Set Intentions to be Intentional in your relationship !!

working on your marriage is important being intentional in your marriage to be better will allow your union to excel. So as we talk in this episode we will share nuggets with you!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, this is Pedro and Tara Goddard. Join us on Sundays at 4pm, where we talk about the ups and downs in marriage.

(00:07):
On The Heal My Marriage Podcast, tune in on Inventus Radio London.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to Heal My Marriage Podcast. My name is Pedro. My name is Tara.
And you're with us here at My Marriage Podcast.

(00:30):
Oh, happy 2024, everyone. Happy New Year.
Yep, yep. Happy holidays. Happy New Year.
That's right. Our first episode of the year.
What episode is it?
Yeah, we're going to go back into that.
You forgot to look it up.
I think it's season four, episode 11, if I remember correctly.

(00:52):
Maybe right.
My memory is certain. I think we did episode 10. Doesn't really matter. We're doing an episode.
Yeah, it matters because you know what? We like to keep up with our stuff that don't be.
That's how it goes.
Well, we want to thank you all for joining us.
As we always say before you start listening to us, if you like what you hear, please like, subscribe, and share.

(01:15):
That's right. And go over to our YouTube channel and subscribe, which is Heal My Marriage Podcast.
If you look us up on any other platform, if it's the audio platform, Spotify, YouTube, and all of those places,
we will be up under Heal My Marriage Podcast.
So you can look us up and subscribe and follow, leave a review for us guys.
We're in a lot of different platforms too.

(01:37):
That's right.
Spreaker, we're done here in Las Vegas.
We're on Spreaker.
We're on Spreaker.
Which is, yeah.
That's because of Aventus Radio London.
That's right.
Also on Aventus Radio London every Sunday at four o'clock.
That's right.
So you can listen to us then if you're in the UK or if you have a DAB radio.
That's right.
Which I still don't know what DAB stands for, but I think it's digital audio broadcast.

(02:00):
There you go. You got it.
If I had to guess, and this is honestly a guess, if I had to guess, I would say digital audio broadcast.
I think that's what it is.
Because it's online, digital online.
So that would be my guess, but I'm not, honestly, I don't know what it means.
Yeah, but I think you said it.
I think you hit it dead on the news.
I'm probably close to it.

(02:21):
Somebody can look it up and let us know.
Yeah.
I'll look it up later and say, hey, I was right.
I was wrong.
I don't know.
Let's educate ourselves on the DAB.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna find out what the DAB means.
Yeah, yeah.
So yeah, we are in season four, episode 11 today.
That's my husband, they say.
So yeah.
So yeah.
So yeah.
So I should hit the button.
No, no.

(02:42):
You should give us an applause.
Yeah.
He got it.
He got it.
Take a longer than I thought.
I know, right?
I thought it was gonna end faster than that.
But I'll talk about today, we're going to be talking about being intentional in our marriages.
And so we wanted to put work towards creating an intentional marriage.

(03:07):
And that's what I really want to focus on for this year.
I wouldn't say that's not something that we wasn't doing, but I think now that we have
a more understanding of what being intentional means, we can really work towards that because
as we know, the month of January is the month that people decide that they want to get a

(03:28):
divorce.
And it's one of the highest rates that happens around this time of year.
And I really hope people really want to be more intentional in standing in their marriages
and allowing God to change each person individually and together and working on those hard things
that sometimes separate us from each other.
I really want to talk about being intentional in marriage.

(03:53):
What do you think?
Yeah, I mean, especially since, you know, when the word, you know, being intentional,
what it means is like making deliberate choices to reflect what's important to us.
That's right.
My marriage is important to me, so I'm going to be deliberate.
I'm going to reflect.
I'm going to make choices for my marriage that's going to be beneficial, not just for myself,

(04:19):
but also for my spouse.
That's right.
So I think it's a good thing to be intentional to your marriage because if you're not intentional,
sometimes you can become too routine or too where you're hurting the other person's feeling
or even just doing things that you don't even realize you're doing because you're not trying
to work on your marriage.

(04:40):
You're just like, it's all about me.
And I think that's the society today.
Definitely.
You know, it's all about if you're not making six figures, I can't date you.
You know, you're not working.
I can't be with you.
It's just so me, me, me.
It's no longer about love.
I don't think marriage is about love anymore.

(05:02):
Yeah, but you know what?
Now that you said it, it really made me think about when people go into marriage, which I
think it's important that you talk about these things that you want in your marriage before
you even, while you're dating, ask these questions.
Do you want children?
Do you want a house?
Do you want to, you know, get a new car?
Wherever it is, talk about these things because a lot of people going to marriages and not

(05:23):
talking about what they want.
And, you know, most people want children.
Actually what they need.
Most people want children, which God wants us to multiply, which is he said, go be fruitful.
And that's what we, you know, that's what he desired for all marriage people to be.
But in some cases, some people can't have kids.
So you need to.
But not even just that.
I think sometimes too, even people that go in with the thought of that they don't want

(05:47):
kids, but the other one does.
But the other person was intentionally saying, I don't want kids because I've heard stories
and I've met people that said, oh, we got divorced because he wanted a kid, but I didn't
want a kid.
And I told him I didn't want kids.
But he kept, kept insisting, insisting, insisting.
I just finally said, oh, nope, I'm going to, you know, so they went in with the intention.
They was intentional, but there was no active listening.

(06:09):
As you like to use now for active listening.
You're not actively listening to me.
So because it's important that we, we act and listen to each other.
And I also think it's important.
Some people medically can't have kids.
Some people may, may have something happen with either not the male or the female can't
produce children.
So you have to also talk about, are you okay with that idea that we going forward, that

(06:33):
we don't have children and you focus on, you know, just do other things, maybe get a dog
or adopt or whatever it is, but make sure you talk about these things in the beginning.
So you won't be having issues, especially in that area that's causing you to, you know,
now say, I don't want to be married anymore because you don't know what I want.

(06:54):
And, you know, and some issues that we go through in our marriages is something that
we really can work towards getting better at, even if we don't agree on everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I was intentional when I first met you.
You definitely was.
I was very intentional.
I knew exactly what you wanted.
Some people, and I intentionally was like, I want to be with you.
I'm going to be with you and everything you threw at me.

(07:16):
I was like, okay.
You know what, you know what?
I remember the one thing you used to always say, I'm in it.
I'm in it for the long haul.
Will you say that to me?
I did.
I remember saying that.
And when you said that to me, I think for me, I was like, I was a little afraid because
I'm like, long haul, that mean forever.
So I think that's why I went back and forth when we first got together because I was just
like, wait a minute, he's really in this and I'm not sure.

(07:39):
I never had met a guy that knew what he wanted.
Right.
You know, and some women know what they want and some men know what they want.
So it's just basically about having that person or finding that person that God bless
you with, even though God bless you with a spouse, doesn't mean you're going to have
the perfect spouse.
So you have to really remember that as you go into marriage is that you, you both imperfect

(08:02):
people, right?
Trying to be what God wants you to be.
Cause I just thought about this and this is the God honest truth.
When I first met you, we talked about it before and I said, I always make the joke that I was
like a halo over your head and kind of like lit up and everything.
But when I first met you, I wasn't like sexually attracted to you.

(08:23):
I was more like this, a beautiful woman and I want to get to know her better.
Wow.
And I want to be, I want to get to know, and then once I got to know you, then I was like,
okay, now I want to marry her.
Yeah.
So it was like, I was intentionally and every intentional and everything that I was doing
when I first met you.
Right.
Like I wasn't, cause I couldn't really see you in the car.
So it wasn't like, I could see your face.

(08:45):
Right.
I didn't see the body.
I didn't see you.
That's why we went to the movies.
I was over on your thigh.
I was like, oh, I love this thigh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love this thigh.
You know, I was kind of like, you know, caressing your thigh a little bit, you know, on the
down low, on the slick slick, right?
You know, but I didn't really see your body.
So it wasn't like, I was like, I wasn't, I was more, it was definitely cause I saw your

(09:08):
face.
It was just, it was just something about you that I just knew that I didn't know what
God had in planned or whatever, but I just knew.
I just knew that's why I cut the other date short and I came right over to you.
Cause I was like, oh, I got, I got to see what this, cause it was like this feeling
just came over me and it was really, it was just intentional feeling.
Yeah.
And I was just like, I gotta get to know her.

(09:29):
I gotta, you know, gotta see where this is going to go.
Yeah.
So.
But you know, I truly believe, you know, what God has for you, it is for you and no one
can take that away from you, you know what I'm saying?
But I think what's one important when I got, when I walked into marriage and, and it started
dating you and all of that, I knew it was something about you as well.

(09:49):
I was like, it's something about you.
For me, you reminded me a lot of my father in the way of the life scan version.
Yeah.
Life scan version in the sense of when I first met you, you had more than one job.
You always worked, you know, and when I went to visit your place, you was clean.
You had everything organized.
And that's something that I always kept in my mind.

(10:10):
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm going to call you.
I'm going to call.
Wait a minute.
Let me say.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm a presser, but it.
Press it.
Press it.
You got to read it.
No.
We're going to have to scratch this for a minute because you make the joke all the time,
which I will admit.
So when you first met me, I was living in a smaller place.

(10:30):
Yes.
And then I moved to a bigger place that was, it was like had been abandoned and he fixed
it up and I moved in.
It was just a lot of space.
Right.
And I could be a little bit of a hoarder.
I can admit that.
And you say all the time that when you walked in the first room on the right, we had stuff
all filled up to the ceiling.

(10:51):
I was not that clean.
No, no, no, no.
I'm talking about when I met you and you was living in a hotel for a minute before you
moved into your place.
Oh, yeah, right.
That's right.
So yeah.
So you forgot about that.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
So yeah.
So you was, you had, you ain't been, how long you had been in Birmingham, Alabama at the
time?
Not long.
No, no, no, I've been in there for a minute, but I was staying with my sister.
Right.

(11:12):
And then I moved out of my sister because I was like, I just can't do this no more.
I can't stay at the, I love my family, but I was like, please.
And I went to a, on what green, green highway, green Springs Highway, Green Springs Highway
cost from subway.
It was a little weekly spot, you know, little hole in the wall weekly spot.
I wouldn't recommend anybody living there.

(11:34):
But I was a guy.
So I was, you know, the phone calls I had to get in the middle of the night was weird.
Yeah.
Anyway, yeah.
And then I was staying there.
Right.
So I didn't have a clean day.
Yeah.
So when I walked in, even though I knew where you was living, I was like, oh, wow.

(11:57):
Like he, even though he living in this spot, he's very, you know, I have my computer.
I have my dishes.
I have my dishes washed neatly placed.
Yeah.
I have my food.
Yeah.
And you had mentioned to me, you know, I'm gonna be moving soon.
You know, I'm just, you know, I'm just here for a while.
And I was like, okay.
So, you know, it didn't bother me in that sense, but I was in between places.

(12:18):
Yeah.
So I was just impressed in the fact that sometimes when you walk in people, whole
town, they have stuff everywhere.
So the house too.
Yeah.
So when I walked in, I was like, oh, wow.
Okay.
So, you know, that was like a number one thing for me.
The guy's trying to impress you.
Yeah.
Because once I got you, then I told you my true self.
Yeah.
Because you always make that joke about, I had stuff in the ceiling up to the summer.

(12:39):
It was not up to the ceiling.
It was my knee.
It was my knee height.
Well, no, it was like, it was my knee height.
No, it was my knee height.
No, it was not by my toe.
Because then I couldn't get through there.
I was climbing over stuff, but it was, it was more just paper.
I don't even know where I got all that stuff from.
That's the, it was just me.
Yeah.
I'm still trying to figure out what did I have in that room.

(13:00):
But you know, sometimes when you have a house, you have your maze, how much you accumulate,
just happens to just put in something.
I didn't have a house.
Remember, I moved from the,
No, I'm just saying, but at the time you was living in, when you moved to the house, you
had that area that you use.
So, you know, it is what it is.
And they gotta have a roommate because if I didn't have the roommate, that room would
have been full too.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(13:21):
Yeah.
So you definitely look like a meeting order.
But, um, but yeah, so as I was looking into being intentional, um, it was a couple of
points that I wanted to talk about checking out your attitude and not being so easily
to anger this number one for me.
Oh, wait, can I say one last thing?
I just realized something.
Yes.
That room was like my junk drawer.

(13:43):
Yes.
Because if you think about it, that was the only room that was junky.
Everything else in house was clean because I want people to realize that I didn't have
the whole house dirty.
It was just that one room.
So like anything I had, I just threw it in the room.
I was like, I do it for later.
And then I'll leave it in there and I wouldn't deal with it.
It was just being there, but the room was clean.
Yeah.

(14:04):
The kitchen was clean.
It was okay.
The bathroom was clean.
No, I'm just making sure because I want people to think that I'm some kind of junk.
No, wait, can I?
I'm just making sure people understand that I was not dirty.
You're just lying.
Okay.
That's all.
I'm just making it clear.
Okay.
So before I was interrupted, I was wanting to get back into my point.
Like I said, about checking the point number one for me was checking out your attitude

(14:28):
and not being so easily to anger.
And when we try to intentionally try to not let ourselves get upset when we talking about
something, and even though sometimes everything that just about say, you know, sometimes can
bother you.
So you like, you're trying to not, you're trying to listen.
You're trying to be open minded.
You're trying to not let yourself get angry without understanding the situation.

(14:52):
So.
Which happened?
Which, which, which happens.
It happened in the morning.
It happens.
It happened in relationship.
It happened to us just this morning.
And it was talking about something.
But I think sometimes, let me say something.
I think sometimes when we talk, depending on what you're talking about, you could end
up being defensive, you know, trying to, you know, you know, make sure you're, you know,

(15:16):
nobody is saying something to make you feel intimidated or, you know, a bad or whatever.
So that could be where your anger can probably start building because you just like, I don't
agree with you, you know, and then the next thing, you know, the next person feeding off
what you're saying and then it's back and forth and then anger just build up.
And next thing you know, you're fighting about what?
Cause you didn't really listen to the issue.

(15:38):
Cause.
I really find it just having a disagreement.
Yeah.
You know, somebody said before having a spiritual debate.
Yeah.
And it tends to debate.
Yeah.
And you know, I can see that checking our attitude and stuff like that.
I believe also to, you know, we as a married couple, we always going to have issues, nothing's

(16:00):
ever going, you know, is your marriage is perfect.
If you love each other and things like that, but you always going to have issues because
it's two different people that have two different views and two different ideas.
And even though it's weird that you and I have 18 years, we kind of think alike on a
lot of things.
We're still very, very much, it was almost like twins.

(16:21):
We think alike.
We think alike.
We even actually like a lot of things, but we, we definitely don't think alike.
I'm saying it wrong.
Yeah.
We definitely don't think alike.
Yeah.
Still to this day, we probably would never think alike in some things because that's
just your, you have one way of doing it.
I have another way of doing it.
Yeah.
So we have to intentionally sometimes understand that.

(16:44):
And that's why I like this morning with, with our disagreement that we had, like I came
down saying, he's like, I just wanted to say, and I was like, okay.
And I was like, well, I forgot about it since the time you left out the room.
He was like, what?
Cause like sometimes we're not always going to agree or something, but I don't sit there.
I intentionally make that effort to not hold on to it.
Hold on to it.

(17:05):
Yeah.
I said to myself, well, I'll let it go downstairs.
She'll go down for about 30 minutes and then she'll think about it and then we'll come
together and then we'll talk some more.
And, you know, it'll be, it'll be squashed.
So when I came downstairs to me, it was already squashed because it was like, why hold on to
that?
It's just your opinion.
In my opinion, we had a difference.
That's it.
I mean, we're not always going to agree.
So I intentionally was just like, okay, I'm not going to think about this no more because

(17:30):
it's really not that deep.
It's not that strong where we got to have this like, you know, drawn our conversation or,
you know, just continue to talk about it because when number one, we learned over the last
year, we learned over the years that some things we're just not going to agree on.
We can agree to disagree, but we're just not going to agree on it.
And if we keep talking about it, it just continues the argument because they were going to go

(17:53):
onto it and into it again.
So, you know, like, I don't even think it is like something to apologize for because
it was just a minor, you know, a little minor friction to me, but, you know, that's what
marriage is.
That's why we say we work.
You work for your marriage.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
My next point I'll have wrote down because I was thinking about is working through your

(18:15):
issues, which is that kind of like the same thing as checking your attitude, but working
through your issues in a sense of having issues that's there that you haven't resolved.
You know what I mean?
And then when you have an argument, you bring it up because you never really worked through
the issue in the first place.
Yeah.

(18:36):
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
So the point is to, if you have an issue, you know, try your best that you can to talk
about that issue, get to the bottom of it so you guys can move on and move forward.
You know what I mean?
And moving forward means letting it go and really being intentional about letting it go
and just saying, you know what, are we good?

(18:58):
Are you straight on your part?
Am I straight on your, you know, sometimes you don't even have to say that.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm just saying this is, this is my thought.
No, I'm just saying, but I'm saying from my point of view, sometimes you don't have
to say that.
But for me, what I was thinking about, are you straight on your part?
Okay, I'm good on my part.
That way, you know what I'm saying?
If you have anything else you want to say towards what we're talking about right now,
you know, your feelings, whatever it is, lay it out there so you won't have issues lingering.

(19:23):
And then when you have an argument about something that's new, you ain't bringing up old stuff
to justify, when you did this, you know, tend to justify yourself in a new situation.
You see what I'm saying?
And then you start mixing everything together.
And then before you probably arguing about something, your new situation, but then now
your old situation and took over the new situation.

(19:45):
So when I came downstairs and he was like, you know, thinking, I was like, look, we're
good.
Yeah.
And when you say we're good, you are good.
Don't say we're good if you're not good.
Like I'm good.
If you steal a thing.
I'm like, I'm good, I'm good.
I'm not going to be like, oh, I'm good, but then still holding on to it.
Like I can't believe she said that.

(20:06):
Like, no, I'm good because then I'm lying to you and I'm lying to myself.
One thing I would say be true to yourself.
You know what I'm saying?
Be true to yourself because the truth don't need no motivation.
Okay.
So you need to make sure you're true to yourself about how you feel and make sure that if you
want, if you have a point that you want to have, you know, been be explained to your

(20:27):
partner, then say your point.
But like, look, it's something I want to say that I feel that you didn't hear me on.
And then say that, you know what I'm saying?
And then make sure that your partner is listening to you and you listening to them and you're
staying your point.
And if they have something else more, they want to say listen to their point, talk about
it, then try to move forward from there.

(20:48):
Let me say this.
So sometimes you will have that point and you will say the point and it will turn into
a disagreement or an argument.
And there's no active listening and it's not happening.
So what I've learned is I just then say, okay, fine, let's not talk about it no more.
And then, but I will bring it up later on.

(21:11):
Because sometimes at that moment, it's sometimes it's timing.
Yeah, even in a marriage.
Sometimes it's timing.
You try to explain something, but other person's just not listening.
And so then you say, okay, well, since they're not listening at this exact moment, what I'm
going to do is I'm going to just hold off and I'm going to bring it up at a later date.
And then hopefully then they will listen.

(21:34):
I do that with you all the time.
I mean, I mean, I think you do with me too.
I mean, we do with each other.
Yeah, we do with each other.
Like, you know, like sometimes you'll say something and I'm not, I'm just maybe I just came in
and I'm tired.
So my brain is just like, I'm, my brain is mush right now.
I can't think.
So you'll bring it up, you know, first game in the morning or late on the afternoon, the
next day or two days later.

(21:55):
Right.
And be like, look, it was something I wanted to speak to you about, but I didn't get a
chance to before because it wasn't the right time.
Right.
So now.
And the time, right?
Yeah.
So now, you know, so anyway, this is my, just so I wanted to say that way you both is,
you know, have your, your, your thinking capsule and you're both now listening.
You're both not receiving and being receptive of what the person is saying.

(22:17):
So, you know, that is, you know, timing is very important.
So I'm glad you brought it up.
Yeah.
Because sometimes the timing can be really off.
So before that, I want, I know you're going to get to that.
I was wondering, um, because I think when we talk about being intentional, it's the stuff
you have there is good.
And I just thought of something else, but, um, when you being intentional, you, I think

(22:43):
you brought it up earlier, just being intentional in the marriage in the sense of just sharing
your goals that you have together.
Um, even, even in the marriage, having like regular check-ins where we check in with each
other.
Hey, how are you doing?
You know, how was your day?
Um, how was your week?
Right.
You know, like just having, not necessarily like having a meeting, but you know, just

(23:08):
you can have a, you can just, you know, if you're sitting on the couch, hey, you know,
I was thinking about this or how you feeling about that.
Just having a regular check-in, just to check on each other, um, well-being and see how
each, you know, mentally or physically or even spiritually, um, we are doing, you know,
that's not all the time we know what our spouse is thinking in.

(23:31):
And it's, and it's times where we, when we alone, when we thinking about things that we
may want to do or say or whatever, whatever you may be, um, going through at that time
and you having, um, talked about it to your spouse or you haven't expressed nothing to
him.
Right.
Even with your friends, cause it's not just with marriage.
It's also with your friends.
Cause just the other day I got a phone call from a friend and we haven't talked in a while,

(23:55):
but he called and we was talking and all of a sudden he was like, well, this is your elder
speaking, but you know how you spiritually.
And I was like, what?
He was like, how are you spiritually?
Yeah.
And I was like, wow, made me think about it.
And I was like, I'm not where I need to be.
And he was like, well, you need to get there.
You know what?
I was like, I'm not going to be there.

(24:16):
I was like, I'm not going to be there.
I was like, I'm going to be there.
And I was like, and the thing is that the new year I was thinking to myself, I haven't
think like I need to be more, not that I'm not spiritually, but I need to be more intentionally
in what I'm doing.
Intentionally.
Right.
Intentionally in what I'm doing.
I said intentionally.
It's not even a word attentional in what I'm doing.
And so I, I just say this because it's not just with your map in marriage, but also with

(24:41):
your friends.
I think I need to be more intentional in going to church more, taking the kids to church
more physically going to church, just reading the Bible more, studying more, and need to
be more intentional in that, you know, taking time out.
Yeah, I have a busy schedule, but that don't mean that I can't do these things more than
I'm what I'm doing.

(25:02):
Right.
I'm doing them, but I could, I could be better at it.
You know, I can give more time than I'm giving.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's it.
So attentional is not just for marriage, but I just wanted to bring that out.
That is not just, not just marriage, but also for friends.
Yeah.
Because it, and threw me off because we was like halfway through the conversation.
We was just talking and joking and that was like, he just like out the blue.

(25:25):
And I was like, it just threw me back like, wait a minute, what, what did you just ask
me?
And then I was like, because I was thinking about it.
So it just kind of just blew my mind that he asked you that.
Wow.
Got a little fuck on my throat.
Yeah, I heard it.
Yeah.
So I was like, wow, okay.
So it really got me like, okay, I need to, yeah, there's definitely God speaking to

(25:47):
me.
Yeah.
I was just about to say God allowed that right there to happen.
And you know, it's important to be intentional in not, like you said, not just marriage,
but in every friendship or relationship that you develop with people.
Because we talked, I think we said this before, but even when you have a friend, you're actually
in a marriage in a sense when you have a good friend that you constantly, constantly with

(26:12):
talking to, because you do the same thing that you're doing in your marriage.
You have arguments, you have disagreements, you have happy times, you have good times.
Sometimes you may not be speaking to your friend for a week because they'd say something
that irritated you.
That you didn't agree with.
Right.
And then you, then everything, and then when you get together, everything is copa aesthetic.
You're just, you know, good.
Yeah.
You know, I haven't used that word in a while.
Copa aesthetic.

(26:33):
Wow.
So like, um, it's almost like we're in a constant realm of marriage.
Yeah.
In our lives.
No, no, I wouldn't say marriage.
We're in a constant realm of.
Relationship.
Of having relationships.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll say relationship.
We'll say marriage.
Making commitments even to our friendships to say, look, I'm here for you.
You know what I'm saying?

(26:54):
I'm here for you.
Call me if you need me.
I'm your listening ear.
So, you know, them, the type of things that we develop in friendships and relationships
that we come along with, um, you know, with people that we around.
And, but yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
And then also be intentional and, and showing appreciation, gratitude towards each other.
Say thank you.
Say thank you.

(27:15):
You know, I appreciate you doing that.
You know, even if it's just something small, it ain't about it being big or none of that.
It's just, you know, look here.
Like if I go get your fork.
Yeah.
Not like I expected you to get me a fork.
Right.
I expected you to make my food.
I expected you to make my plate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like don't expect for your partners.

(27:36):
Don't, you know, to do things and argue with me when you want to make the plate and I'm
like, I can make my own place.
Yeah.
But you know, it's just about, um, you know, those small appreciations mean a lot, you
know, in a marriage, um, letting people know that you do recognize what they're doing.
And my next point that I wanted to talk about is which we kind of touched on somewhat, um,

(27:58):
turning on our active listening, actually really listening to your partner, sitting there,
um, taking it in, um, comprehending what they're saying.
And, and if you don't understand something, like, look, could you explain what you mean?
You know, like what, what exactly are you saying?
Like, um, you said this, but I'm like, I'm kind of not, um, it's, it's not registering to

(28:22):
me.
So could you, you know, turn it around another way or, or ask, or ask your partner, do you
understand what I'm saying?
Ask them a question.
Do you, do you get what I'm saying?
So it, cause you'll, you'll be amazed how your partner is listening, but receiving it
in a different way and be like, this is the way I am, you know, getting what you're saying,
you know, being receptive to it.

(28:43):
And so like me and Pedro sometimes, if he talking to me, he'll say something, but then
I'm, I'm, I'm listening to what he's saying, but I'm taking it in the way I hear it.
Do that make sense?
And so then I'm explaining it to you and he will, okay, well you heard me, but then
you just, you just saying different words, you know, that, that makes sense to you.
And sometimes I call it the grapevine, but it's not necessarily the grapevine.

(29:06):
It's the grapevine, you say something and the other person, cause the other person puts
it in their own way.
That's what I just said.
That's what's called the grapevine.
Cause you know, like you, maybe you used to go, Hey, you know, um, so John and Jill
growing up the hill and you say it to miss, um, you say it to the neighbor, the neighbor
goes to the next neighbor and says, Hey, I saw John and Jill going down the hill or

(29:32):
up the hill, but they went to the left a little bit.
You know, like it just changes a little bit because they take it in the way that it registers
in their head.
And that shows you how everybody's take things differently.
Next thing you know, John and Jill are on a plane flying to, um, you know, after you
get to like the 10th person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I mean.

(29:52):
Like, you know, cause you, everybody take, you can say the same thing.
To 10 different people.
Yeah.
All 10 people are going to hear it differently than what the person, the first person said.
That's it.
So that's what I'm saying.
When the active listening is turned the one and you're listening, as you know, as for
the questions in between and make sure your, your, your partner is listening, make sure

(30:13):
they get in what you're saying.
So now y'all can get to the next part where you're like, okay, so you hurt me, what are
we going to do about this?
You know what I'm saying?
However, it's going to end.
So that's what I do.
So me, intentionally, this is what I do for you.
Cause sometimes the kids are like watching TV and you're in the room, but you have your
health, you have your, um, your iPod in your ear.

(30:34):
You're looking at something, you're looking at a clip on YouTube or something on your
phone.
So you can be on the phone.
So I do intentionally to say, Hey, are you on the phone?
Right.
I just don't start talking.
Cause before back in the day, I would probably just start talking and like expect you to
listen to my voice, stop and start listening, which you would not do.

(30:55):
And then I've got about two minutes into my, my talk and then I'm like, are you listening?
You like, huh?
I'm like, why were you not listening?
And that causes an issue.
So with the way I fix that is I say, Hey, and you just stop what you're doing and listen.
Well you have a moment.
Yeah.
I say, you have a moment.
No, you don't go and command.
I'm not commanding you.
I'm not commanding.

(31:15):
I'm just going about what you said.
I'm just saying.
No, I'm not commanding.
I'm saying, Hey, I need you to stop what you're doing because it shows the importance of what
I'm about to say.
If it's just something random and I say, Hey, you, you on the phone or you listening to
something, you be like, yeah.
And I'm like, okay, I'll tell you in a minute.
See, that's the difference.
Okay.
I, I can tell you later.
You be like, no, tell me, no, no, I can tell you, go do what you're doing.

(31:37):
You know, when you, it's not that important, but if it's important, I'm going to, I'm going
to show the importance by saying, Hey, I need you to stop.
Right.
Because if I need to get it out then, if I just say, Hey, you know, you on the phone,
you're like, yeah, and like, okay, and then you may not even recognize that I need to
talk.
So being intentional with by saying, Hey, I need you to stop.

(31:59):
I need to talk to you.
So I need you to stop and listen.
I guess for me, what I would say to you, you already took it.
No, no, no, that's how you would say it.
But I'm saying for me, so someone else just to give it another view, I would say, Hey,
you got a moment, you have a moment.
Okay.
That's fine.
Talk on me.
That's fine.
You know, that's the more diplomatic way.
It is, it is the more diplomatic way.

(32:20):
What I'm just saying, because at the end of the day, you know, and we're talking on both
sides here, we want to make sure that the person that's receiving what you're saying,
just not feeling threatened.
How's that feeling?
No, I'm just saying feeling threatened.
That's it.
That's what I said.
I'm just making a point.
Some people can feel like you, I like you had my teacher 247 and I'm doing something.

(32:42):
You see, I'm doing something.
You see, you know, and I'm just saying people like that.
You're not going to automatically, not everybody's going to, you know, like that.
You just depend on how you want to.
All I'm saying is I need you to stop what you're doing.
I need to speak to you.
I understand what you're saying, but I'm also giving it a different view.
I just think that, you know, that's not being threatened.

(33:04):
That's telling you to stop what you're doing.
I need your husband or your wife needs to speak to you.
Okay.
I said, you know what?
I'm not going to repeat myself.
I'm not going to repeat myself because you heard me.
You heard me.
You heard me, but you refuse to listen to what I'm saying.
I am actively listening.
I'm just actively listening to what I want to hear.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
That's exactly what I'm saying.

(33:26):
Exactly.
Okay.
So whatever.
Cause I don't agree with what you're saying, but hey, you know what?
I agree with what you're saying in the sense of everybody, you got to be careful how you
say things.
It depends.
You would know.
Okay.
Let's put it this way.
You would say it to your spouse because by the time you're with your spouse, you would

(33:46):
know how they will take it.
So you will say it in a way that they will understand that is important to you to stop
what you're doing to talk to you.
That's it.
That's it.
That's the best way I could put that.
That's it.
That's it.
So I'm going to my next point here was compromise.

(34:06):
So I was looking at the word compromise.
So I looked it up and it says the definition is to come to an agreement by mutual possession.
And that means to, when you're going through a situation, right?
And even though you don't agree, you're going to try to compromise the best way you can.

(34:28):
Be like, okay, I don't hear your point.
I don't know if I want to do it in that direction, but let's try to see what happens.
Like what we just did.
Right.
And then the other person will be like, well, I think my point is better.
I think, you know, you know, that person compromise.
Okay, let's try.
But then if you don't work, let's do mines.
So be open and be open to compromising with your partner, trying out the different points

(34:54):
and seeing what works.
And you know, and then when you do do that, depending on which one work for the situation,
don't then say, see, I knew my point was better than yours.
You know, so don't do that because you did.
You don't do it.
Don't do it.
Right.
Don't do that.
I told you, don't do that.
Because if you do it, it's going to be like, oh, I knew I was better.
My point was better than yours.

(35:14):
No, what you're doing is you just, you just try to not to see what works.
And if it works, be like, okay, I see your point now.
Let's move forward.
Don't then criticize, but you know, and make, you know, what I'm worried to look for.
Make your point.
Make the situation all about you.
Yeah.
Because you just being selfish.
You just making it about you.
Yeah.
Because now you're saying, I'm not more madder than you are.

(35:35):
So like even like we're going through something.
And you're like, I want to try to do this.
And I'm like, I should do that.
And you're like, I want to try it.
I'm like, okay, well, go ahead and try it.
And let's see what happens.
And then when that, when I think what's going to happen happens, I'm not going to be like,
oh, see, I told you that was going to happen because you already know what happens.
So it was like, why bring it up?
You already, we, okay, we, it was called trying.
Yeah.

(35:56):
Yeah.
But don't make the other person feel bad about the, you know, about that point.
But I was telling you, we got, you got it in life.
You got to compromise and you got to do it.
You got it in life.
You got to compromise and you got to try things too sometimes because you don't know, let's
you try.
That's true.
And that also kind of goes into my next point was the common ground, you know, coming to
a common ground is the basis of mutual interest or agreement.

(36:19):
So then that's the definition that I looked up.
So you go into come to a common ground where you say, okay, this is what work for us.
Let's, let's see it through.
Yeah.
You know, well, sometimes it doesn't work for both people.
It doesn't.
But if it doesn't really affect you.

(36:41):
So there's certain things that you do that I don't agree with, but if it works better
for you, I, I am really to compromise and come to a common ground that I'll be okay with
that.
Yeah.
Because I know that it's going to make you happy, but it's also going to work for both
of us.
It doesn't necessarily, not always that I believe that it works for me.
I just say, okay, you know what?
I can, I can, okay, I can come, we're at a common ground where I'm like, okay, that,

(37:06):
that, that's good enough for me.
Yeah.
We agree.
Yeah.
I don't, I don't totally agree with everything, but I agree if enough.
Yeah.
To move forward.
That we can move forward.
And there's a common ground where I'm like, okay, we're good.
You no longer, the common ground, what I'm saying in the sense of you more, you're not
arguing about it anymore.
That's what I'm saying.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(37:27):
The common ground is that I'm not, and I'm not going to be like, you're not only
like when you do that.
You know, that's the argument.
Like, I know, I, you know, I don't like me do that, but I'm like, okay, well, you know,
it works for both of us.
You know, it may make me, I may not like it too much, but you know, it works.
I'm okay with it.
It's working.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, you can come and ground.
Yeah.
And the most thing I would say, be able to admit when you're wrong in a situation.

(37:52):
Don't go into a situation thinking you're right in everything you say is right.
And your opinion is right and everything they do is wrong.
Okay.
So the point is, look at yourself.
Okay.
Look at yourself.
We look at me like that.
No, no, no.
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just saying, look at yourself.
Cause I have to do that.
I'm just, I'm not just telling people what to do.

(38:13):
I'm saying what I do.
I have to look.
I can admit when I'm wrong.
I can say, you know what, people?
Yeah, I'm wrong.
I was wrong for that.
You may take my 15 minutes.
No, but the point is, I'm admitting my wrong and, and, and I'm taking responsibility
for my actions.
Okay.
And I'm saying, okay.
Yeah, I was wrong.
I'm, I apologize.
I really do apologize.
I mean it.

(38:34):
And then be like, okay, you know, I shouldn't have said that or I shouldn't have did that,
you know, and then that way you won't be, you like, you won't be lying to yourself.
So admit your wrong to your spouse, confess, confession is everything and just letting them
know, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
And you know, that's what it is.

(38:56):
Confession is good for the soul.
It is.
And, and, you know, and the next point, pray together.
Ask God for guidance.
Allow him to move you both in a way where you both can, can see each other in the way God
wants you to be seen.
Definitely.
Pray.
Pray should be number one.
Pray should definitely be number, you know, I said that when I wrote down my point.

(39:18):
Yeah.
So pray is definitely number one overall everything.
Pray is everything.
That's what's going to get you.
So that's what's going to get you together.
That's what's going to get you to everything.
And it's not just a prayer.
It's just having relationship, relationship with God.
That's going to get you through all the rough bumps, stones, everything that's going to
be coming your way to storms, the fires, the black holes, whatever you want to call them.

(39:43):
That's what's going to get you through your marriage.
That's it.
Pray in and trusting in God.
That's it.
You both have that same, you know, that same faith.
Even when you're at your hardest moments in your marriage, you know, arguing about it
won't fix anything.
Okay.
Arguing about it won't fix it.
Pray.
Come together.
Instead of arguing, just say, you know what?

(40:03):
Let's pray.
Let's pray this out.
You know what I'm saying?
You know, we need to work on this.
Okay.
We got to get through this.
And the only person that can do that is God.
True.
Okay.
We can't do it on our own.
You know, when you get marriages, it's you.
It's you, your wife.
I mean, your wife and your husband, and then it's God.
It's three people.

(40:24):
Well, it's God first.
That doesn't happen to my wife.
Oh, yeah.
So, yeah.
Just a laugh, you know.
So, yeah, we have to make sure that we make sure those three things is always acknowledged
and make sure that God is always in the forefront.
And we did say compliment each other.
One thing I wrote down and say, look for the change in your partner.

(40:46):
Be willing to see the change in your partner.
If you're going through some things where you both are just, you know, because marriage
is about growth and growing and you both going into different people, you know, you're aging,
you know, you're learning new things and, you know, see the change, you know, the person
may have had a bad attitude at one point and everything just, you know, tick them off or

(41:10):
you whatever you're going through in your marriage and you trying to change for the
betterment of your marriage, be able to see the change in the person.
But then I would say, right, because I think sometimes people change, but they're so focused
on the past that they don't see the change that is happening in front of their face and
they can't get over the past.

(41:31):
So you have to get over your past.
Address those past issues.
Well, yeah.
Yeah, address them.
I would.
Even if it's through counseling, address those issues so you can see why you're still there,
why you're still standing in that in that mode of not moving, being able to move forward.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, I think I think like for us, like with our past, you had to you had to start seeing

(41:58):
I still had to address the issue that was bothering me.
And I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm trying to say, but yeah, you dressed you.
We did address it, but it was still it was still a deliberate act on your part to remember

(42:19):
or to think, okay, let me see what he's doing differently.
Because if you didn't, if you didn't pay attention to what I was doing differently, you wouldn't
have thought I changed.
So yes, you do address it, but it's still, it's still like, it's just like, I'm not thinking
negative, not thinking thinking positive and not thinking negative thoughts.

(42:42):
You know, if you're thinking, you get things positive, but because we think so many negative
thoughts, a matter of fact, which one do you think would be better?
You think it's easier to think, do you think it's easier to be positive to be positive?
Or do you think it's easier to not think negative thoughts?
It depends.
It depends on where you are.

(43:03):
You know, which one do you think is better?
Let me put it that way.
I would say it was good.
It would try to think as positive as you can, because the more negative that you think,
even though you went through that hard situation, doesn't mean that you can't, you know, be
delivered from it.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't think you deliver from a situation if you still, you're still thinking about

(43:25):
it, still taking a toll on the whole on you, where it's causing you to not be able to thrive
in your marriage.
Okay.
Because for me, it'll be.
Because then the negative thoughts, they could be in.
So there's the thing.
So for me, I would think less negative, because we naturally think negative.
We naturally always think that there's a problem.

(43:45):
We naturally think that there's always an issue.
So instead of thinking positive, and it's going to sound where you would think less
negatively, because when you think less negatively, you think positively.
But you know what it is too, as I thought as you was talking, when we get to the point
where those heart issues is taking a toll on us, it's because you haven't healed from

(44:06):
the situation.
Yeah.
And when you haven't healed from a situation that has caused you harm or hurt, it's hard
to move on from it because you haven't, you know, you haven't let.
I'm going to.
I'm going to your heart from that.
I'm going to based on the fact that you are healed and now you're trying to better yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm going to be talking on two perspectives.
Right.

(44:27):
So I'm, I'm going, I'm just my, my point about it is that.
When we think less negatively than you would, the positive will come out because when we,
when you think about it, we think negatively about everything, especially like I in the
UK, they say, Oh, um, they say, Oh, the weather's so bad.
You know, that's negative.

(44:48):
It's just always bad.
Like I get all the time you from New York, you grew up in your family, you grew up in
New York.
Why are you here?
You know, what about the weather?
That's been, you know, we have that negative.
We're drawn to be negative a lot of times.
So if you think less negatively and it goes the same thing at the marriage, if I go into
my marriage with you and I'm like, you know what, even though my wife may have this, something

(45:13):
I did not like, I'm not going to think negatively, negatively right off the back of it.
Because a lot of times like, even, but like this morning when we had the discussion, when
we was talking, it was, it was the negative is what made you become defensive because
you was, you was thinking automatically that I was saying something that you did not, that

(45:36):
that didn't happen or even saying something that you did not like.
So you thought I was saying I was coming at you when I was just making a statement.
You understand?
We, a lot of times we could just make a statement.
We could just make a phrase.
We could just say something, but it's the person takes it as you're coming after me
or you're being, or you become defensive because you're like, Oh, you're saying I did something

(45:59):
wrong or you're saying I, I did something that I know I did not do when I'm not saying
anything.
I'm just making, the person's just making a statement because we, we just have that natural
thought process of always is just negative.
Like even if we said, Oh, I'm having a discussion with somebody, you said this to me earlier.

(46:23):
I was having this, I was having a discussion with somebody and I was telling you about
the discussion and your first, and what did you say to me?
I can't remember.
You said, you, you was like, you was like, you really think they, you really think they,
they all came with what you said.
Oh, right.
I get it.
See you were up, boom, negative.

(46:43):
Yeah.
I was like, yeah, they was cool.
They was laughing and everything of what I said.
And he was like, are you sure they was okay with what you said?
That see how easy only because only because the reason I asked that question before when
you spoke to that person, they didn't receive it well.
Yeah.
And I think that was, that was, that was years ago.
But that was years ago, but I, you know, just because it's years ago, don't mean people

(47:05):
don't still feel, why not?
We, why not?
Wait, wait, why not?
We just said that you can change.
Yeah.
But if you just say that we can, I'm just, I'm giving you a reason.
I'm giving you from your perspective and see, because that's the next, but see, that's what
I mean.
That's a negativity that's always in our body.
I got you.
I got you.
We're not seeing the change in the people.
Not seeing the change in the people.
Yeah.
Because we're always, you went years back.

(47:26):
Yeah, not seeing the change.
Not seeing the change.
Yeah.
Well, in the past they didn't ding.
So now here I am like, okay.
Yeah.
You understand?
That's what I'm saying.
That's where we have to break that cycle.
I'm not always thinking that is a negative response.
Yeah.
We just look for the change and not just marriage, but in friendships and the people that you
around look for the change.
But we do it in our marriage too, because we constantly, when we're talking to each other,

(47:51):
it's like, I guess we can say something to each other, but because we have that negative
drawback that we have, we say, oh, that's not really what they meant.
Yeah.
That's because of staying.
Even if it's just a simple comment.
Even if it's just a...
And then saying has deluded our minds with negativity, but that's why we have to allow

(48:13):
God to bring in us to have a renewed mind and clear our minds from the things that is not
of him.
Yeah.
Because if you don't, then you always will be thinking negative.
Yeah.
It's okay to think.
It's okay.
And also to understand that because I do have a negative way of thinking of things sometimes,

(48:35):
just take a minute and think, did they really mean it this way?
What did they mean it that way?
That's it.
That's it.
We talk about it all the time with us when we talk to each other.
Active listening.
Did I listen to what they really said?
And if you don't understand what they said, or if you think something else from what they
said, ask them, is this what you meant?

(48:57):
Don't listen.
Or is this what you didn't mean?
What did you mean by that comment?
Because this is how I took the comment.
You said all the time, if I say something to you and you don't like the way I said it
to you, I want you to come and say, how did you really mean that?
Because I would be honest with you and tell you how I really meant it.
I meant it as a slight or I meant it as a diss or I meant it as a thing.

(49:19):
I would tell you, yeah, I was saying that's what you do.
No, that's not what I was saying what you do.
I was making a comment.
And then that way, that's active listening.
Then now we can have a discussion on what I said.
That's it.
Or what you said.
Because we now understand, we at least we're there with what we know what the other person
was saying.
Yeah.

(49:40):
Because we have that natural tendency to always go to the bad right away.
That's true.
Always to the bad.
Always like, oh, it's the end of the world.
The end of the world is coming.
You know?
No?
Yeah.
We can't pay a bill.
Oh my goodness, we're going to be out on the street homeless.

(50:00):
We're going to have no food on the table.
Just like that.
It's like right away.
Boom.
Yeah.
You know?
So, yeah, yeah.
So now guys, we at this point at our segment, where we're going to fast forward to our cards.
So here we go.
Did you did you hit it?
Yeah, you hit it.
Can't you hear?
Would you like me to hit it again?

(50:20):
Hit it again.
Hit it again.
All right.
Getting our cards ready.
And I think the topic that I wanted to say is relationship.
Which one is that blue?
Yeah.
The dark blue.
It's just the light.
I can't tell because you got the powder blue like powder blue.
Okay.
So yeah.
So this is our card segment guys.
And this one, these cards is related to relationship.

(50:45):
And I think relationship intimacy.
I went first last time.
Different aspects.
Yeah.
All right.
So I'm about to pick my card and Pedro is going to pick his card.
And we're going to talk about whatever this on this card, we have to speak about it truthfully.

(51:06):
And yeah.
So I'm about, he's shuffling them up now.
And I'm about to hit my card first.
Alrighty.
Alrighty.
Okay.
So Pedro got here.
So now my who went first last time I did.
So it's time for you to go first.

(51:29):
My question is, I would your ex partner be a last of series relationship describe you?
All right.
Honestly, I don't know.
Well, remember I 18 years and I was married before.
So that would be my ex wife.
And I don't know how she would describe me to be honest with you.

(51:53):
She would not be happy with me.
I know that I was not the best person, but there was a lot going on in that marriage.
So in a sense of on both sides.
So I don't know how she would, you know, I mean, she would describe me as a hard worker.
Because I'm always been a hard worker.
But as a father and as a husband, I honestly don't know.

(52:19):
Because it's a different, you know what I'm trying to say.
And I don't want to, because I'll never talk ill or good.
I would never.
Now, it's just about what you think they would say.
Yeah.
But in me saying that would be like, you know, they just don't like, they, I don't even know
if they like me or not.

(52:39):
It doesn't bother me if they do or not.
But I don't think I don't know what they would say.
Honestly.
I don't know what they would say.
Previously, I know that you had one conversation where it was that they said that they could
see a change.

(53:00):
So I don't know if she would see a change.
You know, so with a serious relationship, definitely I couldn't honestly could not answer
that question, not knowing because I just don't know what my ex would say.
Yeah.
It's kind of like a, like taking something to throw it against the wall and see what
sticks.

(53:20):
You know what they say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you know that to be true.
So you know what I'm saying is that I'm telling the truth.
So people that know that are listening, honestly, I would not, my wife knows.
Yeah.
Don't know.
It's really a shot in the dark on how that, how that conversation would go.
Yeah.
You know, it could go either way.

(53:41):
It could go up or down.
So I'll just leave it at that.
Okay.
So my card and then my turn guys, so mine says to describe sometimes or areas in which
you find it most difficult to be open and honest with me.
To be open and honest with me.

(54:02):
I guess it's asking you that question.
Oh, okay.
So I can answer that.
Yeah.
So I think sometimes what we were just talking about where, because not saying that you're
negative, but sometimes when I say things to you, sometimes you take it as a negative
in a negative way.
And when you do that and you don't actively listen towards me, it makes it very hard to

(54:27):
get to have a conversation that is where I have to kind of step back and then come back
and then talk.
Because once you get in your mind that you think something, even if it's true or not,
it's hard for you to be receptive to what I'm saying to you.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah, it's hard to be receptive.

(54:47):
And it's like just fighting it.
It's like beating your head over the head with a hammer because you're just like, I'm
trying to, I'm expressing myself, but because you're having your head that you already know
what I'm thinking or because of what I said, you don't become receptive.

(55:08):
So you don't listen to what I'm saying.
So I have to sometimes be like, okay, fine.
End the discussion and then wait later and then come back and say, look, this is what
I was really trying to say.
Then maybe then you'll be more receptive to what I'm trying to say.
So it's all about just the word use, the words that we use, the things that we say, how we

(55:34):
say it.
Like in thinking and thinking back to what we was talking about, if I early this morning
one that we had the disagreement, if I probably said it in a different way, you probably would
have responded differently.
Yeah.
So I do understand that, but you know, this is live and learn.
You learn, you're still learning.
You're still learning how to say things.

(55:55):
I'm not to say things.
So if I would have said a little different, maybe you would have been more receptive and
been more defensive as you got.
But you know, and then I wouldn't have got defensive either because we both got defensive.
Yeah.
In the whole thing.
So it wasn't like, I want people to think it was just you.
It was both of us.
So yeah, that would be my, that would be definitely be my describe sometimes in areas where it's

(56:20):
difficult to open up and be honest.
Sometimes being honest with you, you will, it would take a minute for you for it to register
to you.
Knowing your mate.
Knowing, yeah, so sometimes I have to be honest with you in parts.
Wait, you're being selective with your honesty.

(56:44):
Well, because sometimes if I get, if I'm too honest with you right off the back, you're
not going to be, again, you're not going to be receptive to what I'm trying to say.
So I have to sometimes do it in parts or say it in, in sections.
Not that it takes me a week to say it to you, but like, you know, I can say something today.

(57:04):
Because it can overload.
Get you.
If I, especially the way I am sometimes, I know I could just be too blunt and too straightforward
and just like, right.
And if I give too much to you at once, sometimes it can overload you where you, and then you
don't hear any, what I'm being honest about, you don't hear any of it.

(57:25):
So sometimes I have to be honest, but I have to give it to you in sections.
I have to give you part A, part B, part C so that you can kind of, and I expect you to
do the same thing for me sometimes.
Well, no, for me, I can be overloaded sometimes.
It doesn't, well, I'm human.
So sometimes it will overload me, but just, yeah, just tell you in parts, because if I

(57:48):
tell you all at once, it's not going to be received as well as if I, if I tell you in
parts.
So that sounds kind of weird, but that's just how I do it for you sometimes.
And now you're going to be like, are you telling me the whole thing?
I know now that's going to be the next conversation.
Are you telling me the whole thing?
Are you being totally honest with me?

(58:09):
I think it's important, you know, dependent on what it is to, but I don't think you should
be selective in your honesty.
I think you should, no matter how hard it is, just say what it is.
No, I'm not being selective.
You see, you're misunderstanding what I'm saying.
I'm not being selective.
I hear what you saying.
You don't say everything at once, depending on how I take it.
How I receive it.
Right.

(58:30):
Because sometimes if I say, if I, because sometimes the honesty could be in two parts.
So like, I could tell you one thing and tell you, if I tell you everything at once, it
may, it may just like make you shut down, but I don't need you to shut down at that
moment.
I need to have a conversation with you so I can be honest to a point.
I'm being honest and then I'll say, okay, she got that part.

(58:53):
Make it sure.
Make your honest to my point where you understand where I'm coming, where I'm talking about.
Okay.
And then I say, and then by the way, also, this is also what's on my mind.
And then we can, so it was like chopping it up so we can, we can, and this is just how
I do it.
So we can have a constructive, constructive conversation because if I gave it all to you

(59:17):
at once, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, you're, you're, now you're thinking of four different
things or three different things or two different things and you're not, and the one thing I
need you to focus on is not being focused on.
So you're like, you know, cause all you're thinking about, you're, you're trying to wrap
everything around and I don't need you to wrap everything.
I just need you to focus on that one Pacific thing that I'm talking about.

(59:38):
Right.
Let's talk about that.
And then let's talk.
So, and that's what I mean by breaking up and it can, it can even happen in the same
day.
Like, okay, I need to talk to you and boom.
Okay.
We got that straight.
The next subject, the next problem, next topic, but do you want to talk about that?
But do it in sections.
Just don't be, just don't throw it all at once.

(59:59):
Got you.
Just everything, like I'm just going to dump it all on you and I want to want you to do
that to me.
Right.
If you have a problem, it's multiple problems or issue, you know, break it up because it
just, to me, it just makes you more receptive to what you're doing.
Got you.
Got you.
Wow, Peter.
You really explained yourself.
Are you trying to explain myself too much?

(01:00:19):
That's fine.
See, that's your, that's your little cute way of saying that I over talked.
Fine.
I over talked.
Okay.
No, no, no.
What you say was valuable.
So that's it.
No, no, don't try to clean it up now.
We're going to have a discussion after this podcast now.
Okay guys.
How you make me feel.
Really well.
So you remember, mentioned first, go ahead.
No, I would just say my takeaway from this is to try hard on being receptive, try hard

(01:00:46):
on compromising, turning on my active listening and, you know, and to make sure that you
hear me and to just be honest with you and myself, what's your takeaway?
Pretty simple.
Being intentional requires an ongoing effort and commitment from both partners.

(01:01:06):
That's it.
That's it.
Playing simple says I talk too much.
So guys, if you want to get in touch with us, you can ring us or send us a WhatsApp message
at plus four, four, seven, five, six, four, 10, 40, 96.
I'm going to say that again, plus four, four, plus four, four, sorry, seven, five, six,

(01:01:27):
four, 10, 40, 96.
Or you can email us at marriage can help podcast at gmail.com.
That's marriage can help podcast at gmail.com.
You can send us a message and we can message you back.
We can email you back and, you know, just talk to you because if you need helping your
marriage, don't be afraid to speak to people about it.

(01:01:49):
And if you just need to, you know, get a different point of view, we are here for you.
We are 18 years in our marriage and we definitely got something that we can share with you to
probably help you move along the way for 2024.
Definitely.
So happy 2024 to you guys.
Happy 2024.

(01:02:09):
My name is Tara.
My name is Pedro.
And this is he'll my marriage podcast.
Peace.
Good luck.