Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Heal
Within here with me, Dr.
Evette Rose, trauma therapistand also creator of Metaphysical
Anatomy Technique.
And this podcast is your safeplace to explore emotional
healing, nervous system repairand also deep inner
transformation.
And if you are ready to godeeper and you would like to be
(00:29):
supported on your healingjourney, you can always book a
one-on-one session with me orwith one of my certified
metapsychology coachingpractitioners.
You can also join our upcominglive healing events, workshops
or retreats atmetaphysicalanatomycom.
Now let's begin our journeyback to wholeness, one breath
(00:54):
and one breakthrough at a time.
Now, have you ever askedyourself why does it hurt so
much when you lose someone?
You see, if you have, you arenot alone, and I want to take a
moment to also talk with youthrough that question, not only
(01:17):
with compassion, but with theinsights that I also have come
to understand through psychology, neuroscience and also deep
emotional healing.
Now let me explain somethingthat many people don't always
necessarily know.
When we lose someone, it's notjust our hearts that break, it's
(01:40):
actually also our brain that isprofoundly disrupted as well.
Now I have read some powerfulresearch, also by a grief
scientist who actually led oneof the earliest neuroimaging
studies on grief, and what shefound, and what I've witnessed
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in so many of my clients, isthat love literally rewires your
brain.
So when someone you love passesaway, it's not just an
emotional loss, it's aneurological crisis.
You see, your brain doesn'timmediately comprehend that your
(02:20):
loved one is necessarily gone,and there are two powerful
systems at play in your mind Onepart that knows that they have
passed and you remember, perhaps, that they're not there anymore
.
But another part is the partthat, built through attachment,
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the one that bonded with theirvoice, their smell, their touch,
still believes that they arejust around the corner.
And this is why you might thinkthat you saw them in a crowd,
why your heart jumps for asecond when you hear their name.
That's not foolish.
(03:01):
That is your brain strugglingto update a system that was
built around love and attachment.
I call this the gone buteverlasting experience.
It's almost like love didn'tdie.
The neural patterns, thephysical architecture of that
(03:24):
relationship, it's still firing.
So when we also, for example,even fall in love, when we
become a parent or a friend or apartner, the neurons in our
brain don't just light up, theyrecognize.
You see, your brain forms a mapof that person.
You see, your brain forms a mapof that person.
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Their presence becomes part ofyour internal world.
It's really deeply, almost likewoven into your routines, your
reflexes, your beliefs.
So when they are gone, youdon't just miss them, you are
disorientated and you are livingin a world that no longer
(04:08):
matches your internal predictionsystem.
You see, grief is not a flaw inyour system.
It really, truly is a featureof love.
Let's go a little bit deeper.
You see, you're not imaginingwhen you say it feels like a
part of me is missing.
That's not just poetic, that'sneuroscience.
(04:29):
When you've bonded with someone, that bond changes your brain
on a cellular level, even theproteins in your neurons that is
used to communicate.
When we look at Nobel Prizewinning research, they even show
that the brain has an object,traced cells that keep firing
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for days, even when something orsomeone is no longer there.
You see, your brain is wired toexpect your loved one and that
wiring doesn't ease overnight.
So what happens?
You feel split, you know thatthey are gone and yet you feel
like they should walk throughthe door at any moment.
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These conflicting truths causeemotional turmoil.
That is why some people feelangry, yes, even angry at the
one who passed away.
They feel ignored, they feelabandoned.
They might even feel like theyare going crazy, but they're not
.
Their brain is learning toadapt, and learning takes time.
(05:48):
You see, grief is a form oflearning.
It is your brain trying toactually create a new model of
the world, one without theperson who was part of your
everyday.
It's like learning a newlanguage, but the language is
one of absence.
It's one of a new identity, andyou're not just grieving them,
you're grieving who you werewith them.
(06:10):
You see, people often say thattime heals all wounds, but I
want to offer you something alittle bit different.
You see, it's not that timealone helps you to heal.
It's also experience andrepatterning over time, your
brain I mean your brain doesn'theal by simply existing.
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It heals by living again.
So if you're struggling tosleep, eat, concentrate this too
is grief.
Your cortisol rises, your heartrate increases, your body is
reacting as if it's almost likeas if your survival is
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threatened and almost in a wayit is is.
Your emotional safety has notbeen regulated yet and you might
start to feel, as a result ofthat, panic.
It's almost like when a toddlerdisappears in a store.
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Grief carries all these emotions, sadness, yearning, anger,
blame, guilt, panic and evenshame for feeling them.
So please hear me now.
This is all normal, and whilegrief most often shows up after
death, you can grieve many kindsof loss.
It can be the end of arelationship, a divorce, a child
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leaving home, estrangement froma friend, even the loss of
health or the loss of a job.
Even the loss of health or theloss of a job.
You see, these experiencesfracture our attachment maps.
You are not just missing whatwas, you are mourning what will
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no longer be, and for some of us, grief also becomes almost like
a constant companion.
This is what we call prolongedgrief.
It's almost as if it feels likenothing has changed, even after
many months or years, thatyou're still just as raw and
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stuck, and that doesn't meanthat you're broken.
It means that your brain hasn'tyet had, let's say, enough
experience or support to build anew model, and that's where
trauma-informed healing andtherapy really, truly can help.
Now let's also talk about theintrusive thoughts this is
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something that a lot of peopledon't seem to mention of
thoughts this is something thata lot of people don't seem to
mention the ones that come at2am in the morning, or maybe
while you're washing dishes, thewhat ifs, the I, should have
the loops that your brain canmove into trying to almost like
rework the past.
Trying to, it's almost likeit's trying to find an outcome
(09:07):
where your loved one is stillliving.
It's very natural.
However, it doesn't help us toadapt.
Instead of wrestling them, weactually learn to let those
thoughts float.
By Now I also understand thatgrief and understanding grief
and how it works on aneurological level.
(09:29):
It doesn't erase the pain, butit does validate it and it makes
the loneliness much lessconfusing.
It definitely also tells youthat you are not mad, you are
not weak, you are learning tolive again.
And here's a truth that helpedme to also bring peace when I
(09:50):
went through a moment of griefand mourning and loss is that
the people that we love changesus permanently.
Their imprint remains in ourneural circuits in a way that we
think, speak, love and dream aswell.
Even in their absence, they arephysically within us.
(10:11):
So if you are grieving, knowthis.
You are learning.
You're not falling apart.
You are updating a love thatonce had a face but now lives
inside.
And know that, even if itdoesn't feel like it every day,
you are doing your best.
Acknowledge that, and for thoseof you who are ready for a
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healing meditation, this isgoing to be a very beautiful,
powerful meditation.
This one is specifically goingto focus on helping you to work
through these sad moments orwhen you feel that it's becoming
too much, when you start tofeel the pain, when you start to
feel the intrusive thoughts.
(10:56):
Let's start, and when you areready, you can either lie down,
you can sit up whatever you feelmost comfortable with.
I invite you now to take a nicedeep breath and exhale Very
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good, very good.
And let's begin by softeninginto this moment.
I invite you to take a niceslow, deep breath and let's
start with breathing in the noseand a long sigh out your mouth.
(11:49):
Let's do that one more timeBreathe in the nose and out the
mouth and as you do that,feeling your body settling, let
(12:12):
gravity hold you, feeling isanchoring you, and there's no
need to rush, there's no need tofix anything, need to fix
(13:20):
anything Right now.
We are simply arriving withhonesty, with kindness and with.
I invite you now to gently bringyour attention to your heart
center, that quiet place behindyour chest.
I invite you to imagine a warm,soft light there, a place of
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love.
A place of love, a place ofmemory.
Noticing your shoulders as well, just letting them drop.
Notice your jaw also softening.
There's nowhere else to be,just here, now.
(14:18):
I invite you now to bring yourawareness to your nervous system
.
Imagine the fibers of yourvagus nerve unwinding Almost
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like threads, unspooling gentlydown your spine, telling your
body that you are safe.
Now you are held in this momentand now I invite you, as you're
(15:15):
finding yourself in that spacewhere you are unwinding, hear,
feel, see or sense yourselfstepping into a calm, quiet
forest.
And in that forest where youare standing, you notice in
(15:47):
front of you a beautiful gentlestream flowing very gently, very
peacefully, quietly lay.
(16:12):
And notice, as you're looking atthat stream, what do you see?
What do you notice About thatstream?
That stream Is always moving,it's never standing still.
(16:38):
And notice how that stream isjust continuously Gently moving.
Maybe there's a leaf that fallsinto the stream.
Just notice that leaf, see howit's flowing down the stream Out
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of your sight.
Maybe there's a small twig nowthat lands in the stream and
it's just gently moving down thestream until it's out of sight.
I invite you to notice how thisstream can also represent you
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and the leaves and twigs thatperhaps fall into the stream can
, can often perhaps be thoughts,emotions that might be
upsetting.
Notice, as they come up, howthey just flow down the stream,
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moving out of sight and withthis same flow, and observing
that, allowing emotions also,just like these leaves in a
stream, to come and go, to comeand go, come and go Come and go
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and release.
Even finding yourself steppinginto that river with your feet,
that little stream, feel thewater gently moving around your
(19:00):
feet continuing to flow and, asyou're standing in that stream,
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feel how any feelings of stress,distress, sadness is moving
from your body down out, yourinto that stream and notice how
that stream is just taking theseemotions, these moments, taking
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it with it down, down, down,down down, as it's flowing and
flowing, and flowing.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Until it's out of
sight.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Notice how your body
is starting to feel relieved,
almost like you can take a deepbreath.
Feel how grounding that is thestream continues to take more
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and more energy, more stress.
It's taking that heavinessgently flowing down that stream,
down, down, down, down downthat stream, going going down,
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down down that stream.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Going going going
gone.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Very good, very good.
And when you are ready, you canstep out of the stream, sitting
there on the river bank or thestream's bank on the sand,
feeling your feet in that sand,touching these little sand
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crystals.
You can even find yourselflying down, feeling that surface
beneath your body, closing youreyes, staring at visualization
(22:10):
and gently following my voiceback into the room, back into
the here and now, feeling fullyheld and supported by the
surface beneath you, feelinglighter, calmer and more
balanced, allowing your mind andyour body to continue to heal
(22:36):
throughout the day and night.
And remember, you can alwayscome back to this meditation if
you feel that you need to let goor just unwind and just ground
yourself and, when you are ready, taking a nice deep breath,
(23:03):
wiggling your fingers and yourtoes, opening your eyes, giving
yourself a nice big stretch andwelcome back.
Welcome back everyone.
(23:24):
Well done, well done, well done.
And affirmation for today takeone step at a time, one breath
at a time and if this episodetouched you, please share it
with someone who could also beon the healing journey.
(23:45):
And, as always, breathe deep,listen within and stay gently
curious.
I love you and thank you forbeing here with me until the
very end, and until next time,be the light that you are.
Bye everyone.