The journey from achievement to fulfillment isn't linear, and sometimes requires us to completely reimagine what success actually means. Dai Manuel's powerful story reveals what happens when a high-achieving business leader confronts the painful reality that external symbols of success – the cars, the house, the titles – have failed to deliver the happiness they promised.
With remarkable honesty, Dai shares how alcohol became his crutch as he tried to suppress the growing sense that something fundamental was missing from his life. As his drinking threatened his marriage and connection with his young daughters, he faced a pivotal decision that would transform everything: committing to one year without alcohol. That year has now extended to thirteen years of sobriety and opened doorways to authentic connection he never imagined possible.
The conversation explores how physical wellbeing becomes a gateway to emotional and psychological transformation. Just fifteen minutes of daily purposeful movement – a mere 1% of your day – can create the emotional uplift needed to make better decisions and have difficult conversations. Dai explains how excessive cortisol levels not only manifest as stubborn belly fat but compromise our ability to recover and maintain resilience under pressure. His practical suggestion to monitor heart rate variability (HRV) offers men a concrete way to understand when their nervous system needs recovery rather than another push.
Perhaps most compelling is Dai's evolution from fearing vulnerability to recognizing it as his greatest strength. Through Toastmasters and men's groups, he discovered that creating safe spaces to acknowledge challenges and fears builds genuine confidence far more effectively than the anger and defensiveness many men use as shields. His insight that "vulnerability being raw and real, is actually a strength and not a weakness" offers a powerful alternative to traditional masculine conditioning.
Ready to stop languishing and start thriving? Consider Dai's challenge: what would happen if you stopped your most limiting habit for just one year? The transformation might surprise you. Connect with Dai's work to learn how movement with purpose can change everything.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hi everyone.
Yvette Rose here and guys I amso excited for this Men in
Business Summit.
And guys today here I have DaiManuel.
Thank you so much for beinghere with us today.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Thank you, yvette.
I'm absolutely honored.
You know, like wow one.
It's a men's summit, so I feelreally honored to be here as a
man, but also here to add valueand hopefully make an impact and
let people know, hey, we're allon this crazy journey together
and it's a lot more fun when youacknowledge that.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
That's so true.
And so, guys, for those of youwho don't know him, he is an
award-winning digital thoughtleader and also an author and a
distinguished Toastmaster andTEDx speaker, and now he's also
educating as a keynote speaker,and he's a former partner of
chief operating officer of amultimillion dollar retail
company.
And he's also diving deep intohealth and fitness right now as
(01:07):
well, amongst many other thingsthat you're doing.
I'm so excited to be divinginto all this greatness and this
wonderful achievements that youhave achieved.
So, first of all,congratulations, because that's
hard work.
I mean, this is not somethingthat always necessarily happens
overnight, and I can see thatthings are going really well for
(01:28):
you, but I'm curious has italways been a smooth ride in
terms of success?
Because a lot of people gethanded everything and then they
lose it and they keep bringingit back.
But I also seeing a lot ofpeople who come from having to
work for that, having to createthe success and the reality that
they want.
What was your life like beforeall of this amazing success?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Well, I guess success is highly subjective, right?
I think we all have a differentunderstanding of what that word
means in our life.
And I know, if we're talkingabout that early stages in my my
life, especially earlyadulthood, you know, as I sort
of ventured intoentrepreneurship in my early 20s
, I didn't really know what Iwas doing.
(02:11):
I mean, I I was very muchliving in the ego and I was
trying to achieve titles.
You know, to be perfectlyhonest and to acquire stuff.
You know, because I believeperfectly honest and to acquire
stuff, you know, because Ibelieve that being attached to
that stuff was a would signifymy success, right, like, have
(02:31):
the nice car, have the nicefamily, have the nice home.
You know, just, I just believethat that was what success was.
But I realized the more that Iwas chasing that event, the more
I was feeling unfulfilled.
And the crazy thing was for me,as I was becoming more and more
unfulfilled in this pursuit ofwhat I believed was success and
(02:53):
what I was supposed to bechasing, I was like, as I'm
acquiring all this stuff and I'machieving these certain
recognitions and levels of whatpeople perceive as success,
shouldn't I feel happier?
Shouldn't I feel better aboutmyself, you know, like shouldn't
things just feel easier?
And and I was like no, theyweren't.
And and I learned to sort ofdistract myself from a lot of
(03:15):
that, that, those inner thoughts, those, those those blame and
guilt and just the not feelingI'm enough aspect of who I was
at the time.
And I learned to drown thatwith alcohol.
I did, I drank a lot of alcoholand to the point where it really
(03:37):
felt like I had two lives, andso you can imagine the conflict
there, because here I am,someone that's known in the
wellness industry, very wellknown, and can imagine the
conflict there, because here Iam, someone that's known in the
wellness industry, very wellknown, and yet, on the flip side
, a lot of the lifestyle piecesthat I was doing behind the
curtain, so to speak, was notreflective of that.
You know there was a clearmisalignment and you know, the
(04:00):
more misaligned I was, the moreunhappy I became.
So it was just like thisdownward spiral and until I made
a decision one day to just notallow for that anymore, to
revisit what is important to me,what truly defines me as a
person, as a man even.
You know, like what does itmean to be a man, I really
started to think about thosetypes of questions as I made a
(04:22):
commitment to my family andmyself to go one year without
drinking and that's turned into,you know, 13 years no drinking
and it opened up a whole notherworld of possibilities and
opportunities.
And so, yeah, that's sort ofjust that little starting off
point there.
And you know, if you were to askme about success now, I define
success very differently thanhow I previously defined it.
(04:44):
Now it's just all about timeand time being spent and
invested with those that I feelnot only add value to my life
but add value to everybodyelse's lives too, and looking to
connect more with that.
And so mine's just having thatfreedom of time and ability and
opportunity to do that, and tome that's much more successful,
(05:04):
like I feel so much more joyousand happy and fulfilled as a
result of that shift in myunderstanding of success.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I love what you said and thank you for your honesty,
because this is a moment in timethat we all face in our lives
where we all have that crisis orthat feeling of discomfort,
where it becomes souncomfortable that we do make a
shift.
But one thing that I see thathappens with a lot of men is
that they're so driven, they'reso focused on achieving success
(05:37):
that even when they move intothat place of pain or discomfort
or it's just not working andnow the coping mechanisms as you
said, you know that become yourcrutch, that they continue to
hold on to that bandaid, becausethere's a part of them that
doesn't want to connect andadmit that.
Maybe I just need a differentapproach, maybe I just need a
(05:58):
different lifestyle because westart to feel safe in our
comfort zone.
Now, also, what happened isthat if your focus is constantly
on your outcome that you want,that's where your focus and your
energy flows right, that'swhere your emotions also flow
and that, I've noticed, createsa sense of disconnect to the
body.
And that's what a lot of men, alot of people, just in general,
(06:19):
they don't recognize whensomething has becoming now
destructive because we're tryingto suppress deeper emotions or
insecurities or lack ofself-worth or the ego is chasing
that.
What I want to hear from you ishow did you recognize?
What was that moment?
What did it look like?
Or feel like when you realizesomething has got to give, I
(06:41):
have to change something,because this is where I find men
struggle, because men are soprogrammed.
You're not allowed to feel, youfeel sad.
Well, man, the hell up, youknow.
No, there's no time for thatnow.
Go, go, go.
And it's a complete disrespectto their own inner process and
(07:01):
what the body needs to know orneeds to learn or needs to adapt
to, because it has.
You're in fitness, so you knowthe body can only do based on
what resources you emotionally,physically and energetically
give it until it collapses.
What was that moment for youwhere you realized this has got
(07:25):
to give?
Were there any patterns, habitsor signs or something that
stood out for you during thattransition?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
you know, and like I call people out on this all the
time now, but the only becauseI'm hyper aware of the habits
and sort of those telltale signs, if you will, and and I don't
mean calling out, but from aloving place, right, because I
have people that reach out often, you know, asking or expressing
a desire to start seeingchanges.
(07:54):
And the thing is is we'realways aware of the effect our
choices have on us.
We can suppress it, we can tryto ignore it or remain ignorant
to it, but you can't deny thefeelings there.
You know, like there's, it wasalways there for me and this is
what I'm trying to get thispoint across is like I always
knew that.
Oh yeah, you know muting myphone so I don't have to reply
(08:16):
to my wife to tell her I'mstaying for another round of
drinks or two or three.
You know, like I was fullyaware of my choices.
You know, I was aware and I wasaware that wasn't the best
choice in the moment and I knewit didn't align with things that
I said were important to me,like my family, one of my, my,
my pillars.
You know, in my life, my, mycore values is family and those
(08:38):
relationships and the importanceof the integrity of those
relationships and, and meanwhile, here I was doing things that
went in complete contradictionto that, and yet I would
continue to do that.
And so it was just more of thiserosion of this relationship
with myself, to the point whereI just didn't like being myself
(08:59):
anymore, and it got to a pointwhere now I was really pushing
away those that were closest tome, to the point where it was
gonna be irreparable, and I wasmaking very poor decisions and
choices and, as a result of that, my family was the brunt of
that, you know, especially mykids at the time were both under
the age of six.
My two daughters and my wifeand I had already been together
(09:21):
for about a decade at that point, and I was not being a great
husband, a great father, a greatfriend, a great business owner.
To be honest, like I, all mydecisions and actions were
heavily compromised based onthese little things I was doing,
these little habits that Iwould continue to do as a way to
make myself feel better in themoment, you know.
(09:42):
And so it happened one day andI won't go into the full story,
but because I do actually talkabout this moment in my TEDx
talk.
You know about this pivotalmoment in my life where, you
know, my wife sat me down and westarted to discuss what life
would be like co-parenting, whatwould life be like not being
(10:05):
together, and that wasn't evenon my radar for me, but it was
on her radar big time, because Icontinued to do the pattern and
not make any of these changes.
Meanwhile saying I was going tomake the changes, you know what
I mean like there might be someguys who can relate to this is
like I became very good atapologizing, very good, and then
I Very good, and then I getreally, really good and do
(10:27):
really great things and be anamazing guy for a period of time
, to the point where I'd be like, well, I've kind of earned a
night out, right, like I'veearned.
I can, I can go a little bit, Ican do a little bit more.
I can push the boundaries.
And it was this non-goinginternal negotiation with myself
to justify my actions.
It just it got to a point.
You know, here I am in my early30s at this point and I'm like
(10:49):
this is crazy this is crazy.
I've got kids, I've got abusiness, I've got relationships
, I've got a wife that Iabsolutely adore and want to
spend the rest of my life withlike Ty, give your head a shake,
dude.
What the hell are you doing?
And it was in that moment whereI just realized that if I don't
make a drastic 180 turn rightnow, the next few steps of my
(11:13):
life, I know where it's going,and it's going to be lonely,
it's going to be unhappy andit's going to lead me further
down that spiral I've alreadybeen sort of dipping my toe into
, you know, and it was in thatmoment I just made a decision to
make a change.
And I it started by me justmaking the commitments, cause I
always think, like what's theone thing that will make the
greatest amount of impact right,like what is the one action or
(11:35):
one decision I can make thatwill affect everything else?
And for me, it was justrecognizing that the one habit
that kept pulling me back wasdrinking.
So I said, you know what?
That one habit?
I'm going to remove it from mylife for one year.
And here's the scariest thingof that, because those that are
listening to this, especially,if you know.
I believe that we all have sortof these crutches like.
(11:57):
I was morbidly obese as ateenager, so food was my drug of
choice when I was between theage of nine and 14.
And so it was kind of funny tosee how history repeated itself.
I learned how to deal with myemotions in a different way, but
now with alcohol and my adultlife and, and so I could
recognize the pattern and I cansee what I was doing again.
But I also had the belief thatI can make a change.
Because I made the change whenI was a teen.
(12:17):
Why couldn't I do it again, youknow?
And and so I.
I just gave into that and Irecognized because this is the
hardest part I was scared I was,I was afraid because all of a
(12:39):
sudden I was doing a completeparadigm shift from how I was
doing things and how I wascoping with some of these
challenging emotions, and Irealized I can't do it on my own
.
It was the first time in mylife where I was like I need to
get help.
Found a psychologist, workedwith him for about three months.
I found a relationshipscounselor Well, it was actually
my wife and I going together andafter our second session.
She's like.
You know, christy, I think itmakes more sense for dad to come
back on his own.
So I, I and I gave in, I gaveinto that.
(13:00):
For that next 12 months I wasfocusing on working on me.
You know, not working on me,the business owner, because I
was a very much an addict ofprofessional development, but
when it came to personaldevelopment I didn't dabble my
toes in that.
You know, anything that camearound to that spiritual talk,
even I would ignore and avoidand it was just me, my ego, you
(13:22):
know, just just, it's just wild.
But those are some of thethings.
And you know, for those thatmight be dealing with a struggle
right now or having that onechallenge, that one habit that
keeps sort of tripping you up,what would life look like if you
just stopped for one year?
Just one year, I mean, I'm notsaying give it up forever, I
mean I mean, if it feels goodand makes sense and you like the
(13:43):
results it creates, great,that's a decision you can make.
But what would life look liketo just stop that for one year
and just see where that can go?
You know, it was instant, likewithin months things started to
improve and get better, and theway my relationship with myself
started to improve.
And you know, I just I gaveinto the work.
That's all I did.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I gave into it that's fantastic and I mean well done,
because that in itself is alsodiscipline.
There's a there's an actual,true desire for change, and it
sounds to me like that was alsoa moment in your life where you
were tremendously honest withyourself and you.
You actually see it through.
And one thing that I've alsonoticed that you talk a lot
(14:25):
about, talk about, you know,challenges and obstacles.
One thing I also see youtalking a lot about is how does
they motivate it when things arenot going your way?
How can you just jump into that?
Because this is now not evenjust about personal life.
This also is about business,because, let's face it, when we
have a business, when we also,you know, transition from a
personal life into theprofessional life, we I kind of
(14:47):
like see the same issue showingup in business, but in different
ways of course and things arenot going to go your way.
But regardless of what it is,how do we?
Is there like a advice that youcan share with us?
How do we deal with that?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
well, and I, you know , I appreciate that the way you
frame that up as well.
I this is super interesting,you know, leading back to that
idea of I think it was JimCollins that said it the first
time you know, like, what is theone thing that we can do that
by doing it makes everythingeither easier or obsolete.
And so when I'm looking forchanges or to make some changes,
(15:28):
I always think about thatquestion what is the one thing I
could do?
Because I'm looking for changesor to make some changes, I
always think about that questionwhat is the one thing I could
do?
Because I'm already thinking,I'm like, I'm already busy, I'm
busy enough, life is full, andyou know, it doesn't matter how
unful or unpacked I could makeit.
I could always, I mean, becausethat was part of my ego.
I like telling people I'm sobusy.
I changed a long time ago.
I don't say busy anymore, I saylife is full, you know, but
(15:52):
it's full by design.
And so I've sort of shifted myperspective, my relationship
with that, especially aroundtime.
But you know, for me it wasrecognizing what is one thing I
can do that's going to start tomake everything else better,
make me feel better, make methink better, make me start to
break down some of thosebarriers that I want to break
down, and for me, it was fitness.
(16:13):
That was it.
It was me getting into my body,moving daily, you know, and
also applying a little bit ofmeditation and breath work, you
know.
So those things combined,everything started to shift,
because I started to feel better, my energy started to improve,
I started to sleep better, Istarted to be less stressful,
(16:35):
and being less stressful alsomeant I was less bombastic at
times.
Okay, because my emotions wouldget the better of me sometimes
and it would just like, boom,come out of nowhere and I'd be,
but, you know, and I alwayshated when I would get there,
and so that was for me, thatthat first thing.
And I like be, you know, and Ialways hated when I would get
there, and so that was for me,that that first thing.
And I like to invite men, youknow, like your health, yes, you
(16:56):
can start with fitness, becauseyou know that, that foundation
of health, I think we'll allagree.
I mean I, people can argue methis until they're blue in the
face, I don't care.
I believe it's right, I'm right, you're wrong, sorry, but
health is that foundation weneed.
Without health, I don't carehow successful your business is,
if you're not healthy, you'renever going to enjoy everything
(17:21):
to your greatest potential.
You know you're never going tobe able to have that
relationship with others as deepas you possibly can if that
relationship with your ownhealth isn't already well
established and founded.
You know like, I know this to bea truth because I've
experienced both ends of thespectrum.
I've had help, I've lost help,I got it back and then I lost
again.
I have an autoimmune diseasethat's chronic.
(17:42):
I have no neutrophils, that's.
You know, my hematologist, likeyou should just live in a
bubble during covid.
I'm like, I'm not gonna live ina bubble, you know like, but
I'm one of those people that'sin a very compromised, immune,
immune state, you know.
And but it's okay, I, I'veadapted, I've I've recognized.
It's okay, I can live with this, I can still thrive within this
(18:03):
, you know.
And so it's perspective.
But my perspective started toshift when I got back into my
body and started just exercisingfrequently, you know like, just
having a daily ritual of movingmy body with purpose, and that
was it.
That was the one thing.
And now, as my confidenceimproved and as I became more in
(18:23):
tune with myself and started toexpand on some of the work I
was doing, having that innerconversation and reflection and
introspection, you know, askingmyself what do I really want
with my life?
Like what?
What truly is happiness to me?
What's going to make mefulfilled?
What path is that that I shouldbe following?
I was never in a space to askthose questions and, to be fair,
(18:45):
I was never asked thosequestions either by anybody.
Based on the role models I hadin my life at the time of the
association, which was anotherpart, you know, once I got into
the fitness, started making thechanges, started getting some
help, I also recognized I had tochange all of my association.
All the people I was hangingout with uh, almost everybody,
with the exception of some of myfamily uh, gone, like gone From
(19:10):
the standpoint.
I just chose to go down adifferent path and of course,
I'll stay there.
I'll have the relationship.
I'm not like turning my back onthem permanently.
But I recognized I couldn'tinvest as much time and energy
into those relationships anymorebecause it was pulling me a
direction I didn't want to go.
And so yeah, that's it.
I mean sorry, it wasn't justone thing, but it was a
combination of a few things.
(19:30):
But it all started with myfitness Okay, my, my health.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
And you know this is interesting because they always
say that you become a reflectionof the seven most people that
you hang out with the most.
So the fact that you shifted,that you recognize that and that
that for me that takes gutslike that, takes a lot of
self-worth and a lot ofself-love to recognize that this
is not healthy for me.
And you know, I appreciatemyself and my future and my, the
(19:55):
kind of like outcome that Iwish to create and align
yourself with that consciously.
And something else that yousaid that I love even more is,
you said, move with purpose.
That is, can you, I you knowthis is this can go in so many
directions, becauseprocrastination, whether it's
(20:16):
business, career, health,whatever it is a project,
procrastination is always thatlittle gremlin that just comes
out when you want to do it, whenyou decide you're going to do
it, then we kind of like just itfeels feels easier to
procrastinate.
Dive into for me a bit intothis move with purpose.
(20:37):
How can we start to do more ofthat and just kick
procrastination to the curve?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
basically, well, procrastination is an
interesting thing because, Imean, I find, most of the time
we're we're, we are aware thatwe're procrastinating, you know,
we're putting off that onething that we've already said.
I really shouldn't do that onething, you know.
And and yet we, we figure outother things and we prioritize
those other things.
About that, and and I, I know Iam someone that does this and
(21:08):
and and recognizing that inmyself, I've also realized I've
had to shift how I do certainthings or how I have to recover
and replenish Sometimes becausemy energy just isn't there and I
find those certain tasks thatI'm procrastinating on might
require a certain amount ofenergy and focus and attention.
And if I haven't been lookingafter myself you know my own
self-care, my own mental healthI find that it becomes easier
(21:32):
and easier to procrastinate, youknow.
And so that, finding that, Irealized, you know what I just
got to start making some smallercommitments, but keep them and
do them frequently.
So frequency and consistency iscritical and you know, anybody
that's looking to make alifestyle change, we know this
very well.
It's not like you sign up forgym membership.
(21:52):
You go once and wow, this ishealthy, right, Like it's.
It's a compound effect overtime and and I started to think
what would be the minimaleffective dose to try start
providing the kind of resultsthat I want to see in my life.
I'm kind of a hacker that way,you know.
I'm like I want to be veryefficient with my time, because
I do have this relationship withtime and I, you know, it's
(22:16):
partially due to the fact also,with my father's passing a few
years ago, and I think it just Ihad this sense of mortality all
of a sudden, right, you know,losing my first parent and for
others that have lost parents,I'm sorry.
I, I know it's never easy and,you know, not a day goes by.
I don't think about my dad, butI think about that lesson that
he imparted on me was this ideaof time and just this awareness
(22:37):
of how I want to spend my time,more invested and uh.
So so the long and short hereI'll just try to get right to
the point uh, um, doing greatwhen it comes to helpful.
I was going to say, with themotivation piece you know it
often comes we look for a motive, right, like what's the motive,
what's the reason for doing it?
(22:58):
I had to shift from doingexternal or as they call it,
extrinsic goals, you know, tomore intrinsic goals.
So, looking at things that mademe feel a certain way or think
a certain way, and I started byjust committing no matter what
non-negotiable 15 minutes a daywhere I would move my body with
(23:22):
purpose, and the purpose was tocreate a elevated heart rate, a
little bit of a sweat.
You know, 15 minutes a day isonly 1% of 24 hours.
1% Okay, like.
People are like, well, I don'thave 15 minutes.
I'm like, yes, you do, I knowyou got 15 minutes and but
that's 15 minutes of continuousmovement, doing certain types of
(23:45):
movements to work my body, andthat created such a positive
emotional uplift.
It was much easier to keepdoing it because it was that
instant feeling I got.
And that's what became mymotivation was the feeling and
how I felt after a workout.
And I always like to say thisto clients or anybody who's
(24:06):
going to listen to me you'reonly ever one workout away from
feeling better.
I've never.
I mean, yvette, I don't know ifyou've ever heard this, but
I've never had somebody tell meafter a workout.
You know what I really wish Ididn't exercise today.
I really wish, you know, I kindof regret going to the gym, I
(24:29):
regret going outside for thathike today.
Like we never say that we don'tregret that, like so why don't
we do more of it?
There's a there's something tothat, right, there's something
to it.
And same applies Like I'llencourage people like have a big
healthy salad, put some leanprotein on it, just make
something that's like instagramphoto worthy, that you're just
(24:50):
like wanting to show off to theworld and and eat that and see
how good you feel after.
I've never had someone say youknow what I, you know that
suggestion about having a nicebig healthy salad, I really
regret eating that.
I get the opposite.
I get people messing me likeman, I felt so good all
afternoon.
I just felt great, I felt likeI did something good for myself,
you know, and so that's sort ofwhere I go from, that, that
(25:14):
idea of motivation versusinspiration, you know, and and
the two are very tightlyconnected, obviously, but uh,
that's sort of my play aroundthat.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
I love that, and you know talk about play.
I see that you're so.
I mean, just looking at you andyour history as well, you're
fantastic at engaging withpeople.
You know talk about play.
I see that you're so.
I mean, just looking at you andyour history as well, you're
fantastic at engaging withpeople.
You know you just reallyconnect really well with your
audiences as well, and I want todive a little bit into this
talent that you have.
How can other men in businessalso engage more with their
(25:45):
audiences as well, whether it'ssocial media or platforms, or
how can they start to build thatrelationship, that connection
and that I don't know.
It's almost like this.
There's not even a word for it.
It's an experience, almost like.
I think experience would wouldcapture that the best.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
I like that, I like that framing that's uh, I, I had
to have the relationship withmyself again.
I mean, really, it was duringthat period there, that one year
I refer to as that Well,because I took the crutch away
and then I had to learn how towalk again right, like without
(26:22):
alcohol.
I had to learn how to achievewhat I wanted in life and deal
with the stresses and the painsand the challenges in a
healthier way.
It in life, and deal with thestresses and the pains and the
challenges in a healthier way.
And so it was a wonderful yearand I got such great results.
In that year I was like what ifI keep doing this, you know?
And that that was theexcitement and the motivation to
keep doing.
It was like I was like whatelse can I do, what else can I
create, what else can Iexperience?
(26:42):
And so it just sort of cementedmy commitment to continuing
down that path, you know.
But the funny thing is is whenyou start to go down there, like
you start to, at least Istarted to realize there was a
lot of other things in my lifethat I feel were holding me back
, you know.
And like, speaking to thatdefinition of success, right,
(27:06):
like when I started goingthrough these shifts, I started
questioning well, why am Iworking to get the house, to get
the car, to get the accolades,to get the recognition?
Like, why am I putting all myvalue on myself, dependent on
all these external things?
And this is where I started toquestion the relationship with
(27:28):
myself, you know, like myunderstanding of who I am and
how I find value, or how I seethe value in me, and you know,
some people might call itself-love.
I mean, there's lots of termsfor this and I know this is your
wheelhouse, this is what you do.
So you, you have the languageto best describe this.
But if I, if I go with what Iexperienced and how I saw it,
(27:50):
for me it was just I had tolearn to enjoy spending time by
myself.
And and that was it.
Like that's where I had tostart, because once I did that
and I started to realize, man, Iactually like me, like I, I, I,
I like me, you know, I, I knowI have value to offer, I know I
can help people, I know I canmake an impact and I wanted to
(28:14):
do that, you know, because itbrings me fulfillment.
I've been coaching andmentoring people since I was 17.
And I always got so much valueand fulfillment from it.
It was like I want to do moreof that.
And I realized, because of thatmorbid obesity and that very
formative years in my earlychildhood of being of that state
(28:36):
of unhealth led to a lot ofother emotional and
psychological complications andespecially how I valued myself.
And I know that I was alwayslooking to have that validation
from others.
Once I made those lifestylechanges and started to get
healthy and I was looking forthe accolades and I realized
that that sort of spun me offinto this sort of path, right,
(29:00):
and when I started to peel backall the layers and trying to
track back to how did I even getto where I am right now, like
to get to this point?
And I started to recognize someof the choices I made and the
impacts those choices had,because, in understanding that,
I was able to then betterunderstand the path in front of
me, you know, and the futurechoices I was going to make, or
(29:21):
situations I would be wanting toput myself in, or and and so I
sort of that's where it beganand I realized, because of the
social anxiety, I was reallyscared of speaking in front of
people.
It was so I was like well, I'vegot an impact to make.
I want to speak in front ofpeople, but how am I going to
overcome this fear that I have?
this challenge I have withpublic speaking.
I'm naturally introverted.
(29:42):
That's my natural state, but Iwork as an extrovert because I
made this decision many yearsago.
I'm going to make an impact inpeople's lives, I'm going to
help people, but I knew that Ineeded to grow my platform.
I needed to be out there more.
I needed I wanted it.
Okay, I wanted it.
Did I need it?
No, of course I didn't need it.
I mean, I didn't have to dothat, but I wanted to do that
(30:35):
no-transcript and they give youfeedback.
And so I submitted myself tothat and it slowly eroded that
fear and turned it into anexcitement, you know, and and
that was it Like after thathappens and that took about 18
months of submitting myself toToastmasters, to mentorship, to
(30:58):
coaching, to being able to say,hey, I need some help with this,
I'm really scared about doingthis stuff and can you help me?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
And there was a whole group of people like yeah, of
course, that's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I was like, wow, this is awesome and that's what sort
of got things started, thatthat one decision to commit
myself to toastmasters changedthe trajectory of my life like
night and day.
Like would we be talking today?
No, had I not made thatcommitment to myself to overcome
this, this, this fear ofspeaking in front of people?
(31:27):
Yeah, so, yeah, anyways, that'sthat, that's that's I mean.
I don't know if that answersthe question.
I know it was quite long winded,but you asked me about this
engagement piece and I was, likeyou know, I knew I always
wanted to do it, but I I didn'thave the confidence myself to do
it, and so I had to go find aplace to help me build the
confidence in a safe way that Ifelt protected, I felt okay to
(31:49):
make mistakes, I felt okay toask for help, I felt okay to be
vulnerable and be.
You know, and once you findthat man, the potential in all
of us is immense.
We're not even close to tappinginto it, not even close, you
know.
And that's what gets me excitedabout life.
It's like man, what are wegoing to do next as a species,
(32:10):
as humanity?
Right, we're already veryresilient, but what's next?
I mean holy.
So anyway, sorry, I get excitedabout this stuff.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
It's wonderful because you get excited about it
, because you know that itworked for you, it changed your
life, and, of course, I wouldalso get excited with especially
things that work for me.
I get excited too, andsomething that you said is
fundamentally important here,and that is such a golden nugget
moment as well amongst many ofthe ones that you already
dropped for us, but this one isvery important as well, and that
(32:42):
is, if there's something thatyou perceive as being a
challenge, find a solution or aspace or a person or a support
system where you feel safe,because that is where you allow
yourself to just be, explorewhere the weaknesses is in a
safe way, and then becomeresilient through the witness,
(33:05):
compassionate witnesses and tobuild the, the confidence, or to
build the systems or theinternal systems or resources
that you need to fulfill that,because this is something that I
find a lot of men also do, thatthey overreact or they, they,
they project anger because theycome from a place of feeling
unsafe, feeling insecure,feeling unsure, and it masks
(33:27):
that insecurity.
Because when we feel angry, ofcourse now, it's really easy to
say because when we feel angry,of course now, it's really easy
to say no, when we feel angrynow we feel powerful, but it's
not a true, authentic sense ofpower, and that's what I like.
What you've done there, you nowconsciously went.
You know what, instead offighting this fear, I'm going to
actually move into it.
(33:47):
I'm going to face it.
I'm going to say I see you, Isee you and now I'm going to
tackle you, now I'm going todeal with this, instead of
taking behaviors that moves youfurther away from that but that
creates a false sense ofconfidence.
And for me, this is real, true,authentic, learned confidence
that sticks.
Real, true, authentic, learnedconfidence that sticks.
(34:08):
Because anger is always used, Ifind, and especially with men in
business, because it gives themthat boost, it gives them that
adrenaline, it gives cortisolthat like that, that shot of
vodka, that shot of cortisol,and that becomes an association.
So, what do I need in my lifein order to feel stronger or
confident?
I need that cortisol.
How did I access it last time Igot angry?
Okay.
What do I need in my life inorder to feel stronger or
(34:29):
confident?
I need that cortisol.
How did I access it last time Igot angry?
Okay, what in my environmentright now is making me angry?
And that's why a lot of peoplewho do have anger problems, they
only see things in their lifethat agitates them, because now
they focus and zone in on that,and what I'm seeing you're doing
with that pattern is thatyou're breaking it by just going
.
You know what I am now withother people, and this is also
(34:52):
what I see that you did.
I went now with other peoplewho I can relate to, because
what we don't like and even withme, we don't like to stand out
with our weaknesses but nowwe're in a room with people who
also share that fear.
They understand there is noshame, there is no ego there,
(35:15):
and I love that you created thatplatform and that space for you
to move into, because this issomething that is so
fundamentally important for menas well.
So, guys, I hope that you werelistening to that, because that
that moment was pivotal.
That really, really importantthere is to seek out people who
(35:35):
you can relate to, because themore relatable our environment
is, the more we can connect tothat, the more we let our guards
down, because now there'snothing to feel defensive of,
there's nothing to feel fearfulof.
So I really like how you didthat and what I want to ask you
as well is so, when we look atthis public speaking, which
(35:57):
you're really really good atright now as well, has it always
been also easy for you toconnect to your audience as well
, because connection is alsovery important?
That's very, very important.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Well, I think yeah, but it's also a skill you can
learn.
You know, you can learn how toconnect like more effectively.
I mean just making eye contact,sharing a smile, uncrossing or
unfurling of the arms, right,there's some basic things.
I mean, who was it that wrote?
Was it?
Oh my gosh, I'm drawing a blankon the book, but you know how
(36:33):
to win friends and influencepeople.
Was it dale carnegie, like 100years ago, wrote that book?
But?
But he talks about basic ways oftrying to effectively create
that relationship, right, orconnection.
And you know, right down to thebasic bolts of just body
language, you know, because alot of language is communicated
outside of the words, right, but93 of it, according to science,
(36:55):
is based on the actual actionsand the way we say it, not
necessarily what we're saying.
And when we start to reallyrealize that, which I did, was I
realized that I can use myphysicality, I can use my facial
expressions, I can use my arms,my hand gestures, I can really
use my whole body and energy totry to break down some of the
(37:17):
barriers that I was experiencingwith other people, because I'm
six foot one, about 210 pounds,pretty thick guy.
The one thing I used to hearall the time from people, was it
kind of intimidated.
I was like I'm intimidating,really, like and I think I was
perpetuating that persona aswell because of that fear.
(37:38):
As a kid, when I used to getbullied, I was like, well, I
want to be the guy that nobodywants to bully anymore, you know
.
And and that also committed meto fitness and getting stronger
and fitter and got me intomartial arts and a bunch of
other stuff too, you know.
And because it was my way ofprotecting myself, feeling
strong and protected and safe,and.
But I also realized it waslimiting my ability to connect
(37:59):
with people.
And so just those basic littlethings like those are some
telltale ones, and I mean otherways.
It's just do you really want toconnect with people?
Because once I started to do itand just follow a couple of
these things, I realized thatpeople were engaging back.
People were happy to have theconversation, to share a couple
words, you know.
And if you look at social media,you know when I started showing
up on social more as myauthentic self, not afraid of
(38:22):
whatever comes, you know, I'mjust like I'm here to serve, I'm
here to add value to people'slives.
That's how I look at socialmedia.
It's a tool to elevate us.
All you know, share ourexperiences so we can learn from
one another.
I mean, to me it's a great toolto connect with.
Unfortunately, it's not alwaysused that way right.
And look at how we connectedright, like a prime example, all
the people around the summityou got here through social
(38:44):
media of some sort an email list.
You know it's that it's amazingtools when we use them as such,
and so anyways yeah, that wouldbe the biggest part that I would
like to to to sort of sharewith anybody that's listening to
this, watching this, you know,is that idea of embracing the
ability to connect with yourwhole physicality, your whole
being, and because when youconnect with people from an
(39:07):
energetic place like oh it's,you can get to being very real
with one another very quickly.
And I know, you know this verywell, because like I said
earlier, this is your real life.
This is what you do.
So I I know that that, uh,you're very much in tune with
the metaphysical side of things.
So yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
So I want to hear from you as well, because you
seem like someone that you know.
Because of the mistakes thatyou've made, you've learned how
to build a life of balance.
What kind of rituals do youhave or habits that you have
that really supports you andsustains you when things might
(39:47):
be getting stressful in yourlife, whether and especially in
business?
Because I know that even for meI'm not a man, but even for me,
like any normal human, like ifyour business is wobbling or if
there's stress, it just poursover into all aspects of your
life what did you do duringmoments where your business was
(40:08):
maybe just overly stressful, ormaybe there was loss, or maybe
there was something just goingon that just threw you?
How did you stay balanced andgrounded during those moments?
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Well, that's where I relied on certain habits that I
knew could provide me with aninstant shift in my energy, and
what I mean by that is goingfrom more of a negative energy
to a positive energy.
And so when I would recognizethe more negative energy that I
would accumulate or get intothat situation where I felt
negative, that's where it becameeasier to procrastinate.
It became easier not to havethe tough conversations.
(40:43):
You know like I was avoidingthose because I wasn't in a good
energy place.
You know I didn't want to dothat stuff and so I would avoid
it at all costs.
So, even to the point where youknow I would make myself sick
with worry and anxiety andstress, and you know there's
nothing physically wrong with me, but but psychologically I felt
sick, you know I did.
And it can manifest symptoms,you know, like quite literally,
(41:06):
to avoid those situations.
And when you, when I becamereally hyper aware of that, you
know I just just said I got torely back on just doing some
basic things, like nothing overcomplicated, because it had to
be easy and had to be accessibleno matter what, like as soon as
I would have to count onsomething else, like if it
involved I had to go to the gymto get my workout in.
(41:28):
Well, what happens if I'mtraveling?
I don't have access to a gym?
Well, that it's not going to.
What do I take those days off?
I just avoid that one habitthat's brought me so much of
this great fulfillment in mylife.
No, so I learned ways to, to,to work my body as the best
piece of equipment I got, and Igot it for the rest of my life.
So I'm like you know, when Iembraced that I'm raceable, how
(41:48):
do I learn to use my bodyeffectively with just body
weight movements to produce theresults and the emotional
connection I want with my body?
Boom, that was it and so.
But for me, in those high statesof stress moments, getting out
for a 30 minute walk I getoutside, rain or shine, doesn't
matter the weather conditions.
(42:09):
I grab an umbrella.
I live in Western Canada,vancouver, bc it's the Pacific
Northwest for those in NorthAmerica and it's a rainforest,
okay, of sorts.
It's just not your traditionaltropical rainforest, it's very
different.
But it rains a lot here, okay.
And so I embrace the rain, I goout with an umbrella, but I get
(42:30):
out for a 30-minute walk andbreathe in some nice fresh air
and take in some sites, and Ioften will listen to something
positive.
It could be a positive summitlike this, it could be a podcast
, you know, it could be an audiobook.
Either way, I very purposefullychoose positive inputs, because
(42:51):
positive in often relates topositive out, which goes right
back down to business, the basicfundamentals of business.
You know, we have certainsystems and ways that we do
things and we buy things.
We bring them in and then weput them out.
You control and you modify theinputs to then influence and
ultimately manipulate theoutputs you want to.
(43:12):
There's kind of a scientificmethod to it.
You know, like a business isn'trocket science, like at the end
of the day, it's often based onrelationships.
So if you get really good atjust understanding relationships
I don't know how you definesuccess, but you'll be
successful, you know, becausepeople like to do business with
people that they like, that theyfeel connected to, they feel on
(43:33):
the same wavelength or theyfeel like there's value being
added to their life.
So so those are sort of those,those pieces.
But the daily walk man,especially during COVID, I'll
tell you that one thing hashelped so much.
You know, with the exception,we had a period where we were
locked down and we had a verysmall radius of places to walk.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I still made it work, you know, but just getting out
for that 30 minutes changeseverything Different and it's so
spot on what you said, becauseyou know just that doing
something different break state.
You know, because when youyou're thinking of now, I need
to walk now.
And you know you're exposingyourself to a different
(44:15):
environment and that is very,very important, because people
who become workaholics as wellthey're in the office, they have
like a really rock solid setroutine and they stay in that
routine and it's hard sometimesto break that routine.
And a great way to do that issomething so simple as just
going for a walk, because wealways think that things have to
(44:36):
be complicated.
We need something reallymind-blowingly wild to help us
to feel better and it's like no,it's not, it's, it's basic.
You know activities that we canadapt to to just break that
state, because what you want todo at the end of the day is to
just to change your thoughtpatterning.
And what can you do to changeyour thought patterning in a
(44:58):
positive way?
Get out, because ourmitochondria, the body, actually
reacts to the color green.
So you have a forest.
So the more you see green, themore energized your cells starts
to feel, because they'reresponsible for the nucleus
health, and the nucleus alsodetermines a big part of your
body's health and your statenucleus health, and the nucleus
also determines a big part ofyour body's health in your state
.
So just what you're doing isyou're automatically intuitive
(45:19):
feeling drawn to that and tojust be around the green and
you're very spoiled with that.
But for those of you who don'teven have that and when I was
living in cities like I was inaustralia, I was in sydney and
sometimes you live in theseconcrete jungles what I actually
had was on my ipad.
I love david Attenborough.
I love this guy like if I couldhave, like the divine dad, I
would have loved to have himwith that soothing voice.
(45:42):
It's just this, his voice isjust so soothing and I would
actually have him and the planetearth series just playing and
just seeing nature and Iactually found the impact that
that already had on me when Ididn't have the capacity to go
for a walk just to createsomething that creates change
change environment, change ofthought patterns.
(46:05):
It's so important you have to.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
You know what you, you touched on this event also,
that just the cortisol piece,because I, I think, being a man
that's 45 now I recognized a lotof years ago I had a big
imbalance, especially when Iwent through burnout.
You know adrenal fatigue, allthat good stuff that happens.
It was almost like a badge ofhonor, right, like as I was
(46:28):
scaling up my business, I gotburnout.
Yeah, I'm part of the club nowand I'm like, well, this is the
stupidest thing to celebrateever.
And, to the point, because ofmy autoimmune issue I was
actually hospitalized for it.
You know, like brutal, likecause, my immune system just
totally crashed.
It was already compromised andit just crashed and away I went.
But not to digress, but thiscortisol conversation that you
(46:50):
just, you know you planted someseeds there earlier on, talking
about just some of the thingsthat we do does create cortisol.
Cortisol is a good hormone, butnot when we have too much and
not when we're not regulating it.
A lot of guys I'm not going tosay all guys, but most men are
dealing with a lot of cortisol.
So the point that you know theeasiest way to tell, like if
(47:13):
there's a guy out there and he'slistening to this like if you
have the extra little bit ofweight around the waist.
It's like no matter what you do, it doesn't matter how healthy
you try to be, it just doesn'tgo away.
Cortisol you know you've got alot of cortisol and you're not
regulating it, so you're.
I would look at your sleeppatterns how much REM sleep you
get, sleep again, how much wateryou do drink, how much exercise
(47:35):
.
Like this is where you reallylook at your lifestyle.
But I'll tell you, by gettingyour cortisol into a regular,
you know, regulating it againthe healthy way, everything will
shift, especially just yourinternal energy, because your
system starts to work better.
It's less taxed.
You recover, you know youactually recover, like when you
take rest.
Like you know, some people getthe weekends off right, and by
(47:57):
Monday they're more tired thanthey were, you know, after
getting a break, and it's likewell, didn't you have the
weekend to rest?
Well, no, I slept all week andI still feel tired.
Ah, hello, you know.
So there's one little tip Iwant to offer people and I'll
turn it back is for learn tostart measuring HRV heart rate
(48:19):
variability.
I won't go into too much detailon that.
I've got some links, I'll sharethem with you.
You've had just some articleson my website that talks about
heart rate variability, but ifmen start to learn how to
monitor that, it's going to letyou know when your central
nervous system is overtaxed,under recovered, and that's
usually a direct correlation toalso having too much cortisol.
(48:40):
And it's one simple thing thatpeople can test on themselves
every day, like my apple watchdoes it every day.
I can monitor at any point inthe day and see what my hrv is
at.
When it's at a high number, Ialways feel great, I feel like I
can go work out, I feel like Ican have those tough
conversations.
But when it's really low, I'mlike you know, that tough
conversation I wanted to havewith so-and-so, I'm going to put
it off till tomorrow, you know,and you can start to make
better decisions, and this isimportant as a business owner.
(49:01):
You know, not only just being aman, but being someone that
makes big, high-level decisionsevery day.
You got to be in your bestframe of mind, but to be that,
you got to be in your bestphysical frame as well, and so
there's a tight correlationbetween you.
Anyways, I felt like I had tosay that because I know that,
yeah, anyways, I wanted to saythat.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
That's fantastic and, you know, I was even thinking
you know what you should even dowith your branding like you can
actually get your own healthwatch based on your, your diet
and nutritional programming.
You know, I love this, theseideas and everything that you
bring into it, like how toreally optimize your life as a
man, in business and in yourlife and relationships as well,
and because you touched onsomething really important and,
(49:41):
guys, I hope that you'relistening because don't make a
decision when you are in acertain state where you don't
feel as strong, because ouremotional state determines what
we feel that we can deal with.
And sometimes we actually tryto push beyond that barrier.
Because one thing that I seewith men is a pattern is that,
even though they do feel tired,they actually see it as a
challenge.
They see it as a challenge thatneeds to be overcome.
(50:02):
I have a block, I'm going toexterminate that block, but
actually that's the body sayingno, I, I just need some downtime
.
And this is where the self-lovecomes in.
Men seem to think that self-loveis like no, that's too feminine
.
Well, sorry, you're 50 feminineand 50 masculine.
(50:22):
Your hormones decided that foryou, not you, your hormones, and
we have to sometimes allow thatsoftness just to come in a
little bit and to feel thatsense of nurturing from within.
It's an internal, no one has tosee it, it's no one's business,
it's an internal feeling.
Where you just go, you knowwhat I need to go to the sauna
(50:47):
today, I need to just go intothe cold pool and the hot pool
and sit in the sauna for justtwo hours and read my Kindle and
relax.
You know, this is somethingthat is beautiful for the vagus
nerve, because it calms down thevagus nerve and if the vagus
nerve is calmed down, theamygdala, your panic button,
your inner four-year-old startsto settle and it goes oh,
(51:09):
everything is okay.
Because ultimately and you knowthis as well all the body wants
and especially for men is tofeel safe.
Yeah, and people will go toextreme lengths to find that
place of safety.
And sometimes we associatemoney with safety, we associate
big cars, big houses with safety.
But safety is an internal state, because if you have that
internal state, your environmentcan be an afterton, tornado,
(51:32):
shit show, but you're not gonnacare because you have that inner
equilibrium, you have thatbalance within that's so well
said about it like spot on, spoton you inspired me to kind of
like you know, I listen to whatyou say and I try to bring the
dots together like what is itthat you're bringing together in
(51:53):
terms of the message as well?
because it's so powerful whatyou said and it's tremendously
important that I just try tobring the dots together Like
what is it that we're bringingtogether in terms of the message
as well?
Because it's so powerful whatyou said and it's tremendously
important that I just wanted tobring a little bit more of
emphasis on that, because thisis one of many amazing tips that
you shared today that shouldabsolutely not be missed and not
be skipped as well, and I knowthat you are a busy man because
you're wildly successful.
Speaker 2 (52:14):
No, I'm full, I'm full, I'm full.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
I'm full Back back back, back back Full.
So tell me, and before I letyou go, is there one piece of
advice or insight or even justword of motivation that you can
share with any guy that's outthere right now.
That's maybe just feeling Icall it like the blah state,
(52:39):
like you're just feeling a bitblah in your life, like just in
your business and maybe in yourrelationship, wherever it is.
You're just feeling a bit ofblah, like how can we-.
Languishing, I don't know ifyou heard that term languishing.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
But if you Google languishing, there's a great
article in New york times and,uh, it inspired me to write a
couple articles my side aboutthe term.
But it's exactly what you'resaying and I think a lot of us
have been feeling that way,where it's like, you know, on
paper everything looks great andmeanwhile we don't feel like
it's great, you know, and andthings aren't bad.
(53:10):
They're not great, but we'rejust like, yeah, you know.
And when you get to that placeand listen, I've been there,
okay, I've hung out there for awhile, all right, and it's not a
place I want to live, but I'vebeen there long enough to know I
don't want to go back or I'mgoing to be work on my
resiliency, naturally, that youknow, if I get there, I can
(53:32):
bounce back a lot more quickly,I can get back to where I am.
And for me, it was recognizingthat I needed to find a
community of others that wasexperiencing something similar,
but not only experiencingsomething similar, but were
actively looking to get awayfrom that, to get back to a
place where they feel moreconnected, more grounded, more
(53:53):
excited about life.
You know, and and that wasnecessary I needed that
community element, you know,because that's what allowed me,
on the tough days, to to, tohave somebody to talk to.
You know, a community toconnect with.
I'm a member of a number ofmen's groups and that's I use
that as a prime example.
(54:14):
It's just, it's wonderful toknow that there's this community
of unconditional understandingand connection.
You know where, where we canshare what's alive and real for
us but, at the same time, nothave any fear of being judged
for that, for being that openfor experiencing, for sharing
what we're experiencing, ourtruths, and yet having that
(54:35):
empathetic ear, that empatheticeye, that empathetic nod.
You know, even in our groups weuse hand gestures because we
don't want to interrupt people'sflow when they're talking or
sharing.
You know, hand over heart,right pound to the chest, simple
hands up if you're feeling.
You know I can relate to whatyou're saying.
I get you know like and justthat like when I'm sharing
(54:58):
something that's reallychallenging for me and my men's
group and I can see like a dozenother guys on the other side
touching their heart.
I know they're empathizing,they're connected with me,
they're saying, guy, it's okay,you're not alone.
Yeah, that, yeah, yeah, we havea bunch of them.
I, when I was living in bali.
I lived in bali for two and ahalf years.
(55:18):
We started a group therebecause I recognized I was
lacking that in my life.
I wanted other men that were ona similar wavelength, that
wanted similar things, butwanted to find the community
people.
Yeah, it's called mentorshipmondays, capital m-e-n men
mentorship mondays, because weusually do our meetings on mond
evenings, and uh so we, we havethem on zoom.
We have one in Europe, one inSoutheast Asia, uh, two in North
(55:40):
America, um so, and one in Bali, still, that meets in person,
um, but, uh, yeah, I, I love it.
It's all free.
There's no hidden agenda here.
It's just a way to bringlike-minded men together, to to
have that experience of whatit's like to be vulnerable with
another man, without him.
You know, feeling like that'sgonna be used against you.
You know, or or or.
You know to to realize thatvulnerability, being raw and
(56:03):
real, is actually a strength andnot a weakness.
You know, um, because I'll tellyou, my relationship with the
term vulnerability was verydifferent.
You know, I I saw it as aweakness.
I was like you don't bevulnerable, you don't cry in
front of people, you don't tellthem how you're feeling.
You know like wow, that stuff,no, you don't talk about that,
and jeez uh.
Speaker 1 (56:22):
Anyways, I digress, I'm going way off topic here,
but I think it's part of thesame conversation, anyways,
because what you just said there, basically, you know, is value
your health and your futureenough not to be distracted by
the bullshit.
But you know, really, that'sjust, that's really what I'm
(56:43):
hearing that you're saying thatcomes down to because I always
believe that every decision thatI make and I and I'm starting
this now for the past threemonths that every decision that
I make that I feel needs torequire me to be conscious,
aware of certain ramifications,I always think what can I do
right now, or how can I actright now that my future self
(57:06):
will be thankful for, and I'venoticed this has made a
tremendously big impact for me,like you said, not to get caught
up with the emotions, yes, toallow yourself.
Well, okay, this is how I'mfeeling.
And when we're in a state ofthat vulnerability that you just
so deeply touched on, emotionsbecome heightened, because then
(57:26):
a man, I find, especially, goesnow into that state of defense,
and that's where things can gowrong, because you're going to a
state of needing to protect andit's not bad intent, it's just
a need to protect.
But how I protect, sometimesthat's where we lose the control
, because it is a veryuncomfortable state to be in and
it's so powerful what youshared there with all of us here
(57:48):
.
Thank you so much for that.
So I know that you're wildlyfulfilled and you're busy and
you're doing fabulous, and I cansee it's night time there for
you.
Well, I think there's like a 10hour, 12 hour difference here
between us, because you're therein Canada, I'm here in Bali.
So I do want to thank you foryour love, your time, your
energy and everything you'repouring into men's lives and
their hearts, and also theirbusiness, their careers, their
(58:08):
health, because you're touchingpeople everywhere, even though
you don't even see it, andyou're a mover, a shaker, and
it's wonderful that we havepeople such as yourself who is
out there changing people'slives, because we need it right
now more than ever.
So thank you for everythingthat you do and thank you for
being here on the summit andjoining me as well and all the
other men that's going to bebenefiting from this.
(58:30):
Thank you so, so much, yvettethank you and listen.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
I want to acknowledge you too.
I thank you so so much, yvette.
Thank you and listen, I want toacknowledge you too.
I thank you for putting thistogether.
Thank you for you listening towhatever signs presenting
themselves in front of you forthis to happen.
Thank you for listening andmaking it happen, because these
conversations had I had accessto these 10-15 years whoa, I
(58:54):
just thinking about what I couldhave done, right, but hey, no
better time than now, asConfucius always says, what's
the best time to plant a tree?
Well, 20 years ago, right now.
So I feel very grateful andvery privileged and honored to
have been here today, to spendthis time with you and to be
part of the summits.
Thank you for for making ithappen and sharing this with us.
Speaker 1 (59:14):
Thank you so much.
And so, guys, there you have it, and I would highly recommend
that you watch this interviewagain a little bit later,
because you will see that you'regoing to be filtering and
taking in even more information,because we shared so much
greatness in here.
And have an amazing time andsee you next time.
Hi everyone.
Yvette Rose here and guys I amso excited for this Men in
Business Summit.
And guys today here I have DaiManuel.
Thank you so much for beinghere with us today.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Thank you, yvette.
I'm absolutely honored.
You know, like wow one.
It's a men's summit, so I feelreally honored to be here as a
man, but also here to add valueand hopefully make an impact and
let people know, hey, we're allon this crazy journey together
and it's a lot more fun when youacknowledge that.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
That's so true.
And so, guys, for those of youwho don't know him, he is an
award-winning digital thoughtleader and also an author and a
distinguished Toastmaster andTEDx speaker, and now he's also
educating as a keynote speaker,and he's a former partner of
chief operating officer of amultimillion dollar retail
company.
And he's also diving deep intohealth and fitness right now as
(01:07):
well, amongst many other thingsthat you're doing.
I'm so excited to be divinginto all this greatness and this
wonderful achievements that youhave achieved.
So, first of all,congratulations, because that's
hard work.
I mean, this is not somethingthat always necessarily happens
overnight, and I can see thatthings are going really well for
(01:28):
you, but I'm curious has italways been a smooth ride in
terms of success?
Because a lot of people gethanded everything and then they
lose it and they keep bringingit back.
But I also seeing a lot ofpeople who come from having to
work for that, having to createthe success and the reality that
they want.
What was your life like beforeall of this amazing success?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Well, I guess success is highly subjective, right?
I think we all have a differentunderstanding of what that word
means in our life.
And I know, if we're talkingabout that early stages in my my
life, especially earlyadulthood, you know, as I sort
of ventured intoentrepreneurship in my early 20s
, I didn't really know what Iwas doing.
(02:11):
I mean, I I was very muchliving in the ego and I was
trying to achieve titles.
You know, to be perfectlyhonest and to acquire stuff.
You know, because I believeperfectly honest and to acquire
stuff, you know, because Ibelieve that being attached to
that stuff was a would signifymy success, right, like, have
(02:31):
the nice car, have the nicefamily, have the nice home.
You know, just, I just believethat that was what success was.
But I realized the more that Iwas chasing that event, the more
I was feeling unfulfilled.
And the crazy thing was for me,as I was becoming more and more
unfulfilled in this pursuit ofwhat I believed was success and
(02:53):
what I was supposed to bechasing, I was like, as I'm
acquiring all this stuff and I'machieving these certain
recognitions and levels of whatpeople perceive as success,
shouldn't I feel happier?
Shouldn't I feel better aboutmyself, you know, like shouldn't
things just feel easier?
And and I was like no, theyweren't.
And and I learned to sort ofdistract myself from a lot of
(03:15):
that, that, those inner thoughts, those, those those blame and
guilt and just the not feelingI'm enough aspect of who I was
at the time.
And I learned to drown thatwith alcohol.
I did, I drank a lot of alcoholand to the point where it really
(03:37):
felt like I had two lives, andso you can imagine the conflict
there, because here I am,someone that's known in the
wellness industry, very wellknown, and can imagine the
conflict there, because here Iam, someone that's known in the
wellness industry, very wellknown, and yet, on the flip side
, a lot of the lifestyle piecesthat I was doing behind the
curtain, so to speak, was notreflective of that.
You know there was a clearmisalignment and you know, the
(04:00):
more misaligned I was, the moreunhappy I became.
So it was just like thisdownward spiral and until I made
a decision one day to just notallow for that anymore, to
revisit what is important to me,what truly defines me as a
person, as a man even.
You know, like what does itmean to be a man, I really
started to think about thosetypes of questions as I made a
(04:22):
commitment to my family andmyself to go one year without
drinking and that's turned into,you know, 13 years no drinking
and it opened up a whole notherworld of possibilities and
opportunities.
And so, yeah, that's sort ofjust that little starting off
point there.
And you know, if you were to askme about success now, I define
success very differently thanhow I previously defined it.
(04:44):
Now it's just all about timeand time being spent and
invested with those that I feelnot only add value to my life
but add value to everybodyelse's lives too, and looking to
connect more with that.
And so mine's just having thatfreedom of time and ability and
opportunity to do that, and tome that's much more successful,
(05:04):
like I feel so much more joyousand happy and fulfilled as a
result of that shift in myunderstanding of success.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I love what you said and thank you for your honesty,
because this is a moment in timethat we all face in our lives
where we all have that crisis orthat feeling of discomfort,
where it becomes souncomfortable that we do make a
shift.
But one thing that I see thathappens with a lot of men is
that they're so driven, they'reso focused on achieving success
(05:37):
that even when they move intothat place of pain or discomfort
or it's just not working andnow the coping mechanisms as you
said, you know that become yourcrutch, that they continue to
hold on to that bandaid, becausethere's a part of them that
doesn't want to connect andadmit that.
Maybe I just need a differentapproach, maybe I just need a
(05:58):
different lifestyle because westart to feel safe in our
comfort zone.
Now, also, what happened isthat if your focus is constantly
on your outcome that you want,that's where your focus and your
energy flows right, that'swhere your emotions also flow
and that, I've noticed, createsa sense of disconnect to the
body.
And that's what a lot of men, alot of people, just in general,
(06:19):
they don't recognize whensomething has becoming now
destructive because we're tryingto suppress deeper emotions or
insecurities or lack ofself-worth or the ego is chasing
that.
What I want to hear from you ishow did you recognize?
What was that moment?
What did it look like?
Or feel like when you realizesomething has got to give, I
(06:41):
have to change something,because this is where I find men
struggle, because men are soprogrammed.
You're not allowed to feel, youfeel sad.
Well, man, the hell up, youknow.
No, there's no time for thatnow.
Go, go, go.
And it's a complete disrespectto their own inner process and
(07:01):
what the body needs to know orneeds to learn or needs to adapt
to, because it has.
You're in fitness, so you knowthe body can only do based on
what resources you emotionally,physically and energetically
give it until it collapses.
What was that moment for youwhere you realized this has got
(07:25):
to give?
Were there any patterns, habitsor signs or something that
stood out for you during thattransition?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
you know, and like I call people out on this all the
time now, but the only becauseI'm hyper aware of the habits
and sort of those telltale signs, if you will, and and I don't
mean calling out, but from aloving place, right, because I
have people that reach out often, you know, asking or expressing
a desire to start seeingchanges.
(07:54):
And the thing is is we'realways aware of the effect our
choices have on us.
We can suppress it, we can tryto ignore it or remain ignorant
to it, but you can't deny thefeelings there.
You know, like there's, it wasalways there for me and this is
what I'm trying to get thispoint across is like I always
knew that.
Oh yeah, you know muting myphone so I don't have to reply
(08:16):
to my wife to tell her I'mstaying for another round of
drinks or two or three.
You know, like I was fullyaware of my choices.
You know, I was aware and I wasaware that wasn't the best
choice in the moment and I knewit didn't align with things that
I said were important to me,like my family, one of my, my,
my pillars.
You know, in my life, my, mycore values is family and those
(08:38):
relationships and the importanceof the integrity of those
relationships and, and meanwhile, here I was doing things that
went in complete contradictionto that, and yet I would
continue to do that.
And so it was just more of thiserosion of this relationship
with myself, to the point whereI just didn't like being myself
(08:59):
anymore, and it got to a pointwhere now I was really pushing
away those that were closest tome, to the point where it was
gonna be irreparable, and I wasmaking very poor decisions and
choices and, as a result of that, my family was the brunt of
that, you know, especially mykids at the time were both under
the age of six.
My two daughters and my wifeand I had already been together
(09:21):
for about a decade at that point, and I was not being a great
husband, a great father, a greatfriend, a great business owner.
To be honest, like I, all mydecisions and actions were
heavily compromised based onthese little things I was doing,
these little habits that Iwould continue to do as a way to
make myself feel better in themoment, you know.
(09:42):
And so it happened one day andI won't go into the full story,
but because I do actually talkabout this moment in my TEDx
talk.
You know about this pivotalmoment in my life where, you
know, my wife sat me down and westarted to discuss what life
would be like co-parenting, whatwould life be like not being
(10:05):
together, and that wasn't evenon my radar for me, but it was
on her radar big time, because Icontinued to do the pattern and
not make any of these changes.
Meanwhile saying I was going tomake the changes, you know what
I mean like there might be someguys who can relate to this is
like I became very good atapologizing, very good, and then
I Very good, and then I getreally, really good and do
(10:27):
really great things and be anamazing guy for a period of time
, to the point where I'd be like, well, I've kind of earned a
night out, right, like I'veearned.
I can, I can go a little bit, Ican do a little bit more.
I can push the boundaries.
And it was this non-goinginternal negotiation with myself
to justify my actions.
It just it got to a point.
You know, here I am in my early30s at this point and I'm like
(10:49):
this is crazy this is crazy.
I've got kids, I've got abusiness, I've got relationships
, I've got a wife that Iabsolutely adore and want to
spend the rest of my life withlike Ty, give your head a shake,
dude.
What the hell are you doing?
And it was in that moment whereI just realized that if I don't
make a drastic 180 turn rightnow, the next few steps of my
(11:13):
life, I know where it's going,and it's going to be lonely,
it's going to be unhappy andit's going to lead me further
down that spiral I've alreadybeen sort of dipping my toe into
, you know, and it was in thatmoment I just made a decision to
make a change.
And I it started by me justmaking the commitments, cause I
always think, like what's theone thing that will make the
greatest amount of impact right,like what is the one action or
(11:35):
one decision I can make thatwill affect everything else?
And for me, it was justrecognizing that the one habit
that kept pulling me back wasdrinking.
So I said, you know what?
That one habit?
I'm going to remove it from mylife for one year.
And here's the scariest thingof that, because those that are
listening to this, especially,if you know.
I believe that we all have sortof these crutches like.
(11:57):
I was morbidly obese as ateenager, so food was my drug of
choice when I was between theage of nine and 14.
And so it was kind of funny tosee how history repeated itself.
I learned how to deal with myemotions in a different way, but
now with alcohol and my adultlife and, and so I could
recognize the pattern and I cansee what I was doing again.
But I also had the belief thatI can make a change.
Because I made the change whenI was a teen.
(12:17):
Why couldn't I do it again, youknow?
And and so I.
I just gave into that and Irecognized because this is the
hardest part I was scared I was,I was afraid because all of a
(12:39):
sudden I was doing a completeparadigm shift from how I was
doing things and how I wascoping with some of these
challenging emotions, and Irealized I can't do it on my own
.
It was the first time in mylife where I was like I need to
get help.
Found a psychologist, workedwith him for about three months.
I found a relationshipscounselor Well, it was actually
my wife and I going together andafter our second session.
She's like.
You know, christy, I think itmakes more sense for dad to come
back on his own.
So I, I and I gave in, I gaveinto that.
(13:00):
For that next 12 months I wasfocusing on working on me.
You know, not working on me,the business owner, because I
was a very much an addict ofprofessional development, but
when it came to personaldevelopment I didn't dabble my
toes in that.
You know, anything that camearound to that spiritual talk,
even I would ignore and avoidand it was just me, my ego, you
(13:22):
know, just just, it's just wild.
But those are some of thethings.
And you know, for those thatmight be dealing with a struggle
right now or having that onechallenge, that one habit that
keeps sort of tripping you up,what would life look like if you
just stopped for one year?
Just one year, I mean, I'm notsaying give it up forever, I
mean I mean, if it feels goodand makes sense and you like the
(13:43):
results it creates, great,that's a decision you can make.
But what would life look liketo just stop that for one year
and just see where that can go?
You know, it was instant, likewithin months things started to
improve and get better, and theway my relationship with myself
started to improve.
And you know, I just I gaveinto the work.
That's all I did.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I gave into it that's fantastic and I mean well done,
because that in itself is alsodiscipline.
There's a there's an actual,true desire for change, and it
sounds to me like that was alsoa moment in your life where you
were tremendously honest withyourself and you.
You actually see it through.
And one thing that I've alsonoticed that you talk a lot
(14:25):
about, talk about, you know,challenges and obstacles.
One thing I also see youtalking a lot about is how does
they motivate it when things arenot going your way?
How can you just jump into that?
Because this is now not evenjust about personal life.
This also is about business,because, let's face it, when we
have a business, when we also,you know, transition from a
personal life into theprofessional life, we I kind of
(14:47):
like see the same issue showingup in business, but in different
ways of course and things arenot going to go your way.
But regardless of what it is,how do we?
Is there like a advice that youcan share with us?
How do we deal with that?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
well, and I, you know , I appreciate that the way you
frame that up as well.
I this is super interesting,you know, leading back to that
idea of I think it was JimCollins that said it the first
time you know, like, what is theone thing that we can do that
by doing it makes everythingeither easier or obsolete.
And so when I'm looking forchanges or to make some changes,
(15:28):
I always think about thatquestion what is the one thing I
could do?
Because I'm looking for changesor to make some changes, I
always think about that questionwhat is the one thing I could
do?
Because I'm already thinking,I'm like, I'm already busy, I'm
busy enough, life is full, andyou know, it doesn't matter how
unful or unpacked I could makeit.
I could always, I mean, becausethat was part of my ego.
I like telling people I'm sobusy.
I changed a long time ago.
I don't say busy anymore, I saylife is full, you know, but
(15:52):
it's full by design.
And so I've sort of shifted myperspective, my relationship
with that, especially aroundtime.
But you know, for me it wasrecognizing what is one thing I
can do that's going to start tomake everything else better,
make me feel better, make methink better, make me start to
break down some of thosebarriers that I want to break
down, and for me, it was fitness.
(16:13):
That was it.
It was me getting into my body,moving daily, you know, and
also applying a little bit ofmeditation and breath work, you
know.
So those things combined,everything started to shift,
because I started to feel better, my energy started to improve,
I started to sleep better, Istarted to be less stressful,
(16:35):
and being less stressful alsomeant I was less bombastic at
times.
Okay, because my emotions wouldget the better of me sometimes
and it would just like, boom,come out of nowhere and I'd be,
but, you know, and I alwayshated when I would get there,
and so that was for me, thatthat first thing.
And I like be, you know, and Ialways hated when I would get
there, and so that was for me,that that first thing.
And I like to invite men, youknow, like your health, yes, you
(16:56):
can start with fitness, becauseyou know that, that foundation
of health, I think we'll allagree.
I mean I, people can argue methis until they're blue in the
face, I don't care.
I believe it's right, I'm right, you're wrong, sorry, but
health is that foundation weneed.
Without health, I don't carehow successful your business is,
if you're not healthy, you'renever going to enjoy everything
(17:21):
to your greatest potential.
You know you're never going tobe able to have that
relationship with others as deepas you possibly can if that
relationship with your ownhealth isn't already well
established and founded.
You know like, I know this to bea truth because I've
experienced both ends of thespectrum.
I've had help, I've lost help,I got it back and then I lost
again.
I have an autoimmune diseasethat's chronic.
(17:42):
I have no neutrophils, that's.
You know, my hematologist, likeyou should just live in a
bubble during covid.
I'm like, I'm not gonna live ina bubble, you know like, but
I'm one of those people that'sin a very compromised, immune,
immune state, you know.
And but it's okay, I, I'veadapted, I've I've recognized.
It's okay, I can live with this, I can still thrive within this
(18:03):
, you know.
And so it's perspective.
But my perspective started toshift when I got back into my
body and started just exercisingfrequently, you know like, just
having a daily ritual of movingmy body with purpose, and that
was it.
That was the one thing.
And now, as my confidenceimproved and as I became more in
(18:23):
tune with myself and started toexpand on some of the work I
was doing, having that innerconversation and reflection and
introspection, you know, askingmyself what do I really want
with my life?
Like what?
What truly is happiness to me?
What's going to make mefulfilled?
What path is that that I shouldbe following?
I was never in a space to askthose questions and, to be fair,
(18:45):
I was never asked thosequestions either by anybody.
Based on the role models I hadin my life at the time of the
association, which was anotherpart, you know, once I got into
the fitness, started making thechanges, started getting some
help, I also recognized I had tochange all of my association.
All the people I was hangingout with uh, almost everybody,
with the exception of some of myfamily uh, gone, like gone From
(19:10):
the standpoint.
I just chose to go down adifferent path and of course,
I'll stay there.
I'll have the relationship.
I'm not like turning my back onthem permanently.
But I recognized I couldn'tinvest as much time and energy
into those relationships anymorebecause it was pulling me a
direction I didn't want to go.
And so yeah, that's it.
I mean sorry, it wasn't justone thing, but it was a
combination of a few things.
(19:30):
But it all started with myfitness Okay, my, my health.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
And you know this is interesting because they always
say that you become a reflectionof the seven most people that
you hang out with the most.
So the fact that you shifted,that you recognize that and that
that for me that takes gutslike that, takes a lot of
self-worth and a lot ofself-love to recognize that this
is not healthy for me.
And you know, I appreciatemyself and my future and my, the
(19:55):
kind of like outcome that Iwish to create and align
yourself with that consciously.
And something else that yousaid that I love even more is,
you said, move with purpose.
That is, can you, I you knowthis is this can go in so many
directions, becauseprocrastination, whether it's
(20:16):
business, career, health,whatever it is a project,
procrastination is always thatlittle gremlin that just comes
out when you want to do it, whenyou decide you're going to do
it, then we kind of like just itfeels feels easier to
procrastinate.
Dive into for me a bit intothis move with purpose.
(20:37):
How can we start to do more ofthat and just kick
procrastination to the curve?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
basically, well, procrastination is an
interesting thing because, Imean, I find, most of the time
we're we're, we are aware thatwe're procrastinating, you know,
we're putting off that onething that we've already said.
I really shouldn't do that onething, you know.
And and yet we, we figure outother things and we prioritize
those other things.
About that, and and I, I know Iam someone that does this and
(21:08):
and and recognizing that inmyself, I've also realized I've
had to shift how I do certainthings or how I have to recover
and replenish Sometimes becausemy energy just isn't there and I
find those certain tasks thatI'm procrastinating on might
require a certain amount ofenergy and focus and attention.
And if I haven't been lookingafter myself you know my own
self-care, my own mental healthI find that it becomes easier
(21:32):
and easier to procrastinate, youknow.
And so that, finding that, Irealized, you know what I just
got to start making some smallercommitments, but keep them and
do them frequently.
So frequency and consistency iscritical and you know, anybody
that's looking to make alifestyle change, we know this
very well.
It's not like you sign up forgym membership.
(21:52):
You go once and wow, this ishealthy, right, Like it's.
It's a compound effect overtime and and I started to think
what would be the minimaleffective dose to try start
providing the kind of resultsthat I want to see in my life.
I'm kind of a hacker that way,you know.
I'm like I want to be veryefficient with my time, because
I do have this relationship withtime and I, you know, it's
(22:16):
partially due to the fact also,with my father's passing a few
years ago, and I think it just Ihad this sense of mortality all
of a sudden, right, you know,losing my first parent and for
others that have lost parents,I'm sorry.
I, I know it's never easy and,you know, not a day goes by.
I don't think about my dad, butI think about that lesson that
he imparted on me was this ideaof time and just this awareness
(22:37):
of how I want to spend my time,more invested and uh.
So so the long and short hereI'll just try to get right to
the point uh, um, doing greatwhen it comes to helpful.
I was going to say, with themotivation piece you know it
often comes we look for a motive, right, like what's the motive,
what's the reason for doing it?
(22:58):
I had to shift from doingexternal or as they call it,
extrinsic goals, you know, tomore intrinsic goals.
So, looking at things that mademe feel a certain way or think
a certain way, and I started byjust committing no matter what
non-negotiable 15 minutes a daywhere I would move my body with
(23:22):
purpose, and the purpose was tocreate a elevated heart rate, a
little bit of a sweat.
You know, 15 minutes a day isonly 1% of 24 hours.
1% Okay, like.
People are like, well, I don'thave 15 minutes.
I'm like, yes, you do, I knowyou got 15 minutes and but
that's 15 minutes of continuousmovement, doing certain types of
(23:45):
movements to work my body, andthat created such a positive
emotional uplift.
It was much easier to keepdoing it because it was that
instant feeling I got.
And that's what became mymotivation was the feeling and
how I felt after a workout.
And I always like to say thisto clients or anybody who's
(24:06):
going to listen to me you'reonly ever one workout away from
feeling better.
I've never.
I mean, yvette, I don't know ifyou've ever heard this, but
I've never had somebody tell meafter a workout.
You know what I really wish Ididn't exercise today.
I really wish, you know, I kindof regret going to the gym, I
(24:29):
regret going outside for thathike today.
Like we never say that we don'tregret that, like so why don't
we do more of it?
There's a there's something tothat, right, there's something
to it.
And same applies Like I'llencourage people like have a big
healthy salad, put some leanprotein on it, just make
something that's like instagramphoto worthy, that you're just
(24:50):
like wanting to show off to theworld and and eat that and see
how good you feel after.
I've never had someone say youknow what I, you know that
suggestion about having a nicebig healthy salad, I really
regret eating that.
I get the opposite.
I get people messing me likeman, I felt so good all
afternoon.
I just felt great, I felt likeI did something good for myself,
you know, and so that's sort ofwhere I go from, that, that
(25:14):
idea of motivation versusinspiration, you know, and and
the two are very tightlyconnected, obviously, but uh,
that's sort of my play aroundthat.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
I love that, and you know talk about play.
I see that you're so.
I mean, just looking at you andyour history as well, you're
fantastic at engaging withpeople.
You know talk about play.
I see that you're so.
I mean, just looking at you andyour history as well, you're
fantastic at engaging withpeople.
You know you just reallyconnect really well with your
audiences as well, and I want todive a little bit into this
talent that you have.
How can other men in businessalso engage more with their
(25:45):
audiences as well, whether it'ssocial media or platforms, or
how can they start to build thatrelationship, that connection
and that I don't know.
It's almost like this.
There's not even a word for it.
It's an experience, almost like.
I think experience would wouldcapture that the best.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
I like that, I like that framing that's uh, I, I had
to have the relationship withmyself again.
I mean, really, it was duringthat period there, that one year
I refer to as that Well,because I took the crutch away
and then I had to learn how towalk again right, like without
(26:22):
alcohol.
I had to learn how to achievewhat I wanted in life and deal
with the stresses and the painsand the challenges in a
healthier way.
It in life, and deal with thestresses and the pains and the
challenges in a healthier way.
And so it was a wonderful yearand I got such great results.
In that year I was like what ifI keep doing this, you know?
And that that was theexcitement and the motivation to
keep doing.
It was like I was like whatelse can I do, what else can I
create, what else can Iexperience?
(26:42):
And so it just sort of cementedmy commitment to continuing
down that path, you know.
But the funny thing is is whenyou start to go down there, like
you start to, at least Istarted to realize there was a
lot of other things in my lifethat I feel were holding me back
, you know.
And like, speaking to thatdefinition of success, right,
(27:06):
like when I started goingthrough these shifts, I started
questioning well, why am Iworking to get the house, to get
the car, to get the accolades,to get the recognition?
Like, why am I putting all myvalue on myself, dependent on
all these external things?
And this is where I started toquestion the relationship with
(27:28):
myself, you know, like myunderstanding of who I am and
how I find value, or how I seethe value in me, and you know,
some people might call itself-love.
I mean, there's lots of termsfor this and I know this is your
wheelhouse, this is what you do.
So you, you have the languageto best describe this.
But if I, if I go with what Iexperienced and how I saw it,
(27:50):
for me it was just I had tolearn to enjoy spending time by
myself.
And and that was it.
Like that's where I had tostart, because once I did that
and I started to realize, man, Iactually like me, like I, I, I,
I like me, you know, I, I knowI have value to offer, I know I
can help people, I know I canmake an impact and I wanted to
(28:14):
do that, you know, because itbrings me fulfillment.
I've been coaching andmentoring people since I was 17.
And I always got so much valueand fulfillment from it.
It was like I want to do moreof that.
And I realized, because of thatmorbid obesity and that very
formative years in my earlychildhood of being of that state
(28:36):
of unhealth led to a lot ofother emotional and
psychological complications andespecially how I valued myself.
And I know that I was alwayslooking to have that validation
from others.
Once I made those lifestylechanges and started to get
healthy and I was looking forthe accolades and I realized
that that sort of spun me offinto this sort of path, right,
(29:00):
and when I started to peel backall the layers and trying to
track back to how did I even getto where I am right now, like
to get to this point?
And I started to recognize someof the choices I made and the
impacts those choices had,because, in understanding that,
I was able to then betterunderstand the path in front of
me, you know, and the futurechoices I was going to make, or
(29:21):
situations I would be wanting toput myself in, or and and so I
sort of that's where it beganand I realized, because of the
social anxiety, I was reallyscared of speaking in front of
people.
It was so I was like well, I'vegot an impact to make.
I want to speak in front ofpeople, but how am I going to
overcome this fear that I have?
this challenge I have withpublic speaking.
I'm naturally introverted.
(29:42):
That's my natural state, but Iwork as an extrovert because I
made this decision many yearsago.
I'm going to make an impact inpeople's lives, I'm going to
help people, but I knew that Ineeded to grow my platform.
I needed to be out there more.
I needed I wanted it.
Okay, I wanted it.
Did I need it?
No, of course I didn't need it.
I mean, I didn't have to dothat, but I wanted to do that
(30:35):
no-transcript and they give youfeedback.
And so I submitted myself tothat and it slowly eroded that
fear and turned it into anexcitement, you know, and and
that was it Like after thathappens and that took about 18
months of submitting myself toToastmasters, to mentorship, to
(30:58):
coaching, to being able to say,hey, I need some help with this,
I'm really scared about doingthis stuff and can you help me?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
And there was a whole group of people like yeah, of
course, that's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I was like, wow, this is awesome and that's what sort
of got things started, thatthat one decision to commit
myself to toastmasters changedthe trajectory of my life like
night and day.
Like would we be talking today?
No, had I not made thatcommitment to myself to overcome
this, this, this fear ofspeaking in front of people?
(31:27):
Yeah, so, yeah, anyways, that'sthat, that's that's I mean.
I don't know if that answersthe question.
I know it was quite long winded,but you asked me about this
engagement piece and I was, likeyou know, I knew I always
wanted to do it, but I I didn'thave the confidence myself to do
it, and so I had to go find aplace to help me build the
confidence in a safe way that Ifelt protected, I felt okay to
(31:49):
make mistakes, I felt okay toask for help, I felt okay to be
vulnerable and be.
You know, and once you findthat man, the potential in all
of us is immense.
We're not even close to tappinginto it, not even close, you
know.
And that's what gets me excitedabout life.
It's like man, what are wegoing to do next as a species,
(32:10):
as humanity?
Right, we're already veryresilient, but what's next?
I mean holy.
So anyway, sorry, I get excitedabout this stuff.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
It's wonderful because you get excited about it
, because you know that itworked for you, it changed your
life, and, of course, I wouldalso get excited with especially
things that work for me.
I get excited too, andsomething that you said is
fundamentally important here,and that is such a golden nugget
moment as well amongst many ofthe ones that you already
dropped for us, but this one isvery important as well, and that
(32:42):
is, if there's something thatyou perceive as being a
challenge, find a solution or aspace or a person or a support
system where you feel safe,because that is where you allow
yourself to just be, explorewhere the weaknesses is in a
safe way, and then becomeresilient through the witness,
(33:05):
compassionate witnesses and tobuild the, the confidence, or to
build the systems or theinternal systems or resources
that you need to fulfill that,because this is something that I
find a lot of men also do, thatthey overreact or they, they,
they project anger because theycome from a place of feeling
unsafe, feeling insecure,feeling unsure, and it masks
(33:27):
that insecurity.
Because when we feel angry, ofcourse now, it's really easy to
say because when we feel angry,of course now, it's really easy
to say no, when we feel angrynow we feel powerful, but it's
not a true, authentic sense ofpower, and that's what I like.
What you've done there, you nowconsciously went.
You know what, instead offighting this fear, I'm going to
actually move into it.
(33:47):
I'm going to face it.
I'm going to say I see you, Isee you and now I'm going to
tackle you, now I'm going todeal with this, instead of
taking behaviors that moves youfurther away from that but that
creates a false sense ofconfidence.
And for me, this is real, true,authentic, learned confidence
that sticks.
Real, true, authentic, learnedconfidence that sticks.
(34:08):
Because anger is always used, Ifind, and especially with men in
business, because it gives themthat boost, it gives them that
adrenaline, it gives cortisolthat like that, that shot of
vodka, that shot of cortisol,and that becomes an association.
So, what do I need in my lifein order to feel stronger or
confident?
I need that cortisol.
How did I access it last time Igot angry?
Okay.
What do I need in my life inorder to feel stronger or
(34:29):
confident?
I need that cortisol.
How did I access it last time Igot angry?
Okay, what in my environmentright now is making me angry?
And that's why a lot of peoplewho do have anger problems, they
only see things in their lifethat agitates them, because now
they focus and zone in on that,and what I'm seeing you're doing
with that pattern is thatyou're breaking it by just going
.
You know what I am now withother people, and this is also
(34:52):
what I see that you did.
I went now with other peoplewho I can relate to, because
what we don't like and even withme, we don't like to stand out
with our weaknesses but nowwe're in a room with people who
also share that fear.
They understand there is noshame, there is no ego there,
(35:15):
and I love that you created thatplatform and that space for you
to move into, because this issomething that is so
fundamentally important for menas well.
So, guys, I hope that you werelistening to that, because that
that moment was pivotal.
That really, really importantthere is to seek out people who
(35:35):
you can relate to, because themore relatable our environment
is, the more we can connect tothat, the more we let our guards
down, because now there'snothing to feel defensive of,
there's nothing to feel fearfulof.
So I really like how you didthat and what I want to ask you
as well is so, when we look atthis public speaking, which
(35:57):
you're really really good atright now as well, has it always
been also easy for you toconnect to your audience as well
, because connection is alsovery important?
That's very, very important.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Well, I think yeah, but it's also a skill you can
learn.
You know, you can learn how toconnect like more effectively.
I mean just making eye contact,sharing a smile, uncrossing or
unfurling of the arms, right,there's some basic things.
I mean, who was it that wrote?
Was it?
Oh my gosh, I'm drawing a blankon the book, but you know how
(36:33):
to win friends and influencepeople.
Was it dale carnegie, like 100years ago, wrote that book?
But?
But he talks about basic ways oftrying to effectively create
that relationship, right, orconnection.
And you know, right down to thebasic bolts of just body
language, you know, because alot of language is communicated
outside of the words, right, but93 of it, according to science,
(36:55):
is based on the actual actionsand the way we say it, not
necessarily what we're saying.
And when we start to reallyrealize that, which I did, was I
realized that I can use myphysicality, I can use my facial
expressions, I can use my arms,my hand gestures, I can really
use my whole body and energy totry to break down some of the
(37:17):
barriers that I was experiencingwith other people, because I'm
six foot one, about 210 pounds,pretty thick guy.
The one thing I used to hearall the time from people, was it
kind of intimidated.
I was like I'm intimidating,really, like and I think I was
perpetuating that persona aswell because of that fear.
(37:38):
As a kid, when I used to getbullied, I was like, well, I
want to be the guy that nobodywants to bully anymore, you know
.
And and that also committed meto fitness and getting stronger
and fitter and got me intomartial arts and a bunch of
other stuff too, you know.
And because it was my way ofprotecting myself, feeling
strong and protected and safe,and.
But I also realized it waslimiting my ability to connect
(37:59):
with people.
And so just those basic littlethings like those are some
telltale ones, and I mean otherways.
It's just do you really want toconnect with people?
Because once I started to do itand just follow a couple of
these things, I realized thatpeople were engaging back.
People were happy to have theconversation, to share a couple
words, you know.
And if you look at social media,you know when I started showing
up on social more as myauthentic self, not afraid of
(38:22):
whatever comes, you know, I'mjust like I'm here to serve, I'm
here to add value to people'slives.
That's how I look at socialmedia.
It's a tool to elevate us.
All you know, share ourexperiences so we can learn from
one another.
I mean, to me it's a great toolto connect with.
Unfortunately, it's not alwaysused that way right.
And look at how we connectedright, like a prime example, all
the people around the summityou got here through social
(38:44):
media of some sort an email list.
You know it's that it's amazingtools when we use them as such,
and so anyways yeah, that wouldbe the biggest part that I would
like to to to sort of sharewith anybody that's listening to
this, watching this, you know,is that idea of embracing the
ability to connect with yourwhole physicality, your whole
being, and because when youconnect with people from an
(39:07):
energetic place like oh it's,you can get to being very real
with one another very quickly.
And I know, you know this verywell, because like I said
earlier, this is your real life.
This is what you do.
So I I know that that, uh,you're very much in tune with
the metaphysical side of things.
So yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
So I want to hear from you as well, because you
seem like someone that you know.
Because of the mistakes thatyou've made, you've learned how
to build a life of balance.
What kind of rituals do youhave or habits that you have
that really supports you andsustains you when things might
(39:47):
be getting stressful in yourlife, whether and especially in
business?
Because I know that even for meI'm not a man, but even for me,
like any normal human, like ifyour business is wobbling or if
there's stress, it just poursover into all aspects of your
life what did you do duringmoments where your business was
(40:08):
maybe just overly stressful, ormaybe there was loss, or maybe
there was something just goingon that just threw you?
How did you stay balanced andgrounded during those moments?
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Well, that's where I relied on certain habits that I
knew could provide me with aninstant shift in my energy, and
what I mean by that is goingfrom more of a negative energy
to a positive energy.
And so when I would recognizethe more negative energy that I
would accumulate or get intothat situation where I felt
negative, that's where it becameeasier to procrastinate.
It became easier not to havethe tough conversations.
(40:43):
You know like I was avoidingthose because I wasn't in a good
energy place.
You know I didn't want to dothat stuff and so I would avoid
it at all costs.
So, even to the point where youknow I would make myself sick
with worry and anxiety andstress, and you know there's
nothing physically wrong with me, but but psychologically I felt
sick, you know I did.
And it can manifest symptoms,you know, like quite literally,
(41:06):
to avoid those situations.
And when you, when I becamereally hyper aware of that, you
know I just just said I got torely back on just doing some
basic things, like nothing overcomplicated, because it had to
be easy and had to be accessibleno matter what, like as soon as
I would have to count onsomething else, like if it
involved I had to go to the gymto get my workout in.
(41:28):
Well, what happens if I'mtraveling?
I don't have access to a gym?
Well, that it's not going to.
What do I take those days off?
I just avoid that one habitthat's brought me so much of
this great fulfillment in mylife.
No, so I learned ways to, to,to work my body as the best
piece of equipment I got, and Igot it for the rest of my life.
So I'm like you know, when Iembraced that I'm raceable, how
(41:48):
do I learn to use my bodyeffectively with just body
weight movements to produce theresults and the emotional
connection I want with my body?
Boom, that was it and so.
But for me, in those high statesof stress moments, getting out
for a 30 minute walk I getoutside, rain or shine, doesn't
matter the weather conditions.
(42:09):
I grab an umbrella.
I live in Western Canada,vancouver, bc it's the Pacific
Northwest for those in NorthAmerica and it's a rainforest,
okay, of sorts.
It's just not your traditionaltropical rainforest, it's very
different.
But it rains a lot here, okay.
And so I embrace the rain, I goout with an umbrella, but I get
(42:30):
out for a 30-minute walk andbreathe in some nice fresh air
and take in some sites, and Ioften will listen to something
positive.
It could be a positive summitlike this, it could be a podcast
, you know, it could be an audiobook.
Either way, I very purposefullychoose positive inputs, because
(42:51):
positive in often relates topositive out, which goes right
back down to business, the basicfundamentals of business.
You know, we have certainsystems and ways that we do
things and we buy things.
We bring them in and then weput them out.
You control and you modify theinputs to then influence and
ultimately manipulate theoutputs you want to.
(43:12):
There's kind of a scientificmethod to it.
You know, like a business isn'trocket science, like at the end
of the day, it's often based onrelationships.
So if you get really good atjust understanding relationships
I don't know how you definesuccess, but you'll be
successful, you know, becausepeople like to do business with
people that they like, that theyfeel connected to, they feel on
(43:33):
the same wavelength or theyfeel like there's value being
added to their life.
So so those are sort of those,those pieces.
But the daily walk man,especially during COVID, I'll
tell you that one thing hashelped so much.
You know, with the exception,we had a period where we were
locked down and we had a verysmall radius of places to walk.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I still made it work, you know, but just getting out
for that 30 minutes changeseverything Different and it's so
spot on what you said, becauseyou know just that doing
something different break state.
You know, because when youyou're thinking of now, I need
to walk now.
And you know you're exposingyourself to a different
(44:15):
environment and that is very,very important, because people
who become workaholics as wellthey're in the office, they have
like a really rock solid setroutine and they stay in that
routine and it's hard sometimesto break that routine.
And a great way to do that issomething so simple as just
going for a walk, because wealways think that things have to
(44:36):
be complicated.
We need something reallymind-blowingly wild to help us
to feel better and it's like no,it's not, it's, it's basic.
You know activities that we canadapt to to just break that
state, because what you want todo at the end of the day is to
just to change your thoughtpatterning.
And what can you do to changeyour thought patterning in a
(44:58):
positive way?
Get out, because ourmitochondria, the body, actually
reacts to the color green.
So you have a forest.
So the more you see green, themore energized your cells starts
to feel, because they'reresponsible for the nucleus
health, and the nucleus alsodetermines a big part of your
body's health and your statenucleus health, and the nucleus
also determines a big part ofyour body's health in your state
.
So just what you're doing isyou're automatically intuitive
(45:19):
feeling drawn to that and tojust be around the green and
you're very spoiled with that.
But for those of you who don'teven have that and when I was
living in cities like I was inaustralia, I was in sydney and
sometimes you live in theseconcrete jungles what I actually
had was on my ipad.
I love david Attenborough.
I love this guy like if I couldhave, like the divine dad, I
would have loved to have himwith that soothing voice.
(45:42):
It's just this, his voice isjust so soothing and I would
actually have him and the planetearth series just playing and
just seeing nature and Iactually found the impact that
that already had on me when Ididn't have the capacity to go
for a walk just to createsomething that creates change
change environment, change ofthought patterns.
(46:05):
It's so important you have to.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
You know what you, you touched on this event also,
that just the cortisol piece,because I, I think, being a man
that's 45 now I recognized a lotof years ago I had a big
imbalance, especially when Iwent through burnout.
You know adrenal fatigue, allthat good stuff that happens.
It was almost like a badge ofhonor, right, like as I was
(46:28):
scaling up my business, I gotburnout.
Yeah, I'm part of the club nowand I'm like, well, this is the
stupidest thing to celebrateever.
And, to the point, because ofmy autoimmune issue I was
actually hospitalized for it.
You know, like brutal, likecause, my immune system just
totally crashed.
It was already compromised andit just crashed and away I went.
But not to digress, but thiscortisol conversation that you
(46:50):
just, you know you planted someseeds there earlier on, talking
about just some of the thingsthat we do does create cortisol.
Cortisol is a good hormone, butnot when we have too much and
not when we're not regulating it.
A lot of guys I'm not going tosay all guys, but most men are
dealing with a lot of cortisol.
So the point that you know theeasiest way to tell, like if
(47:13):
there's a guy out there and he'slistening to this like if you
have the extra little bit ofweight around the waist.
It's like no matter what you do, it doesn't matter how healthy
you try to be, it just doesn'tgo away.
Cortisol you know you've got alot of cortisol and you're not
regulating it, so you're.
I would look at your sleeppatterns how much REM sleep you
get, sleep again, how much wateryou do drink, how much exercise
(47:35):
.
Like this is where you reallylook at your lifestyle.
But I'll tell you, by gettingyour cortisol into a regular,
you know, regulating it againthe healthy way, everything will
shift, especially just yourinternal energy, because your
system starts to work better.
It's less taxed.
You recover, you know youactually recover, like when you
take rest.
Like you know, some people getthe weekends off right, and by
(47:57):
Monday they're more tired thanthey were, you know, after
getting a break, and it's likewell, didn't you have the
weekend to rest?
Well, no, I slept all week andI still feel tired.
Ah, hello, you know.
So there's one little tip Iwant to offer people and I'll
turn it back is for learn tostart measuring HRV heart rate
(48:19):
variability.
I won't go into too much detailon that.
I've got some links, I'll sharethem with you.
You've had just some articleson my website that talks about
heart rate variability, but ifmen start to learn how to
monitor that, it's going to letyou know when your central
nervous system is overtaxed,under recovered, and that's
usually a direct correlation toalso having too much cortisol.
(48:40):
And it's one simple thing thatpeople can test on themselves
every day, like my apple watchdoes it every day.
I can monitor at any point inthe day and see what my hrv is
at.
When it's at a high number, Ialways feel great, I feel like I
can go work out, I feel like Ican have those tough
conversations.
But when it's really low, I'mlike you know, that tough
conversation I wanted to havewith so-and-so, I'm going to put
it off till tomorrow, you know,and you can start to make
better decisions, and this isimportant as a business owner.
(49:01):
You know, not only just being aman, but being someone that
makes big, high-level decisionsevery day.
You got to be in your bestframe of mind, but to be that,
you got to be in your bestphysical frame as well, and so
there's a tight correlationbetween you.
Anyways, I felt like I had tosay that because I know that,
yeah, anyways, I wanted to saythat.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
That's fantastic and, you know, I was even thinking
you know what you should even dowith your branding like you can
actually get your own healthwatch based on your, your diet
and nutritional programming.
You know, I love this, theseideas and everything that you
bring into it, like how toreally optimize your life as a
man, in business and in yourlife and relationships as well,
and because you touched onsomething really important and,
(49:41):
guys, I hope that you'relistening because don't make a
decision when you are in acertain state where you don't
feel as strong, because ouremotional state determines what
we feel that we can deal with.
And sometimes we actually tryto push beyond that barrier.
Because one thing that I seewith men is a pattern is that,
even though they do feel tired,they actually see it as a
challenge.
They see it as a challenge thatneeds to be overcome.
(50:02):
I have a block, I'm going toexterminate that block, but
actually that's the body sayingno, I, I just need some downtime
.
And this is where the self-lovecomes in.
Men seem to think that self-loveis like no, that's too feminine
.
Well, sorry, you're 50 feminineand 50 masculine.
(50:22):
Your hormones decided that foryou, not you, your hormones, and
we have to sometimes allow thatsoftness just to come in a
little bit and to feel thatsense of nurturing from within.
It's an internal, no one has tosee it, it's no one's business,
it's an internal feeling.
Where you just go, you knowwhat I need to go to the sauna
(50:47):
today, I need to just go intothe cold pool and the hot pool
and sit in the sauna for justtwo hours and read my Kindle and
relax.
You know, this is somethingthat is beautiful for the vagus
nerve, because it calms down thevagus nerve and if the vagus
nerve is calmed down, theamygdala, your panic button,
your inner four-year-old startsto settle and it goes oh,
(51:09):
everything is okay.
Because ultimately and you knowthis as well all the body wants
and especially for men is tofeel safe.
Yeah, and people will go toextreme lengths to find that
place of safety.
And sometimes we associatemoney with safety, we associate
big cars, big houses with safety.
But safety is an internal state, because if you have that
internal state, your environmentcan be an afterton, tornado,
(51:32):
shit show, but you're not gonnacare because you have that inner
equilibrium, you have thatbalance within that's so well
said about it like spot on, spoton you inspired me to kind of
like you know, I listen to whatyou say and I try to bring the
dots together like what is itthat you're bringing together in
(51:53):
terms of the message as well?
because it's so powerful whatyou said and it's tremendously
important that I just try tobring the dots together Like
what is it that we're bringingtogether in terms of the message
as well?
Because it's so powerful whatyou said and it's tremendously
important that I just wanted tobring a little bit more of
emphasis on that, because thisis one of many amazing tips that
you shared today that shouldabsolutely not be missed and not
be skipped as well, and I knowthat you are a busy man because
you're wildly successful.
Speaker 2 (52:14):
No, I'm full, I'm full, I'm full.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
I'm full Back back back, back back Full.
So tell me, and before I letyou go, is there one piece of
advice or insight or even justword of motivation that you can
share with any guy that's outthere right now.
That's maybe just feeling Icall it like the blah state,
(52:39):
like you're just feeling a bitblah in your life, like just in
your business and maybe in yourrelationship, wherever it is.
You're just feeling a bit ofblah, like how can we-.
Languishing, I don't know ifyou heard that term languishing.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
But if you Google languishing, there's a great
article in New york times and,uh, it inspired me to write a
couple articles my side aboutthe term.
But it's exactly what you'resaying and I think a lot of us
have been feeling that way,where it's like, you know, on
paper everything looks great andmeanwhile we don't feel like
it's great, you know, and andthings aren't bad.
(53:10):
They're not great, but we'rejust like, yeah, you know.
And when you get to that placeand listen, I've been there,
okay, I've hung out there for awhile, all right, and it's not a
place I want to live, but I'vebeen there long enough to know I
don't want to go back or I'mgoing to be work on my
resiliency, naturally, that youknow, if I get there, I can
(53:32):
bounce back a lot more quickly,I can get back to where I am.
And for me, it was recognizingthat I needed to find a
community of others that wasexperiencing something similar,
but not only experiencingsomething similar, but were
actively looking to get awayfrom that, to get back to a
place where they feel moreconnected, more grounded, more
(53:53):
excited about life.
You know, and and that wasnecessary I needed that
community element, you know,because that's what allowed me,
on the tough days, to to, tohave somebody to talk to.
You know, a community toconnect with.
I'm a member of a number ofmen's groups and that's I use
that as a prime example.
(54:14):
It's just, it's wonderful toknow that there's this community
of unconditional understandingand connection.
You know where, where we canshare what's alive and real for
us but, at the same time, nothave any fear of being judged
for that, for being that openfor experiencing, for sharing
what we're experiencing, ourtruths, and yet having that
(54:35):
empathetic ear, that empatheticeye, that empathetic nod.
You know, even in our groups weuse hand gestures because we
don't want to interrupt people'sflow when they're talking or
sharing.
You know, hand over heart,right pound to the chest, simple
hands up if you're feeling.
You know I can relate to whatyou're saying.
I get you know like and justthat like when I'm sharing
(54:58):
something that's reallychallenging for me and my men's
group and I can see like a dozenother guys on the other side
touching their heart.
I know they're empathizing,they're connected with me,
they're saying, guy, it's okay,you're not alone.
Yeah, that, yeah, yeah, we havea bunch of them.
I, when I was living in bali.
I lived in bali for two and ahalf years.
(55:18):
We started a group therebecause I recognized I was
lacking that in my life.
I wanted other men that were ona similar wavelength, that
wanted similar things, butwanted to find the community
people.
Yeah, it's called mentorshipmondays, capital m-e-n men
mentorship mondays, because weusually do our meetings on mond
evenings, and uh so we, we havethem on zoom.
We have one in Europe, one inSoutheast Asia, uh, two in North
(55:40):
America, um so, and one in Bali, still, that meets in person,
um, but, uh, yeah, I, I love it.
It's all free.
There's no hidden agenda here.
It's just a way to bringlike-minded men together, to to
have that experience of whatit's like to be vulnerable with
another man, without him.
You know, feeling like that'sgonna be used against you.
You know, or or or.
You know to to realize thatvulnerability, being raw and
(56:03):
real, is actually a strength andnot a weakness.
You know, um, because I'll tellyou, my relationship with the
term vulnerability was verydifferent.
You know, I I saw it as aweakness.
I was like you don't bevulnerable, you don't cry in
front of people, you don't tellthem how you're feeling.
You know like wow, that stuff,no, you don't talk about that,
and jeez uh.
Speaker 1 (56:22):
Anyways, I digress, I'm going way off topic here,
but I think it's part of thesame conversation, anyways,
because what you just said there, basically, you know, is value
your health and your futureenough not to be distracted by
the bullshit.
But you know, really, that'sjust, that's really what I'm
(56:43):
hearing that you're saying thatcomes down to because I always
believe that every decision thatI make and I and I'm starting
this now for the past threemonths that every decision that
I make that I feel needs torequire me to be conscious,
aware of certain ramifications,I always think what can I do
right now, or how can I actright now that my future self
(57:06):
will be thankful for, and I'venoticed this has made a
tremendously big impact for me,like you said, not to get caught
up with the emotions, yes, toallow yourself.
Well, okay, this is how I'mfeeling.
And when we're in a state ofthat vulnerability that you just
so deeply touched on, emotionsbecome heightened, because then
(57:26):
a man, I find, especially, goesnow into that state of defense,
and that's where things can gowrong, because you're going to a
state of needing to protect andit's not bad intent, it's just
a need to protect.
But how I protect, sometimesthat's where we lose the control
, because it is a veryuncomfortable state to be in and
it's so powerful what youshared there with all of us here
(57:48):
.
Thank you so much for that.
So I know that you're wildlyfulfilled and you're busy and
you're doing fabulous, and I cansee it's night time there for
you.
Well, I think there's like a 10hour, 12 hour difference here
between us, because you're therein Canada, I'm here in Bali.
So I do want to thank you foryour love, your time, your
energy and everything you'repouring into men's lives and
their hearts, and also theirbusiness, their careers, their
(58:08):
health, because you're touchingpeople everywhere, even though
you don't even see it, andyou're a mover, a shaker, and
it's wonderful that we havepeople such as yourself who is
out there changing people'slives, because we need it right
now more than ever.
So thank you for everythingthat you do and thank you for
being here on the summit andjoining me as well and all the
other men that's going to bebenefiting from this.
(58:30):
Thank you so, so much, yvettethank you and listen.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
I want to acknowledge you too.
I thank you so so much, yvette.
Thank you and listen, I want toacknowledge you too.
I thank you for putting thistogether.
Thank you for you listening towhatever signs presenting
themselves in front of you forthis to happen.
Thank you for listening andmaking it happen, because these
conversations had I had accessto these 10-15 years whoa, I
(58:54):
just thinking about what I couldhave done, right, but hey, no
better time than now, asConfucius always says, what's
the best time to plant a tree?
Well, 20 years ago, right now.
So I feel very grateful andvery privileged and honored to
have been here today, to spendthis time with you and to be
part of the summits.
Thank you for for making ithappen and sharing this with us.
Speaker 1 (59:14):
Thank you so much.
And so, guys, there you have it, and I would highly recommend
that you watch this interviewagain a little bit later,
because you will see that you'regoing to be filtering and
taking in even more information,because we shared so much
greatness in here.
And have an amazing time andsee you next time.
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