#20. See, and Be Seen | The Power of Eye Contact + How To Maintain It, Building Rapport Through Non Verbal Communication, First Impressions

Eye contact is a tool for effective communication, and your ability to maintain it with other people can make or break their perception of you almost immediately.

In this episode, Tyler Simone discusses why eye contact is so powerful, how it plays a role in first impressions, and shares tips for your next interaction.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, I'm Tyler Simone and this is the Happily Self-Conscious podcast the show where it's cool to be self-conscious as a personal development

(00:10):
Enthusiast I love to learn how I can become better in all areas of life
And I want to share with you transformative tips and tricks to help you also become your best self together
We'll learn how we can become more self-conscious. Let's do it!

(00:40):
Welcome to episode number 20 of the podcast
Whether you are getting ready for the day, winding down for the day, or maybe you're in the middle of the day
I hope it's been a great one for you
Today's topic is super interesting. It's captivating and I catching, pun intended, a

(01:05):
topic that is often overlooked, but it holds a lot of power in our daily interactions
It is the art of
Maintaining eye contact. Eye contact falls under the umbrella of non-verbal communication
Which is how information is shared without using words, of course

(01:27):
The eyes play a huge role in communication because they show our
Emotions they show honesty or dishonesty
They indicate that someone is paying attention or not paying attention and create connection just to name a few things
Eye contact is a social skill that can affect you personally and professionally

(01:53):
Eye contact is way more than a kind gesture
It's a tool for effective communication
Being able to maintain eye contact with other people is an amazing habit to work on
Because it can make or break the perception that other people have of you
Let's get a little sciency for just a second. So eye contact releases

(02:17):
Oxytocin which is also known as the love chemical and the chemical that creates trust between two people
It creates comfortability
Especially in your first interaction with someone else
What's so interesting is that you can walk into a room with all of the confidence in the world

(02:39):
But if you don't engage in eye contact
You'll make other people feel uncomfortable because naturally a lack of eye contact can communicate
deception or give people reason to look at you with suspicion
pun intended
Eye contact may seem like one of the things that are like duh

(03:02):
You know, but when you really think about how often you might look down or around the room while talking or
Listening during a conversation. It happens more often than we think
Research shows that we perceive those who make more eye contact to be more

(03:23):
intelligent and sincere it also shows that you are actually
Interested in what is being said eye contact is
Definitely different from staring staring can create uncomfortability and uneasiness because it can come off
Really aggressive, but there is a sweet spot

(03:46):
You are allowed to look away when you're communicating with someone and you should I've been reading
Captivate by Vanessa van Edwards for the happily self-conscious book club that I started not too long ago
Which you can join at any time the link can be found down below in the show notes
If you are interested and in the book club last month, we were discussing eye contact

(04:11):
According to the book during a conversation
It's best to meet the other person's gaze
60 to 70 percent of the time and not only that
But within the first few seconds of meeting someone it is
Especially important to try not to look away and that's because we are being assessed at all times

(04:35):
We're naturally always trying to gauge
Whether we can trust or like someone and this is all based on verbal and nonverbal communication
fun fact
We make a judgment about whether we believe
like or
Can trust someone in the first two seconds of meeting them and we rarely ever change our

(05:02):
Judgment isn't that crazy?
It makes you want to get good at first impressions because they're so important
When you look someone in the eyes, you are letting the other person know that they
Matter and what they're saying matters it can be so impactful that it can actually move people to tears

(05:22):
When done for an extended period of time?
It makes you memorable because the other person remembers how attentive you were during your interaction
It's sad to say but nowadays
Everyone is moving so fast at 100 miles a minute not taking a moment to
Acknowledge one another so when someone is actually paying attention it can be really meaningful

(05:49):
In my experience, I do find those who engage in eye contact to be people that I don't mind
Continuing to hold a conversation with because it feels comfortable
I've also found that when giving eye contact to someone who is giving a speech of some sort for example
They tend to give it right back consistently and if you are in the crowd

(06:15):
Listening to someone speak and you were to go up to them afterwards to network
They would remember you because eye contact is memorable and appreciated by everyone whether they know it or not
I came across this term while creating this episode
Eye contact anxiety the discomfort that someone feels when looking someone in the eyes and I learned that there are

(06:41):
Disorders that one can have that can make eye contact a really terrifying thing
But even those of us who don't have a disorder eye contact isn't always easy
Suffering from eye contact anxiety can definitely affect how you come off to other people because it doesn't communicate a positive message
Which is unfortunate because no one wants to have this anxiety because of what it communicates about them

(07:08):
Looking others in the eyes does seem really personal and can feel uncomfortable at first
I've definitely felt that anxiety before and not as much anymore because I try to practice eye contact as much as I can
But getting over that hump it's been a process
But I find that it does get easier with time. I have gathered some tips for

(07:34):
Maintaining eye contact to improve your social interactions
So the first tip is to use the triangle method
The triangle method is a technique that you can use to maintain eye contact without staring too much at the eyes
One version of this can be used for professional situations and the other can be used for personal situations

(07:57):
When you're in a flirty mode in a professional situation
Look at one eye look up
Between the brows or at their forehead area and then down at the other eye and in a personal
Flirty situation you would look at one eye
Down at their mouth and then back up to the other eye you want to make sure that you don't use the personal version of this

(08:24):
You know when doing an interview or something professional because that would communicate the wrong
Message but this method works because you are staying
Engaged without appearing too aggressive by fixing on the eyes and when it comes to the personal version
Looking at the lips is definitely flirty and you just might get a kiss

(08:46):
The next tip is to gaze at one eye and then the other
back at the other eye and
So on staring at one eye the entire time could be off-putting because it's a little intense
But slowly going from one to the other makes things a little less intense for you and for them

(09:07):
You can also look at a spot on their face that is near the eyes
So maybe you look right in between their eyes or at one of their eyebrows
Depending on how close you are to them
This is not likely to be noticeable in my opinion looking at their nose

(09:29):
Might be a little obvious if you're pretty close and that may come off a little odd
And another tip would be to look away at natural points in the conversation
I discovered this tip on the science of people calm
Maybe you are trying to remember someone's name that you want to mention or you're just gathering your thoughts

(09:52):
That's definitely an appropriate time to look away if maintaining more eye contact is something you'd like to get better at
I think it's great if you can increase the amount of time you can hold it as time goes on because it's not easy
But it is really important to think about as you try and build your people skills

(10:12):
And now for today's quote
Where words are restrained the eyes often talk a great deal
I hope you enjoyed this episode and will try these tips for yourself in your next interactions
Thank you so much for being here. I hope you have a great rest of your day

(10:33):
If you enjoyed this episode be sure to click the follow button so you don't miss future episodes
And if you see another one on the list that you think looks interesting
Take a listen or just download it for later. I'll see you next time

(11:11):
Yeah