Hate Watching In The Lost Lands: Some Books Should Stay Books

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We can talk about my new water bottle, my gift from
my wife.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Has your name on it.
Is that your name has my?

Speaker 1 (00:05):
name on it it's from.
It's the same type of bottlesthat they use on Love Island and
they all have their names onthem.
So now, when we watch ourreality television, we drink our
Love Island glasses together.
Jesus Christ with Dan and Tony.
Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
It's like watching you.
Welcome to Heat Watching withDan and Tony.
I am Dan Antonio.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
I am Wait, hold on.
So I'm Tony Dan Dan.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Danonio.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Danonio Datonio.
Danonononio Tony Datonio.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
On thisio, tony Detonio On this show.
We watch a movie, then we talkabout the movie, and this week
Tony got to pick one of theworst movies of all time.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
It is easily in the conversation for worst movie of
all time, worst acting of alltime, worst direction of all
time.
Worst script of all time.
Worst direction of all time.
Worst script of all time.
It is an all time low.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
What is this movie?

Speaker 1 (01:11):
This is, of course.
What was it?
Based on a George RR Martin.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Short story.
Yeah, short story.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
That's why they couldn't get a full script made
out of it.
Probably this is In the LostLands, starring Mia Iogovic and
Dave Bautista and nobody else.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
There were like five other people.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
six other people in the movie have you ever seen
them before in your life, dan, Idon't know I should have looked
that up.
Have you ever seen them beforein your life, Dan?
I don't know I should havelooked that up.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
They really had to work to find, you know like they
were like B-level people thatfelt like they knew they were
B-level.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
You know what I'm saying.
I'm just saying I think that isgenerous.
Okay, I think this is the worstacted movie we've seen and we
watched that one movie thateverybody.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
What is that one movie that everybody?
What is that one movie?
Uh, battleship, battleship.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
We watched that tommy marceau's not the right movie
uh like it's generally regardedas the worst move of all time.
Why can't we think of the nameof it?

Speaker 2 (02:19):
we didn't watch tommy , we so's the room.
We never did that.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
Yeah, we did.
We totally watched the Room.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
No, we've never done the Room.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, well then, I watched it all on my own.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, I told you a funny story.
In one of my early improvclasses was a girl that was in
the movie what In the Room whichone Robin Osborn.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Robin Osborn.
She played like somebody who'smaybe judgmental.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
I guess I won't say she's older, but I feel that she
wasn't like 21 years old whenshe was in it.
She was an actual adult actress.
Adult actress, not an adultactress, but-.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yeah, an adult actress All right.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
But she then did a movie called the Room Actors
when Are they Now?
Which she crowdfunded and made,which had all the people that
were in the movie and they wereable to make a little money.
And I just saw on Facebooktoday, because we're Facebook
friends and she posted thisweird thing where somebody in

(03:21):
Europe did paintings of her assome anime character.
It was really weird.
You know like gratifying butreally weird.
You're just like oh yeah,that's my face pasted onto this
character.
That's okay.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
Sexy, sexy little anime body I can guarantee.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Not like she was, like the character was like a
nun or something, you know in abig black costume or something.
I was like okay.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah, that's what I just said Sexy V sexy.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Jesus.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Okay, so we never did the Room, we never did the Room
that's great that was a gooddecision on our part, but I will
say, the Room is infinitelymore fun than this movie, so
much more fun than this movie,so much more fun than this movie
, ever, ever.
This is Dan.
We're watching this movie.
Last night and I was like isthis a movie?

(04:12):
Is this something that someonereally made in earnest?
And it seems like everyonethinks it is.
You know what I mean?
Like everyone in the movieseems to think that they're
making a movie which they're not.
No, I just I would love to know.

(04:33):
I wouldn't want to be in amovie like this.
I would love to know how itfeels to be on a set of a movie
like this, where you're makingsomething.
It's very green, so bad, it'svery green, sure, yeah, it's
very, so bad.
It's very green, sure.
Yeah, oh yeah, there's not asingle real set in this entire
movie.
I just do you know?
Do you think you know, whileyou're making it, I've made a
lot of bad things.

(04:53):
Yeah, and usually I'm like well, we're having fun, you know,
like we're having a good time.
Who cares what the end productis?
No one's gonna see it anyhowbut I just feel like maybe they
thought it was good and then Ifeel bad about it.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Well, it's not.
I mean, I think the budget was$55 million, $55 million, yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
Where I mean I hope.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Mila got 20.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
And I hope.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Bautista got 20, and then the animators got 10.
And yeah, no, I mean it's a,it's hard to watch.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
It's hard to sit there and sit through a scene.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
You're just like I'm just going to keep.
This was one of those oneswhere I'm just like I am.
You know it's like Spaceman.
You're like it was boring, butyou're like there's things to
look at.
There's choices.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
There's choices being made all over the place great
and I mean it's a well mademovie.
You know, like the set's nice,visually stunning.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
They're trying the acting's pretty good, like
they're trying the acting'spretty good, like they're trying
if there's no redeemingqualities like you were saying
about, if you're doing spaceman,you're like, yeah, this is,
this is gonna be a good movieright.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Like we, I would easily be able to tell myself
like, oh shit, this could be.
This could be something likethere's, you know, there's
themes, there's emotions, peoplemight like it turns out no, but
I can understand where youwould think that it would be
good.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
There could not have been a single moment on this set
where someone went like we'remaking some good shit here.
Guys, let's keep going, becausethis is nice.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
There were a couple of things I liked in the movie.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh God, I can't wait to hear.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Liked your face tattoos.
I knew you would.
I mean, I don't like facetattoos, I don't find them
attractive, but I was just like,okay, they didn't look
intentioned, right, they didn'tlook like somebody, just sort of
well, we're going to give hersome face tattoos, okay, they

(07:04):
felt like face tattoos thatsomeone would have, and then you
know which, of course, thenmakes you angry, because then
you don't even, they don't evenmean anything.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Right.
Like we don't know what theyare, we don't know why they are
Nobody mentioned, like they'renothing, they're just there.
Because someone was like thiscould be cool, this could be all
right.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
In the Furiosa movie there's like the old dude whose
body is covered in tattoos andhe's kind of like a human book.
He's like he has some sort ofname and he's like I'll do it
and he'll say things on themicrophone and you're like, wow,
okay, this is form meetsfunction.
It adds something to the movieHer tattoos and she had tattoos

(07:45):
all over her arms too, which youkind of sort of saw a little
bit.
And conversely.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
Batista also has tattoos all over him.
His tattoos, yeah, and theymeant nothing and sort of just
looked like marker.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Well, no, most of them were his actual tattoos, I
think.
But there was one on his thatseemed to change.
It seemed to say mom, at somepoint.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
I felt like it was just him in the mirror, just
drawing something each day andbeing like let's see if anybody
notices.
I don't think they will.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, I don't know man, I don't know, yeah, I don't
know, man, I don't know, yeah.
And there's the big twist,reveal at the end, which, of
course, I didn't figure out, butyou know, you're like well, do
you know why you didn't figureit out?

Speaker 1 (08:33):
why?
Because it's dumb.
It's the dumbest thing I'veever seen in my life.
What are you talking about?
Oh god, we won't spoil it quiteyet because you know we want to
spoil it later.
Yeah, we want all of you tomake it to the end of the
podcast.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Only two hours to go um hour and 41 minutes 2025 um.
Paul tom wait, paul s anderson,paul thomas anderson w s
anderson paul w s anderson, milajovovich's husband did the
Resident Evil movies whichForgot about that Used to be.
They were fun.
I enjoyed all of those movies.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
They still are fun.
I mean, first of all, they'renot still making them, I don't
think.
But there are still thingsbeing made in that universe, so
that's how you know they didn'ttotally suck.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, and they never made sense, they never added up
to a real universe.
But you were just like RaccoonCity we're walking around, we're
shooting stuff, okay, you know,whatever Cool.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
And I'm not saying like Oscar worthy stunts in
those movies, right, but theaction scenes were fun.
They were sometimes interesting, you know, and there's cool
things to look at.
The action scenes in this movieare horrible.
Let me just now that we're toofar into this for me to say this

(09:57):
, but I just want to like.
Usually I feel like we try tobe positive, you know, like we
make fun of things, yeah, but wealso talk about the things we
like and we love movies and it'sall out of love, right.
I hate this movie.
This movie's really bad.
I have no positive things tosay about this movie and I I
feel a little guilty about it,but today's gonna be a dark day

(10:19):
everybody uh, I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
There's one other thing I like to this movie I'm
gonna tell you are you gonnasave you going to tell us right
now when we get to it and you'regoing to be like oh, I did like
that.
I'm going to get you to say, atleast once I did like that.
I'm going to get you to say Idid like that.

Speaker 1 (10:35):
We shall see, dan, I promise you.
Challenge extended and accepted.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
We start with Dave Bautista, giving his name is
Boyce Boyce, boyce, that's fun.
Her name is Gray Alice, whichis pretty funny, since her
Resident Evil character's nameis.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Alice, Alice, just regular Alice.
That's the difference, though,Like this one's gray and that
one's normal.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
And that was from the story, so he didn't do that
intention, do you think?

Speaker 1 (11:06):
that, that's.
Paul read that one time and hewas like we should make this
movie.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
It's the same name I guess the the way that this sort
of happened was there wassomebody optioned three stories
from george rr martin, you know,like in 2010 or something crazy
Back when George meantsomething.
Yeah, and then they were goingto make those three movies,
three stories, into a movie.

(11:30):
Can you imagine if you had evenmore Just?

Speaker 1 (11:33):
throwing three different stories into one movie
.
I love it.
That's a million dollar idea.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Because it seems like the story and this movie are
sort of similar.
You know it's about thewerewolf and it's about all
these things and her having togrant the wishes and all these
things.
It's all the same sort of stuff.
So adding all this stuff andplus two more stories, I don't
even know how you would getthrough that it would be

(12:00):
gobbledygook for sure.
So Dave starts out the tale ofmagic and witches and monsters
and good and evil.
But this is no fairy tale andthere are no happy endings which
ostensibly this kind of has ahappy ending right.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
I mean it seems like they're boning at the end, so I
feel like they're pretty happyabout it.
There's a I don't want to spoilthe end, but it's a real weird
ending.
But yeah, it seems positive.
Everyone seems pretty happy.
Well, the alive people, the twoalive people.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
The world is gone because there was a great war.
All that's left is twistedcreatures, but there's one human
city and then, outside of thehuman city is the Lost Lands,
which is basically the Old Westwith monsters.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I guess, but also plenty of humans Seems like.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
there's plenty of people, some humans, there are
some.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Not plenty, but there's a few, but there are
some.
It's not like these are theonly humans are in this one town
, which only has 50 people.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
First of all, how does the one human city?
What does it run on?

Speaker 1 (13:03):
Is it slave labor?
Is that what you're?

Speaker 2 (13:05):
what are they?
What do?

Speaker 1 (13:07):
uh, they seem to be mining rock, is that, was that
what's happening?
Just a mountain, I thinkthey're mining rock now, what
are they mining rock, tony?
Okay, see, that was so.
My question is are you, are youmaking buildings?
Is that like step?
One of the rebuild is likewe're gonna make some buildings

(13:28):
and then we'll move on to youknow gas and things that we'll
need to run things step one isbuilding big buildings to live
in yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,kind of like the pyramids, right
, that sort of idea maybe, um,but yeah, yeah, I don't know
what they're doing or whythey're doing it.
Also, it feels like theyoutnumber the guards 10 to 1, 20

(13:52):
to 1, 20 000 to 1.
Yes, sure, seems that way itseems very lopsided.
There doesn't seem to be a tonof security because at one point
these guys work in the mines.
They just kind of stab one ofthe guards and he falls and dies
and uh, nothing happens.
Yeah, nobody's like, hey, thatguard's down, nothing, nothing

(14:14):
happens.
So I I'm a little confused onwhy they're doing the work
unless they believe in it.
Maybe that's the maybe theybelieve in the work.
You know it's an honest job.
Maybe, maybe we're looking atit the wrong way we're not.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
We're not eating if we don't mind these rocks I
don't, I don't, it's a.
It's a real weird world yeah,well, the you know, it's the
existence of humankind on thisplanet, generally based around
an agrarian society okay, andnow when we say agrarian, yeah,

(14:47):
explain it to people that maybehave never heard that word
before in their lives uh,keeping, keeping goats alive and
keeping crops alive, that'sagrarian farming, okay, so
things that you know.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
So just say farming, dad, okay.
You don't need a thesaurus towatch this show.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Jeez Louise.
How many times do you go to theonline thesaurus in a day, Tony
?

Speaker 1 (15:12):
I don't need to tell you all my secrets, but it's
more than none.
I'll tell you that.
Oh, wow, Okay, so you do.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
I would say Okay good , I think that's healthy.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Well, it's hard to read a book because you know
because you don't understandwords, syllables and whatnot.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah it's tough.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Sometimes you got to look it up.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Do you go to the thesaurus and look up words or
do you go to the dictionary?

Speaker 1 (15:33):
No, I just Google it, I just straight up Google and
then the first one is usuallythe dictionary and it tells me
what it means and how to say it.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, my wife and I have had a.
We've had an argument about theword wizened W-I-Z-E-N-E-D, I
think, which is like when youlook old and you know, it's like
is it wizened?
Is it wizened, is it?
And?

Speaker 1 (15:58):
it's wizened.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
It's not wizened.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's wizened, because wizened, you know, means that
you're wise, obviously, andwizened means that you're wise,
obviously, and Weezant meansthat you're old, weezant.
And this is the Weenus.
So now we're all caught up.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
That's the.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
Weenus, yeah, the skin at your elbow, yeah, that
you can grab onto.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
That's called the Weenus.
That's not what we call ourdog's Weenus.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Well, that's not what we called our dog sweetest.
Well, that's on you.
Oh, there you go, using thewords wrong, okay, so, so okay.
I just want to coming back tothese rocks now.
Let's equate it to minecraft,which people seem to like.
Yes, you mine rocks, butgenerally to get to better
things.
I'm mining the rocks to get tosome gold, to some silver, to

(16:51):
some gems, something that'sbetter than the rocks.
I don't think that that's whatthey're doing.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Well, yes, well, there's all those questions.
You could be mining to get coalor something to keep you warm
at night, or you could be miningto get blood diamonds.
Sure, you can trade with people.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Well, you can't trade with people because there are
no other people.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
I've been told that's the whole problem is we really
have a priest class, we have aguard class and then we have
slaves, basically, who work onthe rock pile.
That's it.
That's it.
Yeah, that's not a pile.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
That's it.
That's it.
Yeah, that's not a society,that's nothing.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
They never eat anything, do they?
No one ever has to eat food inthis movie.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Oh no, they eat, Trying to think if they eat when
they go.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
They eat when they go to the border.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Which I cannot wait to talk about Trading post,
trading post.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
Ah yeah, the TP.
Okay, so basically, it's theOld West of monsters.
One human city Doesn't make anysense.
Here we have we start in themiddle of the action, right,
tony?
Isn't that what we say?

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Is that the story?
The middle of Dave Bautistatelling a story.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Is that what you mean by action?
Well, the action begins when wesee gray alice, our witch, mila
jovovich um, ready to be hungby the church.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
But so that's scene two.
Right, because scene one islike dave telling a story, but
then it cuts to his face that'sprologue, but that he's telling
this.
So you know how usually it's avoiceover, yeah, and you're kind
of, and they start this way,they start on like a voiceover
and he's we're going over theland and kind of looking at the

(18:32):
terrain, but then it cuts to hisface and he's looking right
down the barrel of the cameraand he's telling me this story.
Hey you, tony, why is hetelling me the story Number one
at this moment?
I will get to what it meanslater, which amounts to nothing.
But why would you start a moviewith him telling us a story

(18:54):
that one we don't understand orcare about, but two, he can't
pull this off.
He doesn't have, doesn't havethe gravitas.
The gravitas, it's not a goodstory.
I'm not hooked, I'm not like oh, tell me more, dave well,

(19:15):
because he's not telling usanything.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
He's, he's, he's just giving us sort of flat tropes.
Right, there's there's nothingthere's nothing here that you're
like oh I'm you're supposed tobreak through.
Your intro is supposed to doone of two things.
If it's a bad movie, it's justto say a bunch of things about
where we are, because they thinkwe're idiots and can't sort it.

(19:37):
They think we're not going tobe able to watch their stupid
movie and figure out what'sgoing on without being directly
told.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Guess what I didn't, what I didn't?
I still did not.
You told me everything and Iwas still like what is happening
in this movie?

Speaker 2 (19:50):
it doesn't make any sense yeah, or or you, you set
up a thing.
You know it's like the mostclassic thing, the most classic
voiceover sunset boulevard uh,we, you know what sunset
boulevard that?
Do you know what SunsetBoulevard?
That movie Do you know thatmovie at?

Speaker 1 (20:04):
all yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
So what is the setup at the beginning of the movie I?

Speaker 1 (20:09):
have absolutely no idea.
I've never seen the movie.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Basically, we set up William Holden's character.
He's like blah, blah, blah,whatever he talks about, and
then we see him lying face downin the pool dead.
So he's setting up.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
Great, lying face down in the pool dead.
So he's setting up.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Great, there you go.
This is where we're going.
This is where we're going toend up me being dead and I, he
says something.
It's it's great, billy wilder,you know it's great dialogue and
you're like okay, we're in itnow for anyone who's wondering,
this movie is from like the 19for 50, 50s, 40s, 50s.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
So if you're watching this on YouTube, you probably
don't know what that is either,but maybe watch it, maybe give
it a shot.
Dan seems to like it.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
One of the greatest movies of all time.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
Wow, Go Dan Okay.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
But you know, that's a setup, that's a true setup
where you're prologuingsomething and you're saying this
is what you're getting into.
I'm going to be dead by the endof this movie.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
But instead what he's saying is hey, I'm going to
tell you a story about how, whyI'm standing here.
Telling you this story isessentially what he's doing, and
I don't care.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
Don't care at all, because this world's not
confusing, we don't it?
Actually it's kind of damagingto itself by saying there's only
one human city.
Then I sit here going like well, now I'm confused because what
does that mean?

Speaker 1 (21:33):
That tells, how does that work?
Yep, that's exactly right.
And then we see that societyand it's like well, this doesn't
even function.
So I'm not, I don't understandone bit of it.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
It doesn't make any sense.
You know when, when.
As opposed to solar babies,that was a good move, right,
didn't they set up in solarbabies that, like, the world is
like this, but all the orphankids are sent to this one place
and that's why they're more likewell, okay, we sort of set up
this weird world and sort of anexplanation as to why, you know,
because it doesn't make sensethat there's a lot of
17-year-old kids roller skatingso many.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
There's so many of them.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
You know when the Solar Babies intro is making
more sense than your moviethat's made 30 years later
that's a problem.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
You've made huge mistakes, huge mistakes in your
life.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
When you're downgrade from solar babies.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, it's bad, it's bad.
Okay, now let's get to somegreat scene work.
Coming up here, alice, standinggetting ready to be hung.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, getting ready to be hung.
We have the bad lady, the badpriest lady, I don't know.
Did she have a name.
Did she get something?
The Enforcer?
Is that what they called her?
I think that's maybe what it is.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Something like that.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
She's terrible.
We don't ever want to spend anytime with her.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
She's really bad.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
Why is she bad?
I watch her and I'm like Idon't want to.
You know there's charactersthat you know we always go back
to Hans Gruber.
You know we're like we want tospend time with Hans Gruber.
We want to spend time, we wantto hear him say things and be
disgusted Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Sure, that's great.
A little Snape in there.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
I want to stand in the room with that character and
have him do terrible things tothe heroes.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
Or me.
You know what I'm saying.
Do it, do it to me, hans, let'sgo ah, yes, please um, I I
don't know why.
I mean, I, I don't know whyshe's bad.
She's a really bad actor inthis movie.
At least I've never, I don'tknow if I've ever seen her.
Anything else should havelooked her up.
I feel bad now, so hopefully,no hard feelings when I tell you

(23:43):
that you did a terrible job inthis movie.
Um, but I was.
I was comparing it to um the,the movie we just watched not
too long ago with aquaman.
What's what was?
that jason momoa yeah, the jasonmomoa movie.
Wasn't that?
It she where rose mcgowan playsthe evil lady.
Am I confusing movies right now?

(24:05):
Do you remember the RoseMcGowan evil lady movie?
I can't think of it, that's soterrible.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
You watched it, conan .
She was in Conan right, conanthe.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
Barbarian or whatever .
Oh yeah, yeah Right, she's thebad person in Conan and that's
what I was comparing thischaracter to the whole time.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Oh yeah, she plays the.
Oh, she was great though.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
She's wonderful.
And the reason why she'swonderful is she leans into the
campiness of it a little bit andlike plays like I'm.
I'm evil and creepy and shegives it 120%.
She is laying it all on thefloor for a movie that does not
deserve it.
No, no.
And this lady is like given 30%to a movie, she's the right

(24:51):
reaction to a bad movie, right,she's like I'll say the lines,
I'll change my level of howforceful I am at saying it, but
I'm not going to act.
You know, like I'm not going tobe a creepy woman, I'm just
going to say loud things when Ineed to.
Prime example, this first sceneshe like starts her speech by

(25:11):
telling everyone to stop thework, which is a ridiculous
thing.
Did you not remember this?
She's yelling out the mountainfor everyone.
She goes stop the work, stopthe work.
And then everyone stops miningtheir rocks and looks at her and
I'll.
It's ridiculous.
And then she gives a littlespeech about why they're hanging
the witch, and it's all justlines that I'm pretty sure she's

(25:34):
reading off a prompter.
I, I'm sorry, lady, it's bad.
Like it's all flat.
There's no emotion, she doesn'tcare about this witch at all
but she should.
It should be.
A personal vendetta like thisis the ultimate bad guy.
She's just so bad.
I just was shocked every timeshe was on screen.
It blew my mind.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
And then, before she's even hung, they all wander
off, except one guy, they allwalk away.
Everybody pay attention, we'regoing to hang this person.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Go back to work.
We're leaving.
Good job everybody.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
She's going to fall off the platform and then she'll
die, but we're not hangingaround for that.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
It is inexplicable why they all leave.
There are five guards and heror something, and they all walk
away, but one dude.
It's bizarre.
She would want to see, thischaracter would want to see.
She would want to look at thiswitch as she's writhing and
dying, because that's whatbrings her satisfaction.

(26:38):
You know what I mean?
Not this lady.
She's like okay, I gave myspeech Deuces, good luck, I hope
you die.
She doesn't.
Spoiler alert.
She doesn't die.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
I hope you die, not like I'm gonna enjoy watching
you die.
I hope you get around to dying.
How?

Speaker 1 (26:54):
long do you think it takes to hang A minute, two
minutes?

Speaker 2 (26:59):
Oh, I don't know the answer to that, but it does
takes.
It takes some time, but not Ina real old Westie execution you,
you fall through the platformand it breaks your neck, which
kills you right, right, andthat's what you're hoping, but
if it doesn't, you do strangle.
If you're falling to, if you'rejust going to be, if you're not
falling, you're just strung up.

(27:20):
Yeah, you're going to strangleand it's going to be.
Gruesome Eyes are going to popout.
I think it's going to beunpleasant.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
All right, I can't.
I'm probably on a listsomewhere.
I can't Google the fact of howlong it takes to die by hanging.
Sorry, I probably shouldn'thave done that.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Oh, you know, that's the movie we should make, where
we're sitting here and we'redoing something and then you're
Googling all these things, right, and then something terrible
happens to somebody.
Like I'm making it happen.
Well, you're making a, you'releaving this trail of evidence
for something you didn't do.
And then they go back and findthis giant trail of evidence and

(28:00):
they're like what do you mean?
You were making a video.
You're like well, the videoactually got.
Yes, we got deleted we neverposted it.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
What are you talking?

Speaker 2 (28:11):
about.
These are, these things are toospecific, and then they all
happen and then I'm in troubleand I didn't do it.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
So then I have to stop it from happening.
The next one you know what Imean no, you get hung.
Oh, I got.
Okay, do you save the day?
Then damn, because that's somebullshit right there.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
That's my secret trap , and I believe you're the
perpetrator.
Yeah, I get away with it justusing me, you son of a bitch
because I want to see how longit takes for you to hang.
I finally got my, my answer.
There's your answer.
Now die Tony.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
Oh boy, that's some dark stuff there, dan, I like it
, I'm on board.
All I was saying is it doesn'ttake that long.
She can't be that busy that shecan't stay an extra couple
minutes to watch the hanging tocompletion.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
So they all wander off the witch.
Then there's one dude.
She looks in his eyes and takescontrol of him, or she
illusions him, because that'swhat she can do Illusions him
yeah.
She gets in your brain, she canillusion you, and then he I
don't know he shoots the rope,and then the bad guys come back,
and then he sort of shoots them, sort of.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
He must shoot at least one of them.
Yeah, it seems, but we don'treally know, because then she's
just gone.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah, so she runs away into the back of the cave
that they're in.
Then we're doing the hunterdown.
She breaks one dude's neck.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
But also, they come back so quick.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Yeah, but she breaks one guy's neck by going like
this.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
It's like if you're spinning the basketball on
someone's finger.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
You ever done that You're dead, you're dead.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
And it's like she doesn't have like super strength
or anything right.
No, because they call her awitch, but she doesn't seem to
have a lot of powers.
It seems to be Illusion.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
That's her power.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
That's it right, Just the one.
So is that really a witch?
It feels like a broad strokesname.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
What are you going to call her?
Minor warlock, minorthaumaturgist?
An illusionist, that's what I'dsay.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
She's an illusionist.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
She's going to kill anybody that refers to her as an
illusionist.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah right, you told my secret.
She doesn't want peoplefiguring it out.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
All-powerful witch, I forgot.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
I'm sorry, although her illusions can just kill,
right, I mean, it seems sheshoots fire at the one guy and
he burns up to death.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Well, it's the placebo effect.
You know, he thinks he'sburning, so then.
So then his body falls apart,it's a placebo effect.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
Listen to Tony.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
If that works, you're going to start talking about
the Stanford experiment next.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm not even sure that that worked for it, but I
felt good in the moment.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
You are correct.
That is essentially how theplacebo effect works.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
And that works in medicine all the time.
Cures things all the time.
They just think they're betterand then they're better.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Pretty much 50, 50 of medicine is placebo effect
you're like cancer.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
No, take this pill.
Oh, I'm better, oh I'm betterthanks, everybody, thank you
okay.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
so the they go after her.
She kills a guy, kills anotherguy, and then the boss lady's
like, show yourself.
And then the witch gets a knifeto the throat of her main
protagonist in the movie andshe's like do it.
And then so instead she hangs,puts her up to hang to death,

(31:37):
but somehow, of course, she alsodoesn't hang to death.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
Well, because she also leaves, Because everyone
who does the hanging just peacesout before anyone hangs?
It's a strange idea.
You should listen.
Not that I'm condoning hangingpeople, Let me be clear.
But if you're going to do it,just stay.
Just finish the job, All right.
You never know.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
So she has basically killed like five guards and then
put the one lady in the hangingand then she goes back and
walks through essentially allthe slaves, thousands of slaves,
right in front of everybody.
She walks, she doesn't go outthe back, she walks back out to
the front.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
Yeah, badass.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
Through everyone who's guarding them now, so were
those five people guarding herguarding them all.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
Now, yeah, those were all of the guards, those were
all the people stationed on therocks.
They're done, they have no moreguards left.
And also they start chantingwhat is it?
The witch who can't be hanged,or something like that.
Is that her nickname for therest of the movie?
Sure, I don't know.
The witch that will not hang,that's what they chant.

(32:43):
And then it keeps coming backlater.
That'll be important laterbecause I'm going to bring it up
.
So remember that her nicknameis the witch that will not hang.
Just put a pin in that.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
So she won't go to the bar with you and chill.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
She will not hang out with anybody.
Real hermit, real hermit, let'smeet the other character in the
movie.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
A writer approaches.
He's got a gun.
He gets to this cave becausethere's always a cave or a thing
like a cave.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Is it a cave or is it just like an underpass?

Speaker 2 (33:15):
type of thing, because I feel like there's sun
on both sides?

Speaker 1 (33:17):
I'm not really sure.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
So he gets there and he's all like, hmm, this looks
like a place you'd do an ambush.
And then he waits, and then theambush people come out and he
kills them all.
But the one good thing.
See, you'll like this part.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
The one good thing is .

Speaker 2 (33:36):
Oh, I did not like this part.
The dude tries to go to hiscourse and steal his rifle and
then on the rifle he's got asnake snake which has two heads.
It's a two-headed snake, supercool.
As a child we used to go torusso's pet store where they had
a two-headed snake that we getto see.
There's a two-headed snake waitfor real.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
This is a real thing.
Yeah, he didn't just tape afake head on a snake body.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Oh, it's a real two-headed snake.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
That's not normal, dan Normal, they're not supposed
to have two heads.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
It's not typical.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Does this happen?
This is the scariest thing.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Have you ever heard of Siamese twins and people that
are born with extra limbs andshit?

Speaker 1 (34:22):
No, yeah, I'm kidding .
I'm kidding, that was a joke Ihave.
Was that rude?
I didn't mean to be rude.
I was just messing around jesus, that was rude.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yeah, I'm sorry let's take it back.
Why'd you be racist for a while?
Next, whoa, whoa.
You can't throw out accusationslike that, um, yeah.
So yes, thank you.
You do have abnormalities wherecreatures are born with
multiple heads.
Well, maybe two heads.
I don't think you can get bornwith three heads.
Maybe you can.
That would be crazy.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Cerberus, sure did.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Cerberus.
There it is, you know, cerberus, like at the pet store.
Look at the pet store.
I mean, the thing is, this is amutant, a two-headed snake, but
still yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
So here's oh God, so I don't like this.
Here's why.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
Because you know it made me queasy, because I'm
scared of a snake.
Well, first of all, yeah, I'mscared of snakes.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
And if a snake had to , it would be double scary,
because it would bite you inboth sides of your neck and suck
out your blood Right, becausethat's what snakes do.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
Not what they do.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Well they would.
They would pierce it, and thenthey would just hang on, and
then they would just hang on.
They would choke you slowly,like that, and you bleed out.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
It's bad stuff.
That's not how they choke you.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
I don't believe you, Dan.
I'll tell you that they injectpoison into you and then you
paralyze, typically, and thenthey unhook the jaw Two jaws and
just meet in the middle thelady and the tramp your head.
All right, the two heads willslowly.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Tony's head is the meatball.
Okay, yeah, okay, what's yourproblem?

Speaker 1 (35:49):
So this snake is just chilling in the bag.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
No, it's chilling on his rifle.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
It's wrapped around the gun in the holster or bag of
some sort.
Oh no, I'm not going to shushabout it.
Okay, it doesn't make any sense.
So he pulls this out of somesort of holster thing and the
snake is still on it.
How does that even work?

Speaker 2 (36:13):
It's called CGI.
Anything works.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
He would be peeled off as he pulls the gun out.
Okay, this is stupid.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
Oh, I'm doing, I'm logicking things, so nothing can
be fun.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
I'm not logicking, but they use the snake like two
times, and both times I thinkit's ill-used because at one
point he's going to throw thesnake at somebody instead of
shooting them.
Dan, he has a gun and a snakeand he chooses to throw the
snake.
That's the smart move?
The snake, that's the smartmove.
That is not the smart move.

(36:47):
The smart, just shoot a limitedamount of bullets you have a
limited amount of snakes becausethey kill spoiler alert.
They kill that snake prettyquick, alright, so he just
basically kills all these thesepeople, now Dan, as an intro to
a character I like the snake,you love this.

(37:07):
I'm these people, now Dan, asan intro to a character I like
the snake, you love the snake.
Listen, I'll give you thissnake.
Okay, it's a fun idea that Ithink was used poorly, but the
idea of it is cool.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
I will take that.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
But as an intro to the character, we don't know
anything about him.
He's got a snake.
He's got a cool two-headedsnake.
He walks into an ambush onpurpose and then just tells the
guys like hey, I know you'rethere, just come out so I can
kill you.
What if?

Speaker 2 (37:34):
one of them has a gun why don't they have a gun?

Speaker 1 (37:37):
what kind of an ambush doesn't have a gun?
When you are ambushing a guywith guns, that's a bad plan.
Everyone knows that he's ahunter.
Quote, unquote or something.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
That's why, in all real Westerns, you have to keep
track of every gun and everyperson with a bow and arrow.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
And the good Westerns ?
Do the good Westerns keep trackof that shit, right?
You don't walk into a becausesomeone's going to have a gun
and they're just going to shootyou.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
I feel that way.
I get road rage a lot.
I get road rage a lot, by theway, and my wife is always like,
well, what if they pull a gunon you?
And I'm like, well, then I'mdead because I've already
mouthed off to them, and that'sa real concern nowadays, which

(38:32):
is very sad.
So you know, don't shoot me,everybody, I'm just having a bad
day.
So my thing is, this guy bringsa gun to ostensibly a knife
fight, you know like that sortof idea, because it's four dudes
that are relatively unarmed andhe has a gun and he just shoots
them all really quickly.
That's not a cool intro to yourcharacter, would you be?

Speaker 2 (38:46):
I believe the first guy we see has an ax.
I believe the second guy hassome sort of other ax which he's
dragging Resident Evil stylebehind him Uh-huh, yep.
I'm sorry, I am not approachingWestern type gunfighter
dragging a weapon behind me withmy whole body, you know, with

(39:06):
my whole body very available forbolts.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
This is all dead meat , right Like you have so much
surface area to kill me with.
And it just doesn't make himvery cool because he cheats.
He's almost a coward.
Also, the guns that he pullsout, from what I can tell, just
come out of his hands.
Did you see where they come outof?

Speaker 2 (39:25):
Does he have holsters ?
I never.

Speaker 1 (39:27):
Not as far as I know.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
I don't think there was ever enough lighting in any
scene.
I couldn't tell you anythingabout his costume.
I could tell you nothing aboutI don't know what his boots are.
I don't you know what I mean,I'm sorry but costuming is one
of the coolest ways you canbuild a character.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
Yeah, you do not, especially a cool cowboy.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
Cool cowboy yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
Yeah, no, it's just it's all bad, Like I don't like
this character.
After this first scene I'm notinterested in his story.
I don't care why he's there orwhy he killed these relatively
innocent men, I just don't care.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
I don't know about relatively innocent men, but I
agree with the rest of it.
So Grey Alice goes home.
Everybody knows where her homeis.
It's just her home's rightthere.
You can just go to her home andkill her there if you want.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Can I ask you a question?
Yes, this lady at the bottom ofher stairs, the blind lady, yep
, those are her stairs right,those are Gray Alice's stairs.
Get out of my stairs, becauseGray Alice comes home, puts a
coin in the lady's cup.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
She's like a poor lady.
Does she give her a coin?

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Yeah.
And she's like Gray Alice, as ifwho else would be coming to
gray alice's home?
You, you live on her frontporch, essentially, yeah.
And then there's a weirdconversation where alice goes
did you hear me from myfootsteps?
And the old lady's like no,from your kindness, you gave me
a door.
You are on her personalproperty.

(41:01):
Who's gonna come give you freeshit on her personal property?
Who's gonna come give you freeshit if?
Listen, if you need to beg forchange, don't sit on someone's
front porch.
Go to a street corner with lotsof people.
You gotta increase your chancesof getting money, people this
lady's terrible at her job.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
You've you've completely turned on this movie,
haven't you?
You're like every charactermust be punished for their life
choices.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
In this movie, I'm sorry, this is the worst written
movie I think I've ever seen inmy life.
Nothing about it makes sense.
Nothing is done correctly.
Why would she be sitting at herhouse?
And then she's surprised thatshe knows who she is.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
So here comes the Queen and the Captain of the
Overwatch, who are the queen'sguards.
And the queen wants to be ableto turn into a wolf, she wants
to become a werewolf.
And Great Alice has to acceptevery wish that everyone has,
which doesn't make a lot ofsense, because if she was
walking through hundreds ofthousands of slaves and they all

(42:02):
knew this, they would all say Iwant to be free.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I want to be free, I want to be free, I want to be
free, I want to be free.
She gives him their freedom.
So you know, your your theorywrong?
She doesn't.
There's not a timeline on it,dan, she just has to.
I'm just so.
Here's my thing.
What's your thing, tony?
She says that she can't say noto anyone and she has to grant
their wish.
Yeah, but that's not really therule she cause she's giving the
one the number two in command,not his wish but his true desire

(42:35):
?
Yeah, because his wish was tohave that mission fail.
It does fail and Gray Alice islike no, no, no, what you really
wanted was for the boyfriend tobe out of the picture so you
can move in.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
But that's not what he wished for.
It does fail.
Her wish is to have the abilityfor her to set up so that she
could become a werewolf, and shedoes that.
And then she also does it insuch a way because at the end,
okay, we're going to give itspoiler.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
All right, yeah, spoilers alert.
Go watch the movie, everybody,dave.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Bautista's voice character is the werewolf.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
Just the worst twist of all time.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
So the whole idea is at the end she skins, skins him
alive and then the skin is whatyou need and she gives that to
the queen.
The queen is in love with DaveBautista's character.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
For unknowable reasons.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
For unknowable reasons.
And then the idea is that she'snot going to use that skin to
become a werewolf because it'sher boyfriend's skin and
therefore she solved that oneright.
She gave the queen the abilityto become a werewolf.
The queen chooses not to do it.
She's screwed it up for thequeen by doing it in this very

(43:54):
specific way.
So the captain of the Overwatchgets his wish, which is to not
have the queen become a werewolf, and that's what it is.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
But that's not what Gray Alice tells the man.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Oh, I don't care what she tells him, I'm just talking
about the twist Because I guessin the book this is the twist,
I think in the story.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
It probably makes more sense in the book.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
Yeah, because it's written out and she explains how
she screwed everybody over, butat least you've written down
the wish in the book.
Yeah, because it's written outand she explains how she screwed
every or not screwed everybodyover, but at least you've
written down the wish in thebook in very specific words, and
therefore when you twist thewish around at the end you can
be like, well, your words werethese exact words and they're in
the book.
So I can go back and go.

(44:38):
Oh yeah, that's exactly what hesaid.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah, that's true, but in this movie I can go back
and go.
Oh yeah, that's exactly what hesaid.
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
That's true, but in this movie, everything is so
muddled that you don't get it.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
I mean, you kind of get it, but you're also kind of
like does this really make sense?
I'm not totally convinced.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
So the queen pays for getting the werewolf skin with
a little bag of money.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yeah, just a tiny, teeny little bag of possibly
silver, because that's what shesticks inside the werewolf, I
think.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
The Overwatch guy gives her this weird watch which
Just a stopwatch.
It's the thing in the moviethat I truly didn't understand,
because I don't know what's withthis watch.
They act like it meanssomething and it doesn't mean
anything.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
It does mean something, because Dave
Bautista's like I've never seenanything like this, so he's just
you know he likes it.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
It's the last watch in the world.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
It might be the last watch in the entire universe.
There is the last watch in theworld.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Okay, so that's what the captain wants.
There it is.
Last watch in the world.
Okay, so that's what thecaptain wants.
And she's like, okay, I'm doingit.
She then has this big vision ofthe werewolf killing a bunch of
people who are trying to killthe werewolf for God only knows
what reasons.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
Again unknowable reasons.

Speaker 2 (45:52):

Speaker 1 (45:53):
Because here's the thing like they're attacking the
werewolf, I'm on the werewolf'sside.
He's just trying to survive.
At that point there are 12 mensurrounding him trying to kill
him and he defends himself.
So far, werewolf doesn't seemlike a bad guy.
I don't know, maybe I'm partialto werewolves.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
And what they don't show us is that she knows it's
Dave Bautista at this point.
So she's right from thebeginning of the movie.
Her character knows that DaveBautista is the werewolf.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
Which we, I mean we kind of already know right.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
What do you mean?
So here's I saw the twistcoming, you did see, when did
you realize that Dave Bautistawas the werewolf?

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Pretty much immediately in their
conversation.
I will tell you when we get tothem meeting.
I'll tell you when it happened.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Oh really, okay, good , that's interesting.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
But when did?
Why does she have a premonition?
If she's an illusionist?

Speaker 2 (46:47):
She also has premonition.
She's an illusionist, but onlyone time she's a witch.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
She has one premonition in the whole movie.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Because that solves all of her issues.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
So she only does that every once in a while.
She's like I'll do it once aweek and I'll plan out my week.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
I'm sure before the movie started she probably had a
premonition oh, they're goingto come and grab me, but they're
all going to leave before I'mactually hung.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
So I can let them grab me so I get a chance to
escape.
Yeah, oh boy, oh man so dumb,all right.
Boy, oh man so dumb, all right,continue.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
The queen goes and sees the overlord who I thought
was her old dad, but it's notand she elder abuses him, which
I was like-.
Straight up, we don't get a lotof movies where we get some
clear elder abuse in fantasy.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
We don't get that much.
Am I supposed to hate her?
Because I do?
Yeah, she's horrible.
She's horrible.
Why is everybody horrible?
Because it's the.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Lost Lands.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
Yeah, but I feel like somebody should be.
I should root for somebody,because there are people that
survive and I don't like them.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
The captain of the Overwatch.
He wants what he wants, buthe's not especially terrible.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Sure, yeah, he just likes the girl, he's just into
the lady.
You can't really fault him forthat, you know.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
Grealis goes, oh, and then we see the queen smooching
on Dave Bautista, and then he'slike as he cases.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
Which is weird.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
And I guess he impregnated her nine months ago
or some amount of time ago.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Well, at some point she's not ready to pop?

Speaker 2 (48:33):
He'll party with anyone right.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Yeah, for sure, it seems like this guy doesn't.
Yeah, he has no allegiances towomen, he's just.
He's a traveler, you know,traveler, traveling man.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
And then, as he's leaving, he kills a couple
guards on the stairs randomly.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Right Now.
That's confusing, right,Because why does he need to do
that?
What is the purpose of that?

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Just to show that he's badass and if you get too
close to him he's going to killyou.
Does that make you?

Speaker 1 (48:58):
badass, just killing men doing their job.
I mean I don't know, it's weird, they're just standing there,
they don't even really attackhim.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
I'm going to tell you what the problem with all of
this is.
Okay, we've set up in the waythat we watch.
Everything is that if you'rethe powerful person in your
place of power, you have power.
Yes, and this movie, this movie, just every time you're in some
place of power.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
They're just like nah , they don't really have any
power there.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Nobody cares.
There's no power there.
You know, it's like he justkills these guards.
You're like there's Queenstanding there.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
Queen's like she should be like let him go he's
my side piece or sneak him out.
You're like there's probably away for him to sneak out of a
window, rapunzel style?
Yeah, I don't know, he doesn'tneed to just walk down the
hallway and kill people.
First of all, they alreadyshort guards.
They don't have a lot of guardsto go around, so they need to

(49:58):
keep as many as they can.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
All right, you know go around so they need to keep
as many as they can.
All right, you know you youwatch the old like fifa, baghdad
kind of movies.
You know where you have likethe errol flynn playing the fifa
baghdad and when he goes liketo the harem, the, you know like
get a little something,something he like does park, he
parkours there, and you're justlike I want to be this guy.
Right, I don't want to be davebatista, I don't want to be him.

(50:21):
I'm just like no, for sure notinteresting to me no, no, he's a
bad guy to his core yeah, youwant to make characters that you
you're like, oh, if I was cool,I'd be that cool, good stuff.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Yeah, for sure.
This is basically the secondscene that we've seen batista in
, and he is in both sceneskilled relatively innocent men.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
That's kind of his thing.
Okay, so she goes to the bar tomeet De Batista.
What do they do, tony?

Speaker 1 (50:56):
What do they do?
Do they have a shot?
What do they do?

Speaker 2 (51:00):
They do some.
What do you do in a bar in theOld West?
You drink.
What else do you do?
There's three things you do ina bar in the Old West.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
You drink, you do hookers.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
What's number three?
What's?

Speaker 1 (51:14):
the third one.
What am I missing?

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Come on, piano bar Bang bang bang bang, someone
does piano bar, you Piano bar.
Bang bang bang bang, someonedoes piano bar.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
You don't do piano, you don't do it.
Okay, I got nothing.
What's the third thing,gambling?
No, no, no, no, okay, I almostforgot that this happened.
She approaches him and she'slike, hey, what's up?
And he's like, no, no, I'm justhere to play some cards.
And then cut to a wide shothe's alone at the table, dan,
he's playing, but he's shufflingcards.

(51:43):
Alone at the table, he's notthere to gamble.
He's there to play solitaire.
Okay, no one wants to playcards with this guy.

Speaker 2 (51:49):
There's a bar full of people.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
Nobody is at the table with him.
He's not gambling.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
And what do they do?
They do it.
He takes her draw.
She's all like no cards.
And what are they?

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Doesn't even look at her hand, right, if I'm not
mistaken.
Because she premonized it, Iused to watch poker on the
television.
Oh heck, yeah, Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
Super entertaining, super interesting.
And then you see this kind ofbogus poker where it's like both
, you know, it's like full house, other full house, which is
even better.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
you're just like, oh, come on and he's like shocked,
as if, as if, like he hadsomething to do with the car,
like I don't, I don't know, man.
And then that was enough forhim to be like wow, I guess I'll
go into business with youbecause you beat me at a random
game of chance hello.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
So she's all like I need somebody to take me out of
the lost lands.
He's like I'm a guy but I'mexpensive.
She's like well, I'll give youyour own money back and I'll
give you this watch that someonegave me and he's.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
and he literally says I've never seen something like
that before and he's veryexcited about it.
So he takes the watch and thejob.
Now this is the part where itgets fun.
Ready, yeah, ready.
When she tells him the plan.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I got to go kill a shapeshifter.
He's like I know one.
His name is that's it.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
You know one.
So one of two things ishappening here, Dan.
He's either talking abouthimself I know one shapeshifter
or there is one shapeshifterbecause he's the Lost Lands guy.
He's the guy that she came tohim because everyone knows he's
the Lost Lands traveler.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
Right, he's the guy.
He's only heard of oneshapeshifter?

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Yes, no, either one of two things.
The only answer to that is heis that shapeshifter or there is
only one shapeshifter in theworld.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Because otherwise he would know about more than one.
So that was it.
So that was like well, he's theguy.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
So if you were rewriting it, you'd be like this
is what, this is what he shouldsay.
Well, the closest one is Sardor.
He lives Something like that.
That would have been moretricky, yeah, as opposed to.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
I know a man just like that.
I know, I know him real well, Iknow him real good Not me, but
a friend of mine definitely fitsthe bill.
So weird, it's such a weirdline.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
So they're okay.
What is this Gives her?
The watch?
The priests show up and there'sa fight and they kill his snake
.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
Immediately, immediately.
But he throws it at a guyacross the bar, it bites one and
then falls down and maybe bitesanother, and then the lady just
cuts it in half, because that'sall you have to do to a snake,
which is why a bullet infinitelymore effective.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Then they easily ride away after throwing one snake.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Well, because you know, the snake caused a lot of
commotion, dan, because it'swriggling all over the place,
even though she killed it withinthree to four seconds Seconds,
so they are not very far aheadof you.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
Not very far, but they get over there.
They're gone Get their horses.
They loaded up the food theyneeded for this five day trip,
because I won't worry about food.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
Oh yeah, they didn't do that.
Yeah, don't worry about food.
Don't worry about food or drink.
Not important in this movie.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
Now we're going to meet, I think, the no one more
character, the Patriarch, who'sthe guy that runs the church.
He yells to the congregationand is all like everyone go get
the congregation.
Also, they have the blind ladythat sits at the stairs and she
and she's like I heard him, itwas the princess or whatever.
She thinks on the queen.
She was like the queen, yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
Queen.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
They know that.
So here we are.
We've we've ridden away.
We're a little ways away, we'vetaken a break to not eat the
food that we took with us andhere comes a single-headed snake
.
Boyce gets it and he picks itup and he's all like communing
with the snake, and then he'slike he puts it down because
it's not the right snake andhe's missing his old snake, his

(56:15):
buddy.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
Yeah, he misses his little buddy.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
There it is.
That's the best scene in themovie.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
That's the best scene in the movie.
That's the best scene in themovie.
He never talks to a snake, everagain in the movie, but that's
the best scene.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
The best scene because you see that snake is
what meant something to him andnow he's interviewing new snakes
to be his new snake.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
That's cool, sure it would be cooler if he got the
new snake at the end of themovie, when he shows up and is
telling the story.
He should have a new fuckingsnake, because he was looking
for a snake friend.
It's weird that it never comesback.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
That could be like a bit through the whole movie the
snake.
See, that's what they neverunderstand.
This in movies is make that abit.
Make him miss the fuck out ofthat snake and Dave Bautista can
play him missing the fuck outof that snake and dave batista
can play him missing the fuckout of that snake.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
I know there are not a ton of things that dave
batista can play but that is one.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
Here's the thing I have liked him in everything
that I have ever seen him in,until this movie.
I am, I have been very hard onthe acting of this movie so far,
at least just the two people wetalked about.
It's clearly not entirely theirfault.
You know what I mean, because Ilove Dave Bautista.
I love him and he is god awfulin this movie, and it can't be

(57:30):
his fault, but the snake, thatsnake, that was good.
Great yeah, absolutely, butagain.
It means nothing.
But it means nothing, dan.
If it meant something it wouldbe fine, I swear to God, if it
was just dead snake talks to onesnake and at the end of the
movie he's got a snake on hisshoulder.
When he shows up to Alice andis like hey bitch, remember me.

(57:54):
Cool, he doesn't even have tomention the snake, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
He picks up the snake and then he begins the training
of the snake through the movie.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Or that I would love to watch that he gets all bent
out of shape because the snake's.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
He's like why weren't you on the?

Speaker 1 (58:07):
Somebody steals his rifle and he's like why weren't
you on the rifle Yelling at the?

Speaker 2 (58:10):
snake.
What are you doing, bro?

Speaker 1 (58:12):
That would be a totally different movie, because
that's a well-written, funmovie that has some levels to it
.
We can't do that.
That'd be levels.
I do kind of want to steal thatbit now.
That's a good bit.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
So now the movie becomes a map movie.
We have a map Just out of theblue they show us everything
we're going to do for the restof the movie and we're stuck on
that map.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
When did maps come back into fashion?
Indiana Jones did it 40 yearsago and at the time I think
people were like, oh, this is afun gimmick, and then I think
eventually we kind of got rid ofit.
But this is the second thingthat I've seen this week that
had traveling maps and they lookworse than they did back then.
Indiana Jones still did itbetter.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
Indiana Jones didn't overuse the map, it just took,
that's true.
It took the place of expositionright.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Right, yeah, exactly, it saves you time explaining
where we're going and how we'regetting there.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Indiana Jones didn't walk over to man and go like now
we're going to go to NorthAfrica and blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah blah.
Instead, we just see a planeflying and then we see a dot, a
line going, and then we're likeeverything we need to know they
get there and no voiceover,nothing.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
No, because we know you set the scene.
We're here, let's all enjoy it.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
They go to Trading Post.
There's a dude there, there's awoman who he kisses.
They eat.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
Now, Dan, these are the only two humans at this
trading post.
Right yeah, Are they notmarried?

Speaker 2 (59:49):
You would think they were married.

Speaker 1 (59:52):
I would think it.
And yet she just like kisseshim and it's a weird three shot
right.
So Batista's on this side, thewoman's on this side, I'm the
bald dude that lives at thething and they kiss in front of
my face and I was like, well,this is a weird scene.
This is some sort of like acuckold situation, I think.
And she just like sleeps withtravelers that pass by and the

(01:00:14):
husband just has to like watchgotta make money he doesn't pay
her, does he?
We don't think so no, maybe andshe's all right.
I'm sorry it's just this.
It's so weird that there areonly two people.
It's a man and woman.
I'm not saying they can't justbe friends.
Men and women can be friends.
You know, it's not a when harrymet sally situation, that's

(01:00:34):
fine.
But they're the only two humansat this outpost.
They're always there because hetravels once a year to see her
or something like that.
He'll say later, we'll talkabout that in a second.
So ostensibly they are alwaysthere.
They have to be together,otherwise it's weird.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
They're at bed.
The woman quizzes him about thewitch, then he tells this story
about growing up and having ahard heart and then he's all
like but that's not me, I live awacky life.
It was almost funny.
It could have if the storymeant something.
The story like he didn't knowwhat the story.
I don't even know what thestory is.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Because it was just random nonsense about like
growing up tough and then never,and that's what being lonely is
and it's like what are you what?
That's not anyhow Could have.
It was almost funny, like itwas.
It was it was the right idea,it was almost funny.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
If that was his character, you know, and then
we're, if we're setting up hischaracter of like, oh, of these
times he's like yeah whateveryou know, if you, if he hot and
colds everyone with these weirdsort of stories, I'm like I
mentioned that character, it'snot though it's just the one
time so she asks him, pointblank is like oh, do you like

(01:01:52):
the witch?

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
and he says something to the effect of not as much as
I like you.
Oh, oh, really Okay.
Which is weird because theyjust talked about how he only
sees her once a year.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
And yet you're saying , like you're using that as a oh
, I like you a lot.
I see you once a year, babe.
I mean, come on, what more doyou want from me?
I'm a man.
I can't be a hassle to comemore than once a month, even
though I clearly like you a lot.
I'm pretty much in love withyou and he almost cries when she
dies and he sees her once ayear.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
He does almost cry.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Doesn't really make any sense.

Speaker 2 (01:02:28):
Why is he sleeping with the queen?
I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
He's sleeping with everybody.
He doesn't care about anybody.
It's all weird.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
The evil train.
The bad guys are on a train, sothey're tracking them on a
train.
They go to Trading Post, theytorture the dude and they burn
it down, whatever yeah, yeah, itdon't matter.
Back to them.
They get to the Rift, which isthe location of the safe
crossing.
They're looking for this guy,cyrus.
The cable car is his bus Superweird.

(01:02:58):
They go on the Lost and Foundhe's dead.
They go back outside.
Here's all the priests, peoplethere.
Now they're wearing sunglassesand she's wearing this pair of
sunglasses that if this was likea funny movie, you'd laugh but
in this movie you're just like,I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
I did not understand it would be funny because it's
like they couldn't finddefensive glasses because you're
wearing them so that Alicecan't look in their eyes and
take control of them.
And it's funny if they had tojust use whatever they could
find and that's a gag you'redoing, sure I would chuckle.
But the other four or fivedudes, all are just wearing the

(01:03:39):
same glasses and then she's gotthese kooky weird.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
I don't know, I don't understand, I don't know, I
don't get it it's almost like aweird bit that you know like an
inside joke amongst on the movieor something on the set, maybe
yeah, you're just like somethinggoing on here that I don't
understand it's something thatthe entire nine people that saw
this movie didn't weren't in on.
The joke on yeah, it was weird.

(01:04:06):
It's not a good move because itdidn't it.
It just felt like I don't know.
It felt it just felt weird itfelt specific, it felt so
incredibly specific because itwas a choice.

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
We just don't understand the choice.
We don't know the motivation ofthe choice, but it was a choice
.
We just don't understand thechoice.

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
We don't know the motivation of the choice, but it
was a choice somebody made veryspecifically.
Yeah, okay, boom, boom, boom,boom boom.
So let's see what happens.
Okay, shit Lost and found, he'sdead.
The priest killed him.
They have sunglasses.
Dave Bautista sees the deadtrading post woman.

(01:04:44):
He's mad, he's almost crying.
She's alive.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Do you remember what he says?
Nope, he says something to theeffect of you call yourselves
followers of God.
What kind of God is this?
It is one of the worstdelivered lines I've ever seen.
I love him to death.
And then he says that.
And then we cut to the enforcerlady, who is a far worse actor

(01:05:12):
than dave batista, and sheproves it in this moment.
And she says something to thelines of a vengeful one and like
a weird smile on her face, andit was the, the 13 seconds of
that scene.
I'm gonna make a post.
I'm gonna do an Instagram poston this, just so you know.
It's the worst acting I've everseen in my entire life.

(01:05:33):
That that back and forth ittakes seven to ten seconds.
It's so bad that it should betaught in schools of, like, what
not to do.
It was ridiculous Anyhow.
And then the lady's alive andthen they kill her.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
Yeah.
They kill her and then somehowour people start shooting all
their guns, and the other badguys don't have guns.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
Because I'll tell you what happens.
So the enforcer lady has a gun.
She turns her back on DaveBautista, who just earlier in
the film got guns in his handsin less than a millisecond.
But she turns her back, aims atthe lady, shoots her in the
head.
All Dave does is say no, asopposed to take action, which is
ridiculous.
Alice moves.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
And then Alice moves and starts beating people up I
think alice kicks her and grabsboth of her guns, something like
that yeah, I don't know, andthen it's ridiculous, none of
the church.
Guys have guns and so they keepshooting them.
They're trying to shoot theenforcer lady, but guys keep
throwing themselves are you sureit's not the same guy?
No, it's a jump back and forth.

(01:06:40):
It might be the same actor, Idon't know.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
It's so weird.
It's such a weirdly shot scene.
It's just like a single shot Ofthe enforcer Right, but then,
alternately from left to right,there's a guy that jumps in
front bullet, jumps in frontbullet.
It is the weirdest thing I'veever seen, and I'm sure they're

(01:07:04):
different guys, but I thought itwould be much funnier if it was
the same guy each time and hewould collect bullet holes as
he's going like seven bulletsand then he's just finally going
to die.
It was just very weird, it'svery interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:07:17):
And the first Road Warrior movie yeah, mel Gibson,
mel Gibson, yeah, yeah, theyonly had so much money and so
many vehicles, so I believe theywould keep reusing the same
dudes in some of the samevehicles even though they'd been
killed or dealt with as a kid,you were like okay, and then

(01:07:38):
you're like, eh, whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
I don't care.
This movie's too good to worryabout that kind of shit.
You're right about that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
Um, those movies we're gonna finish this scene in
one second, but we have to stopfor a second because the
enforcer lady on the train hasthe sexy shirtless guy who.
Who shovels the uh, shovels thecoal on the train.
And it's the same guy fromRebel Moon that doesn't wear a
shirt.

Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
Wait, you're kidding.
It's the same actor, same actor.
Good for him, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
It's not the same actor, it just looks the same.
Oh, come on.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
Yeah, no, I mean, it's the same scene, right?

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
It's the same character.
You're just saying it's thesame person.

Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
Yeah Well, listen, you got to have a sexy shirtless
guy shoveling coal.
Who else is going to do it?
I mean you don't want this guytopless shoveling coal, all
sweaty and hairy.
That would be disgusting, no,one would like that movie.

Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
So they get on the thing and they start going
across.
A thousand of the priests areon there, so it'd be interesting
to count how many bad prieststhey throw off of this thing,
because it's like 50.
It's like just way too many, sothey're throwing them off.
And then finally the bad guysare all like well, maybe we
should shoot the cables.
They shoot one of the cables,then they shoot the other cable

(01:08:53):
and then this bus goes eeeewww,crashes into the thing.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
They both survive that without?
Yeah, because it's fine.
They're fine.
I think it's because the wheelshit.
The wheels hit, so it cushionsthe blow, those old wheels.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
Magical wheels.
And then she's all like climb,and then they start climbing.

Speaker 1 (01:09:13):
Hold on, he lands on his feet, by the way.
So the bus falls fromhorizontal to vertical and
Batista just rotates and landson his feet on the bottom of the
bus.

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
Which is what you would want to do.
Hey, it's pretty cool.
He's like a cat.
They climb out and the bad ladygets out a rifle, shoots.
Batista goes for the next shot.
Alice looks through the thingand uses her illusion magic.
I like that.

Speaker 1 (01:09:43):
That was a good solution.
That was a good solution.
Terrible gun control.
You know what I mean.
She should know not to look atAlice through the scope.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
She should just keep shooting, batista.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
You need to just start low.
The one thing I can't do islook at Alice through the scope,
so I'm going to start low andmake my way up.
But she just looks directly tois look at Alice through the
scope, so I'm going to start lowand make my way up.
But she just looks directly.
Oh, it's Alice.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
I'm dead.
Listen to Tony the.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
Hunter Listen.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
I've been hunting a couple of times in my life and I
have cried Okay, they cut thecable.
She shoots boys.

Speaker 1 (01:10:19):
She gets witched.

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
She gets witched.
They nurse Alice.
Oh, he pulls the bullet out,then Alice sort of nurses him
back to health and Boyce is likewhy do you do this?
Oh no, she's like Boyce, why doyou do this?
And he's like I like the wind,I like the shadows.
When you look up into theclouds you see shapes and those
shapes mean something.
And she's all like yep.

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
Yeah, she says I see them and he's like I knew you'd
see it.
You and I were alike.
Do you see things in the cloudsTony.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
Sure all the time, do you Really?

Speaker 1 (01:10:54):
Yeah, like birds and lightning.

Speaker 2 (01:10:56):
No, no, no, Do you look at?

Speaker 1 (01:10:57):
shapes in the clouds.
Yeah, yeah, we used to do thatas a game.
You know, you'd be like try tomake things.
You don't actually look up theclouds like holy shit, that's
that.
But you're like, well, I thinkit could be that could be that.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, it's a different vibethan what they're going for.
I can't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:22):
You want and look at clouds all day.

Speaker 1 (01:11:24):
I'm too reality, you know.
I'm too reality for the clouds.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
The queen is pregnant .
It's Boyce's baby.
She smothers the overlord todeath with a pillow.

Speaker 1 (01:11:36):
Right, yeah, after she tells the king about Boyce.

Speaker 2 (01:11:37):
By the way, somebody else put a baby in me.
Now I'm going to kill you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
Now you're dead.
That's a really mean thing todo.
Just kill.
He doesn't need to know that.
Just kill him.

Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
They get to Shadowbane oh, they had horses,
and then they actually put theline in there.
We're going to take this thingacross and then there's plenty
of horses on the other side.

Speaker 1 (01:11:56):
Fresh horses, I believe, is the word he says,
which is great.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
Huh, whose house is expensive.

Speaker 1 (01:12:04):
He said someone had horses on the other side.

Speaker 2 (01:12:06):
Yeah, but I mean a horse is a huge expense.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
Not in this one.
There are no expenses as far asI can tell.
Did you see a single person buyanything other than Batista's?
Or when they give wishes?
That's the only thing thatcosts money in the whole movie
so far.

Speaker 2 (01:12:25):
The train's going to go around.
They go and they're going to bein this cooling tower.
Oh, this is Shadows Bay.
They're in the cooling tower.
They're going to need fire.
Of course.
There's barrels and barrels ofoil just laying around.

Speaker 1 (01:12:38):
It's so weird.
This is where we have to holeup for the night.
We're gonna need fire, and thenthere's just 19 barrels of
gasoline around or some oil gasI don't know what it is, but
what?
Why is that there in?
Why?
What's happening, dan?
Explain this to me.

Speaker 2 (01:12:57):
It gets to be night, the cooling tower lights up with
lights for some reason.
Didn't understand that at all.

Speaker 1 (01:13:04):
And it's intentional.
It's not like, oh, it's lit up.

Speaker 2 (01:13:08):
Sequentially, it goes up, we cut outside the tower to
watch it light up.

Speaker 1 (01:13:12):
I have no idea why we're doing this.
I have no idea.

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
Who is paying that power bill?

Speaker 1 (01:13:19):
What the fuck?
There are no bills in thisworld.
Dan, they probably wished itfrom Alice earlier on, we just
didn't see it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:27):
So here come the bad guys.
They're metal skeleton zombiesand I said to myself, as I sit
here watching this movie, I'mlike, yeah, you're missing the
plant zombies in the gorge rightnow, aren't you?

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
Tony, you idiot.
Here's the difference, right?
What's the difference, tony?
The plant monsters were atotally stupid thing in a
relatively good movie, and amovie that I was enjoying until
I saw the stupid plant monsters.
This is a terrible movie thatwould have been made so much

(01:14:07):
better by cool plant monsters,you know what I mean.
And it would have made moresense for the fire, because
guess what?
Fire doesn't even kill theseguys, from what I could tell.

Speaker 2 (01:14:17):
Doesn't do anything.

Speaker 1 (01:14:19):
It's just mind tricks .

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
They're not doing well.
The king of the things shows up, jumps down from the top,
choking Alice out, and thenAlice like which is him?
And then she shoots fire out ofher hands Fire, fire, fire,
fire.
It kills him with that fire.
And then we find out later thatshe had to use a lot of her

(01:14:44):
power magic power to illusionall this and the fire was just
an illusion.
But if you believe the illusion, then you die from the fire
which doesn't make sense becausehere's the thing he believed it
, so he died sure

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
he believed it to the point where his body crumbled.
You can't wish your body tocrumble.
That doesn't make any sense.
They show his skull slowly cavein from being burnt to a crisp.
That's not how illusion works.
Okay, doesn't make any sense.

(01:15:18):
Number two I got a couplethings I got to say about this
scene.
Scene number two they shootgiant barrels of gasoline and
they explode.
They like explosions up intothe sky.
We cut away and show how bigthese explosions are.
They are three to four feetaway from these explosions and
they are fine.
These people don't get hurt bythese explosions at all.

(01:15:40):
There's a couple of them.
That doesn't make any sense,dan.
See, don't get hurt by theseexplosions at all.
There's a couple of them.
That doesn't make any sense,dan.

Speaker 2 (01:15:44):
See the reason Tony's having a problem with this,
because when he goes to thebeach and they do a marshmallow
fire, tony's like oh, yourfire's too warm, I'm afraid of
the fire.

Speaker 1 (01:15:54):
So everyone sits in a ring around it and I have to
push my chair further away andreach as far as I can to get my
marshmallow in the fire, becauseit is too hot for me to handle
I hate the thing I hate, it when, like one side of my face is
like sweating and the otherside's cold because it's towards
the ocean.
It's I hate fire.

(01:16:14):
I hate fire, but I love cookingthings in fire, you know?
I mean, the hot dogs on thebeach are good too, s'mores.
There's a lot of good stuffthat comes from fire, but I hate
fire itself.
And the last thing I'm gonnasay about this scene is that
this is the third or fourth timethat she has had to explain to

(01:16:36):
someone that she is anillusionist.
Yeah, and this is why it annoysme, because just say you're an
illusionist, don't be.
Oh, she's a witch, just be anillusionist.
Because she keeps having totell people no, my power is
illusion, it's not real.
How many times do I have totell you this, dave?
That's how it felt to me,because she keeps telling him
over and over no, I'm anillusionist, I'm an illusionist

(01:16:58):
then she tells some weird storyabout how she used to live out
here and then she could thatcould.

Speaker 2 (01:17:04):
The bad guy recognized her yeah, she used to
live out here.

Speaker 1 (01:17:08):
Then she had and she didn't yeah, then she just
decided not to, which is fine,doesn't make any sense uh, back
in the town we say the overlordis dead, the queen's going to
have a baby.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
All hail the queen.

Speaker 1 (01:17:23):
Very good, nobody wanted to hail until the second
in command shot into the sky.

Speaker 2 (01:17:30):
And then they all got down on their knees.
The queen and the patriarchhave a convo.
He's all like I'm good, butthen he calls the train.
He's like you better hurry,because we got to blow up this
stupid queen.

Speaker 1 (01:17:40):
Yeah, how do these comms work?
You think well wire a wire tothe tree we do see.

Speaker 2 (01:17:52):
We do see power lines at times.

Speaker 1 (01:17:54):
So sure, but how would it be constantly connected
to the moving?

Speaker 2 (01:17:58):
train Telegraph.
Yeah, okay, yeah, got it.
They get to the fire fields.
Someone says you should leave,save yourself.
No, turn around.
I cannot.
I have no choice.
Whatever I'm cursed, don't gettoo close to me.
And now.

Speaker 1 (01:18:16):
Batista is saying that to Alice.
By the way.
He's saying you should turnback now because he's about to
try to kill her.
Now they're all huggy.
Oh yeah, yeah, no.
So they go from barelyacquaintances to Batista being
head over heels in love with her.

Speaker 2 (01:18:34):
Is that what it is?
He's in love with her.

Speaker 1 (01:18:36):
He's in love with her because here's the thing he
loves the lady in the train yard, the depot Dead lady yeah,
she's dead now loves her.
He was hooking up with thequeen, had a baby with her.

Speaker 2 (01:18:49):
But indifferent to her.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
Totally indifferent to her Right.
And then now he finally foundsomeone that he considers
similar to him, because there'sthat scene with the queen where
he's like we could never betogether.
You know what I am, oh.
And so now he finally thinks hefound someone, some.
I don't know why he thinks thatfreak, freak because, she's.
She's literally hunting him soto believe that somehow they're

(01:19:15):
the same and could live together.
I don't understand it, butthat's how.
That's why he's in love withher.
He's, you know, he's beenthrough all the other women in
the land and now he finallyfound the one lady he thinks
that, you know, he's similar totalk about their chemistry, tony
there's none.
There's no chemistry.
Um, I don't know who's, I don'tknow if that's like, um, it's

(01:19:36):
just bad.
Maybe it's the director's fault, let's just.
Maybe paul was too jealous.
This is what it is right?
So Dave Bautista is arelatively charming guy, right?
So Mia was obviously crushingon him in real life and Paul was
like we cannot get close inthis movie at all.
Three feet apart, nobody likeseach other.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
The queen wants the head of the guard to kill the
patriarch.
Okay, he'll take care of thatshortly.
They're on the tracks we can'toutrun them.
So then they're like we need todo a trick.
They leave Mila on the tracksand the train's like we're going
to go faster, faster, faster,faster.
She runs.
Well, turns out that the bridgeis out.

(01:20:18):
The train flies over the bridge, crashes into the ground,
killing everyone.
Shirtless guy and the enforcer,lady Mila, just jumps over
there and then Dave catches hereasily.

Speaker 1 (01:20:32):
Yeah, he catches her, even though that doesn't even
make sense, because she jumpedpretty far away from the
railroad.
She leapt off that thing.
How does he back here catch hergoing this?

Speaker 2 (01:20:45):
way doesn't make it gotta go full, mr fantastic
stretch armstrong.

Speaker 1 (01:20:51):
Um, dan, yes, um, okay.
So the bad or the whatever, thetownspeople they are the only
ones with a train right.

Speaker 2 (01:21:04):
I guess yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:21:06):
How do they not know that the train ends, the track
ends.
Oh, they don't come out here,are you sure?

Speaker 2 (01:21:13):
Why would they come out here?

Speaker 1 (01:21:14):
Why would they have a train tracks that go all the
way out here?

Speaker 2 (01:21:17):
if they don't go out here?
Oh, because the train trackswere built before the end of the
world.

Speaker 1 (01:21:21):
But then why do they have a train?
Where are they going?
There is only one humansettlement.

Speaker 2 (01:21:27):
I mean, if there was a giant plague and everybody
died, there'd still be thetrains and the cars and
everything laying around andsundresses.

Speaker 1 (01:21:34):
But they have a walkie-talkie system.
They've built this train.
My point is it's their train.
It's not like they find arandom train and get on it.

Speaker 2 (01:21:43):
Yeah, we built the train and then they inherited
the train after the apocalypse.
It's an inherited train.
They didn't built the train andthen they inherited the train
after the apocalypse.
It's an inherited train.

Speaker 1 (01:21:52):
They didn't build the train, no, but they're using.

Speaker 2 (01:21:53):
Listen they have nowhere to go.
Yeah, they tell this.

Speaker 1 (01:21:59):
So you're saying they've just been keeping a
train just in case they everhave to go to the Lost Lands for
no reason, because there are noother humans anywhere.
Yeah, that dude's like the coaldude's like the cold.

Speaker 2 (01:22:09):
It's like, yeah, I'm working out, I got to get ready,
I've been waiting 25 years toget my chance at running this
train.

Speaker 1 (01:22:16):
I'm not messing this up.
Oh, I'm so good at shovelingcoal.
That's why he's so enthused.
It just doesn't make anyfucking sense.
I'm sorry, Um.

Speaker 2 (01:22:24):
I'm sorry the head of the guard goes to kill the
patriarch.
I enjoyed this.
He's like stab Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab,
stab.
He has a lot of stabs, a lot ofstabbing.

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
I wrote down something about Julius Caesar.
I made a joke and I'm not goingto read it.
But they stab him a bunch oftimes Just like a ton.

Speaker 2 (01:22:46):
What's your Juliusius caesar joke?
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:22:48):
I always I said, uh, butthole, I know if I just wrote
they cut him up like a juliuscaesar salad.
That's all I said.
Uh, but yeah, they, they justjust keep on stabbing him.

Speaker 2 (01:23:02):
That is such a terrible joke.
Um, so they get there.
I thought he lived in a cave,but he lives in a boat I don't
know I I was confused they'reall huggy and they're silver.
And then gray alice is like letme put on my wolverine claws,
they're silver and he's.

Speaker 1 (01:23:24):
so.
One little note he's beenholding his arm because it's
hurting and you're like, oh,it's because of the bullet, it's
not.

Speaker 2 (01:23:31):
Oh, is he holding his arm.

Speaker 1 (01:23:33):
Yeah, he keeps like scratching at it and kind of
holding it and you're likewhat's?
What's going on?
Is he infected?
But it turns out there's justsilver inside of it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:41):
She poisoned it.
We'll find out about thatRainstorm.
Full moon he's the wolf I'mlike oh, I see, that makes sense
.
I was oblivious.

Speaker 1 (01:23:53):
Does it make sense, though.
Why is he leaving her there tokill her?

Speaker 2 (01:23:58):
Let me rephrase why that makes sense.
Oh, okay, sure, because this isostensibly a third act-ish.
Yeah, it's really too late tointroduce a third act-ish.
Yeah, it's really too late tointroduce a new character.
Okay, that's why it makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:24:13):
You're like oh okay, Sure, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:24:15):
It's too late to you know.
I don't want to meet thisSardar person.
Yeah, she already knows, andthen she gets like angry at him.

Speaker 1 (01:24:25):
Yep, she's like you lied to me.

Speaker 2 (01:24:31):
You brought me here to kill me.
How dare you?
It's like, but you knew, andthen he's all like.
I tried to warn you and she'sall like.

Speaker 1 (01:24:34):
I'm mad at you and then, which is true though he
did he kept telling her hey, goaway.
And she's like no, no, don'tworry, I already know what's
happening.
And then she's mad abouttypical you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:24:45):
Oh women, oh yeah women.
Us poor men, us poor victim menthat are always getting
victimized they were planning onmurdering her.

Speaker 1 (01:24:55):
Oh, how dare she now we have.
It's just, it's such a weirdscene I her getting mad is weird
I was just like what ishappening about it and being
like I already knew, Ioutsmarted you.
Great, that makes perfect sense, but her being emotionally hurt
by it is super confusing.

Speaker 2 (01:25:13):
It was super weird.
Now we have my favorite scenein the movie, which is to say
the thing I'm like, what ishappening?
She throws the watch at him andjust bounces off of him.
Yeah, but we follow it.

Speaker 1 (01:25:27):
We follow the watch.
It means something to someoneof him.
I'm like what, yeah, but wefollow it.
We follow the watch.
It means something to someone,dan, I don't know what it is,
but it's a huge deal in thismovie and I do not know why, but
we see it in slow motion.
We throw the watch.
It's coming at him, oh, it hitshim and then just falls off.
And we still follow the watchall the way to the ground.

(01:25:49):
Doink, I don't know why.
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2 (01:25:54):
It must be in the story.
The watch must be in the story.
It must mean something.

Speaker 1 (01:25:58):
If the watch was made up just for the movie, I will
lose my mind.

Speaker 2 (01:26:02):
And then she either throws illusionary ravens at him
or she becomes an illusionarygiant raven.

Speaker 1 (01:26:09):
No, dan.
No, she's an illusionist.
It's an illusion, bird, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:26:14):
But is it a bunch of them or is it just one big one?

Speaker 1 (01:26:18):
It's just one big one .
I think it was just one bigswooper.
Oh okay, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:26:23):
Then she guts him and he falls down and she ties him
up and she nurses him back tohealth and then she's all like
we're the same.
We're two of two of a kind.
We are two of a kind two butnot really, not really, you know
and then we cut and then he'scovered in giant chains.
Is that an illusion?
Are the chains a giant?

(01:26:43):
Are they an illusion?

Speaker 1 (01:26:44):
no, I think those chains are real.
I think those are real lifechains.
Where'd she get these chainsfrom?
Tony, you're right, youprobably aren't an illusion,
it's fake and he just thinksit's real.
So he's probably just laying onthe ground, just stretched out,
and he's like he could move atany time, but he can't do it,
giant chains.

Speaker 2 (01:27:02):
So um, Boys and chains.
And then we find out that Ilearned all of your weaknesses
while we were on the trip andwhat?

Speaker 1 (01:27:12):
what were those?
No, do you know.
Okay, was it the bird?
Is he scared of birds?

Speaker 2 (01:27:18):
I don't know, I missed it.

Speaker 1 (01:27:19):
If he is scared of birds, I'm so scared I thought
maybe it was the loneliness andshe was like pretending to like
him, but it turns out she didlike him.
So I just I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:27:30):
I don't know if that, if that, if this was, if we
were in the movie, I'd be like,okay, what, what do we got with
tony afraid of the ocean?
Sure, yep, afraid of fire yeah,big time snakes.

Speaker 1 (01:27:42):
snakes are bad spiders.
Big time spiders are alsoWalked into my first spider web
of the season.
Yesterday, by the way, on theway to work, I was like shit
it's coming, not excited aboutthis.

Speaker 2 (01:27:56):
What am I afraid of?
Tony, You've been payingattention on the trip.

Speaker 1 (01:28:02):
Love.

Speaker 2 (01:28:05):
That's it, that's the one Love, compassion, fish,
compassion.

Speaker 1 (01:28:08):
Fish, compassion yeah , movies that Emotionally
manipulate you.
You're afraid of them.
That's all I got.
I don't know what are youafraid?

Speaker 2 (01:28:16):
of Fish.
I'm not afraid of anything.
What are you crazy?

Speaker 1 (01:28:19):
You're not afraid of anything.
Let's watch a Pixar movie, youbig baby.

Speaker 2 (01:28:25):
You've made a real Emotional connection, that's why
you eat pizza.

Speaker 1 (01:28:27):
You're damn right, you are.
Maybe some truth to that.

Speaker 2 (01:28:32):
Okay, he's chained up .
We find out that during thetrip she cut him open and put
silver in him.

Speaker 1 (01:28:40):
She put it in the bullet hole when she was sewing
him up.
She put silver in the hole andthen sewed it into his arm.

Speaker 2 (01:28:46):
I don't normally say these kind of things, but that's
a bitch ass thing to do.

Speaker 1 (01:28:51):
I mean, it's pretty cowardly.
He's asleep.

Speaker 2 (01:28:55):
He's all like okay, you're a witch and you're dumb,
I'm going to give you my wish,my wish is I want to be together
with you.

Speaker 1 (01:29:04):
What?
Where did that come from?

Speaker 2 (01:29:07):
Because he's in love with her.

Speaker 1 (01:29:08):
His he's in love, that's his biggest wish of the
movie he's in love with her.
He's in love.
They're hugging.
When did they?

Speaker 2 (01:29:17):
30 seconds ago, that's when it happened, it was
like oh wait, I love you twoscenes ago.

Speaker 1 (01:29:22):
They were all like no , I know it's.
I'm sorry that's too much of aleap for me.

Speaker 2 (01:29:27):
It's too much.
And then she's like he's like,name your price.
I don't know what the price was.
What was the price?

Speaker 1 (01:29:35):
She said it comes with the price.
What was the price?
His death.
Oh, he has to die and come backto life so they can be together
.

Speaker 2 (01:29:43):
So she skins him alive, Skins him alive.
The next morning she leaves thewatch on a rock.

Speaker 1 (01:29:52):
On the pebbles.
It's his gravestone.
That's a pile of his dead body,and on top is a watch the watch
.

Speaker 2 (01:29:58):
Maybe the watch brings him back to life.
Maybe that's what it was, Ithink it's the watch.

Speaker 1 (01:30:02):
You think it's the magic watch.

Speaker 2 (01:30:03):
I think it's the magic watch, Because when the
well hold on.
So this will be my pitch on thewatch.
She rides back.
How long does it take her toride back?

Speaker 1 (01:30:13):
30, 45 seconds.
That's about it.
Minutes Tops.

Speaker 2 (01:30:18):
The slaves are rebelling.
Down with the overlord, downwith the church.
She somehow just walks in, goesup to the queen's chamber,
gives her his werewolf skin.

Speaker 1 (01:30:31):
And so then what we said at the beginning she
doesn't want to use his werewolfskin to become a werewolf,
because I guess, she believedthat there was a Sardor out
there, and so she thought thatshe was going to go kill a
different werewolf, whichdoesn't make a ton of sense,
because she knows that Batistais a werewolf, but she probably
thought, from what I can tell,there's only one werewolf in the

(01:30:53):
world okay, she's the queen shedoesn't know that you're right
there, right, so she's like I'mnot using that.

Speaker 2 (01:31:00):
And then the sunlight hits the werewolf skin and it
goes sparkle, sparkle, sparkle.
Then the sparkles fly throughspace and time back to where the
watch is and I guess where hisbody is, and then it brings him
back to life Because of themagic of the watch.
So basically, it's the same asDungeons and Dragons.
That's a whatever you know likea raised head.

(01:31:21):
It's a raised head, raised head.
Watch, no, raised head watch?

Speaker 1 (01:31:25):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (01:31:35):
And here's why I don't think it raised dead watch
.

Speaker 1 (01:31:36):
Maybe it's, maybe it's a, maybe it's that thing in
harry potter, the thing thatmakes time go.

Speaker 2 (01:31:38):
The her little thing that she can be in like two
places at once, because she canturn back time a little.

Speaker 1 (01:31:41):
Um, yeah, I, that's what it's problem solved, it's
either a that's not.

Speaker 2 (01:31:44):
That's not solved, it's either dungeons and dragons
, or it's harry potter 3 it'seither a, that's not.
That's not solved it's eitherdungeons and dragons or it's
harry potter.

Speaker 1 (01:31:50):
3 it's neither.
And let me tell you why, danbecause they over explain every
single thing in this movie andthey don't talk about this watch
.
One time, not not a one timedoes this watch get a talking
about, which is ridiculous.
Also, you know what we have todo, dan.
I made a promise at thebeginning of this podcast that
we did not pay off, because hernickname is the witch who will

(01:32:12):
not be hanged, and every timethey cut to the grandmaster
church guy, his whole plan is tofind the witch and then hang
her.
He says it a dozen times.

Speaker 2 (01:32:30):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:32:32):
Her nickname is the witch who will not be hanged,
and his plan is to hang her.
Yeah, because he's got God onhis side.
Obviously not.
She escaped the first time.
It's just a weird have adifferent way of killing her.

Speaker 2 (01:32:45):
Well, you see, that's the thing, tony, I think this
movie's the thing.
This movie's very irreligiousand I think his whole point is
that God has no power.
That's why that guy's sayingI'm going to hang you and she's
all like, no, you can't hang me.

Speaker 1 (01:32:57):
I'm the witch.
Why does he just say shoot her,oh, because he she can't be
hanged.
It's her name Hang the witchwho will not be hanged.

Speaker 2 (01:33:10):
I don't believe If you ask like a God person,
person who believes in God,they're going to be like my.
God can do whatever your magic.
No good here.
And this guy, I think Paul WSAnderson, believes that church
people are just talking outtheir butts.
The real magic is true.
That's what I think.

Speaker 1 (01:33:30):
Okay, listen, I'll buy.
I'll buy the the notion that hehas to prove to the masses that
the witch who cannot be hangedwill be hanged.

Speaker 2 (01:33:40):
I can, I can buy into that.
This is a very anti-religioustext.
Well, that's true, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:33:45):
He's very other than the werewolves you?

Speaker 2 (01:33:49):
Well, that's true, other than the werewolves.
You know I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 (01:33:50):
Um.

Speaker 2 (01:33:53):
The cream cries about boys.
He was a beast.
You betrayed me.
And then somebody gets stabbed.

Speaker 1 (01:33:59):
She stabs the second in command, her boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (01:34:02):
Oh, she stabs her boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (01:34:04):
Why did?

Speaker 2 (01:34:04):
she stab her boyfriend at this point Because
he's yeah, she's like mad atthis point.

Speaker 1 (01:34:08):
Because he's yeah, she's mad at him.

Speaker 2 (01:34:09):
Oh because he did the bonus wish.

Speaker 1 (01:34:11):
That screwed up her wish.
He did the counter wish yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:34:14):
Yeah, the people revolt, they kill the queen.
Boyce's skin burns up in thesunlight.
The sparks fly to the watch.
Boyce is alive.
She explains that she skinnedhim alive and then he's like he
comes.
He rides back and then he'spointing the gun at her and he's
all like I'm gonna kill you.

(01:34:35):
Why is he gonna kill her?

Speaker 1 (01:34:38):
I not only.
Why is he gonna kill her?
This is the first scene of themovie.
This is a callback to theoriginal, the opening of the
movie.
He's got big cuts on his face,he's got the scars from where he
was skinned alive, and now it'sback together.
Maybe she took his face off too.

Speaker 2 (01:34:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:34:57):
Maybe like, but then why is it back?

Speaker 2 (01:34:59):
Wouldn't that be cool if they'd have shown on the
skin like his face?

Speaker 1 (01:35:04):
Just like coming back .

Speaker 2 (01:35:05):
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 (01:35:14):
Like you.
You know, on the skin that shebrought back, there's like,
there's like the dave batistaface.
Oh, it's like a rubber mask,like mission impossible style.
Yeah, yeah, um, okay.
So he is telling the story toalice why, exactly why.
So the opening of the moviewhen he's like I'm gonna tell
you a story, but it's not ahappy ending, right, that scene.

Speaker 2 (01:35:34):
Is this scene, so that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:35:35):
He is telling Alice the story.
Why does that make sense?
She knows.

Speaker 2 (01:35:40):
But you see he's saying she knows the whole story
.
But he's saying this isn't afair.
You know, you came to me, ladyNope, but then Nope, he said no.
He's like he said no, not thistime.
Too many women have used poorTim.

Speaker 1 (01:35:54):
Bautista's character?
Not a single one.
It's the other way around,bautista, you're a bad guy.

Speaker 2 (01:35:59):
You are a philanderer , sir.
He's been used.

Speaker 1 (01:36:02):
And then he goes, do you like my story?
And she says no, because Idon't know how it ends.
Why?

Speaker 2 (01:36:11):
doesn't?
She know how it ends, she knowsthe future.
Actually, she should say yourstory is wrong because I know
the ending right sure, sure,that's great.

Speaker 1 (01:36:19):
But instead she says even though I see I have
premonitions, I don't know howthe story ends.

Speaker 2 (01:36:24):
And then she does know how it ends you're gosh
darn right.

Speaker 1 (01:36:27):
She does, but that's not what she says.
Hey, tony, hey.

Speaker 2 (01:36:30):
Tony.
Tony, yes, your microphone andyour shirt are the same color
and so blends in.
I know it blends in.
I've been I've never noticedthat.
Have you ever worn that shirtbefore?

Speaker 1 (01:36:42):
no, I've yeah and I never will again I it's pretty
funny like that blends in?

Speaker 2 (01:36:46):
yeah, oh sorry, did I messed up?
What were you saying?
You weren't saying anythingimportant, were you?
No, that's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:36:51):
I've been thinking about it a lot today too.
I just noticed it.

Speaker 2 (01:36:54):
Because that's what my wife's always like.

Speaker 1 (01:36:59):
You are the least observant person on the planet
and I'm like sometimes youthings too closely, that's true,
okay, all I'm saying is itdoesn't make any sense.
There's no reason for him to betelling her the story.

Speaker 2 (01:37:10):
So he's all like I'm going to shoot you now.
And she's all like you're goingto misfire, that's why we're
going to fall in love.
And it misfires.
And he's all like, if she knowsit's going to misfire, I guess
I love her.

Speaker 1 (01:37:21):
Then what?

Speaker 2 (01:37:25):
I can't handle it, because it misfired.

Speaker 1 (01:37:28):
Then why was he in a shooter?

Speaker 2 (01:37:30):
To prove that he's the man I can't, but he's not
the man I can't with this movie.
She's the man.

Speaker 1 (01:37:37):
That's a great movie.
We should watch that movie.
I love that movie.
It just doesn't make any sense.
And then the best part of thiswhole movie, Dan.
There's a best part of thiswhole movie, Dan.

Speaker 2 (01:37:46):
There's a best part of this movie.

Speaker 1 (01:37:47):
Yeah, yeah, they both pull knives on each other, do
they?
And they get each other by thethroats Really.
And then they laugh what Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:37:57):
I do not believe this happened in the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:37:59):
You need to rewatch in this movie there are three
cliches in a row to end thismovie.
So they laugh Freeze frame onthe laugh fame, but they're
still laughing freeze frame, andthen that's.
You know, that's a cliche.
And then we cut to them ridinginto the sunset together, cliche
number two, back to back.

Speaker 2 (01:38:20):
It is insane what's happening I don't think my copy
had that knife part.
I got the edit.

Speaker 1 (01:38:28):
We watched the same movie.
Dan, I bought it.
Maybe, maybe this is the worstmovie I may have ever seen.
I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you.
This was bad.
This was a really bad one.
It was bad.

Speaker 2 (01:38:47):
Anything else to say about this great movie.

Speaker 1 (01:38:50):
I think I've been mean enough.
I apologize everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:38:53):
Tony, you're pretty harsh.
This is a bad movie, you knowthey're just trying to spend $55
million on making somethingbeautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:39:00):
There are so many better ways to spend $55 million
than this piece of shit.
At least people got paid inHollywood I hope they got a good
paid day, because they're notgetting residuals, that's for
sure.

Speaker 2 (01:39:13):
Now we're talking about something we like this
week.
I think we watch this on BBC,BBC, BBC whatever you know, it's
that you love Britishtelevision.
They're us before we were we.
It's called the Stolen Girl.

Speaker 1 (01:39:32):
I'm not going to say anything about it.

Speaker 2 (01:39:33):
It's about a stolen girl.
You know we said it.
Ah, you already ruined it Atthe beginning.
You know, we have the cardriving and there's a girl in
the trunk.

Speaker 1 (01:39:41):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:39:41):
Stolen Some good stuff.
It's good.
Yeah, it's fun.
Okay, it was like a whole show.
Oh, oh.

Speaker 1 (01:39:53):
So a lot like watching this movie.
Yeah, lots of twists and turns.
What do you got for us, tony?
You're not going to like myanswer, but it is NFL Draft
Weekend, so I've been watchingthe draft, and then I also
watched the greatest film of alltime Kevin Costner's Draft Day.
It's a tradition.

Speaker 2 (01:40:12):
That's like a newish movie right.

Speaker 1 (01:40:14):
It's like 2016,.
I think Something like that.
It's about the end of draft.
It's a guilty pleasure.
People hate it.
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:40:23):
I've never seen that and I've never seen the money
ball hole.

Speaker 1 (01:40:27):
Okay, I've never seen that and I've never seen the
Moneyball.
Okay, so I Personally EnjoyDraft Day more than Moneyball.
Moneyball much better movie.

Speaker 2 (01:40:35):
Moneyball's like a good movie.

Speaker 1 (01:40:37):
You should see Moneyball.
It's a good movie.
However, having said that,draft Day way, way, way better.
I love Draft Day.
It's cheesy, it's fun.
Kevin Costner, jennifer Gardner, dennis Leary, a great cameo by
tom welling superman I meanunbelievable stuff started
watching that the goofy movieyou.

(01:40:57):
What do you mean?
You started it.
You stopped it at some point.
Didn't seem like a movie.
I will kill you.
I will reach across the screenand I will beat you to a palm.
I'll throw a snake at youthrough the screen.
It's a musical.
It's a movie.
It's one of the greatest filmsof all time, without a doubt.

(01:41:17):
I could sing every song in thatmovie cover to cover right now
if you wanted me to.

Speaker 2 (01:41:24):
I cannot believe you.
We need another movie.
It's my turn.

Speaker 1 (01:41:28):
You didn't finish it, oh no, you're missing some
great emotional beats betweenMax and Goofy.
There are tears to come, dan.

Speaker 2 (01:41:36):
A lot of weird animal people with weird teeth.
I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (01:41:41):
The Goofs.
Of course they got weird teeth.
You got real problems, Dan.
You got your.
I'm upset.
You can't be friends anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:41:54):
I don't know what this movie is.
It was on my list.
I was like it's a great stuff,Different than what we've been
doing, so I'm like we're goingto try something different.
Mix it up, let's do it I hadone that was kind of like what
we had this week.
I had one that was kind of likethe one we did last week.
I'm like, nah, I was gonna pickthis movie, uh I love it I read
it.
I read the synopsis.

(01:42:15):
I'm like it's two percent.
Two percent uh brought to me astwo percent uh critics.
I think it had 30 somethingmaybe okay, maybe audience
between 20 and 30 audience notgreat the in crowd from the year
2000 the in crowd.
That's a band that I like a lotI guess some woman gets out of

(01:42:38):
an asylum or something and thengoes and ingratiates herself.
I'm sorry, what I think.
This is what it saidpsychiatric.
She gets out of a psychiatrichospital and ingratiates herself
into some rich community, andyeah, and then makes their lives
.

Speaker 1 (01:42:54):
I'm reading it right now.

Speaker 2 (01:42:55):
That's pretty much what it looks like a horror, you
know, like a horror thriller,whatever great.

Speaker 1 (01:42:59):
So I'm like that's gonna be different than what
we've been doing.

Speaker 2 (01:43:03):
Gotta go.
I mean, spaceman was great, youknow spaceman, that was very
enjoyable talking about Spacemanand you know.

Speaker 1 (01:43:12):
I mean, this is weird .

Speaker 2 (01:43:13):
Whatever you want to say about Spaceman is.
There are things to think aboutafter Spaceman.
You know whether they'resuccessful, a successful movie
or not, you know.
You could.
You could have a big debateabout using the spider Right.
You could be like I enjoyedthis movie more if it wasn't a
spider, and you know what wasthe spider.
Did the spider really meansomething?
Was it an illusion?

(01:43:33):
Was it real?
Was this?
Was that you could talk about?

Speaker 1 (01:43:36):
that because Was it Gray Alice?
Illusion.

Speaker 2 (01:43:42):
Did she turn into a lot of birds or one bird?
I couldn't figure out.

Speaker 1 (01:43:45):
I still don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:43:49):
I don't figure out a lot of birds.
I still don't know I don't knowthe answer to that the amount
of birds she became.
Why'd she become a bird?
Was he afraid of birds?

Speaker 1 (01:43:53):
He's gotta be afraid of the birds.
She says I found yourweaknesses.
Birds are his weakness Becausebirds kill snakes.
There you go, see, I solved it.

Speaker 2 (01:44:06):
I'm sure there's something in the story about why
she becomes a bird.

Speaker 1 (01:44:09):
I like that.
You think that there's more inthe story that they're just not
using.
I feel like the story isprobably not making a lot of
sense.
How long is it I'm going toread it.

Speaker 2 (01:44:18):
It can't be too long, because it's in a book with
like 13 other stories orsomething, I think.
Oh, okay, it was in like ananthology.
It wasn't like.
It was in like an anthology.

Speaker 1 (01:44:28):
It wasn't like oh yeah, okay yeah, there's no way,
there's more information inthere.

Speaker 2 (01:44:33):
Break out your thesaurus, Tony, and find that
story.

Speaker 1 (01:44:36):
Because he talks very flowery language, it's hard to
follow.

Speaker 2 (01:44:39):
Have you read any of his other books?

Speaker 1 (01:44:42):
Game of.

Speaker 2 (01:44:42):
Thrones, game of Thrones.

Speaker 1 (01:44:43):
Have you read those?
Yeah, unfortunately they'repretty bad.
No, they're very good books.
They're very boring they'revery boring I am.
So what I've learned is I don'tlove high fantasy.
It's just not my thing.
Like I'm not, I love urbanfantasy.
That's where I'm at, you knowoh is harry potter urban fantasy

(01:45:05):
harry potter would be urbanfantasy, the dresden files.
That's my favorite book seriesof all time.
It's great.
Made its way to the tv for oneseason on the sci-fi channel.
It was okay, I enjoyed it.
They canceled it really quickly, but uh, great, great book
series did you watch all thewheel of times tv shows?
We watched the first season ofwheel of time and decided that

(01:45:25):
it wasn't worth our time, but Iwould like to go back and finish
it.
There's just a lot.
There's a lot of TV to watch.

Speaker 2 (01:45:32):
Did you watch all the new Lord of the Rings ones?

Speaker 1 (01:45:35):
Rings of Power.
Yeah, we did do that becauseshe loves.

Speaker 2 (01:45:39):
Lord of the Rings.
Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 1 (01:45:41):
Good.
I've never been a huge fan,except for the Two Towers.
Lord of the Rings.
The two towers the video gamefor PlayStation two, is one of
the best games of all time,easily the best movie adaptation
ever.

Speaker 2 (01:45:54):
There it is, so we're going to do the in crowd 2000.
The 2000 version is an earlierversion from like 88 or
something, which I'm assuming isa different movie.

Speaker 1 (01:46:04):
I hope so.
Yeah, the 2001 thriller mystery, I got it.
I got a locked and loaded righthere the Mystery I like to call
it.

Speaker 2 (01:46:11):
Okay, got it.
If you like what you heard orsaw or heard, leave us a comment
or thumbs up or questions orsubscriptions.

Speaker 1 (01:46:22):
Leave us some subscriptions.

Speaker 2 (01:46:24):
I wonder if you still think I guess we get Vanity
Fair in the mail.

Speaker 1 (01:46:31):
You get Vanity Fair in the mail.
Yeah, the magazine.
Oh yeah, I haven't gotten amagazine in a long time.
Although Entertainment WeeklyKept sending me Magazines for
years After I cancelled mysubscription and was not paying,
I made sure every year when itstarted coming I was like I'm
not paying.
Nothing came out of my account,so there was probably three or
four years that I was justgetting free EWs and reading

(01:46:53):
them in the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (01:46:54):
Oh yeah, we probably got in vanity for 15 years, and
I think maybe Shannon's mom hadbought us her subscription one
year, sure, but for years, yearswe've been getting Definitely
not still yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:47:05):
Definitely not still, they don't keep great track of
that.

Speaker 2 (01:47:11):
We used to get the New Yorker, but the New Yorker
comes every week and it's justtoo much.

Speaker 1 (01:47:14):
It's a lot.
No, that's a ton of paper.

Speaker 2 (01:47:16):
It is the best writing that exists on the
planet, but it's a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:47:20):
Obviously, you don't remember Nintendo Power, the
greatest magazine of all time.
Okay, I see.

Speaker 2 (01:47:26):
Okay, so we'll be back next week talking about the
In Crowd.
Hope you have a good week andwe'll maybe see you then.

Speaker 1 (01:47:32):
Goodbye everybody, Bye-bye.
It's like watching hell.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Hate Watching In The Lost Lands: Some Books Should Stay Books

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

All Episodes

Hate Watching In The Lost Lands: Some Books Should Stay Books

Crime Junkie