Hate Watching The Phantom: The Real Purple Dinosaur

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What do you put?
Ketchup?

Speaker 2 (00:00):
on, tony.
What don't you put ketchup on?
You know?
Hot dogs, burgers, french fries, pickles, chicken nuggets you
know whatever you want.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hold on a second.
Yeah, do you actually pull outa pickle, put ketchup on it and
eat that?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
That's not the direction you would go.
So you have ketchup in a bowland then you dip your pickles in
it.
Yeah, absolutely.
This started in high schoolbecause we used to do chicken
patty day.
So chicken patty you dunk inthe ketchup, and then the
pickles.
You grab a handful of pickles,just dip them right in that

(00:38):
ketchup.
Oh, the salt on that alreadysalty pickle.
I mean it's heaven.
They go together so perfectly.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
Now would you eat a pickle that had?

Speaker 2 (00:53):
a pretzel center?
I don't know those textureswould be weird, don't you think
I'm?

Speaker 1 (00:58):
asking you Well, I'm trying to think.
I don't dip my pickles inketchup, so there you go.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
First of all, you should try it One time.
Just give a little dippy dip,because would your pretzel get
all soggy?
Because of the pickle juice,because then it's like a soft
bread.
And then I think the answer isyes.
You know what I mean, becausethat sounds pretty good.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
So that's what you want.
You want a no, you know whatyou want you, so that's what you
want.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
You want to.
No, you know what you want.
You want a soft pretzel with apickle center.
Oh yeah, the reverse would bepretty good.
Yeah, that would be nice.
Also really cool to make if yousomehow rope that pickle around
.
I'd be very impressed with that.
Hey watching with Dan and Tony.
Hey, watching with Dan and Tony.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
It's like watching.
Yeah, welcome to hey Watchingwith Dan and Tony.
It's like watching.
Yeah, welcome to hey Watchingwith Dan and Tony.
I'm Dan, I'm Tony.
On this show we watch a moviethis week I picked.
The movie I picked was 1996,the Phantom an hour and 40
minutes starring Billy Zane.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Is that?

Speaker 1 (02:01):
like Christy Swanson, who was the girl.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, buffy, the Vampire Slayer, the OG.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Oh yeah, I did not recognize her at all.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
Or Carlton Lasseter's wife in Psych, if you want to
go forward in time, just likepeople always say Patrick
McGowan, and what's his name?

Speaker 1 (02:22):
Treat.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Williams Treat.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Williams, yeah, the only one.
Well, catherine Zeta-Jones,treat Williams.
Catherine Zeta-Jones, the onlyone's really trying.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
I mean Treat's given.
Billy might be trying.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Billy's trying something.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
He's trying something .
He's not succeeding on anylevel, but he's probably trying.
But yet, treat not to youtrying.
But yeah, treat not to punintended.
Treat was a treat.
He was in the movie you wantedto see he brought that camp and
nobody else brought any sort ofcamp whatsoever.

(02:57):
That's true Also, I didn'trealize she was in it until she
appeared and I was like wait asecond I know that person.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, I was like who is this?
Very attractive woman.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
They were like oh okay, oh yes, of course.
Now I remember.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Great.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Great.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, the Phantom.
I looked it up and the X-Menmovie came out four years later.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, yeah, all right .

Speaker 1 (03:22):
And that's when I think the real contemporary
superhero movies sure.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
When did spider-man come out then?
Was that after x-men?

Speaker 1 (03:31):
I should, we should have a timeline of that's true
it'd be interesting to see whenthat first I mean by first we
mean the first sam raimispider-man yeah, in my mind the
first the og uh okay, 2002 oh,so, yeah, I think, the x-men
movie, because the x-men moviedid something that this movie
didn't do, which was put them incostumes that didn't make it

(03:56):
embarrassing, I mean I don'twant to be mean, yeah, but that
is the dumbest looking I if Iwent to work.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
I'm Billy Zane, right , I show up to work and I'm in
this purple leotard, I'm, I'mquitting, I'm walking off the
movie man that this poor guy.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
And I remember seeing that first X-Men movie and kind
of like going like, but thecostumes are all kind of the
same.
They were not all the same butthey were, you know, all kind of
leather.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
They were like uniforming yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
There was a uniformness to them.
Each one was different for eachcharacter, of course, and you
kind of like I won't say Ibristled against it, I was like
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
But looking back, a lot of people felt that way
though.
But yeah, exactly becausethey're like, well, these aren't
comic book accurate, like whereare my superheroes?
But at the time, this was theright decision, because it
doesn't look stupid.
You may not love it, it's notlike iconic.
I don't look, look back on thatand be like, wow, those were
great, but they're serviceableand they don't detract from the

(05:03):
movie at all, and and then themovie was good, so it all worked
out really, really well forX-Men.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
It's a very good choice that this movie did not
make.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
I mean, but also good for them for going for it.
Oh sure they were like if we'regoing to do it, let's do it.
And it didn't work out.
Sometimes that happens.
If we're going to fail, fail,let's make a purple, purple
leotard but then put a bunch oflines on it yeah, which is, and
they're not like you know, theold, like superman ones where

(05:33):
they accentuate muscles and likebatman had the you know he had
a big plastic nipples, plasticnipples on clooney, but like
he's got the plastic abs youknow, like.
But that's not what we weredoing here.
No, they're just.
I don't even know what they are.
They don't accentuate anything.
Are they just like sew linesthat we didn't feel like hiding?

Speaker 1 (05:55):
They're just well.
Jim Henson Creature Shop madethe costume.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Oh man, oh, we're making fun of Jim.
Wow, shame on us.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
So somebody had some sort of concept and it got
carried through and it just youreyes never look at it and go
like that was a good choice.
Your eyes are always like well,that's a choice they made.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
That's something we have to live with it.
I would have loved to.
I would love to see the meetingwhere they pulled that suit out
, because there's a great youdon't?
You didn't watch entourage,right.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, watch the whole .
Thing.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
My one of my favorite things is when they wheel out
the Aquaman suit, I don'tremember, and it's like shimmery
and awful and they're like it'sgoing to look better on screen
and it's like no, it's not,don't do it.
And I just I feel like therehad to have been a conversation

(06:53):
where they're like okay, itlooks a little silly on the
mannequin Billy, but trust us,it's going to look great on
celluloid.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I mean, amazingly, he played the suit.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
well, he never acted self-conscious about being in
the suit.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
He was just like.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
No, he was just like a regular dude, to be honest
with you.
He was just like, yeah, he wasjust like a regular dude, to be
honest with you.
He was just like, yeah, this iswhat I wear.
Oh, this is fine I don't know,let's go out.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
It makes perfect sense, I mean, and that's the
whole thing you know with moviesyou know, a more contemporary
movie is you have to make senseof it somewhere, that's you know
it's like if you're going toput something so crazily
anachronistic because that's thething is this this movie is is
what?
What year did indiana jonescome out?

(07:30):
This is 96.
Indiana jones must have cameout uh, we're talking the first
one the first one, I think.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
Uh, I'm gonna look it up.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
84 84, so it's 12 years later, but this movie, you
know they, they steal a numberof very specific things directly
from it, for sure and indianajones smartly wore a wore a
dirty hat in a very sexy, opentan like.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
It's a very plain looking outfit, but but it's
rugged.
It makes him a man.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
It's iconic and people will cosplay as that.
You always want to sort of seewhat do people cosplay as.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
I thought I had my Indiana Jones hat here.
I think I have it at home.
I have the hat, the shirt, thewhip and the satchel, because
I've done indie, fat indie,which is a little bit different
but it's similar.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
You just get hit by the Giants rock ball.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
I don't get out of the way of anything Every movie
track hits me.
That's right Come on.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
So you know you kind of think to the cosplay world.
You know you got to look atyour thing and I mean I assume
some people wear those, those1990 or 2000 x-men costumes, but
not a lot not a lot, but Ithink I think they would get a
lot of pictures at a comic-con,you know being, because now it's
like a classic thing.
At the time it probably wasn'tthat cool, oh yeah, it's

(08:59):
interesting to think about thosethings, but I I'm, I'm going
back through my brain andwondering how, thinking about
how many phantoms I've seenwalking around not a lot hasn't
been a lot not a lot of phantomsand danced on plenty of
conventions everybody I'm goingto tell you a little bit about
the phantom started as anamerican comic strip in 1936.

(09:20):
36.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Does that predate like main Superman?

Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, he is the first real tighted character First.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
He's the first, but he was black and white then
right Comic strip.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
purple is purple.
They made a series, they made aserial black and white comics.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Is that weird that I thought comics were black and
white originally, just liketelevision.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
Sunday comics were they went right into color
Colored ink wasn't inventeduntil 1994, everybody.
Actually, you are correct, Tony.
In 1936, it would have justbeen a weekly and it would have
been in black and white, so whenit went to color, I think it
was in 38 or 39 after two yearsbut still he became sure so he

(10:10):
was.
He was black and white and they, they chose when they made a
color decision such aninteresting choice to be like.
Maybe it's because it was sovibrant that they were like well
, now that we're going colorlike, let's make this guy pop I
remember as a kid and a comicbook person there was an ad in
the DC Comics for like a thingthat they would send you every
week or something that wouldhave Sunday comics in it, and

(10:32):
the Phantom had a bunch ofcharacters Tarzan and Flash
Gordon and the.
Phantom was one of the ones inthere and you were always kind
of like, ooh, who is this?

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Who's this guy?
Look at him, fancy purple yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
And then you find out he's just a guy that rides
around on a horse in the jungleand has no powers and doesn't
really do anything interesting.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
No powers, right.
I mean the ring does somethingeventually, but that's the skull
doing it technically and nothim that's made up for the movie
.
That's the character oh that'snot even like wow, okay,
interesting, yeah, so he's justa dude that chose to wear purple
and ride a horse.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
He's a horse guy, he's a gun guy.
He's going to shoot you withhis two guns.
He's got two guns.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, Just as a general concept.
I don't like this hero.
That's not interesting to me.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
But that's you know, he's pretty.
So the only things before himare like the shadow and a couple
other, you know the pulps werealready going.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
Lone Ranger when was that sort of thing?

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Lone Ranger's 32, probably, I would say.
So we got the Lone Ranger, yougot the shadow, so the mask is
established.
But you know the true tights-swearing guy who is wearing
tights for hours.
And well, the powers comesalong with, like you know,
Superman and Batman Right.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
Yeah, so yeah, I don't know, it's just
interesting because it's, itdoes it feels different to me
than like the Lone Rangers it's.
It's definitely the bridgebetween that sort of thing and
superheroes right, an ultimatelytransitional character yeah,
it's interesting and, as such,doesn't really he doesn't do

(12:13):
anything he doesn't do it.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
He doesn't.
The lone ranger we like, weknow where he is we're
interested in the old west, youknow, or if you are just in the
old west, you get it.
You get what he does.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, 100 you know you get what superman does in
the old West you get it.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
You get what he does.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
You know you get what Supermandoes People with heat rays and
stuff like that.
The phantom you're like helives in a, an African jungle.
Yeah, lives in.
You know the first time heshows up in the movie in the
cave, you're just like ah,what's he doing there?
Why is this happening?
You know, and all action has tobe within.

(12:45):
You know, a horse ride away.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
You're, like you know , super weird.
But then also I'm confused,because at some point he just
flies to New York City, yeah,which is like is he rich?

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Is he like?

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Batman level rich.
Yeah, he went to college, buthis dad was the Phantom, and
then the Phantom before that wasthe grandpa, right, Like it's
the lineage.
So who's making money in thisfamily?
Where is the family wealthcoming from?

Speaker 1 (13:13):
Bags of opals.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
The treasure.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Remember, when he takes the cab he has just a bag
of opals.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
The plastic gems yeah , I remember those quite well.
That's a big scam.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
I mean they look, so bad.
They look so bad.
They're so fake.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
They look so fake.
It's incredible.
Oh man, I laughed a lot duringthis movie.
This was a real treat.
Thank you for picking this, Dan.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
It was a movie, you know.
Does it cause you a pain?
Does it cause you a lot of pain?
No, but you know it's not good.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
So I had a question for you and I don't know.
Did you do research on this atall?
A little yeah, I read a verysmall thing and the whole time
this movie was happening I justcouldn't help wondering was this
originally meant to be a satire?

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yes, a little bit, Because it feels yes.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Okay, because there's a lot of moments where I'm like
, well, this, if you're writinga real movie, you wouldn't write
that line.
It's just not possible.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Yes, no um joe dante, who did gremlins uh oh sure
explorers he was.
I think he was the directorbefore they got this guy, which
this guy was the Free Willy guy.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Oh, boy Free Willy and did Lonesome Dove.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
And he did one other movie that we did.
That was really bad.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Oh interesting, he's an.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
Australian director?
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
You can look it up if you want.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
But yeah, he's definitely a workman director
who got in there and took thenotes and the notes were, you
know, to not make it a, itwasn't necessarily a parody, but
they were playing more on thebecause Treat Williams is in
that movie, the campy movie yes,he is.
But this one.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
But this one.
It felt like in my mindeverything else got rewritten
except for the treat andCatherine.
That little segment of thevillains never got rewrote.
But the other stuff was likeplay it a little straighter.
We've got to be the straightand narrow on this.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
It kind of felt a little bit like Batman, the TV
show back in the day, with know,with the pow wham oh, you mean
the 66, the 66 show, yes, yeah,yeah, the 60s batman except for
billy zane isn't playing thatmovie well, they also don't give
him much to do as the phantomfor sure, that's for sure like

(15:40):
you're like dude, give him somelines that they that either push
him in a direction Like oh well, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
He's got one really great line which we'll talk
about when we get there.
But he has my favorite line ofthe movie that's delivered so
underwhelmingly bad that itruins the joke, but to me it was
my favorite joke in the wholemovie, oh, wow.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, but to me it was my favorite joke in the
whole movie.
Oh, wow, yeah.
So you know, if he was sort ofyou know he's like, if he needed
to make a comment about, like,living in a cave in a jungle,
you have to comment on that,Anybody needs to comment about
that.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
When the lady what is her name?
In the movie the blonde?

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Diana.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
How does she not say something?
She's?
She's like back at his houseand they're just having a
regular conversation.
Why?
Why is she not like?
So you live in a cave.
What is going on?
Why are you wearing a purplejumpsuit?
What's happening?
Who are you?

Speaker 1 (16:37):
it's weird yeah, you just needed to comment on some
of these things and then theother character comes back with
a comment and then we can sitwith it and we can be like well
that.
That's what happens, you knowhe's like it's the cave.
It is what it is low rent, youknow, or whatever.
Whatever the joke is, should westart talking about this movie

(16:59):
all?

Speaker 2 (16:59):
right, yeah, yeah, let's have it spend any time
talking about the movies I'mtrying to find the movie that we
did, that this director did Boy.
He did a lot of stuff.
Good for him.
He did a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
I mean, he did Lonesome Dove, which I think
they did for quite a while, andit's interesting that he did the
Phantom, because the Phantom'spretty huge in Australia.
Oh really, you'll see a lot ofAustralian people are.
People are all like, oh yeah,the phantom as opposed to.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
He did harley davidson and the marble man
which, yes, had some great stuff, had some good jokes it did.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
That's very good um, I have one other thing off topic
really quick.
Uh, adam savage, the guy thatdid uh mythbusters.
He has like a YouTube podcast-ykind of show and he was talking
about Robin Williams and hisinteractions and at a certain
point he gets to Bicentennialman, which we did.

(17:55):
Great movie, yeah, great.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
Great film, not a great movie Perfect film cover
to cover.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
And he says the suit was great, one of the best hard
suits that goes over a personhe's like.
The aesthetics of it can beargued.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
So I was just like, I just wanted to hear.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
I don't think he worked on the suit, he did props
on the movie and I was like, oh, he also worked on Flubber, and
remember the little gooey guythat flubbered around.
He worked on that and you'relike these are two very similar
things where it's like, maybe inthe right way, maybe it just

(18:33):
needed to be whatever.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
Well, here's the thing Flubber way better than
Bicentennial man, even just as amovie in general, but also, you
know, the suit is pretty bad,Very hideous.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
Oh, and the weird woman robot there are some bad
things in Bicentennial man.
Bad things you mean good.
So we start off.
Pirates attack this boat offthe island of Bengala.
The dad is killed, the kid goesonto the island, the magic
ceremony and they make him intothe thing.

(19:09):
I guess his dad was dying rightthere, Did they say his dad got
killed on the boat.

Speaker 2 (19:14):
So this is not the kid, is not Billy Zane, you know
that right.
This is 400 years ago.
Oh, this is the first phantomoh it took me so long to figure
this out.
This is the first phantom he'sshowing how he's the 21st
phantom, exactly so this is likethe very first guy.

(19:37):
We're seeing how the how thevengeance started, which is
those pirates killed somebody'sdad and then that kid escaped,
became the Phantom, and thenhe's just passed it down from
generation to generation,somehow accumulating enough
wealth that they don't have towork a day in their lives.
That's what we need to do, dan.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
That, that I missed, all that.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
But no, they don't tell you that, Dan.
So the only reason I know thatis because later in the movie
they talk about how the henchmankilled Billy Zane's dad by
stabbing him in the back, and Iwas like, well, that's not what
we saw in the beginning of themovie.
So then I had to go back and Iwas like, holy shit, this is 400
years ago.
This is like the old Phantomguy and that's how you know.

(20:20):
This movie is not very goodbecause we don't even realize
that there's 400 years ofdifference between these two
time periods.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Ah, very good.
So what we do now is we spendAct 1 with the lower-level bad
guy.
Yeah, Tony, when you're writingyour movie, do you say you know
who?
We need to spend all our timewith A lower level bad guy.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Well, shout out to Elko, who made a whole short
about that, by the way, calledthe Henchman.
There it is.
But no, I mean, you wouldn'tNot if you're going to then
introduce the main villain andit turns out he's a big part of
your story and is the mainvillain.
You know what I mean, villain,and it turns out he's a big part
of your story and is the mainvillain.
You know what I mean?
Like if, if the main villainwas a side character and for

(21:08):
some reason, you wanted tofollow this henchman, maybe as a
change of heart.
Maybe we find out he's got, youknow, a wife and kids and he's
struggling to figure out thebalance between good and evil.
But this guy's just like a guyand he just dies eventually,
like, so there's no reason thathe is the lead of this movie.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Um, and I love it, it's, it's very weird it's, it's
unexpected, unexpected andstupidity is that we're gonna be
spending a lot of time withthis random.
It's so much time, so much timewith him so he's driving a
truck to go steal this skull.
He's got two guys in the front.

(21:47):
We've got a guy in the frontwith him and a kid.
No, he's got two guys in thefront with him and a kid.
They get to the rickety bridge.
They all go across.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
They make the kid you just need to skip over the part
where he tries to elbow the kidin the face.
It's so weird.
He's getting annoyed with thekid so he goes to elbow the kid
in the face like just crush hisface.
The kid ducks and he hits theseat and they make like a weird
joke about it.
This is the weirdest scene in amovie.
That's very strange.

(22:14):
This is such a weird way toenter your movie because it
doesn't really explain any ofthe characters.
No, you have people that youbarely see again.
And then you have this guy thatis not even important to the
movie really, but that is hereprominently.
And also I have a questionabout the skulls.
Can you, can you explain theskulls?

(22:35):
Not to derail this podcast,it's going so well.
The skulls gave the phantom hisno, no, they didn't.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
No, they're just why?
The skulls just make a laser.
Skulls are just a laser, that'sall they are.
They're laser components.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
That can't be right, though that is the power,
because they make such a bigdeal about these skulls and how
you can't get all three oryou'll be so powerful.
Yes, but then all it does islike it's a ghostbuster street
that's all it is.
Makes a laser yeah, two of themmake a laser pointer and three
make a laser make a laser.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
Yeah, that's what they do.
They make a laser.
Think about it, and that's youknow.
The key to movies is the smartway to make a movie is you make
the enemy the bad thing,personal.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Sure, sure.
Make it matter to somebody.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
You bring it to a small level, and if you're doing
a comedy, you make it a verysmall thing, so then it's
certainly a small thing.
I'm obsessed with this.
Thus, we go on our adventureand it doesn't really matter
whether it fails or whatever, oryou make it as big as possible,
which the Avengers did thatwhen they made the Jakari or

(23:53):
whatever space lizard things andyou get to that and you're just
like, oh man, I truly do notcare about any of this.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
So it's like if you go too high.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
But then the even worse than going too high is
making your thing.
That's supposed to be the mostimportant thing in the world,
and it's just dumb.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
It's not, it's not, it's, it's nothing.
But all then also, dan, how?
What does the fourth skull dothat just happens to be on his
finger?

Speaker 1 (24:21):
oh, they say that.
They say the fourth skullcontrols the other three skulls,
which is not true.
The fourth is not true can justnegate the three skulls sort of
yeah, sort of, if you tryreally hard you have to like
push your finger at it reallyhard willpower.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
So if it didn't, why do they care so much?
Because the the ghost dad islike how could you let this fall
into their hands?
But it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Because they're going to be able to laser.
You know, like I shot a guy, Ishot another guy.
I shot a guy.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
I mean it would be very helpful.
It's not even a big laser,though.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
No, it's not a big laser.
If you're going up against atank a tank just has range on
you and it just shoots you andyou would die, and then you're
just done.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
This is supposed to just be sitting there.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Yeah, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disrupt it also
it also can just vaporize aperson, it'll cut through yeah,
someone turned to dust, yeah,and it hits you and you just
vaporize yeah, which makesperfect sense, because chemistry
so the bad guys need theirtruck across the bridge and so
they make the kid drive thetruck across the bridge.
You're kind of like why wouldthe kid do that?

(25:27):
Why would the kid?

Speaker 2 (25:28):
because they don't think that, they don't think
it's gonna make it, so they'relike one of us needs to stay
behind.
So they make thiseight-year-old kid drive the
truck across.
Yeah, but why?

Speaker 1 (25:38):
does the kid even do that?
Why does he just leave?

Speaker 2 (25:40):
I don't know why is the?

Speaker 1 (25:41):
kid.
It's like we have this kid.
Is he working for?

Speaker 2 (25:44):
you, we don't know.
You know, like he's the onetelling them where to go oh,
he's giving them directions whyis he telling them where to go?
Because otherwise he's gonnaget elbowed in the face.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
It's really bad stuff uh, he drives the truck, it
gets across fine uh they do thisthing where they they're on the
other side of the bridge.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
The bad guys walked across and they were like hey,
kid, drive it because we don'tthink it's going to make it.
And the kid like hits the gasat the end.
And all three of these bad guysare like whoa hit the brakes
but he just very slowly goes upand stops in plenty of time.
There's never a moment wherethey look like they're in danger
, but they all act like they'rein supreme danger and it's a

(26:26):
very silly little scene there'sall sorts of funny things you
could have done.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
I'm sure I can spend more time on this.
They, they go to a certaindistance and they go.
We're going on foot from here,and then why?

Speaker 2 (26:38):
did you need the truck, like how far are you
going?
I?
They're not telling us how farthey're going, but it doesn't
feel like they're going that farand they probably didn't need
the truck.
They did not need the truck.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
They get to the cave, there's a native observing them
, which the native could havejust shot arrows into them,
killed them all very easily.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
For sure, very easily .

Speaker 1 (26:57):
There's a spider, there's dead people, and they go
through there and then theyfind this gold skull hanging out
there and they're like thedude's like got it.
And then we learned Mr Drex isgoing to be very happy.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
So they're there on orders from Drex.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
I wrote oh, when they're getting the skull, this
one skeleton comes to life andkills a dude.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, so it very clearly, we cut to this thing.
Very clearly we cut to thisthing.
And the guy is holding thesejust, you know, like biology
classroom skeleton, just holdingthe hands around his own neck
and pretending to get choked.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Oh sure.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
It's probably the funniest thing that I've seen in
a long time, because his wholebody is jumping up and down and
the arms are just like doingthis while choking him.
But we don't know why it comesto life Nothing else ever comes
to life again in this entiremovie and then he just dies from
it, like within seconds.
People are shooting theskeleton, nothing happens, and

(27:56):
then he dies and then theskeleton goes back to being a
skeleton, even though someoneelse then goes and picks up the
skull.
So it's not like the skeletonwas protecting the skull, it's
got one for one.
It's all of the ghost energy ithad left, and now it has to

(28:16):
recharge for another 400 years.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
They get it out of there.
We hear the drums, we havescared animal footage.
And then, here sitting in thecave, is the phantom.
He's got a dog named devil.
Do you know what the name ofhis, his horse, is?
Oh, he's got a wolf sorry, nodog.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, it's a wolf.
Your dog is a wolf, which is avery funny line in this movie.
Um, is it angel?
Did he just hero?

Speaker 1 (28:43):
hero, that's not exactly the opposite of devil,
by the way don't, don't, don'tthink he ever says it in the
movie I just looked at okay, I,yeah, I had no idea yeah, um, he
goes after.
He attacks the bad guys onhorseback.
Uh one, he knocks down one guyand he's like devil.
You just stand here and guardhim, because you can't hurt

(29:03):
anybody in this movie.
Everybody, yes everybody.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
That's correct.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
I fell down and I'm sitting here and I'm I'm not
gonna do any more bad it'sfamily friendly, okay.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
These guys give up very easily.
I mean to be fair, though.
If I was in a fight andsomebody like popped me in the
nose, I think I would just quitthe fight, like my nose is very
sensitive, and I would just belike you know what.
I'm sorry, this was a mistake.
I would like to go now.
Thank you so much for your time.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
I would fight to the end.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
And I respect that about you, but I don't like pain
Jumps on the truck fights thebad guys.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
The bad guy has the tattoo of the spider web, which
means that he's part of thepeople that attacked the boat
when he was a kid, but it wasn'tthe boat when he was a kid.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Right, right, right.
But how is he a part of thisbrotherhood we never is.
Is anybody else in the bad guyorganization a part of this
brotherhood?

Speaker 1 (29:55):
I think it's just him oh, and all the pirates at the
cave at the end no, no, yeah,yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
so that's the brotherhood of this whatever I
don't remember what it's called.
I feel bad S-A-N-G-H, butsomehow this one white dude is
part of this brotherhood and heis bringing a bunch of guys that
are not a part of thisbrotherhood.
It doesn't make any sense here.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Doesn't make any sense.
Let me write that down.
Doesn't make any sense.
Got it, got it.
He jumps on the truck, bad guywith a tattoo on the bridge
Hanging out of the truck.
He grabs the kid, he catches avine, he shoots a vine and they
swing to safety.
And then the bad guys in thistime period have just all left.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
Just gotten away.
Yeah, they just went home.
They just went home.
They were like, okay, you winthis round, buddy, and then they
just left.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
No, they won.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
The bad guys won the round because they got the skull
.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Oh, that's right.
They did get the skull, you'reright.
So they left.
We win.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
We're losing.
Here's my problem.
Yeah, they're hanging from.
Somehow this truck gets wrappedup in vines.
Yeah, the vines go over the topof it somehow.
Somehow they go over the topand grab it and then the bridge
turns upside down and the truckis hanging upside down,

(31:13):
thankfully locked in vinessomehow, which doesn't that's
yes oh sure, thankfully, doesn'tmake any sense, dan.
they didn't drive throughanything different that they
hadn't driven through before.
What are these vines, I don'tknow.
But then he's hanging on a vinewith the kid.
He shoots the other side of thevine.
Yes, now, just mathematicallyspeaking, if this vine would not

(31:39):
work, they splattered into theside of this mountain, without a
doubt.
You can't somehow they traveledup.
It doesn't make any sense.
I didn't like it.
Think of a different way to getout of it.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
At the Jungle Patrol station.
We meet the captain, we learnabout some looters and we learn
about the ghost who walks andeverybody's like he's immortal
and the captain's like no suchthing.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Now we get to Tony's favorite scene, Dan, just real
quickly, though.
The ghost who walks doesn'tsound like someone dressed up in
a purple leotard.
You know what I mean.
I found that a littleoff-putting If I saw.
Even if I thought he was aghost, that's not what would
come to my mind.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Well, because we don't really even understand
what the system is here, right?
Nope, we're like.
Well, who are the?
These are the British that arein control of something, and who
are they fighting against?
And what are they?

Speaker 2 (32:39):
controlling.
Who is he fighting against?
He lives in a cave on an islandthat doesn't get a lot of
visitors.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Well, he fights looters and poachers and people
looking for the dinosaurgraveyard, shit like that.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
Do they mention a dinosaur graveyard in this?

Speaker 1 (32:56):
movie, no, but you know, oh, that would be cool.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
And the three skulls.
Don't forget the four skulls,sorry.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
Don't forget about that.
He doesn't even know.
He doesn't even know, hedoesn't even know.
We've heard of them, whichyou'd think if that young boy
knew where the cave was that hadthe gold skull in it.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
There's obviously some sort of myth to it that
everybody seems to know.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
And your problem with all this is we've all seen
Indiana.
We've all seen Indiana Jones.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah, Unfortunately we have yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
Everything in Indiana Jones is set up.
So you know that first act inIndiana Jones is unimpeachable.
I mean, probably if you reallylook at that whole movie it's
unimpeachable.
But just even just you know allthe beats to that first thing.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, for sure, because they basically invented
the perfect movie.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, going through the.
You know, here we are with theguide.
We get to the thing, we go.
There we go traps, traps, traps.
We get to the thing we do.
The sand shift Gets the goldthing Runs out.
The ball Shoots out.
Boom, there's Belloc, give methe skull.
He runs away.
Start your movie.
You know, start the plane,start the plane Jumps on, the

(34:06):
plane flies away and we're justlike.
I remember the day I don'tremember a lot of days I went to
see movies.
I remember the day I stoodoutside a theater at 11 o'clock
in the morning.
I was one of the 12 people togo in and see Indiana Jones in a
preview, no less.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
Wow, look at you clock.
In the morning I was one of the12 people to go in and see
Indiana Jones in a preview.
No less Wow, before it evencame out.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
Was it the Fox Theater?
The Fox Theater used to be.
You just remember watching thatmovie, going like, okay, this
is like we got to have.
I got to have Star Wars andIndiana Jones as childhood
things.
I got to see very early on andyou're just like, okay, what the
hell?
Well, I got to see very earlyon and you're just like okay
what the hell?

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Well, I got to see Monster Squad and the Lost Boys
as a child, so I mean, I thinkI'm winning out of the two of us
.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
Oh, that's so sad.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Two of the greatest films ever made.
You know, what Four of them?
How about that?
I'll give yours a little love.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Talk about the topless scene, Tony.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
When Billy Zane's just hanging out naked and his
buddy is like telling him toread a book, and then his dad
appears.
I don't understand this exactly.
If I'm being 100% honest withyou, so they're reading some
sort of he's doing research.
What do you call it?
Yeah, but like a book on theisland, is that?

Speaker 1 (35:27):
yeah, he has his tomes from all over the world.
He's doing his research to findout about the skull the little
asian boy is putting.
Of course they're in africa,but he has, like an indian asian
boy, bruce's servant, who youknow.
It's like if you want to see amovie, where everybody in the
movie is white except maybe thevillain, there's a lot of white

(35:48):
people.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
On this island, no less Like.
It's very confusing.
I didn't understand where wewere for most of the movie.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
So the kid is putting salves on his wounds and he's
like go away, kid, I don't needany salves on my wounds.
It's like Batman does not tellalfred to f off when alfred's
trying to fix it to batman well,alfred would beat the shit out
of him.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
Yes, um, but he is topless and he is cut up.
Billy, billy got in shape forthis movie I'll tell you that mr
zane looks good, we find out.
This is is pre-Titanic right.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Way, way pre-Titanic.
Good for him.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
Titanic's, probably 10 years later, at least 10?

Speaker 2 (36:34):
I can't be 10.
That's too many.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Let's see if it's before 2006, 2005.
Okay, so there's these threeskulls.
The bad guys now have one.
They got to get two more tohave this energy source.
And then his dad shows up.
We find out that his dad is aghost, patrick McGowan.
He just shows up and gives himcrap.
Mostly, he just gives him crap.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
Pretty much.
It's the weirdest.
I just don't understand what'shappening.
He shows up and kind of makesfun of him a little bit, calls
him an idiot, kind of is likeyou, do you let him get the
skull?
Boy, oh boy, what adisappointment.
And then he disappears.
When this guy disappeared, dan,I was so confused I I didn't

(37:17):
understand what was happening atall.
It took me a while to figureout that this person is either
in his head or is an actualghost.
We never, never, learn what thetruth is.
He's a ghost, are you sure?
Yeah for sure he's a ghost.
Why can nobody else see himever?
That's not how ghosts work, isit?
I mean?
it can be they regulate thatshit they can control who sees

(37:41):
them and who doesn't.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
That's pretty nice we go to Long Island, New York.
There's a party, we meet Dianaand it's a charity dinner.
Xander Drax oh wait, we learnthat Xander Drax is a New York
guy.
He's a thug.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
She goes into the kitchen.
Except for he's not a thug,he's actually quite posh.
When for he's not a thug, he'sactually quite posh.
Like when they described him asa thug, I was very surprised
when it was Treat Williams andhe was acting not like a thug.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
He's a rich guy that's incontrol of the police and the
mob and everything.
He's got it all In the kitchen.
She gets hit on by this floppyguy.
She's making herself a sandwich.
We find out the dad runs anewspaper and they're working on
the story of your life andsomebody oh, and maybe Drax is

(38:35):
talking to him and he's likeDrax is like, drax shows up,
treat Williams, yeah, very fun.
Oh yeah.
Drax is like oh, maybe I'lljust buy your newspaper, right,
because the newspaper is goingto write a bad article about him
.
And he's like you know, maybeI'll just buy that.
And he's like not everything isfor sale.
And then Drax says of course Iget what I want.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah, I get what I want.
Yeah, great, great stuff.
Yeah, really laying thegroundwork.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah, it sets up what his thing is.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
Honestly, all of the scenes with Treat Williams I did
enjoy Because again he's in adifferent movie.
You know, like he is campy,he's having some fun.
He's playing this up and I loveit.
I'm having a great time withhim.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
He does have one.
He has a couple of really goodscenes.
So they find so he's on thisquest for the supernatural power
.
So they're going to send theniece to the jungle to find out
what's going on.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
The police chief, which is a decision you would
never make, by the way.
But that's fine.
Let me send my niece to thejungle to deal with the bad guys
.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Talking about why you know she has to tag along with
some reporter, but whatever saidlike a guy, just be like this
is.
This is a guy that works in thenewsroom or the mail room, just
send him I don't know cannonfodder or it's almost like in
the Mummy you have the brotherand then the sister, and the
brother plays this great role.
So good you just think aboutthe Mummy, and you just think

(40:07):
about all the great roles.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
Everybody gets a good role.
I think about the Mummy a lot,by the way.
It's a perfect film.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Okay, so she gets on the airplane, goes on the
airplane.
Drax meets this.
Oh God, this scene.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Is this your favorite ?

Speaker 1 (40:22):
scene in the whole movie.
No, no, this scene is just so.
This is your classic moviescene that just is so
unnecessary.
Drax meets with Dr Fleming,who's the head librarian at the
library, who leaked thisinformation to the newspaper.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
To the press?

Speaker 1 (40:38):
yeah, but he says he didn't leak the stuff.
And I says he didn't leak thestuff.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
And I'm inclined to believe him that he didn't leak
this to the newspaper.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
Oh, you believe him?
Yes, because Dan, can I ask youwill?

Speaker 2 (40:48):
you look at this microbe underneath this
microscope for me, for a secondDan.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
I'm inclined to believe him because he doesn't
even act scared.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Well, you're a sucker , then Dan, okay, me and Treat.
We know he's a liar.
All right, this guy's lying upand down, he's not lying though,
like, like.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
That's the one thing I've learned in my improvs.
In my improv and about actingis an actor knows what they're
supposed to be doing in thescene.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
Right, so they, they, they give us these subtle clues
where you're going with it.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
Okay, okay he is not acting, you know, like if drax
is like.
So somebody leaked this to meand he's like I'm the only one
that has that information thathe should make like a little
face, like right be like I, Ididn't uh, uh, you're caught.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
You gotta be a little bit caught.
This guy is like I didn't do it.
I didn't do that, yeah, okaynobody can have that information
.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
I I believe his acting is such that he wants us
to believe and it's like itcan't be like the double switch
where he's like acting so goodto treat williams.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
That's not the point of the movie?
No, no, but that was his.
That was his motivation for thescene.
He was like you know what Ineed to convince?
Treat the actor that I amindeed innocent.
That was what that was what'sgoing through his head.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
So no, dan, that's very funny it's just so weird
because the scene just doesn'tmake any sense.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
You have to have something pending it gets worse.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
It gets a little worse here.
Like come go look in mymicroscope.
I've got something you want tosee.
The guy goes and looks in themicroscope.
I don't see anything.
He's like look closer.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Then he pushes the button no, no, no, no.
He says you have to adjust thefocus knob he makes this guy
stab his own eyes out with thefocus knob.
Focus knob.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
It is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life,
and we set up that he has thismicroscope on his desk to stab
people's eyes out.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Just, he uses this trick all the time.
Nobody talks about it, nobodyis ever like hey, listen, if you
go to his office, don't look inthe microscope, don't do it and
I mean he's, they stabs intothe guy's eyes and he's like, oh
you know, we cut away from itand we hear him screaming, and
it's just it doesn't seem likewhat drax does.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
It doesn't seem like the guy he is well, I mean,
you're right about that.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
How?
Here's what I'll say.
Though he takes he's, he tellsthe guy to look in the
microscope.
He says I'll hold your glasses,holds the guy's glasses, the
guy stabs his own eyes out,treat, breaks the glasses and
says I guess you won't beneeding these anymore.
I was like this is unbelievablebut this is the moment where I

(43:32):
was like this has to besatirical.
Yeah, like this if you arewriting a real movie, this scene
can't be in it.
No, it cannot physically be ina real world.
It's so bizarre.
And every once in a while thereare scenes where I'm like, no,
this is satiric, like we'remaking fun of ourselves, right,

(43:54):
but I don't know if we are.
I'm somewhere in between thosetwo things.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
And that's the thing.
It is kind of played seriously.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
Especially.
I mean especially when you'rein the billy zane scenes.
Yeah, there's no camp, there'sno looking at ourselves in the
mirror whatsoever, so it's justthese two.
It's.
I don't know, I'm I don't.
I don't know what happened, butthere was a miscommunication
somewhere.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
Now, because really it's these couple of scenes
where it just really goes southfor me.
Their airplane is havingtrouble, the fan hears about it
on the radio, and then we cut tothe plane sitting in a
perfectly flat mirrored thingwhich they probably shot on the
Paramount lot.
Oh, for sure there's like thisone pond that you can fill up

(44:42):
and it's just sitting there andthis other plane, seaplane,
floats up and they start machinegunning it randomly and then
it's like we want Diana Palmer.
They go on and they grab her andthe girl that grabs her turns
out to be Catherine Zeta-Jones.
And you're just like whoa, sheis super hot Smoking and she

(45:06):
punch smacks Diana like.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
Yeah, it's solid.
And then Diana tries to do itback and they hold her and the
other bad guys hold her back andI just thought that was very
unfair.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, life is unfair.
Life is unfair everybody.
So theantom doesn't do anythingwith the plane, but he's in the
captain's office and we findout that diana has been
kidnapped.
Okay, um, we go out there andhere's the kid that drove the
bad guys to the cave.
He's holding devil and hero,the horse, and then the kid

(45:44):
tells him where the I thinktells him where the bad guys are
so my question is is like doesthis kid not have a home or
parents?

Speaker 2 (45:53):
no, he's playing both sides oh, I see he said he's
trying to look out for numberone and that's himself whoever's
.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
whoever's, that's who he's paying for Good for him.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Whoever's got that dough?
He's a.
What's that called?
What's that Mercenary?
He's a mercenary, Truemercenary.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
Got it, okay, got it.
You got to be when you're anIndian kid living in an African
jungle.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
That seems Seems pretty nice over there, just
based on what I've seen in thismovie.
I'm in On a boat we have oh,the bad guys, I guess are on a
boat, were they on a?
Boat.
Maybe They've got Diana tied up.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Yeah, they are on a boat because eventually they
escape on like some sort of oh,they escape on the plane.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
No, no, no, they escape on the plane, they escape
on the red plane.
That's right, that is yeah,they got Luger to her head.
The Phantom's on the case.
He's checking it out.
He sees the boat, phantom getson the boat.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
Who does he burst in on first?
Just a women's locker room withsome women changing.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
It's great, and these are the bad guys, catherine.
Zeta Jones leads a wholesquadron of sexy ladies, sexy
air pirates.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
So this leads to my favorite line of the film, by
the way.
So he's in that locker roomarea, a bunch of women changing,
and then someone pulls a gun onhim.
So he jumps down the laundrychute yes, lands at the bottom
of the laundry chute.
Sees Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
That's where they've got Diana tied up with Catherine
Zeta-Jones In the laundry room,like you do, okay.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
I mean, where else are you going to put her, Dan?
Okay, you got to put her towork, right, that is true.
So he jumps down the chute andsees Catherine Zeta-Jones and
Diana and he goes what is this?
A ship full of women?
I mean, this line isunbelievable.
He does not deliver it as ajoke whatsoever.

(47:58):
It feels like he's genuinelyasking Catherine Zeta-Jones is
this a ship full of?
women.
But that line is so funny.
It's so funny Women up here,women down here.
What is this?
A ship full of women.
I almost died.
It was so good.
Also, I want to give a quickshout out to when we see
Catherine Zetaeta jonesliterally carry diana into the

(48:22):
room and set her on a chairlegit, just carried another
person and I was like that'scool, good for you.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
Good for you um phantom immediately unties,
diana steals a gun and thenkatherine jada, jones, katherine
zeta jones kisses him.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Just kisses him.
What's happening, dan?
What's going on in this movie?
So she pulls a gun on him andis holding it to him and he's
looking at Diana with the gun athis back and he's like, well,
you got to be careful with guns,you never know when they're
going to fall out.
And then he just snatches thegun out of her hand and she just
stands there as he then untiesDiana and then her last ditch

(49:03):
effort is to kiss him on themouth.
I'm so confused.
I don't understand what'shappening.
But also, billy Zane makes thewrong choice in this moment.
She was hot, you stay there.
You say Diana, just get out.
I'm going to stay back here andcheck things out for a little
bit.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
I need to convo with someone.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
It's just so weird, this movie is so bizarre.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
Then Diana gets up and knocks Catherine Zeta-Jones
out.
Bam.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Yeah, great, you know , nice payback from the punch.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
They go out, the bad guys grab them.
One of the bad guys holds a bigcomical wrench to the phantom's
stomach Big comical wrench.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Big comical wrench.
And yet somehow this movie nota satire.
I don't understand it, dan.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Devil attacks.
Did you pay any attention tothe gun handling of the Phantom?

Speaker 2 (50:04):
Not even a little bit .
Probably.
It didn't register, although Idid feel like at one point he
was supposed to be pointing itthis way and he was somehow like
his hand was cocked sideways,so his arm was on the right,
camera right, but the barrel waspointed camera left and I just
like weird.
I don't know where he'sshooting right now.
It was really weird.

(50:26):
He's terrible I mean, I don'tknow anything about guns, but he
seemed I mean either incrediblyterrible about it but I mean,
I've seen john wick, so I knowwhat they're supposed to look
like, and this is not what itlooked like so there's the
seaplane, they, they jump on theseaplane, they fly away.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
The bad guys are like , oh, they're escaping in a
plane, let's chase them in atruck and horses, yep.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
But the good news is it works.
So I mean we can make fun ofthem all we want, but they
nailed it it was the rightchoice.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
Phantom's dog goes and talks to the Phantom's horse
, tells the horse what'shappening.
The horse is like okay, I'm onthis now.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Hold on.
We have to reiterate that, dan,because I think if people
haven't seen the movie they'regoing to think you're being
farcical.
This wolf literally walks up tothe horse, barks or whatever.
Does a wolf bark?
He barks, or whatever Does awolf bark?
He barks, and then the horsenods.
The horse is like yes, yes, yes, let's do that, and then they

(51:30):
run off together.
We never talk about that again.
There's never any other animalsthat have a conversation.
These two animals had alegitimate conversation in this
movie and we don't talk about itat all.
That's crazy, dan.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
You have to give us a line like ah, you know, she
asked Dan to say how did yourhorse get here?
And he's like well, devil Bridetold him the.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
Devil told him all about it.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
She looks at him like he's crazy, but you know we're
all like there, it is the two ofthem talk.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
But instead we just watch that happen and we are
forced to accept it.
There's not a moment to stop.

Speaker 1 (52:08):
It is wild they run out of fuel.
She has to climb onto thepontoon and he jumps onto the
horse.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
She jumps on I don't think this is right.
Well, it's not right.
Finish, and then I'm going totalk to you about airplanes.
Real quick, okay.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
She jumps onto the horse.
He jumps onto the horse.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
And then they're on the horse and they've escaped
from the plane, and then theairplane keeps flying straight
and then hits a mountain andblows up.
I thought they were out of gas.
They're running low on gas yeah, they're running low, so can't
you just land the plane?
No place to land it?
No place to land it.
Yeah, you're on an island.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
There's a clearing right there.
We're losing altitude.
Yeah, he knows where all thetrees are so he knows what's
going to happen.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Okay, he knows what's gonna happen.
Okay, he knows what's gonnahappen.
Yeah, he knows exactly.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
It's, uh, it's, I don't, it's wild stuff, man
there are stunts that get youexcited and then there are
stunts that you're just like oh,now we have to watch another
person jump, like why, why arewe?

Speaker 2 (53:15):
doing this.
What's happening?
And it doesn't.
It's not fast.
Let me just tell you.
They're like.
He's like oh boy, we're almostout of gas.
Let's climb down.
Six minutes later, they'refinally on the horse.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
It's ridiculous then boom, here come the bad guys,
you know because they they werelockstep right.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
They knew what was happening driving through the
forest.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
they could see where the plane was.
They chased, they crashed intoa log.
The guys on the horses ride towhere the secret tribe on the
island is and then they getgrabbed by ropes and everyone's
like ah.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
This is my second favorite line of the movie.
Don't brush by it, Dan.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
The tribe eats well tonight Okay.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
What's the line?
So the, the, they get them,they get the bad guys all
tangled up.
And then diana asks, uh,phantom.
She's like, how did you do that?
and he says, and I quote myfriends, the rope people no, he
doesn't say that I swear to god,dan, I watched it three times
to make sure he says the ropepeople.
He doesn't say that.
I swear to god, dan, I watchedit three times to make sure he

(54:22):
says the rope people.
He doesn't have a real name forthis tribe, he just calls them
the rope people.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
That's gotta be like the most offensive thing that
ever happened.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
There's no way, I swear to god, to you dad, he
says the rope people and it'sjust nonchalantly, that's all.
I just can't believe it.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
I'm going to order the novelization of the movie
and I'm going to read whathappens.
Did you have the subtitles on?
We always have subtitles on Ican't escape it in this stupid
house, it said the rope people.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
I'm telling you, dan, I guarantee you it's rope
R-O-P-E people.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
Did you buy this movie or did you just rent it?

Speaker 2 (55:08):
I bought it.
I had to buy it.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
Are you kidding me?
Go back and watch it.

Speaker 2 (55:10):
I'm going to go back and watch it, because I don't
think I'm glad I bought this.
I'll definitely watch thisagain.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
He rides them, rides her to his secret hideout, which
is just a big skull cave thateveryone can see.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Which is confusing.
The skulls didn't give him hispower, he seems weirdly obsessed
with skulls.
I understand that now.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Well, that's where they live.
He's so obsessed with skulls.
But that's part of theincantation in the beginning of
the thing, where he can see.
I mean, he has the power to seeghosts.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
You mean ghost Singular, I mean, he only sees
one ghost.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
It might be an avatar thing.
He might also see his grandpaoccasionally, if his grandpa has
something to add.

Speaker 2 (55:56):
His grandpa's just not as big as a dick as his dad
was, so he doesn't come in andmock him all the time so he gets
there and he's like, wait herein the cave they.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
He runs to his treasure cave, his bonus
treasure cave, and he's like oh,what would she like?
What would she like?
What would she like?
He pulls out a string of blackpearls, runs back there, gives
her the black pearls.
I didn't write the line down,but there's like a weird line
where he's like yeah, this isfor you.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
He says I wanted to give you something to remember
me by.
And she's all like yeah, Ithink.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
I'm gonna remember by all the shit that went down.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
The guy in the purple jumpsuit that just saved my
life and we jumped off a plane.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Yeah, I'm gonna forget you but thank God, I have
the pearls.
Oh, remember One of thosepearls.
Oh, that reminds me of whathappened last week.
Oh Jesus, this is crazy, it'sjust so weird.
Here comes the captain guy fromthe garrison and he's like
smoking out and his little.
Indian assistant's like nosmoking in the skull cave.

(56:58):
No smoking in the skull cave, Imean, there you go.
There's one of those lines thatsnuck through where it's like
none of that's real.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
That's not.
If you're writing a real movie,that line's not in it, right?

Speaker 1 (57:10):
So we find out that she's come here to do a job, and
then he's like no, you'releaving, we're putting you on a
plane, you're going home.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
We're just gonna send you right back, you've flown
off.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
You've done all this legwork for nothing.
We're just kicking you back out, yeah.
And then we get the line that Ihad to go back and re-watch and
turned on the subtitles becauseI wanted to get this right.
The captain says nobody argueswith the Phantom and wins yeah,
you have to call that back.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
Well, they kind of call it back, but they miss it
At the very end when he asks herto marry him or whatever he
says she's like.
And what if I refuse?
And he says no one refuses thePhantom, which is super rapey
and not what they said earlier.
So they should have connectedthose a little bit better, but

(58:06):
they did try and then we findout that that's an old jungle
saying.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
That is an old jungle saying what is an old jungle
saying?

Speaker 2 (58:16):
I don't understand what that means.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
Explain it to me now we're back in new york city.
We've the, we've brought theskull to drax.
We find out that they polishedit with toothpaste I don't, yeah
, I don't.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
Is that?
Why is that even mentioned?
I have no idea, it's I wrote itdown too, and I was just like
why are we, why are we talkingabout that?
Like is that going to come back?

Speaker 1 (58:40):
But no, that is some inside joke between some people
that they put in there Maybethat's what they did on set.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Maybe, like the props department was like we got to
shine this thing up, they mighthave got some toothpaste Put it
in the movie and we find outthat Quill, the henchman guy,
killed his dad, Phantom, and hasthe belt.
And, at a certain point, startswearing the belt.
Yeah for sure.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
Super weird.
I don't notice it earlier,though, that's the weird part
about it, Like when they're inthe truck and stuff.
He's definitely not wearing it.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
He was not wearing it .
I don't believe.

Speaker 2 (59:13):
I mean it could have been.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
We missed it.
But they don't show it to us,they don't say look at this guy.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
They don't make a point of it, yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Yeah, the Phantom has Kit I don't know what Kit's
last name is has arrived in NewYork City also.
It's like Walker or somethingright.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
That sounds right yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
Yeah, he pays the cabbie in a bag of plastic gems
which he says are valuable.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Which they're not.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
They're not they're not valuable and somehow the
guy's supposed to wait for him.
But he also has time to go outand get them appraised to go get
them appraised.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
What are you talking about what?
He was only in there for 10minutes.
Where did this cab go?
I get an appraisal and thencome back and wait for him.

Speaker 1 (59:56):
Come on um, this is actually a scene I kind of liked
.
Drax is in the meeting room,head of police, head of the mob,
blah blah, blah.
Tell him about how he's gotthese skulls going on, going to
make this power.
And there's one of the gangsterguys named Ray.

(01:00:16):
Oh Ray, he's doing the thingand he's like I need to get the
three skulls and he's like kindof like, yeah, but you only got
one of them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
He, he kind of like roasts him about only having he
like, he turns, he goes Raymond,raymond Ray, I know the
location of the second skullokay this could have been a
great scene if they really justplayed this whole thing up and
100 you know he's like, I'm notgoing in for this supernatural

(01:00:48):
mumbo jumbo.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
I was an altar boy and he gets up and you know,
hold on, don't wait, don't do it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Don't do the end, because I have to talk about
this line real quick.
He's like I'm an altar boy, sowere you.
And then in the next sentencehe goes I don't believe in
anything but the power ofsomething that comes out of a
gun or something I was like.
Well then, why did you talkabout being an altar boy?
You either you're an altar boybecause you're godly and you
don't believe in thesupernatural, or you believe in

(01:01:13):
guns, and who cares doesn't makeany sense.
This character is not very welldefined, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
Okay, the scene doesn't work, but him roasting
him about only having one of thethree skulls.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
Which is great.
And then the end of the sceneis great.
I didn't mean to interrupt,finish it up.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
He picks a spear off.
Drex picks a spear off the wall.
Throws a spear at him.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
He throws a spear and kills him against the wall.
Kills him with a spear.
He throws a spear and kills himagainst the wall.
Kills him with a spear.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Once again, I mean yeah, we're like spear
microscope with blades.
We need a consistency to theweird ways he's going to kill
people.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
This guy doesn't care how he does it, dan, he's just
going to kill people for fun.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Getting it done.
And then the other, his raisedbuddy's like okay, I'm in charge
of the criminal activity.
Fine, boom, diana has arrivedback at her dad's building.
Here's Jimmy, the guy thatmacks on her.
He's like still macking on her,and then she goes up to the

(01:02:15):
office.
And then, boom, here's Kit, andwe find out that six years ago
they were friends in college.
You know more than just friends.

Speaker 2 (01:02:24):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
And you know there was a relationship there.
But he went back to the island.
Without telling her, apparently, without telling her not ever
communicating with her.
Yeah, she says he disappeared.
And then we lay out thatthere's three skulls.
And then Jimmy, this randomcharacter who has nothing to do
in the movie, goes like oh yeah,I know where one of those is.

(01:02:46):
I saw one of those Once again,really great scripting.
Just that you have random dudein the room who's like, he's
like I saw one of those one time.

Speaker 2 (01:02:57):
Yeah, yeah, I remember a skull.
I know as if there couldn't beany other skulls, but he's like.
I saw one of those one time.
Yeah, I remember a skull as ifthere couldn't be any other
skulls, but he's like.
I know exactly the skull you'retalking about.
I got you.
But also then he goes on totell him that it's in the Museum
of Natural History, or someshit.
What is it called World HistoryOf World History?
So it's in a very famous museum, I assume, on display, and
nobody else knows where thisthing is, except for this one

(01:03:19):
guy.

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
One random guy.
Yeah, it's very convenient.
They go back down there thecabbie is waiting In the cab
ride.
He's macking on Diana, somemore.
You vanished.
My pops died.
I had to go take over thefamily business.
We find out that the year is1939.
I guess maybe we talked aboutthat.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
I don't know if we did.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
I'm honest, I don't know.
Boom, they go inside Once again, the two of them walk in there
and they see this display withthe skull in it, and he starts
getting bent out of placebecause it's mis-displayed.
It's not where it should be.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
It's in the wrong time period.
It's something else.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
He's all mad about it , it's not where it should be.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
It's in the wrong time period.
It's something else.
He's all mad about it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
It's kind of funny.
And then he's like we got toget it.
And she's all like, well, wecan.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
And then he has just picked up a stanchion and thrown
it through the glass andthere's no alarm that goes off
by the way.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
I don't think that's false.

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
You off, by the way?
I don't think it I think that'sfalse 1939.
You don't think they had alarmsin 1939, not on something like
this no boy, but a lot of stuffgot stolen, probably.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
Um, and then boom, as soon as he has it, we turn
around and there's drax with allof his henchmen.
And drax is all like saying tothe people there I'm security,
I'm in charge charge there'ssnakes and sandwiches in the
hall of nature Y'all go downthere Unbelievable Great, just
really funny stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
And I believe, right at the end he goes bye-bye,
bye-bye, bye-bye.
Yep, that's exactly what hedoes.
That was one of my favoriteline readings of the whole movie
Because he is wonderful.
He is great in this movie.
And then he's like who are you?
A fellow collector?
And then he puts the two skullsin the one bag and they start

(01:05:11):
smoking.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
And then this actually is his most fun scene.
This is his most fun scene, ohfor sure, by far.
So we have to talk about thisbecause then we're going to talk
about it again later.
There is a callback, sort ofKit or sorry.
Treat goes, who are you, yeah,and Billy Zane answers Kit
Walker.
And then, for some reason,treat goes and who is Kit Walker

(01:05:35):
?
I was like, what does that mean?
Well, he's your name.
Doesn't mean anything to me,right, exactly.
I mean it's just it's a funnyway of saying that like it's
like, okay, I've never heard ofyou.
I think it's just like and whois kit?
What?
Like?
Explain more to me.
Who is this kit walker?
Who are?
Uh, I just love it.
And then later that plays intowhen he meets the pirate.

(01:05:56):
But we'll put a pin in that, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
so the skull starts smoking and then he just starts
going crazy.
He's like it's beautiful, andthen the stained glass windows
all started exploding and he'slike I love this For no reason.
Yep.
And then there's just thisrandomly placed map high on the
wall and the lasers shoot out.
Of the two things?

Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
Yeah, of course high on the wall and the lasers shoot
.
Thank god, yeah, of course so,first of all, they say earlier
that the two, the two skullstogether will lead you to the
third skull that's what?
That's the whole thing.
He says that the phantom nevergets.

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
That he's that's right.
About that you're right, whichis, which is interesting, that
he would know it based onnothing.
I mean, that's how these thingswork in this movie if the
phantom knew that it would bemore interesting, right, sure,
he's like.
We can't let him get the secondthing, because then that'll
point him to the third thing,because then it'll point him.
And then when it happens thatthey start pointing to where he

(01:06:52):
needs to go, he needs to makethat realization.
The Phantom's going to try andstop it, but then Drax has that
realization.
That's dramatic.
The way they have it now,you've got it backwards you got
it backwards.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
But it's just great that there's a map on the wall
because it turns out the waythat the skull points them to
the third skull.
Is it laser pointers on the mapon the wall of the location of
the third skull?
So imagine if you had gone to aroom without a map.
How would it have told youwhere it's going to go?

Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
Would have had to shoot a further laser beam.
You'd had to follow that laserbeam to a map.
It's just so weird.
His final line, when it'sshooting up there.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
Then he goes wow, wow , oh, it's shooting up there he
goes wow, Wow, oh, it's good.
Yeah, he just he kooks a littlein this scene and I love it,
it's great.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
Everybody walks out, they take off, the cabbie
follows.
We ask somebody who their nameis, and then they get beat up.
I guess maybe it's Kit Walkerer, but they already know his name
they sure do yeah, I don't know, I don't know, whatever.
So then he's like, yeah, gothrow him off the roof.
They go up to the stairway.
He fights them in the stairway,slips into the electrical room

(01:08:11):
or, no, the machine room.
Quick changes then they come andthey all fight in the machine
room for a little while.
Then they leave and lock him inthe machine room.

Speaker 2 (01:08:22):
Yeah, I mean, if you can't win the fight, just lock
him in a room where he can't getout.
That's pretty smart actually.

Speaker 1 (01:08:28):
Oh, then he goes down the elevator shaft, doesn't he?

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
Yeah, sure, I guess he escapes through the elevator
shaft.
Yeah, I don't know, it doesn'treally matter.

Speaker 1 (01:08:38):
It doesn't matter.
Elevator shaft yeah, I don'tknow, it doesn't really matter,
turns out, the bad guys havefigured out where they need to
go and where do they have to go,dan?
Oh no, that no, hold on, wehave.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
He hasn't slid down the elevator yet they have to go
to the devil's vortex thedevil's vortex and what happens
in the devil's vortex it's thesame as the bermuda triangle
it's the exact same as thebermuda trial.
Could they not say BermudaTriangle in this?
I was just.
He literally goes.
We have to go to the Devil'sVortex and one of his henchmen

(01:09:06):
is like the place where allthose ships keep disappearing.
I was like what you mean?
The Bermuda Triangle?

Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
What's happening and the island they go to is kind of
Bermuda Triangle, which I thinkWell, because Bermuda Triangle,
like one of the things is thatyou know people from all.
You to find people from allages there, and it kind of the
bad guys kind of are from allages, sort of.

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
Yeah, you know, yeah, but I don't know.
It's bizarre.

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
The police kept.
Oh, he tells the police captainto kill the phantom.
The police captain slides downthe elevator, follows the car
and gets chased by cops, butthen also has to steal a horse.
And then there's police onmotorcycles.
These motorcycles that thepolice are driving back in 1939
can do some fantastic thingsthey sure can.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
They look a lot like motorcycles that might be made
nowadays.
In 1996, with some paint.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
And had shit glued on them.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
That makes it look like they're old timey Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
My favorite is they're going through Central
Park and here's the police ontheir motorcycles and he's
riding on his horse and they'reboth like.
You're like what is happening?

Speaker 2 (01:10:14):
These police are just shooting at him Shooting, open
firing yeah, oh, it's goodshooting at him, shooting open
firing yeah, oh, it's good uh,he jumps, goes into the zoo
that's there, which I guess theyshot at the los angeles zoo
maybe.
I think I read that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:29):
Oh, okay, um, good jump scare.
The guys are walking around andboom, a tiger jumps at them.

Speaker 2 (01:10:33):
That was a good jump scare it sure was, and
unexpected, because that doesn'tfit in this movie, but I loved
it.
I love it.
Way to you know, bring in newtools, that's you know.
You got to keep your audienceon their toes.

Speaker 1 (01:10:46):
They're blabbing.

Speaker 2 (01:10:48):
In the car.

Speaker 1 (01:10:50):
No, the car rides the two cops are blabbing, okay,
and then eventually he, he'slike in the pen with the tiger.
He climbs out.
They see him, they think theymaybe shoot at him and he kind
of he gets to do some of hisbest phantom creepings, we kind
of juke into this the ghost whowalks.
Yeah, now the girl I wrote.

(01:11:13):
Girls fight in the car, right,I guess Catherine, jada Jones
and Diana are in the car andthey're fighting.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
So, yeah, diana's looking back and she's like he's
going to come.
And then Catherine Jada Jonesis like he's not going to come,
he's probably already dead.
And then Diana says why are youso mean?
I lost my shit again.
Why are you so mean?
I mean that doesn't belong inany movie, but I loved it.

(01:11:44):
Just genius, genius writingright there.

Speaker 1 (01:11:49):
He's in the cab, he's talking to his dad and we find
out that Quill was the one thatkilled him.
And then he's all like Dad,there's a girl.
And Dad's like Dad, shakes hishand.
Dad, there's a girl.

Speaker 2 (01:11:59):
And Dad's like, dad like shakes his hand.

Speaker 1 (01:12:02):
Good job finding a girl.

Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
It's so weird.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
It's weird the bad guys get on like this.
Another pontoon boat and thePhantom hangs onto the pontoon
the whole time.

Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
Yeah, Tom Cruise did it before Tom Cruise got to hang
out a plane.

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
Well, what's his name ?
Indiana Jones did it with thesubmarine in the first movie.

Speaker 2 (01:12:25):
Sure, but that's different than a plane, dan,
same bit.
Okay.
One of them goes through theair, one of them goes through
the water.

Speaker 1 (01:12:32):
We have this weird Went through the water.
We have this weird couplescenes on the plane when they're
like smoke doing, smoke ringseating donuts yeah, yep no
reason other than, I think, justto fill time, to make it feel
like they're traveling somewhereyou know, because if you just
like he, jumped on the boat andthen or the plane and then he's

(01:12:54):
just there, you know, you don'treally feel like he's been
hanging on very long.
So and then, through the fog,they see an island.
The Phantom almost falls off,but he doesn't.
They land At a certain point hebails off, so that you know,
into the water, into the water.
And then they get on a littleboat and we begin act three.

Speaker 2 (01:13:18):
Woo Great.
The first two acts perfect,Absolutely perfect.
No notes.

Speaker 1 (01:13:23):
Talk about they go into the cave on their little
boat.
Talk about where we're doingAct 3.

Speaker 2 (01:13:31):
I mean in a cave.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (01:13:33):
What's in the cave, Tony?

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
It's a pirate ship that's been, I don't know,
crashed.
Is it a crashed pirate ship oris it floating't know crashed?
Is it a crashed pirate?

Speaker 1 (01:13:41):
ship, or is it?

Speaker 2 (01:13:42):
is it floating?

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
it's like pirates of the caribbean.
We're worried it is 100 andit's great.

Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
It's also they mentioned the black, black
pearls.
That's what he gives her as agift do you think that this is?
Is this what began?
The pirates of the carib.

Speaker 1 (01:13:58):
It's proto.
They proto'd it up.
It's just so weird.
There's like a little town,it's almost like a little town,
but it's not because you knowthat no one lives here.

Speaker 2 (01:14:10):
Well, the pirates live there.

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
They're not really stomping on sand.
They're stomping on like afiberglass.

Speaker 2 (01:14:16):
Yeah, that's for sure .

Speaker 1 (01:14:21):
And there's like we're going to find out.
There's a weird littlesubmarine bay that you can like
make the submarine turn.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
I was very confused about that.
I don't understand how or whythat's there, um, but you know,
like, because this is thebermuda triangle, right?
So the?
I guess these are just shipsthat have been lost to time,
even maybe the future you know,could be um boom this.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
Some weird guys appear and they're the same
brotherhood and we're like well,here's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:14:51):
But I guess crete isn't part of the same
brotherhood right, it's just theone guy, just just the one
henchman that we followed at thebeginning has the tattoo.
Nobody else does so.
He shows his tattoo and he'slike we're all the same.
But they're not all the same,it's a lie.

Speaker 1 (01:15:08):
They're not buying it .
And this is the point at whichCatherine Zeta-Jones' character
switches from being a bad guy tobeing a good guy Just switches
sides, because one of the badguys is trying to take diana as
her own, and so she's all likegirl power fights him off and
says I think us girls shouldstick together.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
Now in my mind this all changed in the car ride.
When diana said why are you somean?
Catherine was like why am I somean?
You know know what?
That's a great question.
She did some soul searching onthe way to the cave and she's
good now.

Speaker 1 (01:15:46):
Should we have done like a scene when they were on
the plane, where she's like youknow where you have the thought
bubble.
She's like I am mean, I am mean, why am I mean?
Weird, I should work on that?

Speaker 2 (01:15:56):
Yeah, it's bizarre.
Why am I mean Weird?
I should work on that.
Yeah, it's bizarre.
I mean, when she switches sides, I was so confused.
There is no inclination thatit's going to happen, she just
fully switches.
It's great, it's great.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
We've got in the lagoon, there's sort of a river
that's sort of not in the cave.
There's sort of a river thatsort of goes around.
And here we go, two sharks inshark formation, two just sorry,
two plastic sharks that theypull on a rope to make it look
like they're swimming.

Speaker 2 (01:16:29):
I love those sharks, um so, um so.
My favorite part of this iswhen uh Drax meets the head
pirate.
Well, hold on one second beforewe do that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:45):
Oh, okay, the phantom has worked his way in there and
he runs around and and does hisphantom moves and tries to act
like something dynamic ishappening when nobody knows he's
there and nobody knows wherehe's at.

Speaker 2 (01:17:00):
And then Catherine Zeta-Jones sees him and doesn't
tell on him.
She does see him at a certainpoint.

Speaker 1 (01:17:05):
Yeah, great stuff.
Does he give her the quiet?
He gives her something.

Speaker 2 (01:17:10):
He does something.
It might just be a nod, I can'tremember, but he does
acknowledge that they made eyecontact for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:17:16):
So the Asian pirates shows up?
And what happens when the Asianpirate shows up?

Speaker 2 (01:17:23):
Okay, so he comes out , the pirate leader comes out
and they have this scene againwhere it's like who are you?
Hold on.
He says who are you?
And he's like I'm Drac, what ishis name?

Speaker 1 (01:17:35):
Xander Drac.
And then he spells his name forhim X d e r d r a.

Speaker 2 (01:17:44):
it's very funny I've never seen that before in a
movie of my entire life.
Literally spells his name outso that he'll know two x's.
It's so good now wait.

Speaker 1 (01:17:58):
Now I've written down a line Treat pulls out the
scrolls.

Speaker 2 (01:18:01):
Oh, you wrote something down.

Speaker 1 (01:18:02):
And then he says you represent the pig-leg Pete's.
Why does he say so?

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
he's saying basically he's like we should combine our
forces, because I'm the futureand you are like this old and he
does.
He says peg leg peats and hesaid something else.
He's like with our powerscombined, it was.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
It's not a great sales pitch, that's all uh, we
also find out that with thefourth skull you can control the
power, or that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:30):
I think the pirate tells him that yeah, the pirates
like and what about the fourthskull?
Nobody knew about the fourthskull except for the pirate I.
I don't know if I buy it.

Speaker 1 (01:18:38):
The one monster they have with them.
He gets mad, and so they shoothim with a cannon and he is
comically, his comically, hisbody flies across the room,
which is a dummy it's great it'sbeautiful, it's very silly and
it's a cannonball and you'retelling me this isn't a

(01:19:01):
satirical movie, this is it'stongue in cheek.
I'm telling you and then thephantom swings in, and then we
have a bunch.
She shouts the swords right outof their hands.
At one point, drax runs away.
The bad guy swings down, fightswith the bad guy.
The bad guy falls in with thesharks.

(01:19:22):
They run out of bullets, they,I think they cut, cut something
and the net falls out of theceiling.

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
Oh wait, wait, there's I mean this is nonsense,
by the way, this, this battleis nonsense, yeah, but, and a
net falls out of the ceiling.
Oh, wait, wait, dan.
I mean this is nonsense.
By the way, this battle isnonsense, but there's a great
moment we missed that I got toshout out when Treat is trying
to convince the Pirate King.
That's what I'm going to callhim, pirate King, to join forces
.
He's like there's been a lot oftalk about the Phantom.
He's like but guess what?

(01:19:50):
We've got this.
This is his girlfriend.
And like, gives, gives dianaover to the pirate queen.
And the pirate king is like ohgood, I'm gonna enjoy this later
.
And jude goes.
Oh good, personal pleasures.
I overlooked that.
It's he's so good.
If this movie was just on thelevel of treat williams, sure it

(01:20:12):
would be a cult classic.
For sure it wouldn't havelanded at the time.
I don't think, probably not butI think that it would have lived
on in infamy for sure likepeople would love it now what
are you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:20:24):
you're making all sorts of weird noises.
You got the hiccups.

Speaker 2 (01:20:27):
I think the dog has the hiccups oh no, you got the
hiccups maybe not tell her tobend over and hold her breath
and then drink water yeah, wegot it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:41):
Um, okay, we put the girls in the sub and then right,
he's messing with.

Speaker 2 (01:20:50):
They do the dan goodsell line here because
they're like well, where's?
How do you know where it'sgonna go?
And he's like I'm gonna lookdown the periscope and make sure
it's clear.
Great, what, what?
You don't need to do that, butgood on them.

Speaker 1 (01:21:03):
he does look down the periscope, he runs the controls
and then somehow he loses what?
The third skull to Drax.
He fights Quill and takes hisdad's belt back.
I write the skulls fly aroundand then Drax lasers Quill, so
Quill's dead.

Speaker 2 (01:21:23):
Yeah, on accident, his own man.

Speaker 1 (01:21:25):
Then he lasers at the Phantom and then the Phantom
skull ring it's purple versusgreen and then lasers back
somehow phantom, and then thephantom skull ring.

Speaker 2 (01:21:33):
It's purple versus green and then, yeah, like
lasers back somehow I.
I don't understand how it works, but that's fine, everything
blows up.

Speaker 1 (01:21:39):
The submarine has shot out.
Somehow there's a chain behindthe submarine and then the
phantom grabs the chain to bedragged out.
Is that what?

Speaker 2 (01:21:48):
happens.
It's like, yeah, it's like whenyou go tubing you know like
you're on that rope and that'shis rope.
I will say I did like some ofthese stunts as this cave is
exploding, yeah, and people arelike flipping off the ship and
explosions.
It reminds me a lot of likegoing to see the Waterworld show
at Universal Studios.

Speaker 1 (01:22:06):
Sure.

Speaker 2 (01:22:07):
It's great.
By the way, if you've neverseen that show, go see that show
.
It's really.
By the way, if you've never,seen that show.

Speaker 1 (01:22:11):
Go see that show.
It's really cool.
They still have that show don'tthey?

Speaker 2 (01:22:13):
Yeah, absolutely 100% .
That's how cool it is, becausethey jump off high dives and
shit.
It's awesome.
But that's what it reminded meof.
I thought that was all right.
It was pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
Do they still run the same exact cowboy show in that
one theater that they've beenrunning since the 70s?

Speaker 2 (01:22:30):
Oh, I don't know about that.
I don't go to cowboy shows, Igo to water world shows.

Speaker 1 (01:22:38):
Everything blows up, he holds onto the sub chain and
then the whole island just blowsup, just for good measure.

Speaker 2 (01:22:44):
Yeah, everything's gone Somehow.

Speaker 1 (01:22:48):
they're now back in the jungle.

Speaker 2 (01:22:53):
Well, first the sub stops, stops and he climbs on
board and opens the door andhe's like we're safe, but
they're in the middle of theocean and the submarine has
stopped running.
I don't understand.
But then now they transportback to the show.

Speaker 1 (01:23:06):
I guess they took the sub all the way back to where
they needed to be yeah.
He tells the story to Diana inthe cave there's a plane waiting
and for Mrs.
Oh, somebody comes in and saysthere's a plane waiting for Mrs
Palmer, and then he horse ridesher to the plane and Catherine
Zeta-Jones is driving the plane.

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
Hold on, you're skipping over very important
details here.
The story that he's telling herin his cave of wonders is that
he needs to pass the mantle downto his son.
He is propositioning this womanto have his children in this

(01:23:49):
cave right now.

Speaker 1 (01:23:50):
So there's more phantoms coming soon.

Speaker 2 (01:23:52):
So there's more phantoms coming soon.
So there's more phantoms in thefuture, and it is so weird.
I don't know how you felt aboutit, but I was very
uncomfortable with this story,as he's holding her captive in
his cage, yeah, so then he goesto the Horses, are over to the
plane and Catherine Zeta-Jonesis there, and then Diana's like

(01:24:13):
hey, take off your mask, kit KitKit Walker, because she already
knows she figured it out, andthen he's all like I intend to
marry you, well, he says I canonly take off my mask for the
one I am to marry, yes, However.
However, there are two womenhere.

(01:24:34):
Catherine Zeta-Jones is a mere20 feet away.

Speaker 1 (01:24:37):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (01:24:39):
And they've already kissed, just saying Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:24:42):
But it was the whole idea of this sort of chasteness
that he needs to have a wifethat he marries, to make his
kids, to make more phantoms.

Speaker 2 (01:24:51):
It was weird, it was super weird, it was super weird,
it's super weird.
And I want to see the sequel,where he's trying to force
himself to get married and she'slike I'm not interested, I
don't like you, don't put on thephantom.

Speaker 1 (01:25:03):
And then he's like so weird, no one refuses the
phantom.

Speaker 2 (01:25:06):
No one refuses the phantom, but she didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:25:13):
They act the phantom, but she didn't.
She didn't.
They act like she refused him,but it didn't even feel like she
really refused him.

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
She's just like she's playfully, she's teasing.
She was like oh and what if Irefuse?
But you know she's not gonna.
You know he's wearing a purplespandex suit.
Who's gonna say no?

Speaker 1 (01:25:24):
to that he was wearing a purple spandex suit.
So the phantom you know notlike minecraft you're like this
is a truly enjoyable movie.
You're like there's some funnythings in it.

Speaker 2 (01:25:37):
Yeah, no, this movie made me laugh.
I had fun, but this is not agood movie.
No, not a good movie.
Important distinction Minecraft.
Watched it again this week.
Did I tell you that?
Did you and enjoyed it?
Yeah, watched it.
Yeah, still good, Super fun.
I thought some of the stuff waseven funnier the second time.

Speaker 1 (01:25:54):
Oh good, good for them, enjoyed it.
All people I want to see havesuccess.
There it is, let's see what arewe doing.
That's the end of the Phantom.
Goodbye Phantom.
I guess they made a TV Sci-Fi,made a TV series, which I think
he was the 22nd Phantom.
So they, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:26:13):
Oh, so it was his son .
I wonder if either of them makean appearance as the parents.

Speaker 1 (01:26:18):
I don't think so.
Billy Zane I don't knowwhatever happened to Billy Zane.

Speaker 2 (01:26:24):
I have to assume he's in bad movies.
This movie happened to BillyZane, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:26:27):
Yeah, I don't think.
Yeah, who knows?
Okay, Now we talk aboutsomething we like.
Would you like?

Speaker 2 (01:26:35):
to yeah.
Well, let me clarify again,similar how we just clarified to
this movie.
I enjoyed something that wasnot good at all.
It's a new horror movie calledthe Bayou.
It is basically alligators orcrocs, I think it's gators I

(01:26:55):
can't tell the difference inflorida.
Uh, get cocained up and thenthey start eating people.
It's uh, people are trying toescape from the gators.
It's really bad, uh, but we hada blast.
We had an absolute blastwatching this movie had some fun
.

Speaker 1 (01:27:12):
Um god, I watched something and it was very
painful, very, very painful andso then I was like well, I'll go
watch the first five minutes ofandor, oh sure.
And then I ended up watchingthe complete first first just
all of it, just the firstepisode and you're just okay.
Yeah, you're just.

(01:27:32):
You're just like.

Speaker 2 (01:27:34):
There's just a difference.
Did you finish the secondseason?
Are you caught up on Andor?

Speaker 1 (01:27:39):
No, I just started the second season.

Speaker 2 (01:27:41):
I just watched the first episode.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:27:43):
And I cried about 10 minutes into it because it was
so beautiful, dan.
Goodson, you were like Such asap.
Every decision they make inthat show.
So beautiful, dan Goodson.
Just like you were like such asap.
Oh, every every decision theymake in that show.
You're just like, oh, they'rejust, it's just.
There's characters and there'sjeopardy, and that was I guess

(01:28:04):
that was the thing you know.
You watch the the very first,the very first scene is he's in
an imperial place to steal a TIEfighter like a special one, and

(01:28:25):
there's a woman helping him doit.
And you were just like.
This is a character you'venever met.
So you know Andor is going toget out of there, you know he's
going to live, but you're justlike this character could live
or die to do the thing thatthey're doing and it's a
character you've never met.
But you instantly haveemotional investment in them

(01:28:45):
because they could just die.
And you know they could justtake one to the head and you're
just going to be like.
You know, is this revolutionworth it?
You know you're automaticallyconfronted with the idea of is
this revolution worth this womanrisking her life and possibly
dying?
Those are stakes.

(01:29:08):
That's stakes that they builtinto like within 90 seconds of
this thing starting, youunderstand the stakes for
everyone.
And and then they go into a monmothma scene and you, just you
watch her like be like adiplomat, and then you just see
her face, and then they havewhat's his name's?
Skarsgård?
It's the same thing.

(01:29:29):
You know he's here's thischaracter I'm playing.
And then you're like, but I'malso the most important spy in
the universe.
Sure, how are we mere mortalstrying to create something
interesting, supposed to dealwith that level?

Speaker 2 (01:29:47):
of storytelling.

Speaker 1 (01:29:48):
It's the same level of storytelling in Michael
Crichton, not Michael Crichton.
Michael Clayton, but alsoCrichton, not Michael Crichton,
michael.

Speaker 2 (01:29:53):
Clayton, but also Crichton was great, Crichton was
yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:29:58):
Very, very tall.
I met him once, very, very tall, really.
He came into the gallery Iworked at because he was a huge
art collector.

Speaker 2 (01:30:06):
Very tall.
Okay, sure, Very very tall.
I love that.
Good for him.
Good for him, Tall famouswriter, I mean that's not bad.

Speaker 1 (01:30:14):
No, unfortunately dead.

Speaker 2 (01:30:16):
Well RIP.
I understand, I just meantWiley was alive.
Sheesh Dan.

Speaker 1 (01:30:21):
We're still alive, so we still have a chance to get
to those glorious ties.

Speaker 2 (01:30:25):
I don't have a chance to get taller or better at
writing.
I'm sorry, I'm too old to learnanything new.

Speaker 1 (01:30:30):
You're never too old to get better at writing.

Speaker 2 (01:30:34):
I'm already on my downslope.

Speaker 1 (01:30:36):
Tony, yes, what is happening?
We're like in the slide.
I mean the Phantom, not a goodmovie, but not a movie.
We need to go back to thedrive-away level of movies.

Speaker 2 (01:30:50):
I don't know if this is going to reach that level.

Speaker 1 (01:30:52):
I want to hold someone accountable.
I want to meet someone on thestreet and I'm just going to say
why the hell did you do that tous?

Speaker 2 (01:31:00):
Well, how about someone named John Krasinski?
What about him?

Speaker 1 (01:31:06):
What about somebody named Natalie Portman?
I had this on my list.
We watched 11 minutes of thismovie.
Yes, yes, that's what I want tohear.
This movie, that's what I wantto hear naomi looked at me.

Speaker 2 (01:31:21):
she goes, turn it off .
We you have to do this for thepodcast, because we spent 11
minutes just mad and yelling atthe tv about how shitty this
movie was.
So maybe it gets better, whoknows, but I doubt it.
So we are doing the Fountain ofYouth on Apple TV+, or is it
just Fountain of Youth, fountainof?

Speaker 1 (01:31:40):
Youth?
No, though, here's my questionto you.
Yeah, we've done a lot of badmovies.
You know the Phantom you likedit, I was like, eh, but you know
, but I will not forget theTreat Williams and it's an
interesting one.
When you research it afterwardsYou're like, oh, I'm really sad
it was not the movie it couldhave been Sure.
Because we think about theMummy, because we talked about

(01:32:03):
the Mummy in relation to someother terrible movie I don't
remember what it was.

Speaker 2 (01:32:07):
I think we do a bunch of it.
I don't know, but maybe it wasthe.
I don't know, but maybe was it.
Uh, maybe it was the I don'tknow.

Speaker 1 (01:32:13):
There was something we watched this year that I
literally went.
Was it prince of persia?
Oh it probably was prince ofpersia, because I'm not sure,
because I immediately went andyeah, it was, absolutely was
prince of persia.
I immediately, yeah, after Ifinished or maybe during it, I
had to watch some of the mummyjust to understand what it is
they're trying.
You, you know that's you needto understand.

(01:32:33):
Like this movie, we understandthey're trying to do like an
Indiana Jones thing and we'relike, yeah, you missed on all.

Speaker 2 (01:32:39):
You missed on everything you didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:32:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:32:42):
So the good news is this You'll feel the same way
and you'll probably go watch themummy again.

Speaker 1 (01:32:47):
But I would say instead watch National Treasure.
Very silly movies.
But you remember, you know,I've got Ben Franklin's glasses
and I'm climbing up this walland I'm pulling out this one
brick and look inside.
Here there's this rule.

Speaker 2 (01:33:00):
You're just like what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (01:33:03):
You know they get to the end.
We're like we hand crank downthis thing and it's probably
going to all fall down and killeveryone.
But we're going and there's thebad guys.
They're also running down thething and that's National.
Treasure it's great,phenomenally stupid movies
Totally enjoyable.

Speaker 2 (01:33:19):
So fun, so so fun.
And this movie was for 11minutes, was not fun at all.
It was zero fun.
The dialogue makes no sense.

Speaker 1 (01:33:30):
I just I mean I'm excited to watch it because I
was genuinely excited for thismovie.

Speaker 2 (01:33:36):
I've been waiting for this movie.
These are my kind of movies.
National Treasure is great, theMummy is great.
I love these movies.
This is not.
This was not good for at least11 minutes.
I'm saying it could get better,but I just I really don't
believe it.

Speaker 1 (01:33:51):
I was going to pick this movie sight unseen or just
to give it a shot, because I waslike this is going to be bad.

Speaker 2 (01:33:58):
It's not looking good .

Speaker 1 (01:34:02):
I did not like the Quiet Place ones, but I didn't
think.

Speaker 2 (01:34:06):
John.

Speaker 1 (01:34:06):
Krasinski or anybody in those movies was bad.

Speaker 2 (01:34:09):
I just thought they were kind of dopey.

Speaker 1 (01:34:14):
It wasn't a bad movie .
I just thought it was a dopeymovie that you're just like, you
watch when you're not feelingwell and then it's over and
you're like whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:34:22):
Sure, I mean, I liked the first one.
We never ended up watching thesequel, so obviously I didn't
love the first one.
You know what I mean?
Sure, uh, but I do, I do enjoyit.
Um, I will tell you, just bewarned, he is charmless in this
movie, from what I saw, thefirst 11 minutes I know he could
be charming, I know he can?
we thought so too.
We were, we were pretty sure.

(01:34:43):
But then we're like trying tofigure out if anything but the
office fits that bill and we'renot sure.
Uh, but that was like the firstthing that I got mad.
We'll talk about it next week.
But he does.
He has the opening scene kindof, and it's so bad, it's so bad
.

Speaker 1 (01:35:00):
I was living.
You watched act one and youwere like this is your act one.

Speaker 2 (01:35:04):
This can't be right.

Speaker 1 (01:35:05):
This can't be right, I'm so excited now, yeah, it's
gonna be good excited now.
Yeah, it's gonna be good.
We're having a good time I havea good movie too, for 2023.
That for, and it was.
It was a movie that I alsowatched the first 10 minutes of
when it came out and I was justlike what is happening?
What?
is happening, yeah and it's oneof those you know just not not

(01:35:25):
to the name of these are likejohn carter, but they're these
movies that people are like.
You gotta give it another lookand it's like well, no, well, no
.

Speaker 2 (01:35:32):
No, I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:35:33):
We re-watched John Carter from top to bottom and no
, it did not need another look.
There was so much dopiness.

Speaker 2 (01:35:42):
So much dopiness, so much dopiness.

Speaker 1 (01:35:45):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:35:45):
I love it We'll be back next week.

Speaker 1 (01:35:47):
Leave us a comment, leave us a subscribe, give us a
thumbs up those are all thingsyou can do to help grow the
podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:35:58):
Slash show, slash show, yeah, do it everybody, and
we'll be back next week withFountain of Youth.
Bye-bye, goodbye, everybody.
Hey, watch it with Dan and Tony.
Hey, watch it with Dan, andTony't watching.
Dan and Tony, it's ain'twatching.
Yeah.

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