Neuroscience of Grief + Meditation

Send us a text

Have you ever wondered why grief feels like it's taking over your entire body? That's because it is. 

Grief isn't merely an emotion—it's a full-body experience that reshapes your breath patterns, disrupts your routines, rewires your nervous system, and fundamentally alters how your brain processes reality. Traditional psychology often treats grief as a series of emotional stages, but neuroscience reveals something far more profound happening beneath the surface.

When someone you love dies, you lose more than their presence. You lose a biological co-regulator—someone whose voice calmed your vagus nerve, whose routines anchored your daily rhythms, whose existence formed part of your brain's map of safety. This explains why grief can feel so physically disorienting. Your nervous system keeps expecting responses that will never come, triggering stress signals that manifest as anxiety, exhaustion, or a strange emptiness that seems to travel through your body.

The healing path through grief isn't about "moving on" or "getting over it." It's about neural reorganization—finding new ways for your brain to map safety in a world without your person. This podcast explores the biological dimensions of grief, including why the brain struggles to process loss, how grief impacts emotional regulation, and why community support isn't just emotionally comforting but biologically necessary for healing. We'll also guide you through a nervous system meditation designed specifically to create new pathways of safety and integration.

Ready to understand your grief journey from both scientific and soulful perspectives? Subscribe to Heal Within Podcast for more episodes that blend cutting-edge research with compassionate healing approaches. Share this episode with someone who might need to hear that their grief isn't a disorder—it's love finding a new rhythm in a changed world.

With love

Dr. Evette Rose

Website: www.metaphysicalanatomy.com

Events: https://metaphysicalanatomy.com/event_s/

Books: https://metaphysicalanatomy.com/books-by-evette-rose/

Book a Session: https://metaphysicalanatomy.com/session/

Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The other side of sadness: What the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss. Basic Books.

Coan, J. A., & Sbarra, D. A. (2015). Social baseline theory: The role of social proximity in emotion and economy of action. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 9(10), 505–518. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12204

Feldman Barrett, L. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

O'Connor, M. F. (2019). Grief: A brief history of research on how body, mind, and brain adapt. Psychosomatic Medicine, 81(8), 731–738. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000000720

Panksepp, J. (2005). Affective consciousness: Core emotional feelings in animals and humans. Consciousness and Cognition, 14(1), 30–80. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.concog.2004.10.004

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Support the show

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome back beautiful souls to heal within
the podcast, where science meetssoul and also healing becomes a
journey of remembrance,reconnection and also rebirth.
And I am your host, dr YvetteRose, trauma therapist and also
creator of metaphysical anatomytechnique.
And this podcast is also yoursafe space to explore emotional

(00:28):
healing, nervous system repairand also a deep inner
transformation.
And if you're ready to godeeper and you would like to
also be supported in yourjourney, then you can book a
one-on-one session either withme or with any of my certified
metapsychology coachingpractitioners.
You can also join us in ourupcoming live healing events,

(00:52):
workshops, also retreats atmetaphysicalanatomycom, and
together we're going to startour journey back to healing
remembrance, one breath at atime and one breakthrough at a
time.
And today we're stepping intothe sacred terrain of grief, but
not just grief as an emotion.
We're actually exploring griefas a full body life experience.

(01:13):
It lives in your breath, inyour routines, your nervous
system and even in the way thatyour brain processes reality.
And we're going to go deeperthan traditional psychology.
We're actually going to betalking about what grief
actually does to your brain,your identity and also your

(01:34):
biological sense of safety.
So if you've lost someone,whether it's recently or a long
time ago, or maybe you'recarrying grief that doesn't seem
to move.
This is for you.
In today's podcast, we're goingto explore why the brain
struggles to process loss, howgrief also impacts emotional

(01:59):
regulation and why communitysupport is a biological
regulation and why communitysupport is a biological
necessity, and how true healingalso isn't about moving on but
actually remapping the story ofyour life.
Now, why grief defiesneuroscience.

(02:20):
Let's start with this,something that the science world
is slowly learning, because fordecades, emotions were almost
like treated like a quick,isolated reaction.
Right, you feel fear that'syour amygdala.
You feel joy, that's dopamineShort, sharp bursts in a brain
scan.
But grief refuses to followthat model.

(02:44):
You see, grief isn't a blip ina chart.
It's almost like a symphony, aslow, unpredictable and
sometimes beautiful andincredibly painful symphony, and
it unfolds across weeks, monthsand years, and it gets

(03:05):
triggered not by one big eventbut by the shape of, for example
, let's say, an empty chair, asong in the grocery store or a
mug that your loved one used todrink from.
You see, grief isn't just heldin memory, it's held in context,
in objects, in our sensoryloops, and that's why

(03:28):
traditional neuroscienceactually struggles to pin it
down.
You see, grief lives in thenervous system and also in our
environment, in the world aroundus.
Now what the brain also showsus and why it feels so messy.
That said, we do have also someresearch that I've done and

(03:53):
it's quite interesting.
It's fascinating because whenwe look at the posterior
cingulate cortex that lights upwhen you remember personal
stories.
It's almost like the brain'sscrapbook corner, if that's what
you want to call it.
Then we also have the anteriorcingulate cortex and also the
prefrontal cortex.

(04:13):
They now try to regulate thewave of emotion, but in deep or
prolonged grief they actuallycan go offline and that's why we
feel dysregulated.
You see, these nucleus acubans,which usually lights up for
reward.
They also activate in griefBecause yearning for a person

(04:38):
almost feel like a craving.
It's like craving, almost asubstance, at least that's how
it's registered in the brain.
It's almost like a form ofneurological longing.
But here's the part that gets alittle bit tricky.
You see, these findings areactually quite hard to replicate
.
Why?
Because grief doesn't follow ascript.

(05:01):
Every person's grief is shapedby culture, ritual, language,
memory and also support systems.
Most lab studies strip thosethings away, so we end up with
pretty much snapshots, but notthe full story.

(05:21):
You see, grief is almost likean ecosystem and in my work,
when I work with clients usingthe MAT technique, I often see
that grief isn't a single event.
It's almost like an ecosystemcollapse.
And the person that you lostwasn't just someone that you

(05:42):
love.
They were a part of yournervous system's map of safety.
You see, their voice maybecalmed your vagus nerve.
Their presence maybe helped youto regulate your breath and
your cortisol.
Their habits, their routineswere anchors in your daily
rhythm.
But if that's gone, the bodygoes into a state of confusion.

(06:07):
It has to relearn everything andrelearning the body,
reprogramming the body that'sincredibly important because to
disrupt the cycles of thesemoments where your brain keeps
expecting, for example, that hugthat won't come, firing stress

(06:29):
signals that feel like panic.
You see, relearning also.
Just walking on the street,seasons, smells, all this can
feel highly charged, and ouridentity also has to retrain
itself.
How do we identify now withourselves?

(06:50):
You see, if it's a partner, ifit's a mother or a son, this
part starts to dissolve and ittransitions.
That is why no brain scan canfully capture grief, because
grief moves through people,places, relationships and
meaning, and it's such a uniqueand such an intimate experience

(07:12):
and when we look at the healingpath of it as well, when we look
at the social brain and griefas well.
This is something I want tobring up with you now because
this is also actually quiteimportant and helps us with
biological co-regulation,because the nervous system calms
down through other people.

(07:33):
We're just wired that way, evenif you don't know the people.
Through other people, we'rejust wired that way even if you
don't know the people, right,for example, a hand on your
shoulder, it can be a sharedlaugh, maybe just a steady
presence.
You see, grief often removesthose anchors and then we start
to grieve alone and the braindoesn't just get sad, it

(07:54):
actually gets scared.
When we look at the time oflockdown, when we had lockdown
during COVID, many peopleactually said that their grief
felt frozen, not because theyweren't feeling, but because of
that social scaffolding that wewere used to.
It was missing.
It was absent, collapsed forquite some time.

(08:16):
Used to, it was missing.
It was absent, collapsed forquite some time.
That's why rituals, funerals,shared meals, even talking to a
photo, are biological tools forgrief healing.
They actually help to rewirethat safety back into the
nervous system in a safe way andin a regulated way as well.
And that is where the scienceof grief is now headed to Not

(08:41):
just brain scans, but actuallylong-term, real-life relational
data.
And if I can summarize this foryou, to help you with gentle
takeaways for your healing, ifyou're in grief, here's what I
invite you to remember Longgrief, it's not a disorder.

(09:03):
It's a mirror of how deeply youloved someone.
Your symptoms are not failures.
They are updates.
Your body is learning a new map.
Build scaffolding as well,invite connection, create
rituals, speak their names right.
These acts can rewire safety,get integrative support as well,

(09:28):
and what that would look likeis going to depend on what you
feel you need right now.
Grief is not something to justmove past right.
It's something that we learn tomove with.
Grief is almost like lovefinding its new rhythm, and let
that also be your mantra Letyour grief breathe, don't hold

(09:54):
it in.
Let it breathe, let it stretch,let it become music in a new
form.
And I want to thank you alsofor being here with me today and
listening to this, and if youfeel ready today, now, as I'd
like to do with all my podcasts,we're going to dive into a

(10:14):
healing meditation and I inviteyou now to lie down, or you can
sit up, and if you're driving orwalking where you can't really
meditate right now, then pauseand come back to me when you are
ready.
And now I invite you to justTake a deep breath, take a

(10:42):
moment to find stillness,whether you're sitting, lying
down.
Allow your body to fully arrivein the here and now.
Here with me and now hear withme.

(11:04):
And, knowing that this momentis now crafted out just for you,
notice as you're breathing, letyour breath meet your awareness
Inhaling, slowly, exhaling,completely Inhaling.

(11:37):
Feel the weight of your body,feel how the surface beneath
your body is fully holding you,really hold you all of it, your
thoughts.
Let it hold your emotions, letit hold your loss.

(12:15):
And I invite you to note thatas we move into this, there's
nothing to fix right now, justthe invitation to feel safe in
your body again.
And now, gently bring yourattention to your chest.

(12:51):
This is also the area for thevagus nerve, your body's social
safety system.
When we grieve, this space cansometimes feel tight, hollow or

(13:17):
frozen.
Notice what you feel thereright now, with no judgment.
Breathe into your chest, nicedeep breath.

(13:44):
Exhale.
Now we're going to inhale againon a count of four.
Inhale one, two, three, four.
Hold for four counts.
One, two three.
Exhale for six counts One, two,three, six.

(14:18):
Let your body release now whatit doesn't need.
Just be with that for a fewseconds.

(14:38):
And now shift your awareness toyour face.
Notice the muscles around youreyes, your jaw, your lips.
These are also part of yoursocial engagement system, the

(15:11):
very parts that expresses love,smile, cry and connect, and
softening these areas actuallytells your brain that I am safe
now.
Notice how you relax youreyebrows now.

(15:32):
Notice how you relax youreyebrows now.
Soften your jaw, open yourmouth ever so slightly and
notice, rest gently in yourmouth now.

(15:56):
I invite you to imagine.
It can be a group of people, aone or two people or three
people that you know that youfeel comfortable with.
If you believe in a specificreligion, you can ask God to
step forward, or angels to stepforward, ancestors to step

(16:16):
forward.
This is also a creative momentwhere you can perhaps create a
person or a safety person orpeople that you wish to have
with you right now ascompassionate connections and
witnesses as well, feeling theirpresence right there with you,

(16:48):
hearing it, feeling it, seeingit or sensing it, or just know
that there's something therewith you right now.
Just presence, no need toexplain no, need to explain no
need to talk.

(17:13):
This is a moment ofco-regulation, of felt
connection.
Even if these people are notphysically there, your rational

(17:35):
brain can relate, your oxytocincircuits are responding and
connection is there.
And when you feel ready, youcan place your hand on your

(18:00):
heart and one on your bellystomach and repeat, silently or
out loud, after me it is safe tofeel, it is safe to remember,

(18:22):
I'm allowed to heal at my ownpace.
I carry their love inside of me.
I choose to rebuild my lifegently, one breath at a time,
and I invite you now to breatheagain, slowly and deeply.

(18:47):
Inhale life, exhale tension,allowing your system to settle.
Exhale tension, allowing yoursystem to settle.

(19:13):
And as you rest in this moment,your brain is gently rewiring
new neural patterns of safety,connection and healing.
And this is not bypassing grief,it's integrating it.
You're doing great and I inviteyou to slowly start to come

(19:43):
back into the present moment,bringing this feeling of
connection with you, bring itwith you and when you're ready,
you can gently wiggle yourfingers and your toes, let your

(20:07):
awareness return to the spacearound you, bringing this
feeling of groundedness with youinto the rest of your day and
night and giving yourself alsointo the rest of your day and
night and giving yourself also anice big stretch.

(20:39):
Well done and remember.
Healing doesn't mean forgetting.
It means learning to carry thememory with more grace and less
pain, and if this episode alsotouched you, then please share
it with someone that are maybeon the healing journey.
Find support in this and, asalways, breathe deep, listen

(21:00):
within and stay gently curious.
An affirmation for today isalso my mind and body is healing
.
Thank you so much for beinghere with me on today's podcast
and I look forward to seeing youin our next episode and until
then, be the light that you are.