Hate Watching Prince of Persia The Sands of Time: A Video Game Adaptation That Almost Worked

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What happens when a big-budget blockbuster has all the right ingredients but still fails to fully satisfy? That's the puzzle at the heart of our deep dive into 2010's Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, a film that cost hundreds of millions to make but couldn't capture the magic of its video game source material.

The conversation kicks off with an examination of Jake Gyllenhaal's bewildering accent and lack of charisma as the titular prince – a critical misstep that creates a void at the center of this action-adventure. "It's the worst accent of any leading man in a movie," we conclude, comparing his performance unfavorably to the natural charm of Brendan Fraser in The Mummy or the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean.

The film's salvation arrives about 40 minutes in with Alfred Molina's scene-stealing performance as a tax-evading ostrich racer. His character breathes life into a previously lifeless movie, demonstrating exactly what was missing from the start: humor, heart, and genuine entertainment value. We discuss how supporting characters often make or break these big adventure films, and how Prince of Persia failed to understand this crucial dynamic.

We also break down the disappointing direction choices that plague the action sequences – the choppy editing and shaky camerawork that obscure rather than showcase the parkour stunts that made the video games so special. For a franchise known for fluid movement and graceful acrobatics, the film's inability to properly capture these elements represents a fundamental misunderstanding of its appeal.

Join us for this entertaining analysis of blockbuster filmmaking gone awry, and why some adventure films become beloved classics while others remain forgotten curiosities. And don't forget to tune in next week for our take on "The Gorge" starring Miles Teller and Anya Taylor-Joy!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, should we talk about the Prince of Persia?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yeah, I mean, let's do it.
Let me close a couple windows.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Close a window.
It's too warm in here.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
No, no, not real windows, internet windows.
It's called a joke, tony?
I don't think so, dan, you weredead serious.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
That was a joke.
That's what I thought, becauseusually you close a joke.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
It's a joke, a joke.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'm Dan, I'm Tony, I was gonna go.
I was like, if there's too muchof a pause, we're gonna lose
people right away.
're gonna be like oh, this isdead.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Click, I was thinking too far Ahead to the second act
On this show.
We watch a movie, then we talkabout said movie.
This week it was Tony's turn topick a movie.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Yeah, and I Nailed it , I crushed it.
I feel good about my pick.
Yeah, going back to theBlockbuster days.
You know what they call themnow Fl.
I feel good about my pick yeah,going back to the blockbuster
days.
You know what they call them nowFlopbusters.
Oh, that's kind of mean.
Wait, hold on.
Do they call them flopbusterswhen they look back at ones that
didn't work?
Or if I made a new blockbustertoday, would they just call it a

(01:18):
flopbuster because they assumeit's going to flop?
They call them flopbusters nowbecause so many of them flop,
flopped, got it okay, got it allright, I'll buy it.
Um, and yeah, no that I thinkthis would care.
It didn't do terrible.
It made okay.
It did like 90 domestic and acouple hundred worldwide, I
think, but it did like thebudget was.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
I think it did like 300 and 300 and something
worldwide yeah, I mean that'spretty good.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
The budget was huge, so it probably wasn't a success,
but it wasn't a completefailure, nope, but you wouldn't
know that by watching it.
In my opinion, and also, thedirector didn't really do much
after this, which is right.
That's the correct.
He is one of my three biggestproblems of this movie.
Okay, so first of all, did wesay this?

Speaker 1 (02:06):
is Prince.
What is the movie Tony Just get?

Speaker 2 (02:08):
to it, it is Jake.
How do you say his name?

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Is it Gyllenhaal?
Gyllenhaal?
I don't think it's Gyllenhaal.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
I think he got mad at people for saying Gyllenhaal
because it's not right.
I don't really know.
This is Prince of Persia, sandsof Time, starring Ben Kingsley,
that's it Two other guys andanother guy and another guy.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
What's?
Alfred Molina he's my favoritepart of the movie.
Oh, that was Alfred Molina.
That's why he was so good.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
That's why he stuck out in the film Because you're
like what are you doing here?
You're wonderful, he'swonderful.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Sands of Time 2010 2010 hour and 59 minutes uh they
wanted it to be the new um,they wanted it to be the new
pirates based on a video game umgreat video game, by the way,
one of the 10 out of 10 one ofthe best reviewed video game
movies of all time.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Also, I think, maybe the biggest money video game
movie yeah, probably, maybe fora while maybe since then there's
been something, but I think atthe time um, I mean, super mario
brothers did like, yes, a billclub, didn't they?
I don't know something big.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
I think that's old information, because super mario
was, I think, well received,because that was a good movie.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah I mean it was at least a fine movie.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
You know, it's not a bad movie on any level it was
not a bad movie I mean chrispratt, whatever but the rest of
it was very good.
Oh, that's not an italianaccent um now did.
Prince of persia, is this postassassin's creed?

Speaker 2 (03:38):
the game.
Okay, yes, yeah, okay, yeah, so.
But so here's the thing, and Idon and this might mean nothing,
I have no idea Both Prince ofPersia and Assassin's Creed,
both made by Ubisoft, which isthe game company that made it.
So I feel like maybe when itwas made, they were like maybe
you incorporate some elementsfrom this game that people seem

(04:00):
to like as well.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
You know what.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
I mean Because there's that one shot where he's
up on the thing and it spinsaround, and they use that exact
same shot in the movie, but it'salso all over the video game.
That is like quintessentialAssassin's Creed, and I was like
, well, that's a little weird.
But if you think about it, theyhadn't made the Assassin's
Creed movie.
They didn't know if they wereever going to because video game
movies weren't good, so theywere just like this is a cool

(04:22):
thing to try, and it wasn't ascool in this movie.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
No, I like this movie .
You like this movie, I have tosay, of the movies, of the
movies we watch.
It began.
I did not like it at thebeginning.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
It took me a long time but, once we got to Alfred
Molina I was like here's themovie, but that's my problem
with the whole thing Finish, I'msorry.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
It's not a good movie .
I'm not saying this is a greatmovie.
This is a movie.
We need to break into afranchise.
But once we got to AlfredMolina and we started building
what they had to build there andwe did some other things, and
there was there were a couple of, there's a couple of there was
one action scene I really liked.
Um, the direction was terrible.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
It's like so frustratingly bad yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
The direction's not good, but you were like this is
a scene I want to see.
I like this scene.
Um, and you know, like this isa scene I want to see.
I like this scene.
And you know spoilers.
At the end of the movie we goback in time and everyone comes
back to life.
But I thought a lot of thedeaths were very emotional and
well-earned.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
You know, you had the character and in these movies
we watch, the deaths are alwaysso terrible well, for the most
part, when the the movies wewatch, the script is almost
always a big problem.
I and while it's not like, oh,this is not a great script, it's
not a bad script, it's not abad script.

(06:00):
The script is not my problem atall and that's refreshing,
first of all.
I love that.
But it just makes it morefrustrating for me that there
are so many things that theymessed up.
And the reason why alfredmolina frustrates me the most is
because once he's in the movie,it's fun.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yes, he's not in the movie for 30, 40 minutes oh yeah
, the first, first half of themovie zero fun a blockbuster, by
definition, is a fun.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
It's a big, fun movie , right, and if you're, if
you're looking at the mummy andpirates the caribbean which is
the two things that theydefinitely looked at we're like
we need to make a movie that'sexactly those.
Yeah, the whole.
They're fun top to bottom.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like pirates of the caribbean,the first scene you see jack
sparrow.
He's sinking the boat.
It's the most iconic.
It's fun.

(06:52):
He's goofy.
What?
Oh, we forget the name.
There's jokes.
There are no jokes.
There's no fun, there's nocharm.
For 40 minutes of this movie andyou're like, oh my god, what is
going on?
And then alfred molina comes inout of nowhere and you're like,
holy shit, this guy's hilarious, he's I, it's just it.
The whole vibe of the moviechanges when he gets there.
Yeah, and that's a problem,because that should be the movie

(07:15):
the whole way through, andthat's why I get frustrated,
because it could have been a funmovie.
I think I would have liked thismovie a lot for if it wasn't
for Jake Gyllenhaal, because he,I think he's horribly miscast
in this movie, and if they justwould have known how to make a
movie, just this, it's just a,it's a bummer, it's a missed
opportunity.

(07:35):
Is what it is, dan.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
And through the first 40 minutes before we get to
what the movie could have beenwhat the movie could have been.
And you know, Jake Gyllenhaalshows up and he has the worst
accent in a movie that thereever has been.
The worst, it's the worstaccent of any leading man in a
movie Of all the movies we'vedone it's the worst I can't

(07:59):
think of another one that was aspainful as you were like, oh
God, he's the star and he'staking his movie.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yes, and that's bad, that's.
I mean, it's unfortunate for alot of reasons.
One of them is for him, becausethis I think this was kind of
his shot to be Mr Big Budgetsummer blockbuster and he, he
didn't do it.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's that Adrian Brody thing.
He has made a decision andsomebody needed to be like.
No, bro, we just watched this.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Hey, jake, here's the thing, just do you.
We cast you in the part, sojust be you, maybe.
Just try that and we'll seewhat happens.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
We don't need an English governor.
I ain't governor, I'm a Princeof Persia.
It's just like you know,because all the other guys are
they British, the guy that playsthe two brothers and the king.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Yeah, I don't know.
You know what I mean?
I don't even know, but theydon't stick out like a sore
thumb.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, no, they're fine.
The guy plays his brother, theguy plays his king, and then you
have Ben Kingsley, who doesgreat.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Well, he's Ben Kingsley.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
He's Ben Kingsley, all over the place, you know
he's the bad guy from minute one, but they could have done a
little.
It's the same as Aquaman, right, that was the Aquaman plot 100%
could have done a little.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, it's the same as aqua.
Right, that was the aquamanplot 100.
Yeah, and that's you know what?
Listen, hey, it's fine.
That's a forgivable sin in mylike.
I don't go to a blockbuster tobe surprised, necessarily.
Right, like it's fine, but in amovie where you're getting a
bunch of other things wrong,it's just like, oh guys, what
are we doing?

Speaker 1 (09:40):
it's a it's a slippery, it's a sand slide that
you slippery sloping and yeah,the direction on this movie, the
fights and everything they.
They do these kind of slow-mosor something.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
I don't even know what they are, but because it's
it's not used right, it's justthey're weirdly placed, they
don't make sense.
But yeah, there's some weirdslow motion stuff that's just
inserted.
But it's also inserted intoaction scenes that are like the
quick cut, shaky, a little shakycam, and we're moving too fast.
You can't really tell what'shappening.

(10:13):
And I know that Bourne did thatvery well.
I don't know if that came outbefore or after this, I assume
after oh, bourne came out beforethis.
It came out before the firstJason Bourne.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
This is 2010.
Oh, Bourne came out before this.
It came out before the first.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
Jason Bourne, this is 2010.
Oh, you're right, 2010.
Those Bournes are.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
I would say 2005 or something, I think that that
ruined cinema for a while.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Oh see, I really do.
Bourne did stuff like this, butdid it well.
Well, so Jason Bourne was likethe first big shaky cam.
We're close, we're tight, wereshaky, but it did it in a way
where you still know what thefuck is going on.
And that's the difference.
You can't do it to hide thefact that your stunts aren't up
to par.
Your stunts have to be great,and then you use that to

(10:54):
accentuate the chaoticness ofthe situation.
This is one of those moviesthat's like well, we don't
really have a stunt coordinator,right, $300 million.
We don't have a stuntcoordinator, so let's just come
in close and we'll just kind ofcut things together that don't
even make sense.
It's not even in sequence fromwhat I can tell.
It's just, it's justfrustrating.
It's I get, I get mad becausethe 90s were like quintessential

(11:18):
action movies and we shotthings wider and yet if you look
back now, you feel like they'renot as exciting.
Quote unquote.
I feel like that's what peoplefeel.
Sure, because it's slower, it'smore methodical, but we're
actually doing the shit andthat's I miss.
I miss that.
I do if you bust out your rushhour, uh vhs, you can really see

(11:38):
some stuff going on you gotthat on 4k blu-ray, dan, and I
actually did watch rush hour uh,last week, but I'll tell you
we'll get to at.
And I actually did watch rushhour uh, last week, but I'll
tell you we'll get to it at theend, but I did watch something
this week after this movie.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
Um, because you mentioned the mummy.
I was rewatching the mummyafter something we watched,
Cause I was just like okay,let's see how you and you know
everything in the mummy holds upperfectly.
I mean, the special effectscertainly were from whatever
their time was or whatever.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
Yeah, and you can chuckle at that, but it doesn't
ruin the movie, it doesn't ruinthe movie because all the quips
are right, all the interplaybetween hey Benny you're on the
wrong side of the river, You'rejust like.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
This is a line and when he delivers that line he
delivers it.
Oh, you watched the Mummy?

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, this is what I watched after I finished this
movie.
But continue, yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
When he you know, when he that comes out of his
mouth it's comedic but it's realand it's heartfelt and you're
just like this is a charactersaying a thing that he would say
to screw with.
You know, because he has gottenover on a guy.
I'm like yes.
And yeah, Jake Gyllenhaal'scharacter never gets over on

(12:47):
anybody.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
No, well, he's a big dull dud.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Just in general, I don't know he's a big dull dud
and by the end of this movie Ikind of like the conceit.
It was interesting.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, no, no for sure .

Speaker 1 (13:05):
So basically we set it up.
We're in Persian times, fiercewarriors.
The king there's like he's gottwo sons.
Then he sees this orphan boyprotects this other kid by
throwing an apple at a dude or ahorse or something, and the
king's like, okay, you're goingto come live with me because
you're, you're not a, you're,you're cool, your, your name is

(13:27):
dastan kind of like I hate thatdan, so it's cool name oh sure,
just put some extra letters inthe middle to confuse people.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
Got it yeah?

Speaker 1 (13:36):
um, so that's the setup and you're like it's, it's
confusing.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Aladdin is what it is it's's messy.
You don't really understandwhat's going on.
It's unnecessary, because inthe games he's just the prince.
Oh, really, full stop.
Like he's just a prince.
Yeah, I don't know why theyadded I think they added this
whole backstory to be like, well, he doesn't come from money, so
he's relatable or something.

(14:02):
Okay, I mean, if he was justthe third brother.
Yeah, I mean in the, in thegame.
If I mean it's been, it's beena minute.
They did a remake, like alittle while ago, that I did
play a little bit, but if Iremember correctly, the whole.
The conceit of the game is he'skind of like a spoiled prince
and he actually releases thesands of time and messes

(14:24):
everything up, and then the gameis about him then fixing the
situation that he broke and likelearning along the way and
becoming a better person okay,well, you know who knows.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
So now he's a prince.
15 years later, they areattacking the city of Alamut,
which we are led to understandis they're supplying weapons to
someplace else To the enemy?
Yeah, and we're like oh okay,this already sounds pretty
sketchy, seems pretty fishy.

(14:58):
They found these swords and sothey're going to attack the city
.
And so they're going to attackthe city and there's maybe some
hesitancy on their part thatthey don't have enough
information, but they don'treally set that up very well,
even though we talk about thatat the end it's so little.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, like if you wanted your characters to be in
that morally gray area of this,you would need just a little bit
more deliberation, right, sureof this, you would need just a
little bit more deliberation,right?
The scene of deliberation theoldest brother, who's like going
to be king, was kind of like Idon't know, should we do it,
guys?
Should we do it?
And Jake Gyllenhaal is like Idon't think we should do it.

(15:35):
The other brother's like yeah,we should probably do it.
And then Ben Kingsley's like Iwould do it.
And then the king's like let'sdo it.
And the king's like let's do itand that's it.
That was like as muchdeliberation as we get.
And then Jake Gyllenhaal's likeokay, I mean, if we're going,
I'd like to go and kill people.
So everyone gets on board veryquickly, even if they have
reservations.
I don't know, you need a littlebit more character in that

(15:56):
moment to make it work.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
And later we sort of set him up as a drunk for a
second right, Just for a secondright, Just for one second, and
then it never comes back.
So I was like we're doing drunk, Are we doing lazy drunk?
But then we're not doing lazydrunk.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
You know a party animal who's skating by.
You know like, oh, I'm on EasyStreet because I was from the
streets, but now I don't have totry, turns out nope.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, we kind of lost that thread.
They thought about it becauseyou were like what you could
have done is you could have beenlike one of his lieutenants
goes like you know all theseweapons, you kind of sketch and
he's like, don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (16:33):
let's party tonight and then we kill tomorrow.
You know you, you could have100% injected a little, a little
more of a distance for him toclimb, but they don't really set
up that distance.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
He doesn't have to go on an emotional journey at all
like he's always kind of likehis emotional journey goes from
like maybe we shouldn't do thisto.
You know what we should nothave done?
That that's his whole growth.
It's incremental at best so theprincess?

Speaker 1 (17:00):
there's a princess.
Uh, what'd you think of theprincess?

Speaker 2 (17:05):
I was not a fan, okay , but I will say I read a lot of
stuff online and people loveher.
My problem is the whole timebecause I I watched this
thinking of the mummy.
Start to finish right and I waslike well, she's no rachel weiss
like, which is an unfair bar toput on somebody, I would say,

(17:26):
but I also did that for Jake toBrendan Fraser as well, which is
very mean.
That's even worse, to be honest, but she was just again.
Maybe it was because theydidn't.
I didn't feel like they hadchemistry.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
I mean, considering the chemistry we usually get, I
thought it was okay, you'reright, we get so much of the
worst chemistry and I was like,yeah, I could see those, those
two, making out it's not theelectric state where you're
pretty sure that chris pratthates millie bobby brown with a
fiery passion.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
It's not that sort of lack of chemistry, but it was
just kind of like when they'requipping back and forth it felt
staged, as opposed to like twopeople.
You know, with that oh, thatlike, oh, I hate you but I want
to kiss you so bad.
That's what I want to see.
You can't think about the mummy.
I always have to think aboutthem.
They made the mummy, dan, youcan't yell at me if they're

(18:20):
making the same movie over again.
Uh, it's.
I know it's unfair, Iunderstand that.
But just in general, when youhave that the hate, the love,
hate relationship, I want tofeel the tension.
And I didn't feel tension.
No, no, I buy them wanting tohook up.
I don't buy them hating eachother and that's the push and

(18:41):
pull that I need.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
There was no hate in there.
Exactly, you think of the mummyand how infuriating he was and
how angry she was.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
And yet you also love him.
You're like God.
What a chauvinist, what a dick.
But also I would kiss you.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
Okay, so Dastan?
They say the other brother isgoing to be leading everything,
but instead Dastan's like yeah,screw it, we're going to go over
and open this one gate.
He's going to take my dudesover there.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
We're going to open it, my eight guys and we'll just
win the war, don't worry aboutit.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
So they just sneak over there and throws ropes and
opens gates, and alarms aresounded, and then you know.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
They win they win.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
They win Basically.
Their guys come in, he pours abunch of hot oil which falls
down and then gives them thetime to attack.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
They're like okay hot oil everywhere Totally.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Hot oil everywhere.
So the princess needs to getrid of this dagger, this magical
dagger.
So, she gives it to this onedude and is like get out of here
.
Well, what we don't realize isthat the guy, as he's getting
out of there, accidentally runsinto Jake Gyllenhaal that's Dan
who stops him.
We don't realize any of this,right I?

Speaker 2 (19:57):
didn't realize any of this, not at first, not until
you see the knife, and I waslike, oh weird how that worked
out.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
I mean, did you know that the guy she gave the thing
to was the guy that he stopped?

Speaker 2 (20:07):
No, Okay good.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
So he stops it.
He finds the magic dagger.
The magic dagger, what it is is.
It holds magic sand that canreverse time.
But you gotta press the buttonand the sand gets used up.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
Now listen, everything's fine.
It doesn't really matter.
I was a little confused on therules of the dagger.
So does the time that you gobackwards relate to how long you
hold the button?
Is it a VCR that I'm holding?
Oh and let go?

(20:40):
Yep, okay, but that alsocorrelates to how much sand you
use.
So there's like two.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
Okay, I just felt like it was arbitrary sometimes,
I don't know well, yeah, I meanher little tiny vial that she
keeps between her supple breasts, that she uses to recharge the
thing okay, jake jill and allshould only give about three
seconds, you know right yeah, I,yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
I mean, it's fine, I was just like I feel like there
should be more refilling thedagger.
Maybe you know like there needsto be something here that makes
it seem a little more realistic.
What a stupid thing to say.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
But no, you definitely could have been a
thing where she's like gives himlike a little bit of sand that
she has in the secret vial andthen later on she pulls out like
this big one and she's all likewhat you know, I mean you're
allowed to do that the wholetime yeah yeah, well, you know,
and those are the things thatyou gotta, you gotta discover
beforehand and then make theminto the fun of the of the thing

(21:41):
, 100.
Yeah, you know, she goessomeplace secret and he's like
what?

Speaker 2 (21:46):
do you mean?

Speaker 1 (21:46):
there's some of the sand in there.
Well, just to meet like asecret guy that's the fun of the
movie which we haven't gottenany fun yet.
No, not yet Dastan gets it.
He captures the princess.
Oh, they capture the princess,and then they, they capture the

(22:07):
princess, and then they're likeuh, I think they say this is
where Dastan has to marry her.
Is that what happens, yeah?

Speaker 2 (22:12):
well, yeah, so basically Dastan's like oh you
know, I saved the day, malish,and as my reward I want her to
marry my brother.
And then the king is like, well, your brother's got 50 wives,
he doesn't need more wives.
You have zero wives.
Here you go, you win.
It's very weird, but you know,probably not inaccurate, it's

(22:37):
just weird.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
And then she's like well, I'm okay with it if you
don't kill all my people.
And he's like okay, so dad'sgoing to come visit with it if
you don't kill all my people.
And he's like okay, so dad'sgonna come visit.
And we get one good line, whichis this and he I think yeah, he
shows up and he says thisadventure will not sit well with
our allies.
I'm like, wow, what a greatline that explains to us why

(22:59):
them just doing a thing to do athing is not a good idea.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
So we don't ever have to deal with that.
No, and here's my, my I wasgonna say biggest problems.
Probably not my biggest problem, but it's a problem that they
don't seem to care about.
Is they have that line in themovie?
Yeah, right, and then we gothrough all this trouble and
then we rewind time, and werewind it to the point where we
still attacked them.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
And we still took them over.
We still forced her to marryDastan Yep.
People are still going to beupset.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
So we just don't care .
And maybe that's a sequel.
I don't know, we didn't get anysequels, so maybe that was the
sequel.
Plan is like, hey, you're doingbad stuff over there, let's get
them.
And then he's like rewind timeand kill you.
I don't know.
It just felt like a weird.
It's weird.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
I have the feeling if they made a sequel he wouldn't
have access to the sand.
I would hope not.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
Okay, that, yeah, okay, that sounds drunk.
The king has a big party andeveryone's proud, and then, oh,
dad decides who's going to marryher and then that's then gives
her, like, gives dad a giftbecause of how cool dad is, and
it turns out that the gift isthis prayer robe which he puts

(24:24):
on and then it poisons him todeath but it doesn't poison him,
right?

Speaker 2 (24:31):
yeah?

Speaker 1 (24:32):
it burns his skin off dan what is that is?

Speaker 2 (24:36):
I don't understand what's happening here acid or
something I don't know, allright.
I just.
They kept saying poison.
I was like I don't think that'swhat happens when you're
poisoned.
I don't know, all right, theykept saying poison.
I was like I don't think that'swhat happens when you're
poisoned.
I don't think your skin boilsoff right, not typically but I
see what they're saying.

Speaker 1 (24:51):
I don't dabble in poisons, so I guess I don't
really know it's a robe treatedwith dangerous chemicals.
How's that?

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Sure, that's what you should have said.
Yeah, come on, guys, let's be alittle more accurate.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
So the princess helps him escape and they just sort
of get away.
Yeah, pretty easily.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, it's cool.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
They get out there, she's like, oh, you're kind of
sexy man, and then she tries topull a knife and kill him.
Of course she does, and then hepushes the button on.
The thing goes back in time andfigures up, uh, figures out how
the uh situation works.
Yeah, I think he used up allthe sand.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Yeah, I think, I think you're right, yeah, yeah.
So now he's going to go to thisother town, avrat, whereas
dad's funeral is, because hewants to tell his, tell ben, his
uncle yeah, and kingsley,because he thinks the brother is
the one, because the brother,the older brother, gave him the

(25:56):
robe and is the one that becameking.
So he thinks that he's the guythat killed the dad.
So he's gonna tell ben kingsleyhey, he's bad.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
He's, she's gonna go to the funeral.
She she's like I need somewater, and falls down.
And then he walks over there.
He's like, are you okay?
And then she bonks him on thehead and knocks him out
instantly yeah, he's dead.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
She, that's severe brain damage.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Yeah, for, sure, I love it yeah, because he's so
easy to knock out in this onescene.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Just in this one scene.
Other times he gets the crapkicked out of him and he's just
fine.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
So then there he's going, he's walking along.
He wakes up and then he getssurrounded by horsemen and I'm
like, here we go, this is hisnew team.
I'm excited, new team, new team.
Time, new team.
And then he finds out that theyare kind of the new team.
They go and grab the girl andthen this is Alfred Molina's

(26:49):
character, who I have no idea,if he has a name.
Then he's got this guy from theM'Baku tribe who's a big
African-American guy, a bigAfrican guy who throws knives.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Very cool, very cool.
But you know what I've learned?
What have you learned is thatyou know the one big flaw of
being a knife thrower is thatyou do eventually run out of
things to throw, because you canonly carry so many things and
they don't come back to you.
Yes, it's tough tough stuff.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
That's why you should have a boomerangist in your
party which is.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
I love that.
That's a fun idea I just at theend, when he's not the end, but
when.
But when he has his final, likebattle, it just feels like he
has 50 giant knives somewhere onhis body.
But he wasn't wearing all those, so I was just a little
confused.
Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
Jesus, was it five shots or was it six?
Well, punk ask yourself.
Well, punk ask yourself.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Well, at least we can't see that.
I mean, if you're holding aclip or four little bullets, I
can imagine that I would getconfused by that, but he throws
out some giant axe things.
I was like where did that?

Speaker 1 (27:52):
come from these special axe knives.
So Alfred Molina runs a giantostrich race in the city of the
slaves or something, the Valleyof the slaves or something, yeah
, and what we find out is he hasplanted this story about this
place being like the mostdangerous place ever, yeah, and

(28:13):
then he runs the ostrich racesand it's just, he's just a party
.
No, well, it is just a party,but it's also a tax-free zone.
He has set this up as atax-free zone and I'm like, here
we go.
We finally got into a positionof what can make this movie
interesting If somebody has setup a personal dynamic within

(28:35):
this otherwise very boring story.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
And he's great.
He's great, but you know, stanneeds to have his own thing.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
maybe, maybe something like that, I don't
know you kind of give yourcharacter something, something
they can chew on.
That's not just.
I'm a guy that is the bestwarrior and I ride on a horse
and he has nothing that's it.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
yeah, totally nothing .
You're boring, sorry.
Uh, I do love that you, and Idon't know if you thought this,
but I was like pretty sure thatshe was being sold into sex
slavery at first, and then itjust like they're walking
through the things, like oh yes,I've taken you woman, and then
you open the doors and she'sjust like serving drinks at the
races and I was like, okay,that's a pretty good bait and

(29:19):
switch, guys.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
I really enjoyed that this is what movies are
supposed to be.
And this is when I was like, oh, okay, I'm you know.
I'm like this is going to behis team.
I like this team.
I'm like how are we going towork this out?
I'm like this is good, this is.
He made her into the drinksgirl.
Yeah, of all, media is surprise, even if it is funny.

(29:49):
But it's also surprising andthat's what we want.
We don't want just like, well,now we're going here, we're
doing this.
No, do this, yeah, um.
And then one of the dudes takesthe knife and what is he going
to do with the knife?
He's going to melt it down.
Melt it down.
Here we have multiple jokes ina row, multiple situations that
we like every one of them.
They run, they get to a tunneland they get out.

(30:12):
Sure, yeah, um, they've.
They get to avrat, they find a.
The princess knows people, soshe's able to get this one big
guy to let her sneak in with him.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
And what's his name?
Has to carry carry the palpitpalanquin.
Is that what?
What did I say palpit?
What is that?

Speaker 1 (30:33):
no idea, it's just something with a church, isn't
it?

Speaker 2 (30:36):
there's a pulpit in a church.
That's the word, probably, thatI was going for, because palpit
, not a word.
Pal and a pet.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
My pet is my pal.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
I wish.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
So they sneak in, they parkour into his dad's dead
body and then leaves a note forthe uncle or something.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Let's do a real quick chat about the parkour in this
movie.
Yes, very important to the gameseries.
That's the whole game serieslike the whole gameplay.
Okay, is like he's a parkourdude.
Right, that's, I'm a parkourdude.
Yep, they clearly have peoplethat can do parkour in this

(31:18):
movie, but again, it's shot in away that it doesn't show off
the individual doing the parkour.
And I will once again go backto Arrow, a shitty CW television
show.
They hired a guy that lookssimilar to Stephen Amell and he
parkours the shit out of it andthey shoot it wide so you can

(31:39):
watch him literally jumpingbuilding to building, tumbling.
That's what I want to see.
I want to see a dude that cando shit.
That's cool.
That I can't do.
I don't want you to cut away ashe's doing it.
I have to imagine that he cando it.
You hired a guy that can do it.
Let me see him do it.
This director, I don't like him.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
I'm mad at him.
I mean, yeah, we like to seestuff.

Speaker 2 (32:03):
He took away my joy Alright, and I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Meets with the uncle, goes to pull out the dagger.
Oh, the princess did a switchon him and he has to flee.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
And Ben Kingsley, super bad guy right.
Everybody knows he's the badguy.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
And then the new king is all like, okay, we're going
to find this man and we're goingto put him on public trial.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
And then Uncle's like no, we're going to put him on
secret trial and cut off histongue and kill him.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Okay, uncle goes to the Assassin City and hires the
Super Snake Assassin.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, I don't love Super Snake Assassin.
I'm not a huge fan.
I didn't totally understand him.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
He's got a big scar.
He has magic snakes that he canmagic snake you with.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
Right?
Is that his only power ismaking snakes?
I don't know, I'm not.
He also makes sand whirls.
I don't understand his powers,do?

Speaker 1 (33:05):
you know what I?

Speaker 2 (33:06):
mean.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
All I know is that when I wrote my Space Duck Mars
story, which is basically on thedesert- I had a big sandstorm
and they had to fight snakes.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
So you got to do it.
Oh, okay, there you go.
Well, you just copied thismovie.
These are the tropes.
You got to go with the tropes.
Are we in the desert?
We need snakes, snakes in thedesert everybody.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
Dustin catches up to the princess Tell me the truth.
And then she's all like don'tknow.
And then he's like there's asandstorm coming.
She's like we should leave andhe's like you don't know
anything about sandstorms youfool.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Only what did he say?
Something like only I don'tknow.
Only somebody would try to runduring a sandstorm.
I would try to run.
I don't know how sandstormswork.
I watched tom cruise do it inmission impossible.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
He outran a sandstorm , so I think it's fine and it's
just kind of like what you'relike the you said your sandstorm
, explaining to her she lives inthe same desert you do they all
live clearly not dan all right,he's a street guy.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
Okay, he doesn't live in a castle, but he does.
He super does.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
I don't know and then they like they hide out in the,
the tent and basically nothinghappens.
It's like the most.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
I don't know if you've ever been in a sandstorm,
dan, but tents impervious towind, so it's fine, I mean but
there should have been like someamount of.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
You know, like they roll down there and they're on
top of each other.
Then they're kissing oh okay,yeah, then she tells him the
whole story Basically.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
Then she tells him the whole story basically what's
changed from before thesandstorm to now that she's like
okay, I'll tell you everythingthey have time, they have time
uh, yes, a movie all about timetravel.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
So the gods got sick of human beings because they
were dicks, so they made a giantsandstorm, and then this one
girl was like come on, bro anddon't do it they were all like,
okay, we're gonna put this in ain a underground and but you're,
you're gonna be in charge of itand if you decide to let it out
, it's just gonna randomly killeveryone, so don't yeah, do that

(35:15):
, but also you can go back intime and have magic powers.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Right, which makes perfect sense to me.
I was so confused.
Listen, the script itself isfine.
I don't dislike the script, butthis was overly complicated and
confusing to me.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
Yeah, we're not quite sure why they needed this
magical sandstorm that was goingto re-kill everybody because
they kind of did it at the endand then they were like no,
we're not really doing thatsandstorm that kills everybody.
I'm like I don't get that.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah, it's all very confusing.
Also, she, so she's the girl.
Right, I'm not dumb.
No, she's the girl.
No, she's not the girl.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
She's um, she's from the lineage of the girl.
She right, I'm not dumb.
No, she's the girl.
No, she's not the girl.
She's from the lineage of thegirl.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
She's a descendant of the bloods.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
Remember the mummy yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
I remember the mummy.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
It's the same thing, right, imhotep.
You know, those guys are the-.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
The sexy guys in black yeah, they're sworn to
protect it over time.
Hell yeah, and it's great, itall makes sense.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
This doesn't make a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
So there's a sandstorm that the gods created
To kill all of men.
To kill dudes, except the.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
British guys, so there's no sandstorm, of course.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
What was doing all?

Speaker 1 (36:32):
this Great Good stuff .
Now take over the whole world,you bastards.
Well, that's kind of what theydo.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
I know okay.
So she asked the gods to stopand they're like conditionally,
you're pure.
So right, like you seem like agood kid.
Well, we'll, we'll.
We'll not do this plan, but wecreated this sandstorm.
Couldn't they just stop thesandstorm?
I don't know god's work, no,but it seems weird that they're
like okay, we've createdsomething we can't totally

(37:04):
control so we're gonna hide itin a giant hourglass underground
of lava time.
And then, and then you havespecial powers that you don't.
That don't relate to anythingwe've created or done.
Here's a knife that goes backin time.
Why is that?
Doesn't correlate with withwhat they've created, correct?

(37:28):
And then and then, like, theone thing you can't do is use
the knife that we gave you topierce the hourglass that we've
created.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
Yes, right, I don't know.
I think they wanted there to besome level of jeopardy of the
whole thing which didn't makeany sense.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
It was very confusing , like if you're going back in
time?

Speaker 1 (37:53):
how does a sandstorm destroy the world?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
It doesn't make any sense it doesn't.
It doesn't, I don't know Okay.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
Okay, boom, they get to the oasis.
At the oasis, boom, alfredMolina comes back into the movie
.
The movie starts again.
Thank goodness, yeah, thank God, start the movie again.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
And he comes in with a bang.
Do you remember his line?
I don't remember exactly whatit is, but he's basically like
thank God you're back, Alfred.
I missed you so much.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
That's not the best part.
Oh, what's the best part?
Because the ostrich, they're inthe oasis and then they look up
and here comes an ostrich thathas a cloth over his face and
you're like what is happening?
I don't understand anythingthat's happening in this team
and he shows up and talks about.
He lost his whole.
You know the problems theycaused.

(38:39):
They lost the whole ostrichrace.
He only has one ostrich left.
Ostriches are suicidal, so hehas to care specifically for
this ostrich.
He pulls off its thing and it'sthere being a dinosaur.
You know, ostriches aredinosaurs, they're like brr brr,
brr.
And he's just like right there,just right there in the frame
with it, and I'm like he lovesthis creature.

(39:02):
He loves this creature morethan these guys love their
brothers.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
He loves it more than anything.
Yeah, no, it's wonderful, he'sgreat.
We should just be about him.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
We see the dervishes coming, the spinning things and
boom, the snakes attack.
And it turns out he has to usethe dagger to kill all the
snakes, because the snakes aresent by the assassin.
And then in the morning they'relike what happened last night
and he's all like assassin.
And what does he say?
He says that's why I don't paytaxes.

(39:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
He's got some great stuff.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Now I've got this weird setup where there's, like,
this magic cave, that if you goto the magic cave you can make
the dagger be absorbed into arock.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
Right, which I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
That's weird.
And then they're like theAlfred Molina like and there'll
be gold there.
And there actually was gold.
There was gold for him there.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Which is great because he needs it.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
I don't have enough horses when he finally gets the
gold I'm like, thank you.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
Thank you, give the man his gold.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
So they go there, pile of rocks.
She's like give me the dagger,Don't cut yourself.
The whole village is dead.
She's going to put the daggerin the stone.
His brother shows up.
His brother shows up with hispeople because they're tracking
him too.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
And he's mad.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
Then we have this really nice brother moment where
like usually the brothers areall like, oh, this is going to
be a big fight, but's all like,bro, you're my brother, let me
tell you, let me, dumb, dumb,listen to me.
He says listen to me.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
And the character listens to him and mostly
believes him yeah, which is whyhe needs to be killed and he
walks out, because otherwise themovie's over walks out the cave
immediately killed, yeah,almost.
As soon as that happens, I'mlike, oh well, he's dead,
because we got an hour left ofthis movie and someone can't
believe him already.
That's not going to work out.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
It's so nice when you yeah 100%, Because of the
conceit that we're going to killeveryone and then bring them
back, but we still getcharacters believing each other
and those are moments that meansomething to me Because he would
believe him yeah 100%.
He would listen to him.
He wouldn't just like you'veonly been my brother for 15

(41:29):
years Instead of anything, Ijust need to stick a knife in
you as quickly as possible.
No people listen to each other.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
Well, some people, dan, some.
What does that mean?
You don't listen to a word.
I say Dan Shannon always saysthat and I'm like you're right.
Oh, so you're listening toShannon.
Yeah, that makes sense.
She's your wife.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Good choice.
Most of the time, do not listento her and she'll tell you that
.
Take me back alive.
Dies.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
the assassins fly out of the clouds, because now
they're in the clouds yeah, thatwas a weird shot, right,
especially the first one,because it comes, you have, like
, the weapons, which is fine,but then there's just a random
person that like appears throughclouds.
You're like what?
What's happening?
I don't is it?
Is it from the sky?
I don't understand what's goingon.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
It comes out of the clouds.
It's like is it smoke?
It's got to be clouds, becauseif you saw smoke.
You'd be like there's smokeright there, where's the smoke
at?

Speaker 2 (42:25):
No one go there.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
I don't know, I don't know Okay, so they steal the
dagger.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, well sure.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
And then they almost kiss oh no, they didn't steal
the dagger yet.
They almost kiss in the cave.
And then Mr Whip comes Whip,whip, whip whip, whip, whip,
whip, whip whip.
And then the brother that wethought was dead wasn't dead,
but he's alive enough to stopthe whip guy.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
And then he dies, he dies.
So that's a nice little thingthat he does.
And do you notice how he killed?
Him, he did the old animaltrick where you put the steak in
the ground and the guy fell onit or something.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah, he set pikes.
Set the pike.
That's what they would do.
You know, in big warfare you'dhave your big shield and you'd
have your pike, and then, if thecavalry was charging, you'd
hold your shield and then you'dput your pike into the ground,
and then you'd have less horsesin the world.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Which is very sad.
Yeah, Humans are the worst.
Just walk guys, you sons ofbitches.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
Walk.
The bad guy delivers the daggerinside of a snake.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, like I guess the snake ate it.
And then he brought the snakeback and then cut the snake open
.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Our guys are getting their gold.
Then we have this nice, nicething where M'Baku the knife
thrower and Alfred Molina havethe heart-to-heart about doing
the right thing.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
And it's a wonderful little moment.
I wish I could remember exactlywhat he says, how he describes
himself, but he's like you're aknife thrower with a with a
conscience.
With a conscience.
I'm like a morally gray guydoing whatever he says it's very
funny.
And then he's like, are yousure we should do this?
And the guy's like, yeah, it'sthe right they do is like, okay,
I guess we're gonna do it, butI don't.

(44:12):
I'm not fully on board.
I love he's, just he is.
He's the character I want tosee the most in the movie.
Yeah, him and his friend, likethey have a nice rapport.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
They have a better rapport than jake and the lady
well, because they're friends,because friends are sure people
can write friends, friends is athing you can write you know,
because most people have friends.
Well, tony, not so much has hadfriends.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
May have friends.
Yeah, been there, done that.
I'm over it.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
Okay, so they go there.
They break in.
The dagger is in a towerguarded by a demon who's covered
in spikes, who you can't getanywhere near.
Within like 20 feet orsomething's what he said right
or something weird.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
So they send in baku up there.
I'm like I wonder what this isabout.
Well, the truth is it's justanother one of the assassins who
throws knives, and a lot ofthem, though, a lot of knives.
Uh, I like the scene.
The scene was really nice.
It felt tense, it felt like twocharacters battling it out.
Finally, our guy finally getsone into the guy's chest.

(45:25):
And then we pull back and wesee that he's got a bunch of
knives in his chest.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
It's a nice little reveal he's been porcupined.
This is perfect.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
This is how a battle should go.
And then he does something veryunexpected.
He takes the magic knife,throws it out the window, Boom
sticks in a tree right next tothem.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
And then Alfred Molina has the callback of like
have I told you about theso-and-sos?
I can't remember what thetribe's name is, but it's just
like, because he kept sayinglike, oh, they're very good at
throwing knives, and it's just.
It's a really nice moment,tight moment Calls back.
It's beautiful.
If the whole movie was as goodas the Alfred Molina scenes,

(46:09):
this movie would have made abajillion dollars, would have
been a great movie and it'spretty interesting, because a
good writer can write a goodscene.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
You know who knows what other millions of
interference there were andthings they cut out that they
wrote.
That was good.
But there's enough of theselittle gems in there that are
great.
Okay, let's see, we're going toseal the gates, find him.
And it turns out that theperson they thought it was

(46:41):
Gyllenhaal was actually AlfredMolina.
And he's all like ah yeah,great, great.
So he goes and he's able to getto his brother who's the new
king?
And he's all like get to hisbrother, who's the new king.
And he's all like I got toprove a point to you, I'm going
to kill myself, give you thedagger and if you push the
button you could bring me backto life.

(47:01):
I'm like okay, push the button,comes back to life.
He's convinced.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Great little scene.
Yeah, nice little scene.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
That means he's going to die.
Uncle shows up and kills theking pro-ops instantaneously,
and then he takes the stuff andthen the princess comes in there
and saves Jake.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Yeah, and then everything starts falling apart.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
They go down, yes, and the whole thing, everything
starts collapsing.
Oh, they have to walk throughthe secret passage and then a
rock falls from the thing andsets off the thing to fall down
Chain react yeah.
Then there's all this sandpouring down and he does a bunch
of jumps and jumps and jumps.
And then, yes, what?

Speaker 2 (47:48):
Just you know not great, they're not great jumps.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
And he has to.
Yeah, it's not great but it'skind of interesting.
Yeah, I mean it's fine.
Right, it's fine.
They don't ever take the timeto have him like, be agile and
funny at the same time.
They have one little one wherehe stops for a second and you
can get it.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Well, you know, because he's again, basically
Aladdin right.
Yeah, and you know what's greatabout Aladdin?
When he's running throughAgrabah away from the knights
he's throwing out quips left andright as he's dodging swords
and jumping from rooftops andstuff, he's fun.
He's fun and he's got a smartmouth right, Like Brendan Fraser

(48:29):
doesn't do all those crazythings, but when he's in action
scenes he's doing quips, he'sbeing funny and charming Is he.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
The whole time he's doing quips.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
I mean maybe not the whole time, but he does Like
they have.
He is charming, yeah.
And like Jake is missing twothings One, charm and two, a
hero face.
I don't know if you noticedthis.
Throughout the movie they doclose-ups when he's doing action

(48:58):
things and he doesn't look cool.
Yeah, and that's, that's it,that's the one.
And that's him doing like flipsand shit like this is me like
doing really cool action stuffand I just look like a derp, uh,
and it's just.
You know, it's, it's not right,it's.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
It's not magical, no, it's not.
And you know, like, if he, youknow he's gonna make the fifth
hole, then give him some linesfor that, like oh no, not good,
there you go, great Make, itmake sense.
Oh man, I caught one.
You know, you've got to havehim talk.

(49:24):
Yeah, there's no reason for himto be silent.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
No, except for if he's not good at delivering the
lines.
Maybe they wrote a of them,shot him and they were like I
guess we'll just have him nottalk.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
I don't know uh assassin attacks, and then the
princess grabs the snake andthen she snakes the assassin in
the face with his own snake thatthat's.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
I do not like that at all.
That's very scary to me.
You don't like it.
It was good.
I'm afraid of snakes and mynightmare is getting bit right
in the face and seeing it happen.
You know what I mean, becauseif it bites you somewhere low
it's like, oh shoot, I got bit.
But if you have to watch thosejaws unlock and then it just
grabs onto your face, that wouldbe the scariest thing in the

(50:07):
world, man.
Now are you?

Speaker 1 (50:09):
afraid of all snakes, or just poisonous snakes?

Speaker 2 (50:12):
world.
Man, now you're afraid of allsnakes or just poisonous snakes,
all snakes, all snakes arepoisonous.
They just some of them don'thave like the teeth or something
, there's something like that.
So if there's like, a big,beautiful constrictor.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
You're not going to pick it up I would say burn it.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
Yeah, can we set it on fire?
Because that's what I thought.
No, I'm definitely.
And like back in, like class,like science class, we'd have a
snake come in there like, oh,who wants to hold it?
And I would never, never dothat.
Well, can't they sense fear?
Isn't that a whole thing aboutsnakes?
It's like they can sense thefear.
So if someone puts a snake,you'd be like, oh, this guy's

(50:44):
afraid, I'm going to kill him.
And then it's going to wraparound my neck and eat my head.
That's what's going to happen.
I, no, that's what's going tohappen.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
I'm pretty sure they're just little snakes.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
They're evil.
They're evil, slithery bastards.
You have cats.
Wow, how dare you compare asnake and a cat?
Okay, if someone doesn't golike, oh, he's a real cat in the
grass, right?
No, you're a snake in the grassbecause snakes are bad.

Speaker 1 (51:09):
I like cats, but they're going to bite you and
claw you to death.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
Yeah, sure, maybe.
Or they're going to love you,but it's their choice.
That's the difference.
Dogs just love you becausethey're just sweet little balls
of love.
Yeah, a cat, you have to earnthat love.
Earn it.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
I want to dominate and get my love from a dog.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
Sure yeah, that makes sense To each their own.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
They do a big kiss and now they're going to go stop
the uncle.
I guess Secret stab.
Oh the uncle, secret stabs him.
Sure, then I wrote the wordtrash.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Trash.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Then I wrote the word save the princess, let me go,
I'm not stab the button Forward.
Sandstorm Rewind oh, I guesseverything collapses.
They end up fighting with theuncle on the thing and people
are falling and not falling.
Oh the princess finally is likelet me go.
She says let me go.
I wrote that down there Let mego.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
So she's all like you got to solve the problem you
got to go back in time before Idie Because she says the line
somewhere like she has to die,so the gods will forgive it or
something.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
Oh, that is what it.
There it is.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
That's what we missed Something really confusing,
yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
This is the point we missed is the evil sandstorm is
coming to kill all of mankind,and she's all like you got to
let me die.
Right.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
Coming to kill all of mankind, and she's all right,
you gotta let me die right,avert the sandstorm, then you
can use the magic to go back andsolve the problem.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
Right, that's what happens, but truthfully, she
should still be dead, becausethe gods are not ruled by this
sacrifice, right, yeah, likethat's not a sacrifice at all.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
that's your, that's a loophole.
Guys, guys, like I don't thinkso she's dead.
She should be dead, Everyoneelse should be fine and he
should be like.
I miss her, but she did theright thing.
You know what?

Speaker 1 (52:57):
I mean, don't say that lie, that's all in the eyes
.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Here's a note for Jake Gyllenhaal Act with your
eyes, buddy.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
Get that man some eyes Riding over the stabbed and
the idea is the uncle wants togo back in time to when they
were kids.
And he saved him from this lion, and then you have to live your
whole childhood again.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
Yes, please.

Speaker 1 (53:22):
Oh, you would love that.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
I would love that, because you know what Adulthood
sucks.
Let's go back to kids.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
That was the only time you were successful in your
life is your childhood.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Are you kidding me?
I was popular as shit, Dan.
That's not true.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
That's not true at all.
So we go all the way back andboom, we're right at the point I
don't know what you saidbecause I wasn't listening to
you you, son of a bitch.
The point at which Jake got theknife from the guy on the
horseback and boom, his bestbuddy's still alive Now.

(53:56):
How did he go exactly to where?

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Because the gods, because the gods?
Ah, yes, the gods, the gods.
Okay, but they still wanted toforce her to marry Jake.
So they were like we can't goback too far, because then she
will be forced to marry him.
So let's go back just the rightamount.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
The battle is over, so his buddy's fine.
Um, and then jake like takes tothe stairs and gives a speech.
Uh, good speech.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Yeah, it's fine yeah, he can deliver, like deliver
speech lines.
Yeah, he's not charming, that'smy problem.
He's not like a fun, charmingleading man, he's like that.
Hey, I'm a little serious actorand I do dramatic stuff.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
Oh, you think that's what it is.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
I don't think that's how he thinks, but I think
that's what his strengths are,Sure Like real acting.
Quote unquote yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
So it was good speech and basically he's, like you
know, uncle's bad.
And then he has to convinceeverybody and then he's
basically they get to.
Well, let's find the spy thathad the weapons and we'll beat
the shit out of him and get thetruth.
The uncle realizes that the uhhe's in trouble because that's
gonna work so he, he attacksjake and some of his dudes

(55:08):
attack him, and then weeventually throw him off uh,
throw him off a balustrade andhe dies.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
Well, no, no, no.
He throws him down off thestairs, then jumps down and then
fights some more and then he'slike I'm going to leave you
alive, but you're a bad guy.
And then he starts walking away.
Ben Kingsley gets up and isabout to kill him, and then the
king swords him to death, whichfeels unnecessary, because he
could take Ben Kingsley.
Let's be honest.
Yeah, but yeah, now he's dead.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
And then we go in there and he gets to marry the
princess and the princess islike, oh, I don't know about
this Against her will hey, happyending.
But he kind of goes like, oh,you're going to like to.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Yeah, there's a little wink nudge nudge.
Yeah, it's kind of nice.
Yeah, it's fine, it's fine.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
Like you say, if there was even more chemistry it
would have been even better.
There's definitely better linesyou could have written for this
Sure, but it was fine.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Yeah, it's totally fine, totally fine.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
There was enough enjoyable in this movie that the
second half of it was enjoyable.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
If Alfred Molina is not in this movie, it's not good
.
You know what I mean?
No, not at all, but he is, soit's fine.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
And that's just the proof.
A good supporting actor canraise your movie up.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
Amen to that man.
That's why I'm always soshocked when, like, character
and side actors are like I wantto be a, I want to be the lead,
I want to be the guy.
It's like you really don't, Ipromise you.
You don't like sure, they getthe most fame or whatever right,
but you are the heart and soulof the movie.
If you aren't there to supportthis person who's not nearly as
good as you, it all falls apart.
I don't know, I just alwaysthought that it's the unsung

(56:57):
hero.
I guess Right, tony's life, theunsung hero.
I wish I'm not even in the ring.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Tony just wants to be put in.
Put me in coach.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
Put me in coach, just like high school, all over
again.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
Now we talk about something we liked this week.
I think it's.
Amazon Prime has the new.
I think the show's called LaughOut Loud or something.
It's basically they put 10comedians in a room for six
hours and then they all try andmake each other laugh.
This time it's all Britishcomedians, it's all a bunch of
Taskmaster comedians.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
You love them.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
I love them and everyone's great, sure, and
they're all super pros, and sothey're all.
You know they're all.
And what gets the people isjust.
It can be literally nothing.
And this there's one there.

(57:52):
One of the people goes out onthe a little crack from somebody
leaning back in a chair.
That's what takes them out andyou're like that is, that's what
humor.
You humor is that thing youcan't imagine.
And these are people that haveseen everything, and so the
things that gets them are thethings that are just

(58:13):
inconsequential in life.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
And that's what's special about comedy.
You know.
So if he breaks, then you loseand you're out.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
You have two.
You have two.
Okay, you get a yellow card,then you get a red card, so the
second time.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
So it's like football , yeah, the second time you
break up you.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
The second time you break up you're out.
Okay Interesting.
And you know we used to do thatin improv, where you do that,
and I remember I was doing itwith Kevin I don't remember
Kevin's last name, kevin's superfunny and I was very good at it
.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Well, sure.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
And you know, I was like, you know, I think it was
just him and me and he just didsomething so funny, was like I'm
gonna laugh because you know,you deserve it, he deserves it
he did the.
You know we get that in thelast two.
He was funnier than I was atthat point.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
You know, not laughing is the thing I can
mostly control you know, that'sjust a control issue, but it was
always fun doing those becauseyeah, I didn't find them all
that fun Only because I'm reallygood at not finding other
people funny, really.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
Imagine that, Tony.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Yeah, so it wasn't that hard for me to just be like
I'm not going to laugh at anyfucking thing you do, because I
think you're an idiot and that'snot fun for either people.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
But would you beat me ?

Speaker 2 (59:31):
You couldn't beat me I probably wouldn't beat you
because you wouldn't laugh.
You know what I mean.
And I'd destroy you.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Oh, you think so, oh yeah, I'm a stone cold killer.

Speaker 2 (59:44):
We would just be standing there for days?
We won't be standing there.
Are you all over coming on to?

Speaker 1 (59:47):
me.
That's the thing I.
I'm always like you gotta, yougotta be going for the kiss?

Speaker 2 (59:51):
oh, go in for the kiss.
Oh, yeah, go in for the kiss,and 99% of the time you'll make
them break.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
You got to go in.
There's no such thing aspersonal space in those battle
zones.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
Yeah, amen to that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
You get to the last few people.
That's one thing I learned fromimprov.
It's like personal space islike no yeah, when you're stupid
enough to come on the stage,right you're in for it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
We all, we all signed a non-verbal contract.
We are here and all bets areoff.
So, tony, tell us about themummy.
Yeah, I mean, I, I watched, uh,the mummy and pirates because I
just wanted, I was just like Ihave to see them both and
they're both perfect movies.
So again, I know that it's anunfair comparison right, because
you're looking at the best ofthe best, at something that's

(01:00:37):
just.
I just want something that'sgood enough and and it's, it's
close, it's it's it's close butit's not quite there.
And that's what gets me mad isthat I, it's, it's there and you
could have done it and youdidn't, and that's what upsets
me.
But I mean, the mummy is justmy god.
This cast is unbelievable and I, I, I, you know, you know the

(01:00:58):
cast matters right, like that'salways.
You always know that, yeah, butseeing such stark examples of
it, for me I would watch brendanand rachel do anything together
, because I know that they will.
Whatever it is their chemistry,that lightning between them is
going to be there and I don'tcare what they're doing.

(01:01:20):
It will be enjoyable, you know,and that's just.
That's just not in this movieand that's really important in a
movie that is a basically ajourney of these two people,
like we're with you most.
The movie I need to be enjoyingmyself with you and I just, you
know it's, it's, it's good tosee that in action and not as at

(01:01:40):
the same time.

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
You think about the costuming in this movie because
you don't want there's nothingto think about in the costuming.
I was, I was looking at Jake atone point and and he had a band
here and a band here and a bandhere and.
I'm just like, this is not a.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
You think about.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
Brendan Fraser.
He's got the white shirt andthe horseman's pants, and he's
got the guns and you're justlike this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
Yeah, the holster's very sexy, by the way.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
This is a guy.
And then Rachel's got her doingher sort of librarian, buttoned
up, and I'm sure, as she goesalong through the movie that
becomes looser and her hairbecomes crazier.
You know she's more open to thesituation.
It's like the princess in thisthing always the same sort of
boring, 100%.
It's not that even it's boring,it's just there's nothing

(01:02:30):
iconic going on in anything ofthese things.
Yeah, and you got to figurethat out because these are
adventure heroes.

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
And also one thing that bothers me is that the
action isn't funny, like there'ssome cool action, some not a
lot.
There's a lot of bad action inthis movie, but there's no
moments that are comedicallyaction.
There's a moment in the Mummywhere they're in a gunfight on a
boat, on a riverboat and bulletholes are going through the

(01:03:02):
wall as Brendan is reloading hisgun and they're getting closer
and closer and he's not noticingand she just pulls him over six
inches as another one goesright by his head and he's just
reloading the gun and doesn'teven clock it.
Really, and it's just like this, it's just such a nice moment

(01:03:22):
and there's no, there's no likebreath.
There's no moments in this, inin this movie, that it's like oh
, that's a.
I love that Way to go for that,because you have to think about
those things like you want.
The action can't just be likeoh, we're going, going, going,
going, going, we're done.
Like, take a beat in the momentand have a moment, I don't know
.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
It's like when she grabbed the snake and then put
it into his face.
You're like here we go, thatmakes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
That is a thing that she can do.
These other guys are distracted.
She's the one, she's theoutlier, she does the thing you
know and and you, you have tolead up to all that and yeah,
yeah, she's the outlier, so shecould move him out of the way,
save his life and not expect toget, you know, maybe give him
crap about it later.

(01:04:04):
She's like I saved you and he'slike you didn't save me I saved
you, you know here we have athing that they can argue about
because he didn't see it, shesaw it.
Yeah, there we have.
There, we have a thing thatthey can argue about because he
didn't see it, she saw it.
There we have a sticking point.
It's good stuff.
You have this princess dosomething to save Jake or
whatever, and then she's likewell, I got that.

(01:04:24):
Saying he's like well.
I had the.
We want that, you want thatinteraction, because that's
where these two characters aregoing to find who they are
together, and mostly it's likeoh yeah, she knocked you.
You know, she should have triedto knock him out like that and
he should have just been likewhat are you doing?
Sure, right.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Because that's not going to knock him out.
Stop it.
That's not going to knock himout, unless she kills him.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
Unless it's like hemorrhaging brain, it's not
gonna knock him out.
He should just be like what areyou?

Speaker 2 (01:04:58):
doing.
She's all like.
He's like get up, here's somemore.
You know, yeah, I don't knowwhatever.
And so the other thing, justreal quickly.
I know that I'm gonna make itrun long again, I'm sorry
everybody this one's actuallyvery short, don't be for pirates
.
I actually found a lot ofcomparisons in uh, orlando
bloom's will and jakegyllenhaal's dastan.
The problem is, will not themain character of pirates of the

(01:05:20):
caribbean jake probablyshouldn't be the main character
of it because he's he's dull,he's serious, he doesn't do the
fun stuff, and will doesn'teither.
Like kiera knightley is funnierthan he is.
And then you have jack sparrow,which is the character we
follow, which is more likealfred molina.
You know what I'm like?
I don't know, it's just, it'sjust like they're like okay,

(01:05:41):
well, what if we do that?
But we follow the charactereveryone likes the least, let's
do that movie well, piratesworks, because jack sparrow's
not a leading man.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
100 the leading man is your other guy who's leading,
you know, is on a parallelcourse with them.

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
Who's not the main character?
He's not the main character.
Yeah, that's the subversionthat makes it work so
brilliantly and it's just likeyou know it's boring the other
way around, guys.

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
And you know you have that sort of triangle in
Pirates where yeah where all thecharacters are necessary, but
not one of them is truly, yeah,you know, fully driving, driving
everything constantly.
You have three that's greatthree stories that are nicely
intertwined.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
That's so hard to do well, yeah, it's so hard that
they tried to recreate it and,like the rest, of them are all
still fun, but they're not theynever come close yeah, they
never come close to thatoriginal.

Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
Well, I think it's time that we talk about another
movie to watch.

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
Let's do it.
Hit me, what do we?

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
got.
Do you have Apple TV?

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
Of course I do.
Yeah, ted Lasso, we watch itall the time.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
We're obsessed with it Ted Lasso.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
Season four has been officially announced.

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
Very exciting.
We just finished Severance.
Oh yeah, there's so many peopletalking about it and most of
them aren't getting it.
Everybody gets so buried in thelike.
Well, what does this mean?
And what's happening here andyou're just like nope, it's
characters, we're talking aboutcharacters.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
Welcome to watching Lost.
20 years ago, that's exactlywhat happened.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
Same thing with Lost.
It's like I watched it untilthey killed the main character
and then I turned it up.
Well, I kept watching it, but Iwas never satisfied.
You were never yeah sure I getthat.
You know you kill the bestcharacter.
You're going to get my ire,even if you keep the same actor
and you kill the same maincharacter.

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
I'm going to hate you for that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:33):
Dan, the same main character.
I I'm gonna no thanks, I'mgonna hate you for that.
Dan's too smart for you.
Um, so yeah, severance in myopinion.
Great characters right to theend.
You know, talking aboutcharacter issues and you know
everybody wants to make it aboutthe pseudo-religion stuff.
And what are they going to doand what does the magic mean and
why?
Why?

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
why why?

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
how can there be this , how can this be that you know?

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
it's not that You're watching the show wrong, you're
watching it wrong.
Those are all things that helpus delve into these characters
more.
That's it.
That's what we're.
It's fine, don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 (01:08:00):
That's the way people are, but so we're going to pick
another movie that I'm sure ispacked with character, packed
with good times, someone I don'tthink we've ever done before,
but someone we have done before.

Speaker 2 (01:08:13):
Okay, a little something new, A little
something old.

Speaker 1 (01:08:16):
Miles Teller.
You know you love him, Miles.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
Teller.

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
One of my favorites, anya Taylor-Joy Never made a bad
mistake.
What's the movie?
It's called the Gorge.
I don't You've never even heardof this movie.
I've never even heard of thismovie.

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
What is this?
The Gorge.
You've never even heard of thismovie.
What is this?

Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
The Gorge Brand new movie on Apple TV.

Speaker 2 (01:08:38):
The Gorge 2025.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
I'm in.
You've completely missed theGorge.
I'm so happy it is not one.
I think anyone's talking aboutSure.

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
Mystery thriller.

Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
Basically these two people I think one is American
and one is Russian on oppositesides of this gorge and they
observe it because there'smonsters down in the gorge that
can crawl out.

Speaker 2 (01:09:06):
It's kind of the Great Wall.

Speaker 1 (01:09:07):
It's kind of Apple TV's Great Wall, if you remember
that one.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Not only do I remember that someone in the
movie we just watched hadsomething to do with the Great
Wall, and I wish I had the IMDbpulled up right now.
It was either the directordirected it or one of the
writers wrote it there it is Oneof the two.
Somebody on Prince of Persiaalso helped make the Great Wall,
and that just tells youeverything you need to know.

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
These guys are going to lean over and they're going
to shoot arrows down.
It's going to be great andthey're going to come up the
thing.
So yeah, so we're going to theGorge next week.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
Okay, I'm so excited.
I've never heard of this movie.
I'm ready man.
This is great.

Speaker 1 (01:09:45):
They spend millions and you hire Anya Taylor-Joy and
Miles Teller.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
I'm not a big Miles Teller fan.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
No, you love him.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
No, I've only really enjoyed him in.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
what's that drum Whiplash, that's what it's
called right, he is in Whiplash.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
Wonderful, wonderful film, right.
And then you know, I guess Ilike him in Top Gun, Maverick,
but that's more just becausehe's in an amazing movie.
He's not great Think aboutWhiplash.
I think about it a lot JK.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Simmons is my hero.
I love that movie because atthe end they just completely
invalidate him which I think isjust so beautiful.
He's like I'm all that and apiece of cheese, and then
they're all like you're reallynot important.

Speaker 2 (01:10:31):
Not really Shit.

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
That tells you everything.
Really not important, notreally Shit.

Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
Okay, that tells you everything you need to know
about reality, because that'show reality really is.
Unfortunately, that is correct.

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
If you like what you see, give us a thumbs up, leave
us a comment or subscribe.
Those are all things you can doto help out the podcast slash
YouTube show.
We're going to be back nextweek talking about the gorge.

Speaker 2 (01:10:57):
Goodbye everybody, Tony.