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August 28, 2023 18 mins

As we navigate the world, it’s good to become more mindful and aware of what’s going on around us so that we are clear on other’s intentions. These 5 techniques will allow you to better navigate conversations personally and professionally so that you are protecting yourself at all times from anyone who is trying to deceive you for whatever reason. These techniques do require you to pay more attention to the reactions of others; physical and verbal reactions. Those will tell you a lot about someone.

In this episode Tyler Simone, will give you 5 examples of techniques you can use when you sense that something just isn't right.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Tyler Simone and this is the Happily Self-Conscious podcast, the show where it's

(00:06):
cool to be self-conscious.
As a personal development enthusiast, I love to learn how I can become better in all areas
of life and I want to share with you transformative tips and tricks to help you also become your
best self.
Together, we'll learn how we can become more self-conscious.
Let's do it!

(00:26):
Welcome to this week's episode of the Happily Self-Conscious podcast.

(00:48):
I hope you're doing well today.
I hope you're staying cool in this warm, very warm weather.
I know I'm trying my best, although the heat does kind of take a lot out of you, right?
But we're managing, we're managing, it's fine.
Everything's fine.
Today's episode is all about how to detect whether or not someone is hiding something

(01:13):
from you.
This is going to be a good one.
I think this skill is super useful in both your personal and your professional life because,
unfortunately, people sometimes hide the truth, either maliciously or in an effort to quote
unquote protect your feelings.
So knowing how to detect this is pretty important.

(01:36):
I think we've unfortunately all been in situations where we feel like something is not being
said and could sense that something just wasn't right.
At times, that gut feeling is so strong, but we may not really know how to navigate the
conversation to get more information to find out if the other person is hiding something

(02:00):
or not.
So I hope that this episode gives you the tools you need to better navigate these very uncomfortable
situations.
They are indeed uncomfortable at times, if not every time, and they're just unfortunate.
These five techniques that I'm going to share with you are great to have under your personal

(02:21):
development tool belt as you navigate the world because they strengthen your discernment.
They allow you to navigate conversations either at work or romantically so that you are protecting
yourself at all times from anyone who is trying to deceive you for whatever reason.
These techniques do require you to pay more attention to the reaction of others, their

(02:47):
physical reactions, and their verbal responses.
Those will actually tell you a lot about a person.
What's not being said?
What are they thinking?
How do they truly feel?
As we navigate the world, it's good to become more mindful and aware of what's going on
around us so that we are clear on others' intentions so that we're keeping ourselves safe.

(03:09):
One major thing I've learned being a human so far is that life is really all about mindfulness
and discernment, your ability to pay attention and to be aware of someone else's reactions.
Things that are left unsaid show up in reactions a lot of the time.
When you get that tingle, that sense within you that makes you feel like something is

(03:33):
just not right, it's not always best to confront someone head on.
You can, but when you do that, it can cause them to be defensive, which can shut the
entire conversation down entirely.
Or you might turn out to be wrong, and that's never good because it can paint you in a negative

(03:54):
light.
It can make you appear jealous or insecure, even if you're not.
Or maybe you are accusing someone of something and being wrong, but then just bring those
things to light.
When you think about it, I mean, this could turn out to be a learning lesson for you in
a different way, but that is for another episode.

(04:15):
You don't ever want to assume that you know what's going on with someone or what they're
thinking.
You essentially want to allow them to tell you either directly or indirectly.
Okay, with that being said, let's get into it.
What techniques that you can use to determine whether or not someone is hiding something

(04:38):
from you.
So for technique number one, you are going to ask a question and not just any question,
but a question that doesn't necessarily accuse the other person of doing something, but it
does allow you to bring up the situation to get more information, which will only help

(04:59):
you make the decision for yourself.
Bring up a subject or a topic and pay attention to the other person's reaction to it.
For example, if you had reason to believe that someone who you thought was your friend
stole from you, which is very unfortunate, it is best not to ask, did you steal the $50

(05:22):
I had sitting on the dresser?
Because if you are directly accusing them of doing this and they did not do it, you
have revealed to them that you don't believe they are trustworthy and it could cause issues
in your friendship or possibly end it all together.
And if they did, unfortunately do this, they could simply lie to you and say that they

(05:46):
didn't.
And if this happens, you've kind of reached a dead end.
A better way to handle this would be to say something like, after our party last night,
I noticed that the money I had on my dresser was missing.
Do you mind helping me find it?
After you voice the concern out loud, observe their reaction.

(06:07):
Are they concerned?
Are they upset about it?
Are they interested in helping you look for the money?
Are they reflecting on the night to find out maybe someone could have gone inside the bedroom
at some point?
Or are they getting uncomfortable?
Are they trying to change the subject?
If they have an uncomfortable reaction, which we'll talk about pretty soon, then it is possible

(06:31):
that they did take the money or they might know who did.
When someone is genuinely just as concerned as you are and have nothing to hide, they
are more willing to engage in the conversation because they want to help you figure things
out.
They will offer up more information, they'll ask questions and they just overall seem more

(06:52):
interested.
They aren't going to divert your attention to something else and there would be no reason
to feel uncomfortable if they had nothing to do with it.
One telltale sign that something is up that I learned from reading a book called You Can
Read Anyone is that the person you are questioning will insert themselves into the picture.

(07:16):
Isn't that interesting?
That person will try and reassure you that they would never do anything like that.
That might be something to look into further.
Technique number two is to just wonder about something, to throw the idea out there to

(07:36):
see what the other person's reaction is.
With this technique, you are once again indirectly raising a subject.
For example, say you're out on a date and you have a strange feeling that this person
is not truly interested in you as a person but is only after one thing.
And we all know what that one thing is.

(07:59):
You could say, isn't it interesting that some men go on dates hoping for sex at the end
thinking that the woman doesn't notice?
When the person that you're on a date with also finds this interesting and is not only
hoping for sex at the end of the date, he'll probably engage in the conversation a little
bit more.
He won't try to defend himself or change the subject right away because it is a topic

(08:23):
of conversation and why not talk about it?
Now if he just genuinely doesn't care about conversing at all and doesn't care to get
to know you and doesn't care what you think, this may be a sign that he's just not that
into you and that is a sign all on its own but if he is in fact purely on this date to

(08:45):
have sex at the end, he will most likely divert your attention to something else or get upset
that you even brought the topic up to begin with.
Technique number three, ask for someone's advice on something.
If you suspect that someone has been going behind your back and talking about you to

(09:06):
others, ask them for their advice on the matter without including them at all.
You could say, I would love to get your advice on something.
A co-worker of mine is worried that someone at the job is spreading rumors about her and
talking about her behind her back.
Do you have any advice on how she should go about handling that?

(09:28):
If they have been talking about you behind your back like you suspected, you will see
uncomfortable behaviors.
If they haven't been doing what you mentioned, they will firstly think that that is really
disrespectful because who wouldn't and would willingly offer their advice.
The conversation will probably go back and forth because they would be engaged in the

(09:51):
conversation.
It all seems so simple, right?
But I know that sometimes because we're afraid that something is just not right, we dive
head first into accusing someone of doing something because of our own perception and
that could bite us in the butt really quick.
Let's take a break from the techniques and talk more about the uncomfortable behaviors

(10:15):
you might visibly see when someone is hiding something from you.
They will start to become distracted.
So their eyes might start darting back and forth.
They're looking around the room because whatever you just said has them on emotional high alert.
They might just freeze entirely.

(10:37):
So instead of looking around the room, they might have that deer in headlights look.
They start to breathe harder and because this starts happening, they might try to intentionally
control their breathing to remain calm.
A sign that this is happening is deeper breathing that is noticeably different than it was before.

(10:57):
Their voice or their body might start to tremble a little.
So when they speak, their voice is a little shaky and uneasy.
Swallowing becomes more dramatic.
I thought that this was a really interesting one.
It's something that we see on TV, but according to Dr. Lieberman, the author of You Can Read
Anyone, it is actually a sign that someone is uncomfortable, scared, or has something

(11:22):
to hide.
They might clear their throat because anxiety often causes mucus to form in the throat.
The actual sound of their voice might change.
The pitch might get higher because your vocal cords tighten when you're stressed.
Pay attention to their blinking.
People actually blink more when they're nervous.

(11:45):
They might become more awkward and hyper-focused on their actions.
When someone becomes less confident in themselves or they're nervous, their ego consumes their
thoughts due to the fear or the worry that they're feeling.
A lack of confidence forces you to become more self-conscious.

(12:07):
So someone who is hiding something might instantly become more awkward.
So they'll start paying more attention to their hands or objects that are sitting around.
They become more self-aware of everything they say and do.
A good point to note here is that whenever we are confident in ourselves and are comfortable

(12:32):
in a situation, we're more interested in making sure someone understands us.
Your focus is more external, but when we are not confident or we are uncomfortable, the
focus shifts and is more internal, we become more self-conscious.
And when it comes to detecting lies, you can see that shift happen in other people almost

(12:56):
immediately.
Okay, so keep those behaviors in mind and let's get back to the techniques you can use
to get more clear on whether someone is hiding something from you.
So for technique number four, you should know that when someone's interest moves unevenly

(13:17):
in one direction, there is a chance that there is more information that has not been revealed
to you.
This might actually be one of my favorite techniques of them all.
And it's interesting because it's a technique used to find the perpetrator of crimes sometimes.
Let's use an example where you feel like there might be some infidelity going on, which is

(13:42):
such a painful topic, right?
If you have reason to believe that your partner is being inappropriate with someone at work
and you mention maybe three different people, if hiding something, your partner will pay
more attention when you mention the person's name that you suspect is the coworker that

(14:04):
your partner is being inappropriate with.
Or you might start to see some uncomfortable behaviors at the mere mention of their name.
Also people are not typically aware of their own facial expressions.
So sometimes you might see a quick change in their expression after mentioning something

(14:25):
that makes them uncomfortable and that could be assigned to.
So listen for their focus, are they focused on anyone or anything in particular, and who
or what are they focused more on at that moment.
And last but certainly not least, technique number five.

(14:46):
For this one, defensiveness tells you everything you need to know.
Let's say that you recently talked to a few of your coworkers in confidence about being
uncomfortable with a decision your boss made that is going to directly affect everyone
at your job.
Side note, telling people at your job how you feel can be a little dangerous, so be

(15:09):
careful with that.
But you're feeling really nervous about this new decision.
You're kind of afraid of how it'll impact your role at the company.
And you shared that with a few of your coworkers.
A few days later, you are unfortunately let go because somehow what you said got back
to your boss.
You remember that you only spoke to two people at your job about how you feel and you thought

(15:35):
that it was going to be kept between you guys.
So you approach them separately after you got the news.
Co-worker number one is instantly defensive.
They say, why are you asking me?
I didn't tell him.
I'm not the one you should be asking.
And the other coworker is shocked.
They say something like, what?

(15:57):
When did this happen?
I can't believe this.
How did he find out?
I'm kind of worried about my job now.
Co-worker number one is the culprit in this situation.
Why?
Instantly defensive.
Not necessarily worried about their own job because they likely were the one that shared
the information in the first place and is more interested in convincing you that they

(16:21):
weren't the one that said anything.
Co-worker number two is not coming from a guilty place.
So there is no need in getting defensive, right?
I hope that these techniques help you when you get into those sticky, uncomfortable situations
where you need more information and you need truthful information.

(16:44):
No one likes to be deceived by someone else, so it's best for us to know what it looks
like when it's happening and how to move accordingly.
I have two quotes for you today.
The first one is from Peter Drucker.
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.

(17:04):
And I have one more.
This one is from Mae West.
I speak two languages, body and English.
I thought that one was pretty cute.
Very, very thankful for you being here with me today as I always am.
If this is your first time tuning in, I'm so happy that you decided to click on this episode

(17:26):
today.
Be sure to click follow before you go so that you don't miss any future episodes.
And if you are following the podcast, thank you for continuing to come on back to listen.
I'm so happy that you're enjoying the podcast so far.
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to click the follow button so you don't miss future
episodes.
And if you see another one on the list that you think looks interesting, take a listen

(17:49):
or just download it for later.
I'll see you next time.
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