August 5, 2025 • 37 mins
Are you doing everything right in your healing journey—but still feel stuck, shut down, or emotionally numb? In this breakthrough episode, Dr. Evette Rose reveals the hidden role of oxytocin, your body’s “safety and connection” chemical, and why unresolved trauma can block it from flowing—no matter how hard you’re trying to heal.
You’ll discover:
- Why healing efforts stall when oxytocin is low
- How early life trauma hardwires your nervous system to brace for danger
- The paradox of craving love, but fearing closeness
- Why vasopressin, not cortisol, may be keeping you stuck
- Gentle ways to rebuild safety and restore oxytocin naturally
This episode includes a soothing guided meditation to help you reconnect with the feeling of love, safety, and trust in your body—because you're not broken. You’re patterned. And those patterns can change.
🌿 Affirmation of the Day: “I am rebuilding safety from the inside out.”
With love
Dr. Evette Rose
Website: www.metaphysicalanatomy.com
Free Masterclasses: www.matmasterclass.com
Events: https://metaphysicalanatomy.com/event_s/
Books: https://metaphysicalanatomy.com/books-by-evette-rose/
Book a Session: https://metaphysicalanatomy.com/session/
References
Carter, C. S. (2014). Oxytocin pathways and the evolution of human behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 17–39. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115110
Champagne, F. A., & Meaney, M. J. (2007). Transgenerational effects of social environment on variations in maternal care and behavioral response to novelty. Behavioral Neuroscience, 121(6), 1353–1363. https://doi.org/10.1037/0735-7044.121.6.1353
Heim, C., & Nemeroff, C. B. (2001). The role of childhood trauma in the neurobiology of mood and anxiety disorders: Preclinical and clinical studies. Biological Psychiatry, 49(12), 1023–1039. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0006-3223(01)01157-X
Meyer-Lindenberg, A., Domes, G., Kirsch, P., & Heinrichs, M. (2011). Oxytocin and vasopressin in the human brain: Social neuropeptides for translational medicine. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 12(9), 524–538. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3044
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Uvnäs-Moberg, K., Handlin, L., Petersson, M., & Self, E. A. (2015). Oxytocin and cortisol: Social buffering of stress. Physiology & Behavior, 147, 164–175. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.physbeh.2014.11.039
Walker, S. C., & McGlone, F. P. (2013). The social brain: Neurobiological basis of affiliative behaviours and psychological well-being. Neuropeptides, 47(6), 379–393. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.npep.2013.10.008
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Heal Within, here with me, dr Yvette
Rose, trauma Therapist and alsoCreator of Metaphysical Anatomy
Technique, and this podcast isyour safe space to explore
emotional healing, nervoussystem repair and also deep
inner transformation.
And if you are ready to godeeper and you would like to be
(00:26):
supported in your journey, youcan also book a one-on-one
session with me or with any ofour MetaPsychology coaching
certified practitioners, or youcan join any of our upcoming
live healing events andworkshops or retreats at
metaphysicalanatomycom.
Now let's begin your journeyback to wholeness, one breath
(00:46):
and one breakthrough at a time.
When does healing stop working?
Why is it that healing justseems to find this plateau phase
?
Have you noticed that when youstart to, you know you're on
this healing roll and thingsstart shifting?
You start to see evidence thatyou know there's aspects that's
(01:08):
changing, but then there's otherparts that doesn't change and
some of you might be sittingthere wondering like what
changes are you talking about?
I haven't experienced anything.
I hear you loud and clear.
I also have been there myself.
You loud and clear.
I also have been there myself.
I'm going to share with youquite a few tips and
(01:29):
observations that I made withmyself.
You know along just my ownhealing journey.
I myself have also worked onmyself.
I mean, I'm not sitting herepreaching to the choir.
I'm not above pain, I'm notabove getting angry or upset.
I'm human, just like you.
But there are some things thatI have learned that I would love
to share with you and hopingthat this can also help you to
perhaps to start to turn aroundcertain areas where you might
(01:53):
feel stuck in your life,especially when it comes to
trying to create a change inyour life where you know you
feel stuck, you feel stagnantand even there's maybe a part of
you that feels so ready forthat change, like you're ready
to seize the moment, but it'slike the opportunity to create
that healing is just notarriving, it's just not coming
in.
And if that's, you hold ontight, because we are going to
(02:17):
touch on some really importantpoints that I would like to
share with you.
What I've seen after workingwith, I mean, many of you
probably know my history, youknow the author, the many books
that I've authored, but mostimportantly the one that I
authored, metaphysical Anatomy,volume 1, which is that big book
of 722 medical ailments wherelet me just show you, it's in
(02:40):
this one.
So if you're on video here withme, you can see it.
This one, right.
So this is what peoplebasically know me for, the lady
with the big book.
So when I was writing this book, I worked with over 7,000
(03:01):
clients and let me tell you, Ilearned a lot, and one of the
big key reasons that I observedin people either healing and
then stopping, or people justnot shifting at all, is that
they never addressed theirrelationship with change.
You see, change is the verything that we need to embrace it
(03:22):
if we're going to heal.
Right, because when you startto heal, things are going to
change.
It's going to change.
Change is inevitable.
You can't heal and not havechange take place.
And when we start to look at itfrom this angle, people start
(03:43):
to realize, wow, it's nothealing that I have a problem
with, it's how I need to getthere.
That's challenging me.
You see, when we have anegative association with the
very thing that we need toembrace in order to change, in
order to heal, you're going tohit that.
(04:06):
You're going to hit that doorand that door is going to be
locked, right.
So what I had to learn was whatis my association with change?
You see, we are creatures ofhabit.
We like things to becomfortable.
We don't really want to moveoutside of our comfort zone, but
(04:27):
we can be in that comfort zoneand heal at the same time.
But we also don't have to feellike we're being thrown out of
our comfort zone while we healright.
So that's the art of real, true, graceful healing.
It doesn't have to be traumatic, it doesn't have to be
stressful, it doesn't have tomake you it doesn't have to be
stressful, it doesn't have tomake you feel like your life is
(04:47):
being flipped upside down.
That's not healing to me.
That's a healing crisis, and,of course, that is something
that we would like to avoid.
And the way to avoid that is tomake sure that the path that
you take towards the end goalthat you envision for yourself,
that you choose to have, whichis the healing that needs to
(05:08):
align with where you are at.
And it's very important thatcertain elements are taken into
consideration, number one beingwhat is your relationship with
change?
Forget about what you want toheal, push that aside.
Forget about that, becausethere is not going to happen,
(05:29):
it's not going to shift, it'sgoing to budge Nothing.
What prior association do youhave with change.
What happened in the past,maybe, when something changed or
you tried to create change?
Was it easy?
Was it graceful?
(05:51):
Did you have support, or didthings spiral?
Did you feel unsafe?
Was it maybe even traumatic?
You see, for me, I had verynegative associations with
change.
Change was tough.
I would fight change until thevery bitter end, as far as I
(06:14):
could, because change for memeant that I'm not in control of
my circumstances.
It meant that someone else isin charge of me or my quality of
life, and change just had avery it just left a very bitter
taste in my mouth.
So for me to really truly healto the depth of where I wanted
(06:36):
to go, I had to heal my traumaand stress associated with
change.
Once you address that now,things are going to start to
feel more comfortable.
This is when we start to.
(06:57):
Then we can move on to the nextstep.
So, step number one what isyour relationship with change?
Step two, a million dollarquestion that I ask a lot of
people what in your life willchange that you're not ready to
(07:19):
change?
If you healed today?
If you healed today, you see,there's something else in the
conscious or in the subconsciousmind that is holding a person
back from creating real, truechange Example.
This is just an example.
Let's say you want to work onyour boundaries All right, maybe
(07:40):
you have poor boundaries.
You're a people pleaser Okay,great.
So let's look at the painpoints of healing what could be
the core roots of why you havepoor boundaries?
And healing the roots might notbe the issue.
It's what will happen once thathealing has taken place.
(08:02):
What's going to happen?
New boundaries.
Suddenly, you're going to stopaccepting what you used to
accept in the past and peoplewho were used to you having poor
boundaries are now going to go.
Wait.
What Did you just say no to me?
No, you did not.
Did you just say no to me?
(08:23):
It's the reactions, it's ourenvironment and it's how our
environment used to regulate usthat gets disrupted, because
when you change how you anchorinto your environment, how it
regulates you is not going toregulate you anymore, and this
(08:46):
is what the nervous system picksup and it fears that, even
though, logically, we realizewhat we want is going to be
positive.
Of course it's going to begreat to have good boundaries
and finally say no to someonewho's just been outrightly
taking advantage of you.
That would be fantastic.
(09:07):
But your nervous system issaying no, and that's because
we've made certain associationswith people and our environment.
So if you have someone in yourlife who they're used to you not
having strong boundaries, andthere's a part of you that also
(09:30):
anchored your safety or yourhappiness in that person's
presence, and them being happyhas become your happiness, well,
now we have a really bigproblem Because if you say no,
their tone is going to changeand they will not be happy
anymore, which is going todisrupt and dysregulate your
(09:53):
happiness.
And what do we do?
We try to regulate ourselves tofit in with them so that they
can be happy, so that we canfinally feel happy.
And right there, right there isthe sabotage.
It's a very deep, hidden,subconscious fear, so strong
(10:18):
that it can actually stop yourbody dead in its tracks from
healing your body dead in itstracks from healing.
So you see, healing is not justabout diving into and releasing
a trauma.
There really truly is an art toit.
Some people's healing journeysthey're straightforward because
maybe they don't have thesedifferent anchoring points in
(10:40):
people or the environment.
And when that happens,absolutely, healing can be fast,
healing can be graceful, it canbe instant.
But if we have these differentcords in different directions,
with different circumstances,with different people, and
there's an emotional attachmentto it or a safety mechanism to
(11:03):
that.
That's where it can get andfeel a little bit more
challenging.
So it really begs this bigquestion and write it down if
you want, what will change thatyou are not ready to change?
If you healed whatever it isthat you want to heal, if you
healed that today, whatever itis that you want to heal, if you
(11:28):
heal that today.
This was another key, pivotalmoment in my life and in many
other of my clients' life, manyother students as well.
Let me tell you that this is apowerful question.
Forget about what you want toheal in the first place.
If there's an answer to thisquestion, then that also needs
(11:48):
to be addressed.
That's really important.
Take away whatever the nervoussystem and the subconscious mind
is worried about or you have anegative association to, but
somehow it gives us a falseperception of safety because of
familiarity, and thatfamiliarity becomes part of our
(12:09):
lifestyle.
You see, this is very, veryimportant.
When we address this, it has anincredible powerful impact on
people.
Thirdly, what I also learnedthat's really important is that
(12:31):
the method or the therapy, orwhether it's yoga or sound
healing.
It doesn't matter what it isthat you choose.
It needs to resonate with you,it needs to feel right.
That's why I love the fact thatthere's so many other therapies
out there.
It's good, because thesetherapies can help meet people
(12:52):
where they are at in their life.
This is not a one-shoe-fits-alltype of situation at all, so
it's important that the methodthat you pick to support you
aligns with what you reallytruly need.
Now here's the thing what'sgoing to take you fastest, the
(13:15):
deepest, is not alwaysnecessarily going to be what you
need, and your body can maybefeel that and it can push back.
Don't see your body pushingback as a failure or that you're
stubborn because you're not.
It just means that your body isasking you to look at maybe
(13:35):
another nitty-gritty littlespeed bump that it would like
you to address so that thehealing process can be gentle.
That's really important.
And the fourth step that Iwould love to share with you
there's five, so this is thefourth.
(13:56):
When you work with apractitioner, it's important
that you pick a practitioner.
That's not part of the problem.
When I say that, I mean if you,for example, experience neglect
or abuse from your mother andyour therapist is a woman, is it
(14:16):
possible that you might feeluncomfortable with that
therapist because she representsa mother figure?
Now, a lot of people do nothave a problem with this.
There's no problem at all.
However, for some people itcould be a challenge.
So be mindful if you perhapshave a sensitivity to that.
(14:37):
So ask yourself the questionwould I feel more comfortable
with a male or female?
It's very important that youestablish the kind of therapist
that you need, and especiallyone that you will feel safe with
.
All right, because even anytherapist, of course, goes in
(14:58):
there with the utmost bestintentions to help you.
But if there's subconsciousfear and the nervous system is
firing off all these warningsignals and you're trying to
find yourself moving into ahealing environment, you can see
the conflict.
Right, there's going to beconflict.
So let's take out the conflictso that the body can feel safe
(15:21):
and regulate.
That's another step to look at.
And step five did you know thatwe actually also heal faster
when oxytocin is present?
Remember, this is the bondinghappy, love hormone that the
body releases when we feel safein our interactions with another
(15:43):
person, you see.
So all these interactions canactually serve as a very
positive, foundational layer foryou to heal.
Now, what is oxytocin and whydoes it matter?
You see, oxytocin is actuallycalled the love hormone, or also
the bonding molecule.
Now, but here, what most peopleright, what most people don't
(16:07):
realize, is that it's not justabout love, it's about safety,
why You're not going to receiveor take in love if you don't
feel safe.
So oxytocin plays a centralrole in how your nervous system
(16:27):
shifts out of survival mode andit's the hormone that lets your
body know it's safe to relax,it's safe to relax, it's safe to
connect and, most importantlyof all, it's safe to heal.
So when oxytocin is flowing,you're going to feel emotionally
open, calm and grounded,connected to others and
(16:55):
regulated in your stressresponses.
But when oxytocin is low,especially due to maybe let's
say, you know early trauma,emotional neglect, your body
might not know how to let thathealing happen.
Instead of healing, it keepsbracing, bracing for the next
threat, staying small, stayingguarded, staying hyper alert.
(17:18):
Now where it all begins isduring our childhood wiring.
You see, your oxytocin system.
It doesn't just turn on inadulthood, it's actually built
during your earliest years andif you, for example, were held,
nurtured and emotionallysupported.
(17:39):
As a child, your body learnedthat connection is safe, I can
trust.
But if you grew up with, say,emotional neglect, unpredictable
or inconsistent caregivinglet's say also abuse or trauma,
or maybe a household where lovefelt unsafe or very conditional,
(18:02):
then your body learned theopposite Connection is risky,
vulnerability is dangerous.
And what does the nervoussystem do when it senses danger?
System do?
When it senses danger?
We know that it shuts down.
It shuts down the very systemthat's actually designed to help
(18:24):
you bond, trust and relax.
So if you struggle withemotional intimacy, trusting
others or feeling safe, even ingood relationships, this might
be why you see your body adaptedto survive, but now it needs
help learning how to thrive.
(18:44):
So let's dive into why isoxytocin critical for healing?
You see, oxytocin is producedin the hypothalamus.
It's a very, very powerfulcommand center in your brain
that also manages yourparasympathetic nervous system,
and this nervous system controlsrest, digestion, immune repair
(19:08):
and also emotional regulation.
Now it's the system that youneed for trauma healing to occur
.
So when oxytocin is flowing,inflammation drops, your tissues
start to repair and you feelmore connected to others, and
(19:30):
cortisol, your stress hormone itdrops.
Vasopressin, which is ahypervigilance hormone, lowers.
But when trauma now disruptsyour oxytocin cycles and your
system, your body doesn't shiftinto repair mode, it gets stuck
in protection.
And that's when thatvasopressin takes over, keeping
(19:54):
you on guard.
You know vasopressin takes over.
Keeping you on guard, you know,tight and also closed off and
biologically also resistantalmost to how can I say?
You're almost resistant to loveor ease.
It's almost like you justcannot relax.
Have you noticed maybe?
You're sitting outside, you'rein the park, you're in an
incredible vacation, you knowretreat, and you just can't
(20:17):
relax.
You feel like if I can put afunny pun on it, you feel like
you have ants in your pants.
It's like you're cancer.
Still, I have been there and bythe time you're done with the
holiday and you go back home,only then you start to relax.
It took you the entire holidayto just wind down.
That's an excellent example ofthat wind down.
(20:42):
That's an excellent example ofthat.
So low oxytocin, like I said, isgoing to come in different
waves and forms.
You know, for some people itcan be difficult trusting,
feeling unsafe when, even whennothing is wrong, like
everything is going right.
It's almost like the morethings are going right, the more
you feel unsafe.
It's like things are a littlebit too calm.
Where's the chaos?
I know how to regulate myselfin chaos, but not with this
(21:03):
calmness.
This doesn't feel good.
It's all familiar, isn't it?
And here's the big, the bigpoint that I would like to make,
or at least a few of them thatI have been trying to make today
.
And here's the big one youconfuse familiar with safety.
(21:24):
So, even when a situation isgenerally safe and loving, your
body doesn't believe it.
You might self-sabotage, youmight pull away, you might
dissociate, not because youdon't want to heal, but because
your nervous system is stillprotecting you from something
you used to experience asdangerous.
And where have we arrived then?
(21:47):
The shutdown cycle, you see.
So when oxytocin is low andvasopressin is high, there's
some specific patterns that'sgoing to emerge.
You stay in constant alertness,your emotions feel rigid and
numb, you dissociate, you feelsafe when you're in control, but
(22:10):
connection feels threatening.
You see, this is the paradox,and the very thing that you need
to heal is love, support,connection.
It actually feels toovulnerable to let it in.
So your body keeps small, itkeeps you protected and
unfortunately, it also keeps youstuck.
We don't heal, we don't shift.
(22:33):
Now, how do we rebuild oxytocin.
So we're going to mention somesteps here for you, but we're
also going to do a healingmeditation on this, so stay with
me.
So some ways that we can startto rebuild oxytocin in a really
nice, natural way is when westart to nurture safe and loving
(22:54):
connections, and that meansspend time with people who feel
emotionally safe.
Even small positiveinteractions a warm smile, eye
contact, shared laughter allthis can stimulate oxytocin.
And also gentle, consistenttouch.
That can be a nice hug, it canbe a hand on your heart, it can
(23:18):
give someone giving someone acuddle, or someone gives you a
cuddle.
You can get, for example, arelaxing massage.
You see the nervous system.
It responds to safe, slow,carrying touch.
Also somatic healing practices,for example trauma-informed
(23:38):
breath work, yoga, vagus, nervetoning, humming, cold plunges
all this can help to calm thebody and to create conditions
for oxytocin to start to rise.
Sound therapy is another greatone that I personally love and
another really good one, believeit or not, learn to receive.
(24:01):
If you receive love and itfeels unsafe, start small.
Let someone help you, letsomeone compliment you without
brushing it off.
Let your body experience theconnection.
It's safe again.
Receive that compliment.
(24:22):
And so I just want to remind youif you have been doing all the
things and still feel stuck, andif you feel like your healing
is stalled or exhausting, itmight not be your effort that's
the problem.
It might just be your biologyasking for safety first, safety
(24:48):
in a different way, because yournervous system is not going to
regulate itself if it doesn'tfeel safe.
So let your healing berelational, let your healing be
somatic, Let your healing begentle, because your body's not
broken, it's patterned, andthose patterns can absolutely
(25:10):
change Absolutely.
So now I would love to talk youthrough a healing meditation
where we're going to start toawaken oxytocin and rebuilding
safety.
And when you are ready, you cansit down or you can lie down,
(25:32):
whichever your position you feelmost comfortable with.
And let's start by taking a nicedeep breath and now just
(25:54):
finding yourself focusing onyour breath.
Just notice as you're inhalingand exhaling, and exhaling
Invite you now as you'renoticing your breath.
(26:16):
So let your shoulders just openyour mouth just a little bit,
dropping your jaw, and notice asyou do how your thoughts also
just start to quiet down andalso let your heart soften.
This is your time.
(26:38):
And also let your heart soften.
This is your time.
There's nothing to fix, nothingto force, only space, space to
(27:01):
feel, space to be and space togently.
Return to yourself and nowbring your awareness to the
(27:21):
center of your chest, your heartspace, and imagine now a soft,
warm light, and that light isgently glowing in that area,
(27:45):
almost like a candle with aflame and this light represents
your body's ability to love, totrust and to also receive.
(28:11):
Also receive, even if it's beenburied for some time.
Take another slow, deep breath,inhale and imagine that warm
light expanding, filling yourchest, your ribs, your back.
And now exhale and, as you do,let's call in the energy of
(28:39):
safety.
You might say silently or outloud I'm willing to feel safe in
my body, I'm willing to softenmy guard.
(29:07):
I'm open to receive love, onebreath at a time.
Feel the shift, even if it'ssubtle.
Your body might resist, andthat's okay.
(29:28):
Shift, focus to that resistanceand let that warm light flow
over that resistance, soothing.
Remember that this is not aboutforcing.
(29:57):
It's actually about inviting,and invite now a person to step
into the room that helps you tofeel safe.
(30:19):
And if you have troubleconnecting to someone, you can
always call in your future wiserself.
Or if you believe in a religion, it can be God, it can be an
angel, it can be a saint,whatever you feel most
comfortable with.
And this person, this presence,this being, represents pure,
(30:49):
unconditional love.
And notice how they take yourhand and say to you you are not
(31:15):
alone, you are safe now and wewill stay with you as long as
you need.
I invite you to really allowtheir presence to be there with
(31:46):
you.
Let their presence regulate youand remember this is happening
on your terms and that you arein control, and that you are in
control, yet your body almost islean on the safety that they
provide, being yourcompassionate witness and safety
(32:22):
person and presence.
Let your nervous system rememberwhat it feels like not to be
alone and I invite you to useyour imagination to imagine that
(32:46):
the oxytocin hormone is beingreleased from your brain almost
like a river, flowing throughyour body and give it a color as
well, and feeling your wholebody just feeling lit up and
soaking up this powerful hormone, feeling almost love-bombed,
(33:07):
allowing it to flow throughevery single cell in your body.
It's flowing all the way downfrom your head, your shoulders,
your arms, your chest, yourstomach, your legs, through your
(33:31):
nervous system as well, andnotice how this light is
communicating to your nervoussystem, telling it it's safe to
let go now.
You might feel warmth, maybetingles, or just more quiet,
(33:59):
more calm and expanded withinyourself.
Wherever it is that you'refinding yourself.
Whatever rises, let it movethrough, and I invite you now to
repeat these healingaffirmations after me, or you
(34:22):
can just listen to my voice.
I allow myself to receive love.
It is safe to trust again in away that makes me feel
comfortable.
My body remembers how to heal.
(34:48):
I am rebuilding safety from theinside out.
I am no longer broken.
I am becoming whole whole andbreathing that in.
(35:19):
Now let it land and, as it does, gently and slowly begin to
turn to your physical space,bringing that feeling of safety
(35:41):
and groundedness back into thehere and now, with you feeling
your body fully supported by thesurface beneath you.
You can put one hand gentlyover your heart and the other
(36:10):
hand gently over your stomach.
Take a final breath when youfeel ready, gently, open your
eyes, gently, come back.
Well done, very well done,welcome back.
(36:33):
Well done, very well done,welcome back.
And remember, if this episodetouched you, then please also
share it, perhaps with someonewho's also on their healing
journey.
And, as always, breathe deep,listen within and stay gently
curious.
And today's affirmation is I amgently rebuilding safety from
(36:58):
the inside out.
Thank you so much for your love, your time and your energy.
Thank you for being here and Ilook forward to seeing you in
the next episode and, until then, be the light that you are.
Bye everyone.
Welcome to Heal Within, here with me, dr Yvette
Rose, trauma Therapist and alsoCreator of Metaphysical Anatomy
Technique, and this podcast isyour safe space to explore
emotional healing, nervoussystem repair and also deep
inner transformation.
And if you are ready to godeeper and you would like to be
(00:26):
supported in your journey, youcan also book a one-on-one
session with me or with any ofour MetaPsychology coaching
certified practitioners, or youcan join any of our upcoming
live healing events andworkshops or retreats at
metaphysicalanatomycom.
Now let's begin your journeyback to wholeness, one breath
(00:46):
and one breakthrough at a time.
When does healing stop working?
Why is it that healing justseems to find this plateau phase
?
Have you noticed that when youstart to, you know you're on
this healing roll and thingsstart shifting?
You start to see evidence thatyou know there's aspects that's
(01:08):
changing, but then there's otherparts that doesn't change and
some of you might be sittingthere wondering like what
changes are you talking about?
I haven't experienced anything.
I hear you loud and clear.
I also have been there myself.
You loud and clear.
I also have been there myself.
I'm going to share with youquite a few tips and
(01:29):
observations that I made withmyself.
You know along just my ownhealing journey.
I myself have also worked onmyself.
I mean, I'm not sitting herepreaching to the choir.
I'm not above pain, I'm notabove getting angry or upset.
I'm human, just like you.
But there are some things thatI have learned that I would love
to share with you and hopingthat this can also help you to
perhaps to start to turn aroundcertain areas where you might
(01:53):
feel stuck in your life,especially when it comes to
trying to create a change inyour life where you know you
feel stuck, you feel stagnantand even there's maybe a part of
you that feels so ready forthat change, like you're ready
to seize the moment, but it'slike the opportunity to create
that healing is just notarriving, it's just not coming
in.
And if that's, you hold ontight, because we are going to
(02:17):
touch on some really importantpoints that I would like to
share with you.
What I've seen after workingwith, I mean, many of you
probably know my history, youknow the author, the many books
that I've authored, but mostimportantly the one that I
authored, metaphysical Anatomy,volume 1, which is that big book
of 722 medical ailments wherelet me just show you, it's in
(02:40):
this one.
So if you're on video here withme, you can see it.
This one, right.
So this is what peoplebasically know me for, the lady
with the big book.
So when I was writing this book, I worked with over 7,000
(03:01):
clients and let me tell you, Ilearned a lot, and one of the
big key reasons that I observedin people either healing and
then stopping, or people justnot shifting at all, is that
they never addressed theirrelationship with change.
You see, change is the verything that we need to embrace it
(03:22):
if we're going to heal.
Right, because when you startto heal, things are going to
change.
It's going to change.
Change is inevitable.
You can't heal and not havechange take place.
And when we start to look at itfrom this angle, people start
(03:43):
to realize, wow, it's nothealing that I have a problem
with, it's how I need to getthere.
That's challenging me.
You see, when we have anegative association with the
very thing that we need toembrace in order to change, in
order to heal, you're going tohit that.
(04:06):
You're going to hit that doorand that door is going to be
locked, right.
So what I had to learn was whatis my association with change?
You see, we are creatures ofhabit.
We like things to becomfortable.
We don't really want to moveoutside of our comfort zone, but
(04:27):
we can be in that comfort zoneand heal at the same time.
But we also don't have to feellike we're being thrown out of
our comfort zone while we healright.
So that's the art of real, true, graceful healing.
It doesn't have to be traumatic, it doesn't have to be
stressful, it doesn't have tomake you it doesn't have to be
stressful, it doesn't have tomake you feel like your life is
(04:47):
being flipped upside down.
That's not healing to me.
That's a healing crisis, and,of course, that is something
that we would like to avoid.
And the way to avoid that is tomake sure that the path that
you take towards the end goalthat you envision for yourself,
that you choose to have, whichis the healing that needs to
(05:08):
align with where you are at.
And it's very important thatcertain elements are taken into
consideration, number one beingwhat is your relationship with
change?
Forget about what you want toheal, push that aside.
Forget about that, becausethere is not going to happen,
(05:29):
it's not going to shift, it'sgoing to budge Nothing.
What prior association do youhave with change.
What happened in the past,maybe, when something changed or
you tried to create change?
Was it easy?
Was it graceful?
(05:51):
Did you have support, or didthings spiral?
Did you feel unsafe?
Was it maybe even traumatic?
You see, for me, I had verynegative associations with
change.
Change was tough.
I would fight change until thevery bitter end, as far as I
(06:14):
could, because change for memeant that I'm not in control of
my circumstances.
It meant that someone else isin charge of me or my quality of
life, and change just had avery it just left a very bitter
taste in my mouth.
So for me to really truly healto the depth of where I wanted
(06:36):
to go, I had to heal my traumaand stress associated with
change.
Once you address that now,things are going to start to
feel more comfortable.
This is when we start to.
(06:57):
Then we can move on to the nextstep.
So, step number one what isyour relationship with change?
Step two, a million dollarquestion that I ask a lot of
people what in your life willchange that you're not ready to
(07:19):
change?
If you healed today?
If you healed today, you see,there's something else in the
conscious or in the subconsciousmind that is holding a person
back from creating real, truechange Example.
This is just an example.
Let's say you want to work onyour boundaries All right, maybe
(07:40):
you have poor boundaries.
You're a people pleaser Okay,great.
So let's look at the painpoints of healing what could be
the core roots of why you havepoor boundaries?
And healing the roots might notbe the issue.
It's what will happen once thathealing has taken place.
(08:02):
What's going to happen?
New boundaries.
Suddenly, you're going to stopaccepting what you used to
accept in the past and peoplewho were used to you having poor
boundaries are now going to go.
Wait.
What Did you just say no to me?
No, you did not.
Did you just say no to me?
(08:23):
It's the reactions, it's ourenvironment and it's how our
environment used to regulate usthat gets disrupted, because
when you change how you anchorinto your environment, how it
regulates you is not going toregulate you anymore, and this
(08:46):
is what the nervous system picksup and it fears that, even
though, logically, we realizewhat we want is going to be
positive.
Of course it's going to begreat to have good boundaries
and finally say no to someonewho's just been outrightly
taking advantage of you.
That would be fantastic.
(09:07):
But your nervous system issaying no, and that's because
we've made certain associationswith people and our environment.
So if you have someone in yourlife who they're used to you not
having strong boundaries, andthere's a part of you that also
(09:30):
anchored your safety or yourhappiness in that person's
presence, and them being happyhas become your happiness, well,
now we have a really bigproblem Because if you say no,
their tone is going to changeand they will not be happy
anymore, which is going todisrupt and dysregulate your
(09:53):
happiness.
And what do we do?
We try to regulate ourselves tofit in with them so that they
can be happy, so that we canfinally feel happy.
And right there, right there isthe sabotage.
It's a very deep, hidden,subconscious fear, so strong
(10:18):
that it can actually stop yourbody dead in its tracks from
healing your body dead in itstracks from healing.
So you see, healing is not justabout diving into and releasing
a trauma.
There really truly is an art toit.
Some people's healing journeysthey're straightforward because
maybe they don't have thesedifferent anchoring points in
(10:40):
people or the environment.
And when that happens,absolutely, healing can be fast,
healing can be graceful, it canbe instant.
But if we have these differentcords in different directions,
with different circumstances,with different people, and
there's an emotional attachmentto it or a safety mechanism to
(11:03):
that.
That's where it can get andfeel a little bit more
challenging.
So it really begs this bigquestion and write it down if
you want, what will change thatyou are not ready to change?
If you healed whatever it isthat you want to heal, if you
healed that today, whatever itis that you want to heal, if you
(11:28):
heal that today.
This was another key, pivotalmoment in my life and in many
other of my clients' life, manyother students as well.
Let me tell you that this is apowerful question.
Forget about what you want toheal in the first place.
If there's an answer to thisquestion, then that also needs
(11:48):
to be addressed.
That's really important.
Take away whatever the nervoussystem and the subconscious mind
is worried about or you have anegative association to, but
somehow it gives us a falseperception of safety because of
familiarity, and thatfamiliarity becomes part of our
(12:09):
lifestyle.
You see, this is very, veryimportant.
When we address this, it has anincredible powerful impact on
people.
Thirdly, what I also learnedthat's really important is that
(12:31):
the method or the therapy, orwhether it's yoga or sound
healing.
It doesn't matter what it isthat you choose.
It needs to resonate with you,it needs to feel right.
That's why I love the fact thatthere's so many other therapies
out there.
It's good, because thesetherapies can help meet people
(12:52):
where they are at in their life.
This is not a one-shoe-fits-alltype of situation at all, so
it's important that the methodthat you pick to support you
aligns with what you reallytruly need.
Now here's the thing what'sgoing to take you fastest, the
(13:15):
deepest, is not alwaysnecessarily going to be what you
need, and your body can maybefeel that and it can push back.
Don't see your body pushingback as a failure or that you're
stubborn because you're not.
It just means that your body isasking you to look at maybe
(13:35):
another nitty-gritty littlespeed bump that it would like
you to address so that thehealing process can be gentle.
That's really important.
And the fourth step that Iwould love to share with you
there's five, so this is thefourth.
(13:56):
When you work with apractitioner, it's important
that you pick a practitioner.
That's not part of the problem.
When I say that, I mean if you,for example, experience neglect
or abuse from your mother andyour therapist is a woman, is it
(14:16):
possible that you might feeluncomfortable with that
therapist because she representsa mother figure?
Now, a lot of people do nothave a problem with this.
There's no problem at all.
However, for some people itcould be a challenge.
So be mindful if you perhapshave a sensitivity to that.
(14:37):
So ask yourself the questionwould I feel more comfortable
with a male or female?
It's very important that youestablish the kind of therapist
that you need, and especiallyone that you will feel safe with
.
All right, because even anytherapist, of course, goes in
(14:58):
there with the utmost bestintentions to help you.
But if there's subconsciousfear and the nervous system is
firing off all these warningsignals and you're trying to
find yourself moving into ahealing environment, you can see
the conflict.
Right, there's going to beconflict.
So let's take out the conflictso that the body can feel safe
(15:21):
and regulate.
That's another step to look at.
And step five did you know thatwe actually also heal faster
when oxytocin is present?
Remember, this is the bondinghappy, love hormone that the
body releases when we feel safein our interactions with another
(15:43):
person, you see.
So all these interactions canactually serve as a very
positive, foundational layer foryou to heal.
Now, what is oxytocin and whydoes it matter?
You see, oxytocin is actuallycalled the love hormone, or also
the bonding molecule.
Now, but here, what most peopleright, what most people don't
(16:07):
realize, is that it's not justabout love, it's about safety,
why You're not going to receiveor take in love if you don't
feel safe.
So oxytocin plays a centralrole in how your nervous system
(16:27):
shifts out of survival mode andit's the hormone that lets your
body know it's safe to relax,it's safe to relax, it's safe to
connect and, most importantlyof all, it's safe to heal.
So when oxytocin is flowing,you're going to feel emotionally
open, calm and grounded,connected to others and
(16:55):
regulated in your stressresponses.
But when oxytocin is low,especially due to maybe let's
say, you know early trauma,emotional neglect, your body
might not know how to let thathealing happen.
Instead of healing, it keepsbracing, bracing for the next
threat, staying small, stayingguarded, staying hyper alert.
(17:18):
Now where it all begins isduring our childhood wiring.
You see, your oxytocin system.
It doesn't just turn on inadulthood, it's actually built
during your earliest years andif you, for example, were held,
nurtured and emotionallysupported.
(17:39):
As a child, your body learnedthat connection is safe, I can
trust.
But if you grew up with, say,emotional neglect, unpredictable
or inconsistent caregivinglet's say also abuse or trauma,
or maybe a household where lovefelt unsafe or very conditional,
(18:02):
then your body learned theopposite Connection is risky,
vulnerability is dangerous.
And what does the nervoussystem do when it senses danger?
System do?
When it senses danger?
We know that it shuts down.
It shuts down the very systemthat's actually designed to help
(18:24):
you bond, trust and relax.
So if you struggle withemotional intimacy, trusting
others or feeling safe, even ingood relationships, this might
be why you see your body adaptedto survive, but now it needs
help learning how to thrive.
(18:44):
So let's dive into why isoxytocin critical for healing?
You see, oxytocin is producedin the hypothalamus.
It's a very, very powerfulcommand center in your brain
that also manages yourparasympathetic nervous system,
and this nervous system controlsrest, digestion, immune repair
(19:08):
and also emotional regulation.
Now it's the system that youneed for trauma healing to occur
.
So when oxytocin is flowing,inflammation drops, your tissues
start to repair and you feelmore connected to others, and
(19:30):
cortisol, your stress hormone itdrops.
Vasopressin, which is ahypervigilance hormone, lowers.
But when trauma now disruptsyour oxytocin cycles and your
system, your body doesn't shiftinto repair mode, it gets stuck
in protection.
And that's when thatvasopressin takes over, keeping
(19:54):
you on guard.
You know vasopressin takes over.
Keeping you on guard, you know,tight and also closed off and
biologically also resistantalmost to how can I say?
You're almost resistant to loveor ease.
It's almost like you justcannot relax.
Have you noticed maybe?
You're sitting outside, you'rein the park, you're in an
incredible vacation, you knowretreat, and you just can't
(20:17):
relax.
You feel like if I can put afunny pun on it, you feel like
you have ants in your pants.
It's like you're cancer.
Still, I have been there and bythe time you're done with the
holiday and you go back home,only then you start to relax.
It took you the entire holidayto just wind down.
That's an excellent example ofthat wind down.
(20:42):
That's an excellent example ofthat.
So low oxytocin, like I said, isgoing to come in different
waves and forms.
You know, for some people itcan be difficult trusting,
feeling unsafe when, even whennothing is wrong, like
everything is going right.
It's almost like the morethings are going right, the more
you feel unsafe.
It's like things are a littlebit too calm.
Where's the chaos?
I know how to regulate myselfin chaos, but not with this
(21:03):
calmness.
This doesn't feel good.
It's all familiar, isn't it?
And here's the big, the bigpoint that I would like to make,
or at least a few of them thatI have been trying to make today
.
And here's the big one youconfuse familiar with safety.
(21:24):
So, even when a situation isgenerally safe and loving, your
body doesn't believe it.
You might self-sabotage, youmight pull away, you might
dissociate, not because youdon't want to heal, but because
your nervous system is stillprotecting you from something
you used to experience asdangerous.
And where have we arrived then?
(21:47):
The shutdown cycle, you see.
So when oxytocin is low andvasopressin is high, there's
some specific patterns that'sgoing to emerge.
You stay in constant alertness,your emotions feel rigid and
numb, you dissociate, you feelsafe when you're in control, but
(22:10):
connection feels threatening.
You see, this is the paradox,and the very thing that you need
to heal is love, support,connection.
It actually feels toovulnerable to let it in.
So your body keeps small, itkeeps you protected and
unfortunately, it also keeps youstuck.
We don't heal, we don't shift.
(22:33):
Now, how do we rebuild oxytocin.
So we're going to mention somesteps here for you, but we're
also going to do a healingmeditation on this, so stay with
me.
So some ways that we can startto rebuild oxytocin in a really
nice, natural way is when westart to nurture safe and loving
(22:54):
connections, and that meansspend time with people who feel
emotionally safe.
Even small positiveinteractions a warm smile, eye
contact, shared laughter allthis can stimulate oxytocin.
And also gentle, consistenttouch.
That can be a nice hug, it canbe a hand on your heart, it can
(23:18):
give someone giving someone acuddle, or someone gives you a
cuddle.
You can get, for example, arelaxing massage.
You see the nervous system.
It responds to safe, slow,carrying touch.
Also somatic healing practices,for example trauma-informed
(23:38):
breath work, yoga, vagus, nervetoning, humming, cold plunges
all this can help to calm thebody and to create conditions
for oxytocin to start to rise.
Sound therapy is another greatone that I personally love and
another really good one, believeit or not, learn to receive.
(24:01):
If you receive love and itfeels unsafe, start small.
Let someone help you, letsomeone compliment you without
brushing it off.
Let your body experience theconnection.
It's safe again.
Receive that compliment.
(24:22):
And so I just want to remind youif you have been doing all the
things and still feel stuck, andif you feel like your healing
is stalled or exhausting, itmight not be your effort that's
the problem.
It might just be your biologyasking for safety first, safety
(24:48):
in a different way, because yournervous system is not going to
regulate itself if it doesn'tfeel safe.
So let your healing berelational, let your healing be
somatic, Let your healing begentle, because your body's not
broken, it's patterned, andthose patterns can absolutely
(25:10):
change Absolutely.
So now I would love to talk youthrough a healing meditation
where we're going to start toawaken oxytocin and rebuilding
safety.
And when you are ready, you cansit down or you can lie down,
(25:32):
whichever your position you feelmost comfortable with.
And let's start by taking a nicedeep breath and now just
(25:54):
finding yourself focusing onyour breath.
Just notice as you're inhalingand exhaling, and exhaling
Invite you now as you'renoticing your breath.
(26:16):
So let your shoulders just openyour mouth just a little bit,
dropping your jaw, and notice asyou do how your thoughts also
just start to quiet down andalso let your heart soften.
This is your time.
(26:38):
And also let your heart soften.
This is your time.
There's nothing to fix, nothingto force, only space, space to
(27:01):
feel, space to be and space togently.
Return to yourself and nowbring your awareness to the
(27:21):
center of your chest, your heartspace, and imagine now a soft,
warm light, and that light isgently glowing in that area,
(27:45):
almost like a candle with aflame and this light represents
your body's ability to love, totrust and to also receive.
(28:11):
Also receive, even if it's beenburied for some time.
Take another slow, deep breath,inhale and imagine that warm
light expanding, filling yourchest, your ribs, your back.
And now exhale and, as you do,let's call in the energy of
(28:39):
safety.
You might say silently or outloud I'm willing to feel safe in
my body, I'm willing to softenmy guard.
(29:07):
I'm open to receive love, onebreath at a time.
Feel the shift, even if it'ssubtle.
Your body might resist, andthat's okay.
(29:28):
Shift, focus to that resistanceand let that warm light flow
over that resistance, soothing.
Remember that this is not aboutforcing.
(29:57):
It's actually about inviting,and invite now a person to step
into the room that helps you tofeel safe.
(30:19):
And if you have troubleconnecting to someone, you can
always call in your future wiserself.
Or if you believe in a religion, it can be God, it can be an
angel, it can be a saint,whatever you feel most
comfortable with.
And this person, this presence,this being, represents pure,
(30:49):
unconditional love.
And notice how they take yourhand and say to you you are not
(31:15):
alone, you are safe now and wewill stay with you as long as
you need.
I invite you to really allowtheir presence to be there with
(31:46):
you.
Let their presence regulate youand remember this is happening
on your terms and that you arein control, and that you are in
control, yet your body almost islean on the safety that they
provide, being yourcompassionate witness and safety
(32:22):
person and presence.
Let your nervous system rememberwhat it feels like not to be
alone and I invite you to useyour imagination to imagine that
(32:46):
the oxytocin hormone is beingreleased from your brain almost
like a river, flowing throughyour body and give it a color as
well, and feeling your wholebody just feeling lit up and
soaking up this powerful hormone, feeling almost love-bombed,
(33:07):
allowing it to flow throughevery single cell in your body.
It's flowing all the way downfrom your head, your shoulders,
your arms, your chest, yourstomach, your legs, through your
(33:31):
nervous system as well, andnotice how this light is
communicating to your nervoussystem, telling it it's safe to
let go now.
You might feel warmth, maybetingles, or just more quiet,
(33:59):
more calm and expanded withinyourself.
Wherever it is that you'refinding yourself.
Whatever rises, let it movethrough, and I invite you now to
repeat these healingaffirmations after me, or you
(34:22):
can just listen to my voice.
I allow myself to receive love.
It is safe to trust again in away that makes me feel
comfortable.
My body remembers how to heal.
(34:48):
I am rebuilding safety from theinside out.
I am no longer broken.
I am becoming whole whole andbreathing that in.
(35:19):
Now let it land and, as it does, gently and slowly begin to
turn to your physical space,bringing that feeling of safety
(35:41):
and groundedness back into thehere and now, with you feeling
your body fully supported by thesurface beneath you.
You can put one hand gentlyover your heart and the other
(36:10):
hand gently over your stomach.
Take a final breath when youfeel ready, gently, open your
eyes, gently, come back.
Well done, very well done,welcome back.
(36:33):
Well done, very well done,welcome back.
And remember, if this episodetouched you, then please also
share it, perhaps with someonewho's also on their healing
journey.
And, as always, breathe deep,listen within and stay gently
curious.
And today's affirmation is I amgently rebuilding safety from
(36:58):
the inside out.
Thank you so much for your love, your time and your energy.
Thank you for being here and Ilook forward to seeing you in
the next episode and, until then, be the light that you are.
Bye everyone.
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