
were critiqued in the most hurtful ways and it can be really soul crushing.
(10:24):
I've had moments where I didn't feel like I was enough or like something was wrong with
me, but not anymore.
That's for sure.
I realized that I can't rely on other people to want to be kind or to simply try their
best because sadly sometimes they just seek to bring other people down.
(10:46):
That's literally their goal, but once I started reading more books, learning that it's only
a reflection of how they feel inside and learning more about the tools and the techniques to
protect myself, they just didn't affect me in the same way.
The truth is that on our way to creating the life that we want in the midst of developing
(11:09):
better habits for ourselves and growing, we are going to come in contact with craziness
like this and it's better to know what's going on beneath the surface.
There's just so much power and being able to see someone, you know, like really see
them and their true motives.
(11:30):
There's just nothing better.
Tactics like destructive criticism can have lifelong effects on you and cause you to
lose yourself if you don't know what's happening.
But knowledge is certainly power and we're learning together.
One more point I wanted to make sure that I mentioned is that because this is often an
(11:51):
abuse tactic used to hurt and tear people down, when someone is critical of something
that you love, people that you love, a passion of yours, characteristics of your personality,
that is more than enough of a reason to walk away.
Whether it is a friendship or a relationship, when we have allowed someone into our lives,
(12:15):
and we share our passions with them, we're open with them about our past, critique is
not okay.
When that happens, it feels a lot like betrayal because you've let that person in.
It's incredibly hurtful and the trust is broken like big time.
So I would say that considering the source and what is being said is super important.
(12:41):
Who is this person?
What are they critiquing?
Is it something that you told them in confidence?
Is the critique followed up with something you can improve on?
What's the tone of the conversation?
It all matters so that you can determine the motive behind the criticism.
Some of you might have heard this quote before.
(13:01):
It's pretty popular.
Thieves don't break into empty houses, meaning someone goes after what they see as valuable.
When someone wants to knock you down, they will often aim for the things that make you
the happiest or the things that make you who you are because who you are and what you have
(13:26):
inside of you is valuable.
That's how pain manifests.
That's what it turns into.
Unaddressed pain that someone else has.
So don't forget that and don't take on someone else's pain because they don't want to deal
with it themselves.
And with that, I will leave you with this quote.
Don't be distracted by criticism.
(13:48):
Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.
I mean, that just sums it all up, doesn't it?
I really hope you enjoyed this episode.
I hope it was helpful.
Feel free to drop an episode suggestion down below in the podcast suggestion box.
(14:10):
I'd love to know which topics you're interested in.
Oh, and join me over on Instagram at Ms. Tyler Simone and at Happily Self Conscious, which
I just launched by the way, and I'm super excited about it.
I love to connect with you there as well.
I will see you here next week for another episode.
(14:32):
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to click the follow button so you don't miss future
episodes.
And if you see another one on the list that you think looks interesting, take a listen,
or just download it for later.
I'll see you next time.
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