Hate Watching Conan The Barbarian: Epic Fails in Fantasy Cinema

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm sorry, dan, I do nothing.
I'm gonna need a breakdown.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I thought my audio playback wasn't on yet.
Welcome to Hate Watching withDan and.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Drinky Tony, I'm so thirsty.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Um, you're supposed to say I'm Tony.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Oh, I'm Tony.
Well, I'm thirsty though youset it up and I just was
yes-anding, oh yes-anding,actually, that was more of just
a.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yes, wasn't really an , and I'm rusty you rarely and,
tony, I don't like to and I likestatus quo.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
I'll agree with you and that's about as far as I'm
willing to go?

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yes, then listen to my point.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
That's how our show works.
I've done some yes buts.
I'm not going to lie to you.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
That's serious.
On this show, we watch a movie,then we talk about the movie.
This week I got to pick themovie and I was like I'm gonna
do this one movie and then I waslike no, I'm not gonna do that,
I'm gonna do another movie.
And the movie I decided to dowas conan the barbarian 2011.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Jason momoa 3d spectacular was this released in
3d?

Speaker 2 (01:20):
yeah, oh man, I wish I would have watched it in 3D it
couldn't have hurt it well, Imean it also.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
When would they have really used the 3D?
I guess the octopus monsterwould have been 3D octopus
monster.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
There's the one scene where the guy gets dragged
behind the cart into a boulderthat was one of my favorite
parts of the whole movie.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
The human catapult.
I bet that something in thatwould have liked to have seen.
That was one of my favoriteparts of the whole movie.
Oh, and the human catapult.
I bet that something in thatwould have happened
three-dimensionally right.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
That's true.
They human catapulted that guy.
I think it was a trebuchet, butyou can say catapult.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
I've never heard of the word trebuchet, so I'm not
going to be using it on thispodcast.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
I think a catapult's usually like a fixed thing where
you pull it back and it goesboink.
But a trebuchet uses a weightthat goes whoop and spins around
.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
Oh, okay, Interesting To me both catapults.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
And a ballista is a giant thing that shoots arrows.
It's like a giant crossbow is aballista.
Yeah, I know that from videogames.
Oh, do you have ballistas inyour video?
Games yeah, civilization, yeah,for sure, for sure you got to
build up some of those alongwith your military troops, and
then go crush some people.
So yes, Conan 2011 3D we didnot watch it in 3D yeah, what a

(02:34):
bummer Conan in 2D so much worse.
Hour and 52 minutes.
Game of Thrones came out in2011.
So the same year, same year asthis, and Jason Momoa and.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
Daniel.
Bow Interesting, so I wonderwhen each of them filmed.
So it seems like he gets castbefore you know.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
We only know Jason from Game of Thrones.
Initially right.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, that surprises me.
I assumed this was based off ofCall, but uh, cal Drogo I
believe is his name.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Oh, Cal Drogo Sure.
Is it Cal Sure?
I?

Speaker 1 (03:05):
but uh called drogo.
I believe it's cal drogo, sure?
Is it cal, sure?
I don't know?
Uh, game of thrones, but I if.
Yeah, maybe it's not, maybethis somehow, maybe he went to
the audition on the same day,because they're basically the
same part and they're just likegreat, we like you for this and
this.
We'll just sign you up yeah,because he sort of.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
sometimes you look at him and you're like I don't see
the look, and then sometimesyou look at him and you're like
oh, there's the look.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Sure, sure, yeah, not a lot under the surface, I
don't know We'll talk about it.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
This movie was in Nightmare Turnaround Hell spent
10 years at Warner Brothers.
Brett Ratner was involved andjust like a million different
real names were involved in this, and then we ended up with a
couple of who-knows-us people.

(03:57):
Sure, I guess.
Yeah, I think it was 10 yearsat Warner Brothers and then they
switched to $1 million a yearto lock it down, so you'd have
to give the rights holders Okay,I was like who do they give
that money to?
I mean I assume it's the RobertE Howard estate, right.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Okay, sure you ever read those books, by the way,
yeah me neither.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
I read some of them, maybe when I was young Not Conan
maybe some of the, the, theJohn Carter of Mars.
Then I picked up a John Carterof Mars one and did not get far.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
Oh, interesting, okay yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
I'm not as good at reading as I used to be and,
yeah, you know I'm old.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
I, yeah, I like, I like reading, but you know I'm
old yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
I like reading, but I'll just tell you right now
I've been reading the same bookfor four months.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
That's a while, it's a long time.
Also, I haven't read it inabout three weeks, you know.
And then I'll like every oncein a while just be like, oh shit
, I haven't read in a while.
I guess I'll read a chapter andthen just one chapter, and then
I'm like, okay, that was nice,and now I'll do it again in a
couple weeks.
I don't know, I don't knowwhat's going on.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
But do you remember what's going on in the book?

Speaker 1 (05:09):
No, definitely not.
I always have to like.
When I start reading I'm like,oh wait, what was going on?
So then I kind of skim a littlebit and then I read the know.
I got real problems.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
You know, it's kind of like, you know, like we were
talking whatever.
We did that one movie wherethen you left.
So I watched half of the movie.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
Oh I think it was.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Freejack and then you left and I looked at my notes.
I couldn't decipher them, andthat's where my brain is.
You know it all.
Within four or five days, it'sjust gone.
Gone, just mush.
The other person that was upfor Conan was Kellen Lutz.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Who got Hercules?
Who did that terrible Herculesmovie?
Oh, when did that come out?
Was that the same time?
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
But thinking back on it, that Kellen Lutz Hercules
movie, it was a better movie.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, that's true, but I don't think I liked Kellen
Lutz better.
You know what I mean.
So they made the right choice.
They just made a worse movie.
Sometimes that happens, okay so.
The Legend of Hercules came outin 2014.
So it was a couple years afterthis one came.
So they were able to watch thisand be like, okay, well, we're

(06:18):
not doing that, let's fixeverything wrong, okay.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Those guys had a chance to learn from all of
Conan's mistakes.
I don't know if I'd say all ofConan's mistakes, I would just
say the three mistakes they madebecause that's about it.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
What do you got?

Speaker 2 (06:36):
The movie.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
What mistakes?

Speaker 2 (06:40):
The whole movie.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
That's the mistake.
I don't know if that counts.
That's a little too big.
Let's see If I was going to saythe three mistakes of this
movie.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
That's the mistake.
I don't know if that counts.
That's a little too big.
I mean, let's see If I wasgoing to say the three mistakes
of this movie, just randomlygoing anywhere for no real
reasons Sure yeah.
Not to have Conan ever have anycompanionship whatsoever for
the most part.
What's that about?
He has sex, no, but I mean, ohlook, Tony's so proud of his

(07:06):
joke, he had sex.
Well, I'm laughing.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Crushed it.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
It always feels like there's no interaction.
Right, there's no push and pull, there's just well.
I rode a horse here and then Idid a thing.
There's no obstacles really towhat he does.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Just to piggyback on that real quickly.
So he fights the bad guy.
We'll go, we'll go more at theend you mean at the end there's
like a second to last battlewhere conan gets the shit kicked
out of him, right just getsdestroyed, they jump off the
thing, they get on the boat andthe first thing is like I gotta
go back and fight that guywithout learning any lessons,
without training at all.
He thing is like I got to goback and fight that guy Without
learning any lessons, withouttraining at all.

(07:47):
He's just like I'm just going togo back and this time I'm going
to kick some ass.
That doesn't make any sense.
What is the difference betweenthat fight and the next fight?
There's no difference.
No, he would lose twice in arow.
That's end of story.
He lost, he's dead.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
I don't know.
Yeah, well, there's like, andthere's at the beginning, he's
like he has to do this thing andhe kills all these guys and he
comes back.
Then dad's like now I'll trainyou to fight you're like right,
I think he's doing.
Okay, daddy, he's really good,he's really really good at this.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
Hated four men, four or five men something like that
it was five, yeah, five.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
I mean yeah, he's only-.
He only brought back three ofthe heads, but-.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Well, two of them he put on a pike as a warning.
You know it's fine, he atethose ones.
Well, you get hungry duringfighting.
You know he's a growing boy,he's got to get his proteins.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
So we start with lots of talking, the Dark Empire of
Ashran, the Mask of Bones, whichgives you magic bones power.
Why?

Speaker 1 (08:47):
is Morgan Freeman giving the story?
He's not in the movie.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Because they had an extra million dollars.
They're like how can we waste amillion dollars today?
I am Morgan Freeman.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
I kept waiting for him to show up to be a part of
the story.
Who is he to tell me the story?
Is he he god?
I don't understand.
He's not even in the world.
It's very strange to me.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
I didn't like that choice at all you know who they
had in um one of the, the arnoldschwarzenegger ones, they had,
uh, wilt chamberlain thebasketball player cool.
He plays the sexy princess'sbodyguard.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
He's gigantic well, that's true, he is big, kind of
like how they're doing.
Uh, reacher, are you watchingreacher yet?

Speaker 2 (09:32):
no, I don't.
Yeah, we talked about this lasttime.
You said you stopped.
I watched like three of them.
I'll probably watch some more.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
I don't get like, oh yeah, that dude is big I'm sure
they had to search far and wideto find someone that makes him
look small.
You don't just make Reacherlook small, but that guy is
hulking and I love it.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's like in wrestling, they have that guy,
the big show.
And he's just like that guyhere is like oh my God, that guy
is so fucking big.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
It's always fun.
So we have a mask of boneswhich they then break apart and
spread across the world, andwe're like well, there's your
plot.
You got to put together themask of bones and you're going
to be able to do something withit.
First interaction with peoplethey finish the mask of bones.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, I mean, they only need one last piece.
It's pretty nice, it's prettyeasy.
I was confused.
I mean honestly, I'm confusedby all of it.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
I don't know what the mask does.
I don't know who they'resacrificing for the mask.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
I don't know why they had to break the mask.
I get confused on all of it.
But my biggest confusion isdidn't they scatter it around
their one land?

Speaker 2 (10:41):
They gave one piece to each of the barbarian tribes.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Right.
So like each tribe's just kindof spread out in this land.
But then when he comes to conan, conan's, like well, the rest
of the land is gonna rise up,but aren't they already dead
then?
No everybody dead I know Idon't understand what's
happening they all joined him.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
All the barbarian tribes joined him because he has
all those guys there.
Remember, at one point he's inthe room and there's like four
or five guys in there and Ithink I think each of them was
those are just different leaders.
That's what I think, okay allright, that was the feeling I
got.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Okay, all right great , I still don't.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
I don't understand so there's, it seems, this about
that, but what it's really aboutis the bad dude's wife got
killed by somebody because shecould do something, and so he
wants to bring her back from thedead, and he can only do that
with the mask.
And then the correct pure girl.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
Right, and you know, obviously it's a bummer when
your wife gets murdered, right,yeah, but isn't it cool that
he's able to bring her back tolife in a woman who's like eight
times hotter than his originalwife.
I mean, that worked out prettygood for this guy, did you think
she was?

Speaker 2 (12:01):
really hot.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Oh, yeah, so she is in and now we're going to get
into some weird territory.
She's in Star Trek and sheplays Gamora's roommate.
And she's a green girl.
She's green and big crush onher.
Star Trek, yeah, star Trek, themovie with Chris Pine, oh,

(12:24):
she's in.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Star Trek the movie.
Yeah, she plays the movie withChris Pine.
Oh, she's in Star Trek themovie.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, she plays the green girl.
The green girl, she's barely init.
Dan, you got to go watch themovie.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Isn't Gamora, the character in?

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Oh, I'm saying yeah, you're absolutely right.
Gamora is from Marvel.
What is Zoe Saldana?
Is that her real name?

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, she plays Zoe Saldana.
She plays Ahura.
That's Zoe Saldana.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
Yeah, exactly so, her roommate in Star Trek, what are
you?

Speaker 2 (12:55):
talking about Jesus Christ.
So you're saying that the girlin Conan plays the roommate of
Zoe Saldana in Star Trek.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
In Star Trek, yes, and she's green Saldana in Star
Trek.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
In Star Trek.
Yes, and she's green.
She's green in Star Trek.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, she hooks up with Chris Pine and then she
goes and dies Because she's onone of the other ships and they
all blow up.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
So, anyhow, this is not a big crush on her.
This is like a 30-secondcharacter.
That's what I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
It's very small, but that was it.
It's very small, but that wasit.
That was enough.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
You like green people and blue people, don't you Tony
?

Speaker 1 (13:27):
I do.
Yeah, I like the aliens, yeah,but only when they're like very
human.
But green and blues and reds,you know it's all very sexy.
Oh my goodness, Anyhow, Such aweirdo.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
Okay, so that's so.
Each tribe kept the shard.
Hyperion Age A child is born ofbattle.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
Oh, then we get this terrible scene of Conan's mom
giving birth to him.
No, this is the only good scenein the movie.
It made me laugh so hard, Dan.
But sorry, continue.
Tell the people what happened.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
So she's fighting and then she's like here comes the
baby, and then Ron Perlman walksover.
Ron doesn't ever seem like he'sof the time, perlman no no sure
doesn't.
And she's like dying.
And she's like I'm not going tohave time to see the baby
before I die.
He's like, well then, give meyour knife and I'll cut you open

(14:24):
so you can see the baby beforeI die.
And he's like, well then, giveme your knife and I'll cut you
open so you can see the baby,and then I'll watch you die he
just c-sections her on thebattlefield.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
It's crazy.
And then he just takes the babyout and gives it to her.
It's so, it is so wild.
And then, and then he does thethe lion kings it and just lifts
up the baby and screams andwe're just staring at it.
But it's possibly the weirdestscene in a movie I've ever seen

(14:50):
in my entire life.
It's bizarre.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
This movie can be gruesome at times, but there's
no fun to any of thegruesomeness.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Not after this first scene.
No Sort of set you up.
You're like you know,Battleside C-Sections, You're
like Right, you think you knowwhat you're getting into.
You're like, okay, this isgoing to be a ride, and then
it's kind of not.
They just kind of let it down.
That's the most fun.
I had the whole movie.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah, it's pretty sad His name is Conan.
There it is.
Then they live in a village bythe river that has one building
which has a water wheel, but therest of it's just kind of tense
yeah, yeah, I don't know, youget a little bit of the willow
vibe on the town.
I got a little willow vibe.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
Well, willow's great though Okay, I still maintain
that I thoroughly enjoy willow.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Well, it's pretty fun .
At least they had fun, I mean Ican't handle the snowball scene
.
That was a bridge, too farBridge too far, Sure sure.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
They barely crossed the line.
Good for them.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Conan is a rambunctious parkour.
Youth Parkouring all over theplace Gets there, but the kids
have to do all the young'uns ifthey want to go on the battle
raid.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, tell me what they're doing.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
They gotta put an egg quail egg in their mouth.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
And they gotta run over the mountain Without
breaking the egg, that's reallyit.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, I really thought there was something else
going on, because theyimmediately get attacked.
So I thought maybe that waspart of I.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
I got very confused I don't think they expected to be
attacked in the mountains bythe tiger people by the.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
Did you say dino people tiger?
I think they're tiger people oh, they're tiger people, I
thought they're dinosaurs Idon't know, they could be
dinosaur people who are they?

Speaker 2 (16:38):
they're one of the other barbarian tribes, but
they're even more barbarous likebecause it of speaking they
roar.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
They roar, but not human roars.
It's not like a human was onset going like they put in sound
effects of dinosaurs when theyopen their mouths.
I love that, which is veryconfusing.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
It was so weird, it was such a stupid choice, but
you're just like well, theycommitted to it.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
They just kept doing it.
Yeah, they went for it.
You made a choice and you stuckwith it.
Good for you, but you shouldrethink it.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
So most of the kids are all like yeah, dino people,
we're going back, going to goaround the other way, but
Conan's like I'm going to winbecause I'm the bro.
And then he just stabs them inthe legs and stabs him in the
feet and cuts off their headsand he kills like five guys
pretty handily.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Pretty easily, yeah, and then when he fights his dad,
he's terrible at fighting inthe next scene.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Oh is he.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
I'm confused by it all.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah.
So he gets back and he wins andthe dad's like he's you know
that's.
The other thing is he has to belike a disappointment.
You have to have some dynamic.
His dad's just like you'regreat, conan, I'm teaching you
to fight, I'm making you a sword, you're great yeah, I I didn't
understand the vibe of of theirrelationship.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
To be honest, I like, if he comes back and he's
killed a bunch of dudes, youeither have to be like proud,
you have to make a decisionright.
You can be proud, scared, youknow, like uh oh, something's
wrong with this kid, or like Idon't know.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Do you want me to fix it on the day?

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Can you please fix it , because it's driving me crazy.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
It's pretty simple.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
He comes back the egg's broken and so he still
gets yelled at he fucked up.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
He fucked up.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, because he spins out the eggs, like I held
the egg of him out the wholetime while I was murdering five
adult men.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
No, it should have been broken and the dad was like
you didn't follow the brief.
The brief is the brief rightKilling five guys.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
Now that's something I can get behind a father being
disappointed, even when you do agreat job, that's great.
This is confusing.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
I don't know what's going on.
Then he trains him how to notbreak the egg or something you
know it gives him some realtraining, sure, yeah, but
instead this way he says to youConan, you are a great fighter,
but you do not pay attention todetails.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
Then we have a movie.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Which is kind of what he says, because you're all
fire and you need the balance offire and ice.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
But I didn't understand why he needed the ice
, because the fire just killedfive dudes adult dudes.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
He's doing fine.
That's the movie is.
He has to learn to be ice.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
And when does he do that?

Speaker 2 (19:30):
Not in this movie, but that's what you have to put
in.
And when does he do?

Speaker 1 (19:34):
that Not in this movie, but that's what you have
to put in In my head.
You were telling me that's whathappens in this movie and I was
like Dan, you watched the wrongfilm, because that doesn't
happen at all.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
That's what happened to Kellen Lutz in the Hercules
movie.
They taught him to be ice Afterthey watched it.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
they're like, oh, okay, I see what you were
thinking you were going to do.
Let's do that for real, yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
No, and that's what this movie needed.
It needed for him to.
You know, you got to stoprunning into the burning
building.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
You got to pick up a hose and put it out.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Whatever it is, he needed to learn a lesson, and
then, when he fought the bad guyat the end, the first time he
figured, it out.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
He makes a mistake and then figured it out.
He makes a mistake and then,when he goes back, he learns
from his lesson.
But that's not what happens inthis movie.
What happens in this movie isjust like ah, let me try that
again.
Let me try it again and do theexact same thing, and this time
it works.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
We need more spinning wheels and things like that,
and that's that's the problem.
My big issue is the spinningwheels.
Unstable ground.
I need to find it.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah if could I, could I have some granite under
my feet please?
This is unstable.
He's an unstable ground.
Oh, he's an unstable league guy.
I seriously when he was on sandthe first time.
You know that's hard.
It's hard to run in sand.
I don't know if you've evertried.
He got poisoned too, whatevercame in.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, cheating, there's a bunch of cheaters he
blew up a small amount of oiland that was that did.
That was too much.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
The bad guy screams and screams at that.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
He's very upset you blow up oil that's over here.
That doesn't block my pathdirectly to you well, it's his
own personal crude oil.
You see, that's gonna use thatfor my big, my big ship that
gets pulled along for anunknowable reason.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
By elephants.
Is that what's happening?
The elephants are porting theship for him Like what's going
on here?

Speaker 2 (21:19):
Were there elephants.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
I swear to God, there were elephants under that ship
at one point.
I don't know, man, this movieis weird, I don't want someone
with your head.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Okay, bad guys.
Counts back three heads one egg.
You know that should comes backThree heads one egg.
That should have got Matt in.
Why'd you only bring back threeheads?
You kept five guys.
Bring back five heads, fiveguys.
The dad's gonna make him asword.
Sword's gotta bend Fire or ice.
You gotta learn.
You gotta do fire and ice.
Now I'm gonna teach you tofight, but he doesn't teach him,
he just teaches him.

(21:48):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
He didn't teach him anything.
He taught him how to stab iceand sink it.
Is that a move?

Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, so the bad guys attack their village?
Yeah, they attack, from alldirections.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
They overwhelm them easily.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
These guys don't know what's happening.
They don't know what's.
It's terrible.
They got to have a scout comeback and say, oh, there's guys
coming.
And you know we have to realizethat this is a lost cause,
right.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
Great?
No, we don't.
We just have a big battle.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah well, a big messy battle.
The choreography of the fightsis very disappointing to me and
I don't totally understand it.
There's a point in this battlewhere Conan is screaming Dad and
the dad is screaming Conan, butthey're apparently nowhere near
each other.
Don't know, can't tell.

(22:45):
Eventually he finds his dad in ahut.
I thought they were calling toeach other to draw each other
together and then Conan wouldsee his dad get shot with an
arrow and then it would beemotional.
That doesn't happen.
They're apparently on oppositesides just yelling.
I don't understand what's goingon.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Can you imagine if Conan poisoned the bad guy to
death at the end?

Speaker 1 (23:08):
Yeah, nice, that would be great.
Nice little full circle, or heuses his dad's trick of the ice
because his dad cuts the ice andthen he falls down into the
frozen lake and at the end hecuts the bridge and the guy
falls into the abyss.
Yeah, but that's not what hewas supposed to learn from the

(23:28):
dad.
He was supposed to learnsomething about fire and ice,
not bridges.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
So they've got dad trapped.
He finds that he's got thelittle evil daughter.
It's kind of hot.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
Not as an adult, though yeah, she's hot as an
adult, rose McGowan, really, andyou don't like the purebred?
Nope, purebred's not the rightword.
What is it?
Pureblood?
Purebred's not the right word.
What is it?
Pureblood?
Purebred's like a horse Veryboring.
Well, imagine her green.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
That fixes everything .
There it is Problem solved.
Told ya, any woman, just painther green, that's solved.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Or man.
It's not a gender thing, Dan.
I just think people are moreattractive when they're
interesting.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
Oh my God.
Okay, so she finds the thing.
Boom Conan attacks slices off aguy's nose.
That's a good move.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, that was cool and I'm glad they brought him
back and had some fun with it.
I have a question on thedaughter why does she have
talons?
What's that all about?

Speaker 2 (24:37):
They're little knives , they come off.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
Yeah, the little Freddy Krueger things yeah so
she can be creepy.
Creepy.
Sure she doesn't really seem toknow how to use them very well
in battle she's just clicking.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Well, she's not a warrior, she's not.
Well, she's not a warrior,she's not.
No, she's a witch.
What is she?
She's a witch.
They call her a witch right atthe beginning.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Burn her.
Yeah, she's a witch, like hermom.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
But she's not as good a witch as her mom, for
unspecified reasons and reasonswe don't understand.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah, because the dad is very disappointed in her
Unlike.
Conan's dad.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
Obviously, this movie should always be about her
right.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
She has the character arc.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
She does.
She has a good character arc.
I like her.
She's hot.
So they burn dad with.
They put molten metal over him.
Right and then he has to hold achain.
What it is is that in one ofthe old Sergio Leone westerns,

(25:33):
the one kid, his dad, is hung bythe neck right.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
And then the kid is like I don't remember what he
was holding exactly, but thekid's basically trying to keep
his dad alive, sure, which?

Speaker 1 (25:45):
is intense.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
In the middle of the desert getting hot, and then the
kid falls down and the dad diesright?
Well, that's a sad end of thatstory yes, and that's that's the
whole point is then this youknow as an adult, he's charles
bronson.
He wants to find the guy thatdid this and shoot him in the
face at the end of the movieshoots him in the face, but
class this whole thing.

(26:07):
It didn't feel like the kid wasgoing through an ordeal of
trying to keep the dad alive.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Because I think it's because the kid probably didn't
understand how the contraptionworked.
Because I as an adult alsodon't understand how this
contraption worked.
I feel like it would berelatively easy to not be in the
way of the bucket, you knowwhat I mean.
Like I just step to the sideand then I pour it out very

(26:37):
slowly and I think it would missme for the most part.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, so you think you
could have worked.
This was a trap, I'm prettysure, Because you're watching it
and you're like is he gettinghit by the metal, or is he not
getting hit earlier and then ata certain point.
I think his whole face getsburnt off.
Does that?

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Well, because he does it to himself At the end.
He's like Cody, you have to run, I'm going to sacrifice myself,
and then he just tries to drinkit and you know it's tough.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, no-transcript.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
But they do leave, yeah.
And then the dad's just likeI'll, just, I'm done, I'm over
this shit.
Yeah, it doesn't want to wait.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
It's like we Sumerians we don't like waiting.
Just take death.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
We don't enjoy the waiting game, all right.
Death over waiting, I agree.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
I get it.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
That's like the DMV.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Did they steal Conan's sword or did they steal
the dad's sword?
I think they stole the dad'ssword.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
They are identical swords from what I can tell.
I can't tell the differencebetween them.
I swear they hold them up onepoint.
Conan holds both of them, Ithink, and I'm like, well,
that's just a replica sword.
I?
I don't know, maybe that's myfault, attention to detail is
not great, but I do believe theysteal the dad sword because at
the end rose mcgowan's like it'sthe sword of a fallen Cimmerian

(28:10):
.
So it has to be the dad.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Okay, he grows up, he thieves, he pirates, he
barbarians, no, no.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
What he does, dan, is he lives, he loves and he slays
.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
No, that's not what they say.
That's what he says to the ladyat one point he says that later
, but at one point he doesn'tsay it now, but that's his.
He says to the lady at onepoint.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
at one point he doesn't say it now but that's
his life motto and I just thinkwe need to bring attention to
that.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
I wrote that down later when he said to it's so
stupid, but he does saywandering thieving.
He does say slaying he loves toslay he's a slay king there's a
slave colony that's at thebottom of this hill.
He and his friends drop rockson them.
Time out.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Dan, those are huge boulders.
Yes, how did they get them intothe perfect places around the
mountain?

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Okay, Because they can't lift those boulders up?

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Well, conan can, but I'm going to tell you a story.
You think so.
I didn't see it.
I'm telling you a story.
Oh, tell me a story.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
When I was a kid there was a movie called the
Swiss Family Robinson.
Right yeah, yeah, they getshipwrecked.
Did you see the old Disney onefrom the 60s?
No no no, they get shipwrecked.
You know they.

(29:35):
For many years they had atDisneyland, until they turned it
into Tarzan's treehouse,because they're idiots.
Well, tarzan is newer.
They know that there's badpirates out there, yeah, yeah.
So they go on the top of thehill and they make it ready for
the pirates.
They haul logs up there and putthem behind things so that they
can cut the things, and thenhundreds of logs go, sure, they

(29:56):
set up this whole.
They, you know, have bombs andthey have guns and they have,
you know, bells.
So they set it all up.
That's what they're trying todo with this thing.
But it doesn't make any sense,because how would you set that
up above this people's?

Speaker 1 (30:09):
place exactly.
So the difference is is thepirates will be coming into port
and then they spring the trap.
These people are already there,so how did they spend weeks
rolling giant boulders abovethem and nobody seemed?
They're just like.
I wonder what these guys aredoing with all these rocks.
It's so weird, they're sostupid, it's just, it's not

(30:30):
possible.
It didn't happen.
And why did they do this?
Tony, I have no idea.
Is it the 3d thing?

Speaker 2 (30:37):
that's.
They did it for 3d.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
That's why they did it I mean see the reason why it
doesn't make sense to us becausewe watched it too deep for
watching 3d.
Be like I get it.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
I the spectacle of it .
Oh, dang it, that's so terribleso they go down there.
Lots of very sexy See, like allthese girls, much sexier than
the main girl in this movie.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
Okay, I listen, I can't.
She's green.
So anyhow, we got to talk aboutthis next scene that happens.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
Once you go green.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
So sexy girls, they have sex with them, yeah this is
what we have to talk about realquick.
They're like rock stars in this, like Conan and his buddy are
rock stars.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
As soon as these ladies see them, they're like
throwing themselves at them.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
I'm going to tell you something I'll give you.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
You're going to tell you something I'll give you.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
You're going to tell me another story about your
childhood.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
I'll give you $1,000 cash if you could tell me the
name of his buddy.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
No, no, I want $1,000 .
So badly, dan, I have no idea.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
I have no idea, and I pay attention to these things.
His buddy is so not named inthis movie.
It's crazy, and his buddy sodoesn't do anything.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
In this movie he doesn't do anything.
He's like nice to him everyonce in a while, that's it.
And he gets to yell wake upwhen they get uh attacked on the
ship.
I don't know if you rememberthat he's that yes I don't hold
on.
Do we really not know his name?
I?
Wrote it I gotta, I going tolook it up.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
What I do, Tony, is when the people say their names.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
The first time I write it in my notes, then I
underline it.
I underline it.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
You know how many names I have underlined in this
thing.
None, none.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Okay, okay, oh, wow, okay.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
It's like something like that.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Dan hold on, yeah, I'm holding on.
Tamar Marique Tamar, ukafaUkafa.
No, that's one of the bad guys.
Oh, I don't know, becausethat's not like the friendly guy
, I don't think.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
You know the one guy with all the face tattoos and
the bad teeth.
They say his name 200 times.
He's the one character whosename they say again and again,
and again and again, in thecourse of like five minutes.
It's amazing.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
Oh, I found him.
Okay, it's Artus, is his name,artus.
$1,000, please, stan, youdidn't give me a time limit, hey
you failed.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
You failed at this.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
I'm sorry.
I wish I would have had thatlocked and loaded.
Can you imagine your face if Iwould have shot that right back
at you immediately?

Speaker 2 (33:17):
But you see, I know you.
You don't know any characters'names.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
I don't.
You're right about that.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
You're terrible.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
I only know Conan from this movie.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah, you don't even know the girl's name.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
Well, I cheated now, so now I do know it.
But if you would have asked mebefore I looked at the IMDb, I
would not have known it.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
It is.
I think it is the same name asthe girl from the other Conan
movie, actually the second Conanthe Conqueror, like the
Schwarzenegger one.
Yeah, I think it's the same.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
I haven't seen those since I was a kid.
Oh, they're great movies.
I almost watched it thismorning.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Oh, Dan, we got a side real quick.
I got to tell you a story aboutwhat happened this morning.
Hold on, let me guess youwatched the movie on Peacock
last night, then you went towatch it this morning on Peacock
, and it was no longer there.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
How did you?
Did you do the same thing?

Speaker 2 (34:01):
No, because I saw the thing when I went to just watch
and it said Leaving Tomorrow.
Oh man, I did not read that Isaid to myself I could tell Tony
this, and I was like I'll lethim experience it.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
Well, I woke up at 6 am today to finish this movie
and I'm searching.
I typed in the whole name onPeacock.
I was like what is going on?
This movie won't come up.
And I Googled I was like it'sgone.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
So I had to go spend $4 on this movie and I didn't
even want to finish it.
I was bad boy.
I was so mad this morning.
Well, let me tell you whathappened to me.
So you know, I I force fedmyself this movie yesterday, so
I didn't spend four dollars yeah, that was a good move I stopped
once and then peacock just likeI lose my mind.
So you have to start over againand then you have to do four and
a half minutes of commercials.
I ended up doing four and ahalf minutes of commercials.
I ended up doing four and ahalf minutes of commercials,

(34:57):
like two times, and then I hadto do like nine minutes of
commercials, like once or twice,because I was after In the
middle.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Oh yeah, that's brutal.
So I had an extra 20 minutes ofcommercials that I had to deal
with with this stupid movie.
This was not a great experiencestupid movie.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
This was not a great experience.
Just top to bottom, this wasnot a great experience.
Peacock is not a greatexperience.
You should, just once you logthose commercials, you should be
allowed to go where you want inthe movie.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, like I already did it for this title, fuck you
stop.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Stop making me do it every time okay, so they they go
to this other place.
They're they're having fun withthe women.
Then this like this he sees thenoseless guy who was part of
the people that messed with hisdad, so he's all like, ah,
finally I got a lead.
There's this other dude who isa thief and they're looking for

(35:47):
him.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, I don't know this guy at all I don't like him
.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Conan kills everyone and then tortures No-Nose.
How does he torture No-Nose?
He picks his nose, he stickshis finger in the hole In his
nose hole.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Oh man, that's cool, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, it's cool, pretty cool.
And this actor was so game.
He does the whining very, verywell.
I would have cast him as well.
He did a great job.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
He really liked him.
Um, he's like up, you gotta gogo, you gotta go to the
forbidden forest.
And then he says some word,gorgomula.
And then they're all lookingfor, um, they're looking for the
girl.
So we find out that the bad guyis looking for the girl.
Now Conan knows what the plotis.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
Then we sort of do I'm kind of figured it out, you
know what I mean, but I stilldon't understand why.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
He's bringing back his wife because she's a
powerful necromancer.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
So yeah, I mean I guess, but here's why I'm
confused.
Yeah, I guess, but isn't here'swhy I'm confused?

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
The pureblood girl.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Yeah is the descendant, yes, of the most
powerful necromancer ever theysaid or something like that yeah
, I guess, so yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
Why is everybody a necromancer?
Is that the only magic in thisworld?

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Well, you know.
The truth of the matter is, whywould you be a purebred
necromancer, right?
Shouldn't you be pure ofsomething?

Speaker 1 (37:19):
better than that.
Necromancer blood got to bepretty dirty.
It's got to be all muddy.
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
It's all very confusing.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
It's all very confusing.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
It's great.
I really like this movie a lot.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
It's got to go through forest.
Yeah, Did you finish this sceneyet?
The end of the scene.
What he?

Speaker 2 (37:37):
does was.
The dude is like I'll tell youeverything, just don't kill me.
Conan's like cool Conan at theend sticks a key down his throat
, then he drags him outside andhe's like hey, everybody, if you
want to be free, the key'sinside of this asshole which is
funny.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yeah, it's good.
I have a question.
Yes, now.
So you have a.
You have the only key to freeeveryone around your neck at all
times, which is a terriblechoice seems unlikely but so he?
he tears it off and he puts itin the guy's mouth and then he
pours water, some sort of liquid, in his mouth castor oil?

(38:14):
Is that what it is?
No, why would that make himswallow the key?
I put food in my mouth and thendrink water and keep the food
in my mouth all the time why doyou keep the food in your mouth
with water?
Because sometimes, if let's justhappen last night.
So let's say it's a buffalowing, all right, and I've taken

(38:36):
a lot.
I like to skin the whole thing.
First I take the whole buffalowing and I chew it up.
And then I'm like, oh, mymouth's on fire.
So I cool it down with somewater, but I keep the chicken in
my mouth because I'm not donechewing the chicken and then
I'll chew it up and I'll swallowit and it's less hot, but
regardless my point is Tony,that's not how normal people eat

(38:58):
.
But just putting liquid in hismouth isn't going to force him
to swallow a solid object in hismouth.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
That's all I'm saying .
You're set for this.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
I'm very talented, okay, I can put a lot of
different things in my mouth andhandle it, no.
Okay, I can put a lot ofdifferent things in my mouth and
handle it, no problem.
Oh, my God, I don't know.
I just thought it was weird.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Okay, there we go.
Boom.
We go to the palace.
We meet the woman that they'regoing to come for, whatever In
the forest.
Why?

Speaker 1 (39:27):
is so they're monks, I don't know.
Okay, all right, I mean, Iguess I'm getting in the weeds
of the particulars of this movie.
I just really didn't understandthe world building, oh because
they just use words, right?

Speaker 2 (39:42):
These guys don't seem like monks.
This doesn't seem like a thingwhere there's monks.
We don't know what all thesehot women that aren't pure are
doing there.
We don't understand any of it.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
The impure monks yeah , we don't understand any of it
the impure monks?

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Yeah, I don't know what's going on Like, if I was
going to do it, I would havelike this You'd have this big
thing at the top of a cliff thatactually had a hundred monks,
and then there was one womanthat was there, right.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Right.
Isn't that what you do?

Speaker 2 (40:03):
Sure You'd have a bunch of monks there and then
they'd be like, oh, we got toprotect the stupid girl.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
And why are there other girls and they're not
protecting those girls?
Are they decoys?
Is this like a Princess Amidalasituation?

Speaker 2 (40:20):
I don't know what's going on, say what you want
about the first Star Wars movie,star Wars Episode 1.
It made sense, right?

Speaker 1 (40:27):
I will say a lot of things because, again, I'm sure
we talked about it I like themjust as much as I like the
originals.
Because, again, I'm sure wetalked about it I like them just
as much as I like the originals.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
Oh, and that's the thing is, they're dopey and
weird at times.
You know there's too muchSenate stuff that doesn't make
any sense, sure, but you know,give me the Trade Federation any
day.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
These guys I fucking love the Trade Federation.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
These characters are hilarious.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
You know I don't like the stupid robots because
they're just, they're like soincompetent and dopey.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
But they are, but they make for a great video game
.
Bad guy, because you can justrun them down and you're not
like am I killing clones?
Am I murdering people right now?
Because that's the problem,stormtroopers right, they're
human.
So we just make them realrobots and we fix that whole
situation.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
See, and you know, there was just a little bit of
the goofiness of those firstthree which then turns into like
the biggest darkness ever inthe third one.
You're just like you didn'treally set us up for killing the
younglings and having all ofhis arms and legs cut off.
You know you're just like.
This is pretty extreme.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Yeah, it's awesome, it's very fun because it kind of
comes if you didn't know whichyou probably knew going into.
But, like your kid, you don'tknow and you're like what is
going on right now?

Speaker 2 (41:43):
if you saw those movies, in that, in the, in the
you know one through one,through nine you would just be
like holy this guy's arms andlegs are cut off and he's you
know's lying in the middle of alava flow.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
I'd be a bad guy too after that you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
And just think about how a thousand times more
colorful that is than anythingthat happens in the sad Conan
movie.
Yeah, yeah, and that's GeorgeLucas not doing his greatest
work.
Jar Jar Binks, good old Jar Jar.
Okay, we meet the caravan.

(42:20):
They've got this big caravan.
Soldiers, they have a boatwhich is on wheels and you were
like, well, at some point youknow they're going to push that
into the ocean and then it'sgoing to boat.
No, we abandoned that boat, wenever see it again.
At some point, you know they'regoing to push that into the
ocean and then it's going toboat.
No, we, just we abandoned that.
We never see it again.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
I would argue that that boat's never been in the
water, dan, because there's nowater line on the boat.
It's wood, it's a wooden shipand I just have to believe there
would be a water line of somesort.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Where are the barnacles?

Speaker 1 (42:53):
You ask sarcastically , but that's a great question.
I watch Below Deck all the timeand they're all constantly
jumping in and cleaning thebottom to get all those
barnacles off.
You gotta keep that thing clean.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Okay, so they're.
He's on the ship with his buddy.
Oh, artis, was that his name,his buddy's name?

Speaker 1 (43:13):
Yeah, yeah, I found this.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
This is the first one .
All right.
And then he's all like okay, Iknow what I'm going to do, but
I'm just going to go alone.
He goes to the desert and Army,the army gets somewhere.
Okay.
So then the bad guys get to theplace where the monks are,

(43:35):
start killing everyone.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
Tamara, Tamara, that's the girl right, yep, yep,
that's the lady.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
They sneak her out of town and then we have this
crazy scene where Conan's on theroad, then she's on the road
and then the bad guys attack andthen he's trying to grab her or
kill them and everyone justfights and fights, and fights.
And there's people get dragged.
Oh, this is when the guy getsdragged into the boulder.

(44:01):
Conan punches and explodes,which is cool.
Conan punched horses with agiant chain.
That was very weird, yeah.
And then there's one big badguy left, and then he just
leaves.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Yeah Well, he runs away right.
He's like if you face me, Idon't remember what he said, if
you run away, I'll chase youdown, something stupid, I don't
know.
There's some dialogue here.
That is inconsequential.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
He runs away.
We cut back to where theprincess is and the witch doctor
or princess was.
She tastes all the people andit's all like, oh nope, she's
not here.
And then we find out about themom dying on the wheel and then
he beats.
He beats this one monk to deathagainst the ground.
It was very.
This movie is very graphic andvery grisly in a weird,

(44:48):
unsatisfying way.
Yeah, yeah, definitely that Wellbecause there's not a lot of
catharsis at the end.
They like to have the bad guysinflict pain on, ostensibly, the
good guys.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Yeah, but I don't care about these good guys, so
it's a problem.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
So here's.
The bad guy is Remo, the guythat just fled.
He then has time to talk to thegirl.
Put the girl on a horse withhim and chase down the bad guy.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Yeah, and what's weird is I swear he catches up
to the guy, grab something fromhim and then slows down to throw
it at him.
Is that the order of events inthis little chase scene, Because
I wrote it down that way and Iwas very confused on why he

(45:36):
would, If you're next to him,just kill him.
I don't know why you wouldsteal something, slow down and
then throw it at him.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
He knocks the bad guy out and then the girl's like
you will take me to Hyroconia,and I'm just like I don't know
what that is.
I don't know what that is.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
I don't know where that is.
I don't know why she wants togo there.
I don't know why you're going.
What's there, what is yourjourney, lady, and what's?

Speaker 2 (45:59):
her offer to him.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
Does she have one?

Speaker 2 (46:02):
No, I thought she just said do it, and he was like
no.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
I'm not going to do it, and she's like do it and
he's, and that was about it.
Oh, then he ties her up so shecan't leave.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
Oh, that's right, no, you're right, we cut back to
the bad guy.
This is the point at which thedaughter's like I can do what
mom did, and dad's like no, yousuck Now is she?

Speaker 1 (46:28):
You know is she?
Yeah, is she trying.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
There's a little implication there.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
There's some tension there and the dad's like, nah,
you're never going to be her.
And I was like, is she offeringherself what's happening right
now?

Speaker 2 (46:40):
They should have done that.
That would have been weird, andthis is a movie that would have
done that.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
It was weird either way, because you're in this
limbo where it's like is sheadvancing on him?
I don't know what theirrelationship is, but he's
definitely the bad guy.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Now, did you ever watch Game?

Speaker 1 (46:57):
of Thrones.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Yeah, of course I watched Game of.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Thrones.
Everybody watched Game ofThrones.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
When you get to the Moondore people and the mom
breastfeeds the adult child,we're all sitting there going
like this.
What is happening?

Speaker 1 (47:11):
Who wrote this shit?
What is going on?
It's like what's happening.
Who wrote this shit?
What is going on?

Speaker 2 (47:15):
What's-his-name has some problems and he's never
finishing those books anyways.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
He's never going to finish this book, which is
pretty hilarious.
Would you finish it?
I wouldn't.
So many people were mad withthe way the show ended that I'd
be like no one's going to behappy with the ending, so fuck
you.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
I'm not going to finish it.
Of course I'd finish it.
If he has the ideas, justfinish it.
He doesn't.
If he doesn't have the ideas,then don't finish it.
But if you have the ideas, thencontract with somebody, work
with somebody to get it done.
Who cares?

Speaker 1 (47:47):
I don't know, I disagree.
People not liking my art hurtsme.
It hurts me to my soul.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Oh, so you want to punish everyone?
That is a Tony thing I'll showthem.
It's going to the grave with me.
It'll never be finished.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
I'm on my deathbed, middle fingers out and be like
good luck finishing the books,idiots, and then I die.
Cry about it one more time Okay.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Remo wakes up and he's like, oh, they're not going
to come here, they're going togo this other place.
And so he's like, okay, I'll gothere.
He goes there, takes thetrebuchet, throws Remo's body.
It hits the boat.
I'm like that's a good shot.
He reassembles the trebuchet,which is laying in pieces.
Just like you know, it's likethings break perfectly.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
You know, it's like things break perfectly.
Generally, when things getshattered, you can just put them
right back together and theywork no problem.
Really terrible and also likewhat an amazing shot.
You're absolutely right, I mean, it's unbelievable.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
And inside his mouth there's a note, and the note is
like come alone to this placefor us to fight, Okay.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
I wouldn't go alone, yeah that's true.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
Why would you expect that he could control that
situation?

Speaker 1 (49:03):
Yeah, not.
Oh, I wrote him a note so he'sdefinitely going to do it.
He's definitely going to playby the rules because it was a
note.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
There was a note.
There was a note.
Implicit in the note was you'vegot to follow the rules.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
Those are the rules.
If you're not going to followthem, just don't come.
The next necromancer meetingthey're gonna be like you didn't
follow the rules.
You're out, bro.
Yeah, you're out of here, guy.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
Yeah, you can't follow simple directions so he
goes there and so he set up.
The bad guy comes with bag ofgold and then they summon with
magic the parkour.
Sad warriors, can they live?
Can you kill a parkour?
How do you kill a parkour?
How do you kill a parkour, saidwarrior?

Speaker 1 (49:41):
Well, I guess the question is is this the same two
warriors over and over, or arethere hundreds of them?

Speaker 2 (49:50):
There's like about eight of them and you just have
to kill those eight and you killthem through normal ways of
killing them with a sword.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
So I wasn't sure if when they shatter, they're dead,
or if they just go back to sandand have to come back together.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Nope, there's like a final crackening where they're
dead and you're done with thefinal crackening.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
That's a good movie title.
I'm so confused.
I guess I'm just thinking ofyeah, I don't know, because they
come out of the sand, but thenthey're independent of the sand,
so they're not.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
They're not tied to the sand Right?

Speaker 1 (50:28):
Yeah, I don't know.
It's very strange.
What are?
Because she's a necromancer,right?
What does sand creatures haveto do with necromancy?
She probably just found abottle of them.
Oh, okay, have to do withnecromancy.
She probably just found abottle of them.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
That clears it up, you're right, you know, silly
question that's on me.
Um, I kind of liked them.
They went on too long theydidn't have any they didn't have
any real rules.
Just at a certain point youcould kill them, or if they fell
down, they died, yep you know,they didn't really have cool
sand powers, which was what Iwas expecting you think back on
the mummy that's.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
I was thinking of the mummy and sandman from
spider-man.
Those are the two things whereI was like these are not.
These are not either of themwhere the rules, but they kind
of look good.
Yeah, yeah, fine, they're okay.
I bet they'd look great in 3D.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
There it is.
3d, that's what we needed.
She poisons Conan and sothey're losing it.
So he blows up some oil andthen they oh they jumped into
the ocean.
Did you know they were next?

Speaker 1 (51:32):
to the ocean.
No, I didn't know they werenext to the ocean, but they run
to the edge of this cliff andhis friend Artus, or whatever
his name is is, sees them andit's like jump idiots or
something weird.
And then they just why?
Why is that cut in there?
They're gonna jump either way.
It's so weird, very strange andyou really don't like I don't,

(51:56):
you don't really feel likethere's a way that hollywood
shoots those jumps, and this onedidn't feel like they shot it
that way well, it also generally, when two people run to the
edge of a cliff, there's amoment where they're like, wow,
we're gonna die if we jump,we're gonna die if we stay, I
guess we have to jump.
And then they jump nervously.

(52:16):
This was more just like oh hey,it's the ocean, should we
should just jump?
And then they do.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
I, it's, it's, it's missing, the, the, the element
that makes that dramatic even ifwe've seen it a million times,
you can still feel that itdidn't have the right, yeah, 100
, because here's the thing youcan.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
I can see that exact same scenario a million times
over.
I I know I'm not jumping.
I will die at the hands ofwhoever's behind me.
I'm not jumping.
That's the scariest moment ofyour life.
Is that free fall into notknowing if you're going to live
or die?
No, thank you, I'll take acertain death over that.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
And that's what should have happened there.
The girl should have been likeoh no, and Conan's like we gotta
jump, and Conan's like we gotto jump and Conan jumps, and
then she's like all ah and shegets grabbed because she's a
cowardly woman.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
Yeah, there's a lot of sexism in this movie, by the
way.
Yeah, there's a lot of it.
It's really weird.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Okay, so our guys wait what's happening here.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Well, they jumped in.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Now they're on the boat, on the boat, and then the
bad guys attack the boat how dothe bad guys get to the boat?

Speaker 1 (53:24):
do they also jump?
No one, do they just swim?
They had another there doesn'tseem to be a second ship.
I didn't see one outside.
I don't know if you did youmean?

Speaker 2 (53:33):
you mean when they snuck up on them at night, and
then when the battle occurs,it's during the day today, yeah,
exactly.
And then there's like a biggiant guy and they battle, and
then our guys win and they go,yay when did pirates come out?

Speaker 1 (53:49):
2003, something like that.
This is like the exact samescene, when they're like men to
the boats not to the boats andthen they crawl into the sea and
then come up and sneak, andthen they're doing the huzzah
after they wait, I don't know.
It felt very similar, but justso much worse that the whole
time I was like, ah, I'm goingto think I'm going to watch
pirates tonight.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
You don't watch that pirates movie and you're like,
yep, still good, you think it'sgoing to be.
You're going to be like ah,it's blockbuster.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
You know, I just, I love blockbusters, I really do
when he when that ship sinks andthen he steps off the dock.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
You're like someone has made a good decision.
Character introduction of alltime hands down yeah, I don't
know if you'll ever have abetter character.
Well, that or terminator too.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
Schwarzenegger coming up butt naked that's pretty
cool too.
I do love that.
Walks into the bar beating theshit yeah, that's good.
Those are the two that come tomind for me, I don't know.
Walks into that police station.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Goes back out, gets a car, drives it.
You're like what happened toour James Cameron.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Oh well, he's making some real good stuff on Avatar.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Oh, we're going to have this boat that's going to
be tilted over.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
We're going to have this boat and it's going to be
tilted over.
We're going to have a 45-minutefight.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Can't wait for the next one.
Let's go Sully Woo.
Okay, conan gets off the boat,the girl goes with him, takes
him a map.
Then they go and have is therea plan?
I don't know.
Then that's when he says I slay.
Then they go and have is therea plan?
I don't know.
Then he that's when he says Islay, so they have sex.
Then the next morning does sheditch him, or is she just

(55:29):
wandering in the forest randomly?

Speaker 1 (55:31):
That's a great question that this movie doesn't
answer.
They're just like ah, she'sgotta be outside.
Who gives a shit?
Uh, it's very confusing.
I don't know why she's outthere, what she's doing, where
she's going.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
I have a terrible idea, not good at all, so she
gets grabbed by the bad guy andwho's going to take her to this
other city?
Conan has time to go to anothercity to find the guy with the
one eye that he saved from theone.

Speaker 1 (55:56):
His thief friend yeah .

Speaker 2 (55:57):
And then the thief friend is able to take him back
to the secret place wherethey've taken her.
Somehow Gone to another city,right Walk to Portland and then
walk back to Los Angeles in thetime this guy took to do.
He didn't do anything in thistime.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
Well, because they're carrying a prisoner, so they're
twice as slow, much slower.
Because she's going like thisyeah, she's fighting or
something, yeah, it's real tough, real hard stuff.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
So they they go in there and then they fight like
one tiny snake in the water andI was like, well, that's kind of
disappointing.
Yeah, ah, they get in thedungeon and here's the big
tentacles battle.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Talk about the big tentacles battle, tony again
super disappointing, I'm notgonna lie to you.
Did you like it?

Speaker 2 (56:43):
it was better than most of the movie well, okay,
okay.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
So if we're looking at conan as the bar itself,
we're ignoring everything elseever made in the history of time
.
Uh, get into, this was thebetter.
This is where they spent all oftheir 60 million, or whatever
you got close to 100.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Oh wow, this is the baseline, and then this battle's
right here.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
Here's Conan Ha-ha, we did it.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
Most of the rest of the movie way down here, but I
was like at least it was atentacle monster and it was kind
of weird.
The one guy's like he pullschains and moves people up and
down, and if you'd have everestablished it, you know.
You just think about the amountof jeopardy that you have in
the Star Wars trash compactorscene.
Yeah, this thing has 10 timesmore special effects.

(57:33):
Goes on 10 times longer and hasone-tenth of the amount of
jeopardy.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
That's generous.
One-tenth is very generous.
I don't know, and you know I'lltell you, I'll tell you right
now dan somewhere.
Uh, what's his name?
Marcus nispel.
I'm sure I'm saying that wrongmarcus nispel, that's the
director.
He's listening to this podcastand he's like finally someone
gets it.
It's funny how good this scenewas in this movie.

(58:00):
He's so excited that someonefinally thought it was decent.
Yeah I mean I didn't understandthe end.
Can you walk me through this?
Because his friend is gettingswallowed in the cage?
Not swallowed, but like wrappedup whatever.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
He opens the top of the cage and he crawls out the
top is that is that all thathappens?

Speaker 1 (58:19):
because couldn't you've done that at any time?
If the top just I thought maybeit fell and the hinge broke, no
, Okay, I thought I missedsomething.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
He just helps him out the top, that's what I remember
.
Just crawl out.
He knocks the jailer in andthen his friend crawls out the
thing.
Huh, yeah, all right.
Well, there you go.
And so we've done all this toget into this place.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
And then we climb up to the top of it and we look and
they've all left to go to SkullRock.
Is that where they're going?

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Yeah, the big rock that's in the.
There's a big skull rock,there's a rock.
Isn't that where King Kong,yeah, skull Island you live on
Skull skull island, but therewas a sort of skull rock there
and also in peter pan there wasa skull rock, but there's
there's another skull rockthere's another, there's a lot
of skull rocks I don't know,maybe they're from ancient giant

(59:13):
beings but it's kind of like,why don't they just do that here
?
Why do they got to go over toskull rock well?

Speaker 1 (59:18):
you know you had money for another location.
Let's go, let's do it, let's goRock.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
They put the girl on the wheel, he puts on the mask
and I'm like something's gonnahappen.
Nothing happens.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
But it doesn't.
So okay, we can.
So they drain her blood, right,and they put it on the mask,
and then the mask gets tentacles, it like comes alive.
And then, and the mask getstentacles, it comes alive, yeah.
And then it wraps around hisface, yeah.
And then what?
He doesn't get special powers.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
Well, he's bringing the person back from the dead.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Sure, but I thought in the beginning they were like
the guy that wears the maskrules the world.
Yeah, Isn't that what they said?
Yeah, you think so.
He doesn't change at all.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
There's no he doesn't , he's not impervious, he can't
fight any better, he can't shootbullets.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
He just looks dumber.
That's.
The only change that I see isnow he looks like a moron.
I don't get it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
Conan sneaks in does your classic?
You know he knocks a guy outand puts on his robes or
whatever.
But we don't see that right.
Yeah, it doesn't matter Likethe most classic thing of all
things.
You know You're watching BigTrouble in Little China.
You always see them sneak upclobber and then they're wearing

(01:00:39):
the things and they're likegoing like this Come out yeah,
you've got to do those jokes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Those are clobber.
And then they're wearing thethings and they're going like
this so they can see it 100%.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
You've got to do those jokes.
Those are your jokes, Even ifthey've already been done a
thousand times.
You've got to do your jokes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
This movie's too serious for that, Dan Okay.
And Conan's by himself, all byhimself.
Where is the thief friend?

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
Oh, he left.
He left after he got him inthat one party site.
Okay, he did leave.
Okay, he peaced out.

Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
Yeah, he totally peaced out.
I got you in and now you're onyour own, okay great.
Why didn't you go with me thewhole way, bro?
Well, because he'd be dead.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Okay, so then we have a giant fight and there's an
earthquake.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Now, did the mask guy cause the earthquake?
I thought maybe that was one ofhis powers.
I don't know either.
It's not very clear, and nor isthat a good power.
When you're in a dungeon ofsome sort, that's a good way to
get yourself killed.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
See in a movie like this makes you appreciate
Aquaman.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
The movie Aquaman?
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
the movie Aquaman?
I don't think so, like at leastsome of those fights you know,
you know the octopus drumming,but at least they sort of travel
through a space.
Interestingly, these movies,these ones are like the wheel
falls down and then it lands ina place and then everybody jumps
down on the wheel and theyfight on the wheel and then the
wheel falls down again and thenthe wheel sort of turning.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Yeah, as wheels do.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
And then they escape and she runs away and is hiding
and then we got some nice girlon girl action.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
It's not that good though.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
No, it's not good.
I just wanted to say that youknow.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
I know there's here's okay.
So here's what I will say abouteveryone in this movie.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
What are?

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
you going to say about?
Everyone in this movie RoseMcGowan is the only one that I'm
like she's fucking trying.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Oh yeah, she's trying .

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
She's giving this her all and she's cool.
She's cool If she were in adifferent movie.
Yeah, I really like her a lot.
She's a good good though shewas good, though she was great.
Her dad sucks, uh, and everybodyelse kind of sucks, but so what
I was gonna say is she'swalking down this hallway cavern

(01:03:00):
I don't really know what it isand the other girl's hiding and
she even her walk.
She's doing this like slinkthing and I was like she's
committing so hard, yeah, tosuch a bad movie and I just feel
terrible about it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
It's great, I thought she was wonderful, uh the long
bright spot of the movie yeah,do you want to talk about the
chemistry between conan and the,the main lead girl?

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
I think you said about all you need to say, which
is there isn't any, you know.
What we should do is we shouldquickly talk about the kiss dan,
what's her kiss?
The kiss that led to the sex.
So there's a kiss first, uh, ina different location.
Then it cuts to them, boning ona rock for some reason.
The kiss was horrible oh was it?

(01:03:46):
It was so uncomfortable.
I don't know who's faulted.
Maybe it's both, maybe theydidn't like each other, I don't
really know, but it's a bad kiss.
And then it goes right intosome really plain mediocre sex,
and the sex goes on way too long.
It's a three.
It's a three minute scene.
Doesn't need to be that.
It could just be like we get it.
Also, why are they having sex?

(01:04:08):
I don't really know, other thanlike it makes him more manly.
I honestly don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Think about how sexual it was when he released
the slave girls and they weretopless and crawling all over
the dudes.

Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
Yeah, you're like this is going to be a party,
this can be a party.
They don't work.
They don't work.
I don't know.
I don't know it's not her fault, right Cause she's green and
she's awesome, so it's kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
I gotta tell you something she's not green in
this movie.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
I think she was okay, when?
Okay, when I remember it.
No, I I don't know.
They have no chemistry.
And again, I don't it has to.
I don't know, because he doeshave chemistry in game of
thrones with calise, likethey're.
He's, he's small there's likemagnetism he smolders all over
the place it's both sides ofthat right like both, both of

(01:04:59):
them when they're together,you're just like shit.
Yeah, I get it, I get it.
So that's it's, but it's got tobe a combination where they
just did not click because thereis no maggot, there is nothing
there she just wanders away intothe forest to kind of get away
from him I was so bored lastnight I went to pick mushrooms.

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
I don't know um he cuts off the witch girl's arm
yeah, wild, that's really meanuh, I think he throws it down
hold on.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
I want to say one thing real quick.
When, during the girl on girlfight there's a moment where, uh
, green girl's on the bottomright and claw girl's on top and
green girl's holding the clawso it doesn't reach her face
yeah, those talons are so longall she has to do is just cut

(01:05:47):
the arm, like just stab the arm,she'll let go and then you win.
That's why I was like she's notgood with her own claws.
You have extra long fingers.
You can just dig them into herwrist, slice right here and
you've won the battle Shouldhave scarred her up in the face
too Right, make the princesslose an eye.

(01:06:11):
You know she's going to be downan eye, pop it right out and
it's on her tail and that'll befun.
That might make her sexy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
She's like one scarred up eye.
They fight, everythingcollapses.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
Everything collapses, which is weird.

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
The princess girl is possessed and she's like, let me
go, let me go.
And this is like a flashback tohis dad.
And we're like, oh well, thisis what we've been waiting for.

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
And he does destroy the bridge.
I actually didn't get that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
Yeah, so then he does destroy the bridge.
So he did learn the ice thing,sort of.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
But that's not ice.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
But that's what his dad taught him on the ice right
To cut into the ice so he'd losehis footing.
Yes, yeah, yeah, right and ifanyone really cared about that
scene and we realized that scenemeant everything.
Like sometimes you got to dothis if the dad had spelled it

(01:07:10):
out.
And then you know we, he, hewas there and he knows that he
can't win.
And he and dad says, use, usethe power of ice.
You dumb fucking kid you did itright there.

Speaker 1 (01:07:14):
You'd have been like oh well, there it is sure,
unlike in batman, begins whenthey use the ice, and then you
know it all ties in later in themovie, does it, which is great?
Yeah, it's all about footingand whatnot.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
Yeah, yeah you know, watch your batman movie and
steal that shit yeah, I don'tknow when batman begins came out
yeah, I don't know not anywho.

Speaker 1 (01:07:35):
Um, yeah, he cuts the bridge and he falls, and then,
and then the the girl's justmagically fine.

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
Yeah, and then they just leave and they take a horse
, and then she thanks him forbringing him home and she's like
later, dude, right, god justsays later, dude, wait, hold on,
he just leaves the girl.

Speaker 1 (01:07:56):
He drops her off.
She says thanks for bringing mehome and he just is like cool,
take care, see you home.
And he just is like cool, takecare, see you later.
And then just leaves her.
What is happening?
That is the weirdest end tolike a romantic storyline.
Why did they have sex, dan?
Why did they form a bond?
Quote unquote.

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
I put a baby conan in her.

Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
Is that going to be the sequel?
Baby, he's going to come back,cut her open and then show her
the baby as she dies and he'llbe like just like when I was
born, and then lion king.
It is that the end of the movie?
When he rides away, yeah, uh,no, he rides away to the, the
place where his dad was, orsomething oh, he's gonna make
another sword, or?
something, yeah, yeah, somethinghe finds the mold to the sword

(01:08:40):
and it's like yeah somethingyeah, and then he has like a
flashback of fire and ice andhe's like the so, because the
voiceover is like you're notready for the sword until you
learn fire and ice, or somethinglike that, and it's supposed to
say that he learned whatever helearned but.

Speaker 2 (01:08:57):
I don't think he learned I'm just gonna say it
didn't seem like it enough, Ididn't learn it.
That's what I'll say.

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
He must not have learned it, because I didn't
learn it and I have no idea whathe learned.
I'm so excited to tell you whatwe're watching next week.

Speaker 2 (01:09:15):
I'm very excited.

Speaker 1 (01:09:17):
It's not going to be as fun as I'm making it seem,
but I'm excited.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
I didn't even remember you were excited about
it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:25):
That really hurts my feelings, Dan.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
Tony.
So, yeah, this was and that wasthe thing.
I do need to rewatch theoriginal Conan.

Speaker 1 (01:09:37):
I want to as well.

Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
I bet you, when you watch, that you listen to the
music and it's like you knowit's rousing Conan the Parpet.
This kind of music should bevery easy to get someone to do,
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
Sure, I mean I don't make music, but I would imagine
people that do could do it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
You could say you know, it's epic fantasy.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
Was there epic?

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
fantasy music in this movie.

Speaker 1 (01:10:01):
There wasn't anything epic fantasy about this movie,
except for the witch, maybe.

Speaker 2 (01:10:07):
Yeah, you know, you got a lot of great witches out
there.
A lot of great witches, tony.
What did you watch?
Something you like?

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
I am, I'm going, I'm doing this out of solidarity.
What's happening?
Suits LA came out premieredlast Sunday last Sunday.

Speaker 2 (01:10:31):
So this is the first time you didn't talk.

Speaker 1 (01:10:34):
We just talked about that you were expecting it to be
terrible right and I was right,I was right, I, I was right.
I've watched it three times now.

Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
What the first episode?
The first episode yeah, andthen I'm going to watch it again
before episode two tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (01:10:52):
It is so messy, dan.
So just as a backstory right,the original Suits blew up over
the pandemic right.
People started-.

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Suits was the one where the dude comes in there
and gets the job and wasn'treally looking for the job and
he does some he's got somemagical power right.

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Not a magical power.
He has.
What is it?

Speaker 2 (01:11:16):
Idaetic memory or whatever it is.
Yeah, so like he wasn't lookingfor this job, he falls into
this job yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:24):
So he's not a lawyer, he didn't.
He got kicked out of schoolbefore he go to law school.
So he does know some law, butwhatever, he's not a lawyer.
He goes into a meeting onaccident because he's running
from the cops, because he's adrug dealer and and he impresses
the lawyer and the lawyer'slike shit, we're just gonna hire
you because I love to skirt thelaw.
And then it's nine seasons well, it's like seven seasons about

(01:11:46):
that storyline of like they'rehiding that he's not a real
lawyer and they're always gonnaget caught but they're still
solving, uh, finishing.
So it's great, it's a wonderfulshow it's this nice.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
It's a nice setup with a little bit of an absurd
premise.
Yeah, but they stick to thepremise.
They pay it off continuously.

Speaker 1 (01:12:02):
They know what they're doing okay it's right in
, it's right in line with allthe usa shows where they do like
almost a normal show, and thenthey throw that one weird thing
in, like this one is he's not areal lawyer, but he's got an
eidetic memory, so they he'svery good at the law.
Psych is he's a fake psychic,you know.
So it's like it's a crimeprocedure, but there's a twist,
right?
Yeah, so as the show goes on,it becomes less and less about

(01:12:23):
that in the last couple ofseasons, sure right, because
there's no you've.

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
You've hit that drum so many times you've exhausted
it and spoilers?

Speaker 1 (01:12:32):
if no, what if you had?
If you want to watch suits andyou haven't watched it, time out
for like 30 seconds the guy,mike, is the lawyer with the.
With the memory, he leaves theshow.
Oh, okay, so it's no longer thelast two seasons or something.
It's about something completelydifferent.
It's all legal drama.
Nobody likes the last twoseasons.
Everybody hates them.

(01:12:52):
They're poorly rated comparedto the rest of the show.
Everyone's like they're theworst seasons on the show.
Sure Suits LA is written in thevein of the last two seasons,
which is just high drama, legaldrama.
There's no fun.
Like suits.
One seasons one through fiveare all but like witty banter.
And like fun?
There is zero fun.
We get thrown into this weirdworld where there's the, the

(01:13:14):
firm is splitting up and hisbest friend is abandoning, but
we don't know anything aboutthese characters.
Dan, yeah, sure, so you'rethrown into all this drama and
you're like I don't giveanything about these characters.
Dan, yeah, sure, so you'rethrown into all this drama and
you're like I don't give a shit.
What's happening right now andit's so bad.
But I do love Stephen Amell.
He's doing great People.
Please watch it, because I knowit'll get better and I just

(01:13:35):
want it to.
I need him to have a hit, youknow.
Oh, poor Stephen Amell, heelswas.
You know, heels was such a goodshow but nobody watched it
because it's about wrestling.
But it was a great show.
I just wanted to get better.
All the reviews are like thethird episode gets better.
So if you can make it a month.
I feel like we could do it guys.

(01:13:57):
Just watch it, even if you turnit on and then leave.
Just watch it, let's get someviewerships, let's get it up.

Speaker 2 (01:14:07):
Get those up.
Sorry, that was longer thannormal.
What do you got, dan?
Uh, new movie on netflix, whichis actually a movie from a year
or two ago, called to catch akiller.
Uh, shailene woodley, oh sure,ben mendelsohn.
I love ben mendelsohn, god, Ilove Ben.

Speaker 1 (01:14:20):
Mendelsohn, god, I love Ben Mendelsohn.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
I will watch him in anything at any time, because he
is just acting personified,Okay.
Okay, this one's interestingbecause on the Rotten Tomato
people are either like yeah,this was really good, or people
are like that's so terrible, Iwanted to kill myself.

Speaker 1 (01:14:41):
Because there are some dark things in the show,
really good, or people are likethat's so terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
I wanted to kill myself because they do some some
.
There's some dark things in thein the show.
Oh, okay you know, not that'ssuper dark, but just like they
make some choices that you'relike whoa and the guy that did
it's like he's foreign.
He's like some like argentiniandirector or something and you
know but it was.
You watch it and you're justlike the compositions are

(01:15:03):
beautiful.
It just feels like an expensivemovie.

Speaker 1 (01:15:10):
Whatever else you want to say about it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:12):
You watch this, you watch Conan, and you're just
like, yeah, they've poured a lotof money down a drain.
Yeah, they sure did, but itdoesn't feel like the money was
well spent.
This movie.
You're like they sure did, butit there's.
It doesn't feel like that moneywas well spent.
This movie.
You're like they spent themoney well and if I was if I if
I, you know, if I wrotesomething and somebody was
directing it, I would want it tolook like this and make it feel

(01:15:34):
like a movie.
So I enjoy.

Speaker 1 (01:15:38):
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Well, try to remember to remindme to watch this when the new
season of Stranger Things comesout, because that's when we're
going to renew Netflix.

Speaker 2 (01:15:47):
So just remind me in a few months, $7 a month, $7.

Speaker 1 (01:15:52):
We're paying $19.99 because we're doing like the
high level of it.
Look at you.
Nonsense, mr.
High Level, absolute nonsense.

Speaker 2 (01:15:59):
Tony, you have some spectacular movie that's going
to change the show, but it mademe laugh.

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
So I'm watching Conan the Barbarian and I'm like man.
This reminds me of a moviethat's been on my list for a
really, really long time.
And then I looked up my moviethat's been on the list for a
really really long time and out.

Speaker 2 (01:16:24):
It's the same director and he made this movie.
You've got to be kidding me.
I did not do any research onthis guy, so I have no idea who
he is so there's a movie he didfour years earlier which was
this.
These were these weretechnically back to back for him
, this was the movie that gothim work a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:16:38):
Got him conan well, I mean probably to be honest with
you, okay, um, and it's just, Ithink it's worse, just, I mean
based on rotten tomatoes my,this one only has eight percent,
so it's just a little bit worsebut the good news is it's got
carl urban, who I love and Ithink we love carl.
We love carl desperate and thisis based off a I think, a video

(01:17:01):
game.
It's called Pathfinder.
Now I rewatched the trailer,dan, and it seems like it's
almost the same movie.

Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
As what as Conan.

Speaker 1 (01:17:10):
As Conan the Barbarian.
The storyline seems verysimilar.
The monsters seem very similar.
I think it might be almostidentical, but it came out first
four years before and it hadhalf the budget.
So almost identical, but itcame out first four years before
and it had half the budget.
So I'm excited.
I just want to do a compare andcontrast.

Speaker 2 (01:17:25):
Let's see how well he used that money.
Let's see what he does on abudget.

Speaker 1 (01:17:30):
There you go, or let's see if he learned any
lessons.
How bad can Pathfinder be thatConan was a step up?

Speaker 2 (01:17:38):
I've never heard of this movie, so I'm very excited.

Speaker 1 (01:17:40):
Well, I remember seeing it the trailer, not the
movie because I love Carl Urbanand I just never looked good.

Speaker 2 (01:17:48):
Oh, Doom.
Doom was the movie we did withhim.

Speaker 1 (01:17:50):
Sure, yeah, doom, yeah, he was great.
He's like Well, he's an actor,he's an actor.

Speaker 2 (01:17:55):
You know it always helps when you get a real actor
to come in there.

Speaker 1 (01:17:59):
So I'm hoping this will be a look.
No offense to Jason Momoa, butyou know someone that can
actually deliver a line.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
Wow, maybe it'll be better.
Jason can do a certain thingand if you, if you have the
right director to get him to dothat certain thing, he could be
very enjoyable.

Speaker 1 (01:18:14):
I think yeah, A hundred percent.
And what he did in the newestFast movie, Fast and Furious
Great.

Speaker 2 (01:18:21):
I still haven't seen that one.
I got to watch that one.
It's great, because I want tosee him in it.

Speaker 1 (01:18:24):
He's the only good part of that movie.
To be honest with you, he looksgreat, he's wonderful.
He's having the time of hislife.

Speaker 2 (01:18:29):
And that's what you want to see Jason Momoa doing.

Speaker 1 (01:18:39):
Amen, he was having fun.
They probably kept being likeless fun, Less fun.
Bring it down.
Let's bring it down a notch.

Speaker 2 (01:18:47):
We lost Gene Hackman, yeah, and there was a thing
where I think it was Ben Stillerwas working, was directing him
in something, and Ben loved thePoseidon Adventure you ever seen
the.
Poseidon adventure.

Speaker 1 (01:19:04):
I have not seen the original.
You've seen the other one, soyou got the idea.

Speaker 2 (01:19:08):
He's the titular hero and he's like he wanted to tell
Gene how much he loved him inthat, and Gene's a thorny guy.
Oh no, it was in Tantamoms.

Speaker 1 (01:19:21):
They were in Royal Tantan together.

Speaker 2 (01:19:23):
So eventually, like two days to go, he goes over to
Gene.
He's like you know, gene, thiswas a seminal movie and Gene
Hackman says money, job.
There it is there's GeneHackman.

Speaker 1 (01:19:40):
I love that he's going to tell you what it is.

Speaker 2 (01:19:41):
You know he's still going to bring 100% Gene Hackman
.
I love that.
He's going to tell you what itis.
He's still going to bring 100%Gene Hackman to everything he
does, as you should.
Money, job and Gene would dothose.
It's like you look back onSuperman where he's playing Lex
Luthor.
You're like I can't imaginethat was his dream.

Speaker 1 (01:19:59):
No, but here's the thing, that's the dream, right,
that's the ultimate dream to getto a position in the acting
career where you can do jobsjust for millions.
Just be like god, I'll do onefor you, one for me.

Speaker 2 (01:20:13):
You know what I mean we should be so lucky and with
movies you never know.
You never know how bad it'sgoing to be or how good.

Speaker 1 (01:20:21):
it's going to be Absolutely.
Rose McGowan gave 120% to thismovie and it was bad.

Speaker 2 (01:20:29):
You just got to try, okay, so we'll be back next week
talking about Pathfinder.
If you like what we do, give usa thumbs up, leave us a comment
or subscribe, and then you canget alerted by YouTube hundreds
of times about our new content.

Speaker 1 (01:20:44):
Which is what everybody wants just more
notifications.

Speaker 2 (01:20:48):
See you later.

Speaker 1 (01:20:49):
Goodbye everybody.
With Dan and Tony it's likewatching hell.

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