Unhappy Holiday's S4-Ep10

The season to be jolly is not for everyone and how. we deal with that depending on where we are and feel can impact us deeply!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, this is Pedro and Tara Goddard. Join us on Sundays at 4 p.m. where we talk

(00:05):
about the ups and downs in marriage. On the Heal My Marriage podcast tune in on
Adventist Radio London.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hi, hi. How y'all doing today? I'm doing good. How's everybody doing today out there in

(00:28):
radio land, YouTube land, Spotify land, social media land. Yeah. My name is Tara
and I'm your host. That's not how we do it. You say my name is Tara. Oh, my name is
Tara and I'm your host. No, you don't say. Oh, why are you doing everything so backwards?
What do I say? Sorry. Your name is Tara. My name is Tara. My name is Pedro. And this is Heal My Marriage podcast. Thank you. Oh my gosh, I think I'm sleeping.

(00:56):
Yeah, you are asleep. Maybe it's the time. It is kind of late. But you know, so sorry.
Because we wasn't planning to do a podcast. Then we decided that we was going to
enter the year and come on and just talk about the holidays. From a different
perspective, though. Yeah. Because when everything a holiday, you think of cheerfulness and

(01:19):
happiness and family and things of that. But we never talk about other side of the
holidays. Yeah. So we said, you know, maybe we should come on and talk a little bit about that.
That's it. That's it. And so and so guys, today, our topic would be unhappy holidays,
season four, episode 10. And you sure? Yes. Positive. Positive. That's what it is, guys.

(01:45):
So yeah, so we wanted to cover this topic today. As Pedro just said, you know, people, you know, happy
around holidays and, you know, they they cheerful and joyful and all of those things. I think you need to move that.
Not by here. Yeah. So yeah. So sorry. But yeah, I just think we need to talk about these hard topics that

(02:12):
and hard things that happen to families and people in general about how some people just really just
unhappy around this time dealing with grief and death and, you know, just a lot of things that's going on that a lot of people
are not happy with. Well, what are you doing? I was just looking because I didn't see the glare. So I was just seeing the glare.

(02:36):
That's all. Yeah. So yeah. Don't mind me. I'm sorry, guys. Pedro doing stuff that he shouldn't be doing. You was doing stuff too.
So anyway, but yeah, we wanted to talk about those things because you'll be amazed how some people just think holidays are dreadful
and they just can't wait for them to be over. So yeah, we're going to hop on talk about these things today.

(03:02):
And why do we think? Well, we thought about this because we had a meeting and in the meeting, the person was talking about how
kids in school, some schools don't don't like when they have the two weeks off because those two weeks are like really hard for them
because of the hard life that they may be living or what they may be going through. Right. And that, you know, they know family,

(03:29):
missing family members and stuff, things of that nature and that the two weeks that they're out of school is the roughest because
you don't have the schools like an outlet for them. Yeah. So when they're not able to come to school, it's like, you know, they're just getting into trouble.
They're just, you know, they just are eating right. They're not getting the things, you know, that they need.

(03:50):
You know, because a lot of young children are not going to have turkey and and ham and, you know, meals and stuff around that time.
True. You know, a lot of them to parlor and even how they pair. That's what made us think about this topic that we're going to do today.
So we want to first thank everybody coming to this video, London. That's right. For joining us today.

(04:15):
And those who are listening on other platforms, please follow, share and and do all those things and like and subscribe.
Yeah, subscribe, like, share. Yeah. So please subscribe to your family, your enemies, to whoever.
Even if you don't like them, send it to them. And yeah.

(04:37):
You have to sleep. Look at you. I'm not really not.
I'm ready to talk about these things now. Okay. I got a tone twist just that fast.
You're in tongue twisting all night. Yeah. Anyway, so you want to get right into it then. All right.
So what do you think?

(05:01):
Have you ever had an unhappy Christmas?
Um, I can't holiday holiday. I can't say I have had a unhappy, unhappy holiday.
I can't. I probably had moments where I just felt like, you know, you know, is it always going to be like this?

(05:23):
Is it the same? It's the same every year. You know, family, get together, food, you know, all of those things.
And sometimes I think, you know, going up as a teenager, I wasn't always, you know, I had my family, all of that.
Sometimes I was just the holidays felt gloomy.

(05:44):
You just said that you didn't have one. You said that they felt gloomy.
I know I'm talking too fast. Yeah, you're talking both sides. Like, which one is it?
You said, I don't think I had any. Oh, then I'm sorry. What is a gloomy?
No, I guess what I'm saying is, you know, sometimes you could have your family, you don't appreciate that you have it.
You get what I'm saying? That's not gloomy. That's just an appreciation.
Yeah. Well, I'm saying in my in how I you asked me a question. I'm answering it.

(06:09):
So what I'm saying is in in my way at that time, I probably thought that, you know, it was like, it's gloomy or whatever.
But other than that, I think I had got God have been blessed to have pretty good holidays.
Name been too bad. How about you? Well, I thought about actually a question.
I realized that it wasn't really a question to ask. It's more about, you know, we.

(06:33):
The holidays is supposed to be about family spending time together, getting together, seeing each other, stutter in funerals, because, you know, we, we as folks, we like to, we don't see each other at all.
But then the funeral comes, you see everybody and their mother and their grandmother and their cousin and their third and fourth cousin.
So like the holidays is meant to be where we all get together and just, you know, have fun, eat.

(06:56):
But what about those people that don't have a family or maybe like you, like you're in the UK and your family's really in Alabama?
I was going to say, I was going to say the one thing I do miss is being around my mom, my sister, my brother, you know, and stuff like that and seeing your nephews.

(07:17):
Yeah. And my nephews and stuff and just seeing them, you know, sometimes that can be hard because they grow and they have grown up so much now they grow almost halfway grown men now.
And, you know, everybody is getting older. So I say that would say that would be the hardest part is not being able to see them the way I really want.
We've had a couple of happy holidays.
But I'm talking about in the sense of when I was younger, now as I got older, I have had some times where it just wasn't so happy.

(07:45):
Well, that's because we was going through some things in our marriage.
But not just that. I kept losing my, I would always lose a job around the holidays.
Well, maybe it's not a few, maybe some people just.
No, but I'm saying we I would lose a job. Let's see. I lost one, two.
I think I lost like two or three jobs around the holidays. So we'll be married.
Mm hmm.
I think about it.

(08:06):
Yeah. And we still made it through, you know, it was just one of those crazy things that happened around that time.
But but imagine how the fire people around the holidays, it seems because I was in an article where they over in Liverpool, I think they let go of like 400 people.
Mm hmm.
They company bought them out and then they made them all redundant around the holidays.

(08:28):
Let's see. Look at that. Some people losing jobs. Some people losing their homes, their cars, their lives, their lives.
Yeah, that's right. And family members, it's a lot of grief and death. It's just a lot of stuff is going on around the holidays where a lot of people are just ready for it to be over.
You know what I mean? Some people, children may have a guy taken away from them and they want to see the kids.

(08:55):
So it's not the same.
Well, it's funny you said that because my job I deal with that every day.
Right.
And I actually went to a house and there was no Christmas tree up there was nothing up.
And the person said to me, they said, when I haven't Christmas this year, because I don't have my children back yet.
Right.
So they just decided that it wasn't even going to do Christmas.

(09:17):
So yeah, I can see that definitely, you know, people, people are struggling. They're trying to get the children back.
They're trying to do the right thing.
You know, and then the holidays come in for us. I think like for us personally for us is in holidays for us.
We don't really we like Christmas, but we don't do like Santa Claus, but we for us Christmas is about spending time family.

(09:41):
We got to go to Scotland.
Yeah, I see my mom and sister and cousin, her husband, daughter and their daughter.
And that was fun to say family, family a little bit.
Yeah, it was fun for like two, three days.
And it was it was fun. It was it was different because normally we just sit around the house and they'll do anything.

(10:03):
Yeah.
So it was nice that we was able to go to Scotland and do that long drive.
Yeah.
Yeah, four hours.
Yeah, more than four hours.
Five.
Oh, five.
We already had that discussion. I'm not going back into that where you made fun of me by driving.
So I'm just gonna leave it alone.
Yeah.
But yeah, but just get it back into.
I am not going off the subject.
Go ahead.

(10:24):
Well, I'll say so, you know, that that will make the part of with the family being like, you know, having nobody around and stuff and being on having just struggling to make it through this time.
Yeah.
Because I think what I think the one thing that hurts people when anything else is time, we got nothing else but time, nothing else.

(10:46):
Grabbing your attention at that time. Yeah, the devil just really messes with your brain. You just really can. Have you start thinking of things that are not even real, not even there can really get you depressed.
Right.
And under the, you know, under the weather and just like just really get you down and out because you just, you don't have something positive going on in your life.

(11:10):
You know, the negative can kind of creep in sometime.
Yeah. And also being around people that are negative.
Well, yeah, you could be around, even if you're not around anybody is not see, it's not, you don't have to have negative thoughts to be around and be around somebody.
You have negative thoughts just on your own.
Yeah.
You know, you have negative thoughts by just talking to people.
I mean, yeah, you can, you know, talking to people and they be negative or even if you're just sitting around.

(11:34):
But it's kind of like what I said.
No, I'm saying if you're sitting around and you're just like, I miss my family.
Yeah.
You know, why am I doing here?
Maybe you're going through some financial problems.
Maybe you're going through some stress.
You know, you the family dynamics, you just like, yeah.
And then, you know, as I really thought about the holidays and and how people stress about making sure they have enough money to get their kids toys and gifts.

(12:02):
You know, just all of those things that, you know, people want to do for their children around that time and they and then after that, they go into so much debt trying to get it.
You was doing that.
And then doing what you did that a little bit.
Not not.
I'm not going to say you did it, but you was thinking it.
I was thinking what you was like, man, I really want to get the kids something.

(12:24):
Well, no, I was, I wasn't saying it in that sense.
I was more I'm saying I'm not talking about me.
I'm talking about people in general, you know, around the holidays that are stressing about these type of things.
I wasn't stressing about getting kids anything because we always get them stuff during the year.
So I wasn't stressing about that.
If anything, I probably was because because I thought about Christmas or maybe because it's Christmas.

(12:46):
That's what that was my thinking.
All because it's Christmas.
Maybe we should get them a gift or something.
And you know, just just to get them something that was my thinking, but I wasn't stressed about it just to be clear.
Okay.
We did get them something we got on a trip to Scotland to see grandma.
Yes, but I'm just letting you know, I was because I told me told them we said you be getting some gifts next in the new year.
Yeah.

(13:07):
So my point where I was saying about people being stressed about about these things and, you know, putting themself into a lot of debt.
And then once the holidays are over, they let, oh, how are we going to do this?
How are we going to do that?
You know, then they think you unhappy still going into the new year because you have now depleted yourself by trying to get everything up under the sun just for one day.

(13:39):
Oh, yeah, that's just that's something like unrealistic expectations, you know, you.
I used to do that before we use a like go all out and then January comes and we're like, how are we going to make it through this month?
You know, because like, I like my job personally, they pay me early in December.

(14:01):
Right.
Actually hate that because when they pay me early, it's like now already, you know, like we budget and we're like, okay, we put a little side, then we go make it to end of the month and you know budget, but you know, put the money inside and do we got to do.
Right.
So you know, you know, you get paid like a week or 10 days early.

(14:22):
Now is the extra 10 days that you have to account for and you like, and you get paid monthly is harder than when you get paid weekly.
All right, but when you depend on Jesus, he was stretched that money wide.
I'm just saying.
Why are you going to?
I didn't say that I was.
I was not dependent.
I was not dependent.
I was not depending on Jesus.
I always depend on Jesus to make us to ask that.

(14:43):
I was just saying, I was just saying.
I was just saying that you know, that's one thing that's one thing that as a person can get you financially stressed.
You're like, I got paid 10 days early.
You know, I paid all you pay all your bills, but then you're like, okay, now I got to.
I now got to count for 10 more days that I normally don't have to account for.
Yeah, I get that.

(15:04):
You have to account for 10 extra days that normally don't have to account for.
And when you know when you're not making buko money, but you're making God is blessing you to make the money to survive and get through life.
And you're still comfortable.
It's still like, you know, 10 days.
So 10 days sometimes can feel like 20 30.
You start stressing, you start worrying.

(15:25):
You're like, yeah, I'm going to do this.
Are we going to pull this?
How are we going to do this?
You know, like that.
And that's all I'm saying is just what I guess I'm saying is I'm just giving my personal experience or how easy it is during the holidays to become depressed or become stressful or to start over thinking or like, oh.
How are we going to, you know, how are we going to make this work?

(15:47):
Right.
So I'm just giving like a personal, you know,
We went to the mall walking around.
We was in Scotland and all of those people and everybody had bags and and everybody looks stress and people probably take the stuff back to the store because it was what box today.
So people probably take the stuff back to the store trying to get the money back or you know,

(16:09):
They say that that's boxing the day after Christmas is the busiest time of the year because that's when people do take back stuff.
So people, you know, didn't spend all their money just to try to get it all back because now they like, wait a minute, I don't want this.
You know, saying this, but this is not what I thought it was going to be.
And you know, just buy unnecessarily around this time and be very stressful for people.

(16:31):
Yeah, we felt that vibe.
We felt like, man, nobody was nice.
Everybody was looking mean.
Yeah, it was like, it was like to my mom is Scotland.
I was like, no, they're actually very nice people.
Like, well, they're not been nice today.
Right.
Like then I also said, maybe they don't want to work because I have to work today after Christmas, which, you know, some people don't want to work to work.

(16:52):
But you know, yeah, well, you think they'll be happy because if they work in boxing,
that's I don't know if Scotland this time and a half.
I know, but you did this three times.
So you get three times the amount of your paycheck.
Right.
So if you get paid 10 pounds an hour, you'll get 30 pounds an hour on Christmas and boxing day.
Right.
And I don't know if Scotland does that.

(17:13):
Right.
But yeah, it's just like, oh, this is like so weird.
Yeah.
You know, I feel bad for people that are experiencing those things, especially like people that want their children or want their family or or experience a family member passing away.
So now things are not the same or don't feel the same or or now you like, you know what, I'm not going to do it this year because grandma's not here now.

(17:40):
Dad is not here now.
Then this other aspect, when we talk about family dynamics, it's not just that.
How about the family that family dynamics is you have been getting along all year and I have to come together.
Right.
Oh my goodness.
I never thought about it.
Now you're like, man, like I got to be around this person.
Yeah, I've been beating all the time.
Oh, you're like, man, I got to be around this.

(18:02):
I want to be around this person.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Now I got to be shirley.
Yeah.
You know, and I got to go see Mark.
Like really, I really want to see these people.
You're like, man, what the heck?
I got, I want to see this person.
So now that dynamic of now you have to, you know, like, man, I don't want to be around these people like their family, but I just don't want to see them.

(18:26):
Right.
You know, and now you got to.
And then also, like for us, especially for us, how, you know, believe it or not, like for us, you know, the most stressful thing for me on holiday is,
what's that?
It's traveling.
Oh, traveling is a man.
Because it's five of us.
We got, we get in the car.
We got to pack five bags, five toothbrushes, make sure we have enough socks, make sure we have enough underwear, make sure we have enough pants, shirts, you know.

(18:52):
Oh my goodness.
They're stressful.
You know, and the funny thing is,
Making sure you don't forget stuff.
Good morning, like, you don't forget something.
How many times we had to turn around before we left them with the scarf?
Pick me off twice.
Twice.
I was like, I forgot.
I got 20 minutes down the road.
My wife was like, oh, I think I need to go back to the house.

(19:13):
I know.
I forgot my meds.
I'm so sorry.
I forgot my stuff.
I was like, really, of all the things we go back, we leave, get two minutes down the house, we got to turn around and go back again.
And on top of that, you got the daughter's medicine, but it wasn't even in the box.
Right.
I was like, wait, and I still can't find a pump.
But anyway, I look for later.

(19:34):
But yeah, it's just like, what is really going on?
Thank God she didn't need it.
It's just something she does during the winter time because of asthma.
But you know, I was like, my goodness, like, really?
Yeah, that was.
And the trip that would have took us four and a half ended up taking a six because it's 20 minutes down, 20 minutes back, and then 20 minutes going back out to where we was in the first place.

(19:56):
It's like that time where we was going somewhere to London and we got it to like 40 miles in.
We was going to Birmingham.
Oh, yeah.
During the holidays, we was going to Birmingham and he was like, I forgot my makeup.
I said, well, your makeup's going to be left behind.
I forgot my makeup bag.
You can go back and get it.
Heck no.
I was like, we have 40 miles into this trip.
There's no way I'm traveling 40 miles back home to get your makeup.

(20:19):
I remember that.
Oh my goodness.
I was like, nope.
Not happening.
But yeah, it's real crazy around that time traveling with a big family, making sure you don't miss anything, especially in no hotel.
You got some hanging up and totally forgot you got a hanging up.
I lost a dress in the nightgown.
I think plenty of times.
What do you mean?
What dress you lost?

(20:40):
I haven't lost a dress one time in London.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's over with now.
It's over with your head if it's not screwed up.
I'm really you just now responded to that.
Yes, because I'm just not realizing that you lost it anyway.
I lost a dress and you've been talking about it.
I was like, I can't find my dress.

(21:02):
You never said, I think I left it in the hotel.
That's the first time you see.
See, you brought out, you came out here.
You didn't say nothing like that to me.
The point is that the point is that you lost it.
And it's gone.
I no longer have the dress.
Yes.
But my point was I was trying to make was that how you forget things
when you have so much going on and you have such a big family.
You doing this, you doing that.

(21:24):
You trying to make sure everybody's straight.
And at the end of the day, you still going to end up leaving
something behind.
And they even have that family dynamic when you go somewhere
and something happens while you're there and now is strained
as stress from that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then now you got to deal with.
Well, how do you navigate seeing family members that you don't
want to see?

(21:45):
No, no, no, no, no, no.
See that I'm saying, what if you go see family members,
but then something something happens while you're there at that time.
Now you're stressed over what happened and now you got to deal with that.
Now you go into the new year.
Stress a little bit because you have an issue with your family member
that you didn't have before.
Or yeah, that's true.
Or you have issues in two and two and three that you haven't resolved

(22:06):
that you got to walk into.
Two and two and four with just cause the new year's coming doesn't
mean that, you know, stuff ain't ain't still totally just kind of my family
thing.
No, I didn't.
I didn't.
I'm just saying, you know, people be like, Oh, it's two and two and
four.
I'm letting everything go on my baggage, all of my drama, all of my stress.
But then, you know, realistically, you're not, you know, I'm saying you

(22:29):
still you still got to go into the new year resolving situations.
You know, nothing don't just erase it though.
Yeah.
Unless you just let it go and just be like, whatever, I don't care type of
thing.
But like, you know, yeah, I guess what you're saying.
Yeah, I mean, what you're saying is so true.
I was just trying to get you to comment on what I said.

(22:52):
What about about having when you go and then you have a family issue,
then at the, you know, at the, at the meeting before you, you don't have
one, then you get one.
Oh, right.
You know, you never get into that.
That's what I'm saying.
So you wasn't even listening to me.
Oh, never getting to know your brain about what you was going to say that
you didn't pay attention to.
I said, never getting through an issue that have happened while you're

(23:14):
there.
And now when you, you know, yeah, yeah.
So how do you deal with that?
You know, I told you before, I don't care.
It is what it is.
No, it's not.
No, I told you other phrase.
I told you that's a them problem.
That's a them problem.
Well, yeah, at the end of the day, because my thing is, you know, when you're
dealing with issues, I'm the type of person.
I'm sure Pedro the same way.
Let's, you know, I know you the same way.

(23:35):
Let's address these issues now.
You know, I'm saying, don't wait until this is over.
And then you're like, oh, you got an issue.
You didn't even know you had issues.
So sometimes an issue can be that you don't even know there's even there.
I'm talking about until someone say, you know, there's an issue.
Like really?
When did that happen?
Like I'm lost.
Yeah.

(23:56):
So that can happen because people don't communicate in families.
So communication is everything, you know, because in families, you have
relationships as well.
So communication, talking, letting people know how you feel so you can move on
from that is important and it's healthy because when you hold on to issues,
it allows people to then build up a defense, you know, against the family

(24:22):
member because now you're like, I don't want to be around these people.
You know, I'm saying you hold that the way over you may have been talking
that was positive is now all negative now because now you don't want to be bothered
with people because now because you was afraid to address the issue that
should have been addressed and it's in this minor.
You know, I'm saying minor minor situations in family can happen.

(24:43):
That can be a big thing and people don't talk for long times because of it.
You know, and I just think it's unnecessary.
If you have an issue, just say you got one.
And then that way we're like, oh, wow, okay.
You know, but since we've got since you feel it is an issue, okay, then let's,
you know, tell me what it is.
Let's talk about it.
And then let's, let's, you know, let's, let's get it into it and then let's move on.

(25:06):
So we can be, you know, healthy family, you know, but it's hard to do that
when people don't talk.
No, it's not.
Communicate.
Communications.
What do you do?
What do you mean?
What do I do?
I would just say, and what do you do?
It's a them problem.
Yeah, it's a them problem.
It's not a me problem.
I'm going to talk.
Yeah, I can't fix.

(25:27):
I can't talk about something if nobody tells me that there's a problem.
Yeah, that's it.
So I was thinking about this too, because we live in a UK.
Do you think that the seasonal, like the winter hours, the time like we wake up
in the dark and you go, like, especially if you work a nine to five, you go to work
in the dark, you come home in the dark.

(25:48):
I think that can affect that can affect people, especially I hear in the UK.
It's not that you just say that, you know, what's been affecting me in the UK.
And I don't think I'm still adjusted even though I've been here for six years now.
It's hard for me when it's getting dark early.
You know what I mean?
Because I feel like I feel like nine o'clock.
I just woke up, right?

(26:09):
And I see it's a little light outside.
And then, you know, you're in the house.
So, you know, and then next thing you know, it's through a clock after three or quarter
two and it's dark.
But you just like, wait, I just got up this morning.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't see no light.
But, you know, that can cause people to become depressed as well because you just
like, geez, the day just going.

(26:30):
It goes fast.
It's called seasonal affection.
A seasonal effectiveness disorder.
Yeah.
Sad.
Yeah, I'm going, I'm having that right now.
I'm feeling a little sad.
You're feeling that right now?
I am.
I really am because it's just like, if I feel like I got, I feel like it's more to do
today, but I can't because it's now, it feels late.

(26:51):
Well, it's late for us now.
Yeah.
Now it is.
But earlier, it's not late.
But it definitely is.
But yeah, it's just like, it's like, cause like we get up and if we went to church
and you go to church 11, you get out about two, one, you know, one, get out one.
And by the time we come home, you turn around, boom, is into the Sabbath.
It's like, what?

(27:12):
Like, wait a minute, what?
It's like you.
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't mean that we still can't relax in the evening.
Yeah.
But it just, it's just like a weird dynamic, you know, especially kids going to school,
they go to school by the time they get home at three an hour later.
It's dark.
It's dark.
That's why Kyle on Friday, cause they get that one, 10 guys like, you can pick me up.

(27:33):
Don't come get me a three cause she wants to come home.
Right.
So she can have an hour or two before she gets out early on Friday.
Right.
So she have an hour or two before she has to get ready for the Sabbath.
You know, so she's like, I want an hour or two.
They kind of, then I could get ready for the, you know, so.
Yeah.
But, you know, for me, I don't, I must admit, I don't like when it get dark early.
I don't like the dark season.
Cause it's just dark, you know, I need some light.

(27:56):
I just need to.
Cause we was juggling.
It was five o'clock in the afternoon.
It was five o'clock in the evening and it felt like it was nine.
It was pitch black.
It was like, why is it so black out here?
Like, it is like no light, no nothing, just pure darkness.
And sometimes for me, when I, for we first moved here, I had to turn on all the lights
in the house.
I had to turn on every lighted house so it could feel like it's daylight.

(28:17):
That's why my electric bill was, that's why electric bill was so high.
It was, but I couldn't handle having all the lights off and also being dark outside.
And it's only three after your quarters.
The latest will be three 30.
Yeah.
It's starting to go back up.
I think it was what three fifth.
There's almost four o'clock now.
Yeah.
When the sun goes, when the sun sets.
Yeah.
It's close to four.
Well, I'm ready for the longer light days.

(28:38):
I think I hate those days because then those days feel like they're forever.
Like it's never ending.
So you can't win it.
So you don't like the one, you don't like the small mall.
The winter time don't really bother me too much.
I mean, because I drive all the time.
So I don't like driving in the winter, in the daytime actually, because the sun seems
to be a different glare off the ground, especially if it's wet.

(29:00):
It's just really bright and it bothers me.
But I don't ask for that.
It doesn't really bother me.
I mean, I don't get, I can see why people will get depressed because of that.
You know, because it's just dark.
It's just like you feel like in a dark all the time.
So you feel like in a fog.
Yeah.
I can see that.
Have you ever had any, um, like unhappy holidays yourself?

(29:22):
In what sense?
No, I mean, normal.
Um, well, in a sense of, which I'm not looking forward to be Christmas coming like that type
of feeling.
No, never, never like that.
But I probably have had a couple of Christmases that I probably have taken away from my brain
that I didn't like have my children.

(29:43):
I was just by myself.
Right.
And that would go into actually what I was talking about earlier with, um, loneliness
and isolation.
I'm the type I can definitely isolate myself and just kind of like become a recluse and
just go into the house and don't move.
Don't leave.
Yeah.
You know, get all I need and just go in there and just hunker down.
And, you know, some people do that.

(30:04):
Some people just go in and, um, don't want to be bothered.
Just want to be left alone during the holidays, you know, missing, missing their mother, their
father or missing their children, as we said, um, or just, just, just be, could be going
through some things at that moment.
Yeah.
It's weird.
Like holidays always seem to accentuate whatever issues you're having.

(30:27):
Breakups, divorce, breakups, divorce, children problems.
Yeah.
Um, spouse a problem.
It's just every, it's like everything that seems to be masturbated in that, in that aspect,
because it's like, because we, we have been conditioned that holidays are supposed to be
happy.
Yeah.
And, you know, you watch TV, it's always a happy ending.
We was watching, what was he watching?

(30:49):
Um, just Christmas movie, Christmas movie, but it's always a happy ending with a, even
the bad guy got the action figure, come full grip doll and he's the bad guy and Santa still
leaves him a doll.
You know, like, come on.
Like, yeah.
That's like, well, it's like, so our mentality is always that, you know, it's always supposed

(31:10):
to be happy.
It's always supposed to be, you know, joyful.
Yeah.
And it is.
And it's, but reality can be, it can be, no, I say it is supposed to be a good time.
Yeah.
It's a happy time.
But reality is that it's not always going to be that way.
Yeah.
Not for everyone.
It's just like in life.
Life is not always going to be perfect.
You're not, you're going to have rough spots.
You're going to have times where things are not going well in your life.

(31:34):
You know, and Jesus says that, you know, he's not going to give us more than he can bear,
than we can bear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it seems like when the time, when the color is, we just can't bear it.
I think from, even I have to push myself sometimes and be like, you know what, today
going to be a good day.
Well, you know, regardless of what it is, I'm going to try to think positive.
You know, I'm going to try to not think negative.
And, you know, just think about the good times.

(31:57):
You know what I'm saying?
Even though you may be going through that, going through at the moment, you can just be
like, you know what?
I know this won't last always, but it just, you know, some people mental state is, it's
not good around that time.
It's just a lot going on around that time with people where I think a positive is not the
first thing they're thinking of.
Yeah.
You know.

(32:18):
Another thing about the holidays is time management.
Cause like, I know like if we lived in the States, who was all in the States, we would
have to manage, are we going to go see your family?
How are we going to see my family?
Yeah.
You know, so it'd be like, it's like, how would you, how long we staying?
Staying at the house.
Staying at the house.
How are we going to stay over?
Exactly.
I would go to my house.

(32:39):
So you go eat a little bit of food one place and then you got to go to the next house,
eat a little bit of food.
Yeah.
Let's go to the next house, eat a little bit of food.
You can do that.
Now with three kids and us is no way I'm traveling all around the universe.
How do you deal with some people like, I don't want to go to my house.
If you want to go to my house, you go, but I'm not going.
I can deal with issues like that, you know, around the holidays.
That's when, that's when the husband shows up without the wife or the wife shows up

(33:02):
with my husband.
Like what?
Oh, he had to help his mama.
He had to help his mama do something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Coming at home with his hand in his pants, why the TV?
Oh, he had to go help our mama do some stuff.
So, so, you know, coming up with things, you know, when people are absent around that
time, cause they don't like other people.
So, you know, that, you know, that happens a lot.

(33:25):
Yeah, but I was just like that.
So that time management can definitely be, we talked about that, you know, just trying
to, the expectations of trying to get that.
And you know what?
Also, I was thinking about people, you know, have these goals that they want to go into
in the 2024, cause the new year is coming soon.
So people like, oh, we're going to walk into the new year with all of these goals, but

(33:49):
not everybody got goals set.
And just because you got those goals, you know, and that you want to reach what happened
to reaching those goals in 2023?
Why is it so different now?
Because it's 2024.
True.
Or even better yet, in trying to like having a goal, we, in the holidays, you develop an
unhelpful habits.

(34:10):
Like, you know, you eat healthy all year long.
I'm just going to chill a little bit.
Yeah.
Now you're drinking, you're eating stuff that you normally don't eat.
You off your low carb diet.
Yeah.
You said it, not me.
I didn't say nothing.
You off your low carb diet.
I was, I was, I was.
You'd have had a piece of cake.
You'd have had some bread.

(34:31):
I was stopping you.
I was stopping you.
You didn't have a little.
I was stopping you.
I was like, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?
You know what I'm saying?
But I'm just saying.
People be like, oh.
It's just a little piece.
No, no.
And then put a new year, you go get your gym resolution, you go to the gym and then.
See, that's the problem.
See, that's the problem.
I mean, what's the difference in just continue to do what you've been doing?

(34:53):
Yeah.
And work on those goals in 2023 and then complete that before you even walk into 2024.
What's talking about you got goals.
You know, I'm saying.
I'm not even talking about goals.
I'm talking about why, why stop what you're doing in the month of the December.
We looking at me for like that.
I'm stopping the month of December.
And when you going to, when then told I was 20, 25, I just work a little harder.

(35:15):
I mean.
I mean, I guess for me, I don't have no resolution.
I just know I just know I'm saying for me and I'm so much resolution, this is the goal
and stuff.
I'm just saying for me, I'm thinking about to in the sooner for us, like God bless me
to see another year.
I'm happy.
I'm happy and blessed to see another year.

(35:37):
And I just want to walk into the new year just trying to improve what I'm already doing.
That's it.
It's not really a goal.
I'm already working on work.
I don't work.
No, I'm saying, no, I'm just saying for me.
I know for you.
I'm already working on me before I even thought about me personally.
I don't even think of it.
I don't even think of it like that.
I just think it was overlapping years, just going into a new year.

(35:59):
Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying it's the same.
It was it.
It's like a CEO and a janitor.
They're the same.
They're the same man.
They just put, they put their pants on the same way.
So 2023 is going to be the same as 2024.
And the only sense is that I try to make it, not even try to make yourself better because
I'm trying to make myself better every day anyway.

(36:20):
That's what I just said.
I know you just trying to improve.
Yeah, you just trying to improve yourself every day.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it's not because it's 2024.
I'm not going to be like, I'm going to eat healthy.
I just feel like each day should be a day that you are live to improve yourself.
You know what I'm saying?
To, to make a decision to, to, to change something about yourself.
It ain't got to be, you know, and it's one day at a time.

(36:43):
Yes.
But I'm just more saying in the sense of each day that you wake up and God allows you to
be alive.
It's a day for you to say, okay, the day is today.
I'm going to do what I'm going to do.
You know, and then you, you wake up hopefully the next day to try to do that thing again.
So, you know, I think walking into the new year just with a more positive mind and just,

(37:05):
just to think more positive and not more so negative about what you can't do, but what
God can allow you to do.
Right.
And that's how you lose, and that's how you lose focus.
So you lose focus on what truly matters.
Yeah.
Because I don't really expectation with distracted individual or really is the, you know, is
the meaning of the holidays.
Right.
Because, because you,
So instead of you focusing on spending quality time with your family, you're now, you know,

(37:31):
doing, you're doing things that you normally don't do.
Yeah.
And losing out that time that you have with family.
You know, and, you know, honestly, Christmas should not be the only time that we decide
that we're going to go spend time with family.
Yeah.
You should always be willing to go and spend some time with family.
Yeah.
Spend a day, spend a couple of hours, go visit somebody, go, you know, lift somebody up,

(37:55):
go check on somebody, go help somebody, you know, you shouldn't wait to the holidays.
To go see a friend.
You know, yeah.
You know, like, like some people doing in church, when they come on the holidays, you
know, no, you should be going to church every, you know, one and that, or you should be going
to check on people more than that.
We have a habit of you only, you know, during the holidays, you text people, be holidays

(38:19):
and then you don't text them anymore for like six months.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, so, you know, you got to keep those connections going and stuff.
Yeah, don't let them, you know, I think, because sometimes, another thing too Christmas,
well, it's become commercialized, but now you expect anything but gifts and to get something

(38:42):
and it's not about that.
It's just, you know, just spending time with family should be good enough.
Yeah.
Spending time with each other.
If you don't, if you can't spend time with your family, just spending time with somebody
significant or somebody that's a family member or somebody that's a friend, just, you know,
just chilling out and having a good time.
Yeah.
That, that, that should be good.
That would be good too.
It's not about just spending time with family because sometimes family can be on the other

(39:06):
side of the world.
So, you know, compared to go and see them.
Yeah.
That's my case, you know, they're not the other side of the world.
You know, they're in America.
That's not the other side of the world.
Okay.
What'd you like to go see your family?
I would.
I know you would.
I want to go see my mother.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, once we find out the status and we go through the whole process, you know, but

(39:30):
yeah, I just, you know, I really, I'd be praying for people that are struggling around, around
the holidays and the New Year's and, you know, they, you know, things, some people, for some
people, things have changed for them drastically.
So, you know, I pray about that because things can be going okay for people now and then all
of a sudden, you know, things can just change for you.

(39:54):
And now your world look different.
So, you know, I'm really praying for people that are going through difficult times, you
know, around this time.
Yeah.
Because we all have difficult times.
There's always somebody worse than you.
That's the way, that's what I look at life.
If something's going bad in my life, something's not going right.
I always think to myself, you know what, there's somebody else that has the worst of me.

(40:18):
I could have it a whole lot worse.
You know, this is something that I can fix.
This is something that I can work with, that I can work on.
I may not like the situation at the moment, but it's still something that I can, that
I can work with, that I can work, you know, and work it out.
Yeah.
You know, that's how, that's how I try to handle everything.
I had mentioned to you from before about all the stuff that's going on in Israel and,

(40:43):
you know, what is it, the gunter and all those places and how people are losing their family
and all of those things and becoming homeless.
And it's homeless people even here now, you know, just in the UK and America, whatever.
I'm just saying these people are losing people like left and right.
Yeah.
And I was just thinking about that around the holiday.
But this is a thing for me, I know it's going to sound so mean.

(41:08):
I think about things like that, but I don't think about it because for me personally,
just me personally, folks.
If I sit there and that's all I look at the news, because if I sit there and start looking
at everything that's going wrong in the world, it's going to make me depressed.
Yeah, it's going to make me upset.

(41:29):
It's going to make me stress.
So I tend not to even look at that stuff.
Because I, you know, I just look, I say a prayer and I know God will take care of who
needs to take care of who's everybody and, you know, it's happening for a reason, even
if it's not a good reason or a bad reason, or bad reason, whatever reason is happening.

(41:54):
It's something I can't control.
That's another thing.
Nothing I do or say is going to make it a make a difference.
Yeah.
And so for me personally, I sympathize with them and I'm like, man, they lost their whole
family, you know, this.
I just feel like the media sometimes essentializes everything to make you just like, you know,

(42:17):
they have those, those, the guy with the camera and they got the kid with the dirty water getting
the dirty water.
He's taking a picture.
I'm like, why are you taking a picture of this kid getting the dirty water?
Why don't you try to give him some clean water?
Like what?
Like I just don't get that concept.
So like for me, I just, I don't, you know, like I said, it's my personal.

(42:38):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not saying it for me, like when I saw it, I know what you're saying for you.
You're right.
But I'm saying for me, I tend not to.
And some people are going to say that's heartless.
Some people are going to say that's I have no, you know, no soul or whatever, but it's
not that I do.
I just.
Just saying about you not having no soul.
This is just your, what you're thinking, what your opinion is.
Well, you know, some people always going to have a problem with what you say sometimes

(42:59):
and you're going to say, oh, how could you?
That's so mean of you.
That's, you know, but, you know, it's not that I mean, I'm, I feel I'm one of the most
camp people giving people that there is, if I have it, I don't have no problem giving
it to you.
I just, it's nothing I can't control that.
So since I can't control it, I tend to kind of isolate myself from it.

(43:20):
Yeah.
If that makes it, I just isolate myself from it because I can't, it's nothing that, you
know, I don't think it's me sending me sending a hundred pounds of me sending a hundred pounds
a month is not going to help.
It's going to help a little bit, but it's not going to like fix the problem.
Right.
So it's like, I can't, you know, so that's why I just kind of, I don't tend to, I don't

(43:44):
look at the news.
I don't think I can tell you the last time I look at the news, you look at the news in
the morning.
No, I just saw a couple of clips on YouTube.
So now you look at CNN in the morning.
I come back home and see you watching CNN.
Sometimes.
Even though I like to see what's going on.
But, but yeah.
But yeah, I was just more thinking about it in that sense, you know, um, life is, you
know, can be a happy thing and it also be a sad thing for some people.

(44:08):
All we need to remember more than anything else about the holidays is that it's about
creating meaningful memories and cherish times of loved ones.
And it's always a study trying to strive for perfection.
You know, we need to just, you know, try not to have unrealistic standards.
And just know that, you know, the holidays about giving and loving.

(44:32):
Yeah.
And if we do that, I think we'll all have a good holiday.
Yeah.
Even if you are by yourself or even if you're all alone, you know, you can maybe you can
volunteer somewhere to try to take the time away.
Maybe you can, you know, I'm sure we all, I don't think nobody, I hope you're not alone.
If you are alone like that, where you have no friends or no family.

(44:56):
And, you know, and that's possible.
But it's possible.
We'll be praying for you.
And hopefully you're there too.
You can give us a call.
Give us a, at that email.
You know, you can give us a call or send us an email.
If you don't have an email, you can give us a call.
And then we will talk to you.
We'll be happy to talk to you.
Yeah.

(45:17):
So you talk to people.
I love talking to people.
I talk to people all the time.
Yeah.
So, you know, you can do it at the Goddess ministry.
This is the Goddess ministry, right?
No, marriage can heal podcast at gmail.com.
Yeah.
Always get that done.
Yeah.
Yep.
You can just email us at the marriage can heal podcast at gmail.com.

(45:38):
Or you can give us a call at the phone number, which I don't have at the moment.
Because I always seem to forget it.
Do you have it?
Yes.
And the marriage can heal number is plus four, four, seven, five, six, five, 104096.
That's the number again is plus four, four, seven, five, six, five, one zero, four, zero, nine, six.

(46:06):
Yes.
So this, this time we around the time getting ready for our segment, it will be do our cards.
And the segment we do our cards, guys.
What's this one?
This is the thing we do our cards.
We, we, I saw it on Facebook one day and then I bought it off of Amazon.
It's just about 150 cards.

(46:27):
It just asks different questions.
Different things of different things from your past to random questions to life, relationship,
intimacy about you.
Yeah.
So it's different questions that you could just look up and then we go and look at them
and then we're going to ask each other the question and answer it.

(46:50):
Yeah.
We have to answer them truthfully.
Answer truthfully.
Yeah.
Which last week I think was think somebody texted us and said, I can't believe you said that.
Yeah.
So I wasn't sure we was going to play like a family thing.
You can play what song you want to play.
You can play the song you want.
Okay.
What's this one?
I don't know.

(47:11):
The cricket.
I don't think no.
I don't hear anything in a way.
All right.
So this is the same.
We don't even have the buttons, but we don't know which ones to switch.
Okay.
You pick a color that you want.
Green.
This?

(47:32):
Yes.
Okay.
See, that's what I mean you think of like, because I was thinking the same thing.
Okay.
So yeah.
It's amazing that we think of like it's scary actually sometimes.
I think you're the first last time you and me.
I don't remember.
I think you did.
Because I had with was my turn to go first.
You can go first.
You know, second go third for no matter.

(47:53):
Any card.
It got it.
I got my card.
Okay.
I got my card.
Okay.
This is good.
Did you find one?
Okay.
So my card says I'm going first.
My card says how did I make you?
How did I make you smile this week?

(48:17):
How did you make me smile?
Yeah.
How did I make you smile this week?
You make me sound every day when I wake up in the morning and see a beautiful face next to mine.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Not for the real answer.
Oh my gosh.
What's the real answer?

(48:38):
You make me smile every day.
I mean, just what I just said, I actually had actually picked green.
And actually what color you pick green is like we the in tune is sometimes that we have is uncanny because we we just make me smile.
That's the question, right?
How did I make you smile?
Yeah, you make me smile because we just are like after 18 years of marriage, we just seem to be so much alike.

(49:02):
We're developing each other's personalities in a sense.
Yeah.
I really feel like we're becoming one.
We still got work to do.
I want people to think that we think we perfect because we're not perfect.
We still have our disagreements.
We still get on each other's nerves.
She still, you know, rose me the wrong way sometimes and I do to her, you know, but I just think like, definitely.

(49:26):
I, um, yeah, you just make me smile every day.
Just being you.
Just the way you laugh, the way you talk to me sometimes.
I just, I can't help us.
Mom's just like, whatever you, you know, you want to know your children get it from them.
Like they get it from you.
Yeah.
Where the attitude, you like where the girls get the attitude from you.
Yeah.

(49:47):
Where does your son get his attitude from you?
The whole attitude is from you.
All three of them is from you.
It's not me.
It's not a me in there.
Oh, they got to touch you.
No, they got touching my temper.
Yes.
When I was younger, I can admit that I had a temper.
I had a little bit of an anger problem when I was younger.
It definitely got that going for them.

(50:08):
Unfortunately, which we're trying to help them navigate through that.
But the emotions and all that, that's you.
Yeah, definitely.
Sensitivity and all that.
I'm so happy that I can make you smile.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That mean I'm doing my job.

(50:29):
Not necessarily.
All right.
Okay.
So now it's Pedro turn in his, in his card.
What, what do your car say honey?
Oh, wow.
This is a good question.
What is it?
We can both answer this one.
Okay.
What aspects do you miss about being single?
Oh, what experts are miss about being single?

(50:51):
Just being able to just do whatever I want whenever I get ready.
I don't have to answer to anyone.
I don't have to see about anyone.
I don't have to get up and, you know, if I want to get up one to a
clock, I can get up and, you know, eat when I get ready.
You know, you know, just one of those things, you know, just be
able to just be free.

(51:16):
You know,
Yeah, I know.
This is a funny thing.
I always tell people that, you know, when I got divorced and I already
had two boys, then like why God, God had to put me with you, you
know, because I was like, man, I would have been free.
I'd have been single and free right now.
No, I mean, I've been single, but I was been free.

(51:37):
No more kids, no wife, no nothing, just me in the open air, you
know, yeah, but I always make that joke with people when they
say to me, why did you get married three times?
And I'm like, I don't know because I guess I'm a glutton for
punishment.
No, I think being single can be a blessing in some ways because,
you know, it'll allow you to spend more time getting to know

(52:02):
yourself, you know, getting to know God and, you know, just,
you know, just enjoying your time by yourself.
You can do that while you're married.
No, I'm just saying, I'm just giving away what that's because
not everybody going to be married.
You know, everybody, right?
Some people are not going to, some people are not going to
be married, you know, even God, and that was God's intention

(52:25):
and he made man and woman.
Yeah.
It's for us to be married.
Right.
So what aspects of being single, I guess?
Yeah, like you said, you know, just being able to do some
things while having to like, not really ask, but like let you
know.
Yeah, just go.
You know, just go and just like, be free.

(52:46):
I'm getting up and I'm going and I can't just get up and I'm
going to the store.
I'm staying to, I'm going to the store, but if I have to say
anything, just get up and go and you don't even like, you know,
where's he going?
Or he must be going somewhere.
He be back.
Like, I don't know.
It's just, I guess for me personally, as I think about it,
well, I speak, I never want to be single.
Because I didn't like it.

(53:09):
Yeah.
I didn't like, be personally.
I didn't like being single.
I didn't like, my mother always said that you're always going
to be with somebody because you just can't, you can't be by
yourself.
And there's some people like that.
I'm one of those people.
I can't, I can never be a big, I never could have been by myself.
I always need to have somebody around.
It's just what I am.
I just like having that companionship around me.
Yes.
Some people do.

(53:30):
Some people like that companionship.
And yeah, I think for me, if I was single, I would like it, but
then I think I would want to be with someone.
Yeah.
But they had, if I had to be with someone, they have to be
really something, you know what I mean?
That means I'm really something.
Yeah.

(53:51):
Yeah.
But yeah, I, you know, I wish I knew that button to press, but
I don't know which one it is.
That's not it.
You pressed the mute button.
I don't know what you want to do at the moment.
But, but yeah, I just think being single, it just allows you
to be able to, you know, oh wait, I disagree with what you said.

(54:14):
Cause I said, you said being single will allow you to get to
know yourself and get to know God more.
And yeah, that is true, but you can do it while married.
And it's even better because you can do it while you're married.
I'm going away now from the, from the subject, but when you do
it when you're married, you can, you know, grow together.
Well, yeah.
Sometimes it's good to grow with somebody.

(54:35):
It is not sometimes it is good to grow with somebody.
Yeah.
But I'm going by yourself thinking that you can just go buy
yourself food and you got to share it with the person.
You know, I don't have food anyway.
You ain't got to be like, Oh, what you want?
I want to just throw you on something.
You don't say you can just go to the store and just, just
tell something, you know what I'm saying?
But yeah,
Is that something that you would like to do, Tara?
Cause it seemed like you're saying a lot of things that you

(54:56):
want to do.
No.
You want to go to a store by yourself and just get what you
wanted and then eat it by yourself and don't share.
No, I like sharing.
No, I don't even like your food anyway.
So, you know, you and your spinach and kale and all that.
Yeah.
But yeah, so you can have that by yourself.
So you're already good.
Yeah.
So, you know, the single is, you know, okay.

(55:20):
Yeah.
That's it for you.
Yeah, that's it for me.
You're done.
Yes.
I'm not done.
Oh, well go ahead.
What you going to say?
I don't know.
I just thinking about just being, yeah, I guess I am done.
Yeah, you are.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, in that case then, are we done?
Yes, we are.
All right.

(55:41):
We want to thank you for joining us today.
Let's pray.
On the Hear My Marriage podcast.
Let's pray, guys.
You said you're going to pray?
I do.
You want to pray.
No, you're going to pray.
You said let's pray.
You pray.
Oh, okay.
Let's pray.
We're actually, let's pray because this is the last episode
before the new year.
Yes.
We want to tell everybody to be safe out there.

(56:03):
Mm-hmm.
This will play on Sunday, which is the last Sunday of the year.
Yes.
So this is the, this will be the 31st of December.
Uh-huh.
The next time you hear of Waces, it will be 2024.
That's right.
Yeah.
So I mean, this, you know, we're coming to the end of 2023.

(56:24):
All right.
Now I got to get remembered.
I remember to say 2024.
Yeah.
Which is not easy.
Yeah.
But we're going to be going to, what did you say with this little,
a new era?
A new era, just a niffing year.
Just a lovely year.
Let's just go in there with the thought process of that.
I'm just going to try and make myself better each and every day.

(56:45):
Mm-hmm.
Try to improve myself on what I do on a daily basis.
Yes.
Improve my relationship with the Lord, improve my relationship with my
spouse, improves my, my relationship with my family.
Yes.
My kids, my family.
If you do have any, um, un-thing that you have if you're family members,

(57:06):
you know, his life is too short, working out, you know, make amends,
be the bigger person and talk it out.
At least try to, I mean, cause sometimes the other person may not want to hear it.
Yeah, that's true.
So, I mean, you know, you can make people listen if they don't want to,
but you can make the effort.
Definitely.
So make that effort and see if you can just get, you know, get,

(57:27):
get the ball rolling, you know, and, um, I think I said this before,
you know, I spoke to a friend and his mother passed.
And then like, it's like, I'm going to give you a call back.
No chance to call him back.
Month later, he passed.
So, you know, life is too short.
Life is not, not promised to us.
So let's, you know, let's, you know, be better people, better human

(57:51):
beings to each other.
I think that's one thing in this world that we definitely have not,
have not done consistently.
It's all about me, me, me.
We need to be more about our family, more about each other, more about the
well-being and the, um, the aspects of other people's lives being,
you know, caring people.
So as we go into the new year, let's see if we can work on that

(58:15):
and be better at it.
Definitely.
Yep.
Let's stop backstabbing people in the back and talking about people.
Yeah.
You know, that's definitely something we love to do as, as folks.
You know, so, yeah, that's about all I have to say.
All right.
Let's pray.
When I was young, I was told all these things and it didn't really hit me

(58:36):
twice.
I got older.
Yeah.
So I just think that, you know, you know, when you have teenagers,
preteens, they, they're just trying to navigate through life.
And, you know, sometimes things happen.
Yeah, it does.
So, you know, I, I spoke to somebody and one of the things they said was
that I need to be calm.
Yes.

(58:57):
Not just for, not for our children, but for you.
Cause it's, you know, cause you, you, you get emotional, which we've
talked about.
Yeah.
And then I would be like, okay, you know, we got to be more, you know,
bring it down.
Don't go, don't go to that side yet.
Let's stay where we are.
Let's stay in the lane that we in.
That's it.

(59:18):
You don't need to go into the highway.
Right.
We're on the road right now.
We don't need to go to the freeway and start going to 100 miles an hour.
Yeah.
Let's stay at 30, you know, 30 is okay right now.
You know, so, but yeah.
Yeah, I forgot.
Yeah.
I forgot about that.
Cause I was wondering when you said, when did she last cry?
Yeah, I realized, yeah, that was the last time.
Yeah.
But I definitely, I know.

(59:40):
Give me a second.
Okay.
Sorry.
I definitely, it's got me thinking that for the podcast, I definitely,
what our next ones that we're going to do, we're going to talk about, um,
the mental health and the health of our children in general.
Cause along with like, in heal our marriage, um, children are part of
healing.
So we definitely will, um, have a show or maybe a couple of shows on that.

(01:00:05):
And maybe even get a guess, which we haven't had in a while.
Yeah.
To talk about the different aspects and different, um, things that we could do
to help our children to heal themselves when turn will also heal our marriage.
Yes.
So yeah.
That's it.
But, um, yeah, like you said, our time is pretty much up.
So y'all have a, have a holiday safe driving, safe.

(01:00:29):
They drive and they're flying or whatever you may be doing.
Please enjoy yourself and most of all, just enjoy spending time together as a
family and don't spend too much money.
Be responsible.
Um, be safe and just enjoy your family.
Enjoy the time that you have because time is short.
You never know.
That's right.

(01:00:50):
Um, you know, we had a couple of, um, deaths.
I, you know, on that subject real quick, because, uh, had a friend whose mother died
and I called him up and we talked for a little while and I was like, oh, I'm going to hit
you up later.
Busy.
Did it hit him up?
Month later, he passed away.
So you never know, you never know, you know, what's going to happen.

(01:01:16):
Time is just not, um, guaranteed to us.
It's not.
So we need to spend time with friends and family and just make sure you, you know, a
matter of fact, reach out and test somebody that you haven't talked to in a while.
That's right.
Do that.
Do that.
You know, old friend or somebody that you know, just reach out and talk to five, 10
minutes.
Just say, hey, text or whatever and say, Hey, I'm just saying how you doing.

(01:01:39):
Yeah.
You know, let's, let's, let's do, let's all do that as, as, you know, as a family or
as people.
So yeah, thank you for joining us.
Thank you for joining us, guys.
My name is Pedro and my name is Tara and this is he or my marriage podcast.
Peace.
Peace.