April 21, 2025 • 31 mins
"Men, ManOPause, MenOpause, walk into a midlife crisis...and Erika M's got the mic. In this episode #3- Erika M addresses the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. Yes, the gritty, unspoken truth about Erectile Dysfunction, Vaj's that turned into an oasis much like the Sahara Desert. She unpacks the hot, sweaty truth about hormone havoc, performance pressure, and why peace feels like a luxury item after 50.
It's RAW, it's REAL, and yes, somene's definitely getting called out."
..."grab your drink, we should talk"...
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
You're listening to Heart to Hearts with Erica M.
Where midlife isn't a crisis,it's a calling.
Unfiltered, unapologetic, and ohso real.
Let's talk about it, shall we?
Now here's your host, Erica M.
SPEAKER_01 (00:20):
Welcome back, my loves.
This is Erica M.
How are you?
Well, if you're here, you'reeither curious, courageous, or
officially done tolerating theunspoken BS that hits at
midlife.
Welcome.
Me too.
Today's tea, it's hot, it'shealing, and laced with truth.
We're talking about the men, themenopause, and the making of
(00:41):
peace.
Yeah, let's just get into itbecause honestly, that's a big
mouthful right there.
Menopause, menopause, and men.
I'm flaring my throat on thatone.
Yeah, it's been a big doozy.
No one prepared me for hitting50 was not Let's just say
hitting 40, 45 was something,but then hitting 50 and then 53
(01:03):
and 54 really changedeverything.
Yeah.
So what can I tell you?
The truth is no one prepares usfor this wild mess.
And that's the truth.
It comes after 45-ish.
The hormones, the crashing.
I mean, honestly, the hormonesare like the biggest part.
So let's really emphasize thatyou need to get that worked on
(01:25):
early in your 40s if you'relistening.
That doesn't mean that if you'relike late like me and no one
told you that you can't do that,but we'll get into that soon.
So yeah, your hormones willcrash like waves and yeah, the
men will disappear like little,like mister or miguitas as I
call this, you know, that meanslittle ants.
The silence that we have toendure and we suffer in silence.
(01:48):
That's a huge part of this.
The the like silent anger thatkind of seeps out and then
explodes and the power youdidn't even know, you know, that
was buried under years of peoplepleasing kind of just bursts out
through this experience.
And I think that's why so manyof us go through metamorphosis.
So like last year around thistime, I couldn't walk, right?
(02:08):
You remember that in my lastepisode and I couldn't stand.
I was in my hospital bedliterally this time last year.
fighting pain in my bones, in myhips, in my back as an avid
spinner and yoga person.
Yoga off and on my whole adultlife, but spinning was my thing.
So it's no wonder now that Ithink about it that my spine and
(02:28):
both of my hips are where theyare.
And no one told me what to doabout taking vitamin D or making
sure I had good bone density ata young age so that I could
prepare and plan for it.
But you need to.
So yeah, this is kind of like apain in my soul that I want to
share with everyone.
Yeah, at that time last year, Iwas going through all this.
And not just physically down,but emotionally, honestly,
(02:51):
wrecked.
Spiritually, like I was crackedopen like I'd never been.
I thought I'd been cracked open.
I mentioned this before.
And I remember thinking, Ireally shouldn't be alive right
now, but here I am.
And I mentioned that in my lastepisode.
And that's all I could thinkabout was, why am I here?
What's my purpose?
Why am I going through this?
And I started like siftingthrough my life and like the
(03:15):
chapters, like when I was one to10 and 10 to 20 and 20 to 30 and
30 to 40.
Now I'm 40 to 50.
Now I'm in my fifties going 50to 60.
It's not going slow guys.
Um, so this episode is for thewomen who cry in the shower or
in their car like me or in theirpillow when they can't handle it
anymore.
(03:35):
And they scream, by the way, Iwant to make an official crying
pillow.
And, uh, Either, you know, we gothrough that and we don't share
it.
We don't, hopefully no one seesus, right?
Mostly in the shower, theydon't.
In the car, most people do.
But I try to not have that be athing.
But what I'm trying to say isthat here we are women, right?
Who are making power movesduring the day.
(03:56):
And usually with men who want tolove us, but then don't know how
to handle our evolution.
And a lot of our stress and ourdistress and just the caveats
that go with aging, you know,it's just, It just leaves you
sort of dumbfounded.
So here I am like one of theones that are trying to rewrite
(04:16):
her chapter two.
I'm here with intention and withclarity and with purpose and
power using my voice because myvoice is all I have.
And before I go any further, Ido want to disclose that I am
not, and I should do thisbecause it's for my attorney
says I have to.
for legal purposes.
This platform is a mixed bag offacts, alleged information,
(04:37):
personal perspectives, andopinions.
Nothing I say is written instone, journalistic, which is
cute, or legal in any way.
Consider this my disclaimer.
Also, this is a platform forthose 18 and over, because let's
be real, we're going to talkabout some raw, unfiltered
topics.
I will do my best to keep itclean, but sometimes, especially
when the conversation gets hot,hmm, A little slip of the tongue
(04:59):
might happen.
So you've been warned.
All right.
So now that that's out of theway legally.
So where I was going with thisis that here I am.
It's my second chapter.
I'm here with intention.
I'm here with clarity.
I'm here with purpose, finally,because I finally figured it
out.
And yeah, the men, I should say,the menopause is real.
It's really real.
(05:20):
It should be called menopausebecause they do pause when we
get into menopause.
And it changes.
Sex changes.
Everything changes.
All of it does.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Your skin changes.
Your body vaginal healthchanges, just like for men, you
know, with their erectiledysfunctions at their certain
ages.
And I'm sorry, I'm going to sayit.
I'm going to lay it out the wayit is.
It's not going to besugar-coated.
(05:40):
There's no boundaries here.
If we can talk about my, youknow, hormones and menopause,
and you guys can talk about yourmenopause and going through your
ED and having your own set ofsymptoms instead of, you know,
midlife crises yourselves.
So let me just say this.
This midlife is not a crisis.
It's a clearing.
We're all clearing.
And the piece of it all, youknow, like the episode is
(06:02):
stating, you know, men,menopause and making peace.
It isn't passive.
It's a decision.
It's boundaries.
I'm saying I'm not going to dothis anymore in this way.
So, you know, we're going tospeak about healing.
And that's where we're at.
So one piece of my heart is nowdedicated to giving voice to
women and their suffering.
(06:23):
And If this episode's moved, ifI'm sorry, I can't even talk
right now.
If my episodes move you, pleasedon't fret.
Subscribe.
Okay, so if no one told you thistoday, you're not broken and
you're not too much and you'renot behind and you're not late.
(06:46):
You know, you can hit restartanytime and your badge can also
hit restart.
There's things that you can takeand there's so many like
solutions today, but that manypeople don't discuss openly.
So let's get bold and let's getpeaceful and let's find out
what's this about, you know,because literally it's always
about way more than we lead on.
(07:09):
And for me, it's about thesilent unraveling of my body
that's very raw and very loud.
And it's a rebirth of sorts, ifyou will.
And trying to make peace withthat has been such a struggle.
And I want to say this loudlyand very empathetically to
others who haven't gone throughit yet.
(07:30):
You will be going through this.
And it's inevitable.
You're going to age just likeall of us.
So anyone listening withjudgment or laughing, get ready,
my darling.
There's no escaping this unlessyou're dead.
All of us going through this,none of us are going to get out
alive.
And through it, we have to makethe best decisions we can.
(07:50):
So, yeah, we're going to havefights with our bodies and our
hormones and our pasts and theversion of ourselves that we
left behind and the ones that westill think that we need to be,
as I've been doing.
And let me tell you somethingpersonal.
As I said, you know, last yeararound this time, I couldn't
walk and I could barely stand,but it opened my eyes to what
was really broken in my life.
And it wasn't my body.
(08:11):
It was my soul.
So there's something sacredabout breaking and I want it to
be okay.
I want it to be something weshare and that it's all right to
say, you know what, I've got EDand I'm taking blah, blah, blah.
Or I've got this issue with sexlately that it's not like it
used to be.
I'm dry, it's Sahara Desert, andeveryone says, oh, just take
(08:32):
podrestrone and estrogen.
And it's like, well, you can'ttake one without the other
because it can be carcinogenic.
And so I'm like, great.
And I'm just throwing a pill ina patch and I'm told to go home.
The doctor literally did notspend more than 10 minutes on me
before...
doing my pap smear, taking whathe needed to do and leaving,
then coming back with myresults.
(08:53):
And, you know, I just cried inmy own silence because I was
very angry at how I felt and Ifelt so unheard and unseen.
I felt a sort of silent rage andit was like building over the
years and I would see myselfsnapping, snapping and people
were like, oh my God, like whatis her problem?
But I'd be like breaking out inmid conversation to sweats that
(09:16):
were like as if I'd ran a mile,literally no joke.
So I'm here to tell you, you'renot crazy.
You're evolving.
And men, before you get into it,I know that some of you can't
handle it.
that our evolution is too muchfor you, that aging can be so,
oh my God, her skin changed.
Well, yours is too.
I was going to say something.
Yours is also.
(09:37):
And let me just explainsomething.
While we don't go arounddiscussing things, you guys
definitely don't go arounddiscussing things either.
But we have to.
Because if we want this tochange, we have to open up to
it.
So yeah.
There is something I used, andeveryone whom I've spoken to has
(09:57):
used some sort of cheat, if youwill, with your hormones.
And that would be how it impactsyou sexually.
It impacts your sex drive, yourmood, your memory weight, your
memory and weight, andconfidence.
And then you've got the wholething, like I mentioned, the
vaginal atrophy, which isdryness and emotional distance
(10:18):
in relationships, by the way,not just down there.
because it does get dry, likeeverything sort of halts.
And I'll remember like themoment I felt like, oh, wow,
wow, this is different.
So how many of you, and I'm justasking this, obviously, how many
of you have gone through thiswhere you feel like you're
losing yourself and you're lessattractive or less feeling sexy?
(10:41):
I've been there, I've beenthere, but I'm here to tell you,
you can get it back.
You can claim it right back andbetter.
You know, it's just aboutgetting on the right
bio-identical path hormones.
So see a doctor.
I am not a doctor.
I am just telling you mypersonal experiences.
And try your best to find yourpath.
Because if you don't, by thetime you're 50, you might have
(11:01):
osteoporosis.
Well, it's called arthritis inyour bones.
I don't really ever know how tosay it correctly.
Osteosterosis and another one.
But that's what happens to uswomen.
We lose bone density and we getbad hips, bad spines, and blah.
And then all of a sudden, youknow, it sucks.
(11:23):
So let me just start with therealest thing I ever said on
this mic.
And I didn't even know I was inmenopause.
I really didn't.
I thought I was losing my mind,to be honest with you.
I forgot my names.
My name, no.
I forgot names.
See, I can't even talksometimes.
Dates.
All the time forgetting where Iput my keys or in
mid-conversation just going,what did I just say?
And like, Stepping back andsaying, what is going on here?
(11:47):
And at the same time, I lost mydesire.
If you want to be honest,perfectly honest in my entire
life, I lost the desire to beintimate.
Not to mention the lastheartache I had, which ended
horribly in 23, late 23.
which was a situationship, bythe way, that's all I ever want
(12:08):
to call it, because what I willsay about that is that it really
affected me in my hormonalmenopausal, post-menopause,
because I'm out of it now, at54.
I'd started mine about 48, butlike I said, I'd forgot things.
I was so like in brain fog.
And you know, like I said,desire for sex and desire for
people even, and desire for me,for me, just was like whittled
(12:33):
down to Forcing myself, youknow, like I'd look in the
mirror and I didn't recognizemyself anymore.
And no one warned me thatestrogen holds more than
fertility.
You know what I mean?
It holds memory, your moisture,your glow, your sex drives, your
damn identity.
Literally, people.
And yeah, I mourned it.
(12:53):
And in the middle of thatmorning, I watched men, good
men, confused men, try to fix itfor me.
Try to be the Superman in thatmoment.
Or they'd say, you're fine.
You just need to rest.
You'll still be beautiful to me.
But then they weren't seeing methe way that I was seeing me at
the times that I was goingthrough.
They were just seeing meintermittently in between, you
(13:14):
know, like, but they were justtrying to rescue a version of me
I had already outgrown.
And men, if you're listening, wedon't need you to save us.
We need you to hold space for uswhile we save ourselves.
This isn't a damsel in distressstory.
This is a Phoenix, I'm risingthe F up story.
Okay.
So yeah, there's that.
(13:35):
So let's talk about that alittle bit more.
What I used was Bonafide and I'mnot sponsored by them.
I'm not at all in any way, shapeor form affiliated with them, at
least not yet.
And you can look it up online,Google it.
Bonafide is something you insertin your vagina for dryness and
atrophy.
And it's real and it's painfulsex if you don't use things.
(13:57):
And if you don't get on otherhormonal things, it will always
be painful.
And so for weight gain, what canI tell you?
I did what most people do.
I cut back.
I stopped eating as much.
And I started really focusing onhow I was eating and what I was
eating even more than I wasbefore.
Now, am I a complete...
Health nut, I'm pretty good ateating.
(14:19):
I gotta be honest.
I've always been a more curvygirl and my weight has always
fluctuated simply because I havehypothyroidism since I was 11
years old, guys.
And that was when my weightstarted packing on and I
wouldn't have to eat to pack iton.
So it's essential for you toactually go to an
endocrinologist and have yourhormones taken when you're going
(14:40):
through this.
And before that, check yourthyroid levels, lady.
It's a super important thing.
super, super important.
How that affects your weightgain is literally like on top of
the top.
Okay.
So I can't, I can't accentuatethat enough.
It's been my number one crutch,my weight, because let's face
it, we live in a beautystandard, a society that really
(15:01):
wants you to all be nines ortens, you know, and then 11s
even.
And they, and these are men whoare like five, eight with
receding hairlines and, youknow, chiclets for teeth and,
who knows, like personas thatare fake that expect these
dropped in 10 girls.
And then there's these girls whoare just doing it.
And I get it, girls.
(15:21):
I get it.
You're in your 30s.
You're in your 20s.
And you're thinking, I want toget married because your
biological talk is ticking.
Let's face it.
After 35, your eggs are prettymuch older.
I don't know.
I'm not a doctor, like Imentioned.
But I know that once you've hit35 and beyond, it gets difficult
to get pregnant.
I've had so many girlfriends notget pregnant because of it.
(15:43):
And their options were IVF.
So let me tell you, while we getpregnant and we lose the
firmness of our bodies and thenwe have to get the surgeries and
then we have to get the trainersand then we have to watch our
weight, it never stops.
It's a never-ending story.
It gets worse, just prepareyourself, when you hit
menopause.
Because then you're like noteating and you're trying
everything and it's not working.
(16:05):
So you have to switch it up,ladies, and you have to find
ways to help yourself.
So my best suggestion would beto really hone in on vitamin D,
seeing an endocrinologist andchecking your thyroid levels,
making certain that you'regetting your gynecologist on
board with you for bioidenticalhormones instead of the estrogen
and progesterone, which by theway, I mentioned cause cancer if
(16:25):
you don't take them together andproperly.
And you definitely need someonewho's going to listen to you and
hear you out because it'simportant.
Not someone who's going to seeyou for five or 10 minutes, do
something and say, see youlater.
Here's your prescription.
Yeah, that's a true story.
And then again, um, Noteveryone's like that.
And yeah, you might have to payout of pocket for it like I did.
And a lot of my girlfriendshave.
(16:46):
But after we do it, we feel somuch better.
And your whole thing getsrestored in a better way, I
think, because now you've gotall this wisdom, right?
I've dealt with my weight gainlike everyone else.
And it's personal.
And everyone has their ownjourney.
So I'll leave that there.
As far as the brain fog and thememory loss and the loss of
libido...
Oh my God.
(17:07):
Well, it's not all in your head.
No pun intended.
That's in your hormones.
And I know that people are goingto say, just power through, take
a nap, take a pill.
But where are the conversations?
Where is the grace that we aredeserving of?
And where is the empathy?
So the truth is, is that we'regoing to have to solve our own
menopause with our own women.
(17:29):
We're going to have to help eachother on this.
And if we don't start talkingabout that, like I saw Oprah did
a show and a few other peoplewith her and Halle Berry, I'd
love to have those guests.
And, you know, what I'm going tosay is not going to be very, how
would I say this, politicallycorrect, but you cannot solve
menopause with green juice andPilates alone, okay?
You need community.
You need compassion.
(17:50):
You need a man or men who aresuperior to the average.
And on that note, there is abook that my ex, my
ex-boyfriend, shared with methree years ago and said, I will
send this to you if you promiseto read it.
Sends it to me.
And I'll be honest, I read itand then I got jumped on audio
audibles.
It's called The Way of theSuperior Man.
(18:13):
And The Way of the Superior Manis such a book that it really
dives in deep of the mentalaspects of both female and male
and the masculinity polaritywith the femininity.
polarity and how we talkdifferently than you talk.
And it's I guess you couldcompare it somewhat to the old
(18:34):
version of I believe it was whatmen are from Mars, women are
from Venus.
But it's a more refined version.
And I think it's an accurateversion, to be very honest with
you.
It was one in which it reallychanged my perspective.
So it's by David Data.
And I'll leave that is somewherein the description in my YouTube
post.
I don't know if it allows meeverywhere else.
Guys, it's my third episode, sobear with me.
(18:57):
But The Way of the Superior Manby David Data is pretty, pretty
spot on.
And he's, again, it's a guidefor embracing the masculine side
and the genders, you know, thesexual orientation and all of
that.
It's regardless of the gender, Ishould say.
Covering everything from work,you know, relationships, sex,
everything.
And again, it may seem outdatedfor some people, but it's really
(19:20):
likely to be something usefulfor most men and women today,
and I think it's a practicalguide that I think everyone
should read.
All right, so that's my twocents on that.
Now, okay, I'm going to say it.
I was contemplating there.
Had to hit the pause button tokind of process, but it's like
regardless of gender or sexualorientation, if you want to
(19:43):
experience deep spiritual andsexual fulfillment, Because
we're on that menopause,menopause boat.
I want to talk about this.
You must know that naturalsexual essence is masculine,
feminine, balanced.
And it's something that we allhave to try and reach for if we
(20:05):
want to.
Have a dynamic second chapterand relationship with someone
else other than ourselves.
Other than ourselves meaningafter we've done it for
ourselves.
So stop hoping for thecompletion of anything in life.
It's never going to be over.
So spend time right now on thethings you are waiting for.
This is your moves.
You moves.
(20:25):
These are called you moves inair quotes.
You get to decide.
You know what I mean?
No more postponements or excusesfor a lack of creative
discipline or spiritual life orfalling in love or working on
your relationship.
And by the way, working on yourrelationship with yourself isn't
all bad.
The natural osmosis for takingcare of who you are because of
(20:53):
what you're going through in thephase of your life that you're
in is really, truly a gift.
And we're all walking each otherhome, guys and girls.
None of us get out alive.
None of us get out unscathed.
This whole life thing is kind ofdaunting.
And as you hit 50 and yourealize, you know what?
I've had so many lifetimes inthis lifetime that if I were to
(21:16):
die right now, I'd say I lived agood life.
Is it the life I expected?
No.
It's not.
Not even close.
I got things I didn't even wantand that I didn't deserve.
And that I look back on and Isay, thank you to God.
And I don't say that lightly.
And I know I've gone from like alot of jumping around here
(21:38):
emotionally, but I think it's anemotional topic.
You know, I'm sharing with youheart to heart my experience
sexually, what my hormones andmenopause has done for me.
You know, my back issues and mybone density has to all
correlate with my hormones, bythe way.
And my sexual relationships withmen are...
(21:58):
picture of what I've had mywhole life.
So I had to remove that, as Imentioned before, I'm celibate
and it's almost, you know, it'sin my second year almost.
And I'm very proud of that.
Has it helped to be inmenopause, post-menopause while
I was going through this?
Yeah, completely.
But now that I'm waking up againand my body and my mind are in
(22:21):
sync and no longer fighting eachother, wow, what a gift, an
incredible gift.
So treat yourself Like you're ina relationship for yourself.
You know what I mean?
With yourself.
And I'm going to say this too.
Like when I was 26, 27, I'vealways been quite of a loner, an
individual person, if you will.
I'm an Aquarius.
So Aquarians are, if you don'tknow, Google it.
(22:44):
Really independent.
And we can be cold as ice, butman, are we loyal.
If we choose you...
It's loyal, man.
It's loyalty.
And not everyone.
I think there's a differencebetween January Aquarians and
February Aquarians.
I'm just saying.
Yeah.
So talk with your friends andyour family, you know, the ones
(23:07):
that you're close to, about whatyou're afraid of and cultivate
friends who are willing tochallenge you.
And even if it requires beingbrutally honest, be it.
These friends should also beliving at their edge and
challenging themselves.
I dare you to do that.
Find your purpose and align yourlife with everything that's
going on in your life, from yourdiet to your career to your
(23:27):
menopause and your manopausebecause, you know, sex changes
and relationships change becauseof sex.
So start having conversations,the hard ones.
And men, start having thoseconversations about ED, erectile
dysfunction, not being able toget it up or have, you know,
have a hard on.
I'm sorry, I'm going to say itthe way it is.
And it's true.
Yeah, it's not fun and it's notcute, but it's true.
(23:50):
So I'm not going to lie.
Like I literally hit pausebecause you guys, I am not in a
studio.
I am doing this from thecomforts of my little home
office in which I havecomfortably arranged.
So I don't know where I justleft off, but I'm going to start
where I think I left off.
And I think we're talking abouthormones and men and libido and
(24:10):
erectile dysfunction.
So let's leave it at sex, libidoand double standards.
Okay.
Oh my God, that really bothersme.
While we're on the subject ofintimacy, let's talk about the
giant unspoken elephant in thebedroom.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
Men, you guys lose yourerections and you stop
performing and you also needmeds to stay hard.
(24:32):
So you guys need to go gethormones checked as well because
though you don't talk about it,we know it exists because we're
in the bedrooms with you.
So what do you guys talk about?
our bodies, our hormones, ourmoods.
We're crazy.
Okay.
And then you have the nerve toask, did you enjoy that?
Did you come?
(24:53):
Well, we both know that Ididn't.
And if you have to check thatthe lights were on, they
weren't.
So God forbid we say no, right?
But I actually laid out.
But thankfully, I haven't hadthose kinds of experiences.
I've had a couple.
That's the truth.
And we'll leave it there becauseI'm not going to go throwing
anyone under the bus.
(25:13):
Anyway, suddenly we're theproblem because we're in
menopause or we're dry or thishappened or that happened,
right?
I know that because I've heardso many stories of my
girlfriends talking to me aboutthis, of how they have painful
sex with their husbands or howthey stopped having sex
altogether or have they nolibido whatsoever.
You guys don't talk about yourstuff, but we know that it
exists.
(25:33):
And so what do you do?
You sort of supplement it withus and you ask us silly
questions in the bedroom, whichyou already know the answers to.
But how many of you tell us thatyou're small prior to going in,
or that you struggle, or thatyou need help?
Zero.
It's like the elephant's in theroom, but we're not going to
talk about it.
But hey, I guess you'll pretendto think that you blew our mind,
(25:56):
and you'll walk away proud, butwe'll fake it to preserve your
ego, but it's not the truth.
I'm here to tell you.
It's a double standard, and I'mtired of pretending it's not.
So, to the men who arelistening, we're not mad that
you need help.
And we're not mad that you won'tadmit it while expecting us to
swallow our grief, our dryness,our brain fog, our trauma like
(26:17):
it's a vitamin.
But I won't put up with itanymore, and I will disclose it.
And if you want a partner,you're going to have to be one.
You're going to have to startbeing that partner.
And this goes for men, but italso reiterates for women, okay?
This isn't a men-bashing thing.
This is me saying, hey, we gothrough menopause, but you guys
also go through your ED.
You go through it well before wehit menopause, don't you?
(26:39):
That's why there is Sialix.
That's why there is Viagra.
And if there were men gettingpregnant, we'd have so many
solutions, gentlemen.
But let's get this straight.
You guys need to get yourhormones checked also.
Testosterone drops.
Penal sizes shift.
Yes, they do.
Erections get weaker because ofaging.
(26:59):
So there are amazing therapiesout there.
Go get one.
Go find your doctor.
Enlarge your confidence, yourcommunication, and maybe, just
maybe, Your member will joinyou.
Okay, well, that's that.
I think we should wrap it up.
And I just want to say that forthe record, there's all kinds of
different solutions out therefor women and men, and we just
(27:20):
need to find them.
I mentioned a few things that Ithought would help for this.
The takeaways are Superior Manby David Data.
That book is amazing.
Get it on Audible.
I am not sponsored or affiliatedwith any of these, by the way.
These are things I've used andthings I do.
The way of the Superior Man isvery good for men and women.
I suggest it highly for both.
Bonafide is fantastic as aprecursor to going to see your
(27:43):
doctor.
Ladies, it does help with someof the symptoms.
The hot flashes I know can beinsane.
It's like someone just, I can'teven put it into words how bad
it is, but it does get better.
So we don't need to shrink andwe don't need to fake it and we
don't need to suffer in silenceor apologize for when we lose
our ish.
(28:04):
At our age, we can be messy.
And of course, anyone can.
Look at the 20, 30-year-olds.
I mean, we may not be faking iton social media the way they
are.
Some of them, some people are in50s, which, you know, hey, no
power to you.
I don't want to be that person.
I don't want to parade aroundfor attention and or validation
and how many likes I have or howmany followers are following or
(28:25):
how many unfollowed me or howmany bad comments or great
comments.
I don't need it.
Not ever again.
I got me.
And I want every one of uslistening to get you, to have
you, to hold yourself in a spacethat's sacred, like sex.
Sex is sacred.
It's intimacy.
It's tantric.
It's beautiful.
And what we've done is we'vemicrowaved it into this one to
(28:47):
two minute situationship that isjust always going into the same
groundhog day situation.
I've seen it so many times.
I'm so over it.
Like, I won't even touch adating site anymore.
And talk about dating throughall this.
Forget it.
Hence, the whole staying aloneand also not to mention that
it's attributed to my stayingalone and being celibate, but I
(29:10):
did that for me to heal,literally from the inside out
and from the outside in.
So, you've got some things tothink about.
Yes, we unpacked a few thingsthat were kind of messy.
And I hope we touch on it again.
This, again, is my thirdepisode.
So I wanted to open it up.
I want you to understand thatthese things are things that
I've wanted to discuss for avery long time.
It may bore you to pieces.
(29:31):
I hope not.
But I'm going to wrap it up withthat.
You don't need to fake itanymore.
Like I mentioned, your age andyour wrinkles and your standards
can all be very, very dauntingsometimes.
But you can always change them.
If you don't like your wrinkles,go get Botox.
If you don't like yourstandards, change them.
Bring them up.
challenge you to.
And stop apologizing.
(29:52):
You're not sorry.
But really, really pay attentionto how you do communicate.
And bring yourself to the tablewith that communication.
Not just expect it.
That goes for men and women.
You know, we don't have toshrink for feeling anger over
all this, by the way, either.
We can talk about it.
This isn't the view, and Godforbid, because I can't stand
any of those women on that show.
(30:14):
But this is something that wecall a heart-to-heart.
All right.
I'm going to leave you withthat.
And I thank you so much forjoining me, you guys.
It means so much to me that youeven listen to me, that you're
even still here.
And you've got some homework todo, as usual, that I hope fuels
your purpose and your personalpower.
So we'll talk soon.
And Happy Easter.
(30:35):
Thank you, Jesus.
I have to throw that in there,even though I should have
started with that.
And I do want to say that it isa holy 21st day of April, 2025,
if I didn't mention thatearlier.
And these are, like,obviously...
Doesn't matter the date, but forwhat I'm trying to say is that
it is Easter, and it is aholiday, so I'm sorry I'm a
little late.
On that note, I'm signing off.
(30:57):
Bye, my loves.
Take care of you, and remember,you're worth it.
SPEAKER_00 (31:05):
Midlife isn't the end.
It's where the story gets goodand the middle gets rewritten.
Your way.
You're listening to Heart to Hearts with Erica M.
Where midlife isn't a crisis,it's a calling.
Unfiltered, unapologetic, and ohso real.
Let's talk about it, shall we?
Now here's your host, Erica M.
SPEAKER_01 (00:20):
Welcome back, my loves.
This is Erica M.
How are you?
Well, if you're here, you'reeither curious, courageous, or
officially done tolerating theunspoken BS that hits at
midlife.
Welcome.
Me too.
Today's tea, it's hot, it'shealing, and laced with truth.
We're talking about the men, themenopause, and the making of
(00:41):
peace.
Yeah, let's just get into itbecause honestly, that's a big
mouthful right there.
Menopause, menopause, and men.
I'm flaring my throat on thatone.
Yeah, it's been a big doozy.
No one prepared me for hitting50 was not Let's just say
hitting 40, 45 was something,but then hitting 50 and then 53
(01:03):
and 54 really changedeverything.
Yeah.
So what can I tell you?
The truth is no one prepares usfor this wild mess.
And that's the truth.
It comes after 45-ish.
The hormones, the crashing.
I mean, honestly, the hormonesare like the biggest part.
So let's really emphasize thatyou need to get that worked on
(01:25):
early in your 40s if you'relistening.
That doesn't mean that if you'relike late like me and no one
told you that you can't do that,but we'll get into that soon.
So yeah, your hormones willcrash like waves and yeah, the
men will disappear like little,like mister or miguitas as I
call this, you know, that meanslittle ants.
The silence that we have toendure and we suffer in silence.
(01:48):
That's a huge part of this.
The the like silent anger thatkind of seeps out and then
explodes and the power youdidn't even know, you know, that
was buried under years of peoplepleasing kind of just bursts out
through this experience.
And I think that's why so manyof us go through metamorphosis.
So like last year around thistime, I couldn't walk, right?
(02:08):
You remember that in my lastepisode and I couldn't stand.
I was in my hospital bedliterally this time last year.
fighting pain in my bones, in myhips, in my back as an avid
spinner and yoga person.
Yoga off and on my whole adultlife, but spinning was my thing.
So it's no wonder now that Ithink about it that my spine and
(02:28):
both of my hips are where theyare.
And no one told me what to doabout taking vitamin D or making
sure I had good bone density ata young age so that I could
prepare and plan for it.
But you need to.
So yeah, this is kind of like apain in my soul that I want to
share with everyone.
Yeah, at that time last year, Iwas going through all this.
And not just physically down,but emotionally, honestly,
(02:51):
wrecked.
Spiritually, like I was crackedopen like I'd never been.
I thought I'd been cracked open.
I mentioned this before.
And I remember thinking, Ireally shouldn't be alive right
now, but here I am.
And I mentioned that in my lastepisode.
And that's all I could thinkabout was, why am I here?
What's my purpose?
Why am I going through this?
And I started like siftingthrough my life and like the
(03:15):
chapters, like when I was one to10 and 10 to 20 and 20 to 30 and
30 to 40.
Now I'm 40 to 50.
Now I'm in my fifties going 50to 60.
It's not going slow guys.
Um, so this episode is for thewomen who cry in the shower or
in their car like me or in theirpillow when they can't handle it
anymore.
(03:35):
And they scream, by the way, Iwant to make an official crying
pillow.
And, uh, Either, you know, we gothrough that and we don't share
it.
We don't, hopefully no one seesus, right?
Mostly in the shower, theydon't.
In the car, most people do.
But I try to not have that be athing.
But what I'm trying to say isthat here we are women, right?
Who are making power movesduring the day.
(03:56):
And usually with men who want tolove us, but then don't know how
to handle our evolution.
And a lot of our stress and ourdistress and just the caveats
that go with aging, you know,it's just, It just leaves you
sort of dumbfounded.
So here I am like one of theones that are trying to rewrite
(04:16):
her chapter two.
I'm here with intention and withclarity and with purpose and
power using my voice because myvoice is all I have.
And before I go any further, Ido want to disclose that I am
not, and I should do thisbecause it's for my attorney
says I have to.
for legal purposes.
This platform is a mixed bag offacts, alleged information,
(04:37):
personal perspectives, andopinions.
Nothing I say is written instone, journalistic, which is
cute, or legal in any way.
Consider this my disclaimer.
Also, this is a platform forthose 18 and over, because let's
be real, we're going to talkabout some raw, unfiltered
topics.
I will do my best to keep itclean, but sometimes, especially
when the conversation gets hot,hmm, A little slip of the tongue
(04:59):
might happen.
So you've been warned.
All right.
So now that that's out of theway legally.
So where I was going with thisis that here I am.
It's my second chapter.
I'm here with intention.
I'm here with clarity.
I'm here with purpose, finally,because I finally figured it
out.
And yeah, the men, I should say,the menopause is real.
It's really real.
(05:20):
It should be called menopausebecause they do pause when we
get into menopause.
And it changes.
Sex changes.
Everything changes.
All of it does.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Your skin changes.
Your body vaginal healthchanges, just like for men, you
know, with their erectiledysfunctions at their certain
ages.
And I'm sorry, I'm going to sayit.
I'm going to lay it out the wayit is.
It's not going to besugar-coated.
(05:40):
There's no boundaries here.
If we can talk about my, youknow, hormones and menopause,
and you guys can talk about yourmenopause and going through your
ED and having your own set ofsymptoms instead of, you know,
midlife crises yourselves.
So let me just say this.
This midlife is not a crisis.
It's a clearing.
We're all clearing.
And the piece of it all, youknow, like the episode is
(06:02):
stating, you know, men,menopause and making peace.
It isn't passive.
It's a decision.
It's boundaries.
I'm saying I'm not going to dothis anymore in this way.
So, you know, we're going tospeak about healing.
And that's where we're at.
So one piece of my heart is nowdedicated to giving voice to
women and their suffering.
(06:23):
And If this episode's moved, ifI'm sorry, I can't even talk
right now.
If my episodes move you, pleasedon't fret.
Subscribe.
Okay, so if no one told you thistoday, you're not broken and
you're not too much and you'renot behind and you're not late.
(06:46):
You know, you can hit restartanytime and your badge can also
hit restart.
There's things that you can takeand there's so many like
solutions today, but that manypeople don't discuss openly.
So let's get bold and let's getpeaceful and let's find out
what's this about, you know,because literally it's always
about way more than we lead on.
(07:09):
And for me, it's about thesilent unraveling of my body
that's very raw and very loud.
And it's a rebirth of sorts, ifyou will.
And trying to make peace withthat has been such a struggle.
And I want to say this loudlyand very empathetically to
others who haven't gone throughit yet.
(07:30):
You will be going through this.
And it's inevitable.
You're going to age just likeall of us.
So anyone listening withjudgment or laughing, get ready,
my darling.
There's no escaping this unlessyou're dead.
All of us going through this,none of us are going to get out
alive.
And through it, we have to makethe best decisions we can.
(07:50):
So, yeah, we're going to havefights with our bodies and our
hormones and our pasts and theversion of ourselves that we
left behind and the ones that westill think that we need to be,
as I've been doing.
And let me tell you somethingpersonal.
As I said, you know, last yeararound this time, I couldn't
walk and I could barely stand,but it opened my eyes to what
was really broken in my life.
And it wasn't my body.
(08:11):
It was my soul.
So there's something sacredabout breaking and I want it to
be okay.
I want it to be something weshare and that it's all right to
say, you know what, I've got EDand I'm taking blah, blah, blah.
Or I've got this issue with sexlately that it's not like it
used to be.
I'm dry, it's Sahara Desert, andeveryone says, oh, just take
(08:32):
podrestrone and estrogen.
And it's like, well, you can'ttake one without the other
because it can be carcinogenic.
And so I'm like, great.
And I'm just throwing a pill ina patch and I'm told to go home.
The doctor literally did notspend more than 10 minutes on me
before...
doing my pap smear, taking whathe needed to do and leaving,
then coming back with myresults.
(08:53):
And, you know, I just cried inmy own silence because I was
very angry at how I felt and Ifelt so unheard and unseen.
I felt a sort of silent rage andit was like building over the
years and I would see myselfsnapping, snapping and people
were like, oh my God, like whatis her problem?
But I'd be like breaking out inmid conversation to sweats that
(09:16):
were like as if I'd ran a mile,literally no joke.
So I'm here to tell you, you'renot crazy.
You're evolving.
And men, before you get into it,I know that some of you can't
handle it.
that our evolution is too muchfor you, that aging can be so,
oh my God, her skin changed.
Well, yours is too.
I was going to say something.
Yours is also.
(09:37):
And let me just explainsomething.
While we don't go arounddiscussing things, you guys
definitely don't go arounddiscussing things either.
But we have to.
Because if we want this tochange, we have to open up to
it.
So yeah.
There is something I used, andeveryone whom I've spoken to has
(09:57):
used some sort of cheat, if youwill, with your hormones.
And that would be how it impactsyou sexually.
It impacts your sex drive, yourmood, your memory weight, your
memory and weight, andconfidence.
And then you've got the wholething, like I mentioned, the
vaginal atrophy, which isdryness and emotional distance
(10:18):
in relationships, by the way,not just down there.
because it does get dry, likeeverything sort of halts.
And I'll remember like themoment I felt like, oh, wow,
wow, this is different.
So how many of you, and I'm justasking this, obviously, how many
of you have gone through thiswhere you feel like you're
losing yourself and you're lessattractive or less feeling sexy?
(10:41):
I've been there, I've beenthere, but I'm here to tell you,
you can get it back.
You can claim it right back andbetter.
You know, it's just aboutgetting on the right
bio-identical path hormones.
So see a doctor.
I am not a doctor.
I am just telling you mypersonal experiences.
And try your best to find yourpath.
Because if you don't, by thetime you're 50, you might have
(11:01):
osteoporosis.
Well, it's called arthritis inyour bones.
I don't really ever know how tosay it correctly.
Osteosterosis and another one.
But that's what happens to uswomen.
We lose bone density and we getbad hips, bad spines, and blah.
And then all of a sudden, youknow, it sucks.
(11:23):
So let me just start with therealest thing I ever said on
this mic.
And I didn't even know I was inmenopause.
I really didn't.
I thought I was losing my mind,to be honest with you.
I forgot my names.
My name, no.
I forgot names.
See, I can't even talksometimes.
Dates.
All the time forgetting where Iput my keys or in
mid-conversation just going,what did I just say?
And like, Stepping back andsaying, what is going on here?
(11:47):
And at the same time, I lost mydesire.
If you want to be honest,perfectly honest in my entire
life, I lost the desire to beintimate.
Not to mention the lastheartache I had, which ended
horribly in 23, late 23.
which was a situationship, bythe way, that's all I ever want
(12:08):
to call it, because what I willsay about that is that it really
affected me in my hormonalmenopausal, post-menopause,
because I'm out of it now, at54.
I'd started mine about 48, butlike I said, I'd forgot things.
I was so like in brain fog.
And you know, like I said,desire for sex and desire for
people even, and desire for me,for me, just was like whittled
(12:33):
down to Forcing myself, youknow, like I'd look in the
mirror and I didn't recognizemyself anymore.
And no one warned me thatestrogen holds more than
fertility.
You know what I mean?
It holds memory, your moisture,your glow, your sex drives, your
damn identity.
Literally, people.
And yeah, I mourned it.
(12:53):
And in the middle of thatmorning, I watched men, good
men, confused men, try to fix itfor me.
Try to be the Superman in thatmoment.
Or they'd say, you're fine.
You just need to rest.
You'll still be beautiful to me.
But then they weren't seeing methe way that I was seeing me at
the times that I was goingthrough.
They were just seeing meintermittently in between, you
(13:14):
know, like, but they were justtrying to rescue a version of me
I had already outgrown.
And men, if you're listening, wedon't need you to save us.
We need you to hold space for uswhile we save ourselves.
This isn't a damsel in distressstory.
This is a Phoenix, I'm risingthe F up story.
Okay.
So yeah, there's that.
(13:35):
So let's talk about that alittle bit more.
What I used was Bonafide and I'mnot sponsored by them.
I'm not at all in any way, shapeor form affiliated with them, at
least not yet.
And you can look it up online,Google it.
Bonafide is something you insertin your vagina for dryness and
atrophy.
And it's real and it's painfulsex if you don't use things.
(13:57):
And if you don't get on otherhormonal things, it will always
be painful.
And so for weight gain, what canI tell you?
I did what most people do.
I cut back.
I stopped eating as much.
And I started really focusing onhow I was eating and what I was
eating even more than I wasbefore.
Now, am I a complete...
Health nut, I'm pretty good ateating.
(14:19):
I gotta be honest.
I've always been a more curvygirl and my weight has always
fluctuated simply because I havehypothyroidism since I was 11
years old, guys.
And that was when my weightstarted packing on and I
wouldn't have to eat to pack iton.
So it's essential for you toactually go to an
endocrinologist and have yourhormones taken when you're going
(14:40):
through this.
And before that, check yourthyroid levels, lady.
It's a super important thing.
super, super important.
How that affects your weightgain is literally like on top of
the top.
Okay.
So I can't, I can't accentuatethat enough.
It's been my number one crutch,my weight, because let's face
it, we live in a beautystandard, a society that really
(15:01):
wants you to all be nines ortens, you know, and then 11s
even.
And they, and these are men whoare like five, eight with
receding hairlines and, youknow, chiclets for teeth and,
who knows, like personas thatare fake that expect these
dropped in 10 girls.
And then there's these girls whoare just doing it.
And I get it, girls.
(15:21):
I get it.
You're in your 30s.
You're in your 20s.
And you're thinking, I want toget married because your
biological talk is ticking.
Let's face it.
After 35, your eggs are prettymuch older.
I don't know.
I'm not a doctor, like Imentioned.
But I know that once you've hit35 and beyond, it gets difficult
to get pregnant.
I've had so many girlfriends notget pregnant because of it.
(15:43):
And their options were IVF.
So let me tell you, while we getpregnant and we lose the
firmness of our bodies and thenwe have to get the surgeries and
then we have to get the trainersand then we have to watch our
weight, it never stops.
It's a never-ending story.
It gets worse, just prepareyourself, when you hit
menopause.
Because then you're like noteating and you're trying
everything and it's not working.
(16:05):
So you have to switch it up,ladies, and you have to find
ways to help yourself.
So my best suggestion would beto really hone in on vitamin D,
seeing an endocrinologist andchecking your thyroid levels,
making certain that you'regetting your gynecologist on
board with you for bioidenticalhormones instead of the estrogen
and progesterone, which by theway, I mentioned cause cancer if
(16:25):
you don't take them together andproperly.
And you definitely need someonewho's going to listen to you and
hear you out because it'simportant.
Not someone who's going to seeyou for five or 10 minutes, do
something and say, see youlater.
Here's your prescription.
Yeah, that's a true story.
And then again, um, Noteveryone's like that.
And yeah, you might have to payout of pocket for it like I did.
And a lot of my girlfriendshave.
(16:46):
But after we do it, we feel somuch better.
And your whole thing getsrestored in a better way, I
think, because now you've gotall this wisdom, right?
I've dealt with my weight gainlike everyone else.
And it's personal.
And everyone has their ownjourney.
So I'll leave that there.
As far as the brain fog and thememory loss and the loss of
libido...
Oh my God.
(17:07):
Well, it's not all in your head.
No pun intended.
That's in your hormones.
And I know that people are goingto say, just power through, take
a nap, take a pill.
But where are the conversations?
Where is the grace that we aredeserving of?
And where is the empathy?
So the truth is, is that we'regoing to have to solve our own
menopause with our own women.
(17:29):
We're going to have to help eachother on this.
And if we don't start talkingabout that, like I saw Oprah did
a show and a few other peoplewith her and Halle Berry, I'd
love to have those guests.
And, you know, what I'm going tosay is not going to be very, how
would I say this, politicallycorrect, but you cannot solve
menopause with green juice andPilates alone, okay?
You need community.
You need compassion.
(17:50):
You need a man or men who aresuperior to the average.
And on that note, there is abook that my ex, my
ex-boyfriend, shared with methree years ago and said, I will
send this to you if you promiseto read it.
Sends it to me.
And I'll be honest, I read itand then I got jumped on audio
audibles.
It's called The Way of theSuperior Man.
(18:13):
And The Way of the Superior Manis such a book that it really
dives in deep of the mentalaspects of both female and male
and the masculinity polaritywith the femininity.
polarity and how we talkdifferently than you talk.
And it's I guess you couldcompare it somewhat to the old
(18:34):
version of I believe it was whatmen are from Mars, women are
from Venus.
But it's a more refined version.
And I think it's an accurateversion, to be very honest with
you.
It was one in which it reallychanged my perspective.
So it's by David Data.
And I'll leave that is somewherein the description in my YouTube
post.
I don't know if it allows meeverywhere else.
Guys, it's my third episode, sobear with me.
(18:57):
But The Way of the Superior Manby David Data is pretty, pretty
spot on.
And he's, again, it's a guidefor embracing the masculine side
and the genders, you know, thesexual orientation and all of
that.
It's regardless of the gender, Ishould say.
Covering everything from work,you know, relationships, sex,
everything.
And again, it may seem outdatedfor some people, but it's really
(19:20):
likely to be something usefulfor most men and women today,
and I think it's a practicalguide that I think everyone
should read.
All right, so that's my twocents on that.
Now, okay, I'm going to say it.
I was contemplating there.
Had to hit the pause button tokind of process, but it's like
regardless of gender or sexualorientation, if you want to
(19:43):
experience deep spiritual andsexual fulfillment, Because
we're on that menopause,menopause boat.
I want to talk about this.
You must know that naturalsexual essence is masculine,
feminine, balanced.
And it's something that we allhave to try and reach for if we
(20:05):
want to.
Have a dynamic second chapterand relationship with someone
else other than ourselves.
Other than ourselves meaningafter we've done it for
ourselves.
So stop hoping for thecompletion of anything in life.
It's never going to be over.
So spend time right now on thethings you are waiting for.
This is your moves.
You moves.
(20:25):
These are called you moves inair quotes.
You get to decide.
You know what I mean?
No more postponements or excusesfor a lack of creative
discipline or spiritual life orfalling in love or working on
your relationship.
And by the way, working on yourrelationship with yourself isn't
all bad.
The natural osmosis for takingcare of who you are because of
(20:53):
what you're going through in thephase of your life that you're
in is really, truly a gift.
And we're all walking each otherhome, guys and girls.
None of us get out alive.
None of us get out unscathed.
This whole life thing is kind ofdaunting.
And as you hit 50 and yourealize, you know what?
I've had so many lifetimes inthis lifetime that if I were to
(21:16):
die right now, I'd say I lived agood life.
Is it the life I expected?
No.
It's not.
Not even close.
I got things I didn't even wantand that I didn't deserve.
And that I look back on and Isay, thank you to God.
And I don't say that lightly.
And I know I've gone from like alot of jumping around here
(21:38):
emotionally, but I think it's anemotional topic.
You know, I'm sharing with youheart to heart my experience
sexually, what my hormones andmenopause has done for me.
You know, my back issues and mybone density has to all
correlate with my hormones, bythe way.
And my sexual relationships withmen are...
(21:58):
picture of what I've had mywhole life.
So I had to remove that, as Imentioned before, I'm celibate
and it's almost, you know, it'sin my second year almost.
And I'm very proud of that.
Has it helped to be inmenopause, post-menopause while
I was going through this?
Yeah, completely.
But now that I'm waking up againand my body and my mind are in
(22:21):
sync and no longer fighting eachother, wow, what a gift, an
incredible gift.
So treat yourself Like you're ina relationship for yourself.
You know what I mean?
With yourself.
And I'm going to say this too.
Like when I was 26, 27, I'vealways been quite of a loner, an
individual person, if you will.
I'm an Aquarius.
So Aquarians are, if you don'tknow, Google it.
(22:44):
Really independent.
And we can be cold as ice, butman, are we loyal.
If we choose you...
It's loyal, man.
It's loyalty.
And not everyone.
I think there's a differencebetween January Aquarians and
February Aquarians.
I'm just saying.
Yeah.
So talk with your friends andyour family, you know, the ones
(23:07):
that you're close to, about whatyou're afraid of and cultivate
friends who are willing tochallenge you.
And even if it requires beingbrutally honest, be it.
These friends should also beliving at their edge and
challenging themselves.
I dare you to do that.
Find your purpose and align yourlife with everything that's
going on in your life, from yourdiet to your career to your
(23:27):
menopause and your manopausebecause, you know, sex changes
and relationships change becauseof sex.
So start having conversations,the hard ones.
And men, start having thoseconversations about ED, erectile
dysfunction, not being able toget it up or have, you know,
have a hard on.
I'm sorry, I'm going to say itthe way it is.
And it's true.
Yeah, it's not fun and it's notcute, but it's true.
(23:50):
So I'm not going to lie.
Like I literally hit pausebecause you guys, I am not in a
studio.
I am doing this from thecomforts of my little home
office in which I havecomfortably arranged.
So I don't know where I justleft off, but I'm going to start
where I think I left off.
And I think we're talking abouthormones and men and libido and
(24:10):
erectile dysfunction.
So let's leave it at sex, libidoand double standards.
Okay.
Oh my God, that really bothersme.
While we're on the subject ofintimacy, let's talk about the
giant unspoken elephant in thebedroom.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
Men, you guys lose yourerections and you stop
performing and you also needmeds to stay hard.
(24:32):
So you guys need to go gethormones checked as well because
though you don't talk about it,we know it exists because we're
in the bedrooms with you.
So what do you guys talk about?
our bodies, our hormones, ourmoods.
We're crazy.
Okay.
And then you have the nerve toask, did you enjoy that?
Did you come?
(24:53):
Well, we both know that Ididn't.
And if you have to check thatthe lights were on, they
weren't.
So God forbid we say no, right?
But I actually laid out.
But thankfully, I haven't hadthose kinds of experiences.
I've had a couple.
That's the truth.
And we'll leave it there becauseI'm not going to go throwing
anyone under the bus.
(25:13):
Anyway, suddenly we're theproblem because we're in
menopause or we're dry or thishappened or that happened,
right?
I know that because I've heardso many stories of my
girlfriends talking to me aboutthis, of how they have painful
sex with their husbands or howthey stopped having sex
altogether or have they nolibido whatsoever.
You guys don't talk about yourstuff, but we know that it
exists.
(25:33):
And so what do you do?
You sort of supplement it withus and you ask us silly
questions in the bedroom, whichyou already know the answers to.
But how many of you tell us thatyou're small prior to going in,
or that you struggle, or thatyou need help?
Zero.
It's like the elephant's in theroom, but we're not going to
talk about it.
But hey, I guess you'll pretendto think that you blew our mind,
(25:56):
and you'll walk away proud, butwe'll fake it to preserve your
ego, but it's not the truth.
I'm here to tell you.
It's a double standard, and I'mtired of pretending it's not.
So, to the men who arelistening, we're not mad that
you need help.
And we're not mad that you won'tadmit it while expecting us to
swallow our grief, our dryness,our brain fog, our trauma like
(26:17):
it's a vitamin.
But I won't put up with itanymore, and I will disclose it.
And if you want a partner,you're going to have to be one.
You're going to have to startbeing that partner.
And this goes for men, but italso reiterates for women, okay?
This isn't a men-bashing thing.
This is me saying, hey, we gothrough menopause, but you guys
also go through your ED.
You go through it well before wehit menopause, don't you?
(26:39):
That's why there is Sialix.
That's why there is Viagra.
And if there were men gettingpregnant, we'd have so many
solutions, gentlemen.
But let's get this straight.
You guys need to get yourhormones checked also.
Testosterone drops.
Penal sizes shift.
Yes, they do.
Erections get weaker because ofaging.
(26:59):
So there are amazing therapiesout there.
Go get one.
Go find your doctor.
Enlarge your confidence, yourcommunication, and maybe, just
maybe, Your member will joinyou.
Okay, well, that's that.
I think we should wrap it up.
And I just want to say that forthe record, there's all kinds of
different solutions out therefor women and men, and we just
(27:20):
need to find them.
I mentioned a few things that Ithought would help for this.
The takeaways are Superior Manby David Data.
That book is amazing.
Get it on Audible.
I am not sponsored or affiliatedwith any of these, by the way.
These are things I've used andthings I do.
The way of the Superior Man isvery good for men and women.
I suggest it highly for both.
Bonafide is fantastic as aprecursor to going to see your
(27:43):
doctor.
Ladies, it does help with someof the symptoms.
The hot flashes I know can beinsane.
It's like someone just, I can'teven put it into words how bad
it is, but it does get better.
So we don't need to shrink andwe don't need to fake it and we
don't need to suffer in silenceor apologize for when we lose
our ish.
(28:04):
At our age, we can be messy.
And of course, anyone can.
Look at the 20, 30-year-olds.
I mean, we may not be faking iton social media the way they
are.
Some of them, some people are in50s, which, you know, hey, no
power to you.
I don't want to be that person.
I don't want to parade aroundfor attention and or validation
and how many likes I have or howmany followers are following or
(28:25):
how many unfollowed me or howmany bad comments or great
comments.
I don't need it.
Not ever again.
I got me.
And I want every one of uslistening to get you, to have
you, to hold yourself in a spacethat's sacred, like sex.
Sex is sacred.
It's intimacy.
It's tantric.
It's beautiful.
And what we've done is we'vemicrowaved it into this one to
(28:47):
two minute situationship that isjust always going into the same
groundhog day situation.
I've seen it so many times.
I'm so over it.
Like, I won't even touch adating site anymore.
And talk about dating throughall this.
Forget it.
Hence, the whole staying aloneand also not to mention that
it's attributed to my stayingalone and being celibate, but I
(29:10):
did that for me to heal,literally from the inside out
and from the outside in.
So, you've got some things tothink about.
Yes, we unpacked a few thingsthat were kind of messy.
And I hope we touch on it again.
This, again, is my thirdepisode.
So I wanted to open it up.
I want you to understand thatthese things are things that
I've wanted to discuss for avery long time.
It may bore you to pieces.
(29:31):
I hope not.
But I'm going to wrap it up withthat.
You don't need to fake itanymore.
Like I mentioned, your age andyour wrinkles and your standards
can all be very, very dauntingsometimes.
But you can always change them.
If you don't like your wrinkles,go get Botox.
If you don't like yourstandards, change them.
Bring them up.
challenge you to.
And stop apologizing.
(29:52):
You're not sorry.
But really, really pay attentionto how you do communicate.
And bring yourself to the tablewith that communication.
Not just expect it.
That goes for men and women.
You know, we don't have toshrink for feeling anger over
all this, by the way, either.
We can talk about it.
This isn't the view, and Godforbid, because I can't stand
any of those women on that show.
(30:14):
But this is something that wecall a heart-to-heart.
All right.
I'm going to leave you withthat.
And I thank you so much forjoining me, you guys.
It means so much to me that youeven listen to me, that you're
even still here.
And you've got some homework todo, as usual, that I hope fuels
your purpose and your personalpower.
So we'll talk soon.
And Happy Easter.
(30:35):
Thank you, Jesus.
I have to throw that in there,even though I should have
started with that.
And I do want to say that it isa holy 21st day of April, 2025,
if I didn't mention thatearlier.
And these are, like,obviously...
Doesn't matter the date, but forwhat I'm trying to say is that
it is Easter, and it is aholiday, so I'm sorry I'm a
little late.
On that note, I'm signing off.
(30:57):
Bye, my loves.
Take care of you, and remember,you're worth it.
SPEAKER_00 (31:05):
Midlife isn't the end.
It's where the story gets goodand the middle gets rewritten.
Your way.
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